How to get a short story published?

[Anonymous No.21776146]

Would Esquire accept a story from a random undergrad? My major’s not even English, but I think my shit is actually pretty good

[Anonymous No.21776164]

>>21776146
Post sample

[Anonymous No.21776182]

>>21776164
From the story I’m currently writing

[Anonymous No.21776186]

>>21776182
Derivative postmodern drivel. This is embarrassing

[Anonymous No.21776188]

>>21776186
>buzzwords
Post actual critique.

[Anonymous No.21776203]

>>21776188
Blinding the reader with unnecessary details doesn't make you some heckin' modern genius, it just makes you look like a wannabe BEE (at best)

[Anonymousn No.21776205]

>>21776182
>She, the woman, ...
Someone's read Infinite Jest lately.

[Anonymous No.21776224]

>>21776203
What would you do then Mr. Genius? Let me guess: you’ve never been published either, nor do you have a degree.

[Anonymous No.21776228]

Esquire won't. Its an internationally distributed magaazine with a massive readership.
But there are plenty of other outlets for short stories. But you have to get gud.
Your first sentence has a spelling mistake and multiple fuckups. Who steals a peek? The chauffeur or Lexi? From where? Did you mean blow a kiss? Are the pets part of the families? It's a fucking trainwreck

[Anonymous No.21776234]

>>21776205
>#real
I will be the next DFW. You cannot stop me

[Anonymous No.21776240]

>>21776228
Noted.

[Anonymous No.21776246]

>>21776224
I'm in a Masters' program and I don't give a shit about writing beyond what I have to write for my coursework. I'm on /lit/ because I actually read. Any dipshit can write and become self-published in this day and age, you aren't special. By your own logic, this book is better than both of our contributions to the literary world combined

[Anonymous No.21776251]

>>21776182
It's not close to publishable anon. You will have to work harder if you want to get good at this.

But if your opinion of what you've written is that "it's actually pretty good," I would venture to say that you really have no future in writing. Find another hobby.

[Anonymous No.21776262]

>>21776246
Well, considering that they have made their presence known, I would say yes. They don’t know about us, but we know about them.

>>21776251
>find another hobby
Why? Hobbies are just for shits and giggles. It’ll never be my career if that’s what you mean.

[Anonymous No.21776319]

>>21776262
Do you really want to make your presence known as a Z-list postmodern short story author? Does your ego really need that? I'll be completely content the day I'm forgotten from this world

[Anonymous No.21776345]

>>21776319
>Z-list
Hey bro, if that’s all you think you can achieve, then pick another career. I know for a fact I will be published one day without a single doubt in my mind. It’s not an ego thing bc literary works have faded from the public conscious. I’m just doing what I enjoy, but yes, being picked up by a publisher makes one’s life more generative than your forgettable history of being a nobody who wasted 6+ years to be an editor for a literally who magazine.

[Anonymous No.21776370]

>>21776345
>that’s all you think you can achieve, then pick another career
That's all I think you can achieve if you keep up this bullshit.
>It’s not an ego thing bc literary works have faded from the public conscious
Absolute pathetic cope. You want to see your Big BoyTM name on something.
>your forgettable history of being a nobody who wasted 6+ years to be an editor for a literally who magazine.
Kek, this projection! I was in bio in undergrad and now I'm in clinical sciences. I'll be out there helping people one case at a time while you'll be out there ejaculating onto a page with a shit-eating grin while 9 total people read your oeuvre.

[Anonymous No.21776408]

>>21776370
>unironically using exclamation points
Kys
>want to see you name on something
Fiction would be one of the worst places to do so in this era. I’d be better off taking tren and becoming an influencer.
>9 total people read your oeuvre
I have more than 9 friends, chud.

[Anonymous No.21776440]

>>21776182
Weird title that tries too hard to be clever. Gimmicky journal style entry. Unclear narrative with a lot of gerunds and adjectives that don’t add much to the scene being depicted. Boring colloquial terms (“steal a peek,” “god knows what”) that make the writing feel trite. This would all be fine if the scene we’re being introduced to is interesting, but it’s not.

Do you read a lot? The way your scene is written is the way people tend to write when they’re younger. Read more and keep writing and you’ll get better. If you don’t give up, you will improve.

[Anonymous No.21776445]

>>21776408
>unironically using exclamation points
Unironically using the word "chud"
>Fiction would be one of the worst places to do so in this era. I’d be better off taking tren and becoming an influencer.
No one uses their real name in that except people who hit it massive. It's all screen names.
>I have more than 9 friends, chud.
Yeah, 8 of whom will read the first page, get bored, and toss the rest in the drawer of their coffee table, never to be picked up again.

[Anonymous No.21776456]

>>21776146
No. They won’t even look at it unless you have an agent. Try your school paper first then work your way up from lower rung lit mags.

>>21776182
Pretty good, but you wear your influences on your sleeve. You’re going to need to develop a unique voice, nobody wants to publish a second-rate version of another author.

More concretely—if this is for a short story then you’re going to need get to the start a lot faster. It’s too much description when you haven’t given the reader a reason to care about all this information. Unless you’re writing a story where the park itself is the character?

>>21776224
If you really want to be a writer then you’re going to have to learn how to handle criticism because you’re going to get a lot worse than the one you responded to.

[Anonymous No.21776492]

>>21776445
>assuming it wasn’t an ironic use of chud
Kek!
>no one uses real names
But they show their face and acquire fame nonetheless.
>most won’t actually read it
Assuming I’m not an annoying twat who will punish them with info about my stories every time I see them.

>>21776440
I’m 21 and I rarely read fiction (only have read maybe 6 novels as an adult). Most of my reading and writing evidently comes from academic research and coursework related to my field.

[Anonymous No.21776506]

>>21776492
>>assuming it wasn’t an ironic use of chud
>Kek!
All terminal ironyfags will off themselves one day. Repent or your life will become a meaningless pit.
>Assuming I’m not an annoying twat who will punish them with info about my stories every time I see them.
Gregory Berrycone energy

[Anonymous No.21776525]

>>21776456
So the excess detail has gotta go? I thought that was just a part of world building, so they understand the setting. Would it be better to just skip the part about the busy park and just go straight to action?

[Anonymous No.21776530]

>>21776506
>Gregory Berrycone energy
Extremely based

[Anonymous No.21776537]

>>21776182
Your mechanics are solid, which is more than can be said for most on here. I'd have to read the whole piece before passing judgment on the story itself, though.

[Anonymous No.21776582]

>>21776537
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rNVElTTqkERAAe7IPF0QKmVWAZxrZRyp/view?usp=sharing

[Anonymous No.21776598]

>>21776492
>I rarely read fiction.

That is probably part of the problem. To make an analogy on this point: if a person wanted to become a proficient rock musician, would it be beneficial or detrimental for them to have a lengthy experience listening to rock music created by other people? If you look into the lives of proficient fiction writers, you’ll find that they’re also often very well read. Being acquainted with lots of fiction gives you a “feel” for how a story should read if done properly. It’s complicated business, mostly because the actual mechanics of the writing is only one part of the challenge; there’s also the narrative structure. If you want to improve, I’d recommend picking up books written by people who are considered proficient prose stylists.

[Anonymous No.21776623]

>>21776598
I understand. That makes a lot of sense. So far I’ve only read the following works:
>Infinite Jest
>a few stories from Oblivion by DFW
>The corrections
>The metamorphosis
>American Psycho
>Fahrenheit 451
>Indian Camp by Hemingway

[Anonymous No.21776709]

>>21776146
>How to get a short story published?
First you have to write it.

[Anonymous No.21776874]

I worked as an editor in the industry for a few years (it’s as dismal as it sounds). I can guarantee you, 100%, based on the sample you gave, that you will not be published. You will have to publish with a magazine that pays in contributors copies only, if even that. Esquire wouldn’t touch your work. It wouldn’t even make it through first readings. Based on your sample. I will say this to your credit though. At least you aren’t as retarded as an English Literature PhD I know who sends her work to places like The Atlantic and gets rejected all the time. She devoted 10 years of her life to literature and creative writing and teaches and not even her credentials can get her in the door. Plus she isn’t an underrepresented minority, which is almost all publishers are looking for these days.

[Anonymous No.21776936]

>>21776492
>Most of my reading and writing evidently comes from academic research and coursework related to my field.
Making basic style missteps will remove any verisimilitude that engenders. You will at best have very transparent, sparse clinical prose. What you described is a major limitation. Not impossible, but certainly not ideal. If you have a very focused aesthetic based of 6 good models, there might be an exception.

[Anonymous No.21776948]

>>21776182
>threw her bag
>blew a kiss
>swarming children and their pets
Are you a Pynchon stan? That's how it reads. It's a chore to read.

[Anonymous No.21776951]

>>21776874
Listen to this anon, OP. You're just starting out, so it's a much better idea to send your work to smaller magazines first. Every publishing credit counts at this point, so leave the big fish for down the road. I've been in about fifty magazines (for poetry, mind you), and I'm just starting to get paid regularly for my pieces after about five years of continuous writing. This is a game of momentum and perseverance. Keep at it.

[Anonymous No.21777115]

>>21776623
DFW was a fine writer, but I don’t know that I would recommend his work as an example of how to write, particularly if you’re just setting out to learn it as a craft. Same with BEE. Did you enjoy Bradbury? His work is nice since it flows well, is ornate in places but not everywhere, and he was very much the consummate prose “craftsman,” though he probably wrote at least one unremarkable book for each remarkable one he completed.

Hemingway’s work would also be useful to read since it would teach you how to tighten up your writing a bit. When you read what you’ve written, can you see how, here and there, you’ve sprinkled more words than needed? If you fixed that up it would improve quite a bit.

[Anonymous No.21777151]

>>21776874
>>21776951
Thanks for the truth, bros. I get a little manic at times, but I’m down to play the long game. Are there any magazines you’d recommend a noob try first? I don’t want to ask professors from my English department because I don’t want them to absolutely flame my ass. I didn’t get into creative writing until 2 years ago, and I’ve unironically improved a lot.

>>21777115
I agree that I could streamline the prose to make it more crisp. I’ll pickup some more Hemingway and also see if I can’t give it more of a punch

[Anonymous No.21777188]

>>21776246
You know what, I like these women's porno titles because they tell it how it is
>Taken by a stranger in the office
>Captured by the horny werewolf
>Enslaved by the vampire billionaire
>BEAR
Every book title should be like this. This is how the great Russian literature got away with just a name, like "Anna Karenina", you read the cover and you understand that the book is about Anna Karenina, not someone else.

[Anonymous No.21777208]

>>21776874
Echoing what this poster said above. Do not bother with "elite" journals. They are for those with agent representation only and are explicitly curated.
>>21777151
I've posted a variation of this before, but I recommend using a tool like Duotrope to search for magazines that are undergraduate-focused (typically annual volumes or ones that publish twice a year). It's a great way to gain experience when it comes to going through the process of submitting your work online. My best advice to you at this stage of your writing experience is to stay humble and accept any criticism you receive with grace, even if you don't think it's worthwhile or accurate.

Here are a few journals to get you started based on my past experience as an undergraduate (though that has been a while, so YMMV): Berkeley Fiction Review, zaum, Santa Clara Review, Prairie Margins. Good luck, anon.

t. published fiction MFA anon/former lit mag worker

[Anonymous No.21777226]

>>21776182
I actually liked it a fair bit anon.

[Anonymous No.21777235]

>>21777208
Thanks for the help, anon. Do you have any experience with or have heard anything about the Georgia Review? I’m from the southeast and was wondering if location had any impact on the acceptance of submissions. Are all “(insert town) Review” mags achievable without an agent and a big dog profile?

[Anonymous No.21777283]

>>21777235
Yes, I have submitted to TGA once before on the recommendation of a former professor of mine. I did not get in -- it is a very competitive journal. While you don't need an agent or portfolio to approach "State Review" magazines, they're definitely venues for more established writers in terms of skill. As you research various publications, I recommend reading some of the work the journal publishes online to get a feel for style and talent level. Don't be afraid to shoot for the moon, of course, but do so realizing that you'll be paying to submit online and it's highly likely you won't make it to later rounds of consideration (what I like to call the "Please submit again" phase). In other words: save your money.

There are plenty of interesting online journals these days that are great places to cut your teeth on when it comes to publishing your work -- and possibly free as well. See if you can start landing stories in those type of venues first, then gradually work your way up to MFA-run journals, etc. Writing is a marathon, not a sprint, and I think the same applies to this kind of publishing. Have fun writing the stories you want to write, get feedback from your professors or other trusted readers, and build your portfolio gradually. It's all a process.

[Anonymous No.21777323]

>>21776582
I read the whole thing anon. I think you got talent, but it needs editing. You’re a better writer than I am so I can’t say what it would look like, but the one piece of advice I can offer is to change of the line, “The somber static of silence took over, save the sound of her hollow breaths…” Feels a little awkward saying there was silence then saying there was sound. Like I said, you got a lot of talent though so keep going!

[Anonymous No.21777335]

>>21776582
>>21777323
>>21776146
I should also say, I don’t know if /lit/ is the best place to look for the writing advice anon.

[Anonymous No.21777397]

>>21776182

Look OP, you seem like a sincere kid and you deserve a real response. Here are some comments.

>she stopped to steal a peak

it's "a peek"

>women slathered spreads on different breads...the fathers all stood wide...

Whether intentionally or not, this sequence feels like a hackneyed set of images meant to convey a sentimental and naive idea of 1950s heterosexual domesticity. Unless it's going to be knocked down in relatively short order, phrases like this come off as cringe; and even if their purpose is satirical, their cliche and been-done character makes them weak as satire, which thrives on original scathing observation.

>slightly balding...aimlessly looking...children almost steamrolled...unsightly character...spewing obscenities

All these phrases are cliches. By this I mean that they aren't original phrases, where the combination of adjective with noun or adverb with verb produces an interesting effect; rather, they are pre-packaged to come together as one unit, drawn from other books that use the same phrases. Thus they are tired and boring to the eye, the reader only skims over them without taking note because they've seen them a million times before, they're a debased currency, a coin worn so smooth by hands that you can't see the king's face anymore. (I stole that one, paraphrased, from Nietzsche -- that's an allusion, which doesn't count as a cliche if it's not well-known enough for your typical reader to know but is well-known enough for the more educated reader to feel clever for having noticed -- these are generally good, if done purposefully / not in excess). In general, the point of literary writing is to discover new metaphors, phrases, and descriptions that have never been uttered before -- something that's more true of poetry, which must be absolutely original, but is generally something desirable in prose as well. If you're ever unsure, try Googling a phrase in quotes to see if it comes up a lot in dumb conventional sources.

>general comments

It's difficult to remark too much on the piece given this is only the first page and no real plot or much in the way of characters have been introduced yet, but other posters are correct (albeit needlessly cruel) in their observation that the piece as it stands betrays a certain lack of sophistication borne of insufficiently wide reading. A writer is two things: what they've lived, and what they've read. You haven't lived enough to know much more than the suburbs (I presume) in which you grew up; and you haven't read enough to have escaped the grip of the smattering of late twentieth century American "greats" you've picked up, DFW and Updike and maybe Salinger among them to guess at a glance. What you must do is immerse yourself in a broader, wider, and older literary canon, so as to become more aware of the range of possibilities for what's been done before and gain more models for imitation. Here is a good start: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_modernist_writers

[Anonymous No.21777446]

>>21776182
not bad

[Anonymous No.21777497]

>>21777226
>>21777283
>>21777323
>>21777335
>>21777397
Thanks bros. I’m saving this and will refer back to it tomorrow when I start writing again. Never gonna give up. I’m not sure if it would be in poor taste to send the finished draft to a past professor, but I’m going to start reading more works regardless and try to embrace their influence. I want to become a good writer, so I got nothing to lose. I’m going to continue the grind and hopefully finish the story soon. I finished another story last week, but I think this one is an improvement overall. However, I’m not much of a critic so that could be far from the case lol. I’ll start researching more about mags too in my free time. Might suck it up and email a professor or two when I get finished with this one to see what they think I could do with it.

[Anonymous No.21777575]

>>21777497

fyi the best magazines are --

among the bigger magazines: London Review of Books, Harper's

among the smaller magazines: The Point, Los Angeles Review of Books, The Baffler, n+1, the White Review, the Drift, Strange Matters, Full Stop, Socrates on the Beach, The Nervous Breakdown, 3 AM Magazine, the NY Tyrant, and Hobart

[Anonymous No.21777650]

>>21776182
It's great anon, I really enjoyed it. The flow alone is something to admire, every sentence plays off the other, phonetic puns. Is it publishable? Not if you're a white male. If you're not? Better chances, but I haven't seen any fiction published recently that is any good. The publishing industry is in need of revision, there's so many layers to the sieve that nothing good can actually make it through. Assuming you keep the rights to your work, I'd say send it in. Fortune favors the bold.

[Anonymous No.21777772]

>>21777575
Thanks, anon. I’ll start looking into the smaller mags to see which might publish one of my stories. I have a cousin who is a professor at NYU. Chances he could help somehow?

[Anonymous No.21777774]

blog it

[Anonymous No.21777811]

>>21777774
Based

[Anonymous No.21777847]

>>21776182
So fucking overdescriptive of everything despite feeling weightless. It's like the narration is someone smugly looking at the characters like ants in an antfarm.

This probably isn't gonna get published outside of some dumb college lit mag and even then I don't know if it'd make it.

[Anonymous No.21777886]

>>21777847
Well, anon. I’m going to finish the story, edit it a few times, and then submit it to a few places, and we’ll see who was right.

[Anonymous No.21777893]

>>21776182
Blech

[Anonymous No.21777927]

>>21777886
>edit it a few times

Remove the ridiculous rhymes

[Anonymous No.21777991]

>>21777927
Is it unwise to embrace the ridiculousness?

[Anonymous No.21778147]

>>21777772

if you don't mind my saying so: the main thing you should be doing at this stage is not trying to get published in the small magazines but *reading* them to see what kind of work they publish. This is the flip side of reading those modernist classics on the Wikipedia page. You have to become more familiar with your contemporaries as well as with a broader past, if you're going to grow into an interesting writer. Right now (and I mean this affectionately) you're not one, particularly. And that's okay. It comes from these sorts of practices. Don't put the cart before the horse.

[Anonymous No.21778173]

Well if we are posting amateur shit.

[Anonymous No.21778202]

>>21776182
Stop using poetical devices with prose. In fact, go out of your way to make certain naught a rhyme or alliteration found anywhere not even accidental.

[Anonymous No.21779178]

>>21776623
Your writing is honestly better than most of the schlock published by beautiful kweens and pink-haired middle class white women today, the replies being overly negative are the jades fantasy cucks who jave never read anything more challenging than george RR martin novel. As someone pointed out, since the sample doesn't show much its hard to assess your writing skills. If you can get through the victorian writers you will make it.

[Anonymous No.21779188]

>>21778202
Dumb genrecuck

[Anonymous No.21779193]

>>21776182
Trash, overly self indulgent. Stick to your STEM degree kiddo

[Anonymous No.21779229]

>>21777772
>I have a cousin who is a professor at NYU. Chances he could help somehow?
Unless your cousin knows someone affiliated with Washington Square (NYU's literary magazine) and could get your work in front of the Fiction Editor, probably not. And even if your cousin knew a faculty advisor in the English department, most university journals let the grad students run the magazine with minimal oversight. However, you could try e-mailing your cousin to see if they'd commit to being an occasional reader of your work when their schedule allows. Building a network of "trusted readers" to give you feedback is important, and could be a nice way to connect.

[Anonymous No.21780477]

>>21778173
This is Noble prize quality. Post another page.

[Anonymous No.21781268]

>>21778173
>>21780477
I assume your blowing smoke, but ill bite.

[Anonymous No.21781386]

>>21776146
Amazon publishing is free. Ingramspark is paid and you have to pay for a number, but book stores heavily accept it over amazon books. Self Publishing is really easy, but you have to do a lot of the work yourself.

With major publishers, the first three chapters has to be fucking perfect since that is what is looked at. Then sending letters with a description. Getting agents and even more shit to finally signed a deal. But signing a deal means you pretty much will make money with how rare it is.
https://blog.reedsy.com/how-to-get-your-book-published/

Personally I just uploaded a 40k word book for amazon (AI assisted writting since I didn't want to spend much time on it compared to one book I actually care about), made an actually decent book cover with the Garamond font. Used Bing AI for a small quote to put on the cover, the two genres, and the keywords and I'll just see how it does.

At the start you want to use Amazon and Barns in noble publishing, but anything big you should use ingram spark or spam out letters and wait a long time.
>>21776182
I like it. If the whole book is like this, I would send out letters.

[Anonymous No.21781407]

>>21776146
Look up a small time publisher

[Anonymous No.21781408]

>>21776582
Once you are done with the book, you will want to get an editor to look through everything and tell you if edits are needed and to work through them, especially with the first chapters. You want to do the editing before trying to get a major publisher to notice you, because they really care about quality due to the implications of having a book under their name and their reputation.

Some editors for major publishing companies will charge you around 1k for the best service, but you can easily be fine with something cheaper.

It's also obvious it needs editing due to stuff like "Yessir". Either way it's very good. Proofread your work and maybe get an editor once finished before trying to get a major publisher. Stuff like that won't really pass with publishers when they review.

If you want to self publish it, it is cheaper to commission a book cover you want and do all the small stuff with not needing to wait for a major publisher. It varies in quality and you don't get as much as a major publisher.

[Anonymous No.21781604]

>>21781386
>>21781407
>>21781408
Thanks for the feedback. I’m looking into pitching one of my other stories to the Baffler. Hopefully I don’t get absolutely btfod

[Anonymous No.21781605]

>>21776182
run on sentence on run on sentence on run on sentence

honestly bro this is barely readable

i'm a graduate of havard's extension school in creative writing. My undergraduate was in english, sociology, and creative writing. My last undergrad year was spent doing an independent study with the first distinguished professor of my university.

Don't listen to these scrubs, it's bad, but you need to hear that. Writing programs are all about the feedback and more importantly the criticism. You're stuffing way to much into every sentence.

"the two appeared a couple, though lexi couldn't really tell" thats a good sentence

the woman seemed to be searching for the kids mother, aimlessly looking down her nose blah blah blah blah

that sentence is completely shit

if you want to get good, practice and find someone who is a talented writer and have them shit all over you

if you can handle smelling and feeling like a worthless dumb fuck you might have a chance

[Anonymous No.21781626]

>>21778173
>>21781268
really bad, sorry.

[Anonymous No.21781628]

>>21781605
Where's a run on sentence?

[Anonymous No.21781635]

>>21781628
the first sentence has 34 words
the second sentence has over 50 words

just read it outloud

[Anonymous No.21781637]

>>21781626
fair enough

[Anonymous No.21781640]

>>21781628
adding detail doesn't mean all the detail needs to be in one sentence. In vomiting detail you've also lost a sense of voice for the narrator.

[Anonymous No.21781642]

>>21781635
The amount of words in a sentence has nothing to do with it being a run on or not.

Do you have an example of a sentence from that excerpt which meets the definition of a run on?

[Anonymous No.21781646]

>>21781640

I'm not the author; also what you've said has nothing to do with it being a run on sentence or not which was my question

[Anonymous No.21781655]

>>21781642
lol you fucking moron. the first sentence is a run on. the second sentence is a run on. the forth sentence is a run on.

[Anonymous No.21781657]

>>21781655

Explain how the first sentence is a run on.

[Anonymous No.21781662]

>>21781655

[Anonymous No.21781663]

Chapter 1

Dank desolate bars are my happy place. Well, more accurately, they are the happy, sad, all around ambivalent places I spend my time. This bar was such a place; dour, moldy, and disagreeable. The bartender ignored me to his best ability while I alone sat and sipped on something nameless. This should have been the recipe to bliss, or misery, either which I could find comfort in, however it was not. An uncomfortable air sat with us, the bartender and I, which seemed oblivious to the rules of personal space. It was the same air that lingered when someone pees right next to you, or breathes down your neck on the tram. The bartender gazed out of the bar’s dusty parlour window onto the streets of nothing. In the vicinity of this bar there was nothing worth mentioning, worth thinking about, worth even remembering; this bar included. I finished my drink and placed coin down for another. The bartender, without breaking his gaze, reached for a bottle and placed it in front of me. As if on cue a small tank burst through the door.

As you can imagine this made the bar far more agreeable to the eye. A collapsed wall, splintered wood, and glass shards have this way of screaming “wow.” Now with the tank in the bar there was no real room for an uncomfortable air. This was turning out to be a bar I could get cozy in, so I reached out to pour myself a drink when the tank barrel spun over and knocked that bottle onto the floor. Lucky for me, the gun stopped inches away from my face. In the moment I wouldn’t have minded being knocked over, at least then I would have something to drink. On the side of the barrel, in white, the words “encore” were painted and I couldn’t help but clap. Again, on cue, as if this was some sort of performance, a woman exited the top of the tank and bowed. Perhaps this gesture was a tad too polite in comparison to destroying the bar but I let it slide. I suppose this is as good as any place to describe the lighting in the bar. There was a single bulb in the bar that seemed indecisive if it wanted to be on, or off. So yes I knew there was a bartender, bottles and now a tank that belonged to a female driver but details wouldn’t be allowed by that bulb. I could tell the woman was beautiful, I want to say it was because of the silhouette of her knees, but instead I’ll tell you it was gut instinct that she was; how else would one acquire a tank.

[Anonymous No.21781665]

>>21781655
harvard extension school graduate, everyone

[Anonymous No.21781666]

>>21781663
Chapter 2

Not much has changed since we last spoke. The woman is no longer bowing, I’m still looking for something to drink and the bartender is trying his best to ignore the tank that is parked through the wall. The woman sat down next to me and placed a business card onto the counter. She spun the card, pushed it towards the bartender and tapped it; she said “this is you isn’t it?” There was a single word printed on the card; “bartender.” At that very moment, the indecisive bulb decisively decided to try to rival the sun in lumens. The bulb blinded me; it burned so brightly it burst, adding to the established destroyed aesthetic of the bar. When I could see again the bar looked the same, maybe there were a few extra pieces of glass around and a dead bartender that had just been alive but pretty much the same. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention, the woman hopped back into her tank and started to back out of the bar. Normally such things wouldn’t interest me, but upon the tank’s entrance into the bar it had destroyed my parked car. Naturally then, before the tank could depart, I gathered my money from the counter and inquired into the possibility of hitching a ride to the nearest bar.

[Anonymous No.21781667]

>>21778173
>>21781268
The prose isn't super great but it's better at making me want to know what the fuck is going on which puts it above >>21776182

[Anonymous No.21781669]

>>21776182
Jesus Cringing Christ.

[Anonymous No.21781673]

>>21781662
>>21781657
post an example of a run on, can't even see his own writing can fit as a stand in.

you have no hope dude; you can't even take a light criticism without being defensive. If it's not praise you're not interested.

[Anonymous No.21781678]

>>21781673

I'm not the author. I'm interested in only the grammatical aspect of it. You said it was a run on, however I didn't see it as a run on. If you can show me why or how, then I'd be happy to be proven wrong.

Can you explain how the first sentence is a run on or not? I'm starting to get the feeling you can't. Why do I need to post an example of a run on?

[Anonymous No.21781685]

>>21781678
man your critical reading skill is also shit. I wasn't saying post an example, i was saying you had posted an example in that photo but are to dumb to see how the example in the photo is identical to that of the ops work

[Anonymous No.21781691]

>>21781667
yea I have been trying to read more to see what works with prose. Regardless of whether or not its a good one to study, I've been reading Fountainhead

[Anonymous No.21781695]

>>21781685

Can you explain how the first sentence is example of a run on sentence? Yes or no? If you can't, just say so.

[Anonymous No.21781707]

>>21781695

Lexi tossed her bag over her shoulder and threw a kiss at her chauffeur. She stopped to steal a peak at the park. It was buzzing with families with multiple children and pets.

you must have autism man

[Anonymous No.21781726]

>>21781707

You've taken some dependent clauses and parsed them out as simple sentences. You do understand that the usage of dependent clauses, perfectly grammatical, doesn't make a sentence a run on, right?

What is your definition of a run on? And how does the first sentence meet that definition?

[Anonymous No.21781731]

>>21781685
(not who you're talking to btw)
>how the example in the photo is identical to that of the ops work
it's definitely not. I'm in agreement with your stylistic assessment but it's pretty embarrassing to be so grammatically uninformed

>>21776182
I have the largest brain in the universe so I'll say what mr harvard was trying to say, but better. The reason why it sounds like vomit isn't necessarily because of the sentence structure (which is 100% grammatically correct btw, although i didn't really read the whole thing) but because the sentence structure doesn't lend itself naturally to the semantic content thereof. In other words, the form doesn't lend itself to the meaning, which good writing, if we're honest, pretty inarguably does.

Instead of just encouraging you to write spartan sentences, which is a separate aesthetic entirely, I encourage you firstly to compare your own writing to a better example of prose that's more stylistically similar to what you've written. For instance, some very prominent writers (Borges, others) consider this to be some of the best prose ever written: https://www.luminarium.org/renascence-editions/browne/hydriotaphia.html

>In a field of Old Walsingham, not many months past, were digged up between forty and fifty urns, deposited in a dry and sandy soil, not a yard deep, nor far from one another.--Not all strictly of one figure, but most answering these described; some containing two pounds of bones, and teeth, with fresh impressions of their combustion; besides the extraneous substances, like pieces of small boxes, or combs handsomely wrought, handles of small brass instruments, brazen nippers, and in one some kind of opal.

You'll have to analyze it yourself but basically just notice how even though he's piling on plenty of detail, it's detail that all deserves to be together.

[Anonymous No.21781733]

>>21781707

jesus christ man, go get your harvard money refunded

[Anonymous No.21781759]

>>21781733
lol internet man i'm so glad your here! I didn't pay a dime man, the school paid my tuition; and even if i did the networking and book deal is worth the cost

[Anonymous No.21781766]

>>21781733
bullying is what he deserves for trying to brag. Pride before the fall

[Anonymous No.21781779]

>>21781759
>I didn't pay a dime man, the school paid my tuition

That's a run on

[Anonymous No.21781788]

>>21781779
im drunk at 12 30 troll posting on an anonymous internet forum you cunt

and its "thanks you're here" missed that one

run these balls on your face

[Anonymous No.21781789]

>>21781779
KEK

[Anonymous No.21781817]

>>21781779
lmao obliterated

[Anonymous No.21781824]

>>21781817
>that gif
damn. country boys really know how to make do.

[Anonymous No.21782703]

>>21781707
OP here. I re-wrote it like this actually:

Lexi tossed her back over her shoulder and threw a kiss at her chauffeur, stopping to steal a peek at the park buzzing with families of multiple children and of many pets.

Also,
>Muhh Harvard
Kys

[Anonymous No.21782735]

>>21781731
Okay, anon. I will start to refine and fully develop my style. Saving that link too. I got to see what made those old heads think it was so great.

[Anonymous No.21782744]

>>21782735
>heads
also promise me to stop being a nigger

[Anonymous No.21782760]

>>21781605
>i'm a graduate of havard's extension school in creative writing
Unironically stopped reading. You are a rapist advising others how to make love.

[Anonymous No.21782773]

>>21782744
Well, I’m white, anon, but I can promise to quit speaking AAVE

[Anonymous No.21782839]

>>21776623
I'll say this: your writing is way better than it should be.

[Anonymous No.21782847]

>>21781731
>www.luminarium.org
based site

[Anonymous No.21782859]

>>21782839
How much do I need to read before I get good? And what do I need to read?

[Anonymous No.21782867]

>>21776182
It's alright. I think a lot of anons here are bringing you down because they write like this.

[Anonymous No.21782910]

>>21776146
You have to be a trans black lesbian amputee to have your story published.

[Anonymous No.21782928]

>>21782859
I'd aim to read at least 100 novels from the canon. Make sure you keep writing though, you have potential. I mean that, seriously.
The most important thing is to never ever give up.

[Anonymous No.21782975]

>>21782773
nigger is a state of mind, a mode of being.

[Anonymous No.21783004]

>>21776182
Action is confused. She didn’t stop to steal a peak, and she can’t do that at the same time as blowing a kiss. Didn’t read past the first sentence, and I doubt a professional editor working through a stack of 100 submissions would be much more lenient.

[Anonymous No.21783316]

>>21782928
Thanks, anon. I’ll take your words of advice and continue ahead with my writing. Also, going to try to pepper in a few more novels throughout the semester to bulk up unconscious database of style.

>>21783004
Fair. I’ll keep this in mind when I go back to edit it.

[Anonymous No.21783349]

>>21777397
>All these phrases are cliches. By this I mean that they aren't original phrases, where the combination of adjective with noun or adverb with verb produces an interesting effect;
collocations
https://ozdic.com/

[Anonymous No.21783383]

>>21783349
>collocations
Nice. But is there really a benefit to using contrived strings of words just to avoid collocations? I understand the need for authenticity and grit, but that seems like it could devolve into pretentious babble about something simple.

[Anonymous No.21783674]

>>21783383
If adjective+noun produces the same effct then why not just say noun?

[Anonymous No.21783730]

>>21783674
Ahhh I see.

[Anonymous No.21784238]

>>21783004
Agree that it's dead on arrival. The first sentence is a complete disaster.

[Anonymous No.21785514]

>>21776251
Shut up fag, don't tell him what do. I will tell you what do nigger, kys.

[Anonymous No.21785548]

>>21785514
I don't know what's worse in your case, having low IQ or being a racist.

[Anonymous No.21785581]

>>21785548
Shut up bitch.

[Anonymous No.21785986]

>>21776186
>>21776251
>>21776440

post exerps

[Anonymous No.21786308]

Did I make it better or worse?

[Anonymous No.21786537]

>>21777397

Fantastic. Some of you are still worth talking to.