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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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[ERROR] No.56278709 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Can we all discuss why humans are such a shit race, /tg/?
>vast majority consists of dumb peasantry whose life revolves around servitude to a lord who is likely to be just as dumb
>get easily spooked by things their feeble brains can't comprehend
>The only way they are able to dominate the land is through their rodent like breeding
>Never miss a chance to persecute those who are in their power
>Sexually mimic rabbits in their near-constant lust, committing rape when they can get away with it
>The only way a human can live a worthwhile life is if he gets born into a noble house which automatically grants him privileges by birth
>Humans have no view of the long term instead dooming their own progeny by poisoning the rivers, cutting the forests and digging the mountains
Even the fucking Orcs are better than this. Tell me, why are humans treated as special snowflakes in fantasy settings, /tg/?

>> No.56278725

>why are humans treated as special snowflakes in fantasy settings, /tg/?
Probably because the overwhelming majority of roleplayers are human and are going to struggle to get into the head of something inhuman.

>> No.56278736

>I hate myself and am projecting my own low self esteem on the rest of the human race.

>> No.56278740

>humans are too lazy to play as anything else
Should've known

>> No.56278758

>can't counter any point
>muh self hate, muh projection
lol ok, sweetie, at least you tried

>> No.56278765

>assuming that OP identifies as human
I have it on good authority that OP identifies as a purple Squazon from Optima III. Check your privilege, human scum.

>> No.56278784

Racist elf detected

>> No.56278797

Go hug your tree, elf. We rule this world.

>> No.56278824

>no view of the long term
Surprise, short-lived species have short-term concerns. You expect them to care what'll happen when they're already dead and fossilized?

>never miss a chance to persecute
>breed as rapidly as possible
>spooked by what they can't understand
>wealth stratification
>majority are idiots compared to intellectual elite

Name a SINGLE race that doesn't do this. Even Orcs have stratification based on the strength of various castes and how much plunder they bring back to the warband.

>> No.56278847

>breed as rapidly as possible
To be fair, Elves don't do this.
But Elves are a dying race, so that shows how successful the "Every couple has one child, maybe two if they're lucky" model is.

>> No.56278873

>Name a SINGLE race that doesn't do this
Literally every single one. There's no race that uses the vast majority of their people as chattel to provide for the elite.

>> No.56278877

I don't know about OP but I sexually identify as an Attack Helicopter.

>> No.56278893

And yet the grunts always hand part of their spoils over to the warchief. Why, when he wins so much plunder himself? And don't get me started on what the High Elves do to their woodland cousins, who vastly outnumber them.

As rapidly as possible for Elves, they do. They simply have a lower fertility rate due to their long lifespans. They don't need to breed as much because their child mortality rates are low.

>> No.56278902

>Be Elves
>Think they're the greatest, but actually aren't
>Fucked the world because they couldn't leave well enough alone
>Fuck humans because they can, then when Half/elf is born act like a total ass because not elf
>Can't go two seconds without reminding you how much better they are then you

>Be Dwarves
>All look exactly the same
>Only knows digging and fighting
>Basically a race of neck beard basement dwellers
>As dull as the rocks they pull out of the ground

>Be Halflings
>Literal whos
>Seriously why would you ever play a halfling anyway, they do nothing
>They're lore is that they just want to do nothing and stay home all day
>So boring they don't even deserve a fourth thing

>> No.56278907

Not that anon but I sexually identify as a Surface to Air Missile and I've got you on my radar.

>> No.56278917

Humans are fine.

However, I do get really annoyed with people who only play humans and smugly insist this makes them better roleplayers.

>> No.56278956

You realize all those issues are with biology, right?

>> No.56278971

>why play a halfling

Because sometimes you just want to play Bilbo and there's nothing wrong with that.

>> No.56278994

>Think they're the greatest, but actually aren't
Nigga, they canonically are the greatest.

>Only knows digging and fighting
What is smithing, craftsmanship, architecture, runes, not that I expect some filthy human serf to know all this

>Seriously why would you ever play a halfling anyway, they do nothing
I can think of a reason: They aren't evolved apes

>> No.56279003

Nope, elves aren’t the greatest.

Lord Kroak is.

>> No.56279014

My point is that you can do this with every player or npc race. Everyone of them has pros and cons.

And it's ok to dislike some for some reasons, but going on 4chan and making a

>Here's some completely subjective and setting specific reasons why I hate a particular race Thread

then you can fuck right off.

>> No.56279032

>Even the fucking Orcs are better than this.

Hey man. Leave us outta dis.

>> No.56279054

This is bait. Stop falling for the bait.

>> No.56279161

If Elves were so great then why don't they rule the world. Oh wait they did, and guess what happened, the blew it up with magic nukes and then spent the next 1000 years whining that they weren't top dog anymore. You know who picked up the pieces of a broken world and made civilization out of it? Humans.

If Dwarves were so good at mining and fighting and smiting and crafting and architecture and sure runes I guess, then why don't they rule the world. Oh wait, it's cause they refuse to leave the under ground. They're so stuck in their traditional ways that they don't grow or change as a people. You know who can grow and change and get better over time. Humans, that's right. In fact show a human something dwarves made and in a year they'll remake it and have it more streamlined.

And finally, fuck halflings. You;re right, they didn't evolve from apes, they evolved from rats, and just like rats, they live on the fringes of society, eat all the scraps and contribute nothing. Just like you.

>> No.56279172

>muh HFY safe space is getting pushed

>> No.56279242

I can earnestly say that every single bad thing that has ever happened to me in my life has been because of a human
Did someone already make this joke?

>> No.56279262


>> No.56279309

I think this could lead to some explosive penetration.

>> No.56279331

I don't really mind humans-only players. What I do mind are the humans-only players that have serious racial pride in settings where it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. In settings like warcraft there's national pride for humans, but so many attach themselves to the fact that they're human that they go crazy. Or in even settings where humans are the ancient empire that fucked up and fell from grace, you've still got the same HUMANITY FUCK YEAH dude.

There's nothing inherently wrong with humanity fuck yeah but applying it where it doesn't make sense makes you that guy.

>> No.56279537

>If Elves were so great then why don't they rule the world
Because they don't want to, for one.

>Oh wait they did, and guess what happened, the blew it up with magic nukes and then spent the next 1000 years whining that they weren't top dog anymore.
>cherrypicking a specific instance from one particular setting

Humans based their own culture on that of the Elves. For them, to be Elven is the zenith a human society can achieve. source: Silmarillion

a bunch of subjective opinions do not an argument make

>can't give a reason so straight up shittalks
Mhmm, ok

>> No.56279572


>> No.56279617

I actually like humans easy to raid, easy to overpower, and they don't hide in trees or caves. HINT HINT NUDGE NUDGE

>> No.56279636

truly, humans are a mistake

>> No.56279643

>The only way a human can live a worthwhile life is if he gets born into a noble house which automatically grants him privileges by birth
>get easily spooked by things their feeble brains can't comprehend
Speak for yourself.

>> No.56279667

t. triggered human serf

>> No.56280176

Because Scoia'tael think everything is just charity work, and every time I turn around Zoltan fucks off somewhere and gets in trouble.

>> No.56280325

>attaches value to wealth and ignores the spiritual wealth of human experience
>not a cynic living in a barrel

>> No.56280339

Mortals were a mistake. Humans are but a symptom of the greater disease.

>> No.56281527

So do dwarves, why is this thread automatically about elves? Why are humanfags so butthurt about this particular fictional race? OP could have roleplayed as a gnome for all we know.

>> No.56281560

>kill each other over ethnic differences
>kill each other over religious differences
>kill the old ladies in your villages because you think they're a witch
>kill each other with shit medicine, because they think bleeding works
>kill each other with shit food because you don't know how to magically preserve it
>raping your wives because it's the only way you can get laid
>spends 20 hours a day working
>can't read
>dies at 39
>only pleasure in life is drinking and eating meat
>expected to give half your money to your lord and church
>can't even use magic
>bathes weekly, if that
>only response to threatened superiority is to kill it if stronger, or sulk if weaker.
>entire alphabet and culture borrowed from predecessor races
>charges interest
>devalues coinage
>can't protect their virgins against dragon attacks
>Are always the dumbasses in the setting who worship the evil gods.
>envies longer-lived species
>resents the more magically talented
>turns the magical mundane
>>don't know their entire kingdom exists as a buffer state to keep out the beastfolk, goblins, and orcs.

>> No.56281889

>Commit the most crimes and rape amongst the civilized races
>Have the most propensity to enslave people
>Can only create paler imitations of the works made by the elder races
>Kill themselves all the time
>Can not appreciate anything beautiful u less it is of material benefit, will raze mountains, fell forests, cull beasts for the petty greed of their lords
>Hate and fear all that differs from them

>> No.56282319

What's the matter Torandiel? A city guard fucked your hot elven grandma?

>> No.56282342

Because dwarffags tend to express a "dwarfs best, humans second best" world view while elffags trend towards "elves best, end of discussion".

>> No.56282376

>Can't see in the dark

fucking pleb race

>> No.56282399


>> No.56282429

I really can't think of many settings that do that.

>> No.56282435

HEY! Don't just us all on weaboo faggotry. 99% of us hate and mock that shit

>> No.56282442


>> No.56282462

And yet nothing is more lazy than playing a nonhuman race and taking the established traits of that race and neglecting to have any character traits.

If you make a character and not a flat stereotype of his race, then I don't care what you play. For many, this is easiest to do with humans because they tend to have no racial stereotypes that fit all of humanity in most settings. Playing a dwarf who lives and breaths axes, hammers, anvils, and alcohol, all with a bad accent, forgetting to have anything not "dwarfy" in them is obnoxious, for example.

>> No.56282504

Most people tend to play a stereotype of a class, though, and human players are no exception.

>> No.56282674


Machine Life is best life there is.

>> No.56282694

Have you learned to count to 3 yet, ya rust bucket?

>> No.56282726

>humans are too dumb to roleplay proper nonhumans

>> No.56282920


>> No.56282921

Humans were the only race clever enough to develop the technologies of genetics, spacecraft and atomics.

Elves are fraud hacks who were given everything by the Valar. Dwarves and halflings are bros, through.

>> No.56282988

This is some HFY-fags mind. Examine it, realize its stupidity.

>> No.56283051

>Can we all discuss why humans are such a shit race, /tg/?
Because fantasy authors generally have no fucking idea what they're doing and just throw shit together based on Tolkien, sometimes other sources but mostly Tolkien, and shove it into whatever narrative they're trying to present.

Best example: D&D and elves. Elves are basically humans but better at fucking everything including being borderline immortal. Why? Because that's how they were in Tolkien. But the point is that in Tolkien's works, elves were a declining race of übermen who were damn near minor deities and just told the world of man to go fuck itself while they retreated to literally heaven on earth. If Tolkien's campaign was a TTRPG, elves wouldn't even be a playable race if it wasn't for Legolas.

From what I've seen this also roughly corresponds to the ancient view of elves in Germanic cultures. Guess what, in such a setting elves would also be unplayable NPC races, if not antagonists.

If we don't want humans to be snowflakes, we must give humans a niche that they can fulfill where the other playable races have their own niches. I'd start with one basic assumption that already changes a lot in terms of roleplay and snowflakeness: no race can live longer than 200 years. An elf should only be able to become somewhat older than the most longelived turtles on average.

Secondly, the whole niche thing
>Get rid of all subraces
>Elves are woodland savages. They can retain some of their mysticism.
>Don't change dwarves, just make them less Scottish because why the fuck would they be Scottish?
>Get rid of halflings, they're only here because Tolkien and they're creeping on the niche of gnomes anyway
>Gnomes can be your Jews, whatever
That leaves humans. What niche is still left? Big, sprawling cities with functional civilizations and huge armies. What a coinkidink.

>> No.56283186

>charges interest
That's Jews. They aren't humans.

>> No.56283220

It might come to your surprise, but elves and orcs don't exist.

>> No.56283274

This thread is filled with XENOS LOVING SCUM.

>> No.56283301

Yeah, these dwarffags are getting really obnoxious.

>> No.56283304

squats are proud members of Imperium.
Elves, on the other hand...

>> No.56283315

Xenos make better wives than humans though.

>> No.56283330

Really? But all the butthurt they bring with them...

>> No.56283340

>Having wives
>Not fighting for the Emperor until death
What are you? Fucking gay?

>> No.56285321

Sources can be a little dodgy and accounts vary. But to my understanding, the Elves of Germanic/Norse variety (AKA the real ones) weren't at all like Tolkien's Elves. They were just as strange and fickle as every other supernatural being in their mythology and folklore, and equally dangerous as most of them.

In a D&D setting using Germanic/Norse mythology/folklore, Elves would indeed not be playable, but be considered malicious creatures and probably Evil. They'd be found revelling wherever they please with their Elven buddies, all haughty about their greatness and probably wouldn't think twice about killing a Human who came past them. Sure, they'd be unimaginably beautiful, positively radiating with wonder to behold, and their songs would be like honey to your ears. But you'd be wise to avoid them at all cost.

Oddly, you'd still be able to play as a Half-Elf, as on rare occasions Humans and Elves might get to business. Presumably under less than romantic terms. Half-Elves possessed great magical powers close to that of Elves, but not nearly the same level of wantonness and assholery.

>> No.56285449

>> No.56285576

>implying any mortals are better

>> No.56285596

>never heard of Warhammer
How new are you?

>> No.56285619

Why the fuck do you think did I say "many"?

>> No.56285970


>> No.56286070

I hate you more, Monika.
Worst girl!

>> No.56286400

Know your place, meatbag.

>> No.56286502


>rodent like breeding
>9 month gestation period
>at minimum 14 years for them to reach self sufficient age

>committing rape when they can get away with it
>Live under a society of law and order serving their lords

>dooming their own progeny by poisoning the rivers cutting the forests and digging the mountains
>Industry necessary to make them competitive with other races

hello plebeian

>> No.56286514


This. Germans are the only humans

>> No.56286544

Warhammer Dwarfs consider Elf work superior to human work. Human work is literally only above Skaven and Chaos shit.

Dwarfs just like Elves themselves less than humans.

>> No.56286584

Germans were never human.
Just some ape that somehow migrated from the east, and mimicked men. The fact that they cannot learn beyond this mimicry is proof of their inhumanity, despite similar anatomy.

>> No.56286606

Germans and latin people share the some indo-aryan root.

>> No.56286632

Don't bully Charles!

>> No.56286648

So do Indians. Do they look human to you?

>> No.56286688

Thousand years of dravidian mixing does that to you.

>> No.56286712


Reminder to hide and report threads like these and if you must reply sage goes in options

>> No.56286725

>Pedo empires that keep slaves, crossdress, and fuck each other in the ass

>> No.56286820

>worst girl

How’s the sock-puppet fetish going anon?

>> No.56286835

no personality > shit personality

>> No.56286847

refined, caring, and efficient is a great personality.

>> No.56289039

>having a xeno wife

>> No.56289158

Should I start dumping HFY? I've got ~100 pics, most of them avoiding the shitty 'destroying the earth = good' theme you see in the worst HFY.

>> No.56289234

>Can we all discuss why humans are such a shit race, /tg/?
Take it to /pol/ or /lit/ or /his/.
/tg/ is a human supremacist board.

>> No.56289255

>Classical antiquity
>The "subhuman" "sandnigger" "monkeys" of the Mediterranean lay the very foundations of art, law, governance, justice, philosophy, economics and the very idea of civilization itself while the "glorious" blonde "master race" up north is still wearing bearskins, living in mudhuts and washing their buttholes with rags on sticks (as opposed to the more civilized sponges on sticks)

>Late antiquity/Early Middle Ages
>The aforementioned "master race" hops the border into Roman lands where they refuse to learn the language, adapt to local customs and outbreed the local population but degenerate Roman politicians tell their people that it's okay because "they do the work nobody else wants to do"
>Unsurprisingly they overthrow the Roman Empire in the West and piss on its remnants

>Literally ONE decent tribe shows up in the form of the Franks and tries to do a shoddy redo of the Empire in the West
>They use Latin as the administrative language, heavily mix with the Gallo-Roman natives, use Roman administration and burn Germanics to death, forcing them to adapt the the Church of Rome and embrace something resembling semi-civilization
>The whole fucking empire collapses due to Germanic inheritance law, then hundreds of years later Germanics pretend they wuz Romanz 'n shiet all along creating the most unholy abomination the world has ever seen

>Early Renaissance
>The Germanic world creates the most disgusting schismatic the world has ever seen, using legitimate grievances to found his own church which is based on pure grammatical interpretation of scripture and rejection of Graeco-Roman philosophy, creating the Protestant sect which would be more aptly described as the Germanic cult
>He also advocates literally eating shit

>> No.56289273


>Early Modernity
>A Corsican ascends from his armpit of an island to Paris, much like how Caesar ascended from Rome to Gaul, and restores the dream of Rome restored
>He rids the world of the abomination known as the "Holy" "Roman" "Empire"
>His Russian invasion goes to shit, but it's cool because everything can still be salvaged
>He's beaten by the Germans at Leipzig
>Not the Germans opposing him mind you, the Germans in his OWN FUCKING ARMY
>Trust the Kraut, get blown the fuck out

>Late modernity
>Two World Wars and one European Genocide
>Need I say more?

>The aforementioned "master race" violates supranational legislation to force once proud Levantines destroyed by the Synagogue of Satan into European lands where they efuse to learn the language, adapt to local customs and outbreed the local population but degenerate Germanic politicians tell their people that it's okay because "they do the work nobody else wants to do" (where have I heard this story before?)

>/tg/ today
>"Germans are the only humans"

>> No.56289307

Mediteranians > celts > french > anglos > abhumans > germans

>> No.56289375

W-where are slavics in this chart?

>> No.56289379

>Take it to /pol/
But that's the standard HFY board.

>> No.56289404


>> No.56289418

Sorry, forgot.

Mediteranians > celts > french > nordics >= anglos >= slavs > abhumans > germans

>> No.56289488

Why are the French below Meds and Celts when they're a combination of both? Shouldn't they be below Meds but above Celts? Anglos should be between French and Celts, considering the're FRANK'D Celts who started calling themselves Anglo-Saxon because the G*rmans popularized the idea of the Germanic mustard race even though they're genetically closer to the French than the Germans (as anyone who has ever seen a map can tell you).

>Meds > French > Levantines (Christian) > "Anglos" > Celts > Levantines (Muslim) > Subhumans > [POWER GAP] > The shit a Frenchman takes after eating a stale baguette > Germans

>> No.56289596

Only a specific brand of human - /tg/ celebrates human purity in all its glory.

>> No.56289693

T-thanks, i guess

>> No.56289734

Because I've got french and anglo ancestry, and I'm purposely trying to be unbiased. I don't even partucularly like celts, tbqh

>> No.56289757

Eternal germans btfo

>> No.56289786

Watch out for the northern orc

>> No.56289824

>muh human masterrace
>falls for easy divide and conquer

>> No.56289851

Can you be any more of a sanctimonious misanthropic liberal?

>> No.56289869



There are literally a million possible things that word could mean right now.

You might as well be trying to criticize a fictional character by calling them a Mary Sue.

>> No.56289898

Consider this: if humans are so constantly angry that they're willing to kill eachother at the drop of a hat and spent their entire existence finding new and better ways to kill eachother over minor offenses like "your king slapped my ambassador in the face with a fan", isn't that a pretty good indicator that you really shouldn't mess with humans? This is why the elves stay in their trees and the dwarves stay in their mountains, they're afraid of being that one enemy the humans unite against.

>> No.56289930

Usually other races are doing the same shit. Except maybe dwarves, because there is always only one kind of them.

>> No.56289934


No you idiot it means you send an elf in brown face to fuck the king's wife then he decides to genocide the black people who fight back and cause the entire nation to fall into infighting.

Then you carefully pay off a bunch of crazy assholes to spout other more sensible as well as more crazy conspiracy theories to throw off anyone who might actually be on the trail of what really happened.

>> No.56289971

by that logic the middle-east would be a mighty superpower and everyone would live in fear of them

elves and dwarves don't get involved with humans for the same reason america no longer wants to get involved in the middle-east, and it's not because they're too dangerous and scary.

>> No.56290034

What are you on about? Dwarves are constantly engaging in clan wars and taking any opportunity they can to drive off business competition.
And what happens when you get a bunch of dwarves in one place? You just know someone is gonna have a bad day, throw out an insult, and suddenly Urist is swinging around a marble table.

>> No.56290081

Human spin-doctors in action, /tg/!

>> No.56290139

I honestly can't think of any substantial inter-dwarven conflict for any setting, that is just more than some brawl. Elves usually at least have the good vs evil elves conflict, in Forgotten Realms you got the whole clusterfuck of the Crown Wars. Orcs are in constant infighting mode. Halflings... who cares. I can't think of a dwarven equivalent to this.

>> No.56290233

Honestly, I just have them be really stubborn. You hate a rival clan because your parents hated them, and they've never done anything nice for you so fuck em. Meanwhile the other clan thinks the exact same, so the only interaction between two average Dwarves of feuding clans is insults and fistfights. The real reason is irrelevant, fuck those other guys.
But yea, now that I think of it Dwarves never really go for the throat against other Dwarves.

>> No.56290255

Dwarves don't fight eachother because they know that dwarves always have defender's advantage. Why declare a war and lose, when you can be declared upon and win?

>> No.56290263

So, basically an entire culture of sportsball guys.

>> No.56290297

>by that logic the middle-east would be a mighty superpower and everyone would live in fear of them
Just wait until they become the majority in Western Europe, which should be within a century or two if the demographics are to be believed.

>> No.56290311

I hope none of you are the anon I replied to, since that would be some goal moving.

>> No.56290315

>Dwarves are the crazy soccer hooligans of my settings.
I think I'm done posting for the day.

>> No.56290326

Here we go again.

>> No.56290349

>But yea, now that I think of it Dwarves never really go for the throat against other Dwarves.
>Ignoring the second half of my post for ebik goalposts fallacy

>> No.56290383

Nope, not him.

>> No.56291225 [DELETED] 

Depends on the elf kind in norse mythos

Also dwarfs = svartalfr (black elves)

>> No.56291431

Go away /his/

>> No.56291782

It's pretty funny how /pol/ loves Germany and hates France while /his/ loves France and hates Germany. /his/ seems more Latin oriented in general whereas /pol/ is more Germanocentric. Are these two eachothers bizarro mirror images?

>> No.56291913


>Be nobilty.
>Forced to fuck an inbred retard.

Couldn't they just... discreetly adopt or something?

I feel bad for his consorts.

>> No.56292279


>> No.56292519

Humans can do anything elves do, but better.

I'm not sure why you hate our species so much.

>> No.56292580

Humanity is best Manity.

>> No.56292601

Why bringing excusively elves into this?

>> No.56292634

Elves ARE more famously considered to be "Humans but better." so personally I can see the prejudice.

>> No.56292694

But OP didn't make this about elves. Maybe if you would stop being so obsessed with elves you would stop seeing supposedly better-than-humans elves everywhere.

>> No.56292711

First of all, I'm not the same Anon. Second, I'm just rationalizing his post, not defending him.

>> No.56292715

>Humans breed better
>Humans get more land
>Humans have the most efficient governments
>Humans are more pragmatic
>Humans make the strongest wizards
>Humans learn 10x faster than elves
>Humans have built the greatest civilizations on the planet
>Humans get along with other races
>Humans are actually diverse
>Humans garner the most productive economies
>Humans save the world
>Humans pursue technology, just like the dwarves
>Humans actually get shit done

Gee, I can see why you elf-fags hate us so much.

>> No.56292780

>be nobility
>be an inbred retard

If you're one, you're generally the other, too.

>> No.56293119

/pol/, being the brainless meme that it is, sees everything in relation to WW2. /his/ on the other hand is perpetually stuck in a constant state of a counterproductive, armchair-Enlightenment, with all the Classics-wank and philosophical shit-flinging that comes with it.

>> No.56294408

I recommend The Broken Sword by Poul Anderson for a more Norse and less Tolkien take on elves.

>> No.56298067

Nigga, Dwarves wiped out entire human settlements out of spite after they were paid a few coins less as payment in lieu of their services

>> No.56298329

The time it takes 1 elf to learn to cast the very same magic missile every apprentice wizard learns 10 generations of humans have done the same and have gone off to complete their wizarding careers.

Seriously the rearing of young adult elf is like 110ish years. That's fucking bonkers. Consider the elf who was born at the same time as a human. 20 years later that human is fully grown fully trained cleric, fighter, wizard, ranger, tradesman, whatever adventuring merrily or working productively. Now back to the 20 year old elf who is currently STILL SHITTING HIS PANTS and learning how to read and will not be productive non leach on his kind for another 80 years. How the hell can you be so smug when it takes you a fucking century to learn magic missile and/or not be a danger to yourself when swinging a sword.

>> No.56298571

Are you fuck stupid? An elf at 18 is just as mature as an 18 year old human. It's just that appearance wise they stay in their 20s for fucking forever. Just because they're immortal doesn't mean they say in diapers for 50 years

>> No.56298700

It literally takes a elf 110 years mechanically to get their first level in any class pretty much every addition of DnD/PF/whatever. See starting ages table. How am I supposed to interpret that is leaning how to get really angry and hit something with a sword or basic bitch magic spells is so hard that it takes an additional 90 years for elfs to get a a grasp on it or that they they develop slower as children. The former implies some learning disability that disappears after adulthood the later means that their childhood is proportional to their lives. Pick your poison m8.

>> No.56299209

The elves that take 100 years to get a level are the downies and manchildren that are so bad at fitting in, they have to go mingle with humans.

>> No.56299404

>Your character’s minimum starting age is the adulthood age of his or her race plus the number of dice indicated in the entry corresponding to the character’s race and class on Table: Random Starting Ages. Elf 110 years [+4d6 for barbarian rouge sorcerer; +6d6 Bard fighter paladin ranger; +10d6 wizard cleric druid monk]

At minimum 114 years to learn to get angry and swing a axe and STILL be illiterate. Face it there's there's a good reason why humans overwhelmed elves (and why humans intern will b overran by the upcoming Kolbold overlords). A century of rearing for the same quality of 18 years of training is unacceptable and speaks for elves being terrible teachers, terrible learners, or pants shitting that last for decades.

>> No.56299424


Be quiet, sweetie

>> No.56299473


If you read 5e DnD's book, they explain this; rather than taking that long to age and learn, roughly 100 is the age an elf decides that being a baker or gardener or whatever jobs they've had over the years no longer hold any sort of interest for them and is the age that elves who are disposed to adventuring start to adventure.

>> No.56299615


>> No.56299648

I don't think there'd be anything actually holding an elf back from starting earlier, mostly just their longer lifespans make it a more obvious choice to start later. Why wouldn't humans or orcs do the same if they had the choice?

>> No.56299737

Tolkien elves also took 100 years for their bodies to fully grow as well m8. Though it was less pants shitty and more like a 20 year old has the body and constitution of a 7 year old, but the mind of a adult. Which carries its own special kind of quackery like not being physically capable of fighting/genuine labor until age 80 and having fuck all to do but dwattle away being persistent leech on on society while their muscles slowly grow despite being mentally capable of it sense year 1.

So as a race they choose to wait a 100 years doing nothing of note before actually learning how to get angry, hit with sword, and be illiterate or learn the simplest spells that exist. WEW. I think that 'chaotic tendencies' need to be replaced with 'sleepy tendenies'. 5e elves are the most dedicated NEETs I've seen yet.

>> No.56299781


> They don't need to breed as much because their child mortality rates are low.

Until we humans get to their village. >:)

>> No.56299784

>Why wouldn't you spend 1/7th of your life faffing around doing nothing as your races' territory continually shrinks as its pushed back by Dwarven land buys, Orc raids, and human settlements
This is why everyone shit talks your kind outside your gay forests.

>> No.56299880

Because they could squash these humans pests and dwarven midgets any time they wanted to. One of them, Fingolfin, fucking fought with a goddamn god in hand to hand combat, they piss on the a race comprising dumb serfs and inbred nobles

>> No.56300029

Most editions make it that elves grow at the same rate as humans and reach physical maturity at the same time as humans, they just have a different definition of adulthood. Drizzt was not 100-something when he started rangering. To have this PC starting level is retarded, though.

>> No.56300077

>*Sniffs flowers for 100 years*
>"Just you wait until I get really mad"
>*Sulks on in a tree for 200 years*
>"Oh you're in for it now"
>*strings and re-strings the same bow 10,000 times for 500 years*
>"All right now I'm-"
>*vastly outnumbered and overwhelmed by Orcs*
>"Its not like I need the other races help I just feel sorry for you that's all"

>> No.56300198

>impotent Edain screeching

>> No.56300234

5e is the only one that specifically states why senpai and even so it makes it states that all elves universally fuck around 110 years before they'll take a interest in actually becoming productive. Also
>+2d6 years for human starting wizards
Makes sense at least 2 years needed for a human to learn basic magics most learn at 6 but slow ones can take 12 years
>+10d6 years for elf starting wizards
So at the very least 10 years needed for the quick ones, but on average it takes 30 years and the slow ones over half a a century. To learn the exact same magic missile that a human learns but 5 times slower. Hmmmm.
Moral: don't ever let a elf borrow a book to read you'll be dead before they finish reading it.

>> No.56300276

Drizzt also started to learn to cast spells at around the age of ten. Also 5e notes that you can choose any age for your character.

>> No.56300293

Nice edge.

>> No.56300315

>he said as he posted le funny genocide spehs muhreen

>> No.56300335

Forgive me for mistaken identity but isn't Drizzt that drow character? Aren't Drow vastly different from elves what with the Spell resistance, and racial spell like abilities gained from birth, and spidery powers? If this isn't the character your talking about could you tell me who he is.

>> No.56303383

Can't blame them for persecuting nonhumans and destroying the world. Its a vanguard that will eventually destroy the 'monster menace' by degrading habitats, genocide and breeding until all that is left are humans and they can fight amongst themselves and commence the human age. Your just salty to be left behind and confined to myth.

>> No.56305947

So humans are a clumsier, shittier version of the Blob? I'm not sold.

>> No.56305979

Please let it die.

>> No.56307798

Wow I haven't heard that album in years. Thanks for the memories.

>> No.56309028

>their longer lifespans make it a more obvious choice to start later
No, that is laziness talking. There is no wisdom in that sentiment.

If a Human lived as long as Elves and had the choice to open up a sandwich stand now and make a profit over the next 100 years, or wait 100 years before opening their sandwich stand, the Human would invariably open that sandwich stand right away.

By the time the Elf opened their own sandwich stand in 100 years, the Human would already be running a wealthy and successful global sandwich making business chain that buys up the competition and increases the global standard for sandwiches, catering to royalty and social elites, feeding the poor and helpless, and investing money into industries that promote the production of sandwiches and make their prices the most competitive on the market whilst still being cream of the crop. The Human would even have branched out into pastries and and other similar dishes, and be commissioned to create special sandwich-based military rations to feed local armies and boost morale.

The Elf would never be able to compete with that kind of initiative and drive, and would rather instead write a book about how bad Human sandwiches are and that Elves make the best sandwiches, despite being completely unable to compete against the Human sandwich baron.

>> No.56309696

>humans are the worst race
>excuse me while I pretend orcs, elves, dwarves aren't just humans + gimmick!

>> No.56309908

>pretending they're not just orcs, elves or dwarves minus flavour

>> No.56310918


>implying humans aren't a race of formless mutants

>> No.56311152

>By the time the Elf opened their own sandwich stand in 100 years, the Human would already be running a wealthy and successful global sandwich making business chain that buys up the competition and increases the global standard for sandwiches, catering to royalty and social elites, feeding the poor and helpless, and investing money into industries that promote the production of sandwiches and make their prices the most competitive on the market whilst still being cream of the crop. The Human would even have branched out into pastries and and other similar dishes, and be commissioned to create special sandwich-based military rations to feed local armies and boost morale.

By the time the human starts his own business, he realizes only too late that he actually can't run a business. His sandwiches taste like a novice's. A 15 year old could make a better sandwich, but his pride makes him dump all of his money into this enterprise, even though he chose to build at the worst spot with the most competition.

Meanwhile, over 100 years the elf will spend every moment learning about sandwiches, speaking with exotic sandwich chefs, making friends sample their food, and using magic to make their sandwiches irresistible. The elf then stumbles upon the human's grubby sandwich shack and buys him out, so he doesn't neck himself for being such a failure at business and cooking.

>> No.56311189

>A Humanity Fuck You thread
Worse than Fuck Yeah

>> No.56311390

This thread could have died.

>> No.56311780


Yes, please.

>> No.56313856

>Elf needs 100 years to learn how to make a sandwich.
>Elf needs 100 years to experiment with sandwich making to figure it out.
>Elf needs 100 years to have people taste test his sandwiches before they are good enough to sell.

Wow, the Humans are positively trembling at this child genius, mastering a sandwich in just 100 years!

>Suggesting that a Human doesn't know what a sandwich is, despite it being their most common breakfast and lunch.
>Suggesting that a Human won't have eaten thousands of sandwiches before reaching adulthood and experienced many different kinds of bread, spreads, and cuisines, and learned what the most popular sandwiches are.
>Suggesting that a Human could not compete with an Elf who needs 100 years to grasp a concept as simple as a fucking sandwich.
>Suggesting that a Human toddler hasn't already figure out the concept of making a sandwich before they can even say the word.

Hey, get a load of this Elf! They probably don't even know what "bread" is. I bet they will spend at least 20 years figuring that one out! And by that time our Human has already become a master baker and running his own franchise of bakeries!

>> No.56314009

>human """""""""cooking"""""""""

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