[ 3 / biz / cgl / ck / diy / fa / g / ic / jp / lit / sci / tg / vr / vt ] [ index / top / reports / report a bug ] [ 4plebs / archived.moe / rbt ]

Due to resource constraints, /g/ and /tg/ will no longer be archived or available. Other archivers continue to archive these boards.Become a Patron!

/tg/ - Traditional Games

View post   

[ Toggle deleted replies ]
[ERROR] No.54462662 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Form up, men! Neat and orderly; just the way I like it!

Men! This is our moment of glory! The moment when, we, as soldiers of the Imperium, show our true might. When we show these foul Greenskins, that they cannot stand before the might of Mankind!

We shall cut a holy swath through our enemies ranks, like a power sword cutting through Astarte's brand butter, and wipe them from the face of Shale's Ice!

Many of you will no doubt die. Not from enemy fire, or in the glory of melee combat. But from freezing to death, due to the simple fact that many of you, have traded your "Munitorum brand mittens", for ALCOHOL!

As such, I am calling for a surprise Field kit inspection, so that I can more easily determine which of you, is most likely to their hands, and die from the cold weather!

As such, present arms and armour, for a Field Kit Inspection!

>Welcome to ''Field Kit Inspection", home of the 'Unknown Regiment". Feel free to join in! Remember though, we tend to use spoilers for OOC chat, while greentexts for are used for describing a character's actions. D20s are for combat checks and d100s for other things you wish to roll, with higher being better.

>> No.54462673

Drink keep us warm mon'kleigh

>> No.54462674

Arrr to be fair, alcohol warms people up, yarrr.

>> No.54462685

Good thing my robes are warm and snug

>> No.54462686

Drink keeps us warm mon'kleigh

>> No.54462695

>A man walks up to the commissar, at his side a thick black book chained to his side with a bark iron band of rings

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII am...........your new.....pyker

>he looks around

wwwwwwwwho are you?

>> No.54462696

Third Company Captain, Matthias Wyvern, reporting for duty, Commissar!

Third Company is fully equipped, and are wearing their mittens, as ordered! No one here, is losing their hands from frost bite, under my watch!

>> No.54462701


>> No.54462703

>Heavy duty robes with a fluffy lined hood cover the techpriest from boot to mechadendrite
>No really, he's somehow gotten a knitted cozy over his robot tendril
Reporting in, commissar! I could only find one mitten, but I only have one organic hand so it works out!

Did the old one explode already? Shame, I liked that one.

>> No.54462715

Pssst 3rd company soldier. See this Keg of Rum, I can trade it with you for mittens, what do you say about it?

>> No.54462718

Hello rho, I have heard about you. Mostly that due to your failure to equip that strange abhuman with a weapon he died a few hours ago. I will make sure to take any technical complaints up with someone else

>> No.54462753

>Matthias would shake his head.

I'll afraid I'll have to turn you down on that one. I don't drink often. Nor am I willing to risk losing my hands from frostbite, on a world that's colder than Fenris.

>> No.54462760

Ahh, mon'kleigh psykers. How amusing to watch. It's like a child gifted a cyclonic torpedo on sanguinala, to put it into terms you would understand. You have absolutely no idea what you are messing with.

>> No.54462773

Matthies arrr buddy, I'm talking to one of your yarrr fine soldiers. But if you want rum, I can give ya a bottle for free harharrr

>> No.54462783

Wait, which one? This regiment has a few that could be called abhuman.
Oh forget it, it probably was my fault, again...

>> No.54462817

Agreed. Now would you be interested in buying some choice completely legal medical mechadendrites? Only 200 thrones a piece you filthy mon'kleigh!

>> No.54462825

>the pyker looks at the "guardsman" [xeno] ......and grins with distorted teeth.

ttttttttttttttell me xeno...... have you ever contemplated......the madness of the warp?......the fact that some.........thing creates order amongst the chaos......and iiiiiiiiths servants.........may use it?

>he leans closer

nnnnnnnnnnnow tell me.........have you ever consideredddddddddddd......... what pure madness.........would look like?

>he looks into the xenos eyes, his own changing color into a resemblance of the warp.....despite most pykers eyes being burnt away

hhhhhhhhhave you?

>> No.54462830

To be fair sir, I was able to get us a good deal.

>> No.54462843

Rolled 70 (1d100)

Get the fuck away from me you creepy ape.
*roll for telekinesis fling*

>> No.54462857

This definitely isn't the pizza delivery guy

>> No.54462861

After last time, I'm leading medicae to those who actually scored on medicos aptitude tests.

I'm fairly sure you're not going to last a week. Either that or you'll be near immortal.

Just.. please try not to explode near me?

>> No.54462865

>the unnamed guardsman in gray marches to the line and snaps to stoic attention
>his uniform, though worn and tattered, is in order
>his large bore lasgun is clean and polished, though clearly very old

>> No.54462896

Rolled 63 (1d100)

>rolling for countering

not that it would do much because..........I wont spoil it

>he spins in the air cackling like a mad man

>> No.54462899

Suit yourself, I will just rob you some other way then.

>> No.54462926

Hah! That would imply I have anything worth stealing!
Ha... heh.. oh.. I am not in a good place right now.

>> No.54462930

Alcohol, is never a good enough reason to risk losing your hands! No matter how much is involved!

>The Commissar, is rather quick to take notice, of the unnamed trooper, whom had only just now, arrived.

Trooper! You had better have a good explanation as to why you are not only late. But are also missing your name tag!

>> No.54462968

You could always take out a loan. I like giving people loans. Only 4(0000)% interest! What do you say filthy xeno?

>> No.54462970


>going several meters back, he lands on his feet with an unnatural grace

tttttttttttthat was amusing little elder........greatly amusing.......dddddddddont do it again

>his grin is lopsided but it only lasts an instant before he turns to more "fun" aspects of this regiment

wwwwwwwwwwwwho are....you master........tttttttttttech priest?

>he looks around for any particularly interesting items or clue to what the priest has been working on

>> No.54462995

I hate having to hear you speak. I just wanted you to know that.

>> No.54463023

Harrharrharrharrharrrr guess who got new munitorium standart mittens?

>> No.54463024

I love you too

>> No.54463039

Are those really supposed to be able to be used in a fight? How can you even hold a murekh with those on?

>> No.54463048

Hospitaller Illya Mirabelle, reporting as ordered, Commissar! As always, if our boys have wounds, I'll make sure they feel better!

>> No.54463052

I have a rather good vox catcher system, I can hear you muttering those zeroes.
Maybe try that on a feral worlders or something, not one of the machine god?

Where do you even get the capital to start offering loans anyway?

What? This?
>holding up his current project while waiting on inspection, it's revealed to be a servo skull
Nearly got it working, a little challenge to make it without replacing any components besides the capacitor.

>> No.54463053

Well. I am the new regiments sniper, so, what is going on?

>> No.54463059


>> No.54463070

Arrr they are here to keep my hands from freezing off between drinking and killing landlubber.
Arrr not her again

>> No.54463077


>the pyker holds out a box for the techpriest .......... when did he get a box?

yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyour order..............is served.........sir

iiiiiiiiiiiiiii am sure you...............master tech priest can do it.....given sufficient time

>the pyker shivers in disgust as the sister draws near

ssssssssssssssister lllya, a moment please

>he trys to contain his disgust

>> No.54463085

Well first of all feral worlders don't have metal limbs that can be melted down and subjected to dannan so they are scrapped and resold. And secondly it's surprising how much money you can make when you disregard the book of judgement. Want to go on a pirate adventure with me to cover your debt to me?

>> No.54463090

Reconnissance Corporal Chenkov reporting for duty, commissar-comrade. i have been sent from the Valhallans to join your regiments.

>> No.54463098

Hands? Don't pretend to have hands. Though it is rather cute.

>> No.54463105

Sir. There were several small fires in the motor pool. I took the initiative to extinguish them. As for my name, the men of Carolingea do not see fit to openly wear identification. My name, however, is Leonidas Polk, rank of Sergeant.

>> No.54463115

Arrr okay those are closer to claws than hands, but still yarr the point stands

>> No.54463124

So long as we're not raiding, murdering and torturing Imperial citizens, honestly that sounds rather entertaining.

>> No.54463133

Indeed. Anyway would you care to join me on a pirate adventure in space? In 75 seconds?

>> No.54463139

Oh, neat, you are the pizza guy. Must have changed the uniforms and that regulation they had about not hiring lunatics
>The priest opens the box, then slams it closed
This is a hawaiian pizza isn't it. You sick fuck
Did someone say pirate adventure?

>> No.54463157

Da, comrade you like pizza. Well perogies are much better, especially from the Ploand region of Valhalla.

>> No.54463161

Allright allright you've tied my hands. Green skins then?

>> No.54463180

I did, the target is freebootas. The loot is anything you can hold. Interested?

>> No.54463183

Bit Sir. Current findings indicate that alcohol will stop the current effects of frostbite or at least stop the brain from realizing the hands are blackened

>> No.54463198

Arr does it have cash in it? Because I'm in this for the booty
>Takes out a map
And whoever is the ork in charge here, he has some impressive bppty to steal
Yarr you, techpriest come 'ere. Can ya upgrade me hook into a powerhook?

>> No.54463211

Anything you can grab first is yours. And what's this about a target?

>> No.54463218

We're here to kill orks, you're proposing killing more orks.
I'm not seeing any issue here! Sounds like a good use of time. Especially for thrones or technologies.

>> No.54463222

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>the pyker put s the box in his hands and smiles

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNo........its warp special.......for rude customers

>rolling for how much he is covered by a pizza exploding

Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbe nicer...next time

>> No.54463229

Anything I can hold, you say...
>The techpriest looks at his many mechadendrites, and the deep pockets within his robes
Ok, I'm in

>> No.54463242

Arrr well the Ork is the taret of this regiment too, so we yarr can join in on the last assusslt and get the treasures, harharharrr

>> No.54463244

...Probably? I don't have the best track record, mind.
If you're willing, I'll give it a go?
Those with foresight across the entire sector wince

>> No.54463250

Why not heretics comrade, or maybe Tau.

>> No.54463252

Very well then. My sources indicate freebootas in orbit over the planet. We get in, we kill everyone, we steal everything and we crash the ship into the planet and off. Seem good?

>> No.54463275

Of course they send me Valhallans AFTER most of the dirty work is done...

Very well, Trooper Chenkov! Prepare yourself! I'll need you prepped and ready to take down the enemy Warboss, when he shows his DISGUSTING face.

I assume that means, you couldn't get the name option to work?

Why in the Infernal Eye, is there a fire in the motorpool? And mere minutes, before we're to attack the Orks base!

>> No.54463279

I see no flaws whatsoever in that plan

>> No.54463291

>Rips out his cybernetic arm
Don't worry techlover, I 'ave plenty of arms to spare, yaharharr
>Places new one
We can try, harharharrr

>> No.54463308

Well, heretics are creepy. But Tau are just filthy xenos! So both are good, but I guess the blues would be my preference.

Count me in! I doubt the brutes will have much in the way of technology, but if they're freebootas they may have something interesting, or just valuable, in the hold.

>> No.54463311

So yeah... I might have potentially tried to raise the morale of the Leman Russ's machine spirits with a BBQ... using pure Promethium as fuel. Plus side, the tanks are all happy, right?

>> No.54463312

That is still NO excuse, to be trading away Munitorum property!

When I find out where all this alcohol is coming from.... It won't be pretty...

>> No.54463328

Follow me then, we're off to kill some greenscums!
*i would begin trekking off to the south, over to an invisible buried webway portal*
Follow me!

>> No.54463347

Yes, comrade! I will snipe him from afar, but I need a distraction.

>> No.54463364

>The priest follows him, several empty satchels on his back, and pulling an empty red cart behind him

>> No.54463365

Rolled 95 (1d100)

>considering we're probably in a base and for brevity's sake I'll assume the parts are available
>rolling for construction
Right.. just put the thingy right there.. charge the whatchamacallit.. tab a into slot b... recite the litany of Zappitude..

>> No.54463400

RHO! Grab your shit, we're following this flamboyant pederast into a magical space portal

>> No.54463409

Never know what them damn fool cogboys are thinking, sir. You'd best be served asking them. By your leave, sir, I shall prepare to advance for the assault.

[spoiker]No it works fine. As you see, I intended to put it on after introducing

>> No.54463442

>A couple minutes later, a roll of holy silver tape used up and some occult mumblings later, the hook looked.. fairly similar to before. If cleaner.
>A tracery of silver could now be seen on the blade however, and on a test activation flared into crackling blue light, sparks arcing in the hook as the signature blue hum appeared
And that... should about do it! Rather happy with->>54463400
Oh shit! I'm on my way!

>charging after the Corsair, the techpriest tossed the heavy piece of wargear to Rog'alen with a grunt
Want to give a test run?

>> No.54463465

Allright, the first stage of piracy is digging!
X marks the spot and such so get to unearthing that portal and we will be well on our way to killing smelly orks!

>> No.54463504

...I knew this would have a catch. I didn't expect it to be this.

>> No.54463524

Now now, there's no reason to be sad. Besides you probably won't survive the return trip if this snowstorm keeps up! Now get rid of the snow.

>> No.54463527

W-Wait, we have to *cough* dig up the damn portal first? H-How well have you planned this little adventure, exactly?

>> No.54463531

Arrr ya landlubber! Where do we dig in a bloody ork krooza?

>> No.54463570

I promise you that this is the only (major) catch. Now we don't have all day because I'm not entirely sure how long days even are on hoth this planet. But really you should start digging before you freeze.

>> No.54463586

>sitting on the trenches lip, I look through the book chained to my side. I wonder if the sister heard me or if she just didn't care, I would find out eventually

>> No.54463598

Rho, you have to do all the digging, I hurt my back running away from the fire I started in the motor pool

>> No.54463602

Arrrr think we can "borrow" heavy equipment from, let's say arrrrr Third company?

>> No.54463604

We (you) dig up the portal, it connects to a webway gate that the orks stole, we go in and then we steal everything!

>> No.54463610

>Holds an electric stove to his metal mask, constantly cranking more power into it
When can we return to tropics and irradiated wastelands? I don't want to get a frostbite.

>> No.54463627

Now now, that removes all of the fun! Besides it would be good for some of you to indulge in manual labour!

>> No.54463644

Why would you- wait.. you- fire at the motor pool?
Motor pool equals fuel. Fire equals no more snow.

Let's melt the snow with burning promethium!

>> No.54463649

Oi, spooky! Any chance y-you can use those *cough* borderline heretical powers to dig holes?

>> No.54463661

Depends on where you want the hole to go, or what you want to crawl through it.

>> No.54463669

HEY, arrr drinking is a manual labour even on itself, although you wouldn't know anything about winning in drinking constests, herharharrr

>> No.54463674

I used all the promethium making a BBQ for the Leman Russes. You're not getting out of this. Now start digging, the snow is getting in my boots.

>> No.54463678

>Grabbing hold of nearby a Chimera transport. The Commissar would speak rather loudly, as he waved his Thunder Hammer, towards the frontlines.

Onwards men! We have no time to waste! The 102nd Brakkan Infantry, and 19th Aurren Armored Regiment's, are already assaulting the enemy base! We cannot allow them to take all the glory!

>> No.54463686

Hey I can drink! Liquids.
Soft drinks mostly.
I promised to lay off the alcohol.
Apart from when I want to.

>> No.54463704

C'mon you two! You heard the Commissar! Either get in a transport, or start running! Either way, you're fighting!

>> No.54463713

>The priest yells back at him
Just a minute commissar, I need to tie my shoelaces
>He whispers to the group trying to get to the webway
Hurry up with the digging, he wants to kill himself and drag us all with him in the process

>> No.54463725

Rolled 77 (1d100)

Promethium is the fuel, so how are they going to- how are you my senior?!

... this is probably just going to go faster if I just start digging.

>> No.54463729

Rolled 24 (1d100)

Arrr Fine

>> No.54463732

Rolled 73, 60 = 133 (2d100)

>the pyker gets up and just hops onto the commissars transport, before beginning to utter a incantation.

ccccccccccccccccommissar........where did the sssssssister hospitaler go.........iiiiiii require her ..........services

>rolling for incantation and to see If I realise what I said.[not nessiserily in that order]

>> No.54463751

Rolled 89 (1d100)

*roll to use telekinesis on snow*

>> No.54463755

I don't know how this works, all I know is my office, company car, and paycheck is better than yours is.

>> No.54463757

Aw c'mon s-sirs, we're tryin' to have *cough* space adventures over here! I'm s-sure the other forces can *wheeze* hold out 'til we're done.

>> No.54463762

Rolled 70 (1d100)

>Uses his three hands and a powerhook

>> No.54463773

>slings lasgun
>takes position on the hull mounted heavy bolter

>> No.54463788

Do the enemy use lasguns? If not, I will need to ceep cranking this stove so my face doesn't freeze.

>> No.54463795

Rolled 40, 51 = 91 (2d100)

*begins fiddling with the controls*
Look buy me some time, I should have this done pretty soon. I just need to deactivate the cloak and enable the gateway.

>> No.54463798

That's only because mine blew up!

>time to come up with some bullshit
We're infiltrating the ork's ship in orbit sir while you engage the ground forces sir! Classic two pronged assault sir!

>> No.54463838

Arrr where is this portal?

>> No.54463853

Rolled 78 (1d100)

*rolling for rolling to find portal*

>> No.54463868

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>Lods up howler rifle

>> No.54463879

>he shuts his eyes and mutters a brief prayer, before jumping into the pit where the portal allegedly is

>> No.54463880


you appear distressed fellow pyker, may I help?

>the incatation flickers to life protecting the transport from all but the most dedicated assult

>he is unaware of the horrors he just siad

>> No.54463883

>Falls into snow

>> No.54463892

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>Jumping into invisible ancient untested portal into an alien hell portal network filled with weird shit
This is still only the fourth worst idea I've ever executed!

>> No.54463895

Jumps into the spot Osiros jumped

>> No.54463905

Rolled 37 (1d100)


>> No.54463926

*muffled, keep rolling guys from behind the portal* *You can do it!*

>> No.54463929

Rolled 20 (1d100)

>he lands face first in the snow and begins rolling around, praying and cursing

>> No.54463937

Rolled 21 (1d100)

Come on Yarrr

>> No.54463951

Rolled 26 (1d100)

Where is this stupid thing?Arrrr

>> No.54463966

Rolled 45 (1d100)

Fuck this bullshit.
>he stands up, brushes himself off and begins methodically walking up and down the pit

>> No.54463971

What no! It's to the left! No not my left! No it's my right and that is your left!
*muffled from behind the portal*

>> No.54463980

Rolled 61 (1d100)

>Starts crawling in circles

>> No.54463986

Up a bit! No! Yes! Warmer! Getting warmer!

>> No.54464000

Rolled 95 (1d100)

>The priest stands up straight, bounces slightly on his toes, before diving into the hole as if from a diving board

>> No.54464009

There you AAAAH
*your huge frame would fall and land on top of me in a ramshackle ork space ship*

>> No.54464020

Rolled 71 (1d100)

Now it's the third most stupid idea.
>remembers he looted an eye that can find cloaked things
>rolling to spot portal

>> No.54464023

I was crawling not jumping

>> No.54464025

Rolled 71 (1d100)

This is horseshit, I've covered every Throne-damned inch of this pit! Some f-fuckin' adventure this is.

>> No.54464051

...Well, now I just feel foolish. Suppose this is the first time I've ever had to find something I could not see before, but still.
>simply walks inside Mordo- the Webway

>mechadendrite holds up a 9.8 for style

>> No.54464052

*he would walk over a patch of hazy snow and then fall directly downwards into the ship through the portal*

>> No.54464054

Rolled 37 (1d100)

>The priest glides through the webway and into the hallways on the ork ship
>rolling for if he manages to ruin everything by falling flat on his stupid face

>> No.54464058

We 'are 'ere yarr.
What arrrr now?

>> No.54464071

We grab everything not bolted down.

>> No.54464077

Mostly because if I let my mask get cold, it will cause severe frostbites, and the nails in my skull won't be comfortable when under freezing temperature.

>> No.54464081

>The Commissar, alongside the bulk of the regiment, are already headed off towards the enemy base, several miles away.

>> No.54464088

Rolled 5 (1d100)

Allright gang! This looks to be a minor cargo hold. Look around to see anything you can grab.
Where to next? I'm pretty sure anywhere we go will be swarming with orks.

>> No.54464102

Rolled 48 (1d100)

Alrighty, let's see what *wheeze* we can find.

>> No.54464105

Rolled 70 (1d100)

Arrrr, let's take a look at this pile

>> No.54464115

>The Hospitaller would walk up to the new Psyker.

Is something the matter? I can only assume frost bite at this point...

>> No.54464118

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>the priest walks around the room, peering down both hallways whilst grabbing most everything that looks valuable with his mechadendrites
I say we go down into the longer room, we'll have an advantage if we keep the orks at long range

>> No.54464126

Well I found a bronze tube. This room is a bust where to next? And what did you guys find?

>> No.54464139

>The freeboota warboss would grumble in anticipation for loot

>> No.54464142

Fuckin' nowt. Let's move on.

S-Sounds like a plan, lead the way.

>> No.54464158

>the pyker, looks the sister up and down

you areeeeeeeeeeeee..........not what I expected.......never the less I was.....iiiiiiinformed you had a space mmmmmmmmmmarine here.......clinging to life

>he gets off the transport

iiiiiiiiii....need to see him

>he waits for her to lead him to the marine

>> No.54464159


>> No.54464161

Rolled 77 (1d100)

>The Ork would attempt to find shit in the ship

>> No.54464169

Arr I found this plasma pistol

>> No.54464173

Rolled 4 (1d20)

I found some new boots that only had one foot in them still and a pile of knick knacks from a Terran gift shop
After you, my man
>The priest pulls his laspistol and fires down the hall

>> No.54464194

Rolled 2 (1d20)

*roll to open fire on the orks*

>> No.54464195

Rolled 19, 4, 1 = 24 (3d20)

Arrrr let's do this ya green skinned, fungus humpin space rodents!
> Attacks with his power hook, sabre and howler rifle

>> No.54464196

>the blast sails cleanly past the orks, hitting absolutely nothing

>> No.54464197

Rolled 77 (1d100)

>The Kaptin would attempt to persuade the Orks not to fight us

>> No.54464205

Rolled 14 (1d20)

Shit, who p-put them there? More importantly, do they *cough* have loot?
>he takes cover behind the doorframe and fires into the room

>> No.54464215

>Rifle explodes in his hands
Arrr curse me luck

>> No.54464219

He's currently in the medbay. Although I'm not sure I can allow you to see him right now.

>> No.54464256

> a few shots hit, the rest streaking down the hall

L-Looks like that p-pistol was *cough* quite the lucky find.

>> No.54464273

Rolled 57, 86 = 143 (2d100)

>the pyker tilts its head slightly

iiiiiiiiiiiiiii am not sure.........you understand......... you WILL let me see him.

[rolling for persuasion and secret secret thing]

>> No.54464319

>She would shake her head.

I'm afraid not. He's barely stable as it is. If it weren't for him being a space marine, he likely would be alive right now.

>> No.54464331

Arrr I guess yes

>> No.54464382

>the techpriest fires another shot down the hall

>> No.54464386

>where the beings tounge failed him magics continue.

well I hate to do this but.............nnnnnnnnnnnneeds must

[mind control.....resist if you can

>> No.54464399

Rolled 100 (1d100)

Arr if you are ready to use an ork plasma pistol then
>Gives it
Go ahead yarrr
>Searches the room

>> No.54464413

Rolled 14 (1d20)

phoneposting sure is a wild ride

>> No.54464453

Rolled 13 (1d20)

Uh... thanks?
>he holds the pistol at arms length and fires a shot, shielding his face with his hand

>> No.54464462

Rolled 3, 10, 9, 20 = 42 (4d20)


>> No.54464491

Rolled 45 (1d100)


>> No.54464514

>Apparently, she is much more weak willed than a sister of battle should be.

Sure... I don't see why you can't see him... Follow me....

>With this, she would lead him to where the apothecary was.

>> No.54464519

Would ye look at that, I found the arrr reaver titan
Arrr you can't even command your orks Toofrich
>Attacks with powerhook, sabre and two claws

>> No.54464529

Oi! Krump it on the 'ead you lot! These 'umies will make us rich! Any killin' of em' and Oil' 'ave your teef' in my bag!

>> No.54464535

Rolled 12, 5, 9, 3 = 29 (4d20)


>> No.54464541


>> No.54464549

Aww shi-
*the primitive round would go straight into the princes mildly protected eye*

>> No.54464564

>lowering his hand he follows the sister. his smirk is short lived and he looks about as he walks.

mmmmmmmmmmmmaster........will be pleased

>he hisses under his breath

>> No.54464611

Rolled 11 (1d20)

You found a-
>he looks up at the towering reaver titan that somehow nobody had noticed
Well would ya look at that.

>a couple of shots whistle past him and he ducks back behind the door
D-Diplomacy didn't work, then.
>he sets the core on the plasma gun to 'MOAR DAKKA' and throws it at the orks

>> No.54464639

Rolled 19, 18, 1, 20 = 58 (4d20)

Arr I'm telling ya, everyone is blind in this galaxy
>Keeps fighting orks

>> No.54464640

Rolled 1, 7 = 8 (2d20)

Oh zog dis'.
>I'd open my klaw of Bigtoof, ready to attack along with my Kustom Mini-deffstorm shoota.
>I'd charge the group of Orks while unloading my shoota into them
>roll for shoota, then charge

>> No.54464655

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>The man would just fucking randomly appear out of nowhere
Someone say Tacos?
>I'd throw a taco at the Orks
>Inside the Taco was a KRAK GRENADE

>> No.54464657

*the remaining ork would begin shivering in the corner in fear*

>> No.54464663

>Rag kills three orks bu breaks one of his hands
Arrr Corsair! Are we searching for something imporant, 'cause I 'ave all the loot I need

>> No.54464672

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>I'd take my big zoggin ork dick out, shoving it into the Ork's mouth to kill him

>> No.54464696

That, my friend, is fucked-to-the-up. You need some serious help. Like Jesus. Find Jesus.

>> No.54464713

Who's Jesus mate?

>> No.54464714


>> No.54464721

My thick anus
>I'd kiss the crucifix necklace around my neck

>> No.54464735

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>I'd do a final push to impale the head of the Orks on my strap on zogcock

>> No.54464742

*choking and crying*

>> No.54464747

Rolled 9 (1d20)

Mate you might as well just McFucking Kill yourself
>I'd send the aim of my las pistol to the head of the Ork
>I;d fire off a shot

>> No.54464751

*why won't my suffering end*

>> No.54464760

>I'd fire again but will probably miss because I miss 9/10 of my shots

>> No.54464774

Rolled 18 (1d20)


>> No.54464782

*at long last sweet relief from my eternal suffering*

>> No.54464823

>Looking over the dead orks with a broken arm Rog looks at the titan
Arrr matey's, ho are we gonna tow this one, RHO, VANDER! 'ave any ideas?

>> No.54464828

Rolled 33 (1d100)

Where too...
Also let's loot this shit...

>> No.54464848

Rolled 38 (1d100)

>Jim would jump down the portal, shouting "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
Mate let's just fuckin' find some damsels to rape. Easy fuck.
>I'd attempt to find shit, preferably condoms and cigarettes

>> No.54464872

Rolled 61 (1d100)

>the priest instantly digs through the pockets of all the orks
Uh... ooh, I know, we all hop inside and smack the buttons until something happens

>> No.54464882

Rolled 6 (1d100)

Alright, let's s-see if this room *cough* holds any more delights than the last one.

>> No.54464883

>I'd smash Vander's robo ass
You get any bitches around here?

>> No.54464884

>I hit him on the back of the head
Ya half-brained crab humper, I 'ave no need for any wrnches right now, what I need is to find a way to get this giant, metal monstosity down

>> No.54464904

Maybe if you turn it off and back on again mate.

>> No.54464919

Hey you got a pipe too!
We can be pipe buddies!

>> No.54464929

How about we just, like, shoot a hole in the walls then drive it out into space

>> No.54464942

>I'd smack Vander's ass again
Bad idea princess

>> No.54464944

Fuckin' pipes. That many-legged bastard over there g-get's a damned titan, an' what d-do we get? Fuckin' pipes.

>> No.54464947

Rolled 25 (1d100)

Arrr I guess Vander got it working, so there's that
>Searches for loot
Ya sure it won't yarrrr melt in the atmosphere?

>> No.54464958

I gave you fucks a map pick a direction already.

>> No.54464963

>She would use her access code, to open the door for him.

There you go.... I'm going to go and sleep now...

>> No.54464966

Please don't m-molest the techpriest, we need him to f-fix our shit and we *cough* can't have him getting scared off.

>> No.54464990

Arrr I found a las-rifle
How about you matey's, harrr

>> No.54464993

I've met the Hospitalier, I fear and feel nothing

>> No.54465003

Rolled 89, 46, 53 = 188 (3d100)

>when the sister reaches and subsequently unlocks the med bay for me, I dismiss her with a simple

"alright get out of here and go fuck a guardsman or whatever it is you do"

>looking over the badly damaged marine, I crack my joints and make to do what my master bade me

[for not being noticed, for my exectution of orders, and getting me and him out of there via teleporting]

>> No.54465010

Pipes so far...
So should we go east or west?

>> No.54465018

>I'd grab Van Kleez by the nuts
Oh, tight
Let's go forward and to the right

>> No.54465024

I found like 8 wallets, some pocket change, a few of those weird little green animals orks chew, and some car keys

>> No.54465037

Rolled 11 (1d20)

Arr you are annoying
>Slaps him

>> No.54465055

Look man
>I'd take out my wallet
I'm gonna pay you 100 imperial credits to fuck off

>> No.54465068

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>he backhands him round the face
Less a' that, faggot.

Let's keep heading east, it's done us well so far.

>> No.54465086

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>Dodging the slap I'd reverse slap your ass

>> No.54465088

Yaharharharharrr, It's funny that ya think that people use credit's in the black market. We 'ave our own currency

>> No.54465097

Looks like a tiny ork in the corner
Who wants to kill him?

>> No.54465130

Arrr, go ahead, practice ya magic
Vander! Get Titan to go left

>> No.54465181

Rolled 20 (1d20)

That does it, ya piece a' shit!
>he swings a punch for the man's face

>> No.54465209

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>My Jaw would break off entirely, the bottom half of my face smashed off
>I'd smash my fist into the man's temple

>> No.54465210


>with only a few squishy thumps to betray my work, I manage to inject each geneseed witha strange blue chemical, then I heal him up less then flawlessly before lifting the 1000 pound weight over his shoulder like a light pillow and vanishes in a crackle of lightning sending most of the glass on base to shatter.

>he returns an hour later........no one is sure how

>> No.54465229

*holding 4 eldar pistols of different design in two hands*
Both of you stop this shit, right now.

>> No.54465242

Rolled 77 (1d100)

Arrr this is going bad
Arr what's this?
>Searches a pile

>> No.54465249

"Fghh gfff ghhghg egh" (Fuck off knife ear)

>> No.54465254

Oh, uhh, fuck
>the techpriest starts to spin the large wheel to the left
I'm not sure what I'm doiiing!

>> No.54465264

Lag'nokkal Has gotten losted hasn't he?

>> No.54465275

Rolled 9 (1d20)

Now you are asking for it.
*fires off all weapons unleashing a volley of over 2000 miniature eldar rounds*

>> No.54465285

Be carful, thing's as expensive as it can get
Neat, a heavy stubber
Anyways lads, were going to get this thing to the planet and then come back, try not to get killed

>> No.54465291

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>Dodges them all, and headbutts the knife-ear in the nose

>> No.54465300

>the techpriest honks the deafening horn of the titan

>> No.54465306

Rolled 10 (1d20)

Die. All proceeds of your corpses servitude will not go to charity.

>> No.54465310

>Fails because lack of jaw to properly headbutt

>> No.54465316

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>he'd grunt and stumble back, clutching his head

You can f-fuck right off, I'm not allowing m-myself to be *wheeze* molested by this lunatic.

>while he's off guard, he swings a kick towards the man's ribs

>> No.54465319

Lag'nokkal Is not an asshole,Lag'nokkal does not even own an asshole

>> No.54465325

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>Would attempt to hi-kick the man on the temple

>> No.54465333

Allright help me kill the bastard.

>> No.54465340

>Suddenly, Jim's jaw would begin to fucking re-grow again, probably weirding you all out

>> No.54465348

Rolled 17 (1d20)


>> No.54465350

Ya mate, sure arrrr, can ya move out of the way?
Unless harrr you want to turn into a pancake

>> No.54465354

Are you gonna stand in the road or are you gonna hop in the ride?
Ew what the fuck

>> No.54465375

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>These would shred through my skin and bones, sending flesh everywhere
>I wouldn't care, and would charge you, bruce-lee kicking you in the face

>> No.54465377

What the fuck

>> No.54465397

>he whiffs pathetically and overbalances, collapsing to the floor

You hold h-him, I'll bash him.

Well ain't that somethin'. Evidently I didn't *cough* hit him hard enough.

>> No.54465398

Lag'Nokkal shall "hop" on this machine,Lag'nokkal shall "inspect" it

>> No.54465403

Rolled 3 (1d20)

*splinter pistols directly to the head*

>> No.54465415

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>I'd grab you by the neck, hoping to snap it

>> No.54465430

Don't spill anything on the seats and if you put your feet on the dashboard I'll pour my Dr Pepper on your crotch

>> No.54465432

>Hits him with a broom
Ya can inspect it later, now arrrr we have to get it on the planet
Yarrrr great, he's a parpetual, talk about a curse on the galaxy

>> No.54465443

Rolled 4 (1d20)

*roll for telekinetic slam*

>> No.54465458

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>he grabs his ankles and pulls, going for a Belgian takedown

>> No.54465479

Rolled 9, 8 = 17 (2d20)

>I'd take two las pistols out, blasting you both in the head

>> No.54465486

>The broom is absorbed into the Hruds skin
Why did you do that Lag'nokkal, will now have indigestion.Why do you wish to leave this planet,It seems very nice to Lag'nokkal

>> No.54465498

Rolled 1 (1d20)


>> No.54465517

Rolled 44 (1d100)

>the techpriest rummages around in the glovebox of the titan

>> No.54465526

Arrrr Lag look, we are on a space ship, owned by orks, can you please go out of the titans way?
Okay Vander, make three steps forward and stop!

>> No.54465559

>The Hrud moves out of the titans path
Lag'nokkal has moved from your Titan's way.
Lag'nokkal will now search for food

>> No.54465573

>the priest finds an old looking data recording device
Neat! Archeotech!
>the priest jams the device into the player on the dashboard https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMWWBigvbkY
You got it!

>> No.54465587

Rolled 20 (1d20)


>> No.54465606

Rolled 28, 36, 91 = 155 (3d100)

Arrr go ahead, there are plenty of orks if you want.
Okay Vander, I'll throw these screws to find the portal
>Throws three screws

>> No.54465612

Rolled 45 (1d100)


>> No.54465629

Hmm Orks,They are too chewy for Lag'Nokkal,but Lag'nokkal will make do

>> No.54465696

Rolled 8 (1d100)

>Rolling to not be sucked in

>> No.54465717

ignore this post last

>> No.54465744

>Points at a place where scre dissapeared

>> No.54465766

Rolled 66 (1d100)

this got scratched, redoing everything blame Nicky
Doombolt wew ect

>> No.54465778

>The priest moves the titan towards the area where the screw vanished, knocking over trash and other items as he goes

>> No.54465784

>Jim would get blasted back by the doombolt, a flaming would in his chest visible
Son of...a bitch

>> No.54465805

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>I'd wobbily aim my lasgun at the man's head
He'd attempt to fire a shot

>> No.54465812


>> No.54465832

Ah, uh, fuck
>the titan stumbles like a drunk trying to follow the directions

>> No.54465835

Rolled 66 (1d100)

*having a massive dent apear in his armoured helmet the prince would shout out in pain*
That's it!
You can't shoot what you can't see!

>> No.54465852

>the pyker appears behind the being

wwwwwwwwwhat.....are you.big one?

>> No.54465866

>A huge fucking hole would now be in my torso. I'd get up, and you'd be able to see my boy tissue re-aligning itself, joining together again and healing
>Fuck they are gonna notice

>> No.54465894

Arrr what a great techpriest you are
>Rog points at a wall

>> No.54465910

Lag'Nakkal is a hrud,Lag'nakkal is looking for food

>> No.54465911

Rolled 1 (1d20)

*being invisible I would sidle up to the man, guns raised*
Prepare to feel the fury of 10000 paper cuts

>> No.54465959

interesting big one, would you care to come with me?

>he gestures to a shimmering portal

I would like to offer you a large section of food

>> No.54465962

>the titan walks at the wall, getting close to tripping several times

>> No.54465976

Hey it's that creepy dude who talks to himself and has terrible taste in pizza, let's not go near him

>> No.54465977

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>Detecting where the shooting came from, I'd fire a shot towards the target!

>> No.54465983

Lag'nokkal enjoys food,Lag'nokkal will follow strange smelly man

>> No.54465990

Rolled 14 (1d20)

Fucking really?
Fine, splinter pistols to the brain. Have fun pushing these out.

>> No.54466002

>Throws a screw which immediatly dissapears

>> No.54466052

>I'd get struck in the head, by battle damaged as fuck body collapsing to the ground

>> No.54466055

>The titan lurches forward

>> No.54466075

>Runs forward

>> No.54466080

Rolled 17 (1d20)

*keeps shooting the corpse*

>> No.54466093

I, uh... fuck. I don't know

>> No.54466099

>He does not mutilate my corpse, simply poisons it more

>> No.54466119

>nodding my thanks, I herd the...hured in front of me we bot hmake it to the planet and I lead it to a prior battle field

well big one.....ddddddo you see anything you wish to eat?

>a carpet of orks and humans wit their accompanying tech is sprawled across nearly a mile

>> No.54466144

Rolled 37 (1d100)

Alrighty, well he should keep himself dead for a while. Let's see what I can find here then.

>> No.54466149

Arrr can ya at least cook 'em?

>> No.54466180

>The poison in the man's system would seemingly dissipate, and the mans grievous wounds would be re-binded together and healed infront of everyones very eyes
>The man would get up from the ground, looking to the corsair
You know... I forgot why we were fighting

>> No.54466181

Wow a bundle of ceramite...
Ceramite fucking pipes.
Ok I'm sick of this shit.
Where is the control room of this shit hole.
That looks like it.

>> No.54466182

Oh shit, yeah, the orks. That's what we were doing
>the priest looks across the field of corpses

>> No.54466202

>facepalming I shake my head

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii was talking to my new .......... guest
if you wwwwwwwwwwant................. some food there is......the mess that a wayyyyyyyy

>he points to the camp

>> No.54466204

All right what the actual fuck.
You know what I don't even care at this point. I'm crashing the ship into the planet now.

>> No.54466225

Arrr okay let's see if this rust bucket is good for anything other than walking, open fire matey
Arrr nevermind

>> No.54466244

Thanks, creepy yet knowledgable stranger!
>the titan thunders towards the camp

>> No.54466256

I have a thick immune system I guess (blatantly lying)

>> No.54466272

WITH NO SURVI- wait, shit. That portal s-still open?

>> No.54466278

Rolled 8, 5 = 13 (2d100)

Allright well that's a 5 minute timer enjoy the ride down I'm lootin the rest of the ship and getting the fuck out of here.
*a solid 3 minutes of looting before hopping in the webway*

>> No.54466300

*clutching an assortment of sponge pipes*
Unless you saw it closed? This place was a bust anyway, have fun finding the invisible webway because I memorised the location.
*hastily fucks off*

>> No.54466310

>I'd get the fuck out of this shit and onto the planet

>> No.54466339

Alright bucko, you're taking me with you.
>he grabs onto his leg as he jumps through the portal

>> No.54466343

>Goes to the medical tent

>> No.54466363

>by the time the bad of idiots have returned from the Ork KROOZAH. The battle had already been won by the Imperium, with few loses, and ths main force would already be preparing to pack up.

>> No.54466403


>> No.54466408


>> No.54466409

So commissar whats-ya-name uh... I uh' transfered

>> No.54466410

Arrrr SISTER! I have a broken arm
G'day commissar, guess what we found

>> No.54466424

Where is the Hospitalier? Everything is broken and it hurts

>> No.54466429

Rolled 55 (1d100)

*suggesting from afar with telepathy*
Maybe you should be suspicious of this guy...
He looks like a traitor...

>> No.54466441

Someone tell me why the FUCK we let a xenos into the regiment

>> No.54466447

Lag'nokkal knows not what to eat, many choices for lag'nokkal

>> No.54466470

>The Commissar is nowhere in sight.
>How in the Emperor's holy name, did you plan to peraaude him, when he isn't around you?
>Infact, he's probably on one of the massive landing craft, getting prepped to leave you idiots behind.

>> No.54466512

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>perplexed, I try to fix this indecision

vvvvvvvvvvvery well.........do you like biological items or mechanical items

>sighting the leaving I curse

well lets take some of this for later, we best hurry

>cutting a few things apart and placing them in a bag, I lead the hurd towards the departing craft with a subtle illusion

>> No.54466515

Oh shit, that's where everyone is. See ya later dorks!
>the titan majestically stumbles towards the transports
Wait is there a transport big enough for this thing

>> No.54466535

Lag'nokkal can eat either, however Lag'nokkal prefers what you call biological items

>> No.54466537


>> No.54466578

>the titan smacks its head on the top of the transport's entryway

>> No.54466582

>Not event close...
>On that matter, dozens of Tech-priests are running towards the titan. Obviously both quite confused, yet likely also fully leaking, at the mere sight of the barely functional war machine.

>> No.54466595

I fucking hate your luck.
I want you to know this

>> No.54466598

Hah, he can't get rid of us that easily.
>he picks up his vox handset
[Unknown Squad] to Transport 1, d-do you copy? Yeah, y-you do have to wait for us. Emprah's currency an' all that. No, everyone else as well. Over.
>he looks to the horizon to ensure the transport doesn't pull a fast one

>> No.54466601

Rolled 5 + 20 (1d100 + 20)

>with my masterful illusions the large xeno seems to be a very large combat servitor.... no one seems to notice him consuming a stray ork arm

ppppppppplease may we avoid......the commissar or that third.........captian

[rolling to sneak a giant servitor past the commissar and mitas]

>> No.54466628

Arrr ya can't beat the best
>Crawls on the titan's back
>Opens a service hatch
>Get's inside

>> No.54466635

>the last thing Ivan manages to feel, as his body and mind are ripped apart by daemons. Is a bolt round go through his brain. Killing him instantly.
>This is followed by the words.

It's for your own good.

>> No.54466658

Lag'nokkal's plan for the starnge man is now gone,why did you shoot him

>> No.54466735

Rolled 61 (1d100)


>> No.54466743

Rolled 69, 69, 93 = 231 (3d100)

>as the deamon host is freed from its bonds, it breaks into its full UNCLEAN FORM

>with the mighty disease ridden being ripped from the flesh he turns to the commissar, and disease and pestilence spreads like wildfire

[first for decay on my environment, next is a attack on the commissar, and finaly is how much people have to beat to avoid disease]

>> No.54466744

Rolled 98 (1d100)


>> No.54466780

Rolled 81 (1d100)

Why must Lag'nokkal suffer so

>> No.54466807

Say, can anyone else smell something f-funny? Eh, it's probably *cough* my imagination.
>he goes back to huffing the titan's exhaust

>> No.54466842

*mechanical screeching*
>two rolls for two Gatling lasers

>> No.54466843

Lag'nokkal feels ill,Lag'nakkol feels tired
>the Hrud makes it 120ft away before passing out,face in the dirt ass in the Air

>> No.54466845

Rolled 15, 1, 11, 8, 9, 18, 2, 9, 8, 4 = 85 (10d20)

>The masisve lascannon turrets attached to the hulls of each masisve transport shuttle, would immediately begin aiming their weapons upon the daemon. Their gunners opening fire, as soon as they were lined up
>Massive Lance's of lascannon fire, would rain down upon the greater daemon of nurgles, as it's rot begins to seep into the snow around.

>> No.54466850

>sending an entire hanger into a crumbing and over growing den of decay whom trys to infect the rest, it again carrys on

papa nurgles love burns through your veins giving them a un-healthy dose of gut rot

[you must roll a d100 above 50 every round starting next, or suffer damage to your lungs and gut]

>he also sends a glob of spit at the commissar, the acid striking his arm and the stinging of infected wound

>> No.54466863

>The Commissar would be sent flying by the blow. Landing in a heap near the entrance to a shuttle.

>> No.54466866

[I'm inside the craft]

>> No.54466871

Rolled 13, 9 = 22 (2d20)


>> No.54466880

>Touches the shoulder
VANDER ya rapsacalion shoot the abomination arrrr, use the back weapon for cryin' out loud

>> No.54466887

Rolled 65 (1d100)


>> No.54466894

>Than they're targeting the craft. I'll kill half of us, to save the rest.

>> No.54466896


>> No.54466913

>struck on the shoulder, I turn to the bigger threat and begin my march towards the titan, corruption stretching before me like a green carpet

[first for corrupting the titans metal, second for actual attack, third can I reach you with my slow ass jog]

>> No.54466924


>> No.54466930

Rolled 25, 5, 95 = 125 (3d100)


>> No.54466936

Rolled 1, 12, 8, 9, 20, 20, 15, 1, 8, 5 = 99 (10d20)

>Several massive lances of lascannon fire would rip through the ship's armor plating, and hull. Most however, manage to do little to it, while a few, would manage to damage the super structure. Ripping through, and melting metal,, and burning men alive in an instant.
>A few moments later, a second wave of lascannon fire would begin firing towards the shuttle.

>> No.54466945

Rolled 4 (1d20)

*a huge, crippling pillar of death energy emerges from the sky and heads downwards to penetrate the daemons head.*

>> No.54466949

STOP ON HIM Vander yarrrr

>> No.54466983

Rolled 79 (1d100)

>with the horrid force arrayed against me, I loose my arms and I'm knocked to the ground but I leap onto the titan and make my way through a service door

I think I'm screwed but I'm corrupting this titan

>> No.54466989

Rolled 55, 82, 26 = 163 (3d100)

>the Hrud slowly awakes,now wishing to Kill what once was ivan
Lag'nokkal is going to fucking kill you you dirty asswipe
>the hrud Oozes out a large rifle,a warp based energy cannon and fires at Ivan

>> No.54466991

>rolling for stomp

>> No.54467011

Rolled 1, 13, 17, 1 = 32 (4d20)

>Charges with the powerhook, sabre and claws

>> No.54467013

Rolled 14 (1d20)


>> No.54467025

Rolled 6, 14, 3, 11, 11, 18, 20, 10, 14, 16 = 123 (10d20)

>At this point. With our without whomever was on the ground. Shuttles would begin taking off in a hurry. Not wishing to risk the taint of chaos.

>As they begin lifting off, they begin firing at the daemon, and titan it was corrupting. Heavy lances of lascannon fire, directed towards the Joe cpurrpting titan.

>> No.54467034

Rolled 35 (1d100)

Arrr hell
>Jumps on the transport

>> No.54467041

*Sprinting at an insane speed toward the transports*

>> No.54467046

>the priest charges out of the titan's control room, barrelling through the cramped corridors

>> No.54467051

Rolled 68 (1d100)

>The badly damaged shuttle, that the daemon had been on, begins taking off. But rather than angle upwards, would point it's drill shaped nose towards the titan. It's pilots and crew, knowing they cannot allow the taint onboard to leave.
"For the EMPEROR!"
>Rolling for how badly the Titan takes it.

>> No.54467056


>shot by the multitude of energy wepaons and a surprise hook attack, I fall to the ground but as I die one last burst of corruption blows out, rotting the rusty ones flesh arm and hook arm and several minor nurglings run around to be shot

>the titan can never be cleansed shot of being scrapped and put back together...its very spirit corrupted

>> No.54467057

>the hrud rushes to the transport in order not to die

>> No.54467066

>Falls on the snow
>Jumps unto the transport
Arrr shame, that was a nice find

>> No.54467076

Oh shit, I was asleep. What happened?
>The man would look completely unscathed. No scars, no bandages, nothing

>> No.54467080

Rolled 64 (1d100)

Psychically Launches the creature over to the transports while running at a speed that only an eldar could reach.

>> No.54467091

>he stumbles at speed towards the transport, yelling into his vox

>> No.54467097

Rolled 29 (1d100)

Roll for taint

>> No.54467105

Rolled 41 (1d100)


>> No.54467110

Rolled 69 (1d100)

>the hrud lands with a loud ass thud and then fades into the back of the shuttle

>> No.54467120

Rolled 89 (1d100)

*Psychically launches the man over to the transports while closing in fast*

>> No.54467168

>he sails through the hangar door and lands with a crash

>> No.54467182

Can nobody fucking tell me what happened?
>The man would be witnessing a titan battle
>He'd slowly get out some popcorn

>> No.54467189

*redoubles running speed*

>> No.54467201

>A masisve, fiery explosion rocks the area, as the shuttle rams directly into the titan. Not machines armor, and supper structures ripping apart, and collapsing, from the sheer force applied to eachother.
>Ammunition aboard both vehicles ruptures and explodes almost half a second later. Sending clouds of smoke, and heavy amounts of half melted, flaming debris raining down.


Vandergeldus is killed nearly instantly, before he can make it out of the cockpit. The first casualty.
>Roy us struck through the head by a piece of metal. Cutting it open, and spewing force gore upon the once pure white snow.
>Atleast his body will not suffer nurgles rot

>Of those who had been aboard the titan. Only Lan manages to survive. Having been far enough away that debris didn't outrigjt kill him.
>Never the less, he is sent flying nearly fifty meters away by the blast. Dozens of bones in his body broken, and both minor and major burns cover everything along his back.
>But he is alive...

>> No.54467226

Oh shit
>Jim would run to the transport, *just* about getting on to it before it left
Oh fuck oh fuck

>> No.54467248

*storms onto the transport with no time to slow down and smashes his head against the back wall*

>> No.54467268

Rolled 36 (1d100)

>> No.54467274

Is anyone else alive,is Lag' alone?

>> No.54467295

Christ mate. That will knock your IQ down a few

>> No.54467300

Rolled 64 (1d100)

*wrenches him over to the transport*

>> No.54467302

A ghost appears
Yep yer alone matey
Give Osiros one last message from me
"You are not a real pirate"

>> No.54467311

>Before he could get onboard, a piece of debris from the earlier explosion, had flown towards, and pushed itself deep into his leg. Narrowly missing the bone

>> No.54467322

I have a helmet, biiiiiitch

>> No.54467347

Whew, glad I got away from tha-


>> No.54467356

Are you hurt. Lag' needs someone functioning

>> No.54467380

I have positively not idea are you who are, so beat it gnome peasant.

>> No.54467384

>While everyone was panting and their life flashing before their eyes, I'd let out the biggest, rankest egg smelling fart ever

>> No.54467397


>> No.54467403

Rolled 7 (1d20)


>> No.54467426

Peasant? you call Lag'nokkal a Peasant i shall inform you that Lag' is Queen of her under hive,Hruds throw themselves to Lag's knees. Lag has great fame you worm!

>> No.54467451

>She's also got numerous broken bones. Her entire backside is burned like a piece of steak left on an open flame for too long. AND she's got a piece of metal sticking out of her left shoulder.

>> No.54467453

Rolled 26 (1d100)

Oh they Hurd. I remember you guys! You are great at uhh. I'm not drunk enough for this.
Invisibility away!

>> No.54467474

Lag sees you,you can't hide and Rog says your Not a real pirate you shit face!

>> No.54467475

Rolled 48 (1d100)

Arrr can't I at least stay dead?

>> No.54467489

Rolled 45 (1d100)


>> No.54467492

I don't believe you. He didn't say that, we were best buddies!

>> No.54467501

>the ghost of Vanderdelgus appears before the Commissar
Commissaaaaar... I need you...
>the ghost halters, as if he is fighting to stay in the material realm
I need you to delete my internet historrrry
>with a ghostly wail Vanderdelgus fades away, leaving behind only the smell of burning promethium and pizza

>> No.54467511

Rolled 88 (1d100)

*roll for something*

>> No.54467514

>Of the 20 transports that had landed to pick up the onground forces. Only seventeen were returning to orbit.
>One had become so rusted, and contaminated, that the others had blown it to pieces to keep the taint from spreading. One had blown up the titan. And another one, had returned to look for survivors.

>> No.54467515

But he did! now say your sorry for insulting Lag's honor!

>> No.54467532


>> No.54467534

>I'd rip another humungous ass fucking fart so disgusting and revolting even nurgle would use Febreze

>> No.54467544

Rolled 8, 80 = 88 (2d100)

Hold still dammit! And stop screaming!

>She would inject him, with enough anesthesia to drown a horse, before pulling out the slab of metal from his leg. And beginning to deal with the wound itself.
>First roll is for how well his body take the pain meds. Second it for healing.

>> No.54467549

*begins drunkenly crying*

>> No.54467558

Rolled 96 (1d100)


>> No.54467573


>> No.54467582

>he turns to see who's operating on him

>> No.54467597

I just realised!
I lost my second favourite eye...
It was my best friend...
Also you smell bad. Take a shower

>> No.54467618

>she Oozes out the Warp gun again aiming for the Prince's head

>> No.54467625

Emprah's balls, man, I heard that one from here. The fuck have y-you been eating?

>> No.54467638

Oh, stop your complaining Sergeant! It's already out, and you're going to be fine.

...in about a week, anyway. Probably two.

And in the meantime, the two of us are going to be spending alot of time together! I'll be feeding you, and bathing you, and everything else for you!

>> No.54467639

Your moms ass

>> No.54467643

Rolled 61 (1d100)

*Runs away*

>> No.54467653

Why the fuck am I on this ship.

>> No.54467655

Rolled 67, 89 = 156 (2d100)

one dice or chasing that panzy another for blowing his head off

>> No.54467659

>his scowl could set grass alight
Get me some crutches.

>> No.54467674

>he casts him a look
Well you're a charmer, aren't you?

>> No.54467681

Like HELL, you're walking on that leg!
>She looks rather furious at him.

If you try and stand up, you aren't going to HAVE a leg, dammit! Emperor knows you're lucky to still have it!

>> No.54467684

Rolled 2 (1d100)

*getting mashed in the back of the head hurts*
*roll for invisibility*

>> No.54467686


>> No.54467700

Rolled 34 (1d100)

Say sorry to Lag!
roll to kick him while he is down

>> No.54467745

Rolled 89 (1d100)

*roll to think happy thoughts*

>> No.54467748

>the scowl darkens
Did I f-fucking stutter? Get me some Throne-damned crutches! I'll walk the damn cut off, not like I haven't had worse.

>> No.54467755

Rolled 71, 28 = 99 (2d100)

Say your sorry!
one dice to break his thoughts and one to stab him in the face

>> No.54467777


>> No.54467805

Lag' thanks you
Now you are going to help Lag' or Lag' will shoot you again

>> No.54467810

Eat me out

>> No.54467844


>> No.54467857

Lag' wants a mate,you help Lag' find one yes?
or Lag' will use you

>> No.54467868

*runs off in a sprint*

>> No.54467881


>> No.54467904

*hides in the janitarium and seals the door*

>> No.54467923

You found me a-

You've got to be fucking kidding me.


>> No.54467926

The Prince said you can help Lag'

>> No.54467940

>She would look visibly angry at this point.
>Not a half second after he had finished speaking, he would feel a powerful pain across his cheek.
>Apparently, she had slapt him rather hard across the face.

NO! I will NOT!

You may not like it, Sergeant! But you're damn well injuried! If you want to walk, go for it! But with that much muscle missing, your leg is going to snap in half under her weight if your body! So you're going to wait HERE! Until a medicae team can get you to the ship's medbay!

So, sit down, and SHUT UP!

....Doctors orders.

>> No.54467945


>> No.54467948

Yes,there you are! the panzy said you can help Lag'

>> No.54467967

HE, won't be helping anyone. Not with his injuries, Xeno.

>> No.54467987

NO! who will help lag' mate then?

>> No.54467990


>> No.54467991

Nope, 'fraid not. Can barely help myself, let alone anyone else.

>he rubs the newly formed red mark on his cheek
Ow, you bitch! You just wait, I'm gonna...
>he tries to stand up, but winces and quickly gives up

>> No.54468014

NO! she must die then Lag' needs her mate!

>> No.54468020

Hello honored...hrut maybe I can help you
For a price that is

>> No.54468049

you will help Lag?
YES! now i need not kill those fools she can have her mate then
what is your price you Lag can pay it

>> No.54468052

Exactly! So SHUT-UP! and wait for us to reach the Eagle's Fury.

>She would give him an Injection of heavy antibiotics, along with a heavy dose of painkillers.
>When she speaks, it is with less anger.and more of her usual, peppy self.

This should keep the swelling down, and help you deal with the pain. Atleast until we get you to the medicae.

>> No.54468072

Hmm no, there's no need to kill potential customer's my friend....
But worry not, you need a mate yes?
I can get you a mate, yes if you are willing to bargain

>> No.54468089

YES! Lag' can bargain Lag' has wares what do you need Lag' can give you anything!

>> No.54468097

*muffled from beyond the janitarium*
Heyyyyy theeeere what can you do about a broken eye?

>> No.54468113

>he scoffs at the painkillers
C'mon, I gotta hang around your sorry ass for a week an' that's all your givin' me? Cut me some slack here, this is gonna be a very trying time for me.

>> No.54468133

Okay honored female there's no need for panic, yes?
What species do you want your mate?
Also I'm afraid you will have to wait until tomorrow to get the mate, but I assure you, he will be of highest quality and will love you dearly.
So you sign the contract, yes?
>Spits at his direction

>> No.54468135

>With she speaks, it would be as if she were since more angry at Van Kleez

A bullet to your head, should work fine, Xeno. It'll do wonders for your looks as well.
>After a moment, she would let out a giggle. Her voice returning to normal.

But if that isn't good enough, I'll see about getting you a replacement.

>> No.54468169

Anything!Everything! surprise Lag'

>> No.54468176

Rolled 66 (1d100)


*begins frantically digging into the side of the janitarium with a spoon*

>> No.54468194

>She would playfully Boop the intake valve of his mask.

Nope! You've got just enough to get you to the ship, where I can properly treat you.
>She would wrap an arm around his shoulder, and would hoist him to one leg, before carrying him over to a nearby wall.

And it's just enough, so that I can do my weekly check-up on your bionics.
>She would carefully place him to the floor, before pulling out a dataslate.

>She would lift a finger up infront of his face.

I need you to follow my finger. Alright?

>> No.54468199

Okay will...a human suffice yes?
For that I would like the broom sticking ou of you, yes....and you plasma weapon, yes
>Hands out contract and a quill
It is a deal, yes?

>> No.54468227

>she Oozes both out of her and signs the contract

>> No.54468255

Okay keep calm honored female, you'll get your mate at the start of the next cycle, wait at the docks, yes.
Or at the closet

>> No.54468284

Rolled 17 (1d100)

*shivers and tries to turn invisible*

>> No.54468324

Closet? thank you after im done with him in there i can wait at the docks

>> No.54468333

Rolled 80 (1d100)

*Uses telekinesis to force door very very definitely shut*

>> No.54468355

Have fun honored female
In fact
>Gives a blow-torch
Here's a little bonus for the fist contract yes

>> No.54468360

[You already got your action for the turn. Try again later.

>> No.54468380

Well you're a f-friendly one.

I told ya, I don't got no bionics. And get that finger away from me before I rip the damn thing off.
>despite his threats, his voice sounds tired and empty

>> No.54468394

Rolled 4 (1d100)

rolling to teleport into the room with the prince

>> No.54468425

Of course I'm friendly honored biped
I'm friendly to all my costumers, yes
Now would you like something, because stryx can get you anything...for a price

>> No.54468436

Sergeant! Sergeant, stay with me! Keep those eyes open. Yell at me. Do whatever it is you have to do, in order to stay awake!

>> No.54468493

Rolled 88 (1d100)

*roll to have left the closet ages ago and every conversation since was a massive telepathic illusion*

>> No.54468506

>She slumps in front of the door sad she can't get her prize

>> No.54468522

Huh. Spitting some kinda greeting in your language, xeno? And drugs. I want drugs. Lotsa them.

Calm the fuck down - I'm tired, not dying. 'Sbeen a long day, alright?

>> No.54468556

Hospitaler your friend is in bad shape, yes?
I can help you
>Shows some dark age tech
For a price yes
Oh my honored biped spiting is the way we reet eldar, the way you greet people spiting.
Oh and drugs yes, I can get you any drugs, for a price yes
Honored female do not be sad, I can offer you toys human females use in between their...matings, yes

>> No.54468579

How would that help me merchant?

>> No.54468602

>Shows collection of dragon dildos
Well you see honored female..
Human females use the as a timely replacement for the male reproductive organs, yes
Would you like some?

>> No.54468623

How would those things help,they have no male attached how do they work

>> No.54468655

Not sure I like the sound of that. What kinda 'p-price' we talkin'?

>> No.54468713

Rolled 17 (1d100)

*in an undisturbed dusty part of the ship, I would begin to meditate in an attempt to heal, seeing as nobody on this ship seems to want to help me*

>> No.54468715

Take a male, remove everything other than a reproductive organ and use it as you would use the males
Sure you sould have to do the work yourself
But if you seek the pleasure of mating it can make your waiting a bit easier, yes
Oh trinkets, odds and ends, thrones,meat, information, something any merchant would consider a price,yes
You must've heard about my people, stryx, in your travels

>> No.54468725

What is your price

>> No.54468747

Hmm what can the honorable female offer?

>> No.54468771

Lag is a Queen of a Hrud underhive,Lag can give you almost any type of tech or scrap
what do you want?

>> No.54468781

Hold on, lemme just-
>he gets a battered Uplifting Primer from his coat pocket and flips through it
Apparently I'm meant to abhor you.
Anyway, I can do you, uh...
>he rummages in a clinking pocket
...fifty thrones? What'll that get me?

>> No.54468802

Here human 100 more thrones for you, i did say i was to be your friend
>she hands him a bag with the thrones

>> No.54468831

I'm honored by the presence of the queen, I'll take a...sponge tube and you can have them all...
Such generosity is admirable, so honored biped
>Show's a bunch of 10 gram packet's of quality drugs
So what is your choice honored biped?

>> No.54468837

Rolled 90 (1d100)

*i would begin to refocus my mind and sweep away all cowardess*

>> No.54468856

Hmm,let me see
>she warps away to go look for a sponge tube

>> No.54468916

Rolled 25, 10 = 35 (2d100)

*Work on seeing if I can fix my shuriken pistols*

>> No.54468954

Hey, anyone who gives me free money is a friend of mine.

>he hands over the cash and immediately consumes the drugs
Pleasure doing business with ya.

>> No.54468961

Does this work merchant?
>she holds up several sponge tubes her servants found in the sewers

>> No.54468991

Of course honored biped
Yes, these will do
>Gives the box with dildos
Have a great day honored queen

>> No.54469014

>she takes the box and disappears into the shadows with the dildos

>> No.54469028

Well fuck, guess that's why I'm not a bone singer.
Allright time to get fucking wasted.
*wanders off back to find a bar*

>> No.54469514

The Merchandise was satisfactory for my...needs nothing compared to a true male though

>> No.54469535

>she folllows him to the bar in the shadows,watching the princes every move

>> No.54469600

Stop doing that.
I'm not in the mood for your obsessive demeanour mon'kleigh.

Name (leave empty)
Comment (leave empty)
Password [?]Password used for file deletion.