/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.20295036]

Hi lit. Never posted here before but I wrote something I want you to see.

For context: I've never read any books, never liked reading, and always thought it was a bore. I did write a lot when I was really young but that was maybe almost 7-8 years ago.

Tell me what you think of this short piece I'm writing.

[Anonymous No.20295528]

I wouldn't even call that writing, honestly. Of course, literally speaking it is writing, in the sense that you put words together into sentences, but absolutely nothing beyond that.

[Anonymous No.20295539]

>>20295036
English your second language? You also need to proof read it.
I like the idea, but the writing is a bit confusing at places. You likely had this idea and just vomited it out

By this I mean
>ones that are which shaped to and never formed out of the shape
You should consider this a draft, then go back to it and actually formulate coherent, descriptive sentences. After that you should put it side by side and look at the difference.

[Anonymous No.20295555]

>>20295036
This is a decent premise anon. You might enjoy the short stories of Borges. Try reading 'Funes the Memorious', or 'The Library of Babel'

[Anonymous No.20295573]

Concepts are essential, but they're just where writing starts. It's the stuff that comes after the concepts -- plot, setting, characters, and styling -- that's the hard part, and the writers who've come before you have done so much already to figure out how to best use such things.

Read them, and take advantage of their discoveries.

[Anonymous No.20295585]

>>20295036
This is more an idea outline than a finished product. It's step one of "draw the owl". You just have the 10 000 hours of writing competently left to complete the project.

[Anonymous No.20295593]

>>20295036
I give it 1 out of 5 stars.

[Anonymous No.20295598]

>>20295036
Where's the art? It reads like a technical manual.

[Anonymous No.20295689]

>>20295539
It unironically is but I use it more often than my first. I agree with what you're saying, it took me about 10 hours to write it so it's at an early stage. I might continue it but not to the extent some of you guys are suggesting. Most likely a short story.
>>20295555
Thanks. I'll try reading it. Maybe I'll continue writing if I liked it.
>>20295573
I don't really like over lengthy paragraphs about describing the setting, plot etc. again I dont read books
>>20295585
lol maybe if I start writing as a hobby again. I started as at 16 and stopped the same year so I'm not exactly that invested.
>>20295593
>>20295598
sorry you didn't like it.

Thanks /lit/, I enjoyed the criticism. Maybe I'll continue the story with all your suggestions and points in mind. I've been awake for 15 hours so I apologize if I'm incoherent. Cheers

[Anonymous No.20295691]

>>20295036
It has the "voice" of a 4chan effortpost. It feels uncanny somehow that what I'm reading is supposed to be a story

[Anonymous No.20295724]

>>20295036
You should write in your mother tongue, your story (which has a cool premise) reads more like you wrestling with english than actual prose. If you'd rather write in english pay more attention to the grammar. Overall the concept is good but other anons are right, it reads like a technical manual, your style is purely descriptive and lacks soul. You have a draft, keep re-writing until you have an actual story. Best of luck.

[Anonymous No.20295731]

>>20295724
>write in your mothertongue
no he definitely should not
he needs to practice his english

[Anonymous No.20295739]

>>20295689
>again I dont read books
Can you be a good cook if you've never eaten a meal? Can you be a good musician if you were born deaf? How the FUCK do you expect to be an author if you don't read books?

[Anonymous No.20295764]

>>20295036
Honest question: how can you like writing but don't like reading?

[Anonymous No.20295833]

>>20295731
Why? He's just shooting himself in the foot, it's already hard enough to write good prose in your own language. Besides, abandoning your own tongue for english is a denial of your tradition and culture and one of the most insidious forms of globalism, language as a lifeless communication method, devoid of history, origin and culture.

[Anonymous No.20295854]

>>20295833
stop injecting your inane world views in every decision

[Anonymous No.20295929]

>>20295036
It's chewy and tough like an overcooked steak and I think it's because, like others have said, you're working on your english. Have someone fluent in english (preferably educated in the Arts and Humanities - philosophy, history, english) look it over. Bonus if you can bag an art-heaux
Also, you really should make reading a habit. It will help add clarity and organization to your writing.
Overall, it needs polish, but I think you've got something interesting to work with.

[Anonymous No.20295933]

>>20295036
I waited until I had 514 pages typed of a finished novel before letting anyone know I’d written something. I suggest you do the same. You could shorten the entire piece into one word, empathy, and we’d get the point.

[Anonymous No.20295969]

>>20295833
Cringe

[Anonymous No.20295977]

>>20295854
Give me a good reason why OP should write in english

[Anonymous No.20295991]

>>20295977
Because he wants to. People do whatever they want. If he wants to write in English, he can write in English. That will improve his English overall and he won't become a famous writer anyway so who cares?

[Anonymous No.20296005]

>>20295724
I'm not exactly fluent in my mother tongue. I've been using English for most of my life so I'm somewhat decent in speaking it while in my mother tongue I have the vocabulary of a 12 year old. It doesn't help that the majority of people around me speak in my mother tongue so reality is I'm a mixed bag never having focused entirely in one language.
>>20295739
This was just for fun. I don't want to be an author I just want to try writing again. I might read the books one anon suggested earlier if I get the time.
>>20295764
I like forming my thoughts into words...? It's hard to explain... It's like I want to share my idea in the way that it feels when it pops into my head as accurately how that idea felt at that moment... It took 30 minutes to get to this answer and I still don't think that's enough of what really goes on but that's the best I got right now.

As to reading I don't get the same feeling of stress relief. It's more like work than a fun hobby.
>>20295929
Thanks for the feedback I'm running out of words to say so I'll keep it at that for now
>>20295933
I get what you mean. I only posted this so I could get a gauge at how far I am since this is my first time writing again. It's been very inciteful.

I'll try to answer next time when I wake up. If the thread is closed I'll just read the comments. Please do comment, I want you to. Cheers, I'm off to bed.

[Anonymous No.20296020]

>>20295689
its almost impossible for you to be a good writer without being a good reader. How are you even supposed to know what kind of style of writing you like? its like saying you wanna be an athlete but you don't wanna watch the tapes or go to practice and drill.

[Anonymous No.20296055]

>>20295991
It's clear OP isn't some Conrad or Nabokov but an ESL. As you say he can do whatever he likes but I just recomended he wrote in his mother tongue (for which I have some other reasons) or that he improved his english. Do you even bother to read my posts?
>>20296005
I'm sorry to hear that man, if you're not fluent in your mother tongue I don't know what to recommend.

[Anonymous No.20296071]

>>20296005
>I like forming my thoughts into words...? It's hard to explain... It's like I want to share my idea in the way that it feels when it pops into my head as accurately how that idea felt at that moment... It took 30 minutes to get to this answer and I still don't think that's enough of what really goes on but that's the best I got right now.
You can try making podcasts, films, music, painting, etc. If you really want to write the best way to become good at it is writing much and reading more. That's your 'problem' because you have no reference and the best references are the best book ever written.

>As to reading I don't get the same feeling of stress relief. It's more like work than a fun hobby.
That is pretty sad. Reading is my favorite hobby, I wish you could enjoy it too. Try the /lit/ starting pack, they are suppose to be entry level. Then you can read more difficult works

Link to all the /lit/ charts:
https://4chanlit.fandom.com/wiki/Charts

[Anonymous No.20296079]

>>20296055
>Do you even bother to read my posts?
Yes but your arguments didn't convince me.

>I just recomended he wrote in his mother tongue (for which I have some other reasons) or that he improved his english
Obviously, I recommend that too