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[ERROR] No.36919266 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

GM pain thread, post yours.

>I know there's probably some background crap, but what does he actually know about the plot?

>> No.36919406

>>36919266
>Party complains about bland unflushed out characters when in regular resupply village #334
>Create massive tables and ideas, they come across a massive Vastani festival
>5 extremely well flushed out main characters with more than a page of info each
>tables to generate personality looks and everything for any random NPC they talk to
>Two of the party ignore everything and drink together in a corner out of their own booze stash
>Wizard climbs under a wagon and sleeps on the grass "Because I didn't want to intrude on a tent"
>Rogue sits around doing nothing
>Paladin dances with an NPC villager they have been dragging around for 2 levels and nothing else
>Try to force interaction from the social rogue
>Rogue introduces himself then sits down and does nothing

>> No.36919455

>stat out important NPC
>PCs ignore him in favor of random NPC I tossed in for flavor

>PCs nearly tpk vs a group of mooks
> one shot the boss of the dungeon

>> No.36919725

>>36919406
>iknowthatfeel.jpg

>Players are in this big ass castle trying to get to the Alchemist whose lair it is
>Side quest to save the younger sister of an NPC ranger who is being forced to work for the Alchemist
>Little girl inside a tower because tropes
>PCs pass through a room with a massive stained glass mosaic ceiling
>Neat
>Gather the little girl and random murderhobo kept prisoner who is one of the PCs rerolls because his old character was a chode and the PCs knifed him
>Let him play Factotum for some reason that was converted for PF
>I guess I felt bad that they slit his characters throat
>Dude thinks his new character is a god
>Go back down through glass room
>Glass shatters and reforms into a Glass Golem
>Druid manages to find out that because this thing is made of glass fire will mend it
>Explain this to the group
>Some character debate on whether to fight it or gtfo, everyone choses gtfo except commander shitwit
>Dude must have been eating paint chips when I explained fire heals it because he uses fire spell
>Now thing has temp hp and everyone else has left because fuck this random dude we're out
>Dude gets fucking shitstomped by glass golem limping after the party
>They roll eyes and heal him
>Gunslinger notices that there is a gargoyle in the antichamber that wasn't there before
>It doesn't do anything and just watches them as they leave
>Sergeant Autism tries to take a shot at the gargoyle
>niggerwhatareyoudoing.jpg
>Party dips
>Lucky he misses and thinks maybe I don't want to get almost killed again
>Later that session he PKs for no reason and ruins the campaign because other PCs retaliate
>Half the party dead

That was the best game I ever ran and it went straight to hell in that one session

>> No.36920006

>>36919266
bump

>> No.36920136

>>36919725
>"Fire heals it"
>"Im gonna kill it"
>"How?"
>"Throw fire at it"

What.

>> No.36920208

>hey do you guys wanna try 5ed over new years?
>yeah, sure
>send out instructions for character generation, make sure everyone has PHB pdf
>bust ass converting 3e adventure to 5e
>the party so far: a dwarf fighter, maybe a human rogue, a tiefling warlock still in concept stages, and 2 mystery guests

I mean I know I'm being a bit of an autist but how fucking hard is it to come up with an idea so I can actually give you fuckers a reason to be in the town?

>> No.36920241

>>36919725
Jesus christ I'm crying.

>> No.36920243

>>36920136
I really wish I was kidding.
Dude gave me the most dumbfounded look as all the other players and myself just looked at him.
>Pic related.
Needless to say none of us play with him anymore.

>> No.36920467

bump for stories

>> No.36920771

> Having a long running Dark Heresy-campaign.
> Setting up for the PCs to realize that the Imperium really is a totalitarian fascist tyranny and as big a threat to humanity as Chaos.
> Preparing a nice little "Going Rogue"-plot.
> Inquisitor-player takes me aside and complains the campaign is too Grimdark.

>> No.36920817

>>36920771
As I run it, everyone who's anyone in the Imperium knows that it's a totalitarian fascist tyranny, but it's the best thing they've got until the Emperor tells them otherwise.

That Inquisitor though, jesus christ,

>> No.36920874

>would gladly DM any system for group of friends
>one friend blatantly ignores plothooks
>one friend plays the game like skyrim (i.e. typical theiving murderhobo) and can't take the game seriously or RP worth a shit
>one friend is a self-admitted powergamer and only finds fun in breaking the game
>only person I know who seems capable and interested in rleplaying an actual character moved a few hundred miles away

>> No.36920881

Ok, not exclusively pain, but here we go:

>Camarilla VTM campaign
>Party consists of a sensible Tremere, ridiculously strong/agile/ Gangrel, a Toreador with psychotic tendencies, a Brujah who owns a nightclub and is also a jazz singer(More on him later), and a Ventrue
>Been on a mission to pre-emptively purge a lair containing nasty Tzimizce
>Party was fine, except the Ventrue had his throat literally ripped out
>"Ok, so do you want to heal for the rest of the night?"
>Brujah and Ventrue decides no
>"Were gonna host a concert in Brujahs nightclub"
>Gangrel and Tremere is sitting in the nightclub like thisgonbegood.jpg
>Ventrue uses powers to attract crowds to nightclub
>missing throat covered by scarf
>he is playing saxophone on stage(I don't know how and didnt care at the time)
>Brujah walks out on stage in nothing but hat and speedos and start singing
>At this point im just waiting for what they are going to do because I didn't set this up
>The club is overfilled because of ventrues powers
>Tremere has idea
>Telekenesis + scarf
>Scarf floats away
>Crowd notices
>Screams and puking
>People getting punched because they got puked on
>Too many people
>Itsabarfight.mov
>Police show up
>Club is teargassed and ruined
>Brujah retreats to his personal area in the upper floor
>Brujah waiting in the upper floor naked
>His face when they walked in
>"Your move law-man"
>I award him 1 exp

And that's the last time I let them have fun

>> No.36920885

>>36920771
>Dark Heresy
>Too Grimdark

>> No.36920935

>>36920881

>> No.36920984

>>36920881
Said Brujah is a big beefy black man called Jeromiah.

>> No.36921000

>>36920208

>a reason to be in the town

Download the free players supplement for "Rise of the Runelords" it has a whole section on why the PC might be in the town.

It should be easy to convert to another settings stater town.

>> No.36921014

>>36920208

>Just passin' through
>One of the PCs lives in the town
>One of the PCs has been a patron of the local inn for a bit
>There is a mildly famous festival going on and there is a promise of presents, good times, commitment-free booty, jobs, divine blessing (minor), etc.
>All of the PCs have become local heroes of the town and must now alternate between their own adventuring, town politics, and mildly-annoyed lords plotting to use them in beneficial ways (to them).
>Reenact "The Hangover" plot, starting at the morning after.
>Just passing through.

>> No.36921021

>>36920208
this
>new player to group
>looks eager to play
>"alrite, here you go a core book, now create something you like"
>he cannot make a character
>hold his hand through the process
>shrine world adeptus ministorum hierophant
>DH 2ed
>"alrite, write a backstory for your priest"
>"wait, i am a priest?"
>"yes...as it says in self-explanatory "hierophant" role description"
>"oh, i just took whatever skills i liked more"
>oh, we have one of thos eplayers
>he submits his backstory
>1 paragraph
> literally "i was born on a shrine world, i was a priest, i left to search for the emperor"
>no names, nothing, he didnt write anything new that i wouldnt get from his char creation choices
>"dude, write something about your character, for example at least write how he joined inquisition"
>he add one more sentence "one day some mysterious men came and told me that i am an inquisitor" and asks me "will this do?"
>3 month later
>campaign goes splendidly
>this dude never speaks unless i or group specificly ask him if he does something, which he replies with "well i do nothing specific"
>spends entire sessions doing useless stuff like wondering the streets or acting like a fool

>> No.36921077

>>36921021
Does he even want to be there?

>> No.36921096

>>36921077
yes
nobody forced him
i didnt even know the guy until he showed up asking if he can join, apperantly found my old as fuck message on facebook when i was trying to recruit players

>> No.36921161

>>36921096
I...
Why?
What does he gain by sitting there doing fuck all?
What are his motives?
Who does he work for?

>> No.36921186

>>36921161
Maybe he doesn't have any friends?

>> No.36921198

>>36921186
This is /tg/ of course he doesn't have any friends

>> No.36921264

>>36921161
>Who does he work for?
Cracked me up. you deserve a story time.
>Planet is rulled by a sensei (actual son of the emps)
>Players find out about this
>the player in question finaly decides to do anything
>goes directly to royal palace
>mentions he is priest to guards
>nope
>mentions he is inquisition to guards
>"right this way, sir."
>senate in progress
>"INQUISITORIAL REPRESENTATIVE DEMANDS AN AUDIANCE"
>everyone shuts the fuck up
>first inquisitorial sighting in decades on this planet
>"i-i heard you are e-emperors son..."
>"Arent we all, inquisitor?" worried response
>"i want to see your father"
>remember his backstory
>room goes in whispers
>senate session is over by order of arch-governor
>inquisitor, who acts as shadow broker from ass effect, was in that senate and saw everything
>governor gives him "dont look for the emperor somewhere, look for him in your soul" speech and fucks off
>inquisitor breaks secret identity to scold him
>players returns to his usual self
>-5 subtelity

>> No.36921284

>>36919266

Can I ask something to you GMs (or DMs, whatever you prefer) Why do you get mad when I like your joke characters more than your serious ones? Lighten up, folks.

>> No.36921314

>>36921284

You should ask your GMs/DMs that.

>> No.36921321

>Players proceed to ignore 3 plot hooks and shoot the 4th.

They wonder why I don't like running stuff for them.

>> No.36921323

>>36921284
i actually dont mind
if players like my char, then i am doing a good job
i once created a bbeg who was dmc3 dante
>THIS PARTEH IS GETTIN CURAZEH
players wanted to join him, despite him wanting to murder their faces

>> No.36921349

>>36921321

But shooting people is the perfect excuse to get the plot going... you know, if you can pull an on the run/last stand against the LAW plot out of your ass.

>> No.36921354

>>36921321
mine saw plot hook where there was none. >mention any place in casual talk
>"GM MENTIONED IT, MUST BE IMPORTANT, LETS SPEND ENTIRE TIME CHECKING IT OUT AND GET MAD WHEN GET INTO DEAD END"

to fix that i started throwing numerous false hooks, until they started thinking for themselves

>> No.36921413

>>36921349
It was a radio talking directly to them.
They shot the radio until it didn't talk anymore.

>> No.36921442

>>36921413
Vandalism, firearms offences, reckless endangerment...

>> No.36921446

>>36921284
Doesn't make me mad.
To fuck with my players once I once made a loveable hill giant shop keeper named Tug-tug who dealt with used magical items.
Tells them he possesses a casket of magical ale, blessed by the gods.
Because they became his friends he let them all have some.
>mfw Tug-tug is actually an evil lvl 11 wizard who achieved mental enlightenment when his stupid self stumbled into a ruin and thought a circlet of vast intelligence was a 'pwetty ring'
>mfw he is now the embodiment of gluttony as he hungers for knowledge and serves the dark god the BBG is trying to resurrect and tricked the PCs into drinking cursed beer

>> No.36921454

>>36921413

That seems like a pretty reasonable response, actually.

But in either case, if your plothooks don't cut both ways ("If the players listen to the coot, [stuff] happens, if the players don't listen to the coot [other stuff] happens"), you could stand to build them to be a little more resilient.

>> No.36921552

>>36921442
Hard to do in what basically equated to be in an abandoned city affected by temporal fluxations.

>>36921454
I made the DJ announcer sound so cheerful and was even playing music one of the player's liked. That same player proceeded to shoot it till it stopped playing music.

It was my 4th attempt to pull them away from aimless wandering, too. Apparently playing 'explore the empty city' is fun, or something.

>> No.36921562

>>36919725
then how was it the best game you ever had?

>> No.36921602

>>36921562
I was really proud of the story and all the other PC's were super into it and loved to role play.
It was also my longest running campaign with a lot of good memories.

>> No.36921627

>>36919266
My friends who have only been playing RPGs since october still need me to hold their hands as they go through a campaign and need me to tell them what to do or if they "can" do something (which is always usually a yes.)

The only terrible thing that would happen is that there was an elf-mage in my party that would constantly do perception checks every single time we went into a room, so I wound up blinding his ass

>> No.36921654

>>36921552
>I made the DJ announcer sound so cheerful and was even playing music one of the player's liked.

Yeah that is... absolutely the way to make players suspicious. The more NPCs try to put them at ease, the more on-edge they'll get. This is why "the pretty girl is chained up in a dungeon!" practically needs an embossed note signed by the GM "I swear she's not a succubus, dragon, or other form of world-ending horror" before the players won't assume she's the villain.

>> No.36921764

>>36921654
Okay that made me laugh

>> No.36921809

>Give detailed combat descriptions
>They try to weasel mechanical advantages out of it
>Ask if they want to deal with two sided death spirals
>(silence)
>No, you do not get mechanical advantages for no reason then

>> No.36921916

>heavily improv'd session outshines your extensively pepped ones
>try to improv again and its shit

>> No.36921929

>be kind of backup GM for our group
>mostly do shortish campaigns in between "main" GM's stuff
>not as good as he is
>I really try, but this other guy is a genius.
>players NONSTOP complain about how his stuff is better and they'd rather be playing with him.

>> No.36921940

>>36921916
>>Try
There's your problem. You can't 'try' to improvise, you just do. Things can't go tits up if you're prepared. You just have to let things happen.

>> No.36921974

>>36921929
>>players NONSTOP complain about how his stuff is better and they'd rather be playing with him.

>> No.36922077

>>36921929
>players NONSTOP complain about how his stuff is better and they'd rather be playing with him.

Fuck those assholes!

>> No.36922089

>>36921446
I think I love you.

>> No.36922108

>>36921929
Okay so like I understand preferring one DM to another, but that's just kind of fucked to act like that.

>> No.36922152

>>36922089
That was one of my finer moments as a DM.
Best part is he was completely improv and I just ran with it and he was glorious.

>> No.36922254

>carefully craft out a map
>PC's never fully explore it repeatedly
>they said none of my maps have bathrooms even when they all did
>get framed for something out of PCs incompetence

Sometimes i don't know why i GM.

>> No.36922287

>>36922254

>those DMs that think they can create immersive worlds but forget to put bathrooms and kitchens in buildings

>> No.36922300

I got two stories both about the same guy from the same Shadowrun campaign.

>Doing a bodyguard mission at a resort
>Resort is secretly run by insect spirits
>They figure out who is a good candidate by having little questionnaires pop up every so often
>The guy is playing a bland Russian combat adept named Zukov
(side note: the guy only ever played gun-slinging Texans and sexy Russian women)
>Zukov proceeds to answer every question he can find for more alcohol
>the hive likes Zukov's answers
>That night the party takes turns watching the VIP
>Zukov is watching in the suite's living room (as opposed to the VIP's bedroom)
>gets no successes on perception check
>gets kidnapped
>The next morning Zukov is missing
>everyone assumes she's out drinking
>goes to bar to look for her
>she's not there
>that's enough investigation for today, let's go play mini-golf
>Technomancer actually does his job and hacks the server, finding sinister evidence
>party continues to ignore the investigation
>Zukov finally gets taken over by the queen spirit
>accuses me of hijacking his character, rather than the party who didn't care at all
>feel bad for him
>let him play the queen spirit with the directive to lure the party down to the hive
>defiantly ignores directive and sits down doing nothing
>takes back character
>insect apocalypse ensues
>party tries to escape the facility with VIP
>Zukov's player interjects every 5 seconds over how the scenario is unwinnable
>impossible to GM with constant interruptions
>tells him to shut up
>leaves room in a fit
>game continues
>mission actually ends well

>> No.36922516

>>36922300
The second, much shorter story

>Zukov's player literally rolls up Hannibal Lector
>Does not put any BP into any physical stats
>Does not buy a weapon or suit of armor
>BBEG in campaign is an AI trying to expose people to resonance
>Hannibal becomes one of these people
>hates technomancy and matrix tech in general because its not realistic
>Party has him checked out to make sure that the technomancy isn't contagious
>Party leader gives Dr. Sanchez written license to do what ever he though was medically relevant
>claims the invasive medical tests were basically rape
>after tests, he tries to kill Sanchez
>Sanchez has actual combat skills
>Hannibal gets his ass kicked by by Dr. Sanchez
>proceeds to rage at me again despite his shitty character building

>> No.36922718

>>36921323
>players wanted to join him, despite him wanting to murder their faces

>Why won't you let me befriend youuuu?!
>Why won't you all just diiiieee!?

>> No.36922776

>>36921354
This sorta killed me second session. The party got an agent who was going to get them like, tournament fights and stuff, because that's the kind of game we were running. While the Danny DeVito dwarf went to do that they decided to literally look for quests. They went down to the docks (where they had already made enemies) and looked at wanted posters. I put one of them on it, just to be a dick, but he was worth so little they were kind enough not to turn him in. But when I made an off-hand comment about there being a serial killer on the loose they jumped on it and I had to make up a murderer on the spot. They didn't even explore the rest of the city, just set up a plan to try and catch a trained killer who was specifically targeting strong dock workers and naval men. I guess it's nice that they're being heroic (or greedy) but I just wanted them to explore and maybe fight some gangs!

>> No.36922824

>>36922718
I'm onto you Alice.

>> No.36922836

>>36922776
I've basically learned not to mention anything unless you are prepared to expand upon it at the PC's request

>> No.36922937

>>36922836
Well, it was a learning experience.

>> No.36923009

>Players are always confused about having unanswered questions in CoC
>Explain that knowing the whole story in game is a good way to make their characters go insane
>Decide to start giving a basic plot summary/tell the group what details they missed at the end of every session
>Nobody listens or seems to care

>> No.36923124

>>36923009
If they're playing CoC not expecting to be confused they are either dumb or you have poorly described the premise

>> No.36923256

>>36921321
Pre-Generated static plot-hooks don't work so good. The skeleton ideas for potetial plot-hooks that can quantum collapse into full-fledged plot hooks once the character step into something that theorhetically COULD be those plot hooks work much better.

>> No.36923269

>>36919266
>Running L5R campaign
>Don't have degree in Rokugani history or society

>> No.36923358

>>36920208

if they provide no reason, make one up for them.

If they complain, too bad. They coulda made up a reason and mailed it to you, but they didn't.

Character A is in town because their medication's run out. Character B is in town because their parents wanted them home for Healingpotiongivingmass.Character C is in town because they owe B money. Character D is in town because they were passing by and they saw a cute girl.

Bam. You can forward me their complaints, I'll happily take care of that.

>> No.36923364

>>36923124
Eh, I don't blame them for wanting to know what was happening behind the scenes as long as they don't use the knowledge to meta-game. Most pre-made CoC scenarios tend to have fairly interesting plots and backgrounds that the players would miss out on if their only view on it is through the eyes of the characters.

>> No.36923365

>>36923269

I don't remember that scene from Batman Begins

>> No.36923417

>>36922287

Outhouse motherfucker! Ain't nobody shits indoors without plumbing.

>No kitches

Yeah i uh... i don't know,

>> No.36923516

>>36921602

I won't lie the idea of an enormous glass mosaic shattering and forming into a golem is cool as fuck. That's awesome, actually. It's a shame fuckboi ruined it for you.

>> No.36923574

>>36923364
A fair point but at the very least wait until an arc is finished or until the info does fuck all for them.

>> No.36923576

>>36923516
>fuckboi
>Not fuccboi

Fuccboi sighted.

>> No.36923639

>>36923574
Of course.

>> No.36923652

>>36923516
Thanks I worked hard on that castle.
Had he not cocked the whole thing up further in they would have found the Alchemist's Bane-esque slave who was wired to a cocktail of steroids, mental suppressants and magical potions that turned him into a Huge creature with massive scissor blades instead of hands.

>> No.36923685

>>36920771
>40k
>too grimdark
I know there are radical inquisitors, but that's grade-A heresy.

>> No.36923746

>>36919725
>>Later that session he PKs for no reason

This is where you say "No, that didn't happen, and you're done with this game. Take your things and leave.".

I have a zero tolerance policy on this shit and I've never looked back.

>> No.36923752

>>36923652
>WHY DOES HE WEAR THE HANDS?

>> No.36923829

>>36923746
Would have but one of the PC's was going away to college and it was her last session with us. Meant we were down two people and it just left a bad taste in everyone's mouth. I wish we had powered through it just because of was amazing but we lost momentum more than anything.

I've learned since then.

>> No.36923846

>>36921284

Can I ask something to you players (or autismos, whatever you prefer) Why do you focus entirely on the joke characters when they're just comic relief in an otherwise serious campaign? Try taking things a little more seriously, folks.

>> No.36923882

>>36923846
>or autismos

>> No.36924260

It's a revolving door of PC's!
Session 1
> P1 has some tabletop RPG experience (WIN)
> P2 P1's best friend, stops paying attention half way through.
> P3 No RPG experience, is a wizard, keeps rolls perception checks every room for him and familiar
> Ran 4th char myself

session 2
>P3 is the only returning character
>P4-P6 spend half the session making their characters and learning the rules.

Haven't been able to get the group together again yet...

>> No.36924311

>>36924260
>> Ran 4th char myself

>> No.36924361

>>36919455
Combat is largely based on luck. Sometimes you job to random guards/monster, and sometimes you can take down a boss in one round.

>> No.36924379

>>36924311
yeah, 3 friends wanted to play really bad and so did I, but i was the only one that had any real experience so I ended up GMing an module.

Now, there are ~9 people interested and there is no way I'm running two groups

>> No.36924505

>Make an entire city
>Every house and every store has at least one NPC
>They all follow schedules and plans for their daily lives
>They all have stats
>It took a solid week to craft this city and it inhabitants
>Made it to serve as the base of operations for my gaming crew as they are going to be legit adventurers for hire
>Tinker Gnome Rogue robs everyone
>Entire town hates the rogue
>He convinces the group that it wasn't him and just some dude that looks like him
>They believe him and when the town demands justice they fight the law
>Wizard lights the town on fire
>Hijinks ensue
>Town is destroyed
>Utterly
>All my work is gone in less than four hours
>They even killed everybody because they would 'be witnesses and get the law on our asses if we let them live.'
>Town was dirt poor
>They got less than 100 gp for their troubles

And later

>Start making a new town
>Rogue (different player this time) scratches out the eyes of the town's leader for 'acting uppity' when he was giving them a formal greeting.
>Fight breaks out
>That town is also destroyed

Everyone is rolling Chaotic Neutral so nobody has a problem with this. Meanwhile, they might as well be Chaotic evil. They are walking disasters.

>> No.36924529

>>36920881
And this is the short version? >_>

>> No.36924538

>>36924505

Sounds like the worst player+GM combo ever

>> No.36924605

>>36920881
>Player's face is Aniki
>His reaction to the cop isn't "Hey buddy, looks like you've got the wrong door."

>> No.36924631

>>36924505
Bump them down to chaotic evil, begin sending bounty hunters to kill them, put up wanted posters in the next town.

Then make a "ruffians galore" evil town for them and try to get it to be their hub/base.

Another good option is to send a clearly unwinablre encounter against them but give them the chance to escape, such as the ten ogres begin arguing amongst themselves when the characters get low on health,giving them time to flee.
This is a very good way to get the rogue killed. Or the whole party. They deserve it for playing Chaotic Neutral as Chaotic Evil.

Those fuckers are EVIL. No question about it.

>> No.36924655

>>36924538

Shit, you have never seen these guys DM.

>Your level 1 characters leave the tavern
>HAHA! Dragon attack!
>Everyone gets slaughtered
>When asked why he does this shit, the DM replies 'if you could think outside the box, nothing I throw at you can defeat you.'

Another guy goes DM

>Everything is a trap
>Everything
>Every
>Thing.
>I take a drink of water from my water skin.
>The water was poisoned.
>Bullshit, I filled it myself
>And you didn't notice when someone poisoned it. Should have rolled a perception check.

>> No.36924677

>>36921021
>bragging about being a crappy GM

At what point did you decide that you'd just let him flounder instead of trying to teach him how to roleplay?

>> No.36924701

>>36919406
>Have a crystal dragon at a festival
>Keep mentioning them with all the other important NPCs
>Party actively ignores important NPCs and looks for bads to smash
>one guy looks at them in the MM afterwards
>"It says here they're supposed to try to Charm Person everyone they talk to."
>"You didn't do that right at all, DM."

Tfw they never spoke to the damn thing.

>> No.36924707

>>36924655

There is no winning

>> No.36924711

>>36924505
>Everyone is rolling Chaotic Neutral so nobody has a problem with this.
>Letting the entire party roll Chaotic Neutral

What the fuck did you think would happen?

>> No.36924712

>>36924505
>Chaotic Neutral
No.
That thing you just said is wrong.
You do not rob and wipe out a city and call yourself neutral.
Grow a ducking spine and run your game instead of playing p&p Sims.

>> No.36924742

>>36924655
>Find better friends
Magic

>> No.36924827

>>36924655

>should have rolled a perception check

This doesn't seem very sportsmanlike.

>> No.36924875

>>36919455
It all depends on what the DM knows about the players, in my experience. I've had one DM who was surprised when a group of level 1 mostly casters had to run away from a group of kobolds. I've also had DMs that get really surprised when, after leveling, the caster pulls some new spell out of their ass, or the barbarian can suddenly Pounce, and the encounter dies there and then

>> No.36924907

>>36924505
>not just recycling the stats for the first town

>> No.36925187

>running a homebrew based on Dark Souls, basic plot hook is that the PCs have to visit a bunch of regions and search for powerful souls
>they decide to check out some hillside cave
>it eventually leads to a nest of giant termite bugs
>the bugs are docile and don't even attack them
>party Fighter decides to attack the queen because it might have a soul
>mfw they're literally standing in the middle of thousands of giant flesh-eating insects the size of a fucking child and think this is a good idea
If it hadn't been for the Cleric showing up to the game moments before it probably would've ended in dead PCs. The shit I put up with.

>> No.36925259

>>36925187
Be honest, how smart are your players in real life?

>> No.36925289

>>36925187
>party Fighter decides to attack the queen because it might have a soul
>mfw they're literally standing in the middle of thousands of giant flesh-eating insects the size of a fucking child and think this is a good idea


That's the vidya "there has to be a simple way to win or we wouldn't be in this situation" mentality.

And of course you're That DM if you don't pander to it, apparently.

>> No.36925363

>>36925259
I run this shit online, so I don't really know them outside of the game. The Fighter isn't normally That Guy, and everyone told him it was a horrible idea and even tried to stop him IC and OOC. They survived in the end though, I think the Fighter just felt like going full retard.
>>36925289
To be fair if they die they can just keep using their character just with like half their HP since it's Dark Souls. And to their credit they did try to communicate with the queen, but nothing happened since it's just an insect.

>> No.36925485

>>36920136
Worked for Dark Shneider.

>> No.36925513

>>36923652
Was he a big guy

>> No.36925684

>>36921929
Andrew?

>> No.36925774

>>36919725
>>36923746
What's a PK?

>> No.36925818

>>36925774
player killing

>> No.36926005

>>36925513

>> No.36926227

Play in a science fiction game. One of the characters can't cooperate with the rest of us, so he leaves the party and the player makes a new character... who also can't cooperate with us on the exact same thing. Game falls apart.

I run a very heavily house-ruled D&D game in a setting with some pretty major changes. Party starts off as prisoners far underground and have to escape. The only person who has any idea how to find their way around is an NPC drow. PC refuses to cooperate with the drow based on the fact that they are always despicably evil, even though I tell him that's not the case in this setting. After a fight, another PC suggests that the drow heal the PC in question, which leads him to threaten and ultimately attack the drow. The rest of the party recognizes how useful a guide is, and how unwarranted the attack is and end up chasing the PC off after he won't back down. Rather than try to come to terms, he strikes out on his own and accidentally heads in the direction of certain death (continuing undeterred despite some warning signs).

So the player makes a new character, somebody searching for the PCs to guide them back to the surface. Upon finding the party, the player has his character leave to search for his old character... in the direction of certain death. Lacking cohesion, the game collapses.

So the next time I run a game, I tell people upfront that if they leave the party, they will have to make up a new character. On the third session, one PC can't cooperate with the rest of the party, decides to attack a small army alone, leaving the party for certain death. Makes up a new character, but the issue has killed people's enthusiasm and the game collapses.

Fuck everybody.

>> No.36926488

>stat out an encounter with one really strong guy
>player stuns him with a spell
>he's lying on the ground unable to save for several turns until he's killed
>check the rulebook later to build a character
>player didnt fully read the spell, the guy should have had a much easier save
fuck you, man. don't play a caster if you cant be bothered to remember a spell or two every level.

>> No.36926776

>>36924505
>ever letting your players play a rogue
between "I split from the party to do my own thing", "I stab them in their sleep", and "what do you mean I can't stealth in the middle of the room?" I'm tempted to not even allow rogues. Or if they do, they don't get a stealth skill. I swear my players think all rogues have to have maxed stealth and that it works exactly like world of warcraft's stealth

>> No.36926865

>>36925513
for you

>> No.36926968

Not a GM, but I swear to you /tg/, every time anyone in my group (except me and the GM) rolls for anything, we need to walk them through the process of calculating the modifier. These are people who have played for years.

Player: "Okay, I attack this.. guy [points, rolls d20]. I rolled a 9, so I missed"
Me: "Did you remember your strength bonus"
Player: "Uh.. no, so I guess it's a... nine plus four is...
Me: "thirteen."
Player: "Still missed"
Me: "Did you remember your proficiency bonus?"
Player: "I add that to hit too? Really? Wow. I guess it's a... [pause] sixteen then"
DM: "That means you hit"
Player: "Yay, I hit!"
[Imagine this conversation repeated almost every time someone makes an attack roll, skill check, or saving throw]

>> No.36927009

>>36919725
>>36921446
Same guy here with another one my sister reminded me of

>PC's have been hired to retrieve a chest from a decrepit old dungeon
>Pays good
>One rule
>Don't open the fucking chest
>Party successfully retrieves chest
>On the way to the drop off point chest gets nabbed by bandits
>Tee hee
>Track down bandits and wreck shop
>The bard managed to seduce one of them and have some ball slapping goodness whilst the rest of the murderhobos do their thing
>The box was broken into
>oh fuck
>It's a gauntlet
>Lets try and make it seem like it wasn't open
>A few days later
>Manage to get to the drop off point
>They meet with their employer for the first time, she inspects the box, knows it's been opened because majyk
>"Well time to die"
>Pulls a hidden level
>Roll initiative
>Gibbering Mouther falls from a trap door
>Shockingly gives the group trouble considering the barbarian has been doing fuckbrutal damage all game
>Whole group is neutral
>They are on the second floor of a building and there is a window
>My sister the barbarian looks at me
>"Can I pick it up?"
>Wot
>"Uh yea you can try to roll for it"
>My sister bleeds rng so I know this is going somewhere bad
>Success
>She picks it up while it's trying to suck her blood
>Runs to the window
>Throws the monster out the window into an unsuspecting metropolis
>mfw
>"Well I mean it's not our problem anymore"

My groups have since lost their window privileges.

>> No.36927089

>>36927009
>well I mean it's not our problem anymore

>> No.36927103

>>36926776
>GMing for people accustomed to video games

The fucking worst, man. Really makes you wonder how much video games narrow down people's problem solving abilities.

I've been lucky enough that my players prefer games like UA or CoC where kicking in the door and killing everything in sight is generally a last resort but when I first started with them it took three or four sessions before it sunk in that just talking to an NPC like a human being was an option.

>> No.36927110

>>36920771
Are... What? Are you serious?

>> No.36927117

>>36927009
To be fair, that's damn fine problem solving. I wish my players would do that.

>> No.36927151

>that one player who's a fucking casual

Man, he's a nice guy and otherwise plays well, but god damn, he gets pissy whenever there is a hint of challenge.

>traveling between towns in homebrew campaign using homebrew system that I said from the start is non-serious and not very fair
>roll up a random encounter
>I roll a 12, so for a neutral encounter I say they encounter a pimp for some quick laughs
>laughs are had involving a hard light pimp cane and 2500 gold (player rolled a 20 on making it, pimp immediately buys it)
>casual speaks up, not entirely sure on what a pimp is and what ho's are (he's a sheltered child)
>explain
>immediately goes full moralfag despite there being no alignments and his character not really being labeled as such
>tries to cast a spell at pimp because clearly this man has to die
>fails miserably despite good odds
>pimp responds by attacking with d12 hard light pimp cane
>hits for 7 damage, player had 8 HP and now has 1

"What? How did he know I was trying to attack him?"
>Casting a spell isn't exactly a 'subtle' maneuver.
"So he just magically knows I was trying to attack him?"
>No, he saw you pulling some shit and wasn't about to sit for it.
"And why does he do a d12!?"
>It was a perfect 20. I made it kick ass. I didn't think you'd start a fight with him.

And then he was pissy until the session ended, despite the party persuading the pimp to not only stop attacking but also send him to his doom in a random cave down the road in pursuit of "ludicrous loot."

>> No.36927174

>>36927009

>> No.36927393

>>36926968
You're not alone. I came into my current group when they played 4e, having only played 3.5 once or twice and that was my full experience with tabletops. I have since taught them several things about how 4e worked, and now that we're playing 5e I'm constantly doing shit like reminding the warlock how his spell slots work and teaching the fighter how to make a basic attack. We just brought a new guy into the group who's never played, and 2 sessions in he's helping half the group with how to play, too. It's crazy.

>> No.36928190

Everyone of my players is a sociopath who thinks they are lex luthor, but not as clever.

Imagine a party of 5 dumb people who think they are lex luthor try to enact anything.

>Local Paladin is a big Hero
> "Clearly he needs to die, blame it on some big threat like a dragon, go get justification and a bounty on said big threat, kill it, and be rich AND be treated like heroes."
> Much Maniacal laughter ensues.
> Manipulate everyone, From a nearby Silver Dragon, to the prettiest girl they could find, who happens to be a traveling noble elf wizard, fight and kidnap her, use a long term sleep spell ritual, dump her into the dragon's nest, convince the dragon its an offering of good will.
> The Dragon is perplexed.
> They say its being offered because an evil local warlord (who has ALOT of magical items) would come for her, and they themselves cannot stop him.
> Dragon is still very perplexed. Before the dragon can respond, they leave.
> They come back with sob story, burning a few houses and conjuring some illusions of the dragon and fire and making a big scene.
> Convince Paladin to fight dragon.
> "Okay, If the paladin kills dragon, we take the loot and kill the paladin and take his gear. If the Dragon kills the Paladin, we kill the hopefully wounded dragon and take the hoard and his gear. If The Dragon is at full health, well, we just lose nothing but time."
> Cue Maniacal Laughter.
> Group stalks paladin and goes to watch him fight the dragon.
> Dragon and Paladin go to confront each other.
> they watch, waiting for the opportunity to sneak in or kill the victor.
> Paladin attempts diplomacy. Dragon attempts diplomacy.
> Both Paladin and Dragon begin to understand the misunderstanding, and share a laugh.
> After some talks, the Paladin and Dragon and the kidnapped elf wizardess decide to team up and be great heroes.
> Party insists I improperly roleplayed the dragon, paladin, and elf wizardess and insists they would have all fought each other.
> My fucks given.

>> No.36928376

>>36927009
>>"Well I mean it's not our problem anymore"

Murderhobos

>> No.36928667

>>36928376
Sad thing is? They were the 'chosen ones'.
But the story was that those who were chosen by the forces of good were murdered before they could be a problem.
They were literally Plan B.

>> No.36928735

>Want to run a system
>Don't know anyone who would play
>Or they read through it and decide they wouldn't like it
>It probably would turn out to be shit anyways
My biggest game killer is my own low self-esteem.

>> No.36929264

>Player tampers with powers beyond their understanding, so they roll on one of the cool tables over at LastGaspGrimoire.
>All of their stuff melts. Probably the best possible outcome.
>A couple sessions after, he hasn't bought any new stuff, still wearing tattered burlap sacks he begged for from some random peasant.
>Suddenly has rations and waterskins when the ranger can't find free sustenance for the party.
>Suddenly has a ton of money and all sorts of items on his sheet.
>He takes 7 points of damage, while I see he has 7 hp. Fudges and says he had 8 hp left.

Who the fuck cheats in D&D? And more importantly, how do I deal with this without causing drama?

>> No.36929355

>>36929264
Kick him out.
If he doesn't want consequences he can go play a video game or stop fucking with things he shouldn't be fucking with.

If you don't want to kick him, tell him to explain where he got shit when all his shit melted.

And then tell him he gotta update his sheet far more frequently.
If he doesn't then roll on that cool table again and hope for a worse punishment.

And encourage the other players to call him put on his shit.

>> No.36929491

>>36927009
I don't really see the problem here; it seems like a reasonable action for a neutral character.

>> No.36929528

>>36927009
>My groups have since lost their window privileges.

That must be awkward sometimes.

>I look out the castle window to see if I can see anyone comi-
>No windows. Never any windows. Ever.

>> No.36929606

>>36929264
>And more importantly, how do I deal with this without causing drama?
Take him aside and say that you've been noticing some irregularities. That maybe they were just mistakes, and maybe even you were mistaken in what you thought you saw, and you'll certainly give him the benefit of the doubt and there will be no recriminations or anything like that, but you need to make it clear for the sake of future reference, just in case, that you can't tolerate cheating or even the appearance of such, as it undermines the game. So ask him to please be careful as you enjoy playing with him and really don't want to have to ban anybody.

>> No.36929759

>Players sneak into villain's mansion under false pretenses, pretending they know nothing about the merchant combine's nefarious activities
>Ask to examine their extensive records of shipping transactions, are snubbed when the combine gives them a massive book and a golem to carry it with no help
>Turns out the room they've been lent is bugged.
>The players are smart and do a search for bugs, and find a crudely hidden one in a desk.
>The players have the golem use the book to smash the desk, claim they'll just say they had no idea this 4-foot thick book would break it.
>They then proceed, in their paranoia, to smash everything else in the room but the book and the golem they were provided.
>Get two more bugs that they never knew about.
>Examine the book, talk out loud about all the things they believe the combine has done to enslave innocents and embezzle funds.
>Leave when it becomes obvious that the book has nothing of value and has been doctored.
>They never think that this semi-sentient golem, sworn to obey its master's commands, has a complete record of everything they said and did.

>> No.36929958

>>36927009

That reminds me of a show I watched called Legend of the Legendary Heroes (I don't recommend it, ends on a major cliff hanger).

The main characters were looking for a particular sword or artifact of incredible power for the bulk of the show. This leads to a lot of dungeon diving and they keep on getting to super powered artifacts that trigger a boss battle in the form of fuck huge monsters that erupt out of the dungeon for a big outdoor fight.

They inspect the artifact before doing anything else and it is never the artifact they need so they just leave. There is giants monster/demon rampaging in the countryside and their response is 'Not the artifact we need. Not our fight.' They are called out on this nearly every time usually with the same bit of dialog, 'Aren't you going to stop that thing? You guys summoned it.'

"Seems like a hassle and we aren't going to get anything out of it. Someone will be along in a while and put it down eventually." and then they proceed to fuck off to the next dungeon with this thing they summoned wrecking shit. It always left everyone dumbfounded. To be totally fair, they were on this quest against their will entirely and never made claims to be good guys or anything.

>> No.36930569

Tfw perma gm because im the only one who now the rules/cares enough to do it.
I can't do do anything besides murderhobo dungeons too;~;

>> No.36930694

>>36930569
Tfw perma-player because I can only improv and the DM doesn't like no/weak rails campaigns, and I can't afford a DMG for 5e

>> No.36930755

>>36930694
Wanna switch?

>> No.36930799

>>36930755
Gladly.
I hope your players don't mind handwaves and random tables.

>> No.36930811

>Party tank is a fucking viking
>4 INT
>Plays like Obelix most of the time because I'M FUCKING INVICIBLE
>Chases a guy through the forest, obviously leading to an ambush
>Steps in a clear area, perfect for archers
>"Woa, I do a backflip and jump back in the forest, no way I'm stepping in there, there are obviously archers everywhere"
Way to break character man. The other warrior gurl didn't stop for a second, cut down two trees and killed three archers. Don't complain she got more XP.

>> No.36930861

>>36929759
The players can't think of everything, even at the best of times.

And if you have a player who does, he is being way too paranoid to actually be enjoying the game.

One of my players munchkins the shit out of his character not to be able to kill monsters.

But specifically formulates plots to kill all of his teammates, taking all the neccessary spells and feats to do so all the time.

He will claim to be out of spells, when he always has a trump card to kill his entire party at the drop of a hat.

He does this because his first game ever he made a character and the party killed him the first game session and first hour.

so he decided EVERYONE DIES. and his next character came specifically out there to kill all of them. Literally just planted a bunch of greek fires on their tents in the middle of the night after sleeping the person at watch.

>> No.36930878

>>36920874
lol sounds like my group
im the powergaming shitbag
however i do try to rp my character the best i can

>> No.36930945

>>36921916
my feedback tells me that im better at improv sesions then planned ones.

>> No.36931024

>>36926488
reading spells is your job too

>> No.36931107

>>36931024
With all the things he has to keep in mind, it's understandable if he doesn't remember every spell there is.

>> No.36931161

>Forever DM
>The "1" on my 1-10 scale of grimdarkness is a 6.5 for all of my players
>Except for that one guy, for him it's a 3

Also, the more I DM and don't take part as a player the more I desire to absolutely crush my enemies with superior tactics and minmaxing. The urge, it grows.

>> No.36931173

>>36919266
>Feel like I'm not encouraging enough creativity from players. Adventures seem to straight forward and easy to solve. Know that my group doesn't need to be babied along and are probably getting bored.
>Decide to give them a dilemma to think their way out of/turn around to their advantage
>They complain that they're stuck and can't figure a way out

Guess I was wrong after all.

>> No.36931189

>>36931173
>dilemma
>They complain that they're stuck and can't figure a way out

I'm not sure you're using that word appropriately. Dilemmas have no way out, any option is meant to have it's downsides. Are you sure you didn't just give them a puzzle?

It wasn't a riddle was it?

>> No.36931209

>>36919266

>The players find loot that can be sold in a post-apocalyptic game
>They complain about not getting enough "lol bottlecaps" for quests
>They hold the loot from earlier, that alone is worth 2k even when broken, because.

You'd think they'd have ditched the large hi-tech weapon for the caps and bought more stuff, or at least saved the caps, when it blew a fuse, but no. They just stored it and "forgot" about repairing it. Then complain, even when I'm outright saying that it's worth 2k for the parts alone.
Players, eh?

>> No.36931215

>>36931189
Coulda been an enigma.

>> No.36931257

Sometimes I think I am on the Trueman Show because everyone in my group is so generic. We have one of each archetype.

We have the dickass murderhobo.
We have the group mom that brings snacks every time
We have the guy who thinks his backstory is WAY more impressive than it is
We have the guy who wants to break the game

Occasionally we have guest stars because I run at FLGS.

>> No.36931262

>>36931161
>Also, the more I DM and don't take part as a player the more I desire to absolutely crush my enemies with superior tactics and minmaxing. The urge, it grows.

I know that feel. I run Dark Heresy and the group are fairly high powered, they're currently saying "That was a good combat" because one person lost half their wounds (not even into lasting critical damage like a scar), this is from high level kill teams designed specifically to put up a good fight. Raaaah

>> No.36931279

>>36931262
Can't you just send in a couple of Daemons or something?

>> No.36931319

>>36931189
Not a riddle, or I guess a dilemma either. Basically they were in a disadvantageous situation where the solution wasn't immediately obvious. I thought they'd just try to break in somewhere or kidnap someone and get the info out of them (I'm a bit vague on the details, but remember that it probably require some less than legal activities that at the same time). I might have been babying them along for too long a while by that point.

>> No.36931339

>>36919725
Maybe it's because you couldn't spell "antechamber."

>> No.36931352

>>36931339
What if he runs his games in person? How would they know how he spelled it when he describes the room?

>> No.36931437

>>36931279
That is what they're fighting, Ordo Malleus with an Untouchable, Psy Rating 9 Psyker and a Cleric. Daemons get near them/on the same continent as them and fade away in a tirade of molten beam/benedictions/untouchable stuff.

>> No.36932783

>>36920771
>player has a problem with the game
>takes his grievances up with the GM in private
It might be painful, but hell if it isn't wonderful.

>> No.36932978

>>36928190
Love it

>> No.36933640

>>36929491
>>36929528
It's not really a problem so much as just I am still to this day stunned that it happened. Plus it was the first time a monster had presented a challenge and I was a little pleased with myself.

Allow me to rectify, they get no 2nd story + windows.

>> No.36933820

>Players don't remember names or locations, they don't even remember events of the last session
>Bitch when they can't remember critical details and fail

I know it's a weekly game but come the fuck on.

>> No.36933869

>>36931339
Maybe it was a chamber of negative energy bruh
You don't know my castle bruh

>> No.36933877

>>36919266
One of my players gets all autistic about the setting I create, and constantly prods at every last detail to ensure it makes logical sense to his deeply disturbed mind. If I handwave even the very tiniest of details, he will throw an absolute fit. If it doesn't fit his perceptions of how a world should work, he'll throw a fit.

Like, I'm glad that he's taking such an active interest, but my world building ability is decisively NOT world class, which I have told my players, and he insists on doing this in front of the entire group. I genuinely think he just enjoys watching me admit that my setting has inconsistencies. It gets really demotivating after a while.

And it's a damn shame, because on those moments when he isn't either being incredibly passive-aggressive or picking at the seams of my narrative, he's a good player.

>> No.36933920

>>36933820
To be fair, I forget names, locations, and things that happened last week in real life.
Can you really expect me to do BETTER in imaginary land where all the names are doubly fucked up?

>> No.36933958

>>36919455
>stat out important NPC
>PCs ignore him in favor of random NPC I tossed in for flavor
just prepare flavor then give it to the NPC the players seems to like more. it's not that complex dammit. go with the flow, the GM is a player too

>> No.36933984

>>36921284
Because you only have to make one semi-decent character to have fun with our work, whereas when we put a lot of effort in making the whole rest of the fucking world we'd like it to be taken a little more seriously, especially when we are trying to set a tone

That's why I like boardgames more than RPGs these days: the amount of effort and satisfaction from them is spread more or less evenly across the table

>> No.36934006

>>36925818
>Player.
>No character.

This is you do solve problems.

>> No.36934304

>>36927151

>being so sheltered you dont know what a pimp or a ho is

I think he might be autistic

>> No.36934387

>>36933877
Just start making the world make less and less sense until it becomes a prog-rock spectacle of shifting perceptions and living metaphor. It'll make him look like a total shitwit when everyone else is solving things with a series of puns while he gets mad that King Fickle of Ambivalencia is an inconsistent man running a nation that shouldn't function as it does.

>> No.36935125

>>36934304

No, he was really that sheltered. How someone in middle school or high school never clarified these things, I don't know.

I think he kinda got what we were getting at, but we spelled it out for him so we were all on the same page.

>> No.36935159

Im not even the GM, but ffs when those two guys in the party always make checks to discover every little thing about every little monster we encounter, and want to spend 40 minutes for each beastie.

wtf

>> No.36935365

>>36935159
Are you a player in my game? One of our players made a knowledge:geography check to try and figure out the least steep way to get up the hills we were travelling through.

Keep in mind that the GM in our game glosses over travelling half the time until we actually reach our destination, and we were heading towards actual mountains and just passing through the foothills.

>> No.36935478

>>36933920
You mean in an imaginary story where you're the main character and your life depends on remembering crucial info?

Scratch that, BASIC info? Like just what happened in general?

Yes, I do. Or write it down. Do SOMETHING.

>> No.36935912

>>36934006

Eh?

>> No.36936126

>>36928190
yeah, how great of you. I mean, I can understand negating the plans of one pc who's an oddball, if he goes against the group's wishes, but going against your whole group? eh, passive aggressive bullshit on your part. if they want to play sociopaths and you don't want to dm that, tell them like an adult instead of building a campaign on denying them fun and wasting everyone's time.

>> No.36936192

>>36923358
This. I spend countless hours preparing a world, adventures, shit to do, balanced monsters and detailed loot lists. Why do my shittiest NPCs have more depth than your god damned player characters?

>>36923417
Hah-hah, I always do this. Woe betide any player who looks inside a wealthy man's pantry in my games - there shall be descriptions such that G.R.R. himself would pass out from boredom.

>> No.36938291

>>36919266
>first time DMing 5E, before that I mostly did pathfinder, warhammer, and so on.
>decide to tweak races a bit, gnomes get to be bloodthirsty savages, dwarf pirates everywhere, elves with horns, and the like.
>Maybe players will like them more this way since I heard a good chunk of people dislikes the traditional races' portraits, even if I don't get why, and some of them actually stated they find traditional, D&Desque elves, dorfs and the like boring.
>talk about the changes I made to my usual players, they all seem rather interested
>session one starts
>everyone plays a human character
>What's wrong with you, guys.

>> No.36938356

>>36927009
>>36929528
so great

>> No.36938455

>>36928190
>> Party insists I improperly roleplayed the dragon, paladin, and elf wizardess and insists they would have all fought each other.
Don't really see why really. Silver Dragons are good and like humans, the paladin would like to know why was he attacking people.
The elf has no reason whatsoever to fight any of them. Even if she did fighting a dragon alone is suicide.

>> No.36939962

>>36938291
Players in my homebrew did a similar thing. Everyone always talks about how much they like the amphibious goblins whose entire culture is based around dressing and acting like filthy, sinful assholes - basically a free card to go full chaotic dickhole pirate goblin - and then when we play they all picked the lawful good protectorate golem race

>> No.36941959

>>36933820

>not having a campaign wiki that is over 300 pages

>> No.36943542

>>36933820
Yeah nah bruh they aint all gonna remember that shit all the time, you have to remind them sometimes if their character would rememeber it.

>> No.36943589

>>36941959
>300 pages
How

>> No.36943847

>be new DM for more than a year
>not the most charismatic guy but try to improve
>read a fuckton of books and being always searching for tips and new shit
>spent a fuckton of time creating the setting (characters, maps, fucking everything)
>some day some friend ask me to teach her friends how to play
>we play 2 sessions
>they say I'm pretty good
>one day one of them want to DM "for the lulz"
>she is charismatic as fuck, very talkative, doing voices and making funny improv shit at the game
Realize that I just suck

>> No.36943877

>Write up a page and a half of backstory (not too long, don't want to make them read a book) for homebrew setting
>places them just after a massive war between two great powers and Definitely Not Charles I who Definitely Didn't Inherit Half of Europe
>ending in C1 eventually being ground down, forced to split up his empire, and liberate the player's region as an independent country
>players and country are fresh out of war and eager to get their trade-based fingers in everything in the world, particularly the fantastical new continent which is alleged to have prizes and magic beyond any mortal reckoning
>have told the players they'll be playing Fantasy Rogue Trader across the ocean
"Well, it seems cool but what are we supposed to do?"

>> No.36943990

>>36936126
>any plan the PCs agree on should succeed
okay

>> No.36944247

>>36943847
Sweet jesus, this is a pain I know all too well.
How does one handle this, man.

>> No.36944365

>>36943847
tfw you try to do voices but they all sound like a brit with downs

>> No.36945076

>>36920881

>"Your move law-man"

I know that form a screencap, I think. Were there dildos hanging from the ceiling as well?

>> No.36947025

One group I DM is composed entirely of people kicked out of other groups for being backstabbing murderhobo assholes. It's made me a better DM for the group that actually tries to play the game.

>> No.36947057

>>36947025
Got anything worth storytime?

>> No.36947367

>>36947057
>After much arguing, we finally all settle on a homebrew based in dnd-ified ancient rome
>Players are survivors of a destroyed barbarian tribe, they didn't feel like making characters and they were going to murderhobo anyway
>They immediately betray the rest of their tribe and a neighboring village to the roman legions
>One of them tries to betray the others, is killed immediately
>After many such betrayals, the party is now all romans except for one
>They proceed to backstab and betray their way up the ladder, we go through something like three characters a session, except that one guy
>I call him littlefinger
>Slowly, Littlefinger manages to gain a lot of ground
>Becomes an enemy to the consul
>Murderhobo team goes full murderhobo, Littlefinger hires an army
>Civil war ensues
>Consul gets assassinated, Smaller civil war ensues
>Slowly, every single leader in the civil war gets assassinated either through suicide attacks or littlefinger's obscene wealth
>Finally, littlefinger dies after a duel with another PC
>Carthage gets involved
>More assassinations and suicide attacks
>By now, the other nobles are copying the PCs
>Every civilization west of greece is reduced to little more than violent city states and tribes
The Persians are coming, and the germanic tribes are forming into a nation-thing while rome and carthage go completely nuts.

>> No.36948795

>>36919266
>matter how hard I try players don't give a shit about anything, won't take any action, and bitch when the plot doesn't come to them. Then when the plot comes to them they bitch about it and how they have no say in anything

>> No.36949025

>>36943877
> the fantastical new continent which is alleged to have prizes and magic beyond any mortal reckoning
>"Well, it seems cool but what are we supposed to do?"
Well may-fucking-haps you should investigate the prizes and magic beyond any mortal reckoning

>> No.36949075

>>36949025
You are clearly giving his players far too much credit.

>> No.36949103

>>36948795
Tell them to play a videogame if they want to be told a story instead of making one.

>> No.36949196

>A player that gets bored of their character and starts gushing about a new one they made.
>They're just waiting for their current character to die so they can use it.
>They have done this six times in the past year.
>Another player has started doing it.

>> No.36949404

>>36949196
Sorry man I just like new characters I didn't realize it bothered you.

>> No.36949439

>>36949196
TineCroi?

>> No.36949472

>>36949196
I think we can both agree my new fighter is awesome though. I'll stick with him for a while

>> No.36949527

>>36949196
I remember being like that when I was 12 or so. Damn, I must have been such a pain in the ass for my DM

>> No.36949541

>>36947367

so Europe is on fire? Way to go murderhobos!

>> No.36950462

>>36949196
>DM gives every other character one on one sessions, sentient items, insight on the inner workings of our guild, two of them are best friends with gods at this point
>Tell the dm my character has no motivation to keep playing and would probably go off on his own at this point
>"okay, but now the bbeg is genociding every last one of your race"
i should have just suicided in the next battle

>> No.36950694

>>36950462
Fucking what.
Like as in more than one sentient item?
Emperor's balls what the fuck is this guy on.

>> No.36951497

>>36926968
Jesus fuck.

I play with a guy who has an actual learning disability and he still manages to figure that shit out on his own.

>> No.36951554

>>36919266
Running shadowrun, player has a hit put out on him. Player learns abouts this, and that it from the big A. Player pays a contact for info on the subject, contact tell him it will take at lest 3 days to get back to him. Player then talks with a different contact, gets offer of protection turns it down. Same player starts another job the day after.
At the end of the run he is on he will get sniped, and most likely his PC will die.
> Am I wrong to do this?

>> No.36951886

>>36951554
no. he had ample warning

>> No.36952128

>party constantly bitching about our incompetent that guy of a GM week in week out
>offer to run a game
>PCs love the flavorful universe
>everyones characters are developing nicely
>3 weeks later nobody wants to play
>bad GM starts up a game again...
>promises to change
>6 weeks in everyone hates his shitty campange keep comparing it to mine
> offer to run shadow run


its week three....

people "just can't make it this week sorry"

I'm starting to think i actually suck at GMing...

>> No.36952398

>>36952128
Been there, done that. Its one of 3 things, you are bad at GMing, your game does not fit their exceptions, or lastly politics. For me it was the third, but for you it may be the second.

>> No.36953072

>>36922836
>I've basically learned not to mention anything unless you are prepared to expand upon it at the PC's request

Whereas I have learned to just fucking flood them and impro up a storm whenever they actually show interest in something.

Although lately, I have been straight amazed at the power of gift giving. Not "Payment for services rendered," but the actual giving of gifts.

If you offer to pay the players a thousand gold to do something, they'll try to haggle you up to 2k.

If you give them a nice ebony chest with an amber necklace in it and a "I think you a pretty cool guy, u kills my enemies and doesn't afraid of anything," they'll kill all of your enemies for free.

>> No.36953262

>>36923576
>Caring about the spelling of deliberately-misspelled slurs

Fuckboy sighted

>> No.36953297

>party trapped in cave dungeon
>Split up
>Party member A finds keycard
later
>Party is reunited
>being chased by baby spider hoard
>Find iron bars covering a passage with a ladder in it, keycard-sized slot next to it, complete with arrow comparable to one on keycard
>Perception check of 3 to notice slot, due to lack of tech knowlege in setting
>Many shit rolls later, they notice the slot
>"I try to bend the bars"
>"I attack the bars"
>"I shoot the slot with lightning" (thank god he tanked on damage)
>10 min of this
>10 min of hope
>10 min of despair
>"A, roll intelligence. Okay, your character notices the marking on the door matches the markings on the small, thin, square shaped thing that you picked up earlier" (I used pictures on roll20)
>"Oh yeaaaaaaaahh, I DID have a keycard didn't I?"
>Other players rage
>mfw

>> No.36953321

>>36924505
>He convinces the group that it wasn't him and just some dude that looks like him
I don't know why, but this is fucking hilarious to me

>> No.36953742

>>36938291
I would actually love to have anything like that when I was still playing anything fantasy. I got enough rainbow parties of special snowflakes to feel like I went through autistic blizzard.

> Tell players I want to play D&D next time, but keep it all down to core books.
> Players are happy to oblige, agree that it would be a great change of pace.
> Get histories and character sheets week before session. Everything checks out.
> Three out of five players take me aside, to tell me abut their super-secret character backgrounds.
> Half-drow who can hide itself because of 'insert item or spell'
> Monk who opted on me not knowing any better wanted to make his Uchiha monk ripoff to have actual sharingan.
> Secret priest of a dark god because of metaplot in different setting.
> Two sensible players can't understand why I'm looking sick and three other players act like if their sweet sixteen was spoiled.
> Isolate sensible, play with them to this day.

>> No.36953964

With my group, I'm worried that they aren't going to complete the campaign and that I may have to pull some deus ex machina stuff to pull things through.
>Party has to collect maguffin parts
>They have ~11 parts left to get and 14 sessions left to get them in.
>I was hoping that they would get creative once they realised that there might no be enough time left
I dunno if they haven't realised or can't think of anything but so far they are just carrying on being lead around.

Plus my group have started their own in-game memes, such as the 'greater than 7', "inventor of the X" and "I'm the real Kulkan!"

>> No.36954024

>>36924505
wow that must of been devastating.
I'm sorry your group is edgelords anon.

>> No.36954052

>>36953964
Have evil group collecting the other half of them?

>> No.36954068

>>36928667
THEY WERE THE CHOSEN ONES!

>> No.36954069

>>36953297

>Rolling more than once to do the exact same thing in the exact same way in the exact same conditions

>> No.36954176

>>36954052
There is! but the party is dismissive of them, thinking them incompetent, because they have collected more pieces than the bad guys despite the bad guys having potentially thousands of years to find them.

That being said the party have had a massive advantage over them in that they basically got told were all of them are and the bad guys being hindered by technological and geo-politcal obstacles obstacles for much of that time.

>> No.36954283

>>36954069
Fuck, our current GM makes us do that shit, and it pisses me the fuck off.
>Skill monkey trying to unlock a door
>No monsters, no pressure, nothing
>Roll, fail
>Roll, fail
>Roll, fail
>Roll, oh hey it opens now
>I'm suddenly the bad guy for pointing out how that's stupid fucking bullshit

>> No.36954345

>>36954069
>>36954283
I did a new roll each time a different player approached the bars and tried inspecting them... but honestly after the second fail I should have just given up on that.

>> No.36954350

>>36954283
Some people don't understand zero-sum scenes, where if there is no risk, no time pressure then unless you **can't** open the door then there is no point making you roll for it.

>> No.36954415

> playing 4e (first mistake I know, but it's the only system those idiots knew/ were willing play)
> give players a list of disallowed classes and races because of thematic reasons.
> one player is a changeling wizard
> Ohfuckiforgotthatone.jpg
> how bad can it be?
> 26 minutes later he is disguised as the princess that they were framed for murdering and is currently taunting the king.
> "don't you want to fuck your filthy daughter? I'm still warm"
> Oh. That's how bad.

He had the audacity to complain when the king had him dragged out back and executed.

"Shouldn't he make me wait till sunrise?"
"Probably would have if hadn't insisted that your princess form included a massive girl-cock. 8 times."

>> No.36954667

Running a pathfinder campaign dhampir gunslinger and the rest of the party are investigating some ruins. Before they left they were warned that ghasts have been seen frequenting the area. Knowledge rolls pass well and they know all relevant information about ghasts.
See hole leading to what was likely once the basement. Throw light pebble down it is 30 feet deep. Rest of the party is figuring out how to enter the best throws a rope down so that everyone can climb down and they begin discussing the order.
Gunslinger decides enough talk and jumps down into hole. Ghasts are waiting for someone to come down and get surprise round, gunslinger is paralyzed and killed in two rounds.
Player complains that the ghasts shouldn't have been expecting someone to jump down so they shouldn't have had surprise round. Player is surly for the rest of the session and is consistently complaining about how the character shouldn't have died.

>> No.36954770

>>36926968
These two things are not circumstantial, they should be written down and plainly visible!

>> No.36954829

>>36931257
You are.

>> No.36955772

>DM space apocalypse scavenging game
>Based around teamwork and hiring NPC to fill the spots and help
>Explore a ship, encounter a strange wandering being
>Attack it, the monster has to roll a d6, only on a 6 does it narrow the attacker and chases him
>Monster is nearly unstoppable, phases everywhere, regenerates and can seriously maim the PC's
>Players flee and split up to find a way to kill it
>Player finds records about danger and need to get the fuck out and lockdown the dormant ship
>Players decide to power ship back up, this is exactly what all the logs and information told them not to do.
>Monster goes apeshit, doesn't need to roll d6 anymore, starts pursuing and tearing everything thrown against it.
>Players lure it to destroy a part of the hull to flee, successfully get out in the desert.
>Players ask me what the NPCs are doing and why they aren't helping.
>Players start running away from ship, screaming and shooting their guns at the chasing monster.
>Decide to have the NPC's do something useful, they fire the fuckoff huge gun on the PC's truck at the monster to help their employers.
> Crit on the damage roll, 10 on the crit table
>NPC's annihilate the monster.
>Players complain that I'm stealing the spotlight.

NPC's shouldn't take the spotlight, I know, but I can't make them brainless drudges either, especially in a game where teamwork is key.

>> No.36955890

>>36955772
>Why aren't the NPCs helping?
>No not that much helping

>> No.36956159

>>36953072
>tell players this magic item is a couple hundred gold
>they try to haggle it down to 150
>tell them someone will do something for them for free
>they give them 100 gold as thanks

>> No.36957322

>>36927151

>casual speaks up, not entirely sure on what a pimp is and what ho's are (he's a sheltered child)

>> No.36957630

>Have that one player who just sits there all session and doesn't say anything.
>When she does speak up, it's to make le epic maymay joke
>She insisted on being the special snowflake mechanic in a low-fantasy setting.
>A setting which she and the entire group collectively made
>She complains when I don't throw in techwizardry
>She complains that there aren't enough components for her to use
>She complains that her rapid-firing super-special crossbow that she made doesn't have as much power as an arbalest
>She complains that the game sucks because she fails rolls so often
>She complains that the other players get more attention than she does
>Every time I DO turn the spotlight onto her, she just says "Uh, <player next to her>? Help?"

>"Player, if you're not having fun then you really don't have to come. I don't want you to feel obligated or anything just because you've been coming for a few months now."
>"What? No, anon, I'm having a lot of fun!"
>"Okay, what do you want to see me do more? What would help you get into the game more, because I'm stumped."
>"I dunno, just keep doing what you're doing."

>just keep doing what you're doing
>just keep doing what you're doing
>just keep doing what you're doing
>just keep doing what you're doing
I hate this phrase.

>> No.36957684

>>36931262
the first fight in my Dark Heresy group I lost my arm and another guy lost his hand...

Our GM is too Brutal

>> No.36957706

>>36919266
This isn't a complaint about the players but about myself
I'm a good GM, people say so and they love playing with me, yet anywhere from 2 to 10 sessions in I cave in because of writer's block and second-guessing myself and I throw the game
I am forever player

>> No.36957772

>Two weeks before game starts
>"Alright guys, here is the 2-page setting guide, the full rulebook PDF, the hand-edited rulebook with only the pages you NEED to read if you're crunched on time, and the hand-made form-fillable character sheets. Let me know if you have any problems."
>One week later
>"Okay, nobody has responded. Has everyone made their characters?"
>Two days before the game
>"Remember to bring your character sheets to X's house at 6:00."
>Day one of the game, one more reminder about date and time.
>One player on time, host player is asleep downstairs, last player is an hour late because he didn't know the time.
>"Okay, let's see your character sheets."
>Nobody made characters
>Nobody read the rules
>Nobody brought dice
>Sigh and break out the extra copies of the rulebook, the extra dice, and the spare character sheets. Spend an entire two sessions trying to explain the most basic stuff to them.

This wasn't anything complicated either- this was Savage Worlds.
I mean, we're having a blast now, but EVERY campaign starts this way and it's really frustrating. Just once, would it be too much to ask for even HALF of my players to know the rules?

>> No.36957789

>>36957630
Those are the worst kind of players. It's not that they can't roleplay, or that they don't get the system, they just don't feel like trying at all, ever.

And of course the second you point it out you're the asshole.

>> No.36957890

>>36952398

Timing or location might be the problem.

>> No.36957893

>Get excited about new setting I made up.
>Tell the players about it
>They love it, want to play
>We get hyped up, make characters together, everyone is ready to go and pumped
>Three sessions in, realize my setting is bad and incomplete
>Silently cancel the game

I just need a bit more time to prepare, give me three years or so so I can make it perfect.

>> No.36957905

>>36943589
That seems pretty small for a wiki, to be honest.

>> No.36957929

> I want to play game
> everybody else is begging usual DM to run game
> He's not feeling it
> nobody wants to DM
> I'll DM
> Tell everyone we're gong to start the 2nd Sunday from today so to get me their character sheets and fill out this background sheet too
> one does a few days later
> it takes the next a week to get me their character sheet
> three days another person gives me their character sheet (it's filled out all wrong)
> tell them to get back w/ me and I'll help them
> the night before they do
> that day the DM gave me his, but I'd talked to him about his character before so it's cool
> half of them show up to the session w/ no sheets
> ask if we can do it together
> agree
> most of them haven't even read the rules yet
> "Okay, so what do you want to do now then?"
> "can't we just start?"
> "I don't have anything prepared; I can't write for characters I know nothing about."
> "How were you going to run it then?"
> "If you'd gotten your character to me a week ago I'd have written something by now."
> "Whatever. We just gonna try again next week?"
> "Yeah, sure, just read the rules between then and now, okay?"
> "Sure, of course."
> "Sweet, see you guys then."
> a week passes
> Finals are keeping two players from joining
> a week passes
> One got more hours and now works Sundays
> a week passes (last week)
> Three of them are going out of town together for Christmas
> mfw

>> No.36957958

>>36957772
Not knowing the rules is forgivable, especially if they're super new.
Basically ignoring every message and attempt at contact and then arriving with nothing but a finger up their nose is not.

>> No.36957968

>>36957929
>>36957772 here, that's something you unfortunately have to plan for if your players are being flaky like that. Always have an initial adventure to hook the players in and make them want to come; if all you do is generate characters, the players will quickly forget about the game.

>> No.36957996

>>36957929
>> "Yeah, sure, just read the rules between then and now, okay?"
>> "Sure, of course."
hahahahahaha

>> No.36958016

The reason I changed systems and started recruiting outside my usual group:
>and every round a different player would pause the game and ask me to look up specific rules for them.

>> No.36958049

> Wanna play 5th
> Everyone else says they'll try it if I run it
I swear this isn't a 4th-hate story; this honestly happened:
> Okay, sweet, good deal
> Set up a rough adventure, hand out links to PHB
> Tell everyone to read up n' make their characters
> a few days latter someone says that one of their friends heard her talking about D&D and now she wants to join in.
> says she's played D&D before and is totally down to help the out-of-town people learn the rules if she can play too
> Fuck yeah you can play!
> the day before I message everyone
> nobody's read the rules
> nobody's made characters
> "wtf happened? What's going on up there?"
> "Oh, well, she doesn't know how to play this edition."
> "... it's got the same core as all prior editions, and it's pretty strait forward. Why didn't yall just learn it together?"
> "Well, she's only ever played 4th edition, and says none of this makes sense to her. She can't figure out how the feats work, and she can't find anything in the book either."
> "... well can yall try to bone up on it by next week if we make character's together?"
> "I guess."

For some reason, because the person they thought could hold their hand turned out to not be able to, they gave up and didn't try to learn it at all. Not to mention that trying to make characters w/ these people was like pulling fucking teeth (1 that had played all sort of shit before did it himself, but the other three are comprised of two people who've never done it before and the one that only knew 4th), I'm beginning to have doubts about he feasibility of this.

>> No.36958060

>>36957929
> "I don't have anything prepared; I can't write for characters I know nothing about."
Unless you're super new to running games I'm going to call bullshit on this.
If you already have a setting and plot in mind writing the first session is pretty much a breeze unless you very specifically want to tie all their back stories into the setting for plot reasons then yea okay, but explain that to your characters ahead of time.
For the most part however you can just tell your characters where they are and they can fill in the why themselves.

>> No.36958104

>>36958049
But on your big DM belt and sit down and make their characters with them. Unfortunately this is just how it is with a lot of new players, or people who have only played one game/edition.
You're basically handing them a text book for all the enthusiasm they'll regard it, which is hilarious considering the 5e PHB is a pamphlet compared to plenty of games.
>I'm looking at you Pathfinder
They'll feel more confident with your holding their hands until they can grasp the concepts themselves.

>> No.36958217

>friends ask me to DM a campaign when they see me
>"sure, just let me know when you're free to play because I've got some good ideas"
>they instead just spend their free time playing shitty mobas and watching GoT (they have a lot of free time too)

I don't even think we're friends anymore

>> No.36958361

>>36921284
I'm not particularly bother by it, as I tend to split even in regards to characterization and progression. I've always made it a point to never halt fun, and so a good percentage of party shenanigans occur from simply knowing my own characters (being guilty by association in most cases, or unwittingly involved in some convoluted scheme).

If you like the humorous/fun focus better than serious/gritty plot, then I don't mind - at least I'm doing something right.

>> No.36958534

>>36924505
>Chaotic Neutral

How about you grab a gun and kill them all IRL?

>> No.36958562

>>36933877
is that you eye?

>> No.36958568

These threads teach me that if ever I become DM again, I should try to kill the players nonstop without pause.

>> No.36958834

>PCs are in a large metropolis
>city has local guards but also an underground network of covert information traders who help protect the city's interests
>PCs are VIPs due to escorting a ruler from another kingdom who was betrayed and they helped evacuate
>After doing majority of main story arc work in the city decide to help with a few different side quests I had set up
>one involves a local terrorist screwing with the city and making life difficult for both the government and the underground peacekeepers
>terrorist has been extremely difficult to get information on
>PCs decided its time for "covert" actions
>oh boy here we go
>PCs proceed to get into bar fights in the slums
>enter buildings through the front door and no stealth checks
>Beevus and Butthead of the party go to interrogate some men who were arrested earlier that are suspected of being connected to the terrorist
>results in Beevus getting knocked down by a guy chained to a table
>Butthead almost cuts said guy who is chained to a table in half but I had the NPC guards stop him
>Beevus summons extra planer creatures to help him fight said chained up prisoner
>guards freak out
>PCs try to explain that summing demons is a perfectly reasonable thing to do when trying to interrogate someone.
>Guards force-ably make beevus and butthead leave when they honestly should have just killed them.
>underground peacekeepers are ashamed that they even tried to work with these individuals
>party gives up on "covert" actions
>leaves city
>terrorist still at large

as a DM what should I even do in this situation...

>> No.36958883

>>36958834
Have the terrorist blow up the mansion of someone the PCs like. Make them pay for their utter lack of competence.

>> No.36958953

>>36958834
I'd keep it mostly in the background, I wouldn't want to shove this failure in their faces considering all the work they did for the city before that. Even if it holds logically it seems harsh. The players eventually find out that he did a few of his dastardly deeds (whatever his usual MO is), killed some people, but later made a mistake in one operation, got caught and punished (executed, I assume).

As for the PCs, I'd say just have the city not want them back. If they did a bunch of work to help the city out I imagine it would almost balance out the demon-summoning. I guess it depends exactly how demon-summoning is treated in your setting, but I suspect the guards would see the PCs as dangerous and volatile but not necessarily wicked - ie. as long as they're not inside our walls, they're not a concern.

But then again I don't DM much and I'm probably too nice when I do.

>> No.36959410

This is actually my first time visiting /tg/. First thread I've read too. I think I'll like it here. I hope you guys don't mind me asking, but what would be the best way for a complete newbie to find a group? I live in Arizona if that helps. Please and thank you.

>> No.36959420

>>36959410
Hit up a local game shop, if you can. I know Phoenix has a few Manaworks, and Tucson has Hat's Games (best LGS I've found in the state so far)

Where you at, fellow desert-rat?

>> No.36959430

>>36959410
Also consider a gamefinder thread instead of a GM-woes thread.

>> No.36959496

I don't have a lot of GM pain, but I can post about the time I caused some:
>Playing superhero themed campaign
>Just a bunch of friends getting drunk and stoned and playing DnD, so not overly serious.
>3.5, I know, but watcha gonna do
>PCs are a Psylocke, a minblade with an unimaginative name who threw scythes at people.
>Retina, some sort of psion who didn't actually use eye lazers
>Professor Odd, a Dr Strange ripoff
>And me, Sentient Iron Man Armour #3325, a warforged Warlock obsessed with Robot rights
>So we're in this dungeon, me and Psylocke missed the last session so DM tells us we followed the party's trail of coins to them
>Psylocke picks up all the coins.
>Party is now hopelessly lost
>We wander around an objectively easy maze (the DM showed us after) for almost two fucking hours.
>Eventually, we wind up back at the entrance.
>Party decides to go back to town and do another quest.
>I may just be a sentient suit of alcoholic metal, but I'm a hero dammit!
>Me: "I bring down the mountain housing the dungeon"
>DM: "wut?"
>Me: "Yeah I can cast Shatter an infinite number of times a day, I don't need to eat or sleep either cuz I'm a robot, so I just go to town on that mountain"
>Do that, spend week shattering ten by ten cubes of mountain 24 hours a day.
>DM just stares
contd>>

>> No.36959676

>>36939962
>Complaining that your party didnt want to be the dickholes
>Being surprised that players wanted to play the Golem race

Players always have an odd fascination with robots. Its why Warforged is such a well populated race in the games that allow them. I dont really understand the appeal, but apparently plenty of other people do.

>> No.36959685

>>36959420
I'm in Mesa. I will certainly follow up on those suggestions. Also, I just didn't know there is a gamefinder thread. Still my fault, but hindsights always 20-20.
Thanks.

>> No.36959730

>>36959496
Contd.
Also, I forgot mention that Retina, the only original character in the campaign had died in the dungeon because of a save or die trap that he should have passed, so everyone was a little shaken up.
>Eventually whole parties back in town to grieve for our friend.
>Go to bar and order a drink
>"We don't serve your kind here"
>Motherfucker wont serve me because I dont have a renal system.
>I tell him that my friend just died, I have enough money to collapse the towns economy a thousand times over, and enough firepower to level a fucking mountain, just yo give me the goddamn drink
>Still says no.
>I start going on about robot rights and eventually say "Fuckitt, I uni-beam him"
>DM says there's a six second charge time.
>I'm ok with it. Gives the LG players a chance to stop me.
>They fail, and I vaporize the bartender and a large section of wall.
>guards arrest me, take me to prison
>shatter my way out
>Go back to the tavern and find a non borken bottle.
>start drinking while screaming "Retinaaaaa!"
>Dm asked for a break to get his shit together

I ended up apologizing for how quickly that situation got fucked up, but we all admitted that it was pretty funny.

>> No.36960425

>>36936126
You're acting like just because the players collectively decide to try and implement plan X, that plan X should work.

That's retarded, and you sound retarded for supporting it.

>> No.36960468

>>36925684
different poster but my name is andrew...who be dis

>> No.36960528

>>36928667
sorry to be that guy but... if they were Plan B wouldnt they be the Chosen Toos

>> No.36961933

>>36926968

My entire fucking group is like that. I told them just have the total sum on a piece of fucking paper on the side and they can't even do that. The autistic (seriously, he has to be) slayer will go uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh for a solid minute before figuring out he's fucking weapon finesse. Half the time I have to explain the giant greatsword cannot be used with Dex.

Our retarded fugly ass weeb huntard reads fucking fanfic in between rounds. I have no idea why the hell she is there. She gets pissy whenever she misses (bitch has 14 strength. We did point buy.)

Our Druid every single session cannot for the life of her remember she needs to pick spells for the day or that she even has a wolf pet. She can't remember what the saves are or anything. She can't even figure out how to do a fort/reflex/will save. I have to point it out to her every damn time.

Our Bard is a smart-ass. He just started DnD and all he does in his spare time is read up on it. Which sounds great until the little niggershit starts trying to one-up me. "How are we fighting a dragon at level 4? How can that kobold possibly know magic missile?" Etc. He is wasting everyone's time with this shit. Just arcane strike you powergaming shithole! (We are only going to level 6 because this retard can't just play regular. seriously, he said he would powergame because that's the only thing thats fun.

Lastly our Arcanist is a smug edgelord. Nigger even said he was going to betray the team. Naturally he went Chaotic Neutral. Idiot literally just spams acid splash. Not once has he used a fucking level 2 spell. Almost got killed by the fucking newborn baby dragon because he figured firing another acid splash was a better choice than using a potion.

I want to fucking give up. Where the fuck can I just play with some semi-normal people?

None of them roleplay either.

>> No.36961978

>>36960528
>Chosen Toos
>Tools
>It's two you inbred

>> No.36962021

>>36961933
>Niggershit
This insult always gets me
But yea no why do you even run for these people?

>> No.36962070

>>36961978
i was going for that "oh i guess you were chosen too"

>> No.36962080

>Play with a few people
>4 people decide one thing that's going to affect the entire game
>1 decides another
>that one guy actively destroys it for everyone because it didn't go his way
>Game derailed for two hours of yelling
>Compromise reached where we get to vote again later and GM will probably gravitate towards him just for peace of mind

>> No.36962090

>>36962021

Close friends. The Hunter's dad got us into it then he pretty much stopped due to work and I decided to try DMing. They seem to enjoy it despite being this retarded. I'd like to DM a legit game one day but right now I just want to fucking play with some actual roleplaying people and just roll up a shitty dwarf barbarian that punches people in the neck.

Three of them are leaving some time in January so I'm pretty much just getting in DM practice while I can. I'm highly debating text-killing them and calling it a day because to be honest, they would have died at least 3 times by now if I wasn't such a pussy and kept them alive. They also arrive 30 minutes to an hour late every fucking time and I've told them if they don't want to play then they don't have to, it won't hurt my feelings.

>> No.36962128

>>36962070
Lynchburg
Never mind you're good comrade

>> No.36962129

>Run a homemade storyline with old friends
>Ask them what they want it to be like "We like a lot of combat, but we also like really deep story and involved NPC's"
>Figure out how to do it, make 13 majory cities with functioning governments, all named officials, backstories, personalities, and even classes for each city.
>Make 20 different factions with leaders.
>They try to argue with everyone they meet, get frustrated when people dont immidiatley cave to what they want.
>"We're the heroes, so give us shit for free.
>Constantly try to get NPCs to do all the work for them.
>After a year of making story they just seemed more interested with fucking with an ruining NPC's lives instead of the goal
>Get sick of them never remembering what they were doing, I finally ask them what the stories about.
>They don't know.
>I ask them to name one city
>They don't know.
>Ask them to name two NPC's
>They don't know.
>I ask them what the plot was last week, or at the very least the start of the session.
>They don't know.
>End the game two weeks later because I'm not going to put in work for five players that dont care.

>> No.36962143

>>36962090
Quit fussy footing, let a troll eat their guts or something

>> No.36962167

>>36962143

yeah its a win-win either way, might at well.

>> No.36962202

>>36962129
Jesus Christ what a bunch of assailed.

>> No.36962240

>>36962202
>assholes
Fucking autocorrect

>> No.36963174

>>36924505
Chaotic neutral just means "I would like to play chaotic evil with none of the drawbacks or consequences, please politely load a gun and kill me"

>>
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