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[ERROR] No.47807562 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Is there any settings where elves are not gay? Pic related is sadly the least faggy elf I know. Another question I have is - why elves ALWAYS have low numbers? Why every fucking author has to hammer in the fact that despite having the hottest women elves don't wanna fuck? Why it's so important, where is the logic in that? How about badass elves who outnumber humans for once?

>> No.47807590

Witcher elves, the Aen Elle at least, are pretty badass. They're pretty much just better than humans in every way, which leads to most of them being dicks, but they're still hardcore as fuck.

>> No.47807596


Elder Scrolls

>> No.47807616

Aside from Dunmer all elves are fucking faggots in that setting as well.

>> No.47807630

If by faggots you mean strictly better than the humans, then yes.

Nothing faggy about omnicidial Nazi's and cannibals.

>> No.47807651

Bosmer are still utter fucking homos and neither cannibalism nor Wild Hunt will change it.

>> No.47807653

Make a setting where all Elves are women. Then it won't be gay.

>> No.47807657

OP is just going to keep shitposting until his mom makes him take his nap.

>> No.47807672

High Elves in Warhammer are pretty badass sempai.

>> No.47807712

In dominaria, elves will mutilate you for walking through their woods wrong (Llanowar). They make swords out of wood, call them armor, and then prove them to be brutally effective despite all expectations to the contrary (pic related), and some of them transform into half-plant giants, because magic (krosa). also sometimes they invent a species of semi-sentient fungus that completely overruns their shit, thanks Thelon.

>> No.47807719


>elves are gay hurrrr

What are you, eleven?

>> No.47807744

Krosa was Mirari's doing, it's not "natural" development of elves.

>> No.47807745

What are you, gay?

>> No.47807777

Well here's the thing, you've... around half a dozen varieties of elf in TES. All of them are assholes.

The Aldmer are currently under the rule of the elf version of the Taliban, and want nothing more than to deconstruct the world so they can become gods/immortal/revert creation to a timeless state.
The Bosmer are a bunch of tree hugging cannibal were-elves who can turn into monstrosities that damage the sanity of all who invade their kingdom.
The Dunmer are a bunch of ancestor and daemon worshipping assholes who enslaved a lot of lizardmen and are now getting the shit kicked out of them by life in general due to a lot of poor choices.
The Dwemer sort of self-annihilated their race after their own attempt at becoming a god, resulting in the Walkbrass, which has shattered time, at least twice before being destroyed.
The Falmer are degenerate elves that are the result of getting their shit kicked in by the Nords and the Dwemer, and then escaping the Dwemer's rape cave/laboratory complexes. They're also assholes and cannibals.

There's a few other minor subgroups like the Left-Handed elves who were destroyed in atomic hellfire when a Redguard decided to try a fancy sword trick.
The common uniting factor here is that TES elves are all gigantic pricks.

>> No.47807795

In most settings, the implication seems to be that elven women are not highly fertile. When you only have one menstrual cycle per decade, it's hard to pump out a shitload of baby elves.

>> No.47807818


So that's a yes to my question, then?

>> No.47807836

But in all fairness so are all the humans.

>> No.47807876

>got rekt by a guy killed by a peasant with a pitchfork

It's either pitchforks are OP as fuck or elves are pretty shit, buddy.

>> No.47807885

Dwarf Fortress.

Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, but they're just significantly less gay in Dwarf Fortress.

>> No.47807895

/tg/ really is obsessed with elves for some reason.

I'm counting half a dozen threads about elves in the catalog.

>> No.47807903


>> No.47807920

Elves are our Jews.

>> No.47807922

I think one went on full shitposting and now a dozen parasites are trying to replicate a little of that sweet, sweet shitposting magic.

>> No.47807956

This guy.

>> No.47807959

This is why elves have low numbers.
>I wanna apologize in advance if any of this sounds unprofessional or if I get some things wrong. I'm definitely not a genius on these things considering I'm male.

>So in my world, elves are slender. And when I mean slender, I mean the average elven body type is very thin (obesity in elves can happen though, along with bulking up and curving, though it takes more work than it does for humans).

>Now, one thing I noticed a lot in fantasy is the trend of making women as busty as possible. So, I wanted go reverse that in my elven population. Therefore, elven women are incredibly flat chested. There is substance enough to differentiate from boys but barely. Now, the breasts are important to us because they feed our children and are storages of fat that produce milk. We generally have 2-3 children within at least 10 years and after that we don't really feed anyone.

>Well, what if we only had 2-3 kids within a 10 year range of timeā€”and then continued on living 200 years afterwards? I am trying to find a logical reason, other than just being designed that way, as to why elven women would have such flat chests. Is there? Or does none of that have any correlation to breast size at all?

>Edit: This is slightly related, but what about males? Is there any correlation of penis size to body fat? I'm thinking elven microdicks might've been the reason why breeding between humans and elves never took place in my world

>Therefore, elven women are incredibly flat chested.
>elven microdicks

>> No.47807968


Don't forget "Our god got eated by a daedra but it's ok" elves.

>> No.47807981


>> No.47807988

Tolkien, Warhammer (at least the High variety, colonists and edgelords get out), and Elder Scrolls are the best elves.

>> No.47808000

There is everything wrong with being gay you faggot and Omar Mateen did nothing wrong.

>> No.47808027

>Mom pffhahahahaa Moooooom. I- pfhahaha I posted it again xDDD

>> No.47808029

I wanna impregnate the elf girl you posted.

>> No.47808036

Warcraft has some pretty good Elves, usually.

Anyway, the reason for the low numbers is because everyone loves to copy Tolkien's aesthetic.

>> No.47808040

If we want to be completely fair, everyone in TES is a prick, for varying reasons.

Fukken Orismer.

>> No.47808162

Nice trips, I'll give you that.

>> No.47808251


Green tusk elf is best elf

>> No.47808257



>> No.47808387

Thats a bit misleading.

I don't remember any of the orcs saying it was a good or even ok thing so much as it was just a thing that happened.

>> No.47808414


>> No.47808429


Yes, indifference is perhaps better than acceptance to describe it.

>> No.47808510

I usually run elves in my games as monsters alien in personality and superior to humans in pretty much every way.

They're much stronger, faster, tougher, smarter, sharper in senses, and have natural weapons in the form of retractable claws and more pronounced teeth. They capitalize on their agelessness to become more skilled and knowledgable than any human can be.

They lack any sense of morality or inhibitions and will happily fuck and eat anything that moves regardless of sex or race. Their birthrate isn't low and is only kept in check by the smarter and more powerful elves making sure they don't overpopulate, usually by eating the babies, while most humans just hope that elves don't fuck their day up and eventually take all the land and at best keep humans around for amusement or as cattle.

I started doing this after a couple of my players simultaneously went full HUMANITY FUCK YEAH XD, started buying into le edgy /pol/ counterculture, and actually started using the word "degenerate" in common speech. The butthurt, while petty, was greatly pleasurable to me, especially when one complained and then piped down after remembering I'm the only one around willing to GM.

>> No.47808548


>Aside from Dunmer all elves are fucking faggots in that setting as well.

Pretty sure they're actually expressly forbidden from having buttsex for some reason, I think because it might make monsters. Not sure how you can be literally any less homo than incapable of homosex.

>> No.47808578

I'd really like a source on that if possible.

>> No.47808593

Do your elves happen to look like this?

>> No.47808667

What the fuck are you talking about?

>> No.47808684

Sort of. They have a subconsciously off-putting mixture of extreme beauty and horrible feral monstrosity features.

>> No.47808902

>the aldmeri dominion is the taliban/nazis guise
I wish memesters who put half an hour into skyrim would go.

>> No.47808935

Guy who killed a bunch of fags in Orlando florida just now. Turn on the News. He was part of ISIS or something.

>> No.47809098

>forbidden from have buttsex
>when Vivec just wants to put his hard, throbbing spear inside of you

>> No.47809123

What about argonians?

>> No.47809281

>mind slaves to ancient trees from another dimension one order away from committing genocide.

>> No.47809284

The Riftwar Saga by Raymond Feist.
The Shanarra Series by Terry Brooks (back when he was actually a writer and not a demagogue).


>> No.47809304

>Pic related is sadly the least faggy elf I know.

Someone needs to watch the second Hellboy film.

>> No.47809335

>dunmer are the only good ones
>every other mer, including osmer, are faggots.

>> No.47809344

>If by faggots you mean strictly better than the humans, then yes.

Mer have consistently been losing every war with men for millennia. The only exceptions were the recent Great War - which exhausted both sides, and the Dominion worse - and the wars involving the Dunmer Triumvirate, who touched a piece of a god and used it to cheat.

>> No.47809395

Orcs are huge fucking faggots with insecurities and are no better than animals.

>> No.47809401

>it's fine when tiber did it!!!!1!!

>> No.47809438

You're not the only fa/tg/uy who's felt this way.

>> No.47809570

It is though. Deal with it, elf fag.

>> No.47811504


>> No.47811728

Elves have low population numbers mainly for two reasons: Balancing them, when they're a particularly powerful race, and imitating Tolkien

In Tolkien their population is low because a large amount of them got killed on wars early on their history and most of the survivors left Middle-Earth. They don't have sex often because they have catholic morals hardcoded into them, so sex is sacred and solely for the purpose of reproduction. That and consummation of marriage. Having children is spiritually draining and strenuous on top.

>> No.47811765

In SoS, it's a minor plot point that the Zells (and possibly the other elves as well) simply do not have homosexuals because of their mind-link thing. They think of it as a weird mental illness that humans get.
So there at least the elves aren't gay, they're just huge bastards.

>> No.47811770

I can't think of a single Elf from a reputable source that actually fucks a man. Or even a man with boobs. Not even for pay.

Dwarfs on the other hand are constantly implied to be bisexual.

>> No.47811803

No, he was gay. ISIS was just a pray-the-gay-away thing.

>> No.47811876

Leave us out of it, that closeted cocksucking Mohammedean is going to get the AWB put back in place, he's the worst thing to happen since Dylan Roof.

Why couldn't he just use a bomb like all of the other ragheads, then we'd just be talking about banning fertilizer or something, noooooo, he had to go and use a scary black assault rifle (not actually an AR-15, it was some Sig Carbine) so all the liberals can shunt the blame off of his depraved death-cult onto regular gun owners.

>> No.47811907

Link is a cool straight white elf.

>> No.47812046

Yes. What now, faggot?

>> No.47812145

Man, nothing goes your way, does it /pol/?

I bet that even if they restarted Auschwitz and killed all the Jews in the world they'd just be doing it to prove you wrong about the Holocaust, and then Anita Sarkessian would speak against it at the UN just to stick the boot in.

It's so unfair.

>> No.47812231

In one of the 36 Lessons of Vivec, oral sex was forbidden, but I don't think anal was.

>> No.47812307

Jeeze, you're telling me. The most bitter argument I ever saw on /pol/ was two hours long, one Stormfronter claiming that the Holocaust didn't happen, but should have, and another claiming that it did happen, but didn't go far enough.

There's literally no winning. If alcohol wasn't degenerate, I'd drink myself to death.

>> No.47813080

You are aware that the Thalmor are bad for more reason than "they don't like Talos," right?

I mean, their desired goal is literally the destruction of the 3 remaining Towers which would
>undo Lorkhan's creation of Mundus/Nirn
>cause time to return to its alinear state when the universe was first created.
>destroy all human souls
>cause all elf souls to ascend to the semi-divide beings they were originally

You can understand why, with a plot like that, people might compare them to Nazis.

>> No.47813201

What the fuck is with all these elf threads all of a sudden?

Is there a Wizards of the Coast shill on here trying to boost elf-awareness for some shitty expansion to 5th?

>> No.47813288

I think it's because of those 50+ elves that died in orlando the other day.

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