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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.35979953 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

>Character Sheet: http://pastebin.com/NAHSJFjt
>Archived Threads and Summaries: http://pastebin.com/RHtMXcLW
>Social Link Masterlist: http://pastebin.com/eJUnqUNW
>Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/ImprovQM

"You're the one who calls herself Shax?" A demon stands before you, but none of the ones you've met before. This one is at least roughly humanoid, but easily stands at least two feet taller than you, and long, vicious claws extend from the end of its hands. Wing-like scythe-limbs emerge from its back, and move when the demon does. You don't doubt it could do some real damage with those if it wanted to. "I'd like to have a word with you."

"Honestly, that name was more of a joke than anything," You admit, not really sure what else to say at the moment. It's getting dark remarkably quickly, and as far away from the mall as you are, if something happens, you're definitely on your own. "If I'd known it was going to stick, I'd have thought it through a bit better before answering."

"Well, regardless, it's what they're calling you now, so you might as well get used to it." Its voice tense and humorless, the demon seems to be evaluating you, and after a moment, lets out a single dry laugh. "You're definitely the one who killed Belphegor, though I'll be damned if I can figure out how you managed."

>[ ] "Just lucky, I suppose."
>[ ] "You certainly seem to know a lot about me."
>[ ] "What do you want?"
>[ ] Attack. (Roll required.)

>> No.35979984

>>35979953
>Write in
"Alright, I'll tell you."
"But in compensation, you're cutting down some trees for me, deal?"

>> No.35980042

>Hm. What to listen to while I run this thread. The SMT Nocturne OST? Eat Me, Drink Me? Brutal Planet? The Walking Dead Game OST? Whatever the hell comes up on shuffle?
>Decisions, decisions.

>> No.35980122

>>35980042
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLdoRxZOzppokjHQbQ0UdIuNA9eODDu-DK

>> No.35980154

>>35980122
>https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLdoRxZOzppokjHQbQ0UdIuNA9eODDu-DK
>...
>Okay sure why not.
>But I've clicked through the first song a bit and this is just making me want to watch PMMM.

>> No.35980174

>>35980154
KnK > PMMM

>> No.35980183

>Anyways, holding off on a decision to see if anyone else wants to chime in. I'll give it another five minutes.

>> No.35980205

>Shit, trip fell off.

>>35980154
>>35980183
>These were me.

>> No.35980265

>Well alright, then. Let's get some momentum going and see if that brings any people out of the woodwork.
>Typing.

>> No.35980288

>>35979953
>Social Link Masterlist: http://pastebin.com/eJUnqUNW

>Your younger brother (by your own adoption), Adam is a cheerful five-year-old boy with blonde hair and bright eyes. He has a solid sense of character, as well as a social awareness well beyond his years. And he's the only family that you have left.

>Adam Alistar, despite the veritable apocalypse remains cheerful. Although young and inexperienced, Adam has managed to remain an honest, truthful, helpful and genuinely enjoyable to be around, Adam is very popular with those living in the Mall. Still being a toddler, Adam is surprisingly socially aware, acting as a mediator among the children of the mall, and sometimes even aiding in the disputes of adults. Adam himself, being five years of age, is almost three and a half feet tall and completely unscarred by the walkers. His bright blue eyes are only complimented by his very short golden hair. Out of everyone in the mall, Adam is the one who knows you most, and is the only family member of yours left.

MUH AUTISM

>> No.35980391

"Alright, alright, since you're so curious, I'll tell you my secret." A hand on your hip, you eye the demon. They're starting to recognize you, couldn't hurt to play to a role. Besides, despite everything, it's honestly kind of fun. "But first, you've gotta help me cut down some of these trees, this is hard fucking work doing this all by myself."

Your joke, or snark, or whatever it was, goes over about as well as you'd expect, and there's a moment of very uncomfortable silence as neither of you is quite sure what to say next.

"Try to take this a bit seriously. There could be a lot of lives on the line here. Including your brother's."

>[ ] "...fine. You wanted to talk, then talk."
>[ ] "Threaten my brother again and I will tear your scythes off and shove them up one end until they come out the other."
>[ ] "Who says I'm not taking this seriously? I need the wood from these trees to help fortify the mall. So if you're actually on my side, helping me with this would go a long way towards getting me to trust you."

>> No.35980409

>[ ] "Who says I'm not taking this seriously? I need the wood from these trees to help fortify the mall. So if you're actually on my side, helping me with this would go a long way towards getting me to trust you."

>> No.35980416

>>35980391
>[X] "Who says I'm not taking this seriously? I need the wood from these trees to help fortify the mall. So if you're actually on my side, helping me with this would go a long way towards getting me to trust you."

>> No.35980427

>[X] "Who says I'm not taking this seriously? I need the wood from these trees to help fortify the mall. So if you're actually on my side, helping me with this would go a long way towards getting me to trust you."

>> No.35980451

>>35980391
"You say that as if you care."
"So far none of the demons I've met have cared about humans at all, much less even known about their targets enough."
"By the way, why don't you tell me how you knew I was here? Or for that matter why you know I even have a brother? Or that lives are at risk?"
"Maybe I'm just shooting blanks here, but you don't exactly seem like a normal demon."

>> No.35980458

>Well, that was remarkably quick and unanimous. Typing.

>> No.35980533

>>35980288
>>35979953
Oh god I just noticed Glenn's description
>A tall girl with a dyed-blue undercut and a half-dozen piercings
Uugergh. Won't be hitting on that again.

>> No.35980574

>>35980533
how's her hair dyed three years after the apocalypse?

>> No.35980580

>>35980533
>Inb4 Glenn's appearance is based off what OP looks like IRL

>> No.35980607

>>35980574
Remember that we're in a mall? Does seem a little strange though, but it's in the Persona spirit

>> No.35980655

"Who says I'm not taking this seriously?" There's a pause from the demon. It wasn't expecting that. Good. "I need the wood from these trees to help fortify the mall. You're the first demon I've met who even pretends to care about humans, much less knows about specific ones. So maybe I'm not ready to trust whatever you say until you show you're more than just talk."

"..." Again, silence dominates the conversation, but this time, you're on the dominant end of it, expectantly waiting for the demon to speak or act. "...fine."

With the demon's help, you've got not only the tree down, but the branches removed and what's left cut into a very respectable log, in a fraction of the time it would have taken you alone. There's not much else you can do out in the woods with an axe with it, and the demon doesn't exactly seem to be a carpenter, but it's definitely a start.

"Alright, so maybe I trust you." You press your advantage immediately, not wanting to let your new 'ally' get the upper hand again. "I'm still left with a lot of questions. How'd you know I was here? How do you know I have a brother, or that he's at risk? You're not like any of the other demons I've met. Hell, I don't even know your name."

"That's because I'm not like other demons you've met. Call me Sariel, if you need a name." Sariel? Strange choice in a name. "How I know isn't important. There are things going on beyond your ability to understand, or my willingness to explain. What IS important is Legion now considers you her mortal enemy, and will go to terrible lengths to see you brought low."

>[ ] "Yes, thank you, I never would have figured that out on my own. Truly, your wisdom is beyond parallel."
>[ ] "Fine, but what's your part in all this? What do you get out of helping me?"
>[ ] "...'her'?"

>> No.35980679

>>35980288
Shite, I forgot to add
>Adam Alistar, despite the veritable apocalypse remains cheerful. Although young and inexperienced, Adam has managed to remain an honest, truthful, helpful and genuinely enjoyable to be around, Adam is very popular with those living in the Mall. Still being a toddler, Adam is surprisingly socially aware, acting as a mediator among the children of the mall, and sometimes even aiding in the disputes of adults.
>Adam himself, being five years of age, is almost three and a half feet tall. His creamy white skin completely unscarred by the walkers. His bright blue eyes are only complimented by his very short golden hair. Out of everyone in the mall, Adam is the one who knows you most, and is the only family member of yours left.

Can't believe I forgot that little addition.

>> No.35980708

>>35980679
>If you're going to misquote things to make me look bad, maybe you shouldn't misquote things that literally everyone here can check with two seconds of effort.

>> No.35980715

>>35980655
>[ ] "...'her'?

arresteddevelopmentjoke.jpg

>> No.35980746

>>35980655
>Write in
"Besides what we already know, what can we do about it?"
"I have a mall filled with almost defenseless people to protect, they barely trust me, and this leaves me in a position where I'm hardly in a state to fight Legion."
"So what are we going to do then?"

>>35980708
He re-wrote the entry IA, think maybe it's to do with helping you write?

>> No.35980837

>>35980655
>"...her?"

>> No.35980892

>If there's a point to be made, there are better ways of doing it.
>Anyways, typing.

>> No.35980952

Is their a chance the name Shax is based in the one in MegaTen, or naw.

For reference: http://megamitensei.wikia.com/wiki/Shax

>> No.35981279

"...her?" Okay, yes, fine, this SUPER MYSTERIOUS DEMON WITH SUPER MYSTERIOUS AGENDAS is doing whatever it is that it's trying to do, but... Legion is a woman? Wow, okay, you really did not see that one coming. "Really?"

"Why is that- ...yes, really."

"Alright, fine, whatever." The tone of your voice changes, as your thoughts return to Legion again. The way it- or she, rather, had perfect control over an entire army of walkers, not to mention that fear power. Stopping her isn't going to be easy. "But all the knowledge about her in the world isn't going to help me protect a mall full of defenseless people who barely trust me. So I hope you brought something more than things I already knew and demon gender trivia."

"I came to give you advice. You'll never survive the battle ahead if you don't remove Legion's influence over the hordes. And you'll never be able to best Legion unless you can overcome the advantage those hordes give her." Sariel narrows its eyes at you, watching you carefully as it speaks its next words. "Legion is assembling an army greater than I've ever seen her gather before, and she'll be marching on your mall. Soon. You'll need to cut off their advantage. If you hope to stand a chance. And that may mean some difficult decisions."

"What, exactly, are you suggesting?"

"You need to give up on being able to save everyone. Trying to stop the horde's advance is a fool's errand. At best, it will become a war of attrition- which you will lose. At worst, you'll overlook an opportunity to end her in the name of saving a few lives. Help them prepare, certainly, but when her armies come marching, you must not let yourself be distracted from your goal. Do not make the same mistake twice."

>[ ] "I didn't make a mistake. I stand by my decision- which, by the way, is another thing you haven't explained how you know about."
>[ ] "Cut off the head and the body will die."
>[ ] "I'm not sure what I hate more, that suggestion or that I agree with it."

>> No.35981368

>Eugh. Sorry that one took so long.

>> No.35981404

>>35981279
cut off the head and the body will die

because i voted for letting the plebss die last time to kill legion

>> No.35981408

>>35981279
>[ ] "Cut off the head and the body will die. And just to be clear, I didn't make a mistake."

>> No.35981464

>>35981279
Seconding >>35981408

>> No.35981472

>Typing.

>> No.35981618

"Cut off the head, and the body will die." It makes a cruel sort of sense. Feral walkers are nothing new, you've lived in a world filled with them for two years. A demon who can coordinate them and give them power is the real threat. "Take care of Legion, then cut down the horde once it's reduced to a bunch of feral animals again."

"Precisely." Sariel seems pleased that you understood so quickly, and agree with it as well. It nods, and is about to speak again, but you cut it off.

"And just to be perfectly clear, I didn't make a mistake." You don't bother hiding the hostility in your voice.

"Didn't you? Think how many more will die if Legion succeeds. Think of how much danger you put all of them in for the temporary safety of a few. Do you still stand by your decision, even knowing what you've brought down upon them?"

>[ ] "Yes. I do. I'm not going to value what a human life is or isn't worth."
>[ ] "I can't exactly take it back now, can I? I did what I thought was right at the time."
>[ ] "How about you shut the hell up about this while you're still on my good side?"

>> No.35981639

>I'll need to run soon for dinner. But once I do, I'll be back within an hour and shouldn't have any major distractions for the rest of the night.

>> No.35981762

>>35981618
>[x]"Yes. I do. I'm not going to value what a human life is or isn't worth."

Time to show to these demons what a small group of humans can do

>> No.35981781

>Putting the spurs to this part so I can pause at a proper intermission point for once. Typing.

>> No.35981948

"Yes, in fact, I do." This demon is really starting to piss you right the fuck off. Whatever its goals are, preserving human life clearly isn't one of them. You're going to have to keep this in mind in the future. Very, very in mind. "I'm not going to value what a human life is or isn't worth."

"That sentimentality is-"

"Is my own goddamn business. And if that bothers you, well, I'm certainly not about to force you to help me." Gripping the base of the brought-down log, you heft it over your shoulder- even with your great strength, you're going to need to drag the back end. "Thank you for the information. Now, if you'll excuse me, this is going to take a while."

You leave before Sariel can respond or drag you back into an ethical argument. You're not debating that. Not with it, not with anyone. 'Demon Girl' or not, you're still human, and you aren't going to let yourself forget that.

>Diligence XP gained.
>Expression XP gained.
>Intermission for dinner. Not quite time yet, but the best break point I'm going to get, I think.
>While I'm gone, a vote. When I return, do you guys want another Social Link-ish prep scene, or to just jump straight to Legion's raid?

>> No.35982006

>>35981948
S-link with hipster grrl

>> No.35982026

>>35982006
this

sorry OP, i missed most of the thread so far, and now I gotta sleep

>> No.35982143

>>35981948
A Hermit S-link?
Sounds good, let's do it!

>> No.35982163

>>35981948
I remember there being like 3 other s-links we haven't established yet; a black guy, a dude with a permanent snarl, and someone at the firing range iirc. Any one of them would be fine.

If not, then I choose Glenn

>> No.35982259

>S-Link it is. I'll give some options when I come back.
>Which may not be for a while yet, I might've misjudged when dinner would be ready.

>> No.35983046

>>35982026
Don't worry did as well.
Hermit S-link sounds good to me though.

>> No.35983276

>And I return!
>Typing.

>> No.35983572

With some distance from the MYSTERIOUS DEMON OF MYSTERY trying to be a literal devil on your shoulder, you have some time to think. By the time you return, you've come up with and tossed aside so many ideas for what to do next, you're even more lost than when you started.

On the bright side, the look on the lookouts' faces when you come into view dragging an entire tree across the mall parking lot is something you're not going to forget for a while. Men and women better trained and equipped for making a tree into lumber than you take the log away, and (after a bit of time to calm down), you're left once again Aria Alistar, the almost-normal human girl who is supposed to become a great leader. You just wish Edith had told you how.

Well, you've still got a decent list of options, even if you haven't been able to decide on one.

>[ ] Go back to helping Nathan, Samuel, and Sofia with the barricading. Screw all this thinking, you're going to do more to help out directly. [???? Social Link OR Temperance Social Link]
>[ ] Talk with Edith about your plan. Maybe she'll have something to say. [High Priestess Social Link]
>[ ] Find the survivors of the scavenging group. You haven't spoken with them at all since you got back. [???? Social Link]
>[ ] Go find out where Glenn got off to. Maybe she'll notice something you overlooked. [Hermit Social Link]
>[ ] Head to the food court and try to socialize. Maybe it'll help with morale? [Hanged Man Social Link]
>[ ] Spend some time alone in Justice, and think about your possible plans. [???]
>[ ] Screw waiting around for her to put everyone you care about at risk, you're going to go take care of Legion. Now. [???]
>[ ] Write-in

>> No.35983653

>>35983572
>[x] Go find out where Glenn got off to. Maybe she'll notice something you overlooked. [Hermit Social Link]

>> No.35983756

>Since that was the general consensus before the break, I'll take it.
>Typing.

>> No.35983950

Glenn, whatever else she was, she was observant. Picked up on things and tore you apart. Maybe she'll be able to tear apart your logic here, too, and help you figure another way out of this. Or at least you'll be able to spend some time with someone who isn't terrified of you.

With her rather... unique looks, it's easy to pick the girl out in a crowd (in the food court again, incidentally), and she notices you on approach. There's a strange expression on her face at first, something like confusion and surprise, but it's gone by the time you're close enough to actually start a conversation.

"Hey, Glenn." She nods in response, but doesn't look up from flipping through the book she's got. It's the same one as before, too. Has she really spent the last two days casually flipping through a farmer's almanac?

"Hey, Aria. You're here because you need something, right?" Her tone is matter-of-fact, and she answers your question before you can really even think of how to word it. "There's a lot of people who could use your help right now, and you're sure to have a laundry list of things you need to do to prepare for what's coming. Plus, you didn't focus on anyone else when you came in like you did last time. Which means you were looking for me in particular."

You're not sure if that logic really shakes out, but whether it does or not, she's kind of right.

"Thought so. What do you need?"

>[ ] "Your advice."
>[ ] "Bascially for you to do exactly what you just did."
>[ ] "A friend."
>[ ] "Can't it just be that I wanted to talk to you again?"

>> No.35983974

>>35983950
>[ ] "Your advice."
>[ ] "Bascially for you to do exactly what you just did."
>[ ] "A friend."

>> No.35983998

>>35983950
>[ ] "Your advice."
>[ ] "A friend."

>> No.35984040

>>35983950
>>[ ] "Can't it just be that I wanted to talk to you again?"
>>[ ] "Bascially for you to do exactly what you just did."
>>[ ] "A friend."
>>[ ] "Your advice."


Basically in that order :3c

>> No.35984074

>Sure, okay, that works. EXPLORE THAT DIALOGUE TREE.
>Typing.

>> No.35984245

"Can't it just be that I wanted to talk to you again?"

"Not unless you've had a sudden change of heart on that whole 'responsible leader' thing. Your time is important now, and I think you're smart enough to realize that." And just what's that supposed to mean? "You came here for a reason. Call it a hunch, if it makes you feel better."

"Fine. I guess I need a friend's advice." You let that sink in for a moment before pressing on. "Basically, I need you to do what you just did, but to a dilemma I'm having. Check my logic, find anything I've missed, or any obvious ideas or solutions I've overlooked."

"So, you need a sounding board. Someone who'll listen, and tell you honestly if they think your ideas are fucking stupid." You're pretty sure that's the first time you've heard her curse, but she doesn't even break stride in dropping it in. "Guess you could have picked worse people for that. Sure, let's hear it."

You spend the next few minutes explaining to Glenn why you need to kill Legion- and why you're concerned about what will happen while you're doing that. The coordination, the fear powers, Legion's temper. Just about everything you can think of that might be relevant. You leave the part about the dubiously-helpful demon Sariel out, which leaves some holes in your story, but thankfully, she doesn't seem to comment on any of them.

After you've talked it out, she nods, and stays quiet for a moment, before speaking up again. "And what're you planning on having the rest of us do while you go off on your demon hunt?"

>[ ] "Fight. Hard. I'm hoping the adrenaline will counteract the fear effects."
>[ ] "Hunker down and endure. They'll be much easier to deal with when Legion is dead."
>[ ] "I was actually hoping I might be able to get some help to even the odds."
>[ ] "I.. hadn't really thought about it."

>> No.35984326

>>35984245
>[ ] "I was actually hoping I might be able to get some help to even the odds."

>> No.35984371

>>35984245
>>[X] "Hunker down and endure. They'll be much easier to deal with when Legion is dead."

>> No.35984419

>Anyone else want to chime in?

>> No.35984432

>>35984245
>>[ ] "I.. hadn't really thought about it."

3 way tie is a go

>> No.35984505

>Well, alright then.
>Let's make this work.
>Typing.

>> No.35984644

"Hunker down. The walkers will be much easier to get rid of once Legion is out of the way." It's a solid plan, and if everyone keeps their heads down, maybe nobody else will have to die like Rick did.

"And just how are you planning to 'get Legion out of the way'?" Glenn's question is immediate, and knocks you completely off balance.

"I... hadn't really thought about it." You admit, somewhat sheepishly. You know she's got a temper, and you can use that, but there isn't so much a plan as just some ideas that might make one.

"Well, think about it now, then." Again, with the emotionless bluntness. But she's right, you need something solid. Some way to even the odds. You mull on it for a minute, not coming up with anything solid, until Glenn chimes in again. "You want my advice? You already know that small arms can at least disable Legion thanks to what happened with Rick, right? Why not get some help to even the odds?"

That's... actually a really good idea.

"You want my advice, try the survivors. I bet they're as itching for revenge as you are. Plus, you saved their lives. I don't think they'll forget that." She leans back in her chair, book resting momentarily forgotten in her lap. "There, now you have the start of a plan. And you know who to talk to about fleshing it out more."

"Thanks, Glenn. But, one more thing before I go."

"Shoot."

>[ ] "Thank you."
>[ ] "Do you think I can do it?"
>[ ] "Can you keep Adam safe?"
>[ ] "I never told you about Rick shooting Legion."

>> No.35984675

>>35984644
>[ ] "I never told you about Rick shooting Legion."
>[ ] "Thank you."

>> No.35984681

>>35984644
>[ ] "I never told you about Rick shooting Legion."

>> No.35984749

>I was tempted to leave a write-in and see if you guys got it, but some of my descriptions were vague enough that it might not have been clear.
>Pic related, typing!

>> No.35984907

>Write big scene.
>Toss it out because you came up with something better.
>Realize you still just wasted ten minutes.

>> No.35984953

>>35984907
>Write big scene.
>Toss it out because you came up with something better.
> Do this for the next day.
>Still be faster than Hex.

>> No.35984955

"I never told you about Rick shooting Legion."

The conversation goes quiet. Glenn, for once, doesn't have any dry, off-hand counters. But somehow, she actually seems impressed. "...no, you didn't. I found out on my own."

>[ ] "From Edith."
>[ ] "By talking to the survivors."
>[ ] "Because you were there."

>> No.35984979

>>35984955
>[ ] "Because you were there."

>> No.35984984

>>35984955
>[ ] "Because you were there."

>> No.35985014

>>35984955
>>[X] "Because you were there."

Pls no

>> No.35985019

>Typing.

>> No.35985060

>>35985014
>inb4 she is legion

>> No.35985068

"Because you were there. Weren't you?" Glenn's silence says volumes. You swallow, and keep pressing. "You know what happened because you experienced it firsthand."

"Whatever you're trying to say, just say it."

>[ ] Write-in.

>> No.35985095

>>35985068
>You're Sariel

>> No.35985123

>>35985068
>You're Sariel

>> No.35985136

>Final answer?

>> No.35985153

>>35985136
Nobody else has offered anything and her being Sariel makes sense.

>> No.35985163

> you've been stalking our movements

Please don't be demon, cool stoic hipster lesbian chick

>> No.35985179

>>35985163
I want to believe

>> No.35985181

>>35985163
>Not wanting lesbian demons
Anon pls.

>> No.35985192

>I'm going to need one or the other. Right or wrong, accusing her of being a demon is PRETTY BIG.

>> No.35985224

>>35985192
Stick with Sariel. It's not really an aggressive accusation the demon was reasonably friendly with us and wanted to help.

>> No.35985232

>In fact, to make it official...
>[ ] Accuse her of stalking you.
>[ ] Accuse her of being Sariel.

>> No.35985240

>>35985179
here, im gonna second >>35985163

>> No.35985265

>Unrelatedly, I'm fine with regular players using names in the thread.
>It also helps me keep votes straight.

>> No.35985279

>>35985232
>[ ] Accuse her of being Sariel.
Re votes are not good things. It makes sense anyway she could have easily followed us down and then beat us back when we were carrying the log.
Sariel seemed friendly anyway and obviously cares about the people at the mall.
Not to mention their similar logical tone.

>> No.35985306

>>35985232
>>[X] Accuse her of being Sariel.

Staying the course. Even if were wrong we can just act disappointed that our friend isn't a demon lumberjack like us.

>> No.35985310

>Alright. Under risk of dragging this out any farther and losing momentum, going with the Sariel accusation.
>Typing

>> No.35985337

>>35985306
Yeah
>>35985310
The accusation shouldn't be aggressive or angry just kind of pointing it out.

>> No.35985352

>Stalking

How about we accuse her of this, but we'll keep a close eye on her from now on and figure out if she's a demon or not?

>> No.35985376

>>35985352
Depending on how we ask I may be easier to propose the demon idea. Stalking is a little bit stupid as well.

>> No.35985399

>>35985376
Now that point that out, that does make sense.

>> No.35985414

>>35985376
>Stalking is a little bit stupid as well.
To clarify that it would have required her to follow us through a zombie infested city when she's a nerdy bookish girl and also not have been caught by legion with the other survivors. While still being close enough to see everything that happened.

>> No.35985443

"You know exactly what I'm saying." Your tone is quiet. Regardless of what happens, this isn't something you want to be shouting through the whole food court. "Don't you, Sariel?"

"Guess you're smarter than I gave you credit for." Glenn sighs, flippantly tossing the Farmer's Almanac onto the table. She doesn't say much else, and rests her hands behind her head, but keeps both eyes locked on you. "Tipped my hand a bit too much, didn't I?"

"So, what does this mean? Are you a spy? A double-agent?" The possible answers are numerous, but some are a lot worse than others. You've started to like this girl's company. And... Sariel helped, right? "What happens now?"

"I guess that's up to you, fearless leader. One demon girl to another. What DOES happen now?"

>[ ] "Now, you tell me everything you know."
>[ ] "I keep your secret and hope I'm right about you."
>[ ] "I keep your secret, and you tell me about..." (Write-in required.)
>[ ] "I keep your secret, and you help me kill Legion."
>[ ] "I think you should leave."
>[ ] Write-in

>> No.35985465

>>35985443
>[ ] "I keep your secret and hope I'm right about you."

>> No.35985469

>>35985443
>[ ] "Now, you tell me everything you know."
>[ ] "I keep your secret and hope I'm right about you."

>> No.35985479

>>35985443
>[ ] "Now, you tell me everything you know."
>[ ] "I keep your secret and hope I'm right about you."

>> No.35985500

>Typing.

>> No.35985505

>>35985443
>>[X] "I keep your secret and hope I'm right about you."

Haha, Lumberjack Demon BF Get!

>> No.35985511

>>35985469
Can I add that we'll tell her what we know as well?

>> No.35985592

>>35985443
>[ ] "I keep your secret, and you help me kill Legion."

And sorry about derailing the thread, anons. I keep forgetting this isn't the shadowruns.

>> No.35985656

"Now..." You draw in a deep breath. There's a lot of things to factor in. She's a demon. But so are you. She tried to help you save people. But she showed a very callous disregard for the lives of the survivors. Back and forth, back and forth, over and over. Logic isn't getting you anywhere. You're just going to have to trust your gut. "Now I keep your secret, and hope I'm right about you."

"Generous of you." She tries to hide it, but you can't help but notice the way she lets out her breath as she speaks. Like she was holding it. "If-"

"But." You cut her off; you're not done just yet. "You tell me everything."

"For a smart girl, you sure are a fucking moron. And if you just magically happen to find out everything about the demons and our secrets, how long do you think it'll take them to figure out it was me that blabbed? A few hours, maybe?" She shakes her head. "I went back out there after spilling to you, I'd be dead by sunrise. Trust me, it's better this way."

>[ ] "Then turn. Publicly. These people already accept one Demon Girl. What's one more?"
>[ ] "I'm trusting you. Trust me."
>[ ] "Fine. But at least tell me about..." (Write-in required.)
>[ ] "Help me kill Legion, then."
>[ ] "Do what you've been doing, then. You're actually pretty good at the overdramatic thing anyways."

>> No.35985676

>>35985656
>[ ] "Then turn. Publicly. These people already accept one Demon Girl. What's one more?"
>[ ] "I'm trusting you. Trust me."

>> No.35985677

>>35985656
>[ ] "I'm trusting you. Trust me."

>> No.35985684

>BRB smoking

>> No.35985736

>>35985656
>>[ ] "I'm trusting you. Trust me.
if she still refuses, this
>[ ] "Help me kill Legion, then."

>>35985684
Bad QM! :(

>> No.35985755

>>35985656
>>[X] "Do what you've been doing, then. You're actually pretty good at the overdramatic thing anyways."

>> No.35985764

>>35985656
>[X] "Do what you've been doing, then. You're actually pretty good at the overdramatic thing anyways."
The information Sariel can get by pretending to still be on the demon side is better than the benefit of a party member, I believe.

>> No.35985802

>>35985677
adding
>[ ] "Then turn. Publicly. These people already accept one Demon Girl. What's one more?"
to my vote.

>> No.35985803

>Typing. I think I've got an idea.
>I've still got a lot of oomph in me. Would people be up for the siege tonight, or pause the thread again until tomorrow late morning/early afternoon?

>> No.35985813

I'm up for a siege or eight!

>> No.35985821

>>35985803
Lets go for it.

>> No.35985826

>Actually, you know what?
>It's been a while since I made you guys roll.
>Let's see an Expression roll.
>To make rolls, type "dice+3d6" in the e-mail field, without the quotes. The first two will be added together and added to a modifier, and I'll take the highest of the first three rolls (barring critical hits or misses). The third die is just for critical verification, and we'll get to that when the time comes.

>> No.35985831

>>35985803
SEIGE! SEIGE! SEIGE!

>> No.35985840

Rolled 2, 2, 3 = 7 (3d6)

>>35985826

>> No.35985847

Rolled 4, 1, 4 = 9 (3d6)

>>35985826
Roll for the sake of rolling isn't really the best idea.

>> No.35985851

>>35985826
>It's been a while since I made you guys roll.
>Let's see an Expression roll.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.
This rolling system gives me nightmares.

>> No.35985855

Rolled 2, 1, 1 = 4 (3d6)

>>35985826

>> No.35985867

>Hahaha, ouch. Well, at least you didn't critfail. Typing.

>> No.35985870

>>35985851
a 50 precent failure rate is a bit crazy.

>> No.35985872

>>35985851
It is pretty horrendous once you factor in /tg/dice.

>> No.35985894

>>35985872
Yeah the core principle isn't bad but 6 is way too high for a fail forward.

>> No.35985922

>>35985872
Yeah n OWQ the average roll was like an 8 even with best of three.

>> No.35986029

>>35985894
Having failure at the halfway point also completely defeats the point of using a bell curve roll in the first place. We might as well just toss a coin.

>> No.35986119

"I'm trusting you." You were always pretty good at guilt tripping your parents. Maybe you've still got the gift. "Trust me."

"Sorry, kid. There's trust, and then there's suicide. And what you're talking about is definitely suicide. I meant it when I said there's a lot more going on than you're ready to learn about."

"Then help me kill Legion!" For a moment, you almost forget about your surroundings, and you only just barely manage to not shout that at her. "If she wins, everyone here dies."

"You know I can't do that, either. You say you trust me, then trust me on this." Okay, that is the fastest turnaround on a guilt trip you've ever fucking seen. "Sariel is more use to you alive than Glenn is dead. I'm not getting myself killed for you, sorry. I like you, but not that much."

"I'm on my own, then?" You versus an army of walkers controlled by a vengeful fear-monster. This is going to be fun.

"Not quite. Your plan's still solid. I'll talk to them, let them know what you're planning. With a bit of luck, I'll even be able to get them on board." Before you can respond, Glenn/Sariel is on her feet. "And just to be perfectly clear? I HAVE been trusting you. More than you realize." And with that, she's gone, back into the public areas of the food court and who knows where else.

Still, you can't help but feeling like you understand Glenn a bit better now.

>You feel the bond between you and Glenn deepening slightly...
>Glenn/Sariel [Hanged Man] has advanced to Rank 2!
>Knowledge XP gained.
>Knowledge XP gained.

Feeling particularly drained after all that, you decide to head to sleep early. You need to be at your best when Legion arrive.

>Continued. Typing.

>> No.35986158

>>35986119
http://pastebin.com/MhwpNLBm
Have you read this OP?

>> No.35986176

>>35986158
>Generally speaking, you should only use a particular dice system if you understand what sort of probability distribution it produces. Best of 3d20 is a tight clump centered around 17, for example, which only very rarely goes below 6.
Vicious lies, writer needs to calculate for /tg/dice.

>> No.35986198

>>35986176
That's true but it's hard to get solid stats on /tg/dice.

>> No.35986292

Legion arrives sooner than anyone could have possibly anticipated. You've barely been asleep a few hours when you hear the shouting and pounding of people's feet. The lookouts have seen the horde, and you're one of the first summoned to see it for yourself. It's massive, larger than you'd anticipated, and they march in a broken rhythm, especially around the edges. There's no mistaking it, Legion is pushing the size of her horde to its absolute limits. Hundreds and hundreds of walkers are approaching the mall, maybe even thousands.

"How the fuck are we supposed to stop that many of them?" seems to be the general tone of what you hear as you stand on the roof. There are a few others, though, who have a look of grim determination. Five of them, including mister gas mask, stand with you, checking weapons and ammunition.

"It's still the best plan we've got." You hope that sounded more confident than you feel. It'll be, at best, a half-hour before the bulk of the horde arrives. There's only time for last-minute preparations, and doing whatever people can to make sure your plan succeeds- seems it's not just the surviving scavengers who caught wind of it.

Whatever you're going to do, you'll have to be decisive. Every minute you wait is another minute the horde could overrun the mall and kill everyone inside.

>[ ] Blitz Legion, count on the scavengers for long-range support.
>[ ] Set a trap, try to get everyone in close on her.
>[ ] Distribute them among key locations in the mall, to help fortify positions that might need it the most, then go in alone.
>[ ] Write-in.

>> No.35986327

>>35986292
>>[ ] Distribute them among key locations in the mall, to help fortify positions that might need it the most, then go in alone.

>> No.35986334

>>35986292
>>[X] Distribute them among key locations in the mall, to help fortify positions that might need it the most, then go in alone.

Try and set up a communal fallback zone and a route to escape in. Also, a meet up point if the mall must be abandoned and the group is split.

>> No.35986336

>>35986292
>[ ] Distribute them among key locations in the mall, to help fortify positions that might need it the most, then go in alone.

>> No.35986351

>>35986292
>>[X] Blitz Legion, count on the scavengers for long-range support.
We can kill her even before the horde gets here.

>>35986327
>>35986334
>>35986336
>Asking hermit for advice
>Ignoring all of said advice

>> No.35986361

>>35986327
>>35986334
>>35986336
>Anon gets advice
>Immediately disregards it in favor of going lone wolf
Am I missing something here?

>> No.35986381

>>35986361
>>35986351

>> No.35986392

>>35986361
>>35986351
I'm just a bit retarded don't mind me :3

Nah, in all honesty it's a bit late here, and you are both absolutely right. I'll change mine to blitzing, but still set up a meeting point. Just in case.

>> No.35986425

>>35986381
>Black Lagoon rock
>Rock
...so everyone person we try protect will be murdered and there's nothing we can do about it?
Sounds about right.

>> No.35986426

>>35986361
>[ ] Distribute them among key locations in the mall, to help fortify positions that might need it the most, then go in alone.
I thought this was the hunker down option.

>> No.35986451

>>35986426
The mall is already bunked down.
This was for what to do with our support team.

>> No.35986452

>>35986426
Or I misread like a tard. We should probably set a trap.

>> No.35986456

Did we ever get a description of what the MC herself looks like?

Can we decide that ourselves?

>> No.35986466

>>35986292
Op I think people are a bit confused by the options here.

>> No.35986482

>>35986456
>I tossed some ideas around on the ask.fm, but never gave anything concrete. Short, dark hair is about the only thing I have locked in for sure, and even that I could be convinced on.

>> No.35986493

>>35986482
I'd prefer if you just decide what the MC looks like.

>> No.35986526

>>35986493
Yeah /tg/ appearance design always turns out like the worst shit.

>> No.35986529

>>35986466
>bit confused
Don't see how.

>[ ] Blitz Legion, count on the scavengers for long-range support.
Exactlywhatitsaysonthetim.jpg
>[ ] Set a trap, try to get everyone in close on her.
...Set a trap and wait for Legion
>[ ] Distribute them among key locations in the mall, to help fortify positions that might need it the most, then go in alone.
We distribute our team at specific places in the mall and then go attack Legion by ourself.

>> No.35986552

>>35986482
Yeah what
>>35986493
>>35986526
I'm also alright with short dark hair...well depends on how short though

>> No.35986570

>>35986529
>has the right of it.

>> No.35986625

>>35986570
SO what is the one that Glenn recommended then?

>> No.35986653

>>35986625
>One of the first two. Have them actually help you kill Legion.

>> No.35986666

>>35986625
That would be

>[ ] Blitz Legion, count on the scavengers for long-range support.
>[ ] Set a trap, try to get everyone in close on her.
While she couldn't have foreseen the "blitz" requirement she said we should use the fire team as support.

>> No.35986676

>>35986653
Right okay. I vote for the trap option then.
>>35986336

>> No.35986734

>Looks like we've got a lot of people settling on trap, then? I made this a bit overcomplicated, so I'm having to pick through the mess I made.
>Typing.

>> No.35986749

>>35986666
Right, so our potions are:

1) Killing Legion quickly.
2) Luring Legion into a trap.

Considering the trap option will waste precious time that the horde will spend murdering our friends I'm going with blitz.

>> No.35986777

>>35986734
>>Looks like we've got a lot of people settling on trap, then?

You might want to take an actual revote QM.
We don't know how many people actually changed their votes from what to what.

>> No.35986788

>>35986734
my vote is still for the blitz, for what it's worth

>> No.35986797

>>35986749
But at the same time Legion might just be setting a trap for us as well. He did it last time after all.

>> No.35986808

>>35986734
>>35986788
Right. Mine's still Blitz too.

>> No.35986827

>>35986734
Voting too
>>35986788
>>35986808
Blitzing here too because that sounds like the coolest.

>> No.35986830

>>35986734
I'm pretty sure I'm the only person voting for trap.

>> No.35986840

>Okay, yeah, this is a mess. Time for a proper revote.

>[ ] Blitz Legion, get long-range support (Hermit approved)
>[ ] Set a trap with the help of the scavengers. (Hermit approved)
>[ ] Send them to fortify places around the mall, blitz Legion alone (Leeroy approved)

>> No.35986841

>>35986777
The problem with the trap option is that if one of our guys starts fearing for his life, he'll give away our position and we all die.

>> No.35986851

>>35986840
>[ ] Blitz Legion, get long-range support (Hermit approved)

>>35986841
Yeah that's true.

>> No.35986853

>>35986840
>>[ ] Blitz Legion, get long-range support (Hermit approved)

>> No.35986855

>>35986797
She might be, but I think we really pissed her off last time. She might not be thinking clearly.
>[ ] Blitz Legion, get long-range support (Hermit approved)

>(Leeroy approved)
Improvising, you know not the temptation you give me...

>> No.35986864

>>35986840
>>[X] Blitz Legion, get long-range support (Hermit approved)

>>35986797
The last time we basically broke into her house without knowing she lived there. This time she's literally marching across a plain to get to us. She obviously knows we're coming, it's just a matter of whose safety we prioritize.

>> No.35986874

>>35986840
>Blitz Legion

>> No.35986938

>Alright. Glad we finally got that all taken care of.
>God, it's late.
>Ah well, typing!

>> No.35986944

Where's the save everyone button?

>> No.35986982

>>35986944
As if there ever was one

>> No.35987134

You need to bring Legion down as quickly as possible. A trap could work, but if it doesn't, you'll have wasted precious time. But you're still going to need some help. Communicating your plan to the crew, they take a few moments to get equipped the most accurate, long-ranged, high-powered weapons they can get. It's something that won't work twice, even if they can get a clear shot, but maybe one is all you need.

Everything else is in place, the civilians (including your brother) are ready with fallback locations, and there's an escape plan to get as many people out as possible if you fail and the mall is overrun. Worst-case scenario, you can hope that at least some of these people will survive. But that's not enough, not nearly. Sariel may have been right, you may not be able to save everyone. But god dammit, are you going to try.

It isn't long until you can make out the leader of the horde, dead center. She's larger than she was. More monstrous, with more limbs, and more faces. The central head, the one that Rick split, is twisted and grotesque, each side stuch constantly mimicking that of another nearby face. Legion is cracking apart, in more ways than one. Now you just have to put her down for good.

>Choose your transformation.
>[ ] Rohk - [Chariot] +1 STR, +1 AGI
Ability: Assault Dive, ???, ???
>[ ] Ares - [Chariot] +1 STR, +1 VIT
Ability: Resist Physical, ???, ???
>[ ] Berith - [Hanged Man] +1 STR, +1 MAG
Ability: Maragi, ???, ???
>[ ] Valkyrie - [Strength] +1 STR, +1 AGI
Ability: Mabufu, ???, ???
>Your favored Arcana is Strength, so if you choose Valkyrie, you will get an extra reroll this thread (for a total of two), but each choice has its strengths.
>There's no wrong answer here, it's just a matter of strategy.

>> No.35987171

>>35987134
Can you tell me what the abilities do? Total Persona noob...

>> No.35987191

>>35987134
>[ ] Valkyrie - [Strength] +1 STR, +1 AGI

>> No.35987200

>>35987134
>[ ] Valkyrie - [Strength] +1 STR, +1 AGI

>> No.35987201

>>35987134
Valkyrie go

>> No.35987222

>>35987191
>>35987200
>>35987201
o-okay. Valkyrie...

>> No.35987228

>>35987134
>[X] Valkyrie - [Strength] +1 STR, +1 AGI

>>35987171
Assault Dive is a low-power single-target physical attack skill, Resist Physical is self-explanatory, Maragi and Mabufu are multi-target fire and ice spells, respectively.

>> No.35987236

>>35987171
>I tweaked them a bit but
>Assault Dive is a physical attack that I stole for the name of the "jump like woah" powers.
>Resist Physical means it's harder for normal attacks to hurt you.
>Maragi is a "hit everybody with fire" power.
>Mabufu is the same but with ice.

>> No.35987246

>>35987171
>>35987222
Are you a Mormon?

>> No.35987260 [DELETED] 

>>35987246
Nope :o

>> No.35987289

>Valkyrie it is. Typing.

>> No.35987422 [DELETED] 

>>35987260
anymore

>> No.35987493

Closing your eyes, you focus on the new powers within you, the ones given to you by Igor. He must have given them for a reason, right? The decision is made almost as soon as it comes up in your mind. When you open your eyes again, you see that your opponent has noticed you, where you stand, though she does not seem to recognize you just yet.

"BrINg mE thE OnE WHo CaLLs HerSElf SHaX!" You decide to accept her demands.

Taking two steps back from the edge of the roof, you take a running start, and leap with all the strength that you can off of the roof into the crowd. There is only wind above you, only the horde below. Heart pounding in your chest, you feel the adrenaline pumping through your system, and your body changes and transforms in mid-air. Your armor, normally bone-gray is now shining silver, and you feel a cold, unrelenting magic within you.

You don't get much time to appreciate it, before you're again descending. And without Rohk's powers to guide you, it's a matter of your own skill to make sure you land near Legion.

>Time for another roll. This one is Agility. +1 for your stat, and +1 for your Persona, we're looking at 2 getting added to the final total.
>So let's see them bones.

>> No.35987524

Rolled 4, 5, 2 = 11 (3d6)

>>35987493
Bones deployed, cap'n.

>> No.35987526

Rolled 4, 5, 6 = 15 (3d6)

>>35987493

>> No.35987538

>And one more. Nice rolls, by the way.

>> No.35987548

Rolled 5, 1, 4 = 10 (3d6)

>>35987493
>Inb4 I ruin it for everybody

>> No.35987585

>9 + 2 = 11. Success. Spoiler, a 12+ would've resulted in you landing ON her, but this is still quite good for you. Typing!

>> No.35987726

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3F8mWUmCTlk

Valkyrie is more agile than you expected. You gain speed as you start rocketing downward, and your impact is severe, the shockwave followed immediately after by one of super-chilled air, clearing the area around you of walkers. A few down, many hundred to go.

The demon has definitely noticed your entrance however, and her many heads roar, curse, threaten, and chomp, creating a horrible cacophony of noise. It hurts your ears, hurts your very brain, and soon, the entire swarm has joined in, their cohesion from your first meeting all but broken.

"We WIlL MurDEr YOu! LiKE YoU MuRdEReD BElPhEGOR!"

The waves of sound are oppressive. It's taking all of your willpower to stay focused on the assault, and there's no doubt, like the fear powers from before, this is a direct attempt to influence your mind, and those of everyone else who can hear it.

>Vitality roll this time! Flat +1 from your stat. Last roll before the real battle starts, I promise.

>> No.35987736

Rolled 6, 2, 1 = 9 (3d6)

>>35987726

>> No.35987746

Rolled 2, 6, 3 = 11 (3d6)

>>35987726
[insert regular bitching about dice system]

>> No.35987762

Rolled 2, 5, 3 = 10 (3d6)

>>35987726

>> No.35987774

>8 + 1 = 9. That'll do. Typing.

>> No.35987790

Rolled 6, 1, 6 = 13 (3d6)

>>35987726
Alley oop!

>> No.35987890

The voices push, and you push back, but they seem to be coming from inside your own skull. Shapes, mirages of friends and enemies dance on the edges of your vision, attempting to distract you from your goal, from the opponent in front of you. Behind you, you faintly recognize the sounds of people screaming, babbling. You're not the only one under the effects of this, then.

Trying to shake the cobwebs, the illusions, from your mind and partially succeeding, you focus yourself on Legion, push out all thoughts but killing her, and as quickly as possible. Towering over you, limbs gripping, flexing, and flailing, she opens her many mouths to speak again, and the voice comes from inside your own head, in your own voice.

"SurReNDeR BeLPheGOr'S SoUL aND thIs WIlL bE QuiCK anD PaInLEss!"

>[ ] Blitz her, relying on pure power.
>[ ] Outmaneuver her clumsy, overnumerous limbs, and try to knock the writing mass off balance.
>[ ] Distract her, and try to set up a clear shot for one or more of the survivors.

>> No.35987906

Rolled 6, 4, 3 = 13 (3d6)

>>35987890
>>[ ] Blitz her, relying on pure power.

>> No.35987913

>>35987890
>[ ] Outmaneuver her clumsy, overnumerous limbs, and try to knock the writing mass off balance.
Time to use that Agility bonus.

>> No.35987957

>>35987890
>>[x] Blitz her, relying on pure power.

>> No.35987999

>>35987890
>[ ] Outmaneuver her clumsy, overnumerous limbs, and try to knock the writing mass off balance.

>> No.35988053

She's large, strong, and has a giant mass of dangerous limbs, but with her current level of coordination, there's no way she can bring that all to bear. Again pushing away the effects of the voices, you charge forward, winding up, and swing, putting all your power and momentum behind the swing of your fist.

The impact strikes center mass and Legion's chorus is momentarily disrupted as she stumbles back. You press your assault, swinging again and again, and though each blow hits, you don't seem to be doing any damage. For the moment, all you can do is keep her stalled. You're going to need to hit her a lot harder than this if you want to do any lasting damage.

>Strength roll! This one is another +2.

>> No.35988070

Rolled 1, 5, 6 = 12 (3d6)

>>35988053

>> No.35988079

Rolled 3, 1, 5 = 9 (3d6)

>>35988053

>> No.35988081

Rolled 3, 3, 3 = 9 (3d6)

>>35988053

>> No.35988093

>6+2=8. Typing.

>> No.35988248

Again and again you strike her. Again and again, you throw yourself into her blows. But her biology is so twisted and unnatural and beyond recognition that you can't even tell if you're actually dealing any lasting damage. And a stalemate is not what you're here for. There are too many lives on the line.

As if on cue, you begin to hear thudding and crunching of countless fists of walkers trying to break into the mall. You have to work fast, and Legion knows it. She's stalling you, while her horde, only half-controlled at best, is putting your brother and everyone else in danger.

And then the walkers, pushed back by the shockwave of ice, have begun to defrost, and descend upon you as well. But this timem, they move not to pin you down and crush you, but to hold you still for Legion to make an example of you.

>[ ] Evade the crowds, try to topple Legion so you can fight her on your own level.
>[ ] Focus on Legion, come what may.
>[ ] Distract/taunt Legion.

>Ugh, I keep falling asleep in my chair.
>I'll be up early tomorrow, I could finish then. I want to do this fight justice, and I've just been phoning it in because I'm so tired.

>> No.35988280

>>35988248
>[ ] Focus on Legion, come what may.

>> No.35988291

>Yeah, I hate to do this, but I want this to go right. If someone could keep this alive until the morning (~10 AM, EST?), I'll pick it up then.

>> No.35989811

Bump.

>> No.35990673

>>35988248
Mind expanding the success part of this die system? Otherwise we're going to be doing half successes between every failure.

>> No.35991996

>>35990673

>> No.35992347

>>35990673

>> No.35992577

>After modifiers...
>6 or less is a fail-forward.
Failure. Everyone dies
>7-9 is a success with caveats or a hard choice.
Failure. Either we fail + abandon whatever we're doing and save people or everyone dies
>10+ is a success.
Our situation improves marginally.
>12+ is a roaring success. (Not always relevant, though.)
Like being confessed to by the girl you like or succeeding in life while being a good person. This is a thing which does not exist.

>> No.35992734

>>35992577
Wat

>> No.35992918

>>35992577
>Like being confessed to by the girl you like or succeeding in life while being a good person. This is a thing which does not exist.

Kek

>> No.35993191

You write very well, IA. You deserve more players.

>> No.35994080

>>35993191
It could do with improvement.

>> No.35994117

>>35994080
Such as?

>> No.35994167

>>35994117
More description of characters, emotions, voices, it's mainly just detail actually.

>> No.35994754

OP ded

>> No.35995915

>>35994754
He went to sleep.

>> No.35996783

IA does need more players. I'm surprised she's not back yet though, she must've been pretty tired.

>> No.35997197

>>35996783
If you checked her twitter, it's actually due to her internet, retard.

>> No.35997234

>>35997197
Ah, I see. Thanks for kindly pointing that out to me, you insufferable cunt :3

>> No.35998701

Is thread dead

>> No.36000399

bump just in case...

>> No.36000932

>Just got internet back.
>Probably better off just doing this shit tomorrow.
>10 AM, EST/4chan time, like I promised today.

>> No.36001502

>>35994167
>I appreciate this type of criticism, telling me what I need to improve on and how. I'll try to flesh out the details in my posts more.

>> No.36001657

>>36001502
Did the expansion on Adam help at all?

>> No.36001702

>>36001657
That expansion was grammatically incorrect at points and a little bit creepy.

>> No.36001838

>>36001702
>I'll do an overhaul of the Social Link masterlist after this scene/the next thread finishes.

>> No.36001893

>>36001702
>grammatically incorrect at points
Could you clarify that for me?

>>36001838
Was that a yes or a no?

>> No.36002774

>>36001893
>Could you clarify that for me?
I'll try, but I'm tired enough that I might be off at points or let some of my own idiosyncrasies slip through.


>Adam Alistar, despite the veritable apocalypse remains cheerful.
Comma after apocalypse, due to "despite the veritable apocalypse" being an aside.

>Although young and inexperienced, Adam has managed to remain an honest, truthful, helpful and genuinely enjoyable to be around, Adam is very popular with those living in the Mall.
Saying honest and truthful is redundant, you only need one of those descriptors. I'd go with honest to prevent overusing the -ful suffix. Add person or something similar after "around" or remove the "an" before honest.

>enjoyable to be around, Adam is very
Pretty sure that should have a conjunction or that the comma should be a semicolon. You may want to change that instance of "Adam" to "he".

>Still being a toddler, Adam is surprisingly socially aware, acting as a mediator among the children of the mall, and sometimes even aiding in the disputes of adults.
Despite still being a toddler, as toddlers are not known for their social awareness.

>Adam himself, being five years of age, is almost three and a half feet tall.
This is mostly okay, but the phrasing seems a little odd. Five year olds aren't automatically slightly shorter than three and a half feet.

>His creamy white skin completely unscarred by the walkers
Just say pale skin or something similar, the line feels a bit creepy as-is.

>His bright blue eyes are only complimented by his very short golden hair.
I'd drop the "only", it's unnecessary and there are other things that can compliment eye coloration.

>Out of everyone in the mall, Adam is the one who knows you most, and is the only family member of yours left.
This is okay.

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