/wg/ - Writing General

[Anonymous No.21007708]

Previous Thread: >>20999152

RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvC
/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ

Please limit excerpts to one post.
Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.
Follow prompts made below and discuss written works for practice; contribute and you shall receive.
If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.

[Anonymous No.21007856]

TU NO ERES BEBECITA
TU ERES BEBEZOTA

[Anonymous No.21007932]

This version feels kid friendlier than the one I posted before. Although I'm not happy with the style yet. It gotta be whimsier--more wide eyed and purple.
>https://pastebin.com/ehe6b2sd

[Anonymous No.21008023]

>>21007708
Why is the image a slightly uglier yellow than before? Is it decomposing?

[Anonymous No.21008081]

>>21008023
because someone else did the OP this time and did a poor snipping job. I just alternate between pic and the pic of >>20999152

[Anonymous No.21008120]

>>21007932

[Anonymous No.21008129]

Prose is overrated.

[Anonymous No.21008175]

>>20999536
make your font bigger.
>>21008120
Writing is a creative art form, I'll add all the dialogue attributions I want.

[Anonymous No.21008214]

>>21008129
tell that to the pseuds in the classics threads. you think your simple ass is going to come in here and tell us something we dont already know?
kek

[Anonymous No.21008237]

>>21008214
“I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life, Christine. You help me see and feel things in new ways. I love your smile, your way with people — especially kids — your kindness. I love to hold you like this. I love you more than I can say if I stood here and talked for the rest of the night. I love you so much. Will you marry me, Christine?”

[Anonymous No.21008253]

>>21008120
“Said is dead,” Anon intoned.
“Passive sentence flows well,” declared Anon.
“Colorful adverbs and adjective makes writing and reading enjoyable,” Anon explained patiently.
“Remember, people who encourage you to exclusively write in a specific prose style are the same people who un-ironically worship Neil Gaiman and Brandon Sanderson,” so said Anon.

[Anonymous No.21008263]

>>21007932
this jobber prologue is not doing it for me. it's boring and going as far as using repetition for effect. it's killing me man.

[Anonymous No.21008271]

>>21008175
>>21008253
It's amazing how determined you people are to remain unread.

[Anonymous No.21008274]

>>21007708
I made it and so can you, don't give up anons

[Anonymous No.21008279]

>>21007932
I like the James Patterson style story telling

[Anonymous No.21008283]

"You don't have any poetry in your soul," those were the words in her goodbye letter. What brought this on? Because he didn't like to listen to her blast all those pop songs that are really all the same? How many variations of "baby I love you" can there really be? He thought about calculating it to take his mind off of her but it proved untenable. Both the calculation and the not thinking of her part.
The bitch wanted poetry? He'd show her poetry. He'd carve it on his soul with flaming letters and when their glow blinded her he'd stick himself balls deep in someone better than her.
Of course he had to find someone better first, and he didn't know where to start looking. She'd been gone for maybe ten, fifteen minutes so it's unfair to expect he'd figured it out yet. He didn't actually know if she'd been gone ten or fifteen minutes, it had probably been longer and he'd only found out about it then. Yeah, that made sense. It's not like he ran into her in the door or anything, so she'd left sometime earlier.
There was no ice cream left. She'd probably taken it. And the little clay figurines he'd paid for at that stupid yard sail she dragged him to. Only one she'd left behind was the old man in the blue robe, his face covered by a bloody cloth where his eyes should be and his eyes in a bow in his lap. She hadn't wanted that one, but it was part of the set so of course he'd bought it. And now it was his.
"It's just you and me now, Belisarius," he told the figurine. No poetry. There was still catfood in the kitchen cupboard but she'd taken her cat with her. Maybe she'd come back for that half-empty bag and he'd get to talk some sense into her.
She wasn't responding to his calls. He tried again. This was only the 7th time. He added a text after. That was also the 7th. Maybe she'd been distressed and had driven into a streetlight or something and couldn't answer because she was in the ICU, unconcsious and struggling for her life and the cat had gotten loose from the wreck and was lost in the concrete jungle it knew not at all. He should go out and look for the cat, then when he'd bring it to the hospital she'd be happy to see him.
But he had to find out which hospital. He started making calls. No poetry in his soul. What is a soul? Does his soul weigh more or less than a bag of catfood? When she came back he'd shove the fucking bag down her throat, let her choke on it.
Maybe she HAD choked, becuase she'd been eating ice cream and it had been too cold and she'd gotten an ice cream headache and then she'd tried to drink something warm to make it go away and had filled her lungs with it and then she'd sputtered and died and the cat was eating her still-warm corpse.
It had been 20 minutes since he found her note and there was still no poetry in his soul. He was starting to worry about that. What did it even mean? He'd better call and ask her. This was the 8th time. Still no response. "CALL ME YOU BITCH!!" he texted.

[Anonymous No.21008295]

>>21008283

[Anonymous No.21008298]

>>21008295
There's no dialogue in that.

[Anonymous No.21008311]

https://boards.4channel.org/lit/thread/21007990#bottom
Why is this bad writing?

[Anonymous No.21008330]

>>21008311
Look, I get it. It's not easy being mentally ill. But you don't need attention from anon on 4chan, you need professional help. Please stop posting here and go see a doctor.

[Anonymous No.21008332]

>>21008311
There isn't enough surrounding context to give it meaning. It doesn't make sense in isolation but it might with sufficient context.

[Anonymous No.21008352]

>>21008237
Why would you pick Gaston Leroux's writing as an example of "Classics with overrated prose"? No one disagrees that Phantom is a weakly written story by a mediocre writer.

[Anonymous No.21008361]

>>21008330
Blue Velveeeeeettt.....
>>21008332
But what's wrong with all the writing I post here?

[Anonymous No.21008410]

>keep trying to write this novel
>can't decide exactly how to structure it and what pov works best
>have written so many parts and drafts that it's probably like 200k+ words if not more in weird documents
this sucks. something's just not clicking, i can't tell what it is, and i'm not sure if i should just abandon it or what
>inb4 sit on it
i've been sitting on it for years so i don't think that's going to change anything...

[Anonymous No.21008434]

>>21008410
Did you remember to add the scene with the dog trying to warn people of an impending alien attack?
Seriously speaking, just do multiple POVs and switch every chapter

[Anonymous No.21008438]

>>21008361
Ah you're just another attention-whoring schizo. Carry on.

[Anonymous No.21008457]

>>21008434
that's not really what i mean, i guess, i mean more like what person i want to tell it in and what makes for a better experience, third person limited or an omniscient
more importantly i feel it's seriously snowballed in complexity in a way that's not actually beneficial and just convoluted yet i'm so close to it that i simply can't tell what's key anymore
does anybody know of any method that would basically force me to write down only key scenes?

[Anonymous No.21008475]

>>21008457
You're asking people to solve this problem with absolutely no knowledge of what's actually happening in your book.
Keep
It
Simple
Stupid

[Anonymous No.21008477]

https://archiveofourown.org/
works/33736513/chapters/83854633

I'm planning to rewrite a bunch of this, add/combine characters, add more backstory to existing characters but I'd like some more feedback.
It's a fetish story about a fictional theocracy and a demon hunter working within it to exterminate a female demon, and he is conflicted but bound to duty under threat of death. There's a bunch of sex scenes, it's noir inspired and pretty filthy.
Despite that I like what I've made and want to do more with it, but wondering if I shouldn't make it more serious and remove the smut. If you have time please tell me what you think.

[Anonymous No.21008483]

>>21008475
no i'm asking for whether there are tools to solve this problem like putting down specific information as it's demanded
i think i was pretty clear about that

[Anonymous No.21008506]

>>21008283
>Maybe she HAD choked, becuase she'd been eating ice cream and it had been too cold and she'd gotten an ice cream headache and then she'd tried to drink something warm to make it go away and had filled her lungs with it and then she'd sputtered and died and the cat was eating her still-warm corpse.
Still feels like a contrivance. You're better than this, dude.

[Anonymous No.21008516]

>>21008506
I can in full honesty say that I do not understand what you're saying.

[Anonymous No.21008681]

Fuck bros I'm sad about my shit Lovecraft writing attempt
Maybe some fine blacked porn will help me feel better

[Anonymous No.21008700]

>>21008410
Sounds like you need some Truby.

[Anonymous No.21008711]

What do you think of this kind of thing? ie paragraphs of dialog that aren't quoted? Is it confusing? Don't mind the content so much, a lot of it was getting my thoughts on paper and it needs editing.

[Anonymous No.21008780]

How do you start writing simpler? I've noticed that one of the biggest issues with (writers who want to be published) but are still amateur, is that everything is overdescribed overdetailed, with sentences that don't make sense.

[Anonymous No.21008821]

>>21008780
this is just a symptom of sitting down without knowing what you want to write
it's ok to do, but all traces of it should be eliminated in editing

[Anonymous No.21008825]

What should I do?
>>21005649
Hopeless right?

[Anonymous No.21008849]

>>21008780
there's an anecdote about a pianist who found perfect economy of style because he practiced 11h per day and couldn't afford superfluous movements anymore.
something like this probably also happens with veteran writers, but as the other anon said, one must have something to say first.

[Anonymous No.21008871]

I want to write a story based on an erotic fantasy I've had about being kidnapped and enslaved by a band of Amazon raiders dressed in bandage gear who worship their leader who they see as a death Goddess on an alien world, and I eventually join them and have to dress in a similar fashion

[Anonymous No.21008933]

Can I get some input on this story? Is it too short? Does it read smoothly? etc.
>https://pastebin.com/BjrsjaRz

[Anonymous No.21008963]

>>21008933
It's too much "I did this" and "I did that" which is fine if it's packaged nicely and within greater paragraphs. You want to minimize the "I's" as much as you can, which doesn't mean they're never to be used, but that 1. we recognize it's not perceived well 2. there are better ways. What you have right now is a solid skeleton. What I would suggest is rewrite your story based on everything you wrote in this iteration.

[Anonymous No.21009006]

>>21008933
As other anon said too many I’s. your sentences are too short. this is one reason that you are using the pronoun excessively. Consolidate sentences and the I’s will magically disappear. It will at least take care of some of the problems you have.

[Anonymous No.21009161]

How do I get completely robotic writing that's still good? Clinical in writing but fiction

[Anonymous No.21009208]

>>21009161
read Peter Handke

[Anonymous No.21009233]

>>21008295
>You're a funny guy
For you.

[Anonymous No.21009236]

What do you think?

[Anonymous No.21009283]

>>21009236
>a courtyard of sorts, a courtyard with grave stones.
is redundant for no good reason
>A handful of them and the convent leader followed them
it's unclear what "them" refers to here in either instance
>It was more a memorial ground than a burial
A "burial" is a ceremony, an act, not a place. It could be "graveyard" or "burial ground" or something else
>She stopped by a small grave
who?
>Kojo blinked as the gravestone shared his true name
gravestones don't have names, they display names. The text on the gravestone shares his name, not the gravestone itself.
>"He was a beautiful baby boy..."
I have no idea what's being described in this paragraph
>"..."
and this is where I stop reading. Use your words and describe the pause. This "..." shit is how you lose the respect of your peers and readers. It's awful.

[Anonymous No.21009316]

>>21009283
HahahahhaAhahahahah

Thank you. This is not my work but a cuck from /vrpg/ who was giving me shit about my writing. I know I am shit, I do but he thought he was better than me?
Fuck him, I'm glad you did this.
I'll masturbate to your review of his talentless work and it's a real shame they deleted my thread over there, otherwise I'd love for him to see this

[Anonymous No.21009317]

>>21009161
I read Fleur Jaeggy's Sweet Days of Discipline last month, and everything I've written since has been trying to approximate her simplicity and clinical coldness.

>Having walked by shop windows, mirrors and gates -- and it was cold -- she pushed a heavy door. Barely open, it closed with a bang. We climbed the stairs. I followed her footsteps. The walls seemed high. She said it was blocks with nothing but offices. No one was there at night. At the top of the stairs she opened a wooden door that led to a corridor. In the corridor was a small washbasin. And toilets. We went on down the long narrow corridor. It seemed we must be a long way from the street. Then we stopped in front of another door and she gestured for me to go in.

>I found myself in a room carved out of nothing. I felt the icy cold. It's a rectangle, a window at the far end, yellowing walls. 'J'-habite ici.' I was standing. She picked up a saucepan, poured in some alcohol and lit it. We stood watching the fire on the ground, the struggle, then deaththroes of the last darting flames. She told me she had seen some cockfights in Andalusia. 'La chauleur ne dure pas longtemps.' And she had something Spanish about her, something ancient, something ecclesiastic. The blaze of heat died and the cold of the mountain tops and the glaciers swept down.

>A bulb hung from the ceiling. She offered me the only seat. Under the bulb. She picked up a gnawed candle (was she living on wax?) and lit it with a match. The wick was buried. Her eyes, which took no light from the trembling flame, were bright, calm beneath, lacquered, alien. Her face was partly hidden by her hood, it could have been a veil of marble wrapped around her. Her beauty hadn't left her. Nor her determination. She looked at me with irony, challenge almost.

[Anonymous No.21009324]

>>21009316
fuck you

[Anonymous No.21009332]

>>21009324
Yeah, just like that. More insults please

[Anonymous No.21009360]

>>21009317
I like it. Post an excerpt of something you’ve written in the same vein.

[Anonymous No.21009361]

>>21009283
>>21009236
Best orgasm I've had in a while, I need to know what that anon is thinking about his precious work TORN like this. I love it.
Kojo? Kojo? Eat shit.
I should do this more often, post the writing of others to get crit and hatefap to them.
>>21009324
Are you the writer? You mocked me now face it, you're horrible at writing.

[Anonymous No.21009366]

I would like to be temporarily deputised as a mod, please, so I can put an end to the resident thread narcissist once and for all.

[Anonymous No.21009372]

>>21009366
I've talked to mods on IRC twice now. You should do the same.

[Anonymous No.21009376]

>>21009366
You don't help me? I get more deranged. Simple.
When I first posted here you could have nurtured me with useful crit and we'd be fine right now.

[Anonymous No.21009391]

>>21009366
You look down on me? One of my ideas, one of my concepts is worth way more than all your works together.

[Anonymous No.21009402]

Well I sent out my first draft. I hope it is well received.

[Anonymous No.21009403]

>>21009366
You're looking down on me? Refusing to help me? Ignoring my writing and not helping me?
Images come to me, I'm Giger you're no one.
What? Big boy over here knows how to write? You're not influential and can never be, no creativity. I could shit out concepts as iconic as the T800, Xenomorph and the fucking thing like it's nothing.

[Anonymous No.21009413]

>>21009403
>t. writes about bugs that fly through planets

[Anonymous No.21009417]

>>21009366
Ahhh, that's the why, isn't it?
Why /wg/ will never ever help me improve. You're scared, if I had any talent for writing you'd have no way to ever compete and you know it.
You're a sad man, a pathetic creature. I pity you.

[Anonymous No.21009429]

>>21009366
No wonder you ignore my writing. Want to keep me at my skill level huh? Too fucking scared of competition. You're not creative, you will never be. I read the shit you write and the shit I force myself to write as "learning"
I pity you, I spit on you asshole, you're beyond pathetic. I've never seen someone pack this much envy.

[Anonymous No.21009430]

>>21009361
But you're clearly samefagging the whole thing. No one else here gives critiques with that much vitriol.

[Anonymous No.21009431]

>>21009372
Anon, this fag is either a janny or a mod. He has too much time on his hands to be a simple NEET.

[Anonymous No.21009433]

if you think the most important skill in writing is your prose or your ideas, you havent actually written anything.

[Anonymous No.21009440]

>>21009433
The most important thing is anticipation.

[Anonymous No.21009453]

>>21009433
Hm, intriguing. But what does it mean? What aspect of writing isn't covered by 'prose', 'ideas' or 'the interaction between prose and ideas'?

[Anonymous No.21009456]

>>21009433
Prose should either perfectly carry the narrative you're making or be the most important part of the book itself.

[Anonymous No.21009472]

>>21009433
I shit on the canon, the classics and the greats. A fat steamy shit.
No one cares about literature anymore, in my life has something from a book been impactful.
No.
Nothing.

Movies and games, even fucking music are the superior media.
It breaks my heart thinking about you useless fucking novel.

[Anonymous No.21009474]

>>21009453
doing the work. lol

[Anonymous No.21009498]

It's incredible to think about how I'm literally Jimmy McGill. Trying so hard to please this obsolete medium. NO ONE CARES ABOUT BOOKS.
I'll own it, yeah I'm a shit writer so what.
Maybe I want to write dialogue like this

π=Books? Toilet paper, I shit on your novel btw=====π

Who is going to call me out? You?

[Anonymous No.21009517]

Ohhh Kurvitz, the golden child!
Oh my god, Disco Elysium!!!!!

Fuck you, I've been trying so hard to please the image I have in my mind of this shitty money laundering project.

[Anonymous No.21009539]

>>21009498
>>21009517
I’m glad you liked my analogy and took my advice to play good games for inpso. If you don’t stop posting here and get to work then I’ll lump you into the same category that so many anons have already.

[Anonymous No.21009554]

The guy crying about video game dialogue is still here? Why hasn't he written anything yet? What use is there complaining to a group of anons who don't care

[Anonymous No.21009563]

>>21009554
he never gave a shit about writing. hence why he never wrote a single thing. he just wanted to shitpost

[Anonymous No.21009599]

>>21009554
I can't be the only one reporting him.

[Anonymous No.21009614]

>>21009456
>if you think the most important skill in writing is your prose or your ideas, you havent actually written anything.

The buxom goddess sits atop my supine body, voluptuous sublimity on the red sheets, her eyes are planes of glass that reflect my own desperation, anxious, as all knowledge has left me but one hard fact, which shares parallels with my phallic shrine’s current condition: once I ejaculate, I will die. She reminds me of this; she is being cruel, as she masturbates me, my heart condition worsens and I enter into a horrifying double-bind. I desperately want to orgasm, I need to, even though it will mean death, even though I didn’t even want to receive this negativity tinged pleasure instead having it taken from me by force. My inertia ensures that I have to orgasm, I have to either suicide myself or allow my passive body to work its way unto explosion, all thanks to the buxom goddess working upon me, to kill me, though I once loved here, so that she could move on, and so she could gain the satisfaction of eliminating me. My feet are writhing at the bottom of the bed. She is tall, her eyes are blue, her lips are in a smirk, her breath is calm she isn’t even remotely excited at the sight of me helpless, any excitement comes from the flux of cash my own final flow will symbolize and literally create. I feel the sweat beginning to form. The light is so oppressive and it is growing, taking up more of my vision. All I see are breasts and light.

I cum.

I cum and watch the image, one of divinity’s manifestations through which the beyond is alluded to, this one in the particular form of the ever-confusing pull of sexual arousal, and the ever-repeating pull of the lady’s hand, slowly start to smile as she picks up speed and the man is shaking and grunting, filling me with shame. I finished before him. I turn off the video [I lacked the threat of death, preventing the necessary force needed to build up and achieve paroxysm as the actor likely experienced] and shut off my phone. The air in my room smells of lotion and reality is a little stained today. It is beautiful outside and I watch people go to restaurants and enjoy walking, while I clean myself off having spent the last hour in a low ebbing state of pleasure, with no true climax, only a finish that keeps satisfaction pressed on me, tauntingly. Time to get the Real ball rolling.

the video its based off is with alura jenson btw

[Anonymous No.21009620]

>>21009539
I'm ENFJ, I crave fitting in no matter what.
I can't help it.
I need good writing and that's universal. Dialogue works the same in a good novel, good movie and a good game. Yeah, Disco Elysium inspired me in some ways and I could gut that but still.
What should I do?

[Anonymous No.21009635]

>>21009620

Agents of distortion operate
in dull zero rain.

The blue figureless painting
was murdered last night.

I should know, I saw

the body outside

desiring a bit of sun.

Sickness is the canvas of our time,
the puddle begins to grow,
and color was malfunctioning.

[Anonymous No.21009644]

>>21009635


Teeth rot summertime songs out of
libraries filled with coughs,
knowing fear as a function
of exuded remains of speech. Let it
echo and let control pound through
the brain revealed to be a knot.

Lungs drip knowledge
into nothing, into air; it grows
old and turns into historic zeroes,
a blue set of them
on landscapes, river and rain,
converge to crowd up the throat.

In this glotted mind, all holes
reproduce, for on the
fundamental plane,
filled with the divine miasma
of ideal forms,
mixtures insist on nothing,
filling space with glimmers
of lightless eyes,
four to seventy-eight
to infinitude,
that gaze. Repetition
and slow bleeding allow only
the final image
to smear over the body, a skin
grown desiccated due to
the release of an artery’s knot.

[Anonymous No.21009652]

Veronika had no reason to think that she was alone, but as she passed the individual bedrooms of the menservants, her tired aching eyes could not tell if in each doorway stood a barrier made of oak, or if indeed the pitch blackness between the hazy wallpaper was truly an abyss from which she would never return from alive; she considered reaching her hand out and touching the door, but she did not want to disturb the man inside should she accidentally rattle the doorknob, for they were so sensitive when touched, something she had unfortunately learned one morning trying to slip away after being fucked all night by one of apprentices, and being quickly caught by his supervisor, and thus she carried on down the corridor, wet at the memory.

[Anonymous No.21009656]

Not reading your thought parasite.

[Anonymous No.21009657]

>>21009317
She has a Pynchon level of exposition.

[Anonymous No.21009670]

>>21009474
True. Some of the questions I ask myself about style and subject matter when I'm starting a story are whether it will be fun to write and whether it will easily generate new sentences, images and episodes. Because otherwise you'll just run out of steam.

Something like a Raymond Chandler story is almost a self-running machine: (1) describe a lavish/seedy/lavishly-seedy location; (2) pluck out a character from your storehouse of LA stereotypes to inhabit it; (3) have fun coming up with some inventive and apt similes to describe them; (4) throw in some twist to the plot, preferably one that unexpectedly loops in a previous plot point or character; (5) have your guy flee the scene/go to chase down a clue/mope around in his office until someone moll knocks on his door or a police chief rings his phone. Each step is like a small, enjoyable writing prompt.

[Anonymous No.21009700]

>>21009656
Based.
Books are long distance temporo-spatial rape.

[Anonymous No.21009707]

>>21009700
You get it.
This disgusting creature known as the written word, let it be know I'm still shitting on it.

[Anonymous No.21009733]

>>21009707
Yet another phreaked out at their first sip of the pharmakon.

[Anonymous No.21009743]

>>21009670
you run out of steam when you're forced to work outside your comfort zone? i guess if the only thing keeping you going is words/day..

[Anonymous No.21009763]

bois, writting prompt please? I need some practice, but have no ideas whatsoever

[Anonymous No.21009780]

>>21009763
Couple of dudes are trying to free climb a bridge and accidentally rip a piece of of concrete free. To their surprise, they don't just reveal rusted rebar within, but...

[Anonymous No.21009818]

>>21009763
Equinestration.

[Anonymous No.21009871]

>>21009743
Fair question/accusation. But I neither count nor care about words per day. I care about getting in the zone where the writing becomes something between problem-solving and associative invention, instead of slamming your word-starved brain against a blank screen.

It's a half-comfortable zone, like a campsite you pack up and relocate as you get deeper into a forest. Your thoughts get into a kind of intensifying feedback loop with the words on the screen.

I think I run out of steam when I start with some lofty notion or vague vibe and try to force it into words and narrative forms. So I've been trying to start from thinking about voices I find fun and compelling, or minimal ways of structuring plots that will let me start producing words and seeing what kinds of patterns and interactions emerge.

[pseud-corner - do not read past this point] I think getting in this zone is what Deleuze & Guattari call 'creating a plane of consistency'.

[Anonymous No.21009888]

>>21009763
Write a one-page story, in the form of a letter, that explains to the recipient
why the writer has quit something important (a job, school, a marriage).
Then write a one-page diary entry that explains the real reason(s) that the
writer actually quit.

[Anonymous No.21009909]

>>21009763
plus-sized model isekaied to a starving medieval world

[Anonymous No.21009931]

>>21009871
>lofty notion or vague vibe and try to
i've been collecting these, and then i sit on them, i read.. then when im in the head of whoever im reading, i will see ways to use them (in their story). at this point it's more or less in the toolbox
the last part.. reading/borrowing ideas is mostly my lack of confidence/experience in an area

[Anonymous No.21009973]

>>21009888
This is the first prompt I've seen that's made me want to write something in response.

[Anonymous No.21010180]

This is what Amazon generated for me. Don't have much options though besides different fonts and color. Won't let me move the names around.

Think it's a good cover?

[Anonymous No.21010200]

>>21010180
it's barely legible

[Anonymous No.21010233]

>>21010180
The art is nice. The font needs better backshadow and a blurb that covers the page completely, perhaps in a shadow box so that they're legibile against the many colors of the painting.

[Anonymous No.21010250]

Is the word "fuck" 8 times in about 120 sentences too much?

[Anonymous No.21010279]

>>21008711
please respond

[Anonymous No.21010381]

what are some good ways to either psyche myself up for writing or to ease myself into ita.

[Anonymous No.21010389]

Halfway through its daily cycles the receding tide
forms islands offshore, low mounds of sand
surrounded by currents coquina clams ride.
For an hour, the sea is overtaken by land
which yields as its bounty the pride
of seashell collections, all gathered by hand.

Reach down to the silt and spread out a hand:
pass fingers through waves and the untroubled tide
at the site where the brackwaters swirl round the land.
Fiddler crabs fight for the sake of their pride
on protean courtyards of unsteady sand
witnessed by shells on a rivulet ride.

Heirs to the wind, lightclad gulls ride
breezes and squint for an overstuffed hand
or sprawling picnic spread. The pride
of the bird, knocking a sandwich or chips to the sand,
is a clarion audible over the tide:
his squawk portends his feast on the land.

Latched onto the jetties that jut from the land
barnacles idle: a quieter life than hitching a ride
with a whale. A cast of mole crabs scuttle below in the sand
using a jetty as shield from the tide.
The sandbar world lasts during sixty scant turns of the fastest hand
on a watch; little Atlantis enters its golden age, brimming with pride

and promise, dying daily at the claws and teeth of a pride
of leonine waves with seafoam manes. The border between land
and sea is broken only for that hour, at the bidding of the tide,
mercurial but lorded over by the more powerful hand
of the ocean; held in obedience by the glittering moon. They ride
in gilded chariots, never deigning to touch the sand.

Almost finished now; the hour draws to a close. The sand
asserts itself soundlessly, delighting in the wounded pride
of the receding waters. The ocean waves his hand
across his kingdom, and the tidal creatures are in for a ride
back out to sea until the next daytrip to the land
when they will once again depend on the tide

for another nexus of tidepools watercolored by hand.
The days are painted in the sand, but the artist’s pride,
knowing the viewer’s propensity to deride, impels him to erase his work, and slink back to the land

[Anonymous No.21010397]

>>21010180
Your original title was better. I don’t like this one at all

[Anonymous No.21010404]

>>21010397
Really? Many anons hated "Finding San Francisco". The Beautiful Kingdom makes more sense, since it's a literal translation of "America" in chinese.

[Anonymous No.21010458]

rate please

Leaving the gluten free aisle at Whole Foods, Tom McGrath was thinking that the long, lithe woman in the teal-colored leggings and matching warm-up jacket in front of him had the posture of a ballerina.
In her early thirties, with high cheekbones, almond-shaped eyes, and jetblack hair pulled back in a ponytail, she was lovely to look at, exotic even.
She seemed to sense his interest and glanced back at him.
In a light Eastern European accent, she said, “You walk like old fart, Tom.”
“I feel like one, Edita,” said McGrath, who was in his mid-forties and built like a wide receiver gone slightly to seed. “I’m stiff and sore where I’ve never even thought of being stiff and sore.”
“Too many years with the weights and no stretching,” Edita said, putting two bottles of kombucha tea in the cart McGrath was pushing.
“I always stretch. Just not like that. Ever. And not at five in the morning. I felt like my head was swelling up like a tick’s in some of those poses.”
Edita stopped in front of the organic produce, started grabbing the makings of a salad, said, “What is this? Tick?”
“You know, the little bug that gives you Lyme disease?”
She snorted. “There was nothing about first yoga class you liked?”
“I gotta admit, I loved being at the back of the room doing the cobra when all you fine yoga ladies were up front doing downward dog,” McGrath said.
Edita slapped him good-naturedly on the arm and said, “You did not.”
“I got out of rhythm and found I kind of liked being out of sync.”
She shook her head. “What is it with the men? After everything, still a mystery to me.”
McGrath sobered. “On that note, any luck finding what I asked you about the other day?”
Edita stiffened. “I told you this is not so easy, Tom.”
“Just do it, and be done with them.”
She didn’t look at him. “School? My car? My apartment?”
“I said I’d help you.”

[Anonymous No.21010474]

does anybody here physically write into a notepad as opposed to typing?
how do you transfer it to digital?

[Anonymous No.21010481]

>>21010404
I hate the idea of describing America as a kingdom. It doesn’t make historic sense and if you interpret it loosely there’s a theological association which I don’t think is what you want either. Guo means country generally not kingdom

[Anonymous No.21010484]

>>21010404
NTA but I like the title.
>>21008711
>>21010279
It's good to skip over uninteresting or unimportant dialogue with narration about what was said, rather than presenting it as it comes, despite what any staunch "Show Only" Fan may tell you. It also has a mini hack that lets you blur "realistic dialogue" with thoughtful asides or poetic tangents, because clearly no one will believe that's actual dialogue. But being able to talk about what's being talked about lets you skip past what is or isn't realistic and just fall into narration.
Tl;dr I like it.
>>21010381
Depends on what you're writing. Have a coom before you get deep or edit. Don't coom if you need the energy to burn through many thousand words. Have a lot of ideas you've been storing in your brain or in notepads that you need to vent as soon as you get home. Nothing makes me want to write more than envisioning a scene or idea and liking it so much I have to scramble to get it down.

[Anonymous No.21010501]

>>21010481
Zhong Guo is Middle Kingdom, hence Mei Guo is Beautiful Kingdom.

[Anonymous No.21010510]

>>21010501
My understanding is that it’s used for every country regardless of its political system. Faguo is france. Deguo is Germany etc

[Anonymous No.21010523]

>>21010510
Today it is. but in a classical sense, it's Kingdom. Hence why they refer themselves as the "Middle Kingdom" and written as so.

Besides, chinese mixes words together up all the time. A computer is Electric Brain. and a telephone is Electric Speech.

[Anonymous No.21010525]

>>21010501
If you really want to use meiguo I would go with a different translation:

A Beautiful Country

[Anonymous No.21010539]

>>21010525
I honestly thought of putting "A or The Beautiful Country", but for style, I went with China being named "The Middle Kingdom" espoused by Western Writers. It just made more sense to me to call America "The Beautiful Kingdom", and besides, A beautiful Country is going to get completely swamped by all the other books using that title, and someone already took it. But I'll take your suggestion in consideration and talk with others.

[Anonymous No.21010560]

Her breath putters like an engine barely audible with the wind. Shes got these big butternut doe eyes you can really jack off to. The colors in her hair play a siren song of every whore you’ve ever banged. And you think to yourself, Oh, she probably smokes. That’s why her breath is an exhaust. While mucus sprays in long and ropey splatters as you bang. The woman discards the Kleenex into the trash. You watch with binoculars from the bush.

[Anonymous No.21010621]

I sat on the edge of the bed, slowly easing back into consciousness, thoughts flooding back, I finally recalled. I had arrived at the motel on a Saturday; walked here from her house and I arrived somewhere between 3 and 6, meaning must have left around 12 or 1. I recalled phoning a friend, he said he'd wait for me by the corner of 20th, phoned a taxi and said we'd meet on 6th. Just kept walking, letting the wind guide me into whatever, intuit the path somewhere along the day.

I thought nothing of it back then but I didn't have a wallet or my keys, I carried nothing on me.

[Anonymous No.21010652]

>>21010621
I check by the door again, staying to the sides, not directly in front and with the lights off. Here I watch, here I stay, more out of precaution than anything else. It's too soon for any other thing.
I head back to the bed, took off the sheets, prefer it being bare, it's better that way. Pick up the remote, set flickers to life, catch a special. Too soon for anything else.

[Anonymous No.21010669]

>>21009554
Autism.

[Anonymous No.21010706]

>>21010652
They are too tacky for my taste. Either too bright or vintage but both are too performative. Hurts me when it's acted out and I can tell. Checking on the phone, better be quick and done with. What little I've got here can do the work and do it well with some few steps, got three photos of a somewhat decent friend left on here by accident, 10 photos of a popstar with huge lips, and a drawing of a dark blob, misshapen at first but it's merely missing all 4 limbs. All will do just fine.

Must have fallen asleep and I return to once again with a slight headache like a rubber band on my head but thankfully not optical like last time. Optical when it's accompanied by a twisting worm made of static and accompanied by a slight buzz on both ears.
Got to move it and leave, keep walking to the next one on the list, by the suburbs. No time wasted since I'm traveling light, I stand and head to the door. Out here I head to the basement, passing through reception and going left, just a one staircase descent, knock on the door -- red page with faded writing taped to it.

[Anonymous No.21010747]

>>21010180
Crap I can't remember the guys name that helped edit/suggestions the first few chapters. I want to put him in the acknowledgements. So if you're that anon give me a name before I call you Aaron Y. Mose.

[Anonymous No.21010755]

>>21008120
Where is this from

[Anonymous No.21010773]

>>21007708
Threadly reminder to put vulgarity in your dialogue if you wish to portray realistic interactions with your characters.

[Anonymous No.21010803]

>>21010773
>if you wish to portray realistic interactions with your characters
I don't
Realism doesn't justify itself

[Anonymous No.21010922]

Swearing in your dialogue, yeah or nay

[Anonymous No.21010928]

>>21010922
its too distracting, and comes off as tryhard. nay

[Anonymous No.21010986]

are there any exercises for getting past filtering? for some reason whenever i write, i always default to filtering without realizing it. when i purposefully try to write without filtering, i end up not knowing how to even compose my sentence.

[Anonymous No.21010987]

You ignored my writing again.

[Anonymous No.21011083]

>>21010180
Look the thumbnail, man. The text is basically invisible. That should give you a clue that something is wrong with your graphic design.

[Anonymous No.21011089]

I'm stuck at choosing a prose style, Anons. It needs to be kids friendly. It needs to have black and white morals. It mustn't be too violent. I'm about to loose my mind with the prologue here.
>https://pastebin.com/R1VL64cz

[Anonymous No.21011181]

>>21010180
Looks quite mundane, and why is the cover a drawing of China? Isn't the story in San Francisco? Waiting for your next book after I finished The Emily Project. It was a fun read when I just needed a lighthearted robot girl story. I always have no resistance at all to robot girls.

I second "The Beautiful Kingdom". It's multiple times more unique and stylishly adequate in the wordplay that is not translatable backwards. I give you my approval as a chinaman. By the way, the cover of The Emily Project is so fucking ugly. Please change it if you revision the book.
Even just a blank cover would do better.

[Anonymous No.21011242]

>>21011089
They all seem kinda the same. What are you trying to do in each example?

[Anonymous No.21011310]

>>21011242
I just keep rewriting it, trying to find a good style for the whole book. But the forth version was so draining, I hit the wall hard. While the more playful "tell don't show" ones are a lot more fun. Guess I'm just looking for someone to give me the go ahead on imitating JK Rowling style.

[Anonymous No.21011376]

>>21010389
very nice anon, though you lose the rhythm sometimes:
>or sprawling picnic spread. The pride
is particularly jarring

[Anonymous No.21011398]

>>21008700
thanks i'll try it

[Anonymous No.21011654]

For the first time, I have managed to go past 3 pages.
>yay
But now, few thousands words after, I feel like I need to change quite a lot of things at the start of the story, as the characters, plot, world are just now crystalizing. Do you think I should do it now, or more pages in, to avoid coming back every time a single thing changes?
Also, what I have noticed, is that pushing the narration closer to the mc, makes the story more enjoyable to read.

[Anonymous No.21011668]

>>21011654
Are you mixing up worldbuilding and story craft?

D&D worldbuilding is crafting tons of characters, organization, a world for players to toy with. Story is all about reaching the ending, have hero fail or succeed in reaching their desire. The way you describe it, it seems you don't know who your hero truly is, or what he's doing, who he's interacting with?

Know how the world and hero changes, and go backwards from there to set it up at the beginning.

[Anonymous No.21011672]

>>21011654
keep going (though youre already posting). it sounds like you need to write more and figure some things out.
post excerpt

[Anonymous No.21011684]

Is self-publishing really the hope for writers of today? I’ve tried publishing my story on one of those sites that support self-publishers but it hasn’t gained traction? Did I fall for a meme?

My Story:https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/57747/simulacrum-heavens-key

[Anonymous No.21011697]

>>21011089
i’m digging 4.. it could use some work still, but i like that the opening event is more clearly setting
i wouldnt name the old folks. the thugs havent been named, and then i almost dread ill be reading about the browns for linger than the first scene
maybe

[Anonymous No.21011717]

>>21011668
The world is based heavily on mid-medieval easter Europe, so it's not even about creating organizations, factions etc. but putting interesting characters into them, and to have them interact with mc.
I have planned out the story for about 30-40 pages for now, but the mc - his motivations, who he knows and and how he acts - has clarified for me only recently.
I have thought about why I want to write this particular one, and it dawned on me last evening, the plot (murder mystery with mild fantasy spice) is basically an excuse for me to be able to show how I see Europes history, culture, especially eastern parts, as those are closest to me.

>>21011672
I have posted it when I had a page and a three threads ago. Issue is, it's in Polish and translating it would take me a lot of time (I am planning on doing that at some point.)

[Anonymous No.21011720]

>>21011684
royal road is cool, anon. you do have to play the esl/zoomer/autistic audience a bit.
do what conquerorstory-anon has done, and tag your title, ex. simulacrum: whatever [a (subgenre) story]
it looks like you got some eyes on this, which is usually more than you could hope for.

[Anonymous No.21011803]

>>21011684
You should have uploaded the first twenty chapters daily and made sure they get IMMEDIATELY to the point of what's unique about your story. After that, it's a marketing game.

[Anonymous No.21011826]

O Dear. I'm in disgrace, blocked, with the key lost in the woods. All right, my dear anons, I sympathise this global crying. For tendresse, for a lip to share. For a night beyond the star most appealing to your curiosity.
This is ridiculous. It will never be as good as Pessoa. But we all have a book of disquiet in our hearts, longing to be read.

[Anonymous No.21011831]

>>21008871
marry me

[Anonymous No.21011850]

>>21009433
>if you think the most important skill in writing is your prose or your ideas, you haven't actually written anything.

>it's not the content
>it's not the concept

So it must be the process.

[Anonymous No.21011853]

>>21011850
SOVL.

[Anonymous No.21011895]

>>21011850
i was feeling more passionate about certain aspects when posting that, and obviously, not everyone has the same goals.

[Anonymous No.21011901]

>>21011668
>>21011672
I have made a brief synopsis of what's going on and what's going to happen, if anyone's interested -

>https://pastebin.com/nmxR5qPp

I'm doing heavy research on actual structures, city layouts, clothes, hairstyles, customs of the period, so it doesn't and won't have the "standard western medieval fantasy" feel to it.

[Anonymous No.21011909]

>>21011853
You're memeing, but I unironically reccomend people put their autism into their writing. You can tell when someone is passionate.

[Anonymous No.21011971]

>>21011181
I just figured its where he "starts" so before you open the book you are in Canton, then chapter one starts, it ends the voyage. A prologue of sorts. Guess it doesn't really work.

Okay okay I'll find some time to change the cover. I'll see if there's some AI generator that makes a cute blonde girl. But thank you for reading and enjoying it.

[Anonymous No.21011972]

>>21011089
Personally I liked #2 as it was very character focused and concrete (not talking about abstract dark clouds and shadows). But do the voice you feel is appropriate. Generally I felt other samples needed more editing to tighten things up

[Anonymous No.21012069]

>>21011089
You can have a prose style? I figured prose is just your own personal voice and you write the way you write.

[Anonymous No.21012176]

>>21012069
Yes, but you can develop your prose in a way that highlights the strongest part of your voice rather than just writing like how you think or speak. This pulls your voice to the forefront and makes you sound inimitable and unique, rather than just another dullard trying to hash out what's in his mind lazily on the page.

[Anonymous No.21012255]

>>21011909
Agree. That is the only way I can get any kind of verisimilitude. My stories can be so clunky but once I start filtering life through the voice of another character, that is when I really enjoy what I've written.

[Anonymous No.21012295]

>>21011089
Proust said style is a manner of seeing.

[Anonymous No.21012320]

Bros, it is almost done. I know it's not that good but I have been wanting to tie up this book for so long. One more month of polishing and then the long process of printing it.

[Anonymous No.21012393]

>>21011909
My obsession lately is Gerald Murnane. He is an obsessive man. It would be easy to call him autistic but it almost feels disrespectful, but for ease, I'll use it here. He can recite every train station in Australia, I believe. He has an imaginary world that is populated with race courses, and he keeps lists of imaginary jockeys and their horses and the colours and patterns of the bright jockey shirts they were. In a reading I saw him do on YouTube he warned the audience he may need to run to the bathroom due to a problem he had, and if they did so they should continue in the normal way, and then began to recount, from the first, all of the major horse races in Australian history, the years of them, and the names of the winning horses (my recitation here is dry, this was actually a funny joke, the humour of it being, of course, that he might be a very long time in the bathroom).

>His publisher Ivor Indyk says, ‘When Catherine was alive they used to sit and watch The Price is Right and he would write down the prices as a record. He had a comprehensive list. His beer brewing has a similar kind of encyclopaedic intensity because the bottles are colour-coded according to brews, dates and strengths. So it’s a system. He likes to create systems. That’s part of his world-building: the desire to create outward from a detail.’

https://sydneyreviewofbooks.com/essay/gerald-murnane-an-idiot-in-the-greek-sense/

I've read two of his novels now, The Plains and Barley Patch. The Plains is his most famous and has the qualities of a strange novel that people on /lit/ might like, or at least, the poster here that enjoys things such as Buzzati, or Kafka, perhaps also Bernhard or Sebald. Murnane does feel very much like a man on his own though. Unique, truly. He would not stand easily alongside any other author today, or anyone involved in literature as a career. He's quit writing now twice too, once for 15 years until he was persuaded to write an essay by the publisher mentioned above, and then he found himself continuing and writing new fiction.

All of his novels speak of each other, in a way, because they all speak of him. When I read Barley Patch I was struck by the imagery that was so familiar and I could remember from The Plain. That's because in his fiction he returns to the same things each time: windows, horse racing, marbles, pens and paper, inland planes and trees, models of houses or farms or landscapes (blue and green) or race courses, the common phrase rewritten variously "landscape of mostly level grassy countryside with low hills or a line of trees in the distance" . . . obsession, fanaticism, need, compulsion. I love the man.

[Anonymous No.21012398]

>>21012393


Aside from his fiction he has over the course of his life maintained what he calls his 'archive' which is stored in a number of steel filing cabinets, each sorted and often with notes added later, that document various things in his life, or of it, or around it. He has biographies and histories of his family including photographs and genealogies and written accounts; he has his journals, I believe, his day-to-day events and thoughts etc on them; he has lists upon lists of things, no doubt being very strange; he has a whole folder dedicated to 'miracles', which are accounts of the miraculous events in his life; he also has a whole cabinet dedicated to his imaginary world, a world populated with race courses, where, I believe one of the jockeys may be God . . . and so on. Obsession. Compulsion.

I think of Murnane and I wonder myself what the hell it is I am obsessed with. What are the totem images that endlessly fascinate me and that I might draw strength from and create a world of my own? Lately, this is the question that makes me suffer. I remember the film Adaptation, the Nicholas Cage film written by Kaufmann, where Meryl Streep is describing the man she is writing about, and she suddenly feels empty. She found it easy to mock the strange man and his strange life, but without a doubt he had passion, he was consumed by orchids. She examined herself and found she had no great passion in her life at all. It was sad. She had nothing to pour herself into . . . I am there now, I think, seeing that I am empty. What is there in me that I might pour into? I am not even sure what it is that I want. It is also true that there are terrible things inside me, as in all of us, and I wonder if I need to, or if I should give shape to those things. How to choose what to raise? And how truthful to be? I've seen some rebuke Proust for turning Albert into Albertine.

Another wonderful example (this does not transition neatly from my last paragraph but I love the anecdote) near the end of Barley Patch was when Murnane mentions an anecdote, which I believe is probably fictional, about Turgenev, and how he used to believe that his characters would come to him begging him to write about them, to give them some shape on the page so that they might live. Murnane takes this and turns it. Perhaps Turgenev had it wrong, he said (to paraphrase); perhaps the characters were not begging Turgenev to take them out, but begging Turgenev to come in, to join them in their country and stay with them forever.

Lately, my obsession seems to be distractions. I was reading a book before I began this reply . . .

[Anonymous No.21012441]

>>21012295
Reading ISOLT is a great way to "get" prose at a higher level.

[Anonymous No.21012561]

>>21012393
>>...aged 79, he has never travelled in an aeroplane and has only left the state of Victoria a handful of times. The filing cabinets he calls his “Chronological Archive”, which will remain sealed until his death, include files titled “I decide that most books are crap”, “Peter Carey exposed at last”, and “10,000 anagrams of GERALD MURNANE”.

[Anonymous No.21012625]

今日の単語:にんじん

今日、私は次のことを考えています: 1000傘 – XTC (1986)


━° 私は私です°━

Had I known you left your door unlocked my Lord, I’d have crawled the steps. Three seasons in fealty, though I thought it two from the warmth of the hopper’s pane.

But there you were, a huddled mass of alabaster bloat. And just whom did He elect now that the gun is in my hand?

━° 私は私です °━

ある春の朝早く、小さな男の子がニンジンの種をまき始めました。

[Anonymous No.21012686]

Could someone explain me if there is a difference in meaning between placing a participial verb acting as an adjective before and after a noun.
>She was an unwanted wife.
>She was a wife unwanted.
I've seen both being used and I feel like there is a slight difference in tone.

[Anonymous No.21012735]

>>21012686
First is normal second is pretentious.

[Anonymous No.21012850]

>>21012686
When I read it, the first implies that the noun being modified has the modifier as a part of its identity, whereas the second implies that the noun has its own identity that is being changed by an outside force/modifier.

[Anonymous No.21012911]

>>21012398
You should try Legend of the 10 Elemental Masters by ulillillia.

[Anonymous No.21012947]

>>21012850
Thank you for your clarification. I feel it the correct one with the tone I get from it.

[Anonymous No.21013032]

>>21012686
There's no semantic difference the two; they mean the same thing. But the construction is unusual in common speech which makes it sound more poetic. (Poets employ weird tricks to fit the meter)

I think there are some times it actually sounds better
>I calculated the money spent.
>I calculated the spent money.

And with longer postmodifiers it don't sound unusual.
>She was a woman unmarried by the age of thirty three

[Anonymous No.21013172]

Thoughts? At the onset I'm suspicious of his idea of creating a world first, character second.

[Anonymous No.21013195]

>>21013032
Covid is as fictional as your hopes of getting published.

[Anonymous No.21013228]

>>21010539
Maybe people didn’t like finding San Francisco because it’s too long. I didn’t like it either. How about

Finding Frisco

[Anonymous No.21013282]

>>21012686
There are tons of ways to look at it from a poetic (feminine ending) or rhetorical angle (unwanted potentially being the key idea to linger on).
But if you are writing prose, the first is the more normal way to say it. If you really want to end the sentence with "unwanted" you could just say "the wife/she was unwanted" or if you want active voice "no one wanted her," something like that.
>>21012735
>>21013195
ngmi

[Anonymous No.21013298]

>>21013172
>At the onset I'm suspicious of his idea of creating a world first, character second.
then don't

[Anonymous No.21013302]

>>21013172
what's your reasoning?

[Anonymous No.21013313]

>>21012686
i wouldn't even say it; you could delete the sentence.. unless it was her own observation/label.

[Anonymous No.21013329]

>>21013302
My main inspiration for writing is Truby. One of his core ideas is that you create the storyworld as a reflection of the hero's growth. For him, stories are all about expression the dramatic code, how people change or not. He'd argue D&D style worldbuilding as counter-productive to good craft.

[Anonymous No.21013358]

>The original is in portuguese. Sorry for the bad English.

Future psychiatrists, first of all I need to tell you
That there is a horrible beauty in our profession.
The beauty is analyzing the gelatinous guts inside our head
And marvel at the discovery that the entire universe
Is hidden inside of them, that the universe is the stuffing
Of those creamy blood-sausages, that the human skull is the only home
Where the cosmos squeezed himself to live.
The horror is studying this universe when it gangrenes,
When conscience becomes an open wound
And we try to clear its infection and understand
The language of its pus and deciphering the buzzing of its flies...
Anyway, for better or worse, the truth is that we are special creatures.
I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that maybe we are something unique
In all off space and all off time, I do not find it absurd to theorize
That only after lodging inside the shell of the human skull
The eye of the universe opened for the first time.
Take a few seconds to think about it. Isn't it amazing?
An eye with the color of infinity bloomed inside our heads,
An eye that spreads the palpation of its pupil to such distant limits
That the spirit itself is panting as it tries to follow him.
But there is a catch. That eye sometimes gets sick,
And for a psychiatrist to force himself to contemplate all of creation
Being corroded by conjunctivitis is extremely painful.
Remember, we're talking about infinite space
Living for rent inside a tiny bone shell.
Think of the elemental horror and inconsolable nausea
Of the hopes that looked into the abysses of the universe
And were bitten by the understanding of the souls of the abysses'.
Think of the endless loneliness of the tears that wander
Through endless desolations, shivering with cold.
Think of the entire cosmos sickening to the point of becoming
All of it a dungeon, an abominable labyrinth
Where even happiness and love enter just to be
Murdered and torn apart to fatten nightmares so gigantic
That they would make minotaurs look like mosquitoes.
Seeing the suffering of a human mind is like seeing
The larva of the despair of all nature.

[Anonymous No.21013394]

>>21013329
i'd argue that the entire point of science fiction (and fantasy), is how the world is affects it's characters. you can focus on your characters, and meet your scifi idea partway.
some YA uses this stuff for setting, but it's essentially just playing off of tropes (of fiction that has already done the groundwork for them).

[Anonymous No.21013401]

i'm playing video games instead of writing.
i write a little each day, then play games
how do i establish control over my life?

[Anonymous No.21013414]

>>21013401
try to turn gaming time into reading time and you might stand a chance. or audiobooks. i guess you could game + audiobook.

[Anonymous No.21013417]

~10k words and I'll finish the frist draft of my first novel! Feeling pretty proud of myself desu. I'm trying not to think that I'll probably have to rewrite everything afterwards. Hard work.

[Anonymous No.21013581]

https://losetouchcompletely.gumroad.com/l/20192021

looking for some feedback on my poetry book, the formatting and the writing itself.

>rimbaud influenced

[Anonymous No.21013678]

>>21013401
Look up Skinnerian behaviorism. You can have the desire to play games work for you instead of against you.

[Anonymous No.21013721]

>>21013401
Make playing video games harder than writing
>Uninstall all your games and platforms like steam
>Unplug your game consoles, take the console away from the TV. Imagine you're moving out and you need to store it somewhere.
>Stop going to /v/, reddit, discord or any place that makes you want to play video games
>Actively tell yourself that playing video games is a waste of time, is not pleasurable or fulfilling, try to make it feel like a bad habit and develop guilt for wasting your time on games
I haven't touched a single video game this entire year.
4chan, porn and youtube still have a grip on me, but it is much more manageable now.

[Anonymous No.21013781]

>>21013721
>4chan, porn, youtube
so youre basically just a porn addict

[Anonymous No.21013798]

>>21013417
Nice anon. I'm about 15k away from mine. Somehow it feels farther than ever tho

[Anonymous No.21013804]

>>21013781
Not anymore.

[Anonymous No.21013819]

>>21013581
Downloaded it because I like glitch art

[Anonymous No.21013894]

I'm not sure where this is going, but is it at least semi-intriguing? Would you want to read more? Is there anything that would discourage you from reading more? (I'm trying to practise the subtle craft of the page-turner.)

---

The whole business, black from the start, took place in a south-eastern part of the country a few years after the Second World War had wrapped up. There the trees and the houses were big and old, and the biggest and the oldest of both were planted on the edge of a slow-moving river. The river had promiscuously disgorged its eels for a peasantry who badly needed the protein, but since then it had become a secret waterway between high-fenced back gardens. You made your massive wealth in London and then escaped to a big, old house to sit and watch ducks and dead leaves float past.

Doyle's only real asset was a motorboat he had arranged to keep in the boatshed of the old girl's school, now a hotel. Before it came into Doyle's possession, the alcoholic sous chef who had once taken the categorically un-seaworthy boat to Rotterdam and back had named it Moira, after his ex-wife. Each morning, after Doyle arrived in the early hours to unload a bootful of frozen prawns, he and the sous chef would stand outside the door to the kitchen and the sous chef's cigarette would burn a hole in the dark while he told him about Moira and the swarthy Dutch fiend who had stolen her. If it was cold, the sous chef would bring out mugs of beef broth.

Then the morning came when Doyle pulled up and saw standing in the beam of his headlights not the sous chef but a lanky giant of a teenager. The teenager said the sous chef had been found floating dead in the river. A note, stabbed onto the receipt spike, had given instructions for the boat to be left to 'the prawn bloke'. Then he explained that he was the new sous chef. It was bitterly cold and the new sous chef had not brought any mugs of beef broth. He wasn't even smoking a cigarette.

If it weren't for the boat then Doyle never would have got roped into the whole business. At this point, the prawn job was only a memory, though he sometimes got an inexplicable waft of that deep-sea stench as if he'd never be able to scrub it off. At this point, his interests were going to the pictures and petty burglary. But petty burglary was not a steady gig and the pictures were getting more expensive. So instead of the pictures he started going to the pub. He tried not to think about the boat.

He was in the pub one night sitting in his nook, the one opposite the wall with the unsigned promotional photo of Anna Magnini, when he saw two men approaching. One man he knew and one man he didn't. The man he knew gave him look as if to say, Best behaviour now, Doyle. The man he didn't know gave him a look that said nothing at all, and then he leaned in with both palms on Doyle's table and said 'I hear you have a boat.' Doyle ignored the warning in Anna's black, imploring eyes and said 'Maybe I do.'

[Anonymous No.21013909]

>>21013401
I started playing games that I only had to play a little each day to keep up, like a gacha. Then I spent more of that time reading and writing. Eventually I got so enthralled with lit that I just stopped playing games altogether, but I occasionally check game boards for inspiration in stories because they can be hilarious.

[Anonymous No.21013929]

>>21013417
First draft is usually halfway done, good job bro.
>>21013798
Based and same. No more weeks of down time like before

[Anonymous No.21014049]

>>21013894
Trying to be clever is a turn off. If you wrote in a straightforward way it would be better. Saying the eels meet somebody’s protein requirements just sounds stupid and is distracting. Likewise with the cigarette description.

But on the whole it’s not that bad. you could edit it into something readable

[Anonymous No.21014095]

>>21014049
Thanks. I'll try to rein in my impulse to write that kind of gimmicky sentence.

[Anonymous No.21014142]

>>21011684
You're forgetting about all the other stories on that site you're competing with. You can do good but luck is involved.

[Anonymous No.21014151]

>>21014142
Why do all these titles sound like an isekai anime?

[Anonymous No.21014245]

>>21014151
Because they are, most likely. This is Royalroad.

[Anonymous No.21014248]

71 poster ITT, really?

[Anonymous No.21014264]

>>21014248
There's always more lurkers.

[Anonymous No.21014592]

>>21014248
it's like 7 plus the avatarfag

[Anonymous No.21014626]

>tfw you realize that because you wasted 10 years on a day job and never managed to learn to draw there is no potential future where people draw fan art of your characters and the years of effort you put into your story were utterly wasted

[Anonymous No.21014780]

How do I make writing something I want to spend time doing, so it doesn't just feel like a massive chore?
How do I get past the mental block that I'm just wasting my time on something no one will read?

[Anonymous No.21014861]

>>21014780
>How do I make writing something I want to spend time doing, so it doesn't just feel like a massive chore?
Find a style you enjoy writing in, and explore things that interest you.

>How do I get past the mental block that I'm just wasting my time on something no one will read?
Find a style you enjoy writing in, and explore things that interest you.

[Anonymous No.21014870]

>>21014780
By realizing that it is in fact a massive chore and that you actually are wasting your time on something no one will read.

[Anonymous No.21014912]

>>21014870
...and that that's O-KAY!

[Anonymous No.21015108]

>>21014626
Just commission art and put it on your website and if you get enough fans eventually one will be an artist too and find inspiration from your story and its illustrations.

[Anonymous No.21015315]

Just finished Harry Potter (first time) and I have to say that as someone reading it for the first time it fucking sucks. It's terrible. The prose is childish, nothing is painted out, it's clearly TELL not SHOW and everything dialogue wise lacks any form of real tension.
What does not suck however is the STORY. Ultimately I think JK is a hack, she got lucky and found a STORY that was really good but her writing style is absolutely garbage. High school tier garbage at that.

[Anonymous No.21015330]

>>21015315
I'm currently reading Twilight and having a similar experience. The world is shallower than a highschool theater stage, the characters are obnoxious, and more than half the pages are fucking useless.

However, she does hit the psychological beats of interest and hypergamy

[Anonymous No.21015345]

>>21015330
I think honestly that's where the bingo is. Find a unique story that no one has ever heard about that isn't overtly difficult to get into or understand and then write about it.
I doubt someone like Pynchon (pre gravity rainbow) could ever make it in today's modern world (this supported by his most recent novel) I mean even someone like David foster was ultimately difficult to get into unless you were interested in that type of thing. It really boils down to your story and audience I guess because GODAMN Rowling writes like fucking dick. At least I don't feel that bad anymore. In fact I might be OVERDOING it

[Anonymous No.21015477]

It's okay my writing is complete shit, but after i finish it, i'm going to edit it, then just dump it into the void known as AMAZON!

Wait 5 years, and see if I made a single sale

[Anonymous No.21015602]

If the last word in a sentence is italicized, should the period be italicized too?

[Anonymous No.21015844]

RRtards post your stories, I feel like reading some webschlock

[Anonymous No.21015853]

How to write a god character without making him a Mary sue

[Sange !Fde5Qjfb5g No.21015895]

>>21015853
Don't have everyone blowing his cock every chance they get. Have him be kind of morally compromised and whatever. Have other characters have varying opinions on him, some good some bad.

[Anonymous No.21016043]

I've never posted here before but I really need some writing advice. I used to write prolifically when I was a teenager and in my early 20s, mostly unplanned stuff just to see where the characters would take me if I let them run. I loved getting in the zone and could pump out hundreds of thousands of words in a matter of weeks if I had a fun character and just let it rip. Even where I created a very loose plan (just simple stuff like "at the end the protagonist wins her kingdom back from the antagonists in a big battle"), I usually lost interest in writing those scenes because I knew what was going to happen before I wrote it.

However, as a reader, I never really liked anything I'd written because it felt a bit ad hoc. The stories would meander all over the place and while they'd have some great scenes and arcs, they'd lack a cohesive whole. In my late 20s I was busy and cut back drastically on reading and writing, and only in the past year or year and a half have I been reading again, and writing a few short stories.

I really want to write a novel again, but this time I want to write something cohesive and interesting, with no pointless side scenes. However, my first attempt at planning a novel carried me only 25k words before I lost interest. I'd written a couple of sentences about each chapter in my plan, and translating those to actual chapters just wasn't interesting after a while. It may be that I wasn't totally in love with the story, but honestly I have a lot of story/genre interests and it's hard for me to pick just one to stick with for months. I'm not sure where to begin with my quest to write a cohesive novel and would really appreciate some advice.

tl;dr: planning stories makes me uninterested to actually write them, and choosing and sticking to a single story idea is also pretty boring. What do?

[Anonymous No.21016058]

>>21016043
Stop blog posting and being a little bitch. If anything, your stories are too simplistic if you can't reach 50k words. Steinbeck does a great job writing simple stories like mice and men and complex ones with east of Eden.

Go read some non fiction

[Anonymous No.21016065]

>>21016058
I have regularly reached over 200k words when writing freeform, it's only writing to a plan that bores me after only 25k.

[Sange !Fde5Qjfb5g No.21016079]

>>21016043
Real talk.
You probably are not good enough to write a novel and really get it right at this stage.
So embrace working on multiple stories at a time or jumping around and not really getting anything completed. Consider what you're doing right now as practice and eventually your skills will grow and you'll latch on to the story that you will finish. Your inability to follow through on a story is related to your lack of experience.
This is all seaking from my own experiences. Nobody on this shit board believes me, but I'm a semi-successful self published author.

[Sange !Fde5Qjfb5g No.21016086]

>>21016065
Oh, and if that's true, work on your editing process. That might be where some of your troubles stem from as well. I spend WAY more time editing than writing new shit.

[Anonymous No.21016128]

>>21016058
why would you rec nonfiction to someone trying to write longer form fiction?
seems like nonsensical advice to me

[Anonymous No.21016160]

>>21016079
>embrace working on multiple stories at a time or jumping around and not really getting anything completed. Consider what you're doing right now as practice
I recognise I probably still need to do a bit more of that since my hiatus. I'll try writing a short story every 2 weeks or thereabouts until I've figure out exactly what I like writing and what I'm best at.

>work on your editing process
I have done a lot of editing work outside of story writing, and my tertiary education taught me a lot of analytical techniques, so I feel okay with editing (not that I don't still have room for improvement). The trouble is that editing down a story with no real structure to something cohesive isn't really possible, you're at the point of rewriting vast swathes of the story and then you run into the first problem again. And besides, getting to the point of having a finished novel to edit is the entire issue I'm having.

[Anonymous No.21016235]

>>21009554
I left the general for WEEKS and this cunt is still bouncing around pissing and moaning about not being able to write?

[Anonymous No.21016271]

>>21010922
depends on the character.
if you are writing a monk you wouldn't have him saying cunt or fuck.
if you are writing a man who gets into drunken fights you would expect him to swear up a storm.

[Anonymous No.21016280]

>>21016043
>tl;dr: planning stories makes me uninterested to actually write them, and choosing and sticking to a single story idea is also pretty boring. What do?
Are you George RR Martin?

[Anonymous No.21016313]

>>21015844
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/56518/the-child-from-the-woods
I don't care as much for the early chapters since I believe that I've gotten better and yet I think if I spent the time to rewrite and edit those chapters I would get myself into a cycle of never actually writing something new as I try to perfect my earlier work.
When is all said and done I hope to actually remake the story but better written.
Partly because I have read stories where huge chunks of the story are ripped out because they put the book on amazon and I hate to see that.

[Anonymous No.21016321]

>>21015853
To add onto what the tripfag said.
An example that jumps to mind for me is wiping out an army, think from the perspective of a normal person.
This powerful person shows up and then 10s of thousands of lives are snuffed out like a candle.
Only a madman would praise them for that instead of having some fear in them.

[Anonymous No.21016339]

>>21011684
I tried to read the first chapter, but it wasn't very interesting. It's essentially just a huge infodump where hardly anything actually happens. Worse yet, the information feels really disorganized and it's difficult to tell what is actually important for the story and what just random PC trivia.

The setting doesn't seem fleshed out. There's this hyper-advanced core that can do virtually anything, but the MC uses mouse and keyboard, and downloads stuff at dial-up speeds. Also, you're telling me the MC didn't actually have any plans for what he'd do when he got his hands on this world-changing computing power and just has it learn poker?

You lose your reader in this overlong, unedited exposition jungle that reads like a nerdy unboxing video on youtube. Also, the pictures are distractingly ugly with those filters, and absolutely nobody cares about your PC specs.

[Anonymous No.21016352]

>>21016313
Do not put paragraph breaks in the middle of dialogue and capitalize your sentences. Jesus, how did they let you through grade school?

[Anonymous No.21016353]

>>21010803
So you wish to be a puppet?
>>21012320
You can do it!
And remember, it doesnt matter how many you sell, only how you feel.

[Anonymous No.21016357]

>>21015844
https://www.wattpad.com/story/292768686-witch-hunter%27s-acolyte

[Anonymous No.21016404]

>>21016313
>local lord meme in the first line
>second line begins with an uncapitalised letter
>so does nearly every subsequent sentence
>inconsistent tense

[Anonymous No.21016423]

>>21016235
You gonna help or not?

[Anonymous No.21016436]

This is my first time writing a story where there is a group of protaganists together at all times.
Obviously this means theres going to be far more dialogue.
How do you traditionally go about this?
Should I constantly write:
>A said: blablabla
>B replies: blablabla
>C interjected: blablabla

or
>A told them about blablabla
>Then B replied to A, blablabla
>C interrupted them and said blablabla

I assume the second option is more common in books, but I think that gets tiring, and it adds a narrator, which I dont like.

Did Harry Potter for example do the first thing or the second?

[Anonymous No.21016464]

>>21016313
this is seriously fucked up. are you ESL? dropped after ch.1
there are elements I like here, the plot directing seems fine, and it has a sort of fairy tale feel to the setting, but it's almost unreadable
keep at it anon. there's nothing wrong with waiting until it's finished to do a rewrite but I'm surprised you're posting this first draft. this is really, fundamentally fucked up. is this the first thing you've ever written?
>>21016357
>Last updated Nov 26, 2021
NGMIbros... our work ethic...
the introduction reads like a 90s/earlier 2000s coming of age movie. kind of a hilarious way to integrate a teen perspective if that's what your after. also dropped after ch.1
are you also ESL? this isn't as bad as the other guys, the biggest issues here being pacing and prose rather than basic grammar and sentence structure, but it's still pretty rough. the dialogue especially is super stilted and awkward which makes me think your ESL. I don't like how slow the pacing is in this chapter, does not compliment your prose which is very repetitive and direct. stripped down prose which is mostly just scene direction of events and some character reflections (like a 90s movie) gets tiring very quickly if the pace is this slow

[Anonymous No.21016465]

>>21011684
It would do me a lot of good if strident fans such as yourself just subscribed to my Patreon instead of asking for advice in my stead where I might not even see it. Why not become one of the building block of my success, anon? I am already peeved that none of the Spiral blog readers followed me to Patreon. My career as a writer sure looks bleak if all of my followers acted like you.

[Anonymous No.21016479]

>>21016465
>delusional isekai author who thinks he's a big shot
more interesting as a concept than in practice. rewrite

[Anonymous No.21016492]

>>21016436
pls answer senpais
its difficult because theres so many characters

[Anonymous No.21016507]

>>21016492
read a book, nigga

[Anonymous No.21016509]

>>21016507
I only read informative books which have no dialogue

I cant be a good judge because Id have to read multiple books with lotso f dialogue between groups to find out the optimal way to write the dialogue

[Anonymous No.21016511]

>>21016436
either are fine. there's a balance of keeping your dialogue tags legible and having them feel invisible
a reader shouldn't be cognizant of your dialogue tags. have a little variation and drop the tags if the character voices or situation makes it obvious who's speaking
sometimes some reader confusion is fine. a crowded bar where everyone is shouting over each other and a fight is breaking out for example, chaotic situations might lose the details both to make it more immersive and to keep the spotlight on action

also see >>21016507

[Anonymous No.21016515]

>>21016464
>NGMIbros... our work ethic...
The story is complete. As I mentioned in the description, I wrote it ages ago and it was languishing so I decided to post it.

>are you also ESL
No, I am a native English speaker with a humanities Master's degree.

>I don't like how slow the pacing is in this chapter, does not compliment your prose which is very repetitive and direct
Interesting thoughts. At the time I wrote fairly action-style with my prose as a result of reading too much Matthew Reilly and Dan Abnett. Thanks for your thoughts though.

[Anonymous No.21016516]

>>21016509
>I cant be a good judge [on how to write] because [I don't read]
if you intend to write dialogue your policy of only reading nonfiction is completely retarded
read a book

[Anonymous No.21016522]

>>21016516
It can help, but by not doing this my story will be more unique/different.
I dont watch many movies either, and honestly often when I read about "Writing" advice it has horrible tropes I personally despise, like being overly descriptive is a trend recently. Where they take half a page to describe a room thats only relevant for an instant.

Im an artist to and I never had drawing or painting classes, to be honest I think just figuring things out on your own is better and gives you a unique style, which Im proud of.

thanks for the help lads
>>21016511

I'll credit all of you

[Anonymous No.21016530]

>>21016515
didn't read the description because I went in with intentions to read
>I am a native English speaker with a humanities Master's degree.
the MFA student being a robot who writes autistic dialogue is too obvious. nah I'm just fucking with you, I'm sure you've come a long way. congrats on the degree brah, gl with your current/future projects

[Anonymous No.21016532]

>>21016509
>I cant be a good judge because Id have to read multiple books with lotso f
See a doctor, your brain is missing

[Anonymous No.21016533]

>>21016530
Yeah actually when I wrote the story I was an undergrad science student so there could be some weaker moments. I think the story and characters are a bit passionless though. There's a romance later which I'm not sure if it's good or bad but I don't have high hopes.

[Anonymous No.21016536]

>>21016522
when people urge you to read they're trying to get you to read your peers/predecessors, not self help gurus
what will make your work unique isn't ignorance, but the insight you gain by reading/writing a lot, and the values and conclusions you gain from doing it
in reality being ignorant is more likely to make you indistinct and similar to everyone else. you'll often see amateur stuff from different writers, writing completely different stories, writing the same way and making the same mistakes
don't think you're special. delusions of grandeur are only good for making sure you never get as good as you dream of being

[Anonymous No.21016550]

>>21016436
Have you ever read a book? Have you ever seen an example of A in a book?

[Anonymous No.21016552]

>>21016536
Im not denying that it cant help you, Ive certainly learned at least a little from analysing the works of artists I admire.
I think its different with writing. I realise Im arrogant, but Im generally quite good at it (when I try)
Its a bit like musicians, lots of the greatest were self taught. However not even a majority of the greatest were self taught.

The story also relies heavily on the story itself if it makes sense, so creative writing tricks/ideas are less relevant to begin with.

When I did read the main thing I always noticed was how overly descriptive lots of popular authors tend to be. Maybe its because the average person needs a detailed description to see it infront of them, for example:
>the woods had tall pine trees, lots of low vegetation and the occasional fern sticking out. By the height of these trees and the low vegetation you could tell its an old forest with few new vegetation, and it smelled of dead rotten wood.
versus
>They entered an old pine forest with dead trees
(not a great example, just focus on the compactness)

Personally I like shorter descriptions because I will form my own picture anyway, whilst descriptive artists will describe details that I dont care about or are entirely irrelevant or even conflict with the image I imagined.

[Anonymous No.21016581]

>>21016552
>I realise Im arrogant
>keeps doing it
>follows up with an arrogant sentiment
bro...
setting aside how retarded you're being about this, your writing philosophy is fundamentally flawed (but not wrong). most of the time description isn't used for the sake of imagining a scene, but for constructing feeling. atmosphere, mood, things in the moment, as well as contributing to the greater scheme of the book. you don't need me or anyone else to tell you this, anyone who's spent enough time writing/reading will realize this on their own
your writing philosophy is common in amateurs. you're thinking of prose from the angle of a visual media. when you write you're not a painter or a director, you're a writer. there's nothing wrong to writing to plot and events but you're not making use of the medium if you only see those aspects
seriously, and I say this for your benefit (or rather anyone else reading the chain who has some sense), read a book. and if you ever want to be half decent, read a lot of them

[Anonymous No.21016606]

>>21016581
>setting the atmosphere
thats a valid point but theres other ways to do that.

Youre already expecting me to conform
I dont mind being arrogant, theres no way for you to gain as much confidence in me as I have in myself, but Ive been right many times with unconventional methods where others said I would fail or was being arrogant.

I dont mean to discredit any of you though, I just think there are more than one correct way of going about this, and the way I envision is unjustifiably unpopular

[Anonymous No.21016610]

>>21016043
Make all of the side scenes have a small clue re. main arc.
I love to write dialogues between my main characters and inhabitants of the worlds I create. Those would mostly turn out to be fluff, so I try to put some hints, here and there for the main mystery

[Anonymous No.21016611]

>>21016606
I seriously doubt your methods and think you're retarded, but if it works for you then power to you
pyw whenever you feel that your methods are fruiting. I read a fair bit, not as much as a hyper autist, but more than most and certainly of a greater breadth than most. even if your shit I'd be interested in reading some, just because of how retarded your perspective is. amateur freak shit can be fun
I'm being hard on you cuz your reasoning is dumb fuck retarded but I do hope it works out. gl arrogant pseud midwit anon

[Anonymous No.21016646]

>>21016611
I had this realization like two days ago.
I felt like my writing was dull and not "comfy" to read at all. Then I took a look at my descriptions.
They were basically:
He took. He saw. There was. With a fuck ton of adjectives. Basically ratatatata of words.
I have spent the entire evening rewriting my first few paragraphs, and suddenly it feels like a "proper" book now.

[Anonymous No.21016648]

>>21016436
Three frog posters sat in a dim room.
“What the fuck is he talking about?” Andrew asked.
“Beats me, man,” Ben said.
“I guess he’s talking about dialogue tags?” Cane said.
“Are we still not done with this shit?” Andrew shook his head. “Every day—every fucking day, the same subject.”
“What can you do? A new dumbass is born every second,” Cane said.
“Why not just put a link to new-fags-friendly tutorials in the OP?” Ben said.
“Don’t look at me, dude. I only lurk here.” Cane shrugged.
The three men sighed and went back to jerking off to mommy JK.

[Anonymous No.21016666]

>>21016648
reply to this post with an example of your dialogue. if it isn't better than some guys tutory shitpost then you're ngmi

[Anonymous No.21016722]

>>21016611
I will post it but I wont identify myself because it will add bias to your judgement.
Im extremely new to /lit/ so I dont know what its like here
but /ic/ is notorious for its horrible feedback where they will nitpick over stupid shit or just generally hate on art that perfectly accomplished its goal and/or was popular with its intended audience.

Its a thing with paintins and drawings though, you can find mistakes in most artworks, even those by the supposed "greats" but its still a good artwork.


>>21016666
why would I? The discussion was about describing scenes, not dialogue.

[Anonymous No.21016740]

>>21016611
>does what everyone else does
>calls others midwits
ironic

[Anonymous No.21016746]

>>21016740
>you practice and explore the medium you want to learn?
>midwit
you've persuaded me. I'm switching over to the true sincere intellectual position of being contrarian and closing my eyes to all outside information

[Anonymous No.21016842]

>>21015844
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/49395/the-undying-emperor-grand-conquest-fantasy

I just finished the second plot arc.

[Anonymous No.21016853]

>>21016610
You think I should go back and edit my stories to make the meandering fluff have more meaning? That might be difficult.

[Anonymous No.21016866]

>>21016853
second draft

[Anonymous No.21016869]

>>21016853
Yep, it will be.
But if you manage to change basic fluff to have a setup/payoff structure, you will reward the reader for paying attention.
Make it happen quickly at first, to show that fluff is meaningful, and then spread those out around your story.

[Anonymous No.21016894]

Any wagies that get time off do you use vacation and "sick days" for writing? I do.

[Anonymous No.21016900]

>>21016894
haven't taken a sick leave in a year, but now I think I will

[Anonymous No.21016910]

>>21016894
>he doesn't work on a PC
>he doesn't write while on the clock

[Anonymous No.21016934]

>>21016910
I cant write on the clock all the time, I have meetings and stuff.

[Anonymous No.21016942]

>>21007708

[test No.21017031]

can a poem have an epilogue? I have a nice couplet in mind to finish off mine. I also want to italicize it kek

[Anonymous No.21017046]

yo this board is /lit/ af fampais
haha get it

[Anonymous No.21017047]

>>21017031
sure why not you're the one writing it
don't italicize it though that's tacky

[Anonymous No.21017203]

>>21015853
>How to write a god character without making him a Mary sue
to me a "mary sue" is the author putting themselves in the novel. so the mary sue can never be hurt or lose, etc
writing a good character is 90% of writing
start with a character who wants something and who has a troubled past. that past keeps the character away from his goal. he has to overcome his past to reach his goal

[Anonymous No.21017204]

>write about life in the military
>the story becomes about my failed romantic relationships
>write about two people's shifting religious views
>the story becomes about their romantic relationships
>start writing about a sci-fi concept and time-travelling radiowaves
>the story becomes about romantic relationships
Hold the phone, T! I'm starting to sense a pattern here.

[Anonymous No.21017205]

Is there any point publishing a novel with a female protagonist on Royalroad? The site seems built for self-insert male fantasy.

[Anonymous No.21017228]

>>21017203
My side characters were so uninteresting until I gave them problems.

[Anonymous No.21017233]

>>21017205
Every reader will want to self insert into your MC is you make her sexy enough.

[Anonymous No.21017252]

I need a program that lets us open two separate documents at the same time, comment on them, and see both, while also ideally seeing the word count. Has anybody heard of something like that? An option we considered is doing odd/even in Google Drive, but it'll fuck up the formatting.

[Anonymous No.21017257]

>>21017252
scrivener

[Anonymous No.21017282]

>>21017252
I just got two monitors desu.
Helps me write with my higher level outline always present so I can keep track of my changes, etc.

[Anonymous No.21017293]

>>21010922
I try to avoid it. I just say the character sweared without putting down the specific word

[Anonymous No.21017296]

>>21017257
Does it have a collab feature?

>>21017282
The other person is not in the same place. So essentially "is there a way to view two separate documents simultaneously on one screen?"

[Anonymous No.21017301]

Will I lose readers if I don't write at an ESL reading level? I'm afraid my writing style is too fancy.

[Anonymous No.21017302]

Is first person bad?

The first book I ever started writing I did in the first person. I didn't think about it at the time, I just happened to use that perspective. I never finished the book but I would like to. Should I completely abandon it or try to salvage it? I was around 30k words into it.

[Anonymous No.21017304]

>>21017302
there's nothing wrong with first person

[Anonymous No.21017305]

>>21017302
First person is the most natural perspective and very common. It brings the reader into the story almost immediately. The main difficulty is that you can't describe things happening away from the character but that just requires some planning to get around. Don't worry about it.

[Anonymous No.21017308]

>>21017301
You call it ESL, but you should call it Middle School. And yes, you will lose readers. But if you write at a retard level, you'll lose different readers.

You cannot satisfy everyone so don't try.

Maybe in the future there will be some finesse in digital formats that adjusts prose level like a difficulty slider.

[Anonymous No.21017311]

>>21017302
perspective is almost certainly not your problem

[Anonymous No.21017325]

>>21017304
>>21017305
Alright. I'll see if I can muster the will to finish it.
>>21017311
Yeah, it's a monstergirl story. Pretty cringe but I feel bad not finishing the thing.

[Anonymous No.21017337]

>>21017325
it'll make you a better writer if you follow through
don't sleep walk through it but don't worry about making it perfect

[Anonymous No.21017377]

>>21017337
My only other reservation is my writing skill has improved since I started so readers might notice a bump in prose from earlier chapters compared to later chapters.

That's not the worst problem to have but it does make me cringe at times. The 1st draft is never the best anyway so I shouldn't worry about redoing certain parts I think.

[Anonymous No.21017394]

>>21017301
>I'm afraid my writing style is too fancy

I haven't seen anyone in these threads write even at high school level.

[Anonymous No.21017421]

>>21017394
clearly you haven't seen ME post

[Anonymous No.21017504]

What site is the best for edgy stories? Royalroad seems dominated by optimistic and even comedic stories.

[Anonymous No.21017519]

>>21010922
I just say they swore rather than quote them.

[Anonymous No.21017548]

>>21013678
>You can have the desire to play games work for you
What? This is a very disjointed and odd sentence.
>instead of against you
Okay, I think I see here. You imply his desire to play games can "work for him"
>You can have the desire to play games work for you
That's ridiculous. You are personifying the concept of "playing games" or de-coupling desire from agency, therefore construing "playing games" as some alien schizophrenic behavior happening outside this anon's control.
Clearly, you are driven by video games - you have no free will at all in this situation

[Anonymous No.21017564]

cool

[Anonymous No.21017566]

>>21017548
>judges a sentence before finishing it
average /wg/ critiquer

[Anonymous No.21017607]

>>21017252
You can do that with any good text editor like vim or emacs

[Anonymous No.21017637]

>>21017548
ok

[Anonymous No.21017647]

Writing prompt, please

[Anonymous No.21017652]

>>21017647
Two reanimated skeletons having a chat about pistachios

[Anonymous No.21017654]

>>21017647
Equinestration.

[Anonymous No.21017672]

>>21017647
Late at night a man climbs on a bus that's being driven by Todd Howard.

[Anonymous No.21017676]

>>21017647
A spaceship is filling with deadly crab spiders, have your character figure out how to stop them from taking over the ship. His only help is a sarcastic ship A.I.

[Anonymous No.21017689]

>>21017647
For each conclusion provided, write an alternative
sentence (or paragraph) in which you provide the raw data that makes the
conclusion unnecessary.
1. My sister was always the favorite child.
2. Edna’s parents wasted their considerable fortune on frivolities that, in
time, they would come to regret.
3. The train terminal looked as if it hadn’t been open for years.
4. Jack threw the worst New Year’s Eve parties.

[Anonymous No.21017716]

>>21017205
It will turn off a segment of readers for sure. However, those readers will probably be the same who like to shitpost in the comments section and give one star reviews.

Many of the top ranked stories have female MCs. Journey in Black and Red has a vampire woman, and the other story by that same guy. Azarinth Healer has a female kung fu monster. and others.

If the story is good, it shouldn't matter too much.

[Anonymous No.21017739]

>>21017672
The bus keeps falling apart and running people over as Todd speaks optimistically over the loud speaker.

[Anonymous No.21017760]

How do you guys make your character profiles for a fleshed out character?
I might be doing it wrong, I get an idea for a scene once I have the basics of who they are and write it down to get a feel of who they are
Early childhood, could be mundane situations, could be a made up scenario and so on

[Anonymous No.21017761]

>>21017739
Also you have to keep paying again for your ride

[Anonymous No.21017807]

>>21017566
Concepts mean nothing until people can understand what you wrote

[Anonymous No.21017813]

How do you pick one idea to write about when you have too many ideas for your next project?

[Anonymous No.21017816]

>>21017813
I just combine different ideas because no idea is good enough to carry everything by itself.

[Anonymous No.21017829]

>>21017813
Reread some stuff you like and pick the idea that's the closest to them

[Anonymous No.21017834]

>>21017760
I use three methods as needed:
1. Write down a list of 30 specific, definite and concrete, details about the character. (Not "He's loyal", but "When he was in high school, he was mistakenly blamed for leaking answers to a test and refused to reveal the true culprits even at the threat of expulsion.")
2. Do a mock interview with the character in the most incongruous circumstance (e.g a police interrogation, if he's straight-laced)
3. Write a series of journal entries from important events in his life

[Anonymous No.21017847]

How does /wg/ like their war prose?
Matter-of-fact and technical or Raw and emotionally charged?

Also r8.
https://pastebin.com/8VGQVf99

[Anonymous No.21017884]

>>21017847
>https://pastebin.com/8VGQVf99
>Staff Sergeant Allen Colbert let out a curse as the demolished houses on the far side of the street he was crossing lit up with muzzle flashes and automatic weapons fire chased him across the pavement in tiny fountains of asphalt and snowmelt.
First off, that's a mouthful

[Anonymous No.21017900]

>>21017847
>>21017884
Also, I understand that "tiny fountains" is an apt description, but are those really the words you want to use when describing a violent battle? Why not "quick bursts" or something like that?
Unless you're intentionally making the contrast, leave tiny fountains for your fairy gardens.

[Anonymous No.21017909]

>>21017847
>>21017884
>>21017900
Also also, I just read more and it gets much better. Maybe you just over-thought your opening sentence.

[Anonymous No.21017918]

>reading fantastical novel
>read "insert corporation or fast food place here"
>immediately disgusted by the author and throw away book
anyone else like this?

[Anonymous No.21018391]

I write, I backup save, I write again. This latest chapter exceeded my projections significantly, but should have three shorter (2-3kish) ones coming up

>>21017847
Liked what I read, although not really my genre typically it is very competently executed. For my taste the descriptions were often more abstract than I would have liked (e.g. instead of "bullets went by his head" to "a bullet chipped off a corner the concrete pillar a foot from his head", "intrusive filth" to "oily smear") to get a but more tactile. You're already doing this but could increase frequency a bit and specificity of physical language even more.

Agree with other anon that one early sentence could do with breaking up.

[Anonymous No.21018489]

https://pastebin.com/7jvdAHnB

a few threads back an anon suggested i try to use my diary desu as inspiration for a project. this is basically a diary entry i wrote yesterday. is there anything in here that has potential?

[Anonymous No.21018543]

>>21017847
I like the ones Faulkner did. "Ad Astra", "All the Dead Pilots" and "Crevasse" are so good.

[Anonymous No.21018553]

>>21018489
Its forbidden, brother.

[Anonymous No.21018586]

>>21018553
thank you anon, google docs it is

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Pg87lznIXZeVM-O0B3Td4IMC34uefb2Y0PG0va7kVe8/edit?usp=sharing

[Anonymous No.21018672]

>>21018586
>We had to learn how to organize a 3 ring binder to reduce our stress.
Only line that I thought had any potential. Everything else just felt like banalities expressed in an abstract way. Banalities can work—basically every literary work is filled with them—but not in the abstract. See pic related. What it feels like you're doing for most of this is the left. What I think you want to do, is on the right.

Also, you shouldn't share your work until you've taken it as far as you can by yourself. That's the mistake most of the anons make in these threads, they post unedited garbage and expect people to not post the same advice over and over again. The fastest way to get better is to let your best stuff get torn apart, trying each time to not make the same mistake twice. Posting vomited diary entries isn't really going to do much of anything.

[Anonymous No.21018688]

>>21018672
>>21018586
Forgot pic.

[Anonymous No.21018787]

>>21018672
>Also, you shouldn't share your work until you've taken it as far as you can by yourself. That's the mistake most of the anons make in these threads, they post unedited garbage and expect people to not post the same advice over and over again. The fastest way to get better is to let your best stuff get torn apart, trying each time to not make the same mistake twice. Posting vomited diary entries isn't really going to do much of anything.
If we do that we'll never have anything posted on here. I read somewhere that something like 10% of authors actually finish what they wrote. And another 10% of that have some literary merit to it

[Anonymous No.21018905]

New Bread: >>21018900
New Bread: >>21018900
New Bread: >>21018900