schizo asking for helphelp

[Anonymous No.22381142]

/lit/eral schizo here, seeking answers and going about it the respectful way (starting with the greeks). parmenides is right off the bat tough for me to follow; i have severe aphantasia, is this related to logic being difficult for me to process, or am i just retarded in yet another area?

outside of that, i'm confident in saying that, in my early 30s (3 years ago now) i had a life-changing spiritual experience that may or may not have been kundalini-related. i went from atheist-embarrassed-by-other-atheists to full-on runeseeker over the course of a months-long psychic decay-spiral. i had my first schizo episode while being under more stress than i'd ever experienced in my life (literal orphan about to lose his house), fasting on two cups of those orange slices in syrup per day, not sleeping because i had squirrels in my attic, and smoking copious amounts of weed for the first time in my life.

weed is known to interact strangely with the brain of the schizophrenic; whether that makes you think my claimed experience is more valid or less is up to you. i'd be happy to describe it in detail if anyone is curious. the effects have stuck with me for three years now and feel both whole and a smaller fraction of something much larger. i smoke unreal amounts of weed daily hoping to one day get back there but i've yet to come close.

i'm looking for any philosophers that claim to (or you personally believe to have) have had life-changing religious experiences, not so much how to replicate whatever event it was but how best to take a newfound (or massively inflated) religiosity to meaningful heights. is ibn arabi a decent start? i don't see him talked about here but most posts i've seen about him were positive. any religion is fine, even non-denominational shit is good.

also for anyone saying 'take your meds' i do, i take 18 pills per day and get a monthly injection. still i make a claim this bold!!

[Anonymous No.22381144]

oops meant to say 'talked about here much*'

[Anonymous No.22381156]

>mfw it's another schizo-adjacent person interested in interesting things is going to blow his brain out within 2 years and be a raving pants shitter for 30 years thread
>mfw knowing from past schizos there's literally no way to convince this guy to stop smoking 40 pounds of weed every day or to distrust his grandiose thoughts
>mfw feeling helpless as interesting people harm themselves

[Anonymous No.22381186]

>>22381156

thanks for your concern, genuinely. i have an appointment this week at the local mental health hospital to see if i'm a good fit for their 6-months long schizophrenia recovery program, and weed isn't allowed so i'll see what half a year off it does for me.

a psychologist has literally told me to my face 'its a miracle you didnt kill yourself from the pain' so my psychiatrist and social worker, while not pleased that i smoke a lot of weed, are happy about the progress i've made over the years and are thankful i'm not into heavier stuff.

of course i'm being overly defensive here, i'm addicted to something as corny as weed

[Anonymous No.22381187]

Check yourself into a rehabilitation facility my man.

[Anonymous No.22381196]

>>22381186
Weed is no joke, I'm similarly schizo-adjacent and even a small amount of it can put me in the same situation as a first-timer taking six tabs of acid. Meanwhile my full blown schizo retard gf can smoke ten pounds of weed and experience nothing except slight sleepiness. I am convinced all this shit is way more complicated than we think.

[Anonymous No.22381201]

>>22381196
Also forgot to say glad you're doing better and good on you for having support networks, keep on keeping on.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Orjbwv8H9zM

[Anonymous No.22381210]

>>22381142
Read Plato and stop doing drugs. That’s all there is to it.

[Anonymous No.22381367]

>>22381142
What you are looking for in the western tradition is pic related. People will tell you to read Plato first, which may help but that means you need to take this whole thing extremely slow and take your time.
I think you can still have an interesting time reading this with little preparation, as long as you go in order. Also check out Parmenides Publishing: they publish the single treatises in order with good introductions, you may want to buy those one buy one to get some context before jumping in.
Plotinus is possibly the only western philosopher I had read (together with Plato) that gave me the genuine feeling of having experienced something beyond reality.
If you want to share a bit more of your experience, I am curious to hear about it. Also, overall, just wanted to say that I hope you are okay and will keep being okay in the future.

[Anonymous No.22381458]

>>22381142
Consider reading Mumonkan, e.g. Mumon's Checkpoint:
https://sacred-texts.com/bud/zen/mumonkan.htm
Or I should say "studying", reading it a few times over some longer period of time. Lots of funny stuff in it, like a monk asking a Zen Master, "Does a dog have Buddha nature?"
Chan is the proper name for this field, but it's also called Zen thanks to Japanese wide popularization and commercialization efforts.
Picrel, Zen Master Joshu who comes by a few times in Mumonkan:

Also look up the Diamond Cutter Sutra and Heart Sutra for related music (if you like).
>t. twice ordained schizo who evaded all medication and institutionalization like it's The Matrix