/wg/ - Writing General - Loneliest of All Edition

[Anonymous No.]

This is the writing thread, for all things VTuber fanfiction. Our works cover a wide variety of different stories ranging from greentext shitposts, full-length adventure novels and smut that’s been tuned to capture (almost) every fantasy. You can check out the three years' worth of stories we’ve written in the archive below: https://script.google.com/macros/s/AKfycbxZVzygb0QjJ6hksAEYzCbLCegxsjhui97BB73qzPvU7GgJv6fXdAPmmIv6Qt9H5d5Fzg/exec

"Isn't this just you fuckers writing fanfiction?"
Yes.

Previous thread: >>74978065 (A lot of ideas but not a lot of stories)
/wg/ rentry: https://rentry.org/wgrentry/

[Anonymous No.]

Story Anchor
Post em if you got em

[Anonymous No.]

Do you have a story you'd like to see written? Reply to this post with it! Try to be as clear and concise as possible; the better you describe your idea, the more likely it is to be picked up!

Consider forwarding your prompt to the prompt archive to keep your idea safe and alive forever! No information is gathered - it's all completely anonymous. Use the form below:
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScgcr8y7I9NUta22Ni0gFvS51veG5_7XjJrVD1BvJqDtX5_sQ/viewform

Curious to see the prompt archive? Check it out here if you need a little more inspiration!
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/3/d/e/2PACX-1vR5ZggiHWXX_WSqCC5bvPR2QeLFGNMTjlgk6MuxmoVdRUIepkJa7PUlJAQ5RzHkZM_hhthLLXjab9Dt/pubhtml?gid=1162270883&single=true

[Anonymous No.]

Story recap, only story was posted:

Goldfeather CH 1 refurbished >>74985051
Tags: Reine, incest, Indonesia, drama

[Anonymous No.]

>A fucking RWBY thread
I mean it's technically on topic because Ruby is a vtuber and all, but dear god

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175401
Who's that?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175684
Cry more

[Anonymous No.]

>>75176137
Weiss Schnee, heiress to the Schnee Dust Company, one of the largest producers of energy propellant in the world.

[Anonymous No.]

I'm going to write a story where (you) keep showing Iofi AI artwork

[Anonymous No.]

>>75178333
I'm fine with rape and slavery, but that's going a bit too far.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175325
Shiori makes you rank Advent based on weird criteria like 'chokeability' and dessert preference

[Anonymous No.]

>>75178333
Does the story end with her snapping and mindbreaking you with rape or does she end up a sobbing mess saying that her art is better?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75178333
Only if she punishes me by smothering me with her fat dumpy

[Anonymous No.]

>>75178544
She actually spells it "desert preference" and leaves you guessing what she meant.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75178634
>Corner Mococo the one time she's not with Fuwawa
>Hey Moco-chan you like the Sahara or are you not really a North Africa kinda girl?
>Huwæ!? How'd you get in the ladies bathroom!?
>are you an Antarctica truther and think it doesn't count?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175325
Spy thriller about a highly competent pervert who installs secret cameras in the shower and the locker room of the Cover studio. Eventually however the secret camera footage doesn't satisfy Anon's lust any longer, he needs to see the good stuff in person, so he disguises himself as one of the girls and takes on the biggest mission of his life. But is it a bridge too far?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75179952
Disguises himself as whom, Towa with morning voice?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75180081
>Disguises himself as whom
NTA that made the prompt but what if the anon in the prompt was a master of disguise where he could impersonate any holo girl but not need to change the gender?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75041971
I'm the author of the story. It's not about the pseudo-wedgie, that's just where I cut the first part because I didn't want to make it 3 posts long. It's supposed to be a spanking story (a rework of a story with a different chuuba, in fact) because that's what anons in /HAHA/ said they wanted. But I felt like manhandling and ripping her panties off like that would be fun, and so the scene grew in the telling.
In hindsight I should've just gotten to the point quicker and left the creativity on the cutting room floor. I felt like the mid reception (there were multiple negative/weirded out reactions, not just one) could have been avoided if had just stuck to the simpler original plan, so I lost motivation. I guess I also expected more because I got a lot of affirmative replies when I asked about a spanking Selen story before.

[Anonymous No.]

Chloe cuck makes me feel better about also being a cuck.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75181740
He preffers CC

[Anonymous No.]

>>75181821
Sorry.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75178634
For me, its the Sonoran

[Anonymous No.]

>>75181740
CC has given me this strange ass idea where I'm the bull and want to be best friends with the cuck, but he doesn't think of me like that.
>But, dude, can't we like... Play smash?
>The only smashing you're gonna do is my smashing my girlfriend, get your rocks off and leave
>Why won't you look me in the eye while I plow your wife?!

[Anonymous No.]

>>75179116
>for one split second, Mococo's eyes change
>"hoeh? are we speaking about sand quality, desert enviroment or the calcine levels that the rocks can sport?"
>what?
>The retarded glint in them comes back
>"whaet?"

[Anonymous No.]

>>75183635
Why not go there and make it a wholesome friendship?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75183635
I think this could be cute if done very, very well and very tenderly.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75178604
>>75178610
Both, she's sobbing and ugly crying as she smothers you under her butt as she shows you all her abandoned WIPs for a few hours.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175684
Suisei acknowledges RWBY and I can only hope that a JP company like SHAFT reboots the damn thing
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3J5s_OnwdsQ
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3J5s_OnwdsQ
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3J5s_OnwdsQ

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175325
Sora gets knotted by a stray dog and then the dog runs off with her connected

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175325
Soft hags

[Anonymous No.]

Based OP, I love Weiss.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75181401
Can I please ask you to continue and lean into whatever you would find cool?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75189076
Are you interested in Doki getting spanked specifically? Because I do have other WIPs.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75189113
That, yeah. That as a followup to ripping her shit off sounds amazing, cause she’s still reeling from that

[Anonymous No.]

>>75189200
It's definitely a story about overwhelming her and taking it further than she thought it would go, but she's a good masochistic sport about it.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>75192289
And I'll occupy most of Mio.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>75178333
Even better (or worse):

Have it be written by AI

[Anonymous No.]

>>75193914
anon I have serious heart problems you can't scare me like that

[Anonymous No.]

>>75194370
Your favorite series has beencontinued!

[Anonymous No.]

>>75193829
> Picrel POV : Anon, new hololive Hire, watches as Lui prepares Fuwamoco so they can have a foursome together.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75193914
I tried doing that, but ChatGPT gave out stories that made Lofi come around to the idea of AI art or it had her be in the wrong. One of the titles was, and I shit you not, "Challenging Prejudices in the Digital Realm"

[Anonymous No.]

>>74949768
Nice little fic. Your prose is solid and breezy, keeping the scenes going.

If I can offer one critique its that I think its length works against it. I think the idea of Anon's infatuation and search could have benefitted from a slower burn. As it is, I think he falls head-over-heels too easily and his obsession is unwarranted. I get what you were going for with his cowardice, and you accomplished it, but I think it would have landed much more with some more scenes.

Nice reference but I feel like it took up more room in the fic than it needed to

[Anonymous No.]

>>75185255
sign me up for that immediately

[Anonymous No.]

>>75190908
Sounds like much fun

[Anonymous No.]

>>75199163
What's the reference? I didn't get it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75199163
Thanks for the read!
This was a WIP that I really wanted to write but just wouldn't finish, so I got off my ass to do so. I get it feels rushed, but hey, I'm a sucker for microfictions.

I couldn't help myself. I tend to reference other fics.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75200521
Broken heartlock.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75200650
I get you. Its still a solid piece. I just feel like describing their night out more would have selled the concept better. But "just write more lol" isn't exactly conducive feedback.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75202904
Eh, fair enough. I can see that.

[Anonymous No.]

rise

[Anonymous No.]

I am a terrible writer. It feels good to finally admit it.

[Anonymous No.]

I am an amazing writer. It feels good to finally admit it.

[Anonymous No.]

I am a writer. It feels good to finally admit it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75196457
Lot of fancy words for saying that bratty Iofi-chan gets corrected by AI-Artist-Kun.

[Anonymous No.]

which girl would make for a good oneeshota target? it doesnt have to be smut, it can be a nice romance with an older sister

[Anonymous No.]

I am. It feels.

[Anonymous No.]

I feel, therefore I am.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75206745
Most oneeshota stuff I've seen is either about a giga Stacy bullying Shota-kun or a creepy otaku girl taking advantage of him. It's hard to think of a vtuber who couldn't fit into one of those roles.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75206745
If its between two of em...Fauna I'd say. Moom's not a bad choice either, if a bit unconventional.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75207308
There's a lot of flavours to oneshota
>Delinquent neesan X well behaved boy
>brat X Nice girl
>teasing oneesan X Serious boy
The first one can be Kson giving "the new gang member" his initiation or Hajime triying to convince a well behaved boy that life is far more interesting than just sitting around
>>75207361
doesnt have to be either, just picked the image

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175283
I’m away from home so here’s a shortfic about the squirrel. Excuse me if it sucks.

Title: Squirrel in Heat
Tags: Risu, heat, greentext, insert pov, wedgie

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vS2Pgt0imQ76p_NALHb4j_MVrVXGVmPmHJVrh2eo3_ByX90NPDV47YNyAS56WMTDrMe3gf7V9Ai_Pki/pub

[Anonymous No.]

>>75196457
I'm pretty sure you're going to need one of them uncensored AI models if you want to use them for any kind of writing. Chatgpt is kind of really optimized to sounding like an impersonal assistant/robot. Though I'm not going to lie
>Challenging Prejudices in the Digital Realm
this title is really good for a "Iofi gets an AI correction" fic.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75208587
And then she gets drawn getting corrected...using AI.
And then you do it yourself.

[Anonymous No.]

my girlfriend is so cute

[Anonymous No.]

>>75211087
Beware certain people calling themselves hero.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175325

I still want a fic where (You) get lolized through some sort of fuckery and now you have to deal with that. Maybe someone takes you in. Maybe this is just your life now, and you have the most notorious lolicon tubers breathing down your neck.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175325
Realizing you can do an uncannily accurate Fuwawa impression and using it to control Mococo like a sleeper agent

[Anonymous No.]

>>75211087
She's cuter with long hair

[Anonymous No.]

>waking up with Laplus
>cuddling and petting your still sleepy commander
>carrying her to the bathroom and helping her to shower
>making her eggs and toast for breakfast

[Anonymous No.]

>>75214032
Gaslighting Mococo!
>Silly Moco-chan you never had a sister.
>All you've ever had was yourself.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75211150

[Anonymous No.]

>>75215033

[Anonymous No.]

>>75214966
peak daughterwife

[Anonymous No.]

>>75214966
What does your boss (wife variant) Laplus do for a living?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75217100
Sit behind her way too big desk in her way too big chair. Listen to reports from Lui, delegate tasks to Lui, delegate delegation of the rest of HoloX to Lui, go home early.

Normal boss stuff.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75217100
She doesn’t. PROMPT REVERSAL You get pimped out to rich older women to sustain HoloX’s funding. Thankfully, it’s been easier lately… Your frequent “customer” Marine has been tipping more than usual. You catch a few words during your time together, something about employment and a hero…?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75217494
>something about employment and a hero
Laplus watching herself get cucked when the boyfriend she's pimping out gets rescued and consensually has sex with the heroine that saved him!

[Anonymous No.]

>>75215097
I'd never thought I'd see a crossover like this.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75217965
Sounds like a gender-reversed Oni Delivery.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75220395
Human delivery? Hero Collection?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75217385
So it would be easier to say that Laplus is the mascot of HoloX who is called "boss" and whose unreasonable demands are being followed because she is cute and endearing?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75221255
Dont forget funny.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75221255
It's because Laplus will rule the world once the shackles come off. She will also become 2.30m tall demon mommy with record-sized tits and ass, for plot reasons.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75222559
>her boyfriend's dick is too large for shackled Laplus
>her boyfriend's dick is too small for unshackled Laplus
I guess she'll be able to fix it with magic once she has more of her powers.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>75222559
>Finally shatter Laplus' seals
>Darkness devours all light in the room
>A mature laughter comes from the center.
>Laplus does a heart throbbing Ara Ara as she comes into view
>Demon mommy here we com-
>She just grew an inch or two of height.
>"Well Anon, are you basking in my unsealed beauty"
>You want your years of adventuring back.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75222559
>>75221255
It'd be interesting to see the rest of HoloX physically bullying Laplus until she gets unshackled and turns the tables on them.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75224633
All these power ups and she still can’t win Anon’s heart back

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175325
magical girls shenanigans with Biboo

[Anonymous No.]

>>75225742
That’s a funny way of saying “chuuni sex”

[Anonymous No.]

>>75225775
id rather have sex with girls with huge asses and tits in magical girl outfits that make them concious but that's fine too

[Anonymous No.]

>>75225742
>"Bijou you destroyed another building"
>"It had to be done...for DRAMATIC impact"
>"Bijou the city is on the red"
>"But it was cool!"
>"I didnt say it wasnt cool! Even the taxpayers think it was cool and their money is going down the drain!"

[Anonymous No.]

>>75226034
She’d say this and then follow it up with that windshield wiper laugh. You can’t tell me that’s not sex.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75225742
What’s her lore like? Aren’t the advent girls prisoners or something? I vaguely remember hearing something about gemstones

[Anonymous No.]

>>75226652
She’s the gem of emotion, a being created out of the crystallized emotions of all humanity. As such she was too dangerous to be allowed to roam free, so they chucked her in jail with the rest of em. This is implied to be an explanation for why she seems so young and/or out of touch and/or socially awkward

[Anonymous No.]

>>75226652
https://hololive.hololivepro.com/en/special/9029/

[Anonymous No.]

>>75226780
>ancient, mystic brilliance
Read: She kept on saying “skibidi toilet” and driving people mad

[Anonymous No.]

>>75226769
>>75226780
Oh wow this is actually magical girl-worthy, wonder if we’ll ever get a whole gen dedicated to magical girls, perhaps even tokusatsu boys?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75179952
He made the mistake of trying to infiltrate around Lamy.
He wasn't the first to do that gig. He won't be the last to try that trick. They all knew.
At least he'll have all his fingers and a full head of hair after this. It'll even be blue.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75227072
A whole gen seems like too much. I expect one or two toku chuubas though

[Anonymous No.]

>>75225868
>spoiler
They have to wear the outfits to stay awake? That's pretty cruel.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75222869
That's a weird-looking nephew.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175325
Zeta learns you have a huge cock and wants to worship it

[Anonymous No.]

Wake up

[Anonymous No.]

>>75229379
Zeta and Kobo being bratty, then you pull out your cock and its the two extremes of cockshock:
>Zeta's brain shortcircuits and all she can do is sniff it and obey you
>Kobo is terrified to the point she cant even run away

[Anonymous No.]

>>75228524
>Als but instead of anon being a boy he's literally just a fat fuck Fubura
>The rest of the story remains completely unchanged

[Anonymous No.]

>>75230658
Dunno why but i really want a story with Kobo pissing herself from terror and criying .
Something like She's being a menace, you step up (angry) and start closing in menacingly which makes her start apologizing until she pisses herself and then starts criying in her own puddle.
Or She dogezas and when You make a sudden noise she pisses herself like one of those coward dogs

[Anonymous No.]

>>75230976
>Scare Kobo so much you create a pavlovian response that makes her wet herself when You raise your voice

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>75231318
Whats your problem huh? Dont wanna see kobo wet herself?
Brat has it coming

[Anonymous No.]

>>75230976
You're a sick man, but one I can bounce ideas with.
Kobo should really, really, get put in her place.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75206745
>Having the worst crush on Fauna, your older sister's friend, and Fauna entertains you by asking you teasy things like if you like her of if you two can marry.
>Getting turbo jealous when Fauna shows up with a boyfriend to your sister's house
>Hearing Fauna cry in your sister's house as she rambles about her now exboyfriend
>Comforting Fauna with a toy
>She lets your snuggle her and thanks you
>Your sister doesn't know that you're about to get groomed into the perfect boyfriend as puberty creeps on you.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75230378
Burning
Get Cross-Z Dragon
YEAH!

[Anonymous No.]

>>75231600
Well aside from RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE and her pissing herself i dont have much.
Maybe,including zeta, forcing her to give you a rimjob while you get head? Something degrading enough that she cant live it down but is also hot enough to segway into sex and hopefully making her a shivering mess

[Anonymous No.]

>>75196457
Try KoboldAI.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75231703
Thats a fun concept. Something like you see fauna as she grows up from angsty goth (shotacon) into her current self and how she influenciates you

Or something nicer in the sense that everyone Tells her she wont find a husband for X reason (goth,vegan,white woman…etc) only for you to grow up and marry her

[Anonymous No.]

>>75232509
>Fauna playing with you when she's over
>Her asking you if you'll grow up to be her groom(heh)
>Your sister telling her to quit it with the crazy talk
>Fast forward to your 18th birthday
>mating press Fauna so hard you give her 3 kids and a ring.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75231703
I think the writer will need to go into what it means to be groomed into her perfect bf. Like if Fauna could be given the power to create her ideal person from scratch, what would it be?
>>75232509
You're gonna need a better reason for people to not want to marry her than that.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75232685
I can imagine the scene where you show up to her apartment with a ring and she goes "hah-nya?!"
That or she comes to visit and is shocked that you grew so much and ends up fucking you later after a few drinks

[Anonymous No.]

>>75232781
>You're gonna need a better reason for people to not want to marry her than that.
This is just me peddling rrats, but Fauna gives me the vibe that she's a horrible person to essential workers, waited, and the like...

[Anonymous No.]

>>75232845
>Whispering to Fauna that you've wanted to rail her since you were 10.
God that's hot.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75232781
Being vegan is a dealbreakrr for a lot of people that dont want to deal with their couple's eating habits. Sure it isnt the main reason but it does contribute a lot.

In general it could be that she has bad luck with men, she has high standards and is also kind of a romantic at heart so she wants a dashing prince to waltz into her life (aka You)

[Anonymous No.]

>>75232893
This is me telling absolute truths
Fauna has a hairy asshole and she hates italians

[Anonymous No.]

>>75232939
"I HAVE WAITED YEARS! YEARS!"

[Anonymous No.]

>>75233057
>Jeez, Faufau, you sound like you want to rail my brother-
>Anonette puts two and two together.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75233057
>>75232893
You could kinda combine the main point of these two and work it so her vegan diet molded her to be tougher on wait staff and the like, since she always felt like she would face adversity for her lifestyle choices, which while fair, doesn't really excuse her from being a dick.
If she wants to play the part of being the object of a romantic story, it might be compelling to have (You) show little habits and mannerisms you were groomed into having that you never had second thoughts of. It could make for an interesting slow burn to have Fauna appreciate and become fascinated by how you conduct yourself as an adult, especially around her, only when the climax hits that she comes to realization that SHE made you that way.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75232939
Cinematic parallel between you masturbating with fauna's clothes (when she came to visit) and you blowing a fat nut in her face 10 years later

[Anonymous No.]

>>75231703
>sister is killed in a car accident
>as she was your only next of kin, you would have been sent to foster care
>Fauna decides to adopt you on the spot
>she becomes mommy Fauna
>have awkward and angsty time navigating your budding feelings for Fauna both as your new mother and as your crush
>get bullied by some kids who find out about your relationship to Fauna, including the little sister of the exboyfriend
>tensions rise when it's revealed the little sister has a crush on you
>just as things try to become patched up, Fauna is accused of child grooming by a Plastic

[Anonymous No.]

>>75233262
>Fauna sees you masturbating with her bra and chalks it up to a poor kid entering puberty
>Years later,kneeling in front of you with her tongue out as you fight to squeeze the last nut of the day
>"Hey...wait a minute...SINCE THERE?"
>You nut all over her face

[Anonymous No.]

STOP GROOMING LITTLE BOYS!
They might be cute and adorable and it might be satisfying to watch their faces melt in absolute pleasure once you show them what their bodies were made for, and they might get supper cuddly afterwards and they might make you little gifts and love you genuinely with unmatched loyalty and

[Anonymous No.]

>>75233946
T. Kenji

[Anonymous No.]

>>75233946
Fauna in utter negation of her needs to amazon press boys

[Anonymous No.]

>>75233946
t. Fubuki
t. Mori
t. Fauna
t. Suisei
t. Noel

[Anonymous No.]

I'm going to save all these little boys from getting groomed. By taking their would be predators for myself and making honest women out of them.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75234470
Im gonna groom even more kids now

[Anonymous No.]

>>75232781
You really dont need to jump through many hoops
>Fauna's parents are experiencing a messy divorce. Fauna hangs a lot with your sister (and you by extension)
>This fuels her goth phase and later on puts that bias against marriage in her mind
>(Optional) You grew up without a mother and your dad busts his ass to provide, so you spend a lot of time alone/with your sister and Fauna. Posible angles for sex/cute scenes
Add grooming to taste (or skip it) and presto

[Anonymous No.]

>>75230701
That's a Sukonbu, a fan of hers.
Fubura is more like a form of Fubuki, the one that appears after 10 minutes in Holocure. It's often been localised to Fubuzilla.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75236211
That route just makes Fauna basically your extended family by necessity / comfort. It also doesn't really add anything interesting or gives itself an opportunity to stand out and shine.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75231801
I like the direction, but it'd be nicer if she liked it. Like a bratty M that doesn't want to admit how much she loves being degraded.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75236825
She needs an excuse to come to your house almost every day/skip classes.
Maybe she molests you under the bridge, i like that trope

[Anonymous No.]

>>75236639
I know, I just think Fubura would've been funnier.
But now that you mention it, a literal pinecone going to therapy sounds hilarious

[Anonymous No.]

>>75237127
Why can't she just be your sister's best friend and be rebellious like teenage girls tend to be? You're trying to focus too much on the degeneracy of instant gratification and just want Fauna to massage your pubescent pp without you having to work for it. The idea has much more potential with an "accidental" relationship between Fauna and (You) after becoming an adult.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75233270
Damn, I knew plastic was bad for the environment but not this much...

[Anonymous No.]

>>75237035
Something like She's clearly aroused and foaming at the mouth for correction but She's still running her mouth and pretending to be mad?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75237378
I mean we are bouncing ideas.
Nothing says we cant have Two different prompts: one based around pure smut and other based around romance

[Anonymous No.]

Help.

I'm writing Ch2 of my Reine /ss/ fic, last chapter ended with them about to play some vidya. How do I transition to the seggs smoothly?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75237910
Has she been grooming him in chapter 1? Does she actually want to have sex with this small boy?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75237910
Just hard cut to sex, then flashback till it feels right.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75237993
Sorta, by giving him everything money can buy. He btw is a college freshman at 17. Not so little.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75238112
So is she bribing him for sex? It's basically at a point where it's two adults that can consent. Maybe you can get a better idea if you pose this question for yourself: Do YOU feel like you've built up to the sex enough?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75238356
Maybe? I've set it so that those two are the outcasts of the family and Reine has been hurt emotionally in Ch1 after overhearing Reisha rant about her line of work for the nth time.

[Anonymous No.]

Goldeneye 64
4 chuubas
Who do you pick so that heated racial slurs are said every second

[Anonymous No.]

>>75231801
>you're on the train heading back from work
>some brat is playing music without headphones and munching loudly on snacks next to you
>she starts yapping to you about how cool this country is and how she wants to find a hot boyfriend
>she's pretty cute so you shoot your shot and offer to show her around
>Kobo laughs in your face, nearly choking on her food
>she spends the rest of the ride commenting on your unattractiveness with smug childish glee
>once the train stops, manhandle her into a bathroom stall and apply correction

[Anonymous No.]

>>75239038
Shondo
MariMari
Irys
Enna

[Anonymous No.]

>>75239038
I pick Laplus, she's small and her hitbox is hidden under her oversized coat. And her horns block bullets.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75229379
This but you are her captive, like in Pretty Psychotic Protector, and your big cock saves you.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75238492
Alright that doesn't automatically lead to sex for me as a reader. Since I know it's you now, the fucker who wants to fuck Reine specifically as his aunt, what happened so far isn't gonna make a woman decide to pounce on her nephew. Give them more time to cook. They're both functioning adults who know what sex is, so their coming together should feel more natural.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75239392
Can we replace the last point with her grabbing your hand as you leave and cutely admitting that she didn't mean it and would love to be shown around?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75222559
I think every fic should have a 10 foot tall busty chuuba bully me (sexually), for reasons that are entirely vital to the plot, of course.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75241157
10 foot tall? At that point she could probably hold you upside-down and force you to suck on her tits.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75241292
Oh no, sounds terrible and I would never want that to happen to me no sir

[Anonymous No.]

>>75241394
Just wait until she lifts your upside-down crotch up to her face and rocks you back and forth, slamming your cock in her mouth repeatedly while your head flies into her giant tits.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75241118
Thats after the correction

[Anonymous No.]

>>75240822
I agree, you've established (at best) tenuous baseline of emotional connection, you need to develop that first before you jump into any sort of sex scene. You've stated Reine and Anon's relationship but you haven't really shown anything. What do they do together? Do they have any similar hangups and struggles in their life? Maybe they start talking about their terrible dating lives and discover how similar their situations are? Even as a fan of hags you're not really doing it for me yet..

[Anonymous No.]

>>75241394
Can you imagine her smothering you with her tits by putting them on top of your head like a thinking hat?
Would that be fucked up or what?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75240515
Wait that didnt get archived? It was so good though

[Anonymous No.]

>>75241889
That abuse contest was a throwback to classic /wg/, so the stories were posted in the thread without anchoring. But >>72804296 has them all.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75240822
Maaaaybe next chapter if the flow wills it.

>>75241629
>similar hangups and struggles in their life?
Yes, in that their weeb-y tendencies are looked down upon by their own clan. Basuki(aka Anon) has had quite the tough luck with his lovelife while Reine starts questioning if being lezbait is worth it with her eggs running out, along with the pressure from her family primarily from Reisha her older sister.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75242498
But you haven't really went into how Anon's own lovelife wasn't great, or if he is even bothered by that fact. Also
>maybe next chapter
Nah you better not be doing what I think you're doing. I know you ain't trying to hand wave feedback that says to keep cooking just so you can try to add the right ingredients AFTER you baster blasted your own batter into the peafowl. I know that isn't what's happening right now.
You're gonna take a good hard look at what you've written and what you want it to ultimately achieve, and give it the fucking attention and effort it deserves. It's clear how much you care about this story you're working on, and you owe it to yourself to give it the absolute best of you. Don't settle for anything less.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75240515
>Get captured by enemy forces
>Agent Zeta is overseeing the Prison.
>She catches a glimpse of your cock when you are getting hosed and she thinks she saw wrong
>Next inspection she conducts,she pats a bit and then demands you strip. Only You realize shes devouring your schlong with her eyes
>That night she drains you. Leaves lipstick marks all over your cock, balls and your face
>You barely get to the end of the day due to exhaustion. Zeta drops by and tells you she is very busy tonight, but tomorrow you two will be having fun
>Still rides you once. Another kissmark
>Realize that if this keeps up, you are gonna die
>Have to become a prison savant in order to adquire quality food and train your body to survive every night where you get to be Zeta's Chew toy

[Anonymous No.]

>>75239500
Oddjob rules right?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75242498
Okay, but here's the thing, dude.
Why would these two fuck? Would they want to?
If Reine just told Basuki 'Hey, wanna plow me into next week?' would Basuki say yes or no?
Why? Did he have an early sexual awakening because of Reine? Maybe he's had a crush on her since forever and sees her in a different way?
Why would Reine seek comfort in her nephew? What would this young man have to offer to his aunt that makes him standout above adult men?

So far you haven't set anything up for the story. The relationship between the two can be seen as just a loaded aunt who spoils her nephew - But why does she spoil him so much?
The two are outcasts because of their weeb tendencies - This is just silly. Reine has a legitimate reasons to be an outcast by not wanting to be a part of the family business. Basuki is a teenager, teens watch anime all the time.

All of the stuff you end up explaining in your posts should be stuff that the story explains by itself. If you want to fuck Reine with the aunt tag thrown on top, that's fine, but it doesn't merit all the stuff you're throwing around.

You have to take a step back, outline this story, and decide what you want out of it. You've said multiple times that you wanted to make your own version of ALS, but what you're missing is that the author didn't just sit down and pop out that story. ALS spent years(1 year?) in WIP hell and even got dropped once.

These things take time and patience.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75242869
There's barely any batter for Ch2, there's lots to play for.

>>75243688
>crush on her since forever
Hmm, yeah.
>but what you're missing is that the author didn't just sit down and pop out that story. ALS spent years(1 year?) in WIP hell and even got dropped once.
Aw damn, it went through that huh...

[Anonymous No.]

>>75244082
You started this off by asking how to make transitioning to the sex go smooth. What you mean there's no batter? Also what the hell are you talking about? What's to play for? Crossing a taboo line in the name of companionship? A financial empire? Lootboxes???
Is there some secret future plotline where Anon shoots blanks? Is that why there's barely any batter? Does Reine have to cope with the idea of not only fucking and entering a relationship with her nephew, but also the fact that he has a lower chance of giving her children?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75244291
No batter in the wordcount sense. I asked in advance to guide my writing. All these critiques are exposing my rust and makes me question how the fuck did I manage to pump 45 chapters of a fic with 3k words each on a weekly basis...

[Anonymous No.]

>>75244291(same anon)
>What's to play for?
Reisha already disdains how much Reine spoils Basuki, and thinks she's bad influence. There's underlying pressure waiting to boil up.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75244411
I was talking about the jizz. The basting of Reine's insides, the cream filling, the baby batter. Not sure how you took the sentence about stuffing Reine as one about your chapter's own wordcount.
Did you also get frequent feedback on whatever it is you wrote?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75244718
Admittedly, for only a stretch of chapters. There were streaks where I dont get comments...

Me writing marks my return to writing fanfics.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75244718
As for the jizz? Its all normal.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75244931
First 300 words of Ch2. Gonna sleep in a few.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75245783
I don't know man. This reads really rough. There's details in here that either don't need to be there, or can be conveyed in a more fun way. Why did the drink make him grimace? Is it an alcoholic drink? Does it just taste like shit? The title of the drink also doesn't need to be conveyed again after the first time. It can just be "her drink".
>I have tomorrow...technically later off
Get rid of the "later" there.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75246783
NTA but removing the "later" doesn't make sense to me. She's talking about the fact that it's now past midnight - thus she technically has off later today, not tomorrow. What's the "technically" supposed to be doing without the "later"?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75246955
If it's already early morning or whatever, it would be "today" if that's her line of thinking. It just reads awkwardly as it is now. You are right about the "technically" needing something to pair with. That was my miss.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75247096
That's fair. I'm ESL so I wouldn't know if later or today is more common in that context.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75245783
You are putting the cart before the horse.
If your intention is just incest sex, then you are adding way too much plot to something that doesnt really need it. You should compress the story and prepare the stage for the scene

If you want something akin a story arc, like ALS, then you need to plan around the structure of your fic,
Pic rel is very basic and can work as your framework, and you dont need to go step by step with it.
>Act one
You have the beggining, in this case Reine and her nephew and some semblance of the inciting incident.
You cant just jump to sex right now because it will feel weird, even if in your brain it makes sense
Stablish the scene in order to create
>Why would reine fuck her nephew
>Why wouldnt she?
>Why has she decided to do it?
>How does the nephew feel about this?
>Why would he say yes? why would he say no?
>what are the pros of doing this? if there is no pros, why is she doing this? what are the cons?
In general just write, stop and think "does this make sense for someone else?" and then adjust. that's why youll see writers post "finished" scenes when asked for their wips, its the ones they are confident are done.

One advice i got a long time ago is "never explain what you mean, because explaining means you did it wrong."
Putting ALS on the spotlight again, the author never sat and did a FAQ of "why is fubuki touching her nephew?" or "why doesnt kenji just inject bat-serum in his balls? is he stupid?". We all understood what she did and some of us thought the husband was a victim, some thought he was guilty and others thought he deserved it. The author never went "well what i meant is that..."

[Anonymous No.]

>>75247159
"Later" doesn't really flow well in the context of an event that spans an entire day. Also her schedule hadn't been mentioned at all in this conversation or any prior, so there isn't a real use for "Later" in here. If she had something prior, such as an appointment or errand planned, you could describe the time after that as "off". But back on the wording itself, why is her time off on a technicality? Like she makes her own streaming schedule outside of mandated things from management like sponsorship stuff and the like. She either has a day off approved, or doesn't.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75245783
First thing I noticed was the overabundance of "then". Cut it out.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75247673
You seem confused about the meaning of the sentence. See >>75246955

[Anonymous No.]

>>75247854
Yup. I had to take it from the top and try to visualize Reine's speaking and expressions, but that did it for me. I think where I slipped up is I wasn't really imagining her as that drunk yet. Like usually at that point in the night, things such as time start out as questions to yourself, and it takes you a few seconds to figure out the right answer. Where your first reaction is answer "tomorrow" since you haven't gone to sleep yet, then the cogs barely make another turn and you go "Shit, it's already tomorrow, so that means that thing is later."
Which also while I'm on the topic, I feel like there isn't enough justice given to what is possible Anon's first time getting drunk. Like there isn't even a second of apprehension before he chugs down half a can. This should be showcased as a major event of trust between them, and maybe implant the idea into Anon's head that his aunt recognizes him as an adult and wants him to partake in adult activities despite his age (I'm assuming he's underage drinking here), with her.

[Anonymous No.]

Live

[Anonymous No.]

My man is not giving up on trying to give us some Reine incest. The tenacity is commendable, not going to lie. Please, try doing this until the end, don't give up upon (mostly constructive) criticism like I did.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75251534
pic related?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75241157
How does one get bullied (sexually)? Asking for a friend...
And who would be the best bully after getting a big height boost?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75251582
Yeah, related.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75247627
>why doesnt kenji just inject bat-serum in his balls?
Kek
>others thought he deserved it.
I don't recall anyone being this heartless with the pure-hearted cuck...

[Anonymous No.]

>>75251534
He should not change verb tense like a retard then.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75251696
>How does one get bullied (sexually)?
An easy way is for her to grab your balls from behind by going through your legs so that she can give them squeezes and tugs. That's enough to make you do what she orders, usually.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75231796
I have no idea what that picture says but I'm vibing hard with that pretty fox lady! Yeah!

[Anonymous No.]

>>75252504
something like 'let's get yakiniku at night' or 'i'm getting yakiniku tonight'

[Anonymous No.]

girl fangs in my THROAT

[Anonymous No.]

>>75253589
I raise you
Girl nails on my back

[Anonymous No.]

i hate being horny but also extremely busy.

That's what bae would say too, i know it

[Anonymous No.]

>>75253743
I raise you
My hands on girl flat tits

[Anonymous No.]

>>75254107
i never noticed she looks naked if you cut the image at the right angle.
That's hot

[Anonymous No.]

>>75254107
Funny, when I'm extremely busy I'm less horny.

[Anonymous No.]

Hags grooming young boys, but who's grooming the lonely 20-somethings working a deadend job? Not as cute, but the househusband potential is limitless if you play your cards right...

[Anonymous No.]

>>75255422
Mio is about to revitalize a young man's idea of love

[Anonymous No.]

>>75255422
hey did you know incest is only a problem through multiple generations? Just saying! its like a random fact, another one is not shooting it in a girl is like,super bad as it makes your tadpoles really lazy. Trust me
You should shoot them in the closest girl, you know, and like here in the apartment there's only your aunt, just saying

[Anonymous No.]

>>75255982
Yeah, my aunt who's 4 years younger than me.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75255422
>lonely 20-somethings working a deadend job
reminded me of this music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8vY64fwrlk

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>75256458
Sex gozaru??

[Anonymous No.]

>>75256458
POV: You're a woman who asked to draw the blade of swordsexual Iroha's husband.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75256952

[Anonymous No.]

Say that one thing about a fic you always wanted to say.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175182

[Anonymous No.]

>>75256458
>Iroha watching as her husband begs the wench to stop edging his edge and just draw his sword while she watches powerlessly

[Anonymous No.]

>>75258856
I'm really disappointed match made wasn't longer

[Anonymous No.]

>>75251785
>>75251534
So did you give up on your Michael Cat fic because of recent events or did you already quit on the concept by the time the news came out?

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>75262501
For an abuse general, we don’t have a lot of spider fics, do we? Do watch manlybadasshero’s playthrough of Caught by a Spider, he’s my favorite vtuber

[Anonymous No.]

>>75262501
i wish to fertilize this criature's eggs

[Anonymous No.]

>>75263647
I would like this criature to hold Nerissa down and lay eggs in her

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>75259368
Really? I found it to be a bit long in the tooth.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75246783
The drink is indeed alcoholic. >>75246955 and >>75247096 are correct.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75263826
if she lays the eggs in Nerissa and i fertilize them there what even is our relationship? Is Nerissa a rented womb? do i have to explain our 100 spider kids that they have two moms but one dad?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75263923
I liked the wacky shenanigans. Then the Suisei bits got resolved too quickly

[Anonymous No.]

>>75264029
how come having 100 spider shiori daughters is the least disturbing part of your post?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75264029
>>75263826

[Anonymous No.]

>>75264261
gotta be quick in the draw fucko
i fucking hate bugshit but i like monstergirls. In my mind they all have normal wombs

[Anonymous No.]

>>75264409
peko is criminally underrated in the fic department.
More anal and her choking on a cock please

[Anonymous No.]

>>75265001
rabbit girls and anal goes like PB and Jelly

[Anonymous No.]

>>75265001
>her choking on a cock please
Pekoea's pride preventing her from admitting she can't deepthroat your dick and almost causing her to pass out...

[Anonymous No.]

>>75265304
>peko hacking and coughing after nearly throwing up
>taunt her that she cant do anal
>she tells you she absolutely cant and that she will show you
>when your cockhead is in she's already nearly criying
>shotgun blasting the bed with girlcum when you are not even halfway there
>passes out at the middle point

[Anonymous No.]

>>75264046
Suisei absolutely got resolved too quickly I agree with you. I think she's mishandled across the board. But what I mean is that Match-Made never really used its length to its maximum effect. It didn't need to be longer, it needed to be more impactful, and sure, more words can do that but the part with the kids and IMO, the epilogue with Lui, could have been "replaced" with Koyori bonding or Suisei development.

I still like that fic a lot though, along with Kintsugi,[ spoiler] but MatthewAnon always had issues when it came to wrapping this up too quickly.[/spoiler]

[Anonymous No.]

>>75265703
Is this the lead in to the “Pekora sharts herself” story?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75263900
Suisass

[Anonymous No.]

>>75258856
I think Sad, Genuine Smile is just okay and is hard carried by its concept.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75266018
if you are into it? sure.
Hell it could be even the ending of a horny fic where after you wreck peko's shithole she's smug for "showing you up" (despite passing out twice and almost dehydrating herself) and then it ends with her opening her eyes wide, sweat running down her back as she scrambles to the bathroom while holding her butt and then let the audience fill it in
or write pekora nearly shitting herself and nuking your bathroom

[Anonymous No.]

>>75215062
why is there a yellow stain on her panties...?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75266416
Laplus is a pissy girl…

[Anonymous No.]

>>75258856
Holoslavia needs to focus more on its writing and less on the worldbuilding.
the details were fun at first, but as chapters come out i find myself more and more annoyed at all these winks and nudges and less invested in thestory

[Anonymous No.]

>>75266642
that's disgusting

[Anonymous No.]

>>75266744
She is… a little…

[Anonymous No.]

>>75266186
That's fair. It was a cute novelty at the time, but in terms of prose, storytelling, pacing and literally everything it was really meh.

I like looking back on it and know I've inproved.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75265703
>waking her up by slamming balls deep and going full throttle
>finishing inside, clogging her with cum
>film the aftermath just to fuck with her
>she's so wrecked she cant move
>also cant control her sphinter
>Adquire the forbidden footage: Pekora the idol of the kids farting cum and pissing herself

[Anonymous No.]

>>75265982
Match made is too long as just a Koyori fluff fic due to the added setting but it's way too short due to that added setting promising so much more. Like seriously, that first chapter in isolation makes it look like the setup to a longish romance/love triangle against the system sort of thing.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75267084
>inproved
Minorspellingmistake.jpg

[Anonymous No.]

>>75267003
KUSOGAKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII OOOOOOOOOOUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Anonymous No.]

>>75267393

[Anonymous No.]

not to blogpost or anything, more just looking for advice:

what do you do when it feels like you're not improving? I've been reading books both fiction and non-fiction, expanding my horizons into genres I'm not usually interested in and reading some self-help stuff on writing. Yet it never really seems to translate. It's not that I haven't gotten better, but I haven't gotten better where it counts: plot.

Usually I push through no matter what and I have been for a while now but my self confidence in my work has been whittled down so much that now I'm second guessing practically every word I write. I'm not blaming anyone here because I'd rather people be honest instead of lie and save my feelings, I want to improve. But for some reason I keep missing the bullseye. Any advice? I don't want to give up because I love writing. I really truly love it. But I'm getting to the point where the hobby just nukes my self confidence.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75268004
Do you have any friends or spaces you can use to brainstorm your plot points? Sometimes all you might need is a sounding board to help you iron out some of your kinks.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75258856
I'm reasonably certain the real reason To be 17 again is never getting another chapter is because the Anon writing it is stuck not wanting to write the only way it could end. A dramatic confrontation with Mio's husband that ends with Anon and Mio leaving together.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75268196
I did have one who worked with me extensively (and his brutal honesty made a few of my stories way better than what they would've been because he told me some ideas were dumb and how I should accentuate other ideas) but we had something of a falling out so I can't go to him for any more critique.

The problem is a lot of my work is erotic which I'm obviously not eager to put my name to. And my adventure stories have always been ambitious but deeply armature if the reviews are anything to go by. So now I've gotten into that terrible spot where I can't progress any WIP because I have no idea if I'm writing something that will just be torn to shreds on release. Like I said, I am not against the honesty but when you get it so many times consecutively it really starts to weigh on you no matter how constructive it is.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75268614
Well, I'm sad to hear about the falling out, it's always kinda sad when a friendship has to end for whatever reason.
As for putting your name to your work, if you enjoy writing it, you just gotta own it. I know it's a plunge at first like I didn't even reveal to my own wife and IRL friends that I wrote fanfiction till I was already neck deep in my own story, It took me even longer to admit to my wife that I wrote and plan to write more smut. Which was actually well received so there's always that chance it'll be fine for you too.
If you want to keep more of your erotica private, that is fine too, and just go about it openly that you want to write adventure stories. There are apparently a lot of communities of hobbyist writers that are wearing the same shoes as you. I'll actually be attending 2 conventions next year that were organized to fill a niche for the fantasy novel fan space. I was at a little meet and greet yesterday with 2 of the big organizers and other people planning to attend, and they're just a bunch of smut obsessed women who love to talk about this stuff with each other, read fanfics, and dress up. The con itself is said to have a lot of panels and stuff for aspiring authors, so I imagine the online communities are pretty receptive towards giving structure feedback and the like.
Point is, there's no shortage of potential avenues for improvement and collaboration in this big wide world of ours. It just comes down finding the right venue for you, be it a grand venue or a hole in the wall.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75268004
I'm assuming this is the Sakura summer anon?
Genuinely, you need to learn story wide level storytelling. Brown Black and Blue because I love you and Let Me Feel Your Pain both suffered from the fact that it felt like half the story was still in your head and never written down due to you writing hard hitting chapters with a focus on cliffhangers.
The best advice I can give without knowing you better is to see what kind of story you can make with a limited chapter count or make one-shots. If you want some honest feedback, write a one-shot, don't connect it to yourself by making it a part of First Train and Kafka and just see what people say about it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75268223
It's not that. At least I like to say it's not that, it's just that I've been bent over by the fact that it won't be as good as I wanted it to.
I want to make something more grandiose, something bigger, but I just don't have the stage for it. I've been trying to rebuild it from the ground up for the past two years and found myself stuck in the same loop where there's all these scenes I want to add but the time for them is over, or there's this point I want to add but there's no leverage for it. I need to go back to sketching a timeline.

I don't want to finish it just for the sake of finishing it. Sometimes I wish I still had that amateurish spark where you don't care about being good and somehow you hit the mark, that's what TB17A was, in a way.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75269149
I mean I've been trying to do that here and I have tried a few other places (replacing the chuubas names with OC names of course) and the reception is more or less the same. I try to take notes and really push to address the most common critiques which are "good idea, bad execution" and "good idea, but it went too fast." The first is especially challenging to correct, especially without my former editor. I've grown better at slowing the pace of things but you can only tell when something is poorly executed after it's happened. It's a pain.

>>75269487
Yes. And I've been meaning to put something out for a while now, namely with The Star, but I can't make any headway with the constant worry in the back of my mind.

it's funny you should say that because I have been contemplating a series like Kafka but for adventure-themed shorts for a long time. It'd be a compellation of scenes I liked but have never really found a desire to make a story out of. But so far that's only an idea I've had that I've never put in writing. Maybe it's time to give that a shot.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75270421
Anon... I think you need to call it quits at some point. Because it seems like you want to give this simple whirlwind romance a grandiose finale when the stage you've set is pretty much set for like two more chapters and maybe an epilogue.
You need to just give it some closure at some point and if you do want to make a fic with a grander finale then make a new fic with the foundations to support it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75270462
Not for nothing, but I'm not sure I remember much plot / story arch brainstorming from you at the early stages of your stories. If you'd like, you should pick a prompt from the archive that could fit in the type of setting you want to write about and present a collab session of sorts. A lot of us just like to write and talk about these sorts of things at a high level, which might be what you need more of. Being familiar with your own strengths and weakness can also be key in those types of information exchanges. Since if you're aware of them, you can ask a question like "okay, what sorts of details would be good to include in a segment that covers X scenes?"
Also not the second anon you're replying to, but I don't think something like The Star is the type of story you can use to make reentry of sorts and improve upon your skills. You might want to try for something a little more simple plot / subject matter wise.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75271741
Most of the time there isn't. With adventure stories, I always have the conclusion and the middle segment in stone, but like to leave it free to where creativity takes me to get there. Evidently I need to plan it a little more carefully. I noticed this in Blackbean especially. It's completely unfocused and a mess. When I think back on it, I see so many instances I could've made things flow smoother or had plot points with better payoff had I only done x and not y. I am baffled by some of the choices I made with that story as it stands right now, so much so I want to redo entire arcs.

In any event, I may give a looksee through the request box as well. If I were to make an adventure story Kafka, I already have three shorts in mind that'd hopefully do the trick. But I've seen quite a few military requests there so I may give those a shot, hopefully make someone happy.

I've had a lot of time to think about the way my work has been received recently. I know sometimes I get testy, but ultimately I do hear what you all tell me. Sometimes you just have to step back from it for a while to see it more objectively.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75266709
That's fair, anon. This is one of the reasons why I put off editing the rest of Operation Nimrod and shelved that Chloe tank story - I felt that the plots themselves needed more work.
Though I'll be handling that after this short story I'm working on at the moment. And Pale Blue too.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75272540
Well that's sorta what I'm talking about. It's easy to make a conclusion or bridging segment, but it's the flow of A to B and the content along the way that matters just as much. You should try asking about general ideas and opinions for what would be cool to see written within your own story. Like I'm always fucking ready to talk fantasy shop with people. But most of the writers working on their own fantasy stories are a little more heads down with it, which we do since we got a lot of our stuff planned out and are working to make it happen, but it is always a treat to just to talk about those type of stories from a high level.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>75258856
Part 6 of Tower of Tattle is kind of bad. Conceptually I think it had potential as "reveal backstory between redacted-chan and Shiori while wringing out her name" but the way its being executed is such a mess give that it's effectively shifted the main duo as observers who can't really do anything as they're dragged all over sustown to be in their past without really doing anything other than be drip fed letters of redacted-chan's name while watching OCs do their soap opera.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175325
A story where you and Filian go out on a romantic formal dinner date but you both feel all awkward and stuffy (she hates the feeling of the dress and lingerie even though she thinks it’s nice and you don’t like how tight your tie is, and neither of you like having to be so quiet) and then you go home, strip it all off, and have raucous bed-breaking sex

[Anonymous No.]

>>75274804
PART 6 IS OUT? I just checked and I didn’t realize there was a page 2 I’m eating good tonight

[Anonymous No.]

>>75266709
What even is the world building for holoslavia?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75276683
What if the Yugoslav Wars happened in a world where the balkans are replaced with vtuber references.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75267233
>Like seriously, that first chapter in isolation makes it look like the setup to a longish romance/love triangle against the system sort of thing.
Eh. Sorta. While Suisei was never going to win, her role as the temptress was never really given its fair shake and the way she's "dealt with" IMO backfires and makes her more sympathetic instead of insidious. Likewise, Koyori's and Anon's relationship gets glossed over a bit since there's so much ground to cover. I agree with you in general though. The whole "easy but fake path vs hard but true path" doesn't really come to fruition. That might not have been the author's intent but then that's just a problem with the diction

[Anonymous No.]

>>75272540
This is just my personal philosophy, but a story with great characters and little plot can still be good. A story with bad characters can never be good, regardless of the plot. You might want to start thinking about the journeys you want to take the characters on before you start writing plot points.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75277841
Is there a design doc or anything like that? Sounds interesting.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75278792
It's got a landing page in the style of a wikipedia article

https://rentry.org/Holoslavia

[Anonymous No.]

>>75272967
you know what? fair. I apologize if i came out a bit rude but i was really invested initially and i kinda fell off the last chapter due to reasons previously discussed.
Still tuning in for your next work, so keep that head up

[Anonymous No.]

>>75258856
The anon in the Right one should have fucked/dated iroha and built the conflict from there instead of just using her for a quick drama

[Anonymous No.]

>>75280682
No problem, anon. Thanks as well for looking forward to my stuff. It'll all be Suicest for a while but I just want to square all of that away first so I can focus on Holoslavia later.
off-topic but Yosuga no Sora is pretty good.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75279805
ty

[Anonymous No.]

Zoids x Cover, who you got?

Botan would probably like gun-heavy Zoids.
Sora on the Blade Liger

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175283
Wheel rolled aqua

Title: Part of the Crew, Part of the Ship
Tags: Marine, Aqua, bondage, fantasy
https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vSu0wvBj38EPOi-QZ1kpIKtgeSDICSgHbWLEbmqTDPw7VhIQ7bgO7E_pNVZ6F6T7bwThXnszOfzTmdU/pub

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>75285158
What I'd give to meet that ship...

[Anonymous No.]

>>75285158
Listen man im gonna be nice. If your story has wedgies please tag them accordingly.

I dont have a problem because im not gonna sit arguing other's peoples fetishes but if i come in expecting bondage and you put me wedgies in there i cant help but be annoyed because they are not the same, it would be like me tagging piss and then when you get in there's girls shitting

[Anonymous No.]

>>75288434
>it's untagged wedgies
Thanks for the heads-up. I was going to read it after work but I'm not going to anymore.

This wedgie faggot needs to learn trying to slip his fetish in by leaving it untagged is just going to get him hated here.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75258856
It's about more than one fic, but I'm disappointed when rrat!Ayame turns out as your wholesome lover. There's not enough slutty sluts in stories in the first place!

[Anonymous No.]

>>75266092
I love this Suiass

[Anonymous No.]

>>75285158
I'll agree with the other two that's it's just better to tag it wedgies because yada yada, but this also feels confusing? erratic? I had to read it twice to absorb it which is not good. Too much stuff happening and not enough meat

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>75175182
Ririka trying to pick (you) an outfit, gushing about how nice you would look if your clothes were just a bit more stylish (you insist on wearing things that make you look like a failed salaryman twice your age)

[Anonymous No.]

>>75293006
>fishnets
TILL EXPLODED

[Anonymous No.]

>>75265001
>>75265304
>>75265703
You could train Pekora together with her mother.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75294247
Naked thighhighs are still the best.
they be calling them "fishnets" but why if the girl in them ain't looking like a catch

[Anonymous No.]

>>75288434
>>75288900
>>75291846
Tired and written entirely on mobile. Sorry, I could’ve sworn I put that in the tags. Legitimate accident on my part.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75294799
Stop drinking.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75295429
Whaaa, I was just about to start!

[Anonymous No.]

>>75294958
Yeah I’m sorry, this isn’t good enough to submit. I’m sorry. I’m going to delete it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75295828
What if you added a bit more meat and context instead? I liked the premise, even though I'd prefer to be in the story and tie them to the necessary spots.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75295876
I’m not smart or talented enough to do that, especially not on mobile

[Anonymous No.]

>>75295923
I think you are, if you take your time with it from a more convenient spot.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75295948
I don’t even know what angle to approach this from. I don’t see the incompleteness other people are seeing. The issue is clearly with me and not the writing alone

[Anonymous No.]

>>75296028
It's possible to not understand that they need to tie themselves in as part of the rigging to keep the ship sailing, especially if you're not familiar with sailing terminology and mechanics.
And the time jumps that come before the situation they're in is actually described can be hard to follow.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75295614
cute

[Anonymous No.]

>>75296160
Can I ask for advice? I’m not in a situation to thoroughly reread my work right now, but I’m not sure how I didn’t tackle the former appropriately.

[Anonymous No.]

New bread soon. Any requests?

[Anonymous No.]

>>75298260
Mio

[Anonymous No.]

>>75298260
>>75298348
Mio with cheese.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75298260
mio with severe incontinence

[Anonymous No.]

>>75298348
>>75298367
Alright one Mio bread coming up. Stand by.

[Anonymous No.]

>>75297694
I feel like it'd be easier to understand if you told the story chronologically and/or had them discover that the ropes are barely insufficient and come up with the solution in dialogue.
I don't think what you wrote is impossible to understand or anything, but if you start in medias res and a reader gets just a bit lost in understanding the situation and how it came about, it can take them out of the moment already.

[Anonymous No.]

Miofas will see this bread and think: "Hell yeah."
>>75298716

Migrate when ready