Write What's on Your Mind

[Anonymous No.17174441]

Happy New Year Edition!

[Anonymous No.17174453]

I have trouble finding work of Agatha Christie that I haven't read and/or seen on TV, and thus already know who did it. This means that despite loving her work, I can't read it without feeling a bit bored.

[Anonymous No.17174489]

>>17174441
So, from time to time people on /lit/ fret about AI producing art and while I do think there might be cause for worry, we as artists/authors should embrace AI as another tool. I am very interested to see what cool stuff AI could do. For example, take writing. I imagine a future in which i write a draft, give it to an AI, who returns suggestions ranging from mechanics (diction, grammar, spelling, all of which are currently possible) to the abstract (insights into character motivations, themes, settings). Say someone is writing a steampunk fantasy novel. an AI could provide interesting facts about the Victorian Era that the writer could use. And what about stuff like manga/comics? AI could be helpful in visualizing scenes, providing suggestions on plot, etc.

It doesn't matter if Ai will eventually be able to produce excellent written and artistic works, people will continue to do so. We should embrace the change and make AI another tool in the creative toolbox.

[Anonymous No.17174503]

>>17174441
im so tired of being neurotic. i know that there's something wrong with me but i cant quite put a finger on it. maybe it's just repression in general because psychiatrist said that i have a massive defensive blockage in me. any suggestions how to solve it?

[Anonymous No.17174548]

>>17174441
Taking a big nasty Bukowski-style shit after a night of drinking

>>17174489
/lit/ is an anti-robot board. No cooperation with the enemy.

[Anonymous No.17174783]

>>17174548
>No cooperation with the enemy.
You are meming, but I think the idea of AI/technology as an enemy is the problem. AI is and can continue to be a valuable partner, we should see it as such.

[Anonymous No.17174800]

>>17174783
Don't come crying to me when an AI decides you should be sterilized

[Anonymous No.17174818]

I might have to try one of those fad diets to see if it improves my life. This will be against my will of course

[Anonymous No.17174827]

>>17174818
>This will be against my will of course
?
Did the gf/wife decide the familiy's gonna be into healthy eating this year lol

[Anonymous No.17174840]

>>17174827
It sounds more like his doctor got frustrated that someone eating junk food all the time complains they're depressed and lethargic.

[Anonymous No.17174852]

>>17174827
It's probably his mom lol

[今晚打老虎 No.17174855]

happy new years buttercunt

https://youtu.be/0rLpgPE3emI

[Anonymous No.17174879]

>>17174827
Nah, it's my own choice. 2020 was another year with no progress in fixing my harshest issues, so I need to go at it with more intensity this year.
>>17174840
Pretty much, yeah. I have energy for things, but my interest/satisfaction in doing things is always low. And it acts universally, so if I feel content shitposting on /lit/ for a time, that's also time I would enjoy reading a book and so on, but a lot of the time nothing is fun at all, and this is what I'm trying to fix. Looking at diets now because other treatments have really done nothing to help.

[Anonymous No.17174907]

Should I go to grad school? I hated my undergraduate degree and I hate my job (I work on staff for my Uni) even more but I think school would be slightly more preferable than working and even though I hate my field, I’m not sure I would hate teaching.

[Anonymous No.17174951]

>>17174441
What are your New Year's resolutions?
Mine is to get a qt boxer gf.

[今晚打老虎 No.17174971]

>>17174907
what makes you think you wont hate teaching in your studied field, especially considering you already dislike your field? what age group will you be teaching? do you want to go to grad school in order to further your career, or just to temporarily stave off the misery of your current lot in life?
if youre going to grad school just to kick the can down the road, at least do it so you dont incur any significant debt. e.g. it's fullboat and youre only taking out loans for living costs etc.

[Anonymous No.17174984]

>>17174951
1. Be more physically fit
2. Wrap up uni and get a job
3. Expand artistic/writing creativity and work
4. Be more relaxed

[Anonymous No.17175046]

>>17174951
This is the year I get my art in a gallery

>>17174907
I said in the last thread that it's a bad idea. If you hate your school and your field, why do you even want to do it?

[Anonymous No.17175058]

>>17174441
Resolutions:
- Stop smoking weed.
- Read books more consistently.
- Try and improve my relationship with technology (by cutting down my dependence on it).

Pretty simple and achievable things.

[Anonymous No.17175059]

>>17174971
>what makes you think you wont hate teaching in your studied field, especially considering you already dislike your field?
The same reasons as anyone else here is interested in teaching or professorship here. I have the idea that it’s more intellectually inclined or scholarly and I don’t really hate interacting with teenagers or young adults. Pus, what I really don’t like is my coworkers, meetings, etc as much as I hate my chosen field broadly. I get the impression teaching is a somewhat solitary job besides the interaction with students.
>what age group will you be teaching?
Ideally, college or high school.
>do you want to go to grad school in order to further your career, or just to temporarily stave off the misery of your current lot in life?
The latter. The only career I’m really interested in is reading and writing. I don’t really care about my career otherwise. I just really hate the one I’m in now. My undergraduate is in economics and I work as a budget analyst for the Uni libraries btw.

[Anonymous No.17175086]

new year eve dinner
i'm reading Brat Farrar rn and planning to start Aeneid too

[Anonymous No.17175169]

>>17174951
Das Jahr der Freundin

[Anonymous No.17175181]

>>17175058
3 real compatible things too. hope it goes well for you, i did the same things in 2020 and my life is much improved

[Anonymous No.17175207]

>>17175059
>I get the impression teaching is a somewhat solitary job besides the interaction with students
This is wrong, and if you teach at an American university you will most likely be adjuncting for shit pay as well. I used to live with some people who were music professors at a local college, they were constantly required to go to meetings, participate in campus life, and so on. A friend of mine teaches high school biology and it's similar, there is a huge social component to any teaching job.

[Anonymous No.17175211]

>>17175058
How will you go about improving your relationship with technology?

[Anonymous No.17175245]

>>17175211
>by cutting down my dependence on it
not him, and wild guess, but probably by cutting down his dependence on it

[Anonymous No.17175263]

>>17174503
Stop being a coward and just do it

[Anonymous No.17175268]

>>17175263
>Stop being a coward
i cant. im 100% honest with you. i just CANT.

[Anonymous No.17175298]

>>17175263
do....what?
it's hard to fix yourself when you don't even know what's wrong

[Anonymous No.17175306]

>>17175268
Do shrooms

[Anonymous No.17175328]

>>17175169
basiert, deutsch anon
wir werden es alle schaffen

[Anonymous No.17175471]

>>17175268
>>17175298
Just up and do the shit that really freaks you out interpersonally. You got social OCD? Start challenging it. Start saying the things that freeze your tongue. This is literally the only way to get past defensive block. You just run it down until it’s over. This is the best advice I can give you because thereafter it’s an individual experience. Just figure out what’s freaking you out and fucking do it. Obsessive self defense can only be managed through a complete refusal to let it rule you. Choose to trust yourself even as you tear yourself down. When those thoughts, fears anxieties show up fight them. Be a fucking man.

[Anonymous No.17175509]

>>17175207
Is it wrong though? I have a hard time believing that professorship isn’t more scholarly than being a financial analyst...

As for the shit pay, I get shit pay now. I don’t really know what else to say or do then. I have absolutely zero career interests or ambitions otherwise and my current job makes me actually want to kms. Studying economics and taking out loans to do it, was one of the single biggest mistakes of my entire life, if not the single biggest mistake.

[Anonymous No.17175531]

>>17175086
fuck off druggie

[Anonymous No.17175556]

I was thinking, if a man had never slept in his life and he encountered someone who has slept, how would the other person explain the process of sleeping. Don't you basically die when you fall asleep? I don't acknowledge my existence when I sleep, at least not in the sense I do when awake. What reason do we have to believe death is any different if the way we succumb to death is so similar to succumbing to sleep. This would rule out reincarnation as we don't remember our previous life, but where does our consciousness go. It goes away and comes back in sleep, what happens to it upon death?

[Anonymous No.17175557]

>>17175509
It's more scholarly, sure. But it is definitely not solitary, you will have to interact with your peers and appease the higher ups

[Anonymous No.17175567]

>>17175556
People often say this sort of thing and I think it's the dumbest, most fake philosophical shit I've ever heard. Your consciousness does not "go away" when you sleep, if someone comes and shakes you, you are aware of it and react.

[Anonymous No.17175571]

>>17175471
>Just figure out what’s freaking you out and fucking do it
sexuality

[Anonymous No.17175584]

>>17175571
What about it?

[Anonymous No.17175598]

>short attention span
>don't enjoy doing anything anymore
what do?

[Anonymous No.17175611]

>>17175584
im afraid of it

[Anonymous No.17175613]

>>17175598
Do shrooms

[Anonymous No.17175616]

>>17175567
I'm not trying to philosophize, so it cannot be fake philosophy you pretentious son of a whore.

[Anonymous No.17175622]

>>17175611
I don't understand what you mean by that. Are you afraid of sex? Afraid that you might be gay? Saying you're afraid of "sexuality" could mean anything.

[Anonymous No.17175627]

>>17175613
no

[Anonymous No.17175629]

>>17175616
>ruminating on death and consciousness
>not trying to philosophize
Yeah whatever bro

[Anonymous No.17175645]

>>17175622
im a neurotic who's afraid and represses sexual urges and impulses to the degree that i feel numb.

[Anonymous No.17175655]

>>17175567
You have to remember that the same sensation of "nothing" occurs in dreamless sleep as in coma patients or temporarily dead people. My mother went through one of these experiences and she described it as being genuine nothingness.

[Anonymous No.17175717]

>>17175531
> he doesnt consume divine mushrooms to speak to ancient authors directly

[Anonymous No.17175838]

Write the lines in the back of my hand
Write the lines in the ocean shore sand

Prepare to sail
Prepare to sail down

[Anonymous No.17175930]

>>17175557
Less so I would think than what I do now for sure. My current job is non-stop meetings and wearing the corporate mask.

What I’m saying is if this is what I have to do for eternity, than I will simply kms and I have no other desired paths to take so why not?

[Anonymous No.17176012]

I've gone up my own ass with spiritual exercise, but I ain't 100% sure I'm wrong. I think trying to subdue your feelings is a complete dead end. the difference with detachment... I suspect is subtle, but that is on the assumption I actually am practicing detachment. Also the actual detaching so far takes a fair amount of effort. I have to identify what I think is happening and then call it out. "Joy passes through me". Can't really do that in a conversation for instance. Also it hinges on having a very pure love of God (this is what there will be once you have detached from the self), and in truth I find my faith comes and goes. That shouldn't be true, so many times God has saved me, but still sometimes it is as if my heart is caught on a silent heat, where it wants to act and can hear nothing of what is good, can understand nothing about God.

[Anonymous No.17176015]

>>17175930
i swear so many jobs are just endless meeting hell, we really need some management genius like taylor or ford to come along and find a better way

[Anonymous No.17176064]

I'm no longer smoking weed and have discovered that my life is actually boring as shit. The drugs just made it bearable for me.
I feel like I'm about to lose it.

[Anonymous No.17176105]

>>17176064
i went through that after i stopped smoking too
eventually you learn to fill your time up with something fulfilling and things get better

[Anonymous No.17176123]

>>17176105
I feel like it'll get better but during the period that I was on drugs of course I did very little to show for it. That in in itself is depressing.
I'm sure I'll be fine once spring comes and this lockdown fucks off but it's a long road ahead i feel.

[Anonymous No.17176165]

>>17174441
I'm gonna stop sucking. I'm gonna listening to audio books; I have a few picked out. I'm gonna keep making my daily improvement files. I'm gonna get new friends and keep up with my old ones.

[Anonymous No.17176167]

I have vague wants of writings of mine, or expression of some kind, to get out, as I walk, it's like a need pressing in the background, I never act on it, there seems so little point to it these days especially, or places for it, the internet is narrowing, and becoming smaller, controlled.
So I write, and let it accumulate, read only by me, and time goes on, and I get older, and it's for nothing at all, except its own sake, a maintenance of sanity or inner equilibrium.

[Anonymous No.17176461]

what rpg should i play over the long weekend? fallout 4? dragon quest 9? disco elysium? divinity 2? what game can i beat in a weekend of extreme autistic grinding? i don't play games that much, but i'm going to have a once or twice a year all out grind session, but i need sth good enough

[Anonymous No.17176505]

>>17176461
Kingdom Come Deliverance is pretty fun

[Anonymous No.17176566]

>>17176165
Same bro, this year I did nothing for myself, I wrecked alot of things but realized and found alot more, this year we will strike

[Anonymous No.17176865]

SPELLBOUND SPELLBOUND SPELLBOUND SPELLBOUND

[Anonymous No.17176990]

>>17175046
>why do you even want to do it?
I don’t know what else to do. Why does anyone on this board become a teacher? It’s all the same reasons.

[Anonymous No.17177014]

>>17176461
Disco Elysium would be the easiest to do in a weekend, and one of the better ones
definitely the most /lit/ one

[Anonymous No.17177067]

Every time I read philosophy, the main thought on my mind is whether this sort of inquiry has any value at all. I'm not saying the philosophical questions don't matter, because they do, but in lots of philosophical logic it feels like you can contrive anything (especially metaphysics) because it's so detached from its origin in reality. Even for someone considered not too difficult like Spinoza I just get lost when he goes into detail about metaphysical abstractions as if it's just obvious how affections and modes are infinite in essence because they can only exist through God who is infinite in essence and existence and so on. I don't want to be one of those guys who writes off most philosophy itself but I'm still really skeptical this stuff is worth being an end in itself. And I don't think saying someone is "not cut out for it" is a valid answer

[Anonymous No.17177247]

>>17174441
Nevermore, Nevermore, Nevermore, Nevermore, Nevermore!

[Anonymous No.17177405]

>>17177067
>I don't think saying someone is "not cut out for it" is a valid answer
Then there’s no answer which can satisfy you. This is the reality but you’re a perpetual and constant relativist it seems. A bit ironic.

[Anonymous No.17177517]

>>17177405
I realize there is no good answer which is what frustrates me. There isn't a clear issue with the work, it's just that sense of "feeling real" is not there, but when I think about it, the beauty of fiction isn't there for me either, nor is there beauty in poetry, and so on, etc. My sense of reality feels like it's disintegrating because all these anchors I used to tie myself to the world with have disappeared. Even if reading is supposed to be productive in itself, when your nature is so far removed from it, how could you become a better person by devoting yourself to it?

Apologies for disguising what turned out to be a blogpost in a premise stated around philosophy. I didn't reflect long enough at first to realize that is what it is. No one should have to live like this, man

[Anonymous No.17177554]

>>17174453
>haven't read and/or seen on TV,
If you're watching the ITV series, they liberally re-wrote some of them and often changed who the killer was.

[Anonymous No.17177658]

I love my family but I feel like they make me someone I don’t like.

[Anonymous No.17177665]

>>17177517
I almost agree, I think. I often feel like I’m trapped existentially and with no way out and to move in any direction would be a waste.

[Anonymous No.17177673]

I'm thinking about joining Mensa just to make friends and put it on my resume. I know it triggers people but honestly I need a better job and having proof of not being an idiot would be helpful. Modern society... forcing me to become cringe. I feel like a trapped rat

[Anonymous No.17177680]

Bellies are extremely sexy to me. Whether it's round pregnant bellies or flabby fat bellies, a belly on a girl is intensely arousing and erotic to me.

I may even find bellies more attractive than breasts or butts. I can't make up my mind.

[Anonymous No.17177731]

>>17177665
Well, I don't just mean existentially. My mind is fucked up and nothing can stir my emotions. I thought philosophy may be an exception but nope. There is a point in all this showing how truth in life largely depends on the observer, but that should be pretty obvious to most people by now.

[Anonymous No.17177758]

>>17177680
All girls should have at least a little bit of belly fat (unless they are very young).

[Anonymous No.17177892]

Maybe I should just kill myself

[Anonymous No.17177910]

>>17174441
I am thankful that despite my bad upbringing, bad genes and lack of social skills and abuse as a kid, I never ended up an incel, and I always refused to consider myself a victim.
I am thank that I found Jocko Willink when I did, and that I forced myself to socialize and forgo my belief that normies are terrible people, and that I was some kind of superior, unique or special genius that was above others.

Might have become an Elliot Rodgers otherwise

[Anonymous No.17178359]

>>17177758
I dream of having a wife with a big, soft belly. Something I can lean into and snuggle against, when we're by ourselves in bed.

[Anonymous No.17178792]

>Precept 5: Do not intoxicate yourself or others
I am troubled by this, because I feel like much of what I write or plan to write is, deep down, done with the intention of bringing people into my way of thinking, or in other words intoxicating them with my thoughts. What is the point of sharing a piece of writing otherwise, assuming it was not written for mere entertainment? I think writing might be no good lads.

[Anonymous No.17178917]

I have become open to the feeling of relishing in the pain and despair of others. Throughout my life I've felt downtrodden by the cruelty of them and now that the wheel of fortune has tossed them under I cannot help but marvel at the poetic grace of due punishment. Hell exists for beautiful reasons and I take delight in witnessing as its thralls torment those who once thought themselves so secure in their prideful callousness. As for me a bleak numbness has fallen over my heart and I am barely receptive to my own suffering as I have spent years cultivating inner fortitude. There is no good and evil here in this miserable scheme, but as Milton said "The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a heav'n of hell, a hell of heav'n."

[Anonymous No.17178951]

Why am I so indecisive? I'll convince myself wholeheartedly of one belief and then a couple hours later switch my position. Each time I switch, I'm utterly convinced that I won't be changing my mind again. I wish I had conviction. But I am weak.

[Anonymous No.17179143]

is it nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them?

[Anonymous No.17179391]

I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said—“Two vast and greasy legs of stone
Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Janitor, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level threads stretch far away.”

[Anonymous No.17179401]

I thought being a NEET would be relaxing and fun but all I feel is bored and a bit depressed. Being able to read more isn't as much fun as I thought it would be.

[Anonymous No.17179893]

I'm tired of being scared of other people's opinions and judgements. I didn't quite realise how long this fear has been holding me back, causing me to sabotage myself. It is liberating to finally realise that I no longer should fear other people's judgements. Of course, actually acting in a manner that reflects this new state of mind will now be its own challenge. Still, it feels good to at least have confronted this first mental roadblock.

[Anonymous No.17180120]

D
E

[Anonymous No.17180179]

I feel like nearly every book with chapters has a chapter end within 5 or so pages of page 100. I wonder if this could just be confirmation bias, but every time I go to look for a stopping point there seems to be one in that place.

[Anonymous No.17180285]

>>17179391
Kek

[Anonymous No.17180460]

I'm halfway through Simulacra and Simulation and I think I'm going to drop it. The introduction on levels of simulation, the examples that set it up and the general flow were good. It's descending into near schizobabble writing, with these weird disjointed sentences

[Anonymous No.17180708]

For the New Year. I still live, I still think; I must still live, for I must still think. Sum, ergo cogito: cogito, ergo sum. Today everyone takes the liberty of expressing his wish and his favourite thought: well, I also mean to tell what I have wished for myself today, and what thought first crossed my mind this year, a thought which ought to be the basis, the pledge and the sweetening of all my future life! I want more and more to perceive the necessary characters in things as the beautiful: I shall thus be one of those who beautify things. Amor fati: let that henceforth be my love! I do not want to wage war with the ugly. I do not want to accuse, I do not want even to accuse the accusers. Looking aside, let that be my sole negation! And all in all, to sum up: I wish to be at any time hereafter only a yea-sayer!

[Anonymous No.17180876]

I've been reading books but i'm still lost in life.

[Anonymous No.17180935]

>>17177554
I don't know about that, but I know Christie herself sometimes rewrote some of her stories, for example, The Second Gong is the same as Dead Man's Mirror, but with different killer. Yellow Iris was base for Sparkling Cyanide. So maybe they combined these stories into one.

[Anonymous No.17180942]

was given nice headphones for xmas, haven't listened to music in almost a year, i tried to listen but it just annoyed me, irl ambient background sounds are preferable

[Anonymous No.17180953]

I always want to exact opposite of what I have. I break up with my girlfriend and I want her back. I'm back with her and I want to break up. The psychoanalysts would have something to say about this.

[Anonymous No.17180969]

if we assume a body-soul dichotomy, is it the body or the soul that learns? I think both. I believe the soul is the seat of the free will, in order to make choices it would seem there needs to be some knowing. But I don't see that the soul could store any thing. Also I am not entirely sure that there is much that is relevant to the soul that it needs to learn, perhaps it knows already roughly, but it needs reason as a translator of the circumstances. It knows what is to be done, it just needs a correctly understood scenario. Once properly codified it knows what is good and faces the classic battle for dominion over the will. But proper understanding comes first. That most of all is probably the human condition, the fact that the way that you learn is wrong, because you learn primarily relative to the flesh, and so something needs to give you right knowledge. I assume, I was born atheist, maybe other families are different.

But the question of who learns, which part learns and why is this necessary. Perhaps this is part of what the muslims mean by deen al fitra: the way of life inherent to the human constitution, namely that reason, if it is open to questioning and strong enough to question the domination of the flesh, and if allowed to run its course, points to the supremacy of the divine light of the soul. But in order to do this, it must learn, reflect, study. Learn. Something that did not know comes to know, and what was known becomes memory, becomes a part of the inward recepticle of sensory information, to be expressed in imaginings, thoughts, comparisons and feelings. Sometimes called upon, sometimes intruding. To the extent that anything is learned, then surely it must have taken a place in the memory. I know of muslim stories about how the soul is given a memory of God sometime in the beginning of creation, but I know only cursory details.

Who is it that knows the soul? Among knowledges, I am the knowledge of the self says Krsna. Some kind of matter of atman-brahman. Knowledge of knowing. Knowing, one way or another, has to be a pre-requisite for learning. With reason discerning among what has become known, classifying it with subtlety. Another human faculty. The Atman learns that the world of the flesh is epiphenomenon. The world exists in it, but it does not exist in the world.

Why does it matter?
Because I went down this rabbit-hole and, like the cruel junky, I now assume that the only way forward is down

[Anonymous No.17181013]

z

[Anonymous No.17181913]

>>17180876
happens

[Anonymous No.17182097]

My second attempt at baking a pie and the crust was perfect. Soon all baked goods will fall under MY command!

[Anonymous No.17182126]

My sense of self develops largely in response to the different modes of being I encounter on the internet. I follow a vague intuition of “who I am” into the chaos of performance displayed online, and calibrate myself according to whichever frequencies (performances) appear most relevant to my soul. This is useful for rationalizing the trend of alienation that perpetually cycles in my life, as it helps me recognize that I am a self composed of many fragmented and contradictory parts, unfit for the level of linearity needed to be housed by most communities. I’ve gained a lot of peace from this realization, but it’s still obstructed by the thousand other modes of being that bombard social media. More than just influencers, advertisements, and other capitalist lures, but in the form of cadences, poses, vernaculars, and other visceral means of engaging with reality. I don’t really care about who flashes wealth or goes to cool parties, but I am overwhelmed by the different languages we use to address a topic, the different poses we take in a picture, and other idiosyncrasies. The internet has helped me understand myself in more ways than I would’ve been able to without it. But the remaining frequencies, like static interference, cause confusion by reminding me that I’m still marginal, and that there are social consequences for being so. In the real world, knowing that I can be consequentially different from others feels less overwhelming because I am more willfully cynical about my surroundings. But online, where I am supposed to be in control of who I am and what I see, discordance is more threatening, as it becomes the disruption of a lovely dream rather than the conditions of an unaccommodating reality.

[Anonymous No.17182231]

I have no idea what the word "gentrification" means.

[Anonymous No.17182239]

i stayed up till 5am last night playing hades. that was the most fun i've had playing a video game since i was a little kid.

[Anonymous No.17182307]

i don't want to die but i keep thinking "i want to fucking kill myself." i feel too sensitive to be in this stupid world sometimes. i'm too naive. it's not endearing it's retarded and pathetic and i hate myself for being this way. i just feel like a failure

[Anonymous No.17182383]

>>17182231
Rich people buying up cheap property in poor areas and eventually pricing the original residents out. That's the important part, the trendy cafes and shit are just a side effect.

[Anonymous No.17182392]

>>17182307
in what way sensitive?

[Anonymous No.17182406]

>>17182392
I imagine he's the kind of guy who will cry if he sees a road-killed animal

[Anonymous No.17182477]

>>17182392
i don't have thick skin, i get bothered and offended easily to the point i get very depressed because of it. i keep telling myself to get a grip and sometimes it does work, i'm not like this all the time anymore. i have enough self awareness to understand when not to take something seriously, especially around here or elsewhere. i've been getting better at this, but today i just feel like shit. sometimes it's just an accumulation of pent up annoyance and anger, other times it's just one thing that completely halts your day. i hate this. i'm basically being like a little bitch because of some words a retard typed over the internet but it doesn't even matter because i just feel down, terribly down, it doesn't matter that it's a stupid thing because i can't go back to how i was feeling before unless i either sleep or cheer up, and i can't shake it off, it's so hard. i keep thinking "does anybody ever feel like this?" i can't shrug it off using sarcasm all the time 24/7 like some people do. i can, but i can't always, and this is one of those times.

>>17182406
i've seen mangled cats on the street before. didn't cry over it. i would feel horrible if i killed it myself by mistake though while driving. wouldn't that ruin your day too if you did that by accident?

[Anonymous No.17182514]

>>17182477
>wouldn't that ruin your day too if you did that by accident?
Not really, I'd feel bad for maybe a few minutes. Cats shouldn't be outside anyway.

[Anonymous No.17182527]

>>17182477
Does this mean you have a low self esteem that other people words get to you so easily?

[Anonymous No.17182752]

>>17182527
yes. i wasn't like this as a child, i was outgoing and carefree but middle school and high school completely destroyed my self-esteem. dealt with a lot of bullying, got made fun of constantly, made my life a living hell and no teacher gave a shit. i can still be that, outgoing and carefree and whatever but it's very difficult. i'm not a total retard, i know how to not act like a weirdo, i can go out to buy shit and pay by myself at the cashier, i can take and make phone calls, i can have a discussion with someone i disagree with without screeching etc. that's not a problem for me. this past year i was able to let go a lot of shit that would've otherwise made me very sad and depressed, which is progress, but it doesn't work all the time. the fact that the only people in real life i talk to are my family doesn't help. i'm scared of neetdom. i don't want this. i feel really behind compared to my peers when it comes to life experiences. that's probably a very common feeling for most young people but it's real.

it feels pathetic. you hear a lot from people saying words are words, they can't hurt you, just close your eyes bro just click on the x bro but i'm scared my mental health is descending further and further. this is one of those days where i couldn't take it and it sucks. it's a really shitty feeling.

[Anonymous No.17182865]

>>17182752
How old are you?
I have/had the same issue where I kind of grew into this mentality although I did not suffer from bullying.
With me it just leads to me not being very talkative in order to not make a fool out of myself. The thing is I don't let it stop me from making certain choices. I entered a new profession where I make an ass out of myself almost daily, I still pursue women etc. It's just that I keep to myself in situations where there isn't a clear 'goal' so to say.

This is not the case on the internet since I've been in this god forsaken place for about 10 years, nothing people say online can get to me.

[Anonymous No.17182882]

>>17182752
I understand you anon, something similar happened to me in the middle school regarding loss of optimism. I remember myself crying because father playfully tricked me but i understood it as mean intention. The constant depression numbed my sensitivity but at the price of not knowing myself. Im also a neet and 28 khv at that so i get being left behind in terms of experience and life in general. Sarcasm and irony helps with too much sensitivity but it leaves you dependent on persona 24/7 and you cant show the real you to others. I could suggest writing a journal and maybe talk with therapist as atleast there you could really let yourself out even for a bit.

[Anonymous No.17183248]

>>17182514
cats.. shouldn't be outside? what the fuck kind of retarded statement is that? keeping a cat locked inside a house or apartment is animal abuse. i hope you don't own cats.

[Anonymous No.17183363]

>>17180460
just read the society of the spectacle (if you havent yet)

[Anonymous No.17183392]

Am I retarded or is Atomised by Houellebecq very similar to Forrest Gump?

[Anonymous No.17183432]

Girl I've been dating just sent me a text saying that she's writing me a letter to explain a few things. One sentence alone has struck pure fear into my heart

[Anonymous No.17183440]

>>17180953
desire is lack anon. you always want what you dont have because humans can never truly be satisfied.
thus we must learn to recognize lack rather than try to fulfill it
if i were you i would keep the gf because (i dont know any other details but) its good to have that stability as long as you recognize the contradiction inherent in your relationship. for instance, you might learn that you like her because of what you cant figure out about her rather than specific qualities. every couple has such conflicts it is often best to recognize them rather than trying to simply resolve
>t. lacan/zizek

[Anonymous No.17183449]

>>17183392
should i read him what are his books like?

[Anonymous No.17183510]

I want to write nonfiction essays about contemporary politics and culture and their discourse but I struggle to not feel like complete shit when I sit to write or type. I'm not sure if my takes are meaningful or if anything I say will ever get me any sort of recognition (I enjoy it as a hobby either way) but I'm not sure what else I can do other than organize my thoughts into takes based on the content I have already consumed. In a lot of ways my brain has been broken by liberal arts degree/the continental tradition and I'm not sure if I will ever go back from that especially because of all the shit I read online here and on twitter mostly. I really want to do criticism and I want to somehow provide a better framework for understanding the generation that I assume most of us are a part of. I'm just not sure the best way to do this because of the aforementioned setbacks plus most days I need to smoke weed to even feel like doing anything. I guess writing is a good way to not think about getting high but a lot of times I'm just sitting there staring. I appreciate threads like this and the anonymity that has been the cornerstone of communities like this but it is hard to do what you are passionate about when the future looks completely bleak even if you have a completely privileged background on a relative scale.
>>17182126
thought this was great this is the kind of thinking I am interested in. All of the debate on philosophy on this board but if you ask me what we really should be thinking about is how the Other of online has primarily informed our consciousness

[Anonymous No.17183530]

>>17183432
That sucks bro. Hopefully it isn't a long grocery list of all the man meat she's been stocking up on. I wish you luck in your romantic conquest. Stay strong.

[Anonymous No.17183674]

Death defines the biological form, life exists within death. Death is, on balance, a state which affects the type rather than the individual, it is hylomorphic, as life is a mere suspension of the normal state of nonbeing, a brief exception to the rule, non-death. More precisely, life is better defined as non-death than death non-life. My own death is a triviality in this sense that death is simultaneously the greatest mystery of the individual’s life and the most widespread triviality of all life, into which all beings converge. Mostly everything that has lived has died, the paradox and fear of dying, unique to the individual, is utterly commonplace for the type. It is therefore foolish to fear death/nonbeing more than survival instincts demand, it is not death, but life that is anomalous, the perturbation, the interruption of the perfect equilibrium of nonexistence.

[Anonymous No.17183752]

I want to make another vow to God. I’ve made several vows before, including a permanent no-porn vow, and I just came off a 45 day no-4chan, no TikTok, no masturbation vow. I relapsed yesterday, the day after the vow ended. My willpower is weak, and this is why I use vows.

I want to make a more lasting vow, one that covers all my vices, and compels me to do good. I can vow to abstain completely, I can vow to commit a certain action, and I can make it more complex, so that I can only do X given that I have done Y in a certain timeframe. For example, I once vowed that for a week I could not use YouTube etc. unless I did a certain amount of physical exercises.

The difficult part is not regretting the conditions of the vow, such as by not making it specific enough to allow me to access good things through YouTube or whatever it is I’m trying to restrict. However I’m pretty sure I want to leave this place for good, as there is still porn everywhere and other toxic influences (my porn vow only covers porn sites, red boards, direct googling, etc.)

So I’m just asking for any wisdom in this, because there is so much to think about and it’s a big decision that will completely change my lifestyle for a while. I just want to get rid of all this regret in my life, and I feel too weak to do it without vows, and I’m not sure if I alone can make a good vow.

Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

[Anonymous No.17183824]

>>17183449
I only read the first two and enjoyed them.Im not an avid reader or very articulate in English,but as I watched Forrest Gump today I noticed some similarities with Atomised,specially with regards to the way the love interest goes along the sexual liberation thing in the late sixties and seventies and the disconnect she feels towards the guy she "loves".How they met in childhood and never fully got together,only kany years later in a lukewarm way only for her to die shortly after the reunion.To be honest the similarities end here but it was a nice book that gpt me in tears sometimes,even though Hoellebecq has a short and direct style

[Anonymous No.17183836]

>>17183752
Use your reason to discern how to act.

[Anonymous No.17183868]

>>17183836
Tried that. Doesn’t work well for me

[Nemo !!GgBWHLRiayD No.17183958]

A winter without snow is akin to a ripe wife without child.

Pure precipitation in general, and especially snow in particular, engrace the Orb with the ultimate gift of fullness.

[Anonymous No.17184082]

>>17183530
Thanks fren. I'm hoping it's not too bad, but she had basically ghosted me for 2 weeks for no apparent reason so I'm definitely worried that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore or something. I'm focusing on my writing and doing my best to remain calm

[Anonymous No.17184122]

come to me bb

[Anonymous No.17184131]

you know where come to me

[Anonymous No.17184468]

>>17174441
My mother just confessed to having what seems to be a start of a drinking problem because of her loneliness and depression. I have to do everything to nip it in the bud while it's possible. I'm way past being genuinely worried about her, but I had to pretend like I'm not to make her come clean to me with it, and to promise to do something about it. What can I say, I had plenty of people around me to learn emotional blackmail from. I can't afford to have her go out of commission before I finish uni, not when I'm this close to leaving my dysfunctional family behind.

[Anonymous No.17184841]

what is a less intellectual but still sfw and basically dumb fun board? the air of ambition in this place is toxic

[Anonymous No.17184863]

I realized I only read to cope with being ugly, poor, bald, and old.
If I was an attractive person or a woman I wouldn't read. I want to be social but everyone hates me, so I can't be.

I'm not actually intellectual, it's all cope.

[Anonymous No.17184876]

>>17183248
I don't own cats, I honestly hate them. Awful little animals. They shouldn't be outside because they kill native birds, and they fuck and reproduce like crazy. I don't care that you think your stupid piece of shit pet needs 2 square miles to roam or whatever. Any outdoor cat that dies gets what it deserves.

[Anonymous No.17184937]

>>17183510
It’s not super hard to think about since it’s the world we engage in daily. If you just reflect on your experiences in meticulous way, look into things at their root and all that, I think you’ll be able to write something of substance. Philosophizing about the different existentielles in digital selfhood is very much the now & future.

[Anonymous No.17184972]

>>17174441
Does anyone know of any literature that discusses political dissidents leaving their home countries?

I’m obviously a New Worlder and this has been on my mind.

[Anonymous No.17185035]

my wee wee doesn't want to get hard anymore. it's scaring me bros...

[Anonymous No.17185037]

I will probably kill myself if I have to continue with my current life. Specifically, my career gives me an existential crisis because I find it so pathetic and detestable and I’m also trapped by student loan debt and a low wage.

If anyone has book recs before I go through with it, please let me know.

[Anonymous No.17185051]

>>17185035
Go to a doctor

[Anonymous No.17185059]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FprrpLJyniQ

[Anonymous No.17185077]

>>17185051
nah, maybe if i was sexually active but it just means no wanking for me, if its an underlying issue then who cares honestly. it's scary but not so scary as to go to a doctor. i have a doctor touch it before when i was a kid and didn't like, do not want to do that again

[Anonymous No.17185100]

>>17185077
How much of a fucking baby can you be, goddamn

[Anonymous No.17185552]

>>17185037
Of human bondage

[Anonymous No.17185695]

>>17182752
Hey man, I was in this similar position a few years ago - in fact I find a lot of what you wrote very relatable. Believe me when I say you will grow out of these feelings. Part of it literally just biological maturation - your brain is still developing until you're 25 or so - and part of it is conscious self improvement. It sounds like you've already made progress, which you should be proud of. It means that you have the ability to make further progress in the future. Just keep it at my man, focus on the areas you want to improve but don't tackle it all at once, take small steps and in a few years you'll look back and realise how far you've come.

[Anonymous No.17185742]

... so waffles are just chewy pancakes?

[Anonymous No.17185744]

>>17185695
I missed my development and never matured and now it's too late

[Anonymous No.17185849]

>>17185744
It doesn't sound like it's too late from that you've written. You say that there are days when you are more like the type of person you want to be, but you're not able to be that type of person all the time. That's OK. What you will find is that if you work on it, you will become increasingly more that better version of yourself. But you have to be kind to yourself, progress isn't linear.

[Anonymous No.17186820]

>>17185742
In essence, yes. Waffles also utilize whipped egg whites which give it a sightlier fluffy texture, and are cooked at higher heat so that you get a crispy outside and soft inside.

[Anonymous No.17188115]

Bump

[Anonymous No.17188260]

I don't understand people who think Kanye West is crazy. He seems incredibly sane to me.

[Anonymous No.17188694]

>>17188260
Hes just different

[Anonymous No.17188803]

Modern Midwit Thought Starter Pack –

Man lives only for pleasure. This is true for ascetics and gourmets. The greatest source of pleasure is self-love. From this it becomes clear why the ascetic is also a lecher: He invents a highest being and places himself next to it (or lets himself merge with this being).

All theories of world salvation are wrong (with one exception). These wrong theories are based on the idea that some kind of all-embracing compassion can be established between all people (either through mechanical coercion such as an omnipotent state or through the formation of an "inner love"). In fact, the "circle of compassion" that every human being possesses is extremely small and difficult to expand. When people started driving cars, hundreds of thousands of people died every year in rome from the consequences. These consequences were rarely seen, so no need to act was felt. It was only when the honking of cars became too deafening that restrictions were introduced to make traffic safer and the honking unnecessary.

Man is made to live in a group that he can survey with his eyes. Everything that goes beyond that also goes beyond his heart. It is impossible to keep the whole of mankind in front of his eyes (and in front of his eyes 24 hours every day). Therefore, peaceful coexistence on a grand scale is biologically impossible.

One possible solution would be the genetic modification of man, the artificial extension of the circle of compassion.

[Anonymous No.17188854]

well this year has not been off to a good start to say the least

[Anonymous No.17188905]

Imagine giving people the opportunity to have or be whatever you wanted.
And people would rather just disrespect you.
Sad times.

[Anonymous No.17188921]

>>17188854
what happened?

[Anonymous No.17188936]

no money. trapped in the basement. the worst to ever live. the rot. the worst fucking world ever made. in the jail. suckin the fuckin dick of life. no life. no father. no friends. no mother. no hobbies. wake up, watch tv. no career. media is my drug. video games. no parties. maybe one day ill quit drugs.but no. sick of everything

[Anonymous No.17188951]

All I want is to find my anima. The dream girl who is the reflection of my soul. A girl whose name I do not know. I do not know where she may be or if she does exist, but this is how I feel. We are still at the mercy of the tides of time, space, and existence with all the boundaries and limits placed upon it. She may not exist outside of the spiritual realm. Perhaps she is there but her existence I know nothing about, or she is somewhere in a distant part of the world that I cannot reach. Maybe a distant time I was not alive for. I'm too afraid to let myself discover. I'm too afraid of embarrassment. She may be out there right now. Maybe I knew her. Maybe she was there and lost forever, or she may never be found because I cannot bring myself to talk to her.

[Anonymous No.17188959]

I know not what it shall be, but I can only wish it to be better than before. I know not what it can be, but I can only hope that it will be positive. I will have to work to make this so.

[Anonymous No.17188963]

>>17188260
Have you seen his Joe Rogan interview? He is textbook bipolar. He's already announced it and mentioned it on his album cover, but on JRE it's clear he is a manic depressive. Listen to the first 20 minutes and you will hear what a man going through a manic episode sounds like.

His songs like "Power" are so probably transcendent because they were made through a manic episode.

[Anonymous No.17188975]

I'm a black man in America. My father was sentenced to twenty years for armed robbery and some other stuff. it was just my mama and 3 kids. She worked 2 jobs to get us ahead. She was a hard worker and helped us stay alive. Shit was the jungle. The wild. Bad schools, bad neighborhood. Gangs, drugs, violence. Poverty. Racists giving you a bad time. Fucked up shit in the media. I had to struggle and overcome all this. I studied hard to become a social studies teacher because of one of my own school mentors who believed in me. I wanted to give up, but I persevered. He encouraged me and assisted me, I developed habits and study skills. I wanted to give back to the community. I want to help guide Black disadvantage children in low income communities towards a better future. I want to keep them away from the school2prison pipeline and on the path towards a great education. I am proud of my Blackness and what I accomplished against all odds. You can never take that from me. I wear my battle scars with pride. The money I earn, the work I put in, its all for my brothers. I give it all back to my family and my mother, my brothers, my sisters. I'm doing good, I'm doing my job and I'm trying to survive against the odds and help me and mine overcome.

[Anonymous No.17188981]

All of nature is a grand thought process.

To create/imagine a phenomena from scratch, one must develop the qualities starting with an origin.

Take a proton. Together with neutrons and electrons it forms an atom. However, for neutrons to become protons and vice versa for an apropos amount and type of chemical constituents, there must be quarks, a more fundamental level of being. The qualities of quarks naturally stem from the system they are placed in.

Electrons exhibit particle-wave duality because if they were more simply a particle, the electron would fall into the nucleus and you could not make molecules.

Quantum gravity is merely granulated warping of space-time affected by a particle which exists as a cloud of probability.
The fabric of space-time averages out the possible locations and bends accordingly.

[Anonymous No.17189024]

ofasao

[Anonymous No.17189273]

>>17174548
Or two consecutive nights, the 2nd one spent mostly in bed: While I doubt Bukowski has much to teach about how to live, there's something to be said for a seasonal rekt session, for getting out of perspective ruts, the ancient skull-thump of a soft reset that clears out cobwebs & dust. One thing I noticed on this last one his how social media in combination with the death of the middle class is turning almost everyone into a version Hyacinth Bouquet, alternately fidgeting over a table set to impress, and straining to conceal the nastier facts behind their preening displays and delusional pretensions. Take for instance this >>17188803 exercise in apocalyptically frigid projection, compared to which the equivocations of Mann's Naphta have luxuriantly elaborate firepower that one can warm to now and then.

[Anonymous No.17189307]

i can't wait to move out

[Anonymous No.17189376]

Crab sticks, of course a eh chicken wrap, and a corned beef slice.

[Anonymous No.17189485]

>>17188260
>>17188963

He's absolutely bipolar. You can tell the difference between his 'weird' tweets and his manic tweets pretty easily. Sometimes he says shit to be provocative and then other times he's clearly in the midst of a manic episode and saying things that are genuinely unhinged. As someone with bipolar it's clear as day to me when he's manic. But that doesn't make him 'insane' in the slightest, in the same way that I don't consider myself insane.

[Anonymous No.17189730]

>>17174441
this guy used to be president of bulgaria and looks like the incel chud meme guy
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petar_Stoyanov

[Anonymous No.17189841]

>>17174441
Should I choose dentistry or law? I'm almost guaranteed dentistry and even medicine next year so I just want to give law a try...perhaps just work. Also, I can't fall in love with this girl and none of the girls before as well..maybe I'm gay but that's so lame I'll just stick with being hetero

[Anonymous No.17190051]

I'm in the same position as you but I'm coming to terms with the fact that I have a personality defect from years of bullying and watching porn and browsing r9k. I've just given up on myself. I cannot bring myself to make friends without sperging out and being mean to them out of fear that they are bullying me. Honestly, I used to laugh at epicurus' philosophy and think stoicism was the moral high ground. But once you've experienced how nothing matters in the grand scheme of things, even your morals, then you realise the only thing left to do is to be as content as possible, which means giving up and embracing whatever escapist pass time you have at hand. And that, my ladies and gentlemen, is why people have sex, party, do drugs etc. So do it with movies, videogames, music and reading. We are all going to die and i can't fucking wait..

[Anonymous No.17190073]

>>17189841
People hate lawyers and, despite what they may knee-jerk, love dentists. One day I wish to see certain types of lawyers hang. Dentists will make me feel better and keep me alive in a moment of physical crisis.

Do the right thing.

[Anonymous No.17190099]

>>17190051
>the only thing left to do is to be as content as possible, which means giving up
I don't personally find the state of surrender to be that enjoyable.

[Anonymous No.17191053]

who else /meme life/?
>have job but live with parents for free anyway
>dump all my money into investments so I can hopefully stop waging in my thirties
>don't know why I'm really waging to begin with because my only expenses are brandy and the occasional video game
>social life consists of playing minecraft with some guys I knew in high school

[Anonymous No.17191064]

One procent of the year has already passed

[Anonymous No.17191097]

>>17188921
absolutely nothing productive, but my excuse is going to be that last year was a real bitch so i'm taking the long weekend to unwind.

[Anonymous No.17191114]

>>17191097
>but my excuse is going to be that last year was a real bitch so i'm taking the long weekend to unwind.
haha same.
what a joke

[Anonymous No.17191122]

>>17191097
So nothing happened? What are you bitching about?

[Anonymous No.17191646]

Suit yourself.

[Anonymous No.17191787]

I wish i could be happy but im not.

[Anonymous No.17192778]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFmCVQWRReM
Man this is beautiful

[Anonymous No.17192874]

i hate people who mix up imply and infer

[Blarty Hongo !WegkZP4tiw No.17192876]

I'm melancholy, but not suicidally so. So it could be worse.

[Anonymous No.17193029]

4chan: Men telling other men that they will never be a real woman.

[Anonymous No.17193514]

we were 17 and about to leave for our studies in different countries. it could not have worked out, and we knew it. we kept it a secret and secretly we kept a promise. but i haven't managed to fall in love since. for a long time we were just distant memories in eachother's lives, but memories of the most beautiful feeling we'd ever felt.

a few days ago, more than 3 years after our last goodbye, we saw eachother again.
it was all still there, and she was even more beautiful than i remembered.
despite practically losing contact and not seeing eachother for years if not in our dreams. despite building ourselves separate lives in the meanwhile. despite distance and logic and life, it felt like the first time i'd ever fallen for someone.
despite all the great experiences and fucks (i lost my virginity at uni, not to her, and we have never been in bed together) i've had over the last couple of years, i swear i could have died the other night as we kissed..

we are still too distant and too young and too stupid for it to work properly, but i'm starting to believe the promise we had almost forgot about. i feel like a lovestruck high-schooler again, and it's been too long since the last time i felt this great..

[Anonymous No.17193685]

hades is an absolute masterpiece. the gameplay is so fun. it feels very hard at first because you die all the time, but over time it gives you a sense of confidence and development as you easily beat foes that once felt impossible. part of it is that you are of course improving, but you also get small upgrades that improve your survivability, but it doesn't feel like grinding for levels or gear in an rpg, so you when you easily beat an old foe, you feel like it's because you improved, not cuz you've leveled up. but beyond that, it's the subtle values in the game, like giving the ambrosia to people to get the trinkets in exchange, holding true to greek sense of hospitality. yes, it has big pagan energy for sure. every god is there with their own subplots. the thing that i appreciated the most is when you run into megaera after defeating her, she says at one point "that mirror has made you stronger, zag" with that great voice acting. i think it could be misunderstood that the mirror of reflection is some allusion to narcissus, but i think think it's really promoting the idea of self-reflection. it struck a chord with me because i used to cringe seeing myself in the mirror or photos until i started boxing and had to shadowbox in the mirror every day. looking at yourself improving every day does build your confidence which of course positively affects your performance. also, though i have not finished it yet, i have a feeling at the end when zagreus finally escapes hades, he will choose to return because of all the work he had put into improving tartarus and building relationships with its inhabitants.

hope thats not a gross wall of text, just had to get that out of my head.

i also just had weird deja vu from writing that. what the fuck.

[Anonymous No.17193709]

>the warp and woof of politics is now effeminate bickering and sniping
this is what women do
>the biggest "coup" you can get on your political opposition is not political, but personal (embarrassing him, catching him flustered, making him look lame)
this is what women do
>obsessing over the petty social drama of the big popular people with recognizable faces/names
this is what women do
>cheering as they snipe and scratch at eachother
this is what women do
>acting like catty faggots
this is what women do
>hypocritically crying over the smallest injury, "look! look how they persecute me! give me sympathy, i am the victim here!"
this is what women do

we are being feminized, everything about political discourse is feminized, introducing women into politics turned the entire world into a permanent high school overfull of bickering broads who ONLY care about popularity, personalities, and petty drama

[Anonymous No.17193750]

>>17193685
oh and there's so much to gush about i almost forgot the boss fight music which is tasteful grunge style bass that builds tension without the extreme guitar shredding a lot of japanese games employ to raise your nerves

[Anonymous No.17193757]

>>17193709
This also what men do and have always done, you guys are just too blinkered to realize this

[Anonymous No.17193770]

>get drunk/take drugs
>become inspired to write
>type out a few pages or short story
>read it next day
>feel extreme embarrassment
>delete it all

I literally cannot write sober. I hate the idea that I'm actually putting words down on paper.

[Anonymous No.17193781]

>>17190073
Not gonna lie, I hate dentists. They always try to upsell you on some shit you don't need done. I had a chipped tooth and they tried to convince to get a root canal and whole fake tooth put in. I said fuck that, just stick a cap on it. Four years later and no problems.

[Anonymous No.17193842]

>>17193781
i just tell them i don't have insurance, that puts an end to the upsell real fast.

[Anonymous No.17193860]

>>17193842
Good idea. I do have insurance though, I always figured they would know

[Anonymous No.17193867]

>>17193781
I wonder what dentistry would look like in a world that isn't so kosher. Maybe they'd just be good guys who fix your teeth. I don't know why imagining this is taking me on such a journey. Just imagine, you go in, and some middle aged Czech guy just looks at your teeth and fixes them using materials. You ask how much and he says it's $200: $100 for the procedure, $100 to cover the materials. Maybe he gives you a discount because it's a small town and everybody knows everybody, and he doesn't have to be a cutthroat in competition with 500,000 other abstract anonymous dentists floating around in void space in numberless office buildings. He's just a real little Czech man who fixes teeth and he knows how much the materials cost and he wants to make enough money to live a decent life with his family on par with that lived by the other members of his community. Imagine that. No sick sense in your stomach that all the numbers are made up or that the doctor or his slick friendly jiggaboo at the front counter is grifting you. Everyone's friends. Everything is exactly what it is and nothing else. There are a normal number of dentists. A homeless man doesn't show his penis to you when you leave. Everything's normal.

[Anonymous No.17193917]

>>17193867
>Everyone's friends. Everything is exactly what it is and nothing else.
This is impossible and that has nothing to do with jews, jiggaboos, or whatever else. Ever since we started congregating in large numbers and writing, nothing has ever been "exactly what it is." And even before that, not everyone was your friend.

[Anonymous No.17194044]

>>17193917
Ah, I see, good argument for why we shouldn't change anything or aspire to escape from this nightmare, thanks. I thought for a second there it was possible to dream of something other than filth, crime, and usury. I know it's customary to charge a small fee for such wake-up calls. What do I owe you, Mr..?

[Anonymous No.17194203]

I want to talk into the void but I have nothing to say. void, oh void. I am watching the end of the Queens Gambit. it's lukewarm, but it's fine. I'm working on the biggest and simultaneously the smallest conceivable project. The very biggest, the very smallest. It is not going well, but I have some faith that I am supposed to feel that way. Few times I know, many times I do not. I am not so old that it should be any form of embarasment to be so lost, but it is some form of torment made all the worse because I do know enough that it should give me comfort. Based on what I know I should have access to some degree of clarity on a lot of things, but far more often than not the memory is cloudy and the reality facing me quite pressing. The age old question of what is a cope, is a cope a bad thing and are there things that look like copes but that are not. "No" you yell at your screen if you are an atheist, "Yes" if you are not. Looks like a cope but is not, because of the body-soul duality. Is it right that when you can take no more, you pray and it goes away? it seems right. but does this mean you should expect to never feel down? that all negative affect should be negated by prayer? that you should expect that you can block your emotions? surely not. so is the key patience? likely. is it detachment? I can't say. I can say that it is trust in God, and so all the learning points toward loving God better and more fully. Both in the individual perspective of having hope and faith in ones fate, and in the de-personalized perspective of enlightenment, the key is the love of God. How is it best cultivated? This is the great question. For a long time I plainly believed the answer was: Islam. I do not believe that answer is wrong, but with Islam comes a whole tradition that I believe to be less holy than the center. I have more and more doubt that I want to be one with those who follow this tradition. This is not an indictment of the center. But there is more, God has pointed to more than this center. Maybe I will become some form of baha'i. Strange thing to be, I think. Most of all I need A method, a simple method, but God has pointed to more than the center. May he have mercy on me, and may I keep the prayer, and may I learn to love Him better with each day.

[Anonymous No.17194294]

I'm very afraid of she rejecting me when I propose, I tried for months to picture my life if she does and I cant see anything but a black veil; no figures, no sounds.

[Anonymous No.17194315]

>>17194294
If you don't know that the answer is going to be yes, you probably shouldn't propose. You either don't know her well enough or the relationship isn't strong enough yet to have that level of commitment

[Anonymous No.17194735]

First wave of Coronavirus/ First Lockdown:
>Studied for an amazing subject a Uni
>Was spring so the weather was quite pleasing
>Everyone in my country was united against the virus
>Varius moments of sadness but calm overall
>Read a lot of book, and I started the one which influenced me more in my life, Proust's Recherche
>Everyone thought the pandemy was going to end in summer


Second wave/lockdown
>Have to study for a terrible course, with a difficult and soul crushing exam
>Boring winter, darkness at 5 p.m.
>Everyone is plotted against each other
>Have less hope for the future, a lot of anxiety, I like isolation more than before
>Knew a girl for which I felt something I never felt before, failed to get a relation and now we don't even talk anymore
>We don't know when this shitty virus is gonna die, it seems it will last for years
>Decent reads but I have to spend my time trying to study (much less concentration than before)
Etc etc...

Let's hope for this 2021, lads

[Anonymous No.17194823]

>>17193781
>tfw abusive dentist as a child got me drilled needlessly on over a dozen teeth
>almost every tooth in my mouth other than my front ones has gotten the drill
>no one tells you that fillings fall out after 10-15 years and need replacing
>fucked for life because a quack wanted to make a buck off me
>begged my parents to take me to another dentist, any other dentist
>they ignored me and mindlessly got me drilled
>i cut contact with them, and they're going to die alone for what they did
>can't remember the dentist's name or i would have committed homicide by now

[Anonymous No.17194849]

>>17193867
to be fair back in the medieval period, bakers were regularly caught putting sawdust and even literal rocks into their dough to weigh the bread out and cut costs. it was so bad they had to start regulating loaf size/weight. of course no information on what religious denomination the bakers were. imagine taking a bite of bread and cracking a tooth on a rock in the year 1300, where the only dentist was the local blacksmith with a pair of pliars.

human beings are shit. some are more shit than others, but they're all shit. through and through shit. however, i agree with you that dentists are especially human garbage and notorious for taking advantage of their patients.

[Anonymous No.17195332]

Insanity as an extreme type of irrationality could be interpreted on this basis as the inability of the agent’s belief system to incorporate new information into its network and for the existing priors to have very low empirical likelihoods. Either *all* noise is permitted entry, as in schizophrenia, or none is, as in paranoia, making the system permanently incomplete and dooming it to behave in a manner that is no longer in sync with its epistemic environment. In a sense, madness is the attempt to force a deductive scheme onto an inductive problem space. Relations between beliefs take precedence over relations between beliefs and evidence.

[Anonymous No.17195525]

>>17194849
Have you ever tried to pinpoint why humans cause so much trouble for themselves and others? I tend to think it's because our identities are unnatural, they are just bundles of ideas. Every idea is divisive by design. The people who are really motivated to change the world for the better without fail make everything a bigger mess.

Speaking of dentists, I was wondering why humans have such fucked up teeth the other day. It doesn't make much sense to me that by design we would need to have the alignment of our teeth corrected, including having some teeth removed. Apparently the reason our teeth are so fucked up is because our mouths are undeveloped due to the lack of chewing required in the modern world. Previously we had to chew hard, uncooked, unprocessed foods for our nutrients. We didn't realize that all that chewing is actually required for us to have correctly functioning mouth. And if our teeth are out of whack then it can affect things like our breathing and head posture too, not to mention having an undeveloped jaw and mouth actually changes the shape of your face (the incels were on to something!)

[Anonymous No.17195662]

>>17195525
medical:
if you read historical medical theory, the more humans have purported to know about medicine, the more fucked up they made themselves. every time humans try to interfere with the body and enact their own medical theories against it, it causes more harm than good. from nutrition to birthing to disease treatment to dentistry to psychology. the only thing we are decent at is superficial wound care and repairing broken bones. everything else causes more harm than good.

>why humans
the human condition is immemorial and human beings are simply disgusting to behold, both mentally and physically; they are an abomination. the average human is disgusting inside and out. their thoughts and tendencies are evil, their behavior selfish and malicious, their minds mean and stupid. the few good humans who are born are simply downtrodden into obscurity, ostracization, poverty, and an early grave. the rest who are "good" are monsters like the rest merely pretending to be virtuous. nothing in this world is more terrifying than a human being. every last thought the average human holds is abhorrent on every level. i'm, rather than surprised at the atrocities regularly committed both large and small, surprised that the city isn't burning to the ground this moment.

I'm far from a hermit--I live amongst humans. When I speak to humans, I simply envision an animal without a soul, vicious and stupid, holding itself back only in fear of mutual retaliation to its offenses. The only people I recognize as worthing of acknowledgement and a higher level of spiritual being than the animal are fellow authors and literary enthusiasts, or rare others with higher mindsets. And even of these, only some rare beings. These have the gnostic spark of God in them. The rest could feature in a horror movie were they the same without as within.

tl;dr kill all normies

[Anonymous No.17195716]

>>17174441
I am very depressed and uncertain about what I should do with my future. I am graduating with an English lit degree in a few months and have been thinking about going to law school but I really don't know if that's the future I want.

[Anonymous No.17195903]

I'm a transgender person, and I'm very tired of people, here and in real life, seeing me as something other than a person.

It seems like cis people always emblems of things we don't represent. For example, when I'm talking to people and my trans status comes up people feel like they need to "debunk" transgenderism to me. Like, they have an intricate theory stewing in their head they are just waiting to spill on someone. Everyone has their pet theory: I was groomed or sexually abused, that I have autogynephelia, that I'm actually a self hating gay, or that jewish media tricked me, my mom had a hormonal problem, etc, etc...

Once I see that they are basically just autistically regurgitating a script they read elsewhere, I try to address their concerns, but so many time they justdon't listen, and look right past me like I'm not even there. Like I'm an abstract contingency made corporeal that they need to intellectually combat. It's so tiring. Not to mention when the opposite happens and left wing people assume that I'm a more extreme version of themselves (I voted for trump this November, for the record) and deny my gender (and even call me slurs) when it's apparent that I'm not.

I figure I'm going to get a lot of similar responses to this post, so I just want to ask why do you think any individual trans person is responsible for / or behind stuff you see online you don't agree with? That's the real issue here.

[Anonymous No.17195976]

look at all these fucking zoomers talking about "streaming" as if it's a real thing

>>>/v/539009441

jesus christ i used to post on /v/ back in 2008-2010 and at least they were still human, retarded but human. can someone who is tapped into the zoomer zeitgeist explain this whole thing to me? do these delusional retards all just think "influencer" is a job-lifestyle now, why do they assume its reality? you are not a "streamer," you are a retarded faggot talking to himself in a chatroom. but then why do they even get 2 or 3 viewers in the first place? who the hell is watching them?

i could understand if you're watching someone skilled or already recommended by some algorithm as funny and charismatic, but who goes and seeks out random guy playing random game?

i wonder if we'll just have to scrap zoomers entirely, the more i learn about them the less a member of the same species they feel.

[Anonymous No.17195979]

>>17195903
>Once I see that they are basically just autistically regurgitating a script they read elsewhere, I try to address their concerns, but so many time they justdon't listen, and look right past me like I'm not even there. Like I'm an abstract contingency made corporeal that they need to intellectually combat. It's so tiring. Not to mention when the opposite happens and left wing people assume that I'm a more extreme version of themselves (I voted for trump this November, for the record) and deny my gender (and even call me slurs) when it's apparent that I'm not.
You will never be a real woman.

[Anonymous No.17195989]

>>17174441
I don't know if I want to shill my podcast.

[Anonymous No.17195999]

>>17195979
(You)

[Anonymous No.17196015]

>>17195999
will never be a real woman.

[Anonymous No.17196028]

>>17195976
Sounds like you're out of touch. Streamers are popular because they're friend simulators, but even kids who have friends still watch them and even discuss them among their friend groups (mostly primary school age, this doesn't happen in colleges). So hardly anyone seeks out random people playing games, because the system is extremely top-heavy and 90% of new viewers go to people already popular. And these communities of massive streamers are seriously huge, and big fans even make OC for them. There are lots of reasons why this stuff is popular now. The main reason is loneliness.
>why do they even get 2 or 3 viewers in the first place?
Often it's because they're irl friends. A lot of people just stream to people they know in person.

[Anonymous No.17196091]

>>17195903
How often does gender even enter a conversation? Understandable in that it may have an effect irl, but no one would even know your gender here unless you brought it up.

[Anonymous No.17196386]

It finally hit me. I will never rise above midwit unless I put in the effort. And by effort I mean real effort, not the pussy shit I'm currently doing. I've coasted these past 22 years, if I want to change I have to go well above and beyond.
This realization didn't come sooner because I was avoiding it, I didn't want to face the prospect that I would have to sweat and feel tremendous pain.
I wanted to believe that success would come easily to me, but I know this is not true.
I have to do something. Time waits for no man.

[Anonymous No.17196458]

>>17195903
The real answer is because a lot of modern-day 4chan "raids" originate, are coordinated in, and supported by Discord which is known for being an extreme child tranny grooming ground.
A few years ago it came out that most of the folks in charge of censorship at discord were either gay, trans, or furries, which is where this tranny raiding boogyman comes from.

[Anonymous No.17196463]

Do you feel it? That gnawing anxiety at the back of your head, telling you, tormenting you with all the knowledge you don't know.
You can feel it can't you, that burning longing to acquire more so as to not be seen as an ignoramus.
And so you embark on your never-ending quest for knowledge, knowing beforehand that its a pipe dream, that you cannot possibly know everything about everything. But you still panic about it.

[Anonymous No.17196469]

>>17196386
You have to be seriously retarded to just have learned that at the ripe age of 22.

[Anonymous No.17196682]

>>17174441
it will all work out it will all work out it will all work out it will all work out it will all work out it will all work out it will all work out it will all work out it will all work out it will all work out it will all work out...

It's about this time of the year that I usually consider suicide. I abhor working, and would seriously consider suicide to avoid it. At least this time I have a decent amount of savings/investmenst (~9500, all said and done) and I live with my parents so I don't have any major expenses. Still, I have my student (stupid) loan debt for about 28k, and the job I have now doesn't seem to be working out (thanks Covid). Still, my job prospects seem stable longterm. What I want is a job where I can work from spring to fall and rest in the winter. That's how it was before the industrial revolution, right?

[Anonymous No.17196731]

[Anonymous No.17196741]

I am currently writing what I hope will be a major work of literature. Or that's what I tell myself. I want it to be great and there are some encouraging signs so far from others who have read the first book. The first book is done, I'm starting on the second book right now.

But as a direct result of this I have found that my actual reading has dried up. I spent months this year just reading the Divine Comedy, going days between reading sessions. I'm reading A Brief History Of Seven Killings now, and it's GOOD, but I keep having to force myself to sit down and read it.

I think that some of this is just the inherent trouble I have focusing on reading in a world full of the internet and other distractions. But I can absolutely tell that some of it is a direct result of me being involved in this writing project. I am constantly thinking of the next move for my story, and thinking of developments for my characters, and of broader themes, ideas for colors and sounds, all manner of things. It tends to crowd out headspace I could be using for the writing of other people.

I know I need to make myself read more, but the priority of my writing has to be accounted for, as well. I read a ton when I was younger, and now I need to focus on actually producing the art I've dreamed of producing.

[Anonymous No.17196777]

>>17174441
I'm in the process of writing a program to count how much each author here is mentioned. It will be a few weeks since I'm a terrible programmer, but I expect to confirm my hunch that /lit/ should be renamed to /nietzsch/

[Anonymous No.17196792]

>>17195903
Of course they don't treat you like a human being, you're a representative of a radical and controversial ideology that rejects what everyone else has been taught since birth and that's only been around for like 10 years. Sex is an incredibly personal and intimate subject, do you really think people are going to throw out all their preconceived ideas about it just for the sake of being nice?
Your post reads like someone who just got a swastika tattoo and can't understand why strangers keep telling them, an individual national socialist person, that they're responsible for the holocaust. Of course people are going to judge you based on your group, even more so if your allegiance to the group is obvious and if the group is controversial.

[Anonymous No.17196806]

>>17174489
The only reason I have a computer is to post here. Fuck computers; if you can't write it yourself, then you can't.

[Anonymous No.17196811]

>>17174951
Gain 30 pounds
Sobriety

[Anonymous No.17196859]

>>17188951
I know this feeling fen, being at Christmas parties with my friends and seeing everyone with their smart wives really induced the tfw no gf that had being dormant all year

[Anonymous No.17196878]

>>17196859
This was the first year in a while I not get that feeling on account of because due to no travel.

[Anonymous No.17196905]

>>17196878
Despite the lack of snow and generally terrible year I'm truly glad for some of these moments I had over this Christmas.

This whole year has really made me realize how much more fragile man is. To be rightly ordered people really can't abuse themselves in all the ways our society encourages

[Anonymous No.17196911]

>>17196905
And 2021 will only be worse :)

[Anonymous No.17196917]

>>17196859
I desperately long to get married. I think it would be wonderful to have a wife. I'll never understand the meme of wives being bad. I think if you get a good one it would be quite nice. I like the idea of a woman that I can know better than anyone else in the world, and who can, in turn, know me better than anyone else in the world could know me. I like the idea of having someone to know very intimately, and to have a bond with that transcends mere friendship.

And of course the sex wouldn't hurt, either.

[Anonymous No.17197157]

>>17196917
Shit fuck cunt bitch faggot pussy ass dicktits.

[Anonymous No.17197168]

>>17174441
Give me another
another round for the table
dark beer
darker
darker
did I say stop pouring?
and now the buzzing and
the spinning and the
pain and nausea
a toilet stall, a bouncer
the street
then darker
darker
in my bed somehow
darker

[Anonymous No.17197170]

watching a vietnamese women drink piss on xhamster

[Anonymous No.17197387]

My physical responses to anxiety are very strong. I'm normally quite courageous you could say, but once I start feeling like I'm throwing up any second, I lose my cool - and it's not too hard for it to happen. And pretty much disables me talking properly.
I am not scared to go against my fears, but what do with these sensitive guts?

[Anonymous No.17197426]

>>17175645
Good. You are approaching the ideal Christ set. Accept your rejection of sexuality. ALL IN OR ALL OUT

[Anonymous No.17197461]

how do you deal with feelings of small fish big pond in the arts today? it's all so democratized, spread thin, can we even dream of Success anymore does Success really exist?

[Anonymous No.17197483]

>>17195903
The opposite of the individual is the collective. People are used to think in terms of causation, rationalization, explaning model of reality. It is like Flatland. I don't know how you will handle it. Check Carol Sanford 4 paradigms. It should be helpful. Find the others.

[Anonymous No.17197485]

>>17174441
Am I wasting time? I feel that my hamartia is that I'm always changing things before they can develop. What if becoming an electrician is a bad idea? Should I stick with IT? It seems like a career with a lot of tedium. Plus I'd have to move to where the jobs are. If the current political climate in the cities wasn't so charged part of me would've loved to try living in New York, or Boston. My intuition is telling me to avoid the cities, however. I feel drawn to Alaska instead. Then I can go die somewhere in South America. Maybe that will be a mistake. Maybe every choice I've ever made in my life is a mistake. Maybe it was a mistake to evolve lungs, a mistake to become self propagating chemical reactions. I'm 26 and it feel like time is running out.

[Anonymous No.17197547]

>>17197170
Read Houellebecq

[Anonymous No.17197561]

Why did the tranny mods remove my thread on this book for being "fan-fiction"? Does /lit/ have tranny mods?

[Anonymous No.17197581]

>>17197561
wait what? is /lit/ being censored?

[Anonymous No.17197595]

>>17197581
Yes. I made a thread on the book, gave an opinion and posted some excerpts and a janny removed it because "fan fiction isn't literature".

Seething tranny jannies are ruining this board.

[Anonymous No.17197601]

>>17197595
Mods are definitely being faggots.

[Anonymous No.17197627]

>>17197601
Jannies will allow 50 Guenon shitposts per day but remove anything with any effort put into it.

[Anonymous No.17197793]

How do I stop caring about what people think of me? t's easy to say and all, but can anyone actually do it? I'm 18, in my second last year of university, and I'm absolutely paranoid about people calling me out for being a virgin, even though I don't particularly care for sex. The same applies to a lesser degree with jobs, friends, ability to drive, etc. I feel hurt whenever I read >cope in a reply, because it's all true. They're right!

[Anonymous No.17197868]

>>17197793
Just embrace that no one will ever care and it's not worth the energy. It still hurts for me at times, being a (probably autistic) loner but I've become numb to it for the most part.

I know Stirner is a meme but his concept of spooks is spot on and when you realise how much time and effort people spend caring about meaningless shit you'll eventually stop caring.

[Anonymous No.17197904]

>>17197793
I hate my cock size so what I do is own it. My boss is telling me about bagging his wife and she's telling him the next day her vagina is sore. Obviously I can't compete, so accept your faults in good humor. I tell him
>ayyy that doesn't sound like something I need to worry about... I don't have the, uh, "equippage" to instill fear or pain in my woman. I wish I did, but mine is more like a frightened turtle

[Anonymous No.17197913]

>>17197904

[Anonymous No.17197928]

>>17197913
Kek. Another one that I like to use is
>some people have cocks, and some people have dicks. I have what they call a "weiner"

[Anonymous No.17198066]

>>17197868
retard

>>17197904
making a good point in an ironic way

>>17197793
no, contrary to holden caulfield's advice people are going to care about you - maturity is about engagement in the world and responsibility, your relationship to your works and to other people - your community need not be THE COMMUNITY at large - and what you want to do is not to stop caring altogether but to 1) make yourself into a person you are proud of being seen 2) realize people are not as perceptive as your paranoia tells you 3) accept and own things you perceive as faults (such as virginity) and 4) learn to selectively ignore the judgements of groups/people who have no direct power over you and who you have no respect for. learn to assert yourself above those people, and understand by mere nature of being you and not somebody else there
will always be that subset of the other who does not like you, and can always - in a choice between Your Values and Theirs - be chosen against, be asserted against, and ignored.

that's all easier said than done, i was an insecure teenager and i am still an insecure man to some extent, but much better, and this learning to stand up for oneself and love oneself against the judgement of others is central to the maturation and individuation process everyone udnergoes. you have to be able to take responsibility for the self as seen by others, not try to ignore or avoid it. at least SOME of the pressure you're feeling is there for a reason, it's how we keep one another in check.

you feel insecure about not having had sex, not having had a job, not knowing how to drive because these are things you KNOW you SHOULD have. do not try to ignore those signals. in the love embrace of mommy's womb of course you have made no transgression here and do not deserve the big mean outside world to bully you for it - but that's not where you are now and your only choice is to get used to it. take these signals as your brain telling your self what needs to be done

[Anonymous No.17198085]

>>17198066
>what you want to do is not to stop caring altogether but to 1) make yourself into a person you are proud of being seen
>just conform lmao
Bugman take.

[Anonymous No.17198099]

>>17197387
my expeirence with anxiety (mostly overcome) was that i had no long distance fear of doing things, i was capable of calculating and committing to a risk without overthinking it or worrying about its arrival, but in person my body would in direct experience have a physiological anxiety response like i could not control - fight or flight as in speaking before a large group, and i found you only wear that down through experience, conditioning your body into recognizing this is not a dangerous situation. you cannot think anxiety away, it must be dulled against experience and taught by repetition.

[Anonymous No.17198101]

>>17197426
you can accept or deny it if you're neurotic

[Anonymous No.17198111]

>>17198099
It's like when you've got a meeting and you have to shit really bad before it.

[Anonymous No.17198117]

>>17198066
retard
>>17197793
Noone will come and help you. You can lie in bed in self pity your whole life and nobody will care. You either get your shit together or you don't but stop thinking that others will give a fuck. Except maybe it's your parents they mostly care that you stop bothering them for years. Also your parents will die one day. Then you will truly have noone to care about you. Everyone has to go through this. The times where you think people actually care about you is bliss. One day you'll see you are not that important as you think you are. Better pray that at that time you have found a woman that still cares.

[Anonymous No.17198144]

>>17198117
>Noone will come and help you. You can lie in bed in self pity your whole life and nobody will care.
This is the ultimate thing that people need to recognise. No one will ever save you. There is no deus ex machina. The universe is utterly indifferent. People say they recognise that but their devotion to cultural ideals and the just world fallacy shows they're lying.

The only person you can ever rely on is yourself.

[Anonymous No.17198148]

>>17198085
you are the one deriving self worth entirely in the gazes of others, unable to imagine a pride in yourself held against a negative reception - the assertion of the self over the others. there can be a legitimate pride in that too, in elevating yourself above your critics and knowing it.

to be proud before your enemies, to look at yourself and what the others hate in you and know that you in earnest believe in those things and that their criticism becomes at once meaningless is a feeling of profound liberation.

to make yourself an object of self pride is only conformity if the community to which you are conforming is one which has your respect. i specified your community, not THE community. i am not saying you become a milquetoast nobody impervious to the criticisms of the mainstream. you read it that way. and the notion that all conformity is wrong, that all community is to be turned away from, or that all community is essentially the same is misguided and moreover mostly juvenile. you will find your people one day, and you will want to be someone you can be proud of before them.

[Anonymous No.17198158]

>>17198148
>you are the one deriving self worth entirely in the gazes of others
I'm saying self-worth as a concept is a spook.

[Anonymous No.17198181]

>>17198117
>>17198144
Thats is correct but you're being way too harsh on poor fellow

[Anonymous No.17198204]

>>17198158
you can say whatever the fuck you want is a spook and play with semiotics all day but self worth is a reality enough that it's causing that other guy grief in a way i, a completely different person, can completely relate to. to write off every internal mechanism as a "spook" because in some clever antifoundationalist way it's probably true has absolutely nothing to do with giving life advice or getting on with things.

there is a reason stirner remains a meme and not an adopted standard for human behavior.

self worth is a concept of valuation - in the case of the anon i am trying to talk to, an insecure man, his self is valued lower than these others making him act in fear and deferrence to them when this is not necessary.

sure maybe you can fuck your head with stirnerite mantras every day for a decade until you really unwire the few social psychological guidelines you were culturally transmitted to help you get on in life but it's going to be more helpful to 99% of people to accept this concept of "self worth" and the physiological responses their body is giving them and adapt to life within its framework

[Anonymous No.17198207]

>>17198204
>t. spooked

[Anonymous No.17198214]

[Anonymous No.17198240]

>>17198214
Stirner is edgy on the outside but cute and soft on the inside.

[Anonymous No.17198255]

fell in love with a broken woman.
I'm broken too, no real shame in being broken I guess, but still
not really in love anymore but want to be some kind of social support for her. She more or less asked me to be, but on the other hand she never seems to know what she is doing.
She shared a story publicly about how she had cheated on a previous boyfriend because she felt empty. In the way she told the story she expressed exactly 0 remorse, and rather flaunted the concept. I also cheated on someone long ago, but I felt a hell of a lot of remorse about it.

I suspect she told this story as a way to scare me off. Instead I asked her if she regretted anything. Now I'm asking almost out of a scientific curiosity. It is clearly possible she will say no, but that it will be a lie. But if she has no regret, then why bring the story up? Again, possibly, to try to demonstrate in so many steps to me that I should abandon her. But the thing is that she told me earlier (yes I get that this is likely a manipulation but it has to be treated seriously) that she was very suicidal. She did not lead with this, but rather mentioned it after I basically told her I couldn't talk to her anymore. To keep me around for one reason or another, but I have to treat it as real that the reason was that she wanted me to be there for her with her depression. And so I suspect that she's locked in a part completely honest, part completely dishonest battle with herself on how she should try to manipulate me next.

Or she is being straight, but I don't think so. One thing at a time I guess. I wrote and confessed that I had cheated worse than her story back in the day, but told her I had had enormous guilt. I asked if she had felt any, and if no then why tell the story (if it was a completely mundane event to her then there is nothing to tell). I suppose it is possible that she told the story because she felt she should have regret, and felt weird about having none.

I feel less and less engaged in her fate if I'm honest. I feel more of an obligation to try and be of help than any real compassion, but I feel I should make myself available in case the feeling finds itself. I spent a lot of time on this confusion, I confess. I still think the best in her is very good. For now I just gotta go along I think. I'll probably keep (You) posted.

[Anonymous No.17198267]

>>17198144
>No one will ever save you.
no one will ever save you is not the same thing as no one will ever care. you are right, no one will save you for nothing and why would they ever want to? relationships are built on reciprocity.

but what do you imagine "caring" is? "caring" like a doting mother? like a "deus ex machina"? your threshold for caring is literally the intervention of god? is "care" to you a mere invitation to surrender?

care is stake. care is your children, who are dependent upon you, caring that you are there for them. care is your wife, who loves you, who takes comfort in your strengths which shelter her from her weaknesses. care is your boss, your coworkers, your employees, the customers caring that you show up to work on time. care is the admirer of your work, the man in the street who recognizes something of himself or something universal in you and cares that you go on producing, and wants to see you win because it cost him no more to affirm what he believes is good than it does to reject.

life feels good when others care - it's when life pushes back. like in exercise, when one's muscles provide feedback - that's life! the struggle. the pushback. the warmth of the high. care for one another, sweat for one another, live in one another's light. do not misread me. i am not a communist. i do not believe in any greater good. your life is about you and the individuals you affect.

you do not want to shut out the entire rest of the world and stop "caring" what others think of - see in - care about you. that is a rejection of the duties and opportunities of man. it will satisfy a very small number of people - and ok, if you are part of that population more power to you, but wild guess you aren't - and it is a total self-prostration and admission of defeat more pathetic than even suciide.

[Anonymous No.17198286]

>>17198267
>but what do you imagine "caring" is? "caring" like a doting mother? like a "deus ex machina"? your threshold for caring is literally the intervention of god? is "care" to you a mere invitation to surrender?
By "save you" I mean have a meaningful effect that can pull you out of depression and nihilism or whatever ails you. People only want the good times so, if you want to share the good times, you've got to pull yourself out of the hole. For all the talk about improving mental health and community, people are disgusted by people who cannot be happy and conform. You will always be excluded until you solve your own issues. At the point where you can solve your issues, you no longer need them as people and their "friendship" is merely a bonus.

My core point is that people are only there for you when you don't need their help.

[Anonymous No.17198304]

>>17198286
well, that's a kind of miserabilist take and i guess you've probably had a rough run of things. yes, many people will turn their backs on you in a time of need, but i have lifelong friends with who love runs deep and we have had each others backs more times than i could count.

yes you're always going to have to pull yourself out of the hole. again - why would you expect anyone else to? but friends are there to make it easier. they are never going to devote their entire lives to you but they can help.

[Anonymous No.17198353]

>>17198304
>why would you expect anyone else to?
At this point I don't but society is really pushing a message of "no man left behind" where they love to say that if someone is in need help will be provided, that the world should be some kind of universal brotherhood where everyone lives together, sharing a common struggle. The reality is very different and that can be quite upsetting for people who've been fed this bullshit for years. The reality is that human relationships are purely transactional with no lines of credit. If you've nothing to give, you'll get nothing in return. No loans will be extended. You will stay in (social) poverty until you can create your own wealth.

[Anonymous No.17198448]

>>17198353
sure, i'm on 4chan so you can imagine i share a skepticism toward that mainstream global community image, but i think it's not really hard to see how that's a tool of political expediency.

now social services like universal helathcare and other safety nets are legitimate, but they still (in theory anyway) depend upon a pledge of citizenry, a social contract, and are offered to an in-group against an out-group.

>human relationships are purely transactional with no lines of credit
yes transactional, but i believe there is a point in relationships, good family relations and the closest romantic relationships or friendships where the score is muddled and lost and forgotten, and one another see each other as a more or less constant, so they too remain a constant.

one week i lean on you more, then we go back to normal. i am not now in your debt until we are perfectly rebalanced. over a long enough period of time a healthy relationship balances itself in give an take.

simple things. i go to the bar with an old friend. one of us buys the jug of beer. neither of us keep track who bought last. we approximate, we know one another is 'good for it'. if i am in a tight spot i know certain people i can call, because they can always call me.

>If you've nothing to give, you'll get nothing in return
again, why would you expect otherwise? why would anyone want otherwise? this is like one of newton's fundamnetal physical laws. do you feel yourself entitled to love for being a sedentary piece of shit? love is earned.

[Anonymous No.17198462]

>>17198448
>>If you've nothing to give
and i guess the more important thing to say is you've always got time to give, you've always got yourself. nobody is completely empty handed.

and so much of social life does not feel like work. spending time with a good friend or a beautiful woman, these things are preferable to most tasks. i am devoting time, attention, mental work etc. to making them feel good and yet it feels like no cost to me, because i get high off it too.

[Anonymous No.17198693]

>>17198099
Well, I totally want to expose myself. Problem is I actually do throw up under stress.. and, you know, I don't mind throwing up too much, but it might be inappropriate in some of the stressful situations, so to speak.
What do then?

[Anonymous No.17198741]

Bros, why is my cock so big and meaty?
Bros, why is my cock so lengthy and wide?
Bros, why does my cock resemble a large, Hungarian sausage?
Bros, why does my cock bear a similar visage to a divine rod, that I may strike forth into the earth?

[Anonymous No.17198909]

I wish I had less sociopathic tendencies

[Anonymous No.17198983]

>>17198909
I wish I had a girly anime femboy to hug

[Anonymous No.17198984]

>>17198741
this, but completely opposite

[Anonymous No.17199251]

>>17196878
>on account of because due to
uh, David, is that you?

[Anonymous No.17199285]

>>17198741
That is a Hungarian sausage, you stuffed it down your pants last night to get the girls' attention. Dammit, Fred, you really need to stop drinking.

[Anonymous No.17199584]

>>17197793
How do you know you don't care for sex if you've never had sex?

[Anonymous No.17199592]

>>17197561
>boohoo, the mods took down my shit-flinging culture war thread

[Anonymous No.17199595]

>>17199251
?

[Anonymous No.17199634]

>>17199595
my thoughts exactly

[Anonymous No.17199653]

>>17199634
dont be schizophrenic

[Anonymous No.17199681]

>>17199595
David Foster Wallace. "And so but then," you know

[Anonymous No.17199688]

>>17199592
>>17199592
It's genuinely an interesting book and I wanted to have an actual discussion on it. There are a huge amount of teens going through courses of hormones (100% of teen girls who go on puberty blockers also start taking testosterone) who are not trans and who are going to be left sterile and deformed (not all physical changes from T can be reversed) because what is currently a fad.

I think it's worth discussing and I was going to put a hell of a lot more effort into the thread than most "what did he mean by this?" shitposts we get on here every day.

[Anonymous No.17199703]

It’s the New Year and I’ve got no idea what I’ve got in store for my future. I’ve had severe mental health and anger issues that keep me from getting a job. I’m not even meeting up with my friends because I don’t trust myself to not physically attack them if they say the wrong thing to me. Can’t even do a postgrad like I wanted to because I’m to unstable to function.

I’m doing hobbies to keep the suicidal thoughts at bay, but I genuinely can’t see a way out of this. Especially considering that all my doctor did was give me Prozac and ineffective CBT and that therapy is next to impossible to get under the health service. Part of me thinks I might be fucked.

[Anonymous No.17199718]

>>17199703
>Can’t even do a postgrad like I wanted to because I’m to unstable to function.
Anon, you have to be mentally ill to be allowed to do a post-grad. Now is the time.

[Anonymous No.17199754]

>>17199688
Fair enough. But regardless of your intent it would have quickly devolved into people calling eachother trannies and incels, this shit really isn't productive and imo there is no good conversation that can happen on 4chan regarding these topics. Don't tell me you don't know exactly how the arguments on both sides will play out, because it's the same every time

[Anonymous No.17199767]

>>17199688
didnt we just have a hundreds of post long thread about that book? you didnt make that one or see it?

[Anonymous No.17199782]

>>17199754
>But regardless of your intent it would have quickly devolved into people calling eachother trannies and incels, this shit really isn't productive and imo there is no good conversation that can happen on 4chan regarding these topics
If you think threads on /lit/ should be removed because they cause arguments the board would be empty for the rest of time.

>>17199767
Yes, and I didn't take part in it because I hadn't read the book. Besides, there are frequently multiple threads on the same topic on here. We've had about four on Atlas Shrugged in the past week.

[Anonymous No.17199801]

>>17198181
It's a bitter truth like every truth. You have to swallow it once. That does not mean you cannot appreciate life for what it is. But you have to take it at base level or your self delusions will literally eat you from the inside.

>>17198267
>care is stake. care is your children, who are dependent upon you, caring that you are there for them. care is your wife, who loves you, who takes comfort in your strengths which shelter her from her weaknesses. care is your boss, your coworkers, your employees, the customers caring that you show up to work on time. care is the admirer of your work, the man in the street who recognizes something of himself or something universal in you and cares that you go on producing, and wants to see you win because it cost him no more to affirm what he believes is good than it does to reject.

Just stop it already, virgin. That's not how it goes. When your wife finds a better man she will leave you on a whim. Oh, but look at my life everything is perfect, my wife loves me, my kids love life is good. Good for you. Now take a look at reality. Your wife might get cancer next year, your child might kill itself. Now what? Your stupid care won't be a worth a dime. Reality is not your pink painted plushy world you see in disney.

[Anonymous No.17199809]

>>17199718
Being in that environment is what caused me to go insane in the first place. I’m in a position where even working at a checkout would be psychologically a miracle.

[Anonymous No.17199837]

>>17199782
>threads on /lit/ should be removed because they cause arguments
No, but transparent bait should be removed

[Anonymous No.17199882]

>>17199809
>Being in that environment is what caused me to go insane in the first place.
Same. During my phd my alcohol intake went through the roof due to stress and then when covid hit I started day drinking while working. I've pretty much had to stop drinking altogether as a result.

[Anonymous No.17199911]

>>17196806
I mean digital artists have created things that would not have been possible with only traditional media. Why can't a similar sort of optimism be applied to AI and literature?

[Anonymous No.17200072]

>>17199882
For me, It’s because returning to that environment would remind me of the traumatic event that caused me to psychologically break in the first place. There’s no point in doing it if I can’t give it my all.

The downside of that is that I was banking on doing a PhD to the point where I have no job experience and even then, I’m too unstable to function in a job role. I’m angry because I was banking on starting my life when I graduated, but now it’s indefinitely on hold due to mental illness just when things were looking up for me.

[Anonymous No.17200100]

/a/ is such a cancerous shithole holy shit, the jannies are so anal that they will delete any thread that is remotely critical of the board's culture.

[Anonymous No.17200388]

>>17195903
you know what, fuck you. it's because of trannies that whenever i post something and (if relevent) say i'm a woman, i get called a tranny. fuck you i'm so sick of it, i can't go one day without hearing about fucking trannies. you're 0.1% of the population. SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.

everything is nonstop TRANNY TRANNY TRANNY TRANNY TRANNY. if i never saw that word again it would be too soon.

[Anonymous No.17200389]

>>17198909
fewer

[Anonymous No.17200405]

>>17200100
i got a 3 day ban for posting cropped porn that showed only the faces. they called it "nsfw." the janitorial decisions are arbitrary and biased with personal preferences. meanwhile shitposters run rampant and half the threads are fucking garbage. the jannies keep deleting stuff like /djt/ which the userbase wants. the only thing the jannies want posted is single-post /c/ shit where anon hornyposts about his bland moeshit waifu. board is flooded with the crap.

i wish naruto was still an instant-ban. narutards took over /a/.

[Anonymous No.17200413]

everything is tied together through branches and roots

[Anonymous No.17200416]

>>17200388
Post bob and vagene

[Anonymous No.17200418]

>>17200389
Less works there. Read it as describing intensity, not quantity.

[Anonymous No.17200421]

>>17199911
I struggle to imagine what would be impossible to write without AI

[Anonymous No.17200430]

>>17200418
ah you're right kms'ing right now

[Anonymous No.17200449]

>>17200405
There is a poisonous amount of shonen shit on /a/ last time I checked. I do not even watch much anime but I do not remember it being that bad.

[Anonymous No.17200457]

>>17197793
>I'm 18
Dude, you're sweating it too much. I lost it at 18 and wouldn't mind losing it later. Why do you even care?
With that said, good sex is the best, go try and get it.. but if it's at 16 or 23, why care?

[Anonymous No.17200463]

>>17194735
The secret is to find people who do not give a shit about the virus and panic porn.

[Anonymous No.17200468]

>>17200463
I dont even know how I would do that in current conditions. I havent met a new person since April.

[Anonymous No.17200479]

>>17200468
>I havent met a new person since April.
Same. I've been effectively frozen socially for a year. A YEAR OF MY TWENTIES THAT I'LL NEVER GET BACK

[Anonymous No.17200491]

>>17197904
I've had a gf break up with me because of my small piece. It's still hard trying to get any confidence 'back' (not that it was there).
She was also the hottest girl I ever dated, the others probably just go with it, maybe if they were hotter, they would dump me too, who knows.

[Anonymous No.17200507]

>>17200468
I met a guy at the county criminal records prothonotary office when I went to ask about my background check (delayed because of court closures). He was a court reporter for the local paper. We texted for a while and he told me about his prison email correspondence, but eventually it petered out since we couldn't really meet up. Anyways, it turned out he had a girlfriend...

I'll count that as my summer fling for this year.

[Anonymous No.17200517]

>>17200507
>f*ids complaining about not being able to get men
Fuck off.

[Anonymous No.17200533]

>>17200449
it's literally full of retards from reddit and pisscord posting 9,000 naruto threads a day

[Anonymous No.17200542]

>>17200468
For me it was a careful dance with old acquaintances, trying to figure out who is less concerned and willing to meet up in person. Others used Tinder etc to meet people.

[Anonymous No.17200690]

>>17200388
hehe, you will never be a woman

[Anonymous No.17200846]

>>17198255
What is with /lit/izens and BPD girls?

[Anonymous No.17200921]

>>17200388
It's never relevant that you're a woman. You're just looking for an excuse to say that you have tits.

[Anonymous No.17200973]

>>17200921
Foids need attention at all times.

[Anonymous No.17201212]

>>17198693
bump

[Anonymous No.17201288]

>>17200388
tits or gtfo

[Anonymous No.17201691]

How can Americans reconcile rejecting notions of the modern nation-state and our lack of culture with our American identity? I’m in the midst of an identity crisis and I see no way out.

I’m looking for books or authors that touch on this topic.