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[ERROR] No.36816657 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Elves Live Forever Thread.

Tell me all about how awesome elves are, and how elves manage to outwit the other races, and how elves fight against aliens all the time and that's why the humans never see them and how elves make shoes for me when I'm tired and how elves are these warrior/wizard/ranger/druids that are awesome.

>> No.36816664

Elves are shit

>> No.36816689

Human here.

If I can't own a catgirl or a demon, I guess elf is somewhere down on the list.

I think the legal issues would be easier too since elves are technically plants if I'm remembering my biology correctly.

>> No.36816695

>Elves are the shit

Fixed that your ya.

>> No.36816736

>Elf Thread

>> No.36816743

>elves are technically plants

Only in RuneQuest.

>> No.36816965

Elves are simply the coolest my fellow elves. Why don't we all exchange our elf addresses so that I can find you all and give you customary elven gifts.

>> No.36816977

Also Sylvari from GW2.

>> No.36817025

>knife ears

I still don't get why some people think that's insulting.

Knives are cool. Knife ears are cool.

>> No.36817034

Dark elves are really repelling a demon outbreak in the underdark. They take out their anger on those dumb surface dwellers who dont understand the pain of fighting for your soul 24/7. Also they keep the mind flayers at bay on a daily basis and drink mointain dew all day(?)

>> No.36817042

If human history were to be analogized to fantasy then Homo Sapiens Sapiens would be the elves. And the elves won.

>> No.36817054

They're physically repulsive, serve no actual function and remind you that elves are conniving backstabbers not to be trusted.

>> No.36817062

>Human street urchins bumble around, making themselves an occasional nuisance
>Elf street urchin
>Has been a street urchin for all 40+ years of his childhood
>Picked the amateur-hour first-effort locks of an apprentice locksmith that is now the town's foremost security expert; knows every minute flaw in them as a result.
>Doesn't sleep; up all night, watching the alleys, stalking lonely merchants.
>Slits coin-pouches, pilfers pockets, and picks unattended wares with unrivaled dexterity.

An elf street-kid in a human market is like a jaguar on an island full of dodos.

>> No.36817093

I guess this is what happens when someone drinks from the fountain of stupid.

Did the waters taste good at least?

>> No.36817113

>Trusting a race that considers humanity pets at best
And I'm the stupid one?

>> No.36817120

Posting best elf hero.

The hero Morrowind deserves, but not the one it needs right now.

>> No.36817124

>physically repulsive
They're designed to be attractive, which they are.
>serve no actual function
I guess that bonus to listen checks is just some sort of accident.
>and remind you that elves are conniving backstabbers not to be trusted.
So, they're good rogues? I guess that means they're good at every class then.

>> No.36817209

>> No.36817261

>They're designed to be attractive, which they are.
They're alien, disturbing and disgusting. I honestly don't see what is physically attractive about stretching ears an extra 4-5 inches.

>I guess that bonus to listen checks is just some sort of accident.
Incredibly minor, in exchange for making any headwear ill-fitting.

>So, they're good rogues? I guess that means they're good at every class then.
Insofar as evil liches make good mages.

>> No.36817299

This argument is so stupid. Assuming a race had magic agaisnt one that doesnt they could use divination to locate the nukes, and teleportation to steal them. They dont even need to be able to use it, just steal them.

That if they dont wipe the nuke wielding race first with some curse or mind control their leaders.

>> No.36817322

Depends on how magic works in the setting.

>> No.36817330


You're arguing with a HFYfag.

They're the same level of idiots as questfags and the cunts who turn everything into magical realms.

You got their attention by claiming someone is better than they are. Now enjoy your shit thread.

>> No.36817348

>They're alien, disturbing and disgusting.

You sound like you have problems with people who have different shaped eyes than you do, or who have a different skin tone.

In other words, please stop talking.

>Incredibly minor, in exchange for making any headwear ill-fitting.

Really? That's your argument? Even ignoring custom headwear, you seem to undervalue how important a good sense of hearing is.

>Insofar as evil liches make good mages.
You know that good has more than one meaning right?

Geez, when you try to be dumb, you really don't hold back.

>> No.36817355

That really depends on the magic.

Also nukes tend to be pretty big, not the easiest things in the world to steal y'know

>> No.36817417


>Hey we have a bunch of stuff that's useful in general warfare
>Yeah well hurrhurr we have weapons that kill millions of civilians

Humans, folks.

>> No.36817479

>You sound like you have problems with people who have different shaped eyes than you do, or who have a different skin tone.
>Projecting real life racism onto my argument to discredit me
What a class act. Stretching a human's ear to a bony point is not universally attractive. Apply your arguments to something exotic and non-human you don't find attractive, say furries perhaps, and see what I'm talking about. It is natural for humans to be attracted to humans, and to not always be attracted to inhuman aspects.

>Really? That's your argument? Even ignoring custom headwear, you seem to undervalue how important a good sense of hearing is.
And you overvalue how much of a bonus they get.

>You know that good has more than one meaning right?
Most words do. If you have a point with this, actually try to make it.

>> No.36817487

>They're alien, disturbing and disgusting.
But they're so adorable.

>> No.36817617

Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder.
Elves are marvelous. They cause marvels.
Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.
Elves are glamorous. They project glamour.
Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.
Elves are terrific. They beget terror.
No one ever said elves are nice.
Elves are bad.

>> No.36817630

Why are you even replying?

You basically are just making more and more of a fool of yourself, and it stopped being amusing with your last post and now it's just sad.

Your arguments do nothing but reveal that you're trying to be a humorous bigot, but you don't seem to understand what a joke is, let alone how to make one. All you end up looking as is a dumb bigot who can't make or understand a point.

Your stupidity is supposed to be at least somewhat comical, but all you're doing is projecting yourself as one of those HFY weirdo's who plague this board, and that's not a good hat for anyone to put on.

Please, for your own sake, stop trying to be so dumb, because it might end up being permanent.

>> No.36817655

terry, you have alzheimers, get off the computer

>> No.36817658

>this thread
Who left the lesser races cages open?

>> No.36817668

>I honestly don't see what is physically attractive about stretching ears an extra 4-5 inches.
Except most Elves, and Tolkien's original Elves, didn't have ears any larger than humans'. Just pointed tips.

>> No.36817781

>Except most Elves
No. Culture has run with the pointy ears bit of elves, and the vast majority of elves have longer ears nowadays. Google image search elves or look at the pictures posted in this thread.
All have ears at least an inch longer.

>> No.36817849

get back to /a/

>> No.36817863

Do orcs count?

>> No.36817892

Elf shill pls leave

>> No.36817926

>No. Culture has run with the pointy ears bit of elves, and the vast majority of elves have longer ears nowadays.

If you define "culture" as "Anime and World of Warcraft" maybe.
...But being fair there are probably a worrying amount of people on 4chan who actually do.

>> No.36817962

>If you define "culture" as "Anime and World of Warcraft" maybe.
Almost all depictions of elves today have longer ears.

>> No.36818065

>> No.36818089

I guess you find chimpanzees more attractive than elves then, you monkey-fucker.

>> No.36818186

Be very careful around elves. They may look sweet now, but don't get them aroused...and they are very easily aroused.

>> No.36818200

>They may look sweet now
>Elf is in a combat vest

>> No.36818224

Please post pictures of non pointy eared elves to this elf thread if you want to back up that point.

I think elves are cool guys with long pretty ears who cannot into human morality

>> No.36818236

>> No.36818241

And then they capture some prey.

Well, it isn't actually an elf.

It is a gun.

>> No.36818254

It's because most of young artists have grown up around WoW and weebo shit

>> No.36818285

You've never seen them aroused...It's scary.

>> No.36818294

Yes, scary.

>> No.36818378

Wood/Wild/Savage/Brown/Aztec Elves are best elves

>> No.36818382

I'm working on a setting that plays with the usual fantasy races by turning up their traits to 11.
Elves are nigh-immortal demigods (or so they claim) who are better at just about everything they do than everyone else. Except for playing nice.
They're individualistic in the extreme and resent authority. They generally take orders from their superiors as 'suggestions.'
Elves see all other races as inferior. They typically hunt orcs (keeping the population down, but never wiping them out as hunting them is a favorite passtime) and enslave humans for manual labor (which the elves feel is beneath them). They kill goblins on sight and actively try to wipe them out. They typically leave halflings alone because they're 'harmless' and not worth the effort.

Dwarfs are their only main rival. My dwarfs are basically Ancient Greeks (city-states) and Ancient Romans (city state that started conquering shit). They fight in either legion (new) or hoplite (traditional) style . Their large unit tactics have allowed them to push back the elves and conquer lots of territory because elves suck at set piece battles ('cause everyone wants to do their own thing).
They enslave or turn humans and orcs into client kingdoms, use halflings as overseers, and kill goblins on sight.

>> No.36818437

That sounds pretty SAD

>> No.36818466


>> No.36818550

All these people arguing about elf ears, and I'm just here to post Shadowmoor elves.

>> No.36818591

post more then

>> No.36818593

I mean, if you're going to argue something it could at least be arguing the ultimate question: Lorwyn Elves, or Shadowmoor Elves?

>> No.36818604

Hard one to answer, since both have their benefits, but they're polar opposites of each other.

>> No.36818639

Shadowmoor elves have, in my opinion, the better artwork of the two, though that's not to say the Lorwyn elves are worse actually in appearance.

>> No.36818645

>> No.36818646

You have to admit, ears that stretch 4 to 5 inches would take some getting used to.

>> No.36818676

And a Lorwyn elf, for comparison. The aesthetics of the two are very different, with Lorwyn elves having sharper, more defined edges and gaunt features, while Shadowmoor elves are more 'natural', if you will, more smooth and with curves rather than hard angles.

>> No.36818711

And I will say, overly long ears on Shadowmoor/Lorwyn elves does look good to me.

>> No.36818717

I propose a theory: Elves have longer ears because of heat distribution.

>> No.36818754

But then, they're also framed by the Lorwyn/Shadowmoor elves' unique horns, which I also think look good as an elvish feature.

>> No.36818771

That wouldn't make much sense. Humans don't lose much heat through their heads in the first place and I doubt it'd be a very useful method for elves.

>> No.36818804

And now this is pretty much an image dump. I've said a lot on why these two kinds of elves are the best in the past.

>> No.36818858


>> No.36819617

>> No.36819750

>the elf with the hips
Yes, for a race that is supposed to be fast and agile you don't see that often in their design.

>> No.36819952

The sad part was that that's from the game with the giant boobed sorceress and titmonster Amazon. Go figure.

>> No.36819988

So is this, what's your point?

>> No.36820009

Need more muscle elf.

>> No.36820039

Sounds like there is something for everyone. Who am I kidding, I already played Dragon's Crown

>> No.36820043

How the hell has the thread gotten this far without pointing out that elves serve a crucial purpose as available rape victims?

>> No.36820078

There isn't any need for that, we already know.

>> No.36820090

Elf the best.

>> No.36820091

This is a new and unique idea, unheard in the magical realms of /tg/! Care to elaborate?

>> No.36820112

Even food porn.

>> No.36820119

Shut your whore mouth. Dragon's Crown is the single best sidescrolling beat'em up in the whole fucking history of the genre and thats WITHOUT the cheese/beefcake.

>> No.36820130

Especially food porn!

>> No.36820143

>And not around what I like waaah

>> No.36820149

But it's a well known fact that it's not rape if it's an elf.

>> No.36820169

Stealing that character concept.

>> No.36820186

Very much so.

>> No.36820191

Why elven women love the human D so much?

>> No.36820212

Because there are no elven men.

>> No.36820219

Human men are more masculine than elven men.

>> No.36820240

Why do you?

>> No.36820245


All relationships with humans are short term.

>> No.36820253

Elven women don't love human dick in particular they just love all dicks, in their myriad forms. Humans simply happen to be the most populous dick-owners, so they're the most common objects of lust.

>> No.36820269

That elf girl has some small tits.

>> No.36820276

That's just a flat elf and you are posting tits on a blue board.

>> No.36820277

>anime pictures are garbage

Wow, what a surprise!

>> No.36820283

They assume we're all out to rape them and they evolved to like it.

Too many Chinese cartoon books may have something to do with it too.

>> No.36820318

Keep telling yourself that, human.

>> No.36820324

>Guy who likes to bitch about elves in an elf thread also wants to bitch about anime pictures on an anime site!


>> No.36820348

I always had a thing for Middlefield...never knew they came in elf.

>> No.36820384


Damn tablet autocorrect.

>> No.36820403

That still just looks like a girl with a six pack.

>> No.36820406

That's my sister. I am merely an extremely handsome elven man that knows your kind, human, better then you do.

Because I fucked your grandmother.

>> No.36820416

that's not an elf

>> No.36820437

humans are like a society of bad-boys through elven eyes

>> No.36820447

Looks are deceiving. I don't go calling your kind orcs and ogres merely because you are rotund hairy gits with terrible body odour either.

>> No.36820456

I nailed some diplomat's grandmother, so we'll just call it even.

>> No.36820458

>*Society of disposable dildos

Fixed it for you.

>> No.36820463

>Elven man
Heh. You don't need to pretend. Elves can be musclegirls too.

>> No.36820490

Technically it was your great grandmother you nailed.

Your family got the ass from me.

>> No.36820499

no-commitment bad-boys that want to fuck you anyway
it's a win/win for everyone involved

>> No.36820528

So I probably shouldn't take these two to church then?

>> No.36820541

But I am an orc.

>> No.36820619

Suddenly my fine motor skills being so good makes sense.

See you at Christmas dinner then, Granpa?

>> No.36820876

Or are you?

Sure kid, same as always. Its about time I teach you the family hip thrust technique anyway, it'll be your gift.

>> No.36820960

Yeah... Imma need a source on that one.

>> No.36821008

What the elf says.

>> No.36821018

"Stop...! You Intend to Rape Me, Right!? Just Like in an Ero-Doujin!"

>> No.36821079

>Still a bum after 40 years of thievery
He must not be very good.

>> No.36821092


>> No.36821093

Dammit don't make it so easy! I wanted to turn this into a puzzle.

>> No.36821198

Technically not a born elf. Doesn't help your point.

>> No.36821237

How does one make Elves for a setting without turning them into all female tsundere rape captives? I'm having a hard time here not coming to that conclusion.

>> No.36821284

Make them badass. Or make them total magical and far from the mortal realm.

>> No.36821308

Make them female tsundere equals.

>> No.36821323

By turning them into all female yandere rape predators.

>> No.36821379


This is viable. But I mean at some point during some kind of war there's gotta be prisoners, and they will inevitably be raped. So I either make the Elves all male to avoid this or not have them at all, because I don't want my Elf rape fetish to ruin the setting.

>> No.36821422


I was actually thinking about this, but that's like 100% hentai bullshit though. It would be hard to make it seem realistic in a fantasy setting. Some kind of elf queen that has insatiable lust and has cattle cars stocked with men of all races that she rapes on a daily basis. And the one mortal who succeeds in impregnating her is granted immortality.

Ok, this is going too far.

>> No.36821425

This is like having everyone in your setting be born without feet so that you foot fetish doesn't seep into your setting.

>> No.36821431


Can I just say that M:tG Elves look pretty rad?

My only complaint is that you could confuse them for Satyrs, who... well, I don't know how I'd put it politely, so I'll just state it flat: They have a completely bacchanal culture.

>> No.36821448

If you have a setting in which there is a sex drive you will have rape, regardless of the race. You could make elves really ugly but even that wouldn't stop every horny orc. Or maybe elf vaginas have crystals in them and destroy penises.

>> No.36821500


I'd take their elves and do away with the horns, but it's pretty intentional that they're supposed to be satyr-like they have hooves after all.

>> No.36821530

Shadowmoor Elves are probably my favorite.

>> No.36821531


Those are only Lorwin elves, althoug mtg elves have often a "natural" attitude way more extremist than the classical fantasy elf. Just read 8th edition llanowar's flavor

>> No.36821539

Make them all female sluts.

>> No.36821549

Not all M:tG elves look like that.

>> No.36821552

You make them the winning side.

I made my elves essentially the France of the world. You'd be surprised how well it fits.
>Think highly of themselves
>Very pretty
>Plays the grand game, politics so convoluted and backstabby murders are probably expected.
>Probably was a world power
>Still actually very dangerous, despite stereotypes

>> No.36821589

Understandable, though most MtG elves don't have horns and hooves after all. These elves were meant to be a bit closer to satyrs and to classical English depictions of elves (although the latter is more displayed in boggarts.)

>> No.36821590

They're still cool, even if a lot of them are xenophobic fair folk.

>> No.36821592

I like elves. Mainly because I like the idea of there being other closely related hominids present in a world aside from humans and you can't get away with including Neanderthals without them just being written off as dumb cavemen (regardless of whether that fits with current theories or not).

That said, I dislike how the standard for attempts to make elves "interesting" seems to be making them some brand of psychotic xenophobe.

>> No.36821650


I was thinking about fashioning my Elves after an eternal Napoleonic France.

>> No.36821656

>That said, I dislike how the standard for attempts to make elves "interesting" seems to be making them some brand of psychotic xenophobe.
Isn't this a /tg/ thing?

>> No.36821677

I have an idea for a story where Elves are courtiers to the Great Old Ones.

>> No.36821680

Mostly, yes. Elves being xenophobic is actually more uninteresting these days.

>> No.36821698


>some brand of psychotic xenophobe.

You gotta have one race in your setting be this, AT LEAST. It's no fun otherwise. Have to have some kind of racial conflict or nothing exciting will ever happen.

>> No.36821784

>Tell me all about how awesome elves are, and how elves manage to outwit the other races, and how elves fight against aliens all the time and that's why the humans never see them and how elves make shoes for me when I'm tired and how elves are these warrior/wizard/ranger/druids that are awesome.

In my setting Elves are individually powerful sorcerers, in addition to whatever else they focus on. They buttfucked humanity from an Industrial power into a collection of stone age tribes because they were jealous of humans.

They gonna get theirs...

>> No.36821806

Most bums are bums by choice.

>> No.36821926

There are other ways to create conflict.

>> No.36821958


Find me a setting where all the races are unified in harmonious love.

You can't. And if they were it would be boring as hell.

>> No.36821969

Exactly. Look at the Elves in Tolkien. The conflicts between Elves and Dwarves, Hobbits, and Men comes from a difference in ideologies.

Elves are connected to Arda, but are so tethered to fate itself they can't get shit done, or can't be arsed to.

>> No.36821986

There's a difference between non-harmonious and "psychotic xenophobes", you moron.

>> No.36821999

As bizarre to you as this may sound, I think there is middle ground between the necessitating of a psychotic xenophobe race and all races living in harmonious love.

>> No.36822036

The phrasing suggests that's a cultural expectation from viewing said sexual shadow puppet shows, less 'evolving to like it' (although rape fantasies are maybe evolution related).

>> No.36822038

>Being an elfaboo

>> No.36822073

hours ago, before i went back to sleep, i was making a Goblins joke.

>> No.36822134

Fantastic racism is really, really boring. At first I thought it was interesting, but after the first 10 or so D&D campaigns with it a heavy theme, it gets old, fast. Its restrictive and tedious, as it leads to storylines that write themselves, derailing good storylines with "wait, why are these two working together? FAGGOT MARY SUE BULLSHIT," and not to mention that it cheats the setting out of a lot of potential character development.

When total war is the default, you lose a lot of escalation. Hatred and bitterness growing as a response to -stuff- is more interesting than just "WELP WE'VE ALWAYS HATED EM AND ALWAYS WILL AND THEY'RE PURE EVIL."

Things are way more interesting, on that front, when its like real life and has nuance. The subtlest differences oft lead to the most enduring hatred.

>> No.36822191

This is how I Elves

>> No.36822208

>You will never sodomize a salad

It hurts...

>> No.36822231

No sense of right and wrong!

>> No.36822251

>Swiggity Swooty
>They came for human booty

>> No.36822258

I hope for this person that he/she didn't get a cauliflower ear...

>> No.36822274

Oh, I see that you're having yourself an Elf Thread /tg/.

What about Half Elf appreciation /tg/? You love Elves both regular and Drow, Orcs, Dwarves, Kobolds and hell, you even fap to a Halfling comic when you go to /d/.

>> No.36822309

>What about Half Elf appreciation /tg/?
We appreciate them half as much.

>> No.36822365

Because the stories they're in are written by humans, who lust after elf booty.

>> No.36822376

Half-Elf is my second favorite D&D NEXT race, and if the DM doesn't allow feats, they're my shoe-in for number one.

Regardless of that PC race consideration, I always have Half-elf NPCs. They're pretty cute.

>> No.36822441


You want sexual exploration?

Your ass gonna get probed.

>> No.36822493

This is an awesome idea.

>> No.36822550

>> No.36822624

And this is how I Dark Elves

>> No.36822628


>Tolkien Dwarves hate Elves for ideology reasons

That's the most retarded thing I've ever read.

>> No.36822907


I'm not saying you have to have a race that are unreasonably and illogically "psychotic xenophobes". I'm just saying there will always be an element of racial tension when various other races are involved. Unless you want to go full on utopia fantasy with no grounding in reality whatsoever.


Racism can be outright, it can be subtle, it can be a lot of things in a fantasy setting. So yeah I agree with you that it doesn't always have to be "I HATE THIS RACE I'LL NEVER WORK WITH THEM EVER!!" and it can be more subtle.

Basically, I just hate it when GM's and settings try to sugar coat things between races. And with the gaming groups nowadays that I've seen and been apart of, it's all bullshit like that. I don't even need to mention the culprit.

>> No.36822950

As this thread proves, elves have the 100% effective ability to make humans rage at each other for minor reasons.

Truly, masters of poise and insinuation.

>> No.36822964

Oooooh. 'Cause everyone in the setting kills gobbos. God, I'm an idiot.

In all honesty, I've never been able to figure out what to do with goblins in this setting.

>> No.36823317

What do we reckon the evolutionary reason for pointy elf ears is?

>> No.36823351

>Slight hearing benefit
>Better blood flow
>Erogenous zones.

>> No.36823365

see >>36818717

>> No.36823533

As long as has more benefits than detriments, evolution would not stop it

>> No.36823635

>I'm just saying there will always be an element of racial tension when various other races are involved. Unless you want to go full on utopia fantasy with no grounding in reality whatsoever.

The "racial tension" elements happen 100% naturally and organically, you don't need to do anything to encourage it. "OUR ELF MAKES SNIDE REMARKS AT THE DORF LMAO SO RANDUMB THEY ARE IMPLYING THEIR MEN RESEMBLE WOMEN/vice versa" shit is done to death.

>Basically, I just hate it when GM's and settings try to sugar coat things between races.

Considering you think the alternative is "a utopia fantasy with no grounding in reality whatsoever" you're kind of making yourself like a chore to play with, dude. And considering the default state of D&D is essentially Racial Holy War with medieval veneer, I find it nearly impossible to believe there is some ghastly trend of "too much goodwill between the races."

I doubt you are actually that bad but come on, its a game where there are entire sapient races where you just plain kill on sight with no fucks given. Its really a crazy fucking brutal world at the best of times.

Also just as a Devil's Advocate position, in a world with such a huge amount of lawless regions where anyone can kill anyone in the wilderness and get away with it, its 100% realistic that everyone's on their best behavior (at least outside of actual raids). When even the good guys kills commit mass murder at the slightest provocation (and they usually do!), you are probably going to learn how to be nice.

Just consider the atmosphere of anywhere that everyone is armed to the teeth. Its blissfully calm. I greatly enjoyed being deployed to Iraq because everyone was armed to the teeth at all times, and everyone became more mellow.

>> No.36823801

I don't think pointy would help hearing.

>> No.36824335

Being a bit longer/larger would though, probably not much but why not?

>> No.36824697

So, guys, y'all know how Elves are long lived, but very rarely reproduce?
Well, you see, long ago, when the knife ears were mastering magic, they used a spell so that whenever and elf concieves, her body kills the fertilized egg and magically transfers all of the unborn's potential life span to the parents. The magic doesn't work when they mix with other races. Which is why Half Elves happen and Humans don't get immortality for breeding with them.

>> No.36824793

Except elves have long lifespans even if they're virgins.

>> No.36824886

>Elf... Virgin...
Um, not adult elves.
Chaotic culture encourages experimentation.

>> No.36825290

In my setting the elves are all dead. During the apocalypse event, they disdained the other races and thought that they could prevent the end by themselves.

They fucked up. All that remains of them are a few vicious, tortured spirits. But, for most of them, not even that. Just oblivion.

>> No.36825310

>Chaotic culture
The fuck?

>> No.36825489

>But, for most of them, not even that. Just oblivion
A fate i wouldn't wish on anyone.

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