LORD TIMOTHY DEXTER

[Anonymous No.7198145]

FIRST IN THE EAST
FIRST IN THE WEST
AND THE GREATEST PHILOSOPHER
IN THE WESTERN WORLD

[Anonymous No.7198206]

The man was a legend, wish there was a movie about him

[Anonymous No.7199889]

>>7198145
I like the guy. He memed hard.

[Anonymous No.7199907]

>Because he was largely uneducated, his business sense was considered peculiar. He was inspired to send warming pans (used to heat sheets in the cold New England winters) for sale to the West Indies, a tropical area. His captain sold them as ladles for local molasses industry and made a good profit.[3] Next, Dexter sent wool mittens to the same place, where Asian merchants bought them for export to Siberia.[1]

>People jokingly told him to "ship coal to Newcastle". He did so during a miners' strike at the time, and his cargo was sold at a premium.[4][5] At another time, practical jokers told him he could make money shipping gloves to the South Sea Islands. His ships arrived there in time to sell the gloves to Portuguese boats on their way to China.[4]

>He exported Bibles to the East Indies and stray cats to Caribbean islands and again made a profit; eastern missionaries were in need of the Bibles and the Caribbean welcomed a solution to rat infestation.[1] He also hoarded whalebone by mistake, but ended up selling them profitably as a support material for corsets.[1]
Jesus christ what a lad

[Anonymous No.7200138]

>>7199907
>Members of the New England high society rarely socialized with him. Dexter decided to buy a huge house in Newburyport from Nathaniel Tracy, a local socialite, and tried to emulate them.[1] His relationships with his wife, daughter, and son also suffered. This became evident when he started telling visitors that his wife had died (despite the fact that she was still alive) and that the woman who frequented the building was simply her ghost.[1] In one notable episode, Dexter faked his own death to see how people would react. About 3,000 people attended Dexter's mock wake. Dexter did not see his wife cry, and after he revealed the hoax, he caned her for not grieving enough.[6]

The absolute madman.

[Anonymous No.7200146]

http://priceonomics.com/the-strange-life-of-lord-timothy-dexter/
better than wikipedia

[Anonymous No.7200526]

>>7199907
lol! This is fucking brilliant...

[Anonymous No.7200687]

>>7200138
BASED
A
S
E
D

[Anonymous No.7200695]

I've read about this guy a couple of times and it can't be real, right?

[Anonymous No.7200756]

>>7198206
I'm down to write a spec script on this amazing lad.

Aside from >>7200146 where else can i find out more about him? /establish the key parts of his life and make an outline of all of the bizarre things he did that brought him wealth and prosperity.

[Anonymous No.7200766]

>>7199907
>>7200138

[Anonymous No.7200802]

>>7198145

>Aged 50, Dexter wrote a book about himself – A Pickle for the Knowing Ones or Plain Truth in a Homespun Dress – in which he also complained about politicians, the clergy and his wife. The book contained 8,847 words and 33,864 letters, but no punctuation and its capitalization seemed random.

Sounds better than Ulysses tbh.

[Anonymous No.7200817]

>>7198145

fuckin t dex is so based. more people should live like him, look at what his 'like i give a fuck' attitude got him.

[Anonymous No.7200838]

>He once bragged about purchasing wholesale bibles at “12% under half price” or 41 cents each, then selling 21,000 units in the West Indes through manipulation.
>“I sent a text that all of them must have one bibel in every familey or if not thay would goue to hell,”

Crafty fucker.

[Anonymous No.7200844]

>Most famously, in imitation of the King of England, Dexter hired his own poet laureate -- a hapless 20 year-old who he’d found in the market, selling halibut from a wheelbarrow. After learning that the great Italian poets were crowned with mistletoe, Dexter concocted his new lyricist a coronet of parsley (the only thing he had in his garden at the moment), and forced him to write and recite fawning poems that boosted his own self esteem:

10/10, redefines poetry and makes us question everything that came before it

[Anonymous No.7200845]

>>7200802
he later updated the book with puncuation by adding it all to the end and telling the readers to distribute it as they please

[Anonymous No.7200853]

could he have been a time traveler?

[Anonymous No.7200856]

>>7200802

[Anonymous No.7200870]

Jesus fucking Christ, did this guy even do one NOT based thing in his life?

[Anonymous No.7200874]

>>7200870
zero zip zilch nothing nada nil negatory

He makes me proud to be an American. He's a true American Hero. NO other country could produce such a man. An American Diogenes.

[Anonymous No.7201191]

>>7200756
You could read his autobiography.

[Anonymous No.7201203]

>>7200845

BASED. AS. FUCK.

[Anonymous No.7201246]

>>7200845
>>7201203

>>7200844
>>7200856

Mark my words, Lord Dexter is going to be the next big meme here after Stirner and the Big Three.

[Anonymous No.7201255]

>>7200856
He invented PoMo

[Anonymous No.7201306]

Is this man the closest thing we have to a real life Don Quixote?

[Anonymous No.7201335]

>>7198145
who can direct his Biopic?

[Anonymous No.7201381]

>Not to be outshined, Dexter then erected a final statue -- one of himself. Beneath it, he boastfully painted an inscription: “I am the first in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest philosopher in the Western world” -- this, coming from a man who’d neither contributed anything to the field of Philosophy nor ever read a single book on the subject.


o i am laffin

[Anonymous No.7201493]

>>7201306

Don Quixote didn't have a lot of success with his endeavours, mostly just got his teeth kicked in.

[Anonymous No.7201626]

>>7201493
It's the spirit that matters

[Anonymous No.7201666]

>>7199907
>>7200138

[Anonymous No.7202963]

>>7200756
You can read A Pickle For The Knowing Ones for free on the internet.

[Anonymous No.7203175]

>>7200856
>>7200844
im literally going to quote some of his half legible passages in everything I write and imply that they're the greatest fucking thing ever

[Anonymous No.7203213]

>>7201246
We've had many threads about him in the past newfag.

[Anonymous No.7203234]

>>7198206
directeed by Wes Anderson

[Anonymous No.7203259]

I have a copy of his book. It's great.

[Anonymous No.7204604]

>>7198145
holy shit, this guy is too much

[Anonymous No.7204883]

How many odds must converge for a man like this to exist

[Anonymous No.7204903]

>>7203259
>thay may peper and solt it as they plese
A seminal work

[Anonymous No.7204916]

>>7203259
This is so absolutely based that I am truly in awe of the mans mastery of the word and of the world in general.

[Anonymous No.7204957]

>>7203259
>and thay may peper and solt it as they plese

[Anonymous No.7205056]

>>7203259
>and thay may peper and solt it as they plese
this is too good

[Anonymous No.7205065]

Dexter is the original redpill

[Anonymous No.7205069]

>>7204903
>>7204916
>>7204957
>>7205056
Note that this is from 1802, though that note is from a second edition and I am not sure exactly how much later it was, but it precedes Joyce and co by over 100 years.

[Anonymous No.7205142]

>2015
>not owning a copy of this fucking masterpiece

do you fags even read?

[Anonymous No.7205161]

>>7205142
wer 2 cop?

[Anonymous No.7205168]

>>7198206
>kubrick will never make a movie about him.

It would have been perfect

[Anonymous No.7205238]

>>7203259

>you will never reach this level of genius

[Anonymous No.7205268]

>>7203259

[Anonymous No.7205305]

>>7198206
>wish there was a movie about him

please no. Hollywood has never been as devoid of originality as it is now and as an indie film it would lack the budget to do the story justic.

This is too rare of a story to have it butchered by just any hack.

[Anonymous No.7205320]

based fucking dexter

[Anonymous No.7205390]

from the wikipedia.
>People jokingly told him to "ship coal to Newcastle". He did so during a miners' strike at the time, and his cargo was sold at a premium.
fucking based god.

[Anonymous No.7205433]

>>7205390
>Timothy Dexter, an American entrepreneur, succeeded in defying the idiom in the eighteenth century. Renowned for his eccentricity and widely regarded as a buffoon, he was persuaded to sail a shipment of coal to Newcastle by rival merchants plotting to ruin him. However, he instead got a large profit after his cargo arrived during a miners' strike which had crippled local production

[Anonymous No.7205497]

>>7205238
ABSOULTE MADMAN
B A
S D
O M
L A
U N
T
E

[Anonymous No.7205543]

>Dexter would often repaint his statues’ inscriptions (time to time, he’d take great joy in rewriting history). Once, an unfortunate painter wrote “Declaration of Independence” under the Thomas Jefferson statue; Dexter demanded he correct it to “Constitution” (an incorrect attribution). When the painter insisted that his own inscription was the correct one, Dexter removed his Longrifle and fired a shot at him, narrowly missing. “Constitution,” he repeated again, with a solemn tone. This time, his painter obliged.

Hmm.

[Anonymous No.7205645]

This chap. This bloody chap.

[Anonymous No.7206017]

>>7198145
>you will never drink beer with Dexter and sell cheap chinese knock off playsations

[Anonymous No.7206067]

A true American hero.

[Anomynoosie No.7206120]

George Washington was better

[Anonymous No.7206411]

>>7205069
Laurence Sterne still came first

[Anonymous No.7206438]

>>7205305
Someone will get mad at me for saying this, but I genuinely think Wes Anderson would be great for it.

[Anonymous No.7206504]

>>7206438
I agree but I also think that it would become more of a Wes Anderson movie than a Timothy Dexter one.

[Anonymous No.7206599]

>>7200856
>younited States of A mercary
Better than Finnegans Wake.

[Anonymous No.7206621]

>>7206599
Mercury was the Roman god of trade...

[Anonymous No.7206635]

>>7206621

Yep. And it's the YOUnited States, so he's accusing the reader, who is probably of upper-crust New England stock, of being the very sort of crooked merchant who starts wars. I'm telling you man, it's just as calculated as anything Joyce ever wrote.

[Anonymous No.7206656]

>>7206635
Sucking his dick right now fam