/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

SHIORI CUTE

Shiori the rock

sorry to cut into the depression hours, but i wrote a thing again as a sequel to >>63326572 after getting a little inspired from watching Clerks

https://pastebin.com/Lpy2epkb

the more i wrote this out, the more i started having an idea of just using this same convenience store setting as a backdrop for other slice-of-life prompts

>>57770866
I caused the first Fire Emblem tangent.

>>57412579
>>57412836

i liked the story and reading about shiori~n getting scared is a nice change of pace. if i could make a few suggestions, it does feel a little monotone and stilted when you read it; i'd suggest using more conjunctions (such as if, and, but, etc.) to combine some of the sentences and cut down on the usage of "You".

so instead of having something like "You go to the last fortress of defense, your bedroom. You get Shiori in safe and pull extra blankets out on you both. You know you are going to have nightmares tonight from the game."

you end up with "You go to the bedroom with Shiori, your last fortress of defense and pull extra blankets out on you both; you're sure you're going to have nightmares tonight from the game." or "You both scream but nervously laugh afterwards at your shared reactions."

and as >>57413172 said, spacing out the paragraphs helps turn the chunk of text from one blob into several more manageable and easy-to-follow blocks

all-in-all though, i definitely enjoyed the read and hope to see more from you anon

>>56799506
Nice. I'm at a point in my life where my income is so far above what I use (not because I'm rich but because I'm an eternal poorfag with basically no expenses) that I don't even need to think about using money on things I want. I hope all shiggers eventually achieve this kind of stability.

>>56634189
nta but see
>>56600034

ai anon, you might want to add an FAQ to the rentry

What's in the box?

>>56539481
Roll