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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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[ERROR] No.36945313 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

What is an elf?

>> No.36945329

A rape waiting to happen.

>> No.36945332

A miserable pile of pixie dust

>> No.36945337

A miserable little pile of sexual ambiguity!

>> No.36945345

A miserable pile of magic and god-shit ready to go ballistic at you at any moment.

>> No.36945346

A miserable puddle of semen.

>> No.36945352


>> No.36945358

A miserable pile of faggotry.

>> No.36945379

A useless piece of shit that has a piece of itself in every Mary-Sue ever because it makes things more exotic, even though they are short and fragile, popularized by all sorts of modern shit. The only thing that they're good for is their ears. Those are good in a stew.

>> No.36945423

A dwarvish onahole

>> No.36945536


Friggin adorable.

Then again, I have been watching wakfu where everything a cute.

>> No.36945578

>even though they are short and fragile

Only in D&D and the garbage that rips it off wholesale.

>> No.36945601

And the things in Wakfu that aren't cute are sexy.

>> No.36945732

Deep down, they uppity and greedy.

>> No.36945741

An untrustworthy, inhuman race of traitors. Suffer terribly in a war and your "allies" won't even help you even when they're just across the border. You'll watch your village burn, your wife and children killed due to their inaction. Leave them on the rear when the combat starts and they'll consort with snake men. Bat an eye and they'll bow down to a demon lord and try to herald a new apocalypse. Turn your head for a moment and they'll sleep with the enemy side and turn their weapons against you. Inhuman beasts. Mongrels.

>> No.36945755

You're confusing elves with dwarves.

>> No.36945885

A damn good meal

>> No.36945927

The one mortal race that is better at making new spells than it is at making babies.

>> No.36946020

A tree hugging cannibal that gets angry if you if you just have to have the gal to need wood.

>> No.36946023

A miserable little pile of laziness.

Elves are too lazy to:
-procreate anywhere near as quickly as they could
-grow up
-deal with other races, the only reason they're okay with other elves is because they know that they're too lazy to argue with each other
-get up from their seats/beds/chairs, leading to manipulating things from a distance with Prestidigitation, leading to "inherent magical talent"
-take care of their half-breed kids properly, assuming that the other parent has enough energy to care for it
-die within a reasonable amount of time, leading to ridiculously long lifespans

>> No.36946078

>People who replied "A miserable pile of x"

fuck you this still makes me lagh

>> No.36946136

Best girl.

>> No.36946160

>all this elf hate

Who was it /tg/? Who hurt you?

>> No.36946184


>> No.36946253

Who was it? Give me a name. Was it the guy in highschool with the perfect cheekbones that stole that girl that was yours? Even though you never talked to her, and she never even looked at you? Was it him? Elves aren't him /tg/, they don't deserve your hate, they didn't do anything to you.

>> No.36946277

I'm trying to figure out where this weird elf hate comes from.

Elves come in so many flavors, it's really hard to say "I hate all elves!", because there will ultimately be some elves that you can agree with.

Don't like the shorter, constitution-penalty elves of latter editions of D&D? Than how about the tall, robust elves of Tolkien? Don't like the ultra-perfect Mary-sue elves of Tolkien? Then how about the Tolkien wood elves from the Hobbit cartoon movie, who look almost like goblins? Not into goblins? What about the dwarf-like dökkálfar dark elves of Norse Myth? Don't like those, well, there's plenty more to choose from.

In fact, right now, there's a group of elves working tirelessly just so that little children all over the world can get presents on Christmas. Who could hate those elves?

Or, what about Coconut Dreams? Rainbow Chips Deluxe? Or maybe just the good old fashioned original E.L.Fudge cookies?

Sure, there's a lot of varieties of elves you can dislike, including a good number that are basically designed to be disliked, but Elves as a whole are basically a goodly race that just wants to help people.

I think the whole elf hate business is people trying to be funny, but I'm probably missing the joke.

>> No.36946308

The cunts destroyed my Dwarf Fort

>> No.36946350

It was the elves that masturbated across the border shouting "tough luck" when they swore an alliance, while orcs were sacking my village and killing my family.

>> No.36946358

Maleketh the Accursed.

>> No.36946390

I hate elves as a whole because nobody can agree on what "elf" is supposed to mean so it's basically pointless to call something an "elf" at all. Check and Mate.

>> No.36946402

Boiled down?

They are the others. The shapes in the forest, whose intentions are unknown or unknowable. They pray to different gods, speak a different language, eat different foods. They have developed alongside us, yet away from us, becoming as gods, as worms, as apart as the sky is apart from the earth. They represent that which we are unsure whether to fear or respect, to conquer or collaborate. They are them, as we are us.

And also they fuck squirrels. Dirty squirrelfuckers.

>> No.36946489

>In fact, right now, there's a group of elves working tirelessly just so that little children all over the world can get presents on Christmas. Who could hate those elves?
Fuck you, I hate what I want. Elves are on the list.

>> No.36946495

Then you hate them for a petty reason, and you should also hate humans, dwarves, and all the other races, because there is no consensus about any of those races either.

You basically just screwed yourself over.

>> No.36946555

I don't hate elves, I'm even friends with people who play elves. It's just fun to elf bash occasionally.

>> No.36946590

Um, humans are REAL, so they have a very strict definition

Short, hairy, like alcohol a lot. This is near universal.

>Other races
Usually have some defining characteristics. Not like elves where their AVERAGE height can range from like two feet to over six, just as a base physical description.

>> No.36946601

One a them oogly pointy eared magic forest fuckers

>> No.36946779

>Short, hairy, like alcohol a lot. This is near universal.
Except best dwarves are neither short, nor do they have any particular love of alchohol.

Incidentally, best dwarves are elves.

>> No.36946797

A miserable pile of adorable!

>> No.36946798

no tg, you are the elf

>> No.36946844

The dwemer were complete monsters.

>> No.36946849

Exactly, those are elves, not dwarves, proving my point even further, as the name "elf" can even mean "dwarf, but really an elf, but really an elfdwarf dwarfelf"

>> No.36946850


I would use that image for an Elf I'm making in an instant if it wasn't for the facial hair.

God dammit why do people need to be so anal about hairy Elves.

>> No.36946879

Requesting that screencap of the story of that one explorer that went to an elven society and found out how masks of different colors and shapes marked their social interactions

>> No.36946883

These days, it's the monsters who have any self-respect. We appreciate them all the more for that.

>> No.36946890

What is the worst example of UBERMENSCH elves?

>> No.36946905

Eragon? I didn't actually read past the first book.

>> No.36946950

>Um, humans are REAL, so they have a very strict definition

Not in fantasy. In fantasy settings, humans can have innate magic, in others they can't, in some they have mutant powers, in others they're stronger than they are in reality, and so on and so forth.

Humans vary a lot in reality as well, since we've got pygmies and Eskimos and sumo wrestlers and basketball players, all of which vary quite a bit.

Sure, you've got a strict definition, but even elves can be defined as "a type of supernatural being that originates from Germanic mythology and folklore."

>Short, hairy, like alcohol a lot. This is near universal.

Not really. Short is probably the only thing that's nearly universal (otherwise calling it a dwarf would be strange), but then again we have the Fire Giants of D&D which are basically 20ft tall squat and bearded humanoids who love mining and making weapons.

Also, what about dwarven women? We've got everything from them looking exactly like dwarven men to looking like cute little girls to just being anvils.

Also, a recent video game had dwarves that were basically dog people. No beards, not even really all that short, don't even go near alcohol, but called dwarves all the same.

All races vary, unless they happen to be unique to the setting or directly imported into it. Hell, races vary even within settings, which is why we have things like sub-races and sub-species.
If you dislike Elves BECAUSE they vary, you've got a long list of other creatures to hate as well, including your own race.

>> No.36947023


>> No.36947041

No, you're right, I just called up my Wild Human friend, pic related, and he was all like, "Ook ook, bitch", so yeah, long story short, you're totally right.

>> No.36947044

Elf rape jokes are so played out. Elf hate just comes off as irrational and stupid to me.

I hate how there is a slavering worship for mundane people who are inexplicably competent(but somehow not sueish!) on /tg/. Dorfaboos and HFY types are just the most obnoxious sorts.

>> No.36947045

Go home Hero of Kvatch, you don't have Wuuthrad

>> No.36947082

Oh, wait. My Mountain Human friend, pic related again, saw my post as was all like, "Those niggers aint shit, dawg", so I guess the question is still up in the air.

>> No.36947103

Monsters? No, the Dwemer were gods.
They CREATED monsters.

>> No.36947298

Elves suck
Dorves 4 lyfe

>> No.36947311

The Dwemer were the worst excuse for Dwarves I've seen

>> No.36947328

>Not in fantasy. In fantasy settings, humans can have innate magic, in others they can't, in some they have mutant powers, in others they're stronger than they are in reality, and so on and so forth.

A good example of this is One Piece.
The humans in that setting are more diverse than most fantasy races.

This is a picture of some of the taller humans in the setting.

Note the giraffe and elephant for comparison.

>> No.36947383

>A happy stack of sticks

>> No.36947500

help pls

>> No.36947545

I agree with your general point. Humans and dwarves are probably the too worst examples you could have used to illustrate it though.

>> No.36947599

Got you covered, brother.

>> No.36947639

Jinbe isn't human.

>> No.36947652

Thank you very much!

>> No.36947683

Nope, deep ones are elves.

>> No.36947753

>fedora-tipping amoral hivemind roboticist babylonian elf-dwarves
Pick one. Do not pass go, do not collect $200

>> No.36947762

>Humans and dwarves are probably the too worst examples you could have used to illustrate it though.

The reason I chose them is because we might think that these two races are practically set in stone, but they actually exhibit a tremendous amount of variety from one setting to the next.

Hell, the recent Hobbit movies had a stubble dwarf who had a thing for elves, which many people would consider blasphemy.

>> No.36947766

Plz go

>> No.36947785

I realized that after I made the post. Thanks for clarifying that though.

>> No.36947848

I took a loan from the bank and now I can pick both

>> No.36948049

>I took a loan from the bank

>> No.36948113

If it works for the fed it works for me.

>> No.36948172

This picture feels like several memes smashed together by someone who only knows of them tangentially and I don't like it at all

>> No.36948476

>Art by Chibi Chibs

>> No.36948771

First post?!?! Goddamnit /tg/...

>> No.36948817

Elf is Mer
Mer is descendant of Aldmer who are in term from Ehlnofey, not the wondering ones, the shitty Ehlnofey

>> No.36949429

This is why I am bisexual.

>> No.36949604

the ancient ones referred to them as "the girlfriend race"

then would always end their chant "mfw no elf qt"

>> No.36949693

The best type of trap to play.

Also, spears+elf=A+

>> No.36949711

a miserable little pile of secrets.

You are welcome.

>> No.36950101

Should of made more cage traps

>> No.36950131

In the land of make-believe, an elf can be anything you want it to be, Anon.

>> No.36950143

Are you implying that elves should have no weaknesses?

>> No.36950206

Of course not. Their weakness is that they are so amazing and perfect that they sometimes can't connect with the stupid, flawed races.

Pic related, some smelly garbage-race blathering on, while a noble elf contemplates art and beauty.

>> No.36950215

>Today, we're going to be playing a simple adventure
>You're investigating a murder at a nearby inn
>2 players are members of the city guard, the third player is the killer himself
>Killer discovers he was possessed by a cult member
>Goes to his Priest brother to seek answers
>Attacked by angels
>Realise you've been cage trapped
>You're playing Indigo Prophecy
>Damn you, David Cage

>> No.36950331

You didn't drop your trip

>> No.36950522

They're orc oppressors

>> No.36950631

You know, the Paksenarrion books had something like this, where the main character philosophises that the elves are not to blame for their general uselessness. Despite the fact that they are stronger, taller, better, magicker, mind-readier and generally better at everything than humans, they're just not built to handle conflict and will automatically flee from any sort of danger to wait it out in the safety of their immortality.

Of course, the fact that she's really just a brainless grunt becomes apparent later in the series, when the elves arrive just in the nick of time to casually curbstomp everyone else and save the day. So much for that.

>> No.36951738

How cute! This thread is so full of envy that it can't possibly contain more of it.

>> No.36951792

damn racist elves, sometimes they steal underwear from female orcs while giggling and running off! nothing is done about this! No wonder orcs are angry all the time!

>> No.36951915

holy shit

>> No.36952623

Baby don't trap me

>> No.36952700

My nigga

>> No.36952754

A lot of anons on this thread seem to confuse elf for dwarf. Elves send troops. Dwarves send angry letters detailing every little grudgey reason why despite an alliance they will not send a single dwarf.

>> No.36952769

A lubricant company, but that's not important right now

>> No.36952805

Also most fun to play

Dat dragoon air game, dem jumps, dem air combos.

I ran her through the Arena like twelve times. Shame that Yuri always has the strongest Abyssal Arm purely because he's in the game the most.

>> No.36952860

Surely you can't be serious?

>> No.36952939

Is Link an elf?

>> No.36952978


Her name was spelled Shirley. And we enjoyed a very serious moment together.

>> No.36952997

More or less.

>> No.36953032

Well if we are the elves
And deep ones are elves
Are we deep ones?

>> No.36953047

u mean zelda

>> No.36953173

>Hero of Kvatch
U foking wot, m8?

>> No.36953434

>you just have to have the gal to need wood.
Some Freudian shit right there

>> No.36953647

Tg doesn't hate them, they're tdundere as Fuck.

>> No.36953816

No. You can tell because his ears are shorter than 6 inches.

>> No.36953957

The alpha test to humans. Lots of bugs needed to be worked out. On one hand they are way OP, on the other it's impossible to make them get shit done.

Unfortunately in this version of the game the only way to get rid of older versions is to let then run their course and terminate themselves which due to another bug is taking forever. Still they'll eventually get there.

>> No.36953994

No, because Hylians are just humans with pointy ears

>> No.36954110

The people of hyrule are all half-elves that've so long outlived their parent races they forgot they existed

>> No.36954123

People are just Hella Gay, Anon, so they say dumb shit.

>> No.36954134

Cute monsters

>> No.36954268

I'm pretty sure everyone here has the same idea of what humans and dwarves are. With them what you see is what you get. But with all the varying ideas for elves it just seems like they want everyone to like them.
>"I don't like elves"
>"But anon, elves aren't this....they're this! Do you like us now?"

>> No.36954311


Act all high and mighty

Every "that guy" wants to be an elf

Mary Sues

>> No.36954714


Garithos, I thought you died!

>> No.36954785

>not a gay gathering of faggots

>> No.36955484


>> No.36955911

Being an elf is suffering.

>> No.36955981

Elves are What humans consider perfect beings. They are literally beings that were created the eldest. All energy was condensed at one point the beings that emerge first contain more of said energy and disperse it to create more life in succession.

>> No.36956015

Rape the elves.

>> No.36956272

We all know what they're good for.

>> No.36956286

Loving tenderly, of course.

>> No.36956301

Tender love and affection?

>> No.36956328

Of course.

>> No.36956452

Elves were given longer ears to sell RPGs in Nipland. Until about 1990 elves usually had ears that short. See: Keebler elves, Drizzt

>> No.36956554

Not all have massive ears, at least.

>> No.36956604

Daily Reminder that she will never get the Dick

>> No.36956632

>Not Dorfs
You fool

>> No.36956731


>> No.36956764

Are not-elves a common thing?

>> No.36956766


>> No.36956842

The thing that ruined Armored Descent.

>> No.36956900


>> No.36956957

This kills the elf inside.

>> No.36957033

Elves have been toned down massively from their original Tolkein adaptation because of RPG game balance.

If you could not play as one they could still be as they were but then people would bitch.

>> No.36957076

Sexual predators.

>> No.36957137


>> No.36957183


Ask any mithra.

>> No.36957189

Reminds me of an idea I had for a fantasy nation that resembled the Spanish Americas. It was an old elven colony where your social status depended heavily on how much elf you had in you. And obviously marrying down or marrying a full blooded human was heavily looked down on or restricted.

>> No.36957672


>> No.36957820


>> No.36957957

His spirit lingers from beyond the grave to shout racist slurs on /pol/.

>> No.36957990

Depends on the elf.
Now ask me, what am I?
I am a broken man with a jaded life view.
No elf can top that.

>> No.36958024

Any elf other than the Dunmer deserve only purging flames

>> No.36958043

Says the guy with 75% fire resist.

>> No.36958058

I wonder if elf hate is what allows tg to be not quite as caustically racist as other parts of 4chan.

>> No.36958084

Doubt it, nig-nog

>> No.36958096

>In fact, right now, there's a group of elves working tirelessly just so that little children all over the world can get presents on Christmas. Who could hate those elves?

I like to think its gnomes and dwarves
How do you expect the artifice and craftsmanship?

>> No.36958097

Elf pls go

>> No.36958186

An artificially advanced human from a dead universe whos ancestors escaped to the current, primitive universe, leaving their technology behind as the price of entry.

>> No.36958204

an ancient folklore legend way of explaining the small unexplainables in life from thousands of years ago

modern day version would be underpants gnomes, why can i never find both socks or underwear when i need them. elves took it. they should be sylvan creatures that inherently have magic and not "slight, immortal, pointy eared humans"

if i had them in my own campaign setting they would be like kikori fairy elves or halflings with an extra penchant for mischief and forest protection

dwarves are just genetically vertically challenged humans IRL, i dont get why theyre a race. dwarves if done in my campaign would have stoney skin or something and be called something else

>> No.36958224

No, Eragon. It was outright stated that any human who wasn't a rider could literally never beat an elf.
Islanzadi got wrecked by a dide super charger on Galbatorix magic though so HA!

>> No.36958225

That sounds less like the Spanish Americas and more like Nazi Germany.

>> No.36958228

always female even when male

>> No.36958232

kokiri* damnit...

>> No.36958277

God those books were shit.

>> No.36958338

is there more of this?...

>> No.36958345

That sounds pretty lewd, Anon

>> No.36958362

I don't have an image for bait, you little shit.

>> No.36958397

I loved this game when i was a kid. Did anything ever come of it?

>> No.36958438

Congratulations, you just turned /tg/ into /mlp/

>> No.36958450

Well, Eragon and Eldest were one of the highlights of childhood....Brisingr and Inheritance were irreedemable crap though. DAMN YOU PAOLINI!!!!

>> No.36958452

Wait, are you saying "male" elves are reverse traps, or regular traps?

>> No.36958480

Unless you expect stonemasonry for christmas, it's elves.

>Implying dwarves have better smiths.

>> No.36958488

Go back and give them a read, the first two were really shitty. Not Eragon starting the Olympics shitty, but still shitty.

>> No.36958560

Accounts I have read from California before the US took over state that your social status had a lot to do with how Spanish you were. You still get traces of this attitude in Latin American today in some countries.

And in the colonial period the Spanish had a system of categorisation for mixed race people. It even affected how much tax you had to pay. So in a way it is like Nazi Germany.

>> No.36958561

No that'd be Apartheid, a different breed of racist.
Still, brush up your history. In the Spanish Americas how much "European" you had in you (or how much people though you had in you) was a strong factor of your social standing.

>> No.36958564

not him but that could mean that either they are shemales, or all collective herms, that take male or female roles

>> No.36958606

I think it was more along the lines of "it's not gay if it's an elf".

>> No.36958626

I headcanon that male elves have boobs anyway

>> No.36958628

If marrying down was heavily looked down on, how did anyone manage to marry up?

>> No.36958635


>> No.36958748

>Eragon starting the Olympics shitty

Wait, what? Did that actually happen? Admittedly, there's probably a lot from those last 2 books that I've blotted out, but I don't remember that at all.

>> No.36958914

Over multiple generations.

>> No.36958919

Yeah at the end, so that the Urgals would have a way to work out their natural aggressiveness and competitiveness. Also the bad guy turned into an atom bomb.

>> No.36959177

It got one edgy sequel, one slightly-less-edgy Part 3, a spin-off with Daxter, a combat-racing game, and a 4th game that went back to the roots of the first game.

>> No.36959180

Isn't that kind of the point? Elves, fairies and the like are supposed to exotic, magic, unknown. They can be anything so long as they are conventional, they're supposed to be ephemeral.

>> No.36962317

It was one of the first books I read as a kid shortly after I started with Harry Potter

>> No.36963147

A miserable pile of conceited lesbianism

>> No.36963277

we should teach write fagging.
Like a 'how to smut' class in tg, for erotic purposes specifically.
though i suppose the erp threads are kind of that already....

>> No.36963298

A foul mockery of Man's holy form.

>> No.36963422



>> No.36963895

...Or a TaruTaru.
Especially the TaruTaru.

>> No.36964819

>being this casuel

>> No.36964908

>Like a 'how to smut' class in tg, for erotic purposes specifically.
The WST opens up with a link to exactly that, every thread.
Also ERP threads have been dead for months, where have you been.

>> No.36964919

Filename, anon

>> No.36965266

Next place I'm sending my PCs is a land where really frustrated and pragmatic orcs are ruled over by racist sexual-predator elves that live out their fantasies on the orcs who have no legal way of protecting themselves

The paladin's gonna have a field day with smiting

>> No.36965920

Elf hatred on tg stems from the fact that most fa/tg/guys are smelly, unwashed, basement-dwelling, friendless, lonely forever-alones. They're scoffed by average people; humans in real life. Meanwhile, elves are either portrayed as being or, at least, believing they're undeniably superior to humans. Tack on the fact that they're fictional and thus defenseless and you have a perfect target for hatred by unhygienic losers everywhere.

>> No.36968078

How is that even human?

>> No.36968108

no u

>> No.36968120


>> No.36968341

Baby Icubators

>> No.36968387

actually it's well known that fa/tg/uys in fact share many to almost all traits with elves, and it's self loathing in play.

>> No.36968550

And that is why tg can't have nice things.
They're self-cripplingly-conscious.
And diarrheaously autistic.
Like fluid rainbow kind of diarrhea.

>> No.36968772

uh, that's Pelinal, the cyborg robot shezzarine dragonborn(?) elf hater from the future.

>> No.36968804

Nah, that's just some 3rd era git in hand-me-down armor.

>> No.36968876

Who mantled Pelinal, and is thus a far better elfslayer than some faggot wolf/dragon doublefurry with an axe.

>> No.36968898

>wolf/dragon doublefurry with an axe
God, I love the way we describe main characters.

>> No.36968930

Woop, yeah this shit right here is why I like men now.

>> No.36968962

>Leslie is kill
I can't get over it ;_;

>> No.36969017

A miserable pile of ears.

>> No.36969990

Menoth pls go.

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