/wg/ - Writing General - Contest Edition XII

[Anonymous No.]

This is the writing thread, for all of your fanfiction needs and desires. We’re currently hosting the /vt/ Writing Rumble, a writing contest for the whole board to get involved in. The info page & contest archive can be found here: rentry.org/WGWC

Check the main archive below for everything the thread has put out so far, ranging from SFW to NSFW, fluff to tragedy, small literary works and shitposts alike!
https://script.google.com/macros/s/AKfycbxZVzygb0QjJ6hksAEYzCbLCegxsjhui97BB73qzPvU7GgJv6fXdAPmmIv6Qt9H5d5Fzg/exec

"Isn't this just you fuckers writing fanfiction?"
Yes.

Previous thread: >>56201236 (Where there was talk of a chuuni match between Anon and Papa Rat, talk about hags, and someone asking how to put males in his story)
/wg/ rentry: https://rentry.org/wgrentry/

[Anonymous No.]

Story anchor.
Post 'em if you got 'em.

[Anonymous No.]

/VT/ WRITING RUMBLE STORY ANCHOR
Reply to this post with your contest submissions.

Submissions are now open, and close on 08/25. Rules, submitted stories and other information can be found at:
rentry.org/WGWC

[Anonymous No.]

Do you have a story you'd like to see written? Reply to this post with it! Try to be as clear and concise as possible; the better you describe your idea, the more likely it is to be picked up!

Consider forwarding your prompt to the prompt archive to keep your idea safe and alive forever! No information is gathered - it's all completely anonymous. Use the form below:
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScgcr8y7I9NUta22Ni0gFvS51veG5_7XjJrVD1BvJqDtX5_sQ/viewform

Curious to see the prompt archive? Check it out here if you need a little more inspiration!
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/3/d/e/2PACX-1vR5ZggiHWXX_WSqCC5bvPR2QeLFGNMTjlgk6MuxmoVdRUIepkJa7PUlJAQ5RzHkZM_hhthLLXjab9Dt/pubhtml?gid=1162270883&single=true

[Anonymous No.]

Story recap!
There were no stories posted in the last thread.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356855
Anya and Bijou Ass and breast expansion while gura seethes.
preferably some Impregnation too

[Anonymous No.]

>5.7k words in
>only at the end of foreplay
Now I got 4 different sex positions and a closing to write, jeez

[Anonymous No.]

I love the big titty banpire

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356855
Me has finally found the secret to becoming the Daywalker - the legendary vampire that can walk not in darkness... but the deadly light of the sun.
Instead of drawing blood, she will instead have to draw semen from men.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56361700
>Wait, but I already do that anyway!

[Anonymous No.]

>>56360211
Honestly, fuck long sex scenes. They're such a chore to write. I keep them short and poetic.
Also, they're a lot more fun to write when it's an interesting sex scenario you haven't written before. I don't put obligatory sex scenes in my fics anymore if they would be in a weird spot.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56364162
Well, I am a smut writer, so I do like my sex scenes to be more descriptive and in-depth. It's what I find to turn me on the most when reading smut myself, so I always like to go into good detail about the actual acts themselves. This is just the first time I'm writing THIS much setup for the smut, so it's a bit of a long road to go down.
It is a new scenario that I haven't quite written before, so it's not going to be dull or anything, but it always catches me off-guard how difficult it can be to write good, erotic sex. You have to balance how much you write about the physical acts themselves and the thoughts and emotions your characters are going through; too much of one or the other, and it just ends up kind of dull.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56363084
>The vampire prophet's eyes widen.
>"Then it's you! You are the legendary Daywalker! We've been waiting for you for ages. Lead us, oh great and malevolent one. Lead us back to our domination of the human cattle that dare call themselves masters of this world!"
>Mel is not interested because, really, she just likes being an idol with the occasional dick on the side.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56364434
If you're specifically a smut writer and you enjoy smut, that works. I just see sex scenes as any other type of scene, I don't have a special inclination one way or the other. I agree with your last point on it being a delicate balance.
5.7k is crazy for a smut fic, it's a challenge but I think when you go into that much depth, it loops back around starts becoming more sensational

[Anonymous No.]

So with a weekish left in the contest, do you think you can post your fic in time?
Bonus Question : What's a fic you're still waiting for?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56366814
Yeah, I think so. Just have to make the last bits over the weekend, proof it, and have a buddy of mine read it for a bit before the 25th.
>Bonus question
The sequel to Run

[Anonymous No.]

Meru my beloved...

[Anonymous No.]

>last holofantasy shows that coco knows anon is banging marine
is she just doomed to be cucked forever

[Anonymous No.]

>>56368253
Only the dice will know... But I'm pretty sure chapter 7 was supposed to be her chapter and she got cucked out of it by Matsuri and the appearance of Ina's mentor.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56361700
Does that mean she'll lose her "daywalker" status if she misses just a single day of draining men of their cum?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56368561
Well, one or two days. So she has to hustle and get herself one guy regularly just to keep being able to go outside

[Anonymous No.]

>>56368735
I volunteer.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56368735
>Use her vampire charm to woo a male
>Lure him back to her house
>Lovingly rape him against his will until his mind is completely broken
>Nurse him back to full health with soothing words, love and affection, tell him he's going to become her loving pet and that she'll always take care of him but he needs to become obedient
>Makes him completely dependent on her and puts a collar on him and make her become her loyal puppy
>milks him around the clock (lovingly but also rough) until she can store his cum in empty bottles she's collected over the years
>let's him do whatever he wants to do if he's been really good and even lets him creampie her she's a vampire though so she can't get pregnant

She can also take him with her (she would pull his leash) if she's away from the house long periods of time and she needs her favourite boy toy to keep her sated so that she can keep walking in the day. But really she just loves drinking his cum and she's not willing to share him.

[Anonymous No.]

All sex scenes should be written like a shounen battle.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56369314
There'll have to be a sort of plot point where she'll have to keep getting more and varied men just to maintain her Daywalker status. Like a drug that you'll need to get more of just to get the same effect, she'll have to get more and more men...

[Anonymous No.]

>>56369615
That's... not a good idea.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56369615
As long as it has good execution... anything is possible.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56369659
>>56369682
The duality of writers

[Anonymous No.]

>>56369657
That's an easy solution but it would heavily depend on whether Mel can enter a person's home uninvited. If she can then all she needs to do is enter their house at night when they are asleep and then kidnap them in their sleep.
If she cannot enter a person's home uninvited then I genuinely have no clue how she'd solve this problem. I still think charming would work but you could just disregard what I said after point 2 in >>56369314 and she just locks him in her basement and then goes off to charm another male until she has enough. I also don't think she'd kill either of her captured males because she would need a lot of their cum just to walk in the day, no?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56370114
I think being the Daywalker would be like how it happened to the vampire Astarion from Baldur's Gate 3 - she gets to walk in the day, enter people's homes uninvited, all that jazz.
As for the progression of her nut needs:
>For the first three months, she just needed one nut a night
>For the next month, she needed three nuts a night
>For the next month, she needed a quarter bottle of nuts a night
>This month, she needs a full bottle a day just to keep going...
Imagine Mel learning the sloppiest, out-of-this world blowjobs just to get men to cum in the shortest time possible

[Anonymous No.]

>>56370238
>For the first three months, she just needed one nut a night
>For the next month, she needed three nuts a night
Don't laugh, but I'm having a bit of difficulty trying to decipher this. Did she originally only need one nut a night the first three months but got sloppy the next month and now she needs three nuts to make up for it? Or did she just try cum for the first three months and her hunger for it overwhelmed her and she constantly sucks cum to satisfy her hunger?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56370469
Her cum requirements to maintain being a Daywalker continually increases, albeit slowly.
So for the first three months, she needed just one nut a night... then on the fourth month she saw that she needed to swallow three nuts a night just to continue being able to walk in the sunlight.
Though this endless hunger for semen may plateau at some point... for now she just needs to swallow more and more of this precious male life essence.
Also the way I wrote the previous post was retardedly unclear; my apologies

[Anonymous No.]

>>56366814
I more or less given up on the idea of finishing on time, that said, i do want to keep writing and post things at a somewhat regular basis

[Anonymous No.]

>>56369657
Now that just makes me think of this as like an NTR thing where initially (You) are prized as her source for her daywalker status but as the days pass by your "life energy" just isn't enough to satisfy her growing need and you become her familiar/slave that drags in more and or new men to fuck and give her cum.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56370596
What happens if her endless hunger for cum isn't sated and it becomes insatiable? Would she end up accidentally killing her kidnapped males in hopes she'll be sated of her cum? or (and if that's possible mind you) could she make a human male immortal and use him as an endless supply of cum to sate her?

I really, really don't like seeing Mel suffer nor would I like to see her kill just because she couldn't control her cum hunger.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56371281
>Putting Mel down just because she can't stop guzzling cum
desu I find that pretty funny. But yeah, the ending can be that her hunger eventually plateaus and goes back to just a nut or two a night. (You) just have to guide her and stop her from being a menace to male society until then
>>56371227
This can also be a good plot. So, as the former favorite slave, (You) devise ways to make your mistress depend on you and only you... by finding a way to reverse her Daywalker status.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56371835
>(You) just have to guide her and stop her from being a menace to male society until then
If (You) can cum more times than its humanely possible and it can satisfy Mel's hunger for cum, then it might not be a problem and the general population of men don't have to fear being kidnapped for their cum. On the downside (unless its a upside for you) Mel might attach herself to your dick like a leech and expertly suck you dry until all the cum has been drained from your balls and she's had her fill. Then she could freely leave the house (she'd also have bottles of your cum the night before untouched) without need of sucking other men off.

Before I typed all this out though, I had a stupid scenario in my head where because she's such a menace to male society she always gets arrested by the police and because she's that well known, they always treat her casually and friendly while also taking precautions because they "know" just how dangerous she is when she wants her cum. (You) would then end up getting a phone call telling you to come pick her up but the second you do, they would lock you in the cell with her so she can suck you dry (and she'd be safe to release).

[Anonymous No.]

you guys have very strange and weirdly specific fetishes

[Anonymous No.]

>>56373286
Anon... why do you think we write fanfiction?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56373286
I know, isn't it great?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56366814
Honestly not sure. I was planning to write this fluffy mio beach oneshot after I finish my current chapter, but I got it in my head last night that maybe I'll switch that up and swap HoloX for it instead.
>Serve an exhausted Lui a drink that matches her eyes that you've been working on at the tiki bar you work at
>You hit it off and she goes a little bit about her family has been a handful since her youngest in a teenager now and her other 3 have only gotten more eccentric in their own ways since starting college
>La+ has gotten even louder with chunni nonsense
>Koyori is trying to examine and practice theories while roping people into being guinea pigs for her medicine for free
>Chloe is rowdy
>Iroha is the only well behaved one, but she can only help keep chloe in line so much on her, and the poor girl needs a break herself
>Offer to let her and her family relax along the private beach your house is on, there will be a lot less people there to create potential conflict
Story would just go from there, and I'd probably want to give a little La+ daughter vibes and care, while Anon slowly becomes integrated into a family much bigger than any he's ever known.
Is all that stuff about gearing up for world domination really true? Or is the impressionable purple girl just playing a game? Oh well, it can't hurt to play along, can it?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56373286
You can say that again!

[Anonymous No.]

I want to read a story like this, but idk if it should be a comedy or a tragedy.

>Anon's girlfriend gets a new job and isn't spending as much time with him anymore.
>Anon becomes a vtuber otaku to fill his need for affection he isn't getting anymore.
>Anon finds an Oshi.
>Anon's Oshi has a yab, other anons online think she has a boyfriend. Anon posts "Yeah, me." but eventually starts to have doubts. the twist is that Anon's oshi is his girlfriend and he doesn't know. idk whether tragedy or comedy is better for the ending

[Anonymous No.]

>>56377357
Tragedy. Always tragedy.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56377357
this sounds like it could lead into pretty funny shenanigans. like while GF is trying to keep her V-tuber life secret, Anon is also trying to keep his V-tuber obsession a secret.

anon could become one of his gf/oshi's biggest donators. and have a chapter where she notices he can't seem to pay for much and he notices she somehow has a lot of money and the both of them suspect one another of cheating, insert moments where they both try to snoop on one another while they clumsily try to hide their secret just to end with them not finding anything and gf comes over a little more often to cook for him since he can't afford food as much as he used to

just an idea

[Anonymous No.]

>>56377357
This, except you know that your gf is a vtuber and she knows that you know, so you "Yeah, me" post all over the internet and get off to the fact that you're cucking all her viewers, sometimes fucking her right after the stream ends or even feeling her up during one.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56373286
>a cum drinking vampire is a very strange and weirdly specific fetish
Anon... Do not dive into what our archive has to offer

[Anonymous No.]

>>56377935
sounds like a Hallmark romcom. I like it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56378330
Don't listen to this guy. Do it. Look for the weirdest shit we've got and read it. Absorb it. Drink deep from the font of degeneracy.

Then tell us about it afterwards. Describe, in great detail, to what extent we're disgusting perverts.

Please.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56378753
maybe a little ways in you can introduce gf inviting her new lady friend to Anon (another v-tuber doing an off collab) and chuuba friend finds out Anon's oshi is his own girlfriend. and instead of telling him, he keeps both their secrets to herself just to impishly pull strings to move certain events forward.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56377935
This is just making me think it's happening in the usual /wg/ setting where chuubas just look like their models, and your gf is very obviously that chuuba/someone who can't really hide their tells. Except for some reason you can't recognize that Miko is Miko unless she has one of her accessories on or you can't recognize Okayu as a chuuba when wears a cat ear head band to hide her actual cat ears. Though this would obviously make the fic lean more onto being a comedy since you can't really do this in a serious tragedy/drama.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56366814
I'll require some serious motivation and inspiration to pull off everything else I have planned for my contest entry in time. It's possible, but quite unlikely. I've written 4k words since the 07/25, and will require another 8k or so by 08/25. So yeah... VERY unlikely.
>Bonus
Holoturismo, my beloved...

[Anonymous No.]

So if you're not using honorrifics in your fic, do you just make up nicknames? Because for some reason Laplus getting Lappy is strangely funny to me.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56384999
Lappy sounds like a fun translation of Lap-chan.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56384999
I like Lappy. As far as nicknames go, I've only used a few so far. I think as relationships grow more, there will likely be more.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356729
The Density of Your Semen Can't Be Helped

Per company mandates, IRyS is called upon to help one of the Council members relieve their sexual frustrations.

https://rentry.org/duu2y

Tags: IRyS, NSFW, futa, size queen

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356855
Requesting Reine smut

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356855
Slut chuuba takes advantage of you at a party to take your virginity and makes fun of you after for being upset that your first time wasn't special.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56387032
I don't have a punching gif available but imagine I did. Fist correction is needed urgently.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56386910
Any specific ideas, Kiara?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56387180
NTA but Reine getting groomed by Pochi to give up her lesbian ways and be the /ss/ heroine she was always meant to be

[Anonymous No.]

>>56387180
Kiara getting Reine to try out stealth exhibitionism(?) together. Bonus points if 1st person Reine POV

[Anonymous No.]

>>56387032
This but she goes a bit overboard in making fun of you and you try and take your own life.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56378309
Ollie...

[Anonymous No.]

>>56386337
God I wish IRyS would laugh at my penis until tears formed in her eyes. A+ work, Anon.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56389259
With sex after?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56389521
If it's offered, sure, but I'll take what I can get.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56387032
She should mock your performance too.

[Anonymous No.]

I like it when anime women mock my sexual performance

[Anonymous No.]

>>56391363
Same. Which chuuba would do it?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56391363
>>56393152
>fufufu, you want to "correct" me like this? This isn't one of those "speedruns" you nerds love to watch...

[Anonymous No.]

>>56393389
Still nutted in Shion in like 10 seconds so she's pregnant without even feeling any pleasure. I win.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56393389
Shion being a brat and using magic has so much potential for CBT, humiliation etc.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>56393152
Coco

[Anonymous No.]

>>56393389
I'll give this shitty brat a spanking with a paddle until she'll no longer make fun of my sex skills in the bedroom!

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356855
A story based on pic related

EN TL: "That day I saved a fox from a trap
And at night
Kitsune-chan came return the favor"

[Anonymous No.]

>>56386337
Nice one. A bit ooc for irys but it was good anyway.
Was honestly expecting some prostate tickling in order to get Mumei up or her attempting to turn the tables only to get milked mercilessly by irys throat

[Anonymous No.]

>>56400306
From a trap, huh

[Anonymous No.]

>>56400306
>Implying Foobs didn't get herself trapped on purpose

[Anonymous No.]

>>56393389
This fucking BRAT!

[Anonymous No.]

>>56403154
Just saying, a bear trap which caught a fox would just split its tail in half. Either there's some freaky kitsune magic going on, or some level of staging

[Anonymous No.]

>>56404195
>"Men, beware! There have been reports of foxes in the neighborhood getting caught in fox traps. DO NOT RELEASE THEM. These are kitsunes who will proceed to sexually assault you. When you come across a fox caught in a trap, please report it to the local authorities. Thank you." - a sign on some random police box in a Japanese neighborhood.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56404795
So what happens if an ugly bastard ignores the warning and releases the fox caught in the trap?

[Anonymous No.]

>Think I'll be able to do 2-3 specific scenes before a chapter ends
>Chapter gets too long before I can put them in
>every fucking time.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56404907
Then he gets sexually assaulted.
>Ugly bastard is raped.
>Goes to the police.
>Fubuki is caught, the media arrives to cover what happened.
>You'll see her on television naked with only those black bars over her eyes to hide her identity.
>"He was asking for it!" she shouts before being stuffed by a police Special Assault Team into into the back of their van.
>Cut to the ugly bastard who's bawling his eyes out.
>"I-I-I just wanted to help! Huhuhuhuhuhu..."
>Cut to the reporter on the scene. "The Tokyo Police Department calls on the public to be more vigilant when it comes to releasing foxes from random traps. Or else, you might be sexually attacked by another kitsune. Back to you, Takeshi."

[Anonymous No.]

>>56405348
>"in other news, some fucking dipshit bought the last icecream, so now half of indonesia is under water"
>"if you are watching Kobo, Fuck you"

[Anonymous No.]

>>56406896
>so now half of indonesia is under water

Ok what's the bad part though?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56408380
What if it's the half with orangutans?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56406896
>Someone buys the last ice cream
>Suddenly three typhoons hit
Fuck.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56396007
>CBT
Shion and CBT just makes me remember that prompt about Shion making you cry while she performs Cognitive Behavioral Therapy on you.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56409228
>Shion! Give me CBT now!
>You want CBT Anon? Kimoi... but all right.
>An hour later, you find yourself on a reclining chair, talking to Shion about your mother and how she always seemed so damn distant.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356729
>>56356798
I really hope the guy who requested this checks out this thread. His feedback is the one that I'm most concerned about. As for the quality of this fic, I have no idea. I have written chuubas being eaten thrice now and I still don't understand the fetish. Enjoy?

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vQf1wqsvCuyD9kzDH7v3k3RYtlsAK__IRQCDAEctj20rJllnZohytFo-Dy9xbL5WpfvxGZ-WEr8z6Ni/pub

Tags: NSFW, Mori, Korone, Vore, Komodo Dragon

[Anonymous No.]

>>56411228
Did you include Mori just to piss people off?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56411228
Oh my god he actually wrote it holy shit
>That title
Consider me sold. I'm not the guy who requested it, but I'm gonna read this

[Anonymous No.]

>>56414123 (me)
Okay, I just read it. One, Mori was funny and the jokes were on point. Felt like watching an episode of The Boondocks. As for Korone, personally I'm not into vore, but the quality of the smut would've been good for someone into that shit. Overall, it was funny. I'd vote for this in the contest just because.
Now I'm thinking of whether I should write my own version, where Korone is just really casual about getting eaten.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56416605
>Now I'm thinking of whether I should write my own version, where Korone is just really casual about getting eaten.
That sounds really amusing.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56411397
No she causes the inciting action. I would've wrote her getting eaten but the guy never responded to my question.
>>56416605
Glad you enjoyed it.
>spoiler
I'd read that for the hell of it

[Anonymous No.]

>>56405301
I'm envious of writers that need chapter length reduction surgery...

[Anonymous No.]

>>56421892
Oh it ain't getting reduced, it's just me being disgruntled that one of the cool scenes I was looking forward to writing will have to wait till the next chapter.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356729
A Non kemono Chuuba getting turned into one and having to learn how to use their new body
and maybe getting collared

[Anonymous No.]

>>56428043
This is making me imagine Marine getting turned into a rabbit girl... and not really feeling the difference. Except she's trying to play it off that there's an all consuming heat coming from her loins and (You) need to fuck her or she'll die of loneliness.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56430138
>Bunny suit Marine shows up
>"Oh god Anon, i need to be bred right this instant! the heat is all consuming!"
>"Is that Pekora's outfit?"
>"She doesnt need it as much as i do"
>"..."
>"Peko"

[Anonymous No.]

>>56430417

[Anonymous No.]

>>56428043
>Duck subaru finally being a thing
>Dog Iroha, like that one collar story
but enough about that stuff. which chuuba would be good as a reptile/lamia-like

[Anonymous No.]

>>56430919
I mean the obvious one is Kronii because of Boros.
Though for some reason Marine being a Lamia just feels right.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56432182
A sea snake. She'd wrap around you and milk you.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56430919
Choco

[Anonymous No.]

>>56433156
Honestly, can't see it. The whole demon thing kind of dominates too much that I can't really picture a snake/lamia aspect entering the image in my mind.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56411228
>“Uh,” Mori looked around, desperately trying to salvage the situation, “I pray to Saint George Floyd every night before I go to bed. He gives me a ten percent resistance to fentanyl and a twenty percent accuracy bonus when aiming a shotgun at pregnant women.”

I fucking died

[Anonymous No.]

>done for the day
>7776 words total
God damn it it was RIGHT THERE

[Anonymous No.]

>>56434618
Write another 1112 words anon. Surely another few paragraphs won't hurt?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56434887
No you little fuckin gremlin I’m going to sleep
The rest of the story is easy street, two vaginal sex positions into aftermath/closing and I’m done

[Anonymous No.]

Has anyone written a short review of how sex with different holos is like? Similar to the holos as whores posts or the hag testing.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56435497
Well there's Hololive Reviewer Greens and Holorape : Gen 5 for stuff in the archive.
Also Pekofag has this holobrothel wip thing he unlisted from the archive
>https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vR9JMezfnbZFykVfOsIIKAxi7FPXo5TThSxmtzY-jthnsSmQC-qu2JfVYBdOZSkWtJkI9GhIoqs2FYd/pub
Outside of that I can't really think of anymore.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56411228
I don't get it, but I'm not disgusted at all. This place has done stuff to me.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56435710
>Fubuki
>3000 yen
I can't believe he considers Fubuki a cheap lay. I feel so betrayed.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56436431
Huh? Anon?
>Shirakami Fubuki - 12.000¥/2 hours

[Anonymous No.]

>>56436578
He probably normalised it to a standard 30 minute session to be able to compare prices.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56436578
Yeah, for 2 hours. 3000 yen per half hour.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56436431
It seems like the girls set the prices themselves. Maybe Fubuki is already wealthy enough or is class conscious.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56436608
>>56436620
By that logic Roboco is only worth 2500¥ (or 520¥ if you take whole day deal), Suisei is worth 4200¥, and Ayame is only 105¥ .

[Anonymous No.]

>>56436855
Suisei is literally 50k for 30 mins
Ayame's the cheapest lay there which is fair enough

[Anonymous No.]

>>56437002
Hey I'm averaging her whole day orgy deal into 30 minutes just like Fubuki's 2 hours.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56430919
Reptile Okayu that mogu mogus Korone whole

[Anonymous No.]

>>56436855
Yes, but Fubuki is still among the cheaper ones. Noone said she's cheapest

[Anonymous No.]

>>56437002
>>56435710
Hey, this is a fun and different take on a kind of rrat! Ayame. I'll keep it in mind.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56438039
I mean relatively everyone is kind of selling themselves for cheap. Fubuki averages out to 40 bucks an hour.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56405348
Was totally expecting the ugly bastard to get mocked, laughed at, not taken seriously when he reported that he got raped sexually by Fubuki.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56438108
I mean in a way it is kind of similar to the idea behind the fightsexual rrat!Ayame concept where Onis don't really see the connection between sex and love so she fucks as much as she wants since she just views it as simple fun.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56438453
I like the fightsexual idea in principle, but I have no idea how I'd survive one, let alone multiple of her sword strikes. I'm just a simple human...

[Anonymous No.]

>>56439982
The same way you gain papa rrat's approval. In the COLD AIR, you must let your HOT BLOOD boil and bare your feelings through your body. Only then will Ayame start taking you seriously.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56440296
Okay, I'll try that.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56435710
I don't like the brothel angle, but those are probably better than I can do generally. Maybe I can find some more different way of approaching the idea.

[Anonymous No.]

What's a fic you want to read but haven't gotten around to reading yet?
Bonus: What's the fic you have read the most (outside of your own)?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56443071
It's Holojourneys, I read it a bit when it first got released but dropped it because the prose kind of sucked. Now after reading that shiori chapter I've been motivated to catch up.
Also is it just me or is that thumbnail really misleading?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56443330
You have a dirty mind like me

[Anonymous No.]

Hey AA, I don't think Ame helps you shed is part of/canon to Holojourneys...or at least I'm pretty sure it's not.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56443708
Fuck

[Anonymous No.]

>>56443708
The connected universe continues to expand...

[Anonymous No.]

>>56444042
You've been slipping since your debut. Streaming taking the mickey out of you?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56444195
The lazy bugger hasn't even been streaming

[Anonymous No.]

>>56444195
The reason the vacation happened in the first place was to take care of the /wg/ archive...

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356729
HoloJourneys: (Across Deserts to the Oceans Blue, A Shining Star Debuts) Chapter 37: A Lovely Night For Swashbuckling

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vQsEc4Vl5c3ysra9wDu4Oa3nhg6_CpRE5F-tCI7YT_PsePtKk7_-4L__6xv4VL-EJseIGhiYJaQumu_/pub

(Pomu, Kiara, Marine, SFW, Action/Adventure, Fantasy, Fluff)

I feel like this one took me longer than others, but I remember how much the Shiori thing distracted me for a couple days. I hit a few snags here and there, but instead of just snuffing the scene and writing something else, I tried working with it to tweak it until it clicked in that way that tells me the scene is right for the content. I'm pretty happy to have done that exercise and how the chapter reads as a result of it. Like the title says, it's time to really buckle some swash now. Hopefully our newest hag has a few tricks up her sleeve and isn't just a pervy captain.
I kinda want to dive into the next chapter, but I might mull over my contest oneshot idea for a bit and see if I can make a nice little fluff piece for that before moving back to this. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the read and I'm always happy to read over and talk through feedback.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56444195
No, the Norvinsk region has
I want to mating press Shiori, not be her.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56445782
>Escape from Tarkov
Based.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56409324
>Damn sulky adult... love correction is needed

[Anonymous No.]

>>56409324
This, but she also has a cane to use on your tied up genitals.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56446311
Kimoi...

[Anonymous No.]

>>56446311
>Shion caning your balls when you start straying from the topic of your childhood trauma.
Hot?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56391363
>>56393389
>>56396007
Really need something like this that doesn't end with turning the tables on her or becoming a comedy, just really intense submission to a sadistically eager brat. Maybe she even starts charging you for the privilege of jerking off in her presence or trying to control other aspects of your life

[Anonymous No.]

>>56447478
Charging you, like findom?

[Anonymous No.]

This thread sure loves talking about shion but never writes her

[Anonymous No.]

>>56448583
I'm sure I will at some point. It would be silly if I didn't include somewhere down the road.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56448583
Personally, the kusogaki shtick is so tired and shion has played with it so much that im genuinely bored of it

[Anonymous No.]

>>56411228
I get the impression from the Mori bits and all the commentary you've done before and during the release of this that you didn't intend to take it very seriously, but that digestion and schlicking section was shockingly on-point. The masochistic realization of her impending fate, playing around with the loss of sensation as she masturbates, a lot of the descriptive words, it reminds me of good content I've read by unironic /d/ authors. Not really sure how to tickle your motivation nerve, but any chance you'd be open to something similar but with another chuuba instead of an animal/monster as pred?
t. NTA but also a vorefag

[Anonymous No.]

>>56448583
All of the good ideas involving Shion are either kusogaki rape correction smut, or something that needs to be done in a series or long-form one-shot.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56448583
Shion really isnt that interesting if you take out the rape correction out of the equation

[Anonymous No.]

>>56448583
This, except femdom

[Anonymous No.]

>>56448583
It's weird though because people jumped straight past the lowest hanging fruit to being sick of the subversion of the lowest hanging fruit all without writing either. Maybe playing her dominance straight is the freshness we need?
>>56448145
I feel like that term usually implies a more sinister addiction-based relationship but I guess yeah

[Anonymous No.]

>>56449293
What ya mean? She's a powerful witch who can do crazy spells and shit. That's interesting, at least to me. AND she has a big hat!

[Anonymous No.]

>>56449293
Hey when you take out the rape correction, she becomes a depressed flat chested witch who's best buddies with a drooling idiot maid with a ginormous rack. That's at least places her as a heroine (who is probably not winning) in a SoL romcom manga.
>>56449590
Honestly I think it's because rape correction is shallow enough that even erodoujins have explored it as far as can be done in their medium... Which leaves little room for prose to do anything with her low hanging fruit.
Though I do find it funny that Shion rape correction is basically in the same room as the pekomiko rape where it's subversion and double subversions have already been thought out so much that the only way to do it with creativity is straight up just writing it as normal with no straying from the path.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56448583
I wrote her. Once. Which is more than never.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56449514
Femdom is pretty much in that same wavelength where all the good ideas that have come out of here are either made for short greentext/caption length fics or a series/long one-shot. So it's either too big and ends up in writing hell or too short of a fantasy that it won't get written outside of one of us having a horny moment.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56448583
Because they love Suisei more.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56452253
Gentleman, we have caught wind that the menhera political party is currently developing an "Alternative" weapon of warfare.
What's the state of "battlemaid chuuni" project? Also get someone from the Incest party on the phone pronto

[Anonymous No.]

>>56452253
In fairness we have had a lot of Suisei ideas that have fallen by the wayside... Only difference is that we know people are actually writing them since it does occasionally spring fruit in the form of a new suific.
Though admittedly this is also because Suisei kind of has lot of angles you can play her with. From heroine, to main character, to villainess, to rival. She's weirdly flexible character wise, and not even in the way we kind of forced Fubuki to be due to foxlust. The comet just has a lot character traits you can tune while still keeping her Suisei.

[Anonymous No.]

Why yes, i AM imagining an aime opening and anime ending for my story, how could you tell?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356729
Balsa: Chapter 20

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vQtlB6-7wARQg6wSwqZnqaO-DrlpuJfswk0FoNolZWo3wib_C05sOKhoEy6Ta-qg0bP9o2aBIIBCzi5/pub

tags: (you), multiple chuubas, Civia, Ciyana, medieval fantasy

I tried to amp up the description and the internal dialogue as well as give a lot more clarification on things. Tell me how I did and how I can improve. Thank you for reading.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56445782
He's just like me...

[Anonymous No.]

>>56445782
Thank you Advent's Archiver, very cool.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56453645
>Write a scene with a song playing in my head
>best part begins on the title drop
Now THAT is the good stuff

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

board is fucking zooming today

[Anonymous No.]

Hey you, anon. What fics have you read recently? Say something about them.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56448872
Not interested in doing another vote fic. Good to know I got the gist of it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56459247
I just read >>56455356 and I'm confused because I haven't read the other parts. Just wanted to see what it's about because I have no idea who Ciyana is.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56460320
Are you going to write a dicatorial fic next?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56460379
why'd you start at the latest chapter in a story you weren't caught up to?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56462332
Because I wanted to know who Ciyana is.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>56464391
Wrong board?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56465466
No, just wanted to post a vtuber song.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56462679
>mfw I have roles planned for 2-3view vtubers that might also warrant this kind of response

[Anonymous No.]

>>56462679
I'm not sure about the story, but she's Civia's reincarnation

[Anonymous No.]

>>56466548
UnityJourneys ikz!!!

[Anonymous No.]

>>56467257
>The story is about unity?
>Always has been.

[Anonymous No.]

My brain keeps confusing "Shion" and "Shiori", FUCK.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56469094
I actually did that a lot when I was writing my Shiori piece. I feel you bro.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56453645
Anon, are you me???

[Anonymous No.]

>>56455356
So I'll say that your descriptors and the internal thoughts are improving, but at the same time, I felt like I was getting unpleasant whiplash from this chapter. Scenes that are taking place vividly in someone's head are too abrupt and pour out of the gate with either high emotion or real plot significance. One or two of them is fine, but it felt like they were happening every other page. I can guess that a lot of this stuff will be interconnected, but it almost feels like being thrown a ton of puzzle pieces that fit into different corners of the board without even 1 or 2 connecting parts. I think your characterizations are also starting to get at odds with themselves. It feels a little split between wanting to make the spears emotional and guilt ridden, but at the same time, they brush off simple empathy towards each other and just fuck off. It can kinda read like the character is changing to suit the moving of the plot, and not adapting to it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56469094
>>56469198
When I first got into Hololive I always confused Mio and Miko while reading

[Anonymous No.]

>>56469988
>I felt like I was getting unpleasant whiplash from this chapter.

Damn, I was worried about it'd read like that. I was hoping that rapid scene changes wouldn't feel to cluttered but it seems not. Luckily though, it was going to be for that chapter only.

When I think back on it, what I should've done is put them in pairs instead to keep it from feeling to rapidly shifting.

>I think your characterizations are also starting to get at odds with themselves.

That's interesting that that came across that way because I wasn't going for that. I can sorta see why though, given that I made them in the start to be very stoic. Good to know though, I'll try to pull back the emotion a bit to keep it more balanced.

Thank you for the critique as always.

>>56462679
What >>56467102 said

but in the story she's an imprisoned goddess and the main antagonist. Definitely don't start reading at this point, we're in the last 15-10% of the book before the climax. It'll be way to confusing to jump in right now with no context.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>56472739
Every day I go to bed hoping I don't wake up

[Anonymous No.]

>>56472739
Every day I go to bed hoping i wake next to AZKi

[Anonymous No.]

>>56459247
Beware Miko is Coming taught me that we need more and longer masturbation fics. Holos indulging in their fantasies while getting themselves off in all kinds of ways

[Anonymous No.]

>>56473455
It's a wonderful scene of imagery to get to paint, I tell you what.
>>56470720
Rapid scene changing can work, but there needs to be some coherence to it. Everything is being fed to the reader like a shotgun and it's hard to tell why exactly I'm being fed this info. I think you were trying to showcase more of the internal trauma and the steps to overcome it in some of these, but the the build up just isn't there to give it that punch that you are intending it to have. Which kinda goes back to the characterizations being at odds. It's not that the characters themselves are at odds with themselves, struggling between one course of action and another, they're at odds with their current written traits and history. They are coming off as extremely mood swingy, or at worst, not at all like they were established to be so far. Them showing emotion is fine, but it needs to be tempered with how they would actually approach the situation. It reads like the plot is dictating how they should react instead of their own unique perspectives and feelings. For example, the thing with Polka just feels like she is being written off and put into her own hole for almost no reason. I know there's a decent story under all you've built so far, the final buildup of the plot at a very high level is interesting, but there just might have been a few too many things to juggle at once for your first go around with it.

[Anonymous No.]

Fubump.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56477053
That's a cute Foobs.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356855
Finding out that Aqua has a dick

[Anonymous No.]

>>56453645
That's how I started working on my fic. Constant daydreaming about the anime adaption, and then I just made source material

[Anonymous No.]

>>56478719
Man out of everyone in that group, Aqua is the one that just feels wrong. Like Towa and Suisei I can see it in like a femboy way but Aqua being a femboy just feels wrong, especially with her color scheme.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56479690
You can solve that just by making her a futa instead of a femboy

[Anonymous No.]

>>56478719
That's gay

[Anonymous No.]

>>56469094
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kerning
Keming is hard.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56480032
Why? I don't understand why you'd still keep the vagina if you'd want this to be a story about Aqua with a dick.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56474622
>They are coming off as extremely mood swingy, or at worst, not at all like they were established to be so far.

That makes a lot more sense. Now I see what you mean.

>polka

I'm seeing the issue in that I'm being to vague again for the sake of mystery. Polka is actually going to have an integral part but since I've barely characterized her, it looks like I just wrote her out of the story just now. My original aim with polpol was to be very mysterious and have her cards close to her chest until the right moment (which will be coming up shortly) but I've fallen into the trap of being too mysterious and leaving people confused rather than intrigued. That's definitely a rake a keep stepping on.

> know there's a decent story under all you've built so far, the final buildup of the plot at a very high level is interesting

I'm so glad you feel that way. I'm excited for the finale. Had it in my head since I started and I hope it's going to be as cool to you as I have imagined it in my head.

>but there just might have been a few too many things to juggle at once for your first go around with it.

Yeah. That's basically what most of it boils down to. I threw way to many things in the air than I am able to keep track of. When/if I do the prequel to this, I've made it an imperative to keep the plot condensed and the cast small.

And thank you for the critique again. It's helping like you wouldn't believe. It's kind of ironic that in putting off Sand Planet for this, SP might actually be ten times better than it otherwise would've been without this book to learn from.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56480939
I'll be honest pal, I haven't thought much about it. I just like the picture.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56481237
Fag

[Anonymous No.]

Since I never specified the exact cutoff time for contest submissions, I'll set it as the 25th of August UTC -12:00 to give the everyone the maximum possible time (myself included) to get their contest entries in, and so that our writers from Hawaii don't complain. Good luck!

[Anonymous No.]

>>56483189
Those damn ancient Hawaiians!
Thanks for the communication on this by the way, I'll do my best to get a submission in before the deadline. Best of luck to you as well.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56453645
I feel embarrassed admitting it but I've done this multiple times for Balsa.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56483189
I will submit my entry three and a half minutes after the deadline to challenge your internal sense of ethics

[Anonymous No.]

I won't submit my story at all, because I believe the experience of my readers being deprived of reading my story is a profound statement on society and human nature.
I'm so post-modern.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356855
Finding out Aqua has a dead body in her apartment(Her Uber Eats driver had a heart attack and not knowing what to do just dragged him inside and left him there)

[Anonymous No.]

>>56483621
Wow your so deep anon
I bet you play the acoustic guitar.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56481001
Mystery is fine when it comes to characters, it even adds a lot of interest and depth to them, but the foreshadowing and presentation needs a lot of time to cook properly. As a reader, something that would have probably helped in the regard to her recent development, is a side chapter on the past experience that changed her, and with her as the focus, it gives you an opportunity to really show what she is thinking. You are already writing a story that is giving the reader multiple points of view at different times/areas, you can use that to your full advantage. It might also come off as less mysterious since I don't feel like we've been given enough time or context to know what Polka is truly like within your world. As fanfic readers we will default to our general understanding of the chuuba and how they normally conduct themselves, and for things like background and traits that specific to (You)r interpretation and experiences, your goal as the writer is to present that. There are plenty of good ways to give more information while also giving less. For example my Polka
>Never goes into what her family or home life was truly like, just that she wanted a change and peaced out
>Has apprehensions towards kitsune specific things, but won't go into explaining them due to embarrassment or something else. And doesn't know that her fennec pussy will entrap anon for hours on end.
>Had an experience or person from her past be presented to her that sent her in a horrified flight, she said she would eventually open up about what she saw, but she wasn't ready just yet
That kinda stuff sprinkled across the content is how you can build up mystery and intrigue. Use the world you created and the fact that you can literally make experiences the fuck up to your advantage.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56483621
the sad thing is this is the sort of linguistic pretzel that many college educated post-modern artists adopt while being 100% serious

Then they wonder why nobody is fighting AI art.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56453645
I've got the high positivity, high speed, and high tempo song tabbed open and ready to go for my next action scene. It's a cover of the same song I used to help me write out the first time these characters teamed up. The change in vocalists is also reflective of how the bonds have changed, writing is so fucking cool!

[Anonymous No.]

>>56483447
Listen here you little shit

[Anonymous No.]

>>56483447
I'm gonna have to ask you nicely to submit it three and a half minutes before the deadline.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56452158
>it won't get written outside of one of us having a horny moment.
nta but that's pretty much what happened while I was working on my series, got stuck while planning out the plot and decided to randomly write a femdom scene where it really didn't belong.
It was about 1.5k words of Botan pegging you with a stiletto, still kinda hot looking back.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56484516
>>56484697
*Eats the pistol*
*Rapes Lamy*

[Anonymous No.]

>>56488387
... You're gonna post it right?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56489418
Let's see if you can fit TWO in that mouth boi.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56491880
*Eats TWO guns*
*Anal rapes Lamy*

[Anonymous No.]

Which chuuba would fit an emotionally distant, cold girlfriend that's actually in serious love with you (to the point of being a borderline yandere) but just struggles to express it because she's emotionally autistic?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56492962
Okay I know this is kind of cliche to answer, but Suisei is the only one I can think of that can tick off all four boxes.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56492962
Anya

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356729
>>56356798
I Have an Egregiously Forbidden Relationship With My Younger Sister, Who Turned Out To Be the Internet Idol Hoshimachi Suisei!
Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vTJyQudJBozdhuqG2AiLx437YyIi1sTxtqpQXzh7Sa_eZ07Lb42QarXYZnZIQgteColiJ46W7YDFzUT/pub
NSFW
Tags: Incest, Drama, Comedy, Incest, Scratching, Biting, did I already say Incest
Characters: Hoshimachi Suisei, Anonmachi, A-Chan, Sora, Yagoo, other Hololive talents
Synopsis: Ever since you've been separated from your long lost sister, you swore to find her. Now you have, only to be caught in a whirlwind.
My entry for the contest. Finally, I can go back to editing Holoslavia...

[Anonymous No.]

>>56489683
h-haha
I don't know, I'm a bit hesitant since the cut ''story'' comes across as an oddly specific fetish.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56495868
Anon, please, the femdom union is starving.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56492962
Mumei easily. Maybe Anya.

>>56493657
I can see Suisei working even if I personally disagree.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56492962
Any cool chuuba would work. Botan, Elira, Selen

[Anonymous No.]

>>56493840
>HoloslaviaAnon is an IncestGAWD
I knew you were my brother

[Anonymous No.]

>>56493840
Well that was a dramatic ride and a half. I'm not really into incest myself, but the way you portrayed the bond Suisei and her brother had was really touching. How everyone was acting was pretty believable and you did a great job getting those emotions to come out of the paper. I'm also imagining all the funny situations the two could get into while trying to keep themselves in check while Suisei is busy doing the idol life. This was a fun read slaviaAnon. You clearly had fun writing it! Thanks!

[Anonymous No.]

>>56497707
The funny thing is I wasn't really that much into incest before writing this. Then I started writing it and, well... yeah.
>>56499597
Thanks, anon. I was actually very concerned with the characterization, but doing
reps helped.
Also, Suisei's radio show, Heikousen Scramble, helped a ton with figuring out how she speaks.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56505289
>spoiler
The forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest doesn't it? Welcome to the Incest Unity Party, your pin is in the mail as well as the custom grips for your Walther PPK

[Anonymous No.]

>>56506171
>*Attaches suppressor*
Let's get dangerous.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpt11SD3snA

[Anonymous No.]

CLEAR!

[Anonymous No.]

>>56506171
The only party where someone calling you brother is arousing.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56493840
Ok, so I read the whole thing and here are my thoughts:
First off, the good stuff -- your prose is great. It doesn't overstay its welcome with excessive adjectives or complicated words you'd need a dictionary for, but is able to set a nice scene that I can paint in my mind. There's no problems with it. The part I enjoyed the most about this story was the first half, where you detailed the past that Anon shared with Suisei and the kind of bond they built growing up. That was a beautiful thing to read through and fuck me, that scene where they witnessed a comet after sharing a forbidden kiss was splendid. Incredible. The scenario, the setting, everything. I almost squealed like a girl.
Then came the second half... where everything kinda fell apart. I'm going to struggle to put this into words, but I'll try. Suisei during the sex felt a bit OOC, but I guess the smut itself was decent. I'm not much of a coomer so I don't have a lot to say on the quality of the sex. The scene with A-chan, Sora and Yagoo was done poorly. Yagoo and A-chan were completely out of character, it felt like needless drama and bringing up Rushia was in bad taste. The band-aid scene was cute, but then A-chan comes up and starts her jealousy act, which again felt OOC and unnecessary.
Cue (an OOC) Yagoo and his blackmailing, which just made things worse. As I was reading that whole exchange I just kept thinking "What am I reading? What is the point in this sub plot? This feels like a poorly written middle school play with bad actors". I can forgive the strange characterization of Yagoo since he's not a chuuba and is often used as a convenient character to paste a personality on, but the only words I can use to describe that subplot is "goofy" and "unnecessary".
The ending felt a bit abrupt. When I read about Suisei researching astronomy and that the comet they were looking for was coming within the next few days, I was excited to see them finally discover it together after making that promise together so long ago. That would have been a great scene to close out the story -- Anon and Suisei under the starlight, fulfilling that promise. But then it just... ended. I can't criticize this too much because it wasn't anything you did wrong, just a missed opportunity.
Finally, I'd recommend splitting up your paragraphs more. Single line breaks between dialogue and sentences are fine, but sometimes its good to add a double line break to split up the text, even if there's no sequence break or timeskip.
After writing this I realize that it might seem like I have more bad to say than good, but that's only because it's easier to write crticism. As I said, the first was was a fantastic read and I thoroughly enjoyed it, which is why I can't help but feel disappointed with the narrative that followed. Nonetheless, thank you for the read. Despite everything, I enjoyed the experience.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56493840
LINE SPACING, for the love of god!

[Anonymous No.]

>>56512941
First of all, Anon, thank you for taking the time to write this honest feedback, and your criticism is fair. You're correct about the story feeling as if it has two 'halves.' It's mostly because of what I said in the Author's Notes - this story was supposed to have a much, much sadder ending. It was supposed to be a tragedy, actually, which was my intention when I began writing it up until they made it back to the apartment in Unoki.
However, I realized that I wasn't still ready to write a sad ending for it. Writing Operation Nimrod took a lot out of me. So much, in fact, that I wrote one sex comedy already (HoloPai!) to take the edge off. Unfortunately, this wasn't enough. I wasn't ready to give Anonmachi and Suisei a sad ending. Up until this Thursday, I was still debating with myself about this, and decided to write the second half of the story you currently see. Both to give Suisei and Anonmachi a happy ending, and so I would have a nice little sex comedy to write shorts for in the future if I could still do that.
In fact, the light novel-esque title wasn't really the original title. It was originally supposed to be just 'Stellar, Stellar,' but I retooled the title to more fit the tone of the second half. As for the OOC-ness, I'll say that these characters were made based on a combination of how they act on stream, popular memes about them, and my own interpretation of them. I'll stand by that, though I understand there will always be differences in opinion regarding how certain characters "should be" and that's fine; I respect that.[/spoilers]
Perhaps one day I'll be ready to write the "true" ending to this piece. Like End of Evangelion or something. I'll see what happens.
Again, Anon, thank you for taking the time to review the fic. I'm happy you still found it a good experience regardless.
>>56513261
To you and the previous Anon as well, I'll go over the document and fix up the line spacing. Still, thank you for reading the fic.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56512941
Whoops, fucked up the spoiler tags. My bad.
First of all, Anon, thank you for taking the time to write this honest feedback, and your criticism is fair. You're correct about the story feeling as if it has two 'halves.' It's mostly because of what I said in the Author's Notes - this story was supposed to have a much, much sadder ending. It was supposed to be a tragedy, actually, which was my intention when I began writing it up until they made it back to the apartment in Unoki.
However, I realized that I wasn't still ready to write a sad ending for it. Writing Operation Nimrod took a lot out of me. So much, in fact, that I wrote one sex comedy already (HoloPai!) to take the edge off. Unfortunately, this wasn't enough. I wasn't ready to give Anonmachi and Suisei a sad ending. Up until this Thursday, I was still debating with myself about this, and decided to write the story you currently see. Both to give Suisei and Anonmachi a happy ending, and so I would have a nice little sex comedy to write shorts for in the future if I could still do that.
In fact, the light novel-esque title wasn't really the original title. It was supposed to be just 'Stellar, Stellar,' but I retooled the title to more fit the tone of the second half. As for the OOC-ness, I'll say that these characters were made based on a combination of how they act on stream, popular memes about them, and my own interpretation of them. I'll stand by that, though I understand there will always be differences in opinon regarding how certain characters "should be" and that's fine.
Perhaps one day I'll be ready to write the quote-and-unquote true ending to this piece. Like End of Evangelion or something. I'll see what happens.
Again, Anon, thank you for taking the time to review the fic. I'm happy you still found it a good experience regardless.
>>56514119
To you and the previous Anon as well, I'll go over the document and fix up the line spacing. Still, thank you for reading the fic.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56514178
>To you and the previous Anon as well, I'll go over the document and fix up the line spacing. Still, thank you for reading the fic.
for >>56513261
Man, I need some sleep

[Anonymous No.]

>>56514178
>I'll stand by that
Really? I don’t mean to sound argumentative but how did you interpret A-chan as the character you’ve portrayed? She’s a little weird with her fetishes and can get hyper sometimes, but she’s kind and she’s professional every time I seen her. Same with Yagoo, what gave you the impression that he would blackmail people or raise his voice?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56493840
I think I've said this to every new entry in the nsfw category I've read but they keep getting better and better.
Anyway much like that other anon this whole thing feels like it's in two parts, the reunion and the smut.
The first part is amazing. Stellar stellar is a cheesy as hell way to reunite them but there really isn't any other way I'd have it. The romance here feels great, it's cheesy but earnest, that I couldn't help but cheer like a girl reading a romance novel everytime they got closer. Honestly wished we got more of that.
As for the second part with the smut. It's fine. I like how it reads but the way you write your prose is simultaneously very engaging but weirdly lacking in the kind of erotic language I find hot in smut fics. The plot threads you threw in at the end are kind of weird. Kind of feels like you wanted to set up that sex comedy more than just doing the expected ending of a timeskip to the two of them taking that shot of the comet and kissing under the stars.
Now for some miscellaneous thoughts.
I like the attention to detail, and the pseudo-real life setting you went with that's a few touches closer to 'real' than the standard setting. Feels really appropriate for any fics involving the idol double life without having to do the make up fake roommates thing.
It's kind of weird you went with A-chan rather than her pseudocanoncial name of Asuka, but then again this isn't her story, but if you wanted to make that fucking A-chan is jealous thing more obvious you could have tried to have her make Anon call her that.
Line spacing is fine on mobile, but that's because mobile makes every story look the same.
This fic has convinced me that if we ever have a writing rumble 2 we need to separate stuff via genre rather than N/SFW. This was some great fucking romance but in a vote against pure smut fics I don't think this has a chance. I mean this fic has my vote but it's ashame that the category is kind of stacked against it.
This all feels like it could have worked better as a series from the onset but given that this is your contest entry it is kind of hard to justify throwing something out because it was too good of an idea. Still I feel like the latter half would have worked so much better if this had been the climax of a three chapter mini arc setting up the rest of romcom.

[Anonymous No.]

Why is Suisei sexiest as a sister?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56517375
It gives you an "in" that renders you, almost by default, somewhat close to her. Suisei wouldn't even look in your direction otherwise. As family, though? You're gold.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56515821
Apologies for the late reply, Anon; I was out getting a coffee.
Don't worry, it's fine; I'll preface my answer with admitting that characterization is one of the things I'd been most concerned about when I put this fic out. Though I was pertaining more to how I portrayed Suisei, characterization is something I always try to work on, and how I portray a character in one fic is not the final word on how I'll portray them in the future. It's... actually the reason why Operation Nimrod is taking so long...
Now two things: One is, yeah, I ought to do more A-Chan reps. As the Anon below you said, I didn't even know she could be named Asuka. That alone already made clear to me I need to work on her more. Secondly, as for A-Chan and, by extension, Yagoo's portrayal here, I was planning to make it that what we've seen here are actually the 'selves' only Anon and Suisei see. Outside of their relationship with Anon and Suisei, they would more or less act as their usual 'public' selves (which would've been a source of comedy in the "He's/she's not really like that!" sense).
A third thing, I guess, is that I found the idea of a gentle-looking guy like Yagoo suddenly baring his fangs and Shanghaing Anon rather funny.
>>56515839
>Still I feel like the latter half would have worked so much better if this had been the climax of a three chapter mini arc setting up the rest of romcom.
True. I should've put some time toward building that 'third' chapter with the comet. I don't want to put out any specific details but it was going to be part of the "sad" ending I originally planned. But yeah, I switched course, and we ended up with this, where the comet sighting would've been - in cliche romcom fashion - off by a few months while wacky hijinks risking Suisei and Anon's relationship ensued.
As for the smut, that's fair. I'm not too used to writing 'unironic' smut. I find that I write smut in a very tongue-in-cheek fashion; my previous work, HoloPai!, is like that. I like making sex funny, because I find it funny. But I ought to work on making more unironic erotica sometime.
For the third time (since you've probably seen the A/N in the story), thanks for taking the time to read and thanks for the feedback.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56517375
I'll echo what one Anon said in a few threads back
>Tough, determined girl who's actually a very big softie, whose perfectionist tendencies contrast very sharply with the indulgent flaw that is incest/being a brocon.
Also, what >>56518254 said.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56518295
Ok, that's understandable. If your main focus was Suisei then I think you did a good job. It was only the smut scene I found a little funny, everything else felt quite "Suisei".

[Anonymous No.]

>>56518396
>If your main focus was Suisei then I think you did a good job.
Aw, hell yeah. Thanks Anon!

[Anonymous No.]

>>56492962
This reminds me of the emotionless sex discussion, except after you're done you feel like shit because she had a blank expression the whole time so you thought you were bad, but then she tells you "That was amazing. I came about four times" with a completely straight face.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56492962
seconding Anya
or Kaela

[Anonymous No.]

>>56492962
>>56520208
no wait actually I'd like to change my vote

[Anonymous No.]

>>56520376
>>56519995
>>56520208
Why is ID so strong for emotionless sex?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56521317
Western women aren't taught restraint
Japanese women put on strong acts while vtubing

[Anonymous No.]

>>56519995
I remember this as well. But it involved Kuro not Anya (although she'd be really great as well for emotionless sex).

[Anonymous No.]

>>56445287
So when are you getting your crossover

[Anonymous No.]

>>56411228
Wow, I didn't expect it to ever be written. Thank you. The setup was very funny and much better than what I had come up with in my mind.
I can tell you don't understand what I wanted and I don't really blame you for it, it's not normal. The writing is focused on her gaining sexual satisfaction from being eaten, which isn't a bad thing, but there's very little of what I actually wanted in the story, which was detailed description of the process of being digested. It feels like she was killed in minutes but it'd be hours of agony as her flesh slowly melted and her muscle and sinew was exposed to the elements. The story is in an ideal position if you cut the ending off and continued off from after she was swallowed whole and orgasmed. Reality would start to set in as the tingling sensation turns to burning and she wriggles and twists in reflexive attempts to move the affected areas away from the source of irritation. Whether it scares her or gets her hornier isn't the point.
But I guess the real criticism is that it's a komodo dragon and not a monitor lizard, so 0/10.

I'm joking. Thank you for this. I don't expect you to continue it but if you did I'd be eternally grateful.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56521952
>Kuro
When did this happen? The only emotionless sex discussion I remember was with Kaela. (Or was it marathon scheduled sex?)

[Anonymous No.]

>>56523448
https://archive.palanq.win/vt/thread/52365844/#q52430203

It started around here but I "swear" I remember seeing a little bit of talking about how Kuro did enjoy the sex (You) gave her but she has a blank face and has trouble expressing it and making you feel like you never made her feel good at all.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56523713
Found it!

https://archive.palanq.win/vt/thread/52434392/#52446781

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356855
A fic about Kanata's descent into fallen angeldom.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56505289
I should probably check out that radio show you mentioned a little before it's time for Suisei's big entry and she gets a lot more speaking time in.

[Anonymous No.]

Any fics for a hag lover?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356855
A fic about trying to fix a broken/menhera chuuba that backfires and only makes you worse.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56526516
Most stories featuring the prominent hags should be appropriate. Are you looking for anything specific not covered by the tags?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56526516
What kinda hag love are you looking for specifically? Is there a certain hag who strikes your fancy? A setting? fetish?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56356729
A story where both you and a chuuba finally get sex. Except both of you cum pathetically in foreplay.
The rest of the sex is also filled with premature ejaculation from both sides

[Anonymous No.]

>>56528114
Wrong anchor

[Anonymous No.]

>>56528114
>>56356855
Sorry My bad

[Anonymous No.]

>>56528114
Ah, the perfect Marine sex comedy fic.
I'm imagining it as a complete farce and both of are the same kind of desperate for sex. Except the two of you keep reaching orgasm from holding hands or mutually pass out imagining what the other is going to do.

[Anonymous No.]

Hag sex hag sex hag sex

[Anonymous No.]

>>56523309
With who or what?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56531291
Holoturismo.
Can the power of magic and hag knowledge win against Mumei's Custom 2001 Honda Civic?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56531708
>HJanon throws a river's worth of water in front of the civic, but mumei passed her driving test and knows how to properly hydroplane
>shit...

[Anonymous No.]

>>56528048
NTA but I want a fic that lets me feel like a young shounen in the hands of an experienced woman.
I love age gaps.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56531291
that talk about corrupted nene vs. HJnene from a few threads ago had me hoping

[Anonymous No.]

>>56533113
I don't think we've actually had an age gap fic yet (outside of that one Kobo fic). Closest age gap I can think of is the one in "To Be 17 again" and that's like a 10-15 year gap at most.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56531291
Pick any series as a spitball and come up with an idea

[Anonymous No.]

Zoomer sex zoomer sex zoomer sex

[Anonymous No.]

>>56533113
>>56533700
Got you next thread.

[Anonymous No.]

We need to kill this thread immediately

[Anonymous No.]

>>56536963
It's not done yet. Just almost done. Likely around another thousand words to go at most.

[Anonymous No.]

bump

[Anonymous No.]

>>56511725
>"Brothers! We need to come together in this time of instability!"
>Entire parliament orgasms

[Anonymous No.]

>story finished
>10001 words
>go back and remove a single word

[Anonymous No.]

>>56543530
>not adding another 1110

[Anonymous No.]

Holding out for the baker...

[Anonymous No.]

>>56528114
>>56528453
This could turn into a beautiful fic about you and your partner discovering each other sexually, experimenting, and all the steps that lead to there.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56528114
this with Mio

[Anonymous No.]

>>56533113
Give me another arc. I'll get you.
>>56533276
I personally don't know who or where crossovers get written.

[Anonymous No.]

ok thread you can go ahead and reach bump limit now
I'm not posting this damn thing with only 15 posts left

[Anonymous No.]

>>56551279
Well how about you start off with something nice about a fic you enjoy?

[Anonymous No.]

>>56551658
Most of what gets written doesn't really line up with my tastes so I don't really remember much
The only fic from the archive I really recall is High-Density Comet because it did a damn good job of describing Suisei's incredibly fat ass in high detail

[Anonymous No.]

>>56551986
Of course it'd be one of the weirder fics that do it for you.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56553938
Hell fucking yeah
Unusual and unique is the good shit

[Anonymous No.]

>>56551279
You can make a new one already, if you want. It's about time

[Anonymous No.]

>>56554378
I don't trust my baking abilities
I'm liable to fuck something up

[Anonymous No.]

>>56551986
I've been writer's blood-clotted to near uselessness in the last year and a half (stuck expositing a slampig fic) but if you want a short drabble in a similar vein to that, I could use something to kick my ass into gear. Any ideas for lite-architecture? Preferably multiple

[Anonymous No.]

>>56553938
I feel High-Density Comet is pretty tame though.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56554693
Moona tends to be my favorite architecture target, so how about something with her squatting down on a cock anally while she gets "encouraged" with hard smacks to her big, wobbly ass? Maybe give her a collar and leash and put in a little petplay aspect to it, I've been in a huge mood for that as of late

[Anonymous No.]

>>56554693
She may not be the perfect candidate but I wanna see something with Kanata. Also maybe it's just me, but I feel artists often give her the fat thighs and ass possible. Also Aqua.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56554693
I would also take this
>>56555047 (me)
with Aqua if you don't want to do Mooner

[Anonymous No.]

>>56554693
A fic about being distracted by Marine's fat ass while you're trying to construct a model bridge for a school project.

[Anonymous No.]

I'll get to baking, give me a minute.

[Anonymous No.]

>>56556463
I can't decide whether this angel ass has weird anatomy or is perfect.

[Anonymous No.]

Up and running lads!
>>56558168

[Anonymous No.]

>>56558430
It's weird, her torso is too long and curved too hard

[Anonymous No.]

>>56541744
Kek

[Anonymous No.]

Last for MOOM

[Anonymous No.]

last for fat pegor!