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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.46166849 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Hey Boss, got those knife-ears you wanted. Two of the pale ones with blonde hair, right?

What did you want 'em for, anyway?

>> No.46166865

>>46166849
Holy shit, that's some poor jaw to head ratio.

>> No.46166873

>>46166849
I will woo the woman and make the little girl my adopted daughter.

>> No.46166901

>>46166849
I think I was drunk when I asked for those, because I do not recall. I might find something in my notes, while I look through my notes, put them in the west wing.

>> No.46166907

>>46166849
Well, it involves black magic, a lightning storm, and some ridiculous babble that's supposed to be Latin chanting, if you catch my drift.
No, we're SACRIFICING them. Not...THAT.

>> No.46166912

>>46166849
I said I wanted Ear knives, damn it.

>> No.46166915

>>46166849
Ransom.

Get our scribe and tell him to write the letter. We're demanding a minimum of 10,000.

If they pay, hand 'em over. If not, kill the mother first and send proof. Then restate the demand.

>> No.46166919

>>46166849
WE'RE GONNA PLAY DRESSUP

GIRLFRIEND

I'M GONNA MAKE YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER LOOK FABULOUUUUUUUUSSS

>> No.46166925

>>46166849
do they see?

>> No.46166970

>>46166849
Horrific science and social experiments.

>> No.46166996

>>46166849
I'm the girl father.

Now which one of you halfwits frightened her so badly?

>> No.46167012

>>46166849
Oh you piteous but undeniably lovable oaf of a brute.

I asked for two pale and blonde knife-EATERS.

We simply cannot have a proper circus without a pair of sword-swallowers.

No, not those kinds of sword-swallowers, Greg.

>> No.46167062

>>46166919
trying to imagine liberace as a bbeg now.
I guess it would be a less nihilistic kefka?

>> No.46167080

Why aren't they wearing collars?

...for fuck's sake, did you just kidnap them off the street instead of going to the auction house like I told you? Great, now I have to explain this horseshit to the city guard.

>> No.46167092

>>46166849
Excellent!
Fetch my drills, augers, picks, scalpels, and small hammers. Well see if we can find any eyes in there or not

>> No.46167291

>>46166849
We need elf Blood for the Elixir of Life, Anmir. Just Drain them enough for them to feel woozy and send them into my chambers. Go ask Sidwall how the Lich's Essence is holding up for the potion while you're at it, then take the day off, someone can drain the elves when their body can handle another transfusion.

>> No.46167394

>>46166873
>not the other way around
>not wooing them both

>> No.46167480

>>46166849
The vile machinations of what I intend to do with them is not for your ears.
I intend to
Have a lovely dinner with them and then send them on their way.

>> No.46167552

>>46167092
No, no, no! He said pale SKIN not pale BLOOD, you old codger.

>> No.46167560

>>46166912
>>46167012
Fucking kek. Thanks for that anons.

>> No.46167575

>>46166849
WHY IS THE ELF QUEEN AND PRINCESS CRYING?
WHAT IN THE NINE HELL DID YOU DO TO THEM?
I JUST WANTED THEM OVERY TO HAVE TEA WITH THE QUEEN AND PRINCESS FOR TO HELP OUR RELATIONS WITH THE HIGH ELVES.
YOU'LL HANG FOR THIS, YOU RAPSCALLION!
GAURDS!

>> No.46167592

>>46166849
Sex

>> No.46167609

>>46166865
Inferior elven genes

>> No.46167654

>>46167480
I can dig a bandit lord who kidnaps people because he wants dinner guests, then apologizes for the inconvenience and has a mook take them home afterwards.

>> No.46167659

Excellent! Fit the older one with a singlet and see if you can get a Leprechaun costume for the kid by tomorrow. I know it's a long shot Eric, but you're the best man for the job!

>3 minutes later, spear older elf in half
>Jackhammer
>1,2,3

>> No.46167668 [DELETED] 

>>46166849
Ebin thread. Simbly ebin XDDDDDDDD

>> No.46167693

>>46167552
>implying that stopped them at the Fishing Village

>> No.46167701

>>46166873
Why are you trying to woo the village elder's daughter and trying to adopt an eight hundred year old sage as your daughter?

>> No.46167725

>>46166912
Well played.

>> No.46167731

>>46166849
I wanted you bring my family to dinner. Who are and where did you find these people?

Oh God this is like the time I told you to bring Mrs.Nuvile Vrie.

>> No.46167773

>>46166873
>My wife's daughter

>> No.46167787

>>46166849
I think it was something about making a wig or something. When I go through a bad breakup I end up casting a lot of summoning spells and sending the results out on various pointless tasks that I feel will make me feel better at the time, only to see the effect much later after I've forgotten the whole incident.

>> No.46167794

>>46166849
Oh my god, Balgus. You are setting back the civil rights movement a hundred years every time you open your fucking mouth. Just apologize already.

And I said "shelves," you retard. You know Blundair probably sold those palewood shelves while you were fucking around starting a race war. You know what? Fuck it. You're fired.

>> No.46167812

>>46166849
They are the next top supermodels, of course! They'll model my finest clothing and most exquisite dresses.

>> No.46167817

>>46167654
And then he raids their villages, pillages and loots them, and makes them into permanent dinner guests.

>> No.46167855

>>46167092
Byrgenwerth was a mistake.

>> No.46167863

>>46167773
>cuckoldry now transcends time, previous to meeting one's wife. if you are not providing for a women from the moment of her birth until you discard her you are a cuck

>> No.46167873

>>46166849
"Ah there you girls are. I was afraid you'd gotten lost fleeing the raid. Don't worry, I and my companions sent those trolls packing, they won't bother your village again. You're welcome to stay the night, and Beatrice is making a hot breakfast in the morning."

>> No.46167887

>>46166849
I was drunk, man! You know I say stupid shit when I'm drunk! It's supposed to be your job to keep that stupid shit from becoming a stupid reality!

>> No.46167908

>>46167817
>So, lad, 'ow'd you like ta run with me and da crew?

>You burned my house down and ate my dog.

>HA-HA GOOD LAD, I knew you'd see tings our way!

>> No.46167923

>>46167863
>Paying money for a child that's not even yours
>Cleaning up the poopsies a better man left behind after pumping and dumping a slut too worthless to hold on to him

>> No.46167932

>>46167855
Not as big of a mistake as Laurence and his little club
Or Cainhurst
Or Lhoran

Really, everything/everyone was a mistake in Bloodborne. That's probably why it works so well

>> No.46167952

>>46167794
>palewood shelves

First proper kek in a couple of days, anon. Have a biscuit.

>> No.46167957

>>46167923
If he was a better man, he wouldn't of had to flee like a little bitch

>> No.46167992

>>46167923
>>Paying money for a child that's not even yours
Most of us already do that via tax money, just saying.

>> No.46168050

>>46167908
>If it 'elps any, ye dog tasted good. We even saved ya some!

>> No.46168065

>>46167957
>Fucks a bitch
>Some other """"""""""man"""""""""" pays for his accident
>He's the bitch for some reason

>>46167992
>Most of us already do that via tax money
Which is why I favor small gubmint. It's a sorry state of affairs when we reward the licentious (and generally less inteligent) while punishing the faithful.

>> No.46168117

>>46168065
>Cuck

You keep using this word, I do not think it means what you think it means.

>> No.46168192

>>46166849
Excellent, my servants. Leave us now - You will receive your payment outside.

Now, my lovelies - It is time I re-acquainted you with the goddess you attempted to escape.

Nobody runs from the Starcrowned for long, you know? She knows where her children go, at all times She is aware.

And She is always thirsty... You should endulge your mother and give her what She wants.

>> No.46168285

>>46167773
>Adopting is now cucking
I want the underage to leave

>> No.46168339

>>46166849
Excellent!

The last two ingredients in the stew are prepared!

>> No.46168379

>>46168192
is this a slaanesh thing
this is a slaanesh thing isn't it

>> No.46168420

>>46166849
We are going to absorb their essence and karma and steal it for ourselves.

>> No.46168462

>>46166849
Do what you will with the mother.

The daughter will serve my purposes well enough.

>> No.46168529

>>46166849
But I never asked for elves... gods dammit.
Commander, get out here- you have some explaining to do.

>> No.46168626

>>46168462
Fer what purposes, boss?

>> No.46168640

>>46168379
Yes and no

>> No.46168674

>>46168626
Marriage.

What? Can't lesbians be evil too?

>> No.46168687

Sausage is tasty and easy to make

>> No.46168702

I said Shelves! Not Elves!

WHERE AM I GOING TO KEEP MY WARHAMMER MINIATURES!?

>> No.46168749

>>46166849
>What did you want 'em for, anyway?

I'm not sure myself.

Why would I want them?

>> No.46168786

>>46166849
god damnit!
I sent out a request for models to help my anatomy work, and you bring either slaves or some kidnapped girls. I specifically asked for elven volunteers who want to advance culture

You uncultured brutes don't know about the Leonardo daVinchi diagrams of man and their significance, I was going to do the same for elves.

Why does the little one look like my Patron a little. Oh fuck, you kidnapped my patrons family, didn't you. You kidnapped your customers boss, you buffoon. You fucked everything up.

Leave, I need to unscrew the situation you lot made.

>> No.46168842

>>46166849
I look to the women, then back to the guard. I blink several times as I drift my eyes to the guard. I deeply inhale, and expel that breath in what can amount to a cannon firing: "BY THE GODS, CAPTAIN!" I'll be shaking violently in fury with my sword out: "I asked for you to find Elven artisans, and commission them for art! Not steal two elven women from where-ever the fuck and call your job done! Take your REDUCED payment and leave my sight at once!" I'll toss the gold to him, and he will wisely haul ass away from my blade. Upon opening the satchel, he'll find a note with my gratitude and a deed to a small farmstead far, far away. If he returns and ruins the appearance of my fury with him, I'll have him drawn and quartered.

"Now, my dears, since my captain was woefully incompetent at his job, why don't you make yourselves at home? Perhaps you can tell me where he took you from, and we can return you there at once."

I'll show infinite hospitality to these especially chosen elves, grooming them as royalty and teaching them how to be good nobles - out of infinite apology for their misfortune, of course. What, you think I would steal two elves from a settlement where they lived happy? No. I chose two that were with no other means of survival. I'll be seen as a saint. When the neighboring elven kingdom pisses me off, I can stomp it to the dirt and install these two as puppets leaders, and all will be well.

"I think we'll find life much, much better together."

>> No.46168941

>>46168749
They work for the mercenary. The masked elf.

>> No.46168967

>>46166849
You IDIOTS.

I wanted the BALEful ones with the Rhondair!

You know, the Rhondair?

The immensely powerful weapon bound within the souls of two elven mai- oh forget it.

Just take them to the slave pits, and send another team up here. You had your chance.

>> No.46168992

>>46168065
>being an efeminate faggot who lets Jamal fuck his wife while you watch
>caring for the innocent, fatherless child of the woman you love
>implying these are the same in any way
Jesus christ, lurk /pol/ more before parroting a meme you don't even understand.

>> No.46169000

>>46166873
>anon doesn't seduce both of them

>> No.46169093

>>46166849
"To see if this new spell can break the fear curse that bony asshole cast on their village."

>> No.46169154

>>46166849
NICE...BEERS
PALE WITH BLOND HEAD

Did you tell Urist to put this on my tab? Oh of course you got that bit right!

>> No.46169164

>>46168941
Bhein Sidhe?

>> No.46170372

>>46166849
...You really aren't getting any smarter, are you, Bran? Whatever, good job. Go get drunk with the others or something.

...

Nob-rotted addle-brained inbred half-orc, I swear to the gods, one of these days, his stupidity's going to out-weigh his loyalty.

Look, I don't wa- Will you please stop c- No, I'm not going to- Will you just LISTEN?! I- I'm sorry I raised my voice; please calm your child down? Look, I don't want to hurt you... Honestly, I'm not cut out for this bandit lord bullshit, but I have a reputation to keep up now-! If the lads don't think I'm acting the part, I'll wake up with my throat slit! Look... I promise, I won't hurt you, if you and your little girl just... Act the part okay? Please?

I what? He was yo- H-he was going to kill me-! Well yes, we DID attack the villi- I...

Gods, what am I even doing..? What the hell have I even become?

>> No.46170595

>>46167873
A"-are you sure, sir knight? We've seen then off before and every time they return..! They're not like normal trolls... They learn. Every time, they get closer and closer to killing us all... And there's more of them too! There used to be just three or four, but now there's dozens-!" The elven woman shudders with horror and cradles her weeping child to her breast, sitting by the fire, as Beatrice puts a warm woolen blanket around her shoulders.

"Thank you for saving us... But what can we do?" the elf woman whispers, her usually melodious voice strained and tired. "If this keeps up, we'll all die for sure. We could try to flee, but where could we go to? This is our home, even if we COULD out-run the trolls..! Please... Y-you've done so much for us already... Could you please aid us all just a little more? Somehow, please; you're our only hope-!" She looks up to you with tears once again brightening her eyes, looking upon the single flaring star of hope in her people's misery.

>> No.46170621

>>46166849
Potion ingredients of course! Their ears are a valuable magical substance; you didn't damage the ears did you?!?

>> No.46170692

>>46170372
Man, you really need to get a hold of crew. I would recommend picking up a copy of banditry for idiots from your nearest scribe, I found it had quite a bit of useful advice for this sort of thing.

>> No.46170737

>>46170372
>>46170595
God, this is cringey as fuck

>> No.46170769

>>46170737
This is /tg/ of course it is.

>> No.46170963

>>46166849
Marry the lady, adopt little girl to be daughter

>> No.46171013

>>46170737
You think the vast majority of people here can into dialogue, natural or good?

PSHAW, sir! I do say you need to lower your expectations, lest you become maddeningly frustrated with the levels of pure bad you find!

>> No.46171034

Why does /tg/ always want to hurt Elves, what did they ever do to /tg/.

>> No.46171091

>>46168992
Why would anyone willingly go into that cesspit? It's bad enough that containment failed without suggesting people go there and learn the memes.

>> No.46171095

>>46170737
>>46171013
Oh yeah? What would you do instead?

No, seriously, I want to know. How the fuck am I supposed to improve if I don't have anything to aspire to?

>> No.46171144

>>46168702
Maybe we can have the elves hold them?

>> No.46171183

>>46171095
Well, adding in stuttering is actually a nono, you describe that after the speaking is done, hence the use of "quotation marks". The reason is because reading "b-b-but muh h-house burned d-down" is fucking stupid. And you can paint such a picture by describing them after the dialogue as a sputtering mess that is breaking down in tears, or approaching the situation awkwardly.

Use quotation marks, anon. They are seriously the most useful fucking thing for dialogue and for good reason.

>> No.46171287

>>46171183
Gotcha. I honestly didn't expect something useful from that. I'm pleasantly surprised. Thanks!

>> No.46171300

>>46171034

/tg/ is full of creepy rejects left over from the smut threads who just want to talk about rape 24/7.

>> No.46171319

>>46171034
innit that a mermaid, though?

>> No.46171331

>>46171095
you should keep your words flowing constantly, and try not to one up and show us your vocabulary.


>>46170595
The elven woman shuddered as she cradled the weeping child. Beatrice put the blanket she had around the pair's shoulders.
The woman said that the trolls were like the waves of the sea, inexorable and constant. And they were cunning too. They learned from their mistakes.

The entire ordeal had tired her. Her voice, usually melodious was strained and tired. She looked at the knight again as she spoke.

"If this keeps up, we'll all die for sure. We could try to flee, but where could we go to? This is our home, even if we COULD out-run the trolls..! Please... Y-you've done so much for us already..."

>> No.46171347

>>46171095
Not write self-insert waifu fapfics, for starters

>> No.46171361

>>46171319
a recovering cuck but yes
Ugh. I feel dirty for using that word even though it's technically accurate

>> No.46171393

>>46171287
It'll still be bad. Just easier to read.

>> No.46171444

>>46171091
>containment failed
Just be glad you've never seen how awful 8/pol/ is.

>> No.46171453

>>46166849
Modeling!
My new line of luxury clothes *MUST* be perfect!

>> No.46171566

>>46167062
>less

>> No.46171634

>>46171453
Orc quality, the highest quality.

>> No.46171708 [SPOILER] 

>>46168674
Not when they're dog girls. Cat girls maybe, but when was the last time you saw an evil dog girl lesbian? And no, Kokkuri-san does not count, that one wasn't evil, just crazy.

>> No.46171731

>>46166849
I needed them for my bait threads!

>> No.46171762 [SPOILER] 

>>46171708
Looks more like some weird kind of dog-human-ram hybrid than a dog, but I see your point, so I will post a different evil lesbian.

What about Witches?

>> No.46171837

>>46171708
>catgirl lesbians
>evil
Someone doesn't 011235813214465

>> No.46171861

>>46166912

Go home Van Gogh, you're drunk.

>> No.46171870

>>46166849
Was gonna see if they were interested in starting a chain of culvers restaurants

>> No.46172487

>>46166849
I'll assume those two are a mother and child, so would it be wrong to take them in as one of my own, help take care of them, develope a good relationship with the older one and take in the elf-girl as if my own child?

>> No.46173459

>>46166849
>Mfw I tell the Seamstress that I just need her to fix up my clothes and a few bed sheets

>> No.46173531

>>46172487
apparently that makes you a cuck.

>> No.46173584

>>46166849
For science of course.

>> No.46173622

>>46166849
Ferment them

>> No.46173639

>>46173531
>cuck when taking those elves
How so anon?

>> No.46173663

>>46173639
apparently if you don't sire a child on a woman and raise any other children she might have, you are a cuckold.

Of course /pol/ would know all about cucks, since they are basement dwelling retards just like the caged wolves that they base their alpha cred on.

>> No.46173709

>>46167394
>the other way around
>loli elf waifu
>mature elf daughteru
My boner and heart...

>> No.46173902

>>46171183
Actually, a metric shit-ton of people would say the complete opposite - you don't use words to describe how the person talks, you demonstrate it through your dialogue choices.
You know, kinda like 'show, don't tell?'
But yeah, sure, you're the expert.

(Honestly, if you wanna get better at dialogue? Read Elmore Leonard.)

>> No.46173942

>>46173663
>someone who posts on /tg/ criticizing others for being basement dwelling retards
Don't even go to /pol/ either you hypocrite.

>> No.46174527

>>46166849
You';ve heard of a turducken before, right? It's gonna be kind of like that.
Now go get me a pixie!
>my minions' faces when

>> No.46174572

>>46166849
Ask them if being caught was part of their master plan

>> No.46174588

>>46166849
who are you? How did you get here? Holy shit is that a SWORD? DUDE WHAT THE FUCK

>> No.46174637

>>46167992
>tfw glorious neet

>> No.46175548

>>46166849
Ask them where in Reman's name Umaril is. And why they look like human's with knife-ears.

>>
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