Keep it going

[Anonymous No.20850654]

A guy walks into a bar.

[Anonymous No.20850655]

he cums himself

[Anonymous No.20850661]

He says "ow"

[Anonymous No.20850663]

he walks out of the bar

[Anonymous No.20850666]

>>20850654
he had killed his mother today, or was it yesterday

[Anonymous No.20850675]

"I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."

[Anonymous No.20850691]

he ruins his life

[Anonymous No.20850728]

>>20850666

[Anonymous No.20850741]

>>20850655
He remained seated at the bar, seat scooted forward with his knees touching the wall of the bar to hide his freshly dampened pants

[Anonymous No.20850740]

He opens up 4chan on his phone

[Anonymous No.20850772]

>>20850741
Whereupon suddenly a wry grin split his face, a smirk that for him often betokened imminent pissing. "Why not?" he intoned, barely suppressing laughter that without at least some modicum of restraint could have grown into an uproarious guffaw ready to shake the entire bar. The jukebox somehow uttered a record scratch; the barkeep looked up for one moment, before lightly scoffing and returning to polishing his glass, as if all too used to such goings on. "Hmph, why not indeed." Winking conspiratorially to no one in particular, he pissed his pants.

[Anonymous No.20850787]

>>20850772
"Oh, shit!", he exclaimed. I fucking pissied my panties again. He proceeds to walk slowly with his nose closed so he doesn't have to smell the pee

[Anonymous No.20850954]

>>20850740
he reads a thread: "Keep it going - A guy walks into a bar."

[Anonymous No.20850956]

horse walks in

[Anonymous No.20850963]

>>20850787
As he strode towards the restroom, head angled downwards and eyes darting, an unfamiliar feeling took hold of him. A foreign pride grew within him, the shame of having cummed himself washing away and diluting among a sea of piss. Was it because the cumming was involuntary while the pissing was a deliberate choice? No, it was deeper than that. He had found himself alive, fully centered within what was once a deeply feared fantasy, and with his humanity stripped bare he had found grounding. He had found himself.

[Anonymous No.20851037]

claims he is a disciple of Shoko Asahara of Aum Shinrikyo fame

[Anonymous No.20851048]

>>20850654
mitz vah and says "stand aside rabbis, I got dibs on the young mans foreskin!"

[Anonymous No.20851068]

>>20851048
"You fool," cackles the oldest and most phlegmatic of the gathered Jews. "You confused today's ceremony with a bris. Any boy becoming a man at his bar mitzvah hasn't had a foreskin for thirteen years!"

[Anonymous No.20851074]

>>20850963
On his return he found the entire bar watching him, for a moment he felt the shame returning but then he heard a slow clap start up which soon turned into thundering applause. The entire bar was supportive of his new identity as poopie peepie panties man.
But as poopie peepie panties man looked around he didn't see any people, just hundreds of flesh arms somehow attached to the wooden bar and capable of articulating. As he looked confused at the bar one of the attached arms gave him a thumbs up.

[Anonymous No.20851094]

>>20850654
He sits down in a corner, a few seats away from anyone else. A friend of his, who he knows doesn't really get laid that often, but gets some girls sometimes, told him that he could always pick one up here, though he knows his friend only goes for fatties. Many of the women sitting at the bar are overweight, and they've come with friends too, they yell and dance and have fun in impenetrable blocs that require special invitations to enter, it always feels impossible for him to just go up and talk to them. He orders a cheap beer and sips it while looking over to the girls; some of them are drunkenly singing, in another group some guy, not even a very good looking guy, an average looking guy with a t-shirt and slacks has started talking to a group of three college girls in tight-black dresses and flowing blouses in respect to the size of their bosoms--he seems to be making good conversation, he's smiling, he's having a good time. That guy--not even a good-looking guy or anything, not even a memorable face or a decent body, he definitely doesn't work out, he's a bit chubby, he hasn't shaved in a week, his stubble is messy, his hair is oily--he's getting all the attention, he's having a good time.

Groups of girls have gathered at the entrance to the women's bathroom, groups of girls are chatting with each other in line, meeting new girls, making new groups. There were women with other women, men in groups as well, all scattered throughout the bar, talking, having fun, enjoying themselves, and the man was sitting there in his corner, sipping his beer, looking at his phone, not sure who to talk to, if he should get up, when would be the right moment of approach. The crowd begins to thin out, one of the girls he was thinking of talking to left already.

The man goes home alone, he lies in bed reading the news for a bit, and then searches "Indian Teen BBW" on his phone, and scrolls until he finds a video of a girl who looks like the one in the bar, she's getting fucked by a pasty white guy--a thin, pasty white guy, frail, you can't see his face but he's probably not good looking, he probably has long-hair, he probably tries to be a hippy--while the girl has the proportions of an elephant. But the guys dick is huge, he has a huge juicy cock. The man imagines what it must've been like for her to get fucked by such a huge cock, how good it probably felt, how he blew a massive load inside her, how she could probably feel her womb fill up with warm cum--and even after he probably kept fucking her, he probably came and just kept pumping her full of massive loads, in and out, he just imagined what it would be like to have a massive, throbbing cock inside, what it would be like to be someone's dirty cockwhore, dirty cum dumpster, a dirty whore, a slut, how fucking good it would feel to be fucked all day like a dumb bitch woman, who does nothing but get fucked and doesn't have to work to impress anyone, fucking bitch, fucking, fuck, FUCK, FUCK fUuu...

[Anonymous No.20851102]

>>20851068
Yeah I don't know how Jewish customs work

[Anonymous No.20851148]

>>20851074
It was at this moment—during his prolonged gazing confusedly at that fleshy thumb—that he felt a jolting sensation run though his spine. He now sat upright atop one of the bar stools, surrounded by chatting strangers; he looked down slowly, knowing the reality of his situation, yet still overcome with apprehensive denial; and, of course, his eyes' path at last ended upon reaching his piss-and-cum-drenched, shit-filled pants. He remained still for some moments, staring at his lap, realizing the gravity of his situation and the blunder he had made in the midst of his dream. He dared not look back up and face the strangers around him, who had now drawn back beyond a two-or-three meter distance from the man

To his dismay, he now felt also that his erection was too noticeable for him to stand up now. He was trapped.

[Anonymous No.20851713]

>>20851148
A pindrop would’ve been louder than this overcrowded room. He yearned for them to come closer, to hear the quickened heartbeats and panicked breaths of the mostly obese countrymen that’ve conglomerated for some football game.
An ad for febreeze was running, along with the mixture of secretions and excrements down his pant leg. And sweat, pooling on the pants he daren’t look up from.
“For fuck’s sake, Jim..” the nostril of the bartender flared, lips upturned in an open snarl as he waved the towel for the glass some. Like a white flag indicating this intrudor’s peace and non-hostility, in spite of his olfactorial invasion. The bartender uttered something about him being demented, which had most of the guest’s shoulders Essen up of tension, get back to discussing and turning their backs to him. Someone opened the windows. Flies started swarming him like vultures around dying flesh. The buzzing was TV-static, never ending even when he couldn’t spot any more flies. Even when the TV got back to the game.

[Anonymous No.20852363]

He orders a *used* pair of babyshoes, never worn.

[Anonymous No.20852411]

>>20852363
The barkeep brings him a water instead.

[Anonymous No.20852414]

>>20852411
True story.

[Anonymous No.20852447]

>>20852411
"A water? You call this A water? I see, not one, but TWO water molecules here! And one of the hydrogens has an extra neutron for crying out loud!"

[Anonymous No.20852545]

>>20851713
It was nearly 9 pm now. Disoriented and in denial, Jim considered his next move. Stand up to leave and allow the diabolical mess of body fluids to slop down his legs and leave a shitty cummy snail trail towards his apartment? Horde bar napkins for a bit, dab at his pants to slowly make a dent in the disaster, let it all dry for a bit, then head out? His mind was enslaved. Caught up in the hysteria, he had temporarily forgotten why he had come here in the first place.

>Jim!
A voice called out from the entrance of the bar in between the tapping of sexy black high heels. A pair of tight, well-bred thighs sauntered decisively towards him, red lipstick delicately curved into a smile. Courtney had finally arrived. The color drained from Jim's face. A knot twisted impossibly tight within his core as sheer horror consumed him. And to make matters worse, like an earthworm digging and poking through the Earth's muddy surface, his erection began to re-emerge.

[Anonymous No.20852686]

>>20852545
>>20852545
Whe she saw the slimy mess, Jim was surprised for the lack of signs of surprise on her face.
>I see you got a head start with your task, good job Jim!
Then, facing the bartender,
>Go ahead Carl, take your part.
The bartender eyes lightened up. He meticulously laid down a cloth, kneeled on it, and started smearing his face on Jim pants.

[Anonymous No.20852844]

[Anonymous No.20852958]

>>20852545
His finger’s flexed and pressed into the wood of the counter enough to draw in splinters, he could feel the painful metal of the zipper against his hard-on. Neither the stench nor the meatier crumbs of shit his balls marinated in had it falter before her beauty; the waft of perfume and the shine of blonde hair as Courtney sat before him, turned and crossed one leg in stockings over another.

To think, for once, that he almost made it. That he got that match on Tinder, that he made the first move and that she was interested in his Greek philosophy literature. The stars and planets had aligned for you to meet your soul mate out of 8 billion people, Jim. Your dream could’ve come true, if only you’ve not passed yourself at its prospects.

The perfume was an expensive one, European, but it was nothing to the miasma he emitted. A delicate flower, sullied in his essences. He took a deep breath, ready to hung his head low and mutter a apology at her soft gasp.


But when he did, no answer came. No cry of outrage, no sound of running heels,.. he peeked an eye up to her, only to widen both at the sight of her f𝘢ce.

No rouge could’ve faked the blush on her cheeks, bright and red like the lips, gently agape. And she bit them. Enough for some lip stick to come off her teeth as the heavenly blue eyes were cast entirely to his brown and yellow stained crotch. He failed to note how she sat rimrpd-straight, how her fingers resisted rubbing against each other on the counter and how her legs coiled tighter.
“It smells… 𝘢bysm𝘢l”, Courtney said in mere breath.

[Anonymous No.20853225]

>>20850666
checked that evil shit

[Anonymous No.20853731]

Bump
>>20852686
This was my attempt but I clearly failed because English is not my first language. Come on anons, keep this il, it's becoming a lovely story

[Anonymous No.20854729]

>>20853731
I liked it anon, it was funny. I already contributed though and I'm not sure if I have the creative energy to keep going.

This shit's hilarious desu

[Anonymous No.20855995]

>>20852958
Without reason he came to smile at her, without thought he came to stand before her, and without mind jim came to speak.
>In a rich man's house there is no place to spit but his face. In a potion pusher's pub there is no place to pee but in your pants.
Those daring words petrified the high class woman before him. He was a disgusting display to her, a crude slob and a vulgar stench. But eager response rushed within her. It defied her will and denied her pride, and before she could grasp it, out from her scarlet lips slipped, "Diogenes..."
His shame became her delight, his vileness became her virtue, and his foulness became her fantasy.
And Jim tempted her on,
>"Courtney, what drink would you prefer?"

[Anonymous No.20856011]

>>20855995
Suddenly, Joe woke up startled in his bed. He was confused by this entire dream about Courtney. Although his middle name was Jim, nobody except family knew that.

Joe shifted his legs and sat up. He decided today he would go to the bar.

[Anonymous No.20856043]

>>20855995
>I’ll have the usual.

Courtney said, pulling long gloves over each of her hands. With an unreadable expression on her face, Courtney reached with one hand for the soiled pants and skillfully undid the top button. In the same motion she pulled down the zipper and then the pants in their entirety.

Though Jim had thought that poopie peepie panties man looked bad with pants on, it hadn’t compared to what lay before him now. Panties pushed forward by a well endowed man. Little flecks of feces spotting the man’s legs like a painting in the MOMA.

>Close the tab.

Caroline murmured, but without producing any cards or bills with which to pay for her drink. Looks like this one was on the house.

>Grab a sponge and get to work, Jim.

Said Caroline as she began to vigorously scrub. And before long, poopie peepie panties man was spotless. The bar gave another thumbs up.

[Anonymous No.20856072]

>>20856043
Joe awoke in a daze. He laid on the floor of his apartment, head bruised and legs numb. He must have fallen again. Joe had been struggling with retrograde amnesia and peripheral neuropathy ever since the accident.

Despite his daydreams about Courtney, he managed to stand himself up. Determined to make it to the bar, he stumbled past his kitchen table towards the front door.

[Anonymous No.20856142]

>>20850654
He said "cows milk" and slowly as if he rehearsed the motion he pulled out a brand new wallet and handed it to the barman.The barman observed the man whose intense gaze was piercing him.

The instincts of the barman,honed by serving thousands of people made him realise that he should end this interaction humanely possible.He pulled out pristine dollar bills from the wallet and put the change on the counter.The man,still starting at the barman was motionless besides his head,which was now turning around looking at the other customers.After a few minutes,which felt like hours the man grabbed the still cold glass and drank it in one loud gulp.

He then resumed observing the other customers and settled on watching a new customer about to order.The man then slowly got up and moved to the exit of the dingy bar.As he crossed the threshold of bar and street he turned around and walked back to the counter

Once again he said milk and pulled out cash from his wallet to hand to the now terrified barman.

[Anonymous No.20856163]

>>20850740
tries to post something but is reminded how mobile data/public wifi is almost always banned.