/wg/ Writing General

[Anonymous No.19924790]

Valentine's Day Muse edition
Previous >>19909716

For Prose:
>The Art of Fiction, Gardner
>The Anatomy of Story, Truby
>Story Genius: How to Use Brain Science to Go Beyond Outlining and Write a Riveting Novel (Before You Waste Three Years Writing 327 Pages That Go Nowhere)
>On Becoming A Novelist
>The First Five Pages
>Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft
>How Fiction Works
>The Rhetoric of Fiction
>Steering the Craft
>On Writing, Borges

For Poetry:
>The Poetry Home Repair Manual
>Western Wind: An Introduction to Poetry
>This Craft of Verse, Borges

Related Material:
>What Editors Do
>A Student's Introduction to English Grammar
>Garner's Modern English Usage

Suggested books on storytelling:
>The Weekend Novelist
>Aristotle's Poetics
>Hero With a Thousand Faces
>Romance the Beat

Traditional publishing
> Formatting manuscript
https://blog.reedsy.com/manuscript-form

list of /wg/ authors pastebin and anonymous flash fiction anthology
https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ

[Anonymous No.19924797]

And in honor of that other anon: Write a short poem for that special lady in your eye

[Anonymous No.19924805]

Got memed into getting stoned by /lit/ and now I completely understand why the beats wrote the way they did.

[Anonymous No.19924809]

>>19924790
I love women so much. I want to write a flash fiction about this lady.

[Anonymous No.19924885]

>>19924809
Have fun

>other gif is too big for 4chan
gg

[Anonymous No.19924920]

>>19924809
Same, been almost 2 years since I've had a date but been grinding wagie and writing since then. It's all coming together though, year of hope.

[Anonymous No.19924973]

You will write.
You will plan if you deem it necessary.
You will share your writing with others and actively seek feedback; mediocrity is not an option.
You will improve your characters, plot, setting, and themes.
You will make it.

[Anonymous No.19924978]

>>19924731
Going through my old ones actually gave me enough fuel to write a new one.
Thanks, anon. That was a protip.

[Anonymous No.19925004]

>>19924790
Alright bois, hear me out. I'm at an intersection in my story where I have the choice to go one of two ways. I'm writing a character story driven adventure-fantasy type deal and I'm considering one of two routes, either I do a light-hearted, true to form adventure novel, or I lean into hyper gore, very graphic and brutal scenes and situations. I believe I have the chops to write either without being overly melodramatic or cringy, but I'm not sure which of those two appeals to a wider demographic. I run the risk of being generic with the former, and the risk of people seeing it as cringy grimderp with the latter, so I'm kinda stumped.

[Anonymous No.19925063]

Do you like comedy in your erotica?

[Anonymous No.19925081]

>>19924797
A gift, not yet unwrapped.
Eager before the date is ripe.
Your lips tease to be tapped
I tease back to give them a bite

[Anonymous No.19925087]

>>19925063
As a side dish

>>19925004
Could you do both? Put Hobbits in Mordor and make your characters struggle to keep their spirits pure to see good among the (grim)darkness?

[Anonymous No.19925357]

How do you personally come up with book titles? I just made up some temporary titles for a bunch of ideas I wrote down for later use, yet I can't come up with something satisfying enough for the book I've actually finished.

[Anonymous No.19925515]

>100 chapters in and your MC hasnt mastered at least half their powers.
ishygddt

[Anonymous No.19925604]

>>19925357
It depends on the genre, the kind of story, and the points you want to emphazise.

I can only offer you examples of how I title things, but it might do you better to see how famous writers named their stuff and why;
>LOTR is a chidren's book and its name comes from the main magical thing and the gimmick
>20K leagues under the sea tells you it's a long journey with a specific environment
>etc

You could come up with anything as long as you can argue it and it sounds good, really

[Anonymous No.19925621]

>>19925515
What if 100 chapters are 1/10h of the story?

[Anonymous No.19926059]

>>19925515
I'm 100 chapters in and my MC still hasn't realized he's biologically a human being. It could be worse.

[Anonymous No.19926076]

>>19926059
I'm 100 chapters in and still haven't decided whether my protagonist is biologically female or not.

[Anonymous No.19926084]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIaTRIhyX6U

[Anonymous No.19926092]

name her

[Anonymous No.19926104]

>>19926076
I know you're probably memeing, but my MC is not all there upstairs and keeps trying to understand shit that can only be explained by him being human as him just being in a really advanced robot body.

[Anonymous No.19926123]

>>19925357
I usually borrow lines from books I've read

[Anonymous No.19926153]

Can anyone the first chapter of my sci-fi story? Am I allowed to post such things here?

https://pastebin.com/uQCJiUci

[Anonymous No.19926163]

>>19926153
>allowed

[Anonymous No.19926164]

>>19926092
That’s Jane Lane from Daria

[Anonymous No.19926175]

>>19925004
>hyper gore, very graphic and brutal scenes and situations
Don't be gratuitous with it. The literary equivalent of a slasher film would be boring.

[Anonymous No.19926182]

>>19926104
Not memeing at all. I'm trying to think of ways to get diversity points without appealing to degenerates.

[Anonymous No.19926201]

>>19926153
>line 1
Too many Ups. You're in space, be tridimensional

>line 3
I feel like you might benefit from describing Shin's actions more dinamic
>Thirty seconds. thrusters engaged. The fair lady spins in circles
>Emergency thrusters realigned - no change
etc, as opposed to a paragraph

>Up to line 10
Maybe I'm not fully reading, but it might be worth mentioning the protective measures for shin in the cockpit ejection since it ain't a rescue pod

I'll have to be honest with you, I skipped the paragraph between the teacher and the hoe asking shin to take her to prison planet. I'd say it's on the right path, just give it some shine here and there

[Anonymous No.19926221]

>>19924973
Thank you, anon

[Anonymous No.19926246]

>>19926163
I don't want to seem like I'm shilling or begging, but most honesty can be had from strangers

>>19926201
Thank you very much

[Anonymous No.19926322]

>>19926092
Basic bitch

[Anonymous No.19926391]

>post your Valentines Day prose

I want to passionately and fiercely make love to Emily. I want to find myself in throes of desperate fulfillment of a paramount physical craving for the flavors, caresses and aromas of another, like an animalistic hankering for the relief of an agony, this agony being the desire in itself. I want to make love to her in a full body contact, face-to-face position, tongue kissing all the while, purposefully throwing myself adrift in an overwhelming delectable cocktail of sensory stimulations, bewildering the senses in the fragrances of her feminine nectarous perfumes in contact with the essential smell of her skin, now ever so softly dampened in aspects of perspiration that soon smoothly evolves into transparent droplets of dew that leak down her neck and forehead, which I lick like a hungry animal only to absorb the stunning saltiness thereof like it's nothing. The communing contact with her alabaster laiche colored skin, like an alleviating balm of body heat that boils into a fever, a silk that extends through the senses, as my palms run her back and the sides of her body, up her stomach and skinny ribs to encounter he modest, soft breasts that I squeeze gently, focusing on stimulating the underside of each of them with the fingers, generating a muffled moan within the melting flesh that turns liquid in the conjunction of our tongue tangled mouths.

[Anonymous No.19926395]

>>19924790
>>19924885
are those characters from othercide?

[Anonymous No.19926403]

>>19926391
It didnt seem as if anything was going to happen at first. It was your standard situation in your standard place in a standarised city. Even so it happened. It occured. And then everyone was startled and unnerved and shuddering like salted slugs. Nobody knew what to do. So they froze. Some of them acted. But they didnt know what to do so they just made it worse. Some peoples thoughts drifted to a brief definition of the bystander effect and decided that they wouldnt be a part of it. So they went home. Cars crashed into each other frequently but it just made everyone tired. I guess someone is sad about the deaths but nobody that I know, so why linger on it? A man with no name fantasised about becoming a horse. And i wrote inane bullshit in an attempt to prove my middling intelligence. Everyone always seems to lie at the least opportune times. Nobody is able to wait until im tired enough to believe them. The thing about paranoia is that theres definitely something to it. Something potent and meaningful and I wish strangers would stop judging me as I state this. Its just a fact like the sky is blue only because were born with imperfect eyes.

[Anonymous No.19926407]

>>19926403
Now ill write something about love and about how its just the preface to loneliness. Now ill write something about death and how its just the epilogue to joy. Everyone has it almost figured out, thats why they love to talk so much, because echoes dont die even though they should and glowworm caves are inadequately lit. Even stores that only sell lamps have interior lighting and television is going the way of the dodo, too delicious and dumb to thrive. Hey play me another song sam! One with a misquote that outlives the beat. Then ill climb trees that are due to be felled the next day. Then ill criss cross through potholed highways. Cut myself on seaglass. Interrupt an aslan academic. Obtain a job translating braille. Leaves only fall off because we need something to look at when were looking at nothing. Give the trees some space. Give them adequate sunshine and im sure theyll bloom into something you can throw up against the next time you drink yourself an eighth towards death. Veil vale avail its all just gibberish at this point and id like the lions share. Im perspiring dry. Something that lurks around me like an over eager hyena hoard. Plush toy stuffing lit on fire. I want to see those eyes melt through, they were dead to begin with. Fallin half asleep to documentaries about the ocean floor. Waking up to a political debate about sandpaper resources. I should throw the trash away but then this house would be even emptier than it already is. I wish I felt alone but all I feel is the concept. How lonely. Burn pretend and little lengths of time that I quantify chronologically as I lose my place. I always lose my place. I start over. Dribble. Drool. Im monolithic mundanity. Posturing tangled mannequin wire. Destroying sandcastle detritus. Even my fingers seem hard to reach and sun flares keep being promised but never seem to come to fruition. I see a book about extinct fruit and get angry. Burn all the orchards down. All apples are clones. Lets stop talking about a sun scorched earth and help it along. The sun can only do so much before it explodes and the moon just takes credit for its shine. Something something something. Theres something here maybe. I dont know. I wish youd envelop me like a tidal wave made of sky, but if you did then I wouldnt have a reason to be writing this. And thats fine. Thats okay. Thats great. Thats just perfect. Ductile. If only that word were applicable outside of mettalurgy. Be ductile. Be ductile for me darling. Be the wire that ensnares me as I grasp for freedom. Be the tendrils that rub against my agony. I want something from you and I wish I knew what it was. But as soon as I find out ill tell you and youll want out. Youll scream so loud inside of your head that you wont be sure if I heard it or not.

[Anonymous No.19926409]

>>19926391
I'm alone again
Not that I don't want to be
Just me and my hand

[Anonymous No.19926410]

>>19926407
And I didnt. But I have an idea. I can imagine it. And you ask for your books back and you buy me beer and time and pleasure but I can see it in your eyes already. Youre wondering what youre missing out on. Everything else. Youre missing out on everything else. And thats worse and better and just as good. But its also everything else. So scalpel me slowly and tell me that its just a touch up. Dye me the same colour as the inside of your skull then hang me up with the other things you push down on those days you might wish you felt lonely, even though you dont. Youve got your whole life ahead of you. Thats such a bummer. So let me buy you things so that I can rent out the hope that you might feel the same way as I do, even though I dont know what way that is. Its no good. What im doing. Its quite selfish you know. Loving someone. Its the worst possible fetish you could have and nobody wants to admit it.

[Anonymous No.19926418]

>>19926403
>>19926407
The prose itself is solid and with enough practice can become pretty good, the content however is so surface-level and platitude spewing the author admits it twice and the general voice oozes with its futility..

In sum, back to the squat rack, practice and git gud.

[Anonymous No.19926423]

>>19926391
Cass, the faggot boy, skinny like a delicate maiden, his waist dipping in at both sides like this of a young woman, his hips wide enough within the limitations of his slender frame to arouse the instincts of any throbbing cock, sitting his much thirsted after pale, velvet-like smooth bottom on the thick, long cock, more than seven inches in length and tortuously thick like a salame for such a dainty princess to anally devour so voraciously, his legs shaved and suave like a tender schoolgirl, arms as well, and face aimed up, exposing a white neck, while moaning in feminine little exasperated, panting whines and sobs. His legs were close together, not restrained by anything other than his own desire of making his ass tighter for the delights of that cock that invaded his rectum as he controlled the penetration by the voluntary thrusts of his own ass. His cock, bigger than the expected, some good six and a half inches long and decently thick, was harder than ever and starting to leak in the transparent nectar of pre-cum that flowed in the embodiment of an innocent physical response to mind-breaking euphoria, and the glowing, overflowing pleasures of the thick head of that penis massaging and mercilessly pushing against his prostate, an endless expansion of scrumptious tingles and shivers that traveled through his flesh, through his balls and cock even, a greater enticing, exquisite delight than any penile pleasure, while the member inside his ass continued pulsating, enjoying the subservient and dedicated ladylike asshole that delighted every inch of its constitution with its heat and stimulation.
"Thank you for the delicious cock!" he shouted, exasperated in ecstasy, actually picturing a life of servitude to that member, to feel that pleasure more than once a day, what a delicious premise, wearing feminine lingerie in the humiliation of finding himself on his knees and with a glistening cock covered in warm, sour-smelling spit rubbing against his hungry mouth and submissive face, his neck tugged on by a tight leash.

[Anonymous No.19926427]

>>19926395
Possibly

[Anonymous No.19926431]

>>19926391

[Anonymous No.19926436]

>>19926431

[Anonymous No.19926443]

>>19926431
>>19926436
Made me smile

[Anonymous No.19926458]

>>19926443
I'm glad anon. It was a good night.

[Anonymous No.19926460]

I thought of a way to fill-out descriptions and add meaning to a scene without it simply being fluff. It’s a simple concept which I never noticed consciously, but, which, must be getting a lot of use by better writers than I. It’s to describe one’s action and reaction to occurrences in a way that reflect a character's values and desires.

So, if you were to demonstrate a character who loves her family, you might show her grab her husband or children in the face of something dangerous or shocking (a mugger); or you can have her clutch onto her purse or latch on to her husband’s pocket, like subtly slipping a finger into his pocket as a natural reaction. You can also describe a person’s character in this manner whether they take a step back, in order to preserve their own life and indicating that they are cowardly, self-preserving, life-affirming, or whatever else; or, if they stand still, it may indicate their apathy and nihilism; as well as whether they step forward to show their confrontational or protective spirit.

I’m not suggesting any of this is new found knowledge, but it’s something that has just occurred to me consciously today. I’m not a writer, so, I suppose, it isn’t too bad that it I haven’t thought of this so far—but, as a reader, it’s still embarrassing that I haven’t learned to analyze texts in this way. At least I’m not a writer that still hasn’t grasped this, like that Waldun youtuber.

Is there anything in the books that goes over this or symbolism?

[Anonymous No.19926466]

>>19924790
Does anyone write a lot more after they relax and take time to do other things? If I stress about maximising my time and literary input/output then I kinda freeze up like a well in winter.

[Anonymous No.19926502]

>>19925621
>>19926059
>filler cucks detected
I hope your at least swindling kids out of mommy and daddies credit card with patreon for your efforts.

[Anonymous No.19926505]

>>19926466
absolutely

[Anonymous No.19926509]

>>19926502
>filler
It's called character development.

[Anonymous No.19926520]

>>19926466
Of course, if you have to force it, it's probably shit.

[Anonymous No.19926533]

what about sexually explicit writing, is that allowed (if linked)

[Anonymous No.19926535]

>>19926533
Go back to whatever faggot site you came from already

[Anonymous No.19926555]

>>19926535
ok thanks. some other anoos from another board said they liked it and this is the only other place i can think to post it because tumblr is dead

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34039570?view_full_work

[Anonymous No.19926575]

>>19926509
if you can't develop and conclude a characters development in 25-50 chapters, you are just wasting your words and sheeples time.

[Anonymous No.19926587]

>>19926555
Don't worry man, he's just kidding around. Even though he's a total retard he's also my friend.

[Anonymous No.19926682]

>>19926555
Stop being such a simpering faggot and learn the site culture before you post, moron.

[Anonymous No.19926683]

>>19926682
This is my other friend.

[Anonymous No.19926689]

>>19926575
>stopping character development after 50 chapters
>not running multiple character development arcs of varying length
I know you're shitposting but come on.

[Anonymous No.19926722]

>>19926689
so you have multiple main characters which is different to a singular main character.

[Anonymous No.19926727]

>>19926722
No, I have multiple development arcs for one character running concurrently, because characters are multi-faceted like real people and don't just autistically change their personalities in one way at a time.

[Anonymous No.19926741]

>>19926727
Kek only way that would work is if you had regressive identity/gender crisis', two steps forward one step back. Maybe a shit ton of deception and action to pad it out, still sounds kinda boring.
Like living in a trannies head or some shit.

[Anonymous No.19926747]

>>19926741
>t. has literally never spoken to another human being
Ah yes, I should have had my character level up "sanity", then when he was fully sane he could start adding points to "morality" and "social skills". Yes, that is how it works in real life too, how silly of me.

[Anonymous No.19926775]

>>19926747
oh sheesh you're writing litrpg? you're a lost cause nevermind.

[Anonymous No.19926777]

>>19926747
>Conservative estimate of 300,000 words and you still haven't finished your characters story.
I believe it is you who is not living in the real world anon.

[Anonymous No.19926782]

>>19926775
Congratulations, you are fucking stupid for not understanding that I was using LitRPG to mock you.
>>19926777
>somehow 100 chapters means 300k words
Firstly, it's a webnovel. Secondly, it's 220k. Thirdly, it's arc one of three.

[Anonymous No.19926795]

>>19926782
>less then 3k words per chapter for 100 fapters.
I truly hope you are not fleecing people on paypal or patreon for this half baked shit.

[Anonymous No.19926796]

I just want to say no matter where you are at with your writing, I respect the fact that everyone here has a creative drive. I've been trying to find people who do creative stuff in my city but it's been hard

[Anonymous No.19926799]

>>19926795
Average chapter length on RR is 2300 words, posted twice per week.

[Anonymous No.19926810]

>>19926799
How about 700 words and sporadically based on my mental state and employment status? I’m so close to 4000 total views.

[Anonymous No.19926811]

81k today
i made nachos
i will fart alot

[Anonymous No.19926819]

>>19926810
You should include a GCP schizo dot reading in there too, just for good measure.

[Anonymous No.19926827]

>>19926819
A what now?

[Anonymous No.19926832]

>>19926827
https://gcpdot.com/
Behold, the schizo dot. I'm surprised you don't know about it considering how much of a schizo you are. Remember to spend hours staring at the dot every day convincing yourself that you have tychokinesis powers.

[Anonymous No.19926846]

>>19926832
Oh that’s pretty neat. I’ll have to sleep on how I’d write a story about it. Contact Athena and the Wisps and ask them.

[Anonymous No.19927365]

Alright, vote up, VORE or MPREG as a horror element?

[Anonymous No.19927371]

>>19927365
MPREG, Vore is like the quintessential horror element, being devoured by a hungry predator is the first-fear of humanity.

[Anonymous No.19927416]

Do you ever write non-fiction? How much does it differ?

[Anonymous No.19927481]

>>19927416
Tried my hand at realism via a short 10k word story, the people I gave it to said it comes across as preachy and melodramatic. Need to write more of it to get better but for now it's on the backburner.

[Anonymous No.19927689]

My writing always takes me in unexpected directions. I planned for the homeless lady to fight my narrator, and I thought he might even pull out a victory, but as I wrote it just seemed more and more impossible. So in his bumfight, my narrator is literally beaten retarded, and I'm actually having a ton of fun channeling my inner Faulkner and kind of just riding it out. Granted, I don't have to write this way for the rest of the novel because I'm doing this kind of parallel, two stories at once idea with the chapter I'm writing. I don't think I'll have him explicitly die off, but instead kind of trace the outline of the rest of his life as a retarded homeless man and try to capture that eternal sense of confusion that goes along with brain damage, while exploring his relationship with the homeless woman who beat him retarded.

Am I writing the GAN yet, bros?

[Anonymous No.19927829]

I'm trying to write. I told myself to focus on the process. Sit down each morning for a set amount of time without distractions and just write, or try to. This is the second day of attempts now at that. The first day I sat in front of the blank screen for a while then started reading old half stories I had written. I wrote nothing new. Today I wrote 150 words that are not very good and have a rough idea for a story, though I am very conscious that it is directly influenced by a novel I read a couple months ago and I am trying to refit that in my mind to get rid of the direct influences so it's not a total ripoff.

All in all I am finding this very difficult. The temptation to distraction is intense. And I sit there in front of the blank screen and I am just ... it's intimidating. I said to myself, no goals, don't pressure yourself into writing a whole story or a word count, nothing, the only goal is the process of trying, of sitting there with the word processor and thinking about stories and trying to write one out. But even that is proving very difficult.

[Anonymous No.19927830]

>>19926466
I write a lot more when I put down my video games. God damn Warframe has pulled me in this past weekend.

[Anonymous No.19927846]

Hows the start of my LitRPG i plan to post on RR and collect some Patreon dollars?

https://files.catbox.moe/s0sha6.pdf

[Anonymous No.19927851]

>>19927829
>Today I wrote 150 words that are not very good and have a rough idea for a story, though I am very conscious that it is directly influenced by a novel I read a couple months ago and I am trying to refit that in my mind to get rid of the direct influences so it's not a total ripoff.
Let yourself imitate; it's how you learn and improve. My first story was based off of fucking Homestuck and now I'm a better writer than when I started.
If ever you get really stuck, writing first person probably is the best way to start the juices flowing. It's really rare you're going to sit down and even have an idea for the first chapter of your story, but self inserting can give you a channel for your feelings and ideas and that can turn into a basis for a character, so on and so forth.

[Anonymous No.19927859]

>>19927846
I'm not opening that, but I know it's fucking terrible because being horribly written is a literal prerequisite for litRPG at this point. I know without opening it that it's stuffed to the brim with clichés, typos, abysmal flow, invariant sentence structure, and interjections, onomatopoeia, hehe's and haha's, and innumerable other signifiers of low-quality writing.

[Anonymous No.19927862]

>>19927859
hmmm... I clearly don't have enough cliches, typos, interjections, onomatopoeias, hehe's and haha's, thanks for the suggestions!

[Anonymous No.19927863]

So fucking irritating to get a short story published. I get that poems take up less space, but fuck me if most lit mags don't have two dozen poems and three short stories.

[Anonymous No.19927953]

>>19927863
Why would you waste people's time with a short story? It's not like they pay well. Just post it online or something

[Anonymous No.19928015]

>>19927830
I still play games 30 minutes a day right between breakfast and reading. I know I can't write all the time but I can at least cut out the gaming. Hesitating even a bit feels like a waste but people tell me I need time to smell the roses.
Speaking of redeeming time, looks like I will have a 30 minute commute soon. What can I listen to to stay on the writing track? Writing themed podcasts usually arent daily, are there many free audiobooks?

[Anonymous No.19928091]

>>19927846
Simply opening the file and seeing what awaited on the sidebar made me grimace.
Good job!

[Anonymous No.19928162]

>>19928015
If you go to audiobookbay you can get good recordings. That's how I got all the Wilt series on my phone.

[Anonymous No.19928372]

>>19926423
purple

[Anonymous No.19928429]

>>19926555
This is surprisingly kino

[Anonymous No.19928581]

>>19926811
Can I get a sniff?

[Anonymous No.19928686]

Is it eye-catching? Is the title interesting enough? I'm having a hard time committing to a design for this cover.

[Anonymous No.19928759]

>>19928686
Is this another pedo fantasy? because that's what it looks like

[Anonymous No.19928829]

>>19928686
Good luck on your furry OC fanfiction. I think you should emphasize the doll, the title is alright albeit common. but if I saw it on a shelf i'd overlook it on grounds of being furshit

Here's my take

[Anonymous No.19928841]

>>19927846
I read into it a little, so i gues it's kinda like a moba of sorts?
Pacing is extremely rushed like you have had way too many redbulls.
Dialogue is very one dimensional, like a bad infomercial.
Overly repeated phrases used for character descriptors.
Information dump of setting and premise very blatant. I get absolutely no sense of wonder or anticipation from it.
By the way, where is the lit-rpg?

[Anonymous No.19928855]

>>19928841
Three or four threads ago we concluded that the /lit/ get rich quick scam is pretending to be a 14yo from india and writing shitty books about being an rpg hero in a pg13 vidya world and milking patreonbux

[Anonymous No.19928905]

>>19928581
>tfw this isnt the smellovision timeline

[Anonymous No.19928906]

>>19928686
You pen name is mad gay and your shit's all retarded.

[Anonymous No.19929347]

>>19928829
Thank you for the suggestions. Is this any better? Also, I don't really know what's happening on the third panel, is it sitting on the floor?

[Anonymous No.19929373]

>>19929347
Ah, so I see the girl gets fucked at one point, good.
Only thing I'd change is make the white behind "new doll" a similar grey to what's bellow

[Anonymous No.19929445]

>>19929347
>>19928686
I personally like the first cover more just for the stuffing coming from the doll. It's surprising tasteful imagery for something so foul and is actually pretty clever.

[Anonymous No.19929492]

How do I write jokes? I always took good humor for granted and writing made me realize that coming up with my own is actually difficult.

[Anonymous No.19929525]

>>19929492
>please tell me how to do this thing people spend their entire lives learning in 3000 characters or less

[Anonymous No.19929538]

>>19926084
In the background there were pigeons.

[Anonymous No.19929598]

>>19928686
oh no...

[Anonymous No.19929768]

>>19929525
You mean I had it in me all along?

Sounds kinda gay

[Anonymous No.19929810]

>>19929492
>>19929525
>>19929768
woah /lit/ character development

[Anonymous No.19929922]

What other languages do wuggies read, besides english?

[Anonymous No.19930086]

>>19929492
Jokes are overrated. Situational comedy is much more interesting. Importance of Being Earnest and the Wilt series are two I really like, though the former isn't imo a fully realized situational comedy

[Anonymous No.19930169]

>>19929492
Come up with the punchline first then work your way backwards.

[Anonymous No.19930249]

>>19929373
>>19929445
How about this? Emphasis on the doll + stuffing.

[Anonymous No.19930281]

>>19930249
Too much focus on the stuffing now.

[Anonymous No.19930350]

>>19930281
>>19930249
Maybe put bits of stuffing on the corner of her lip, or just a tiny bit

[Anonymous No.19930473]

I was in the middle of writing something (well, maybe more like at the beginning) and I've gotten stuck. In the meantime I've had another idea that seems fun to write. Should I put on hold what I'm working on currently in order to pursue this other project as a way to take a breather and come back stronger, or is this just a form of procrastination I should avoid falling into?

[Anonymous No.19930509]

>>19930473
I was in a similar situation and someone here told me not to write anything else or you'll get confused. Shit advice. Working on different projects at once is a great way of overcoming stagnation. If you focus on only one thing your mind gets bored and refuses to co-operate. Take a breather, work through some fresh ideas and come back to the first story when you're ready.

[Anonymous No.19930545]

>both beta readers think my book was unique and unlike anything they've ever read
I want to believe this is my chance bros. This could be it for me. I might make it.

[Anonymous No.19930551]

>>19930509
Thanks for the advice, it is what I wanted to hear, I admit, but I also needed to know that it is okay for me to deviate a little. It probably helps that these two ideas are very different in scope, genre, style and pretty much everything.

[Anonymous No.19930557]

>>19930473
I'm not a professional writer, but I do have a couple proyects that I switch to when the main hoe isn't getting inspiration

[Anonymous No.19930566]

I sit
Staring blankly at the bright light of the white background screen
Sitting in my self loathing
Without any clothing
As a punk rock tune blares from my computer speakers
Making me reminiscence of a better time
A better life
When I did not feel completely alone
When I had it all
Before my destructive fall
All the things I took for granted
I stew in a mental state of complete decline
Of my own design

I sit.

[Anonymous No.19930572]

>>19926775
Lit-rpg writers make more than you.

[Anonymous No.19930589]

>>19927846
You should be fine. There are worse writers making thousands a month.
Just make sure to publish at least twice a day for about 2 weeks to get on trending. Then slow down your post rate so you can paywall the chapters you haven't posted yet.

[Anonymous No.19930592]

>>19928841
Jeeze the average word count is 2300 words per chapter and I'm already pushing 3000. How much slower can I go? How do these lit rpg guys do it?

[Anonymous No.19930596]

>>19930551
>It probably helps that these two ideas are very different in scope, genre, style and pretty much everything.
Yeah, I'd say that's ideal.

[Anonymous No.19930603]

>>19930566
I like it

[Anonymous No.19930623]

>>19926153
Is ashley meant to be a guy or girl? I was thinking girl until you described "his" voice as baritone

[Anonymous No.19930640]

>>19930603
Thanks anon :)

[Anonymous No.19930644]

>>19930557
That's good to know, thanks for sharing your experience.
>>19930596
I'm still having a hard time finding my own voice, and I'm not working hard enough to do it. I probably need to experiment a little bit more before finding myself comfortable with something. I thought I finally had it, but then I started getting exhausted and that's how I ended up in this situation I just described. Maybe this other attempt will help me see the light.

[Anonymous No.19930723]

voice vs style
rhythm vs meter

i do not get the difference

[Anonymous No.19930744]

Kid had ever seen. Her natural blonde hair, intense stare and shrewd voice had him falling in love. He though it was all a dream maybe - the running, the yelling, the blood, and a queer circumstance about a mexican fellow bragging about incestous cuckoldry.
Could you believe that? Incestous cuckoldry! While this kid was playing chess (board and pieces made from a clipboard and erasers) with a broad, mulato asian looking fellow from LA, he heard the greatest exclamation of his life thus far.
“You guys wanna know why I am the way I am?” Hernadez had a spectacle in his eyes between intense laughter and the beginnings of crying.
“Why?” The crowd of bald trainees in blue pants and assorted shirts motions around him closer.
“I let my brother bone my wife…. And he films it!” The crowd gasped.

[Anonymous No.19930835]

The piece was as simple as they come, standing five feet nothing or maybe less, large horizontal rectangular drawers top to bottom, each with its muted grey utilitarian looking semi-elliptical oblong plastic handle. Not remotely memorable if not for the reflective aspect of its varnish, a ruddy chocolate surface of reflective turbid wood, and because of its round corners that smoothly went up and concluded the structure in eye-pleasing curves and arcs of not too daring bending where sharp angles would otherwise be found, it seemed almost like some sort of gelatinous oily little block of bronze tinged jelly. It tricked the eye into believing that it would idly and sluggishly jounce its colloid body up and down, that it would drip and sweat in condensation, or melting of its molasses-built constitution, into generous thick drops that would trickle all the way to the ground. Or that one could extend and shove their hand into it, apprehensively, and discover that it has the tactile quality of molten caramel.

[Anonymous No.19930836]

I suck so bad at writing it's not even funny. I wrote this last night and just reread it and it's worse than I thought it was.
https://pastebin.com/YK9JSSVc

[Anonymous No.19930839]

>>19930350
>>19930281
I think this is the best possible version.

[Anonymous No.19930856]

He offered you some peanuts you politely declined. The corrugated peanut bag shined its internal aluminium -colored silver glisten once or twice when in direct contact of a stray sunshine in the gloomy overcast day, an amalgamam of heathered, burdened clouds loomed above, one or another rickety, starved slender vestige of what a clean portion of the blue sky could become, almost capable to align itself perfectly for the sun to shine its aureate halcyon ray, and in a godly generosity paint color into this day. Rob didn't bother speaking unless absolutely necessary, filling the air with the crinkles of a creased stream of sound waves, sporadic cacophonies and litanies of his fingers shifting for a saltened pellet that hid from him in that bag. It was the kind of frigid day that blistered the skin, sharpened its fangs around your muscles and encroached through their fibers like a form of paralyzing radiation, an all-encompassing energy that burrowed itself into your flesh.

"My mother loves the cold." he mentions suddenly, breaking a reticence that held time away in some alternate world, as you have no idea how long you spent in silence "She always wanted to live somewhere in the bone-chewing-cold..." he chews and thinks a bit, as if reminiscing "Colder than the devil's heart. With snow and what not."

You smile to him and think of saying you don't like the cold much yourself, but overtaken by bubbling shyness, you say nothing, and thankfully he continues.

"Gon' be honest, I do too." he nods to himself, holding a peanut against his lips "I've always thought of this huge, cozy and warm luxury chalet just for me and my wife to snuggled up to." He immediately cuts his tone to an clarifying one and shows you his left hand in a split-second wavering of it "I mean, I'm not married but you get the idea." a chuckle and a sigh and a bit of a pause allows him to think "You see, when I was younger I dreamed of luxury and excess, fucking whores and popping champagne. But even in my fantasies I felt unfulfilled. Those cravings, they satisfy the cock..." He throws a peanut into his maw and chews it "They doesn't satisfy the heart. They don't fulfill."

"Those mega-mansions never look comfortable." you say, and notice your voice came out cleaner that expected, and loaded with tranquil self-confidence. You enjoy the sound of it and continue: "All that lifestyle looks tiresome." A tad of a smirk on your mouth, arm hanging on the back of the bench.

"Nailed right to the head." he gestures with the now empty bag of peanuts towards you as if it were a bottle "That is all we need... Some comfoooort..." he groans, almost a baritone shivering purr of a cat-man, and throws his head back on the bench, a white neck exposed to the skies.

[Anonymous No.19930866]

>>19930723
Voice: how the message is told, even if the message is not unique
Style: the arrangement of the words and clauses
Rhythm: the beat by beat bounce of the line prose
Meter: the overall beat of the piece

[Anonymous No.19930960]

>>19930839
Much better. Losing the vignetting draws the eye away from the stuffing. A much more subtle detail now.
Another thing I would recommend is making your name more readable. You probably pronounce it as "Marsha X Marshmallow" and not "Marshax Marshmallow". Just extend the trails on the X and you can keep it clean without any spacing. If you actually do pronounce it as Marshax then disregard but it is an ugly sounding name.

[Anonymous No.19930965]

>>19930589
But I want it to be /lit/ approved!

[Anonymous No.19931036]

>>19930589
Alright so I write a good 24 chapters first then I'll start to slow down right?

[Anonymous No.19931072]

>>19930836
you're too harsh on yourself when there's a lot of potential here...in general based on the first para, your imagery needs more clarity
>various torches not sure what is being referred to here. And I think the light emitted from these fiery sources should paint themselves on walls
>"dreams would spill out down the dingy streets"....unless this is metatextual, as in the scene you're writing is also a dream, I have a hard time finding this to be coherent with a typical reality

[Anonymous No.19931087]

>>19930839
Looks good

[Anonymous No.19931107]

Where should I go to find good public domain photos to use for my webnovel cover?
Or should I just cough up the money on fiverr for someone to make an original piece that I own the rights to?


>>19929492
spend a lot of time finding content that is humorous. Not studying it, just absorbing it. Netflix has a lot of great standup, it's their only selling point any more. When you find something that really makes you laugh, ask yourself why. Standup is great for this because you can hear how a live audience reacts, so you can figure out at exactly what moment the punch line hit, and hopefully determine that why.

[Anonymous No.19931124]

>>19931107
I use Canva. There's a lot of free stuff, but I don't know if there's any other legal issues with it. To be safe, its' probably better just to take a picture, but I figured if I get a C&D, I'll just change the cover later. since by then, my book would be pretty popular and the cover doesn't really matter anymore.

Or do Catch-22 style with a small doodle, and a blank blue page.


https://www.canva.com/create/book-covers/

[Anonymous No.19931156]

>>19931072
Well, thanks. To me it feels too forced, like I'm trying too hard to create a mood, but it just feels clumsy and awkward.
For your last point, I was trying to describe how the once ordinary city attained a nightmarish quality in the foggy darkness due to our own fears and perceptions.

[Anonymous No.19931163]

>>19930592
They usually already have writen a bunch of stuff before they started posting <- The DECENT lit-rpg writers (very small number, mind you)
The rest, they just write a lot everyday and keep on posting, obviously, it'll lead

[Anonymous No.19931167]

I believe this has been asked and debated here before, but would it be better to have a female or male main character in an adventure fantasy setting? I've always stuck with a female mc in the current long-term story(es) I'm invested in for the time being, not sure why, I just envisioned it that way, but I'm not sure if that's the right call, since my target demographic is the type of person that enjoys grimdark fantasy, idk if it might be to my detriment to have my lead character be female.

[Anonymous No.19931172]

>>19931036

See a post I did before.
>>19931163
This is the guide to litrpg writing. Despite what others might say, writing like this can kind of help you.

Not in style mind you, but rather in how you are starting a schedule and sticking to it. When you write something actually decent it'll be easy for you to stick to writing at that.

[Anonymous No.19931223]

FUCK IT. I know someone here wanted to read the Emily robot book.

Keep in mind it's still in beta. I'll still be editing and rewriting. But fuck it. Here's the beta for those interested.

https://litter.catbox.moe/a4na7i.pdf

[Anonymous No.19931322]

>>19931223
>No lit-rpg elements
Ngmi

[Anonymous No.19931440]

>>19931167
Readers want to sexualize women

Readers want to challenge men

Do you want readers of both sexes to think about your MC's cunny, or do you want them to think about how MC's actions should've been different?

[Anonymous No.19931447]

>>19931223
Hi Emmyfag
Nice cover

I'll read that here and there. Good on you for finishing this draft

[Anonymous No.19931521]

>>19931124
Thanks! Canva was exactly what I needed. I also found a page on their website saying that the pictures are free use.

Now I can b8 way more people into reading my shitty isekai

[Anonymous No.19931526]

I've had an idea tossed around in my mind for a long time, about a...platonic? romance story between two flawed, contrasting characters. The general idea is that of a wandering, disgraced "knight"type running into a worn-out, jaded prostitute - an encounter wich fate makes happen again and again; The whore's heart lost its heat decades ago, and the knight's guilt won't let him do anything that isn't self-harmful or punishing... and yet the two find shelter in the casual conversations and interactions wich leads them to wonder if they deserve to be loved. Eventually something happens, like the whore's daughter being kidnapped or something, that makes the "knight" stand up and regain his dignity in his own eyes, and has the whore realize that she can lower her guard for someone and be warm.
I don't want the whore and the knight to end together. The whore can fix her bond with her daughter and the knight can go back to his home with his head held high, but ending it with intimacy would be against both their characters IMO

...thoughts?

[Anonymous No.19931561]

>>19931526
>no litrpg elements
Need more stats and numbers

[Anonymous No.19931581]

>>19931561
Very easily could I add a stats page with the whore's sexfighting skill level and bodycount.
Knightman can have a depression meter he has to manage

[Anonymous No.19931702]

I need some ideas for my next book!!!! Do I write a litrpg? But I don't think I can stick with it for even 20 chapters.

A historical fiction? But I don't want to go to the library to research.

Science Fiction?

Mystery?

[Anonymous No.19931728]

>4 years ago, decide to graduate from short stories to a novel
>start off basic with what is essentially a power fantasy action story, typical hero's journey shtick
>have spent the past 4 years working on it, something I probably won't even try to publish because I'm terrified of revealing how pathetic I am for writing it
>still coming up with ways to improve it now
I don't know how people pump out stuff in months, I'd go insane in the attempt

[Anonymous No.19931760]

>>19931702
Don't debase yourself by jumping on the fotm bandwagon, write a historical litrpg, always stay one step ahead.

[Anonymous No.19931780]

>>19931223
Finally you chicken nugget scoon

[Anonymous No.19931799]

>>19931760
>Name's Harrison; I'm known as the fastest shooter in the west. How? Easy. I put in 20 points into Draw Speed, and another 10 points into bullet speed. I'm only level 40 too. It'll take another few million experience points to get to another level, so most people of my caliber aren't going to surpass me. It also doesn't help there's death. Anyone that tries to become level 41, will instantly meet death by my hand.

>I am Harrison F. Elliot. A man with two first names, and fastest gun in the west.

[Anonymous No.19931809]

tfw realizing I'll never top the /lit/ story with 55,000 instances of the word nigger

[Anonymous No.19931891]

>>19931702
Historical lit-rpg (teleported to alternate WW2 or Victorian era but with stats and powers)
Sorry bro, but literally NO one except psudes will care about the historical accuracy of your work, unless if you really screw things up.
How do you think Jap writers get away with adding in every mythological reference they can?

[Anonymous No.19931949]

>>19931799
this is fucking terrible. People read shit like this?

[Anonymous No.19931959]

>>19931223
>>19931780
Sorry link is broken

https://litter.catbox.moe/jdf0fh.pdf

[Anonymous No.19932119]

>>19931949
You have to understand that the majority of lit-rpg's demograohic is ESL.

[Anonymous No.19932245]

What's hopefully the first of many short stories has been sent to the beta readers. With any luck it'll be ready to ship by sunday.
Life's good brehs

[Anonymous No.19932379]

>>19930592
That's the trade off i'm afraid. It's ok to put out a lot of low quality work if you are comfortable doing such. At least you can take the criticism and accept it without resorting to attacking the person for giving advice.
Myself personally, i'm new to writing and i'm limiting myself to 1k words a day, unless its something that doesn't involve in fact cross checking stuff. Even with that i still have to go back and edit the shit ivé just written before 'i'm ready to post it, again its what your comfortable with.
Regardless keep on writing friend.

[Anonymous No.19932458]

How do I know if the background lore I'm writing is good or bad for my sci fi setting?

[Anonymous No.19932858]

>>19932458
Does it make sense? Does it affect characters as a part of their lives? Does it develop your idea of what's your book is about?

[Anonymous No.19932953]

>>19931959
>Caleb thought to himself.
Unless you're writing some kind of postmodern play on this trope in which Caleb can think to anyone other than himself, please nuke every fucking instance of this.

[Anonymous No.19932972]

The skies directly above, through the haze of the leaves of trees and dirty stratus clouds that dissipated themselves in crisp winds of the evening, had a mossy chestnut hue touched by the first tones of the sunset, and towards the line of the horizon right ahead, a seamless gradient lead to a smoldering blood orange that culminated in the climax of the sun itself, suffused like an irritated orb enveloped in a crimson red aura, with the top of its curvature gleaming in a golden apricot color, its bottom as if dipped into a cupful of its own blood, plasma of a celestial body. There were masses of dark trees whose trunks seemed almost jet black if not for the attentive eye to observe its dark brown aspect turned almost aphotic by the humidity proper of the melting snow all around. Darkening the margins of the road in a fuzzy mist of viridian umber. Growing like tendrils erupting out of the ground, like bursts of life almost vibrating with its clamor for contact with the air and the light. Some of them bifurcating, some not, slithering ever so slightly towards the road or standing almost straight to the sky, covered in its smallest crevices of lesser branches growing here and there with snow. The road had one small serpentine way cut through it exposing the wet sepia of the dirt underneath, receiving the pouring of the sanguine sun's colors at the distance, snow still covering the sides of the pathway, but only a thin layer, its fullness abating to the rising temperature. Small little black birds, of long legs that bent backwards, imponent little round bodies and distinctive heads landed on the snow and jumped around in quick flutters of their wings when first noticing the electric impulse of the bitter cold, only to land on more snow and quickly settle there, peaking at nothing in particular on the ground. Others sat on a branch and observed, from the thinner trees of meager bodies and bleary fluffy foliage. Among the bottom of the trees, shrubbery grew in the same umber color as the rest of the vegetation.

[Anonymous No.19933018]

>>19932972
This is an accurate description. The words are mostly used correctly, but even one poorly placed word ruins everything. When you use the word "imponent" incorrectly, it's a double whammy. Not only does it fail to bring any texture or flow to the phrasing, it doesn't add anything to the accuracy of the passage. It's an ugly, incorrect word, and being ugly AND incorrect is the greatest sin in writing. Passages like this one, when pulled off, are prose poetry. This one sacrifices beauty in language for the attempt at beauty in imagery because it mistakes accuracy for beauty itself. The real trick in poetry isn't just a descriptive image, it's balancing that ability to describe a thing with the beauty of describing it. This passage has the tone and it reaches for the sublime, but it falls short because its focus is on the image the words describe and places it ahead of the words themselves.

[Anonymous No.19933044]

>>19933018
Interesting. I myself could find a number of things to be improved in this paragraph, but "imponent" was not one of them. I guess in portuguese, my first language, the word imponent is used also to mean "that which has a pose of importance", even in relation to animals. But your complaint seems to be that the word itself is ugly, unaesthetic if you will, to which I disagree, even opening the argument that the beauty of a word is to some extent subjective.

But I will agree that I do get caught up in trying to transmit all sensory details too accurately.

[Anonymous No.19933066]

>get into the groove of things, writing flows out well
>realize that all I'm writing is lines of dialogue between two people in a room
How do I stop doing this? Nobody wants to read conversations, they want action and sex and fast cars.

[Anonymous No.19933167]

I have two questions.
I have received a few requests to write short, less than 10k word stories. Is it a good idea to write multiple stories at once, or its better to focus on one? You know sometimes I get ideas for story B for example while I'm writing story A.

Also how do I get better at writing smut? I know its not a wise thing to overuse adjectives, but then how do you do it?

[Anonymous No.19933175]

>>19931526
I would say go for it! I think if told well and with passion it could be a great piece full of care and drama, saying something about the roles we fill for each other and for ourselves, where the overlap lies and how others can bring the best out of ourselves. I’m assuming it’s set over a long period of time based on the daughter character, but if not I’d recommend it, make us feel the relationship grow and change over the ages, it adds a lovely sense of impermanence which I think strikes true to life.

[Anonymous No.19933324]

>>19933044
>But I will agree that I do get caught up in trying to transmit all sensory details too accurately.
This is a dramatic simplification of what I'm saying. I'll say it more bluntly: there is no poetry to this passage which needs to be poetry. It doesn't work without a much closer eye for the interplay between words.

I singled out "imponent" because it's wrong for one, but also because it's emblematic of the, anal-retentive way in which you focus on accuracy over form. This isn't just a different conception of stylistic preference — it's a deficit in taste, and an incomplete understanding of what makes similar passages special. If you want absolute accuracy, find the thing and take a photo of it. If it doesn't or can't exist, paint it. It is a misuse of the literary medium to sacrifice this much artistic form for descriptive function.

[Anonymous No.19933401]

[Anonymous No.19933446]

What is the best way to build readership when I'm not writing genre fiction/litrpg/erotica?
I've heard that RoyalRoad and Wattpad are only good for the above mentioned genres. I don't really care about making money or anything at the moment. I just want to get some readers.

I'm thinking of putting short stories (and maybe serializing a longer story) on medium.com and submitting to magazines & journals.

Is it worth it to make my own website and create a mailing list? What about entering competitions? Also, is there a good list of magazines/journals that a scrub can submit to? I'm not from the US if that matters.

[Anonymous No.19933452]

>>19933446
RR is just one of the biggest sites, it's not necessarily the best.

[Anonymous No.19933473]

>>19933446
https://thegrinder.diabolicalplots.com/

[Anonymous No.19933561]

I think I'm writing an encyclopedic novel. I didn't set out to, but the way it's all shaken out, I think that's where it wants to go. Wish me luck, bros, because I'm going to encapsulate the 21st century experience. If I pull this off and if this gets into even one pair of the right hands, I'm going to enter the literary canon.

[Anonymous No.19933567]

>>19933066
No they don't, loser. Natural dialogue can be an absolute joy to read.

[Anonymous No.19933571]

>>19933567
>Natural dialogue
>Natural
Y-yeah, ahaha...

[Anonymous No.19933949]

>>19933571
YOU WILL WRITE
YOU WILL IMPROVE
YOU WILL BECOME SUCCESSFUL

[Anonymous No.19934180]

Do you write out "um"s and "uhh"s in your dialogue? I don't mean the unconscious, space-filling noises that people make, but when they completely trail off mid sentence. The job could technically be done with ellipses, but hence the question

>Elliot put a hand on her shoulder as gently as he could, after taking the bloody glove off. “Hey, let’s take a step back.”
>She blinked and looked up at him. With a little shake of her head, she said, “No, I’m fine. We can continue. Up to the, uh, up three stories right? To where she got killed?”

[Anonymous No.19934210]

>>19934180
Of course I do. They say it.

[Anonymous No.19934217]

>>19934180
I stylize them like Gaddis does in J R, with less polish, but yeah, I do.

[Anonymous No.19934304]

>>19930623
Ashley is a guy, it used to be a masculine name so I was following that

[Anonymous No.19934328]

>>19925515
>Nearly half a million words in and I'm not even done with my second major arc
If by "mastering" powers you mean having a comprehensive grasp of them, I could probably say my MC has achieved that. She's already working on getting more shit and refining what she already has but that's how it is with writing totally-not-cultivation.

[Anonymous No.19934353]

>>19934180
Not really, unless a character has a specific reason for their speech to be interrupted (like a coughing fit or audibly struggling from physical exertion). But then, I'm not trying to write realism.

[Anonymous No.19934562]

>>19934353
The passage I posted was part of me describing someone in shock. How would you write that in your style that allegedly isn't realistic.

For context, a woman was shot in the chest by a shotgun and kicked off a roof. The two police officers are investigating. She (Ram) is new to the job.

Or is the entire scene not something you would write?

[Anonymous No.19934570]

>>19934562
Yeah I wouldn't write it cause I don't like it when women are killed.

[Anonymous No.19934604]

>>19934562
I would probably still include interruptions in a situation such as that, yes. Just not in normal conversation wherein real people would still do "Uh... What was it... I mean-" etc.

The passage you posted works.

[Anonymous No.19935176]

>>19934180
Yes and I also include inhale and exhale tags as a best practice.

[Anonymous No.19935306]

>>19926460
>>19926460
ty anon I found this helpful.

I'm personally wrestling with trying to world-build for an entire pararaph, maybe 2 or 3, even.

Why? I'm just trying to find it a way to be more interesting. So far a theory I have is to add narrator comments every now and then

So here is a rough mock up of something I tried.
On a remote hill, among rolling plains of soggy grass, in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to see until the horizon, there sat a neglected building. A useless building, and yet this building holds a place within our tale.
Built by the old methods, this single room house was lined with carved rocks of uneven dimensions, held together by cement that had been chipped away by the weathering of the elements, covering the place in the varioius kinds of dirt that you can find out in the wildernss. A thick coating of mud, dust and debree.
The doorway to this small shack was inset by half a meter, arched and providing some shelter from any potential wind and rain for guests waiting to be granted entry. It must have been centuries since this place had any guests.
Leading up to the doors was a short set of stairs, three in number, bridging the gap between grass and entryway. The doors were rotting, soaked to the core, only held together by their rusted fastenings, and finally a rickety tile roof tried its best to provide cover, and was still intact to a degree for it had only a number of small cracks.
The inside was not much different to the outside. Bare stone walls, bumpy, damp and filthy, with a bare stone floor, covered in puddles. Only a circular table lined with 6 chairs around it was the only piece of furniture. The only light source here was from the cracks in the roof.
A thumping of steps and jingle of chainmail could be heard outside. There was a party of, what sounded like armor clad knights stamping up the stairs.

[Anonymous No.19935312]

>>19934180
I think that and trying to write out a dialect is very tacky. It can be done well, but 9/10 it reads like shit.

[Anonymous No.19935333]

>>19934180
Only if it conveys something important. I try to use word choice more than pronunciation.

[Anonymous No.19935365]

>>19934180
>Do you write out "um"s and "uhh"s in your dialogue?
I don't, unless I specifically want to draw attention to the character's confusion/hesitation. Like,
>"Go down the street, then turn left, again left, then right, then left again twice, and one more time right."
>"Uh, what?"
But never in the middle of a line. That's just annoying to read and adds nothing.

[Anonymous No.19935368]

>>19935306
>1 member
new cord?

[Anonymous No.19935372]

I wrote a dungeon-fantasy "action" scene. Be brutally honest, how bad is my writing?

https://ghostbin.com/yyRsA

[Anonymous No.19935402]

>>19935368
Yes opened it yesterday and just started advertising it.

The (((official))) cord is just filled with sperg spammers. You cant even have any discussions there and nobody writes or talks about writing.

[Anonymous No.19935424]

>>19935372
>>19935306

>https://ghostbin.com/yyRsA

You do a lot of things really well and a lot of things bad. You have potential, you just need to keep growing the good and post less bad.

[Anonymous No.19935451]

>>19935372
Too many commas in sentence 1 and last one (none necessary). Second sentence is duplicative/awkward as outlaws are of course not landed gentry. Skimming ahead it seemed like framing of the scene was an issue (clarifying who is who, where they are).

Good humor on the banshee part though and I could feel the overall charm of it coming through. Keep at it anon, if you're looking for an exercise idea I'd suggest rewriting that scene from scratch so that characters/scene are better introduced and the sequence of events is more spaced out (longer overall). Keep an eye on comma/dash use.

[Anonymous No.19935477]

>>19935372
I found it very difficult to follow. You somehow crammed the MC's backstory and four (five?) character introductions in what you call an action scene four paragraphs long. Also, the eels I have in mind aren't particularly dangerous so I have no idea what the characters are doing fighting them in "shin-deep mud". It seems very silly.

[Anonymous No.19935491]

>>19935402
>discord
>full of sperg spammers
Who would've thought? Maybe fuck off to reddit with your cancerous circlejerks

[Anonymous No.19935510]

June 17, 2021
The world was abuzz with activity and Taylor was drinking it in. She breathed in deep, the humid summer air filtering through her face mask, carrying with it an invigorating combination of exhaust and the musty stink of the nearby Potomac river. It was kismet that Brood X, a species of cicada which lived on a 17-year life cycle, was emerging in concert with the society moving past the horrors of the past year. Taylor’s white earbuds worked extra hard to eliminate the cacophony of the cicadas’ incessant chirping.
She was seated outside, away from the disease-riddled masses huddled inside Starbucks. She’d read some headlines which indicated that most people still hadn’t been graced with the vaccine and so were a threat to her.
Threats came from all angles, she thought, as she noted a couple leaving the nearby Starbucks. They were both white, cis straight people.
Taylor sneered at the sight. The woman, blonde and pert, must’ve noticed, so she looked in Taylor’s direction. Taylor turned her head and hid her face in her pink and white hair. The sun was probably bringing out the dyes, which she’d chosen to signify her support for trans rights. It was important for allies to be seen so that the victims of transphobia could be heard. As she ran her hands through her hair, warily watching the couple walk down the street, the safety pin which hung from her bracelet grazed her cheek.
Sure that the oppressors had passed, Taylor dared to look up again. Her partner, a proud African descendent of slaves, emerged from the coffee shop, a cup in each hand. He caught sight of her immediately and beamed, his eyes smiling to compensate for his mouth, which was hidden behind his all black mask to show his support of BLM.
He sat at the other side of the cozy table, its metal surface reflecting the noon sun with blinding ferocity, and pushed Taylor’s cup toward her. She smiled, looking down at the iced, pink and purple beverage as it jostled inside the clear plastic cup. Starbucks had been very progressive in redesigning these cups so that you could drink from them without a straw, thus savings the lives of countless marine animals. As she picked up the cup, her boyfriend’s fingertips grazed the back of her hand. She blushed, but the flattery was tinged by regret at not chiding him for failing to ask her permission first. While she appreciated the suffering of generations of Africans on American soil that he embodied it did not diminish her bodily autonomy as a woman.

[Anonymous No.19935515]

Alright, I'll post something of my own to get shit on. This is an excerpt from a sequence where a war criminal negotiates with a wealthy governor, also a shameless Snake Plissken homage.

>Start

“You’ve been pinned with more war crimes than I knew existed,” Crovacus Estoras said flatly.

The Prisoner’s eyes rose to meet his, from their ice-cold blueness spilling naught but resentment.

“Give me the list and a couple months,” hissed the man. “I’ll make sure it’s accurate.”

Crovacus sighed, “I’d laugh, but you’re not the first or even third to say something like that. It’s hard to argue in your favor when you say you regret not doing it instead of pleading innocence.”

With a razor-toothed grin, the Prisoner leaned over the governor’s desk, snatching a cigar from his cigar-holder with his teeth. He bit off the end, flipped it in his mouth, then lit it off the smoldering nub of Crovacus’s own stogie, all without the use of his hands and maintaining eye contact with the Governor all throughout. The Governor dared not move.

He leaned back in his seat, chains rattling as he did, toked from the cigar, and spoke: “You’d get like that too if you were locked up with nothin’ but snooty foreigners n’ their sycophants blarin’ in yer ear day in day out ‘bout “muh babykillers” this, “muh Ikesio-chauvinism” that. They already think we’re all beasts in the skins of men. I’m startin’ to think if we’d acted the part the country wouldn't've gone all to hell.”

It was plain by this point that Sodan didn’t like Crovacus, whether that was because of his ethnicity or merely the circumstances of their meeting.

“I’m about ready to throw your ass back into that prison camp if you don’t want to cooperate,” the governor said coldly.

“And who are you?” asked the Prisoner haughtily, that self-same grin still plastering his face.

“Estoras,” he replied. “Provisional Governor of Willowdale.”

A flicker of recognition in the man’s eyes, “Crovacus Estoras… Rushing Dandy?”

[Anonymous No.19935516]

>>19935510
“This is great, though, isn’t it? Getting the day off?” The boyfriend smiled, leaning back in his seat, and sipped his bright green iced matcha. Taylor flinched, but caught herself. She didn’t like how he was forced to appropriate an Asian beverage since Starbucks wasn’t inclusive enough to serve Rooibos or other African teas. Perhaps she could take to Twitter later and enlighten the corporation.
“Yes. Juneteenth is such an important day in American history.” Taylor sipped her drink, her bright orange lipstick marring the clear plastic mouth of the lid. “Of course, we were never going to get it recognized while he was President.”
“Yeah. It’s weird Obama didn’t do anything about it,” the boyfriend said as he shrugged.
“Well, you know, he was busy with other things like saving the world. Then … you know … other Presidents came in and screwed everything up. We’re lucky to be alive!”
“Yeah,” the boyfriend said. He swatted at a large black dot with bulging eyes that that buzzed around his head. “Damn cicadas,” he grumbled. “You know, my granny used to cook these things,” he commented while he knocked the bug to the ground.
“Really?” Taylor leaned forward, excited. “Was it an old African recipe brought over when your ancestors were enslaved?”
“I don’t know. Maybe? She put them in grits. I was, like, five the last time these things came around. Hey, speaking of eating them—“ He scrutinized nearby street signs, squinting as he craned his neck toward them. “I think I read about a place near here that’s selling them in tacos or something. Might be interesting. I mean, it’s a dish you can only have every seventeen years, right?” He looked down at his cup, swallowed in his hands, with a frown. “Not like nana is around anymore to make grits.”
While she mulled over the suggestion, Taylor scrolled through the search results of “cicada tacos” on Instagram. Selfies and glamour shots of the unique dish, many from the local restaurant, whetted her appetite for something so exotic.
“Well, I did read that insect protein will be the wave of the future,” Taylor commented, pocketing her phone. “And it looks like the restaurant is a woman- and minority-owned business. They’re Peruanos,” she pronounced the word with an exaggerated—and misplaced—rolling of the “r.” “But it’s still more authentic than if white people were appropriating Latinx culture.”

[Anonymous No.19935519]

>>19935516
Taylor rose from her seat, holding her cup firmly. The ice and drink sloshed about inside. Her boyfriend rose with her and they headed off and turned the corner into a long line of people eager to pay a premium to eat a rare ingredient that annoyed them while they waited. After they grabbed their orders they returned to their apartment, not too far from Old Town Alexandria, and the food grew cold as Taylor took her own glamour shots of her food and fussed over choosing just the right hashtags to accompany them.
The couple made wild, passionate love that night. In the spirit of Juneteenth, Taylor encouraged her boyfriend to use her white pussy for reparations. He was happy to accommodate even though her attempts at dirty talk perturbed him rather than aroused. The mood was especially ruined when she cried out “Barack” while in the throes of orgasm.
A short time later, upon learning that Taylor had seen to ensuring reparations were met with several other descendent of slaves, the boyfriend left her. Some time after that, Taylor learned she was pregnant.
Any regrets she felt about not exercising her right to abort the fetus disappeared as she looked into the those eyes the color of red clay. It was snowing in Northern Virginia that February, a reminder of the looming climate crisis. That didn’t matter as the baby smiled back and their gorgeous eyes were partially hidden by chubby cheeks. Those eyes were so like the boyfriend she’d spent Juneteenth with that she couldn’t believe he was any others’ son. The baby cooed at her lovingly, drool dripping from the corner of their mouth. As Taylor dabbed the corner of the hospital bed’s blanket to clean their face she decided to not pursue the likely father. The courts were used to oppress black men enough and the last thing she wanted was for murderous cops to overreact to a white girl’s claims of a missing black dead which would inevitable lead to another senseless death.
“What are you going to name him,” Taylor’s mother asked, watching from the corner of the room.
“For starters, mom, I’m going give them the opportunity to choose their own gender. However, I think a good name would be Chadwick.”
“That’s a boy’s name,” mom said with a groan.
“A name is just a name.”
Chadwick, who turned out to straight cis male, much to Taylor’s dismay, grew up healthy and strong. He even had a brother, the trans, lesbian boy Soph, who became his step brother when Taylor married her partner, Shanice. The proud lesbians struggled with raising their two sons, navigating the ongoing climate crisis, and unending chain of pandemics, and fighting for more rights for increasingly minor minorities. All of it was rather sedate until the summer of 2038. That was when Brood X re-emerged from its underground slumber … and the terror began.

[Anonymous No.19935523]

>>19935402
Hey, I'm in there, and I write. I just don't talk much about it becuase no one ever responds. They don't even show up to the workshop.

[Anonymous No.19935525]

>>19935519
July 17, 2038
Corin loved Tumaini. She’d looked up his name once, and it was African and meant “hope.” It was also meant for girls but that was such a passe way of picking names. Why would his mother, Taylor, have limited herself to just half the available names when there was one so perfect waiting to be found among the forbidden?
As she touched his arm, feeling the smoothness of that mocha skin while gazing into his piercing blue eyes, Corin knew she wanted to taste the forbidden, as Tumaini’s mother once had. Why should it be forbidden, after all, if it could result in something so perfect?
He curled his big, pink upper lip. “I didn’t give you my consent,” it was a statement of fact, not rebuke.
Looking away, Corin lifted her hand from him and instead stoked her tight braid of platinum, pink, and blue hair. “I, as a bisexual white woman, am of mixed privilege. I offer apologies if any harm was felt.” She hoped he didn’t notice that blood rushed to her cheeks, a side effect of the intoxicating mix of arousal and shame.
“That’s okay.” He looked away.
Was he giving a command to his Better Reality (or “BR,” a trademark of the Diszon Corporation) lenses or just looking up at the locker? Corin glanced at the screen that ran above the lockers. She noticed a lot of the hash tags had the word “bug” in them, but figured it was just a push for the school’s new line of protein shakes.
“Hey, I gotta head out. Rideshare is picking me up in a few.”
“Okay,” Corin said, lips peeled back in a smile.
Tumaini turned and headed down the hall. Some of the students he passed were staring at screens.
“Hey, I’ll ‘gram you tonight,” Corin called to Tumaini. He glanced over his shoulder and waved goodbye.
Corin loved Tumaini. He was the perfect boy for her, if she were allowed to have him, or call him “boy.” She knew that was the new a-word but wasn’t had no idea why. Something about the 1960’s. Why were so many people looking at screens? Reaching to her yoga thong pocket, Corin sighed. She’d left her PPC in her locker! She turned on her heel, the slipper sole squeaking against the floor. As she did, a classroom door was thrown open. Three students charged out of the room, one slamming her shoulder against the hallway wall as she did. Corin snapped some killer shots with her lenses as a person barreled into her. Tossing Corin to the floor, the individual shouted “get the fuck out of here” as they ran down the hall.

[Anonymous No.19935530]

>>19935525
Something buzzed from the classroom. No … chirped. Still sprawled against the slick vinyl floor, Corin looked at the door. Something small and of color zipped into the hall and darted away. Another followed, but this one lazily drifted toward Corin. Adrenaline surging coursing through her veins, the girl observed the creature while she gasped. It was small. Its body was black, the beating wings a blur of orange and brown, and at the front were two bulging red eyes; a cicada. Then, behind it, a swarm spilled out of the classroom. Corin’s scream was cut short as she choked on their mass.

Part Two
Choking back a yawn, Taylor gazed out the window at Newtown Alexandria. There were remnants of a city dating back to the mid-18th century interspersed by modern, better high rises which reflected the golden red of sunset. Beyond that, the Potomac River, named in honor of Virginia’s First People, the Patawomeck. Whenever she was stuck in these over-long meetings cooped in a streaming-enabled aquarium of an office with a bunch of possibly diseased people she just wanted to scream! She grit her teeth, flexing her pen between her hands as she did. A prompt popped in the corner of her vision.
“Blood pressure elevation noted. Should I call ShareAmbulance?” It read.
She flicked her eyes to the side to dismiss the message. Just as she considered scheduling a Primal Yell session for this weekend, the others in the conference room screamed as one. “Jacob! Are you okay?”
Jacob had been an on-and-off friend of Taylor’s for over twenty years. For a while, as they sheltered together during the S-OIV outbreak of 2026, they’d even been partners. It was the only time Tumaini endured a masculine presence in the household; it hadn’t been as toxic as she’d feared. Jacob moved to Silicon Valley a few years ago and was the reason his executive personnel (“staff” being too masculine) were now gathered for this meeting.
Taylor didn’t need the 16k, three-dimensional screen to see that Jacob was most definitely not okay. He slumped in his chair and clutched his chest. The skin of his face was drooping off, the color having drained away, and covered in sweaty sheen. He gulped the air with an effort. After watching a moment, big red letters on the screen flashed the message “Distress Noted” and then concern rippled through the personnel.
“Do you … do you hear … that?” Jacob lifted his trembling right hand to his ear. “Cicadas?”
Taylor and Jacob had been friends 17 years ago, the last time Brood X emerged from the ground. Pointing at the window to the city, Taylor said: “Yes, they’ve been out for a while, now. Actually dying off. But … you shouldn’t be able to hear that through the speakers. I can’t even hear it in here!”

[Anonymous No.19935535]

>>19935530
Baihei Gonzalez, Lead Optics Director (“Chief” having fallen out of favor because of cultural misappropriation and “Officer” being excised for sounding too much like “police”) shot up from her chair. “Jacob, may I have permission to have Zhu call nine-one-one in Silicon Valley?”
He shook his head in a daze. “Not … not here … I mean in …,” his words were slurred and drool spilled down his chin. He raised his arms and more-or-less brought his hands to his ears, although they flopped around on the ends of this arms as his shoulders spasmed. “In my … ears.”
“Jacob, please, I need explicit consent.” Baihei stomped her feet in frustration.
Like a device yanked by its charging cable, Jacob lurched up and forward. His pelvis in the air, the screen blurred, red letters alerting them to an explicit content warning.
“Cancel that! Cancel that,” Baihei barked at the others. “I need to see him for consent!”
Anthony Washington, Lead Accounting Director, swiped at her data pad with her meaty hands and the image cleared. Jacob was draped over the chair, shaking violently.
“He never … he never had seizures before,” Taylor said, covering her mouth. Had he stopped drinking his kale and insect shakes?
“I didn’t hear that,” the Lead Employee Maintenance Director said.
Letting off a gurgling, animal yell, Jacob raised his head. His eyes sunk as his mouth stretched so far back it folded over. His scream was choked as the throat swelled and a constant chirping filled the speakers.
Anthony circled around the table and squinted at the 3D screen as she approached it. “What the hell?”
Something was coming up Jacob’s body. A roiling red shot up his throat and exploded from his mouth, splashing across the camera and blocking streaks of the image with black blurs. A swarm of insects burst forth, filling the room with beating wings and bright red eyes. Anthony leapt across the conference table, her broad body knocking over Baihei as they crashed to the floor. Other colleagues threw up their arms, guarding their face from the swarm.
“It’s just the feed! It’s just the feed,” Taylor shouted.
The Lead Network Design Director xir data pad up to Taylor. “It’s not just the feed.”

[Anonymous No.19935543]

>>19935530
Anon, please stop spamming. If you want to post a longer chunk of your fic, post it as a pastebin.

[Anonymous No.19935563]

>>19935510
>>19935516
>>19935519
>>19935525
>>19935530
>>19935535
Jesus kiddydiddling Christ nobody is going to read this shit you faggot. Stop having an autism fit and just link a pdf if you want to get shit on for being a hack.

[Anonymous No.19935579]

>>19935523
Why dont you join. I had the same issue there, nobody read my stuff. Its clear they dont care about writing.

This cord will actually care about writing, I promise.

[Anonymous No.19935591]

>>19935579
Are there invite I want writ

[Anonymous No.19935592]

>>19931223
Reading now. Congrats on finishing the book. Justify the text please.

[Anonymous No.19935593]

>Seerica and Jk-sama are /wg/ authors according to the pastebin
lol, lmao
didn't know that.

[Anonymous No.19935595]

>>19935593
I'm a fucking mongoloid, meant to shill my own work alongside that picrel
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/42627/retribution-engine

[Anonymous No.19935608]

>>19935593
>>19935595
>yet another xianxia
Unfortunately my eyes are far too round to enjoy reading the same story 100000000 times with different names for each character randomly generated by throwing pots down stairs.

[Anonymous No.19935614]

>>19935563
>>19935543

I am sorry I have removed the hack writing.

[Anonymous No.19935620]

>>19935608
It's not a real xianxia. I've never read a single xianxia in my life and my exposure to wuxia begins and ends at Thunderbolt Fantasy. I'm just hijacking the Xianxia tag to do my own spin on the vague idea of "cultivation" by drawing on medieval european alchemy and mysticism alongside other stuff. That is to say, literally anything other than daoism.

The cultivation also isn't a hard constant focus like in proper xianxia. It actually doesn't come into play properly until very late into the first arc.

[Anonymous No.19935656]

>>19935595
>status screens

I've about had it with you people

[Anonymous No.19935683]

>>19935656
The MC opens her own stat screen what, all of two times in the span of 200k+ words. Yes, it was LitRPG bait, and I don't regret including it. I only regret having to do those fucking blueboxes.

[Anonymous No.19935702]

>>19935683
You're trying to sell your ass to like ten different audiences, I admit you've reached a very rare level of desperation there.

I'm not going to read the story tho

[Anonymous No.19935711]

>>19935593
Well, I started as an /a/ author, but since discussion of one's own writing was mostly forbiddened there, I went here.

[Anonymous No.19935719]

>>19935711
same desu, was lucky to migrate just as the first thread in june-ish 2020 took off

[Anonymous No.19935729]

>>19935702
I tried to do the genrebaiting thing initially, but I couldn't actually keep it up, at all. Ended up writing what I truly felt like writing regardless, and at this point the not-LitRPG aspects and cultivation are both fully baked into the setting, and going by reviewers, my setting is apparently one of my strong points. I mean, my previous work is a weird cyberpunk mecha western with a protag bordering on the Monster Main Character tag.

Can't really expect you to read it though, not any more than expecting a rando from discord to do so.

[Anonymous No.19935875]

>>19932858
The broad strokes make sense, but there are a lot of little details I haven't fleshed out or explained to myself. I have to worry about nitpicky little autists because I use to be that exact sort of person.
This is all background stuff, like does the Civil War affect people today. Not directly but it's still a part of history.
This is a launching point for other books, the most direct example I can think of is the Silmarillion to The Lord of the Rings. I need to make sure the lore for this world works before I can go anywhere else.

[Anonymous No.19935912]

>>19935595
>>19935593
Do you want constructive criticism from a huge fan of some of the genres your writing in or are you just here to meerkat?

[Anonymous No.19935930]

>>19935912
Actual constructive feedback is always good. Keep in mind that I'm not trying to write true xianxia or LitRPG, only taking inspiration.

[Anonymous No.19935979]

>>19935930
>You have a lot of different ideas your trying to introduce swiftly and it starts to feel like work after the first couple of paragraphs.
Easy fix is shorter chapters and better spacing/pacing between them.
>The game like system is over-described and still weirdly confusing. You split the different options up but it just made it needlessly complicated.
Readers are not complete mouthbreathers and can handle info dumps in short bursts but the screen then description/action followed by screen description/action followed by screen description/action feels again, like work. Treat it like a bandaid.

I have more advice but thats just the easier to fix stuff

[Anonymous No.19936003]

>>19935875
My lore came from retroactively rationalizing what I already wrote, and some one sentence ideas for setting, personal conflicts and goals.

[Anonymous No.19936077]

>>19935979
Yeah, those are all completely fair criticisms.

[Anonymous No.19936078]

>>19935592
Amazon KPD likes it in Roboto when you're planning a 5.5 x 8.5 book according to other published authors on Amazon.

Doesn't look great on PDF but supposedly looks good on print.
>>19932953
Done. Thanks. I'll still search for these writing errors. I already found a few grammar mistakes and odd sentences I need to rewrite. And here I thought I was done with editing. Need to probably do another 2 or 3 edits

[Anonymous No.19936111]

>>19935515
>their ice-cold blueness spilling naught but

[Anonymous No.19936122]

>>19936078
You can literally just control F "thought to himself" and delete or rewrite every instance. There's never a place for it.

[Anonymous No.19936152]

>>19936111
I've read the gayreeks.

[Anonymous No.19936205]

>>19931223
I just read the first chapter. Not bad

[Anonymous No.19936286]

>>19936003
I think one sentence rationalizations will work well, I'll use that. Thank you anon.

[Anonymous No.19936805]

What are the signs my writing is cringe?

[Anonymous No.19936833]

>>19936805
when people read your writing and say it's cringe

[Anonymous No.19936864]

>>19935595
Want this added to the pastebin?

[Anonymous No.19936873]

>>19936864
yea sure

[Anonymous No.19936996]

>>19936805
Going over your writing after a week and feeling like you couldn't believe you just shit that out of you.

[Anonymous No.19937048]

>>19936996
I kinda stopped getting this after a while. The only time I feel this is when I find the rare typo or fucky phrasing.

[Anonymous No.19937213]

>>19935515
>“You’ve been pinned with more war crimes than I knew existed,” Crovacus Estoras said flatly.
You don't need the adverb.
>The Prisoner’s eyes rose to meet his, from their ice-cold blueness spilling naught but resentment.
Don't capitalize prisoner it's not a proper noun is this situation.
I'd remove the whole second half of the sentence and rewrite it. [The prisoner's eyes, full of resentment, met his.] or [The prisoner's eyes meet his, the resentment in them clear.] is along the lines of what I'd change it to.
Also you changed tense in the sentence. You should try to stick with one tense. So either [The prisoner's eyes rose and met his--] or [The prisoner's eyes rise to meet his--].
>“Give me the list and a couple months,” hissed the man. “I’ll make sure it’s accurate.”
Transpose [hissed the man], you (should) want to keep active voice so it should be [the man hissed].
I've noticed you use a lot of dialogue tags, which it's not a bad thing, just not my thing. I'd suggest going deeper into detail of what the people are doing while they're speaking in order to portray how they're feeling or to give context clues to the reader so they can imagine how the character is saying a line.
I'd write something like ["Give me the list and couple months," the prisoner motions for Crovacus to hand it over, "I'll make sure it's accurate."]
>Crovacus sighed, “I’d laugh, but you’re not the first or even third to say something like that. It’s hard to argue in your favor when you say you regret not doing it instead of pleading innocence.”
Another personal taste thing, I'd cut this in two and separate the sentences with an action or put Crovacus sighing in between.
[“I’d laugh, but you’re not the first or even third to say something like that," Crovacus sighs, rubbing his temples, "It’s hard to argue in your favor when you say you regret not doing it instead of pleading innocence.”]
>With a razor-toothed grin, the Prisoner leaned over the governor’s desk, snatching a cigar from his cigar-holder with his teeth. He bit off the end, flipped it in his mouth, then lit it off the smoldering nub of Crovacus’s own stogie, all without the use of his hands and maintaining eye contact with the Governor all throughout. The Governor dared not move.
Things get a bit wonky here.
Remove the entire first chunk of the prisoner's razor toothed grinned, it's not needed. Remove his taking it from the cigar holder, you can just say he took it. You don't need to say he did it without his hands, it's been established he did it with his teeth.
[The prisoner leans over the governor’s desk, snatching up a cigar with his teeth. Biting off the end, he flips it and lights it off the smoldering nub of Crovacus’s own stogie-- maintaining eye contact with the Governor, who was still in his place, the whole time.]

[Anonymous No.19937357]

>>19935515
>>19937213
>He leaned back in his seat, chains rattling as he did, toked from the cigar, and spoke: “You’d get like that too if you were locked up with nothin’ but snooty foreigners n’ their sycophants blarin’ in yer ear day in day out ‘bout “muh babykillers” this, “muh Ikesio-chauvinism” that. They already think we’re all beasts in the skins of men. I’m startin’ to think if we’d acted the part the country wouldn't've gone all to hell.”
Combine the chains rattling and him leaning back, I'd also have him take the toke from the cigar halfway through to split up the dialogue into smaller chunks.
[The prisoner's chains rattled as he leaned back into his seat, “You’d get like that too if you were locked up with nothin’ but snooty foreigners n’ their sycophants blarin’ in yer ear day in day out ‘bout “muh babykillers” this, “muh Ikesio-chauvinism” that." He tokes from the cigar, "They already think we’re all beasts in the skins of men. I’m startin’ to think if we’d acted the part the country wouldn't've gone all to hell.”]
>It was plain by this point that Sodan didn’t like Crovacus, whether that was because of his ethnicity or merely the circumstances of their meeting.
Who is Sodan? From context clues I assume it's the prisoner, but no where else is the name brought up.
Also you don't need to reiterate that he doesn't like the governor you can take that out nor do you need to say it's plain to see, if it's plain to see it doesn't need to be stated; this line could work if it was from the perspective of the character, but you usually want to show the dislike, not say it (saying it in dialogue is fine, but you know what I mean).
[Crovacus still wasn't sure if Sodan disliked him because of his ethnicity or merely the circumstances of their meeting.]
>“I’m about ready to throw your ass back into that prison camp if you don’t want to cooperate,” the governor said coldly.
Again, you can remove the adverb.
You have inconsistent capitalization here. "Governor" has been capitalized all other times, but here it's lowercase for some reason. Looking back on what I said I was also inconsistent with it, which I shouldn't have been. It should probably just be lowercase the whole way through along with prisoner. Usually titles are only capitalized when they're before the title holders name or when referencing the title itself in full, but I'm not entirely sure about this. Capitalization can honestly be a bit tricky.

[Anonymous No.19937409]

>>19935515
>>19937213
>>19937357
>“And who are you?” asked the Prisoner haughtily, that self-same grin still plastering his face.
Remove adverb, you can also remove the dialogue tag and just have the prisoner doing his "self-same" grin. You could probably cut out "self-same" entirely, I don't feel it's needed. What's the grin identical to exactly?
I think [that same grin] works well enough if you're saying he's been holding the same shit-eating grin the whole time.
>“Estoras,” he replied. “Provisional Governor of Willowdale.”
No complaints.
>A flicker of recognition in the man’s eyes, “Crovacus Estoras… Rushing Dandy?”
I'd put the flicker of recognition in between as if it happened mid speech, just think it makes it more interesting to read.
[“Crovacus Estoras…" Recognition flickers in the man’s eyes, "Rushing Dandy?”]

It's alright, I'd work on better flow, the biggest thing to me that stood out was trying too hard to be descriptive and explaining too much in a way that didn't feel natural; less is more, show don't tell, and all that.
The biggest grammatical mistakes you have are switching tenses, which we're all a victim to sometimes, but it should try to be avoided, it just sounds clunky. I would also suggest trying to stick to present tense when the actions you're writing are actively happening in the story (if that makes sense).
Good luck man, hope I wasn't too harsh, a lot of my stuff is opinion too so take what you want.

[Anonymous No.19937489]

>>19937409
No yeah, those are all perfectly fair criticisms. I just don't have the mental energy to respond properly or apply them at the moment.

[Anonymous No.19937501]

>>19935515
Terrible.
Scrap this and write a lit-rpg. I get paid per post.

[Anonymous No.19937508]

>>19937501
I'm not signing up for webnovel's scam contract, Xing

[Anonymous No.19937530]

Why does /lit/ make fun of the Hero's Journey's flowchart?

[Anonymous No.19937531]

>>19937530
because they're pretentious snowflakes who can't acknowledge the merits of a monomyth

[Anonymous No.19937539]

Does slaboda really translate to "weakness" in bosnian or is google being stupid again?

[Anonymous No.19937541]

>>19937539
i know for sure that "slabota" in slovak means "weakness" so i'd wager it's correct

[Anonymous No.19937613]

Considering joining Fiverr and writing short stories for pajeets to start sharpening. Could compile those stories into a biger anthology later too

[Anonymous No.19937631]

Is it against the thread if I recorded reading some of the posts here? Does anyone give a shit

[Anonymous No.19937637]

>>19937631
What the fuck is it with you fucking fags and asking "permission" to make posts? Just fucking do it if you're going to do it you dickless retard.

[Anonymous No.19937658]

>>19937631
yeah yeah, just be sure to start with this one.

[Anonymous No.19937711]

>>19937631
As long as your voice is a smooth baritone

[Anonymous No.19937760]

>>19937631
As long as you link it with comments enabled and unrestricted so I can call you a fag.

[Anonymous No.19937846]

What's more popular? Sci fi or low fantasy?

[Anonymous No.19937859]

>>19937846
Popular? Whichever can shove in more female protaganist trans lesbian interracial neurodivergent disabledness

Sci-fi by definition is a broader category than low fantasy though. If you cut out the whimsy and metaphore and magic of fantasy, fucking why bother?

[Anonymous No.19937861]

>>19937846
sci-fi thankfully
low fantasy is dogshit

[Anonymous No.19937867]

Beta reader phase has ended bros. It's time to enter the second phase of major editing and I have a lot of work to do. I had fun playing games this past week but it's time to get back to what I do best: writing

[Anonymous No.19937875]

>>19937867
Nice. I hope you got good feedback.

One of my beta readers told me my novel is a gripping read. Felt great.

[Anonymous No.19938029]

Me ruminating about how annoying my dreams are:

Is the night long or is the day short? Any Man must attest that the night is long. The words I remember said over and over, “step by step”, “The night is dark”. The night is long and the day is short. I awake into the night and sleep into the day. For this there is no day. Waiting for dawn is as endless as waiting to sleep. I roll my body against the wall and hope to wake facing the ceiling but I always am turn down numb and bitter at my inability to remain still

It started that whatever inner machine, ever broken and failing, had given up on reality, and thus decided all meaning would be generated at the discretion of sleep. How cruel is it to wake in weeping anguish only for the waking banal grit to smooth down all resolve until nothing is left of will save for the base desired of an animalistic puppet. The puppet walks about eating, and lazing while the puppeteer is off untangling strings, cutting strings, finding new strings, giving up on strings. Who needed a puppeteer anyway, a sophisticated modern audience would be just as happy to watch a limp cloth doll lay dead on its wooden podium and contemplate whatever meaning such an incident brought to them.

How cruel is it that the inner machine is forgetful. If the mind is to whip up a cruel vision that makes my eyes split and my stomach roll over and my nails piercing my palm then it ought to do so indefinitely. There is no room for the moderate rationality of interspersed emotions and tactical mood sways. Yes, if anyone is to sing a song now then it should be the song forever, and only then without will nor change can living death be achieved and the weeping of culpability forgotten.

[Anonymous No.19938200]

>>19937846
Low fantasy can easily be sci-fi if you're brave enough.

[Anonymous No.19938207]

>>19938200
based and ancient supertechnology pilled

[Anonymous No.19938274]

Should i keep the ending of my short story ambiguous or is that just blue balling the readers?

[Anonymous No.19938291]

>>19938274
Depends really. Ambiguous endings can be fulfilling just as unambiguous endings can be unfulfilling.
Give us more to work with before deciding your story for you.

[Anonymous No.19938338]

>>19935593
I saw blue boxes and threw up

[Anonymous No.19938344]

>>19938291
Existentialist inspired so its kinda cliché to have ambiguous endings / clear endings with ambiguous interpretation

[Anonymous No.19938359]

>>19938338
I've read a chunk of it, honestly you could ignore them entirely and not lose too much

[Anonymous No.19938586]

I have an intro written and I want to share it here.
It's 4 pages long. How should I post? PDF or segmented?

[Anonymous No.19938742]

>>19924790
Well frens, I realized my story is better off going in a different direction, which means erasing the 15k words I wrote these past two weeks. A little frustrating, but it'll be worth it in the long run.

[Anonymous No.19938969]

>>19938742
oof thats rough.
Kudos for being autistic enough to let go and start again.

[Anonymous No.19938988]

>>19935593
I didn't know you knew my story outside of /wg/.

[Anonymous No.19939003]

>>19938274
I like giving ambiguity to short stories and letting it spark discussion (usually with me) so we can talk about what they wanted to happen next. Usually you can get a bit of insight into a person that way. I last wrote a story about spontaneous teenage love and at the end, he asks if he's going to see his summer dream girl again, to which she smiles and drives off down the road. I had several people demand to know if she comes back, if they got together again, and one person told me it was very much a day like that which set all his own personal preferences for women he liked. I felt very fuzzy inside.
>>19938586
Pdf for anything longer than 2 or 4 paragraphs.

[Anonymous No.19939019]

Don't let your dreams be memes, dubyahgee. I just had a fucking awful monster dream and I'm turning it into a short story. If my brain wants to get goofy with me, I'll have to show it who's boss.

[Anonymous No.19939265]

>>19938586
>>19939003
Ain't nobody downloading any faggot's pdfs. Just screencap the pages

[Anonymous No.19939497]

Can someone clever help me? How do I subvert this? The trope is usually a teenager/young woman with a 100+ year old supernatural man frozen at like age 18-25. I dont want to flip the sexes.

[Anonymous No.19939509]

>>19939497
He's in the body of a young man but hold 100+ year old attitudes including a disdain for people of color and thinking women should stay in the kitchen.

[Anonymous No.19939577]

>>19938742
>erasing the 15k
I know this is probably just a turn of phrase, but be sure to keep a saved version of those 15k words somewhere. I'm always surprised how often I can seamlessly insert solid chunks of description from my "junk bin" doc for each story.

[Anonymous No.19939602]

>>19939497
How is that a trope? The only examples I can think of are Hellsing and Black Butler

[Anonymous No.19939603]

>>19938742
great mentality. took me a while to learn killing my darlings often would be worth it.

[Anonymous No.19939630]

>>19939602
Twilight is kind of famous for doing exactly that

[Anonymous No.19939636]

>>19939603
>killing my darlings
If there's one thing I hate it's parroting phrases like this.

[Anonymous No.19939649]

>>19939630
Yeah, well, never got into that shit

[Anonymous No.19939709]

not posted here before but appreciate any reads, submitted this for a competition and lost :*(
https://ghostbin.com/TDhkv

to not be a hypocrite:
>>19938029
liked a lot, reminds me of something i'm trying to write at the moment, nice descriptions but maybe a bit repetitive, too many adjectives like "weeping anguish" and "waking banal grit", feels like that should be replaced by the much stronger narrative-description of the puppet
>>19935515
agree with edits made by others but was alright
>>19935372
feels a bit rushed, like the start then jumps; mention of a goblin, cringe, i really hate fantasy because it's for women and i'd recommend trying to write something unique
>>19932972
too many descriptions and agree with >>19933018
>>19931526
start writing it, all else is meaningless
>>19930835
feel like this was a troll but kind of liked it lol
>>19926431
this was really nice, enjoyed very much. lots of nights remind me of this feeling and you describe it very well, enjoy the ending most of all :D
>>19926391
taught me some new words, gave me an erection, enjoyed thoroughly

[Anonymous No.19939789]

>>19939709
>submitted this for a competition and lost
The reason is unfortunately easy to see. It's impossible for a normal person to finish reading this bloated, repetitive rambling. Everything is disgustingly vague and ridiculous and covered in nonsensical similes, and excavating any kind of point from that mess feels like real work.

[Anonymous No.19939796]

>>19939789
tough but fair

[Anonymous No.19939851]

>>19939636
He's just writing what he knows :3

[Anonymous No.19940032]

>>19936996
This. Take like a week long break from the story so you can go back to it with fresh eyes.

[Anonymous No.19940096]

>>19938742
Fuck I know that feeling. Keep your chin up man. And like the other anon said, keep the trashed words saved somewhere.

[Anonymous No.19940304]

https://paste.bingner.com/paste/bnpzd
Is this too cringey?

[Anonymous No.19940469]

>>19940304
Felt too on the nose to me. It felt like your were too busy yelling at the libtards to make them actual characters - think about how in 1984 the MC half buys into a lot of stuff at the start but isn't brutally mocked by the narrator.

[Anonymous No.19940811]

>>19940469
>libtards to make them actual characters
Liberals aren’t real people so why should they be real characters.

[Anonymous No.19940884]

>>19940811
based

[Anonymous No.19940962]

>>19940811
Hey now, don't be a quitter. You can easily make them into the absolutely awful people that they would be IRL if they did have souls, which will make for a better story.

[Anonymous No.19941248]

>>19940962
All that said, the plan is to tone down that stuff after the opening. The story ends up being about how the mother, Taylor, turns against her son (after he’s turned into a giant cicada) because she values the media’s “trust the science” propaganda that the teenagers-turned-bug aren’t deserving of human rights more than her own judgment (although he’s a giant bug now, the son retains all of his memories and personality.)

[Anonymous No.19941264]

>>19941248
ohh it's kinda like that one book from like the 50s about the guy who wakes up as a giant beetle but still retains his human sapience

[Anonymous No.19941310]

>>19941248
That's a paper-thin allegory but I fucking love it.

[Anonymous No.19941322]

>>19941310
I don't get it

[Anonymous No.19941344]

>>19941322
This board requires you to have above 100 IQ before posting.

[Anonymous No.19941372]

>>19941264
>still retains his human sapience

[Anonymous No.19941583]

How do you guys feel about self publishing vs trad publishing

[Anonymous No.19941598]

>>19941583
People hate self publishing because "marketing is soulless" (it isn't. People who say this fundamentally misunderstand marketing)
People hate trad publishing because "only identity politics get published" (not true. They're targeting the wrong publishers)
For me, if your aim is money, self pub. If your aim is fame, trad.

[Anonymous No.19941599]

>>19941583

[Anonymous No.19941630]

What number does this thread get archived at?

[Anonymous No.19941664]

>>19941598
How the fuck do I market if I'm not a socmed normie
do I just buy ads? Post on forums and relentlessly shill my work?

[Anonymous No.19941676]

>>19941664
>>19941598
also fuck off marketing IS soulless, even if necessary

[Anonymous No.19941695]

>>19941344
But I'm black.

[Anonymous No.19941700]

I don't know why you guys think trad publishers are going to market your book for you. You have no name or reputation. They'll throw into the pile of other books like everything else. You're going to have to market it anyways, but now you control all the revenue.

[Anonymous No.19941724]

>>19941700
This. The only reason I would consider tradpub is if they did my marketing, and that sure as hell isn't the case

[Anonymous No.19941814]

>>19941344
Is it like an anti-vax plague thing?

[Anonymous No.19941839]

>>19941676
As someone in the baby steps of marketing, I will concur that it is absolutely horrid.

I really should start a youtube channel. Among other things, I could do book reviews and interviews of indie authors failing to launch.

[Anonymous No.19941975]

>>19940304
In my opinion, yes. It's far too heavy handed and expository.
The story you laid out in your response to another Anon sounds interesting, but your readers should at least be able to somewhat understand your villains and if its longform the way you write would be absolutely insufferable, there has never once been a person who was all bad or had no internal justification for their actions. Even serial killers donate to charity on occasion and take their daughters out bowling on Saturdays.

[Anonymous No.19942505]

>>19942503

>>19942503

>>19942503