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[ERROR] No.33705276 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

I am Itsukuma Masami, and I'm dreaming again, but something feels oddly different this time.

There's an endless sea of water at complete rest, just below my feet. I can feel a barrier of some kind, completely invisible, that is keeping me from falling into the endless ocean. A dull light rests just at the horizon, illuminating the sea and everything resting on top of it.
While everything is plainly visible, there isn't much to observe here. Just myself, the suit that I found myself wearing earlier, and a shadowy figure that stands between me and the suit. The elegant fabric floats a small distance above the water, as if held aloft by some unseen force.

It's probably a ghost, and I must be having a nightmare.

Archive: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Card%20Priestess%20Quest
Twitter: http://twitter.com/QM_CardHeart

>> No.33705480

>>33705276
The shadowy figure turns to face me, I interrupt him before he can speak,
"Who are you and what have you done with the person that should be here?!"
He stops, and responds with utter silence.
I'm not letting him give me that treatment,
"I said, who are you and why are you even here!? Don't you have any shame?!"
His head snaps upward, and he finally responds to me,
"I could say the same to you, Priestess."
That voice, it's the same voice that man I met earlier had. The deep, condesending voice, filled with-
Wait, what does he mean by that?

My eyes draw downward to notice that I'm still wearing my PJs, and my top isn't buttoned all the way. My hands instinctively pull the fabric tight, and I look back at him just in time to notice that he had thrown the outfit at me. It collides with my face and sends me tumbling backwards.

He sighs, "I can't believe someone like you gets to own all of this. You must the one he favors the most to grant you so much while you continue to do so little for him."
Wait, who is 'he'?

He turns, and starts to walk away, the 'air' seemingly opening up for him to pass straight through as he steps away from me.

I stand up, clutching the outfit to my chest.
"Hey! I'm not done yet! Who was the person that was supposed to be here!"
He turns to look at me once more,
"You're the person who was supposed to be here, I was merely borrowing this place to get your attention. If you had just come and met him with me, none of this would have had to happen."

With that, he steps through the crack, and all becomes silent again.

Then I hear a very loud, obnoxious buzzing.

--

I'm in my bed, I'm holding my blanket really close to me, and the alarm is buzzing.

I can feel the sharp pinch of panic run across me. What do I do next?

>Just get dressed and go to school
>See if I can catch Mom and tell her about what happened
>See if Mom is even AWAKE yet from her meltdown yesterday.

>> No.33705519

>>33705480
>See if Mom is even AWAKE yet from her meltdown yesterday.
Mom rescue.

>> No.33705544

>>33705480
>See if Mom is even AWAKE yet from her meltdown yesterday.

She probably isn't

>> No.33705557

>>33705480
>>See if Mom is even AWAKE yet from her meltdown yesterday.

>> No.33705569

>>33705480
>See if Mom is even AWAKE yet from her meltdown yesterday.
Gotta worry

>> No.33705685

Rolled 11

Quick check

>> No.33705715

Rolled 9

Writing!

>> No.33705995

>>33705685
How ominous.

>> No.33706011

>>33705480
I'm not falling for your guilt trip, shadowman.

>> No.33706051

Oh, oh I just remembered something important. Mom was completely exhausted from what happened yesterday! I wonder if she even woke up?

I dart upward, out of bed, and stumble through the doorway of my room. Just in time to notice Mom's door was closed. She must have woken up already.
I walk out into the kitchen to smell the aroma of coffee brewing. At the table sits Mom, cupping her forehead.

"Mom! Are you okay?" I immediately run toward her.
I stop several paces away from her, putting my hands on her shoulders.
"I'm not feeling well today, I think I'll be staying home." She says in a barely audible whisper.
Now I'm worried, "Is. Is something wrong? Are you still tired? Hurt?"
"No, no, it's fine, I just..overdid it yesterday. I haven't worked like that in a very long time." She takes a sip from her cup.

She keeps saying she's fine, but I'm still worried all the same.

Her cup is placed back onto the table,
"Your breakfast is ready, it's just toast this morning, but I don't think I can make anything better right now."
"If you're trying to convince me that you'll be okay, you're doing a bad job at it, Mom." I pout, "If you want me to stay home with you, all you need to do is ask."
"No, please, I'll be fine, I think your friend should be here soon to pick you up anyway."

I look at the clock, and suddenly realize that quite some time has passed since my alarm rang. I'm still standing in the living room in my pajamas, and my breakfast toast isn't eaten yet.

>I know what I must do
>Sit here and eat with Mom, Aiko will get here when she gets here.
>Peek outside to see if Aiko is there, if she is, just skip breakfast and eat later.

>> No.33706097

>>33706051
>Sit here and eat with Mom, Aiko will get here when she gets here.
>Tell her about the dream.

>> No.33706117

>>33706051
>Sit here and eat with Mom, Aiko will get here when she gets here.

>> No.33706142

>>33706051
>I know what I must do

Is tempting, but

>Sit here and eat with Mom
and
>Talk about the dream

>> No.33706198

>>33706051
>>Sit here and eat with Mom, Aiko will get here when she gets here.
Tell her about the dream.

>> No.33706221

>Writing!

>> No.33706654

I pull out the chair and sit down across from her. I should enjoy breakfast with her like a good daughter, no matter what she made for me. What's important to me is that she was the one that made it.

Even though it's still merely toast, it definitely takes savory enough. She used just the right amount of butter, and if I'm not mistaken, cinnamon. It's not much, but it's still enough to give that satisfied feeling after a good meal.

Mom still has her palm to her forehead, occasionally stopping to take a sip of coffee. Now might be a good time to tell her about the dream I had, maybe it will distract her mind from the pain.

"Um, I had a dream last night, maybe you can tell me what it was about?" I ask.
"mm hmm." She responds
That wasn't very convincing.

"I dreamed that, I was inside that card I got yesterday, and there wasn't anyone in it like with the first card. Instead it was just the suit that I wore, and that guy who had taken the card over last time."
"mm."
I'm not sure that I'm getting through to her.

[1/?]

>> No.33706676

>>33706654
mom stop making me feel guilty for doing the right thing and going to school

>> No.33706681

>>33706654
Mooooom!

>> No.33706816

>>33706654
"And. Um. One more thing, he said that the card was meant for me in the first place. And that some guy was the one who gifted it to me."
"oh."

That's it? 'oh'?

"Are you sure you're okay?"
"oh, oh I'm fine."
She takes another sip of coffee, I'm still less than convinced.

She finally responds with something intelligible,
"That card you got yesterday, I was thinking about it, and that was definitely a card that Fortune made. I was going to ask around about it today, but I really don't think I can do it."
"It's fine! Really, just rest for today, it will probably be fine as it is."

Suddenly, there's a knock at the door, and I'm still in my pajamas.

I bolt upward and rush to get dressed, leaving Mom to answer the door for Aiko.

[2/3]

>> No.33706852

>>33706816
Mom pls

>> No.33706856

>>33706816
I say goodbye to Mom as I leave the house on the way to school. I hope she's okay by herself for today.

My hands slide along the pockets of my bag and my uniform, just to be sure that I brought along my phone and the cards today. I don't want a repeat of yesterday.

Aiko seems pretty happy today for some reason, she's balancing on the curb, laughing to herself, sometimes she would get out a phone and send a text to someone.

What is even happening today? I think someone told me yesterday, but I completely forgot about what it could be.

>Club recruitment
>More tours around the neighborhood
>An important student council meeting
>*Other*!

>> No.33706912

>>33706856
>Club Recruitment

It's time.

>> No.33706924

>>33706856
>Club recruitment

Gotta join the Punch Shit club.

>> No.33706946

>>33706856
>Ask her to help with defending myself

This was ignored yesterday

>> No.33706978

>>33706856
>Club recruitment
Mother

fuckin

clubs

>> No.33706992

>>33706946
We can do that by joining the punchy club.

Occult club would be fun too though...

>> No.33706995

>>33706856
>>Club recruitment
Time to overload the new girl. a

>> No.33707054

>Club Recruitment
it is!

>Writing!
>You might want to start thinking of some clubs to join!

>> No.33707147

>>33707054
Go Home Club
Host(ess) Club
Light Music Club
Literary Club

>> No.33707167

>>33707054
Is Aiko in any club?

>> No.33707177

>>33707054
What club is that Kaori fortune-teller girl in? She seemed cool.

Photography club. School newspaper. Martial arts club. Totally not a club for people who know about magic to hang out.

>> No.33707265

We're almost a quarter of the way to school by the time she actually starts talking to me.
"GOOD MORNING MASAMI!" She says with a kind of sparkling in her eyes, way too loud to be a normal introduction.
"H-Hey Aiko, you seem happy today, what's the occasion?"

She puts her hands to her mouth to stifle a giggle. I can still see parts of her toothy grin shining through the edges.
A huge change in attitude from yesterday, I'm not sure I've really seen this side of her.

"Today is recruitment day!" She says
"Recruitment day?"
"The second day of school is when all the clubs start trying to get everyone they can to join them so they can meet their participation deadlines!" She says, a wide grin forming on her face
"And that's something that you're excited about? It sounds really boring to me."

She stops, turns around, and balances on another curb
"Of course! It's the only day of the semester when all the student council leaders who think they're so tough and professional grovel at my feet for merely the chance, the mere possibility, of me considering to join their little clubs and add some kind of worth or merit to them!"

She puts her hand to her mouth and starts laughing, "It's like I'm queen for an entire day! Everyone has to listen to me! OH HO HO HO HO!"

I'm not sure anyone has seen her like this!

I'm kind of frightened!

[1/?]

>> No.33707268

>>33707054
Young Detectives Club
Science Club (well, more like !!SCIENCE!! club)
Any number of sports clubs or afterschool sports teams

>> No.33707292

>>33707265
*character differentiation intensifies*
Aiko a pretty cool.

>> No.33707293

>>33707268
Oh yeah, how could I forget: Computer Club

>> No.33707307

>>33707265
try to join the cute things club, accidentally join the horror club

>> No.33707408

>>33707177
isn't that the magic club? pretty sure we should join it

>> No.33707450

>>33707408
We should join whatever we want. Masami doesn't know what she likes and dislikes so staying in-character isn't a problem.

Though I'd like to wait until some of the clubs try to recruit us and pick whoever is coolest before we decide. We can get the Aiko treatment too.

>> No.33707486

>>33707265
We're halfway to school now, she keeps singing to herself and doing twirls and twists as she hops and skips down the sidewalk.

"So Masamiii, what club were YOU planning to join!?"
"I-I don't really know, I haven't seen any of them yet."
"PERFECT!" she exclaims, "That means we can BOTH do a tour of the school and they'll have to kiss my feet EXTRA HARD if they want two members in their club or not!"

This doesn't seem to have helped the already surreal atmosphere, I wonder if any of my other friends are like this when they're excited.

We finally arrive at the school, I start to head toward homeroom.
"Okay Aiko! We'll worry about that after cla-GYUWKH?"
She grabs me by my collar
"No you don't! Classes are only half of the day today just for recruitment! Come on, let's go be treated like goddesses!"

"Sooo, where are we going first?" I ask nervously

>The gym, where most clubs have their recruitment stands
>The dojo, where several martial arts clubs are recruiting
>The indoor court, where the archery and kendo clubs are meeting
>The outdoor court, where the tennis club is meeting
>OTHER?

>> No.33707513

>>33707486
>The outdoor court, where the tennis club is meeting

I don't want to join them. Save the best for last.

>> No.33707520

>>33707513
That makes sense I guess.

>> No.33707585

>>33707486
>>The gym, where most clubs have their recruitment stands

>>33707513
Watch we attempt to play and end up a natural.

>> No.33707590

Also, other clubs I see people might like to visit:

>School newspaper!
>Occult!
>Photography!
>Science* club!

Keep the ideas flowing! What I listed is only a part of the number of clubs you can join!

>> No.33707600

>>33707486
>The gym, where most clubs have their recruitment stands
Yaaaay clubs!

>> No.33707618

>>33707486
>The indoor court, where the archery and kendo clubs are meeting

>> No.33707671

>>33707486
>>The gym, where most clubs have their recruitment stands


>>33707590
Roleplaying and board games club. just kidding the meta would kill us

>> No.33707699

So, places to visit

>Gym
>Outdoor court
>Indoor court

And some places to look at next
>Occult
>Newspaper
>Science*
>Theatre I forgot it in my original post!

If so >writing!

>> No.33707928

"Let's go to the Gym first, see what kind of bribes the clubs are offering the students."
"Is 'bribe' really the right word?"
"Of course! Masami, the thing to remember is that for one day, WE have power, they are willing to do almost anything just so we can join their club."

"That seems kind of cruel, taking advantage of people who are so desperate."
"If they didn't want us to take advantage of them, they wouldn't be so desperate!"
She gleefully laughs as she takes my hand, and leads me over to the gym. I can already see a small crowd of students who are about my age packed outside the door as they file in one at a time.

She takes me around the side of the gym, to a door that is hidden behind some air conditioners. This section of the building seems kind of familiar.

[1/?]

>> No.33708066

>>33707928
Not joining a club to be Aiko's buddy full-time is an increasingly appealing option.

>> No.33708205

>>33708066
B-but we could join one together maybe!

>> No.33708252

>>33708205
I think that depends on the club? It would be nice.

>> No.33708265

>>33707928
"SENSEI! I left my pack in there!" She says, while loudly knocking on the door.
A girl wearing glasses opens the door,
"Aiko, what are you-" the girl studders for a moment
"No time to explain!" She exclaims, propping open the door and walking by the confused girl, pulling me along with her.

It's at this point that I notice that we're in the girl's locker room. This must be a backdoor of some kind that always remains locked.

The girl shuts the door, and then spins around and points an accusing finger at the both of us.
"Did you seriously just do that so you didn't have to wait five minutes at the front entrance!?"
"Yup! Come on Masami! Let's go before all the lines start up!"

"AIKO!" The girl exclaims, "I thought you were going to rejoin theatre!"
"Not before I browse some!" she shouts back, "I don't want you thinking that I'm going to be some kind of permanent fixture in your club that you can just assume that I'm going to join year after year without any effort!"

The last thing I see of her is the completely shocked expression she puts on as we go through the door and leave her standing there.

[2/?]

>> No.33708303

>>33708265
Not nice Aiko.

>> No.33708317

>>33708265
Geez, overdoing it a little there Aiko. Ah well.

>> No.33708341

>>33708303
>>33708317
If she didn't overdo it, they might not fall over themselves to wine and dine her!

>> No.33708561

>>33708317
>overdoing it a little
They should rename it Drama club if she joins back up.

>> No.33708652

>>33708265
The gym is a crowded hall full of booths and mats that have been set out, with some representatives of each club handing out flyers, coupons, food, some of them are demonstrating martial arts skills and very impressive acrobatic jumps and flips, some are showcasing technical skills, one club has what looks like a fortune telling booth set up.

"There's so many, I don't know which one to choose."
"You don't! You have like, a week or two to actually decide which one to join. Today is just the day to be treated like royalty!"
That seems really cruel.

"Hey, is Kaori-chan over at that booth?" I point to the fortune telling booth.
"She might be! Let's go look!"

We walk over, past the crowds, past the extremely loud talking, to the booth that has a crude image of a crystal ball on the top of it. There's a small line that's formed in front of it. Sitting at the booth, thumbing through cards, is Kaori. She reading the fortune of someone who looks to be in my grade.

[3/?]

>> No.33708674

>>33708652
Oh boy, fortune-telling!

>> No.33708722

>>33708674
Last time wasn't ominous enough. Time for round 2 where she maybe doesn't use her power.

>> No.33709049

>>33708652
"The two of cups" Kaori responds, drawing a card with two hearts on it.
She places the card face-up on the table, some other cards surrounding it. I'm not sure what it means, but it seems very structured and methodical.

Her eyes open softly to the girl standing in front of her,
"-if you don't pursue it now, he will move on and completely forget that you ever existed. Take this opportunity and tell him of your feelings while there is still time."

The young girl seems surprised, a blush shows itself on her face. She says several 'thank you's before nervously walking away from the booth. Several of her friends who were nearby start laughing and teasing her as they all walk away. The line starts murmuring and chatting amongst themselves.

Kaori speaks, "You may believe my craft to be nonsense, but it reveals things about the self that you may never wish to know, or for others to know."
She shuffles the cards back into the deck
"Only step forward if you believe yourself to be completely free of secrets."

The line starts to thin out some, the few remaining are talking to one another.

That's when Kaori spots Aiko and I, her face turns to a grimace.
"Oh, Aiko, I didn't see you there, is this the day that you think you're the most important person in the room?"
Aiko laughs, "You mean I'm not? You are the one who has to sit at this booth and serve me."

"Not for long I don't, I'm going to go on break, go back to my club room, and hopefully not see you for the rest of the day." She says, adjusting her hair.

[4/?]

>> No.33709082

>>33709049
Ooooh, tell her like it is Kaori!

>> No.33709143

>>33709049
Hey! That's unfair to Masami!

>> No.33709200 [DELETED] 

>>33709049
"Then I'll just have to come visit you! I think Masami and I wanted to stop by anyway." Aiko says, sticking her tongue out.

Kaori reaches below the booth, and pulls out a card, it's a joker card. I think she took that out of the deck before she started.
"Oh, what does that mean?"
"It means you're a jerk, here, take it, it's on the house." she says, flicking it over to Aiko for her to catch.

Kaori's expression softens as she looks toward me,
"Hey Masami, want me to take your fortune? It'll distract both of us from the very poor example of manners on display here." she says with a smile.
Aiko only scoffs and goes to look at the club's ledger.

"What club is this again?" I ask, I don't think Fortune telling has it's own club.
"Occult." She says, soft smile.
"That sounds scary!" Not going to lie, she would see right through it.

"If it's too scary, I don't have to take your fortune." She says, shuffling the deck some more.

>Sure, take my fortune
>No. I rather find out for myself
>Other? Maybe ask her anything about it? Maybe about the occult club?

>> No.33709229 [DELETED] 

>>33709049
"Then I'll just have to come visit you! I think Masami and I wanted to stop by anyway." Aiko says, sticking her tongue out.

Kaori reaches below the booth, and pulls out a card, it's a joker card. I think she took that out of the deck before she started.
"Oh, what does that mean?"
"It means you're a jerk, here, take it, it's on the house." she says, flicking it over to Aiko for her to catch.

Kaori's expression softens as she looks toward me,
"Hey Masami, want me to take your fortune? It'll distract both of us from the very poor example of manners on display here." she says with a smile.
Aiko only scoffs and goes to look at the club's ledger.

"What club is this again?" I ask, I don't think Fortune telling has it's own club.
"Occult." She says, soft smile.
"That sounds scary!" Not going to lie, she would see right through it.

"If it's too scary, I don't have to take your fortune." She says, shuffling the deck some more.

>Sure, take my fortune
>No. I rather find out for myself
>Other? Maybe ask her anything about it? Maybe about the occult club?

>> No.33709234

>>33709200
>Sure, take my fortune

>> No.33709253

>>33709229
>Sure, take my fortune

>> No.33709256

>>33709049
"Then I'll just have to come visit you! I think Masami and I wanted to stop by anyway." Aiko says, sticking her tongue out.

Kaori reaches below the booth, and pulls out a card, it's a joker card. I think she took that out of the deck before she started.
"Oh, what does that mean?"
"It means you're a jerk, here, take it, it's on the house." she says, flicking it over to Aiko for her to catch.

Kaori's expression softens as she looks toward me,
"Hey Masami, want me to take your fortune? It'll distract both of us from the very poor example of manners on display here." she says with a smile.
Aiko only scoffs and goes to look at the club's ledger.

"What club is this again?" I ask, I don't think Fortune telling has it's own club.
"Occult." She says, soft smile.
"That sounds scary!" Not going to lie, she would see right through it.

"If it's too scary, I don't have to take your fortune." She says, shuffling the deck some more.

>Sure, take my fortune
>No. I rather find out for myself
>Other? Maybe ask her anything about it? Maybe about the occult club?

>> No.33709278

>>33709256
THERE, damn,

I blame moot for all of that

>> No.33709282

>>33709256
>Sure, take my fortune
Fortune fortune lalala.

>> No.33709294

>>33709256
>>Sure, take my fortune

Like this is a choice.

>> No.33709312

>>33709256
>Sure, take my fortune

>refusing this
>ever

>> No.33709318

>>33709256
>>Sure, take my fortune

>> No.33709323

>>33709294
Oh, also ask her what else the club does. It can't be all fortunes all the time.

>> No.33709342

>>33709256
>Sure, take my fortune

>> No.33709347

>>33709256
>Sure, take my fortune

>> No.33709508

>>33709256
>Sure, take my fortune

>> No.33709562

>>33709256
>"That sounds scary!" Not going to lie, she would see right through it.
It should be illegal to be this cute.

I'd ask about her power use yesterday, but I doubt she'll tell us and it doesn't seem appropriate.

>> No.33709636

>writing!

>> No.33709831

"Sure, I suppose it can't hurt." I say. What possible secret do I have that I wouldn't want her knowing?
"Fair enough."
She starts shuffling and arranging cards, placing one after another methodically along the table.

Now is a good time to ask,
"What does the Occult club even do?"
"Well, we have activities and things that are best done in a group" she says, looking at her cards some more, "stuff like astral projection, and mindreading, and-"

"Does any of that even work?"
She looks thoughtful for a moment about my question,
"It depends if you believe it does!" she says, tilting her head, and smiling.
I can hear Aiko behind me at the booth, snickering.

[1/?]

>> No.33709922

>>33709831
That sounds fun. Doubly so since we could abuse our magic to actually do those things. If Kaori isn't doing that already.

But we're probably going to have our eyes set on something else.

>> No.33710237

>>33709831
"Okay, that's fine." I say, I don't want to seem rude to the person who says she'll be reading my fortune, anyway.

She lays out the last of the few cards on the table, and asks me to pick one. I pick a single card and flip it over. It's an eight of spades.

A few more cards that I don't understand are shuffled around.
"You're currently feeling as if you lack direction, like you don't have much of a future to look forward to." She flips around a few more cards.
"That's strange, it's almost as if you don't have much of a past to look back on, either."

Ah heh heh Yeah. Maybe. I'm not really sure about that.

She asks me to flip another card, I reach over to the one in the middle and flip it upright. The six of hearts.

Her hand moves to another card, and puts this card on top of it.

"You may not realize it yet, but your future, your childhood is being pulled in two separate directions by your own family."

She shuffles another card, placing the queen of hearts face-up, and putting this card on top of it.
"One direction, the side of your family that you are closest with, has you following the wishes of your childhood."
She flips upward another card, the King of clubs.
"The other side of your family, is far more forceful of the situation, and he feels he has every right to be, flip a card."

I flip the one next to the card I just flipped, the seven of spades.

"He feels he has been completely wronged by you, that you are shirking some kind of responsibility that he feels you owe him."

That's worrying, though not entirely unexpected.

[2/?]

>> No.33710368

>>33710237
Fuck you dad. We never asked for this.

Stop cheating Kaori.

>> No.33710428

>>33710237
The jerk should have been there when we woke up. That or have mom do the bringing us to him if he cant leave his lair.

>> No.33710535

>>33710237
She starts arranging and shuffling a few more cards. She gestures to pick a new card.

It's the 10 of Hearts. She flips over another card, the Knight of Spades.

"But," she continues, "You feel as if you're sheltered from this by someone in your family that has been overbearing and extremely protective."

Wow, either she knows a lot about me, or this fortune telling stuff is actually real!

"So what do I do to fix this?!" I ask, an easy answer is something I always look forward to!

"Beats me." she says with no hint of worry in her voice.
She shuffles a few more cards back into her deck.

I stand there, looking shocked.

"What do you mean 'beats me'?!"
"I tell fortunes, not give life advice." she says, a couple more cards are placed back into the deck.

"But aren't they the same thing!?"

"I don't know where you got that idea." She says, putting the rest of the cards away and shuffling the deck a bit more.

She puts a 'closed' sign over the top of the fortune telling booth as she stands up, some of her joints audibly popping as she stretches.

"I will say this, if I were in your position, having two of my family members trying to compete over my life. I would either tell both of them to shove off or try to compromise between the two of them. You have talked to both of them about this, haven't you?"

"Well" I say, a slight blush forming on my cheeks, "No, not to both of them, I haven't even met the other person, actually."

"That might be a good place to start." She says, grabbing her handbag.
"Okay, thank you" I say, this really didn't answer any of my questions, I almost feel as if I have more of them now.
"Can I find you in the occult club later? I might want to see more of this stuff."

[3/?]

>> No.33710630

>>33710535
Liar. She totally gave the earlier girl life advice.

>> No.33710696

>>33710535
"Sure, I have club activities to finish" she smiles, "I'll be in there the rest of the day."
She then moves a bit closer to me, puts her cupped hand by her mouth and whispers.
"if you can, try not to bring Aiko"

Like a switch went off, Aiko goes from distracted at the booth next to us, to having her complete attention.
"I heard that! And maybe we will be stopping by later!" She says in a huff.

>Anything else you want to ask about the Occult club before you leave?

Oh and speaking of which

>Where do you want to go next?

>> No.33710746

>>33710696
>Newspaper

>> No.33710793

>>33710696
Ask how many members she's expecting. Gotta see if it's cozy.

I don't have a preference on where to go next. Whereever the other student council members are, I guess?

>> No.33710805

>>33710696
Cooking club, lets learn to help mom.

>> No.33710832

>>33710805
Wouldn't it be better to get lessons from her directly?

>> No.33710839

>>33710805
>>33710793
>>33710746
Here's a thought then:

I can do a quick once-over of these places, if you feel that a thorough in-depth look at them isn't necessary

>> No.33710842

>>33710696
>Ask how many members the occult clb has
>Cooking club

I like those

>> No.33710848

>>33710696
occult club might be one we look a bit deeper in, if for no other reason than the face of the club is In On It (tm)

>where next?
We don't need a tomoyo to make our costumes so fashion club and VA club are out.

Reading club might be interesting. you never know when some legendary tale of adventure is going to drop an important plot clue.

>> No.33710862

>>33710839
That sounds good. We can get an in-depth view of the ones we're interested in.

Plus if we don't, this day is going to take FOREVER.

>> No.33710894

>>33710839
I was of the asumption we fly over most anyway until the happening of the day.

>> No.33710895

>>33710848
>>33710842
Hmm, okay. I can do that.

Is there any interest in any of the martial arts or fighting clubs?

Also I didn't expect this day to last a single thread. I expect this to go into next thread at least. Choosing a club is important, after all!

Also, like Aiko said, it's not important that we choose one today, you could choose one much later if you want.

>> No.33710916

>>33710895
>martial arts or fighting clubs
Definitly.

>> No.33710923

>>33710895
>Is there any interest in any of the martial arts or fighting clubs?
Yes. Masami seemed interested in Ryota and Kenichi's fight, anyway.

>> No.33710983

>>33710916
>>33710923
Okay. So how about we organize it like

>Ask about occult club
>This thread: Finish up Cooking club
>Look at some things like school newspaper
>Next thread: Martial Arts, Occult, anything else we desire.

Sound good with everyone?

As a bit of meta, I'm really happy everyone decided to go with cooking club without me prompting it instead of immediately going for the punchy kicky stuff. It makes Masami feel a bit more authentic to me.

>> No.33711023

>>33710983
Sounds good to m.
I don't expect much for most clubs unless ou planned something for them and the martial arts stuff probably wil take up a bit in terms of demonstration.

>> No.33711025

>>33710983
Sounds good. And I'm guessing Mae is in the cooking club.

I don't see how punchy kicky is inauthentic given that she expressed interest in punchy kicky stuff.

>> No.33711042

>>33711025
She is still a little girl trying to help out her mom.
It does seem like the first thing to come to min, even if punchy kicky stuff wowed her at first.

>> No.33711043

>>33710983
I want to know how open the occult club would be to us showing up in crazy clothes and doing magics sometimes.

Cause that would make them the coolest club.

>> No.33711044

>>33711025
To Masami, she was really only interested in it after being threatened.

>> No.33711066

>>33711044
That's true. She did spend most of the fight weirded out iirc.

>> No.33711108

Then it's settled!

>Cooking club, Ho!

>Writing!

>> No.33711385

"How many are in the occult club?" I ask

Kaori turns around as she's walking,
"I won't know until later tomorrow, but last semester we only have five or so. It seems to weird everyone out!"

That.. is not unexpected.

She makes her way to the exit. Aiko finally stops what she's doing and comes over.

She has, food? A small paper plate covered in crackers and small slices of meat. How did she get that?

"Where did you get that?"
"Mhmmhmm hmm humph." Is all she can say.

I look across the room to see another booth with, what looks like a miniature stove, resting on top of it. There's several people with different hats walking behind the booth, taking things off of it and putting other things on.

Huh, I just saw Maeda walk between some of them. Now she's gone, is she the leader of that club?

Above them, there is an ornate sign that says 'Cooking club'. It looks like it has attracted the most attention of every other booth in the room.

[1/?]

>> No.33711754

>>33711385
My mind drifts to this morning, Mom being too tired to actually cook anything, not even anything for herself. I would be too frightened to try cooking or baking anything myself. The possibility of burning down the house isn't something I want to test too closely.

The smell of the booth is the first that hits me as I approach it. It smells absolutely delightful. Filled with all sorts of delicacies and snacks that I have never seen before.

I walk up to the booth, but Maeda is no where to be found. That's strange, I just saw her a second ago. Slipping into a gap in the crowd, another girl with short, brown hair approaches from inside the booth.

"Welcome! Can I get you anything?"

[2/?]

>> No.33711831

>>33711754
I look around the booth to see if there really is anything I feel like eating right now. I didn't get much of a breakfast, at least I'm pretty sure toast doesn't count as a balanced breakfast.

My eyes wander around the table, until they lock onto something colorful, and unique among all the snacks that are laid upon it.

Cupcakes. Dreaded Cupcakes.

"N-No, I'm just looking around. That's all." Any kind of hunger has completely left me.
"Great! If you see anything you like, just let me know." She says with a big smile as she turns to help someone else.

Y-yeah, anything else besides the urge to flee. I'll let you know.

Suddenly, I feel a tap on my shoulder, I turn around. It's Maeda.
"Thinking of joining?" Mae says, plate in hand, spoon in another.

>Maybe.
>Are you a member?
>What else do they do here?
>Who was that girl?

>> No.33711846

>>33711754
Is that a Yuuko expy? She can stay in her food dungeon.

>> No.33711879

>>33711846
Maybe.

I'm not one to make them though, apparently 'cook' or 'chef' is really hard to find pictures of without lots of lewd pictures. So I worked with what I had.

>> No.33711887

>>33711831
>Maybe
>>Are you a member?
>Who was that girl?

I'm not, but it seems OOC for Masami to not be considering it.

>> No.33711893

>>33711831
>What else do they do here?
>Maybe.
>Are you a member?

>> No.33711910

>>33711831
>>Maybe.
How do i defeat those cupcakes?
Also
>>Who was that girl?

>> No.33711973

>Writing!

>>33711846
I'm continuing to look for something to replace that image, but really Yuuko images are all I can find that aren't upskirts or no-clothes-apron-only. I had no intention of making an expy.

>> No.33712032

>>33711973
Don't worry too hard about it. We're all capable of separating the image from the character.

>> No.33712095

>>33711831
I forget, what was the problem with cupcakes?

>> No.33712110

>>33712095
We saw a scary face in them on the day we were born and rolled, like, a 1 on our do we cry and if so how hard roll.

>> No.33712174 [DELETED] 

"Yeah, maybe. Are you a member?"
"I am! I used to be leader until I formed my own club." She says, taking another bite of whatever she's eating.

"Wait, 'formed your own club'? How many clubs are you in?"
"Just the two, you can be in as many clubs as you have time for." she takes the last bite of what she's eating, and folds up her paper plate.

I didn't know that, that's interesting.

"Want me to get you a plate of something?"
"N-no, you don't have to-"
"It's fine, I'll be right back."

She disappears into the back and emerges a few minutes later with a paper plate, covered in absolutely delicious food.

My mouth waters as I take it, I can tell that I was really missing not having breakfast.

"You didn't have breakfast this morning, did you?" Maeda says

Wait HOW DID SHE KNOW?

[1/?]

>> No.33712212

>>33712174
>you can be in as many clubs as you have time for."
This changes EVERYTHING.

>> No.33712222

"Yeah, maybe. Are you a member?"
"I am! I used to be leader until I formed my own club." She says, taking another bite of whatever she's eating.

"Wait, 'formed your own club'? How many clubs are you in?"
"Just the two, you can be in as many clubs as you have time for." she takes the last bite of what she's eating, and folds up her paper plate.

I didn't know that, that's interesting.

"Want me to get you a plate of something?"
"N-no, you don't have to-"
"It's fine, I'll be right back."

She disappears into the back and emerges a few minutes later with a paper plate, covered in absolutely delicious food.

My mouth waters as I take it, I can tell that I was really missing not having breakfast.

"You didn't have breakfast this morning, did you?" Maeda says

Wait HOW DID SHE KNOW?

"I mean, you kind of grabbed the plate away like it was the last meal you ever had." She says, smiling.

Oh no!

"Sorry! Sorry! I didn't-"
"It's fine, Masami, did something happen this morning? How is your mother?"

Eep.


>Tell her she's sick
>Tell her EVERYTHING that happened yesterday after she left
>Tell her that it was nothing important
>Tell her you just had toast for breakfast this morning

>> No.33712250

>>33712222
>>Tell her you just had toast for breakfast this morning
>it might be best if I tell more than just you the details later

>> No.33712279

>>33712222
>>Tell her you just had toast for breakfast this morning
Details later, its a long story and she looks busy.

>> No.33712295

>>33712222
>Tell her EVERYTHING that happened yesterday after she left

Full disclosure at all times.

>> No.33712315

>>33712279
>>33712250
This.

Besides, we're kind of in a crowd

>> No.33712319

>>33712222
>>Tell her you just had toast for breakfast this morning
Details later, not sorrounded by people.

>> No.33712389

>>33712222
Definitely ask what her own club is. She didn't say and I'm sure we're all interested.

>> No.33712447

>>33712222
>Tell her she's sick
well, "not feeling well" should do better
>Tell her you just had toast for breakfast this morning

>> No.33712465

"Can I talk about it a bit later? Long story short, Mom was tired so I just had some toast this morning."
I start snatching food off my plate, I must be hungrier than I thought.

"Oh, that's no good. Was it something I did?"

"No! No of course not. It was kind of... Um."
Maybe.. Oh!
"She just didn't feel good this morning. I think she may be coming down with something." There, perfect.

Maeda still looks really worried, but she doesn't press the issue any further.

"Did you help make breakfast then?"
"Oh, I don't know how to cook, really."

Mae puts her hand to her chin,
"Hmm, that's no good, but you did come to the right place if you want to learn how to cook!"
"That sounds like a good idea, maybe I shou-"

Suddenly, Aiko is next to me.

"You weren't about to join a club before the day was over, are you?"
Maeda looks serious all of the sudden.
"Aiko, please don't do this. You do this every semester."

"Please Maeda, everything is fine! I haven't even visited the Kendo club yet!"
"Then maybe you shouldn't today. Not unless you're seriously planning to join that is." Wow she looks serious all of the sudden.

They continue to glare at one another.
No no.
I should ignore this. It's too stressful for me to think about right now.
Just keep eating.

Thread end.

>> No.33712491

Okay, Next thread we will hopefully finish things up, then we can decide which clubs we want to join past that.

Thank you for the thread everyone!

So, the golden question I always ask: How was it?

How was the pacing? Too slow? Would it have been better if we got through the entire club introduction this thread?

>> No.33712547

>>33712491
kind of slow. But a bit faster than the earlier threads were.

>> No.33712571

>>33712491
It was good. Aiko got to show her infuriatingly cute side, and the others were pretty cool. This pacing is okay. It won't be okay if we visit every club we named with this level of detail, but we shouldn't be doing that.

Were you making up Kaori's card thing?
Can you name all the student council members' clubs? That'd make it easier to know which clubs to visit.

>> No.33712575

>>33712491
I liked it, thanks for running.

As for the pacing. I don't know what you have planned for the clubs, and how important they are so its impossible to tell right now how it should have been done.
But a overview update of the nost relevant ones, with a question as to which ones are especially requested and then either going into detail on the important ones, or the requested one, would have been better(?) I think.
That can still happen though, seeing as both clubs we visited were relevant, and one even had PLOT for us, so I think we are still in the green.

>> No.33712670

>>33712491
If dad was planning to give us that card, what's the ~real~ way to gain new cards? I can't imagine he's planning to give us new cards constantly. Probably spoilers but it can't hurt to ask.

>> No.33712691

>>33712670
He planned to but he didn't. We pretty much seized the card by force.
I imagine it will be similar for later cards, that we defeat them and then "purify" them.

>> No.33712733

>>33712691
That would mean all the cards would be "hollow" like this one was, wouldn't it? And I don't think they're supposed to be???

>> No.33712755

>>33712670
I imagine it to be the override them vs the befriend them.

>> No.33712767

>>33712571
>Were you making up Kaori's card thing?

It was coming from my extremely limited knowledge of how lesser tarot decks work. I had to use a chart to match up the cards for the most part as to what pairs there were and which pair went with what. Someone who knows actual tarot would tell me that I butchered it completely, but my argument is that she was approximating her findings.

>Can you name all the student council members' clubs?

Actually, I was wanting to be a surprise, but I will for the sake of brevity because we did only review two clubs this thread.

Kaori - Occult
Maeda - Kendo
Ryouta - Boxing (Martial arts visit)
Kenichi - (Martial arts visit)
New Challenger - Tennis
New Challenger - Theatre
New Challenger - Cooking
Aiko - Probably whatever you end up joining

>>33712575
>As for the pacing. I don't know what you have planned for the clubs, and how important they are so its impossible to tell right now how it should have been done.

It was mostly fluff and Masami backstory, but definitely special skills as well.

>That can still happen though, seeing as both clubs we visited were relevant, and one even had PLOT for us, so I think we are still in the green.

I hope so! I'll try to speed it up a bit so we can cover all our bases next thread.

>>33712670
Simple, start working for him unquestioningly.

>> No.33712785

>>33712733
As I understand it, Fortune keeps all the cards and our "dad" makes them hollow to use them.
So as far as we know all existing cards are in Fortunes posession and "modified".

>> No.33712853

>>33712767
>Simple, start working for him unquestioningly.
AHAHAHAHAHAAHA

No.

>student council clubs
I'm okay with only visiting these for the sake of this quest moving faster than a glacier. It'll still take like two more threads to get through them if you don't speed this up.

>> No.33712859

>>33712491
>How was it? How was the pacing? Too slow?

This is less of a quest and more of a piece of narrative. While it's fun to read, there are not many opportunities to interact. Additionally, time between updates is very slow which kills pacing. Ultimately, it feels like our actions matter very little, and while there is an overarching plot, I have a feeling we'll be getting there for quite some time.

Have you ever played in or ran a tabletop game before? Serious question, because it feels like you haven't. My opinion of quests is that each thread is its own encounter or series of encounters. There's something to do, the outcome matters, and there are a number of ways to do whatever it is that's going on. Running into Freaky Masked Man is an encounter. Choosing clubs? Not so much. Might as well pick one at random for how much it will matter.

Then again, maybe it's just a matter of perspective. I want to figure out what the deal is with Fortune and Magic and the cards and everything. That sounds like a fun time. Talking to mom is cute and deciding on a club provides some room for character development, but I would really rather be doing something else. Maybe I'm not the right audience for this quest.

I get that you're trying to tell a comprehensive story and everything, but maybe you should re-evaluate your decision to tell it in quest form, or decide that this is more slice-of-a-magical-life than magical-mystery-and-monster-of-the-week.

Just some thoughts.

>> No.33712989

>>33712491
thanks for running
and sorry for not participating much, there's a bug in firefox 31 messing with 4chanX

>> No.33712996

>>33712859
>This is less of a quest and more of a piece of narrative. While it's fun to read, there are not many opportunities to interact. Additionally, time between updates is very slow which kills pacing. Ultimately, it feels like our actions matter very little, and while there is an overarching plot, I have a feeling we'll be getting there for quite some time.

Ah, yeah, I was worried about that.

>Have you ever played in or ran a tabletop game before? Serious question, because it feels like you haven't. My opinion of quests is that each thread is its own encounter or series of encounters. There's something to do, the outcome matters, and there are a number of ways to do whatever it is that's going on. Running into Freaky Masked Man is an encounter. Choosing clubs? Not so much. Might as well pick one at random for how much it will matter.

I was hoping it would matter, but I do understand that non-combat can be painfully slow.

>I get that you're trying to tell a comprehensive story and everything, but maybe you should re-evaluate your decision to tell it in quest form, or decide that this is more slice-of-a-magical-life than magical-mystery-and-monster-of-the-week.

I'm still hoping for the latter, I just don't seem to have pacing down yet. I'm slowly trying to ramp up the pacing speed, to where it gets done faster than a glacier, but I keep getting caught in dialogue loops.

And honestly, I've been wondering if I haven't already messed it up too much for the quest to get new readers, because I have 10 threads before this one that were abysmally slow.

Of course, I wouldn't know how to fix the threads I've already done at this point besides a reboot, and that sounds like a TERRIBLE idea no matter how I phrase it.

So the best I can do going from here is to pick up the pace. I've been trying to do that, but I keep getting caught up with dialogue exchanges that I seem to enjoy writing too much to just remove from the quest.

>> No.33713075

>>33712859
I guess what I'm trying to say is: In my mind this is a quest like CCS, but I keep writing it like it's Aikatsu. And the strange part: It doesn't feel like I'm doing it intentionally, I just start to write dialogue and enjoy writing it too much to know when to quit.

So I guess next step would be to work on dialogue pacing. Yet, that doesn't seem to fix the 10 threads before this that I still feel are extremely long, difficult to read through and follow because of how little they convey outside of relevance.

Like I said last thread, the problem I seem to have is that I like to write lots of content, but I have very little context to put it all in. I need to create more context.

What do you think?

>> No.33713076

>>33712859
I think that impression comes largely from the relative obscurity of many of the decisions. We don't really know what we changed with our decisions, beyond what Heart says. I think we get more "transparent" choices once we get deeper into the thick of things.

The choosing of Clubs is a encounter of sorts as well, though, relating to the first part, it would have felt more like on if we would have gotten a rundown on which clubs exist, and then choosen which to investigate, instead of having to choose a direction "blind".
Which is definitly part of the reason for the feeling of a slow pace, because we often have "unecessary" feeling in-between steps.
I think I mentioned before, that it would be helpful if Heart would make himself clear what he wants to convey in information per "Scene" and then convey it. The occult club was a important encounter, and there was little reason for us to not encounter it, so the viable choices would have been more:
Do we wan't to look for a Club, or don't we want too. The moment we choose to look for one, the occult club scene could just as well have come without a choice to it, before we get to choose which clubs to look for.

>> No.33713120

>>33712996
I like slice of magical life, but I do think most of the decisions you're giving us could be autopiloted away. Like, right now, it's a given that we're going to want to talk to clubs and meet new characters. We have a range of topics that Masami wants answers to and will ask questions about if appropriate.

Maybe consider running somewhere else and posting much larger updates with important decisions at the end? I'd like that more even if the updates take much longer.

>> No.33713182

>>33713076
>Which is definitly part of the reason for the feeling of a slow pace, because we often have "unecessary" feeling in-between steps.

Ah! Good point, I should have mentioned which club members were in what, earlier.

>I think I mentioned before, that it would be helpful if Heart would make himself clear what he wants to convey in information per "Scene" and then convey it.

I'll keep that in mind. I was thinking more that the choice to miss that information or skip it was as much of a choice for the players as simply not encountering it.

>>33713120
>I like slice of magical life, but I do think most of the decisions you're giving us could be autopiloted away.

Then I guess this is my problem at its core: I'm apparently not very good at determining which is or isn't an important question

>Maybe consider running somewhere else and posting much larger updates with important decisions at the end? I'd like that more even if the updates take much longer.

I've considered it, but I'm not sure I like A-kun very much. I rather try to fix my problems here, but at the same time, I recognize that if I can't get my act together, then the quest might go over there just so I can have threads that last for days or years at a time.

Also answer to someone else's question: Yes I've played tabletop before, never DM'd, but I wish I had because in hindsight, I had some really terrible campaigns that I think probably suffered the same problems that this quest is having now.

>> No.33713261

>>33713120
>Maybe consider running somewhere else and posting much larger updates with important decisions at the end?

It does remind me somewhat of the approach some quests on anonkun take, yes.

>>33713182

I do think there is a bit too much granularity with the choices. I get that you wants to offer "choice". But you definitly should give yourself priorities between. "Things that need to happen"/"Things that can happen". The former being stuff thats necessary to move the polot forward from the point we are in. The looking for clubs for example, seems like a former thing, we were going to look through the clubs, so it would have been sensible to just give us a short rundown on which exist, and then let us choose one or two to look at in detail.

There is generally two kinds of quests. Narrative and player-driven.
With a complex backstory like this one, that constricts the players ability to actually do the things the quest is about until the story has reached a certain point, and the players gained certain information its absolutely vital to convey that information as fast as possible, and the choices leading up to it should be more about "How much". Free-form will only become viable once we actually know our options.

>> No.33713302

>>33713075
Ultimately it's up to you what you decide to do. I'll probably be reading this quest regardless, but as it stands, I don't really feel a burning need to participate. Maybe it's just me.

>> No.33713304

One more question: If I were to change my QM style for next thread, to instead one that focuses on dialogue and mannerisms less and speed more, would that offend anyone? I'm thinking of trying to get through the clubs in this fashion

[discussion]
[encounter]
[discussion about club]
[info about club]
[move along]

Which should take a mini-update to cover one club.

Which means I could cover every club by the first batch of posts of next thread, and then we can focus on the surprises I had in mind for after-club searching.

>> No.33713329

>>33713302
> but as it stands, I don't really feel a burning need to participate. Maybe it's just me.

To me, that is a huge problem because I know that you're not the only one. And not making my players feel engaged is the worst thing I can do as a QM. Which means every player, even people who stop by just to read the first few posts of my thread.

>>33713261
Excellent points.

>> No.33713383

>>33713261
>
I do think there is a bit too much granularity with the choices. I get that you wants to offer "choice". But you definitly should give yourself priorities between. "Things that need to happen"/"Things that can happen". The former being stuff thats necessary to move the polot forward from the point we are in. The looking for clubs for example, seems like a former thing, we were going to look through the clubs, so it would have been sensible to just give us a short rundown on which exist, and then let us choose one or two to look at in detail.

You're right, and I wish I could retcon this thread and start over. But I'm not going to do that.
I have not archived it yet, though. I could archive it as an extension to last thread or an extra thread. Instead of a main-line thread.

>> No.33713387

>>33713304
I don't see why there is a different [Discussion] and [Information] step. Seems like thats one thing.
We aren't going to do anything witht he clubs yet, so giving us the short version of each and then let us choose two we find interesting.
Use Aiko for that, she already knows the clubs so she can just tell us which exist and give us the summary, then you say we have time to look at, say three clubs.
We go to the club, get introduced to the resident named character, get told about the club and then comes the Q&Aabout both club and character.

>> No.33713388

>>33713304
Well. I'm reading this quest for discussion and mannerisms (they're well done!), but no, I wouldn't be offended if you wanted to speed it up.

Just give us Masami's general impressions on the new character and club and we can meet them properly in a less ... rushed context.

>> No.33713418

>>33713383
Archive readers don't care how you label the threads. Just do straight numbers. It's easier that way.

>> No.33713439

>>33713387
>I don't see why there is a different [Discussion] and [Information] step. Seems like thats one thing.

This seems to be the kind of information I need to know because they seem like two separate things in my head where completely different sets of dialogue occurs.

Which may be a problem with my thought process with writing in general.

>>33713388
>Well. I'm reading this quest for discussion and mannerisms (they're well done!),

That's one of the reasons I don't want to give up on this idea just yet, to me, magical girl is about the characters. So discussion and mannerisms is the core of the interaction between characters.

>> No.33713442

>>33713383
Just archive it normal.
There is no need to beat yourself up about it. Reading though the archives is significantly faster than following, so the slowness will appear more like in-depth work for a archive reader, its not like nothing happened in the time. People are going to catch up over the archive in time, as long as you keep working on increasing the pace.

>> No.33713461

>>33713418
Okay, I'll just do that right now.

>> No.33713539

>>33713442
Ill keep that in mind

I DO want to beat myself up over it, because I need to know these kind of flaws and address them before they get any worse. They're something that's a serious problem with my quest writing that I would have never known about or realized was a problem unless someone told it to me.

I'm 12 threads in and still having that problem, so I need to start being proactive starting next thread.

>> No.33713587

>>33713439
The thing with the "Info" and "Discussion" is, if you put it together, you can let the voter decide if they care more about the character or the club, unless introducing the character/club is absolutely vital to the story we don't need to know about either, so we might as well choose which we care about. A short info dump on them would suffice to give us a impression and move from there.


The characters are definitly important! Character discussion is a wonderful thing. But! It shouldn't bog you down. There is time for "exploring" a character, but you should dedicate a Scene to that character for that, instead of having it stop the main-plot, if you can't combine the two, like with mother in the previous threads.

>> No.33713596

>>33713439
>That's one of the reasons I don't want to give up on this idea just yet, to me, magical girl is about the characters. So discussion and mannerisms is the core of the interaction between characters.
I agree, but I reaaaaally think the way you're currently doing it is better suited to longer updates. Or not being a quest at all.

A better way to do magical girl style slice of life would be to go full episodic and have lots of timeskips. You rarely see them in the clubs or classrooms in a magical girl show, you know? It's only because it's relevant to the plot that episode.

>> No.33713601

One more question: I'm seeing people say that I update 'slowly', what would be a good pace to update at? Right now I'm averaging at about once every 20 minutes except for breaks.

>> No.33713679

>>33713587
>The characters are definitly important! Character discussion is a wonderful thing. But! It shouldn't bog you down. There is time for "exploring" a character, but you should dedicate a Scene to that character for that, instead of having it stop the main-plot, if you can't combine the two, like with mother in the previous threads.

That's a good point. I am kind of stopping everything when I enter dialogue time. I think Ryouta and the interrogation were the worst example.

>>33713596
It's funny, I was thinking of using more timeskips but I thought it might result in something that was kind of disjointed. People did choose to have club recruitment day, after all.

>> No.33713701

>>33713601
If there is no choices involved in an update then go as fast as you are comfortable going.

>> No.33713745

>>33713601
Its a good pace really, that is not you problem at all. The impression is just a sideeffect of the overall "low-content" nature of the updates themself, the pace is alright.
Rushing your pace would just result in them being even lighter in content, which would be even worse, better to write at a speed you are comfortable with that you can actually write a meaningfull amount.

>> No.33713820

>>33713701
I'll keep that in mind

One thing I'm considering is doing a content pass and just deleting all the dialogue that isn't really necessary and is only really fluff after I get done writing a post, because it seems to be a common problem with me that I write a bunch of dialogue that doesn't lead anywhere.

>>33713745
Good point.

Anyway, thanks for the advice and assistance, I really can't improve without your help, so I appreciate any little bit of it.

One more question: If I start speeding up the pace, having short dialogue exchanges and timeskips between places, would the best way to showcase the important things going on at the moment be POV swaps?

Because right now, I probably could have focused more on plot and action if I had a POV swap or two in the middle of all this.

>> No.33713980

>>33713820
>One thing I'm considering is doing a content pass and just deleting all the dialogue that isn't really necessary and is only really fluff after I get done writing a post, because it seems to be a common problem with me that I write a bunch of dialogue that doesn't lead anywhere.
Eugh. If you've already written it, go ahead and post it. Cutting already written content is for, like, books and beta'd stories. Not when I'm sitting here with a thread on autoupdate.

>POV swaps?
If you think they'll improve things, by all means give them a shot. We'll tell you if you do too many.

>> No.33714084

>>33713820
POV swaps are, for me, only for spicing up the Thread if there isn't much going on witht he main character right now.
In my opinion, we have still explored too little of the main plot as far as it concerns Masami. And since we need to have her know more about the world, we should not waste updates on other character yet, when she still needs several pieces of important info we need to get the magical girl/monster of the week thing going.

As for deleting fluff. If you look atr a piece of dialouge, and have to say its not relevant in the moment, nor was it asked for, then you should leave it out, if there is actually relevant information conveied instead.
By no means should fluff be completly left out. It should only take a backseat in scenes that serve a different purpose, and you can bring in the fluff in scenes that are for interacting with a character. If we choose to talk with a character about their lives or whatever, then fluff away by all means. If we go into a dialogue to find out something however, then yes, cutting down on fluff would help not getting distracted, like what happened with mom.

>> No.33714101

>>33713820
I would say keep with Masami for now if possible. You can use Aiko and the fact that school is still a half a day to force us along if you want to avoid a pov shift. Dreams are another tool to keep using.

>> No.33714134

>>33713980
>Eugh. If you've already written it, go ahead and post it. Cutting already written content is for, like, books and beta'd stories. Not when I'm sitting here with a thread on autoupdate.

right, I won't do that, then.

>>33714084
>In my opinion, we have still explored too little of the main plot as far as it concerns Masami. And since we need to have her know more about the world, we should not waste updates on other character yet, when she still needs several pieces of important info we need to get the magical girl/monster of the week thing going.

Oh, good point. Really I should be spending time lessening the distance between her and the MOTW.

>By no means should fluff be completly left out. It should only take a backseat in scenes that serve a different purpose, and you can bring in the fluff in scenes that are for interacting with a character. If we choose to talk with a character about their lives or whatever, then fluff away by all means. If we go into a dialogue to find out something however, then yes, cutting down on fluff would help not getting distracted, like what happened with mom.

Good point

You say 'what happened with mom', do you mean from last thread or just what happens in general with her?

>> No.33714165

>>33714084
I kind of like the whole mom not telling us anything. Makes me speculate she had the heavy-duty brainwashing done to her.

>> No.33714184

>>33714101
Okay, I'll keep that in mind.

Actually, my original intentions with a POV shift was that if they were done, they would happen to a completely different point that I'm not even sure we could explore otherwise.

>> No.33714212

>>33714134
I meant from last thread, where her "emotional outbursts" and our subsequent desire to hug her, kind of interrupted the actual exposition, and we didn't actually find out any of the things we wanted to know.
I mean, that might have been intentional in that case, but scenes like that are good example of getting sidetracked from the stuff we want to know.

>> No.33714246

>>33714212
Ooh, Good point then.

Yeah, I hesitated doing that at first, but then I remembered that Masami probably wouldn't have stood for her crying.

>> No.33714260

>>33714184
There is definitly tzoo much stuff left to explore with Masami, once we have the actual plot going, we know to expect monsters of the week and start figuring out ho0w to get new cards and how to deal witht hem. Then we can explore alternative perspectives.

>> No.33714287

>>33714134
>right, I won't do that, then.
I said that, but if you honestly think it's pointless, feel free to cut it. Try to make sure everything reveals or reinforces something about the characters or the plot. I'm reading this for both.

>> No.33714292

>>33714246
To be fair, even if you want to convey the character "distressed" she can still sob out the info dump, while Masami tries to calm her down. It all depends on if you want mom to tell us stuff, of course.

>> No.33714315

>>33714260
Okay, I can try to do that then.

Thank you so much everyone, I mentioned it on twitter just now, but the pacing I'm planning for next thread is going to be as fast as I can muster while maintaining some fluff from it. Not really because I think that's how the rest of the quest should be, but because I want to see if my fastest is even fast enough to have a fulfilling thread.

>>33714292
I do, but I don't want ALL of it revealed at once. While at the same time, her not telling you some things would make you highly suspicious.

There are reasons for that.

>> No.33714358

>>33714315
It might help having a checklist for stuff you need to happen per "episode", at least until we have at least left the "introduction".

>> No.33714410

>>33714358
I had considered writing an outline for how the rest of the quest should go

My problem with writing an outline is that it feels like I would have to railroad for each point to be successfully met. I may be incorrect, but otherwise I would have to kind of shove them off onto you whether you were ready to advance to that stage or not.

And that might be the wrong mindset to have, because I should be assuming that you're always ready to. But I'm not so sure.

>> No.33714420

I've never seen this much advice given to a writer. It's weird, usually requests for feedback get crickets in my experience.

>> No.33714497

>>33714420
And for that, I am really thankful to all of you.

I would never improve otherwise, and the quest would just peter off and die without me ever knowing what I did wrong.

>> No.33714515

>>33714410
Its relatively unhelpful in most quests, because you can''t know where the voters take the ride.
But a short list of minimal stuff we need to find out to get the plot moving is reecommendable, since currently we are pretty much in limbo and can't take you on a wild ride.
So , at least until we get the MOTW going, having a short list of "stuff we need to know" is something you could keep, and can definitly get us into. The cool thing about magical girl showes is, you can always dump the monster of the week on us to get the other characters together and get info dump going. Its a bit railroadish, but thats only a problem if the rails are boring.

>> No.33714636

>>33714515
Good advice, I'll take tomorrow to plan for next thread as well as a side project.

Thank you everyone for your helpful advice.

>> No.33714689

>>33714636
>a side project.
What is it?

>> No.33714691

>>33714636
Thank you for running

>> No.33714765

>>33714689
That's a bit of a secret for the time being.

If things play out, then I'll let everyone know.

>> No.33718502

>>33714420
Some quests just have this certain something. Like how ATOW is super nice or JQ's Shadowruns are actually productive.

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