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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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[ERROR] No.43506670 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

How do we un-fuck his shit /tg/?

>> No.43506954

Find out how much he's paying Slaanesh for Space Alimony, and get a court order to rescind it

>> No.43507022

9/10 of the problems in the Galaxy would be solved by the Emperor's death.

>> No.43508330

it could also get worse.

>> No.43508470

Get him a text to speech device.

>> No.43508491

kill him

>> No.43508527

That would be okay, really.

>> No.43508609

>Chaos lovers detected

Please, get purged.

>> No.43508653


>> No.43508683

He will be reborn, you dumbass.

>> No.43508727

Oh jej, like a fucking Illuminati Inquisitor isn't heretical.

"Sensei" my ass.

>> No.43508747

yeah, that'd pretty much solve everything.

>> No.43508751

We let Bruva Alfabusa handle it.

>> No.43508771

Make a better payker and swap them (via instant teleport for simplicity), keeping the new psyker on the 1,000 psyker souls-a-day diet so he doesn't disintegrate while they wait for the new emperor to reincarnate.

>> No.43508787


>> No.43508861


Even so, the instant his psychic bunghole is off that throne the mini-Eye of Terror under the palace will open into a full-blown warp rift and spew daemons into Terra before the rift itself engulfs the planet and kills off the command center of the Imperium.
Not to mention that the Astronomicon would fizzle out and all the ships in the imperial navy would get fucked by chaos the instant they try to warp jump.

You kill the emperor and you kill mankind. By the time he was reborn there won't be anything left for him to rule.

>> No.43508910

underrated post

>> No.43508960

That..... That could actually work.

>> No.43508981

Problem is, the closest thing existing for that to work... IS ALSO A WOMAN!!!

>> No.43508991

who dat bitch be?

>> No.43509062

Ephrael Stern

Tbh, average story.

>> No.43509113

Reminded of this.

>> No.43509114


Not to mention the Emperor being reborn in a human(ish) body doesn't rule out there also being another Chaos God getting born.

From a dramatic standpoint I think that's the best outcome. Imperium splinters into a million states that get swallowed up by aliens, witches and heretics by the thousands. Emperor gets reborn, a Chaos God of something (tyranny/subjugation/domination?) gets born.

Now you have a 40k where there's distinct human astropolitical bodies. It would be great.

>> No.43509140

that's being generous

>> No.43509147

And the only thing that could turn the Emperor into the opposite sex is a wo- probably some kind of genderfluid chaos entity commonly represented as a woman.

>> No.43509176

what about you know hiring a better emperor?
This one might be a bit worm shaped but I think he'll do the trick.

>> No.43509203

>some kind of genderfluid chaos entity commonly represented as a woman

You mean Slaanesh?!

>> No.43509216

The Daemonifuge, Sister Ephrael Stern the Thrice-born!

>> No.43509318

Well I don't think Nurgle, Khorne and Tzeentch are shown as women anywhere else than on Rule34

>> No.43509404

>And the only thing that could turn the Emperor into the opposite sex is a wo- probably some kind of genderfluid chaos entity commonly represented as a woman.
>You mean Slaanesh?!
Nah, at least not as they are in current canon...
That Slaanesh can range in gender from trap to reverse-trap, and will change it at a moments notice just to dick with you.

Now, a Slaanesh bloated on all the nice positive vibes from the Daughters of Peace might do it, but that to make the Empress an aspect of herself like all things should be, or rather of the Ur-Goddess of the Universe; Xaos!

>Well I don't think Nurgle, Khorne and Tzeentch are shown as women anywhere else than on Rule34
It's funny how much 40k changes when you turn all the Gods into Magical Lesbians...

>> No.43511633

turning importaint characters into magic lesbians changes most stories.
and now I'm remembering so many stories I read.

Poor Lenny.

>> No.43511677

No. He became a faggot after his popularity went to his head and he started messing with character traits he had previously established.

>> No.43511808

Oh damn. Did you draw that? if so, good job.

>> No.43511827

Bahaha, God-Emperor of Dune.

>> No.43511830

No, an artfag known as Inker Anon did.

>> No.43511924

10/10 post

>> No.43512112

Is someone trying to advance the plot

>> No.43512254


>the Emperor's death

That sounds extra heretical.

>> No.43512412

how much would that change?

>> No.43512435

Care to detail this statment ?

>> No.43516909


>> No.43517098

I like the way you think.

A thousand tiny Imperiums and a thousand failed tiny Imperiums holding on for a dawn that might never come but holding on because to fail is for humanity to fail forever with no hope to come back.

The Emperor is dead. Turns out he was still mortal.

That big psychic cloud that was building up around him is still there and did reach the self sustaining state, even if it didn't become a means of godhood.

Its power with no direction. But mortals can tap into it. Those whose fiath burns the brightest can act, if usually only briefly, like ethereal lightning rods and stride like short lived gods.

>> No.43517111

And ignore her womb.
Assault only her ass.
Seriously, some people do not deserve some things...

>> No.43517132

The Emperor vs the Silent King in their prime.

Who wins?

>> No.43517185

No matter who wins who fucking cares?

>> No.43517212

He's a godlike biomancer. He's probably been there and done that millennia ago.
Clearly having a dick is the superior if he remains a dude. Penises, Emperor approved.

>> No.43517223


The Emperor has a true form. It's a brown little man that looks like a shriveled up prune.

>> No.43517233

>The Emperor has a true form. It's a brown little man that looks like a shriveled up prune.
>It's a brown little man that looks like a shriveled up prune.
>It's a brown little man

Penises. Emperor. Approved.

>> No.43517247

It's the form he was born as.

It makes you wonder why does his true form looks so aged while the other perpetuals who are as old as he is are normal looking, even youthful.

>> No.43517267

He's both a wrinkly old prune and a bronzed athletic warrior at the same time.

He's a gestalt entity of many shamans, which were themselves likely wrinkly old prunes of both genders. Of which he both is and was... At some point you have to shrug and go "because soul magic".

>> No.43517292

9/10 of the galaxy's problem would have been prevented by the emperor never showing up in the first place.

>> No.43517303

If only because chaos would have won a long time ago so nobody is left alive to have a problem with anything.
Killing the patient to cure the disease there.

>> No.43517324

Nah, without tyhe Emperor, humanity would have either died out or got scattered into small domains across the galaxy.

Without endless masses of humanity around Chaos wouldn't be a problem and there would be no threat of a Chaos apocalypse due to humans exploding into trillions of warp portals.

>> No.43517399

You can't un-fuck his shit. Even if you did, the existential threat of Tyranids, Necrons and Chaos aren't inherently his doing. Well, maybe Chaos a little bit, but the situation is super fucked without the Emperor.

You're not a big fan of the tarot deck?

>> No.43517449

There's no "cockstodes" card though. How can the emperor complain adequately without insulting portmanteaus?

>> No.43517533

>posting anything worthwile ever
>having talent for anything besides being an annoying cunt

>> No.43517563

And you still don't see the problem with that. An entire species condemned to oblivion because Muh Warp Ain't Calm! Especially when it was the Eldar's fault.

>> No.43517600

Humanity gave birth to three Chaos Gods and is the main power source for all four. Humanity is also going to explode and kill everything in the galaxy with pure Chaos.

For the greater good, humanity should have been destroyed a long time ago.

>> No.43517687

Humanity is only the main power source because there are badly any Eldar left after chaos and Slaanesh in particular munched down on their souls.
If it wasn't humanity it would be the xeno kingdoms.

>> No.43517702

>gave birth
part of humanity, yes, but also any part of any sentient, warp-sensitive race from all time. Anything that felt rage, hope or despair. For a long time, this was predominantly eldar, and thousands of tiny xenos races. Maybe currently humans are what feed them, but creating them? hell naw

>> No.43517708

>Humanity gave birth to three Chaos Gods
Wrong. They had already been forming in the Warp for a long time before
They just happened to break through at key points in humanity's existence. Remember that, apart from the Tau, Mankind is the youngest of all the races in the galaxy. The War in Heaven was the single biggest contributor to Khorne's birth, bar none.

>> No.43517736 [DELETED] 

Chaos is so human that when the Tau were fighting daemons, the daemons were speaking in low Gothic.

No other race had an Emperor to conquer the galaxy for them. The galaxy would have been overrun with Orks, and the Necrons and Tyranids would the greater threats instead of Chaos.

Overall, a better galaxy.

>> No.43517755 [DELETED] 

You are a 26 year old male autistic manchild who is hated across multiple boards for thread derailment and reckless, pure faggotry of the highest order.

Kindly, consider suicide. You offer literally nothing of worth to us either as individuals, or a collective.

8 years ago, a post of ALL FIELDS would have sufficed.

>> No.43517768


>> No.43517800

> 8 years ago
I feel old now

>> No.43517819

> Result of shamans
> Both genders
Implying there's some sort of gender-conservation shennanigans, wouldn't that make Big-E a male hermaphrodite?

>> No.43517881

I'm not sure souls have genders. Can you have sex with a soul? Is soul-sex a thing? Is it gay if both souls inhabited male bodies?
I...guess the Emperor is spiritually a hermaphroditic bundle of souls who identifies as male, at the risk of getting into Tumblr territory.
What the fuck does the emperor look like in spiritual terms anyway? A bundle of mismatched human body parts? A human figure covered in faces of long dead shamans?

That was quick.

>> No.43518081


False dilemma confirmed.

>> No.43518108

>How do we un-fuck his shit /tg/?


>> No.43518902

>how much would that change?
Usually, very little...

>And ignore her womb.

>Clearly having a dick is the superior if he remains a dude.
...How do you know that he even HAS a penis?

>> No.43518979

play the 40k equivalent (girly ork pop) of justin bieber, he will undead himself and kill you.

>> No.43519002

New episode

>> No.43519022

Because i know that men gross you out. And that makes me happy.

>> No.43519072

This guy is so mad; what, did ND kill your dog and then rape it?

>> No.43519095


better writers than GW can ever hope to be

>> No.43519217

>How do we un-fuck his shit /tg/?

Why would we? Everyone knows that pic related is actually Sanguinius.

>> No.43519306 [DELETED] 

half of these aren't even funny...

>> No.43519606

Chuckled twice in twenty minutes. It's not horrible, but it's no where near good either.

>> No.43519659

>Because i know that men gross you out. And that makes me happy.

>> No.43519942

> chaos God
> of order
This guy.

>> No.43520012

>not knowing of Spontaneous Order
Top lel

>> No.43520167

> The Emperor spiritually looks like a mess made of random body parts and faces
He would be more frightening than chaos gods, then?

>> No.43520219

That's not high praise at the moments.

That's like saying you beat the flipper handed retard child of Chernobyl at ping pong.

>> No.43523188

Unfuck his shit? Why would we do that? The Room is far more enjoyable when it's so bad it's good.

>> No.43523814

This finally updated!

>> No.43523966


>> No.43526189

what? he isn't the same emporer fom fantasy warhammer? i don't get it, he's at least 40,000 years old.

>> No.43526448

>Set in motion events that actually vastly increased the power of chaos and gave it more armies to play with that the eldar fall did
>Created not one, but two of the time bombs that are waiting to fuck humanity's shit up when they lose control over them, first by imprisoning the Void Dragon under Mars, second by tampering enough with the webway gates on Terra to turn the sun into an eye of terror 2 the moment he croaks
>established an imperial regime whose horrors effectively makes it easier rather than harder for chaos to gain a foothold.
Literally everything he does in the fluff makes chaos stronger because he's an egomaniac autist. He's literally what you get if you gave an engineer superpowers.

The jackboot isn't driven by order, it's driven by fear.. Emps as a chaos god is basically the anti-tzeentch.

>> No.43529483

>Emps as a chaos god is basically the anti-tzeentch.
More like Emps is proto-Malal

>> No.43529584


>> No.43533647

>un-fuck 40k
>a setting that's designed to be fucked for everyone

>> No.43534457

You find the holiest and most untainted geneseed that you can impregnate somebody with.

Kaldor reads the Terminus Decree so that his soul may be reincarnated in the new body.

Alternatively, Emprasque.

>> No.43534590

Let him die so he can reincarnate

Humanity (and every other sentient species) was able to travel through space for thousands of years before the astronomicon, we can learn to do so again in the interim

>> No.43534615

The Emperor is a perpetual. Perpetuals come back to life eventually. Because he's not fully dead, he cannot return. Therefore, if Abbadon kills him, he will return and #rekt shit.

So, we must fully kill him.

I keep saying it, 40k is going to have it's Time of Ending (The End Times) and all the Primarchs are going to come back to life and it'll be Time of Ending until they decide that "points are deadly to model sales" and do, not a setting reboot ala AoS, but a rule reboot.

It all makes perfect sense. Look at the facts. All Primarchs are perpetuals, many 'dead' Primarchs, ala Vulkan and Girlyman have dues ex machina stuff already applied to them, Girlyman is 'healing' and Vulkan will return when all his shit is collected.

The only two troubling ones are Sanguinius and Kurze. Sanguinius is an angel and his legion is Space Vampires, so just have him come back to life, reborn. Also, remember, Dante has the propechy of "A man in Golden Armour will stand before the Emperor against the hordes of Chaos". Dante thinks that's him. It isn't. It's Sanguinius. After the Shield of Baal, Dante is emo, but Sanguinour appears to him and they talk. The only thing that's heard is "Do not lose hope".

Curze will probably come back via Chaos shinnanigans and then during the End Times, he turns on Chaos and goes "While both sides are hypocritical douches, you're the worst, Chaos" and does a Settra (Settra got raised up from death in End Times, then turned on Chaos at the end).

Everybody else is either crying in his room, in the Eye of Terror or doing some other shit, or is a Daemon Prince.

>> No.43534628

newfag detected. it's a meme you fucking dip

>> No.43534632

You're arguing with Carnac. Just stop. It's not worth it.

>> No.43534665

Emperor: Everybody betrayed me! I'm fed up with this world!

>> No.43534684

Not everyone on the board is Carnac and nobody cares.
Stop mentioning him in each thread you are as cancerous him.

>> No.43534710

who the fuck is carnac?

>> No.43534745


A faggot of the highest order.

>> No.43534751

>The Emperor is a perpetual. Perpetuals come back to life eventually. Because he's not fully dead, he cannot return. Therefore, if Abbadon kills him, he will return and #rekt shit.

Except that is wrong. Perpetuals regenerate from damage they receive and return back to life. Their only weakness is copious amounts of Warp energy.

The Emperor cannot regenerate which means his perpetual power is lost. The Emperor is keeping himself alive in a dying corpse because if he dies, reality would be consumed by Chaos due to humanity exploding into Warp portals.

>> No.43534768

A shitty meme.

>> No.43534776

It's a meme, you dip.

Also. Let's look at facts.

>Hates humanity: Check
>Likes Chaos: Check
>Likes Tau and Mentions Greater Good: Check

>n-n-not Carnac!

I don't care if it isn't, you're just as cancerous as him.

>if I call him cancerous first... then I'm protected!

Doesn't work like that, bub. I suggest you don't sound like the faggot from now on.

>> No.43534825

>Perpetuals regenerate from damage they receive and return back to life. Their only weakness is copious amounts of Warp energy.

>> No.43534834

It's pure cancer.

First someone calls the other guy Carnac, then someone asks who Carnac is, then someone answers, and then the whole thread becomes about Carnac. How many threads do you guys have to ruin?

>> No.43534886

Vulkan. John, Alivia, Olly all regenerate from damage they are given and come back to life.

The only thing stated in the HH that perma-kill a perpetual is a piece of rock made out of pure warp energy that was created from the Emprah's psychic power. Olly currently has it.

>> No.43534946


And here it is.

Olly has the anathme, though. The Fulgurite was removed from Vulkan's body in "Deathfire", IIRC.

>> No.43535131

Why don't they just put the Emperor in a glorious, golden dreadnought?

>> No.43535164

The Emperor is holding shut the tear in reality Magnus created with his message.

The moment he is removed from his throne, the warp tear will engulf Terra.

>> No.43535203

Then put the throne in the dreadnought.

>> No.43535326

The Throne is bigger than the tallest modern skyscrapers.

>> No.43535378

Put the throne in a really, really big dreadnought.

>> No.43535396

>Apparently, the weapon would only kill a Primarch if wielded by another, but Grammaticus refused the Cabal demands to give it to Konrad Curze and instead stabbed Vulkan himself, restoring the Primarch's sanity.[2]

Thanks. So, it can only kill a Perpetual if it's used by another Primarch. So... Vulkan isn't dead.

Now, source me something that says the Emperor cannot regenerate because of Warp fuckery, not because he's not fully dead. Have you thought that he could die and be reborn, but doesn't because of the consquences?

Have you thought that maybe the Golden Throne is breaking because Emperor is way too powerful for it to control? I mean, he's fed thousands of souls every day for the last 10,000 years. That's a lot of power being given to him. Pysker souls at that. It's breaking and the AdMech don't know why. So worried are they they went to Commograth and traded with the Dark Eldar for something to help. Not said what they traded, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was a set-up for the Emperor being "cloned" like when the Dark Eldar die. Think about it. AdMech worried Emperor will die when machine dies, so they set up this plan for him to be re-born when it happens. I also maintain they traded the knowledge of the Nulls on the secret Inquisitor base so Vect could get them to try and hold back the Warp breaking through in Commograth.

>> No.43535433

Fuck it, put the throne in an emperor titan!

>> No.43535480

>Thanks. So, it can only kill a Perpetual if it's used by another Primarch. So... Vulkan isn't dead.

Another Primarch can kill a perpetual primarch with it. The Emperor was hit with Horus who was wielding the power of the Chaos Gods which was stated to be very deadly to him.

>source me something that says the Emperor cannot regenerate because of Warp fuckery, not because he's not fully dead.

The rulebook.

His body is decaying. In fact, his body is dead and it's just acting like anchor for his shattered soul. His massive soul is fading and his power is eroding over time, the sacrifice of psykers is done to feed his soul and prevent him from completely fading away.

A lot of what you said is pure speculation. I prefer to work with what's actually in the lore.

>> No.43535530

>His massive soul is fading and his power is eroding over time

That is speculation as well. Nobody knows exactly why it's done, it's just done. As for the machine failing, this is fact, as for not knowing why, this is also fact, as for AdMech going to DE for technology to get, this is also fact. The rest is speculation, true, but what do the DE have that the Eldar don't? Especially when the later might be more willing to help.

>> No.43536054

Ffs, can someone finally source me where it is said that the AdMech went to the Dark Eldar to fix the throne?

>> No.43536061

>what do the DE have that the Eldar don't
Haemonculi, for starters. Fleshcrafting technology.

Lack of morals.
And a very huge need for slaves.

"Yes, help us keep our overlord alive, BUT LISTEN you... you go get those three hiveworlds and we go be busy somewhere else."

And might I add:
>craftworld eldar
>willing to help
pick one

>> No.43536085

Admech codex. The timeline section.

Radical Admech dudes meet with an unknown party beneath the Dark City

>> No.43536093

Thank you, kind anon.
Does that mean the plot is actually progressing?

>> No.43536115


It was during the final year of the timeline (999 41K) which is the cut off point of the setting. It's just filling the holes in the plot.

>> No.43537242

What would Space Marine chapters do if the Emperor died? What would their purpose be? They'd all be way more susceptible to Chaos because their one purpose is now gone.

>> No.43537426

The series is informative first and jokes second. The creator even admitted that this one was less funny.

>> No.43538064

Their one purpose is the defence of humanity and the fucking up- of anything that looks at them funny.

They would carry on fighting for as long as their supplies held out.

When their supplies run out they either then have to compromise and join one of the surviving worlds, turn pirate to some degree or go on one last great rampage into the jaws of death and take as many bastards with them as possible.

Only the few chapters that see Emperor as a god would have any additional difficulties.

>> No.43538094

Emperor created that tear.

Magnus just knocked the wards off with his message.

That ban he slapped on Magnus and all the other Legions about dangers of warp dabbling? Apparently its still cool when he does it.

>> No.43538219

do we?

>> No.43538483

He was making holes in the Warp to build a webway you git. And he couldn't tell Magnus because the angry tomato was whispering to tzeentch. And the stupid blue blob wasn't supposed to know about the webway. so E just told Magnus to not use the warp. he would have probably told him later about the webway.

This happens if one man alone has to do EVERYTHING.

Building Webways, leading humanity,taking care of the kids and so on

>> No.43538515

And it could all of been avoided if instead of


he said

>Going to be doing some really warp sensitive shit on Terra. Send mail to Alpha Cintauri.

In fact most of the shit in the HH could have been avoided if the Emperor hadn't been a sperg-lord.

>> No.43538574

>Not a perpetual

The mere fact that Vulkan is a perpetual should be sufficient to say that the Eperor, being his father, is a perpetual himself.

In my theory, every single primarch is actually a perpetual. They will come back, sooner or later.

But since perpetuality does not comes to all in equal measures, like psychic powers, the others are taking an awfully long time

>> No.43538656

He should have taken magnos to terra.

Teach him about warp, SHIELD HIM FROM THE WARP ,watch him and tell him about the assholes in the warp.

Little tomato head could have helped him working with the warp too.

>> No.43538678

he did.

and what did it bring

>> No.43538701


Also maybe have an actual chat with Logar about things rather than shouting "Don't" in increasing volume and then acting all surprised when people don't act like robots.

But that would require him to see shit from the point of view of someone else. Or understand that other people have a point of view.

>> No.43538713

I am not saying the is not perpetual. John confirms he is one. But it's said that massive amount warp energy can kill a perpetual. The Emperor was exposed to massive amounts of Chaos energy and he doesn't seem to be regenerating like the rest of the perpetuals.

Also do you have examples that perpetuals can comeback from having their entire bodies obliterated? I have yet to see a perpetual survive return from total destruction.

>> No.43538717


Join the greater good

>> No.43538798

Yes, but you're not going to get the empfags to admit that the god-emperor is a moron whose claim to being a great scientist is borderline Big Brother tier.

>> No.43539072

There's no need to do that, the Emperor will pull an "lord kroak" stunt and fully resurrect like if nothing happened, remeber the door below comorrag? Probably the Emperor's doing, let the dark eldars take care if the demons and then invade it with custodes.

>> No.43539230

Vulkan came back from that

>> No.43539275

to be fair, the only problem there is the death of the Astronomicon, since the command center of the Imperium is completely fucking worthless.

And it wouldn't destroy the imperial navy, they'd just get lost half the time after their first jump, and have to rely on microjumps and those wonky psychic books that catalog safe ways through the warp. The navigator's guild'll be pissed though, because they won't be that important any more

>> No.43540210

Navigators predate the astronomicon so they must have some ability to navigate without it.

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