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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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55699355 No.55699355 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

>The facility also comes equipped with a "lunk alarm"—a siren that is supposed to go off whenever someone grunts too loudly or drops a heavy weight on the floor. (The latter is a moot point at most Planet Fitness locations, where they don't even have any large weights.) I've never set off the alarm, but on more than one occasion, in different locations around the country, I've been lectured by staffers for breathing too hard when lifting, and I've gotten dirty looks for excessive sweating in the weight room.

What would be the /tg/ equivalent of the "lunk alarm", and would you approve of its usage?

>> No.55699381


What? No. No, that's stupid. Your gaming group is your friends. When your friends do something annoying, you just talk to them. Christ.

>> No.55699385

>What would be the /tg/ equivalent of the "lunk alarm", and would you approve of its usage?
Stank alarm, detecting smell of fat neckbeard who haven't showered for days.

>> No.55702509

This. We fucking need it.

>> No.55702573

>stunk alarm

What about human rights?

>> No.55702662


skub alarm, goes off whenever someone starts some shit about rule or lore minutia.

>> No.55703169

I don't think you could run a store with a siren wailing constantly.

>> No.55703521

The funk alarm. Anybody visibly unhygienic or who can be smelled from a distance of more than 1 foot away gets booted from the store until they're no longer filthy and smelling of rancid fish.

>> No.55703562

I actually have something of the sort. I've got a programmable automatic deodorizer mounted on the wall of my hallway. One of my players is also particularly unhygienic, despite otherwise being a decent guy. He's also pretty punctual.

A couple of months ago, I got it into my head to program the deodorizer to go off when he's scheduled to arrive and scheduled to leave. Out of nine sessions so far, he's arrived on time for it on seven occasion. I open the door and welcome him into the hallway for hanging coats up, small-talk and so on before heading to the living room. Sometime during this period, the deodorizer activates as planned and audibly sprays a hefty dose of air freshener all over us, as though it somehow detected the arrival of his rancid scent. It does the same when he goes to leave as well.

It's actually done a good job at making him self-conscious about his hygiene. He's still pretty unwashed but at least he tries to cover up the stink of sweat with deodorant now. Poor guy gets this guilty look every time the deodorizer goes off.

>> No.55703733


>booted from the store
>not immediately seized upon and hosed down out back by force.

>> No.55705762

So...it stigmatizes people who actually perform the core activity, in order to keep people pretending they are doing the core activity comfy, to suck in more cash, or views here.

A grognard alert, then. Ban all simulationists, narrativists, and worldbuilders, reward all quests and cyoas.

>> No.55705813

If we're going solely by noise (and not things like hygiene, which is also important), I'd say those dumb dice cups are worthy of a lunk alarm. Nobody wants to hear you slam that shit on the table with every fucking roll.

>> No.55705965

>all these people thinking the lunk alarm is good instead of soccer-mom tier self-parody

I guess that means it was a successful ad gambit.

>> No.55707139

>Touching the neckbeard's exposed flesh.

The same color and texture of a liberally-basted raw turkey.

>> No.55707214

>it stigmatizes people who actually perform the core activity
More like it stigmatizes people who erform the core activity in a douchey manner.
>in order to keep people pretending they are doing the core activity comfy
In order to attend to the comfort of the other patrons performing the core activity for improvement and fun, as opposed to performing the core activity for attention.
>to suck in more cash
Yes, maintaining your patrons' comfort is an excellent way to "suck in more cash".

>> No.55707271

The /tg/ equivalent of a lunk alarm would be an alarm that goes off if you walk into the store with an army that’s painted too nicely so it paint-shames the 3-colour and grey-tide fags

>> No.55707281

t. lunk

>> No.55707298

X card.

>> No.55707303

The entire planet fitness business model is centered around people who sign up but never go to the gym.
>lifting things up and down in a douchy manner
t. Fat

>> No.55707351
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>he admits he's a lunk
>ashamed at being correctly called out he throws his most hated ad hom in hopes of scoring a "hit"

>> No.55707424

>not okay to wear light clothing when sweating your dick off
>not okay to hydrate with a gallon jug
>not okay to grunt
where the fuck do you think you are?

>> No.55707455

>So...it stigmatizes people who actually perform the core activity
>the core activity is to do deadlifts and then just fucking drop the bar
Sorry sir, we're going to need you to neck yourself.

>> No.55707471

Yeah that example is weirdly disconnected from the actual definition JUST ABOVE.

>> No.55708244

>dislikes skub
fucking barbarian, get off my board

>> No.55709041

Planet Fitness' business model is based upon enrolling members that won't have the dedication to show up in the first place, thus shaming people who will show up makes sense.

>> No.55709123

I'm pretty sure there are conventions against using chemical/biological weapons.

>> No.55711602

>lunk alarm


>> No.55711706

I think it's the slamming his weights part they're objecting to. The other shit is just part of a stereotypical image.

What is it with posts on /tg/ and focusing on the trivial details?

>> No.55711769

we've all tuned out the klaxon of the skub alarm

>> No.55711793

I have no idea how those ungodly coloured gyms stay profitable. I'd rather go to a LA Fitness or a YMCA than stay in that purple and yellow hell. I'd get better service elsewhere as well and the Y has a nice pool.

>> No.55711802

>the YMCA

I hear that's a real fun place

>> No.55711806
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>> No.55711910
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>he ”admits” to being muscular and intimidating to DYEL nerds and fat chicks
Oh no Ive been discovered, how embarrassing for me

>> No.55712230
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>> No.55712978

When you put your drink on the table without a coaster

>> No.55713297

They give you free pizza and have an alarm to boot anyone that grunts it lifts heavy weights. Their entire business model is making people feel good for belonging to a gym.

>> No.55713340

No, their advertising specifically targets bodybuilders as the “enemy” of a gym and that they offer a sanctuary from fit people. Because their gyms are for “normal people.”

Their gyms are a laughingstock of anyone even a little bit into fitness.

>> No.55713396

>Stank alarm, detecting smell of fat neckbeard who haven't showered for days
No, that's a legitimate cause for concern. This lunk alarm can be useful for assholes dropping weights but sweating too much or breathing too hard when fucking lifting is stupid bullshit.

>> No.55713409

Why doesn't he just shower? I don't fucking understand why these people don't shower. It's not hard.

I get in when they're not only rancid in appearance and smell, but rancid as people, but when you have these generally quite nice, likable, types who just refuse to wash, I don't understand it. Surely they get that they could improve their lives by simply getting into a shower, throwing some soap onto themselves, running some shampoo+conditioner through their hair, and spraying on a little deodorant after? It takes twenty fucking minutes, ten if you're a pro or in the zone, and it completely changes everyone's impression of you.

I do not understand.

>> No.55713475
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> would you approve of its usage?
a solid maybe

>> No.55713481

Personally, I shower every day. I take twenty minutes to careful scrub every inch of skin with soap and a scrub pad. It doesn't matter. People sometimes assume I don't wash anyway because I just sweat so much that any time the temperature is above 70 (F), I have BO. I apply antiperspirant to the backs of my knees, my groin, my ass, my pits, my shoulders, and the insides of my elbows now, but sometimes it still isn't enough.

>> No.55713513

That's like making a coffee shop and mocking people for being into coffee, saying they should just sit down and "soak" the ambience.

What the hell do these people do at the gym if they aren't working out?

>> No.55713531

I haven't been to one, but I get the impression a lot of it is fat people on treadmills?

>> No.55713581

>"Judgment-Free Zone"
>Unless you take your workout seriously, in which case we won't just judge you, but shame you

>> No.55713671

This. Lunk alarms are retarded shit to coddle sensitive and lazy people.

>> No.55713681
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>something vaguely sinister

>> No.55713721

This. Stupid, pointless and made for utter pleb

>> No.55713746

Can you imagine it? The sound of half those things running with some pudgy soccer mom huffing it at 6.0?

Don't worry, fit and healthy people are still always going to be more successful, more desirable as partners and generally happier than the fatties they're protecting.

>> No.55713813
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>Can you imagine it?

Yes, and I like it.

>> No.55713859

>lunk alarm

Americans never cease to amaze me, they take everything to the next level.

>> No.55713867


>> No.55713873


The Virgin Alarm vs The Chad Alarm

>> No.55714415

>Make a chad gym
>Alarms built into all barbells and machines
>Measure the weight put on them
>Sound an alarm when someone tries to lift a small amount of weight
>I-it was j-just a w-w-warm up guys

>> No.55714420

Planet fitness gyms have (or had) pizza and doughnut nights too.

>> No.55714775

Have you considered that you may be grotesquely fat? Because if it's not that, you probably have some sort of actual gland disorder and should talk to a doctor.

>> No.55714812
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>> No.55714849

>be eurofag
>examine the image of gym of burgerbros
>expensive machines, huge space
>Planet Fitness = no critics huge on wall and printed on every treadmill

On the one hand, unbelievable that you'll spend all this wealth on coddling feelings that shouldn't be hurt in the first place. On the other hand, this explains why you have such a huge problem with fat marshmallow blobs of SJW weakness.

>> No.55714884

Paying money to tell their friends they “work out” and “do all the right things” and still can’t lose weight.

>> No.55714902

The one I went to was mostly normal pudgy people with no muscle that manage to spend an hour at the gym each day to get nowhere.

>> No.55714928

Can confirm, I go to planet fatness because it's cheap and close by. Probably 2 or 3 people use the weight machines at any point and the cardio pit is full of 16-24 year olds "running" at 4 mph while never breaking eye contact with their phones. If you want a place to work out at the basic level it has everything you need, if you have a modicum of self discipline you can get in shape regardless of the gym. For what it's worth I love in the northeast and I've never seen the lunk alarm go off or candy/pizza served in the year+ time I've been going

>> No.55714965

I don't know, but if I were a fat guy who wanted to lose weight I would grunt at low impact tasks and set this alarm off trying to be innocuous in this supposed no judgement space.

I know this because I'm a fa/tg/uy who isn't trying to lose weight.

>> No.55715071


The fee is for 'self-licencing'.
You pay and you suffer on the machines.
This permits you to give into your unhealthy appetites with lessened guilt.
You gorge yourself as you've done thousands of times, but this time you've earned it.

>> No.55715150

It matters. Same day's sweat smells much less offensively than old rancid sweat.

>> No.55715155

I go there because it's nearby and because I go with friends. I've actually seen the alarm go off maybee once a month, the pizza days are also seemingly the most busy days of the month.

There is a special place in hell for people who go into the 30 minute workout area and either don't to the workouts in order when others are (or at least don't move for the people who do) and gum up the flow for everyone else or just sit on a single machine for 30 minutes and go one their phone without ever lifting a weight.

>> No.55715867

>Not being as much of a passive-aggressive prick as humanly possible

>> No.55715990
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I'm pretty sure game stores would lose 90% of their business if they had a stunk/funk alarm....

>> No.55716008

>some pudgy soccer mom
fuck that's my fetish right there

>> No.55716104

This guy is a fuckin' hero.

>> No.55717084

I imagine it depends on the franchise. The ones closest to me have always been housewife social clubs that used the alarm basically whenever the weights were ever used.

>> No.55717330

You know he's a fa/tg/uy too.

>> No.55717355

What's the /tg/ equivalent of "pizza mondays"?

>> No.55717459

Pizza everyday.

>> No.55717499


>> No.55718505

The pained expression on his face is what really sells it.

>> No.55718820


Sounds like you may have hyperhydrosis. Consider using clinical-strength antiperspirant or, if you've got it really bad, some of those pads that basically apply a light chemical burn to your sweat glands to shut them down for a week (ie. Sweat Off).

>> No.55718855

Man I just want a gym. Like, an open hardwood gym, that isn't constantly entirely taken up by a single basketball game somehow.

>> No.55719812

friday night magic

>> No.55719905

>i put anti perspirant to the back of my knees
holy shit see a doctor

>> No.55720083
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>I apply antiperspirant to the backs of my knees, my groin, my ass, my pits, my shoulders, and the insides of my elbows now, but sometimes it still isn't enough.

holy shit go see a doctor you sweaty bastard

>> No.55720092

I pray that you also use a different stick for the ass deodorant and the rest of your body?

>> No.55720613

Things that never happened for 500

>> No.55720633

are you retarded

>> No.55721181

They also serve energy drinks and cookies

>> No.55721216

I always thought it had something to do with damaging the weights from dropping them too hard

>> No.55722107

That's half the reason I wanted to mention what a legendary champ he is, I hope for the slim chance that he'll read it and be reminded that he did a legendary deed for all m/tg/.

>> No.55722185

Look up programmable air fresheners.

>> No.55722487

>fit and healthy people are still always going to be more successful

As in, not at all because this universe and everything in it is doomed?

>> No.55722590

Are you sure that it's not your clothes? About five years ago I had a mildew problem where my clothes would start to reek after they warmed up while I wore them. I thought I had some sort of B.O. or gland issue too at first, but then I realized that it's because the place was fucked with all sorts of mold because of piping problems the owner who I rented from had illegally concealed.

>> No.55722624

Nihilism is not an excuse to be a disgusting slob.

>> No.55722648
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tell that to Tumblr

>> No.55722701

Wouldn't this be a useful feature in a Mad Scientist's lair? Think about it, your henchman gets knocked out by the heroes, BAM alarm. Your henchman gets in a fight with the heroes, grunting ensues, BAM alarm. The hero grunts heroically for any reason BAM alarm. All you'd have to do is equip your troops with grunt silencers or some wacky shit like that and suddenly you've got a flawless ability to detect intrusion.

>> No.55722777

It does cause people to become disgusting slobs in a lot of cases, though.

That's what happens when you give up because you don't think it'll ever work anyway.

>> No.55726454

I wanna see you put down 200kgs without sound (I dont mean your left legt)
and grunting or loud breathing happens too when you actually work hard (you wouldnt know)

>> No.55726557

>200 kg

I mean I agree with you but you really expect us to believe you lift this?

>> No.55727854

If he lifts seriously, it's entirely possible to have 200 kg as your one rep max for deadlifts (an exercise that can involve slamming at higher weights).

>> No.55727892

we have a neckbeard jar.

>> No.55727932

I pulled 155kg as a 150lb manlet with a shorter than average arm-span, a 200lb male will comfortably be pulling 200kg within a year or so.

>> No.55730860

>grunt silencers
So that's what they call political officers nowadays?

>> No.55730870

All the more reason to applaud him.

>> No.55731450

You stupid fucks, if you actually lift you'd know that sometimes you can't help making a little noise.
Having a fucking siren go off cause someone decided to push themselves is beyond stupid, which is probably why you inbreds think it's neat.

It isn't for regular gym goers, it's for fat middle class moms and instagram whores (male and female) to go show off how "fit and healthy :^) " they are.

>> No.55733911
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>> No.55734129
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Trigger button in the middle of the table. When teh game goes somewhere that triggers you, press the big red button and the dm will say "Staples! That was EEZY"

>> No.55734149

*flexes nostrils*

What do you have to flex? Your arm flaps?

>> No.55734239

I don't think /tg/ understands what a lunk alarm is for. It's basically for people who go to the gym and actually work out.

The only /tg/ equivalent would be an alarm people at the gaming store set off, if you actually try to play games.

>> No.55734281

>The entire planet fitness business model is centered around people who sign up but never go to the gym.
Honestly I curse every day I didn't think of it first.
Free money from fat people.

>> No.55734324

>go to gym
>no sweaty muscular guys to look at

shitty gym

>> No.55734375

>Planet Fitness is a secret evil lair

>> No.55735341

>It's basically for people who go to the gym and actually work out.
Yes, and the whole thread has been about pointing out how stupid it is.

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