Write what's on your mind

[Anonymous No.17545630]

Didn't see one, so I'm stealing the right to make it.

[Anonymous No.17545701]

>>17545630
Why do you read /lit/?

[Anonymous No.17545720]

>>17545701
For fun, for my imagination to get new experiences, to learn new things, to get (possibly) better grasp of some things through thoughts of others...

[Anonymous No.17545721]

after a long study of christian mystics and buddhists, i have come to the conclusion that man has the power to persuade himself of certain things, which then appear to him to be true and real, if only he talks hard enough. at the same time, i have understood, or think i have understood, what nietzsche is essentially about: man can create his own truth and reality if he has the strength to convince himself. the advantage of world religions is that they represent "tried and tested models", which makes it easier to be convinced by them. those who create their own realities walk on shaky legs, like freshly recovered from their sick bed.

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.17545745]

Gonna wait a little while then give my daughter the little diamond heart and diamond ring I bought her, already gave the wife flowers, chocolates and all of that boring stuff.

Thinking about writing a sad poem for all of the anons who are sad today.

>>17545701
Knowledge, craft, aesthetic, fun.

[Anonymous No.17545747]

>>17545701
To cope.

[Anonymous No.17545748]

>>17545701
to learn and educate myself. education is a creative process and journey of self discovery which helps people gain insights on life. consistent learning creates opportunities for growth.

[Anonymous No.17545754]

most things in life are pretty damn good but I'm worried about my future. Generally I think the future will get tougher where I live, and I ain't that tough

[Anonymous No.17545755]

>>17545721
And if Nietzsche was wrong? Also, see Fr Seraphim Rose’s quote on Nietzsche. The man never actually exited the paradigm like he thought he did.

[Anonymous No.17545758]

>>17545745
>sad poem for all of the anons who are sad today.
one request right here

[Anonymous No.17545762]

>>17545745
why not write a little song to hum to your daughter – that way you would not only write for us, but cheer us up.

[Anonymous No.17545798]

>>17545755
Where to start with Seraphim Rose?

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.17545805]

>>17545762
Already wrote multiple for my kids, I just don’t share them since that stuff is so sappy ya know. Even wrote a little song for my younger son earlier. Thanks for the nice thought anyways Anon.

But here’s the song I named my daughter after. (Don’t worry, the actual name is a translation of this one so it’s distant/far enough)

It’s by Gilbert O Sullivan

Clair
The moment I met you, I swear
I felt as if something, somewhere
Had happened to me
Which I couldn't see
And then, the moment I met you, again
I knew in my heart
That we were friends
It had to be so
It couldn't be no
But try as hard as I might do
I don't know why
You get to me in a way
I can't describe
Words mean so little
When you look up and smile
I don't care what people say
To me you're more than a child
Oh, Clair
Clair
Clair
If ever a moment so rare
Was captured for all to compare
That moment is you
In all that you do
But why in spite of our
Age difference do I cry
Each time I leave you
I feel I could die
Nothing means more to me
Than hearing you say
I'm going to marry you
Will you marry me, Uncle Ray?
Oh, Clair
Clair
Clair
I've told you before
Don't you dare
Get back into bed
Can't you see that it's late
No you can't have a drink
Oh all right then
But wait just a minute
While I, in an effort to babysit
Catch up on my breath
What there is left of it
You can be murder
At this hour of the day
But in the morning the sun
Will see my lifetime away
Oh, Clair
Clair
Oh, Clair

>>17545758
I’ll try my best

[Anonymous No.17545891]

someone a pithy / poetic caption for this image

[Anonymous No.17546016]

>>17545701
To escape my shitty life and yet find myself in books like in a mirror, but better

[Anonymous No.17546123]

>>17545701
i barely read anymore yet i still come here.

[Anonymous No.17546181]

Being a doomer is such a 2020 thing, 2021 will be the ascendency of cheerful gang.

[Anonymous No.17546572]

>>17545747
cope with life?

[Anonymous No.17546641]

>>17545701
because I can afford to. it's a nice start to my day and with the rona I'm working from home, so it's not like I'm going anywhere. I didn't read much before desu.

[Anonymous No.17546676]

>>17545701
Because I'm a 600IQ based red-pilled super brain.

[Anonymous No.17546693]

I feel a kind of lightness. I am thankful for the day I have had and look forward to what tomorrow will bring. I may be happy.

[Anonymous No.17546707]

>>17545701
Because then I can come here and let you know about all the interesting facts I learn. I came across and thrilling one just the other day;

Max Stirner literally shit himself in the woods, a colossal Grizzly Bear charged at him and he froze where he stood. Sweat rolled down his "gotcha" shaped brow, and then dripped onto his leather, moleskin Boots. He quickly imagined scenarios where the bear would just run past him or false charge him only for it to just dissappear into the thicket.

[Anonymous No.17546737]

>>17545630
Because then I can come here and let you know about all the interesting facts I learn. I came across a thrilling one just the other day;

Max Stirner literally shit himself in the woods, a colossal Grizzly Bear charged at him and he froze where he stood. Sweat rolled down his "gotcha" shaped brow, and then dripped onto his leather, moleskin Boots. He quickly imagined scenarios where the bear would just run past him or false charge him only for it to just dissappear into the thicket.

[Anonymous No.17547441]

>>17545891
"Yiff in hell."

[Anonymous No.17547468]

>>17546707
>>17546737
I compared both your posts and the only difference was you wrote "and" instead of "a" in your first version.

Was it really necessary to delete your post and post it again?

[Anonymous No.17547663]

I can't believe I'm taking the idolpill

[Anonymous No.17547673]

I’m a triplet. I often feel like a 3rd of a person, or perhaps 1 person under constant threat of being exposed by the 2 others as a fraud.

[Anonymous No.17547678]

>>17546572
Life, reality, however you want to refer it.

[Anonymous No.17547685]

>>17547673
all female triplets?
identical triplets?
just asking for no reason.

[Anonymous No.17547688]

Lost everything, out all my hope on the love of a girl, left her a rose, she loved it, she didn't love me.
Is it worth it?
Can I just die? I meam there is absolute nothing worth living for anymore

[Anonymous No.17547732]

>>17547685
Fraternal but basically identical. All male.

[Anonymous No.17547804]

>>17547441
funny but not what i was going for
in the end i asked a weeb friend to help me out

[Anonymous No.17547839]

Korea's men are prettier than its women.

[Anonymous No.17548321]

What are some insults or responses on /lit/ that really offend you?

[Anonymous No.17548441]

>>17545701
I am trying to understand the current condition we live in and I prefer 4chan's cynicism and unfiltered thought over other online fora. There is occasionally something interesting and thoughtful to read here.

[Anonymous No.17548449]

>>17547673
Are your siblings also browsing 4chan?

[Anonymous No.17548470]

Every man one day will find pleasure and fulfillment by helping one another

Not with the pretext of "profit" and not even for "salvation".
Just out of pure brotherly love,curiosness and interest for knowledge.
But first, necessarily they will have to suffer

[Anonymous No.17548740]

>>17548449
Doubtful but I guess I can’t be sure.

[Anonymous No.17548756]

I want to leave my country but I know I’ll look like a fraud trying to make it as a writer in another country.

[Anonymous No.17548760]

>>17548321
When I make a 2000 characters blog post and someone replies "peepee poopoo".

[Anonymous No.17548839]

>>17545701
Who doesn't like storytime?

[Anonymous No.17549134]

i know an actual crack dealer that watches anime. He was an old friend from highschool and he honestly never got into criminal activities at all, he didnt even sell drugs like the rest of us. He worked as a cook at some restaurant by the lakeshore.
But then a few years after highschool i go to his place with a mutual friend and it's literallya crack den. He has a little crew of guys who look like him(theyre all tall, black, dressed in baggy clothing), and preiodically people come into the apartment and cop off him. He has a gun now too.
I was on ketamine so I was passing out on the floor and everybody else was asleep and this guy was sitting on his couch and he turned on his television and started watching some anime show. The sheer incongruity of the squalid hovel he lived in and the reality of his life with the bright colours and cheerful voices made my ketamine-logged brain feel some sort of intense melancholy before I just passed out

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.17549169]

Eh, it’s really not a good poem, but I tried to be sincere and capture what I see in many.

For the Anon posting on /lit/ to ignore life and his mind for a while.

I know there’s nothing waiting here
but it’s easy when I feel empty
I don’t even feel healthy
I just want to forget no ones near me

I know there’s no one who can help
“maybe I won’t feel shattered
if someone picks up the pieces
that I scattered waiting

I won’t stay here complaining
I’ll go out! I’ll find love
but everyone feels so draining
after I post I’ll find my love


I know I’m not really waiting
I can’t, I can’t change me
I just want someone to help me
it wasn’t ever about dating

I hate being alone
I hate when I’m not alone
I hate this world
I hate how i am in this world

maybe if I boast in my post
I can forget how my heart closed
maybe I can just sit and post
until I become a ghost

[Anonymous No.17549228]

Hate to say it, but Xenophon is a really boring writer.

[Anonymous No.17549333]

>>17549169
are you the pedo who wanted to fuck a 9 years old girl?

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.17549345]

>>17549333
Not at all, random meme posting or gossip from satyr’s group? If it’s gossip deriving from satyr’s group know that I did not bow to him when he tried to shill his authority and I publicly called him a cuck which he himself admitted in his own book. I further have only repeated the words of his own student when he claims he has fucked dogs.

If unrelated to that group, the answer is still nah.

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.17549350]

>>17549333
OH, wait, maybe you’re confusing me for frater K and satyr who do get up to the weird sex stuff.

[Anonymous No.17549381]

>>17549345
>>17549350
i have no idea who satyr or frater are.
namefags?

[Anonymous No.17549389]

>>17549228
Really? I loved Anabasis. It was a fun read and it gave a window into Greek life, albeit military version.

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.17549421]

>>17549381
Yeah, they’re also from irc and discord, had a bit of drama with them because I didn’t bow to their authority just because they have ranks in some lineages. I also despised their hate of Christianity and their fear of typhonianism. Got so bad they started because I honestly couldn’t resist trolling them. They eventually saw me as possessed (though they literally worshipped various demons, Kek) last time I saw them was around /x/ claiming a fellow who I speak to often online is my student and I trained him to groom girls and that I’m some kind of head of an international group who grooms magicians to groom the young. So I mocked him for the logistics of it and went on a similar rant to this one. Apologies if you didn’t know about these lads and I brought up name-fag drama for no reason.

But yeah, I’m the guy who would sooner tell folks that the sex shouldn’t be literal and rather meditative/symbolic, if not for this drama being related you are either

A=confusing me for another or
B=I once posted a major explanation of how in Vajrayana specifically the kalachakra tantra (which the Dalai Lama explicitly endorses) there are calls for both meditative and literal sex with girls who are both adult and children depending on the ritual circumstance.

If not these three, well idunno Kek.

[Anonymous No.17549442]

>>17545701
I ain't got anything better to do here in jail

[Anonymous No.17549505]

I don't know what the fuck to study. I'm moving next year to the country's capital with some friends and I'd love to do philosophy/literature but feel like I'm just going to be a mediocre bureaucrat.

[Anonymous No.17549558]

>>17549505
What country?

[Anonymous No.17549649]

>>17545630
you are learning.

[Anonymous No.17549662]

I moved to a big city to try to combat, or at least challenge, my introvertedness. But now that I'm here, I find that my state of mind is completely different than the people who live here. Perhaps this shouldn't have come as a surprise, but I feel as though it's irreconcilable. I'll continue trying to fit in, I guess, don't want to spend my entire life inside when there's a big beautiful world outside, I just need to find my niche, I suppose.

[Anonymous No.17549688]

>>17549662
It's really easy to be an introvert in the city. Modern convenience is almost designed so you never have to interact with a real life person. Keep at it though anon. I believe in you.

[Anonymous No.17549773]

Has anyone else had the feeling of being cast to irrelevancy by fate? I like to read the biographies of my favorite authors and without fail, there’s always a sort of storyline to their lives. Something happens while they’re young, it leads to some trajectory, you get the idea. There is some pivotal moment or event or thing in their young lives which end up putting them in a plot themselves. Meanwhile, my life just feels like, well, nothing. It’s just a haphazardly tossed together abstract painting of nothing particularly notable. There’s no call to action, no grand narrative, nothing.

[Anonymous No.17549778]

>>17549662
Didn’t you feel that way outside of the city too but there were just less people?

[Anonymous No.17549810]

People who read or write things like this aren't philosophers.

[Anonymous No.17549838]

I've written something pretty cool. I have a lot of faith in it. I think it could be truly very good, even great. Especially as it unfolds, and I write more of it.

Yet I have a certain shyness sharing it. It's something I need to overcome.

[Anonymous No.17550008]

>>17547673
Do you three differ in terms of character?

[Anonymous No.17550041]

>>17547673
You were really an only child but two changlings tried to swap you out at the same time and instead just decided to leave you and live as triplets.

[Anonymous No.17550046]

I am so sick of the winter, but I'm not looking forward to the spring since it means we're one season further into life. I can count the number of attempts at youthful summers I have left on my fingers.

[Anonymous No.17550053]

>>17549773
Oh yeah, its a familiar feeling. It really seems like a grand people had their narative/talent since childhood and with time it only became more and more apparent. I cannot say the same about myself, its all too random and without any strong guidance towards anything.

[Anonymous No.17550116]

Now I have advanced delusions of grandeur with most of the time spent daydreaming great achievements of fields I have interest in. It starts out small but after a month or so, I am already simulating getting awards and shit. Then I stop having interest in those fields which are mostly /sci/ related. So far I got :

- solving P and NP math problem thereby winning both Millenium Prize and Turing award
- make nuclear fusion finally viable commercially
- joining my thirdie country government as attorney general and having all the rats prosecuted and executed
- go to Mars as one of the pioneers building base there
- becoming the next Damien Hirst and making mad dosh

[Anonymous No.17550178]

>>17550116
Oh, yeah, I had a lot of those youthful cringers. If you think you're smart, just try to win some of those competitions on Kaggle. That will bring you back to reality fast.

[Anonymous No.17550225]

>>17550116
what country

[Anonymous No.17550254]

>>17550178
I already know I am not smart. Hence giving up before the hard parts but not before having the satisfaction of those delusions.

>>17550225
Indonesia

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.17550259]

Hey anons, is the surprise at the end of this poem any effective?

she goes stalking in the night
past streetlights and avenue
wearing a robe of pure White
but she reeks of residue

her baneful eyes are cold blue
with tiger teeth she travels
a familiar friend to few
blessed with Egyptian candles

she bares blades without handles
ever brandished for bleeding
yet a yarn she must unravel
for he who gives her feeding

to her I have grown smitten
she’s a quite lovely kitten!

[Anonymous No.17550301]

>>17546181
We've been saying this since like 2008 dude.

[Anonymous No.17550310]

>>17549442
Are you online in jail

[Anonymous No.17550327]

>>17549778
I did, but I thought that living in the city would give me a better opportunity to meet like-minded folks, but I'm starting to think that maybe I'm too conservative in my way of living, so that even if I do meet someone who I can relate to on some aspects, their outgoing-ness and less conservative lifestyle would ultimately create an impassible barrier
>>17549688
:3 thx

[Anonymous No.17550351]

>>17550327
A hard part of socializing in the city is that people can live more than an hour apart and still be in the same city, so you meet somebody doing something and trade contact info, but then it's always a bitch to meet up because you have to go way out of your way. Eventually you will realize your valid socializing area is only like a few neighborhoods within a walkable distance. If you can't walk over to your friends place or get there in one train stop, it's going to be a chore to keep it going.

[Anonymous No.17550522]

Monday. Pinched nerve in my neck still bothers me. Don't know what to read, I'm a bit burned out to start longer books and don't have any short ones in my folder.

[Anonymous No.17550532]

frater asemlen gay ahahahaha

[Anonymous No.17550634]

today my shower handle broke when i turned it on so i couldnt turn it off, it was just blasting out water at full volume faster than it would drain. i had to use kitchen pots to pull water out of the tub to the sink so it wouldnt overflow while waiting for the maintenance guy. turns out that water systems have emergency shutoff valves for this kind of situation, i just didnt know that because im a millenial and because the valve was back behind my washing machine, where i've never been before. derp. anyway it was very stressful. might go read now.

[Anonymous No.17550648]

how true is this article? it namedrops that sigmund freud and thomas edison dabbled in cocaine https://www.drugfreeworld.org/drugfacts/cocaine/a-short-history.html

[Anonymous No.17550833]

I'm in my 30s yet I feel not unlike I felt as a teenager or early twentysomething. There are times I feel like whatever "adult" behavior I have developed is purely learned, something I have accumulated as a result of my intellect and which I do somewhat performatively. When pure instinct takes over I have more than once essentially behaved exactly the same as I did at 19, 20, or 21, in a given situation.

Maybe this is a function of my biology. I get mistaken for someone years younger than my actual age frequently. Maybe I've just aged slower, overall. Is that a thing? Maybe I actually am somewhat stuck in a younger chronological age.

[Anonymous No.17550843]

>>17545630
Felt prosaic. r8 my rhymes, faggots.
>All those mortal's surviving birth / Upon facing maturity,
>Take inventory of their worth / To prevailing society.
>Choosing values becomes a task; / Oneself must seek satisfaction.
>The selected route will unmask / Character when plans take action.
>Accepting some work to perform / At fixed pay, but promise for more,
>Is a recognized social norm, / As is decorum, seeking lore.
>Achieving while others lifting / Should be cause for deserving fame.
>Leisure tempts excitement seeking, / What's right and expected seems tame.
>"Jessie James" has been seen by all, / And "Son of Sam" has an author.
>Others now feel temptations call. / Sacramento should make an offer.
>To make a movie of my life / That will pay for my planned exile.

>Just now I'd like to add the wife / Of a Mafia lord to my file.
>Your /lit/poster anon.
>And deserving pest.
>See you in the press or on /tv/.

[Anonymous No.17550885]

>>17549558
Argentina

[Anonymous No.17551007]

there's not enough time in the world for everything i want to do. i haven't the patience to make it all fit. i loathe sleep and spend most of my life in it, that little mocking death, shaving bit by bit the waking days away. i lose my youth, my innocence, i lose my dreams. i am left only with the crazy unhatched plans drawn up by that life-drunk craftsman and no time to get them all done. i go about my days, going one by one. i'll be lucky to get three or four there stood upright, beneath the sun and moon to hum a song of presence with me and let the wind play through.

to hell with it. i drink my beers, smoke my smokes, and eat to stave off the pain. i dress in layers to kick back the elements, i spit in my hands, spit in the dirt, elbow the men i love, and bugger the women. life is what it is. i sit down days and try to say something, try to write, try to read something, a book, a big book! a book full of ideas the like they put whole teams on in universities! and find only the same sun and moon the same dull hum and wind coming through. i find the same greed and fear elbows and buggering.

[Anonymous No.17551024]

ahahahhahahah FUCK YOU I BURN ALL OF YOUR SHITTY BOOKS!!!

[Anonymous No.17551106]

>>17551024
heh, i have ereader

[Anonymous No.17551157]

>>17550046
You and me both, anon.

[Anonymous No.17551180]

>>17550259
yeah. it got me. are you writing it for a kid?

[Anonymous No.17551196]

>>17550634
that's pretty funny. I suggest familiarizing yourself with elements of that sort in your own living space. I don't think I have to explain why

[Anonymous No.17551208]

>>17550648
I dunno, but it's probably true. nothing surprising about it in any case, cocaine use is very common among people who can afford it

[Anonymous No.17551229]

>>17551007
I like your style. I especially like the words "song of presence"

[Anonymous No.17551282]

Reading news headlines, which I don't do very often, on drudge, has given me the very belated realization that we're living in a fucking movie right now. I want off this ride

[Anonymous No.17551298]

>>17545630
I can’t seem to focus on my writing, no matter how hard I try. I feel like I’m preemptively failing.

[Anonymous No.17551306]

>>17545630
I'm tired of feeling tired. I moved to Japan last March, which was a major life goal of mine, but between the shitty company I've been working for and covid I haven't been able to accomplish all that I've wanted to do since coming here. The area I'm living in is under a state of emergency until the start of next month, so I've been doing nothing but go to work/grocery store then coming home and waste hours watching minute long clips of vtubers. Most of my socialization is done through discord either with the handful of English speaking friends I've made here (who are all moving back home soon due to the aforementioned shitty company) or with the boys back home, who because of the time zone difference usually take up most of my weekends with table top gaming or movie nights. It's infuriating to see the reclusive behavior I tended towards back home be indirectly rewarded by the dominating mindset everyone's taken during this pandemic. My one light at the end of the tunnel is I landed what looks like a dope gig at an international private school out in the country side, but now I'm having the same feelings I had before I left America of disconnecting from my present situation because I know that I'll be moving somewhere else soon.
This year has made me question my career choice as a teacher, but I know that it's my best bet at a stable living abroad. But even that's been called into question as things I used to love about Japan kind of annoy me now. Part of me wants to say fuck it and wander the world focusing exclusively on my writing and new experiences, but the kung-flu's put the kibosh on that for awhile and I don't wanna be the kinda guy that doesn't settle down to start a family until later in life, even though I know I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility/emotional commitment right now.

[Anonymous No.17551353]

>>17551306
I feel for you. I had a trip from America to Japan scheduled too last March but it was a study abroad, and of course it was canceled. Now back at home all classes are online again for Spring, I just took the semester off because screw that. Honestly, isn't this illness so unfortunate, that it strikes us in our youth and stops us from doing or enjoying things we've waited years for? It sucks.

Maybe if you're looking to start a family you could search for a partner there. They say if your Japanese is good and you're a Westerner it's not too hard. The whole xenophobia thing is mostly just appropriate suspicion toward people of a totally different cultural background. As long as you're a respectable guy you should be fine. Though, living in the country side would predictably make that a lot harder.

[Anonymous No.17551388]

I feel embarrassed about the novel idea I have, even though I've been working on that for months now. To the point, that whenever I write it, I change the prose and narration.

[Anonymous No.17551424]

>>17551282
have you ever heard the word vogue

[Anonymous No.17551440]

>>17551424
what's your point?

[Anonymous No.17551491]

https://youtu.be/6E2QkMoLnGU

Of all the ambient mixes I tried, this one resonates the best with me. It has melancholic vibes fitting for winter scenery, but it doesn't make me dive too deep into depressive mood.

[Anonymous No.17551492]

Back at the gym for the first time since corona hit. I know I'm gonna be paralytic tomorrow but it feels beyond good to truly stretch the muscles again. I have never been a big guy, but I was feeling dismayed that I'd lost the firmness I'd once had. I don't care if I'm not 'big' but I hate being flabby, it genuinely makes me feel weak internally on top of externally. Plus, ever since I started lifting girls always say they like my arms.

[Anonymous No.17551513]

>>17547673
>or perhaps 1 person under constant threat of being exposed by the 2 others as a fraud.
that's very funny

[Anonymous No.17551526]

>>17545630
i did a fart like 30 mins ago and it still smells like there is an actual turd in my room, i even lit a candle

[Anonymous No.17551533]

I haven't been able to articulate this even to myself yet, so maybe this will make no sense. For ages now I have had this odd subconscious feeling of being somehow an old man, remembering glimpses of his life - my own life being those glimpses. Its not a constant feeling, it's more like a semi frequent deja vu. Sometimes I'm doing something and I just cannot believe that I am the age I am. I feel somehow much, much older (not in the sense that I feel more mature, but just existentially I suppose). I still haven't quite got this sensation down into words, I feel like the words are falling short of the true meaning..

[Anonymous No.17551534]

>>17548756
maybe you'll start seeing your original home-country in a different light when contrasted against the new. it could help you tell the story right

[Anonymous No.17551537]

>>17551526
Open a window and reconsider making adjustments to your diet if it smells that bad.

[Anonymous No.17551764]

killing a day. been visiting folks all week-end, first my dad and then I had my mom over. My dad is old and sad. We didn't have a very good conversation. There are unspoken things between us. I thought I forgave him but we never really spoke on it. I didn't think we'd have to. I don't know that we do, but I think so now. That's an impossible conversation. If he accepts what I say he will want to die. If he does not then that might drive a wedge very deep between us.

With my mom I had the best conversation I even remember having with her. Just good-spirited and kind-hearted. Nowhere to go and no one to go there: just a nice time. Now I kind of need to work but I think I'd do right to kill a day simply. Shitpost, watch shows. One day. Then tomorrow I can get back on the job-searching and paper-writing. I should take a day just to let things find their place. I can somewhat afford to, but my mid-range plan has fail-safes in it, I can't fuck it up too bad and if things really go wrong in that time-frame then that's Gods will.

Man I just saw video of an old woman being baptised. Maybe 60 years old. Just making these elated hissing sounds, a little bit like an old train-whistle. And it got through to me just what she was feeling. In that moment, after that whole long life of being lost, she was found and for no other reason than grace. A sister came home after such a long, long time away, and she didn't come home with her mind but with her heart. Imagine after such a long time that she finally believed and knew that she was saved.

[Anonymous No.17551776]

>>17551306
I’m about to teach there too. What’s so shitty about your company?

[Anonymous No.17551782]

Welp. 8 am. Time to go to work and contemplate suicide for 8 hours again. My lease is up in July. I’m thinking I should just let my boss know now “I won’t be continuing after July” and just figure it out from there.

[Anonymous No.17551966]

>>17551782
Can't you extend your lease?

[Anonymous No.17551981]

>>17551966
The same way you have counterpoint or modulation in poetry where you find beauty in the way rhythm varies from the technical metre, I live my life by a fixed set of principles and schedule and I find beauty in the slight variations from the technical framework.

[Anonymous No.17551982]

>>17551966
I could renew it but I don’t want to do that regardless of my job situation.

[Anonymous No.17551990]

The same way you have counterpoint or modulation in poetry where you find beauty in the way rhythm varies from the technical metre, I live my life by a fixed set of principles and schedule and I find beauty in the slight variations from the technical framework.

[Anonymous No.17552081]

>>17550310
aren't we all

[Anonymous No.17552249]

>>17551533
All of your lifetime already is. You're experiencing its unfolding

[Anonymous No.17552304]

I am so miserable

[Anonymous No.17552546]

>>17552304
Why?

[Anonymous No.17552669]

>>17552546
Everything just feels hopeless and purposeless. Life unironically feels like a prison and I can’t stop seeing the horror in reality.

[Anonymous No.17552690]

I think I might be mildly bipolar. I have noticeable and sudden ups and down, yet they exchange quite quickly, once a week or two. At one point I'm super motivated and determined, work a lot and take on a lot of work, and manage it all. At another point I have no motivation or will to do much other than lie around and I am noticeably more pessimistic about people and life (so I don't think it's fatigue from work).

[Anonymous No.17552743]

>>17552690
Maybe you're a tranny

[Anonymous No.17552848]

>>17552743
no i'm a real woman

[Anonymous No.17552869]

>>17552848
Nailed it

[Anonymous No.17552955]

>>17545630
I just fulfilled my dream of owning inu-yasha's necklace. It took 24 dollars and 17 years, but goddammit, I did it.

[Anonymous No.17552961]

>>17545701
fun, escapism.

[Anonymous No.17553001]

>>17552955
So what now?

[Anonymous No.17553006]

>>17552669
But only you give your life meaning and purpose.

[Anonymous No.17553008]

I just took a 3 hour nap ama
I wonder how come no one ever got an idea to use hedgehog hides for anything

[Anonymous No.17553032]

>>17553001
gonna wear it while I write

[Anonymous No.17553041]

>>17553032
based enjoy

[Anonymous No.17553092]

I eat when I’m stressed, which lately is all the time.

[Anonymous No.17553099]

I can't stop thinking about how awful it is to have a daughter. I have a gf but I sometimes look at bumble just to see what's out there, like going to the PT Barnum freakshow. For some reason I can't stop looking at all the 28 year old women who think they can just keep doing what they've always been doing, like technically having a vagina is enough to attract a life partner when your vagina isn't even on the New Releases shelf anymore, it's in the bargain bin like a rubber chicken with its price slashed 2 times. They're like an alien species to me. How can you be that close to falling off the cliff, and not change your course at all? They're like crash test dummies, racing toward the wall with a stupid look on their faces.

But the ones that really get to me are the sluts. 22 years old, all nice pictures of you on vacation, dressed up nice in your dad's big expensive house. The clothing you're wearing alone reveals how wealthy you are, you have a charmed and privileged existence. Then I look at the bio tag line and it's about how you're ironically self-aware that you suck cock for fun. All that money, all that love from dad, all that time and energy put into raising you, and you're a little no-good whore who contributes nothing.

I just can't get over it, I keep imagining having daughters and watching them grow up. Little girls are so nice, they're sweet and innocent. You wouldn't be able to help loving them as a father. Then one day they suck a billion dicks on tinder while joking ironically about how they know they're trash and they embrace it.

[Anonymous No.17553105]

>>17553092
I know how that feels, I have tendency for doing it too. Try drinking tea or doing some light exercise instead.

[Anonymous No.17553130]

>>17553006
And if you fail?

[Anonymous No.17553338]

>>17545630
I just woke up from a wet dream where Britney Spear was furiously kissing me and the only thing I could do was gripping her bosom. Been years I did not have those.

[Anonymous No.17553346]

>>17553338
congrats

[Anonymous No.17553354]

>>17553346
thanks fren

[Anonymous No.17553373]

>>17553130
fail in what way?

[Anonymous No.17553419]

>>17553346
But bro its kind of incredible how the mind can stimulate so much. Like I didnt touch anything or motion anything but still I climaxed about unreal realms.

[Anonymous No.17553430]

>>17545630
i hate women so much it's unreal

[Anonymous No.17553438]

>>17553430
we know

[Anonymous No.17553449]

>>17553419
I wouldn't know. Every time I try to have a sexy dream, there's a house party going on, and none of the doors lock. Sometimes walls disappear. An all around miserable situation.

[Anonymous No.17553450]

>>17553430
:(

[Anonymous No.17553475]

>>17553449
When I NoFap I cannot last a week without having wet dreams. And oh deer the first one is the wierdest. After 2-3-4 weeks it becomes normal vanilla where you see tights and a squirt and you are done for.
So if you want to experience some just NoFap brother.

[Anonymous No.17553521]

>>17552690
As someone who is diagnosed with it, this sounds like cyclothymia which is sort of like a weaker, short-wave form of bipolar. Bipolar proper is marked by catastrophe on both ends. The ups of bioplar, the hypomania or the rarer full blown manias, may be marked by moments of raised motivation and energy, but they are always tinged by craziness. Either through irritability and irrational anger at the world, poor impulse control, or both, hypomania is difficult to utilize. Full blown mania in contrast is worthless, it basically shades into paranoid schizophrenia. I've thought that airplanes flying by were spying on me, thought that I was part of a prophecy, battling evil forces etc. It's psychosis. You go without sleep for a number of days and deteriorate further. Thankfully this has only happened to me twice in my life.

The depressive phases are more the baseline, I've basically lived my entire life depressed, and what normies call depression I call normality while what I call depression is a mood level they'd never reach because they'd kill themselves before getting there.
Real bipolar is no joke. It has some incidental benefits, for example writing while hypomanic can cause you to dissociate in ways that make you feel as though your characters were "real" and thus there is a greater level of depth to your writing. Or you get lost in the gym for 6 hours a day "preparing to get enlisted in the war." Or whatever. But it always ends up with a crash.

[Anonymous No.17553564]

>>17549773
I have the feeling that everything is irrelevant

[Anonymous No.17553667]

I'm a chronic slacker, but the only time I'm happy is when I'm working hard. Annoying contradiction.

[Anonymous No.17553768]

>>17553667
Same

[Anonymous No.17553850]

Took an actual IQ test administered by MENSA. Results: exactly 100.

Laughed at it at first, and now weeks later, it's starting to wear on me. They say things like intelligence are kind of "up in the air" until adulthood, it's still somewhat malleable before then. Well, I'm turning 25 in a month, and that's the age brain and personality are set in stone. I'm feeling depressed thinking that what I have now is what I've got, I have to make it work for the next 40 years or so.

[Anonymous No.17553868]

>>17553850
It means nothing. I’ve seen people are most certainly highly intelligent get like 90s on IQ tests only to test at 130, 135, 140 weeks later.

[Anonymous No.17553872]

>>17553373
If you fail to “give your life meaning and purpose”?

[Anonymous No.17553955]

I fucking hate getting so tired that higher functioning disappears. I don't know how I'm supposed to make it in this world. I need to learn an intelligent way to slack off.

[Anonymous No.17554141]

>>17553850
you gotta understand fren, most people on here bragging about theyre 130 or 140 have no actual accomplishments in life. that little score is all they have to assert their value. think about how gay that is. you on the other hand have no choice but to actually apply yourself and succeed for validation, which seems like a better position to be in psychologically than trying to always live up to someone else claiming that you're gifted

[Anonymous No.17554153]

>>17545701
To exercise my intellect and inspire my own writing.

[Anonymous No.17554203]

>>17552743
Nope, I'm quite happy with my "assigned" gender.

>>17553521
Thanks for the insightful answer. I did suspect it was cyclothymia or something similar to that, but I'd have to get tested or something, still working that out. Luckily I have a diary of 5 years that documented all of this in it so it's at least 5 years old. How did you find out, by connecting the dots after an intense episode or?

[Anonymous No.17554248]

If anyone has a piece of software in mind they would like to exist, now's the time to tell me.
Will have plenty of time to work on it this year, so it may very well come to life.

[Anonymous No.17554261]

>>17545701
P1: Whethet I want it or not, I am going to waste a significant amount of my time browsing or watching online.
P2: Reading is essentially a tool to pass your time, both purely for enjoyment (fiction), and for learning things to aid me in my field (non-fiction).
C: If I devote a chunk of my browsing time to reading, I get a 100% benifit return on my investment, plus I feel good and dutiful.

[Anonymous No.17554262]

>>17554141
if only we lived in a meritocracy, feel like any effort I put out isn't worth a damn anyways if it's immeditately rejected outright because of the color of my skin

[Anonymous No.17554275]

>>17553850
Redo it.
I promise you you'll get a higher score the second time.

[Anonymous No.17554302]

Had an awkward scene yesterday. Our neighbours' daughter was visiting my mom (she's a doctor, we often get people visiting her at home). She knocked on the door, and I opened it and told her to come in, my mom was talking on the phone and would be with her in a minute. She didn't do that, and instead asked me where my mom was. I told her, again, that she was busy, and would be with her in a minute, and she flat out told me she was not going in until she saw my mom. I told the bitch to just stay there then, and she actually did, waiting until my mom came to the door to invite her in.
Truly astonishing that there are people out there this paranoid. We've been neighbours for 10 years. To even think I would rape her fifteen meters away from her home is absurd.

[Anonymous No.17554349]

>>17554248
A goodreads that is not owned by globohomo

[Anonymous No.17554384]

Is it even possible to quit masturbation?

[Anonymous No.17554412]

>>17554349
does this stand a chance to find a userbase? what else should separate it from GR?

[Anonymous No.17554471]

>another day not leaving the house because of my hairline
god, absolutely hate what testosterone has done to my body.

[Anonymous No.17554483]

>>17554412
you're not gonna make it anyway so

[Anonymous No.17554495]

>>17554471
Wear a whig and be my femboy bitch

[Anonymous No.17554505]

>>17554483
I might if the features you have in mind seem interesting

[Anonymous No.17554601]

>>17554505
you're not because it requires more resources than you think, your devops is probably shit, you don't know the artwork copyrights it entails, all the GDPR regulations, etc

[Anonymous No.17554617]

>>17554601
>you don't know the artwork copyrights it entails, all the GDPR regulations, etc
that's true, but I've set up functional websites of nearly similar scope before, so in this sense, I'm a good person to do it. Whatever though, if you're just looking to tell me why it shouldn't be done, don't mind suggesting.

[Anonymous No.17554643]

>>17554617
the person who'd do it would know what it needs just like RYM knew why they made Cinemos when IMDB and Rotten Tomatotes already existed

[Anonymous No.17554699]

>>17553872
how can you fail at that?

[Anonymous No.17554844]

nothing is more alienating than talking to "high cultural capital" people my own age.

recently got invited to a gathering of these people, mostly grad students in the arts and humanities. Got to one point where they were going around listing all of the books they read in their college prep high school classes, names I hardly recognized. At first, I thought they were mainly one-upping each other but realized that they really did read and finish classics, and other quality books nearly every week during their developmental years, along with their choice of romance language and instrument.

Every sentence they spoke only increased my sense of cultural impoverishment. I grew up going to private Christian school which was infinitely better than the local public schools, and thought that I had a good education. I'm starting to see that just how much I missed out on, and have been increasingly resentful.

///

A few months ago, I planned on killing myself. Met a person who was basically me, but didn't have a disfiguring childhood accident like I did. They were perfectly happy and well adjusted, loved by everyone.

My plan for killing myself was to shoot up a local ivy league's graduation class, hoping to snag a few global affairs, economics, and medical students. Wrote out a huge manifesto that I've since deleted. Reason I bring this up is just to illustrate how much subconscious awareness of CLASS resentment I carry around. Don't know where I'm going with this, just that it's on my mind a lot

[Anonymous No.17554874]

>>17545630
>mfw I use ingenuity to solve a problem I have
love it! need it! gotta have it!

[Anonymous No.17554879]

>>17554844
>a disfiguring childhood accident
what happened anon?

[Anonymous No.17554889]

>>17554844
thank God I wasn't born a burger

[Anonymous No.17554927]

https://youtu.be/Io2a4SOX22Y

[Anonymous No.17554939]

i don't think i'm cut out for being an individual

[Anonymous No.17554986]

>>17554203
>How did you find out, by connecting the dots after an intense episode or?
Basically I had a very stressful period of life in my late teens, and slept poorly but still felt I had limitless energy. I worked out around the clock and started to write very strange things in my journal. I went to work one day on like 0 hours sleep and one of my coworkers and I stepped outside to smoke a joint because the boss wasn't in. For some reason that joint was the one extra snowflake that caused the avalanche and let's just say I started acting crazy to the point I had to be hospitalized.

More recently it happened to me a few years ago. But I was in better circumstances and able to see a shrink before it got too out of hand and I went off the deep end, but I was already neck deep by the time that happened.

I have hypomanic episodes with more frequency, usually this involves drugs and sex and pleasure seeking behaviors to self-destructive excess, however, the whole covid shutdown has put a lid on that because it's harder to have fun. Other times I will just write a lot.

The key is to learn your triggers. For me it is.
1. Excessive stress
2. A consistent pattern of insomnia
3. Intense exercise (which sucks because exercise is normally good)
4. A vague sort of militancy or hyper-vigilance
5. Pressured speech and paranoia

[Anonymous No.17554992]

>>17554939
that's ok we live in a society

[Anonymous No.17555043]

>>17554844
You are idolizing morons whose entire lives revolve around the hope that people like you exist to look on them and confirm the illusion they are broadcasting by believing in it, because they themselves don't believe in it or understand or remember where it came from. To take a second to reflect on such things would be to lose the illusion and become no one, in their eyes. None of them really read or processed those books they mentioned. You would be shocked at how normal lying and posturing is. They lie so much they can't tell their own lies apart anymore, so they often really believe they have read things that they've only heard about from others but been claiming to have read for so long that they lost track. I teach these people for a living. You can't comprehend how conformist they are and how much their life revolves around keeping up appearances. I already know you are smarter than them because you are capable of feeling inferiority. That requires theory of mind, which almost none of them have, because they never pry themselves away from the rat race of appearing like they have the appearance of having the right appearance for even one second.

[Anonymous No.17555085]

>>17554844
Damn I was expecting the opposite: that they were naming bullshit modern artists. But instead they read classics wtf that's great anon. What were some obscure names that are not mentioned on /lit/ so often? I almost never see well-read people IRL.

Also stop being silly, you can improve your education very fast. Read daily and in 5 years you'll find it difficult to find people more well-read than you.

[Anonymous No.17555104]

>>17555043
>>17554844
Also they all fake knowing those languages. Trust me on that one. They can't learn languages except by immersion and many years of exposure, because they are lazy and can't study things for real, they can only study them in the way presented by college classes and college prep classes, so, poorly, because those classes are a commodity whose primary goal is making them and their parents feel smart, not actually applying the necessary pressure to make them smart. They all hate the instruments they play and forget how to play them because they have no purpose, no drive, no love of anything. Upon hitting college and freedom from their parental culture, they lyse and become porous with the surrounding environment, dissolving into it. That surrounding environment is mind-numbing, brain haze-inducing drug and party culture (of a very boring upper class pussy rich kid variety which isn't even edgy, though it pathetically apes being edgy), and becoming a progressive who hates themselves. This is not conducive to maintaining their "cultural elite" pretensions except within a very small and ever shrinking sect of mentally ill people. Why do you think the twitter millennial psychosis chamber is getting so loud lately? It's shrinking, and the pressure is increasing.

Nothing in them comes from themselves, all from their parents forcing them to get into universities in high school by taking the SATs ten times and still only being mediocre. They have every opportunity in the world and they become.. nothing. Just a spaced out happy-go-lucky rich spoiled kid going on five vacations a year to places they aren't curious about knowing, claiming mastery of activities they don't actually feel joy in doing, all for the sake of appearances. They don't even remember what commitment is like. Their lifestyle has turned them into prey animals.

I say this because you shouldn't think or talk about hurting them. They are hurting themselves. The shocks of reality that are about to hit them will make the present twitter psychosis era look like child's play. These people, and I am being literal here, do not understand what it means to "figure it out." They do not understand what it means to encounter circumstances that can't be solved by an institution filled with banners giving them "positive affirmations." They cannot survive without their parents' money. The infantilization chamber that created them was a one-off thing. They cannot provide the same opportunities to their own children (when they even have kids), because they didn't achieve the same boomer dream of fabulous wealth and spoiling your nouveau riche garbage children like their parents. They didn't go from parasite children to new boomer incubation chambers for another generation of parasite children. They are parasites raising parasites. You don't have to harm them, reality is about to harm them. Any change in cushy social structure, they will stand and wait for it like a deer in headlights.

[Anonymous No.17555107]

>>17545701
To gain knowledge which I will use to gain power so I can manifest my will into this godless world.

[Anonymous No.17555111]

>>17554927
is it truly all about the interest?

[Anonymous No.17555133]

>>17555111
may i humbly recommend some reading material
https://counter-currents.com/tag/breaking-the-bondage-of-interest/

[Anonymous No.17555139]

>>17554992
barely

[Anonymous No.17555318]

>>17554699
Seriously? You simply fail to make satisfactory meaning for yourself? What do you even mean how?

[Anonymous No.17555353]

>>17554844
>shoot up a local ivy league's graduation class
not the worst plan but you would do better for the world aiming at their parents in the bleachers

[Anonymous No.17555550]

surface is everything. i would become a nazi if i could wear one of those fancy officer coats. this is the glory of the catholic church. murder committed by a handsome person is beautiful, and his beauty spills over into the relationship of killing. the foolish man can learn to behave and keep his mouth shut, stand at attention, give simple answers - that is noble. but the fugly man remains eternally a worm, a disgusting drip, whose most beautiful thoughts turn inside out, a butterfly that reverts into a grub.

[Anonymous No.17555598]

I don't understand how people can live or how they could ever live, given that the demands of life should make it so that one has no energy for any kind of "meaning of life"-shit. Family is the only thing I can think of. Living for and with family.

[Anonymous No.17555651]

>>17551306
>things I used to love about Japan kind of annoy me now
Same. I'm getting pretty close to give up on nihongo for the same reason.
Oh well

[Anonymous No.17556216]

>>17551306
any tips on avoiding shitty Japanese companies? I'm considering doing some time over there after graduation

[Anonymous No.17556288]

Check the major.

[Anonymous No.17556306]

>>17556288
english lit? So?

[Anonymous No.17556313]

>>17545630
>grey folds, frotting

[Anonymous No.17556335]

>every single thing predicated about mixed race people is true
miscegenation should be illegal

[Anonymous No.17556410]

>>17555043
>>17555104
>This is not conducive to maintaining their "cultural elite" pretensions except within a very small and ever shrinking sect of mentally ill people
This to the 9s.

[Anonymous No.17556484]

My mind feels like it’s deteriorating. Focusing has never been more difficult, especially as I lose passion to struggle through even the most basic motions.

[Anonymous No.17557299]

>>17545630
Why do people defend obese people so much now? Had this discussion where people got super mad at me for saying it wasn't healthy and it was sad too see so many obese people when it was clearly unhealthy
I'm not even an anglo.
I'm just a /fit/ autist?

[Anonymous No.17557301]

I was talking with a female bisexual friend yesterday about how I'm depressed that I'm already 18 and I've never kissed or had sex with a girl. The conversation somehow turned to us talking about how she wants to peg a guy, and I told her, half jokingly, that I would let her peg me if she could get a strap on. Later when I dropped her off at her house, I asked if I could kiss her, and we made out. I felt pretty platonic though, and there isn't romantic chemistry between us, but she's very hot. She's also somewhat autistic and has body image problems, and we talked about that for a little while. Today she texted me that she bought a strap on on Amazon. On the one hand, I don't know how I feel about being penetrated by a woman. If I did get fucked in the ass at all, which I'm not sure if I would ever want to even though I'm a switch, I would rather it be by a man, and I don't really like the idea of being pegged by a woman. Also, I would rather my first time having sex with a woman be more romantic and traditional. On the other hand, it would be very hot, and I did tell her I would do it. I don't really know how I feel about it.

[Anonymous No.17557313]

The United States is absolutely irredeemable.

[Anonymous No.17557360]

>>17557299
Globalization. Everyone reads the same shit nowadays, causing them to mindlessly absorb anglo bullshit without questioning the source.
I am, with dismay, watching the same unfold in my country. This has started a decade ago, when the smartphone became ubiquitous.

[Anonymous No.17557374]

>>17554844
The other poster has a good point that they're all actual retards because the severity of the past hasn't been there to shape them into a respectable ruling class. All the people I know like this are degenrate blind slugs that I'd feel pity for if I wasn't so poor. Anyway anon I for some reason took the cultural capital route and it's been more disastrous than I'd like to admit. I should have spent my youth working and understanding the more functional , real parts of the world instead of seeing myself above the material world while my parents slaved away paying the rent. The only advantage is that when it comes to impressing these slugs I can do quite well and this affords me opportunities. This is not to degrade knowledge of the classics or high culture but an expression of a personal mishap I underwent for not acknowledging my own material poverty.

[Anonymous No.17557444]

>>17554844
>>17555104
>>17555043
I can fully sign this. I am doing a PhD in a prestigious institution and I have developed a deep disdain for many of my peers, which stems from these observations. I am doing fairly well career-wise, but I am definitely yearning for an exit. In a sense, this disdain emerged from the disappointment and the realization that a large section of this supposed elite are automata that have been railroaded into this position from birth by their optimizing parents. Not saying that everyone is like that, I have meet quite a few people with very interesting background. However, a majority of academia is made up by these milquetoast characters and then you realize how these characters shape public policy and discourse. It deeply depresses me.

[Anonymous No.17558504]

>>17545630
Thinking of becoming a shameless unintentional obscurantist. Its so much easier to understand things that don't make sense.

[Anonymous No.17558521]

I wish walls of our lab weren't so thin, I really don't need to be hearing every single conversation taking place on the hallway. Eavesdropping wouldn't do me much use anyway, most of them are cleaning ladies having private conversations on the phone.

[Anonymous No.17558528]

Winter sucks. I want to be happy again

[Anonymous No.17558561]

Did you? Did you? It doesn‘t matter anyways. It doesn‘t. Really it doesn‘t. Don‘t talk to me. Don‘t look at me. Look away. I don‘t want to be seen. By you. By anyone. I want to stop being. Don‘t touch me. Love me. Want me. Need me. Don‘t touch me. You‘re disgusting. You‘re vile. You make my skin crawl. Come here, let me milk you dry. Make me feel beautiful with your orgasm. I‘m addicted to your desire. Don‘t you dare give it to anyone else. It is all mine. I‘ll devour your soul through your cock. Want me. Ache for me. I can make you feel so good. I can pretend to be beautiful for you for those three minutes. I crave it. I‘m so deprived of being ok. I‘ll moan and arch for you but my spasming legs are for lonely hours and impatient fingers only. Come take me away. Please come. Come for me.

[Anonymous No.17558584]

>>17545630
half the threads on this board are just /pol/ bait and not about literature anymore wtf

[Anonymous No.17558594]

I‘ve been awake all night. It‘s getting bright outside. I’ll be miserable but i‘ll get trough the day and then fall asleep to his voice.

[Anonymous No.17558610]

>>17558584
/pol/tardation will take root wherever it is not purged

[Anonymous No.17558611]

>>17558594
god's? james joyce's? your father's (disapproving)?

[Anonymous No.17558615]

I would probably be fine dating an 18-year-old and maybe even marrying one. As long as her parents didn't object.

[Anonymous No.17558621]

>>17558615
Women don't really intellectually mature much past 18, just get more bitchy and grumpy.

[Anonymous No.17558625]

>>17558594
Must be some really boring audiobook...

[Anonymous No.17558650]

>>17558594
My mortal man‘s voice.
>>17558625
I was read, alright. But it wasn‘t boring. If it would have been, i would have fallen asleep instead.

[Anonymous No.17558668]

I had a dream where i married girl to whom i felt absolutely nothing. I distinctly remember saying to myself "do i really need to engage in lovey-dovey talk?" Everyone assumed that i did the right thing even though i just married her out of curiosity and nothing more. I felt so terrible about it that i thought about either cheating on her or divorce.

[Anonymous No.17558673]

>>17558668
Did you do it? Or were you a coward?

[Anonymous No.17558679]

>>17558673
The dream ended on me thinking about what to do next.

[Anonymous No.17558740]

>>17558679
Ah, lame.

[Anonymous No.17559337]

>>17557301
you're on your way to making a huge mistake. at least fuck her first, if not, you're doomed

[Anonymous No.17559359]

it's not death i fear, it's aging

[Anonymous No.17559369]

>>17545630
I’m too tired to read, can’t go to sleep, but desperately want to read. Time to waste time on 4chan until my shift is over.

[Anonymous No.17559406]

>>17559359
Its shame we dont respect elders and they're not usually worth of respect.

[Anonymous No.17559434]

>>17559406
they aren't, indeed, but I think that's beside the point in the traditions that do respect elders, because the purpose is, if nothing else, to make sure you receive the same courtesies yourself upon reaching that age. it's a mechanism for ensuring a peaceful and comfortable waning of your life, through societally enforcing respect. I think the destruction of that type of tradition, as with other such traditions, is self-harm on a cultural scale and pretty fucking short-sighted
tl;dr a tradition of respect for your elders is to the benefit of everyone

[Anonymous No.17559630]

anyone else get really derealized and insecure at night? like everything you normally have confidence in and everything that normally gives your days what little meaning they have fades away and you're just left with this frail and vulnerable human form and everything you know and do feels like so much hollow convention and like the world and all our values and beliefs are held together by duct tape liable at any moment to completely burst? and like everything you do and say in the working world and social life of the day has no relation to this other life at all?

[Anonymous No.17559641]

>>17553868
Why would corporations, armed forces use IQ test if they were that inconsistent?

[Anonymous No.17559645]

forever out of reach

[Anonymous No.17559653]

>>17559641
because they are standardized. there's all sorts of retardation in both of those sectors because of a logically-positive autism that needs cleanly defined scores.

if you're too stupid to understand that you should go back to the sam harris reddit.

[Anonymous No.17559660]

I don't know where to post my work anymore. /wg/ is just too shit recently with the retarded drama.

[Anonymous No.17559664]

>>17559406
>respect elders
The people who took part in the 1960's student protests are in their 70's now.
We have no living people to look up to.

[Anonymous No.17559672]

>>17559653
>(((harris)))
>reddit
what kind of normie do you take me for?
also, the bureaucrats in charge of those places are rarely autists.

[Anonymous No.17559676]

>>17559645
what exactly? relationships, women, diserable women? feet?

[Anonymous No.17559685]

>>17559676
flawless kpop feet

[Anonymous No.17559686]

>>17559672
>also, the bureaucrats in charge of those places are rarely bureaucrats.

[Anonymous No.17559697]

>>17559686
every institution selects for neurotypical people.

[Anonymous No.17559760]

>>17559660
???

[Anonymous No.17559949]

>>17553850
>tfw also got a real IQ test and scored 104
Get fucked brainlet.

I feel you, I try to not to think about it because I always end up feeling depressed

[Anonymous No.17559978]

>>17554844
>My plan for killing myself was to shoot up a local ivy league's graduation class, hoping to snag a few global affairs, economics, and medical students.
You probably shouldn't listen to me but I think you should carry out that plan. I'd also do what >>17555353 said.

[Anonymous No.17559982]

>>17559630
I feel you anon, its like the illusion all comes crashing down the moment you close the door to your bedroom for the night. It's certainly a surreal feeling. I often feel like I can barely interpret reality.

[Anonymous No.17559993]

I've decided to stop reading psychoanalytic literature before bed because it stimulates my brain too much and makes it impossible to sleep. So today feels like a poetry kindve night. I think I'll go with Ted Hughes.

[Anonymous No.17560023]

>>17558610
There is more pre-emptive anti-pol retardation than there is /pol/ retardation.

[Anonymous No.17560194]

>>17558584
It's extremely depressing to know Anime pics are the signs of literature.

[Anonymous No.17560327]

>>17560023
you're not wrong, but the fact still is that /pol/ and it's influence is what really fucked this site in the past half decade, and continues to lower quality of discourse across many boards. if they at least had better memes, but all they do is steal and appropriate, like reddit and twitter

[Anonymous No.17560348]

>>17560194
shouldn't be that depressing on what started out as a full blown weeb site

[Anonymous No.17560401]

>>17560327
I just don’t buy it desu. Sure, /pol/ is 99% a cesspool but that’s true for most boards and always has been. Just go to /int/. It’s arguably worse than /pol/, vehemently anti-/pol/ and always has been. Plus, this whole /pol/ migrating to other boards is basically a spook. Just like /pol/ sees Jews lurking behind every tree, other boards see /pol/ lurking behind every post when in reality, their community is just full of retards and Reddit refugees ever since 4chan memes went mainstream.

[Anonymous No.17560540]

>have an important meeting scheduled digitally
>internet somehow goes out minutes before time
I'm genuinely starting to get paranoid that the universe is fucking with me

[Anonymous No.17560675]

>>17554384
>Is it even possible to quit masturbation?
Just don't masturbate. But why would you want to quit completely? Just force yourself to do it less frequently and you'll decondition yourself eventually.

[Anonymous No.17560762]

>>17551533
We're all older than any of us can possibly imagine, anon. I think you're dipping into the River Styx prematurely.

[Anonymous No.17560839]

>sleep for 7-8 hours per night
>get up at 7-8 am
>everything is fine and dandy
>11 am
>become sleepy
>so sleepy that i have to take a nap for an hour or two
>become slightly better after that
>have trouble going to sleep at night
>briefly wake up at 4.30-4.45 am
>repeats
i dont get. is body that unhealthy?

[Anonymous No.17560843]

>>17560839
Sounds like the pre-industrial agricultural sleep-cycle. Probably your body naturally trying to revert. Ask a doctor if you're that worried

[Anonymous No.17560853]

>>17560438
I can really sympathize. I had an immediate family shot and killed during a home invasion gone wrong. I don’t like to talk about the details of the during and after but I’ll just say it was pretty harrowing and it messed me up a bit. I don’t say that to equivocate you’re experience with mine but rather just to let you know that I know how you feel with the anxiety, the car backfiring, etc. I personally felt really isolated, like no one would or could sympathize too. That was actually the worst part because it’s what made me feel broken. I felt like if I had a whole group of people around me who experienced what I did, I would actually be fine but because I was the only one, that’s why I couldn’t cope. Hence why I feel the need to say this. I’ve even had similar relationships with a girlfriend and mom who said the same things to me while I was the same way. I’m also no longer with the girlfriend and spend most, if not all, if my time alone but I live alone. It feels like when it rains it pours. I was on medication at the time, SSRIs and Benzos. It really helped me to get off of them actually. I made no progress on them but after a few months off, I started to feel more “normal” if you know what I mean. I no longer jump when I hear I a bang. I’m just a stranger on the internet so take what I say with a grain of salt, but if I can give you some advice in the form of what I’ve found for myself, it’s that I’ve found some solace in shedding off my notions of largely material ambitions like a career, certain amount of money, or whatever and replaced it instead with more creative, sometimes even escapist desires, moving into imagination a la Jünger, Nietzsche, and even into the world of spirit, which now interests me quite a lot. I won’t pretend as if I’ve cured myself or how I’m somehow happy or something. It’s almost like I’ve just accepted that I have a “cross to bear” to something and that’s given me more stable and sound mind. Eventually, I actually managed to accept a paradigm where I’m almost fortunate to experience what I did, as dark as that sounds. I have the opportunity to break from the herd, in an immaterial way, the only way that now matters to me and go out it alone, clothed only in my own strength and will power and free from the bonds of normal, mundane aspirations. In some sense, that’s been horrible because I still work a normal wagie job, I still have a mundane life, even though I’m not interested in one but in another respect, it’s better because I’m free from the ambition to have one. I’m probably rambling to you at this point but I guess what I want to advise cautiously is to examine yourself as you are as more than just a body experiencing anxiety or having a certain amount of money or whatever, and try to bring it to a place where you’re concerned with “higher” things I guess and if you’re on pharmaceuticals, consider getting off.

[Anonymous No.17560869]

>>17560401
/pol/ itself is the most massive floodgate of those refugees into the rest of the site though, i don't know how you can deny this if you've browsed for a good amount of time.

[Anonymous No.17561070]

>>17560853
Damn, I'm really sorry to hear that. I was very lucky because I wasn't very close to the two kids who died, if they were family members I really think that would have broken me.
I know what you mean about feeling lucky, as dark as it sounds. After the shooter got subdued I went into the room where it happened because I'd never seen a freshly dead body before. In a weird way I almost enjoyed it. It was like being slapped in the face, and woke me up to how much I had been wasting my time and chasing, like you said, status and material aspirations. It's hard when you have that kind of anxiety hanging over your head. You're never really at ease, always looking over your shoulder. I can see it in other people too sometimes, it comes out in their eyes and their movements. We are lucky though, because we're alive and in a way more alive because of what we've been through, if that makes sense.
The night before the shooting took place I prayed to god to protect me and my friends, I wasn't really religious but I was dabbling in it out of curiosity. I had started praying and fasting the month before, but not really bought into it. Experiencing the shooting afterwards gave me a lot of religious faith actually, it helped me to convert. Some of the best people I've met have been through my mosque because of that actually, so I'm very lucky in that regard.
I know what you mean about 'higher' things, but god knows I just want to relax sometimes. Not worry about money. Not have to skip meals. Not be alone. Regardless of religion we still have to live in the world, and I want to live a life I can be proud of, one where I can walk down the street with my head held high and people respect me.
You're right about art. Begin able to express myself by creative writing or music, or just getting lost in the form of certain crafts, it makes the bad feelings go away. Thats what I'm working towards now, making a living off my art. After everything I realized that instead of chasing all this shit I could have been a starving artist and at least I'd have something to show for it.
Thanks for taking the time to listen to me anon. Even though we're just two strangers on the internet, it's nice to have someone to talk to. It sounds like you've gone through a lot, and I hope things work out for you. I'm glad you got off SSRIs, a friend of mine was one those for a long time and it left him really fucked up in the head... they're not something to play around with at all.
Stay strong anon. You're a good guy, and god sees you trying.

[Anonymous No.17561138]

>>17560843
Maybe its from ssri i take. I tried not to take for a few days but the same happened anyway.

[Anonymous No.17561172]

>>17561138
SSRIs take quite a while to wear off depending on the exact type, but that is definitely a possibility, especially if your cycle was disrupted not too long after you started taking them (up to a month after, gradually)

[Anonymous No.17561193]

>Wie heißt die Autobiografie von Thomas, die kleine Lokomotive?
>Mein Dampf
It's stupid, but I laughed.

[Anonymous No.17561345]

>>17561138
SSRIs and Benzos messed up my sleep so it’s possible. I sleep better without them.

[Anonymous No.17561385]

I aspire to write in a language which I suspect I will never be well received in.

[Anonymous No.17561419]

>>17561385
Don't worry man, Babylonian is highly exclusive.

[Anonymous No.17561431]

>>17561193
Lol

[Anonymous No.17561541]

>>17545630
I was curt with some wagecuck online over an amazon order and now I feel like an asshole.

[Anonymous No.17561792]

>>17561070
Thanks, anon. That actually meant a lot. I’m glad we could talk like this, even if we’ll only ever be strangers. I’ll pray for your good fortune and well being.

[Anonymous No.17561970]

I don't want to be alive. Modern times aren't habitable for humans

[Anonymous No.17562002]

>>17561970
I think modern times are pretty good actually.

[Anonymous No.17562022]

>>17561970
I think they suck too.
>>17562002
Also fuck this guy.

[Anonymous No.17562049]

He‘s perfect.

[Anonymous No.17562183]

moving into evening here. planning on eating a very barebones dinner soon, but if prepared right it should be fine. Got some things done today. It's kind of an in between day, neither working hard nor resting hard. Gonna loaf around for a couple of hours, then maybe go for a walk.

I can't do laundry until saturday. I need to quite badly.

Tomorrow I'm gonna apply for a couple of jobs for the summer. I expect nothing. The process somewhat stresses me out, I need some public benefits to have a chance and to get them I have to fulfill some criteria. If I fuck it up I get a permanent mark in some personal file in some social services office somewhere, which is a significant deal afaik.

Generally speaking I have a fair amount of anxiety about the future lately

[Anonymous No.17562244]

>>17561970
I feel the same. I told the story once before how when I was 19, I went to a dark sky park and saw the stars. They were so impressive that it affected me in a profound way. One of the things that really just snapped within me is the sudden acknowledge that people lived and slept beneath such a thing for almost the entirety of human history. I realized that only a period as disgusting, effaced, and hellish as ours could make that not the case. My thought has evolved to more, I don’t know, religious sort of thinking since then but truthfully, I’ve felt like living here and now is a prison sentence ever since that day.

[Anonymous No.17562497]

No other board goes to such lengths to avoid its supposed subject of discussion as /lit/ does.
People joke about how /v/ hates video games, or how /tv/ never watches any movies, but I regularly see posters on /lit/ arguing that reading is a waste of time, or that only one genre of literature is worth reading, or that some other activity is just as "/lit/" as reading a book. I'm not going to say that nobody on this board reads, but it does feel like the majority of posters treat reading like an unpleasant chore that they'd rather avoid if possible.
This is probably just another consequence of living in a post-literate society. People take reading too seriously because fewer people are doing it.

[Anonymous No.17562537]

After all these years, I finally confronted the reality: Subconsciously, Casca probably enjoyed getting raped by Griffith. Not saying that for edge, but she clearly idolized Griffith for the longest time and had a lot of unresolved feelings for him. Also, rape often screws with people's heads because they enjoy it on some level. This is making me very sad. I admit that at first, I suspected it, but didn't want to see it. In retrospective, it wasn't even subtle, a really "in your face" kind of moment, which only adds to the scene to be honest. The scene was so powerful that it makes the reader deny the reality of the situation(a little bit like Casca had to lose her mind to deal with the event).

In conclusion: Not my proudest fap.

[Anonymous No.17562572]

>>17562497
I read, but it seems no one reads what I read, and I suspect it's the same with others. So when it comes to threads discussing books, most drop faster than whore's panties, and people just stop trying.

[Anonymous No.17562683]

Fuck Portland General Electric, fuck America's piss poor infrastructure, fuck America in general. Power has been out for 5 days. This is America, the glorious first world country, the beacon of the free world. A fucking joke.

[Anonymous No.17562719]

>>17562683
5 day power outage in american city? reminds me of my home albania.

[Anonymous No.17562742]

>>17562719
American infrastructure is outdated, low quality, and falling apart. The snow storms made that even more apparent. I don't know why they haven't passed a massive infrastructure bill yet but it's long overdue

[Anonymous No.17562754]

I'm unironically becoming a fascist. It's the only path forward to a future actually worth living in. We need to embark on a struggle of national liberation

[Anonymous No.17562753]

>>17562683
There’s more where this came from. Suddenly, the preppers and the collapse evangelists don’t seem like such quacks.

[Anonymous No.17562764]

>>17562742
Lol. They incapacitated brand new wind and solar farms which were supposed to improve the energy grid. Don’t let me burst your progress bubble though.

[Anonymous No.17562763]

>>17562683
I can tell from the way you type that you're a tranny / leftist. yes america is a third world country. you people always supported that happening until you feel the consequences personally.

[Anonymous No.17562783]

>>17562742
The Balkans are unironically superior to muttland in 2021.

[Anonymous No.17562841]

>>17562783
good god thats sad i used to dream of america when i was a child. now i laugh at you. im fucking albanian man.

[Anonymous No.17562876]

>>17562754
what's your story?

[Anonymous No.17562882]

>>17562841
>the albanians are laughing at us
burger-bros...

[Anonymous No.17562914]

Everybody talks about and makes fun of cuckolds, but sometimes I ask myself:What's the wife's perspective? what does she think of the husband/cuck? How does she process the relationship? what does she think of herself?

I really want to know.

[Anonymous No.17563000]

I think I went too hard with the meditation in the last week or so. now I can't focus and all I want is to overeat and watch porn

[Anonymous No.17563007]

>>17562754
all the people you hate will still exist, and will do the same stuff, and supressing them by force will not be very cash money
>>17562783
reminder that Adam Smith did not think the invisible hand could solve literally everything, but rather believed in having unprofitable utilities be tax-funded

[Anonymous No.17563040]

>>17562914
>What's the wife's perspective?
Depends on the reasons she does this.

>what does she think of the husband/cuck?
She loses respect for him and sees him as weak and emasculated.

>How does she process the relationship?
Usually not for long after. Although it is possible that a wife will stay infinitely if the husband doesn‘t kick her out because she gets to have both stability and an endless supply of men desiring her.

>what does she think of herself?
That she‘s more desirable, the more men want to fuck her.

T. Have considered it but decided it was too unhealthy and dangerous.

[Anonymous No.17563086]

>>17562764
> In many places the gas pipeline companies were pressured to 'go low carbon' by replacing gas powered compressors ( which push the gas down the pipes to distribution points and power plants ) with electric compressors hooked up to the grid.

When the grid fails the compressors fail and then the gas pipeline distribution system loses pressure and fails: thus exacerbating the problem of trying to meet excessive demand during unusual weather such as we are experiencing.

The wholesale gas companies sell in open markets and some companies/utilities cannot even bid at highly elevated prices as they don't have the funds to pay. Others will have to rely on their downstream contracts with their customers and pass on the costs or they will go bankrupt and there will be even further pressure on the grid and distribution systems -particularly in rural and poor communities.

[Anonymous No.17563100]

>>17562914
I heard once that a lot of instances are originated by the wife.

[Anonymous No.17563170]

>>17562914
Polyamory is what happens when modern society tells inherently childish, selfish, spoiled women that they can do whatever they want, that nothing matters and no one can ever judge them for being reckless self-serving hedonists with no values, but this comes into conflict with women's innate terror at being judged, especially as it manifests in collective social shaming among other women.

It's women attempting to squish two unreconcilable principles together: "I want to be daddy's little pretty princess and marry the king of the world on his white horse, I am the chaste perfect virgin admired by all for my modesty," on the one hand, and "I want to do whatever I want, I am the sole purpose of creation, I have no goals and no ambitions except to consume and be pampered and worshipped by as many inferior men as possible until the one true king of the world who deserves to deflower me arrives to take me (kind of rapey but not real rape you know? Like I want to know he wants me but not really be raped raped, does that make sense? Haha I mean I want to be roughed up and forced around against my will but only when it's something that I want and doesn't really hurt, I mean it can hurt a little lol but not a lot haha I'm a woman)" on the other.
The result is a hurricane, composed entirely of insanity and delusion, and impelled by childish, short-term desires and reactionary emotions. A woman "wants" polyamory in the sense that it offers the illusion of reconciling all these things. She can still be chaste and decent, because it was agreed to by the man (not very important) and (much more important) because it appears to be a vaguely acceptable arrangement in society's eyes - other people seem to be aware of it and okay with it. For a split second when she feels bad about being a disgusting whore, the woman in question can lean on this social ratification of her normalcy. By the time she leans on it too much and its lack of structural integrity becomes apparent, she has already flitted to another desire: the desire to be paid attention, to get fucked (not very important) by impressive and exciting men that trigger her emotions (much more important), to kill her boredom by allowing men to worship her with their affections for a few hours. Then the cycle renews, as she feels like a pathetic whore again, rightfully, and she needs to briefly lean on the rickety "N-no! I'm 'polyamorous', haven't you heard of it?!? It's a thing!! People do it!!!" structure again, just long enough to get her to her next fix of eatin' a musician's cum and thinking he'll like and respect her for it (hahaha).

[Anonymous No.17563191]

any good lit on the beauty of female feet? any thread I make will be removed so asking here

[Anonymous No.17563612]

>>17547468
You can delete a post?

[Anonymous No.17563708]

>>17553099
Their dad was probably off at work and never paid attention to them so don't worry anon. As long as you shower your daughter with love and don't live in a liberal hellhole she won't turn into a (ravenous) slut. Keeping her a virgin until marriage however is a tall order for a family living in the west.

[Anonymous No.17563741]

>>17563191
sincerely, what the hell is arousing about feet?

[Anonymous No.17564111]

>>17561970
>>17562022
>>17562244
You guys read much history? The past was shit. Modern life may be somewhat alienating but I'd still choose it over any other time period.

[Anonymous No.17564122]

>>17563741
idk I'm not in deep enough to be able to articulate it very well, especially not in a second language. But why do you find the nape of a woman's neck beautiful? Or her collarbones, her dainty hands, exposed armpits, maybe a kissable tummy?

[Anonymous No.17564442]

>>17562497
I've often espoused views on reading being a waste of time mainly out of resentment. Mostly because I rarely if ever have encountered people in the wild who are actually literate and because looking back the trade-offs (in my life) look bad. I can't say I would like to put myself in the state of short-lived information consumption that most normies are under but it's really not so awful. I think taking it seriously is a consequence of the difficulty that arises from engaging in an activity that requires one to push the limits of ones modern fried attention span. This is a step I skipped due to starting so early but the pleasure that came from reading later became the resentment from reading so much.

[Anonymous No.17564547]

how do we ensure that north korea remains pure?

[Anonymous No.17564555]

>>17545630
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUUUCK FUCK THIS SHIT I CANT STAND IT WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT WHY CANT I BE HAPPY FUCK AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

[Anonymous No.17564581]

What's a good book to read surreptitiously on my computer screen while I'm at work in the office? Something on a website so that it doesn't look completely irrelevant. I've been using Gutenberg for this, any suggestions?

[Anonymous No.17564582]

>>17563170
when does polygamy happen

[Anonymous No.17564738]

i ate pizza my tummy hurt i need to do keto my brain is dying i can't fuck I'm becoming a fatty loser baby man i need to fuck i need to get hot and stop eating the pizza help me god why was a cheese stuffed loser baby man why god didn't you give me some self control help me I'm calling for help I'm not able to fuck in this life i have become fat from pizza

[Anonymous No.17564977]

Why did my favorite author have to become a meme?

[Anonymous No.17565000]

>>17564977
F Gardner?

[Anonymous No.17565082]

>>17565000
no, jk rowling

[Anonymous No.17565203]

>>17565000
Mishima

[Anonymous No.17565247]

I’m not sure I have ever felt like there was anything really worth doing besides, of course, those things I feel like are worth doing but which I can, nonetheless, not do. I am 28 year old. I think it’s time to go.

[Anonymous No.17565249]

>>17565203
is mishima a meme now?

[Anonymous No.17565279]

>>17565249
It seems so. PewDiePie recommended him apparently and it gets a bit annoying seeing manosphere grifters and low brow people prop him up for low brow reasons.
https://youtu.be/MLf4yfuNHNI

[Anonymous No.17565353]

>>17561541
You're a good person for reflecting on the effect you have on others. I love you anon. I forgive you and I will say a prayer for you.

[Anonymous No.17565413]

>>17565279
https://www.goodreads.com/list/show/121751.Pewdiepie_s_Literature_Club_

This looks like a /lit/ list to me.

[Anonymous No.17565421]

>>17564111
Waste of trips
Go read Steven Pinker

[Anonymous No.17566118]

>>17545701
i n f o r n o g r a p h y

[Anonymous No.17566136]

>>17547673
Shhhhh it’s not safe here the /pol/ Mengels will come and probe you

[Anonymous No.17566145]

>>17549134
Enjoyed the read—I can feel the image

[Anonymous No.17566243]

>>17545630
nigger

[I hate women No.17566269]

>>17545701
For new insights or to read authors word my thoughts better than me

[I hate women No.17566276]

>>17545721
based. I recently started realizing the same thing through learning meditation

[Anonymous No.17566287]

>>17564122
fuck off faggot

[Anonymous No.17566313]

bump limit reached
>>17566312
>>17566312
>>17566312
>>17566312