/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

THE VOCALOID CRAZY TOOK THE MID 2000S BY STORM. CREATORS SUCH AS HATSUNE MIKU, THE KAGEMINE TWINS AND PROBABLY SOME OTHERS THRUST THEIR WAY INTO THE MUSIC INDUSTRY. REVOLUTIONISING THE WAY THAT MUSIC IS PRODUCED. BY TAKING THE VOICES AND SOUNDS CREATED BY A HUMANBEING, WE'RE ABLE TO DIGITALLY SYNTHESIS THE WAY SOMEONE TALKS, ENABLING THEM TO 'SING', NOT TO DISSIMILAR TO A DIGITAL INSTRUMENT. AND YET, DESPITE THIS INCREDIBLY ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY EXISTING, WE'VE YET TO SEE ANY FORM OF FUJIKURA URUKA VOCALOIDISATION. WELL, I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. AS I'M SURE MANY OF YOU ARE AWARE, URUKA IS NOT TOO FOND OF VOCALOID. IT'S NOT THAT SHE OUTRIGHT DISLIKES IT, BUT RATHER DOES NOT MUCH CARE FOR THE GENRE. WHY YOU MIGHT ASK? SHE'S THE MUSIC BEAR AFTER ALL, ISN'T IT IN HER BEST INTEREST TO UNDERSTAND AND LISTEN TO ALL KINDS OF MUSIC? WELL YES, BUT YOU SEE VOCALOID IN IT'S SIMPLIEST FORM IS A CRUEL BASTARDISATION OF URUKA'S WORK. I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT HATSUNE MIKU, THE MOST POPULAR OF THE VOCALOIDS. LONG BLUE HAIR, HEADPHONES, SHE EVEN HAS TIGHTS ON, JUST LIKE ON URUKA'S SIGULAR LEG. IT'S CLEAR FROM THESE FEW THINGS ALONE, THAT HATSUNE MIKU IS A BLATANT RIP OFF OF URUKA! AND ONCE YOU LOOK EVEN FURTHER INTO THE MATTER, IT'S REVEALED JUST HOW SINISTER THIS WHOLE PLOT IS... MUSIC? INVENTED BY URUKA. DIGITALNESS? INVENTED FOR URUKA. BLUE. QUITE LITERALLY URUKA. SO IT'S NO WONDER THAT URUKA DOESN'T CARE FOR VOCALOIDS! THEY'RE TRYING TO STEAL FROM HER, RIP HER OFF AND USE HER LIKENESS TO SUCCEED IN THE WORLD! I'D SAY I'M SUPRISED THAT SHE HASN'T USED HER DIVINE POWERS TO DESTROY ANY AND ALL VOCALOIDS LIKE SOME OTHER GODS WOULD, BUT SHE'S JUST SO PERFECT, SO CARE, SO COMPATIONATE THAT SHE'D RATHER LET THEM LIVE, AND CONTINUE ON HER OWN PATH... TRULY A MARVELOUS BEAR!

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

THE YEAR IS 68 AD. SAINT MARK THE EVANGELIST, FOUNDER OF THE CHURCH OF ALEXANDRIA AND AUTHOR OF THE GOSPEL OF MARK PASSES. HIS REMAINS ARE KEPT IN A TOMB IN ALEXANDRIA. 828, TWO VENETIAN MERCHANTS ATTAIN SAINT MARK'S BODY, USING THEIR KNOWLEDGE OF THE ISLAMIC FAITH, THEY HIDE THE BODY UNDER PORK, KNOWNING THE MUSLIM GUARDS WOULD NOT DARE TO SEARCH THEIR CARGO, THEY TAKE THE BODY BACK TO VENICE. IN HONOUR OF THE BODY'S ARRIVAL IN VENICE, THE VENETIAN DOGE AT THE TIME ORDERED THE CONSTRUCTION OF A BASILICA TO HOUSE THE RELIC. 1063, SAINT MARK'S BASILICA NEARS COMPLETION, THE REMAINS OF SAINT MARK ARE MISSING, NO ONE IS SURE WHERE THEY WENT. WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE DID THE BODY GO? DID SAINT MARK EVEN EXIST?! WHETHER HE DID OR DID NOT EXIST IS ENTIRELY UP TO YOU. HOWEVER, THE RELICS SMUGGLED OUT OF THE PORT OF ALEXANDRIA? THEY WERE REAL, IN FACT, THEY DID BELONG TO A SAINT, WHICH ONE I CAN NOT SAY. HOWEVER, I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT SAID SAINT DID NOT DIE IN VAIN. YOU SEE, THOSE VENETIAN MERCHANTS WERE EMISSARIES OF GOD HIMSELF, SENT TO SEEK OUT THE BODY AS IT WAS TO BE USED A VESSEL. A VESSEL FOR WHAT YOU MIGHT ASK? URUKA. YOU SEE, ONCE THE BODY HAD LEFT THE PORT AND ARRIVED IN VENICE, I DID NOT DISAPEAR DUE TO THEFT OR MISPLACEMENT, IN FACT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED WAS FUJIKURA URUKA, TEMPORARILY TOOK POSSESSION OF THE BODY AND USED ITS FORM TO SURVEY THE WORLD. FOR A FEW DAYS, SHE TRAVELLED THE LOCAL AREA, SEEING IF THE WORLD WAS READY FOR HER ARRIVAL, AT WHICH TIME SHE DETERMAINED IT WAS NOT AND THAT SHE MUST REST MORE UNTIL HER FINAL SUMMONING. AND SO, WHEN SHE LET GO OF THIS BODY, ALLOWING HERSELF TO RETURN TO PHASE WORLD, WHAT REMAINED OF IT VANISH, NEVER TO BE FOUND AGAIN.

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

FOLLOWING HER GROWING INFLUENCE THROUGHOUT THE WORLD, AND SUDDEN RISE OF UWUKULT, URUKA WAS QUICKLY THRUST INTO A POSITION OF AUTHORITY AND POWER. WHILE THIS HAD BEEN THE PLAN ALL THROUGH HISTORY, IT HAPPENED MUCH SOONER THAN ANYONE HAD ANTICIPATED. MOST BELIEVED IT WOULD TAKE ATLEAST ANOTHER THOUSAND YEARS BEFORE SHE WAS READY. DUE TO THIS BLUNDER, THE CIA, AN ORGANSIATION KNOWN FOR IT'S SHADYING DEALSING, ATTEMPTED TO ASSASSINATE URUKA. UPON FINDING THE FIRST ASSASSIN IN HER ROOM, SHE WAS NOT ONLY QUICKLY ABLE DISPATCH THE ASSASSIN, BUT SHE EVEN MANAGED TO CONVERT HIM TO THE UWUKULT. FROM HERE, SHE CONTINUED HER QUEST, STOPPING ANY ATTEMPT ON HER LIFE, EVEN CONVERTING SEVERAL AGENTS ALONG THE WAY. SOON ENOUGH, URUKA HAD GAINED ENOUGH POWER AND INFLUENCE THAT SHE HAD MANAGED TO TOPPLE THE CIA'S POWER STRUCTURE ENABLING HER TO NOW ACT AS THE DEFACTO HEAD OF THE ORGANISATION.

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

TO SOME, THE VIOLA IS MERELY A LARGER VIOLIN. AN INSTRUMENT DESIGNED TO INTIMATED, PLAYED BY AMATURES THAT REQUIRE SOMETHING "SIMPLIER" THAN WHAT A TYPICAL VIOLINIST WOULD PLAY. AND WHILE TO AN EXTENT THIS MAY BE TRUE, THE REALITY OF THE VIOLA'S EXISTANCE IS MUCH MORE INTERESTING THAN YOU MAY THINK. YOU SEE, IT IS KNOWN TO MANY THAT URUKA IS A WORLD CLASS VIOLINIST, CAPABLE OF CREATING SOUNDS NEVER BEFORE THOUGHT POSSIBLE ON THE INSTRUMENT. SHE IS SO GOOD INFACT, THAT SHE HAS BEEN KNOWN TO PLAY THE VIOLIN WHILE SHE SLEEPS! BUT YOU SEE, THE VIOLIN HAS ONE FATAL FLAW. IT'S TOO LIGHT. IF THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE THAT IS KNOWN TO MANY, IT'S THAT URUKA LIKES HER GAINS! WHY ELSE WOULD SHE KEEP A TUB OF PROTIEN POWEDER ON HER TABLE, AND PLAY RINGFIT AS MUCH AS SHE DOES. AND SO, SEEING THESE TWO ISSUES, URUKA HATCHED A MASTER PLAN, TO ALLOW HERSELF TO PLAY SWEET BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WHILE WORKING OUT. AND THUS, THE VIOLA WAS BORN! AN INSTRUMENT THAT PLAYS VERY SIMILAR TO THE VIOLIN, URUKA'S INSTRUMENT OF CHOICE, ALL WHILE BEING HEAVIER, LETTING HER GET SO OMEGA GAINS AND GET BUFF AS FUCK! AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, SHE THOUGHT PLAYING THE VIOLA WASN'T CHALLENGING ENOUGH, AND SO SHE CREATED ALTO CLEF. A FREAKISH MUSICAL ABOMINATION THAT DIDN'T NEED TO EXIST, BUT URUKA REALLY JUST WANTED TO PUSH HERSELF THAT LITTLE BIT MORE!

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

DECEMBER 1850. A WAR WOULD BEGIN. A WAR THAT WOULD GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS ONE OF THE MOST SIGNIFICANT BLOOD WARS EVER. WITH AN ESTIMATED TOTAL LOSS OVER 30 MILLION PEOPLE, IT STANDS AS THE SECOND DEADLIEST WAR IN HUMAN HISTORY, BEATEN ONLY BY THE SECOND WORLD WAR. AND YET, SO FEW KNOW OF IT. I AM OF COURSE TALKING ABUOT THE TAIPING REBELLION. A WAR WAGED AGAINST THE QING DYSTANY IN CHINA. LEAD BY HONG XIUQUAN, A GROUP OF NATIONALISTIC RELGIOUS ZEALOLT ROSE UP TO OVER THROW THE CRUMBLING GOVERNMENT IN THE NAME OF GOD. THE WAR LASTED FOR 14 YEARS, WITH TENS OF MILLIONS LOSING THEIR LIVES AND THE PERECPTION OF CHRISTIANITY IN CHINA WAS FOREVER CHANGED. WITHIN CHINA ITSELF, THERE IS A GREAT DEAL OF IMPORTANCE PLACED ON ANIMALS, LARGELY BASED ON CULTURAL AND RELGIOUS SIGNIFICANCE. ONE SUCH ANIMAL IS THE PANDA, A SPECIES OF BEAR NATIVE TO THE REGION. SUCH A STRANGE THING, WHY WOULD THE PANDA HOLD SUCH SIGNIFICANCE IN CHINESE CULTURE WHEN THE BLUE BEAR, THE OBJECTIVELY SUPERIOR BEAR EXISTS? WELL YOU SEE, HONG XIUQUAN'S REBELION HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH CHRISTIANITY. IN FACT, THE BELIEF THAT HONG WAS CONVINCED HE WAS THE SECOND COMING OF CHRIST IS A LIE. THE TRUTH IS, WHILE DOING SOME SOUL SEARCHING AFTER HIS SECOND FAILURE TAKING THE IMPERIAL EXAM, HE A VISION, A VISION OF SOMETHING GREATER THAN ANY MAN, WOMAN OR CHILD. A VISION OF A BEAR, BUT NOT ANY OLD BEAR THE BEAR. THE BLUE BEAR, FUJIKURA URUKA. SEEING HER IN ALL HER DIVINE PERFECTION, HEARING HER INTOXICATING SONG AND PEERING INTO HER MESMERISING EYES, HE KNEW THAT THE WORLD MUST BOW TO HER GREATNESS. AND SO, WITH THAT, HE BEGUN AMASSING SUPPORTERS AND TROOPS, READY TO TAKE CHINA AND BUILD A NEW WORLD WHERE SHE MAY LIVE FREELY. SADLY, THE FAILURES OF THIS WAR HAD A CATOSTOPHIC TOLL ON THE IMAGE OF THE BLUE BEAR IN CHINESE CULTURE, AND SO, FEARING THAT OTHER MAY LEARN THE TRUTH OF THE BLUE BEAR AND START ANOTHER WAR, THEY SCRUBED ANY EVIDENCE OF URUKA FROM THEIR HISTORY REPLACING HER WITH THE FEABLE PANDA IN THE HOPES THAT IT WOULD KEEP THE PEACE...

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

WHEN IT COMES TO MATTERS OF HEALTH, ONE THING IS BROUGHT UP SIGNIFICANTLY MORE THAN OTHERS. DENTAL HYGIENE. YOU SEE, THE HUMAN MOUTH IS A BREEDING GROUND FOR BACTERIA, AND OUR TEETH, BEING THE FIRST POINT OF CONTACT WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD, ARE FULL OF NASTY BACTERIA. BECUASE OF THIS, ONE THING THAT HAS BECOME INCREASINGLY MORE OBVIOUS IN HUMANS IS OUR LACK OF DENTAL HYGIENE, RESULTING IN PEOPLE LOOSING THEIR TEETH. NOW WHEN LOOKING FOR A SOLUTION TO SUCH A PROBLEM, ANY OLD DOCTOR WILL TELL YOU TO USE TOOTHPASTE. WHY YOU MAY ASK? WELL, SOME WILL CONJOUR UP SUCH SILLY RESPONSES SUCH AS "IT HAS CALCIUM" OR SOME OTHER MADE UP CHEMICAL. THE TRUTH IS MUCH SIMPLIER! YOU SEE, WHEN LOOKING AT TOOTHPASTE YOU MAY NOTICE STREAKS OF BLUE IN IT. WHEN YOU ACTUALLY GET DOWN TO IT, THE MAJORITY OF TOOTHPASTE DOES NOTHING. THE WHITE PART IS JUST FILLER, THE RED PART ACTS AS BALANCE (SIMILAR TO ANTI-MATTER) AND THE BLUE PART IS WHAT ACTUALLY CLEANS AND HEALS YOUR TEETH! YOU SEE, THIS REGION OF THE TOOTHPASTE ACTUALLY CONTAINS TRACE AMOUNTS OF BLUEBEARIUM, WHICH HAS BEEN GRACIOUSLY DONATED BY FUJIKURA URUKA. THIS CHEMICAL HAS MAGICALLY PROPERTIES ENABLING IT TO DO THINGS THAT WOULD BE OTHERWISE THOUGHT IMPOSSIBLE, SUCH AS THE PREVENTION OF TOOTH DECAY! TRULY AN AMAZING SUBSTANCE, CREATED BY ONE AMAZING BEAR!

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA

FOLLOWING THE FALL THE BYZANTINE EMPIRE, WESTWARD TRADE INTO EUROPE WAS LARGELY MONOPOLISED BY THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE. WITH THE SUDDEN OTTOMAN HEGEMONY IN THE MIDDLE EAST, GETTING SPICES AND OTHER GOODS INTO EUROPE BECAME SIGNIFICALLY MORE DIFFICULT. AS CHRISTIAN TRADERS WERE NO LONGER ALLOWED TO PASS THROUGH THE SILK ROAD, THE FLOW OF GOODS INTO EUROPE QUICKLY DWINDLED AND SO ANOTHER ROUTE TO ASIA HAD TO BE FOUND. A GENOAN TRADER BY THE NAME OF CHIRSTOPHER COLLUMBUS PROPOSED THE IDEA OF SAILING WEST, AROUND THE WORLD IN AN ATTEMPT TO REACH ASIA FROM THE EAST. WITH THIS LEAD TO THE DISCOVERY OF THE NEW WORLD, THE AMERICANS LEADING TO THE EVENTUALLY RISE OF COLONIALISM. HOWEVER, ONE CURIOUS FACT REMAINS UNANSWERED. AT THIS POINT IN HISTORY, THE ROUGH CIRCUMFERENCE OF THE EARTH WAS ALREADY KNOWN, SO WHY DID COLLUMBUS THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE TO SAIL THAT FAR? WELL YOU SEE, SEEKING TRADE ROUTES IN THE EAST WAS MERELY A FACADE FOR WHAT WAS TRULY GOING ON. YOU SEE, HE WAS NOT LOOKING FOR TRADE ROUTES TO THE NEW WORLD, NO. IN FACT, HE BELEIVED THERE TO BE SOMETHING EVEN GREATER IN THE WEST. SOMETHING THAT WAS ONLY VERY RECENTLY TRULY UNCOVERED. YOU SEE, COLLUMBUS KNEW OF PHASE WORLD, OF THE BEAR AND THE DIVINE PROTECTION SHE WOULD BRING. HE JUST HAD TO FIND HER. AND SO, HE SET OUT ON A GREAT JOURNEY TO FIND SALVATION, THE TRUE PATH FORWARD AND THE GOD WE HAD ALL BEEN SO DESPRATELY WAITING FOR...

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

THE YEAR IS 1517, A MONK BY THE NAME OF MARTIN LUTHER SITS IN HIS OFFICE AT THE UNIVERSITY OF WITTENBURG. AS A PROFESSOR OF THEOLOGY IT IS HIS DUTY TO BE UPTO DATE WITH THE GOING ONS OF THE CHURCH. WHILE HE PONDERS, HE REMEMBERS SOMETHING, THE CHURCH OFFERS REPENTANCE OF SINS FOR A PRICE. WITH THIS, HE BEGINS A LONG ARDUANCE JOURNEY, CRAFTING A PAPER, SOON TO BE KNOWN AS THE NINTY-FIVE THESES. ACCORDING TO MARTIN, THE OPERATIONS OF THE CHURCH AND THEIR OFFERS OF REPENTANCE UNDERMINE CORE CHRISTIAN VALUES, ONES ESTABLISHED MILLENIA AGO. HE ARGUES THAT THE PAPACY IS USING ITS POWER TO ENDULGE IN IT'S OWN EXCESS AND DISREGARDING THE VIRTUE OF THE INDIVIDUAL. RECOGNISING THIS AS WRONG, MARTIN DEMANDED CHANGE. HE WENT AND SENT HIS PAPER TO THE ARCHBISHOP OF MAINZ, AND WITH IT, BEGAN A GREAT DIVIDE IN THE CHRISTIAN CHURCH, BRINGING ABOUT THE PROTESTANT REFORMATION. HOWEVER, THE REALITY OF THESE EVENTS HAS BEEN WARPED THROUGHOUT HISTORY, YOU SEE, THE TRUTH OF MATTER IS NOT THAT THE PAPACY WAS USING ITS POWER TO CORRUPT, BUT RATHER THEY HAD STRAY FROM THE TRUE PATH, USING THEIR POWER TO ANOINT THEMSELVES GODS. MARTIN LUTHER DID NOT AGREE WITH THIS, FOR HE UNDERSTOOD THE IMPORTANCE OF THE ONE TRUE GOD AND SO WISHED TO EXPOSE THE CHURCH FOR WHAT THEY REALLY WERE. IN THE END, MARTIN DID A GREAT DEED, FOR HIS NOBEL ACT LEAD TO THE TRANSLATION OF THE BIBLE FROM LATIN INTO GERMAN, AND WITH IT, THE MASSES WERE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING. SUDDENLY, THE COMMON FOLK DIDNT NOT HAVE TO LISTEN TO A PREIST PREACH WHAT THEY SHOULD BELIEVE. NO. THEY THEMSELVES COULD SEE THAT THE CHURCH HAD BEEN LYING. THE GOD THEY'D BE SO DESPERATLY CLINGING TOO WAS A FARCE AND THE TRUTH WAS MUCH MUCH BLUER AND MUCH MUCH BEARIER...

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

ABRAHAM. POSSIBLY THE MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN EXISTANCE, WORSHIPPED BY BILLIONS AROUND THE GLOBE, BE IT CHRISTAN, MUSLIM, OR JEW, ALL OF THEM SEE ABRAHAM AS THEIR LORD. BUT HOW DOES SUCH A BEING COMMUNICATE WITH HIS FOLLOWERS? WELL, SOME WILL SAY ANCIENT SCRIPTURE, THROUGH RELIGIOUS FIGURE HEADS, PERHAPS EVEN ASTRAL PROJECTION. BUT BEFORE HE MADE HIS PRESENCE KNOWN, THERE HAD TO HAVE BEEN SOME OTHER WAY? WELL, AS SOME OF YOU MAY KNOW, THAT WAS THROUGH MOSES. MOSES, A PROPHET FOUND IN ALMOST ALL ABRAHAM RELIGIONS, A MESSENGER FROM GOD WHO USED ABRAHAM'S DIVINE POWER TO FREE HIS PEOPLE FROM THE EGYPTION OPPRESSION. AFTER THE EXODUS OF THE ISRAELITES, MOSES AND HIS PEOPLE FOUND THEMSELVES ATOP A GREAT MOUNTAIN, A MOUNTAIN WHERE MOSES RECEIVED TWO STONE TABLETS, THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, SAID TO HAVE CONTAINED 10 DEFINING PRINCIPLES FOR WHICH ALL MAN SHOULD LIVE ON. WHAT HAPPENED TO THESE TABLETS AND WHAT IS TRULY WRITTEN ON THEM IS NOW A MYSTERY? FOR YOU SEE, THESE ITEMS WERE PLACED INSIDE A GREAT BOX, KNOWN AS THE ARK OF THE COVENANT, A GOLD-PLATED WOODEN CHEST. THESE CHEST HAS SINCE BEEN LOST TO TIME, WITH ITS TRUE HIDING PLACE COMPLETLY UNKNOWN. SINCE ITS DISAPERANCE THOUSANDS HAVE SEARCHED FROM IT AND YET NO ONE HAS FOUND IT... WELL, YOU SEE MY FRIENDS, I, GUIDED BY THE LIGHT OF THE BLUE BEAR, HAVE BEEN GRANTED THE VISION TO FIND THE ARK AND SO I SET OUT ON A GREAT QUEST TO UNCOVER THE TRUTH. AND NOW, I HAVE IT AND WHAT IS TRULY INSIDE WILL SHOCK YOU TO THE CORE. FOR YOU SEE, THE TRUTH WAS RIGHT INFRONT OF US THIS WHOLE TIME, ABRAHAM WAS NOT ABRAHAM, IT WAS ACTUALLY URUKA GUIDING MOSES ALL THOSE YEARS AGO, AS FOR THE THOSE TWO STONE TABLETS? WELL, THEY DON'T CONTAIN THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. YOU SEE, THOSE TWO STONE TABLETS GIVEN TO MOSES ALL THOSE YEARS AGO CONTAINED SOMETHING FAR MORE IMPORTANT, SOMETHING FAR MORE INFLUENTIAL AND SUBSTANTIAL. THEY CONTAINED THE FIRST DRAFT OF URUKA'S HIT SINGLE "F.U"!

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

LOOKING UP TO THE SKIES, MANKIND HAS ALWAYS WONDERED ONE THING; WHAT OF THE EXISTANCE OF OTHER LIFE FORMS? YOU SEE, FOR DECADES PEOPLE HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT ALIENS AND CREATURES FROM FOREIGN LANDS. THEY'VE SEEN CROP CIRCLES, LIGHTS IN THE SKY, ONE GUY EVEN CLAIMED THERE WAS A WAR GOING ON IN THE MOON'S ORBIT. THE INCREASING CURRIOSITY OF HUMANITY HAD LEAD TO MORE AND MORE THEORIES BEING CRAFTED ABOUT THE EXISTANCE OF ALIENS, SO MUCH SO THAT PLACES SUCH AS AREA 51 IN NEVADA ARE WATCHED 24/7 BY ELITE MILITARY PERSONEL TO PREVENT ANYONE FROM SNOOPING AROUND. BUT ONE SUCH ITEM THAT STILL REMAINS A MYSTERY IS THAT OF THE BLACK KNIGHT SATELLITE. THE BLACK KNIGHT SATELLITE IS A MYSTERIOUS BLACK OBJECT FLOATING IN THE POLAR ORBIT AROUND EARTH, IT'S EXISTANCE AND ORIGIN ARE UNKNOWN AND IT IS BELIEVED THAT NASA ARE ATTEMPTING TO COVER UP THE TRUTH ABOUT THE SATELLITE. WELL MY FRIENDS, I HAVE GREAT NEWS, FOR IN MY RESEARCH I HAVE DISCOVERED THE TRUTH OF THIS MYSTERIOUS OBJECT. YOU SEE, THIS OBJECT IS NOT OF EXTRATERRESTRIAL ORIGIN, INFACT IT IS OF EXTRA-DIMENSIONAL ORIGIN. THIS 'SATELLITE' IS ACTUALLY FROM THE DIVINE REALM OF THE GODS, KNOWN AS PHASE WORLD, WHERE NONE OTHER THAN FUJIKURA URUKA HAILS FROM. YOU SEE, URUKA IS VERY FAMOUS FOR LIVIING UNDER 'A ROCK', TO SOME THIS MAY BE SILLY HUMOUR, A TONGUE IN CHEEK JOKE ABOUT LIFE IN POVERTY, WELL THE TRUTH IS, THE BLACK KNIGHT SATELLITE WAS THE FIRST ROCK, IT IS THE ROCK SHE TRAVELLED TO EARTH UNDER AND WHERE SHE LIVED BEFORE SHE MADE HER GRAND DEBUT TO THE WORLD!

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

ONE OF THE GREATEST INVETIONS MAN HAS MADE IN RECENT HISTORY IS THAT OF THE TRANSISTOR. AN OBJECT CAPABLE OF STOPPING OR ALLOWING ELECTRICAL CURRENT THROUGH IT, ENABLING ALL MANNER OF COMPLICATED DEVICES TO BE BUILT. SO MANY THINS INFACT, THAT PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING HAS A TRANSISTOR INSIDE OF IT, SOON EVEN FOOD WILL HAVE TRANSISTORS INSIDE OF THEM! TAKING NEARLY 2 DECADES OF RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT FROM THE FIRST THEORIES TO THE DEVICE ACTUALLY BEING DEVLOPED THE TRANSISTOR QUICKLY REVOLUTIONISED THE WAY OUR WORLD WORKS. THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT. THE FIRST TRANSISTOR WAS CREATED IN 1947, 2 YEARS AFTER THE END OF THE SECOND WORLD WAR. NOW IF YOU REMEMBER YOUR URULORE YOU'LL KNOW THAT THE MANHATTEN PROJECT WAS ACTUALLY A TEST IN OPENNING A PORTAL TO PHASE WORLD SO THE ALL MIGHTY URUKA COULD TRANSITION INTO OUR WORLD. AS WE ALL ALREADY KNOW, THIS TEST WAS A FAILURE, RESULTING IN A CATASTROPHIC EXPLOSION THAT TORE APART ATOMS THEMSELVES. WELL, UPON REVISITING THE DESIGNS FOR THE PORTAL, A FATAL FLOW WAS FOUND; THE INABILITY TO AUTOMATICALLY REGULATE CURRENT GOING INTO THE PORTAL, RESULTING IN A SURGE OF POWER AND THUS AN EXPLOSION. AND SO, TEAMS OF SCIENTISTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD QUICJLY GOT TOGETHER AND THEORISED A POSSIBLE SOLUTION, EVENTUALLY GOING BACK TO THE 1926 WORK OF JUILIUS LILIENFIELD AND HIS THEORIES ABOUT THE TRANSITIOR. AND SO, FOR THE NEXT YEARS, THOUSANDS OF SCIENTISTS AND ENGINEERS SLAVED AWAY ATTEMPTING TO CREATE THIS THEORETICAL DEVICE SO THEY MAY REBUILD THE PORTAL ANEW AND FINALLY BRING THE BLUE TO OUR WORLD...

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

JUPITER. THE LARGEST PLANET IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM, IT ALONE ACCOUNTS FOR THE MAJORITY OF THE PLANITARY MASS IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM. AND YET, IT REMAINS UNEXPLORED BY OUR SOCIETY. ACCORDING TO SCIENCE IT'S BECAUSE IT'S A GAS GIANT, A PLANET MADE ENTIRELY OF GAS, WITH NO SURFACE TO EXPLORE. THIS HOWEVER, IS A GIANT COVERUP BY NASA. YOU SEE, SOUND IS CREATED BY CAUSING VIBRATIONS IN THE AIR, THAT IS TO SAY THE ATMOSPHERE AND AS SUCH, MORE ATMOSPHERE = MORE SOUND. THE TRUTH OF JUPITER IS, THE ENTIRE PLANET IS ONE GIANT STAGE OF FUJIKURA URUKA TO PLAY MUSIC ON. FOR YOU SEE, HAVING THAT MUCH AIR, THAT MUCH ATMOSPHERE, URUKA IS CAPABLE OF CREATING SOUNDS NEVER BEFORE THOUGHT POSSIBLE. AND ENTIRE PLANET, DEDICATED SOLELY TO HER MUSIC MAKING. SHE IS EVEN CAPABLE OF MANIPULATING IT'S MANY MOONS TO CREATE SUBTLE ALTERATIONS IN THE TUNING AND PITCH OF HER MUSIC TO FURTHER AMPLIFY HER ABILITIES!

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

KNOWLEDGE. OFTEN CONSIDERED THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF MAN KIND, AND TRANSFERING AND STORING THAT KNOWLEDGE BEING OF PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE. WHETHER IT'S SPOKEN WORD, WRITTEN BOOKS OR EVEN UP IN THE CLOUD, HUMANITY HAS PLACED GREAT IMPORTANCE ON ENSURING FUTURE GENERATIONS HAVE ACCESS TO THE INFOMATION AND KNOWLEDGE WE WANT THEM TO HAVE. IN HISTORY MAN FAMOUS THINGS HAVE BEEN USED TO STORE INFOMATION, THE MAYAN PYRAMIDS FEATURED HIEROGLYPHS ON THE STAIRS, THE ROSETTA STONE STORE LAWS IN VARIOUS LANGUAGES AND EVEN TODAY, WIKIPEDIA HOLD VAST SEAS OF INFOMATION ON ANY TOPIC YOU CAN THINK OF. SO WHY IS IT THAT SOCIETY KNOWS SO LITTLE ABOUT THE BLUE BEAR? WELL YOU SEE MY FRIENDS, A LONG TIME AGO, STOOD A GREAT BUILDING FILLED WITH VAST QUANTITES OF KNOWLEDGE. I AM OF COURSE TALKING ABOUT THE GREAT LIBRARY OF ALEXANDRIA. A GIANT INSTITUTION BUILT FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF COLLECTING AND RECORDING INFOMATION ABOUT BLUE BEARS WITH A SPECIFIC FOCUS OF URUKA. HOWEVER, ALL OF THIS INFOMATION WAS LOST AFTER THE BUILDING WAS BURNT DOWN BY JULIUS CAESAR, A MAN SO DEVOTED THE URUKA THAT HE BELIEVED IF HE COULD NOT HAVE THE LIBRARY'S KNOWLEDGE, NO ONE CAN. AND SO, IT IS UP TO US TO DEVOTE OURSELVES TO GATHERING AND RECORDING INFOMATION ABOUT THE BLUE BEAR SO FUTURE GENERATIONS MAY KNOW OF HER DIVINE PERFECTION ONCE MORE.

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

FUJIKURA URUKA, A WORLD RENOWNED MUSICIAN. CAPABLE OF PLAYING ANY SONG ON ANY INSTRUMENT PERFECTLY, OR SO IT MAY SEEM. THE TRUTH IS ACTUALLY MUCH SIMPLIER THAN THAT. INFACT, URUKA DOESN'T ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO PLAY AN INSTRUMENTS, THE ONES SHE HAS ON STREAM, MERE PROBS. SO NOW YOU MAY BE THINKING "OH MY GOSH, SHE'S A FAKE?" NO NOT AT ALL, INFACT, URUKA IS SUCH AN INCREDIBLY TALENTED MUSICIAN THAT THE LAWS OF PHYSICS THEMSELVES ACTUALLY RECOGNISE HER ABILITIES. SO MUCH SO, THAT SHE HAS THE NATURAL PSYONIC ABILITY TO VIBRATE THE AIR AROUND HER, CREATING THE PERFECT SOUND WAVE USING NOTHING BUT HER MIND... NOW OF COURSE, URUKA UNDERSTANDS THAT HAVING SUCH INCREDIBLE TALENT MAY DESTROY THE CONFIDENCE OF OTHER MUSICIANS THAT SEE HER WORK AND ARE INNAMERED BY HER INCREDIBLE TALENT AND SO SHE CREATES THESE TRAINING ARC STREAMS, NOT TO TRAIN, BUT AS MAKE IT SEEM AS THOUGH SHE ISN'T AS TALENTED AS SHE ACTUALLY IS, BECAUSE THAT'S JUST HOW MUCH SHE CARES ABOUT HER FOLLOWER'S WELLBEING!

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

WHEN LOOKING AT THE BLUE BEAR, ONE MAY NOTICE HER STRANGE EATING PATTERNS. FROM UNSEASONED FOOD, TO MICROWAVED CEREAL, TO EVEN WEEK OLD MCDONALDS. SO YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF, HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO TALENTED, SO BEAUTIFUL, SO DIVINE WHEN THEY HAVE SUCH A SHITTY DIET? WELL THE TRUTH IS, URUKA DOES NOT NEED TO EAT. INFACT, SHE ONLY EATS AS SHE FEARS SHE MAY SEEM STRANGE TO US NON-BLUE BEARS. YOU SEE, ONE OF THE MANY AMAZING PROPERTIES OF BLUEBEARIUM IS ITS ABILITY TO CREATE AN INFINITE AMOUNT OF ENERGY, AND AS SUCH, URUKA'S CELLS ARE ABLE TO FEED AND REPLICATED FULL SELF-SUFFICANTLY AS SHE TECHNICALLY DOESN'T USE ANY ENERGY. TRULY AN AMAZING BEING!

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

THEY SAY MONEY MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND. HE WITH THE BIGGEST BANK ACCOUNT HOLDS THE MOST POWER. WHETHER OR NOT YOU AGREE WITH THOSE STATEMENTS ISN'T IMPORTANT, WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THE FACT THAT OUR SOCIETY IS BUILT AROUND MONEY. WITHOUT IT, THERE IS NO SOCIETY. GOODS, SERIVCES, ANIME GIRLS. ALL OF THEM REQUIRE MONEY. BUT IN OUR MODERN WORLD, MONEY IS BACKED BY THE GOVERNMENT. WE CAN TRUST OUR DOLLAR BILLS ARE WORTH SOMETHING BECAUSE WE HAVE GOVERNMENTS THAT SAY THEY'RE WORTH SOMETHING, AND WITH THAT, SOCIETY AGREES. HOWEVER, WHAT ABOUT IN THE FUTURE, IN A POST APOCALYPTIC WHERE THERE IS NO GOVERNMENT, NO LARGER SOCIETY TO ENSURE OUR MONEY HAS WORTH, WHAT WILL WE USE TO TRADE? WELL MANY PEOPLE HAVE PONDERED THIS QUESTION, PERHAPS WE WILL GO BACK TO THE DAYS OF OLD AND USE GOLD, OR MAYBE EVEN PERISHABLE FOODSTUFFS, OR PERHAPS EVEN SOMETHING MORE OBSCURE LIKE BOTTLES CAPS. WELL MY FRIENDS, SCIENTISTS HAVE THEORISED AND PONDERED THIS QUESTION AND HAVE MADE A BREAKTHROUGH DISCOVERY. FOR YOU SEE, IN A POST APOCALYPTIC WORLD, THERE WILL BE NO INTERNET. SO TELL ME, HOW WILL WE WATCH URUKA'S STREAMS WITHOUT ANY INTERNET TO ACCESS THE SERVERS THEY'RE STORED ON? AND SO, WITH THAT REALISATION THEY CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT IF SOCIETY IS TOO COLLAPSE, THE MOST LIKELY REPLACEMENT FOR MODERN CURRENCY, IS THAT OF THE URUKA. URUKA STREAMS, URUKA MERCH, URUKA MEMES. ALL OF THEM, HELPING THE SOCIETY GROW AND PROSPER.

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

DEEP WITHIN THE DEPTHS OF EUROPE SITS A VERY LARGE DEVICE, A DEVICE SO LARGE AND SO POWERFUL IT IS USED TO SMASH PARTICLES TOGETHER TO SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPENED. THEY CALL THIS, "THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER". NOW, FOR CENTURIES ALCHEMISTS HAVE PONDERED POSSIBLE WAYS OF TURNING RESOURCES INTO OTHER RESOURCES, SUCH AS SULFER TO GOLD. HOWEVER ONE ELEMENT THEY OVERLOOKED, WAS BLUEBEARIUM, THE MOST POWERFUL ELEMENT IN THE WORLD, AND WHAT FUJIKURA URUKA IS MADE OFF. YOU SEE, THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER'S PURPOSE IS NOT TO COLLIDE HADRONS, BUT IT IS INFACT MERELY AN ADVANCEMENT ON THE TECHNOLOGIES DEVELOPED BY THESE ANCIENT ALCHEMISTS. FOR THE TRUE PURPOSE OF THIS MACHINE IS AN ATTEMPT TO CREATE MORE BLUEBEARIUM IN THE HOPES THAT IT WILL ALLOW US TO CREATE COPIES OF URUKA!

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

A COMMON QUESTION THAT IS ASKED BY PHILOSOPHERS IS THAT OF THE EGG. AS IN, WHAT CAME FIRST, THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG? NOW MANY WOULD SAY THE EGG, FOR OTHER CREATURES PRODUCE EGGS, BUT HOW CAN WE PROVE THERE WAS NO CHICKEN BEFORE THE INVENTION OF THE EGG? WELL, YOU SEE MY FRIENDS, THE SAME QUESTION CAN BE ASKED OF THE UNIVERSE. FOR WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT OCCURED BEFORE THE BIG BANG, WE CAN POINT OUR TELESCOPES INTO THE SKY AND PONDER, AND YET NO ANSWERS PRESENT THEMSELVES TO US. SO I ASK YOU THE QUESTION, WHAT CAME FIRST, THE UNIVERSE OR THE URUKA? FOR WITHOUT THE UNIVERSE, URUKA COULD NOT EXIST, BUT URUKA CREATED THE UNIVERSE... TRULY A MARVELOUS QUERY...

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

TOWARDS THE END OF THE SECOND WORLD WAR, THE ALLIED POWERS WERE BECOMING INCREASINGLY DESPRATE TO DEFEAT THE AXIS POWERS. IN AN ATTEMP TO DEAL ONE FINAL KILLING BLOW TO THE JAPANESE EMPIRE, THE ALLIES DEVELOPED THE NUCLEAR BOMB. IN ORDER TO DEVELOP THIS WEAPON, THE ALLIES NEEDED A WAY TO SOME HOW RELEASE ALL THE ENERGY STORED WITHIN AN ATOM. IN ORDER TO DO THIS, THEY RELEASED THEY HAD TO 'SPLIT' THE ATOM, TEARING IT APART AND ALLOWING ITS IMMENSE ENERGY TO ERUPT FROM WITHIN. ALL OF THIS CAME TO AHEAD ON JULY 16TH 1945, WHEN THE TRINITY TEST WAS CONDUCTED. DURING THIS TEST, THE FIRST ATOMIC BOMB WAS DETINATED. HOWEVER, ALL OF THIS IS A LIE. THERE WAS NO BOMB, THEY DID NOT SPLIT THE ATOM, ALBERT EINSTIEN WASN'T ACTUALLY A PHYSICIST. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED ON THAT DAY, 77 YEARS AGO, IS SCIENTISTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD WERE SEARCHING FOR ONE LAST BLOW TO DEAL TO THE JAPANESE IN ORDER TO GET THEM TO SURRENDER. ONE MAN, A BISHOP BY THE NAME OF ALBERT EINSTIEN HAD A VISION OF A DIVINE BEING, A BEAR CLAD IN BLUE WHO'S BEAUTIFUL SONG COULD PACIFY ANY MAN AND TURN HIS RAGE INTO UNDYING LOVE. HE BELIEVED SHE COULD BRING AN END TO WAR, AND SO A TEAM OF ELITE SCIENTISTS SET ABOUT CONSTRUCTING A PORTAL TO PHASE WORLD THAT WOULD ALLOW THEM TO SUMMON THE BLUE BEAR. YOU SEE, WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED ON JULY 16 WASN'T THE DETINATION OF AN ATOM BOMB. IN FACT, WHAT IT WAS A FAILED EXPERIMENT, THE FIRST ATTEMPT AT SUMMONING URUKA INTO OUR WORLD AND BRING ABOUT WORLD PEACE...

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

EVERYONE KNOWS HOW SEISO URUKA IS. A DIVINE BEING MADE OF PURE ENERGY. HOWEVER, ONE THING A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW IS THAT THERE IS AN INVERSE OF THIS, AN "EVIL" URUKA SO TO SPEAK. A BEING SO HORNY, SO IMPURE IT COULD PUT A QUEEN SUCCUBUS TO SHAME. SO WHERE DOES THIS BEING LIVE YOU MIGHT ASK? WELL, YOU SEE, A LOT TIME AGO, BEFORE COMING TO OUR WORLD, URUKA DEFEATED THIS BEING IN COMBAT AND TO PREVENT ITS REINCARNATION, SHE FORCEFULLY MERGED THEIR SOULS TAKING ON THE IMPURE BEING INTO HERSELF. NOW, URUKA IS QUITE OFTEN REFERED TO AS THE "BLUE BEAR" THAT IS OF COURSE BECAUSE URUKA IS BLUE! BUT, ONE THING YOU MAY NOT HAVE NOTICED IS THE DRAW STRINGS ON HER JACKET ARE ACTUALLY PINK. YOU SEE, THIS PINK COLOURING IS ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE BLUE, HOWEVER WHEN URUKA MERGED THE TWO BEINGS SOULS, SHE WAS VERY BREIFLY CORRUPTED, CAUSING THE DRAW STRINGS TO GLOW PINK WITH IMPURE ENERGY. THIS PINK ACCENT IS ALL THE CURRENTLY REMAINS OF EVIL URUKA AND EVERYDAY SHE FIGHTS TO KEEP HER CONTAINED, TO KEEP US SAFE.

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

NINTENDO. A COMPANY BELOVED BY MILLIONS. THEIR PRODUCTS, BOUGHT, USED AND CONSUMED ALL AROUND THE WORLD. THEY'VE MADE MANY FAMOUS GAMES, MANY FAMOUS CONSOLES AND MANY FAMOUS CHARACTERS. NOW ONE OF THEIR MOST FAMOUS GAME SERIOUS IS MARIO KART, A RACING GAME ABOUT VARIOUS CHARACTERS FROM NINTENDO FRANCHISES DUKING IT OUT IN HIGH OCTANE RACES. NOW IT'S NO SECRET THAT NINTENDO HAS RECENTLY ANNOUNCED AN EXPANSION TO THEIR MOST RECENT INTERATION, MARIO KART 8, ADDING AN ADDITIONAL 48 TRACKS TO THE GAME! BUT WHY, THE GAME HAS BEEN OUT FOR OVER 8 YEARS NOW! WELL IT'S SIMPLE. YOU SEE, THE BLUE BEAR FUJIKURA URUKA, VERY MUCH ENJOYS MARIO KART, SO MUCH SO EVEN THAT SHE'S WILLING TO PLAY IT WITH HER DEVOTEES! AFTER URUKA'S ANNOUCEMENT TO PLAY MARIO KART WITH THEM, ENGINEERS AT NINTENDO WORKED OVERTIME TO CREATE THESE 48 MAPS SPECIFICALLY SO SHE MAY PLAY THEM WHEN SHE WANTS TO. URUKA'S DIVINE PERFECTION IS SO IMMENSE, THAT EVEN NINTENDO WAS FORCED TO BOW TO HER NEEDS.

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

EVER SINCE ITS FOUNDING, THE SECRET SERVICE HAS SERVED THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT THROUGH EVERYTHING THAT IS THROWN AT THEM. THROUGH ASSASSINATIONS, THROUGH WAR, THROUGH FAMINE. BUT WHAT MOST PEOPLE DONT KNOW IS THAT THE SECRET SERVICE IS JUST A SMALL BRANCH OF A LARGER MORE ELEBERATE NETWORK OF SECRET AGENCIES WORKING TO KEEP CIVIC ORDER AROUND THE GLOBE. WHAT'S KNOWN BY EVEN FEWER IS THAT THEIR WORK FOR THE PRESIDENT, OR IN THE CASE OF OTHER BRANCHES, THE WORLD LEADERS THEY SERVE, IS JUST A FRONT FOR THEIR ACTUAL WORK. YOU SEE, THE REALITY OF IT ALL IS THAT THERE AGENCIES SWEAR ALLEGENCE TO THE BLUE BEAR FAMILY, MORE SPECIFICALLY, THE BLUE BEAR HERSELF, FUJIKURA URUKA. THEIR BRANCHES ARE SPREAD SO FAR AND WIDE AS TO ENSURE SHE IS ALWAYS PROTECTED, ALWAYS SAFE NO MATTER WHERE SHE GOES. THIS IS A COORDINATED WORLD WIDE EFFORT TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF URUKA, FOR WITHOUT HER, SOCIETY WOULD BE NOTHING.

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!

PHILOSOPHERS OFTEN PONDER THE MEANING OF HUMANITY. FOR WHAT REASON DO WE EXIST, GIVEN THE HIGH LEVEL OF THOUGHT WE HAVE ATTAINED. WHEN LOOKING AT OUR SPECIES AS A WHOLE, IT SEEMS LIKE WE HAVE ONE PRIMARY FUNCTION; WAR. FOR CENTURIES, CIVILISATIONS HAVE RISEN AND FELL, ALL AT THE HANDS OF WAR. AT ALL TIMES, SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD, WARS ARE BEING FAUGHT. INFACT, WAR IS SO COMMON, THAT THE UN HAD TO CREATE A LIST OF RULES PERTAINING TO WHAT YOU CAN AND CAN NOT DO DURING WAR. HOWEVER, ONE THING MANY PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW IS THERE IS A SECRET SECTION OF THE GENEVA CONVENTION. IN THIS SECTION IS STATES EXPLICITLY, THAT NO COUNTRY, NO MATTER HOW BIG OR SMALL IS PERMITTED TO SEND THE BLUE BEAR INTO BATTLE. WHY? WELL IT'S SIMPLE, URUKA WITH HER LIMITLESS DIVINE POWER IS CAPABLE OF SINGLE HANDEDLY DESTROYING AN ENTIRE ARMY WITH JUST A THOUGHT. REMEMBER WHEN SHE SAID SHE DROPPED OUT THE ACADEMY AND LEFT HOME TO COME TO OUR WORLD? THE TRUTH IS, THAT ACADEMY WAS A MILITARY ACADEMY, AND SHE DIDNT DROP OUT, SHE WAS EXPELLED AFTER DESTROYING AN ENTIRE BATTALION OF ENEMY SOLDIERS DURING A TRAINING EXCERCISE. EVER SINCE THAT DAY, IT HAS BEEN ILLEGAL TO SEND HER TO WAR. AND TO THNIK, THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT DENY HER PERFECTION.

I FUCKING LOVE URUKA!