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42023138 No.42023138 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

>The bollock dagger or ballock knife is a type of dagger with a distinctively shaped shaft, with two oval swellings at the guard resembling male testes ("bollocks")...The dagger was popular in Scandinavia, Flanders, Wales, Scotland and England between the 13th and 18th centuries (Source: Wikipedia)

Other quirks of the Middle Ages were the prominence of codpieces, vulgar folk tales, ceremonial armor with lewd handgesturs and depictions of genitals on them, and sketches of such strange scenes as a dragon having sex with a queen while the king watches. On top of that it was an era where the Catholic Church condoned prostitution and quite a few bishops and cardinals used the services of the ladies of the night.

The Middle Ages are often seen as a very repressive and prudish period where the Church staunchly enforced puritan sexual values, where everything was squeeky-clean and where the only form of sex allowed was post-marital sex in the missionary position while holding hands and looking eachother in the eyes purely for the sake of reproduction.

My question should be obvious at this point: how prudish were the Middle Ages really? How should I interpret the evidence that contradicts this traditional view of the medieval period?

Pic related, a bollock dagger. I have no real source for this, but Matt Easton claims these were often worn with the scabbard in front of the groin rather than by the side, emphasizing how much the hilt resembles an erect penis and testicles.

>> No.42023234 [SPOILER] 
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42023234

Medieval people were not at all worried about depicting cocks, nipples, etc. Blame the victorians.

>> No.42023261

Chaucer is a pretty good indication of how things were. Jokes about farting, shit and people getting cucked. The same stuff the Romans found funny. The same stuff people today find funny.

Puritanism is a blight. I'd blame the Victorians, but you get people like that every century.

>> No.42023291

>>42023138
Even if there was puritanism in the middle ages, it was no more or no less violent than other given moments of History. Even if some practicies, such as homosexuality or adultery were frowned upon (But that doesn't mean they didn't do it, just that they kept that secret), they weren't threatened with burning if they did it doggy-style.
In fact, all the things about "Dark Middle Ages" are just legends made by italian hipsters from the Renaissance, to make sure people believe how *they* were intelligent and not-prudish-at-all.

>> No.42023366

>>42023234
Drawings scribbled in the margins by sexually frustrated monks were the /d/ of Ye olde times.

>> No.42023380
File: 643 KB, 1024x768, Welcome, weary traveller.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42023380

>>42023138
In Northern Spain, there are some churches from the 9th to the 13th centuries with reliefs and sculptures like pic related. The old cathedral of Santiago had elements like this, too. So... they were not very prudish, it seems.

>> No.42023435

tl;dr Blame the Victorians

>> No.42023443 [SPOILER] 
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42023443

>>42023366
>yfw hentai would've been a medieval European invention if it weren't for the Renaissance and Protestantism

>>42023380
Wait, in a CHURCH? Who allowed this and why? Even today this would cause a riot.

>> No.42023453

>>42023443
>Who allowed this and why?
Presumably they thought it was funny. Maybe it was symbolic. Gargoyles are supposed to be grotesque anyway.

>> No.42023461

>>42023138
>how prudish were the Middle Ages really?
Not.

Not at all.

The Victorian-era puritans really did a number on how a lot of historical things are seen - both the religious, and the people like John Harvey Kellogg

And this despite all the private vice and porn of their times.

>> No.42023480

>>42023443
fertility and sanctity can exist side by side
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheela_na_gig

>> No.42023500
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42023500

>>42023234
>>42023261
>>42023435
>>42023461
I'm going to spitball here so stop me when I say something stupid.

The Victorian era was mostly limted to the UK and UK-held possessions, right? And the equivalent period in French history would be the Belle Époque, right? And the French had a roughly contemporary revival of interest in medieval history to the point where they now have an entire section of the Louvre dedicated to crusader art, right? And the Belle Époque was more sexually liberal than the Victorian era (with such controversial paintings as Déjeuner sur l'herbe becoming mainstream), right?

Would it be correct to assume that in Francophone historiography the view of the Middle Ages as a puritan era is a lot less common than in Anglophone countries because they never really had an era of sexual repression? Or was the Belle Époque more sexually repressive than I think it was?

>> No.42023536
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42023536

>>42023480
>There is also some folkloric evidence of anasyrma being used by women lifting up their dresses to curse evil spirits. Andersen reproduces a plate from La Fontaine's Nouveaux Contes (1674) showing a demon being repulsed by the sight of a woman lifting her skirt to display her genitals.

The English language does not have enough words to properly express my confusion. I'm not sure whether I should be amused, disgusted, shocked or all of the above.

>> No.42023551

>>42023453

>Presumably they thought it was funny

Such it is when you contract /b/ to be your decorator.

>> No.42023575

>>42023536
>Back of the knee maybe.jpg

>> No.42023598

>>42023500
>UK-held possessions
A quarter of the globe, and the Americans got even more into it (see prohibition and the crusade against masturbation)

>> No.42023616

>>42023500
French guy here, I'm going to answer easily :
There are TV Show (Secret d'Histoire), books and other documentaries about... Sexual lives of historical people.
I don't know why but the french love to know details about the sexual past of people who existed.

As for the view of the Middle Ages, well, in school, we are mostly taught the "amour courtois" (You know, jousting, the gallant knight...), the castles, the slavery of the peasants and the power of the Lords/Religion. Even if people still have negative views on that era (Saying people back then didn't bathe, had rotten teeth...), it isn't as much as other countries.

>> No.42023724

>>42023616
>In the nineteenth century, many French people believed that several immoral rights had existed in France during the Ancien Régime, such as the droit de cuissage, the droit de ravage (right of ravage; providing to the lord the right to devastate fields of his own domain), and the droit de prélassement (right of lounging; it was said that a lord had the right to disembowel his serfs to warm his feet in)
Presumably this isn't still the case

>> No.42024062
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42024062

>>42023724
>and the droit de prélassement (right of lounging; it was said that a lord had the right to disembowel his serfs to warm his feet in)
This is just cartoonishly evil. It most likely never happened but this would be such a cool law to introduce into a campaign where a chaotic evil king rules. Imagine that: a king decapitates two of his serfs, piles them on top of eachother as a sort of improvised bench, disembowels a third one, uses his empty belly to warm his feet and stares right at the party with a shit-eating grin, daring them to say anything about it.

And here I was thinking droit du seigneur was silly.

>> No.42024149

>>42024062
>Be lord
>Having a nice day, trampling my own fields, idc I've got loads of them
>see a wedding
>first night, bitches
>take her back to my castle
>not bad, 6/10
>man castles are draughty
>stab the bitch with my dickknife
>mmm cosy
>better as a foot warmer than a lay tbh

>> No.42024321
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42024321

So yesteryear's Victorian era prudes are today's USAian WASP prudes?

>> No.42024334

>>42023138

>The Middle Ages are often seen as a very repressive and prudish period where the Church staunchly enforced puritan sexual values, where everything was squeeky-clean and where the only form of sex allowed was post-marital sex in the missionary position while holding hands and looking eachother in the eyes purely for the sake of reproduction.
Thats the XIX Century

>> No.42024350

>>42023138
To put it in perspective.

The spaniards where the most christian fanatical psychos.

They only went into two speeds "rape and pillage" and "kill", extrapolate the rest from there anon.

>> No.42024361
File: 29 KB, 400x342, España románico erótico.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42024361

>>42023380

Its not exclusive to Northern Spain, it appears in other countries too, related with the Romanic movement as I have heard.

>> No.42024374

>>42024062

It should be Lawful Evil, its the Customary Law after all.

>> No.42024382

>>42024334
>holding hands and looking eachother in the eyes
That is way too lewd and personal, anon. Woman was supposed to close her eyes and think of England. It's widely known fact that women in fact don't enjoy sex!

>> No.42024383

>>42024350

Thats, like, your opinion, man.

>> No.42024403

>>42024361
I knew that it was not exclusive to Northern Spain, but the only churches I knew with that kind of sculptures were there, so I decided to take no risks.

Still, if your map is trustworthy, there was "erotic" churches in Jaen. I'm gonna pester my flatmates with this for a while.

>> No.42024453
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42024453

There isn't much room for privacy in an old peasant's house.

And they had a lot of kids.

This doesn't seem to leave much room for prudishness.

>> No.42024464

>>42024350
>The spaniards where the most christian fanatical psychos.
>They only went into two speeds "rape and pillage" and "kill"

To be fair, if you had a pretty big state raiding you on an almost weekly basis, with between one and four military campaigns each summer, just because you don't want to submit to their religion (not convert, just accept that their religion is slightly better than yours), I think all of us would end up being fanatical psychopaths.

Take a look at Al-Mansur, for example. 56 ṣáyfa in 25 years, not counting the little raids here and there. It was his little hobby, so to speak. I sort of understand why Christian Spain ended as it did.

>> No.42024478

>>42023575
kek'd

>> No.42024506

>>42024382
>Woman was supposed to close her eyes and think of England
That's what you were meant to do when your man was away on Empire business.

Well, that, or go and see your doctor for "hysteria" treatment.

>> No.42024532
File: 53 KB, 625x626, 1390004967069.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42024532

>>42024506
>It appears your wife has a severe case of hysteria. I recommend daily hot beef injections.

>> No.42024547
File: 83 KB, 606x430, Les Échecs amoureux 1496-1498.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42024547

Oh, and as for the church, there's a book in the Old Testament, the Song of Songs.

"My lover put his hand in through the opening:
my innermost being trembled because of him."

"How beautiful are your feet in sandals,
O noble daughter!

Your curving thighs like jewels,
the product of skilled hands.

Your valley, a round bowl
that should never lack mixed wine.

Your belly, a mound of wheat,
encircled with lilies.

Your breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle."

Etc...

Not that bibles appear to have been widespread in the middle ages, and literacy may not have been all that either, but still.

>> No.42024571

>>42023138
>how prudish were the Middle Ages really?
As much as current era or the Victorian age, or the Japanese X era, or at the time of the Spartan dominance, or [...]

The only thing changing is the elites and intellectuals's professed views on how sex should happen.

>> No.42024589

>>42024532
Pelvic massage was the treatment the doctors prescribed.

It was tiring enough that a steam-powered "manipulator" was invented in 1869, and an electric domestic one was patented in 1902 (the 5th electric domestic appliance). They were sold fairly openly until they started appearing in porn in the 20s

>> No.42024597

>>42023536
I dunno, makes sense if you assume demons are the antithesis of life, and a woman's vagina as a fertility symbol. It's basically like holding a holy symbol at them.

FEAR THE VAGOO

>> No.42024599 [SPOILER] 
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42024599

>>42024532
>daily hot beef injections
Nonsence. Science can solve this problem!

>> No.42024606
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42024606

>>42024506
You mean nine kids in seventeen years may not have been purely out of a sense of duty?

>> No.42024611

>>42024597
So demons are just super gay?

>> No.42024643
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42024643

>>42024606
Extremely vigorous duty, if her diaries are to be believed.

>> No.42024648
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42024648

>>42024611
Why do you think Christians hate homosex so much?

Pic related, apparently.

>> No.42024670

>>42023138
>The Middle Ages are often seen as a very repressive and prudish period where the Church staunchly enforced puritan sexual values

Did... did you just make that up? I have literally never heard this view of the Middle Ages before this thread.

I mean, my first reference for the social attitudes of the Middle Ages is Chaucer, and, well, that's not prudish.

>> No.42024689

>>42024606
Vicky and Albert were huge on the public displays of affection by the general standard of the age.

It was once he was dead that everyone really started to pretend they should be unhappy, because the Empire was being run by some dour bitch that only wore black.

>> No.42024702

>>42024382

Well, no woman I've ever had sex with has enjoyed it, so the theory holds up tbh.

>> No.42024719
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42024719

>>42024597
>FEAR THE VAGOO
Rawhead Rex agrees!

>> No.42024721
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42024721

>>42023138
Many "low-brow" comedies from the middle ages involve cuckolding, making fun of mentally handicapped, making fun of the physically handicapped, making fun of not so pious priests, making fun of prostitutes etc etc.

baselard dagggers and katzbalgers are commonly depicted as being worn at the groin.

>> No.42024725

>>42024648
>Why do you think Christians hate homosex so much?

Leftover from being jews. The original reason is probably pragmatic, based on hygiene and the fact that they were filthy middle-eastern/egyptian slaves without access to much self grooming that would make putting your penis into the asshole of someone not a health risk.

>> No.42024753
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42024753

>>42024702

>> No.42024764

>>42024702
Your hand was not enjoying the sex?

>> No.42024771

>>42024725
Same as the pork thing for muslims

>> No.42024773
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42024773

>>42024702
Son, you may want to put some effort into it next time.

>> No.42024777

>>42024648
As soon as Duggar's Adam4Adam profile is found you can ask him.

>> No.42024784
File: 2.27 MB, 3000x2190, 306D132a.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42024784

>>42023138
At various times church officials had to forbid people having sex in the church.

During carnival the insanity was turned up a notch or three.

>The priests wear masks during mass, they dance in the choir dressed as women, matchmakers or minstrels and singing outrageous songs. On the altar they eat black pudding and fat sausages. They roll dices and old shoes are burned instead of incense. Also there is running and jumping by them inside the church. After this mass they go out on the streets in their disguises. With carts and wagons they roam through the city, and give shameless performances to excite the laughter of the audience, which they also further incite with filthy songs and obscene gestures.

>Like now the carnaval in the Middle Ages reached the highlight in the three days before the beginning of lent. During this period, the city officially handed over the power to "Prince Carnaval" and the social revolution was complete. Because of the anonymity offered by the costumes, rank and position were no longer important and one could freely express his opinion and mock anything and anyone. In particular, the nobility, clergy and the wealthy citizens were mocked and ridiculed.

>> No.42024798
File: 87 KB, 1073x760, carnival.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42024798

>>42024784
>The catholic church had to suffer most during carnaval. All kinds of sacred traditions and rules were ridiculed during the feast. A donkey would be put on the altar during the ezelsmis (donkey's mass) after which a civilian dressed as a priest staged a mass. During all the prayers, the "amen" would be replaced by "ia, ia, ia". A dance called the polonaise was done during which people did not follow the pastor with the hand on the shoulder, but with the nose at the bottom. Also celebrated on 28 December is the now forgotten feast of the massacre of the innocents, commemorating the infanticide in Bethlehem. On this day the children were given the power for one day and turned it against the church. The choirboys put the clergy on a cart full of manure, and then let them pass through the village. Often this gave the mass the opportunity to pelt the church ministers with shit, a phenomenon in slightly modified version to be found now in the spreading confetti from the carnaval floats

>> No.42024801

>>42024725
>The original reason is probably pragmatic
A lot of Jew Bans on stuff stems from the fact that they simply don't want to do what some of the pagans are doing.

>THOSE GUYS ENJOY FUCKING EACH OTHER? WELL NOT GOD'S PEOPLE THEY FUCKING WONT.

>> No.42024806
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42024806

>>42024777
Hah!

>> No.42024821

>>42024784
>Becase of the anonymity offered by the costumes, rank and position were no longer important and one could freely express his opinion and mock anything and anyone.
I am glad that our greatest traditions carry on.

>> No.42024898

>>42023443
>Wait, in a CHURCH? Who allowed this and why? Even today this would cause a riot.

>Implying the holiest part of the holy virgin is unfitting display for a church

Get a load of this heretic.

>> No.42024904

>>42024547
>"How beautiful are your feet in sandals,
>O noble daughter!

Cunny aficionados united through time

>> No.42024931

>>42023536
she has some banging thighs yo, usually classical bitches are ugly as fuck but she looks pretty fit

>> No.42024954

>>42024801
this. Same reason they cut their penises. HOW CAN WE BE DIFFERENT? NO ONE CUTS THEIR DICKS RIGHT? WELL GOD SAYS WE SHOULD CUT OUR DICKS, LOOK HOW HARDCORE WE ARE!

>> No.42024968

>>42024721

https://pt.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cantigas_de_esc%C3%A1rnio_e_maldizer

>A vos, Dona Abadesa,
>de mim, Don Fernando Esquío,
>estas doas vos envío,
>porque sei que sodes esa
>dona que as merecedes:
>cetro carallos franceses
>e dous aa prioresa .

To you, Lady Abbess
Frome me, Lord Fernando Esquío
I send you these gifts
Because I know you are
The Lady that trully deserves it:
Four French dicks (dildos)
And two more fore the prioress

>> No.42024969

>>42024954
It discourages masturbation, which they didn't like.

>> No.42024982

>>42024969
I cut my foreskin some years ago and still fap like a maniac bonobo, without need of external lubrication.

>> No.42024989

>>42024982
You did it yourself? Sheesh.

I'm all natural, so I'm just repeating what I've been told.

>> No.42025000

>>42024670
See, that's because you're actually using a medieval source.

Almost nobody these days gets their views on the Middle Ages from the Middle Ages.

>> No.42025001

>>42024989
Yes, with a rusty knive in a dark basement. I am that hardcore.

>> No.42025029

>>42025001
Haha, you didn't even use a grater or a mandolin.

>> No.42025043

>>42024989
Yeah. The only people who think it discourages masturbation are the anti-masturbation campaigners of the 19th century.

And those guys thought eating Graham Crackers would prevent masturbation.

>> No.42025098

>>42025043
That's part of why Kelloggs was invented.

Those guys were nuts.
What a bunch of onanists

>> No.42025225

>>42024798
>During all the prayers, the "amen" would be replaced by "ia, ia, ia".
TIL that carnival is actually an ancient cthulian rite.

>> No.42025253

>>42025000
>Almost nobody these days gets their views on the Middle Ages from the Middle Ages.
Who is this everybody you keep citing? The people who care enough to form an opinion can spend 8 minutes looking up accurate sources online. And if they don't care enough to do that, then why care what they think?

>> No.42025293
File: 48 KB, 500x291, Weird-Medieval-Art-2-Bonnacon[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42025293

>>42024821
>Anonymous festival of literal shitflinging
>Showing your genitals to everyone with the excuse of "chasing the devil out"
>Pictures of dicks everywhere
>Being gay gets you beat up, but it's not gay if you fuck a boy in the ass. It's only gay if you're the one getting fucked
>If something goes wrong blame the Jews

Yep, the middle ages are pretty much "what if 4chan ran a country?"

>> No.42025359

>>42025293
Have you read about English and French uni students?

A clockwork orange seems like a piece of pacifist literature in comparison.

>> No.42025363

>>42025253
Tell that to the idiots who keep saying that the segmentata is the iconical roman armour.

>> No.42025385

>>42025293
>"what if 4chan ran a country?"
Welp, I think if it was modern day, we'd probably end off somewhere between killing all of humanity in a nuclear attack for the lols, or basing an entire civilization on porn and vidya games.

Either way, I'm all for starting our own country and immigrating.

>> No.42025391

>>42025363
It is iconic.
Just because it wasn't the most widely used or most effective or in use for the longest time doesn't mean it's not iconic.

The pony express and wild west shootouts are iconic, doesn't mean they were around for very long or happened much

>> No.42025411

>>42025391
If we follow that criterion, then puritanism in the Middle Ages is iconic.

>> No.42025422

>>42023443
These things are usually really high up, so high that you can't see it from the ground. So some workers placed these statues in there as a joke.

>> No.42025425

>>42025385
Wouldn't it end up being something like Mad Max country?

Not that I don't like the idea, though.

>> No.42025446
File: 49 KB, 211x302, c42[2].png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42025446

>>42024968
>Formalities
>Formalities
>Formalities
>FOUR FRENCH DICKS
>FOUR
>FRENCH
>DICKS

My sides have passed beyond the mortal coil.

>> No.42025447

>>42023724
>the droit de prélassement (right of lounging; it was said that a lord had the right to disembowel his serfs to warm his feet in)
That's 40k level of overkill stupid.

>> No.42025448

>>42023443
Jesus christ furrys have been around for ever.

>> No.42025465

>>42024453
Jup. Individualism is an invention of the 20th century. Before that it was mostly just "if you don't like it, don't look kids." and MAYBE doing it when the children are asleep already.

>> No.42025480

>>42025043
That's funny, graham crackers make me want to fuck. Must be the sugar they added when the company was sold

>> No.42025490
File: 189 KB, 480x424, 1436977451811.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42025490

>>42025448
Imagine if the internet was around during the Middle Ages

>Shut-in bishops discussing which waifu from Aesops fables is best waifu
>Cardinal of France calls bishop of Ireland a shit for not liking snake girls
>Various German priests are mocked for wanting to translate Aesop to German instead of learning to read it in superior Greek
>They're called casuals and secondaries
>They all eagerly await the newest romance novels being imported from Byzantium
>"Knight a shit, dragon is best girl"

>> No.42025500

>>42024689
Its a very sad story, she really really loved that guy

>> No.42025501

>>42025447
New social orders are practically honor bound to demonize the preceding one in order to give concrete reasons for the change that have little to do with high-minded philosophy. The most widespread instances of this phenomenon in the last few centuries are new republics in formerly regal countries.

Gotta make that king and his entire estate wicked folks otherwise our rebellion and purge is just born of petulance.

>> No.42025504

>>42025422
so wait, you're saying some stonemasons were trolling a buncha priests? I can only imagine how that might go

>"Wait a minute... is that supposed to be a gargoyle?"
>"Of course it is my liege! tis the latest in art"
>"but, it looks like a man - "
>"Nay Milord! tis truly a gargoyle of latest art. Twas shipped here by sea and pulled by oxen for a fortnight!"
>"But it looks like a man and a goat - "
>"Is it not scary?"
>"Well, yes, but I still think I can see him using a butter churn to - "
>"Then it tis a gargoyle your highness! Truly, it will frighten the masses into worship!"
>*mutter, mutter* "Still think something's wrong with that statue..."

>> No.42025522

>>42023724
It's probably one of those things where they ask for a right to do something outlandish, then argue it down to what they want, only that time, they either forgot to take it out afterwards or called them on their bullshit

>> No.42025526

>>42025446
hey, be grateful it was dicks...

If I recall correctly, samson (Ya know, that guy from the bible?) offered about 400 foreskins to his future father-in-law so he could ask for a woman's hand in marriage. To make matters worse, the guy had originally asked for only 200, so samson went one step further and got 400...

So, yeah, be grateful for your french dicks.

>> No.42025564

>>42025293
>Yep, the middle ages are pretty much "what if 4chan ran a country?"
An important thing to remember is that you became an adult at 14, maybe earlier. And that the average age was around 20, maybe younger.

>> No.42025574

>>42024968
>mailing 6 dildos to a nunnery
This is more hilarious than graffiti from Pompei. This is more hilarious than 'I will face fuck and sodomize you'.

>> No.42025577

>>42025564
>And that the average age was around 20, maybe younger.
That was mostly because child mortality was extremely high, not because people didn't become old. Many people lived into their 60s and beyond, the real problem was reaching 20. The first 20 years were the most risky years in the Ancient and Medieval world.

>> No.42025612

>>42025526
>mfw I'm imagining Samson opening up a free circumcision booth in a marketplace
>"Look, I know you're a hero and a king and all that, but what's circumcision got to do with-"
>"Helps you get women!"
>A DMV line starts forming on his booth

>> No.42025615

>>42025577
He said average age, he wasn't talking about average life expectancy (your points are still valid though). The average age of the population was low because people had tons of kids.

>> No.42025659

>>42025577
True.
That and dying in childbirth

>>42025574
>Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo

>> No.42025744

>>42025615
>The average age of the population was low because people had tons of kids.
Which means that the age was characterized by cocky youngsters doing stupid shit, and there were fewer mature figures to oppose that kind of dynamic.

>> No.42025747

>>42025526
>>42025612
Sorry fellas, but ya got ya facts wrong... It was david, not samson. Here's the bible quote for ya at 1 Samuel 18:25-27

>25At that Saul said: “This is what you should say to David, ‘The king does not want any bride price except 100 foreskins of the Phi·lisʹtines, to take revenge on the enemies of the king.’” For Saul was scheming to have David fall by the hand of the Phi·lisʹtines. 26So his servants reported these words to David, and it was pleasing to David to form a marriage alliance with the king. Before the allotted time, 27David went with his men and struck down 200 Phi·lisʹtine men, and David brought the full number of their foreskins to the king, to form a marriage alliance with the king. Therefore, Saul gave him his daughter Miʹchal as a wife.

So yeah, it was David. As in King David, as in the guy that used the sling against Goliath. That guy. Which, to be fair, would've made anyone think twice before going up against him. But still... bit of a gross marriage gift to get for your future wife.

>> No.42025763
File: 133 KB, 540x657, who-was-the-black-prince1-540x657[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42025763

>>42025744
>Cocky youngsters
Of course, and most of them must've been total edgelords. What kind of person would otherwise call himself "the black prince"? I'm surprised his motto wasn't "psssh... nothing personnel... kid".

>> No.42025802
File: 197 KB, 800x497, blackprince.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42025802

>> No.42025820
File: 193 KB, 781x1700, Ulm-Lion-Man-40000-years-old.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42025820

>>42025448

>> No.42025857

>>42025763
>>42025802
I'm just glad that Edward III and the Black Prince made up for how awful Edward II was.

You have to be a really awful king to be dethroned, publically cucked and murdered, but he deserved it for being a faggot.

>> No.42025882

>>42025857
At least there was an Edward III. John Lackland was so hated that, despite it being an extremely common English name, not a single monarch was named John after him. It's unsurprising that he was succeeded by king Louis

>> No.42025947
File: 404 KB, 541x700, 334586_v1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42025947

>> No.42025956
File: 230 KB, 550x669, 433982_v1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42025956

>inb4 lol cracked

>> No.42026089

>>42025385
>or basing an entire civilization on porn and vidya games.
Japan, in other words.

>> No.42026458

>>42023138
Fun Fact:During the 12th century the Catholic Church gave up trying to convice the laity that homosexual relations were immoral. It was supposedly widespread and the general population (having a very lax attitude to sex in general) didn't consider it to be a big deal.

The monastries were unsuprisingly featured as one prevalent area but so were the major cities.

Also: Marriage only offically became one of the seven Sacraments in the late 12th century (1184 Council of Verona) as part of the drive against the Cathars who had some very interesting ideas of sexual behaviour.

Once again we can blame the prudish 19th & 20th centuries for projecting thier prudishness onto the past.

>> No.42026466

>>42026458
Please tell me more about the Cathars.

>> No.42026505

>>42026466
Cathars are what happens when Bogomils and crypto-Manichaens get together and ask "How can we piss the most people off and still act smug, self-righteous and superior when they come to destroy us?"

>> No.42026524

>>42025577
Also the average of marriage in the medieval period was early/mid twenties which is not so different to today.

Its the use of marriage as a political tool and a means to grab inheritances among the nobility that you see the bethrothal and yes marriage of children. Though thankfully these were usually not consumated until some time later (though there are of course some depressing exceptions).

But sensationalist tales of the dung ages marrying off 10 year old princesses to ancient dukes before everyone dies of the pox makes people feel better about how enlightened they are in comparison.

>> No.42026564
File: 381 KB, 1263x641, bayeux20tapestry20-20harold.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42026564

>>42025490
Hear ye, hear ye! By order of His Majesty, this now be a gore thread!

>> No.42026575
File: 37 KB, 322x363, wanna ss.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42026575

>>42026524
>Though thankfully these were usually not consumated until some time later
Call me crazy, but in a way there's some romance behind that. Imagine being a young child, betrothed in advance to a noblewoman close to a decade your senior. The marriage is of course purely political, but imagine seeing her a few times. Imagine her doting on you, pinching your cheeks because she thinks you're so adorable, helping your mother raise you, teaching you about life, helping you with your studies. She helps you become a man mentally, and when you're ripe for it she'll turn you into a man physically. During that wedding night when the marriage is consumated, she becomes more than just a wife and more than just a lover. She was there for you every step along the way, something only very few women can boast.

>> No.42026613

>>42026575
/ss/ fags are the worst.

>> No.42026627

>>42026575
totally not an oedipus-complex

>> No.42026635

>>42026466
The Cathars had a wierd duality to their sex lives (as wit most of tier theology).

Basically a large part of their cosmos hinged on the physical world being the creation of the devil and it was the perfect spiritual realm that was the preserve of the Almighty.

Sex was of course a part of the disgusting material existence that was (to quote an extract from Bishop Forneir's Inquisitor's Handbook) characterised by "fucking and shitting".

So Cathar "Perfects" abstained from sex and generally lived a pretty ascetic life to become more attuned to the Holy Spirit, travelling around and ministering to the Credentes (ordinary beleivers).

The Credentes meanwhile ran with the idea that since the world is made of sin anyway, you might as well have fun while you are at it and got upto some fairly wild sexual escapades. Orgies were suposedly fairly common.

The landmark micro-history book "Mountaillou" is a fantastic resource for what ordinary people thought during the middle ages. Basically the inquisition interviewed (without torture, this isn't the renaissance) everyone in a remote pyreense french village and wrote down everything from thier daily lives to their thoughts about life, the universe and everything.

>> No.42026654

>>42026575
Thank you for sharing your fetish.

But even in your set of circumstances, its more likely that you'd be a 16 year old banging a 25-30 year old lady (nothing wrong with that either as far as I'm concerned) rather than your cougar fantasy.

But the even more likely situation is a 16 year old girl being married to an older man, again, not *necessarily* anything wrong with that (many grand romances were between people who were not near each other in age) but as has been pointed out earlier, we like to feel oh-so-enlightened and superior for our modern ways.

>> No.42026664

>>42024321
they're literally the same

>> No.42026671

>>42026524
>among the nobility
That shit was around (to a less extreme extent) with the commoners, too. Political marriages for inheritance were just how things were done in those days.

>> No.42026689

>>42026635
The normal inquisition was just an arm of the church that asked a lot of questions, it inquired.

The Spanish Inquisition was a reaction to crypto-Muslims and morrenos after the reconquista. It becomes very understandable when the government fears that half of your population could rise up against you or finance the opposition if the Almohads, Hafsids or Marinids decided to cross the Med.

>> No.42026717
File: 14 KB, 452x500, 1406113811084.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42026717

>>42026654
>its more likely that you'd be a 16 year old banging a 25-30 year old lady
Yes? And it'd be a 12 year old boy raised by a 22-27 year old lady. It still has the romance of the woman you love seeing you grow from a boy into a man and supporting you every step along the way.

>But the even more likely situation is a 16 year old girl being married to an older man
Then just reverse the genders. It's still pretty romantic.

>> No.42026730

>>42026671
Exactly. Do you think Martin the Miller would like to have his mill be inherited by the Goodwins in the next valley because his uncle's cousin was from there and Martin only has a daughter? Fuck no, those guys are assholes.

George the inkeeper has a son, he's a fine lad and our kids have gotten along well growing up. Much better to keep the mill in the village. I should go have a talk with George.


>People are usually reasonable and do things for reasons that at least try to make sense. Sensationalism is more dramatic though.

>> No.42026800

>>42026717
It probably dates to the late 18th century but have a lovely english folk song (Roud 31) on the subject: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3_qE9ectJQ

>> No.42026823

>>42023724
I thought serfs smelled bad on the outside!

>> No.42026843
File: 15 KB, 179x250, 1410445901338.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42026843

>>42026800
>That ending
Why do folk songs always do this?

>> No.42026857

>>42026717
Not saying it isn't. Most arranged marriages worked out just fine, which is why we don't know much about them. Not everything ended up with some French bitch sodomizing you with a poker til you died.

We know of when it went spectacularly bad, because of gossip, and we know of when it went spectacularly well such as with Maximilian 1 and Mary of Burgundy (at least for a time, shame what happened to her) or Isabella and Ferdinand. The majority medians never get stories.

>> No.42026891

>>42026843
Life is death anon, it's just what happens.

But to cheer you up, have Child Ballad no.4, being the only story in the collection where the lady saves herself.

For you pleasure the Elfin/Outlandish Knight: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YH-tihCjYxA

>> No.42026894

>>42024547
What the fuck is happening to that baby in the top right?

>> No.42026905

>>42026894
Being eaten.

>> No.42026912

>>42026894
You know how some people smell melons before they buy them to check if they're ripe? Death(?) is probably doing the same with babies.

>> No.42027131

>>42026654
Let's not forget that noble widows generally remarried, and usually had kids.

The Black Prince married his cousin. She already had 5 kids and had been in two previous marriages (one was illegal). Nonetheless, she was known for being the hottest woman in the country, so I guess she supplemented all that childbirth with tons of situps.

>> No.42027295
File: 594 KB, 249x214, 1383335655378[2].gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42027295

>>42026891
>But to cheer you up, have Child Ballad no.4, being the only story in the collection where the lady saves herself.
Thanks m8, I think I enjoy folk songs more than should be considered healthy. I remember a Scandinavian one (Danish I think) about a giantess falling in love with a young human man.

Medieval folk songs may just be a primitive equivalent of our smut threads.

>> No.42027301

>>42023536
>demons are raging faggots

/lgbt/ btfo

>> No.42027336

>>42027131
Actually that brings us to another topic: Cousin marriages.

Once again most people would expect the middle ages to be full of cousin-marrying hicks because inbreeding/medieval= primitive.

However this was infact not the case. The Catholic Church had very strict laws regarding consanguinity. For most of the middle ages atleast 4 degrees of seperation were required and this was sometimes much higher. Marriage between closer relatives was grounds for anullment.

Of course marriages between closer relatives could be allowed for a suitable indulgence, which is exactly what happened in the case of Edward, The Black Prince and his wife Joan of Kent (being first cousins once removed). Their pennance took the form of paying for a chapel in the crypt of Canterbury Cathedral which is where he wished to be buried. (He was actually buried in Trinity Chapel next to Beckett's shrine and the chapel is now used by a french protestant congregation).

Ironically it is our old friends the Victorians who really had a thing for thier first cousins.

Due to Church disaproval and the expense of dispensations cosuin marriage was far less common in the medieval era than the 19th century.

Funny old world, isn't it?

>> No.42027337
File: 2.06 MB, 1200x1600, 1439273238621.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42027337

>>42027295
Me again. I found it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxPEcd6mLlY

>> No.42027416

>>42027295
I'll admit that I'm not very familar with scandi-folk songs after the 11th century, most of my knowledge is restricted to These Sceptred Isles.

People sing about love, life, death and marriage because folk songs reflect people's lives. And bawdy humour seems to be a staple of the human condition throughout the world.

Because this is being derailed into a folk thread, have another of my favourites; A wealthy man meets a pretty girl on the road and one thing leads to another...: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=445UwbsjUn8

>> No.42027464

>>42024321
no
Todays prudes are the SJW, basically the next generation of soccer moms except with no kids and and equal amount of freed time.

>> No.42027497

>>42023138
>middle ages
>prudish
Everybody in a household slept in the same bed and nobody waore underwear.
What do you fucking think?

Victorians were prudes. Before them, the rules were "don't fuck in the street" and "not your sister."

>> No.42027501

>>42025480
Making s'mores seems like a great way to lead into foreplay, tbh. A bit sticky, but when isn't it?

>> No.42027588

>>42027501
I imagine smores were an unfortunate side effect of graham crackers in the eyes of Kellogg.

>> No.42027605
File: 417 KB, 516x653, 1439985371070.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42027605

>>42027501
Weren't strawberries Napoleon's aphrodisiac of choice?

>> No.42027614

>>42027336

Church enforced more zealously thre consaguinity grades among aristocrats than among regular folk.

>> No.42027625

>>42027336
>Due to Church disaproval and the expense of dispensations cosuin marriage was far less common in the medieval era than the 19th century.
Except among Arabs.

There's a tale in Arabian Knights where a girl kills herself and a guy gets castrated because he was too much of a faggot to do the right thing and marry his cousin like a good Arab should.

>> No.42027677

>>42026894
post-circumcision, it was common practice for Mohls to suck the blood off of the newly cut penis.

>> No.42027700

>>42027677
>Jews
>Not even once

>> No.42027724

>>42027677
It still is. They fought a legal battle in the US over their right to suck bleeding baby dicks.

>> No.42027737

>>42027497
>nobody wore underwear.

Sort of. Your braes that you wore under your hose functioned as underwear and would be changed frequently. This was actually one of the jokes used aginst the welsh; clearly they were savages for wearing trousers instead of civilised braes/hose which were more hygenic.

The linen undertunic that sat against the skin would also be frequently washed and changed, as it was designed to absorb all the sweat and grime produced by the body while keeping your overtunic clean (which was more awkward to wash as the dyes would run). This is why undershirts and braes were undyed or bleached linen, because they would be very frequently washed.

Also bathing was a thing though "sponge-baths" were ore coomon.

Once again it is the "enlightened" renaissance that was infamously filthy, it being preferable to load up on perfume than washing.

But it makes modern people feel better about the barbaric middle ages if they imagine them to be dung covered idiots.

Daily showers were not even a thing in the 1st world until the a couple of decades ago. Go look at some 1950s haircare information, it works on the assumption that you wash your hair maybe twice a week.

>> No.42027749
File: 84 KB, 640x452, tumblr_mv6hq9zgl81rasnq9o1_1280[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42027749

>>42027625
>Except among Arabs.
I'm not even surprised.

>> No.42027771

>>42023138
Not at all. Nudity wasn't frowned upon by much of the world for one, and women had it pretty good with their husbands considering that it was believed you could only conceive a child if the chick had an orgasm.

>> No.42027783

>>42024599
>Missing a chance to name it Steely_Dan.jpg
You fool

>> No.42027799

>>42024547
>M'lady *tips fedora while getting bollocks tipped"

>> No.42027866

>>42027700
>>42027724
>>42027677
Didn't a guy give a bunch of babies herpies like that, too?

>> No.42027872

>>42027625
I would make the obvious comment that about Catholic rulings not aplying to Arabs, but this is a good moment to point out that there have been quite sizeable christian (usually some flavour of Orthodox but not always) communities in the Middle East.

It's only with the present unpleasantness that Christian Arab communities bugging out en masse. In many countires during the 20th century they made up about 10-20% of the total population which is a considerable minority, and pockets were present in many cities elsewhere.

This is ignoring the Coptic Christians in Egypt which have thier own strong history and interesting place within the modern idea of Arab nationalism.

The religous make-up of the Middle East is far more complicated than most people would like to think.

>> No.42027903

>>42027872
Also Janissaries yo

>> No.42027947

>>42027771
>women had it pretty good with their husbands considering that it was believed you could only conceive a child if the chick had an orgasm.

This ine survived atleast into the Elizabethan era. The logic is fairly simple, conception obviously requires (ok 99% of the time) male orgasm it follows that the female orgasm is likewise necessary or what is it for? And there were a lot of kids being born.

Meanwhile our societyrecently went through a spell of denying most women could orgasm and it is still fairly high on the obscenity scale when rating movies.

It just goes to show, something?

>> No.42027988

>>42023138
The Middle Ages is a really broad period of time - from the fall of the Western Roman Empire to the Reformation - roughly a thousand years.

>> No.42028003

>>42027947
>and it is still fairly high on the obscenity scale when rating movies.
That's not accurate anymore. I've seen way more female orgasms then men in movies. And even when it happens there's usually not a single grunt or groan whereas the girls are screaming and moaning like a cat in heat. I've even seen a movie where a girl squirts. Never seen a guy shooting ropes off in film outside of porn.

>> No.42028011

>>42027947
>and it is still fairly high on the obscenity scale when rating movies
Stop, just stop.
Consider that most PG-13 rated male "orgasms" are the subject of ridicule. The rare few male orgasms that are considered erotic are in M rated movies, like the grand, grand majority of female orgasms.

The only thing this shows is that women are less subject to ridicule.

>> No.42028171

>>42028011
>>42028003
>I've even seen a movie where a girl squirts

We are probably not watching the same movies. But I didn't mean to imply that male orgasm was common on film (as you say, its really not).

Mostly what I mean to say is that we think of things in a different way to people say 400 years ago.

>> No.42028364

>>42024801
Some of them were also pragmatic. When you live in the desert without refrigeration, shellfish can really fuck you up. The same goes for poorly prepared pork. A ton of the kosher stuff is just common sense shit like "don't eat poisoned or diseased animals", "don't drink stale water", or "don't eat shit that came from Israel without paying tithe".

The same goes for Islam. The "no drinking" stuff is actually just a hardline interpretation of Muhammad's statement that you should probably drink milk over wine.

The only reason it looks kind of dumb to outsiders is because they used religious mumbo jumbo to justify common sense advice and tacked a bunch of rituals and weird rules on top of it. Both kosher and halal slaughter are essentially just methods to ensure people don't eat tainted meat, as they require an experienced butcher examine the animal to consider it fit for consumption. Salting/using vinegar to dry out the meat before selling it is ostensibly so you don't consume blood, but probably was just to ensure it was preserved properly and wouldn't spoil.

>> No.42028910

>>42028364
It's common sense layered in mysticism.

>> No.42028956

>>42028364
>When you live in the desert without refrigeration, shellfish can really fuck you up
Mordecai was a shitty film but provided me with a hugely important life lesson. Never eat shellfish at a catered event.

I have followed this advice ever since. My brother did not, got food poisoning and spent two days shitting.

>> No.42028979

>>42028910
>worshipping any good alignment god.png

>> No.42029034

>>42028364
>The same goes for poorly prepared pork.

Anyone who considers eating pork that's anything but well done should go look up trichinosis.

>> No.42029124
File: 189 KB, 1920x1080, common sense.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42029124

>>42028910
If it's common sense, why does it need to be "the word of god"?

>> No.42029137
File: 59 KB, 730x440, st_peters_altar_plinth.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42029137

>>42023443
Even the Altar at St Peter's in Rome (Where the pope himself performs the Mass) is wrought with vaginal imagery. Pic 1 of 2

>> No.42029173

>>42029124
Because some people are fucking stupid

>> No.42029187
File: 73 KB, 730x440, Its_a_cherub.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42029187

>>42029137
Some more vaginal imagery from St. Peter's Altar (called the baldachin, if youre a purist) The official explanation is that 'it's allegory!'

>> No.42029291

Jury members (and possible a judge) in Easton (cambridgeshire I believe) were fined because they didn't report premarital sex.

Six times


Seems most people were okay with it.

>> No.42029412

>>42023234
>Blame the victorians
While we tend to think of Victorians as stuffy, nigh asexual tight asses, in truth they were almost obsessed with sex and sex related stuff. The thing is, you have to read the non-fiction material they produced to see it. They had countless treatises on how to treat the sexual ails of the country, how to treat women, how men should act, how to combat and study STDs, studies on human sexuality, and so on and so forth. It's like they were trying to show people they had no interest in sex by approaching the matter scientifically, but it only makes it all the more obvious how much they obsessed over it.
It's like reading a Puritan's journal. They wrote exhaustively about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING other than sex, pages and pages of minutia and detailed nothingness. They tried to fill everything up with that stuff to try and prove that sex was the furthest thing from their mind, but only made it all the more obvious that they really, really, really needed to get laid.

>> No.42029440

>>42029124
In a nutshell? It's the easiest way to make sure people who are dumber than you don't fucking do it. By saying "God really doesn't want you to eat oysters or drink from puddles" they get people to avoid doing it even in private when someone isn't looking over their shoulder, because they don't want to piss God off. If it's just Joseph the Sensible telling Imrahim the Fuckwit that uncooked pork will kill you and he should get his meat from a professional if he can't do it himself, Imrahim might resent being told he can't do it properly or start arguing that certain parts are always good, or that nobody in his family's ever gotten sick. If God says it's impure, there's not much to argue with. You're either a proper Jew/Muslim and don't do it, or you're disappointing the Lord.

If you look at the history of marriage, Christmas, Easter, and a lot of religious rituals or rules, a lot of them (especially the early ones) boil down to common sense shit that would be handled with laws or regulations today, or solutions to problems that would hinder production or cause social unrest.

>> No.42029605

>>42029412
Puritans really weren't all that prudish. Quite the opposite, in fact, they just thought that sex was only supposed to be between a husband and wife(meaning a husband and his wife, not someone else's wife), but once you were married you were expected to be fucking like a pair of rabbits. They even had laws saying a woman could divorce her husband if he wasn't getting the job done, complete with court proceedings for him to prove he could.

They tended to have a great many shotgun weddings because of teenaged pregnancies, but what culture didn't?

>> No.42029828

>>42029412
Also fucktons of mistresses, whores, affairs and they produced loads of porn.

Just in private.

In public they were as stuffy and proper as you think when you hear "the Victorians"

>> No.42030277

>>42027700
You mean
>circumcision, not even once

>> No.42030314

>>42026654
>Marriage
>Romance
Marriage wasn't about romance until around the 1920s. There could be romance and love, but it was entirely separate from marriage. Even now, many of the most successful marriages are entirely based on pragmatic logic, with romance being entirely unrelated to the legal marital status.

>> No.42030399

>>42025956
>inb4 lol cracked
>audience photoplasty is still the only funny thing on the site
It's not like you posted JF Sargent's trash, dude.

>> No.42030414

>>42027771
On the other hand this meant that if you were raped and got pregnant, it was automatically considered willful adultery because you wouldn't orgasm if you got raped.

>> No.42030505

>>42030277
I'm a circumcised Christian, no mohel sucked my baby dick.

I said "Jews, not even once" and I *meant* "Jews, not even once".

>> No.42030531

>>42030314
But romance could and did arise within arranged marriages. That was the point of our exchange right there.

>> No.42030565

>>42030531
But it was absolutely not the point of marriage and was almost always ignored as a factor. This is consistent across the entire planet, for almost the entire history of marriage as a concept.

>> No.42030615

>>42030565
Yes, I'm not disagreeing with you. It wasn't the point, but fucking the same person over and over for months or years happens to be likely to generate positive feelings.

First came marriage, then came love.

Unless it really didn't.

>> No.42030721

>>42030505
>implying cutting of healthy parts of baby boys' genitals is fine as long as there's no Judaism involved in it

>> No.42031003

>>42027337
Oh man this is great.

>> No.42031997

>>42027337
Holy. Fucking. Shit.

It's... It's awesome. Literally the most awesome song I've heard in a long while. I need more.
Any recommendations? Other than Sean Nós, I know several of those.

>> No.42032068

>>42030277
have fun with a dirty dick because apparently regularly cleaning part of your body is too much effort

>> No.42032165

>>42023443
>doorway king watches you fornicate.jpg

>> No.42032171

>>42032068
>too much effort
wat

>> No.42032248

>>42032171
pro-circumcision people always fall back towards "oh, but it's so much cleaner" as an argument even though it's literally like 10 seconds tops to clean your cock in the shower

>> No.42032279

>>42032248
>yurocuck detected
Enjoy your STD's faggot.

>> No.42032303

>>42032279
it's called a condom, numbnuts. let's you fuck people without having to cut up your dick

>> No.42032374

>>42032279
>Enjoy your STD's faggot
You're embarrassing yourself. There's literally no reason to mutilate your dick other than "some women like it that way". You can't handle you're cut for no reason other than dumb parents or Jewish doctors so you invent reasons and hide behind them. You don't want to blame your parents and you can't blame yourself, I get it. It's okay to admit something shitty happened to you.

>> No.42032441

>>42032374
The act of arguing about circumcision on the internet is inherently embarassing. He's no more or less so than anyone else in this turboshitter conversation.

>> No.42032624

>>42032374
>Being this much in denial
When your appendix will explode you will die because you are so fucking afraid of knives?

>> No.42032831

>>42032624
>trying this hard to ad hom and failing
I'm actually from the south. I'M A GOOD OL' BOY WITH GUNS AND BARBECUE

>> No.42032847

>>42023443
>simultaneously a cuck AND a furfag
0/10 shit tier king

>> No.42032883

>>42027337
That faggot refused death by snoo-snoo
How does he pretend to drive into Valhalla?

>> No.42032931

>>42032847
King Fraser the first of his name, king of the allimony payers and the first cuckolds.

>> No.42033044

>>42032883
He's Christian. Doesn't care that much about the Hall of the Heroes.

>> No.42033095

>>42033044
Well, if he is a Christian, why does he ignore the "Thou shall tender love the giant wrenches" part? I am quite sure I read it somewhere in the Bible.

>> No.42033150
File: 171 KB, 1203x1447, 1400082856459.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42033150

>>42033044
>She offers him all kinds of gifts
>He rejects her because she's a giant
>Not because he's afraid of giants, but because giants aren't Christian

Fucking Scandinavians, man. If he were a Spaniard I'm willing to bet my ass that he'd have baptized her, taken her inside of one of her twelve mills and plowed her like he'd plow his newgained land. She'd spawn at least six staunchly Catholic halfgiants before the decade was over, halfgiants who would literally throw Muslims into the strait of Gibraltar by the boatloads.

Seriously, Ulf here doomed Christendom by refusing to give a lovestruck giantess the D. I hope he was excommunicated for this shit.

>> No.42033190

>>42023261
4chan has ruined any joy of cuckoldry I may have once had.

>> No.42033278
File: 272 KB, 817x669, 1371671652185.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42033278

>>42033150
This fella knows his shit. Doesn't matter if the girl is white, brownish or 10 feet tall.

>> No.42033280

>>42033150
I think it's a "trolls are devil-spawn and I think she's trying to trick me and then steal my soul or something" kind of response.

>> No.42033296

>>42033150
As a Spaniard, I can assure you, that would not be the case.

No way in hell a Spaniard is satisfied with just six half-giants per decade. Twelve at least, or nothing. Cordoba will not be regained with such half-assed measures.

>> No.42033312

>>42033280
>" are devil-spawn and I think she's trying to trick me and then steal my soul or something"
I can say the same about womankind in general.
inb4 tips fedora

>> No.42033342
File: 118 KB, 620x392, Noah-three-001.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42033342

>>42033150
>doomed Christendom

You should keep in mind what happened last time giants where allowed to indulge their desires.

>> No.42033395 [SPOILER] 
File: 25 KB, 500x418, 1440281878482.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42033395

Bollocks

>> No.42033402
File: 164 KB, 500x565, it's awwwwright.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42033402

>>42026894

>> No.42033467

>>42023724
>the droit de ravage (right of ravage; providing to the lord the right to devastate fields of his own domain)
>implying this didn't actually happen
It was just that they didn't care much about the hunting party trampling their serfs' crops while chasing foxes. It's not like they were purposefully setting their fields on fire just to be dicks.

>> No.42033632

>>42033395
>dolan are you tryin to trick me again
>gooby pls

>> No.42033698

>>42033395
>I told ya, my balls are bigger than your head. Now pay me the coin, bitch.

>> No.42033782

>>42033150
>so thirsty he'd bang a troll
they don't look like your anime giantesses anon.

>> No.42033877

>>42033782
It's your word against mine. Purely black legend.

>> No.42033948

>>42033467
>It was just that they didn't care much about the hunting party trampling their serfs' crops while chasing foxes
being royalty back then must have been the life.

>> No.42033993

>>42033312
shit he's right

>> No.42034078

>>42033993
What, all the soul you have is your wallet?

>> No.42034204

>>42023536
>He was not prepared for her puzzlecunt

>> No.42034261
File: 15 KB, 281x280, 1247520194660.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42034261

>>42023443

>> No.42034262

>>42023536
>that smug look on her face
>that look of utter shock and mystification

>> No.42034314

>>42033467
It also gave them legal backing for scorched earth tactics in wartime.

>> No.42034338

>>42033395
That heart-shaped background, though.

>> No.42034486

>>42034338
>implying it's not upside-down balls

>> No.42034889

>>42027866
Yeah, somewhere in NYC he gave like 3 kids herpies.

>> No.42034931

>>42029034
No Trichinosis in the US pork supply.

>> No.42034974

>>42029124
>>42029173
>>42029440
Alternatively because back then people getting diseases from doing all that shit was seen as a divine punishment.

So if ol Abe down the street shit himself to death after eating something funny people would assume eating that thing had pissed off god who cursed him with the shits.

>> No.42035345
File: 215 KB, 681x1093, The Boys 01 page 23.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42035345

>>42024798
>Often this gave the mass the opportunity to pelt the church ministers with shit, a phenomenon in slightly modified version to be found now in the spreading confetti from the carnaval floats

>Slightly modified

>> No.42035446

>>42029034
really even without religion reasons you shouldn't eat pigs much. they're fucking disgusting animals. the factory farmed ones are so sickly that they have to be kept in semi sterile environments or they die, and the ones kept on normal farms willingly live in their own shit.

>> No.42035679

>>42034486
It's an arse, not balls

>> No.42035713

>>42034078
Yes.

>> No.42035741

>>42035446
Yeah, it's not like they're washed and cleaned before . . . oh, wait they are.

Besides, if you keep them in a small muddy pen then they're going to live in a small muddy pen - pigs naturally live in wooded areas, not farms and pens. There's nothing inherently disgusting about pigs - you've probably been brainwashed by religious garbage.

>> No.42035877

>>42035741
clean it all you want, its still a disgusting animal that wallows in shit

also, the religion i was raised with has nothing against pigs at all. i dont like them because i have actually been around pigs and know how gross they are.

>> No.42035889

>>42035741
So if you want pigs to be convenient they're filthy?

Well done, you're as smart as an abrahamic priest

>> No.42035975

>>42035889
I'm saying they are not inherently disgusting animals. I hunt feral pigs occasionally, they're no more dirty than deer or any other wild animal.

>>42035877
Well, if you were stuck in a 2m wide pen 24/7 you'd be wallowing in your own shit too.

>> No.42036102

>>42035975
farm pigs do it even when they dont have to. we used to have our pigs in a big fucking field and they would still roll around in and eat their own crap. sure maybe wild pigs dont, but most people dont eat wild pig.

>> No.42036137

>>42033395
>Verily, my gonads are far greater than thine!

>> No.42036149
File: 37 KB, 1872x220, giant rejection cap.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42036149

>>42033150
I thought this post was so wonderful I screencapped it.

>> No.42036248

>>42030505
Your holy book says they're the chosen people, new testament never makes any claim to the contrary.

If you don't like Jews this is the wrong religion for u m8.

>> No.42036296

>>42030721
its not bad either. its not like they are crippled for it. besides, no smegma.

>> No.42036313

>>42036248
>If you don't like Jews this is the wrong religion for u m8.

Especially considering Jesus of Nazareth was, y'know, Jewish . . .

>> No.42036331

>>42033395
>Deez Nuts 4 pope 1000.

>> No.42036405

>>42036248
Common misconception. The modern analog to the ancient Israelites are Christians. Modern day jews are better referred to as Talmudists, as their religion actually postdates Christianity.

>> No.42036552

>>42034974
Thats.... actually, not far off from the truth.

For example, when the philistines had kidnapped the ark of the covenant (ya know, the one that killed all them nazis). God punished them with piles. Its in 1 samuel 6:1-4

>The Ark of Jehovah was in Phi·lisʹtine territory for seven months. The Phi·lisʹtines called the priests and the diviners and asked: “What should we do with the Ark of Jehovah? Let us know how we should send it back to its place.” They replied: “If you send the ark of the covenant of Jehovah the God of Israel away, do not send it back without an offering. You should by all means return to him a guilt offering. Only then will you be healed, and it will be made known to you why his hand has not turned away from you.” So they asked: “What guilt offering should we send to him?” They said: “According to the number of the lords of the Phi·lisʹtines, send five golden piles and five golden mice, for the same scourge has afflicted every one of you and your lords.

FYI, piles means hemmroids... really, really nasty ones. So imagine having a bunch of guys return your stolen sacred items, and then give back golden statues of their hemmroidal asses.

>> No.42036616

>>42023443

Where are all the prints of the King fucking the dragon while the queen pegs him with a strap on?

>> No.42036663
File: 120 KB, 414x836, 2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42036663

>>42036616

>> No.42037039
File: 909 KB, 1184x938, Untitled.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42037039

>>42036616
Best I could manage on such short notice.

>> No.42037109

>>42023138
>The Middle Ages are often seen as a very repressive and prudish period where the Church staunchly enforced puritan sexual values, where everything was squeeky-clean and where the only form of sex allowed was post-marital sex in the missionary position while holding hands and looking eachother in the eyes purely for the sake of reproduction.
That's because people confuse it with the Renaissance Period. The Medieval Period was before the Church decided to reign everyone in and control their sex lives hardcore. Humans are actually quite vulgar any time religion loses hold. It's awesome.

>> No.42037142

>>42037039

I remember this, but later lost it.

Source please. For reasons.

>> No.42037230

>>42037039
http://exhentai.org/g/628602/25efdc9d66/

>> No.42037504

>>42037230
Stop using Exhentai. Anyone who made their account after 2013 (or had to recreate it due to lost credentials) cannot access it without 50 forum posts.

>> No.42037641

>>42037504
I'm currently on there with an account I made in July of 2014, and I don't have a single forum post.

You may be full of shit.

>> No.42037657

>>42037504
No, stop being a lazy shit and make the posts if you cant access it.

>> No.42037696

>>42037641
Go on, make a new account and try.

Also read:
http://smdc-translations.com/blog/exhentai-without-plugins-bypass-the-sad-panda/

>> No.42037798

>>42037641
Actually people who have tried have noted that their e-hentai cookies do carry over. ipb_member_id, ipb_session_id, and ipb_pass_hash are present and "yay" is gone.

It's new account security. Confirmed no one from 2015 could login without 50+ forum posts.

>> No.42038050

>>42029187
That's some damned erotic allegory, I tell you what.

>> No.42038479

>>42037798
You're full of shit. I made a new account about March after my laptop carked it, 0 Forum posts later and I was back in. It just took like 3 days.

>> No.42038630

>>42033395
>Goddamnit, we know you have a hernia, nobody wants to see your engorged scrote.

>> No.42038914

>>42037109
You have missed the parts entirely where the vast majority of the artistic representations of lewdness and vulgarity came from monks or other sorts of clerics. The Renaissance was shitty for lots of reasons, the Church was not particular among them.

>> No.42039360

>>42037504
You don't need to post, just play their shitty game for a couple of minutes and wait a day.

>> No.42039377

https://youtu.be/r4y7HNW972M

Medieval rave music.

>> No.42039482

>>42038914
Different parts of the Church had different opinions. The Protestant Reformation was because different sects of the church had different opinions on a variety of things.

>> No.42039686

>>42039482
>The Catholic Church was having a gay ol 'time drawing dicks, writing fanfiction about Satan impregnating the angels and singing soungs about /ss/ but then this moralfag Luther came along and told everyone God hates fun.

>> No.42039760

>>42039686
Pretty much.

>> No.42040838

>>42033395
IIRC this is art of the then pope exposting his genitals to prove he was a man?

>> No.42041526

>>42030565
For the lower classes is was more of a factor as they had more choice about who they married. Although the selection wasn't likely to be particularly high anyway

>> No.42041571

>>42040838
>The papal selection process is basically just a bunch of dickwaving to prove who is the most "blessed by God"

Seems legit

>> No.42041880

>>42041571
>42041571
Mostly it was because a couple women snuck in and girls are icky

>> No.42042242

>>42039686

>> No.42042261
File: 532 KB, 469x5000, 1384668600583.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42042261

>>42042242
Well there was supposed to be an image attached to that

>> No.42043989

>the Church was known for burning works they deemed heretical
>it was actually because they knocked a candle over while doing a keg stand and trying to cover their asses

>> No.42044108

>>42029605
Western European Marriage tradition propably prevented it.

Basically during the 10th century the church passed a reform that made marriage a covenant between the couple and the church.

This was to break the power of families over marriage and gain favour with couples who married for love (which resulted in the church usually being rewarded in their inheritances)

It failed among the upper classes but among commoners it succeeded, resulting in commoner weddings being usually between financially independent twenty-somethings (note being engaged was in some places considered good enough to allow a couple to have sex.)

>> No.42044374
File: 39 KB, 340x340, thumbs up2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42044374

>>42036616
>>42037039

>> No.42045081

>>42042261
>And then... like, Mary marries Jesus! But it's not really Mary, it's some kind of clone...
Was this actually something that someone wrote in the Middle Ages?

>> No.42045119

>>42045081
It's a parody of shitty fanfics anon...

>> No.42045155

>>42037109
While the Dark Ages were definitively cruel times, and other leaders brutally treated any who opposed them, it should be remembered that in the case of the church, the burnings were ordered by the supposedly most senior followers of Jesus Christ, whose philosophy of love,compassion and forgiveness was a cornerstone of the faith they professed.

It's a perverse irony that the Christians whom Nero once so cruelly burnt alive for their beliefs, had now become so accustomed to burning other people, for their beliefs.

>> No.42045191

>>42045155
You know, in 306 AD the church set the official punishment for devil worship as ecclesiastic penance. This fairly tolerant approach was reaffirmed in 314 and 692.

In 785 the Church explicitly banned anyone from accusing another of being a witch and suggested that anyone who burned another person alive for being a witch be put to death as a murderer.

There is actually a long history of Catholics condemning witch hunts, as it has been the long-standing opinion of the Catholic church that witches do not exist.

It was not until the 13th century that the Church acknowledged the existence of witches and even then it was considered a secular crime until the Pope endorsed the Malleus Maleficarnum which was written in 1487; right around the beginning of the renaissance period.

>> No.42045213
File: 41 KB, 680x793, 1435713436659.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42045213

>>42045155

Fuck my life. This right here is Fedora: The Post.

Drop the pseudo-intellectual act and open a goddamn book.

You might be surprised to find out the 'Dark Ages' didn't actually exist
until buttflustered Romaboos like Edward Gibbon decided everything after their beloved white marble fantasyland a shit, or that burning at the stake was overwhelmingly a punishment meted out by civil courts rather than ecclesiastical ones until well into the 'Renaissance.'

>> No.42045445

>>42045155
Son... I think you should think before posting. Because your post is wrong on a lot of levels.

>> No.42045463

>>42045213
I suppose you can argue that Dark Ages exist at least in a sense to justify the term 'Age of Enlightenment' in the sense that you need a rise before a fall, or vice versa.

But yeah, basically.

>> No.42045504

>>42045463
So what you're saying is that rather than acknowledge that the term for both eras is wrong and change them, we should acknowledge that the term for both eras is wrong and keep them?

>> No.42045507

>>42045463
In terms of written records they're very sparse compared to the periods before and after. That is reason they are "dark"

>> No.42045530

>>42045504
Oh, no, they're both wrong. But they're as wrong as each other, and at least from a romantic viewpoint there's something there.

>>42045507
And yes, this. Though that always surprises me considering how Romans, and I believe many other cultures (?) were good at keeping written records before the Medieval period, so I'm just left wondering what the hell happened.

>> No.42045580

>>42045081
There's three different Mary's running around in the bible.

>Jesus' mom, the Virgin Mary
>Mary Salome, the mom of some disciples who would follow the disciples around and helicopter like crazy.
>Mary Magdaline, who was either just a disciple, Jesus' wife, or otherwise someone he was banging in secret.

Some interpretations of the bible like to conflate one or more of them together, since certain gospels will say that two of them were in the same place, then another will say there was only one Mary there.

>> No.42045590

>>42045530
I imagine that the lack of records was a side effect of the rise of feudalism and the death of the Roman bureaucracy. A much more person-to-person style of government like feudalism doesn't require as much in the way of written records as it only requires that each man record what he owes to his master, and all of this is inherited.

Compare that to a system of appointed governors, who will probably not spend time learning the province with their predecessor before they take over. Much more information will need to be easily accessible for the new guy, which basically requires written records of everything be kept.

>> No.42045619

>>42045191
With the Protestant Reformation, Catholic authorities became much more ready to suspect heresy in any new ideas, including those of Renaissance humanism,

The Catholic Church could no longer exercise direct influence in the politics and justice-systems of lands which officially adopted Protestantism. Thus war (the French Wars of Religion, the Thirty Years War), massacre (the St. Bartholomew's Day massacre) and the missional and propaganda work (by the Sacra congregatio de propaganda fide) of the Counter-Reformation came to play larger roles in these circumstances

>> No.42045639

>>42045081
It's probably a confusion of the other "Marys" in the Bible and the various theories about Mary Magdalene.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Three_Marys

>> No.42045780

>>42045530
>I'm just left wondering what the hell happened.
Roman bureaucracy going to shit in the West after the Third Century. Most intellectuals went East, and the West became more and more backwards thanks to economical crisis brought by corruption and a really shitty monetary system. Education went to shit pretty quickly thanks to the urban exodus resulting from famine and a lot of other shit.

Honestly, when the germanic states took over, there wasn't that much to salvage. They preserved what little remained of Roman bureaucracy, and a few Roman landlords kept their holdings, resulting in mixed Romano-German upper classes, though the degree of fusion between the different groups varied from place to place. They didn't bother to preserve historical records beyond their lineages and the like, to prove that they had legal claims to whatever they wanted. History was to be preserved by the Church, at least in the West. They did a... somewhat good job, actually. But there's so much that a few monks holed up in their cloisters can do. In the East, we have more records, but they're mostly preocuppied with heresy, persians and muslims than any other thing.

And then you have cases like Britain and Italy where shit just got wrecked thanks to neverending warfare. Serieously, the Gothic Wars between the Ostrogoths and the Eastern Romans fucked the country a lot more than the fall of the West did.

>> No.42046226

>>42024801
That, and a lot of people don't realize that the Hebrews were a people that were almost constantly at war. Most of their laws were written with logistics in mind.

>Homosex and Masturbation?
>That doesn't make more soldiers for our war against the Philistines, lets outlaw it!

>> No.42046504

makes you wonder how future people will see our customs and festivals.
Like, what will /tg/ of 2980 say about things like Zombiewalk?

>> No.42046642
File: 88 KB, 480x270, giphy-facebook_s[1].gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42046642

>>42046504
>People of the future manage to bypass sadpanda.jpg

>> No.42046793

>>42027737
....people shower every day?
That is not healthy, you know.

>> No.42046812
File: 20 KB, 610x501, 1435468232208.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42046812

>>42046793

>> No.42047035 [DELETED] 
File: 532 KB, 469x5000, no fun protestants.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42047035

>>42039686

>> No.42047056

>>42046812
I bet you dont even eat food you drop on the floor, you germaphobic candy-ass

>> No.42047077
File: 84 KB, 605x807, 1435063287610.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42047077

>>42047056
Poes Law?

>> No.42047161
File: 368 KB, 651x1200, 1411808425399.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42047161

>>42033782
Huldr says what?

>> No.42047221

>>42046812
Not the same anon, but he's right.

(Inb4:
>samefag.
>screencap without the (YOU) on one response.
>photoshop)

Bathing daily kills the bacterial flora that thrives on our skin and help us to keep it healthy. Without it, the natural oils and dead skin becomes a fertile ground for pathogenic bacteria. Which, btw, is another important problem with bathing daily: it also removes the natural oils our skin produces to keep it flexible and elastic, hence the need to rub oils and stuff, or spend the day feeling like shit with the skin dried and rigid.

Now, don't get me wrong. Taking a bath regularly is quite important, so once every month is as bad as daily.

>> No.42047227

>>42030314
>Marriage wasn't about romance until around the 1920s.

Shakespeare called. He said you're a knave and not his moor.

>> No.42047241
File: 112 KB, 600x669, jb_troll_lunch.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42047241

>>42047161
John Bauer says hello

>> No.42047280

>>42047241
there are two trolls in that picture...
This is what you southerners dont get about nordic trolls and giants.
like humans, you got ugly ones and pretty ones.

>> No.42047339

>>42047280
>You southerners
Gävle represent, so no. All trolls have big noses and are draped in jewellry, fur, and stuff. The rest are skogsrå or such.

>> No.42047359

>>42036102
>most people dont eat wild pig.

I can definitely recommend it. I had ragout of boar over gnocchi in an Italian restaurant in Milano some five years back and it is still to this day the best meal I remember ever eating.

>> No.42047476
File: 628 KB, 1686x1200, otoyomegatari.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42047476

>>42026575
>>42026800
>you will never be in a /ss/ marriage

>> No.42047590

>>42042261
>implying faith without works
>implying casuals want to read the bible

>implying that guy isn't the best part of that whole picture, I am fucking laughing here.

Captcha: "Select all pictures with an outdoor swimming pool" - literally all the pictures.

>> No.42047596

>>42047339
>Gävle
you're south of me, faggot.

>> No.42047705

>>42047596
>you're south of me, faggot.

Are you a fucking laplander?

>> No.42047821

>>42047705
>being mongol on the internet
No.

>> No.42047931
File: 100 KB, 610x395, 1433685990529.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42047931

>>42047596
Doesn't make me a southerner. Doesn't make you more Swedish.

>> No.42048058
File: 93 KB, 171x278, hah! HAAAH!.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42048058

>>42047931
>being swedish

>> No.42048232

>>42024670
>ctrl + f "Chaucer"
>only 2 hits

From the Miller's tale

That same night, Absolon comes to the window and begs Alisoun to give him a kiss. At first she refuses him, but she finally appears to give in. Instead of presenting her lips to Absolon's, though, she sticks her buttocks out the window, and Absolon kisses her "ers" in the dark. Angry at being fooled, Absolon gets a hot poker with which he intends to brand Alisoun. When he comes back to her window, though, Nicholas sticks his buttocks out in an attempt to get in on the joke. Absolon brands him with the hot poker, and he cries out "Water!" to assuage the pain.

John, hearing this from his bucket, thinks the flood is upon them and cuts the rope that's attaching him to the ceiling, sending him crashing to the floor. The townspeople hear the racket, rush to the scene, and, upon hearing Nicholas's version of events, laugh at and mock poor John

I have threatened to storytime my work on medieval literature a couple times and am considering doing so now. Also I entirely blame Chaucer for my love of cuckoldry. There is nothing like ploughing another mans wife.

>> No.42048469
File: 1.45 MB, 480x270, 1437255701745.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
42048469

>>42048058
>Not being Swedish

>> No.42048500

>>42048469
>>42048058
David mitchell's opinions seem to conflict.

>> No.42049108

>>42042261
Martin Luther looks like fat moot

>> No.42049918

>>42049108
who?

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