/lit/ humor

[Anonymous No.20342656]

Let's liven up this board with something funny!
I'll start

[Anonymous No.20342666]

For me it's when Nietzscheans argue with Christians

[Anonymous No.20342809]

That was painfully unfunny but the last line absolutely salvaged it

[Anonymous No.20342946]

[Anonymous No.20342955]

>>20342656
I unironically like the Artemis Fowl books. I refuse to read the final book in the series because I don't want it to be over.

[Anonymous No.20342964]

hard mode, no:
>i would like you to make the transaction now
>gregory berrycone
>i only play pharoah
>you have to summon the ghost of Hume to drive him out

[Anonymous No.20342983]

[Anonymous No.20342990]

[Anonymous No.20343017]

>>20342964

[Anonymous No.20343024]

[Anonymous No.20343041]

>>20343017
I'm too smooth-brained for Ulysses.

[Anonymous No.20343366]

>>20342955
In my opinion the best young adult series ever written. Even the comic adaptation was great.
They completely massacred the movie however. Casting made no sense, Artemis was a cool surfer kid, and they made root a fucking woman, making Holly’s struggle as the first female LEPrecon officer pointless.
And they tried to combine plot lines of the first three books in one movie, it would have done better as a show that did a book a season for 6-8 episodes a season.

[Anonymous No.20343375]

[Anonymous No.20343430]

Here's the funniest line i know ...

"No discernible talent." - Sir Harold Bloom

DFW was never ever relevant and will never ever be. Funny af imo

[Anonymous No.20343938]

None of these are funny nor humorous.

[Anonymous No.20343952]

I thought this post from yesterday was pretty funny

[Anonymous No.20343984]

>>20343430
>jew
Opinion
Discarded

[Anonymous No.20344020]

A classic.

[Anonymous No.20345429]

>>20343984
He's never been wrong. Ever.

I can't believe idiots here have seriously voted IJ as #1. Fucking shame. Probably due to people like you who do not see beyond someone's religion or hide behind casual racism so you don't have to actually read anything yourself. Isn't that funny?

[Anonymous No.20345601]

>>20343952
Funny and brilliant. Now I want to read The Taming of the Shrew and find other literature on that level.

[Anonymous No.20345768]

[Anonymous No.20345773]

[Anonymous No.20345889]

[Anonymous No.20345896]

>>20342809
>what is a punchline

[Anonymous No.20346099]

>>20343017
>be retard
>shitpost for lulz
>tfw people praise your work as super post modern influential genius and transcending language
This guy was kinda based and I hate him for it

[Anonymous No.20346268]

>>20342990
Okay, that got me.

[Anonymous No.20346289]

>>20345773
COME THE FUCK ON

[Anonymous No.20346301]

outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

-marx

[Anonymous No.20346743]

[Anonymous No.20346771]

Reading is gay, and this thread proves it.

[Anonymous No.20347668]

[Anonymous No.20347681]

theres a waldun thread on tv btw. thats pretty funny i guess...?

[Anonymous No.20347872]

>>20345773
wtf i thought this board didn't have good jokes

[Anonymous No.20347898]

Here is a joke
There was a man driving down the highway and in front of him was a big truck with live pigs.
The truck hit a bump and one of the pigs fell off.
The man saw this and stopped and grabbed the pig (he was ok) and out him in his car and raced off to flag down the truck which was out if sight by now.
On the way a state trooper pulled him over for speeding.
The troopers said, “why on earth are you driving so fast?”
The man said, “this pig fell out of a pig truck and im trying to catch up to it and give the pig back”
The trooper said, “oh, yeah. I remember that truck. Look, there is no way you’re going to he able to catch up to it at a safe speed. Just take that pig to the zoo.”
The man said, “ok sir”
Well the next day the state trooper was sitting in his usual spot on the highway looking for speeding cars when he saw the man and the pig come down the road.
He was so confused that he pulled the man over, even though he wasn’t speeding.
The trooper asked the man, “didn’t I tell you to take that pig to the zoo?”
The man said, “yes sir and I did. But we had such a nice time at the zoo I figured we would go to the beach today”

I hope you enjoyed this joke

[Anonymous No.20347939]

>>20347668

[Anonymous No.20347945]

>>20347898
i did lmao
quid pro quo:
A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Hey have you seen my brother?"
Bartender looks at him and says "I don't know, what's he look like?"

[Anonymous No.20347955]

>>20347939

[Anonymous No.20347988]

>>20347945
Lol i like jokes where the punchline is someone is misunderstanding or slightly dumb

[Anonymous No.20348027]

>>20347898
yeah, thats pretty good thanks

[Anonymous No.20348162]

[Anonymous No.20348172]

>>20342656
This was 5/10 until the last line made it instantly 13/10. I slapped my knee so hard it’s bruising up now. I need medical attention.

[Anonymous No.20348182]

>>20343366
It should only ever be an animated series.

[Anonymous No.20348193]

my favorite

[Anonymous No.20348200]

>>20345768
This one made me laugh, that rebel female pussy in the garden has me acting up

[Anonymous No.20348215]

>>20348193
I used to read this without having read any James and I laughed. Now having read a few of his short stories I laugh even harder. I expect to be melting down by the time I finish his major works.

[Anonymous No.20348231]

>>20343017

I love when he gets to Dinbad and just completely gives up on alliteration.

[Anonymous No.20348335]

>>20347898
>>20347945
kek

[Anonymous No.20348444]

>>20347898
Absolute zozzle

[Anonymous No.20348449]

[Anonymous No.20348453]

>>20348215
I feel the same way about the Hemingway vs Faulkner post about the soldier boy that killed himself

[Anonymous No.20348492]

>>20344020
Some drunkanon did a reading of this a few weeks ago but I didn't save the vocaroo

[Anonymous No.20348700]

>>20347898
very nice :)

[Anonymous No.20348711]

>>20344020
>>20348492
https://vocaroo.com/1i1jNkZyaRES

[Anonymous No.20349226]

[Anonymous No.20349914]

[Anonymous No.20350233]

[Anonymous No.20350355]

>>20347898
pretty funny desu

[Anonymous No.20350388]

>>20343366
¿look at this nigga, he be readin' an shit, yo mang, you like suckin' dick? gib my boy Butler a shinedown, and I ain't axin

[Anonymous No.20350646]

>>20347898
I keke'd

[Anonymous No.20350692]

>>20342983
This fictional character wouldn't have had a problem if he stopped acting like a pseud and explained his thinking in a normal, easy to understand manner. I fucking hate people like him.

[Anonymous No.20350733]

>>20346771
I just know a woman at a university somewhere in the US has used this argument to get out of reading Plato or something

[Anonymous No.20350762]

>>20347945
I got a penguin joke for you
A penguin's car breaks down and he takes it to the mechanic, who tells him it will be a little while to fix. So the penguin goes across the street to an ice cream shop and has a scoop of vanilla ice cream. But flippers aren't very good for eating ice cream and he gets ice cream all over his flippers and beak. Then he walks back to the mechanic to see how the car is coming and the mechanic says, "it looks like you blew a seal" to which the penguin replies
>Oh no, this is just ice cream

[Anonymous No.20350776]

>>20348193
God James is such a faggot

[Anonymous No.20350780]

>>20348453
post it
stop teasing me with your allusion

[Anonymous No.20350813]

[Anonymous No.20350828]

>>20350813
To be fair she's entirely in the wrong.

[Anonymous No.20350831]

>>20343017
What the duck

[Anonymous No.20350915]

I'm not sure why this is in my lit folder but it is so you guys have to read it now im sorry

[Anonymous No.20350943]

>>20350762
fucking kek great joke

[Anonymous No.20350960]

it seems that guenonfag has an online store now

[Anonymous No.20351006]

[Anonymous No.20351023]

[Anonymous No.20351038]

>>20345773
Very good

[Anonymous No.20351097]

>>20350915
why

[Anonymous No.20351152]

>>20347898
:)

[Anonymous No.20351161]

>>20350762
This joke is crummy, or maybe I just don't get it. Is the mechanics referring to the technical problem with the car when he says "you blew a seal"? That would make sense but I assumed he was talking about how the penguin looked like he was covered with cum, which is supposed to be what I realize that the penguin is thinking after reading his response. So your joke sucks fuck you.

[Anonymous No.20351162]

[Anonymous No.20351166]

>>20348193
>>20348215

[Anonymous No.20351187]

>>20348492
Wtf is the last one supposed to be? Beta with epsilon? Soma Eppy? This some deep anthropological shit?

[Anonymous No.20351194]

[Anonymous No.20351200]

>>20351187
Terminology from Brave New World I believe.

[Anonymous No.20351206]

>>20351200
Ah thanks. Did some aggressive googling then deleted my post out of shame.

[Anonymous No.20351213]

>>20351187
probably a Brave New World reference

[Anonymous No.20351235]

>>20350692
Dude, it's a joke. You're the kind of nigga to get triggered at the actions of a sitcom character.

[Anonymous No.20351310]

>>20347898
He is risen

[Anonymous No.20351349]

>>20350776
Where can I make sure that anime get funded?

[Anonymous No.20351378]

>>20351161
filtered by a blowjob joke, embarrassing

[Anonymous No.20351403]

>>20344020
ay, my abdomen aches

[Anonymous No.20351754]

>>20350915
really wish I had the spreadsheet autism

[Anonymous No.20351773]

>>20351006
unfathomably based.

[Anonymous No.20351780]

>>20351206
It's okay anon, as long as you know in your heart that youre an epsilon :)

[Anonymous No.20351781]

>>20350813
Ah, the bookshelves of someone who doesn't read and just uses them as decoration. At least people on social media were sensible for once

[Anonymous No.20351792]

>>20351006
Peak form

[Anonymous No.20351815]

>>20350915
The Navy Seals Pasta entry gets me every time.

[Anonymous No.20351870]

>>20351815
for me it's the cuck porn one

[Anonymous No.20351983]

>>20347898
Thanks Anon. Very nice.

[Anonymous No.20351991]

>>20351815
Ah fuck I choked, I wasn't expecting it
It's always when you least expect it

[Anonymous No.20352005]

>>20351870
Kek. I've always found it funny that the petrine cross is widely used as a demonic symbol in media. Those demons sure are showing a lot of humility and reverence to Christ's crucifixion

[Anonymous No.20352100]

>>20352005
I think it's a trope at this point and they have to do it to an extent. I have a buddy who did consulting work on a production about Rome and he immediately starts bringing up problems with the armor being the wrong period and so forth and the director basically shushes him and says
>look man, I know the armor is wrong for the period too, but this is what people think Romans look like and do and talk like and say so if we don't put this stuff in here they'd be confused because that's what it looked like in Spartacus

[Anonymous No.20352137]

>>20351870
>>20352005
>what are Jesuits

[Anonymous No.20352299]

>>20352137
Based soldiers of Christ?

[Anonymous No.20352311]

>>20352100
Heard something similar happening in Spain, and I think in other parts of the world too. Historical consultors are expected to simply give thumbs up and make publicity easier; people love to think that their favorite shows carry some semblance of historicity. In practice however, almost everything is decided by the aesthetics and expectations of the moment.

[Anonymous No.20352347]

>>20343024
>>20344020
>>20347898
>>20348193
>>20348492
>>20351023
>>20351166
>>20351378
>>20351815
All this makes me appreciate 4chan just a tad more.
A lovely thread.

[Anonymous No.20352401]

Tumult of the Niggers pls

[Anonymous No.20352461]

>>20343017
Whenever i read this I wish he’d end with one that’s 3 syllables, like Yinbad the Inhaler

[Anonymous No.20352513]

>>20351162
Very good

[Anonymous No.20352722]

obligatory

[Anonymous No.20352798]

this one could be very reddit but im sharing it anyways because YOLO

[Anonymous No.20352823]

[Anonymous No.20352937]

[Anonymous No.20352960]

>>20352722

This makes me laugh every time. And then makes me realize, I can not only never explain this joke to another person, but there is no-one who I would trust enough to explain it. There are randos on /lit/ who are, in the sharing of this secret, more intimate with me than my family.

[Anonymous No.20352982]

>>20350780
This is a good plot for a sitcom episode desu

[Anonymous No.20352991]

>>20352960
/pol/ also finds it hilarious, although they won't get the subtlety of that anon actually writing a novel (the madlad) and us all wishing we'd sit down and write one too, if only we weren't so afraid of failure. But this anon, he embraces the failure and simply creates art.

[Anonymous No.20353068]

>>20342656
It's really telling how much of the memes about Finnegans Wake literally come from the first page.

[Anonymous No.20353104]

>>20345773
I can never tell if these are fake or not.

[Anonymous No.20353157]

>>20351206
here

[Anonymous No.20353232]

>>20351023
>entered her like she was a lottery

[Anonymous No.20353253]

>>20352722
maybe the best post I've ever seen on this website

[Anonymous No.20353327]

>>20352722
>he doesn't want to be repetitive
gets me every time

[Anonymous No.20353345]

>>20353157
>graduate from high school starter pack

[Anonymous No.20353368]

[Anonymous No.20353390]

>>20352823
insane kino levels. It feels so right

[Anonymous No.20353405]

[Anonymous No.20353421]

>>20353368
>OHHHH SO TRENDY TEEN CULTURE
>oh god is that fucking hunger games on the bookshelf
>>not playing any classical
>i bet these ignoramuses don't even understand james joyce
>i bet they misuse kafkaesque
>are they fucking talking about harry potter
Same.

[Anonymous No.20353429]

>>20353345
You must be new here, /lit/ is filled with failed “gifted” students who were forced to read poz orthodoxy while envying their midwit peers’ required reading (The Chart)

[Anonymous No.20353436]

[Anonymous No.20353443]

>>20353253
>maybe the best post I've ever seen on this website
That would be the birth of picrel’s canon

[Anonymous No.20353454]

>>20353443
The ending line to that post accelerated it from pretty decent to phenomenal. I can't even tell you why it's so good. It just is. Wherever that anon is now, I hope he understands his contribution to the Western canon.

[Anonymous No.20353461]

>>20353443

[Anonymous No.20353464]

[Anonymous No.20353465]

>>20353454
Unironically on the same level as Nael, age 6

[Anonymous No.20353503]

>>20353443

[Anonymous No.20353507]

[Anonymous No.20353552]

>>20352937
kek

[Anonymous No.20353572]

>>20353507
"Abused prostitutes make better soldiers than your personal guard, here let me prove it"
-Sun Tzu
What was his fucking problem?

[Anonymous No.20353594]

>>20352005
This is totally conjecture, but I might put forth that the upside down cross came from a more protestant dominated and less religious people in the US who wouldnt be very familiar with more niche catholic symbologies, so an inversion seemed like an obvious representation.

Also, I thought it was supposed to represent a marter who asked to becrussified upside down because he didnt feel he was worth imitating crist so it was an act of humility.

[Anonymous No.20353597]

>>20343017
I started rapping this halfway through.

[Anonymous No.20353608]

I know this is not the JBP thread, but idk. Does anyone have a JBP version of "I wish I was at home"?

[Anonymous No.20353631]

>>20347898
:D

[Anonymous No.20353795]

>>20353572
>King makes you train his retarded harem to see how good of a general you are
>Kill his favorite ones and say it was necessary to get the rest in line
Self explanatory, really

[Anonymous No.20353808]

>>20347955
lololol

[Anonymous No.20353814]

>>20353345
>>20353429
>>20351187

[Anonymous No.20353983]

>>20352798
>could be very reddit
How new are you?
The pic is good, at least.

[Anonymous No.20354011]

[Anonymous No.20354029]

>>20350776
I do this too...

[Anonymous No.20354160]

>>20343017
For me, it's Tinbad the Tailor.

[Anonymous No.20354175]

[Anonymous No.20354193]

>>20343017
>Womb? Weary?
I like how he uses "Womb" as an interrogative word.

[Anonymous No.20354200]

>>20343952
Eeeeeh. It could have been much funnier, but it is way too tame. This way it almost sounds like it is serious since it never goes completely over the top.

[Anonymous No.20354212]

[Anonymous No.20354314]

>>20351815

[Anonymous No.20354320]

[Anonymous No.20354338]

>>20350915
>meme: waifu/husbando
>reaction to first use: said no
>reaction to continued exposure: said no

[Anonymous No.20354424]

>>20351235
That's why I don't watch sitcoms. Sitcoms are for drooling retards.

[Anonymous No.20354453]

>>20353345
I was only forced to read like 3 contemporary books and none of them were on the chart, sad times

[Anonymous No.20354488]

>>20353405
She's still around

[Anonymous No.20354505]

>>20343952
>The World Unmarred
Work has no women, as it is set in a world where women do not exist.

>The World Unmarred and Pure
Work has no women, as it is set in a world where women do not exist even as a conceivable concept.

[Anonymous No.20354571]

>>20343017
I literally cannot tell this apart from a shitpost. I can't tell it apart from a shit poem. If you told me it was from Rupi Kaur's 2022 sexperimental phase I would have believed you. Lump me in with the rest of the smooths, for I am home.

[Anonymous No.20354791]

>>20354571
>Rupi Kaur's 2022 sexperimental phase
Is this a thing?
If yes, is it hot?

[Anonymous No.20354846]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQOvpLUoYxw