Poetry Thread

[Anonymous No.17973063]

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You know the drill
Have fun

[Anonymous No.17973078]

>>17973063
You need
And take
Your fake

A lot
At stake

So I go

I want you to know

Why

[Anonymous No.17973087]

>>17973063
I got to go
Get it quick
Before its gone

[Anonymous No.17973099]

With your hair of flaming Roses
Your kiss - Medusa's touch
Turn me to a pillar of salt
To die now would be perfection

White sheets wrap my mind
In drunken thoughts of runes and men
Why does the devil leave for us
This legacy of loneliness

This cry for the moon
And a dagger's thrust
With your hair of flaming blooms
And your eyes of saintly dusk

Then my loneliness closes in
So, I drink a German wine
And drift in dreams of other lives
And greater times.
>>17973087
Nice

[Anonymous No.17973101]

Hoping to honor Moses,
I admired her like Dolores.
The drunken lady drenched
with blood and excretion
I loved that wench
We drove on the road
Ulaanbaatar
She decided not to go
As if Chesterton could know
I stopped on the way
And Virgil said nay

[Anonymous No.17973112]

>>17973101
Baste

[Anonymous No.17973305]

>>17973099
The flow is nice. The subject is kind of cliché though. Could be a little shorter.
>>17973101
mildly amusing

[Anonymous No.17974266]

The Coelacanth
Is interesting to some
For its many odd qualities
But few care for long
And throw it back
Soon enough,

>>17973078
I get the feeling it's about an abusive relationship, but that might just be me at the moment. Someone's manipulating someone else to get what they want, so the writer's leaving and wants the other person to understand they've been a cunt on the way out.

[Anonymous No.17975673]

in the night my mind’s light
shows me dreams of blue streams,
white feathers shining bright,
red seams which like gems gleams
on the old robe of gold
worn by a foreign born
man who looks at a book
seeking a spell to speak.


yet my dreams meet their death,
as they fade into shade
and sets my silent breath
the subtle tone of this tomb,
dull aloneness in my room.

[Anonymous No.17977055]

bump

[Anonymous No.17977315]

I’m trying to wrap my head around writing with the dactylic hexameter. Basically I’m writing my own mythological story. It’s main form is prose, but I want to incorporate brief sections of epic poetry to create the feeling that my story is an actual myth from a lost culture.

Can anyone suggest any sort of resource to help get the feel right? Particularly with writing poetry in English with dactylic hexameter?

[Anonymous No.17977877]

>>17974266
Interesting subject and ideal length but the flow is almost nonexistent
>>17975673
Its solid. Could use some editing though.

[Anonymous No.17978201]

In the end I saw nothing-
The moment drawn from me by fear with
Limbs spread, a novel pain
So it’s not pain at all.
From the holy stones of my breast
Back pressed to hot wet stone
I’m unmade, sublimation
To their fierce divinity.

>>17975673
I would go "which like gems gleam."

[Anonymous No.17978398]

Sputtering Sputtering Stuttering
Muttering, quietly murmuring, spitting
And coughing and burning with fever
fuming exhausted and sore in the teeth or
Perhaps sick with envy for axes and beavers?

The choke! Mind the choke!
For that internal flame, once primed and stoked
And bright ; a fading ember, hot and dim
A weary heart, a spirit broke, no more vigor, no more vim
No more trees; but timber, sawdust, smoke.

I will tell you what the chains sawed that day
A forest: ancient, wide, pristine – they say the forest breathes
And even sings, playing green melodies with the wind and the leaves
And the birds and the beasts - the chains sing too, and sung
a rousing fugue of whirring fangs
A belting roar, a hacking lung
The loggers barked their cruel commands
In the clamorous dirge of crash and clang
Percussive thuds, a fatal surge; a toppled, venerable, stand


Fall and burn, fall and burn
The cord is yanked, the gears won’t turn
The block, earth barren, gouged and churned
Is all but silent, if not for a final act
Of sanctioned industrious violence
The hard wood have its revenge
As the rope was pulled again
Sputtering; a mechanical perdition
A plea or a prayer, a palliative emission
a puff of smoke, a bleak premonition
A plaintive promise, pernicious curse
A plosive, prescient, final verse:
Not two by four, veneer, or ply
But bleach, pulp, rage
A pen run dry and an empty page

>>17973099
I really like your imagery - second and third verses are the best. Don't like the second loneliness, and why German wine specifically? Its kind of an odd pick, raises an eyebrow.

>>17978201
You've implied pain well enough that including it twice is a bit over the top, the poem would feel more mature with another word

[Anonymous No.17978468]

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
The world is collapsing.
Because you know who.

[Anonymous No.17978723]

>>17974266
>Someone's manipulating someone else to get what they want, so the writer's leaving and wants the other person to understand they've been a cunt on the way out.
Correct.

[Anonymous No.17980193]

bump

[Anonymous No.17980285]

Like a rock in an abandoned wasteland
You stand silent
I, like the flies attracted to rotting meat
Am by your side
When you talk, my world shatters
Your breath reduces me to crumbs

[Plotinus No.17980419]

>>17973078
Bit kitchsy but I like the rhythm and repetition. You could spice up the formatting (linebreaks, stanzas) and use more imagery.

>>17973099
Great if you were going for a dated, romantic feel.

>>17973101
The literary references are pretty cringey. I hate poetry that talks about poetry. Poetry is ALREADY self-reflexive. You water it down.

>>17974266
Hey this is actually pretty good. A bit sparse on the imagery. You could break uo the lines at different points as well.

>>17975673
The rhythm is a bit stop-and-go. But I enjoyed this. Try a traditional form, you might find good use in it.

>>17977315
Why would you choose English to write dactylic hexameter? That's more suited for languages like Latin and Greek. The traditional English epic form is blank verse (iambic pentameter, no rhyme.) A more medieval feel would be alliterative verse, as practiced by the Anglo-Saxons.

>>17978201
This is great. I would use less mouthy words (divinity, sublimation) and revise them for more textured words -- things that evoke imagery.

>>17978398
This is good doggerel. A bit wordy, but enjoyable. The rhythm / verse could be improved.

[Anonymous No.17980691]

>>17978468
ugh
>>17975673
good with a few flaws
>gleams
gleam like the other anon said
>foreign born
if you put the man up there the stanza will have a one short one long line pattern
>speak
speak is cool. could also say cast
>the subtle tone of this tomb
nice
>aloneness
no. feels dumb
>>17974266
could be better to read, but i love it. might save it to collection
>,
nice
>>17973101
almost rlly good, flawed
>Hoping to honor Moses,
neccesary? flows bad, wierd allusion
>Ulaanbaatar
To Ulaanbaatar is be better
>>17973087
good
>>17978398
>Stuttering
>spitting
try not to end lines with words that end similar but dont rhyme
>chains sawed
ugh
>The hard wood have its revenge
has?
>But bleach, pulp, rage
could be a longer line

the other ones have standout lines and ideas but the final stanza is the most consistently good one
>>17980285
is this about someone with bad breath? if so why the first two lines? could have better shape

[Anonymous No.17980780]

I got published. Pic related is mine - tell me how it is, i'm curious.

>>17973078
Not a fan of this. Feels like it aint even serious.
>>17973087
Same as the other guy^, just faggoty ass poetry.
>>17973099
Can i get a tldr? I couldn't be forced to care about this at gunpoint
>>17973101
More faggoty poetry but for different reasons
>>17973305
Spectacular. I love the tone and formless quality of this - it's like it doesn't even want to be recognized as a poem. 10/10,
>>17974266
Faggot, cry me a river so i can shit in it
>>17975673
Tldr? This is so fucking boring.
>>17977055
The shortest great poem in the english language. Ezra pound, back the fuck off lil nigga.
>>17977315
Dactylic hexameter is too lengthy to do for an extended period of time and be successful. If you want to write elegiac poetry, do it in quatrains like Gray's elegy written in a churchyard. Not even joking.
>>17978201
Well whatever you would go with, you proved yourself an absolute pseud with this piece of ass piss poetry
>>17978398
Nigga please, kill yourself before your readers do
>>17980193
Your just biting the other poet.

[Anonymous No.17980792]

>>17980780
kek love it

[Anonymous No.17980806]

>>17980792
Thanks i worked real hard on el criticisme

[Anonymous No.17980886]

I tried to finish fuckin on my wife,
To get what she'd refused me during life,
And soon i savored every minute
The bitch had let me hop up innit.
Its great, no worry present, "gotta last"
Had quickly past,
And when i yanked upon her locks,
As if with glee she writhed upon my cock:
She'd finally been tamed.
But after pulling out she shit the bed;
I freely turned her lifeless head
And prompty came.

[Anonymous No.17981122]

Bump

[Anonymous No.17981311]

>>17980780
Take that, Trump.

[Anonymous No.17981365]

Nonsense from the TV
morning shows with hidden frowns

coffee for the body
sugar for the tongue

numbness sweeps over

mother

why didn't you love me?

[Anonymous No.17981410]

>>17980780
Orange man rekt
>>17981365
Kill yourself

[Anonymous No.17981991]

>>17980780
Its hot cringe. Who unironically likes this stuff. Its fucking hack and done to death. Kill yourself

[Anonymous No.17982088]

Inked ravens of despair claw holes in the arse of the worlds mind

[Anonymous No.17982109]

>>17981991
You dont find it aesthetic as fuck? Come on now.

[Anonymous No.17982146]

I’m going to kill myself when I’m
fourty-three

[Anonymous No.17982152]

>>17982109
Donald Trump
Donald dump on this nation

But Biden Will clean
Cause he's not mean

He will make America
Seen and Shine
City on a hill

No
I'm not a shill

>this took 2 minutes. Get fucked you hack.

[Anonymous No.17982153]

>>17982146
Best poem here
Theres a real hopeful quality to this, i can't help but smile when i read it

[Anonymous No.17982161]

>>17982152
>>17981991
That poster cant be serious. Did you notice the difference between "el criticisme" and the covid poem?

[Anonymous No.17982168]

>>17982153
Best poem here
Theres a real hopeful quality to this, i can't help but smile when i read it

[Anonymous No.17982716]

>>17982168
Best poem here
There's a real hopeful quality to this, I can't help but smile when I read it

[Anonymous No.17984053]

Sometime long ago on an unfounded shore
I remember a boat came with daffodils in tow
It looked like a swan with the flowers in bloom
Like Christ on the sea, it cut through the gloom
My heart was ablaze with the sight of the ship
And just to sail the world upon, everything I'd give
The ship never landed and it passed in the night
Only leaving a daffodil floating on the next morning bright

[Anonymous No.17984060]

>>17975673
Thats a good one, anon, though depressing;(

[Anonymous No.17984449]

Brilliance lies on the sea floor.
Oh dignified coral reef.
Perform an oration with your vivid hues.
Declare the ingenuity of the Octopus.
The darting eels and stationary sponges.
Of all the defiantly curious crustaceans.
Dazzling with swift cut appendages!

Clams cultivate your kingdom.
Repetitious arrays of seaweed sway.
With elegance no salt could preserve.
Rocks rest like contents of opulent Gallions.
All strewn across the ocean floor.
Resting untouched.
Yet tarnished and corroded.

Your diaphragm awakens a vibrant cacophony.
Graciously dancing in great swills of current.
Precious jewels of the ocean.
Plucked like sun ripened fruit.
Let sink slowly into the bleakness.
Where no hands will disturb.
All desolate, all sublime.

[Anonymous No.17984455]

You're a dream.
The beam of light at the tunnels end.
You're a folktale,
a glimpse of infinity.

Gently take my hand.
Show me what you'd like to be.
Don't hesitate,
Just pour yourself onto me

Reach out.
Cry out to life.
Let yourself be heard.

Shout aloud.
Give yourself a reason to dance.
Whilst the sun slowly drops below the horizon.

[Anonymous No.17984466]

Free me from my shackle.

Pull me from my stone.

My thoughts are tied like tackle.

Truth it lies alone.

[Anonymous No.17984473]

>>17984449
You can do 87394748x better than this dog shit