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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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[ERROR] No.30088265 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

If the technology for complex wargaming and pen and paper RPGs existed for so long in our history, could these games have been introduced earlier into society?

What ancient civilizations would these games have a chance of flourishing in?

>> No.30088441

>What ancient civilizations would these games have a chance of flourishing in?

Any society

>> No.30088495

I'm just gonna post this ancient Roman D20.

Our ancestors probably had tons of games that just haven't survived into modern times. For example will still don't know the rules to senet, an ancient Egyptian game with different classes of pieces that did different things, or even Norse tafl games that were on a board and the two players had different sets of pieces that did not have the same abilities. And of course all the different kinds of chess all over the world.

>> No.30088561

so the ancient norse pretty much played wargames when not pillaging? pretty cool

>> No.30088646

>romans played d20 systems
Now I'm imagining Roman /tg/.

>> No.30088688


This. Games like this are exactly the kind of things that don't survive.

I wonder if they had quite the same mix of storytelling and rolling for chance, or managing resources, as the modern pen and paper tradition. But they definitely had complex games, and they definitely used die and counters to play them; and they definitely had a tradition of storytelling, and they definitely understood that more than one person can contribute to the telling of a good story.

>> No.30088716

So, Gary Gygax has been reincarnating since either Roman or Egyptian times?

>> No.30088727

have fun

>> No.30088729


Well when you really broaden the category, "collaborative storytelling" also known as "drunken bullshitting" is with certainty the oldest "game" in existence. The dice just came later.

>> No.30088792

>whores bragging about the size of their clients' penises

Yep, that's my /tg/ alright.

>> No.30088849

>That's how the Odyssey happened

>> No.30088867

Not true on the aspect of RPGs.
Wargaming maybe.

RPGs require a lot of dedicated free time from multiple players. this is from civilizations who a majority of its citizens were dedicated with Night to Day work hours.

You'd have to be a community with enough aristocrats... And cheap paper

>> No.30088952


I mean the specific mix of storytelling and randomisation and/or resource management. We know both games and stories have existed since forever; is Gygax really the first to formally mix them?

>ofw the Voynich manuscript turns out to be a medieval game setting book


Cheap paper, or chalkboards.

>> No.30089199

The more things change, the more they stay the same

>> No.30089279

Man it must have been great being Norse

>Raid England and Normanday
>Rape your way into next week
>Return to your fjord with a couple longboats full of loot
>Play wargames with your co-looters until the next raid is called
>Comb your beard
>Rinse and repeat until you die in battle and go to Valhalla

Do they play wargames in Valhalla?

>> No.30089335

valhalla is larping for all eternity

>> No.30089368

With sexy Valkyries

>> No.30089388

there have been discoveries in what was ancient mesopatamia of what could be described as war games and training tools for their military

>> No.30089406

Larping with real damage too.

Done of this "I hit you for 2d10 damage, you're dead so lie down" crap.

>> No.30089412

More like farming all summer and spring, raiding to make ends meet in fall and locking yourselves away for a winter of gaming while you wait for more farming.

>> No.30089417


>2145: Gaius Valerius Venustus, soldier of the 1st praetorian cohort, in the century of Rufus, screwer of women

Truly a hero for the ages.

>> No.30089489

>All these (Roman name) Was here

Jesus christ, nothing has changed

>> No.30089568


>8182 I screwed the barmaid
>5243: “Secundus defecated here” three times on one wall.
>8792: On April 19th, I made bread
>4838: Secundus says hello to his friends.

It's almost creepily like Twitter or Facebook.

>> No.30089569

>III.5.3 (on the wall in the street); 8898: Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog

God damnit Theophilus take that shit inside. The wall wasn't built for you eat a whores biscuit on.

>> No.30089582

They, It is facebook. I mean, they are writting on walls.

>> No.30089598

>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1882: The one who buggers a fire burns his penis

Some ancestral wisdom right here

>> No.30089617

>The accounts of Marco Polo's travels turn out to be an adventure guide for Unapproachable East for Advanced Romans and Roundhouses 2nd Edition

>> No.30089644

My favorite one

>VI.14.20 (House of Orpheus); 4523: I have buggered men

>> No.30089710

I'm laughing so hard right now.

>> No.30089799

>3932: Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!

Yyyyyep. Nothing has changed at all.

>> No.30089870


This is the earliest I know of that has solid proof. (and a playable version too, to this day)

>> No.30089883


This shit is gold. It's just too good.

>> No.30089974

> 1:8000 scale with some versions using 1:2373 scale
>6 foot soldier would be 0.009" or 0.03" tall

Not really for modelling then....

>> No.30090081


Well... yeah. It's supposed to be an accurate battle simulation exercise after all.

It even had an "advanced edition" later on, with errata and stuff though. And it seems that some guys in Britain get together sort-of regularly to play it.

>> No.30090130

Makes you wonder if they got into arguments over how each others forces were comprised.

>> No.30090228

>Hans, for the last fucking time, the errata says you can't have nothing but cavalry
>Fuck you Jurgen, I'm playing by the original rules. Fuck the errata.
>Fine then, enjoy my force consisting 99% of machine gun nests

>> No.30090275

>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1864: Samius to Cornelius: go hang yourself!
All its missing is the "lol" and its a post from /b/

>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1863: Take hold of your servant girl whenever you want to; it’s your right
Someone telling someone else to be alpha


>> No.30090292

>What do you mean your General gives your linemen a bonus against cannon fire?! I might as well get rid of my artillery and replace them with cavalry.

>> No.30090324

>VII.2.48 (House of Caprasius Primus); 3061: I don’t want to sell my husband, not for all the gold in the world
This one is actually really sweet

>> No.30090392

If you consider that love marriage is a relatively young idea, and that marriage was pretty much an economic contract at the time, it pretty much is kind of neat that she grew attached to him, while we get divorces left and right. Even our functioning couples ultimately get a lot snarky about being married.

>> No.30090429

The divorce rate today depresses the shit out of me.

My grandparents have been together for 82 years. My parents split after 19 years. My older sister just got divorced after 3 years, since she's a gold digging whore.

I take it ancient marriages lasted longer? I mean, if you spend most of your life with someone, you will probably grow to like or even love them.

>> No.30090476

>The divorce rate today depresses the shit out of me.
I don't think much of it. as a strictly monogamous guy, the very idea of marriage always seemed off putting to me. that said, the institution and its meaning changed a lot. It wouldn't be a problem if people didn't jump on marriage because of their romcom background.

>> No.30090494

>what was
>shall be once more

>imagine an icosahedron, smashing into a human face, forever

>> No.30090502

>I take it ancient marriages lasted longer?

You have to keep in mind that they died more often too, so they remarried a lot without having the need to divorce.

>> No.30090510

I don't plan to ever get marriage, since the deck is stacked massively against me. My wife could leave me at any time claiming "emotional mistreatment" and take every penny I have.

>> No.30090522

>that's what using a Mac is like.

>> No.30090524

You know, I might be upset if that Pompeii movie doesn't include Gaius and Aulus.

>> No.30090584

>this is how it feels to chew 5 gum

>> No.30090613

>VI.14.36 (Bar of Salvius); 3494: In one bar, a picture depicts two men playing dice. One shouts, “Six!” while his opponent holds up two fingers and says, “No, that’s not a ‘three’; it’s a ‘two’”. By the door of the bar, another picture shows a short man driving a group of men out. Above his head are the words, “Go on, get out of here! You have been fighting!”


/tg/ never changes.

>> No.30090674

Actually the divorce rate is apparently a bit lopsided; there's a lot of people that get married and divorced multiple times during their lifetime.

>> No.30090720


>> No.30090756



>> No.30090780


What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.

>ermusie hebrew

Indeed, captcha.

>> No.30090949

>>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1863: Take hold of your servant girl whenever you want to; it’s your right
HOLY FUCK. Even back then it was ok to rape the maids.

>> No.30090965

it's not rape if it's your right, anon.

>> No.30091054


>> No.30091078

>it's not rape if it's maid

>> No.30091100

>III.5.1 (House of Pascius Hermes; left of the door); 7716: To the one defecating here. Beware of the curse. If you look down on this curse, may you have an angry Jupiter for an enemy.
Fuck, they even had those shitty "Do this or you'll die" comments!

>> No.30091258

>On April 19th, I made bread

Cool story bro.

>> No.30091274


>V.5 (just outside the Vesuvius gate); 6641: Defecator, may everything turn out okay so that you can leave this place

Even better, they seem be ironic pricks like we are.

>> No.30091296

>VI.16.15 (atrium of the House of Pinarius); 6842: If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girl friend
Shit was so denarii.

>> No.30091321

>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1824: Let everyone one in love come and see. I want to break Venus’ ribs with clubs and cripple the goddess’ loins. If she can strike through my soft chest, then why can’t I smash her head with a club?
Roman feels thread.

>> No.30091379

>tfw no gf

>> No.30091418

>Who needs a Gladius when one has such edge? Hang yourself, slave.

>> No.30091453

>5279: Once you are dead, you are nothing

>> No.30091459


lol, this is hilarious

>> No.30091465

Friend Zone so ancient it has its own layer in the Earth's crust

>> No.30091476


>> No.30091776

>IX.8.3 (House of the Centenary; interior of the house); 5279: Once you are dead, you are nothing
I almost cut myself on this edge.

>> No.30091870

>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1880: Lucius Istacidius, I regard as a stranger anyone who doesn’t invite me to dinner.

>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1880: The man I am having dinner with is a barbarian.

>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1904: O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin.

>> No.30091959

>All those defecators
So was that like the roman equivalent of shitposting?

>> No.30091983

>O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin.
Fucking normalfags ruining Wallchan.

>> No.30092019

>Not /p/ for pompei

>> No.30092023

Anyone who tries to tell you Rome had Indoor Plumbing is a filthy liar.

>> No.30092025

Some things never change.

>> No.30092030

>II.3.10 (Pottery Shop or Bar of Nicanor; right of the door); 10070: Lesbianus, you defecate and you write, ‘Hello, everyone!’


>> No.30092047

> I.10.7 (House and Office of Volusius Iuvencus; left of the door); 8364: Secundus says hello to his Prima, wherever she is. I ask, my mistress, that you love me.
Guys I've only sent 600 scrolls, do you think I should give her more time to respond?

>> No.30092122

I wonder if we have any records from walls of /l/ for lesbos.

>> No.30092157

I want some /r/
For the glory of Roma

>> No.30092176

What would the IVchan equivalent of our /b/ be? /g/aul?

>> No.30092208





>> No.30092209

>ivchan.wall/p/ - like /tg/ but accepted by society
>ivchan.wall/l/ - I don't even know

Can we think of any more?

>> No.30092214


>> No.30092232

/g/aul would be their /k/, I'm guessing, due to the large number of crazy bastards with mad combat skills who don't like the government.

>> No.30092247

VII.15.11-12 (House of Verus; between the two doors of the house); 4838: Secundus says hello to his friends.

Hello Secundus

>> No.30092248

/mu/ would have literal patricians

>> No.30092255

>Implying it isn't /ge/rmania

>> No.30092260

/pol/ is life

/pol/ is love

/pol/ is eternal

>> No.30092266

>>ivchan.wall/l/ - I don't even know
Oh yes, you do.

>> No.30092274

Wait wait wait
Romans were known Spartanaboos
So would there be an equivalent to /jp/ focusing around Sparta?

>> No.30092312

I am now picturing a legionnaire in that pose with a ballista in front of his loins.

>> No.30092314


>> No.30092341


>> No.30092348


>> No.30092351

CCC? what does it stand for?

>> No.30092359

>I.4.5 (House of the Citharist; below a drawing of a man with a large nose); 2375: Amplicatus, I know that Icarus is buggering you. Salvius wrote this.
>man with a large nose blackmailing

the nose knows

>> No.30092360

Chances are, they already did it. Just imagine, every era of history has a man doing something like this.

A man with an early cannon resting at his crotch, there are numerous others, but it would take too long.

>> No.30092363

/pa/trician reporting, go back to

>> No.30092372


CCC = 300

>> No.30092380

hint: roman numerals

>> No.30092388

>Roman fanboys squeeing about Leonidas
I approve

>> No.30092399

>"no homo"

>> No.30092409

Ah, thank you, I forgot C=100

>> No.30092427

The first British jokes was a dick joke.
What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key.

>> No.30092440

I'm now imagining Roman centurions on motorcycles in Laconia, New Hampshire. This is fantastic.

>> No.30092497

>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1811: A small problem gets larger if you ignore it.
>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1816: Epaphra, you are bald!
>VIII.1 (above a bench outside the Marine Gate); 1751: If anyone sits here, let him read this first of all: if anyone wants a screw, he should look for Attice; she costs 4 sestertii.

Humans don't change, it's crazy

>> No.30092537


... no IP laws?

That shit screwed writers.

>> No.30092554

As anon said, some things never change. In the future, they'l do it with lasers and orbital nukes while in spacesuits.

>> No.30092574

You know I have seen many legitimate threads that quickly got off topic when people post the ancient Pompeii graffiti. This one happened the fastest, It's one of the classic blunders.

>> No.30092581

It's great isn't it?

>> No.30092634

>VII.12.18-20 (the Lupinare); 2175: I screwed a lot of girls here.
it's amazing

>> No.30092668

As I said earlier in the thread
The more things change, the more they stay the same

>> No.30093008

>I.10.2-3 (Bar of Prima); 8258, 8259: The story of Successus, Severus and Iris is played out on the walls of a bar: [Severus]: “Successus, a weaver, loves the innkeeper’s slave girl named Iris. She, however, does not love him. Still, he begs her to have pity on him. His rival wrote this. Goodbye.”. [Answer by Successus]: “Envious one, why do you get in the way. Submit to a handsomer man and one who is being treated very wrongly and good looking.” [Answer by Severus]: “I have spoken. I have written all there is to say. You love Iris, but she does not love you.”

>> No.30093120

>VII.9 (Eumachia Building, via della Abbondanza); 2048: Secundus likes to screw boys.

>> No.30093250

Secundus seems to be the life of the town, he's shitting and fucking all over the place.

>> No.30093425

In modern phrasing, "Don't stick your dick in crazy."

>> No.30093865

But anonimo, we're romans.

>> No.30094340

>You are now aware Secundus was a Namefag
>Who defecated thrice

>> No.30094369

Wow. Romans had LITERAL shitposting tripfags, in every sense of both words.

>> No.30094389

As a resident of New Hampshire, the coming of spring/summer is going to be awesome/horrifying now. BANDS OF CENTURIONS ROARING DISRESPECTFULLY DOWN THE STREETS, DEFECATING ON WALLS AND SCREWING OUR WHORES.

>> No.30094860

Wasn't Secundus a common name for a second son?

>> No.30094938

My sides, oh god!

>> No.30095011


>> No.30095023

My gods, I've been doing it wrong all this time.

>> No.30095064

All this Secundus...
Fucking tripfags.

>> No.30095112

How dare you waste good chalk on this drivel. You should use a wax tablet and stylus for easy erasure of temporary notes.

>> No.30095136

>I.4.5 (House of the Citharist; below a drawing of a man with a large nose); 2375: Amplicatus, I know that Icarus is buggering you. Salvius wrote this.

Who could be behind this

>> No.30095218

>Nuceria Necropolis (on a tomb); 10241: Greetings to Primigenia of Nuceria. I would wish to become a signet ring for no more than an hour, so that I might give you kisses dispatched with your signature.

>I'd drag my balls through broken glass just to hear her fart.

>> No.30095441

So basically a normal bike week if Jed Bartlet were governor.

This serves as everyone's official reminder to watch The West Wing if they haven't already.

>> No.30095576

>VII.9 (Eumachia Building, via della Abbondanza); 2048: Secundus likes to screw boys.
What if the ancient world had no homosexuality but just a lot of gay jokes and we misinterpreted it?

>> No.30095659

Look how often Secundus comes up, that guy was all over the place.

>> No.30096257

Do you think the upcoming film "Rome sweet Rome" will feature our boys teaching D&D to the ancients?

>> No.30096363

Either that or Secundus was grafitti Anonymous.

>> No.30096380

>bike week

"The President while riding his bicycle on his vacation in Jackson Hole came to a sudden arboreal stop."

I still remember that first episode. Fucking lost it right then and there.

>> No.30096442

He was a Tripfag, we covered this

>> No.30096505

>II.7 (gladiator barracks); 8767: Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.


>> No.30096684

Funny thing is romal marital law was pretty close to our modern standards. The sine manu marriage allowed the wife to remain independent or even to divorce her husband.

>> No.30096749

Those first few seasons were full of fucking golden tidbits like that.

Made my day.

>> No.30096985

>I.10.7 (House and Office of Volusius Iuvencus; left of the door); 8364: Secundus says hello to his Prima, wherever she is. I ask, my mistress, that you love me.

>VII.9 (Eumachia Building, via della Abbondanza); 2048: Secundus likes to screw boys.

>VII.15.11-12 (House of Verus; between the two doors of the house); 4838: Secundus says hello to his friends.

>IX.8.3 (House of the Centenary; in the latrine near the front door); 5243: “Secundus defecated here” three time on one wall.


>> No.30097090

>V.3.9 (House of Cosmus and Epidia; right of the door); 6702: Aufidius was here. Goodbye

Oh no :(

>> No.30097232

I have a theory that "Secundus" is like our modern "John Doe". If you don't know who did it, you just blame Secundus.

>> No.30097436

Idea of him being of namefag of Pompei is more fascinating.

>> No.30097482

>Pecunia non olet.
>Money doesn't stink
IVchan wisdom.

>> No.30098740

/g/ ->gladius and scutum
Fellow /g/aul slayers, rate my purchase.
>InbIV- carthagian shit.

>> No.30098808

Would use to chop someones face off.

>> No.30099800

where do you think the trend comes from?

>> No.30099937

Influx of slaves that could be bought along with the Romans view of slaves. I could be wrong, but that's what I read.

>> No.30099985

Ha, I love this link. Instant de-rail, every time.

>> No.30100010

we will never know what games were lost in the great libraries of antiquity.

>> No.30100052

Daily reminder that if you don't worship Priapus, he'll rape the shit out of you.


>I warn you, boy, you will be screwed; girl, you will be fucked;
>a third penalty awaits the bearded thief.
>If a woman steals from me, or a man, or a boy,
>let the first give me her cunt, the second his head, the third his buttocks.
>My dick will go through the middle of boys and the middle of girls,
>but with bearded men it will aim only for the top.

>> No.30100086

people as property is basic roman attitudes, in fact all members of a household are property (anything they own and any money they have, the patriarch also owns and can seize from them and redistribute around the family or to themselves as they choose) of the oldest male member, him being the total executor of the estate and thats in the constitution.

so servants being treated like shit isnt a surprise.

>> No.30100097

I dunno, him being the ancient Roman anonymous works.

>> No.30100294

Would that include a Spartaboo complaining that phalanx formations are underpowered in DXX?

>> No.30100447

>II.7 (gladiator barracks); 8767: Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.
Poor old Floronius

>> No.30100583


guys, i think we're all thinking too hard about this.

its obvious that Secundus is THE old meme.

>> No.30100614

>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1812: Caesius faithfully loves M[…name lost]


>> No.30100656

That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Roman Scutum" bullshit that's going on in the battlefield right now. Hoplons deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine hoplon in Corinth for 2,400,000 drachma (that's about 20,000 denarii) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even bash through slabs of solid steel with my hoplon.

Hellenic smiths spend years working on a single hoplon and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest shields known to mankind.

Hoplons are thrice as strong as Celtic shields and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a pelta can protect, a hoplon can protect better. I'm pretty sure a hoplon could easily withstand a ballista shot with a simple frontal block.

Ever wonder why Alexander the Great never bothered conquering Sparta? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined hoplites and their hoplons of destruction. Even in the Punic Wars, Roman soldiers targeted the men with the hoplons first because their protective power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Hoplons are simply the best shield that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Hoplons:

(One-Handed Exotic Shield)
1d12 Damage
19-20 x4 Crit
+2 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork

(Two-Handed Exotic Shield)
2d10 Damage
17-20 x4 Crit
+5 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork

Now that seems a lot more representative of the blocking power of Hoplons in real life, don't you think?

tl;dr = Hoplons need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.

>> No.30100695

What if the modern world has no homosexuality but just a lot of gay jokes, and the "gays" just have Andy Kaufman levels of commitment to the routine?

>> No.30100840

Ancient Greco-Roman slavery was fucking awesome. The entire civilization had a sort of gentleman's agreement that slavery was a thing and everyone more-or-less willingly participated in it.

There was an unwritten law of the land whereby slaveowner's would treat their slaves decently and the slaves wouldn't murder the slaveowner in their sleep or run away.

>> No.30101048

secundus is oldest meme

>> No.30101244

They also had a written law where if one slave fucks up badly, all the slaves are killed

>> No.30101352

>fucking Secundus

>> No.30101430


To be fair it does mean second son, but it's also a way of saying "my son... that other one."

By the way roman estates worked, one son and lots of daughters was the ideal, with "only daughters" and "more than one son" being fairly bad because the estate would have to be split between the sons or the daughters' husbands, so the first son was celebrated and good and much wanted, and "Secundus" was... either a problem waiting to happen or at best a spare.

So "Secundus" is "anonymous" in the "we are legion sense" where there's that element of "a trouble making faggot" to it.

Plus there'll be some by people who are literally called Secundus.


Pretty sure most nukes have had little messages written on them - always assumed that on top of the decay of the fissile material, after a few decades of no use the various technicians whose job it is to maintain them have etched so much crap into the heat shields on the missiles' nose cones that you'd have to replace the entire thing.

>> No.30101441

>believing in gods
>in the year of our Empire MMXIV

>> No.30101474


>not penis shaped rock

>> No.30101508


>> No.30101580

Salve, noti.

>> No.30101671


>> No.30101750

And that's what they'll say about Anonymous when they find 4chan several thousand years in the future.

>> No.30101813

>the name of which you have given your image
>my face when I have seen it

>> No.30101820

Dont know how true this is, but I heard that the word "trivia" comes from notice boards the romans set up at certain road-points where romans could leave information about troop movements, news, current dangers in the area or whatever else other romans should know.
this lasted for about 7 seconds before they were full of obscenities bullshittery, caricatures and lots and lots of "trivial information"

>> No.30101872

Think truck stop restroom, only with more stupid in-jokes and barely passable rhymes about defecating. The amount of "for a good time..." was probably about the same though

>> No.30101897

Crede mihi, quod erat tempus.

>> No.30101904

Pretty much every society with agriculture has the free time for simple board games. All you need is some rocks and wood. The problem with RPGs is finding a society where people are mathematically literate enough to handle a more complex system that involves writing stuff down and keeping track of numbers. I think that if RPGs existed in antiquity they would be a niche hobby for scribes and priests.

>> No.30101930

>a niche hobby for nerds
Nothing changes.

>> No.30101954

>You are implying that Moors are people
>X/X I would certainly read that once more
>Secundus cease thy defecation!
>I believe that this is bait for an argument!

>> No.30101977


>> No.30101988

"SHIT! Oh shitshitSHIIIIT, Scrotus!"
"What is it Testiclus?"
"You know that campaign we played? With the guys from the cult of Pan?"
"Yes, the one we had Anukles transcribe?"
"Yeah! The scroll was lost!"
"oh, that's sad."
"Oh that's...bad..."
"He thinks the shit is REAL!"

punchline: more religion happens

>> No.30102043

And this, children, is how all religions came to be. Also, alium.s

>> No.30102050


>> No.30102070


Oh god this is gold...

>> No.30102116


>> No.30102117


>> No.30102151

ancient era reaction pics?

>> No.30102164


Trivia comes from "trivial", but that comes from the Trivium of neo-classical european education - namely Grammar, Logic and Rhetoric, which was the basic education preceding the study of arithmatic, Theoretical music, astronomy and geometry (the quadrivium).

Of course to confuse things the roman equivalent of the greek goddess hecate (goddess of witchcraft and crossroads) was also called "Trivia"... but that's because she's commonly a triple faced goddess, and naming "trivial information" after the goddess of sorcery doesn't sound like a sensible thing.

>> No.30102181


>> No.30102185

>VII.12.18-20 (the Lupinare); 2192: Sollemnes, you screw well!

>> No.30102194

>say that to my face and not on wallchan
>see what happens, catamite

>> No.30102253

Good lord, this thread.

>> No.30102271


>> No.30102272


>> No.30102286


>> No.30102314

>> No.30102385


>> No.30102463

This looks like the work of those who consort with beasts

>> No.30102473

Unlikely, my ex had terrible issues with commitment.

>> No.30102504

>> No.30102520

>> No.30102553

>thumbs down
this appears fabricated

>> No.30102571


>> No.30102609


>> No.30102627

I like the idea of assuming Hecate still has governance over tiny facts, as that makes her the Goddess of the Internet.

>> No.30102713

I presume you live in your own imagination?

>> No.30102785



complete book of this stuff

>> No.30102911


>> No.30102961

The twelve labors of hercules were originally sometimes campaign. Sometime with the original that dm.

>> No.30102967


>> No.30103070

>VI.14.36 (Bar of Salvius); 3494: In one bar, a picture depicts two men playing dice. One shouts, “Six!” while his opponent holds up two fingers and says, “No, that’s not a ‘three’; it’s a ‘two’”. By the door of the bar, another picture shows a short man driving a group of men out. Above his head are the words, “Go on, get out of here! You have been fighting!”

Holy fuck, the Dice have been destroying friendships since forever. What if Aliens made Dice to disorganize us???

>> No.30103080


>III.5.3 (on the wall in the street); 8898: Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog

In Pompei, dogs gave women oral sex on the wall

>> No.30103087

There's more?!

>> No.30103136


>Epaphra is not good at ball games.


>> No.30103351

>> No.30103586

how's that edgy, that shit actually happens, bruh.

>> No.30103798

This. I've even heard of cases where perfectly fair prenuptial agreements were thrown out by judges, and the husbands got gutted as a result.

>> No.30103877

>Year MVII
>Be me
>Master says I have to fight Celadus
>Lose fight
>lose head
>tfw no groupie wants dead gladiator

>> No.30103904

I'm on my phone. Someone screencap this!

>> No.30103918

If I was a technician, I'd probably end up writing Dear John and Hi There! everywhere. It's a personal dream of mine to die riding a bomb. It'll never happen, but whatever.

>> No.30103928

>he doesn't know of necrophiliac groupies
>laughing executed criminals.pictogam

>> No.30104087


There are always exceptions to rules, and a meteorite could land on your head as well.

>> No.30104088

You have a kindred soul in me.

>> No.30104715

Wonder if they played scifi RPGs like us

>> No.30104924


Well Arabian nights has a some sci-fi stories in it

>> No.30105102


>> No.30105181

>Be me
>Playing classical III.V Arabian Nights with my group
>Newcomer, as it turns out, he is "That patrician"
>Oddly enough he actually plays well and doesn't annoy us at all
>End of the campaign, we must escape from Sultans Palace
>We got a nice big flying carpet
>That patrician leaves us behind and flyes alone, leaving us to certain doom
>His face when

>> No.30105189




>> No.30105299


I laughed hared then I should've

>> No.30105512


You act as if they are equally rare. They are not.

>> No.30105606

dont quite get it. but then, I am a pleb

>> No.30105628


How do you not get it

>> No.30105659

Like I said: pleb

>> No.30105696

Man, I thought that little voice telling me I was better than other people was just arrogance...

>> No.30105842


>> No.30105851

SOMEBODY SAVE THIS THREAD. We must record the awesome.

>> No.30105870

it is

>> No.30106311

ple/b/ians, obviously.

>> No.30106430

I want an IVchan so much now

>> No.30106626

>O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin.
>Fucking normalfags ruining Wallchan.

Actually, sounds more like oldfags bitching.

>> No.30106846

>arrivi Canal Quatrus
>vidi bretonic lingua
Latina, Oedipus, loquituri id?

>> No.30106880

My sides have abandoned this empire.

>> No.30106990



>> No.30107044

i loled

>> No.30107051


I fucking lost it at the filename.

>> No.30107146

Prenups have basically no legal standing.

>> No.30107207

>the gay agenda is just the biggest practical joke in the history of mankind


>> No.30107307

>implying secundus is a meme


>> No.30107335

You blithe fool, if your attempt to end this scroll had succeeded, you would have struck down before born the greatest thing this side of the Mediterranean.

>> No.30107402

Secundus is a forced meme made up by plebeians with the sense of humour of bearded barbarian wildmen.

>> No.30107434

It doesn't stop you from being a catemite.

>> No.30107470

>IX.8.3 (House of the Centenary; interior of the house); 5279: Once you are dead, you are nothing

>*adjusts pileus*

>> No.30107497

On the sixth day, god created man.
On the seventh day god rested and man created /tg/

>> No.30107501


>james joyce in Rome

>> No.30107568

Just think about it.

If the only difference between a Roman guy and a modern Westerner is the technology they use...

What about people in the stone age?

>> No.30107617

What if being village elder meant that you were forever DM?

>> No.30107634

I mean there's a limited number of people around and somebody's gotta run the games.

>> No.30107642


>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1882: The one who buggers a fire burns his penis

wisdom for the ages.

>> No.30107787


By the way, Martialis got some ice cold burns.

>> No.30107791

>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1904: O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin.

If only that guy would know how long that wall would stay up.

>> No.30107853

>Latina, Oedipus, loquituri id?
>Latin, Motherfucker, do you speak it?

Nice one anon

>> No.30107869

The way the left guy is standing makes me think he's a JoJo.

>The scroll was better.

>> No.30107898

>She desires me – Procillus, envy me! –
>one whiter than a new-wet swan,
>than privet, lilies, silver, snow:
>but I desire one dark as night,
>cicada, black ant, pitch, or crow.
>You thought to hang yourself:
>I know you well, Procillus, oh, you’ll live.
Is this... Roman NTR?

>> No.30107908

>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1820: Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they every have before!

>> No.30107913

Sounds good. You'll work up a gorgeous farmer's tan in the spring, and get to show it off when summer hits, and you need to sew your wild oats.

>> No.30107925

>Thousands of years from now
>Romans long forgotten, their ruins crumpled to dust.
>Somebody discovers an old server bank
>Reads this conversation
What happens?

>> No.30107999

Maybe have it be Ductus IV instead?

>> No.30108007

Quotam ex linea precursiva.

>> No.30108025


>Implying that the odds are anywhere near similar.
>91 people killed bu meteorites vs 50-60 percent chance of divorce.

>> No.30108080

>viridi scriptum

>> No.30108117

>VIII.7.6 (Inn of the Muledrivers; left of the door); 4957: We have wet the bed, host. I confess we have done wrong. If you want to know why, there was no chamber pot

I'm remembering that for my players.

Instead of dealing with cutthroats trying to steal their gold and gear at night, they have to deal WITH NO CHAMBER POTS!

>> No.30108129

Most myths were oral tradition. They were either explanations for natural phenomena (like the passing of the seasons) or dramatizations of real events. Basically, the 12 labors of Heracles were either meaningless lore a bored DM added, or some asshole's greentext story about how their brother punched a dog and cleaned shit out of a stable.

>> No.30108133

Though a fitted carriage bears your painted servants,

though a Libyan horseman sweats in a trail of dust,

and purple draperies dye your Baian villas

and Thetis’ waters yellow with your creams,

though draughts of Setine brim your lucent crystal,

and Venus sleeps beneath no softer down,

still at night you lie at a proud girl’s threshold

drenching, alas, her mute door with your tears,

while ceaseless sighs burn through your wretched breast.

Want to know your curse, Cotta? You’re too well off.

>First world problems

>> No.30108148

Gotta shorten Channel a bit and put the 4 in front.

>> No.30108178


Hercules was basically a day laborer. Then the real good liars of the ancient world took over.

>> No.30108182

VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1820: Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they every have before!

I've come to realise that I thoroughly enjoy Roman insults.

>> No.30108479

>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1882: The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
They even had "don't stick it in crazy"!

>> No.30108504

Pronounced "quaduct".

>> No.30108545

>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1837: If you are able, but not willing, why do you put off our joy and kindle hope and tell me always to come back tomorrow. So, force me to die since you force me to live without you. Your gift will be to stop torturing me. Certainly, hope returns to the lover what it has once snatched away.

I guess he didn't listen.

>> No.30108572

Goddamnit I bet this was Secundus.

>> No.30108593

>falling in love with a hooker


>> No.30108864

I... Now I actually want to try this.
Play as a naive fools that falls in love with a whore.

>> No.30108910

It's not worth your time.

A friend of mine has been renting his home out to hookers, and let's just say that his romantic life is just one giant mess.

>> No.30108942

Sounds like the premiso to some romantic sitcom.

>> No.30108995

It's certainly funny. But I have a very screwed sense of humour.

>> No.30109021


>> No.30109076

Let's just say he has a tendency to date multiple girls at a time.
Add to that the fact that he has all kinds of hookers that use his house to work from.

Some of those hookers he also fucks.

The more girls you stick your dick in, the more names you have to remember. You can guess the rest.

>> No.30109099

So you are friend with a real life bard turned pimp knight!

>> No.30109222

>What the fuck is "pompeii"?
>Holy shit did you not go to school? it's like a location from a XX century novel. The people thought it was real. It was like religion or something.
>Wow, people back then were stupid.
>Word... *tips soylent green*

>> No.30109459

>You can guess the rest.
Canned laughter?

>> No.30109473

"Man, Anonymous really liked this Secundus guy."

>> No.30109510

How many STDs does he have so far?

>> No.30109519

>Maaan, look at this one! So meta!

>> No.30109521


>> No.30109528

>Not making sure your whores are clean.

>> No.30109747

Oh I'm sure those whores are clean.

His girlfriends however... let's just say he was shocked to find out that one of his ex-girlfriends has about as many boyfriends as he has girlfriends.

Which is just stupid of him. If you keep going for 30-40 year old women who put out on the first date, you know you're dating chicks that fuck as much as you do.

>> No.30109873



Ewwww old hags are old.

>> No.30109922

He's 36 so yeah. He fucks nasty old women.

>> No.30110134

Whores are cleaner than sluts.
It's better for business, and sluts are inherently dumber.

>> No.30110326

Nope, we don't at all. I read that the ice age post-cave men were exactly the same as humans today, just with less defined language, technology, or views of the world. So they seemed "Stupid". But in a vacuum, they were just us. And we're still just them,but with more toys.

Humans have always just been humans.

>> No.30110389

>hey unglok, you think people ever fly like bird?
>shut fuck up morg, you are really most autist of whole tribe

>> No.30110479

It's fascinating, isn't it? Trying to imagine what society would be like if they were still as smart as us, but have literally could not understand lightning. There were so many things being found each day, they didn't have a scope of context. They couldn't know it WASN'T a giant monster in the sky screaming fire. That didn't seem impossible to them. Imagine yourself as you are now, living in a world with such little information. It's cool.

I love old civilizations and the history of man. It's a shame that it feels so "gone" to me. Almost like I can't believe it ever existed and was "The World" at any point. All those people feel imaginary.

>> No.30110651

Don't remind me.

First time I did magic mushrooms, at the end, I pulled my bedsheets over my head.

And I closed my eyes, and saw with my eyes closed an orb of bones. Dry bones. A planet made out of bones. And I thought... who knows how many animals, plants and human(oids) have died on this planet before I got here.

It must be trillions of living things that were here before me.

And there will be trillions of living things after me.

And that's just one planet. There are probably billions of other planets with isolated pockets of life. All with their own isolated history we'll never know.

>> No.30110776

I somehow read that as
>"I hit you for 2d10 damage, your head is off so lie down"
wich would make more sense in Valhalha

>> No.30110976


;_; why did the norse have best afterlife? I can't think of one better then drinking and beating the shit out of each other. With Valkyries to add to the beauty of the place.

>> No.30111188

Read pic related, it's alright.

>> No.30111525


ahahahah. Imagine some norse guy who dies in glory then right when he gets into Valhalla ragnarok happens.

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