/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.5142627]

What are the essential greentexts and copypastas, /lit?

[Anonymous No.5142639]

>>5142627
start with the usernets

[Anonymous No.5142642]

>>5142627
What the fuck did you just say about the Navy Seal copypasta, you little bitch? I'll have you know I was the very first to introduce it to 4chan, and I've written numerous variations of it, and I've posted them over 300 hundred times. I'm trained in fast-typing and I'm the top copypasta poster on Reddit. You are nothing to me but just another pleb with no taste in text-based memes. I will downvote you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this subreddit, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about the Navy Seal copypasta over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak, I am contacting my r/copypasta brigade and your post is being read right now, so you better prepare for the storm, hater. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your opinion. You're fucking dead, kid. I can report you anytime and I can insult you in over seven hundred ways, and that's without using the thesaurus. Not only am I extensively trained in CTRL+V, but I have access to the entire copypasta repositories of ED and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable comment off the face of the thread, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy karma loss your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

[Anonymous No.5142643]

>>5142639
heh

[Anonymous No.5142652]

[Anonymous No.5142664]

>>5142642
thread ruined before it started

[Anonymous No.5142675]

Start with this:

>Tfw 300 word essay due in 4 weeks
>Tfw still haven't started

If you can't understand the 300 word essay you might as well kill yourself.

[Anonymous No.5142688]

>>5142652
Can you post the picture of NDG pls?

[Anonymous No.5142848]

There was one about vuvuzelas and barnes and noble and many people dying because of farts

[Anonymous No.5142855]

You poor, uneducated, stubborn fool,

It is with great interest that I must inform you that both your logic and your reasoning are flawed, and that you are obviously misinformed about the topic at hand. To be honest, you represent the small part of every community which lacks the ability to think and comprehend things like humans do. In fact, your mental capabilities would closely resemble that of a lump of turd. I had second thoughts about writing this, as I am not sure if you have the skills associated with reading. I kindly ask you, on behalf of everyone else, to kill yourself, thereby removing yourself from the gene pool to prevent people like you from being born.

You have permission to writhe in your own idiocy.

Sincerely,
Your intellectual superior.

[Anonymous No.5142863]

A classic

[Anonymous No.5142870]

A masculine, male, en homme, heterosexual cisgender cissexual and erotic novel writer was teaching a class on Evolutionary Biology, a known cissexist subject. He walked to the front of the class and said: "Before class begins, you must get out your book on chromosomes and accept that even the most lowly-evolved beings to have ever existed in this world have had two sexes." While waiting for them to prepare, he looks at the photograph on his desk of his feminine, female, en femme, heteroseual ciswife from a straight monogamous marriage, a known non-queer.

At this moment a brave, inspiring, cross-dressed, potentially-but-not-via-societal-definition-attractive, pro-equality LGBTTTQIAAPQDK2SA+SH transgender transexual civil rights pillar of the community who had had over 1500 procedures to make hir body mimic hir inner soul, and understood the necessity of polygamy and polyamory and fully supported all slippery slopes expounded by pundits in the United States, stood up and held up a mirror, pointing it at him.

Shi asked the professor, "What do you see in the mirror?", in a natural, neuter voice.

The arrogant professor smirked quite heteronormatively and smugly replied, "It's me, Dr. Williamson, a normal guy you fucking stupid flaboyant queer."

"Wrong. You see your cisprivilege, over 6,000 benefits just from being cis. If you weren't cispriviledged, and weren't special as you say, then you wouldn't have called yourself a guy."

The professor was visibly shaken and dropped his chalk and copy of Genetics, and stormed out of the room crying cisvestite crocodile tears.

[Anonymous No.5142875]

[Anonymous No.5142876]

>>5142870

The students applauded and were all compelled to marry eachother in a mass polygamous ceremony on that day shortly after their spontaneous orgy. An eagle named "Die Cis Scum" flew into the room and sat on the floor, not giving any preference to a particular room height, shedding a tear that zig-zagged across the chalkboard. The Cisgender Privilege Checklist was read several times, and Carl Buijs showed up to enact total non-discrimination laws for every profession and pass time across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day for using gendered pronouns in his apology. He died of the equal-opportunity plague AIDS during vanilla sex with his unigendered wife and was reduced to a negative footnote on the 'Gender taxonomy' Wikipedia page for all eternity.

[Anonymous No.5142879]

Let me preface this by saying that I've been a memer since they first appeared on 4chan circa 2006 (ages ago in internet time). I remember refreshing /b/ all afternoon with the hope that someone would make a new meme. I was a memer back when Advice Dog was the only one and I still upvote every Advice Dog meme I see becasue of the fond rush of nostalgia it brings me. Nowadays, there are many thousand on quickmeme and other meme websites. I was a memer back before memegenerator was created (the first meme website) and I had to make them with MS Powerpoint or Paint. Speaking of meme websites, I was one of the first submitters to memebase.com and still have one of the top accounts there despite having migrated to reddit nearly 2 years ago. It was on 4chan and memebase where I cut my teeth creating memes, way before I had a reddit account and way before /r/adviceanimals[1] was created in late 2010. Back before I could get any sort of points or even username recognition, I was creating memes as a clever and easily digestible way to reflect on society, relate some story to my audience, or just be funny. Do you remember rich raven? No? I do. You probably don't remember depression dog, crazy girlfriend praying mantis, introspective pug, or friendzone Johnny either. I remember all of them. In fact, you have only submitted two posts to adviceanimals garnering a total of just 4 points and have not commented there any time recently. So please, respect my judgement regarding the direction of the subreddit and the integrity of posts I have held dear to my heart for nearly 7 years but you have no strong feelings for. Thanks.

[Anonymous No.5142882]

>>5142870

[Anonymous No.5142883]

[Anonymous No.5142885]

Your mother jerks off pigs. She gets down on her knees and crawls through the pigpiss mud slop and snuggles up to the pig, her fingers tracing along it's belly until she finds it's cock. She begins tugging and stroking as her twat moistens, her breasts swelling and her nipples begin to stick out like erasers on a fresh #2 pencil. She grunts with satisfaction as the pig begins eagerly thrusting into her hand, her grip now tightening to maintain control of the pig's greasy corkscrew cock. She lowers her head to watch the cock work in her hand, groans with satisfaction and begins working her clit with her other muddy hand, her hips gyrating with the rhythm of the pig's thrusting.

"Oh fucking jesus god yes.." she gasps. She changes positions, still maintaining control of the feverishly thrusting cock as the pig's squealing intensifies. She leans forward and with her lips almost touching the pig's ear, she whispers your name and begins to shudder. She turns her attention again to the pigs swollen member rocking in her hand. She presses it between her hand and her face, the pig thrusting it against her cheeks as she drools. With a massive grunt and a high pitched squeal, the pig's balls explode, beginning a massive shower of hot, sour pig jizz. You mother cups one hand under the fountain of steaming genetic material gathering it in her hand as the thrusting comes to an end. The pig shudders and begins to walk to the trough of slop in the corner of it's pen, but your mother tackles it to the ground. She lifts it's tail and smears the handful of pig load into the pig's own fetid butthole, turning flakes of crusty pig shit into a pigshit-pigjizz mud slop on the pigs ass. Now she tilts her head to the sky and screams your name, not once, not twice, but three times. She slams her face full force into the pig's butthole and it's wreath of shitsemen pudding, her tongue machine gun flicking the rim and then burying itself to the hilt inside the pig's hot colon. Your mother works her tongue around the inside of the pigs ass, and then as a few incoherent syllables escaped her now brown lips, spurts of female ejaculate spurt from her pulsating cunt. Exhausted, she collapses in the mud, rolls over onto her back, and lights a cigarette. She takes one long drag, looks again to the sky, and speaks your name one last time before she drifts off to sleep.

That's your mom. Your mom does that.

[Anonymous No.5142893]

>>5142875
10/10

[Anonymous No.5142902]

>>5142875

[Anonymous No.5142904]

>>5142893

[Anonymous No.5142908]

[Anonymous No.5142961]

>>5142904
I love those threads.

[Anonymous No.5143317]

>>5142885
I have no words... Did I just experience the sublime?

[Anonymous No.5143323]

>>5142870
evolutionary biology is a fucking joke though

[Anonymous No.5143331]

This one always hits close to home.

[Anonymous No.5143332]

>>5142908
>reposting this retarded shit again

go back to /pol/ and suck evola dick

[Anonymous No.5143333]

>>5143317
Burke would say so

[Anonymous No.5143334]

Rate my short story /lit/. It's called Mr Doggle's Wonderful Penis

Mr Doggle had a wonderful penis. A scrandtacular, pendiferous penis. If you asked it a question, it would always know the answer. If you patted it on the head three times, it would give you a cookie. If you tickled it's chin, it would tell you a bed time story. One of these bedtime stories went like this:

There once was a boy named Neberon. He liked to walk down the street after dark. One day he bumped into a dingdong named whodabby, who was hobnobbin with the jews. But oh no! He stuck his toe in a pot of jam, and all the churches fell down.

Mr Doggle loved his penis, as did all of the townsfolk. But there was one townsfolk who was jealous of Mr Doggles penis: this man's name was Butt Henry. Butt Henry would always tell jokes, but no one ever paid attention to his jokes, because they were too busy patting Mr Doggles penis on the head. So one day, Butt Henry took a knife, and STABBED Mr Doggle's penis. It bled and bled, and the townsfolk were quite afraid: what if Mr Doggle's penis died? Who would tell their children bed time stories, or answer their questions, or give them wonderful delicous cookies? Who they asked, who?

[Anonymous No.5143338]

>>5143331

I'm not sure if I'm amused or perturbed.

[Anonymous No.5143339]

>>5143334
The answer, it turned out, was nobody. Mr Doggle's penis died, three days later. The townsfolk were quite upset. Without the bedtime stories of Mr Doggle's penis, the children became rambunctious. They began having sex with goats, and sheep, and elephants, and all different kinds of animals. In a tough situation like this, the townsfolk would normally ask Mr Doggle's penis what to do, but without his penises sage words of wisdom, the townsfolk were too stupid to come to a decision on any course of action, so they simply allowed their children to continue having sex with animals. It was strange and disturbing at first, but over time became routine, and eventually it became abnormal for children NOT to engage in sexual relations with members of another species.

Meanwhile, Butt Henry suddenly found that he had an audience for his jokes. So he would tell his jokes, and people would listen. But they still didn't laugh. This made Butt Henry very sad, so he decided to shove a pinecone up his ass. It felt fine going in, almost enjoyable, but then when Butt Henry finally got bored with having a pinecone up his ass and decided to pull it out, the pain was excruciating, and he was unable to pull it more than an inch before it's scales became completely embedded into the flesh of his sphincter. He called an ambulance, which whisked him away, but only blocks away from the hospital the driver of the ambulance cried in alarm: there was a child having sex with a rooster, right in the middle of the road! The ambulance swerved and slammed into a tree. Another ambulance eventually arrived to carry everyone from the first ambulance to the hospital, but by the time Butt Henry was finally brought to the ER, it was too late; his ass had to be amputated. Butt Henry was quite upset at first, but he decided to make the best of the situation, and had his ass stuffed by the local taxidermist. He mounted his own ass above the mantle, where it remains to this day.

And they all lived happily ever after.

[Anonymous No.5143343]

>>5143331
10/10
;_;

[Anonymous No.5143348]

>>5143332
Nationalism is only a facet of the rather, say, "4channesque" mindset that consists in finding the quickest and easiest way to consider oneself superior in minimal effort.

People on /mu/ aren't musicians, because learning an instrument is hard. They just call people with different tastes "pleb".
Reading and writing books is hard, so no one does that on /lit/. Instead, they brag about the books they've already read and criticize other people's writing, which is much easier.
Mastering multiple fields of science is hard, so people on /sci/ just build a hierarchy of sciences with theirs on top. Pure math is useless, physics is for virgins engineers are gay, biology is not a hard science, etc. depending on who's talking.
Learning economics is hard, so people don't do that shit on /pol/. Having an opinion and Views™ you consider to be absolutely right is much easier.
Mastering a sport is hard, so no one does that shit on /sp/. Americans suck at football? "I never liked this semen slurping sport anyway." Can't figure out the rules of American football? "Enjoy your irrelevant sport."

As for nationalism/racism, it doesn't get better.
You don't have to do shit, you only need to exist and have a nationality, or for race, "genetics". Since learning history is hard, it's much more comfortable to say other people's history is worthless. Since geography is hard, it's much more comfortable to say other countries aren't worth the trouble. Since learning genetics is hard, it's much more comfortable to dismiss your opponents as buttflustered "genetic lottery losers". And should you fail in an argument against someone whose country of origin you deem "lesser" than yours, you can still resort to the cheap, quick argument of "hahaha you live in a shithole". No effort, instant superiority.

The only problem is that the kind of people who don't bother with effort are also the kind of people who browse 4chan all day everyday, thus dictating its atmosphere.

[Anonymous No.5143354]

Like I said earlier I was a rebellious extrovert. This helped, as most of the time it fell purely to confidence. I had, from about age fifteen, what most would describe as a bad attitude. I was anti-establishment, anti-authority and had a 'me against the world' (or 'us' if you included my group of friends) outlook.

I lost my virginity at fifteen to a girl who felt just as desperate to loose hers. It was awkward, messy and possibly a little painful for her, but it felt like a weight had lifted. I started going out drinking and smoking weed with an ever changing group of other youths of varying ages, and we slowly slept our way through each other- sex still being quite a curious novelty then. Most of the sex in this period was in an intoxicated state, in anywhere from local parks to friends parents beds. Disgusting to some, but fun as hell.

I discovered warehouse parties at around seventeen(still unable to legally club), and this was where everything took off. I would spend hours talking to girls and dancing, free, happy, content, and never once feeling scared of rejection. Mind you, I was on ecstasy a lot of this time, everyone was; Confident and cock-sure in the warm happy embrace of the drug. But even when I wasn't, it felt natural to sleep with a girl after a few hours of close dancing. After the neck kissing, goosebumps, erections brushing thighs, giggling at half heard dirty comments over the pounding bass of the speakers, I never had any trouble with sex. It just came down to confidence. I wasn't worried or anxious about anything. I could make someone laugh, smile, and most importantly horny, after a few hours of dancing. Always joking, happy, slightly arrogant and always forward about telling a girl what I planned to do with her. Shyness and awkwardness is your own enemy, the only thing that will hold you back.

[Anonymous No.5143358]

A traceur traces the layout of downtown in fulgurant images of himself, through railings and empty thoughts, with chalked, bloodied hands that left remnants of his ego behind every time he used them. The sleeping residents of the areas he passed by/over/across would have attributed the sounds he made to those of pigeons suddenly awaken from a peristeronic idleness. At the age of fourteen, the runner realized that his best friend might be the love of his life. With those deep brown eyes, suddenly deepening voice, and the way he tucks his Bieber-length hair behind his ear when he's interested in something--he's a dream. The runner is doing his best to avoid thinking about his straight, lovely best friend. He runs to avoid these thoughts. He runs to escape reality.

He jumps about six feet from a small railing to a low-level concrete ledge and tries to grab, but, oh shit, his finger just barely knicks the edge and he falls. Thankfully, the fall is only five feet, and he rebounds. But, his finger is bleeding.

And so, he decides to write his name on the wall, to mark that he was here, to recognize that, if he wants to do anything with his life, he has to let go of these emotional, frayed ties.

[Anonymous No.5143361]

>>5143358
>mindset
uddenly, the image of his best friend Alex's cock appears in his mind. Strong and able. Ready to thrust. He does his best, but succumbs to his growing genitalia. He writhes, horny enough to fuck the concrete wall in front of him. But he decides merely to leave his name on the wall like he planned.

And so, over the wall and through the city he runs, trying to run from the truth. The truth is, he's a gay little teenage boy who won't amount to anything but tries so hard. Doing unnecessary flips wherever he can to show off to only himself, to try to console his soul with the idea that he is worth something, somewhere. At least in parkour, right? Maybe he'll never have a lover, but he thinks he knows the tricks of the play. The sun spills over the horizon and onto that concrete wall; on it, in small red print: OP.

[R-rate me. No.5143397]

>>5142870
A fat, smelly NEET was ranting on an imageboard about, antinatalism a known favourite of his autistic, virginal kind. He clicked [Start New Thread] and said: "There is no justification for reproduction, you must get out your Schopenhauer and accept that life is nothing but a string of futile acts!" accompanying this was a picture of
Ayumu Kasuga, popular 2D pinup and long time friend of the antinatalist cause, he sighed with longing as he posted it.

At this moment a brave, inspiring, normalfag pillar of the community who had had made over 1500 posts telling NEETs that jobs really were fullfilling and that he was very happy in his, really! Stood up and said "No! You're just mad because you don't get laid!"

The arrogant NEET's smirk revealed his high level aspeger's and possible Jewish descent. He smugly replied, "That's not even an argument, wageslave. Besides, haven't you heard of contraceptives?"

"I-I've had sex! F-f-fat loser! Life is worth living! M-my kids will show you!"

The wageslave was visibly shaken and dropped his cellphone and stack of rejected job applications, and stormed out of the thread crying crocodile, natalist tears.

[Anonymous No.5143441]

>>5142875

Christ.

[Anonymous No.5143469]

>>5143361
a traceur doesn't do flips. If you do flips you're a freerunner

[Anonymous No.5143700]

>>5143331
I 'capped that too

[Anonymous No.5143747]

>>5142627

a fairly recent one, haven't seen it capped yet

[Anonymous No.5143887]

>>5142875
I feel like I'm missing something here.

[Anonymous No.5143899]

>>5143331
Holy god that is good.

[Anonymous No.5143907]

A new one, just capped last week or so

[Anonymous No.5143913]

>>5143331
Thank God I majored in STEM, so I have a socially acceptable rationale for being arrogant.

[Anonymous No.5143992]

[Anonymous No.5144003]

>>5142627
Anyone have that Patrician Shakespeare "Don't Touch me you filthy casual" pasta?

[Anonymous No.5144028]

This is one of my favorites, but no one else seems to post it.

[Anonymous No.5144042]

[Anonymous No.5144044]

>>5143887
What's there to miss? It's just an extended form of 'your post gave me cancer'. You don't find that humorous?

[Anonymous No.5144072]

>>5143747

the best so far

[Anonymous No.5144089]

this is my favourite, more a /mu/ thing though

[Anonymous No.5144096]

>>5144089
That sounds like the beginning of a pretty terrifying nightmare.

[Anonymous No.5144108]

>>5144003
pls help

[Anonymous No.5144126]

>>5142627

Quidnam dixisti modo mihi, cinaedule? Ego te certiorem faciam me exiisse e Phocis Classiariis optimum meae ordinis et in frequentibus incurisonibus occultis contra Al-Qaeda expertum esse, et plus quam trecentas caedes probatas habere. In bello guerilla educatus sum et ego sum optimus ictor in totis FC viribus armatis. Tu es nil mihi praeterquam aliud destinatum. Ego te, scelus, conteram adamussim ut numquam usquam visum est in orbe terrarum, annota mea, malum, verba. Arbitrarisne te posse illas contumelias dicere impune per interrete? Iterum arbitrare, nequam. Etiam cum colloquimur advoco meum secretum rete curiosorum per totas FCA et tuum IP excipitur, iamiamque ita potius est te parari procellae, vermis. Procella quae omnino perdat illud miserandulum quod tu tuam vitam nominas. Per deos immortales tu es mortuus, puercule. Ubivis, quandoque esse ego possum et novi te trucidare pluribus quam septingentis modis - et illi meis manibus solis. Non solum sum educatus plurifariam in proeliis inarmatis sed usu ego fruor toti armentarii Foederatarum Civitatum Marini Corporis et eo utar effuse ut detergam tuum miserum os de facie telluris, caenulum. Si novisses quam defamatam ultionem "callidum" tuum dictum inlaturum esse fortasse retinuisses tuam linguam. Sed non poteras, non fecisti, et nunc poenas solvis, fatue miselle. Ego furiam cacabo super te totum et tu in illa merges. Per deos immortales tu es mortuus, puercule.

[Anonymous No.5144132]

Hah, I should see it no surprise to see this thread here. Is this Sebastian?

You really are a kid you know that? A weak little pussy faggot dilettante who likes to hear himself speak, who knows nothing about anything, and who first and for most would like to be respected and regarded as a well read intellectual without actually being a well read intellectual.

In all honesty, as I have pointed out, I really am not that intellectual. It is only that the masses, even on this board, are, in a word, idiots. If you read the complete works of the following you should be well on your way to becoming an intellectual. Yes, even you if it is you, John.

Epic of Gilgamesh
Homer
Plato
Virgil
The Bible (I almost wanted to not put this on the list, but it is important to know what's wrong to know what's right - see what Derrida says about Blue and Red, et al)
Dante
Kant
Schopenhauer
Kierkegaard
Nietzsche (also an underrated composer)
Dostoyevsky (the greatest writer since Socrates)
Joyce
Proust
Camus
Sartre
Barthes
Derrida
Wallace

I hardly think that any of these names need introducing or explaining. As for the rest of you imbeciles, it is your prerogative not mine to expand your narrow vocabularies. I'm going to go read now and you nimrods should too. You're a literary weakling, you don't know who you're up against.

-A

[Anonymous No.5144133]

>>5144132
Stop writing Sebastian.

It is driving me nuts.

[Anonymous No.5144138]

>>5144126

It'd be a lot funnier if you made it Roman

[Anonymous No.5144163]

>>5144138

Yeah you're right.


Quidnam dixisti modo mihi, cinaedule? Ego te certiorem faciam me exiisse e Cohorte Praetoria optimum meae ordinis et in frequentibus incurisonibus occultis contra Persos expertum esse, et plus quam trecentas caedes probatas habere. In bello auxiliarum educatus sum et ego sum optimus eques in totis Imperii Romani viribus armatis. Tu es nil mihi praeterquam aliud destinatum. Ego te, scelus, conteram adamussim ut numquam usquam visum est in orbe terrarum, annota mea, malum, verba. Arbitrarisne te posse illas contumelias dicere impune per litteras? Iterum arbitrare, nequam. Etiam cum colloquimur advoco meum secretum rete curiosorum per totum Imperium et tuam locationem excipitur, iamiamque ita potius est te parari procellae, vermis. Procella quae omnino perdat illud miserandulum quod tu tuam vitam nominas. Per deos immortales tu es mortuus, puercule. Ubivis, quandoque esse ego possum et novi te trucidare pluribus quam septingentis modis - et illi meis manibus solis. Non solum sum educatus plurifariam in proeliis inarmatis sed usu ego fruor toti armentarii Imperii Romani Scholarum Palatinarum et eo utar effuse ut detergam tuum miserum os de facie telluris, caenulum. Si novisses quam defamatam ultionem "callidum" tuum dictum inlaturum esse fortasse retinuisses tuam linguam. Sed non poteras, non fecisti, et nunc poenas solvis, fatue miselle. Ego furiam cacabo super te totum et tu in illa merges. Per deos immortales tu es mortuus, puercule.

[Anonymous No.5144165]

>>5144132
>In all honesty, as I have pointed out, I really am not that intellectual. It is only that the masses, even on this board, are, in a word, idiots.


This captures the arrogance of most tripfags so well.

[ No.5144247]

>>5144132
Oh, I remember that thread.

[Anonymous No.5144326]

>>5142875
Someone must have the one with the Roman Emperor talking about how gay he is, and then how much gayer another post must be.

[Anonymous No.5144345]

>>5144163
10/10 fucken saved

[Anonymous No.5144348]

I think I have a few interesting ones.

[Anonymous No.5144354]

>>5144348

[Anonymous No.5144357]

>>5144354

[Anonymous No.5144365]

>>5144357

[Anonymous No.5144368]

>>5144365
This isn't even 4chan related anymore.

[Anonymous No.5144388]

>>5144354
Just finished it. This is legit gold. I pray it is true.

[Anonymous No.5144401]

>>5144003
This?

[Anonymous No.5144467]

>>5143397
Very poor grammar and punctuation - misplaced commas, sentence splicing and random capitals everywhere. Back 2 School for you before you even think about composing another pasta. 2/10

[Anonymous No.5144470]

>>5144467

[Anonymous No.5144487]

>>5144470

that wasn't even mean to be a reply

have another copypasta that gets posted around a lot

[Anonymous No.5144496]

>>5144401
Yes, thanks.

[Anonymous No.5144512]

>>5143747
thats amazing

[Anonymous No.5144555]

>>5144163
I don't even speak Latin but I that it's the Navy Seal pasta.

[Anonymous No.5144567]

How do you feel about some /tg/? You seem interested in philosophy, so I'll see what I have.

[Anonymous No.5144572]

>>5144567

[Anonymous No.5144591]

>>5144572
NSFW text. But then again, that's not different from most of 4chan

[Anonymous No.5144596]

[Anonymous No.5144604]

>>5144591
A classic tale of a classy man.

[Anonymous No.5144613]

>>5144604
Recommended strategy for any would-be writer.

[Anonymous No.5144614]

>>5144604
Oh, are we posting classy tales now?

[Anonymous No.5144619]

>>5143323
How is that?

[Anonymous No.5144659]

>>5144089
That was pretty interesting, even if I'm missing the joke or not.

[Anonymous No.5144660]

>>5144614
I don't see why not.
>>5144613
How about a bit of madness?

[Anonymous No.5144684]

>>5144660
Go do some backstabbing, /lit/...

What's the name for /lit/ anons? You know, the equivalent of fa/tg/uy or /b/tard?

[Anonymous No.5144691]

>>5143333
nope

[Anonymous No.5144711]

>>5144684
A touch of /b/, but surprisingly not cancer.

[Anonymous No.5144814]

>>5142885
comma spliced to all hell

[Anonymous No.5144835]

>>5144348
>>5144354
Fucking love these

[Anonymous No.5144844]

>>5144684
C/lit/s is the classic.

[Anonymous No.5145009]

>>5144467
Oh dear.
>A fat, smelly NEET was ranting on an imageboard about antinatalism: a favourite ideology of his autistic, virginal kind. He clicked [Start a New Thread] and typed "There is no justification for reproduction. You must get out your Schopenhauer, and accept that life is nothing but a string of futile acts, and that there is more pain than pleasure on Earth." accompanying his post was a picture of
Ayumu Kasuga, popular 2D pinup long favoured by the lonely. He sighed with longing when she appeared alongside his post.

At this moment a brave, inspiring, normalfag pillar of the community who had had made over 1500 posts telling NEETs that jobs really were fullfilling and that he was very happy in his, really! Stood up and said "No! You're just mad because you don't get laid!"

The arrogant NEET's smirk revealed his high functioning Aspeger's and possible Jewish descent. He smugly replied "That's not even an argument, wageslave. Besides, haven't you heard of contraceptives?"

"I-I've had sex! F-f-fat loser! Life is worth living! M-my kids will show you!"

The wageslave was visibly shaken, and dropped his cellphone and stack of rejected job applications as he stormed out of the thread crying crocodile natalist tears.

D-do I still have to sodoku?

[Anonymous No.5145104]

>>5143992
>summer explained
thanks sig

[Anonymous No.5145116]

>>5145104
Summer is literally /b/ and /v/ having an extra 9 hours in the day to sit inside being autistic. It's not a magical invasion from mysterious websites unknown and/or hated.

[Anonymous No.5145120]

get out of here, you fucking piece of scum shit

you fucking faggot holy shit

I hope you're raped and killed

[Anonymous No.5145579]

>>5144844
dubs speaks the truth

[Anonymous No.5145996]

>>5144028
Honestly, that post does a good job of summarizing all the really boring parts of Moby Dick. It's a great book, except for all the encyclopedic like chapters about whale anatomy or some other shit about whales.

[Anonymous No.5146062]

>>5142875

>[kek's internally]

[Anonymous No.5146944]

>>5144042
I like this one.

Pice related stands out as far as quote feature abuses go. I think it's from /mu/ (sux).

[Anonymous No.5146954]

>>5146944
another great one.

[Anonymous No.5146969]

[Anonymous No.5146988]

[Anonymous No.5147021]

I like /tg/

[Anonymous No.5147069]

>>5143348

this is all great but put it away, everybody knows that this is the premise of 4chan

everybody just claiming to be better than everybody else, constantly, a never-ending ladder of put-downs to help support egos that have no foundation in the social, intellectual, business, etc world

[Anonymous No.5147170]

>>5143747
goddammit, almost suffocated

[Anonymous No.5148870]

>times when you acted like the underground man

[Anonymous No.5149071]

>>5144354
oh my god that was amazing

[Steki YUNG LEAN !!PuHUWgNu6I+ No.5149170]

>>5144613
I resent this as a slav.

[Anonymous No.5149202]

Imagine being Arnold in that scene and having to be all like "damn, Jamie Curtis, you fuckin' fine, all sexy with your tight body and horrific androgynous monster face. I would totally have sex with you, both my character and the real me." when all he really wants to do is fuck another 16 year old in his dressing room. Like seriously imagine having to be Arnold and not only sit in that chair while Jamie Lee Curtis flaunts her disgusting body in front of you, the favorable lighting barely concealing her stretchmarks and leathery skin, and just sit there, take after take, hour after hour, while she perfected that dance. Not only having to tolerate her monstrous fucking visage but her haughty attitude as everyone on set tells her she's STILL GOT IT and DAMN, JAMIE LEE CURTIS LOOKS LIKE *THAT*?? because they're not the ones who have to sit there and watch her mannish fucking gremlin face contort into types of grimaces you didn't even know existed before that day. You've been fucking nothing but a healthy diet of blondes and supermodels and later alleged rape victims for your ENTIRE CAREER coming straight out of the boonies in Austria. You've never even seen anything this fucking disgusting before, and now you swear you can taste the sweat that's breaking out on her dimpled stomach as she sucks it in to writhe it suggestively at you, smugly assured that you are enjoying the opportunity to get paid to sit there and revel in her "statuesque (for that is what she calls herself)" beauty, the beauty she worked so hard for with personal trainers in the previous months. And then the director calls for another take, and you know you could kill every single person in this room before the studio security could put you down, but you sit there and endure, because you're fucking Arnold. You're not going to lose your future political career over this. Just bear it. Hide your face and bear it.

[DJ Orwell !!BK/RnzYxLVZ No.5151042]

>>5144348
>>5144354

Saved both of these. Funniest shit I've read on this site in ages.

[Anonymous No.5151047]

>>5151042
You are a faggot.

[Anonymous No.5151058]

4chan is unfunny, and its culture is shit.

[Anonymous No.5153171]

>>5144028
I'm laughing picturing the guy who responded getting all frustrated

[Anonymous No.5153175]

>chilling with friends
>put morton feldman's second string quartet
>confront myself and my self (as an ontological historical entity) with the mirror of atonality (as a mirror is not an empathic but a reflexive entity, alien to the space and time it reflects and only existing by itself in relation to the other) and realize the boundaries of human thought, comprehension and consciousness
>reach rational ecstasy
>pleb friend gets up and says "what is this silence shit, lmao, put some nirvana"
>get angry at their rockist subaltern consumption conditioned by the structures of power of the imperialist white economies, but contain it
>calm myself down by remembering quotes from finnegans wake, my favorite book since i was a teenager
>mfw can't express myself because i'm a spectator in the society of spectacle

[Anonymous No.5153196]

>>5144163
You make quite some mistakes, I assume it's google translator?

[Anonymous No.5153251]

>>5142882
As a wog, this is one of the best variations I've ever seen. 10/10

[Anonymous No.5153264]

>>5143331

[Anonymous No.5153270]

>>5143747
>"W-wha... what is this? There are hundreds of them. What are these for?"
I'm fucking dying.

[Anonymous No.5153379]

>>5149170
Me too

[Anonymous No.5153382]

>>5144613
>>5153379
>>5149170
I love this as a slav.

[Anonymous No.5153532]

>>5144348
>>5144354
>"fucking hackers right?"

[Anonymous No.5153570]

>>5142883

My sides will never recover.

[Anonymous No.5153581]

>>5143907

original poster reporting in.

[Anonymous No.5153648]

>>5147021
/tg/ likes you too.

[Anonymous No.5153657]

>>5153648

[Anonymous No.5153664]

>>5153657

[Anonymous No.5153665]

>>5142675
wat

[Anonymous No.5153671]

>>5153664

[Anonymous No.5153683]

>>5153671

[Anonymous No.5153690]

>>5153683

[Anonymous No.5153701]

>>5153690

[Anonymous No.5153745]

>>5144348
>>5144354
They are great, but why did he download Adobe Reader multiple times in a single machine? It's not like it stops working without its updates.

[Anonymous No.5153755]

>>5144619

[Anonymous No.5153816]

>>5143747
>frog and feels folder

[Anonymous No.5153885]

>>5144711
>kikes
not even once

[Anonymous No.5153914]

>>5143331
>whereupon we will sup on their uninformed opinions and interests like manna from heaven
my fucking sides

[Anonymous No.5154637]

>>5144132
The Joyce bit fucked me up, now I think I'll read the rest and see if it's as funny. Hope so anyway.

[Anonymous No.5154666]

>>5142639
underrated post

[Anonymous No.5154685]

>>5144132
>tfw i did the joyce one and it always bothers me every time i see it posted that i used 'pervert' twice in the last paragraph

[Anonymous No.5154759]

>>5144042
I have big trouble when having sex because of this. Many things might lead me to think about interesting stuff and I forget I'm trying to have sex.
The only way to avoid this is doing it in an isolated room.

[Anonymous No.5154843]

>>5144354
>I never heard of them
>That's why they're the best
I'm dying

[Anonymous No.5154853]

>>5144348
>>5144354
http://ultronbrowser.info/

[Anonymous No.5154922]

>>5142863
This isn't /lit/ or funny.

[Anonymous No.5154929]

>>5154922
i enjoyed it

[Anonymous No.5155126]

this is anything but essential but I saw it the other day and found it pretty funny

[Anonymous No.5155188]

>>5144028
well he actual did want to make a whale encyclopedia, but his publisher told him it wouldn't happen so he tried to put in a lot of his stuff into moby dick

[Anonymous No.5155197]

>>5144470
That's fucking awesome

[Anonymous No.5157475]

le page 10 save rave

[Anonymous No.5158559]

>>5153664
I don't understand this. Is it some sort of game they are playing?

[Anonymous No.5158579]

>>5142639
Nice.

[Anonymous No.5158582]

surprised this one hasnt been posted yet

[Anonymous No.5158586]

>>5158582

[Anonymous No.5158596]

>>5158586
holy shit I hope that is real

[Anonymous No.5158619]

>>5143323
In which way?

[Anonymous No.5158714]

>>5153196
pretty obvious, just look at all the needless nominative pronouns

[Anonymous No.5158746]

>>5142875

>That fucking build-up.

I laughed obnoxiously.

[Anonymous No.5158868]

Is there no more good /lit/ stuff?

[Anonymous No.5158874]

>>5158868
No.

[Anonymous No.5158893]

>>5142875
immense

[Anonymous No.5158959]

>>5144470
bretty good

[Anonymous No.5158959,1]

>>5147069
>>5143348
>all of 4chan is one person
Exempli gratia, of a /mu/sician—MC Ride, of /lit/—everyone who doesn't lurk, and there's more of course but those are two.
>>5143332
lol how is this /pol/, or is this just bait?

[Anonymous No.5158959,2]

>>5145116
lol this anon's gonna eat those words in just a few months