/wg/ writing general +/crit/ criticism general

[Anonymous No.16557242]

No professional critics allowed edition

Last thread:
>>16543543

Suggested books on story telling:
>The Weekend Novelist
>Aristotle's Poetics
>Hero With a Thousand Faces
>Save the Cat
>Romance the Beat

Suggested books on getting your fucking work done you lazy piece of shit:
>Deep Work
>Atomic Habits
> Other Resources
> General grammar/syntax/editing help
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/purdue_owl.html
> When/where/how should I write?
https://jamesclear.com/daily-routines-writers
> What software should I write with?
https://self-publishingschool.com/book-writing-software-best/
> Amazon Publishing to make that KDP monie
https://kdp.amazon.com/en_US/help/topic/G200635650
> Be like Charles Dickens and write serially
https://www.royalroad.com/

reeeeeeee why pepo post works and not gibs critiques REEEEEE

[Anonymous No.16557314]

>>16557242
Because half the time the formatting on 4chan makes reading truly ass for my tired, dead eyes.

I will critique whatever is posted first in this thread.

[Anonymous No.16557370]

"In the mist I see a man standing on the wharf. The man I am supposed to meet. The man whose arrival in my life was as surprising as the unfamiliar, sonorous tone that heralded his presence. My new callbox line, only days installed, jingling me alert, pulling me away from the precipice of sleep on whose ledge I was perched, half-slumped over my desk at the end of a long and nasty day. The man’s voice was unfamiliar, sickly and breathless, made worse from the tinny overtones of the weak connection. He asked me to meet in a strange place at a strange time, made even stranger by the name he gave. For it is a name that would bypass reservations for a table at Euling’s restaurant on a busy Fifthday evening. A name with its own floor in Tranquility Tower. Not just a room, but a full floor. A name seen sometimes printed on yellow paper, where gossips speculate on the company its owner entertains. A powerful name, with the promise of money. The promise of much needed money. A number of one of the old Iron Treaty Port wharves. Seven hours after sunfall.

And then, a threat. As punctuation.

“You will be compensated well, for this is dirty work. Don’t be late. There are plenty of you, desperate enough, waiting in the shadows. Don’t make me tap my cane against the ground, summon the writhing mass to me. I can find another you. To clean up the first. ”

A pause, punctuated by deep, ragged coughs.

“You would do well to not mention this, not to anyone.”

I had not planned to, but before I can reply the line goes dead with a click. I am left standing, sweaty hand gripping the receiver, head ringing with a frightening silence. I have been called by Vellice Onossass, the richest man in the Peace Settlement. I will be disposing of a body tonight. He did not say so directly, but I feel it in my gut."

Intro paragraph from a fantasy noire short story I'm writing. Had a lot of inspiration starting it but have sorta lost steam. Is what I have engaging?

[Anonymous No.16557385]

>>16557324
> All you've achieved is continue to give the website a bad name.
kek

[Anonymous No.16557403]

Sorry guys. Tried to write all day but I was so tired. I only managed about 6K today. I'm hoping tonight I'll be able to sleep fine and then tomorrow I'll write a ton more.

[Anonymous No.16557442]

>>16557370
I've written a body disposal story or two. Let me guess, it doesn't go according to plan? The style is somewhat florid but still engaging and foreign feeling without being unpleasant. Remember that you need to alternate with brevity and as always in a draft there is room for cutting.

This premise is interesting but whatever comes after this opening event must hook me even deeper.

[Anonymous No.16557444]

> Outline for next chapter of Blackula

The S.S. Demeter is traveling from Varna, Bulgaria to Yorkshire, England. The ship’s workers consist of the Black Captain, the Black first mate, the Black second mate, five Black hands, and a Black cook. They are transporting hundreds of boxes of dirt to Count Blackula’s newly purchased mansion.

One week into the journey, the ship reaches Greece. The crew seems scared and restless. The first mate asks them what’s wrong, but they only cross themselves.

A few days later, one of the crew hands starts using American Black slang. In African American vernacular, he tells the first mate that there is something aboard the ship. Later that night, that crew hand goes missing.

The next day, another crew hand tells the captain that he saw a tall, thin man walking down the hallway. He followed the man, but when he turned a corner, the man was gone.

Another week passes and they reach France. One of the crew hands now crosses himself by snapping his fingers and making a Z shape in front of his chest. SNAP SNAP SNAP. After he gets off his shift, he disappears. The remaining crew panic and demand that they work in pairs.

The next day, the second mate talks about starting up a black-owned business and making a black Wall Street. One of the crew is supposed to watch over him, but he’s overworked and low on sleep. After he rests his eyes for a few minutes, the second mate disappears.

The next day, two more crew members go missing. The only people left are the captain, the first mate, a crew hand, and the cook. They still have hope because they’re getting close to England.

However, the ship gets lost in sea for two days because of a strangely thick fog. That night, the cook disappears.

The next day, the first mate looks around for the last crew member, but he’s nowhere to be found. Then a tall, thin man appears. The first mate stabs him in the chest with a knife. The man disappears into the shadows.

The captain and first mate search the boxes again. They pry open the biggest box with a crowbar. There’s human-like indention in the dirt.
Now that the captain and first mate are the only ones left, they have to work 12 hour shifts and relieve each other. The captain is in workroom and hears some banging on the outside. The first mate runs in and tells him that he is going to jump, and if the captain knew what was good for him, he’d jump too. The first mate then runs to the edge of the ship and jumps into the sea.

Meanwhile, the people of the Yorkshire coast are in their homes, looking out at one of the fiercest storms in history. A strange ship erratically pulls into harbor. When they pull out the gangway, a black dog runs down the pier and into town. They find the captain’s corpse tied to the steering wheel.

The townspeople bury the heroic captain with honors. They try to find the dog, but it’s gone. Some men take the boxes of dirt off the ship and deliver them to Count Blackula’s mansion.

[Anonymous No.16557458]

>>16557442
Haha good guess, in my rough draft it didn't, but in the actual longer version I'm working on it's more just...a sad and unpleasantly dissociative event. Thanks for the feedback tho, for real

[Anonymous No.16557626]

>>16557458
I'm potentially enjoying an extension of what you have so fat but I hope there is something more that you can breathe into it.

[Anonymous No.16557703]

keep crit and wg separate

[Anonymous No.16557802]

"Sometimes at night she would come to him. Her eyes a cold blue fire would stare into his as if she hated him until he had to look away but couldn't. She would please herself on him until she reached her muted climax, then she would leave him and go to sleep. He never could finish. "She knew when he was close and would slip him out and stare into his eyes and wait until he had calmed down, then she would resume. He finished alone when she had gone to sleep. He didn't really think she was asleep. The days after she would walk on as if nothing had happened, eyes fixed on some distant inner horizon. In the daytime he thought he should refuse her some time. Night and day don't have a lot in common."

Something i wrote a while back. Not a native english speaker, so pardon in advance for whatever grammatical shit's off.

[Anonymous No.16557828]

>>16557802

wtf for some reason that " at She made its way in there... ignore that.

[Anonymous No.16557829]

>>16557802
Even the foreigners are trying to get into the erotica market

[Anonymous No.16557867]

>>16557829

nah, just happened to be the only thing i've written in english. The thought was more of some post apocalyptic setting where a man and a woman are walking to somewhere and she uses him for sex as anxiety relief., though she doesn't want to get pregnant. And hes just your average dude so he'll endure a lot of shit just to get some.

[Anonymous No.16558067]

I've read so much Faulkner lately that even my journal entries are starting to sound like a Quentin monologue. Send help

[Anonymous No.16558110]

>>16557370
>ulling me away from the precipice of sleep on whose ledge I was perched

[Anonymous No.16558117]

>>16557802
>Her eyes a cold blue fire would stare into his as if she hated him until he had to look away but couldn't.
>Not a native english speaker
Checks out.

[Anonymous No.16558132]

>>16557867
> she uses him for sex as anxiety relief
Women don't think like that. I've seen this situation used in the Peep Show once and it was played for laughs

https://youtu.be/EtxK7wNUBPk

[Anonymous No.16558178]

The city lay like a quilt homeless over cut shores and rag bluffs across the sediments of ages, the glaucous lesion of some dismal scourge. This was the world inside itself, a world in palettes of pale green and gray pressed in history. This was the glacier of arcus tides that flexure of which would bind Heaven to clay in colorless chains. Hewn here against the soil staggering tiers of metal and glass would be driven up over the graves of the nameless. Their souls forever hence would yearn for peace beneath the bemoaning of the day by brokers in markets of money and blood. Towers the color of ice would hang from paper clouds and across them like drops of water the windowlight would blink and fade. The sun would taper to the west under gilded air and as the evening waned the tall locks of bronze would forfeit themselves to a mute dusk. In this world the rain would start and yet it would stop for nothing but that from which the birds had flown and the vines had curled away.

Seven challengers in an untitled war would make their admission to the city in turn. Seven would come and all but one would stay. All of them would serve the Same Master and his instruction was sealed: Bring me their heads, his issue cast from some slum bower out there among the alloy and the aggregate. The words of the Same Master would always evoke the rites of the same mortal servitude and like a quarry poultryman he would paint the faces of his flock for slaughter to the discomposure of those small surrounding minds. They would drudge at their labor bound in the rain to their ruler and to his final authority under which his reckoning was wrought to be the seal of any dire intention.

The ancients of this gutter would jeer and howl and harken to the sky when the words of their lord were spoken and so they would carry on for his sake to the conjuring of all Hell from the Heavens above. He would work with his bandaged hands to the clouds and call out and pulling the world through the eyes of the implements of his calamity he would conduct a chorus of archon monks from an altar of mud and rubble. Fire the size of a mountain would touch the night and reel, its tremendous flame rising and pulsing to the choir of cursed voices. The bloodhymn would bear down on the subjects of its poisonous incantation and the city would swelter and bleat and crack at its edges to the sound of the summoning of all things’ suffering.

[Anonymous No.16558193]

>>16558178
And one ring to rule them all

[Anonymous No.16558213]

I used to make fun of everyone who said something like, "I've been staring at my screen all day and have only written 300 words", and now I'm living it. I used to lecture these people on how to just 'let go" and write. Now I'm in the same exact position, lads. What the fuck do I do?

[Anonymous No.16558231]

>>16558213
I can only write properly after I’ve read my work and put myself in that frame of mind, so I’ll edit or read for a bit before drafting.

[Anonymous No.16558234]

>>16557703
I agree with this now. All these faggots do is drop their shitty poetry and paste their prose directly onto a website with horrendous formatting without contributing anything to the discussion of the craft of writing. On top of that, isekaifags and the one cringe virgin who hates isekai fags prevents us from talking about writing actual literature.
Segregate /crit/ fags, genocide isekaifags and the one isekai hating virgin. Then /wg/ will enter a new, brighter era.

[Anonymous No.16558248]

>>16557703
This. Please, this.

[Anonymous No.16558252]

Alright, put your hands on the keyboard and start typing. I'm not letting you get up until you've written at least 500 words

[Anonymous No.16558269]

>>16558252
I wrote 1000 words yesterday, so it's basically like I wrote 500 today. I think I'm gonna give myself a well deserved break.

[Anonymous No.16558272]

>>16558269
If you draw a picture, that also counts as a 1000 words

[Anonymous No.16558273]

>>16558234
>and the one cringe virgin who hates isekai fags prevents us from talking about writing actual literature.
I'm just trying to save this thread. I've seen countless writing communities fall due to people only writing the script to an anime.

[Anonymous No.16558289]

>>16558273
Serial writers are ok by me, you're far more likely to get people to read your shit on RR then if you try to get it published. But if you want to write fucking anime go to /a/. All you fucking weebs do is pollute this thread. None of you are good writers because you don't want to fucking write, you want to make fucking anime.

[Anonymous No.16558377]

Hey guys, I'm usually not one to "ree" at successful published novels, but how the fuck is "The Atlantis Gene" so popular? It's less well written than Sanderson's work, but a whole level, with none of the charm that he has. I've never complained or said this about any published work, just because I have a base level respect for it all, but how the fuck? It reads like it was written by a 17 year old who just got into writing.

[Anonymous No.16558458]

>check out generic fiction
>Read the first few sentences and then stop
>"Phew, MY writing is much better. I could write that shit if i wanted to."

Am I the only one?

[Anonymous No.16558475]

>>16558458
Spend a year thinking that and you’re writing won’t improve. But in that same year the mediocre writer who consistently practices will have improved to be equal to or better than you.

[Anonymous No.16558478]

I was on a roll the last two months and managed to write and edit 4 shitty short stories. Now I've gone back to idea hopping and abandoning every story I try to start.

[Anonymous No.16558495]

>>16558289
Nooo not my heckin 3D characterinos

[Anonymous No.16558530]

>>16555074
That's the idea

>>16555148
I commissioned artists to draw them, all the creits were provided in authors notes for the chapters I posted them in. The only images I drew or did myself were the simulator movements in one of the war game chapters, and the maps in the glossary page.

[Anonymous No.16558546]

This is my most recent writing, it's about a coomer. They call me Mr coomer, what do I do? I coom, simple as that. The urge hits me at the most
unexpected times. Urge hits in the shower, the water splashing muffles the tugging and
squishing. Then after milking my dick I’m able to clean up easily, all goes down the drain. I
wonder if all my unborn children look up at me while they slide away into the cold pipes. At
times it’s hard for me to coom, I stroke and stroke but nothing seems to work. By the end of it all
the poor chap is left red and swollen, but at least I got to coom. I have never been able to coom
inside a woman, it makes me sad. It makes me sad because I know that a woman would love to
have my hot coom inside her. For it to leak and dribble out of her, only for her to wipe it up with
her index finger. Then bring it up to her lips and rub it along the edges of her mouth. Maybe she
would say something like “Ohh Mr Coomer your coom is so delicious!”. But alas no woman has
volunteered to be filled with my precious milk. And just like milk it will spoil and smell if not
replaced. That's why I must coom because if I don't, my coom will surely spoil!

[Anonymous No.16558593]

What happened to that nano-/lit/ ten part project?

[Anonymous No.16558714]

I spend so much time every day reading in English that sometimes I try to form expression in my own tongue that would only work in English. My speech has been tainted and suffers as a result of this. Simultaneously, my level of English is nowhere near enough to write a novel.
I feel like I'm kind of fucked.

[Anonymous No.16558734]

/wg/, does this sound too stupid a way to solve an unwinnable fight?

>V is manipulative and arrogant but thinks that those things make him a mastermind when he's in fact just a moderately powerful but dimwitted pawn in a greater scope villain's game.
>His power is he can command people to do anything

>H is his former protege who learned his master's manipulation skills but never felt comfortable using them for anything besides pulling harmless pranks on people
>His power is illusions

>V has kidnapped someone H cares about. Both of them are expecting scheming and bullshit
>H can't beat V in a fair fight, but he also knows that if V gets monologuing he can force J to reveal every trick he has planned and then surrender without a fight
>Therefore, his solution is to keep V from commanding him is to play an auditory illusion so loudly neither of them to hear his voice
>And to provoke V's anger and blind him to H's other schemes, there's only one sound that would strip away the dignified image he's trying to present
>BBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPP

[Anonymous No.16558757]

Guys, what the FUCK do I do with short stories? I love writing them, and I'm making a lot of progress, but what do I do with them? Just wait until I have a couple books put out and them release them as a collection or what?

[Anonymous No.16558775]

>>16558757
Sounds like the most obvious choice. You either submit them to magazines, release them online for whomever stumbles across them, or make a collection out of them.

[Anonymous No.16558866]

>>16558546
>able to clean up easily
This isn't accurate. I've cum in the shower plenty of times and it often sticks to the grill and I have to manually smudge it in. Sometimes it'll stick to the shower floor too and I have to take off the shower head and spray it directly. You really haven't captured what it feels like to jerk off in the shower.

[Anonymous No.16558869]

>>16558775
>magazines
What are those? Some kind of ancient texts?

[Anonymous No.16558873]

>>16558866
Dude, drink more water. Your jizz shouldn't be that sticky/solid. I'm saying this as a legitimate concern for your health.

[Anonymous No.16558878]

>>16558866
Hmm I guess so, never really had trouble cleaning cum in the shower. Idk what type of syrup cum you got. But thanks for the feedback anyways.

[Anonymous No.16558898]

>>16558873
Hot water cooks the proteins in sperm to a more eggy consistency fairly easily. Once that happens it becomes very sticky indeed.

[Anonymous No.16558902]

>>16558873
I'll take it into consideration

[Anonymous No.16558914]

>>16558898
>Not taking cold showers
Never gonna make it.

[Anonymous No.16558915]

>>16558530
I read until chapter 8. I agree with one comment I found that the time scales feels too long for the amount of technological progress shown. While I really like all of your characters, the hooks in the plot so far are not interesting enough for serialized fiction.
I will continue reading because the characters are adorable and your dialog is very engaging but I can see someone who's looking for a space opera giving up by this point. I also felt like Victoria and Friederika's character voices were not distinct enough but I can see that not being the case as they continue growing.

[Anonymous No.16558980]

>>16558898
I take plenty hot showers and my jizz slides straight down and into the drain. Usually before I even get to see the shit on the actual tub. Get help.

[Anonymous No.16559070]

>>16558495
You're not writing 3D characters. You're not writing 2D characters. You're writing characters in a novel with a word count, instead of episodes and seasons, or manga chapters and arcs. That's where the problem lies with writing your novel like the script to an anime. Watching anime has been my hobby since I was in middle school, but I know to write my novel like a damned novel, and you won't know how to do that unless you read novels.

[Anonymous No.16559107]

Is this a shit premise? I began writing it a few weeks ago and really love it, but I don't know if readers will think it's stupid. Metro 2033 + The Road - set in the wild west.

[Anonymous No.16559112]

>>16559107
Also, some characters have soft powers, like regeneration.

[Anonymous No.16559113]

If you had to pick a number, what would you say is the maximum amount of central characters a story should have before losing focus? Not specifically refering to POVs or protagonists, just the most important narrative agents with the most depth that are present throughout the majority of the story and represent an essential pillar of the narrative core. Traditionally you have at least 3: the protagonist, the antagonist and the relationship character but how far can you stretch it?

For example, from the LOTR fellowship, Frodo, Sam, Aragorn and Gandalf are all central characters while the rest of the group is not.

[Anonymous No.16559122]

>>16559113
I wanna say 7.

Supposedly its the maximum number humans can keep track of or some bullshit like that.

[Anonymous No.16559180]

>>16559113
If your story is episodic, it's okay to fully explore the a character important to the current arc along with the rest of the main characters. For example: the protagonist, the rival, the recurring antagonist, the villain of the week.

>>16559122
Huh that's interesting I would like to read more about that.

[Anonymous No.16559197]

>>16559122
>I wanna say 7
>Laughs in Chinese literature with 100s of distinct characters, many with similar names

[Anonymous No.16559217]

>>16559197
Isn's it like a bunch of loosely connected tales than a single joined plot?

[Anonymous No.16559255]

>>16559217
I was thinking of A Dream of Red Mansions, which has two large families who are mirrors of each other. But yeah, Water Margin is a bunch of loosely connected tales (if that's what you're referring to).

[Anonymous No.16559277]

>he calls himself a writer when asked about his hobbies
>he doesn't just say "I like to write"

[Anonymous No.16559314]

>>16559277
>he doesn't just mumble 'I write'

[Anonymous No.16559382]

>>16558915
>I found that the time scales feels too long for the amount of technological progress shown
You mean how technology gets stagnant even by the 26th-28th century? I admit it's a bit dubious. I'd say the sci-fi aspect is not something to think too hard about, particularly with the premise. It jumps between hard, soft, and it just works™.

Not everyone will appreciate that and will be held in disbelief when there's analogic tech that gets brought up later, it might even oddly come off as 80s retro style which I kinda like more than the zoomer futuristic stuff you might expect nowadays.

>but I can see someone who's looking for a space opera giving up by this point.
damn, oh well, thanks for the input anywho.

[Anonymous No.16559481]

>>16559113
1

[Anonymous No.16559507]

>>16559481

[Anonymous No.16559556]

>>16558734
If it makes logical sense and doesn't undermine the mood of the story, go with it

[Anonymous No.16559640]

I need to create a plot with a giant threatening animalesque monster that doesn't directly riff of the ideas of moby dick, king kong, godzilla, cthulhu or frankenstein.

I must also be able to elicit some degree of sympathy for the monster without relying on turning it into a mommy that as it turns out was just trying to feed/protect their babies all along.

What are some ideas that haven't been done to death yet?

[Anonymous No.16559682]

>>16559640

[Anonymous No.16559722]

>>16559682
Could you elaborate?

[Anonymous No.16559724]

>>16558110
Kek. People don't know where to end their sentences

[Anonymous No.16559726]

Finally got that chapter I've been working on done today. Hope you lads have all made some good progress on your writing

[Anonymous No.16559744]

>>16559726
Post excerpt

[Anonymous No.16559749]

>tfw spending over 6 months on an outline
kill me

[Anonymous No.16559750]

I have not written anything for two days. I watched all of Eva and got piss drunk instead. I’m so ashamed.

[Anonymous No.16559766]

Hello. I've never written a short story in my entire life and I just want to start now. It's gonna be shit but I just want to take a crack at it.

[Anonymous No.16559768]

>>16559766
You put one foot in front of the other. And soon you’ll be walkin’ cross the floor.

[Anonymous No.16559791]

>>16559744
>Mei looked at me with a face at the zenith of its kindness and passion; a face that, by many seasons, had in it etched the selfless and benevolent love of others; a face that now understood it would shine its last light upon the world. She pushed the entire weight of her body against the dagger pressed to her neck and allowed it to cut deeply into her flesh.

[Anonymous No.16559796]

>>16559768
Thanks. I've made it my goal to finish a story in an hour in order to avoid procrastination. I can just be overcritical about my grammar afterwards.

[Anonymous No.16559826]

>>16559682
A giant Caterpillar whose dream is to one day soar the sky. To achieve that goal he must consume mindlessly everything even the ones attempt to make friend with him

Is he going to do everything it take to become a beautiful butterfly as he is fated to be, or the friendships he made along the way is the real beauty worth striving for all along?

[Anonymous No.16559828]

From law point of view, If lets say we've a company X who accused of mass murder behind closer door and the company itself try to blame all the accusations on assassin they hired with some grounded cases against him, do they need him alive in order to accuse him or him being dead with the "evidence" the company has is enough?

[Anonymous No.16559843]

>>16559828
Reread your post before posting next time.
Anyway if the assassin is found dead, they will obviously suspect whoever's behind the murder of the assassin to be the true mastermind. So the best choice for company x is to kill the assassin and fake the scene to look like he took his own life. After that the case is close

[Anonymous No.16559947]

Just finished my first short story for the weekly challenge. It's so bad I want to die, but at least it's over.

[Anonymous No.16559956]

How do you know if a story is worth telling?

[Anonymous No.16559974]

>>16558478
This but with fanfiction

[Anonymous No.16559986]

>>16559750
Haven't written a single thing all weekend after a month of writing day in and day out. The shame was there, but I tried to let it go as best I could by doing aimless stuff, reading, watching shows, etc. And now I'm ready to get back on it tomorrow to the best of my ability

I hope you're able to do the same, anon

[Anonymous No.16560041]

>>16559750
younare lije baby, i hacent written Anyhting in 6 days and am shitfaced dfunk, get good noob, bte you can do it anon don't give up

[Anonymous No.16560135]

>>16559726
finally got to my inciting incident, maybe another 500-750 words left in this chapter. next chapter is a more of a background info reveal and a flash of hope and then I get to grind my protagonist into the dirt again in the following one.

[Anonymous No.16560179]

>>16557242

Old Uncle Nick was peeled away like barn paint and crooked up in knots. They say cause he was drinking, but I say it’s cause he was dreaming. He kept thinking he’d be someplace else one day, so today he’d rest, today he’d do his work, but tomorrow he’d be somewhere else living big. So he stayed and rotted here till there was not much left of him. And if there was someplace where he could have gone, it didn’t want him no more. Not in the wicked state he was, all used up and wretched. He hung with the hoodlums, the drunks and swindlers—slinging whatever they got their hands on. He was more honest than the rest of them, but he was okay dippin down low, because he knew he was going places. He never did realize low was the only place he went, and it’s where he stayed.


Georgia was all spirit and no mind. “Who is you? Is it your legs and your arms? Nah, if a turtle got no legs and no arms it’s still a turtle. It’s when you crack that shell open and see all the slithering bits and pumping parts. That’s what you are. A pile of other little things, all working together. Don’t your forget what you are. A community of things, all keeping the rest alive.”

[Anonymous No.16560260]

So just made an outline on my first story and my inner coomer showed. I ended up writing a sex scene and It feels to bizarre.

[Anonymous No.16560275]

>>16560260
Take the Tolkien pill and stop writing sex scenes, you coomer degenerate

[Anonymous No.16560629]

>>16558067
actually based

[Anonymous No.16560663]

I've never really written anything before, but I would like to become good enough to write a competent dialogue between the Chad and Virgin meme about living in emasculated Western modernity. I'll attach an intro in the response. Pls no laugh :)

[Anonymous No.16560667]

>>16560663
My feet faintly debossed that unfamiliar terrain of rubber mulch. The reverberation of Whitney Houston's I Want to Dance with Somebody formed a commercialized admixture with the sounds of clanking steel and crashing rubber. Adding citrus notes to sterilizing agents does no favor for that acrid purifying stench, I thought to myself. I want to go home. I can't believe people voluntarily choose to do this.
I never liked exercise in my early school days. I never liked the light-headedness, the nausea, the caustic gaze of that wheezing corpulence of a PE teacher, the blearing of vision from a scorching sun, the oppressive vapor pressure of inside the locker room. Those ostensible halcyon days, when I glanced up from the baking earth to meet the derisive glare of my peers, I viscerally understood the old verbiage of "dropping the ball". Of course, the inference to make is to cease the passing of the ball to me altogether, which was the righteous judgement delivered unto me by my schoolmates.
Despite my current anguish, I'm here for a reason. That reason is something like that terrible choice that men who must jump out of burning buildings make: to fold over and onto the concrete like a fleshy accordion, or to slowly immolate in the encroaching flames. I think David Foster Wallace had this idea, but I don't remember. Anyway, that other variable of terror, that dreadful creeping flame was my pallid, almost sallow, folding adipose of a body. I loathed to look at my body. I averted the returning glances of all mirrors hopelessly, but I would look down and see that horrible yellow quaggy Kafkan beetle ooze out from my feet. Fuck it, I need to go to the gym.
I labored up the stairs, and was greeted my the man who would be my trainer. My eyes were granted respite from the glaring white fluorescence by a looming shadow. I sheepishly raise my head to be greeted by a wide edifice of Grecian marble, mounted upon it a pouting isosceles of a jaw with equally cutting pompadour of scintillating golden hair. Now, this guy. This tanned Achilles. This absolute UNIT, as one would say, bellowed a lively greeting: "'Sup, bro! My name is Chad. I'll be your personal trainer today.

[Anonymous No.16560677]

>>16560667
Put the thesaurus down, you gonna hurt your wrist like that

[Anonymous No.16560704]

>>16560677
Thank you, friend. I figured it was too verbose.

[Anonymous No.16560753]

>>16558234
>Then /wg/ will enter a new, brighter era.
More like an era where these threads die without content because those are the only people posting. Wanna make a difference? Shut the fuck, write, and post your work. Only like 3 people posted links to actual fucking stories last thread.

Also, prosefags. I won’t read your shit, especially if you just dump it in the thread. Post a link with a logline, then we’ll see.

[Anonymous No.16560756]

>>16558289
>But if you want to write fucking anime go to /a/.
You get /a/ mods to allow manga and whatever threads, and people will go there. Otherwise, this is all there is. 4chan is a weeaboo website, fucking deal with it, or find someplace else to be elitist.

[Anonymous No.16560766]

>>16558734
>he can force J to reveal every trick he has planned and then surrender without a fight
Who the fuck is J?

[Anonymous No.16560771]

>>16558593
You mean that schizo gut who was writing a fantasy about dinosaurs? He probably got admitted into a psychiatric hospital

[Anonymous No.16560772]

>>16559640
>write my story for me please
Fuck off

[Anonymous No.16560876]

>>16558132

>Most women don't think like that.

fixed that for ya.

this is actually just a rewrite of reality. Some women do. It's basically the same as self injury. Physical pain makes the emotional pain feel less strong. Sex makes you feel something rather than nothing.
also implying that all women are the same is pretty simple minded.

[Anonymous No.16560915]

Whats our opinion on writing contests team?

[Anonymous No.16560932]

>>16560179

i kinda get the point of who you're trying to depict but i think it's a bit too much tell and too little show. If you wanna tell i'd go for a shorter description, something like: "He was the kind of man that would dream of going someplace else tomorrow but never today. So he'd spend his days with the hoodlums, the drunks and the swindlers - slinging whatever they got their hands on."

The part about low was the only place he went is kinda implied so no need to spell it out.

just my 2 cents, and remember opinions differ. Keep it up!

[Anonymous No.16561013]

>>16560915
we have a writing contest team?

[Anonymous No.16561037]

I slept for 12 hours and feel great. It's today the day I write 20K?

[Anonymous No.16561044]

>>16561037
Is*
I'm still a little tired.

[Anonymous No.16561048]

>>16561037
Correct amount of sleep is 9 hours.

[Anonymous No.16561050]

>>16561037
I believe in you boss man

[Anonymous No.16561146]

>>16560876
It sounds to me like male logic, but awkwardly applied to a female character

[Anonymous No.16561343]

Captain Sefu Gravely Jr. was proud of his crew. His first mate was Romanian Black man with a logical mind and strong sense of duty. The second mate, five crew hands, and cook were Russian Blacks. They were more superstitious than their Romanian companion, but still hardworking and cheerful. They represented the excellence that Blacks could achieve in a world where they had the opportunity and support to pursue their dreams in maritime transportation.

Over the next month, they would work together as Black brothers and sail the S.S. Demeter from Varna, Bulgaria to Yorkshire, England. They were carrying hundreds of heavy, large boxes from an eccentric Romanian nobleman named Count Blackula.

[Anonymous No.16561448]

First time actually writing :/

The desires of men changes, the desire of evils stay, but I digress, for I have desired unto coming to work today.

Another empty ink bottle sits in between two of my left hand fingers. I have run out of inks for the third time this morning, one borrowed, another fell. A blank paper lay motionless beside a filled one. Two others have been crumpled and thrown down. With the shabby quill I rest on top of this desk, I grab hold the left of my chair and gestured an open palm to excuse myself as I stand up. The drawer has a small bottle of ink neatly tucked at the back, beside blank papers and a pair of quills. I straighten my robe to allow myself to sit without rumpling the weaves, today taken out and worn. I sit posing straight, I raise my right hand slightly as I unbutton and roll my shirt to a quarter of my arm. I dirty the tip of my quill, raising it until its last drip drops. I sealed the bottle quickly before air can pervades. Putting the ornamented weight on the motionless sheet, I prepare to write again. I bend slightly the sealed paper that was rested to my left. The document pertains to an appeal for a conduct of trades; brocade, silk, velvet - fabrics, the choices of upper class society.

The garments a person donned have been measures to their identity. Colours, materials, shapes, even the smells, allow a blind man and he could make out the garments concealing the body of a harlot or a nun. The touch is a greater sense, lose your arms and the other body is able to support, ones greatest temple. Nevertheless, a blind man too must acknowledge for what is under the surface of his other sex, wouldn’t he? I have never been one, albeit the latter. It has been the fourth times over for I mind the clarity of these writings, brocade, silk, velvet, again, the quill scratches the colour black, forming those three words that I have sung on repeat internally. On my carelessness, on ‘velvet’, the writing falls disarray, the fifth time comes for I have miscarried my duty. Twenty seven minutes have passed, the chair shrilling sound hits against the wood of the floors as I get up. I address my apology to the lady who remained. Her dress is hoisted fairly, her stripped legs crosses, shaven clean, white like a wedding dress, has she been wed? One spouse must not have leaf through the literary she has been busying herself with. Her book is certainly distinguishable, ‘The Devotees of Women’, the penmanship of van Vrijheid. The churches whose in favour of persecuting the author. I am not adequate of their decision. I have only seen it once before idly edging on a nightstand, under the ceiling of a chamber I frequent.

[Anonymous No.16561462]

Do you ever feel like you're channeling other authors through your work? I wish to create a style to call my own, or at the very least find one in which I feel comfortable, but I am constantly doubting whether I am misusing the language or giving it my personal flavor.
You know, the same way some artists go
>it's just my style!
I don't want to be like those people.

[Anonymous No.16561479]

>>16561448
Are you ESL? The language you're using is really trying to sound erudite and upper class but because some of the way you use words isn't grammatically correct the entire thing falls apart. What feeling are you trying to evoke with this passage? What is the audience supposed to feel, and contend with? I think you should start from there, and write with that goal in mind as simply as possible. It's a very verbose first attempt, and I think in trying to "write" you're forgetting that it also has to be read. Again start with the basics, you can always layer on top of a strong base but if you obscure your intention beneath too much flowery writing and purple prose you'll never have a clear place to start from.

Don't be discouraged, it's obvious you read a lot and want to convey something grand, most good writers start from that stand point, but trying to run before you can walk will only lead you to burn out, do things simply first so that you know when to employ the fancier things

[Anonymous No.16561535]

>>16558289
Those threads get deleted.

[Anonymous No.16561646]

>>16561462
My style is a mishmash of authors I like and whose style I think suits my narrative. I'm aware of it, it's deliberate, why make a big deal of it?

[Anonymous No.16561655]

>>16561479
Thanks for the feedback Anon. I have never really read anything until quite recently, even then I'm still a slow reader. Maybe that's why I really don't have a good hold of how I am supposed to write under only knowing beauty, plus with English being a second language. :/

[Anonymous No.16561658]

I didn't know in which thread to shove this but I guess reading comprehension and semantics is sort of related so here it goes:

What the fuck does this mean?

>The terms subject and predicate will be used as linguistic terms: not things but their names will be logical subjects. Not properties but their verbal expressions (called attributes) will be predicates. However, predicates are true of things, not of their names.

[Anonymous No.16561731]

>>16561655
Thats okay man, it's still a great first outing, I recommend starting with some simple writing prompts that aren't too demanding in terms of language, and then building up to things where you can show flourishes, but keep on at it!

[Anonymous No.16561754]

>>16561731
I wasn't able to post the whole of this first part I have written because it is too long, so maybe that contributed as well to why it doesn't make sense (aside from my grammatical issues).

And yeah, I jumped right into a situation instead of building up this and that first too. :/

Also, may I have some reading suggestions. I just started really reading literature to exercise my fried zoomer brain.

[Anonymous No.16561810]

>>16561048
I always aim for 9 hours, but usually it's 4-6 hours and then sometimes 12.

[Anonymous No.16561858]

>>16561658
it means the author is gay

[Anonymous No.16561873]

>>16559947
Welcome to writing. Nothing you ever write will feel good and the only thing that will change is the number of people agreeing with you.

[Anonymous No.16561913]

>>16558714
Fuck, same here

[Anonymous No.16562654]

HAVE YOU WRITTEN HOMO FOR THE HOLIDAYS YET

[Anonymous No.16562661]

What is some good incelcore lit?

[Anonymous No.16562693]

Do you guys write at home or at a cafe? Is it too dangerous due to coronachan?

[Anonymous No.16562709]

>>16562693
How could I write anywhere but at my desk? Nonsense, utter balderdash.

[Anonymous No.16562722]

>>16562661
isla vista manifesto is practically definitive.

[Anonymous No.16562776]

>>16562693
I only leave the house to go to costco these days.

I miss going to cafes and such. I bet I'd be super productive, but alas, I'm in a dumb red state big city where everyone is retarded and I'd prefer not to kill my grandmother.

[Anonymous No.16563023]

>>16562776
>October 12, 2020
>still believes in the meme virus
not gonna make it lad

[Anonymous No.16563136]

>>16563023
I've had boomer friends die bro. This shit isn't fun.

[Anonymous No.16563210]

>>16562776
Historically, I've had bad luck. If I got infected, I'd probably end up on a Daily Mail article

> Previously healthy male in his mid-twenties DIES of coronavirus, only had one girlfriend in his life and the relationship only lasted SIX MONTHS and she CHEATED on him

[Anonymous No.16563327]

now take a sip, for my all time favorite episode

[Anonymous No.16563333]

>>16563327
This is how I look going into the coffee shop to write my great american novel.

[Anonymous No.16563335]

>>16557242
>female in op picrel
>too shy to write for a week now

[Anonymous No.16563378]

>>16562693
Back in college there was one and only one cafe that it felt good to write in. It had this old world, fin-de-siècle Vienna feel, perfect lighting, roomy yet cosy, and I new a guy who worked there and we would take periodic smoke breaks in the alley that had a little garden in it in the back. It was a university down so nobody looked at me like I was some kind of show-off doing it. Critically, the music they played was reasonably listenable, in no small part because they guy I worked there was in a band and had good hipster taste. It'd get my black coffee and a croissant and go on my merry way.
Fond memories.
Nowadays, I see no need to leave my lair. I can't lug all my reference materials around and hate where I live.

[Anonymous No.16563391]

>>16563378
Not sure why so many typos in this post. Might have a stroke incoming

[Anonymous No.16563402]

>>16563391

[Anonymous No.16563403]

>>16563378
Anon, please stay hydrated and call a doctor if you smell burnt toast.

[Anonymous No.16563430]

>>16563402
>>16563403
Thalkns forr yo concerm but II thin I'm fine

[Anonymous No.16563438]

>>16563430

[Anonymous No.16563454]

>>16563438
He's fine Goddamnit. Stop shitting up this shit ass thread <-no period by design <-no period by design<-no period by design <-no period by design <-no period by design <-no period by design

[Anonymous No.16563654]

>Got my first commission for my writing site just now
Feelsgood.jpg

[Anonymous No.16563686]

>>16563654
I'm proud of you anon.

[Anonymous No.16563739]

>Writing
>Brain suddenly reminds you that no one cares, there's thousands of people out there better than you, and you'll never be able to make a living doing what you enjoy
Th-thanks...

[Anonymous No.16563746]

>>16563739
I want you to succeed, anon. Isn’t that enough? Gambatte.

[Anonymous No.16563785]

>>16563739
You could definitely make a living out of it if you put in the work, anon. The writers who are 'making it' had to start somewhere as well

[Anonymous No.16563790]

>>16563739
Ask yourself this.
Would you be happy with 100s of unpublished manuscripts when you die? Is writing something you do to make money, or would money just be a nice side effect?

[Anonymous No.16563824]

>>16560275

What if my male protag is supposed to be blackmailed for cheating.

And i write lines about rough sex for comedic effect (not in detail though)

[Anonymous No.16563866]

>>16558475

You are right, but right now I am writing (just started thougj, got 10.500 words in 2 weeks, kinda proud of it)

[Anonymous No.16563873]

>>16558289
>But if you want to write fucking anime go to /a/.
Homebrew writefagging isn't tolerated there either. The same type of schizo spooks told writers to fuck off to /lit/—this was at least a few months before the current iteration of before /wg/ was a thing. Funny how we've gone full circle.

[Anonymous No.16563886]

>>16563873
The truth is no one wants the isekaifags and tries to push them off onto another group.

[Anonymous No.16563894]

>>16563824
Just imply that it happened. We really don't need to read the fine details of it

[Anonymous No.16563963]

>>16563886
Well, the thing is, on /a/ the community in question IS isekai, but after a while, its sub-community of homebrew isekai writers there petered out. I don't have a clue where they even went to if they went anywhere else on 4chan at all.

[Anonymous No.16563985]

>>16557370
stilted asf

[Anonymous No.16564034]

When it comes to getting published, how much does "well written" actually matter compared to just being clear and having a story that intrigues an audience? When I read "The Atlantis Gene" I don't see anything that anyone here couldn't write line by line, the only thing it has is a story and a unique setting, or I just read Dean Koontz's "Devoted" and honestly, the writing is at a college class level, but the way its written, is that it keeps your attention through a series of action scenes and movie like dialogue. At what point are people just trying too hard on an individual line basis? Its the same with Brandon Sanderson, people constantly post his passages just to laugh at, but the whole of his story and the ease of reading his work is why he's so popular.

[Anonymous No.16564053]

>>16564034
>When it comes to getting published, how much does "well written" actually matter compared to just being clear and having a story that intrigues an audience?
From what I've seen in bookstores, fuck all, and even the latter half seems optional. /lit/izens like to wank off prose, but complexity turns off more people than simplicity.

[Anonymous No.16564077]

>>16558757

Submit to magazines. Most of them take months to respond, if they respond at all but they also allow you to submit the story to multiple places. If you have a story you genuinely think is good you can just send it to a bunch of magazines and hope that one of them will like it. They also pay for them but the amounts vary wildly.

You also get to keep the rights to the story so if at a later point you want to add a published story to a collection you can.

[Anonymous No.16564151]

>>16564077
What magazines tho? Aren't they pretty much all dead now?

[Anonymous No.16564155]

>>16564034
You can have the most well written novel with a dogshit story
you can also have a great story and pretty bad writing
I've seen both

[Anonymous No.16564189]

>>16564151
I still see them at my public library, before the pandemic anyway. A lot of magazines are also online-only. They're sometimes called e-zines

[Anonymous No.16564396]

Alright, I'm back. Some of you skimped out on your word count yesterday. You are making up for it today, right?

[Anonymous No.16564404]

At the change of shifts, Black Russian Kellan Amramoff ran to the ship’s helm and waved to his Black Russian friend, Jerekius Petrofsky. Jerekius had been on port watch for eight hours and it was now Kellan’s turn to man the watchtower.

“Hello there, Jerekius,” called Kellan. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

“Hallelujah! I been waiting up here forever,” came Jerekius’s voice. “Somebody better start praying before I forget I know Black Jesus.”

Jerekius hopped down from the deck.

“Preach!” said Jerekius.

“What does that mean?” asked Kellan.
“Ay, K, I’m keeping it real,” said Jerekius. “Let me hear it, let me hear it.”

“I’m sorry that I kept you waiting,” said Kellan. “I know that when you’re tired, every minute seems like an eternity.”

“I’m just playing with you, dawg. We good,” said Jerekius.

Jerekius gave Kellan a half hug by putting his right hand on Kellan’s right shoulder.

“Proverbs 14:30: don’t hate the player,” said Jerekius.

Jerekius walked away. Kellan stood for a moment, puzzled. His friend never talked like that before. He hoped that he was all right.

A few hours into Kellan’s shift, Jerel Olgaren came by and asked him where Jerekius was. Apparently, he never showed up to the crew bedroom. The crew arranged a search party, but they couldn’t find any trace or clue of their friend.

Jerekius had gone missing.

[Anonymous No.16564479]

>>16564404
Is this a defense mechanism because you're afraid of being actually critiqued?

[Anonymous No.16564498]

>>16564479
Blackula is/will be a legitimate adaptation of a classic novel

[Anonymous No.16564518]

I rewrote fifty pages today. A cup of tea and six uninterrupted hours. I feel pretty damn skippy about it.

[Anonymous No.16564543]

>>16561658
Bumping my question

Pls respon

[Anonymous No.16564592]

>>16564518
Congratulations. I'm proud of you anon.

[Anonymous No.16564615]

>>16564518
*feels ur flexing writting wrist*

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !!oI3er5KKetj No.16564735]

>>16564543
Seems a concise book of grammar and the author is just being anal over these uses.
Maybe it will make sense when you run across an example

[Anonymous No.16564739]

>>16564518
>six uninterrupted hours
I wish I lived alone

[Anonymous No.16564757]

>>16557703
>>16558234
>keep crit and wg separate
There are no general questions as regards the 'craft' -- /wg/ is /QTDDTOT/ and nothing besides -- label appropriately and let this die. Stop posting /crit/ in these shit threads

[Anonymous No.16564774]

>>16564757
The last time we didn't include /crit/ in the title, you guys came by anyway and complained "why did our thread die so quickly and yours is still up? REEEEEEEEE you're all pseuds"

[Anonymous No.16564835]

>>16557703
can someone give me the tl;dr on the difference between /crit/ and /wg/?

Never really spent much time in either, but I've been hanging out in the /wg/ threads recently and still don't know exactly what the difference is/was.

[Anonymous No.16564853]

>>16564835
/crit/ was a lot of poetry and absolute beginners, whereas /wg/ was mostly for people actually writing with the goal of publishing or putting online.

[Anonymous No.16564879]

>>16559277
>he doesn’t just say “You know, I’m a writer, I’m *scoffs*
https://m.soundcloud.com/biggestproblem/maddox-im-a-writer

[Anonymous No.16564897]

>>16564853
Then why not call it /begin/ or something? I've seen similar separations on other boards.

[Anonymous No.16564908]

>>16564897
People in literature are very bad at judging their own abilities. And I find the separation to be unhelpful in the context of writing. What would a beginner thread look like? What would be the alternative to beginner?
There's nothing wrong with having /wg/ and /crit/.

[Anonymous No.16564925]

>>16564908
/beg/ would be trying to help each other out
/wg/ would just be us both boasting and despairing in equal measure, while routinely mocking one another(and maybe helping out if we're in a good mood)

[Anonymous No.16564939]

Every once in a while I get the erroneous thought, "Maybe I should do the college thing" and go around and look at different college websites and remind myself why I would hate the place, the teachers, and the other students.

Now what colleges should an aspiring writer take a look at?

[Anonymous No.16564940]

>>16564835
/wg/ is more a discussion about the process of writing and publishing. A place for people to discuss the mechanics and procedural aspects of writing. While discussion of plotting, character development, and other more broad topics are discussed as well, the defining difference between the two is that /crit/ is a micro analysis of a given piece of writing. Someone will post something and because of the limitations of post length or attention span of readers, the analysis generally would stay within the confines of the piece itself. You wouldn't ask someone "well, what's this characters motivation in the grand scheme of the narrative" when it's just someone posting 1/1000th of a novel. /wg/ is the place to ask those broad questions. They were combined because some people kept asking to combine them as the /crit/ threads kept dying. But they die for a reason, and that's because everyone who posts in /crit/ is a narcissist without any skill in critique, again we are limited by the medium and attention span of the populace. If I write something, I want feedback to it, I don't want to bother giving it. The only time people seem to actually get crit is when they post in /wg/ and provide a 4 paragraph context for their work at scale because at that point we are dealing with concepts and tropes and rhetorical tools, as opposed to telling you your commas are wrong and the rose should be 'crimson red' and not 'blood red'.

[Anonymous No.16564968]

>>16564939
All I can speak about is my experience and my uni creative writing class was a bullshit waste of time and money that taught nothing

[Anonymous No.16564970]

>>16564897
Because people will stretch for keyword writing or write, not beginner. And some of us aren't beginners

[Anonymous No.16564975]

Anyone else keeps going back and forth between thinking that the story they are working on is crap, and that it's great? I change my mind a few times a day...

[Anonymous No.16564980]

>>16564970
search*

[Anonymous No.16565018]

>>16564975
It's self doubt. We all have it. Can't exactly be objective about our own work, ya know?

[Anonymous No.16565029]

>>16557242
Was planning to post this in a psych ward thread that was deleted, so I'm putting it here instead. Feel free to not read it.

1/2
>>16564555
Hijacking your shitty bait thread to talk about a friend of mine who spent some time in a psych ward.

He's very interesting, in a /lit/ way. I met him one night at 2 am in a bar that I was lead to by a hobo, after having spent the previous hours in a bar-restaurant-library (as strange as it sounds, it exists). The exact circumstances are better reserved for another story, let is just be said that I was dancing at once with four pretty girls and wasn't sure how I was going to pull it off (how do you even keep track of who you're dancing with? a pretty stressful situation all around), and his arrival only made things worse since he was with yet another pretty girl who happened to work on model theory (a field I was interested in at the time) and who suspiciously laughed at all my jokes.

Needless to say, this has nothing to do with psych ward. But when the guy, the pretty model theorist and another friend of him took their leave from the bar, they offered me to go with them, which I accepted anxiously, expecting a drug-fueled foursome and wondering if I would be up to the task (and especially if there is a way to focus on one person in a foursome or maybe have a private twosome inside the foursome, because I was way more into the girl than into the two guys). Instead the girl when to sleep early and we spent the night him, his friend and I, drinking vodka, doing coke lines, discussing sex and mathematics.

I came back to that bar at least three other times, always making interesting encounters, including a contemporary artist in his 70s whose gimmick was buying and photographing planes, a worshiper of Mithra, a cute Israeli with her boyfriend that looked like she was up for a threesome (again the same focus issues, thankfully it didn't pan out), a pretentious poet wearing a Berber apotropaic scarf, and an academic anthropologist/historian currently working on animistic mysticism in France, but most importantly, I got to meet that same guy again almost every time.

Now of course you want to ask: what about the hobo? Well sadly I had to leave him at the entrance of the bar (after having bought his music album, I'm not a savage), and never saw him again. His name was Flower and he wore the leather cowboy hat like no hobo has in the history of the Saint-German quarter of Paris.

[Anonymous No.16565047]

>>16565029
2/2
But my friend, the ward psych guy, well he was an interesting fellow. From an aristocratic family, probably didn't work a day in his life, an aimless failson in his forties, divorced with a kid and a 27-years old girlfriend (met her once, she was cute and induced newer threesome-related anxieties), frequent peruser of coke, peerless nightlife clown drunk and womanizer extraordinaire, yet oddly,miraculously gifted in piano, holder of a master degree in mathematics, as the poet says "a curious soul, suffering and seeking its paradise".
With every new encounter I learnt to look down on him less and feel him more, every time we met I discovered something new and touching about him: his father never listened to him, his ex-wife wanted to take his son away from him, he was talking regularly to hobos in the streets (I thought I was the only one), he had himself lived in the streets for some time and, of course, you guess it now...he spent time in the psych ward.

He was young then, in his twenties perhaps, and he didn't say much about it, certainly nothing to induce pity. He only joked, with his typical bravado, with an air of something between Casanova and Don Quixote, that he was furious he didn't get to bang the nurses, even though he took care to compliment them often (which would never fail to make them laugh or blush), because the asinine regulations of psych wards bars the nurses from taking sexual advantage of the patients. That's why, he told me, as a revenge, he was at the time wooing a pretty and soulful psychiatrist, and could already tell he was getting under her delicate skin because she often told him he "uncalmed her" (translation mine, the original neologism being untranslatable).

He was a very frequent flinger (meaning he had a lot of flings) because, despite being with his girlfriend for at least seven years (take note that he must have started banging her when she was 20 and he was 35, what a chad), he made a point to practice the ancestral monogamy of his chivalrous forbears: no sex outside marriage, except for regular mistresses, unless the wife is away.

So this was much longer than expected and became wordier and less spontaneous as it went by. Nobody is going to read this, but if you do: you're a nerd, and thank you, and yes, it is all true, and unlike me you haven't even heard how that guy uses his dentures to score with girls, so don't complain. Since you're wondering, unfortunately, I haven't had the chance to solve the threesome single-person focus conundrum with that guy. Yet.

[Anonymous No.16565061]

>>16564940
I thought about skipping assuming it was a copypasta of sorts, but then it actually turned out to be a legit answer. Thanks, mang. This site needs more people like you.

[Anonymous No.16565159]

>>16564968
>my uni creative writing class was a bullshit waste of time and money that taught nothing
By design. Universities have a lot of degrees that are there for the sole purpose of scamming large amounts of money from people who don't know any better. It's genius, really, since the general population has it etched in their mind that they need to go to college to be successful

[Anonymous No.16565209]

Short little thing. Read/crit if you'd like, if not that's a-okay.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BnSOT1nft6Ft_I8xVhHVhaYXkYdbLjsu/view?usp=drivesdk
"A couple decide to go shopping one morning."

[Anonymous No.16565226]

What'd you think of comic script writing, anon? "Not REAL literature"?
Can't fault you if you think that, at least in my experience it's 90% dialogue and 10% panel framing instructions, I'm not even calling those "descriptions" seeing how simplistic they are.

Have an example:
"The two are still driving. An entire day has passed since the last scene. Finally, they get to a border city. It's moderately large. It's poor: proper brick buildings are few and vastly outnumbered by shacks. There are factories, their smog shrouding the sky.
- Erlin: Here we are, we're at the border. Welcome to Tsuda. Good thing Mirno's neutral to either block or our only option would have been Nagari...
- Y12: Hmm. This place is a lot more populated, excessively so if all the shacks are anything to go by.
- Erlin: Yeah, they're all refugees'. When Ocmu erupted and the country went to shit they all flocked here in hopes of entering Mirno, but they were blocked. Now Mirnoan and Darrazeean investors hire them in their factories for dirt cheap... These people'd do anything for scraps."

Decent dialogue, right? Nothing spectacular of course, I'm just hoping it sounds natural, and that the bit of exposition there doesn't feel forced

[Anonymous No.16565232]

>>16564939
in college right now thought not to try and improve my writing but it's complete bullshit.

[Anonymous No.16565254]

>>16565232
I feel your pain brother

>>16565159
>It's genius, really, since the general population has it etched in their mind that they need to go to college to be successful
That's what my parents say all the time, it's like I'd be a complete fucking failure if I DON'T get a degree in languages no less, what a regrettable joke.
But really, how CAN a 20 year old something guy be "successful"? I'm hoping to be able to make some dough with this script I got cooking, but it being my first attempt even if serious I'm expecting it to fail. Working seems like such ass, what job can a no-life loner do without feeling the urge to off themselves?

[Anonymous No.16565280]

>>16565254
>what job can a no-life loner do without feeling the urge to off themselves
Well, I went into law thinking it would be fun and exciting (it isn't), so I can't really help you there

[Anonymous No.16565282]

>>16565209
I didn't really get it. Although I skimmed some parts. A man and woman go shopping and the man feels uncomfortable for some reason ?

I thought it was incredibly boring.

[Anonymous No.16565300]

>>16565280
> law
> fun and exciting

You didn't think Legally Blonde was a documentary, did you?

[Anonymous No.16565307]

>>16565280
> If I become a lawyer, I'm going to be James Spader from Boston Legal and have lots of zany adventures

[Anonymous No.16565346]

>>16565300
>>16565307
Well, I wasn't that delusional. I just didn't imagine 90% of the job being filling out paperwork

[Anonymous No.16565359]

>>16565061
We all get what we put in. In a general like this I assume most posts are in good faith and I’ll respond accordingly.
>>16565280
>>16565300
>>16565307
I’m gonna do what writers call a ‘call back.’

FUCK THE BAR EXAM.

[Anonymous No.16565377]

>>16565254
Something with your hands. Honestly, anything where you put things together, fix things, whatever you'd probably love, plus they're gonna pay better long term.

[Anonymous No.16565393]

is it ok to rhyme in your dialog like shakespeare does, but in non poetic prose. I like the effect when they end a chapter with a rhyme. it makes it dramatic.

[Anonymous No.16565409]

>>16565209
I hate the guy. He doesn't read like a guy. Spineless fucking I don't know what. What'd, they have a SIDS baby and he doesn't want to look in a certain aisle. Or just he had the SIDS baby and this is his new girl. He also claims his mother doesn't call him. I don't know what to say abut that claim. Preposterous, maybe. Older women have absolutely nothing better to do than yak peoples heads off.

[Anonymous No.16565434]

>>16565393
Why are you asking permission to be creative?

[Anonymous No.16565446]

>>16565393
Yeah, it's fine. You're not going to be pulled over by the literature police, anon. This isn't a no rhyming lane

[Anonymous No.16565459]

>>16565393
It's like poetry, it rhymes

[Anonymous No.16565563]

>>16565282
>>16565409
Thanks for reading, anons.

[Anonymous No.16565591]

>>16565209
You know how some people complain that movie and book dialogue is too crisp and well-thought out, while real dialogue is filled with what? huh? what'd you say? I don't think anyone wants to read real dialogue

[Anonymous No.16565683]

>>16565591
I see your point, and will take it into consideration.

[Anonymous No.16565724]

Questions to any of you who've been in a critique class, what did the best critiques you've given do? Did it help you build a scene, tell you to build a certain character? What do you regard as shit critique? (No Professor feedback, just student.)

[Anonymous No.16565729]

>>16565724
Sorry *the best critiques you've gotten.

[Anonymous No.16565738]

>>16565047
Well, you certainly tried to be whimsical and clever

[Anonymous No.16565748]

>>16565209
Are they boyfriend and girlfriend? You have some lines that made me think that. But otherwise it sounds more like Nick is 12 years old and Amy is his babysitter. He has trouble pushing the cart. A normal cart filled with groceries, not bags of cement or something. Is he a small child? And then he's just a mopey little shit while she prattles on. And then he has a panic attack? If they were actually boyfriend and girlfriend and the same age, that girl would dump his pathetic ass in 2 seconds flat. And she'd be right to.

[Anonymous No.16565757]

>>16560766
H anon. the keys are right next to each other

[Anonymous No.16565779]

>>16565748
I did set out wanting to make an overtly weak protag, but judging by the responses it seems I went overboard lol
Thanks for reading anon, I appreciate it.

[Anonymous No.16565807]

>>16565724
If I were to get a critique I’d like a few things
>grammar/spelling check
>does the reader get confused (not on purpose)
>what parts stood out as the extremes (good vs. cringe (which will also subsequently show the meh parts))
>a definition of the writers style from the readers perspective
>overall opinion of the piece

This way the person gets specific things to fix and learns more about themselves as a writer they can’t figure out on their own. Like when someone tells you that you look like a famous person and you don’t see it, but everyone else does.

[Anonymous No.16565812]

Reminder to give yourself sleep deprivation if you're having trouble with writer's block. Sleep deprivation deprives your brain of oxygen, which is proven to cause a boost in creativity.

[Anonymous No.16566128]

I'm reading Dracula. I want to get through the part where he turns Lucy into one of his brides

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.16566235]

I’d really appreciate if someone would tell me what kind of mental impressions/imagery if any are induced by reading of this poem. Trying a new method for a purpose so this is a proof of concept.

Figments

“
My son look upon this world
The Colored Gossamer lights
My son do not cry I am with you
Phanes and Phoebus declare
my son, i am absolute, I am anger of tigers
Silk worms eating mulberry
I am the first, I was there,
Cry not, my son I am you
I am the secret of eternity, obscured
The Ancient shadows, hidden sights
This world is born of my care
My skin shines and is so fair
I am the illuminating chromatic cacophony
Flame and iron kill the fairy
My son, cry you with I am
Bow and give to me my share
I am a ghost and my eyes are pearls of great price
For The phantoms make their absence known
Into my eyes none may stare
Cryogen within Mahamay-am
I am the scorned and the adored, I am hated
Seek my honor if you dare
The still lake contains hidden darkness
I glorify they who dare
the dark lake contains hidden treasures
Ma had been merrier than I
ash covers them, in the shadows they moan
they Who endeavor to stare
the dying tree is filled with such hardness
in the valley she anoints her skin with blood
and glory and takes their share
Of my holy face so fair
at once regret and terror shout “remember”
and I return to my children
They earn my love and my care
Marry the Son of Mary; I am
Even in hell I am there”
the valley is full of space and doesn’t change
the heavens are eternal and elixir cures but
the dying tree is filled with such hardness
Phanes and Phoebus declare
Ere Aima’s devouring become I am i
the Mirror shatters and I am freed of i “

[Anonymous No.16566261]

One week off from the wagie cagie. It's time to write bros.

[Anonymous No.16566286]

>Finish another novella
>Remember no one will ever read it
>Throw it onto the pile
>Start another one
It's kinda comfy, ngl. Maybe I'll be one of those people that only gets famous after they die

[Anonymous No.16566298]

>>16566261
>isekai image
Fuck off.

[Anonymous No.16566321]

>>16566286
How many have you written?
Also post one you fuck, please

[Anonymous No.16566331]

>>16566286
Anon, How many have you written and why haven't you thrown them all up on amazon KDP? It's really easy.

[Anonymous No.16566436]

>>1656632
>>16566331
About six.
The reason I've never done anything with them is because of my natural anxiety and laziness conspires to create a catch 22 where I'm never confident in anything enough to release it because it's always on its first draft, but by the time I finish the first draft all I want to do is write something else. Plus once I'm done with something I decide it's trite and not worth sharing.

I'll give you some summaries though
1: Post-FTL world where humans are alone, planets are connected by teleporters. Main character lives on a trash planet that was subjugated and everyone makes their living scrapping the massive amount of scrap metal that covers the surface because war is only fought by machines. He realizes he has the ability to rewind time, but every time he does it the entire universe decays slightly, which he only discovers after he arrogantly thinks he is invincible only to realize that by the time he's in the middle of an insurrection the only way to get out is either abuse his powers and possibly destroy the universe or accept his death.
2: Super potent disease sweeps the world and can only be treated, never cured. By chance the only treatment to this disease is Pepsi. PepsiCo becomes the world leader and the story focuses on a group of rebels trying to raid Pepsi HQ to steal their secret recipe and liberate the world
3: Undetermined amount of years after nuclear annihilation, living things learned how to live in the radioactive environment, but the radiation began to recede to where the only habitable places are around old nuclear reactors. The characters do not know why, but when they leave these areas they die because they use radiation to photosynthesize like plants use the sun. The main characters steal an enchanted amulet that allows them to leave their homes (Natural Uranium) and go on the search for another place to live.

Actually I'm going to stop at three because I don't want you nerds stealing my ideas just because I'll never publish them.

[Anonymous No.16566461]

I'm running out of steam with my current project. It's not that I can't finish it. In fact the way forward is clear. I'm bored with it and want to move onto other things. But I can't. I've spent the better part of two years working on this and to stop now would feel like suicide. I've just grown so tired of it which creeps into my veins like a fatal fear. If I'm tired of it, won't anybody who reads it be? All things considered the reader does not experience the labor and drudgery that goes into the production of a book. Is that what is weighing on me or is it the sheer ponderosity of what I'm babbling on about?

[Anonymous No.16566486]

>>16566298
why fuck off when we can get our fuck on?

[Anonymous No.16566503]

>>16566436
Dude, just do a check for proper spelling and punctuation and self publish them all under a pseudonym. Toss together a few covers and shit out some blurbs (which you just did, checkmate brah) and get em' out there if you aren't ever going to get them properly published.

[Anonymous No.16566546]

>>16566436
The first and the third are interesting. You should probably scrap the second though.

[Anonymous No.16566830]

>>16566286
same here, and I write full time. I don't even try to pitch it to query anymore since it is too painful being rejected by 20 year old women who got in caue their tight pink pussy and blond hair and auntie knew someone, whose favorite book is twilight saga, judging your merit.

[Anonymous No.16566844]

>>16566830
>>16566286
Just send them out to agents you pretentious faggots. You're no better than any of us.

[Anonymous No.16566856]

So I posted this in the poetry thread last night, but I think I'll post it here, too.

It's actually an exercise I did. I'm working my way through Mary Kinzie's book, A Poet's Guide to Poetry, and I'm committed to actually doing all the exercises she presents. I wrote a poem for the very first exercise in the book last night, where she said we should try writing a poem in the style of Wordsworth's "Tintern Abbey" and Coleridge's "Frost at Midnight." In other words, a blank verse poem in which the first part meditates on a landscape scene, a nature scene; then the second part turns inward, and the narrator muses on some internal issue, some matter in their soul; then the final part turns outward again, and observes the nature scene anew, implicitly changed in some way.

So this was my stab at filling out the exercise. I have no interest in actually getting this published, so I'll post it here, for critique:

I found, one day, amid the mountain heights
As I was climbing, through the craggy peaks--
I found, to my surprise, a placid lake
That laid amid an alpine meadow there.
Amid the cool green grass of those tall heights
The lake sat, placid, deader than a corpse,
For no breeze there disturbed its mirrored film.

I think on that now, as I sit and wait,
And hear the breezes, blowing to and fro
From mouths uttering voices, and from thumbs
Typing aggressively on this or that.
I think on that dead lake, posted so high
At peace—as if deadness a virtue was,
For in dead stillness there, at least, is calm.

I think, and wonder, if perhaps I could
Learn from that lake, which I see in my mind,
See there, the clouds reflected on its face
As they passed overhead. It mirrored so
Because its stillness meant it could reflect
Without disturbing. I think on that now
And find a lesson in it I can learn.

[Anonymous No.16567655]

>>16566503
Seconding this guy's idea. Make up any silly name you want and self-publish. That way, if people are indifferent to it or hate it, it's not something that can be connected to the real you, sort of

[Anonymous No.16567664]

If I wanted to sell out, besides smut, what’s the dumbest easiest schlock to write? What can you read two pages of and know everything about it?

[Anonymous No.16567680]

>>16561448
This reads like an obscure East-European video game.
I love it.
Your ESL (English as a second language) status may actually help you if you let it. Don't listen to anon, I actually find your prose to be fascinating in its enigma.
I would suggest leaning into that.
Write mysteries and psychological stories, deeply philosophical ones. That's where this kind of style really shines.
Plus you can just tell everyone you're super genius whose ways can not be understood by plebs when in reality you also have no fucking clue what you wrote.

>I don't want to be like those people
Well, you can't exactly go back in time and learn English first. Embrace it, work with it, not around it.
The truth is everyone is a hack, convincing everyone else they are not. Don't worry about it. I know I do and it totally eviscerates my publishing chances.

[Anonymous No.16567682]

>>16567664
fanfiction

[Anonymous No.16567688]

>>16567664
I suppose sci-fi and high fantasy. But nowadays there is a retroactive appreciation for that sort of thing. You might be going for a pulpy 60's laser-gun feel but some douchebag critic will almost certainly compare you to Gibson and Herbet.
Just write what comes naturally.

[Anonymous No.16567695]

>>16567664
actually, scratch that last post, just write some bullshit YA romance in a post-apocalypse and/or dystopia and/or supernatural setting.

[Anonymous No.16567703]

>>16567680
Just saw this reply. Thanks for the comment Anon.

Was feeling really fucking down today for thinking of how I can write without it all being stupid purple prose + how little I have read to know how other authors write well.

Yeah I fucking agree, I don't understand what I am writing right now. I have a rough plot set up for it I just need to convince myself to write more purple prose that will fill it up.

[Anonymous No.16567713]

>>16565226
Well, it's no secret artists carry a comic, but Neil Gaiman's mere existence seems to disprove the notion that comic writing is by nature shallow.
It's more like directing an artist, than anything. It takes a certain level of creative cooperation that other mediums just don't need. Even in film, it's more like individual parts forming a whole, but in comics story and art are a single thing, intrinsically entwined.

[Anonymous No.16567714]

>>16567703
Also tried to make a more straightforward writing of my first paragraph and I dread not being able to be fucking pretentious.

[Anonymous No.16567719]

>>16564939
Don't. Do. This.
Just read books on writing, continue to share your work with peers for critique.
You will waste thousands of dollars to hear some old ass washed-up novelist that didn't make it wane on and on about Jane Eyre and fucking Infinite Jest

[Anonymous No.16567724]

>>16567703
Reading is important, I imagine all of us but King read less than we should, though. Sometimes it can be a hindrance, as you might find yourself copying someone else's voice.

[Anonymous No.16567733]

>>16567724
Agreed that reading is important. Kinda sad that it took me 18 years to actually begin reading. And it also thanks to going back to my home country and passing onto the airport bookstore where they dont just sell stupid Indonesian YA novel. Got myself Anna Karenina, didnt really appreciate it on the first read, really need to pick it up again.

[Anonymous No.16567803]

>>16565209
I read about the first half.

https://pastebin.com/VixZtqC6

This is my criticism, I hope I made it clear.

[Anonymous No.16568187]

>>16565209
Hemingway wasn't this boring. I also have no idea what's going on. Family fought? Dad died? Cat died? Either I'm dim or you're just not giving enough away.

[Anonymous No.16568220]

>>16566546
The second one is actually my favorite

[Anonymous No.16568234]

>>16561448
Forgot to post the continuation but oh well here goes :/

“Will it be taking any longer, sir?” she asks, in a singsong yet delicate voice. Her gaze firms on the book. Bare hand, devoid of ring, turning pages prudently.

“Reassure yourself, miss.” I answer short. She remained in her blasé reading. She is not put off yet by my work ethics.

Summer heat permeates through the window. Under our skins, these sweats stinging its adorned body. The garbs that care not for, serve naught but principles. Meddling of the oligarch, the aristocrat, the theocrat, chastise these rifts for their forlorn societies. Was he not exposed, in time he touched this earth? The bare skin in our current time, channels parts of power. Suchlike her mystifying bare skin, trickling with sweats, inexplicably shown, it must be her statement, it clouds me. I have not fathom how beguiling the children of Eve’s are.

My clouded mind forces my gaze forth to her, I have failed to dominate those thoughts. Sweats enter her cleavage as the tight corset underneath has pushed her bust. The brown compels her fairness. She eases out moans, hand fluttering the end of her top due to the humidness. I am far dazed but I hear her faint cough. In my hurry is the comeuppance of my misdemeanors. I and she sit silently, I am without response to action. My quill and ink do not sound another empty paper, and she fills in.

“Have you wasted your ink, sir?” she asks, resting her reading on the thigh. The fiery amber stares at me.

“Deepest apology, miss.” I answered as I have bowed my head down. I do not bear the desire to stare back.

(1/2)

[Anonymous No.16568238]

>>16568234
She reaches through the satchel she has put below her chair, handing me her bottle of ink. Our hand brushes but she does not let go hastily. I will not be able to act more to desires, again I write and I finish writing in the right intention. I ignite a candle, the fire necessary to press the company seal onto the bottom right corner of this paper, the seal engraves the symbol of a scale, ringed by the engraving of my establishment name. Out loud I reiterate the letter that I have written. She nods in approval. I roll it well before passing it to her. I call for several pardons but she is more thankful for my success than to dwell my failures. I was beginning to prepare cleaning my desk when though I do not for consider her staying any longer. Where do does she need not be? She rests her hat onto her lap, trading for the book which she places on my desk.

“Considerable time passed, yes?” she pauses to giggle. “May I have the pleasure of knowing your name, sir?”

Caught off guard, I answer, “Robert.. Robin Lavoie, at your service, miss.” My right hand lean on this resonating heart. She has not much to talk about, the least is my ears are perked to listen. We delve into the considerably pointless discussions which end on weather. Her pleasantry is like a danger that waits for my further foolishness. Though as the heat is adamant, I will add that the heat guilt me if found liable. Unbefitting, I stop our further talk after weather spun into my privy. Just at the time, in sly, she unbuttons the top of her shirt after loosening her corset, to which I lie of other patrons waiting for me.

A jaunty farewell as she steps out of the room. The passed times, the left book, the strut as she leaves, agonizing summer heat, why don’t you let me breathe?

:/

[Anonymous No.16568365]

>>16566235
it's like Toni Morrison tried to write a Tolkien poem

[Anonymous No.16568375]

I grew up in kerala.I still remember the beautiful trees and the sunlight coming down on the land, upon which we stood with our bare feet and the sizzling feel of the excruciating heat forcing us to run for the nearest welcoming shade.The petrichor! Oh! The lovely petrichor. Felt like freedom after the cruel summers. It’s scent,unforgettable,like the memorable smell of a bakery. I went to a nearby school which was funded by the local panchayat so,naturally, it wasn’t that great.

give advice frands, I started writing and reading seriously a few days ago :)

[Anonymous No.16568396]

>>16568375
Anon, can you elaborate on the last sentence? I don't get it very well to the flow of the rest. Otherwise, it's pretty well. :)

[Anonymous No.16568420]

>>16566286
Please tell me you at least edit them before throwing them on the pile. No piece of work deserves to be unfinished like that.

[Anonymous No.16568434]

>>16568396
I think you didn't get "Panchayat"
It's a locally elected government in Indian villages because villages are often overlooked by central and state government.

[Anonymous No.16568443]

>>16567664
>rich and slightly dickish guy
>spunky girl
Every time someone writes this story another millionaire is born.

[Anonymous No.16568445]

>>16568420
They're readable, but there's a lot of fat that could be trimmed since I'm an over writer, but as stories they are complete.

[Anonymous No.16568450]

>>16568434
Oh I see. Yeah that word skipped over my head.

[Anonymous No.16568455]

>>16567719
>Don't. Do. This.
Obviously, but I love going through the faculty list and going, "Every single one of these people would hate my very existence and offer no real advice about anything to me." I find it funny.
>peers
I would... IF I HAD ANY #LonerLyfe XDDDDD

[Anonymous No.16568465]

>>16568443
Wasn't the girls in 50 Shades and twilight very timid and passive? I thought the point of romance novels was for the readers to project themselves onto. You'd need a passive, blank girl

[Anonymous No.16568468]

>>16568445
Edit then, you lazy fuck. That's honestly some of the most fun there is for a writer. You get to take this raw material and whittle it down to what it was supposed to be all along.

[Anonymous No.16568476]

>>16568465
Yeah, that works too, but both options work.

[Anonymous No.16568491]

>>16568476
I'm going to be a double millionaire writing romance novels with Chad billionaire romancing a spunky girl AND Chad billionaire romancing a shy girl. Going to get all the "wow!! she's just like me :3" dollars

[Anonymous No.16568516]

Speaking of romance novels, would it be a valid reason to write one if there was something I was into but that just never got written about?
I need tender, loving femdom without any cuckshit.

[Anonymous No.16568529]

>>16568516
Yeah. Go ahead.

[Anonymous No.16568547]

>>16568529
Just like that?

[Anonymous No.16568548]

>>16568491
Have fun, Anon. Remember us when you get there.

[Anonymous No.16568553]

>>16568516
Figure out what you like, and then write that. Can't promise anything will come of it, but you do you, boo. If you're not writing for yourself, then who the Hell are you writing for.

[Anonymous No.16568559]

I was hoping to get some feedback on this poem I've written, any thoughts or constructive criticizm would be appreciated.

[Anonymous No.16568591]

>>16568547
That's just one reason to write.

[Anonymous No.16568599]

>>16568516
>a valid reason to write
Do you want to write it? If the answer is yes, you have a valid reason.

[Anonymous No.16568603]

>>16568559
As someone who haven't really read, I do like your poem anon romantic yes :)

[Anonymous No.16568607]

>>16568599
It's not so much that I want to write it as it's that I want it to exist

[Anonymous No.16568641]

>>16565738
In fairness I wrote it all without much thinking. The story is entirely true btw, which is the main point. Thank you for reading anyway.

[Anonymous No.16568749]

800 words of burgerpunk fresh off the grill.

[Anonymous No.16568782]

>>16568468
I can't stand editing. It might be easy for you, but my brain just wholly rejects the idea

[Anonymous No.16568847]

>>16568782
Then wallow in self pity, faggot. Your shit will never be published because you can't put in the fucking work to make it worth it. It's your own damn fault.

[Anonymous No.16568870]

>>16568847
> t. 20 year old roastie who got a job at Random House because a relative there put in a good word for her

[Anonymous No.16568894]

>>16568870
cope harder, faggot

[Anonymous No.16568919]

>>16568870
Just say you're trans, fucking retard. You'll have a much higher chance of getting in with them.

[Anonymous No.16568953]

>started writing again after a long period of laziness
feels good, can't wait to edit it tomorrow. it's just a practice one off stint, but still. it's about time.

[Anonymous No.16568993]

>>16568238
would rate 5/5 on literotica.com

[Anonymous No.16569211]

Editing is fun, but proofreading is the real grind. You have to reread the text you've already read many times, nothing's wrong, you skim over the lines, one by one, but the instant you start zoning out and lose focus, a mistake almost slips by. You have to keep sharp all the time while the screen burns your eyes and your brain melts, an hour after another. Oh god why do I even bother

[Anonymous No.16569217]

sneed

[Anonymous No.16569390]

>>16569211
I've found that putting the text in a different format helps me find errors. For example, exporting Word document to pdf, or making the text a different font

[Anonymous No.16569432]

Do you calculate the approximate length of your project, or do you just keep on writing until you stumble across the end?
Which approach would you recommend?

[Anonymous No.16569473]

>>16569432
I do both. I have a general structure of chapters and what happens, but if it requires a little extra then that's that. I can edit it later.

[Anonymous No.16569488]

>>16569390
For me, its changing font colour to purple or dark green

[Anonymous No.16569574]

>>16559640
Interesting. You could make your monster be part of nature in some sort, as in a very old tree that awakens when someone try to cut it.
As for eliciting simpathy, if I would do it, I'd do it by first describing the scenery into which tree monster is inserting, very beautifully, with many wild beasts living around it and many plants growing around it, and some time after that, when the tree monster is out of its "house"/natural habitat or is dead, I would describe this same scenery but as a desolate place, devoid of life. It is a cheap trick, I know.
>>16560772
>not helping your fellow writers
Never gonna make it.

[Anonymous No.16569584]

As someone who lives in a Nordic country and works in a library, I'm exposed to an ungodly amount of Nordic noir.
Is it even possible to write fresh detective fiction at this point when the genre is clearly oversaturated?

[Anonymous No.16569590]

>>16559956
I ask myself if I care about its themes, and if so, how much. If you care, chances are some other people will care to, and if you care you're also going to write a lot better about it.

[Anonymous No.16569608]

>>16520551
Write this now!

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.16569653]

>>16568365

I’ve never read any Toni Morrison so I have no idea if that’s a very bad thing or not. I’ll post another to see if that gets the flavor/impact I’m going for.

Figments of Alien light

who are you? what is your name?
no I am not this, yet I am
a speech leaves me understanding less
nothing changes but everything changes
how are you sempiternal and yet transient?

and how do you know my name?
it’s disgusting, I don’t want it
i can’t read it, the letters obscure
the taste is blander than flavorless yet
it reminds me of that part of you unknown

you look different yet same
like the H hidden in Abram
I can’t imagine it, it escapes
it is the greatest taste, from it I wept
when did the bland become full? terror, beauty ?

I ask from whence have you came
because of this my life is split
its form wasn’t twisting, I can’t guess
If I must name it, I shall call it Vast
a mountain of lightning encircled with gems

in my mind your face like flame
I am no wolf I am a lamb!
yet the unknown land has a allure
its absence is felt throughout the ages
a fire of void, it is unchanging but

flickers and is not the same
I am a beast covered in shit
yellowish blues mixed with unformed shapes
men see it in dream, a dream they forget
the dream of the hidden one, who is glory

would it be some kind of shame
yet i know who I truly am
some hiding demon or just a dress?
in the hidden chamber of breath, I stepped
then i saw you filled with eyes, would I have eyes

if I were to ask your name?
I am the dweller in the pit
even of its name I am unsure
I found the place without future or past
for I saw an image from eternity

a picture not in its frame
yet it is only I who damn
like thinking through screams of howling apes
I saw many creatures in their stages
he sought to end the cycle with his rain-bow

an arrow shot without aim
yet I was always Abraham
yet with understanding you shall bless
like a circle moving, its center set
but I am neither circumference nor center

you are foreign and the same
I am both, I now embrace it
filth cleansed by light, my mind shall be pure
unmoving and invisible light swept
the unknown father’s presence in me then asked

will I ever ask your name?
yes, yes I am this, yes I am
my mind is changed, my soul he reshapes
through them all from the center, Light so Vast
I am both and neither and beyond am I

[Anonymous No.16569658]

>>16559180
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Magical_Number_Seven,_Plus_or_Minus_Two here you go anon

[Anonymous No.16569674]

>write something
>be really proud of it
>come back to it a few days later
>it's pure, unfiltered shit

Every time

[Anonymous No.16569692]

>>16569674
Write better stuff then.

[Anonymous No.16569699]

>>16569584
If you understand the genre enough to know its conventions by heart, lure the reader into a false sense of security and then throw a curved ball in their direction you could make something fresh. The better you know what you're working with the more open you'll be to include changes in the formula.

[Anonymous No.16569701]

>>16569674
Wow, I'm the exact opposite. Everything seems like shit in the moment, but once I've forgotten all the stuff I felt like I failed to express, it seems good.

[Anonymous No.16569713]

>>16569699
But that sounds like the "subverting expectations for its own sake" cancer.

[Anonymous No.16569725]

>>16569674
No fucking shit, that's when you have to edit.
>but a polish turd is still a piece of shit!
Yeah, but at least you finished it, and from that point onward you can write something that will be judged with less scatological lenses. Just keep at it.

[Anonymous No.16569741]

>>16569713
If you just want to make something fresh, then subverting expectations for its own sake is what you'd do. You need to give the subversion some meaning. Maybe you want to express something about that literally subgenre, and can do so through subversion. I don't know, maybe you can frame it from an optimistic point of view, something that expresses how much you appreciate noir but lament its current state, or maybe be more scathing and go out with a destructive intent. Do something with it, something significant.

[Anonymous No.16569769]

Bronzesmith, craft our shields
A swift spear
Charioteers, repair thy wheels
The cast brings fear

Hard battle beckons
Trembling heart
Men, from Athene, learn your lessons
No Love is near

Sky, darkened by souls
Ares, vaunting tongue
Wet Earth, glutted on crimson blood
Seducer of demise

Helios fears to rise
Eternal shadows
Zeus-decreed fate unstrings fathers
Short peace for our sons

[Anonymous No.16569771]

I lapse
I prolapse
My anus is getting munched by millions of little niggers living inside my fecal matter
They do swab around with their tongues
My anus is getting tongued by niggers
Niggers do tongue my anus
Anus tongued niggers are
are niggers tonguing my anus?
The dilemma of my life

Be honest anon

[Anonymous No.16569780]

>>16569741
Subverting expectations isn't the thing. I'm of the school of thought where new ideas come from mixing old ones. For example, I for a while thought that mixing whodunnit with historical fiction would be a neat idea (think Name of the Rose) but then I discovered there already is a series of books being published by an Estonian author that does just that and does it well.
And I would never do anything destructive or deconstructionist.

[Anonymous No.16569788]

>>16569390
I'm testing google docs, but surprisingly, its spellchecker is more distracting than helpful.

>text says curt
>CONSIDER WRITING "COURT"
what the fuck?
>text says knightly
>CONSIDER WRITING "KNIGHTLEY"
they're not talking about a goddamn celebrity

[Anonymous No.16570034]

>>16569771
Very relatable and fresh! Congratulations on you submission, anon, it was very empowering to all of us.

[Anonymous No.16570085]

>>16569211
Yeah that's why they say always have someone else proofread . You don't read what's truly there you read what your brain expects to see. That's why it requires a completely fresh perspective to catch typos.

[Anonymous No.16570174]

>>16569788
Those dictionaries are made by machine learning what is most popular. Fortnite is more popular than fortnight, so it's suggested more often. One of the Scots online dictionaries ran into trouble when people would often complain that spellings were wrong for years, but they'd say that it was correct because the dictionary was based on the Scots Wikipedia. Eventually we learned who wrote the entire Scots Wikipedia

[Anonymous No.16570210]

Please push poetry to its own thread

[Anonymous No.16570362]

/crit/ faggots go make your own thread for sharing your shitty poetry edition

Last thread (over 300 posts):
>>16557242

Suggested books on story telling:
>The Weekend Novelist
>Aristotle's Poetics
>Hero With a Thousand Faces
>Save the Cat
>Romance the Beat

Suggested books on getting your fucking work done you lazy piece of shit:
>Deep Work
>Atomic Habits
> Other Resources
> General grammar/syntax/editing help
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/purdue_owl.html
> When/where/how should I write?
https://jamesclear.com/daily-routines-writers
> What software should I write with?
https://self-publishingschool.com/book-writing-software-best/
> Amazon Publishing to make that KDP monie
https://kdp.amazon.com/en_US/help/topic/G200635650
> Be like Charles Dickens and write serially
https://www.royalroad.com/

[Anonymous No.16570375]

>>16568375
When typing, you have to put space after periods, commas, semicolons, colons, exclamation points, question marks, and quotation marks. Capitalize
'Kerala'. The word 'Petrichor' adds nothing to the prose other than getting 95% of your readers to look it up.

I don't know if you really grew up in Kerala or if you are writing after doing some research but as someone who really did grow up there, you are not selling the nostalgia and atmosphere properly. Read a book like "In Search of Lost Time" if you want to get better at what you were presumably trying to do.

[Anonymous No.16570426]

New thread
>>16570396

[Anonymous No.16570437]

Context: getting revenge for birds shitting on my car. I'm not a writer tho.

I heard not a bird song for over a year. And all the creatures which flew and that crawled about the land did so in hushed scamperings. An ominous rage poisoned their homes and filled their hearts with fear. For they knew to be seen by the black lanterns of hatred which watched over the woods meant death. And still, death came upon them, the quiet animals alike. Repudiated was their piety in this plague known as Vengeance and by my having placed this curse, I became their God. So commenced the abortion of life by the killing of the animals...

[Anonymous No.16571582]

>>16564151

Pretty much all of them have a digital version these days and some have a pretty significant readership. The largest ones sell millions of copies every month. Also, the simple fact that someone published them is a huge bonus if you ever want to publish a collection or a different book.

[Anonymous No.16571608]

>>16557370
>>16558110
Yeah, lol

[Anonymous No.16571612]

The beginning of a much longer piece I'm working on.

[Anonymous No.16571620]

>>16571612

[Anonymous No.16571781]

>>16571620
haha, this character is a terrible hustler. Is this the story of how he becomes a good con artist?

[Anonymous No.16571977]

To drive through america to be on the road to go on the big vacation in the middle of ongoing pandemic is to not only understand but observe and "dwell" in america's contradictions (or great big contradiction perhaps). So far we have not encountered many fractures in terms of attitudes about the mask but there is a clear line of demarcation in things such as food service where the servers wear masks and customers do not here it is both ideological and immediately material in the sense that the mask reveals itself to be a symbolic gesture that undoes itself once it touches or is touched by the gold hand of true economics. this material exchange is not the core of the truth here however because it is then reflected back into the idealist realm when a customer puts the mask back on to exit the restaurant here it is ironically but fittingly the only way for liberalism and therefore liberals to gain a sense of solidarity that is sacrificed for the sake of capital just as the president had desired. Solidarity can have a greater and greater sense throughout the history that began here but it will always see it's grotesque mirror image when capital comes to the scene late but with all the world to spare.

[Anonymous No.16572939]

>>16568559
Woah nigger this is pretty cool. I don't usually read poems and have trouble understanding most of them but I feel like this one was very clearly written without losing its aestethique. Congratulations.