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[ERROR] No.47777499 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Last Thread >>47772931
Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/vrqYhnpu

Here is some OC for you guys.

>> No.47777575


>> No.47777596

Does it have waifus?

>> No.47777606

No. It does not.

>> No.47777612

>> No.47777613

I just looked over it.

You may be able to romance some of the characters, but trust me, you don't want to.

>> No.47777621

Then what's the point?

>> No.47777648

Although I understand why, I find it funny that the power "Seductress" is in a category different than the category "Seductress."

>> No.47777654

Good first attempt OP! But, try to make your next attempt at CYOA closer to >>47777612

>> No.47777660

Power, dear anon. The raw destructive power of the apocalypse being at your disposal is the point. to be able to decide the fate of entire nations and races is the point. Becoming a force of incredible power is the point.

Plus, there wasn't a four horseman cyoa yet and I wanted to make one.

>> No.47777679

This is like a more destructive, maybe edgier version of the Sins cyoa. Oh, and I pick Pestilence. We're going full Papa Nurgle.

>> No.47777684

Like I said, you CAN have waifus in this...

if you're into guro or something?

>> No.47777689

>Good first attempt.
I've made about three other pdf cyoas before this (one of which is being reworked, and the other needs a little lore but is mechanically finished.)

>> No.47777700


I choose to become the horsewoman of death! The vile plague of humanity has persisted to long! It's time to clean this place up!

If I'm deathless, then who will be my friend when humanity's gone?

>> No.47777702 [DELETED] 

I always knew I was some kind of sex demon on the inside.

>> No.47777710

This cyoa will never be finished just like the Short Superhero cyoa. So please stop posting it.

>> No.47777716

I'll be honest, that cyoa inspired me a little.
Also, I thought Famine would be better suited for the god of decay.

>> No.47777721

"Tortured Chaos."

That doesn't sound succubus-like at all! That sounds like some sort of edgelord!

>> No.47777727

Make a metal band.

>> No.47777732

>Deadly Curse

Wow, how fucking edgy is my name.

>> No.47777733

I'll be honest, Death sounds the least horrifying.

>> No.47777734

As such you are now named Egdenon go for and spread your edge

>> No.47777737

Nobody. Animals, maybe, but no humans. Though that should take quite a while given there are seven billion humans on the planet right now.

>> No.47777745

>wicked virgin
I can't even get any as a succubus...

>> No.47777755

Wait, I read it wrong. It's actually "Tortured Silk."

Which is better, but doesn't make much sense.

>> No.47777756

Not really a lot of choice here, OP.
>Pick a horseman
>The end
I feel like you could easily flesh this out over time. Add optional powers you can with points, add drawbacks like being hunted by another horseman, add options for escaping the cycle, etc.
Your writing is pretty good, but this seems kinda unfinished.

I'm picking Death too, we'll be Deathless buddies in a cold, dead world.

>> No.47777761

Blazed Heat, thanks mom.

>> No.47777764

>Eternal Goddess
Would be nice except I'm a guy.

>> No.47777771

Better than Wicked Chaos. I wanted something more sensual... like Sensual.

I feel your pain.

>> No.47777774

Not anymore.

>> No.47777776

But how can you two be Deathless if you're both Death?

>> No.47777784

Luscious Escort
Well then

>> No.47777789

>Tortured Escort
Well, it sort of fits. Not because I'm a masochist, but because I have really weird issues with sex, so being a sex demon would seriously fuck with me.

>> No.47777798


I wasn't even paying attention to the numbers until now, but this was so close.

>> No.47777804

Anyone a sauce on tihs?

>> No.47777809

To be honest, I kind of wanted a simple cyoa to try out an Idea I've had for the longest time and to better my writing skills for lore. Will not try and flesh it out too much more (maybe some challenges) but will work on another cyoa.

Also, thanks for the compliment.

>> No.47777812

I posted it last thread for you.

>> No.47777818

Tower of God manhua.

>> No.47777820

>Off by one
Alternate universes, my man.

>> No.47777822 [SPOILER] 

>Eternal Bliss

>> No.47777845

10 cyoas of your choice become animated movies/shows. What are they?

>> No.47777847

>Hardened Virgin
I'm not actually a succubus, I just take care of finances.
Sometimes you need to shank a bitch.

>> No.47777848

>erotic passion
Meh. at least the last part fits

>> No.47777857


It doesn't matter how many there are! It must be done! The old Gods command it! They chose me!


>we'll be Deathless buddies in a cold, dead world.



>Delectable Virgin

Ooh sexy!

>> No.47777860

Oh well, not for me but thanks

>> No.47777862

>Hardened Virgin
God, that's too perfect.

>> No.47777869

I got that one too.

>> No.47777872


>Relaxing area
>Lust eyes
>Weirdness factor
>Own production


>> No.47777875

it needs more depth.
or if i where to shitpost it at you "IT NEEDS MOAR MOAR!!!11ONE"

>> No.47777888

Traveler 10 times.

>> No.47777897

What do you mean by depth? I'm curious now, what can I do to improve it?

>> No.47777928

>Fierce Virgin

>> No.47777938

Like- what kind of story, it could work but you'd need to do it as a set of Stories about individual Travellers infinite-chan.

>> No.47777963

perhaps there is more to this world ending then simply four horsemen?

perhaps there are perks?
perhaps multiple horsemen that specialize in subschools of said horseman?
maybe more than four...'classes' many other religions have MANY different world ending entities or world STARTING entities that you could draw inspiration from?
perhaps you have a choice of settings (fantasy lands, grimdark future, modern day erf, etc.)

which direction do you want to go? there are many types of depth. hell look at traveler or star dust or any of the big wig cyoas.

maybe you've got a new big wig idea churning...

>> No.47777984

Monster Hunter Anime
Kingdom Crusher/Diplomacy tv or animated show.
Dungeon-meister anime
Battlemage anime
Overlord show
Solar Inheritance show

But why keep asking, anon?

>> No.47778000

Thanks to one of you jackasses sending me this, I'm now Eternal Virgin, the neckbeard succubus.

>> No.47778015

Good luck finding the spirit energy you need to live.

>> No.47778023

Saw this posted last thread but hadn't had a chance to make a build. I'll post then read.

Warm Chaos

I feel like this name generator has a whole lot of dud options.

>> No.47778027

Thumbs up from me mate. Nicely done so far, will post proper feedback in a mo.

>> No.47778050

While this sounds good, when I was creating this I wanted a simple one choice cyoa, much like pic related (has been a decent influence, thanks again Quiet.). Though If complexity and depth is what you want, I have good news for you.

I am currently working on the remake of the energy cyoa to add more lore, perks, and companions (maybe now I will add a faction or two.) However, I have run into a few problems. Firstly, I am not sure whether to make the cyoa a form of mid fantasy (only a few know magic and creatures like werewolves don't exist) or soft sci-fi. Secondly, I still need to work on companion backstories and names, which might take a while (though I am taking suggestions if anyone wants to leave one.)

>> No.47778051


>> No.47778082 [DELETED] 

So the Avatar of Hope lived, on average, 19.99 years each life? That's a bit shit.

>> No.47778148

>Blazed pleasure

Hope you're all ready to get high.

>> No.47778175

>Love potion
>Relaxing area
>Induce arousal
>Targeted arousal
>Own production

>> No.47778194

"Blazed Agony"

Oh god, I've become That Guy

>> No.47778293

Alas, I lost my stardust folder and I wish to restore it. Post the recent stardust along with the dlc/romance/modules if you have it. Here's some art in the meantime.

>> No.47778472

>Tortured Compassion


>> No.47778477

kiss the cyoa author

>> No.47778501

apparently 4chan hates my pngs now

>> No.47778510

>Alluring Bliss
That's fine.

>> No.47778526


>> No.47778533

Pride is the best by far in terms of abilities, followed by Sloth.

>> No.47778546


>> No.47778549

True, but Gluttony has the potential for the most raw power.

>> No.47778568


>> No.47778593


>> No.47778614


>> No.47778628

and i think that's it

also updated one portrait in this one because it was outdated

>> No.47778644

>Luscious Chaos

I can live with this.

>> No.47778690

Vanguard. Adaptability and survivability are good traits, and a good starting point when I hope to have a very long lifetime of experience.

Speaking of adaptability, spears are very flexible weapons and having anti-magic capabilities are very important to me.

Speed and Maneuverability. Soar was another close choice but I think I'll take the lightning over it. It's close enough that I'd probably pick whichever one looked coolest, to be honest.

>General Skills
Hot Blooded*
Cold Blooded*
Really stressing the theme of survival here. I can go just about anywhere and be unnoticed while I'm there. Tame is a great combination with Camouflage and while Breath would be another important skill I just don't have room for it. Packmule is maybe not as important and Quick Study just sounds like something everyone in this position would have.

>Special Skills
"My love for you...
"My love for you... combos well with Stamina to help ensure I'm at the top of my game most of the time. Indomitable is almost a must-pick for me in a setting that even hints at mind-altering enemies.

>Basic Spells
Analyze Item
Grappling Hook
Hyper Jump
Earth Wall
Utility spells, mostly. Planning to mostly rely on my strength and my spear when directly in combat.

>Advanced Spells
Air Burst
Arc Lightning
Heal Major
Second verse, same as the first. Decided to take one direct-damage spell in Arc Lightning instead of Shockwave, figuring that Air Burst could handle the knockback role.

Hell yeah. Girl's gonna get buff working with me and we can tell her parents to frick off.
I swear I'm not just picking battle waifus! Ann's skill in tactics and strategy is definitely something I'll need starting out.
Seems very bro-status and I admire his drive and work ethic. Kind of a poor move with that childhood friend, though.

>> No.47778710

>Branded Goddess

i sound like a tavern

>> No.47778712

Succubus Time!

Body Type

>Passive-Aphrodisiacs,Relaxing Area,=2
>Active-Lewd Area=1
>Seductress-,Ambrosia,Round Two=2
>Misc-Flight,Tail Control,Weirdness Factor,Metabolism,Increased Production=5

>Alli and Keki

>> No.47778796

Thank you senpai I bestow upon you the blessings of a thousand stars

>> No.47778818

>Luscious Ecstasy
Hmm, not too bad I guess, I'd probably go by Lu to keep it simple

>> No.47778837

Where we at so far.

>> No.47778881

Own Production(9)
Increased Production(8)
Relaxing Area(5)
Emotion Link(2)
Tail Control(0)

Remme, Alli.

>> No.47778888

Quiet stop posting and get back to work. That way we can get further.

>> No.47778915

thanks, i will tell the cosmic neighborhood of your doings

but i'm not muslim

>> No.47778942


I am going to make it hurt anon. And, you're going to like it.

>> No.47779015

>m-muh symbology

Looking forward to it.

>> No.47779021

>Got deleted despite not being a roll CYOA

>> No.47779034

Please make it hurt, Quiet. I like it that way.

>> No.47779053

>Pure Blood
I was bit by a wereloli

>> No.47779094

can anyone post the newest version of this?

>> No.47779098

Hey, just had a question for everyone, what do you think about Portland, Oregon as a city-state for Urban Fantasy?

I went there about five years ago and liked it, so I did write it up a while back but now I'm not sure if I should put it in.

>> No.47779121

Sounds good.

>> No.47779141

I'd fucking love it

>> No.47779159

Yeah, totally. Just finished. My fever got worse, so I didn't proofread it. I don't think proofreading would do much in the state I'm in.

UPDATE - 2 new girls.

(4/20) - >>47770161 → Fei La & Mishe
(5/20) - >>47710938 → Twile & Harmony
(6/20) - >>47710983 → Omne & Pan
(7/20) - >>47711012 → Alice & Andrea
(8/20) - >>47711031 → Kaila & Jeanne

>> No.47779160

It's in the last thread, at the top.

>> No.47779184

20 images? Nigga make a pdf

>> No.47779187


(9/21) - >>47711047 → Kataline & Floof
(10/21) - >>47771855 → Saki & Oki
(11/21) - >>47711085 → Chere & Yin
(12/21) - >>47713393 → Lillan & Bloom
(13/21) - >>47713427 → #056 "Bunny" & Medi

>> No.47779194

>PDfs are magic

>> No.47779216

If any of you have questions about what it'd be like, imagine Life is Strange but the city is less shitty, the urban magic is a lot cooler, and the people a lot nicer. That's the most I can say without giving too much away, but sadly, I came to a bit of an issue.

Either Portland or Paris has to go.

>Described above.

>Major big name schools.
>Super, super 'free' culture.
>Slightly racist people.
>Great art schools.
>Moderate combat culture.
>Current political upheaval.

So, you guys pick one.

>> No.47779220

(3/21) - Steam(punk) and water

(14/21) - >>47740655 → Flo & Beyn
(15/21) - >>47754845 → Melody & Falchion

(21/21) - >>47754884 → Miya

>> No.47779243

I have a question. I have a CYOA idea I want to make, but I'm wondering what program people use to make theirs? I've used paint for simple ones, but should I use photoshop or something if I wanted long pages?

>> No.47779251

Whoops, forgot this link in the previous post.
(16/21) - >>47770008 → Caldera & Lyze

This is:
(17/21) - Reworked Avarice & Hex a tad, in some wording. Also a typo was fixed, I think.

>> No.47779263

(18/21) - Gia & Buoy
Hasn't been proofread, so please point out mistakes.

>> No.47779268

Can't really answer that question for you; all of my cyoas are in pdf. I did try Paint.net a while ago, though it's text editor confused me a little. Might need to watch a tutorial. I'm sure someone else on this thread can help.

>> No.47779286

Stick to programs that you're most comfortable working with anon.

Most of the well known authors here use photoshop or Gimp and while a vast majority of the shorter cyoas are made in paint.

>> No.47779290

"gia and her people don't age past a certain people"

>> No.47779294

(19/21) - Library 1

I feel awful.

>> No.47779306

>Can get robotic clockwork bird wings
I like this a lot more than I should. It's one of my favorite wing aesthetics.

>> No.47779310

People largely use Photoshop or GIMP for engaging design or backgrounds, not just long CYOAs. You can get away with Paint if you're fine with it looking a little bland.

Personally I don't really care much about the design in that sense, so it doesn't matter what you use to me.

>> No.47779314

Posting again because I posted late last thread.

>> No.47779320

beri pls

now i can't decide between saki and gia

>> No.47779322

(20/21) - Library 2

Technically, if that "certain people" is young adults, it still works. Thanks for pointing it out, I'l fix it.

Glad you do!

>> No.47779334

Could I earn good boy points by "servicing" Avarice

>> No.47779340

LiS is a lot more Northern California than it is Oregon. Either way, I'd go for it over Paris any day.

>> No.47779346

I built a small web app to do it so I have to figure out how to not sameface everything I do.

>> No.47779363

Stick with Saki; everyone else hates her! She can be yours and yours alone.

Yes, & she'll get you all the chicken nuggies you can eat.

>> No.47779365

Hmm, so Buoy can also alter the density or force down water? Is that why she weighs more than she looks? I imagine it's psychosomatic.

>> No.47779384

very well

>> No.47779392

You are completely correct. It says it more explicitly in the library page for the anons that aren't good at picking up those kinds of things.

>> No.47779400

You need your rest, Beri. You're sick.

>> No.47779451

But I couldn't take a break on a bad note. I had to get something else out there. 'sides, I know the secret to health. I just need more water.

>> No.47779459

Thanks for the advice, I'll try GIMP.

>> No.47779481

I'll try to proofread before starting up my build, so. Only proofreading the new pages. I might miss some, but I usually get most things on the first sweep.

>Gia and her people don't age past a certain people.
Mistake should be obvious hear.

>hot coffee aorund her again.

>localized floding

Now on to Gia's page. Gia... gear. I just got that.

>Alright, whats your game?
What's your game?

>... Rommate?
Should be roommate.

>poured it out to hide
I'm not sure what this means.

>sacreligious stoves.

>to such as status.
To such a status.

>to do anything to myself.
To do something to myself. As you have it now, it means something... quite different and kind of horrifying if you think of it.

I don't see as much in Buoy's, but here's what I have.

>when meeting too people.
When meeting new people.

>Or well,
Or, well,

>and be immune to the pressure of it.
Not technically wrong, but awkwardly worded... "and be immune to its pressure" perhaps?

>on your size.
In your size.

>limited lime offer
Limited time offer. Unless she only manipulates citrus juices.

>T-to for the link,
F-for the link, (or maybe you meant something else, idk)

Library (new entries only)

I see no errors at first glance.
I have noticed some assorted mistakes in earlier passages, but I didn't want to seem like a grammar nazi... Maybe later, I can proofread the whole thing. When it's not the night.

>> No.47779483

Hope you get better soon cyoa general needs you!

>> No.47779488

Those would be cool and refreshing on a hot day.

>> No.47779498

I like Lugers, but I think the jew hate will get me in trouble, and I don't know about becoming aryan.
I'll go with M2, it's not easy to get one, free trip to USA and nobody invades my shit.

>> No.47779505

>Mistake should be obvious hear.

>> No.47779534

>Thanks for the advice, I'll try GIMP.
Good luck.

>> No.47779567

>30 Girls
This is impressive mate, you just keep pumping them out. Ya wanna know what'd be really impressive? 80 Girls. :D

>> No.47779641

Thanks, Anon. You're a huge help!

> >poured it out to hide
>I'm not sure what this means.
All the best assassins know that even if the lights are off, somebody is home is the tea is hot.

>To do something to myself. As you have it now, it means something... quite different and kind of horrifying if you think of it.
Really? I don't get it. I'll change it anyway, though.

>Unless she only manipulates citrus juices
No... but that's in her domain.

Thanks again. I fixed them all.


lewd That's for romantic interests only.

If I get more than 40, Miya would have to start being NSFW in the intro pages.

>> No.47779650

>when beri releases so many girls so fast you actually missed some

good fucking god man, how many pages, when will you stop? Never?

You, you can't possibly make over 100 equal waifu's. c-can you?

>> No.47779654

>1 weapon, 1 armor and 1 object
Where are the objects tho

>> No.47779658


Orb of Life
Library of the Supernatural - Electric surfin' go go!
Surveillance - For when the goons break in, this is useful.

The missing link between her world and ours... a "metal Gia," if you will.

Lover - She's gotta get with my friends first, though.

New Components - So I'm not completely defenseless, I choose weaponry.

5-Second Glass - Never know, could be useful...

Bonus - ...Like clockwork. (Augments.)

Ranks: #26, between Chere and Lillan. I was never into the whole steampunk thing… I do think the technology she introduces could be wonderful though.

Say, she doesn't look fat at all. Where does the "600 pounds" come from?

Orb of Life
Library of the Supernatural - I need control, we all need control...
Surveillance - Waterproof my house please.

Cleaning - Dry seems like a bit much work for her, if she needs to constantly concentrate like that.

Float - I ain't Jesus, but I'm walking on water.

Smart Solutions - Yeah. I'm just gonna take this now.

Bonus - Splash. Mental Link sounds more useful than anything, especially when she's being unstable.

That was... a joke! I swear! ...Yeah, I fucked up. In my defense, why would I proofread a proofreading post?

>> No.47779670

Oops, forgot to rank Buoy. #19, between Alice and Bunny--she's a cute little destructive cinnamon roll.

>> No.47779705

>Where does the "600 pounds" come from
Float works both ways, based on her mental-state. And... she gets nervous when it comes to scales. Or was your statement sarcastic? I can't tell.

>> No.47779707

Author said last thread about dropping those while it was being made and forgetting to remove the reference to them. There's a few other mistakes (skills/skill descriptions being duplicated) that are probably going to get fixed at some point.

>> No.47779768



>The Flag

>Quick Study

>...is ticking clock
>Beast Master

>Hyper Jump
>Heal Minor Wounds

>Light Beam


Honestly just picked stuff that sounded fun and would fit the Heroic theme. Misha and Azek cover stealth and magic, and Himme would be fun to train as a hero. Also Misha's Dandere personality and Azek's blatant flirting are both fetishes of mine.

>> No.47779796


Not wasting energy is paramount in any endeavor. Doubly so on the battlefield.
Soothing and controlling beasts is nice.
Strengthening your armor and generating magic shields is goat.
Potentially riding a dragon into battle is bucket list.

This staff is seriously OP. It beats all others hands down.

This armor coupled with Dragonlord damage reflection makes it damn hard to fight you without beating yourself up in the process

Going for basic coverage on this one. Stamina works well with being a Dragonlord.

"My love for you
Pocket Dimension
The first to a self explanatory. Pocket Dimension because fuck carrying anything but the basics.

Grappling Hook
Heal minor wounds
Hyper Jump

Heal Major
Arc Lightning


>> No.47780052


This is an amazing CYOA, so many waifus! I love the avarice perks, but waaaay 2loli4me. So close yet so far. I just wanna be rich without doing anything, is that so much to ask?

I know you covered all the deadly sins with her, but I would love another evil type waifu, especially one that lets you make deals or pacts or such with her.

>> No.47780060

>M1 Garand


>> No.47780061

Fuck yeah man I'd be down for that.

>> No.47780105

Evil really wouldn't fit, why not a rich girl who isn't evil?

>> No.47780117

That would be awesome! Only started reading it a little while ago, but I would love that.

>> No.47780135

Glad you like the CYOA & her. You *can* convince her to use Sex Money when necessary, but she'd never keep the form up. I feel that if I added another "evil" type, that I'd get shot. It isn't received well by most.

>> No.47780151

Does anyone have any neat ghost-themed powers they'd like to see in a CYOA?

Alternatively, what are some monstrous body modifications (think horns and claws) with special properties you'd like to see?

>> No.47780159

Rachel a shit

>> No.47780235

gibe centaur

>> No.47780240

Hero Academy has horse pussy if you need it.

>> No.47780244

>that nagant
even if i chose the Garand the thought of fighting an army with the nagant, and a slav army coming out of nowhere to fight and annoy the shit out of my enemies seems like a 10/10 weapon.

>> No.47780285

invisible penis

>> No.47780335

Invisibility is definitely in.

>> No.47780344

soul sight, astral projecting, sapping the life/emotion from people, controlling objects, cold temperature control, anything/everything to do with 40k eldar soul-powered technology

>monster body mods
wings, undead parts (think strangelove), brain enhancements Ala mindflayers, ooze organs, photosynthetic skin, Dr. jackle/Mr. hyde type super juice implant thing, dragon breath organ, beholder eyes, super reflexes ala giant jelly flying jellyfish.

>> No.47780386

Lots of neat ideas, thank you. I'll put in as many as I can, I'd be most happy with at least 30 of each, maybe more, but this is a good start. Can't promise all will get in though. Anyway, I'm passing out but I'll check out all further suggestions in the morning.

>> No.47780392

You know, that's the only MonMusu that I don't have a webm that's Suu + them for.

>> No.47780417

Should I add more non human companions? I intentionally didn't include many because I was scared of generating a shit storm.

If I did what should I add more of? Should I include new races? If I do what kind?

>> No.47780418

Possession (Both people and items)
Immaterial/Astral Form

>Body modifications
Venomous/Toxic/Poisonous Blood
Scales (For blocking attacks and hitting harder)
Hardened Bones
Increased Muscle Production (In other words, gaining absurd amounts of muscle for a short time)

>> No.47780436

I'd like it, I enjoyed the ones you had but I'm a complete xenophile (took the dwarf, snek, and centaur).

Anyway, why not start from other traditional fantasy monstergirls? A nice wolfgirl or drider, you know. Maybe a slime.

>> No.47780448

Not him, but it's fine as is.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If you do, you might end up making a monster girl universe instead of a fantasy universe (not that the two are mutually exclusive, but you know what I mean)

>> No.47780456

Well he's working on some DLC general companions along with the new schools iirc, no harm in sprinkling some in there.

>> No.47780573

>Buoy's personality.

Hrk, my heart.

>> No.47780595

Just help keep her spirit afloat, anon.

>> No.47780614

Glad you like her.

I'm gonna go collapse for the rest of the night, now. Goodnight, thread.

>> No.47780627

I think "more" is generally a good choice. There's nothing I'm particularly looking for in nonhuman companions but there's nothing I'm particularly looking for in human companions either. Just having more variety in options is fun.

>> No.47780748

Goodnight Beri, I'm very fond of Gia; flights of steampunk angels fly thee to thy rest!

>> No.47780784

I hope you feel better Beri

>> No.47780843

i wish buoy's outfit was a sukumizu

>> No.47780903

Confirm or Deny

Every good CYOA must have waifus and husbandos

>> No.47780992


Confirm. Well there are exceptions where it is basically import your own waifu into a setting at a point cost.

>> No.47781022

An outlook like this is basically everything that's wrong with /cyoa/, choking the life out of it.

Go get a fucking girlfriend. You don't need a magical fantasy land for something that's available all over the place in real life.

>> No.47781052


Don't get me wrong, I quite enjoy waifu-builders (or be-the-waifu-builders) but there are plenty of good CYOAs that don't have Waifus, and if I'm being honest, I ignore the waifu expansions for stardust and conduit because they take away from the experience.

>> No.47781072

Did people end up liking this CYOA?

I'll make a full version, and sequels, if people do.

>> No.47781090

Rejected. I have long since placed such opinions in the trash where they belong. Your CYOA is no better than anyone else's just because it caters to a subgroup of users. Improve the content if you want it to be good.

>> No.47781098

Beri should fix that.

>> No.47781102


Deny, waifus can be fine, but too much of them fucking everywhere makes things monotonous and boring. Same with fetish stuff. Sure its fine, but when you just hose everything down with it, it kind of makes things boring. Sure they might consume one or two threads, but I swear they're the quickest cyoa to fade away. Larger more complex cyoa take work, but pass the test of time.

>> No.47781121

You don't need the escapism of the CYOAs if you go live an interesting life.

>> No.47781127

Deny. Too overdone.

Becoming a waifu is good though

>> No.47781130

I would rather become one.

>> No.47781133

Probably the Colt, but the M1 Garland seems cool too.

Underused ghost powers:
>Sensing other spirits - able to detect other ghosts currently invisible/possessing someone/hiding in walls/etc. May detect sensitive humans as well.
>Pulling 'spirits' of items out, effectively making a copy usable only by ghosts and spirit-sensitive people. Side effects include increased rate of decay until the spirit's put back in. Do NOT mix and match types.
>Pulling people's spirits out, as above or that episode of Pokemon. Can be used for impromptu bodyswaps, but not healthy in the long term.

>> No.47781135

Sure, if you want to appeal to the bottom of the barrel.

>> No.47781152

On the contrary, there is nothing fantastic or even exceptionally interesting about getting into a romantic relationship. Shit like that doesn't need to be shoved into CYOAs in the vast amounts as vast as it is. All it does is make something that's supposed to be about fantasy stale and boring.

>> No.47781154

People who like to have power fantasies are so much better.

>> No.47781196

I'm glad you agree.

>> No.47781206

Call me when you've found an succubus who gives me my ideal body.

>> No.47781245

Hex's still abduct innocent people and arouse them?~ Well NTR anon would be very happy about it~

Yeahh there's some typo in the new things, but well not bad update in general

>> No.47781250

You don't need a waifu for that. Hell, you didn't even include a waifu in your example. If the CYOA is about you being given an ideal body then there is no need for it to go into detail about the succubus' personality.

>> No.47781296

>you should no better

>> No.47781314

So is the Librarian going to be a waifu choice in the future?
I mean the intro girl was.

>> No.47781366

>be the waifu

You people disgust me

>> No.47781394

Can I get the Clothing pic in it's fullest?

>> No.47781413

tons of people enjoyed this CYOA.
you new?

>> No.47781417

Sneak Peak of A QuietCYOA Cosmic Horror DLC, coming out with Urban Fantasy next week.

>> No.47781437

Deny. What makes a good cyoa is almost entirely subjective. The only things that are almost universally needed for a cyoa to be good are things like balance and aesthetics. For instance, while you would like waifus, I prefer power.

>> No.47781440

When're you going to post your notes hoss?

>> No.47781446


>> No.47781468

As I've explained multiple times, I lost my old computer and, along with it, the notes.

>> No.47781472

Checked a whole 400 posts
Didn't see the traveler mega link or whatever
please post

>> No.47781475

Never, ever.

>> No.47781492

If I may ask what were those notes about?

>> No.47781507

Symbology and mystery.

>> No.47781525

Could at least drop something you can remember

if not its fine but something is better then nothing

>> No.47781539

Whats the main CYOA

>> No.47781550

>Death Knight of Hope
I see no issue with this whatsoever.

A weapon made of determination, it would feel wrong not to use it.
Also anti-magic can always come in handy.

For more conventional threats.

>Quick Study, Meditation, Weapon Mastery, Strength

I'm like an edgier witcher...

>*is ticking clock, *Magnetism, *Indomitable

except not because ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH

>Detect Evil, Hyper Jump, Earth Wall, Purify, Zap, *Analyze Item, *Fireball
Spells for investigation, support, combat, and travel. Class spells further round this out.

>Elementalize, Heal Major, *Spirit Claw, *Cure, *Wave
Buffs, anti-armor, utility, and nuking to round things out.

>Mike, Misha, Himme

>> No.47781563

Just gonna post the first page enjoy

>> No.47781586

>not wanting to make yourself useful as a cute girl and be happy knowing you are able to brighten up the day of the man you love by doing things such as cooking meals for him, tending to his health and making sure everything is nice and clean for him to enjoy Including your own body at night
Why wouldn't you want to be a waifu? I'd give up just about anything to be a fertile, cute loli waifu.

>> No.47781611

Is it not complete?

>> No.47781613

Found it in my history

>> No.47781617

Guy who created the four horseman cyoa. Just wanted to let you guys know of my other projects.

Firstly, I have finally decided to man up and work on the color cyoa (yes, I know one other anon made one, but that seemed more like a joke cyoa.)
Secondly, I have decided to try my hand at image cyoas. I will start by making short and kind of stupid ones first, before moving on too turning my pdfs into images.
Lastly, i'm still thinking about companions for the new and improved energy cyoa, but if anybody wants to see a type of companion in the cyoa, just mention it and I will consider it.

>> No.47781631

No its done just that there are 11 pages

I can post the rest if people want

>> No.47781634

Not Quiet, but it's complete. Would post it if I had the images.

>> No.47781642

woops, Got the wrong one. Thats the right one

>> No.47781651

>living inferno
>blaze(burn baby burn)
>hot blooded(i think i have a theme plus my armor keeps me nice and toasty so i don't need cold)
>weapon mastery
>pocket dimension
>is ticking clock
>grappling hook
>heal minor(for the middle of a fight)
>analyze item(because im paranoid)
>lava circle(duh)
>penny(ambition is always dangerous)
>M(to mess with the heads of whoever I'm fighting)
>Ann(because my strategy is going to be hit them until they die)

>> No.47781659

1.15 soon Brother.

>> No.47781666


Fuck it 2/11

>> No.47781672

You people blur the lines. I can never tell if you're serious or if you really want to be a little girl

>> No.47781687


>> No.47781693

Please do

>> No.47781703


>> No.47781724

Im just glad he didnt put my characters in without altering them to fit. Makes it a lot easier to work up the courage to submit them

>> No.47781728

Remember Alex best waifu

>> No.47781757


>> No.47781763

Well in fairness all companions are a little autistic, its finding balance in that autism, and remembering these weirdos go home and sleep at the end of the day.

>> No.47781770


>> No.47781781

I am. I'm pretty much useless right now outside of housework and would at least be useful and all that as a girl. It'd be much better for me to be useful by helping out a man with his everyday life than being a useless part of society too so that'd also be a bonus.

>> No.47781788


Remember in Quiet cuteness is a weapon

>> No.47781791

What are some interesting fantasy cyoas you guys can recommend me to read up on/look at?

>> No.47781808


Almost but hold your but its about to get dark

>> No.47781815


>> No.47781819

No, i just made it.

I didn't really remember much more than a lukewarm reception though, which is why i was asking.

>> No.47781833 [SPOILER] 

Mystery Box remember the answer was inside you all along

>> No.47781845

Brah, you're a grown man. You can do all those wonderful things and still be a dude. Just find one of those career chicks that wants a stay at home bf or become a nanny or some shit idk

>> No.47781847

You wrote primer instead of "premier". I look for to seeing the rest

>> No.47781872

Whoa I really like the dark tone of the CYOA it makes it more exciting!

>> No.47781885

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic, but Thank you.

OHHH! You guys will finally get the significance of Released: Phantasm when urban Fantasy comes out.

>> No.47781897

Thanks for the Quitedump

>> No.47781903

Your welcome buddy

>> No.47781943

Hmm, so this cyoa is your namesake? Looks nice, has good potential for power, might create a build for it if I get the time. Will definitely have absolute will in there some where.

On another note, a while ago you expressed dissatisfaction with one of your cyoas (the seven sins one) and suggested too me to "fix" it if I wanted. I might just take you up on that offer, though it may take a decent sum of time.

>> No.47781946


I have had this for a bit but it does have some answers to some of the stuff in quiet.

I have waited for a long time for the rest now I am sad.

>> No.47781958

>too me to "fix" it if I wanted.
Please do. I'd love to see that concept done properly.

Aww, don't worry anon, another week before Urban Fantasy comes out and, hopefully, the discussion starts all over again.

>> No.47781975

While it'd be hard to do and I'd still rather be a loli, I guess I could try finding a woman like that and attempt to do something to make myself useful. Thanks anon.

>> No.47781983

for the advice*

>> No.47781986

If it means what I think it means, then Grimdark!JoJo Phantasm CYOA when?

>> No.47781995

Alright, I'll try my best. First thing on the agenda is slightly reworking the powers of some of the Sins. I'll let you know what I come up with soon enough.

>> No.47781999

All I ask of you quiet is when it starts to die down post the notes for it man

>> No.47782011

I'm not sarcastic, after so many "you become a super badass" or "choose your waifu" Is refreshing. and the censured faces in the extended home option makes it kind of more creppy than the broken home (Nothing is so perfect)

>> No.47782026

Caldera is best grill(pun intended)

>> No.47782081

I like this CYOA, but saving all the new images, especially the Library ones, gets really tiring.

>> No.47782112

>> No.47782141

Damn this shit is cool I'll probably post a build for it later.

>> No.47782150


>As I've explained multiple times, I lost my old computer and, along with it, the notes

The best he could do is sit down for a few hours and type up as many notes as he remembers which he should totally do after Urban Fantasy is finished.

>> No.47782160

Tough choice between animu and mystery box.
This is probably a terrible idea, but fuck it.
>Within: Grandeur (87)
Let's have fun.

>Bookworm, Tactician (57)
Let's be smart, why not?

>Brook, Blake
They'll handle whatever fighting we'll need, I'll provide battle plans. (27)

>Extended Home (7)
I want to have a cute little sister.

>Unknown family
I don't want to deal with any noble power struggles.

>Minne, Twin (7)
Leave my sis to deal with the paranormal stuff in our group, and having a twin seems interesting.

>Intricate Bond, Disliked (0)
I wonder is people dislike me because of how fucking creepy me and my twin are?

>Threat Level +1, Threat Level +2, Marked (60)
There's no possible way this could possibly come back to bite me severely in the ass! Legit though, I always make it point to be "unlucky" in games if I can. It's more fun that way.

... Ah, this isn't so bad! I can live with this!

That's ominous as fuck and I love it. Once again, though, this is clearly a terrible idea.

>Gabriel, 'Gantz, Cainard, Alisha (15)
Buncha fighters and a smart kid to help us out.

>Deuetude: Glamour
Might as well go all the way with my creepy twin wait no that's no what I meant

Use the last 15 on Library, Hypermind, and big bro Garret.

Alright, looking forward to seeing how this fucks me up!

How fucking appropriate

>> No.47782163

No problem, just keep the loli thing to yourself around normies. I'm sure you'll make a great hunsbando some day.

>> No.47782172

I definitely will this time man. I have them backed up in an email, along with my .psd files and everything else. I'm not losing everything again m8.

Excellent! I look forward to it.

Slightly off but you're in the right place.

Thank you!

For all the attention, have a preview of Urban Fantasy.

>> No.47782195

Sounds interesting. btw what program are you making your pdfs in?

>> No.47782224

All you need is 3. Intro page introducing the girl (number 3). Page with the 2 girls info (number is variable). and Library page 2, until it hits library page 3. The other pages beri was posting for completeness of the start and end of the cyoa i'd guess.

>> No.47782242 [SPOILER] 

>Page One. Spoilers! for Urban Fantasy!
>Hope you can see the blatant shit in this page!

I like this.

As the demand is so high, I guess I'll do my best after the week is over.

>> No.47782266

Dammit I was about to relax and sleep and then you pulled me in

>> No.47782276


>> No.47782293

Alright, though you will have to deal with pdf rough drafts; I don't want to put it into image format until I am certain everything is good enough. As for what I have so far...

Oddly enough, All I feel I need too do with Wrath, Lust, and Pride is to specify or change the descriptions of some of their powers (some people have complained about Wrath's Ira being hot enough to melt diamond.) Otherwise, at this moment, I see nothing wrong with the powers.

Sloth is mostly good, though I thought about removing the mental degradation, but keeping the physical. Makes more sense for someone who has a small library full of rituals.

Envy is a good choice, I admit. Despite this, many have complained about him being so weak compared to the likes of Wrath and Gluttony. I thought about adding a third power, one similar to Mimicry, Which would allow Envy to copy one power from other chosen. The catch is that he has to observe them using it, and he can only have one at a time.

I was also considering putting in a few more challenges, like in pic related. So far there is only one guaranteed. Don't want to give too much away, but let's just say it might be a leviathan of an addition.

Thoughts so far?

>> No.47782323

Google drive, then saving them as a pdf. Sorry if that is disappointing.

>> No.47782335

I do like the whole picking how you want to die

Gonna be honest never liked The Kronoial he felt like the ultmate mary sue

>> No.47782337

wait does brutal death cost 40 points or give 40 points?

>> No.47782339

Sounds very interesting. But, consider it your CYOA now, my input should be equal to that of another anon m8. You gotta decide what to do and what not to do. I like what you've written so far (although personally I always thought that Envy was very well balanced (all he has to do is copy the powers of the chosen's companions).

>> No.47782350

It cost 40 points from what I can tell

>> No.47782352

It costs 4 points.

That's right, even suffering isn't free in this world.

>> No.47782368

What you guys think is the zero is the currency sign.

It's like thinking that $10 is 550, because the dollar sign looks like a five. But, the eye sign thing is the currency.

>> No.47782371

I was thinking more along the lines of Anubis or Thoth, with some SMT demonsmixed in than the standard punchghost, but it's an obvious place to Steel that option from.

>> No.47782374

I thought of that too, except with stealing.
Thanks for this opportunity, I will not try and let you down.

>> No.47782384

liar, slow death is free and you get to slow suffer as you wast away on life support machine that only makes the pain feel more real, trapped forever in the shackles of flesh, crawling in thy skin

>> No.47782387

>Don't spook the normies
>on 4chan

And the tumblrforming continues.

>> No.47782394

Slow death now costs one point.

Nah, just kidding. But yes I forgot that.

>> No.47782398

>The Kronoial particularly hates Pride
>Since Pride is all about getting people to worship him, the Plague will almost certainly fuck him over the hardest
>The Order of God considers Pride their primary target
Ironically though, Pride is still the most OP by far.

>> No.47782414

Well this is actually super edgy

>> No.47782423

It only costs that much because it's better than the default.

>> No.47782445

>The Kronoial he felt like the ultmate mary sue
Doesn't that just make it more satisfying to kill him?

>> No.47782453

Question Quiet will there be a chance to consume mother.

I have a dream now

>> No.47782457

What are the chances of going mad with the slow death option?

>> No.47782463

Find out in a week!

Practically zero. She ensures that you don't have any lingering effects from your death in your next life.

>> No.47782479

bismuth doesn't look like that naturally and is softer than gold
muh autism

>> No.47782491

I love the side effects for gender twister

Fave is summoning of the "Hand"

>> No.47782504

Ok that was my greatest fear, because you have to think in the long run, and having more points but getting all traumatised for suffering a slow dead Is a no no, now I just have to endure.

>> No.47782509

Really? how they make it into that shape?

>> No.47782514

But Anon your family and friends will suffer just for your cruel and heartless gains

You monster

>> No.47782518


Forgot to mention Super Fly and the corpse as good examples.

>> No.47782529


>> No.47782541


>> No.47782554

And there goes any chance of a restful sleep tonight.

>> No.47782555

I like this CYOA. I hope the creator fixes the minor errors.

>> No.47782578

Is that a congratulatory
/ | | \
or a smug one?

>> No.47782607

Why not both?

>> No.47782672

And with that, you've lost me.

>> No.47782741

I'm sorry, but I can't get over the
>Hold up

Every time I see that, I instinctively want to go
I've been spending too much time on this damn site.

>> No.47782757

Bismuth crystals like that require a careful process of melting and slow cooling cooling without letting the overall mass of the metal solidify. It's actually not too hard to do, if you had some bismuth you could do it on a stove top (bismuth has a low melting point), it just doesn't occur naturally.

>> No.47782758


>> No.47782819

I liked it as well. People tend to underrate these short picking CYOA but I like them.

>> No.47782832

Yes, was just thinking of this cyoa the other night.

Please make full version n sequels.

>> No.47782939

New girls are mediocre for me. Don't really care about them or anything they have to offer.

>> No.47782953

No need to have plus minus symbol for true recreation.

>> No.47782987

I think i'll make it my 3rd priority, after the High School CYOA and the Necromancer CYOA, if i ever finish them.

Thanks for the encouragement, some of my CYOAs get barely a response.

>> No.47783066

You don't like it enough to post a build?

>> No.47783127

Hex hits basically every fetish she can and yet I'm too afraid of her abusive dominance.

I would enjoy having her use Ideal Form on me, followed by arouse. Both the arousal and forced orgasm appeal to me, but the ability to add fetishes feels very wrong and overly abusable. Wouldn't even mind her using Absolute Dominate for a few things I wouldn't have the willpower to do myself, like making me NOT masturbate with Arouse.

Of course she's more interested in forcing people to be slaves and get off to humiliation and torture, and that's probably the light stuff. Funny how the powers to fulfill my sexual fantasies can turn them into nightmares with the wrong person.

>> No.47783130

for the Konosuba I was thinking of including stats (which are only used to determine what job you can take).
Problem is you're playing you, so I need Anon to be honest when distributing stats - that is, pick the stats you believe to have, then see if you can get the job.
Or will that be a horrible failure?
I can skip stats, sure, I'm only in the rough idea phase

>> No.47783222

I sure hope that lv0 commoner is an option.

You could make it so that one of gifts offered by the goddess is a chance to increase your stats.

Also expect everyone to have above average intelligence.

>> No.47783280

The PC has super low stats except for "slightly above average intelligence" and "The highest luck ever seen". But "luck isn't important to an adventurer", but that's stupid as fuck Luck is a God-stat. Dude is a NEET, and the closest you'll get to the average anon.

He has a generalist class. Super weak, but can theoretically learn ANY skill if taught it by someone.

>> No.47783283


>> No.47783296

Most everyone who would be responding probably does have above average intelligence. Average is so terrible that they could barely figure out how to work this site, and they sure as hell wouldn't be posting on /tg/

>> No.47783300

Thanks a lot, Anon!

>> No.47783336

>gender twister
>not sex change
I remember that from Quiet, and I'm ready this time
the state of being male or female (typically used with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones).
"traditional concepts of gender"
Basically you fuck over your brain but you still have a dick. Have fun being transsexual!

>> No.47783404

For me that Iron Maiden CYOA didn't float my boat simply because I can't relate to the songs and albums since I've never listened to Maiden much.

This I can relate to since I am kind of a thriller/slasher/horror movie nut so I really like this one. Would probably go with Fem Death (Immortality, gaming, female and work? Sign me up.) or Kayako because ghost family.

>> No.47783442

I had hoped it would become like a "bandchain" CYOA, with others copying to the really simple layout with the bands they liked.
That didn't catch on though.

I do plan to do other bands besides Maiden though, one day.

>> No.47783481

Has neat powers, never quite got around to making a build for whatever reason. Wouldn't mind more of the same, or however you were thinking of expanding upon it.

>> No.47783520

(lady) death first choice. Maybe dracula, lilith or damien after that.

>> No.47783621

Looks like Dragonlord, Vindicator and Vanguard are popular, Dearg dominates wildly and Ann is very popular, too.
>No companions except Green (you went far to change the name).
Thanks a bunch
>I can learn strategy and improve my performance in the battlefield as a result
That was the idea of the character - if you'd like, she can be team leader while she teaches you how to be it.
That is a highly effective strategy given your power
Originally "Death Knight" had two more lines than all the other classes, saying
>why a Death Knight would be considered the successor to the Avatar is a mystery
but, well, see the Terror and Vampirism skill. Being a Hero isn't always just about being the Symbol of Peace. It can get dirty.
Anon, Aron had to disregard wenches and acquire knowledge

>still no one has picked Chika
She's in for a world of hurt when she realizes what happened, and you won't be there to protect her smile.

The plan for today is add 3-6 new powers to Short Succubus, do spellchecking and alignment and all that boring stuff, then see if I can come up with new skills to replace the duplicates.
Possibly, but I promise nothing, add Objects.

And to That Guy from last thread, I've learnt now never to say "I might expand on this later". It seems to trigger you a lot.

>> No.47783643

>Thanks a bunch
wait I fucked up, I thought you said
>no complaints (except for Green's name)

>> No.47783674

>bump limit reached

>> No.47783748

I was feeling lazy but since you asked so nicely.


Revier(Armor) - I guess this is an accidental name

Quick Study
Pocket dimension

Heal minor wounds
Hyper jump
Heal Major

Alistare (Ranger)
Maroon (Warrior)
Misha (Assassin)
Red (Mage) - If Red is too much of a bitch to deal with I'd sub her out for Aron or Azek

Basically my build is to hit hard and fast with Revier's abilities covering melee, range and magic. Shockwave can be used as a last minute defense if I can't doge an attack and healing spells are always useful.
My companions attempt to cover every aspect of a well balanced party and I try to make up for what is lacking.

>> No.47783796

I just noticed that the top left beta warning on Short Superhero was the same as on Short Succubus, so I'm afraid you'll abandon us again. I might have author seperation anxiety.

>> No.47783831

Lets see what this made of
Today;Always 12/100
Animu >>> not animu
>Absolute mind 42/100
I guess eating more nutrients will fix the fact that I need more nutrients and keep my body healthy too?
>Tactician 57/100
What is keikaku without tactician mind
>Bookworm 72/100
I'll have enough time in this school to read books, tons of them
Maybe I should not use all of my points at second page? Nah, I think it's okay, I still have like 28 points left and tons of pages to go through and not like seeing, let me look at the hardships quickly
Oh, more FREE points
>Threat level +1 72/115
>Haunted 72/130
>A mistake 72/145
Oh no, not me, I haven't lost control
back to 4th page
>Revolution 87/145
OP/10, protagonist rarely dies in his animu, right? I hope it's not from guy who made Re:zero
>Mundane 102/145
Master in programming, hand to hand combat and hardware engineering just in case

And the finally companions, you cost too much my friends
>Yuki Kurisu 117/145
Someone to start search for evil in this school and good fighter

>Home sweet home
>Loving home 132/145
A sibling? Of course it's great for mental health too
>Unknown family
not like anyone cares

tough choice, on one hand Garret gives incredible gains to fix body problems on another Minne can see all supernatural

>Gas Lamp 137/145

>Bits and Pieces
Library 139/145
If I'll survive to third year, I damn well will need more information, with bookworm it's even better
>Hypermind 142/145
Might be very useful.

So in the end, threat of 6 and some angry punks, two great companions, me master of keikaku and plot armor. Can't be that hard

>> No.47783838

Explain to me why everyone is picking the Revier armour. Is this is a closet contortionist forum?

>> No.47783859

That's the kind of trap that turns people gay.

>> No.47783869

Because it has the best effect by far, a passive Agility boost and access to teleportation-type movement.
This goes hand in hand with the Vindicator class, to whom defenses really don't matter.
The only armor piece that's comparable in usefulness is Shade, but the magic-nullifying spear completely shits on that.

>> No.47783885

Gotta fast, man.

The other armours are too niche in my opinion. Needs a set that improves CQC, range and magic.

>> No.47783911

and I repeat, I learnt my lesson. Never ever say you might add more.
I learnt also that I can't make a superhero CYOA. In the one I made you get far too many powers. I'd rather a few powers of various power levels - you know, perfect human strength, just barely superhuman strength and all the way up to "lift buildings with ease".
So I can't finish it, not that i see it lacking anything.

>> No.47783952

>I'm afraid you'll abandon us again.
but then why did you say
>please stop posting it, he's never updating it
Why can't you enjoy a cyoa that was 95% completed? You wouldn't have been mad if I said it was done, then updated it later on.
You'd have been happy.
> the magic-nullifying spear completely shits on that.
why? Your enemy doesn't have access to such legendary equipment.

>> No.47784059

To be honest, the new revisions for Hex (more specifically where she says "I see them as toys, not romantic partners") aren't as good.

I mean, the sentiment is good, but the way it's worded makes it feel like you're going out of your way to placate that anon.

I would perhaps revise it to be a bit more subtle, but then again, that's just my opinion.

>> No.47784079

At risk of summoning the cucking anon, that argument is exactly like the one used to justify cucking relationships "It's just sex, it's not a romantic relationship".

>> No.47784135

Duno what you're talking about, it perfectly fits with sentence before that. They want more sexual punishments from her, but because she sees them as used toys it's not fun. It's just sex, nothing serious
>NTR this, NTR that.
Good, they can yiff in hell with furfags

>> No.47784229

Did I fuck something up, or is Hero Academy really this small (pixels wise)?

>> No.47784243

I could've sworn the fontsize was bigger, or the background wasn't as distracting (gets worse on the latter pages)

>> No.47784250

I don't know what you did but I prefer this smaller version: easier to read and less scrolling required.

>> No.47784261

It's as big as I remember, preparing for new thread?

>> No.47784266

Иди к чёpтy. Mы зa тeбя нe дepёмcя.
>Fuckoff. We won't be fighting for you.

>> No.47784284

ask Box Wine

>> No.47784310

I went through the archive, looking for box wine's name because he must have posted it, and searching for "hero academy" wasn't particularly useful.
It's harder for me to read the text.

>> No.47784352

Let me see if I can proofread any of this for typos.

Roommate entry typos:

>lacking a bit in common sense
A bit lacking in common sense.

>skinship with herself
Kinship with herself. Unless you mean she loves physical intimacy with yourself, which is actually very possible. So ignore this if that was intentional.

>they believe there to be deities
I don't think that's technically wrong, but "they believe there are deities" is less awkward.

>Alisa is from far beyond the stars.
Alice is from far beyond the stars.

>from my monotony
From their monotony. This is probably intentional given Miya's personality, but just in case.

>divergence in time lines.
Divergence in timelines.

>gases lighter-than-air
"Gases lighter than air," or "lighter-than-air gases."

>Muses come in varies types.
Various types.

>Others paintings or sculptures.
Others, paintings or sculptures.

>so "Ride of the" seemed appropriate.
So "Ride of the Valkyries" seemed appropriate. (Unless this is intentional to save space.)


>We need fed to live, you know.
We need to feed to live, you know.


>a mental-state
A mental state.


>an orginary rock.
An ordinary rock.

>if those are our specialization.

>then we share not only thoughts
Then we'll share not only thoughts.


No typos that I can see.


>divine garb a cute maid uniform?
divine garb into a cute maid uniform?


>ableto store
Able to store.


>(surprisingly not that much),
No comma.

>Great Pyraminds
Great Pyramids.

>I have on my ship a DNA splicer.
I have a DNA splicer on my ship.

>eternal blizzard on Tundras.
On Tundus.


>tend to your every need.
Tend to your every need?

>even a house-wide mega-battery.
Like a house-wide mega battery. I think. I could be just reading it wrong.


>I've use this enchantment
I've used this enchantment.

>and a shoulders the next.
And shoulders the next.

>> No.47784375

what I tried to say was: That's what Box Wine posted, and I don't remember it being that small.

>> No.47784404

Someone else think the clubs are a bit strange when taken with certain drawbacks? Like Bookworm costs companions but you can still the Cultural clubs (cooking, fraternity, etc.) and the Sports clubs. Or you can be a Social butterfly and still join the Educational clubs.

>> No.47784438

yes, anon, the Social Butterfly and Bookworm drawbacks do weird things to the cyoa.
But hey, maybe the social retard took cooking classes hopping he'd/she'd make friends, but instead they're made to do the salad, standing in the corner?

>> No.47784494

I'd say that bookworms who do the cooking thing come out as Gordon Ramsay-like characters

>> No.47784573

You know that nerdy girl who aces every single test and has an incredible future ahead of her? That's you with Bookworm, except you're obviously gorgeous and the glasses somehow delude people into thinking otherwise until your post-graduation Hero debut. So you could still go to all those Clubs. You're just the school beauty with a pair of cursed glasses.

>> No.47784593

>this argument again
well, we're on page 8, so may as well

>> No.47784597

Yuri best gal

>> No.47784638

Box's fault for trusting anons to not abuse the living shit out of a drawback to become sociable demigods with "only" 3 lifelong best friends.

>> No.47784672

I think the best way to handle it would've been to imply she'd be willing to settle for just cursing you.

>> No.47784676

Since when does joining a club mean you make friends?

>> No.47784702

Are you allowed to be on 4chan if you've never watched anime? Isn't that against the rules?

>> No.47784710

>Everything must be like in my animes

>> No.47784724

>Everything must not be like in his animes

>> No.47784729

Just because some people can't make friends with their club doesn't mean the rest can't, anon.

>> No.47784750


>> No.47784753

Who even goes to a club where they don't have or rather can't make friends?

>> No.47784757

A socially awkward bookworm loser.

>> No.47784764


>I'll disguise as your wife
I'll disguise myself as your wife.


I don't see any typos. I guess that's pretty lucky.


>all cool technology
All the cool technology.

$(%*&0? (I know this sounds like a joke, but it's a question, so it actually should end with a question mark, not a period.)

...Say, how did the entire Earth even collapse like that, anyway?

>how time lines work.
How timelines work.

>a famous inventor's neice
A famous inventor's niece.


>someplace that I could
Someplace where I could.

>I guess is doesn't really matter
I guess it doesn't really matter.

>My society had three roles for women.
Seems an extra space is in there.

>a few of my tribes treasures
A few of my tribe's treasures.

>lead the weilder
Lead the wielder.


I don't see any obvious errors.


>I wish you never have to
I hope you never have to.

>to shock be back to normal
To shock me back to normal.


>everyday, before miss office lady
Every day before miss office lady.


>buy my own plant-food.
Buy my own plant food.

>"Assistant," was
No comma.

>every imaginatble way.
Every imaginable way.

#056 "BUNNY":

>more maleable than normal.
More malleable than normal.


>pretty maleable to me.
Pretty malleable to me.

>I'll spurge
I'll splurge.


>These are the jokes.
These are jokes. I think you're trying to make Flo intentionally awkward here, but I'll mention it here in case.

>living together I guess.
Living together, I guess.


>especially my lips are
Especially my lips, are.

>but Rock soul is much tougher
"Rock Soul" should be capitalized, right?

>> No.47784787

That description really makes me want to bully them even more.

>> No.47784824

I just found this thing that I didn't finish. Should I?

>> No.47784829

As long as one of the gifts is ownership of her.

>> No.47784838

What fun stuff could you possibly do with a smug elder goddess?

>> No.47784845

>What fun stuff could you possibly do with a smug elder goddess?
This question answers itself.

>> No.47784859

Obviously to humble her.

>> No.47784866

You're one smug author I want to do stuff with. Like forcing you to make the cutest and fluffiest cyoa ever.

>> No.47784871


...Say, is the Voice Mic supposed to be a Detective Conan reference?

>of artistic inspiration, today.
Of artistic inspiration today.

>each 1 hour lesson
Each 1-hour lesson.


I don't see anything at first glance.


I don't see much here, either.


>potentialy wake up
Potentially wake up.

I'm pulling my weight in gold... Call me anxious, call me broke; I can't lift this on my own.

...I don't see any errors here though. Except the error of her ways (lol).


>"Abra Kadabra"
"Abracadabra," unless this is an intentional Pokémon reference.

>in their tiny planes
Maybe you meant "in the tiny planes"?


>plight of the magical-girl
Plight of the magical girl.

(I wonder what would actually happen if I got Melody's band back together. Also, can we toggle Hex's passive shield effect?)

Anyway, I don't see any errors on this page.

By the way, I noticed Page 3 is at its limit--if I may be so bold to suggest, if you're worried about Miya becoming NSFW, you can always find a pic of her in a state in between the three you already have, and then shift around the introductions.

(Proofreading notes: Some of my suggestions are actual errors, but a good chunk are just wording suggestions. You don't have to take all my suggestions if you feel like the original is better.)

>> No.47784873

Isn't the Locket objectively the best?

>> No.47784882

This is how you get a show like Madoka Magica, anon. Which... actually isn't a bad thing.

I agree.

>> No.47784886


>> No.47784908

Hilarious, as long as she gets some sort of comeuppance at the end.

Say, anyone wanna post the rest of this? I just had a cool build idea I wanna do.

>> No.47784911

Agreed. Something less edgy on the surface and with more subtlety would be amazing. Quiet could make cyoa like Madoka Magica work.

>> No.47784938

Actually, Urban Fantasy if pretty much like that.

>> No.47784940

>Say, anyone wanna post the rest of this?
I thought it was implied I had hoped for someone to post the proper sized CYOA, but I guess I failed that.
I can post the 2small one, sure, but I really, really would love it if someone would post the bigger one (in the new thread

>> No.47784942

>Madoka Magica
>less edgy on the surface
I mean, I like PMMM, but come on, the later episodes got really edgy at times.

>> No.47784952


>> No.47784964


>> No.47784972


>> No.47784986

Yeah, the later episodes. But it started out pretty comfy.

>> No.47784993

reminder that Allyce is best girl and that I am a horse

>> No.47785069

reminder that you should go to work

>> No.47785073



Name: Rookie Mattoid

Bio: Rookie Mattoid is the new transfer student at Ej Har Institute. No, she's not evil. She's just here because she heard one of the students here had information on who killed her dad, and she will stop at nothing to find out. As she wields a weirdly-shaped anti-magic sword, and has a uniform that helps channel her natural magic abilities, she is an incredibly tough opponent, if very edgy and reckless.

Martial Combat x2
Ki Attunement x3
Arcane Magic
Blood Magic - her uniform is powered by blood. This is very edgy.
Berserking [Exchange Student]

Luvyna - not-Mako.
Yung Tashi - there's no teacher companion, so he'll have to replace Aikuro.
Kengen - not Sanageyama.
Trap-Catcher - not Gamagoori.
Mecherath [Pen Pal] - not Inumuta.

Y1: Battle Royal - not-Naturals Election.
Y2: Sports - Obstacle Course; not-Episode 4.
Y3: Battle of the Arts - not the Nonon battle? I'm kind of reaching here idk
Y4: Basilisk Den - not the Osaka battle.
Y5: Battle Royal - not-Tri-City Raid.

Rookie hates all the clubs because they're all after her for some reason. However, she is part of a Sports Club (Fight Club).

Exchange Program
Pen Pal

>> No.47785140

would anon be interested in post apocalyptic, sci fi and magic?

i'm not abandoning strange new world

>> No.47785145

yes, if you have enough waifus there

>> No.47785154

>post information from the first episode
I don't know, I don't think that's spoiling anything

>> No.47785176

i'll see if I can draw super cute waifu

>> No.47785184

Yes, having magic and using it to bully technophiliac nerds is way more fun than being one of those pathetic geeks.

>> No.47785188

Maybe if it's comfy enough.

>> No.47785191

If we don't see breasts, it's a trap. That's the law round here.

>> No.47785195

Lies. No breasts means it's a cute loli.

>> No.47785200

That's because bookworm and social butterfly don't actually make you socially retarded or an airhead.
The cost is just supposed to be the numerical thing at the top.
They're bad drawbacks.

>> No.47785204

>anon continues to be butthurt some people have more points than him

>> No.47785206

no traps, only opai lolis

>> No.47785207


>> No.47785209

Porky knows lots.

>> No.47785213

I was more referring to the fact that some of the supposed villains are companions (although I could just say I needed any character to fill in), and mentions of events that happen in later episodes.

IDK, I was just making sure no autists raged against me desu.

>> No.47785219

jokes on you I am at work

>> No.47785238

I'm butthurt that I can't take penpal without shooting myself in the foot.

>> No.47785240

"Post-apocalyptic science fiction" almost always loses the science fiction appeal for me. I like the ubiquity of the technology in settings, and gating it behind "all of this stuff was lost in the last war that destroyed civilization as we know it" is sort of dull and the re-integration of everything always takes too long to enjoy.

Basically I want to fly around the galaxy in my spaceship and do shit like EXPLOIT LAND-BOUND NATIVES, but cyberpunk and less far-flung sci-fi is good too.

>> No.47785244

>Luvyna- not-Mako

Comparing Luvyna to the meme goddess is blasphemy.

>> No.47785254

>Get access to things you're not supposed to
>Shot in the foot

>> No.47785264

You're right, Mako is way shittier.

>> No.47785267

>I don't like that drawbacks have drawbacks

>> No.47785270

There was no perfect or even close analogue to Mako, so I had to stretch a lot of things to make it fit.

>> No.47785279

Yeah, you should just be a nerd like us. They might make fun of us now, but we'll get back at them when we're twice the Hero they are. It's lonely having only 3 best friends and some fuckbuddies though but you get used to it.

>> No.47785301

The thread is almost dead, long live a new thread

>> No.47785325

I meant that I can't not take bookworm twice.

>> No.47785330

but you can, there is no "You have to take bookworm" in Pen Pal. I agree that bookworm and social butterfly need to be balanced

>> No.47785333

Make them mutually exclusive and bam.

>> No.47785339

sucks to be you the, double socially awkward nerd

>> No.47785351

Many people have headcanoned that bookworm makes you an awkward nerd and social butterfly makes you an airhead.
If that were made canon it could work.
plus this >>47785333

>> No.47785379

>implying I don't have more important things to do than making friends

Medicine won't develop itself.

>> No.47785387

>Implying anyone will trust a succubus in a hospital.

>> No.47785395

what do you think the drawback of skipping a class to have friends, or skipping friends so you can study, does to your character's personality?
and that's fine, anon. Just don't pretend studying rather than having a social life doesn't impact your social life

>> No.47785410

well, i'm making it a bit advanced for a post apocalyptic. so all the technology lost are replaced with other technology. I got this idea when i was cleaning my old comic folder
which i plan to post it online but never bothered to post it

>> No.47785420

Doesn't fix that you can take each one 2x for a lot of benefits. Making them mutually exclusive and able to only be taken once would fix that.

>> No.47785429

That kind of daemonophobia is not tolerated on Odesium. Don't make me report your behaviour to the school administration!

>> No.47785434

For a lot of benefits and a lot of cost senpai.

>> No.47785436

>you can take each one 2x
no, anon. We've been over this before, that's not what the cyoa says.
It says:
>Take two drawbacks
>Either pick two different drawbacks once, or the same drawback twice

>> No.47785439

It's not phobia, it's not letting a wolf into the sheep pen.

>> No.47785448

Are you kidding?
If you've seen how elves and kobolds are treated in the story why do you think demons get any better a deal?

>> No.47785459

Not that anon, but Odesium is explicitly mentioned as free from discrimination.

>> No.47785489

>as free from discrimination
I wonder why only elf chose to go to St Flares because they don't discriminate against elves, but not "free from discrimination" Odesium

>> No.47785500

She could just not live anywhere near Odesium, or not really share their scientific mindset.

I mean, Odesium DOES have a half-elf companion.

>> No.47785501

Why would an elf go study technomagic on a flying hunk of metal?

>> No.47785509

I mean that you can take bookworm 2x or social 2x or both once for +1 comp/course.

So to prevent someone from taking bookworm 2x and getting 4 fucking classes you limit them to only being able to take bookworm once and state that bookworm can't be taken with social butterfly. Then you do the same thing for social butterfly so you cant take an extra 4 fucking companions.

>> No.47785517

Nah. It's fine to get that many if you're willing to lose two friends.

>> No.47785521

Yeah so much so that almost everyone is taking it and flat out stating "I felt forced to take this because it's just too good". You damn munchkin.

>> No.47785522

That's not enough to turn you actually awkward, or awkward enough to balance the choice.
Plenty of people have become gregarious adults without ever going to prom.
If it made you so awkward you couldn't go out even if you wanted to it would balance out getting 4 whole classes out of it.

>> No.47785526

>Still butthurt people have more points than him.

>> No.47785529

ah, right, I thought you were that wanker who interpreted
>you can take two drawbacks and the same one twice
>you can take two different drawbacks, and pick each of the two drawbacks twice
It should be clear from the descriptions that you can't both be a harcore student and a social butterfly, but minmaxers gon' minmax

>> No.47785604

>Nah. It's fine to get that many if you're willing to lose two friends.

Except this is a cyoa and we have no emotional attachment whatsoever to these "friends". I'd prefer it if picking Bookworm caused you to literally lose 1 of your 5 friends randomly over your time in school. You'd have to roll 1d5 to find out which. THAT would be a drawback.

>> No.47785614

That seems pretty hard to justify lore-wise.

>> No.47785619

>I'll make a full version, and sequels, if people do.

Yes. I've been waiting for this.

Please do.

>> No.47785633

Not really. You lose one of your friends because you spend too much time studying and not enough time with them. That happens all the time. What makes it an actual drawback is that you'd have to roll (1d5) for which friend you lose. You can't just unpick that one extra companion you didn't give a shit about.

>> No.47785645

He's already said that the sequels with penalize you for having less companions. So why don't you wait before you have this 24/7 period about it?

>> No.47785649

what about people who picked less than 5 friends from the beginning?

>> No.47785664

Should they get free classes because they chose to not properly pick 5 companions?

>> No.47785671

Ooh, a music CYOA.

I have an ambition to do something like that, but I'm not sure how to pare it down to something workable. (Right now I'm thinking of just cutting it all down to hip-hop and making a rap battle CYOA.)

>Charlotte the Harlot
Hey! Take that back! My waifu is no harlot!
>Murders in the Rue Morgue
>Run to the Hills
Retreat! Retreat!
>Still Life
Stop! Hammer time!
>Rime of the Ancient Mariner
I mean, I'm not good at taking care of pets. If they die by accident, but I didn't, like, kill them, that should be okay, right?
>Heaven Can Wait
Immortality? Sorta?
>Only the Good Die Young
Me? I flipped off a box of kittens! ...I'm not good at this evil thing.

>> No.47785672

Should you stop whining every time the CYOA is brought up?

>> No.47785675

They obviously need it.

>> No.47785690

You shouldn't get an extra piece of chicken because you chose not to take all the vegetables offered to you imo.

>> No.47785704

I meant that if they don't know how how to read the CYOA properly, they need extra classes.

>> No.47785710

questions wasn't about "get free classes". Question was if you pick only 3 friends do you still lose 1-2 or you have to force yourself to pick more people (to 5) and randomly lose them?

>> No.47785751

You shouldn't bitch about it every time the CYOA comes up.

>> No.47785767

I'd say that you could roll 1d3s in that case but I don't think Box would ever wants you to go with 1-2 companions seeing as how he has hinted their importance in the sequels.

>> No.47785818


Well, you can always give her one.

Wait, where's it say that? I can't find it.


There's only 3 new / updated pages per girl.
Glad you like it.

That's a shame.

You're something of an exception to her ways. Especially if you don't take her bonus.

Oh, thanks. I'll fix these.

How did the Earth end up like that? Something about an evil plan by a race of lava people to conquer the world my making only hospitable to them.

Well, that's why I threw in "bowtie," at least.

Well, Abra Kadabra was an unintentional Pokemon reference. My mind went to the pokemon when I was typing the line.

Well, getting her band back together wouldn't do much aside from let them jam together. They can't get famous on their own, so you'd have to start a band: Anon & the Muses.

Yes, you can toggle the shield for Hex.

>> No.47785835

Hmm. Might be able to stop the future with Caldera then.

>> No.47785848

>an evil plan by a race of lava people

I love how you make subtle connections to the different girls like this. (Is that called lore? I never really 100% got what quite counted as "lore.")

>> No.47785849

Feeling better?

>> No.47785855

The future doesn't belong to you!

>> No.47785872

But the future refused to change.

>> No.47785890

In the event that Caldera isn't chosen (with the Library) The Collapse is the most probably future, but that's still years and years and years away.
Thanks. I think most people consider "lore" to be setting / information outside of what is explicitly an option.

Way better than last night, at least. Thanks for asking.

>> No.47785920

Hell yes, this was always one of my favorites.

>> No.47785921

Fuck me, I'm getting hyped for urban fantasy.
I want those points and don't mind suffering for them but, shit, I don't want my family to get traumatized.

Can I leave a note saying it's ok to just take the support off?
Why do you make us choose hard painful stuff like this?
why do I enjoy it so?

>> No.47785924

For the future! You have to stay determined!

>> No.47785946

>Working on that CYOA I promised
Time to learn the photoshops

>> No.47785974

Redone just for you. Mainly because I have a shitload of hell awaiting you, so giving you guys this isn't such a big deal for me.

>> No.47786084

Wait a minute, Envy can copy attributes? I always wondered how that worked.

>> No.47786087

Thanks, that takes a proverbial weight out of my proverbial shoulders.

>> No.47786097

Don't worry, plenty more to come.

That's his whole thing.

>> No.47786102

ayy, this is gureato daze

>> No.47786136

I mean, I understand he could copy the skills if he observed them, but does this mean if he observes a person's strength, he can copy it? For some reason, this just doesn't sound right.

>> No.47786168

>anon whining that Envy isn't shit anymore.

>> No.47786194

I'm not whining, just slightly confused over how copying something like an attribute would work. Maybe I'm just a retard. I'll stop if you want me too. Sorry for making it seem like whining.

>> No.47786224

>implying all the Sins aren't shit

All of this is obviously one of the Devil's games, hence you must simply refuse him to once more be embraced in our Holy Father's eternal love.

>> No.47786231


It's the little things that make me chuckle.

Also, you misspelled metric in Slow Death.

>> No.47786233

New thread: >>47786230

>> No.47786246


>> No.47786252

I thinks there is a Virtues cyoa similar too the sins one. I'll post it next thread.

>> No.47786274

My personal headcanon is that refusing the Devil in the Sins cyoa, allows you to be one of the Virtues. Vice versa too obviously.

>> No.47786283

...Is something wrong?

>> No.47786411

Nope, that's on purpose.

>> No.47786439


>> No.47786564

Are the typos intentional or do you want people to point then out?

>> No.47786593

with quiet, it is safe to assume everything, even why the options on page 1 and two don't have lines around it to box it in, is intention
which reminds me >>47786411
you're pulling that "gender vs sex" shit again.
>paying to be transsexual

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