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[ERROR] No.40306674 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

What is the stupidest thing your party has done /tg/

>> No.40306707

>>40306674
We looked on /tg/ for advice.

>> No.40306714

>Your mom

>> No.40306741

>>40306674
We accidentally kidnapped a princess.

>> No.40306747

>>40306714
#rekt

>> No.40306779

>Continuing to gather artifacts used to summon reality devouring evil for confirmed BBEG because they were getting paid.

>> No.40306798

>DM describes context poorly while players are distracted
>players make rash descisions based on lack of information
>DM shrugs and rolls for procedural result
>something inexplicably bad happens
>players mad and confused
>DM blames them for acting stupid when "I told you ..."
>argument ensues
>IRL insults; relationships/friendships ruined

kek

>> No.40306805

>>40306714

>> No.40306848

Not my party but had a party that I was running for go onto a ship they knew was lost to genestealers with minimum supplies because they thought I was getting soft as a gm.

They were not too happy when they had to draw up a new dynasty and ship before we got back on track.

>> No.40307022

>>40306674
We played [your favorite game].

>> No.40307049

>>40307022
#roasted

>> No.40307150

>>40306798
this, every time

>oh yeah you've triggered this unbelievably complex and deadly trap set up by these unintelligent enemies

>> No.40307234

>>40306798
>>40307150

>Players are stupid shits spewing dank memes instead of paying attention
>DM perfectly explains everything
>"yeah whatever we attack it"
>players get shit on
>complain that their retarded actions should not have consequences
>go on /tg/ and most another worthless "that GM thread to passive aggressively bitch"
>GM goes home and fucks all the players GFs at once

Every time

>> No.40307271

>Just finished a decent challenging dungeon crawl
>In the tavern unwinding, session wrapping up

Dm: "So anything last minute you guys wanna take care of before we wrap it up for the night?"

>Half hour later, the tavern is on fire, the bartender is dead, and we're on our way to lynch the mayor.

The player who missed our session was in for a hell of a surprise, given he was currently talking to the mayor(as a way to explain his PC's absence).

Ended with the Rogue nearly dying when the mayor threw a coffee table at his head.

>> No.40307287

>>40306779
I like this party

>> No.40307363

>>40306674

They burned down an orphanage. Because setting a fire to the back to try to sneak your way in the wooden structure is a great idea.

>> No.40307391

>>40307234
>be le me, derpin around
>le DM rolls the dice
>trollface.gif
>suddenly, le wild Derpina appears
>natural
>fucking
>20
>le DM's face when
>everything went better than expected

True Story

>> No.40307398

>>40307271

>> No.40307463

>>40307391

+1 upboat le bacon narwhal story

>> No.40307470

Just last session my group;
>Summoned Gruumsh into the decapitated head of a drow
>Hijack a Drow summoning circle that they knew was used to summon Lolth for the above ritual
>One other character decided to run into the middle of the circle and chant randomly, thus being possessed first by Lolth, then by a gnome god of greed
>Decided the best way to test the effectiveness of a blasting powder they found was to use it whilst in the sewers of a human settlement.

And that was just last session

>> No.40307497

>trusting thieves to honor a thieves' code

Looking back, I think I can really blame it on the rogue in the party, who was really playing up the "noble thief" role and convincing us we could trust the people who lie, cheat, and steal for a living.

>> No.40307541

>>40307363
I remember this party. I laugh every time imagining the afterthought conversation
>"Awesome, the hole is now big enough for use to climb through"
>"uhhh wizard...look"
>"Dafuck? Since when is wood THAT flammable!"

>> No.40307547

Set the starting town on fire to try and escape after the bard got both the governor's daughters pregnant.

>> No.40307549

>>40306674
We tried to be 'Good necromancers' and managed to fuck it up so hard that we became the villains. Drow were invading a city, and we were trying to stop them. Using an ancient nexus of necromantic power, we created an army of the dead, two thousands strong, with three large flesh golems.

Then we exhausted said Nexus and used the power to teleport this army.

To the wrong city.

Massive undead army literally pops up out of nowhere during the king's parade, everybody starts screaming, the five guys in necromantic robes at the head of the army start trying to calm people down by screaming at them, which just makes things worse (we completely flunked every diplomacy and intimidate roll because nobody had those skills), they get attacked by guards and defend themselves using nonlethal chain lightning, making the populace even more terrified. A local death cult took this to be a sign from their god and started summoning even more undead while whispering prayers to the five necromancers.

Before you know it the city is burning, the guard has been decimated, there have been thousands of casualties, and five mages are standing in the centre of the ruins, next to a fountain that has been desecrated, avoiding each other's gaze.

>"So, uh..."
>"Yeah."
>"That was a thing."
>"It was. What now?"
>"I don't suppose we could just apologise and explain the misunderstanding?"
>All five necromancers look around at the city of death and fire that they inadvertently created
>"I don't think they would buy it."
>"Probably not."
>"Damn."
>"..."
>"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I need a drink."
>"Second."
>"Yep."
>"Can't make things any worse, I guess."
>"I think we destroyed all the taverns, guys."

>> No.40307555

I had to wing out a surprise boss fight against someone one of the player pissed off while they were on a time limit.

I had no stats planned at all for this guy and I winged it out. It worked out fine except for the fact that since they were on a time limit, a character ended up losing her arm.

I swear this isn't intentional, but the two main females character caused a lot more issues than the male cast. Like, one have a really high intelligence score but is so bad at decision making she might as well be a Gainax protagonist. So pic related I suppose.

>> No.40307578

That image macro shoulde read "Aye, she be a whale..." etc.

Right now that dog is saying ayyylmao -insertpiratesandfatchicksjokehere-.

>> No.40307597

He fucked me then told his girlfriend.

>> No.40307704

>players exploring ancient tomb
>they discover a staircase that is decrepit and is broken so they can't walk down it
>it leads into pitch blackness so they don't know how far down it goes
>"I jump down" says one player
>I ask him if he really wants to do that
>"Yeah, I do it"
>he does it
>falls 50ft
>gets horribly mangled by the fall
>gets mad at me, saying I didn't describe it well enough
You're fucking retarded, don't blame me.

>> No.40307760

>>40307549
Why would you think that it would ever go differently, even if you did get the right city?

>> No.40307788

>>40307704
>not throwing a rock down it and hear how long it takes for it to hit the ground

Very retarded

>> No.40307857

Attempting to investigate the ghoul infiltration of a police department in broad daylight by walking inside and talking to the police officers is up there, I'm sure.

>> No.40308146

>>40307549
>trying to be good necromancers
>put nothing towards diplomacy

>> No.40308227

>>40308146
We were playing naive antisocial wizards with good intentions.

>>40307760
It seemed like the best option at the time.

>> No.40308481

>Startrek game
>Shuttle crashes on a primitive world
>Stranded for a month before help will arrive
>Replicator doesn't work
>No one has any outdoors skills
>Accidentally make contact with a primitive peoples
>They're kind of just learning agriculture, so we teach them advanced farming techniques in exchange for some food
>Someone offhandedly brings up that we're breaking the prime directive and will be court-martialed
>Everyone panics
>"We'll just reverse the damage!"
>"We can't uncontaminate their culture"
>"I have an idea about that"
>Raze the primitive village and murder everyone
>Get rescued
>Asked why all our phasers are low on power
>Idiot commander blurts out what happened like it was the most brilliant plan ever
>Court-martialed.

>> No.40308491

Party splits, half of us are talking to a skeleton stuck in a spiderweb while the other half battles giant flaming spiders around a corner where we can't see or hear them. They come sprinting back around and tell us there's a bunch of spider eggs. Then they talk to the skeleton, roll better than us, and go off to act on whatever the skeleton told them about. It was treasure and a magic sword none of them could use. Meanwhile I and another player start setting up this elaborate defense for all the spider eggs when they hatch. This trap involves coffins shoved into place, rags soaked in oil, both of us using our daily breath weapon on them, etc. Turns out there were only 3 eggs. So the other half gets the treasure from the skeleton we were talking to, gets a magic sword none of them can use, and doesn't waste all their time on an overkill defense which never even got used.

I'm not sure who's the stupid ones, the ones who led us to believe we were about to be swarmed by spiders or we who never went to confirm this.


>>40307549
I want to be a part of this party. A lot.

>> No.40308620

>>40308481
>panicking over breaking the prime directive
The prime directive is only as important as the plot demands it. Just look at Janeway.

>> No.40308629

>>40307398
The whole situation was a bit dumb, but fun.

>Rogue and Barbarian drunk, while the Bard(me) is performing at tavern
>DM says his line
>Rogue decides to try to buy the tavern from the barkeep for basically nothing
>Barman laughs at him, spits in his drink, and says it's on the house.
>Rogue calmly and rationally responds by shooting the barman in the face
>I act up like 'm outraged at this and dramatically leave. Sneak back in when the crowd leaves to avoid implicating myself.
>Kill any witnesses and rob the bar
>Bar somehow gets set on fire
>We leave to go kill the mayor

Cue next session

>Drow Summoner talking with the mayor
>We suddenly barge in as I play a dramatic power chord.
>Audibly hear Summoner facepalming
>Rogue and Barbarian start shit and attack mayor. Summoner leaps up to help mayor.
>I find a table and watch the fight, deciding to jump in to assist whoever's winning.
>Mayor turns out to be basically Teddy Roosevelt
>Lifts up his coffee table and starts wrecking shit with it
>Rogue tries to flee
>Mayor chucks table and beans him right in the head
>Rogue and Barbarian basically leave party to form their own better party, with blackjack and hookers.
>Players of Rogue and Barbarian are basically dying laughing the whole time and make new characters for next session

It was a fun few sessions.

>> No.40308688

>>40307549
I dig it. The misadventures of five wizards who try to do the right thing but end up being evil anyway.

>> No.40308726

>>40307391
As terrible as this shitpost is, I still want to thank you for not posting a traced picture with a caption.

>> No.40308931

>>40308726
Oh god, I'm glad that shit died along with most of those rage comic memes.

>> No.40308948

>>40308620

"Janeway did it and got away with it" Is never a good guideline.

>> No.40309027

>>40308948
You could also look at a lot of TNG, especially the early episodes. Or DS9 but there it was usually done by people who knew how to get away with shit like that.

>> No.40309092

>>40309027

Yeah, but in TNG Picard at least moralised on it for 45 minutes before doing it anyway, and in DS9 there was war on.

It's telling that no ST Captain got promoted up and out of that command chair quite as quickly as Janeway did. Only Kirk comes close (most likely because the rest of starfleet never beleived half the shit he claimed happened to him, and the other half involved him starting diplomatic incidents.) and in Kirks case he would forever find ways to sneak back onto whatever Enterprise they had running and take command.

>> No.40309193

>>40308481

This is hilarious. How the hell did he make it out of Academy? Pretty sure "wiping out villages" is covered in Cultural Sensitivity training.

>>40308620
>>40308948
>>40309027

IIRC couldn't this statement really apply to *any* of the captains? I'm particularly thinking TOS, TNG, and VOY, and tbf I haven't sat down and binge-watched Star Trek for a while, but IIRC it's pretty much been a tradition for as long as the prime directive has been a thing that it's been treated by more of a guideline by the alternatively hot headed or philosophical captain in a pinch.

Or more often just not brought up by anyone in episodes where it probably would apply but would complicate things too much to discuss.

>> No.40310315

>>40308948

Given that she made it to admiral, I'd say it's actually a pretty good guideline for promotion in the root-beer-flavoured-hell that is the federation.

>> No.40310345

>>40307497
What kind of shitty thieves would break the code?
The code is the law.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vB77ZqdDSZ4
Are you sure they weren't bandits or something?

>> No.40310355

>>40310345
>What kind of shitty thieves would break the code?
The kind that aren't from Disney movies.

>> No.40310397

>>40307234
>Players are stupid shits spewing dank memes instead of paying attention
My DM likes to slip in dank memes. He's slipped in at least one Bane reference so far.

>> No.40310416

>>40310355
You don't understand.
The code is the law.
Without the code, You are nothing more than a rat in the gutter.
The code is what gives you a chance to not get assraped by the guards every day.

>> No.40310458

I liked to the party techpriest and opened every single door we came across without looking through first.
Because the DM was pretty cool, It generally meant I got a surprise round because even if the monsters knew we were coming, They weren't expecting it to be so fast.
One time smoke grenades were used and over half of the rest of the party tried to shoot me when I came through the smoke thinking I was an enemy.

>> No.40310537

>>40310397
>implying he wasn't casting a spell
>implying the Bane-meme-that-shall-not-be-named hasn't become a word of power
Did you not see what happened to flight 4U?

>> No.40310565

>space game
>start out with tiny spaceship
>UTF frigate wants to board to make sure we arent smuggling stuff
>gunner yells attack
>DM realizes how stupid this is
>asks the captain if she wants to override his decision
>"ATTACK"
>natural 20
>blast hole in the side of frigate
>hole is just big enough for the ship to fit inside
>attempt to crash ship into the hole
>natural 20
>OH SHIT THIS IS ACTUALLY WORKING
>hacker guy on our team attempts to open a door
>hacks the door with a 20
>what the fuck is going on here.jpg
>door shoots open
>half of the frigates crew is sucked out into space
>what the fuck
>gather weapons from the armory of the frigate
>attempt to take over the ship
>rolls over 10 natural 20s during this whole situation
>defeats a 50 man frigate with a 3 man ship

>> No.40310593

>>40310565
>rolls over 10 natural 20s during this whole situation
Bullshit.

>> No.40310623

>>40310593
loadedDice.jpg

>> No.40310810

>>40310593

I agree with this anon. You only get that many 20's when there's literally nothing on the line.

Last night my party and I rolled around 30 20's in a 4 hour session, but most of them were on basic attack rolls, sense motive checks where people were being completely honest with us, or diplomacy checks on people that were already willing to help us out.

>> No.40310919

>>40306674
>Shell game with 3 shuttles
>Villain tries to trick them with a false transmission
>Players ignore his personal shuttle and go after the 2 cargo haulers
>One guy manages to get into the first, moving past all of the barrels to the front
>Turns out those barrels were full of explosives and he fell into the trap
>Character is blown to smithereens
>Players refuse to believe they've been tricked, and ram the second cargo hauler with their own
>Turns out that one was ALSO full of explosives

Turns out that transmission was a double bluff.

>> No.40310963

>>40310593
>>40310810
>>40310623
>Tfw earlier I rolled 4 20s in a row, Seduction, Quality, Quanity, Duration.
>But when it comes to things like combat
>10 3s a 5 and 3 1s

>> No.40311364

>>40306674
Ate the Placentia monster and turned my most vicious campaign enemy into an elderitch snack

>> No.40311488

>>40310355
You know why the "Rogue" class is a class? Because of the code. Break the code and the rogues break you.

However I will concede the guy said group of thieves and not rogues, so there you go.

>>40310963
>Quanity
What?

>> No.40311550

>>40311488
google glopping noise

>> No.40311660

>>40310345
>What kind of shitty thieves would break the code?

Really shitty thieves.
The kind that would rob a group of experienced magicians, murderers, and general miscreants, and honestly expect not to suffer some tragic aftermath.

>> No.40311680

>>40311660
Exactly. The code enforces itself violently.
Its 50% Common Sense afterall

>> No.40311690

>>40311660
>The kind that would rob a group of experienced magicians, murderers, and general miscreants, and honestly expect not to suffer some tragic aftermath.
In short, PCs?

>> No.40311774

>>40311690
It was only after trying to retaliate and rob the thieves guild that that particular irony dawned upon us, and what would have been just the unfortunate loss of a few magic items turned into a full-scale city-wide conflict with thieves popping out of every bolthole trying to cash in on our heads being worth more than their weight in gold.

>> No.40311830

>>40307704
"That's Come at me bro" right?

>> No.40311832

>>40310315

And outside of 90s grrl power faggot shit nobody cares about that bottom feeder from the show that killed the franchise

>> No.40311839

We captured a lich skull thing in a bag of holding. We completely forgot about it next session then hid refugees we were rescuing in the bag of holding (it was a bag of major holding). When we got to the drop off point the lich skull thing popped out of the bag along with two dozen dead bodies. We were slaughtered.

>> No.40311951

>>40311774

If anyone touchs any magical shit of mine im annhilating them utter as well as their families and any records of their ancestor and the same fate awaits any sympathisers

>> No.40311961

>>40311832
Enterprise is the one that killed the franchise. Also Voyager somehow has some legit fans.

>> No.40312025

>>40311951
>Be Paladin
>Also strong Antimagic aura
>No, The cleric cant heal me.
>Tell Rogue not to touch my sword
>Rogue touches my sword
>Knocked into Crit by necromantic energy, And forced to hear everything in Gilbert Gottfrieds voice for 3 weeks
Do not touch the cursed sword.
I am telling you for your own damn good.

>> No.40312043

>>40311961

It was years later before that mediocre low budget show was slapped together Because of the bad rep of Voyager . Even then Sam Beckett didnt piss anyone off as Captain

>> No.40312049

>>40306674
Willingly walked through an arch that petrified my character. In my defense I knew the arch to the pile of gold would do that but thought the one to the empty room was safe.

>> No.40312053

>>40312025
>And forced to hear everything in Gilbert Gottfrieds voice for 3 weeks

>> No.40312068

>>40312043
It was only like a year and a half wasn't it? Also Archer was a horrible captain, he was just extremely incompetent rather than hypocritical and insane like Janeway.

>> No.40312128

>>40307555
i've always wanted to lose an arm in a campaign so i could possibly do some tiny side-quest to get myself a cool robotic one.

>> No.40312166

Why has no one posted the head of whatever story?

>> No.40312228

>>40312166
Because we all have already seen the head of venca story. Anyone who hasn't can reply to this post.

>> No.40312346

>>40310537
That was a result of them inadvertently harnessing the sigil magic used by Grant Morrison in his attempts to summon the DC Universe into reality so that he can have sex with it. I'm sure that after the incident he's keeping an eye on things to make sure it doesn't happen again.

>> No.40312381

>>40307271
What HAPPENED?

>> No.40312395

>>40312228

>> No.40312458

>>40311830
Directly translates as "come to me my brothers."

So yeah. Come at me bro.

>> No.40313260

>>40311830
If I remeber correctly it should be "Venite ad me frater" and not "Venite ad me fratrer", but otherwise, yes it is *come at me bro*

>> No.40313322

>>40313260
"fratrer" is brothers and "frater" is brother. So yeah. Slight problem with the grammar. But otherwise yeah.

>> No.40313882

>>40306779
A job's a job. Can't afford to be picky in this economy.

>> No.40313915

>>40311488
Never ask about a quantity roll that takes palce after a seduction roll.

>> No.40313979

Tried to charm animated armor.
Tried to give up the (at the time) best fighter to the bad guys as a sacrifice.
Pissed off the (current) most politically-influential party member.
Made a deal with Not-Satan.
While knowing that they were wanted by just about every bounty hunter in the realm, used their actual names in front of paladins who even said that they were looking for them.

>> No.40314136

>>40313915
I just now had three separate thoughts of what it could be for in the space of half a second. *sigh*

>> No.40314206

>>40309193

As I recall the Prime directive was originally about not playing god and screwing around with less technologically developed cultures.

But as time passed, the Federation used it as a 'it's not our problem' get-out-of-moral-dilemmas ticket that they waved around at anything and everyone.

While some of the situations the show covered did have some pretty complex issues surrounding them, the prime directive was usually broken as a consequence of fixing a screwup.

I'm sure there's a wiki with 'list of prime directive violations' or something you could look over.

>> No.40314254

>>40314206
The Federation generally views tragedy caused by inaction as preferable to getting their hands dirty. A lot of their ideals get corrupted into them basically maintaining innocence at all costs.

>> No.40314317

The DM had us fight a pair of living statues.

He was cowed by a torrent of rock puns.

>> No.40314539

slight elemental evil spoilers
>at a strange druid ceremony that's taking several days
>druids have different cult symbols, seem on edge with each other
>huge tower in the middle we can't get into
>party druid plans to be flown to the top of the tower by himself
>doesn't make sure we have a way to stay in contact with him
>doesn't even make sure we listened to his plan
>aarakocra flies him to the top, goes back to sleep after dropping him off
>druid runs into final boss of the tower
>party is cooking breakfast while druid battles the boss of the tower
>realizes he can't solo it and runs to ground floor
>every single guard is alerted
>everyone outside heard the fight, all gathering and asking what's up
>our cleric rouses them all with a speech about how they need to stand tall and fight
>all the druids start fighting each other, chaos ensues
>cleric is dumbfounded
>boss and bad druids summon a fire elemental just as everyone but the party dies
>we're all out of spells
>one by one the party runs into melee range and get a single swing off
>we all get knocked out due to the elemental's fire dmg aura

>> No.40316724

>>40307704
>venite ad me fratrer
come towards at myself he who is my older brother?

should be veniet ad me frater

>> No.40316741

>>40313260
venite is go towards

veniet is come to (can also be used as come here)

>> No.40316850

>>40310810
I just had 4 of 6 party members roll 20's for a dc 10 balance check

>> No.40316889

>>40316850
Did you make them stumble only to do perfect back flips and land back in their proper position?

>> No.40316908

>>40316741
yeah you're right venite is wrong (it's the fucking imperativ *plural*)
But veniet is futur tense, "veniet ad me frater" is "You will come at me bro".

So "Come at me bro" should be pic related.

>> No.40316985

>>40316908
Veni is first person, though. You can't use it with a third person. And imperative doesn't have a first person, obviously.

>> No.40317069

>>40308629
>>Rogue and Barbarian basically leave party to form their own better party, with blackjack and hookers.

>> No.40317070

>>40316985
Veni is the imperativ singular.
First person singular would be venio.

take a look at the conjugation table: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/venire

>> No.40317120

>>40317070
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/venio#Latin
First person perfect too

>> No.40317169

>>40317120
not sure if you linked me on the same page you're looking at, but here it states:
>present active veniō, present infinitive venīre, perfect active vēnī

So first person perfect is veni.

>> No.40317197

>>40317169
oh yeah you meant the first person perfect and the imperativ singular are the same >.<

yeah you're right

>> No.40317221

>>40317197
should've answered to
>>40317120

>> No.40317232

The party halfling disguise himself as a young elven girl (who was the daughter of a duke, who the halfling killed, starting a rebellion). The party disguised themselves as merchants, taking themselves to the king to tell about the rebellion, and reuinite the "daughter" with her mother, and also say that the duke is dead.
Then, the evil mage dude controlling the king tried to comfort the grieving widow, but the duchess said no. So then they hatched a plan where they invited the mage into the duchess's room at night (she was elsewhere), and then pushed the mage out the window and interrogated him in their wagon, revealing that the evil mage was evil!
Also, it was the work of Mark Scrotal, King of the Geighs and Men of the Sea, who wanted to use the Faore's King to start a war with Circumsisia.

>> No.40317297

I have given play PCs separate free days in the campaign where no quests are hand delivered to them. I wanted to see what they would do.

Both times, when left to their own devices, a character has died

>> No.40317440

>>40307788
>Not throwing the sturdiest/most annoying party member down and asking them how far down it is, giving you a far more accurate answer than a rock could.

It's like you don't even teamwork.

>> No.40317549

>>40317297
what, how? Post story.

>> No.40318683

>>40312068
Sounds like you just hate women.

>> No.40319166

Everything.
This time is true, nothing on this thread compares, they're just so idiotic it's hilarious.

>> No.40319197

Don't want to make posts too long so I'll divide them

>playing DH, already a lot of sessions, well into the campaign, high level
>Mission is to investigate in a primitive world about some cultist trying to summon a khorne demon or some shit
>"What's the world like?"
>GM explain that the world/land/country/whathefuckingever is composed of numerous tribes that have some conflicts between them, but otherwise are pacific
>Ask if they are in war among them
>No
>As I look the other members of the group I think "yet"

Cont...

>> No.40319223

>>40319197
>we all smile like the devil
>Us my driving skills to get to the first village, ask the GM what this tribe is like
>"This is a tribe of warriors and blacksmiths"
>Arrive in the car to the gates, ask the guard to approach, we go saying that we are from tribe #2 and he says
can't translate really well into english, I'm aware some is lost in the translation, apologize
>"I couldn't but notice how fucking bad your weapons are. Your swords are so soft that your women insert them inside their ass to please themselves because your dicks aren't enough."
>Tribesmen fucking mad, spears and arrows falling on us, deal no damage because good armor we drive away to tribe #2

cont...

>> No.40319282

>>40319223
>"What is tribe #2 like?"
>GM says it is a tribe of herders of cows
>"We are from tribe #3"
>"I couldn't notice how loose the vagina of your cows are. I bet you fuck them daily because your women are uglier than the animals. Actually, now that I look at the women, I bet you fucked the cows mistaking them for the girls."
>Drive to tribe ~#3
>Tribe of constructors that pride themselves into making the best buildings and a mighty wall to protect the village
>"We are from tribe #4. I couldn't prevent to notice how fucking shit your town is. I mean, the wall looks like piled shit on top of each and you guys have shitted upon."
>Drive to tribe #4
>Don't remember what kind of tribe was it
>Say we are from tribe #5, but the insulting player is loosing fuel, his insult is lame and after a bad roll he doesn't provoque the tribesmen
>Take out lasgun and shoot the guard
>10, 10, 10, 10, 4, righteous fury of 44 damage
>run away remembering them that we are from tribe #5
>Drive to tribe #5
>Tribe of religious people
>"We are from tribe #6. Your gods..."
>Instantly get fired arrows and spears the moment "gods" is said
>Drive to tribe #6
>Another tribe of warriors and blacksmiths
>"We are from tribe #1. I've noticed that you all carry big ass swords and we were wondering if it is to compensate your tiny dicks, you raging homos."
>flying spears and arrows again

Cont...

>> No.40319316

>>40319282
>go back to the base
>Inquisitor asks how is our investigation going
>"Well, about that, there might be some... Hostilities arising between the tribes and they might start a planetary civil war"
>"What!? Do you know anything about this?"
>"no"
>Don't have the lying ability and it was a -30 with a character with 31 empathy
>rolled a 98 for deceit
>"FUCKING IDIOTS!"
>Psychic wave that sends us flying and KOs all of us, not killing, just KOing
The khorne demon was summoned and we failed miserably. We made an oath to never be so retarded again and play seriously
But god damn, I've laughed a fuckton that session

>> No.40319327

>>40306674

>Robbing a carriage
>Inside is a young lady, throw her out and grab the jewelry
>Also hijack the carriage because we needed it later
>Hear a horrible scream as we are leaving
>Investigate to notice we rolled over the woman's leg, the carriage wheel is still sitting on her thigh
>Move the carriage
>Fumble Drive rolls, roll over her leg again
>Fuck it
>Grab the woman with us and gtfo
>MFW she is the princess and the whole nation wants our heads to roll now
>MFW princess is third in line, wants to become queen and starts to use as her pawns and turns out to be the Chessmaster.

>> No.40319537

>>40307549
>>40308688
Makes you wonder.
What if more BBEG's were just bumbling idiots who did exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time while trying to do good?

>prophesied Party Of Light confronts the evil warlord.

Adventurer: "Your time is up Lord Chaos!"

Lord Chaos: "Oh come on, I only tried to help!"

A: "Your army invaded our country!

LC: "It started out as a nice visit. Then we got kidnapped by a bandit clan. The bandits tried to get a ransom from your king. But along the way they got waylaid by two other bandit clans. They settled their differences by joining forces for the ransom. Then some local hooligans joined for the heck of it. Then the Orcs came... I don't even know how that dragon joined. Anyway... when my guard freed me the mob decided I was their leader because I was wearing the crown! By that time they'd already usurped the throne!"

A: "And what about that time you burned the Fey Forest!"

LC: "I swear I was only trying to escape my army to have a quiet picnic with the missus! That dragon I told you about earlier? Yeah, it turned out to be a 'she' and she was jealous."

A: "You raised an undead army!"

LC: "Tried to raise the people that got killed to show everyone Im not a bad guy. Priests turned out to be members of an undead cult hiding as normal clerics..."

A: "You're called Lord Chaos!"

LC: "Would you believe Chaos means 'pretty' in my language?"

>> No.40319567

>>40311839
>Get in the bag!

>> No.40319571

>>40314136

thats four possibi....five possibilities...no make that six.
Six possibilities.

>> No.40319666

>>40319567

>> No.40319679

>>40306674
We stole all the things from an off-the-books, highly secret, probably definitely illegal magical artifacts auction.

See, the thing was, that wasn't the run. The run was a personal thing for one of the team members - he wanted a guy killed, and that guy happened to be the owner of the mansion that the auction was going down at. The guy also happened to be a stupidly powerful mage.

The whole... stealing unknown and probably definitely illegal magical artifacts was a "well shit niqqa we ain't a charity, you want our help you gotta pay us" type of deal.

The run itself was elaborately planned - it took like, three IRL sessions, each a week apart due to cross-country players and an international GM - and went down as expected. We had four people planted inside the manor (there was an above-board auction taking place as a smoke screen, one of our guys went in as part of a news crew covering that event; our mage went in super-invisible; and our physad was the +1 of a contact that had a legitimate in) and a sniper on a hillside 1 km away, covering the front of the building. There were minor complications - fucking Ares C-level and a Firewatch escort showing up for the black auction, what the fuck? And our inside woman (whom the physad was attached to) being made as "suspicious" by the head mage.

Then we put an ODST - Orbital Drop Shock Troll - through the second-floor window, just as planned. Turns out 200kg of surprise airborne troll does funny things to a mage! Everything from there proceeded like clockwork.

'Cept for the, uh, Force 12 Guardian Spirit. I mean, we knew about it - we'd be literally retarded not to - but we thought it was bound to the mage that was, at this moment, pinned to a wall by an arrow (to the throat) with the remains of a once-live grenade where his head used to be, not to the manor itself. So that was somewhat harrowing. (Thank fuck for EX-Ex.)

Story long, to be continued

>> No.40319758

>>40310565
>odds of said event happening are 20^(-10)
ok

>> No.40319773

>>40317440
>Not throwing a rock down there with a string, pulling it back up, and then intimidating it to tell you how far down it was.
ishygddt

>> No.40319801

>>40319679
The rest of our inside crew got to pretending to be panicked civilians and stole as much shit as they could while the troll (who was the guy who wanted this hit) made a very loud exit (it's hard to be subtle when your bow fires explosive telephone poles at people), with the sniper providing covering fire. We had to put down the Guardian Spirit twice (it was either that or demolish the manor, possibly brick-by-brick, and we weren't really looking to committing war crimes - hey, like I said, we were here to kill ONE guy, not torch a manor full of random civilians with white phosphorous - tonight) and kill a couple of watchdog hellhounds (but no other people were actually killed!).

Like I said, clockwork.

So after that, we snapped pictures of the take and split.

To cut a long story short (we left the loot with our mage, who then slipped into the astral without telling anyone, or telling anyone why, and then her body started doing Exorcist-y things, which made us ALL think "Shedim", so then we had to call in a favor and hire an exorcist crew and... it was a long and stressful night), our take was some random low-power shit, a singing sword that would probably piss off the exorcist team if they knew we had it ("piss off" as in "hey so, the Vatican City's black ops hit squad has called a Crusade on us"), two Rings of Luck, and The Everlasting Flower.

Did I mention it was a long and stressful night? Pretty sure our sniper/hacker lost like, a couple dozen years off his (admittedly long - fucking elves) lifespan.

>> No.40319824

>>40306741
I want to hear the story for this.

>> No.40319852

>>40319197
>>40319223
>>40319282
>>40319316

I'm confused, why would a series of "your mom" comments from some out of towner morons start a civil war?

>> No.40319891

Mine is so long that we have a list. Highlights include
>Suicidal Rocket sled in space
> Reenacting the movie Gladiator over a Sarlaac pit
> Playing Wiffle ball with enemy warriors as the ball
> turning their grenades into Bom-ombs from mario
> Deep striking from 25000 feet while updating their facebook
> pretending to be a goddess of sex to escape the enemy then playing with their boobs the entire time

>> No.40320065

>>40319852
Lost in translation and also me not remembering well, but trust me when I say the insults were really good

>> No.40320095

>>40316908
this is correct, although I would say that the 'ad' is possibly a little redundant, since 'me' is the accusative case and thus implies 'ad'. Largely a matter of personal taste, but I think 'Veni me, frater' is a little snappier.

>> No.40321692

>>40319891
>then playing with their boobs the entire time
to be fair, that's exactly what would happen in really life if you magically developed boobs.

>> No.40322299

>>40319852
depending on country, yo mama jokes can be serious fucking business.

>> No.40322422

>>40319679
>Turns out 200kg of surprise airborne troll does funny things to a mage!
Too much

>> No.40322537

In college we had a That Guy at our 3.5 game.

>played a special snowflake duskblade who was always cutting himself to cast Blade of Blood
>When the barbarian fell into a pit of acid, he leapt in after him because he knew Dimension Hop. He was all proud of this.
>except he can't take anyone with him when he hops
>and the max range of the hop is less than the depth of the pit

>> No.40322559

>playing DH
>our mission is to find out why the local IG regiment isn't getting any guns
>heresy suspected among the provider's ranks
>go to some stock exchange place or something
>decide we'll pose as representatives of a noble house
>get in, start getting some bits of info
>cleric player decides that thinking is hard
>"I want to know why the Imperial Guard regiment has no weapons."
>everyone arrested on the spot

This game got so fucked that we just started a new one. That guy never got invited in another one of our games.

>> No.40322573

>>40322422
Ourface (guy who went in with the news crew cover) recorded it and posted the video to HorizonTube. IIRC, the title was "Burly Troll Pounds Black Wood" (Lord Blackwood being the mage).

Our face was easily the funniest motherfucker in the group. Hell, our first run ended up as a hostage exchange for pizzas because of him. (We also got to RP HorizonTube commentators in the aftermath.)

I'll see if I can dig up the old chat logs...

>> No.40322812

>>40322573
Damn, Mumble doesn't log chats.

tl;dr we ended up taking some civilians hostage and had to negotiate with Knight-Errant. What we were *actually* doing was delaying for time because we were the smokescreen for a different run.

So we let the face do the talking for the ransom demands. He knew we needed to play for time, so instead of doing the usual (money and a getaway vehicle, blah blah blah), he opted to get... creative.

>pepperoni
>cheese
>double cheese
>triple cheese
>quadruple cheese
>bacon stuffed crust quadruple cheese with cheese sauce drizzle
>meat lover's
>gluten-free
>vegetarian
>gluten-free vegetarian
>gluten-free non-vegetarian (your choice of toppings)
>mushrooms
>non-hallucinogenic mushroom, specifically
>medical supplies (yes as a pizza topping) (don't forget to leave the hypodermic needles capped)
>mushroom, hallucinogenic
>half-and-half mushrooms, hallucinogenic and non-hallucinogenic

IIRC, he recorded the run (fuckin' Hollywood runners, man) and posted it on HorizonTube as "Pizza Party 2075" and invited backers/patreons (well after the run had occurred - the video was basically delayed for a day because it had to go through the sniper-hacker's paranoid video-scrubbing).

>> No.40322905

>>40322812
>pizza list
Oh yeah, that's not the entirety of the pizza demands. I forget it, and I apparently don't have a log of it, but it was something like 20 or 50 pizzas.

And then, of course, there were the HorizonTube comments.

>>pizza party 2075
>duke y u no invite
Pizza parties are for backers

>elves did chicago

>pizza is a tool of the Adversary

>>>knife ears
>>>trog
>>>human
>>3 different metatypes! A triangle has three points! The watching eye is a triangle! ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED
>>implying triangle
>>but there were 4 runners! A triangle projected over a square is a pyramid! AZZIES CONFIRMED
>Aztechnology did nothing wrong
Damien Knight told Martians to hire us. Oh shit, I shouldn't have said that.

>Man, what kind of shitty guns are you tryhards using! My ARES EXCALIBUR would've one-shot the entire KE strike team no problem. Click this link for a one-time special promotional offer for 10% off your next purchase of purpose-designed ammunition for your ARES EXCALIBUR
I blew up a Roadmaster with FAKE BULLETS. #aressux

(That actually happened. The face was also a drone rigger, and had loaded gel rounds since we were trying to *not* kill people. And then, somehow, he ended rolling stupid high on an Full Auto Burst roll against two KE officers inside a SWATmobile, and they rolled a glitch and a crit glitch, and then the SWATmobile lit up like a favela with a Chinese infection on the Lunar New Year. The fact that we had, the day previous, doped the local KE station's vehicles' fuel tanks with styrofoam may or may not have been related.)

>Trucks don't explode like that. Bullets don't have nearly a high enough ignition temperature to cut through those steel beams. You can tell from the footage this was a controlled demolition

>> No.40322991

>>40306714

>> No.40323034

>>40307271

Players man, motherfuckin' players.

>> No.40323036

>>40307234
>>GM goes home and fucks all the players GFs at once
Demanding handies from your players is really not the best way to get revenge.

>> No.40323057

>>40307704
>Players walk into a room
>Description of the room short and bland
>"Oh gee guys, the DM said that there was a carving on the wall! This must be a puzzle or a trap or an encounter! Let's spend 2 IRL hours testing every single possibility instead of passing through the empty fucking corridor!"

>> No.40323511

>>40317232
>Also, it was the work of Mark Scrotal, King of the Geighs and Men of the Sea, who wanted to use the Faore's King to start a war with Circumsisia.
Someone's DM is feeling testes

>>40322905
>>40322812
>>40322573
>>40319801
>>40319679
I think I love you guys

>> No.40323629

We had a whole campaign that consisted of us fucking things up.

>Party decides to help local guards.
>Accidentally pisses off local ruler.

>Rogue decides to help out local thieves guild.
>Gets killed after securing everything for the guild.

>Hired to find information on smugglers in a manifest.
>Warehouse catches on fire. Tiefling's fault.
>Jump through window to escape. Land in lake, ruining manifest.

>Track down local youth for interrogation.
>Tiefling gets pissed off, uses Burning Hands, kills three civilians, burns entire rest of the party, and then gets arrested.
>We testify against him.

>Local police ask us to help maintain order during a demonstration.
>Riots happen.
>Fires happen.
>Fires weren't all our fault.

>Notice people moving suspicious goods around city.
>Manage to track down a distribution center.
>Nick a cart and find it full of explosives.
>Decide to wheel it across town to the guardhouse as evidence.
>Instead of following it to its destination.
>City Hall blows up.

mfw death cult arrives, new rogue turns traitor, and avatar of an evil god appears.

On the bright side, I started a graffiti craze insulting a local lord, so I had that going for me.

>> No.40323904

Guess it's time to contribute.

I'm running Spycraft on the boat (the John C. Stennis, as if you care). Setting is late-90s; the Russian Mob is trying to muscle in on the Trikes and Yak on the west coast. They've got a source for a version of "Vitamin K", an MKULTRA by-product (cheapo euphoric with mind-control side-effects). After a couple sessions, PCs are hired to recon a Yak nightclub, as part of a larger "start a gang war between the Yaks and Trikes" mission.

>Strip club in the Seattle Docks district, with caged gogo dancers (plot hook for human-trafficking storyline), open drug use, hidden slave market in the back.
>Successfully bluff their way into the hidden 2nd-floor office. In plainclothes. By pretending to be interested investors.
>Guard tries to search them
>The Cleaner quickdraws one of his Skorpions and kills him with a full-auto blast to the face.
>Blow hinges off door with thermite. Start fire.
>Toss half a dozen pipe bombs through the door
>Explosion blows out one-way windows (and a pipe bomb with a badly-set fuse) onto dance floor, killing dozens of civvies.
>Party face spends this time going through the desk while the cleaner and street knight engage in a running gun fight with the guards.
>Sweep the alleys, murdering bums and people hiding from the explosion and fire. Kill a couple of cops.
>Spraypaint a badly-executed Triad logo on the sidewalk
>Steal the Yak leader's boat
>Take it to Vancouver to be refitted for personal use. To a Yakuza chop shop..
>Come back a week later.
>There's a Yakuza strike team on the boat, and the Russians have a sniper set up a quarter-mile away waiting for them as well

"But you never said there were security cameras!"
"Why do the Russians want us dead now, we did what they wanted?"
"This is so unfair, you didn't warn us about an ambush" (you failed three Spot rolls, idiots)
"How could they follow us into Canada?"

>> No.40324073

>>40323057
God fucking damnit, I had an asshole like that in one of my campaigns.

>enter the abandoned mansion
>describe the whole foyer, how it looks, how it smells, everything
>"Some old pictures of the family that used to live here are hanging near the start of the stairs."

"I inspect the photos."
>"They are photos of a family of four. The couple has two daughters. One daughter is missing from the later photos."
"I inspect the back of all the frames."
>"You don't see anything of note."
"I remove the photos from the frames and inspect the back of the photos themselves."
>"...You see nothing writen on them. The photos don't seem to have anything on them. Now-"
"I remove all the photos from the wall and start knocking on the wall to find the hidden passage."
>"Suddenly, the large mirror near you shatters and every single shard flies right at you. Roll Dodge."

>> No.40324082

>>40310397
You are CIA GUY.
You are looking for big guys.
Welcome to Banequest.

>> No.40324172

>>40324073
This is, very specifically, what wandering monster rolls were designed to punish.
Not a logical location? You can still say "wait, I need to roll something else", throw some dice, and grab a Monster Manual. Some players get the hint. Others need wandering cops (in town) or a pack of interestedly inbred hillbilly rapists to show up and get things rolling again.

>> No.40325008

>Level 3 party, just finished first dungeon
>Makes way to a town of people
>People are all super crazy greedy and constantly requesting money
>Go to a tax collector's desk to get information
>Everybody around looks scared as fuck of the tax collector
>Dragonborn rolls intimidate
>"Are you sure you want to do that?"
>"Yes"
>He yells at the tax collector to try and get information
>Tax collector scoffs, guards gather around him
>"I attack the tax collector"
>Are you fucking serious
>He rolls a fucking critfail and does no damage
>Guards instantly rush the party and capture everybody

It almost ended the campaign. Part of it is probably my fault as the DM for not making it obvious enough, but seriously.

>> No.40325025

>>40306674
We let the priest interrogate the drug dealer (DH)

He spent the entire time asking who the guy worked for even though he was cooperating with us and then finished by blasting his brains out.

>> No.40325271

>>40324172
This guy was a real piece of work. He would do shit like that over and over again, to the point where I had a specific encounter to happen every time he kept wasting time.

At one point though, he didn't get the hint and not even the other players telling him at first IC and then OoC that he was wasting time could stop him from burning a pile of corpses because he somehow thought that would exorcise the local haunt. (There was nothing indicating that. He just guessed.)

>> No.40325365

>>40323057
To be fair, carvings on walls are completely out of place in a "bland room."
That's like walking into an old house and finding eldritch runes written all over the walls of some random room.

Carvings take time, effort, and are usually metaphoric or meaningful.
While I wouldn't spend that long, I would definently check it out.

>> No.40327226

>>40325365
>To be fair, carvings on walls are completely out of place in a "bland room."
>That's like walking into an old house and finding eldritch runes written all over the walls of some random room.
Have you ever been to an actual archaeological site? It's more like finding an old painting - or fucking wallpaper - in "some random room". People decorate shit all the time, even meaningless corridors. Even in published modules, going all the way back to the seventies.
Players need to learn how to prioritize shit like that or they are (at least in my games) >going< to fucking die. Quickly. I usually use decoration and dressing as a way to clue the players into who made the particular area, or as broad thematic strokes and hints at what the rooms were used for of old.

>> No.40327429

>>40307391
Normies
Ree

...Meh still a good post

>> No.40327756

>>40325008
I had a player do something similar
>sent on a quest by a drug lord
>one of the players get addicted during the quest (it was a cocaine/creatine mixture)
>come back and get paid with gold and more drugs
>addicted player asks the drug lord if he wants to get high with him
>drug lord says he doesn't do his own drugs
>player shoves 20 doses into the drug lord's mouth
>even if he could survive that, he's probably choking to death on a fistful of powder
>other two players run away
>ended session with addicted player getting beaten to death by mob boss's guards

>> No.40327777

>>40327756
i laughed way harder then I should have

>> No.40331187

>>40306674
>Bandit hideout is a bar at the bottom of a hill
>DM tells us it's loaded with bandits.
>We, the party, head to meet with a merchant we befriended earlier
>Buy every barrel of oil/fat/whatever it was that he has.
>Line the barrels up on top of the hill above the tavern
>Light the fuses, and kick the barrels down.

The DM wasn't happy, but at least we cleared the place out.

>> No.40331282

>>40331187
How is that a stupid thing? Because you angered the GM?

>> No.40331398

>>40331282
It was the best stupid thing I had.

S-Sorry...

>> No.40332112

>>40306674
It's not entirely their fault, but I wish they would stop getting everyone around them killed.
>Friendly guard commander helping defend a wall
>Gets swarmed by skellytons not 30 feet away from them
>Entire party stays to defend their assigned choke point despite having two people who can one shot the mooks anyway
>In a cave looking for lost paladin with friendly paladin
>Tentacle monster grabs paladin, drags him out of sight
>They turn around and go home
>On scary forest road with other paladin, hear screams off the road
>Injured peasant and his family
>Paladin insist that they help, party wants to GTFO out of forest ASAP
>Paladin stays to guide peasants, says he will catch up
>As party leaves, they see shadowy figures descend upon the paladin
>"Geez it's been three days, when is that paladin gonna get here already."

>> No.40333805

>Be perma DM
>High school group, my best friends but they play like assholes
>Live and learn
>Guide us through various systems over the course of high school
>Start GURPS
>After tensions are high after some people were an asshole in a realistic modern campaign, settle on an a la carte campaign
>Players know nothing about what they will get into. Large point budget, anything is allowed except Jumper
>Party consists of a retarded transformer who is a delorean
>A parasite that is infecting a space chef from a post apocalyptic setting
>A furry assassin
>A pulp detective with a fifteen foot dong that shoots weak acid
>a character from Psychonauts who believes he's the prophet of a God that the player thinks is a delusion but isn't
>Finn from Adventure Time
>Rock world, really clueless inhabitants, none of them can go home, don't know why they're here
>Begin to investigate
>Inhabitants are part of a race that was enslaved by titans
>Made the engine of the multiverse and that sort of thing
>Titans are dormant
>Some slaves want revenge, are going to dig it up and end everything
>Players start to foil this by running them over, sniping them with laser shit, blowing shit up, getting their weiners caught in machinery, etc.
>Kill their leader
>Go hunting for the cultists disrupting the multiverse
>Finn finds a lever
>Pulls it
>Ends everything

>> No.40334857

>>40322991
This is my all-time favourite reaction image, I use it whenever I can.

>> No.40336892

>>40323511
tl;dr this is what happens when a pink mohawk troll archer (played by an IRL metalhead) teams up with an operational operator who hasn't gotten out of the habit of operating operations operationally (played by an IRL smartass/rules lawyer).

(Seriously, the first thing the sniper did when he got on-site of the possessed mage - who was now tied down to the bedframe in a shitty motel that was once an even shittier mental institution for disturbed children - was... here's the fucking chatlog:

>"This location is compromised, but I'm going to go ahead and assume that whatever's possessing Lana won't want to be forcibly moved. That means we need to establish a better perimeter here.
>"Additionally, I don't like having these artefacts in this location, so we need to move those, as well.
>"Canary, Sigma, you two stay here. Perimeter, sensors, guard Lana. If you can, keep an eye on her while out of line of sight, and thank your gods that she doesn't have cybereyes.
>"Arrow, with me. We're moving these artefacts.
>"Maintain communications over encrypted channels. I want check-ins every five minutes."
>Archer pulls out a sheet of e-paper (after making sure the wireless is, in fact, disabled) and writes
>Challenge phrase: What's the night like?
>* All-clear phrase: it's cold out
>* Compromised phrase: it's dark out
>* Panic phrase: it's quiet out
>Let me know when you've memorized this.
>Archer tears up the epaper and burns it
>Archer flushes half the ashes down the toilet, throws a quarter out the window, and swallows the last quarter

And during the session he would ACTUALLY use the check-in phrases at the 5-minute intervals (it got to the point that the rest of the team did as well).

>> No.40337023

>>40306674
>be dm
>running zombie quest
>brother is a pc
>has weed in his inventory, but nothing to light it with
>has pocket knife in his inventory
>rolls to cut section of wood out of the wall to start a fire to light his weed
>rolls nat 20
>starts fire
>starts jacking off and smoking weed

>> No.40337540

>>40322537
You're mad at the guy for trying to help?

>> No.40337558

>>40336892
That's awesome.

>> No.40338277

Oldie but goodie.

>> No.40338428

>>40306674

>pic

Reminds me of this great moment from /r9k/.

>> No.40338492

>>40319773
>Not throwing all of your party members tied to a string, one by one, then intimidating them when you pull them up and get an average.

It's like you don't maximise EXP gained from every encounter.

>> No.40338531

>>40307271
Holy fuck that mayor is hardcore. Gonna steal him for my next character. What's his name.

>> No.40338661

>>40338428

>> No.40338746

>>40312128
Actually, I did that in a SW game.
I killed everyone in that game as well- posting a cap of when I told it.

>> No.40338916

>3.5 game
>playing a lich sorcerer
>party is an evil psionic warrior and warlock. warlock is pretty suck, psionic warrior is optimized out the ass and solo'd a fucking dragon earlier in the campaign.
>we're all CE
>come across huge dwarven city
>tons of banks
>naturally, we start thinking of ways to rob them for fucktons of gems and loot.
>disguise myself, enter each bank in the city looking to "start an account."
>demand to see each vault to gauge whether the bank is "rich enough to afford me."
>GM is cool, rolls with it despite it being total bullshit.
>see the inside of every vault, psionic dude has some feat or spell that gives him photographic memory.
>that night, TELEPORT
>rob the first vault using bags of holding.
>TELEPORT
>rob second vault, TELEPORT
>do this with almost every bank in the city.
>Last bank, no one's even noticed us.
>"Wait... gentlemen, i have an idea."
>dump out all the gold we robbed from every other bank into the last vault.
>teleport out, go to our room in the hotel, spend a week in-game watching things unfold from there.

>> No.40338955

In the last session I skinned a fellow party member alive...

I'm playing a necromancer/bard, so I've kinda been trying to fill the freaky/annoying niche in our party...

apparently I did one or both of these too well (or simply too much).

One player's main character died a few sessions ago (talked shit to some dragons, rest of the party told him not too). He's been on something like cruise-control ever since.

His new character was something of a non-entity in the party.

The rest of the group was being kinda mean to my bard/necromancer and it hurt his feelings so he started just zapping his wand of sunburst that does 6d6 damage and blinds everyone in 80 foot radius, including allies, including himself.

and so on...

>> No.40339222

>Playing War Against the Chtorr GURPS
>party's chopper crashes in a Manna storm (like a dust storm of edible sugar-and-protein particles released by a Chtorran species; think cotton-candy dust so fine that a cupful might weigh about a gram, and coming down so thick that it's 8 feet deep)
>Pilot is DOA, but party survived with minimal damage
>We raid the chopper for weapons/gear
>I choose a Freezer (adjustable-volume liquid nitrogen sprayer), other member (let's call him "Larry") takes a flamethrower, third guy isn't trained to handle either but manages to find a tactical laser he can use.
>Larry votes to leave the chopper in search of other accommodation. I try to change his mind, he outrolls me every time.
>We suit up to go with me and Larry taking point and Third guy carrying most of the food and supplies cuz he had the highest carry cap.
>Try to convince Larry to take another Freezer instead of a flamethrower, he declines every time.
>We leave in the middle of the FUCKING STORM
>Everything is pink, smells like fucking cake, slogging through the candy-dust makes slow going
>Suddenly WORMS.
>three of pic related, range in size from Buick to Greyhound Bus.
>Roll for initiative, Larry rolls 16, I get 15
>MFW
>Before I can tell him to stop, he declares a Flamethrower attack on the nearest Worm.
>Dust in the air catches fire
>Shit's finer than Lycopodium powder
>Pure protein
>We're all gonna die
>Fireball envelopes Larry, nearest worm, spreading fast, even in "bullet-time"
>Make Instinctive Reaction roll
>9, check against luck, succeeds
>Douse the fireball in my frigid LN2 Bukakke
>Manage to kill the fireball before it reaches Hell-On-Earth levels
>Worms flee
>Larry's O-mask managed to save his face and lungs
>He's still alive
>MFW I have to drag his ass back to the chopper
>MFW this retard never heard of a Grain Silo Explosion
>MFW this was literally a scene from the book.

>> No.40339235

>>40339222
Sorry, found better pic related.

>> No.40339249

>>40338916
Fucking fantastic!

>> No.40339295

>>40339249
why thank you, kind sir. i do my best to promote shenanigans in every game.

>> No.40339359

>>40339222
Why didn't you just tell him what would happen instead of letting him take a flamer?

>> No.40339376

Party just started but so far the most retarded thing our Party has done is the Paladin's fault. Ok. And a little bit of mine.

Who busted onto the deck of the slave ship we had been captured by, and demanded all, oh, twenty some slaver pirates to fucking surrender.

Goddamn. Fucking. Brilliant.

We had a surprise round too, but this retard rolled top int and shouted, and the DM ruled we lost the surprise round.

And so they start turning the fucking ships cannons at us, so while all this chaos is happening, the party's sacred fist (me), charges and punches down the ship's mast, kicking it so it falls on all the pirates. It crashes into the other mast, brings that one down too, oh, and the sails get set on fire by the torches the pirates had to light their cannon fuses. The ship is now a shitshow (it seemed like a good idea at the time...). but at least cannons aren't being fired at us, and i smashed a few pirates with the mast...

The Paladin did redeem themselves by rolling ridiculously well and cutting the Ogre Pirate captain in two with just two attacks, but now we're stranded at sea.

Because some idiot kicked down the sails.

So uh.

That happened.

>> No.40339888

Stole the A-Team Van, getting in a high speed chase with undead on fucking motorcycles, and my Poison-Dusk-Lizardman ranger ended up getting an M240B. I genuinely don't know how the fuck that happened.

>> No.40340061

>>40323036

Underrated post

>> No.40340068

>>40307234

>> No.40340093

>>40338531
I don't remember off the top of my head.

He was basically Not!Teddy Roosevelt with levels in Barbarian, which we didn't know until we busted in to kill him.

>> No.40340235

>>40327226
>Players need to learn how to prioritize shit like that
The thing is, many players have been conditioned to think that everything that is mentioned is immediately relevant and everything that is immediately relevant is mentioned.

I recently ran a short-lived 3e D&D game, which featured at one point a cluster of rooms in a dungeon which contained some items of religious importance. Now, the characters were all from the same place, which was far away from their current location, and completely disconnected from the current location. It had been stated before that there were many things that they would be unfamiliar with. One of these rooms contained a stone altar which had carvings of strange fishman beings on the side and a basin with holy water on top. Instantly every player with knowledge religion rolled their dice and announced their score, without being prompted. I reminded them that they wouldn't have any way of recognizing this based on their own personal knowledge and that they would have to research, to which they replied, "why would you even mention it then?" It's worth noting as well that the party included a character which was described as essentially a bookworm, and the player of this character was one of the ones with that response.

>> No.40341187

>>40306674
myself, a druid, and my partner, a thief, are trapped in an alleyway being pursued by guards after having accidentally burned down a store with a Molotov cocktail. We were trapped on both ends of the alley and our only escape route was up so I turn into a tree so that the thief can climb up into an above window, he then ties a rope around me as a tree so that he can pull me up as well. however once I turned back into a human the rope was caught around my neck and I was being hung twenty feet in the air. Broke my character's neck

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