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33793107 No.33793107 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Mordor replaces Wallachia. What happens?

>> No.33793148

remove lembas

>> No.33793201

>>33793107
Being an obvious, demonic common enemy right in-between the Catholic and Orthodox countries, Mordor mends the Great Schism.

>> No.33793210

>>33793148
10/10

>> No.33793263

>>33793107
The Holy Roman Empire actually has an army to compete to the orcs of mordor. Then without the magics of middle earth to create more orcs, as well as brining in other monsters and mercenaries do to everyone rallying against them Mordor would get their shit pushed in.

>> No.33793266
File: 1.85 MB, 500x280, e0fKO9H.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
33793266

>>33793107
>Holy Roman Empire (several small states)

Understatement of the year.

>> No.33793269

Sauron teams up with the Mongols and takes over Europe.

>> No.33793282

>>33793263
>magics of middle earth to create more orcs
You mean rape?

>> No.33793294

>>33793282
Nah orcs were made of mud or something

>> No.33793310

>>33793266
The fuck is with his face?

>> No.33793312

>>33793310
he's asian bro, gee, travel a little

>> No.33793313
File: 195 KB, 1203x960, MiddleEarth1200AD.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
33793313

>>33793107
pic related is a map from a here:
http://www. alternate history .com /discussion /showthread.php?t=198299
it about what would happen if mordor and the misty mountains were transported into medieval england.

>> No.33793336

>>33793269
actually if Sauron managed to find a way to co-op Islam or usurp command of the mongol horde things might get pretty fire and brimstony

>> No.33793349

>>33793313
>Much of Bavaria gets turned into an impassable mountain ridge

That's an improvement right there!

>> No.33793361

>>33793336
Why did Islam come to your mind and not Christianity?

>> No.33793372

>>33793349
You should totally give the link a look its a great read.

>> No.33793379
File: 62 KB, 353x280, 1374579381518.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
33793379

>>33793349
>Hating on Bavaria

>> No.33793393

>>33793313
>it about what would happen if mordor and the misty mountains were transported into medieval england.
dental hygiene improves marginally?

>> No.33793395

>>33793313
From the looks of it mordor is extremely exposed on the Black Sea. One may not be able to walk there but a crucial naval battle could have centurions all up in there shit.

>> No.33793400
File: 323 KB, 1024x535, prophetofpeace.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
33793400

>>33793361

>> No.33793406

>>33793361
He might have an easier time convincing everyone that he's a new prophet rather than Jesus 2.0

Though 'Pope Sauron' does have a certain ring to it.

>> No.33793414

>>33793294
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orc_(Middle-earth)#A_list_of_origins.2C_proposed_by_Tolkien

>> No.33793439

>>33793361
>>33793406
Sauron has the whole "I am obviously an abominable demon from the deepest pits of hell" thing that would make it hard to cooperate with ANY established religion.

His best bet is to start his own and hope that having a living breathing miracles-performing god helps with the recruitment.

>>33793400
Yeah, well, it's not like the Catholics were pushovers either. Whenever they felt like fighting something other than themselves.

>> No.33793460

>>33793400
Because the Pope never declared a war in the name of religion, right?

>> No.33793464

>>33793439
one thing he could do is give out those dwarven rings to the romans and watch the locals to all the work for him.

>> No.33793522

>>33793439
>Sauron has the whole "I am obviously an abominable demon from the deepest pits of hell" thing that would make it hard to cooperate with ANY established religion.
Sauron could pass himself off as a Jinn.
>it's not like the Catholics were pushovers either
Islam was a religion invented by a wannabee general as a excuse to conquer. It was a religion of war from birth. You can't really compare it to any other major religion.

>> No.33793531

>>33793107
Mordor isn't fundamentally tied to Sauron. It existed before him, it exists after him.

Mordor is a bountifully rich region of arable land with strong natural borders for defense.

Wallachia becomes even more strategically important than it already was.

>> No.33793702

>>33793460
You are comparing the founder of a religion to dozens of religious leaders who's lives were spread out over thousands of years.
If you're going to compare Mohammad to anybody compare him to Jesus or Peter.

>> No.33794203
File: 97 KB, 1280x720, Vlad Tepes.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
33794203

>>33793107

>Mordor replaces Wallachia
>Wallachia replaces Mordor

Middle-Earth has a vampire invasion.

>> No.33794221

>>33793531
Yeah, but "what if Eastern Europe gained a new rich region of arable land with strong natural borders?" isn't nearly as interesting a question.

>> No.33794422

>>33794203
ME already has vampires. Vampires that look monsters instead of anime faggots.

>> No.33794483
File: 169 KB, 392x483, Vlad Tepes.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
33794483

>>33794422

There. Better now?

Also, vampires in Middle-Earth do not breed like the ones in Stoker's book. They are not undead humans but fallen maia.

>> No.33794704 [SPOILER] 
File: 980 KB, 400x233, 1406822021113.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
33794704

>>33793107
>Medieval Europe was more diverse than any of my fantasy settings will ever be

>> No.33794718
File: 132 KB, 1592x1264, iapl__european_leagues_map_by_niknaks93-d37yfcv.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
33794718

We replace Europe with pokemon leagues, how is history different?

>> No.33794791

>>33794718
I like how Germany and Austria just consist of (post-E4?) locations that aren't accessible via routes.

>> No.33794821

>>33794718
Italy shot tier, railroading piece of shit.
Would not catch them all.

Also Hitler had Mewtwo.

>> No.33794930
File: 925 KB, 2314x1880, central_europe_1648.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
33794930

>>33794704

>> No.33794933

>>33794821
Hitler was searching for Mew, to use it as his ultimate weapon.

He didn't realize the Americans had cloned Mew, until they unleashed Mewtwo on two Japanese cities, killing tens of thousands instantly and hundreds of thousands through the fallout.

Pokemon cloning became the ultimate weapon in the cold war between the USSR and America, with Russia creating the 3 Genies, and the US developing devastating Pokemon TMs for their already powerful arsenal.

>> No.33795050
File: 119 KB, 500x603, Pokemon_fusion_Starlix.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
33795050

>>33794718
>Story of Alexander is him going on his Pokemon Journey
>So is the story of Muhammed
>Celts stomps the shit out of Roman Empire because they have roaming trainers who haves level 70+ Pokemon
>Vikings stomps the shit ouf of Celts because of the above
>Dhengis Khan and his warsword, and army of overbreed Pokemon and Chinese Legendaries stomps the shit out of Europa
>Nobody wants to cross Sahara because it has level 90+ roaming sanddragons

>> No.33795133

>>33793406
That would probably make it even harder for him to co-opt Islam. One of the core tenets of Islam is that Muhammad is the "seal of all messengers," i.e. there can be no prophets after him.

If he used his powers to perform miracles and things then he would actually have an extremely easy time convincing people he was the second coming.

>> No.33795167

>>33793522
>implying Jinn aren't generally regarded as evil

Did you learn about Islam from watching Aladdin?

>> No.33795179

>>33795167

Aren't they, like, totally neutral?

>> No.33795187

>>33794933
10/10 would play.

>> No.33795213

>>33795179
Technically, they can be good, neutral or evil but most lore holds them as being bad.

>> No.33795231

>>33795213
And regardless, why would Sauron try to pass himself off as a Jinn? They're not the subject of reverence

>> No.33795317

>>33795231
Sauron doesn't want to be worshiped.

>> No.33795336

>>33794933
"Hey, guys, you hear the news? They say they've got a superweapon coming, one tha-"

"Shut it."

"W.. what? This war could be over-"

"SHUT. IT. Kid, you don't know shit. You really think this is the first 'superweapon'? Oh, they've had plenty. We hear about them all the time. Every year the propaganda starts rolling out, and them, BOOM! Silence. Nothing. Posters off the walls, records missing from the archives. Not a single trace of evidence save what you grabbed while you could."

"You... you mean there's been others?"

"Hell, there's been others. Every damned time these idiot Genefreaks think they're making a new perfect war machine. At first they were, and nothing happened because every other goddamned side was making the same shit. They shut that news down, because they'd have to damn well admit that their superweapon got fucked up and that the enemy had its own. Hell, it's easy to do. Funny thing about super-killing, once you've won you don't got too many witnesses to worry about, and half of them don't have the sanity to say a goddamn word."

"But, we'd make them better now! The Wire said geneticists have been making amazing discoveries every day!"

"Heh. Wire finally got something right. Damned right they got better. They made 'em perfect. Too goddamned perfect. You take a slave and give him a gun, you damned well know what he's gonna do with it. Except those bastard Genefreaks didn't. Wouldn't know reality if it tore their bastard heads off."

"But you said they didn't tell...how do you know, sarge?"

"..."

"Sarge?"

"... because I was goddamned well there."

"Where?"

>> No.33795357

>>33795336
"Mewtwo. The biggest, baddest superweapon of all, they told us. Genefreaks spliced the code right off of the original template. Except they hadn't modded it this time, they just activated the noncoder regions, every last one. Hell if I know what that means but they sure as shit didn't do it every day."

"You said you saw it?"

"Yeah, me and half the army. The deployed the entire 7th and half the 21st Marine. Two brigades worth, as glorified witnesses. We rolled up to an enemy position, the Weather Institue, one of the fucked-up superweapon labs. Didn't know what the hell they got up to in that hellhole, and I damn well liked it that way.

Anyway, we all get out ,take up positions, and the enemy comes to meet us. Except they don't got two brigades, they've got the entire fucking Hoenn army. So many Rhydons stomping around the waves went backwards out the beach. Enough of those fucking Fearow we could hear them a kilometre away. They even brought out the goddamned Omega Company, four fucking platoons of Alakazam. I tell you what, half our guys damned near legged it when they saw that clusterfuck. Few of them actually did. The Genefreaks didn't care, didn't stop them. We weren't there to fight, we were there to prove a goddamned point.

So, they give the signal, and we thin the ranks. This black van, like something out of a bad war movie drives up, and drops off this canister, bit bigger than a man. The Genefreaks got in the van and fucking legged it. We all stepped back, and by fuck it's a good thing we did, because this can pops open, and this... thing comes out.

Now, I've seen some freaky fucking monsters. I've been in the water, in the burning wreckage of the SS Anne as Sharpedo butcher anyone who made a move. I've nearly been swallowed by a fucking Muk. Hell, I faced down a Haunter and lived. But I don't wanna see the day where I see another one of these things.

>> No.33795377

>>33795357
Didn't look too freaky. Nearly human, but... purple. Backjoint legs, big tail, lumpy head. That's not what got to me. This thing radiated a fucking aura of complete psychosis. Just being near the damned thing made you rage, and hate, and want to kill. Couple of guys looked at it too close, started attacking us.

Then, it moved.

Fuck, it was fast. Didn't even see it move, like the fucking thing teleported right in front of the enemy. They all move forward, and all we can see as we get into position is the look of utter contempt on its face.

It was a psychic. Not like Alakazam, shit no. Alakazam is a goddamn parlour trick compared to this. It didn't even bother playing with minds, it just fucked the universe a new hole. It picked up the Ryuga and the Kenshi, those massive Wailord-base battleships, lifted into the air by looking at 'em like they were goddamned skitties, and blew them up. Not exploded, just... ripped apart. Fucking meat and blood everywhere, it got us from that far away. Jesus. None of the enemy even moves, they're completely fucking shitless of this thing.

Then the Fearow swooped. Must'ave been a thousand of the fuckers, each one moving like a goddamn gunshot. Freak didn't even move. Just looked at them, help up its hands, and clenched them, and half the fuckers were crushed into a goddam nball no bigger than this Rhydon. The rest legged it, and not one made it further an a hundred metres. The fucking thing took that ball of fucking gore, and shot it at the soldiers so fast it left a goddamned impact crater.

>> No.33795397

>>33795377
The spell broke, and everyone left tried to run. All fucking kinds of shit was going on, monsters hurled into the air, rammed into the ground, torn in half, turned inside out, or just gone completely insane. Fucking thing never even had to touch them. Omega Division, fifty fucking Alakazam, moved up and started doing its work. The most powerful psychic force ever to exist working as one, and they made this ball of darkness they shot at the freak. They hit it square on, and the ball blew up like a goddamned black supernova.

It didn't even leave a mark.

The freak just stared at them, stared in utter contempt, and they lost it. I've never seen an Alakazam scared before, even the ones I've killed, but these things were panicking like fucking greenies seeing their first Weezing. Half ran, half started spamming shit everywhere, and I swear to God some of them were fucking praying. Didn't help. They killed themselves, every last one.

The rest didn't last long, those that hadn't got the brains to run. This fucking thing had killed half the fucking military might of Hoenn in a few hours, and wasn't even out of breath.

That black van comes back, and the Genefreak gets out. He pulls out a megaphone and a pokeball, and says something, I forget what. The freak looks at him, and for the first time that day actually reacts. It's an ugly look, a primal combo of sheer rage and animalistic fear. Same shit you get on a man's face when he knows he's going to die but wants to take down every fucker he can with him. And then, it moves."

"...and then..?"

>> No.33795417

>>33795397
"..."

"Sarge?"

"... I don't wanna talk about it. I don't wanna fucking think about it. If I don't fucking tell you then nobody fucking knows and maybe it never fucking happened."

"Are you okay, sarge?"

"Funny thing, that. Those fucking Genefreaks had ruined the world with their bullshit, and I thought there wasn't a fucking punishment this side of God that could give them what they deserved.

Funny how we can be so damn wrong and never know it."

"Sarge... are you sure you're okay? I can... I can get a clefairy or something."

"I don't need no fucking magic fairy shit, I'm fine!"

"Sarge... I don't think you are. There... there never was a 7th brigade. There's nothing on the record, or anything."

"Goddman right there isn't. Wouldn't be the first time they made something awkward disappear."

"But wouldn't there have been survivors, or something? Someone would have told someone."

"A survivor, kid?"

"Yeah, sarge, th-"

"You're looking at him."

"Sarge?"

"I am the 7th Brigade, now. And you don’t wanna go talking shit about superweapons any more. They don’t exist. Never have, never will.”

“Yes, sarge.”

Now get up and get your damn shockrod. We're gonna take Fallarbor tonight, and it's gonna be a long fuckign night."

>> No.33795422

>>33795336
>>33795357
>>33795377
>>33795397
What the hell is this crap rewritten from? Its bad.

>> No.33795770

>>33795422
this

>> No.33796210

>>33795417
>>33795397
>>33795377
>>33795357
>>33795336

Fuck me, you fucking sure like to fucking use the fucking word fuck a lot, don't you, you fucking motherfucker? "Fuck" makes fucking stories so much fucking grittier and serious bznss, doesn't everyone fucking agree?

>> No.33796797

>>33795167
Jinn's did nothing wrong. It is Allah who's the faggot and the humans who willingly serve him as slaves.

>> No.33796830

>>33796210
fuck yeah motherfucker

>> No.33796959

>>33796797
Humans get to spend eternity having sex with chained up virgins and drinking from rivers of wine.

>> No.33797252

>Sauron:
ILet me tell you of the one true god Morgoth!
Also, I can shoot fireballs and crap. What can your priests do?

Medieval Europe would fall en masse to the Morgoth cult, simply because of the obvious miracles.
Do you actually think the simple peasants give enough shits about their masters' religions that they would not be seduced by something like this?
Sauron doesn't need to fucking pose as anything, he can be openly what he wants to be, no Maiar or Valar to fuck with him anymore.
And Orcs breed like rats, within a century he would have more than enough. Not that he needs them, since with the few he came with he could have easily brought all of the Balkans and Anatolia to his side.
I mean, what are you guys thinking? This is an actual Wizard we're talking about, no fucking RL reigion has anything against that (because if we use real medieval times, they are most likely not real).
"Oh Allah, protect me!"
"Fireballs!"
"Oh Morgoth, accept me, the puny unbeliever!"

>> No.33797281

>>33793313
That lack of scale

>> No.33797286
File: 325 KB, 1026x1102, 1365796213636.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
33797286

>>33796959
>The Houri have a "modest gaze" and "large and beautiful eyes", and they are "splendid voluptuous maidens"

Anime is real, praise Allah!

>> No.33797391

>>33796959
They might stay virgins too with too much wine beforehand, I've had wine hangovers that seemed to last an eternity
A nice lager couldn't go astray

>> No.33797630

>>33797281
What are you talking about?

>> No.33798025

>>33793107
>HRE
>Holy
>Roman
>Empire
Kek.

>> No.33798345

>>33793107
Wouldn't Hungary work better? It already has mountain walls on three sides, doesn't it?

>> No.33798784

>>33798345
Wouldn't change anything, the Balkans are a hop and a skip away.

>> No.33800777

lolwhat

european armies from that era would slaughter mordor's orcs

>>
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