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/lit/ - Literature

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Anonymous Mon Apr 27 15:21:31 2015 No.6463785 [Reply] [Original]

Do you read books when you take a shit?

I imagine all my shit particles seeping onto the pages and wonder if I shouldn't always have two copies of the same book.

Do you have a shitter edition and a 'reading room only' one?

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 15:24:47 2015 No.6463791 >>6463785 A friend of mine gave "The Brass Man" by Neal Asher in a German translation to me. I wouldn't put that trash into my reading room - now it is where it belongs, next to the loo.

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 16:31:07 2015 No.6463999 >>6463785 I have a patrician bowel, and never need more than 60 seconds at most to complete a dump, so I don't sully my books by taking them into the bathroom where they could get water splashed on them.

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 16:32:13 2015 No.6464002 How long does it take you to shit, man? Get some fiber in your life, guy.

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 16:34:05 2015 No.6464007 >>6463785 >spending more than 1min to take a shit enjoy your hemorrhoids

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 16:34:54 2015 No.6464010 >>6463785 I have a trivial pursuit book that has thousands of trivia questions and answers. I only take like 3 minutes or less to poop so it works perfect.

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 16:49:39 2015 No.6464034 >>6464007 i don't have hemorrhoids and i spend 45 minutes taking my shits. would you like to see my butthole?

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 16:52:56 2015 No.6464040 >>6463999 >patrician bowel More like baby shit factory. A godly shit should take 3 minutes, clean, solid, low odor.

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 16:55:13 2015 No.6464042 >>6463994 Borges trqnsla>>6464034 Pls do

Anonymous Mon Apr 27 17:01:10 2015 No.6464062

>>6463785
no, reading on toilet is disgusting, when i take a shit i just want to get it over with as soon as possible. i have no clue why people keep a magazine stand in the bathroom, it's totally gross

i have a friend who keeps a copy of shakespeare's collected works and the oxford english dictionary on a table in his bathroom. i know he wants to sleep with me and he is kinda cute, but the reason why i won't is that he keeps books in his bathroom. just keep it clean, i don't need anything else. why are men so gross

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 17:52:37 2015 No.6464260 >>6464062 shut up skank

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 18:10:20 2015 No.6464321 File: 497 KB, 500x375, hilmouse.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>6464007 >tfw severe hemorrhoids >tfw asshole will never look the same >tfw qt patootie I've been speaking to keeps mentioning how she wants to rim me

Anonymous Mon Apr 27 18:59:42 2015 No.6464512

I take a stimulants. My poops are regular and with cleaning take about 6 minutes. I give a courtesy flush and then read. I only read the New Yorker. They print 1 short story and none are very long. Besides, I toss the mags into the bin after I read the fiction.

It is the idea of bringing an actual book into my shithouse that has me a bit anxious.

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 19:11:41 2015 No.6464546 >>6463785 >shit particles welcome to /lit/ where nobody understands chemistry or anything stem for that matter because we're all poets and have no need for the observable world

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 19:15:45 2015 No.6464564 You should not need more than a minute to shit. Your toilet is too high, or your diet sucks.

Anonymous Mon Apr 27 19:23:30 2015 No.6464596

>>6464546
When you flush it ends up everywhere. You think a lid keeps it in? This is why you should not keep a toothbrush in the restroom.

There is shit in your sink, on the toilet paper, on your monogrammed towels and on the bathroom door hanger where you place your fedora.

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 19:25:41 2015 No.6464601 File: 78 KB, 641x356, 1426962535774.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >when you read a second hand book your inhaling someone's shit

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 19:27:10 2015 No.6464608 >>6464564 It takes me about 10 minutes and I have to go at least twice a day. How fucked am I?

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 19:27:10 2015 No.6464609 >>6464596 maybe if you weren't so afraid of invisible shit particles you would have a better immune system

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 19:28:48 2015 No.6464618 >>6464609 I'm fine. It's the book I care about pleb.

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 19:30:05 2015 No.6464623 >>6464618 Oh no. Are your books getting sick?

>>	Anonymous Mon Apr 27 19:30:50 2015 No.6464628 >>6463785 Yes. I forgot my copy of Lolita in the bathroom last week, and now I'm afraid my two female housemates saw it and think I'm weird.

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 00:14:06 2015 No.6465711 >>6464608 >not waiting at least four days to poop >not taking the biggest shits once a week >not massaging your prostate with the shit >not cumming while shitting You were fucked from the beginning.

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 00:22:17 2015 No.6465744 >>6463999 >>6464007 >>6464002 >>6464034 >>6464040 >>6464321 >>6464512 >>6464564 >>6464608 >>6465711 I think /lit/ needs an in-house proctologist.

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 00:25:04 2015 No.6465753 >>6465744 As if everyone here isn't already far up their own asshole.

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 00:26:57 2015 No.6465766 >>6465753 That's exactly why they need one though. To get themselves out of there.

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 00:29:22 2015 No.6465777 i read poems on the shitter

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 00:29:47 2015 No.6465779 >>6465766 >implying /lit/ isn't beyond help

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 01:22:07 2015 No.6465963 File: 20 KB, 390x470, chuckling jello.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] holy shit this thread is hilarious

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 10:15:02 2015 No.6467006 I browse /lit/ and shitpost on the toilet.

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 10:27:14 2015 No.6467022 >>6463785 Prolegomena to Any Future Metaphysics is my shit book, before that it was some poetry.

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 10:32:41 2015 No.6467031 >>6463785 Nah, I use my time on the shitter to tinder instead.

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 10:34:06 2015 No.6467035 >>6463785 I read pynchon and imagine I'm having my asshole penetrated by niggers

Anonymous Tue Apr 28 10:39:17 2015 No.6467048
File: 38 KB, 269x250, rockydennis.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>6464062
wtf is your problem you cheap hussy? unless he comes out with shit on his hands it's not gross. grow up. the world is covered in a thin film of shit and you just have to deal with it.

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 10:46:19 2015 No.6467064 File: 75 KB, 438x648, shittybook.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. just a book of random facts and stories. each one is about 1 page long. perfect for dumps and made so by design.

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 13:01:56 2015 No.6467455 >>6467006 This. Or I read on my phone. I can wipe that with desinfectant towels. I want no particles that have been in my ass near my books. I fart like a mad motherfucker in my room and that's bad enough.

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 13:08:32 2015 No.6467465 >>6464062 LONDON O N D O N

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 13:09:33 2015 No.6467468 >>6464062 >friend >wants to sleep with you pick one

Anonymous Tue Apr 28 15:34:44 2015 No.6467943

A dick doesn't really discriminate.
I'd love to get my shaft polished by lifelong friends who I would never be romantically interested in nor would I want to engage in a prolonged sexual understanding (fuck buddies).
Sometimes you just get horny and realize a hole's a hole.

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 15:39:32 2015 No.6467974 I take 1 minute and 30 second shits. I am in and out and don't waste my time sitting on a filthy toilet because I have excellent bowel movement.

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 15:39:39 2015 No.6467977 >>6467943 you sure you're in the right thread, friend?

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 15:41:09 2015 No.6467988 >>6467974 I think this is the first time I've seen someone unironically brag about their ability to shit

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 15:41:31 2015 No.6467994 I have phimosis, so it takes me several minutes just to take a piss and I bring a book along every time. This is the secret behind my immense erudition. Stay jelly.

>>	Anonymous Tue Apr 28 16:02:08 2015 No.6468113 >>6467977 Oops I forgot to quote >>6467468

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