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/lit/ - Literature

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4504213 No.4504213[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

>self publishing

>> No.4504267

>>4504213
that's quite a prologue

>> No.4504273

>The roads where bad.

expert in joycean prose.

>> No.4504275

who's that guy who alwasy introduced himself in his story.

Sammy clement or something?

>> No.4504279

Did you write that?

>> No.4504282

>a cold night of December 22
>with there little boy
>The roads where bad
I stopped reading there, but I assume it only got worse. How the fuck can there be a mistake in each of the first 3 sentences, even self published?

>> No.4504289
File: 71 KB, 640x900, Whitman-leavesofgrass.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4504289

>Self publishing

>> No.4504295

>>4504282
don't forget

>The Coopers were on there way home

Three errors in the first paragraph.

>> No.4504301
File: 15 KB, 183x172, yerofeyev.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4504301

>>4504213
>>4504289
> Self-publishing

>> No.4504321
File: 20 KB, 283x283, 1389158002924.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4504321

>The roads where bad
>All the roads were covered in black ice
>In order to get home, they had to drive through a deadly blizzard and bad roads.

>> No.4504386
File: 393 KB, 640x360, lasagna.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4504386

>>4504213
>Jardan's father dead instantly

>> No.4504434

Guys I think the roads were bad

>> No.4504441
File: 230 KB, 695x520, 1386451282700.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4504441

>>4504275
I got it.

Carter Elm, my niiga

>> No.4504485

>>4504441
I'm starting to believe that Elm is actually incapable of feeling fear and that that's the entire point of his stories.

>> No.4504490

>>4504441
>her skull was broken until i saw her brain.
>huge noises

>> No.4504509

>>4504490
>I think it's awesome.
>Eww!

>> No.4504528
File: 235 KB, 1600x1200, Gloria_Tesch_bestseller.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4504528

Self-publishing

>> No.4504544

These threads are entertaining OP, but let's focus on stories by adults with false pretensions of talent rather than by children trying to have fun.

>> No.4504546
File: 1.85 MB, 471x265, 1381689372510.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4504546

>>4504528
>Gloria Tesch
>living proof that "fake it until you make it" is terrible advice

>> No.4504564

>>4504528
dat bitch need ta brush her dang teef

>> No.4504580

>>4504528

Did she ever make that movie? I was looking forward to that trainwreck.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIJ6mhoBGD8

>> No.4504696

>>4504580
Is this real? The ironic abyss inside me is tearing me apart while watching this.

>> No.4504708

>>4504441
>Let's not forget me, Carter Elm!

>> No.4504717

>>4504580
>launching them into an extraordinary journey of epic proportions

Brilliant!

>> No.4504728
File: 509 KB, 765x902, gloria-and-books.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4504728

>>4504696

It certainly is. Amazon has a preview of the first book. It's brilliant.

>> No.4504830

>>4504728
This is the best thing since sliced bread.

>> No.4504908

>The way he was turned the seat belt locked breaking his neck as he flew full force.

Those seat belts, man. They kill more people than they save.

>> No.4505504

>>4504213
>Jardan's mother threw out the window.
She must have really hated that window. Also, what kind of a name is Jardan? Surely it's supposed to be Jordan, right?

>>4504908
Would've been funnier if the seat belt decapitated him.

>> No.4505524

>>4504728

all i can see is "maradona" and i imagine him riding dragons

>> No.4505537

>>4504580
I want to watch this movie. It would be the best thing since The Room

>> No.4505541
File: 20 KB, 596x251, nickels-ounces.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4505541

>> No.4505551

>>4505541
the lack of a period on "I respect you" somehow takes this from funny to literally sublime

>> No.4505558
File: 64 KB, 617x631, dre likes to sell dope.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4505558

>>4505541
Hold on, that isn't an excerpt from THIS book, is it?

>> No.4505565
File: 84 KB, 1287x216, nickels to ounces.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4505565

>>4505558
It is.

>> No.4505570

>>4505537
>>4504696
>>4504580
Something tells me it'll never see the light of day. Gloria might be a complete dumbass when it comes to literature, but I think even she sees that no amount of editing and green screen can make that shit salvageable.

>> No.4505572

>>4505565
>simotaneously

>> No.4505588
File: 134 KB, 881x608, blunts.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4505588

>>4505572
There's a good sized excerpt of the book here:

http://books.google.com/books/about/From_Nickels_to_Ounces.html?id=bVJLPKjTUkIC&redir_esc=y

>> No.4505594

>>4505588
This is magnificent. It should really be a play. So fucking sublime.

>> No.4505599

>>4505588
And Amazon's got a preview of the start of the book, which the Google books preview is missing:

http://www.amazon.com/Nickels-Ounces-Deandre-Otis-Surrell/dp/1462893031/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1390698278&sr=1-1&keywords=from+nickels+to+ounces

>> No.4505612

>>4505594
Only as long as the play has a narrator. Losing the prose between the dialogue would destroy everything.

>> No.4505616

>>4505541
Flawless Faulkner.

>> No.4505623

>>4505599
This is the greatest opening to any book ever written.

>> No.4505632
File: 71 KB, 867x575, in the beginning.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4505632

>>4505623
It's like it was written as a guideline for a novel rather than being a novel itself.

>> No.4505640
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4505640

>>4505599
Own up, which of you did this?

>> No.4505667

>>4504441
>It wasn't soda
>Dang it!

BUT YOU'RE ALLERGIC CARTER

>> No.4505674

>>4504441
It's a very modern technique to ramp up the action in the first page, and to keep the reader asking questions.

>> No.4505689

How about we as /lit/ get ourselves a google document, fill it up to 100 or so pages, and publish that as an ebook.

>> No.4505700

>>4505689
/lit/'s Nicki Minaj poems from last year:

http://www.viewdocsonline.com/document/4pdv0t

>> No.4505718

>>4505689
/lit/ could write a better ebook than these even if we were doing it one word at a time...

>> No.4505747

>>4504441
>It wasn't soda. Dang it! Her skull was broken until I saw her brain. Eww!
10/10

>> No.4505751

>>4505689
My fear is that /lit/ would take the project too seriously, try to make something 'good' and completely fail. We need a board that would produce something accidentally brilliant, a board like /soc/ or /v/.

>> No.4505753
File: 419 KB, 960x674, adrian johnson.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4505753

>>4504441
Dude. Adrian Johnson found your posts about his story in the archive.

>> No.4505768
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4505768

>>4505753
I'm crying right now.

>> No.4505771

>>4504528
aww sh'es cuteeeeee

>> No.4505841

>>4505700
this is bullshit. what a laugh

>> No.4505938
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4505938

>>4505753

>> No.4506014

>>4505753
>Always and forever the best.

>Always forever and the best!

Dammit, AJ.

>> No.4506010
File: 28 KB, 460x307, santorumlaugh.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4506010

>>4505700
>that wcw parody

>> No.4506233

>>4504289
Whitman did it right. Didn't even put his name on the book, you had to read like 70 pages in--where he admitted his name in the poem with the greatest bravado I have ever read. And Jesus Christ the swagger of the picture.

Also, Thoreau self-published a book before "Walden" about a sailing trip he took with his brother. He only sold 300 copies, and in his journal he recorded:
"I now have a library of nearly nine hundred volumes, over seven-hundred of which I wrote myself."

>> No.4506262

>>4504213
the only funny part is the prologue, the rest is just tedious

>> No.4506405
File: 22 KB, 318x321, 1385945631107.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4506405

>>4505753

>mfw I was the one who posted "always and forever the best"

>> No.4506433

>>4505753

I wonder what he thought of comments like this:

>I wrote my first erotic incest short story (15 pages) yesterday and now it's publishing to the amazon store. It's hard to write without fapping every 10 minutes.

>> No.4506442

>>4505753
Adrian Johnson has fully grapsed and mastered New Sincerity in a way we never, ever will.

>> No.4506465

>>4505751

/lit/ tends to come up with pretty good 'terrible first sentence' ideas.
If we think we're trying to be bad, we might produce something amusing enough.

>> No.4506493

AscendExistence.com

>> No.4506504

>>4506465

Some idiot's just going to fill it with "NIGGERS" copy-pasted a thousand times.

>> No.4506509

>>4505751
>>4505689
>>4505718
I take it you guys don't remember ZWG.

>In 1997, Squaresoft introduced a game to the world that would create such a huge stir in the gaming world, whether you like it or not. After 13 years, I think it's time to revisit the game and take a look at the ripples it's made in the RPG genre...

>> No.4506899
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4506899

>>4504441
the hero /lit/ deserves

>> No.4506979
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4506979

>>4504728
>>4504528
Anyone here read her books? Were they genuinely bad or just boring?

>> No.4507037

>>4504728
Well, at least she's having a ball.

Unlike Bret Easton Ellis who always looks like he got stiffed on coke.

>>4506979
No, but I must:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/MaradoniaSaga?from=Main.MaradoniaSaga

>"Fifteen-Year-old Maya and her Fourteen-Year-old brother Joey noticed a gap in the fence of a ‘Government Owned Property’'"

First line of the first book.

>Schizo Tech: Flying saucers that fire blindness-causing rays and ocean liners co-exist with pre-gunpowder weaponry, gunpowder weaponry, horse-drawn vehicles, and a general vaguely late-Medieval/Renaissance atmosphere. This juxtaposition has no in-work explanation.

Is Tesch a bizarro writer in secret?

>> No.4507055

>>4507037
She might be drawing on too much inspiration. I think she wants to reference everything she can, but loves her Intellectual Property too much to write things into another series which might fit them better. She should let go of Maradonia, since it might be what holds her back.

I think she isn't bright enough to be a bizarro writer.

>> No.4507273

>>4507055
>She might be drawing on too much inspiration. I think she wants to reference everything she can, but loves her Intellectual Property too much to write things into another series which might fit them better. She should let go of Maradonia, since it might be what holds her back.
But isn't that project finished, creation-wise?

>I think she isn't bright enough to be a bizarro writer.
Nah, let's just chalk it up to inexperience. She will turn 20 this year and what did we accomplish before 20?

AFAIK, she reminds me of Florence Foster Jenkins, however with more potential:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florence_Foster_Jenkins

> "People may say I can't sing," she said, "but no one can ever say I didn't sing.

True 4channer material!

>> No.4507284

>>4505771
>cute
I'd sew her mouth shut then wreck her fuck pouch and back door.

>> No.4507418

>>4507284
Roll a blunt and chill out, will you?

>> No.4507421

>>4504213
> It was a cold night of December 22, 2000
why did he choose to talk about the cold night of dec 22, 2000 instead of the hot one

>> No.4507427

>>4504528
Why are those books so massive

>> No.4507515

>>4507421
Because this winter, here in Sweden, it was fucking fall until after New Year.

And even if it's always freezing by Christmas, "cold" can be used to emphazise that it's colder than usually.

>> No.4507543

>>4507273

>But isn't that project finished, creation-wise?

I think there's another book that's coming out.

>> No.4508062

>>4504213
>Jardan was Fifteen now. He was almost pale and boney.

He was mostly tan and meaty.

>"Yeah those killings did happen, but no one found prove it was Jardan for sure. He was found at some of the scenes, but they never found finger prints or anything."

No proof: put him in a mental ward.

>> No.4508086

>>4506979
>Were they genuinely bad or just boring?
Well, they're self-published so...

>>4507427
She probably thought making them massive would help them stand out or something.