Critical Responses to Nael, age 6

[Anonymous No.16052258]

>The tiger
A fearsome and yet majestic animal. Immediately, our imagination is seized. What is the tiger doing? Where is it? Or perhaps there's no tiger, and the author is talking about tigers in general. With just those 2 words, our mind has been flooded with images and questions that spring directly from our deepest and truest self. Such is Nael's mastery of the written word. He has us right where he wants us, intensely contemplating this hypothetical tiger and all that it represents...
>He destroyed his cage
While we were busy thinking about 'the tiger', he broke free of his man-made prison, asserting his reality and the urgency of now. At the same time, we're forcefully taken out of our mind and back to the present scene. Man locked the tiger in the cage so that he could safely retreat into himself, but that illusion has been shattered now. Or did we lock the tiger just so he could escape, and in so doing, save us from ourselves?
>Yes
The tiger roars. Our heart is beating furiously in our chest. Every muscle in our body is tensing as adrenaline levels go up and up. This is what it means to be alive. How could we ever have forgotten?
>YES
The tiger's roar grows louder, covering every other sound, the vibrations resonating through the air, the walls and even our own chest. We understand nature better than every philosopher ever did. This is what Evola must have been looking for when he went for a walk during the bombing raids of Vienna.
>The tiger is out
The last verse, with the lack of action and material references, is a return to the linguistic ambiguity of the first. After the crescendo from verse 2-4, there's a moment of silence, and it's as if the border between reality and our mind has been blurred. We're left wondering if there was ever actually a tiger, or if it was just a projection of our desire for freedom. Are we free now? But there's also something vaguely ominous about this verse. Was Nael trying to warn us about the danger inherent in the spirit-soul duality?

[Anonymous No.16052272]

Unironically better than most writing discussed on /lit/.

[Anonymous No.16052315]

>Yes
>YES
This is actually kino.

[Anonymous No.16052322]

>>16052258
Where is Nael now?

[Anonymous No.16052326]

Better than anything Mishima has ever written

[Anonymous No.16052333]

>>16052315
I like how he doesn‘t give a fuck about the people the tiger will kill, he‘s fully engaged by his enthusiasm that the tiger has managed to escape.

[Anonymous No.16052335]

This is a much better composition
>Buh buh but Nathan Beifuss is 2 years older than Nael was at the time!!!!
Fuck off age has nothing to do with the quality of a work
>Seven hundred ten
Common number used by "stoners" to get stoned. OIL upside down reads 710 and OIL is another term for stoner weed. Nathan Beifuss is working off his California audience here and nodding to the place where he grew up.
>Seven hundred eleven
Clearly indicating the very popular chain of convenience stores in the United States and Asia 7-11. This second line of the poem evokes the fleeting and ephemeral nature of our world today, where everything can be packaged individually with bright colors. One recalls a simpler time before the hustle and bustle of the old 9-5 and returns to childhood.
>Seven hundred twelve
The final verse of this poem ties it all up in a neat and tidy bow. We started with the lackadaisical attitude of childhood and indulgence in mind altering toxins. We then moved onto adulthood and the droll commutes that fill our mornings and afternoons. Here we are at the ultimate 712. Clearly a reference to IRS Form 712, also known as the Life Insurance Statement. We reach the end of life here, but instead of dying peacefully we are troubled with finances and debts that will pass down through the generations. Only at this point can the reader truly understand why this is a Haiku by a Robot. The robot is mocking the trivial existence that we enact. Truly, the Robot is able to live outside this pitiful cycle, and captures it with such disdain and irony.

[Anonymous No.16052342]

>>16052335
Wtf this is actually good.

[Anonymous No.16052346]

>>16052342
Thanks that means a lot

[Anonymous No.16052352]

>>16052335
Why do americans say seven hundred ten and not seven hundred and ten? Is it laziness or stupidity?

[Anonymous No.16052354]

>>16052352
A balanced mix.

[Anonymous No.16052358]

>>16052352
It's correct english. Seven hundred AND ten is vulgar and colloquial

[Anonymous No.16052364]

>>16052352
I'm american and I say seven hundred and ten. Leaving out the "and" sounds British.

[Anonymous No.16052371]

>>16052352
That's nothing. I'll never get why they say thirteen hundred (1300).

[Anonymous No.16052373]

>>16052371
It's quicker

[Anonymous No.16052378]

>>16052371

[Anonymous No.16052381]

>>16052373
You saved one nano second. Congrats. Now you can use that time to be a better jew slave. Thanks for your service.

[Anonymous No.16052447]

>>16052258
>>16052335
I don't have the time to review this poem right now, can someone give me their detailed thoughts on it and I'll get back to you?

[Anonymous No.16052452]

>>16052335
Kill yourself you absolute gigapseud. The haiku is great sure, but NAEL's poem is the greatest work of literature of the last 20 years, simply OOZING of soul and wonder.

[Anonymous No.16052455]

>>16052258
This poem is good for a 6 year old, but still better than Rupi Kaur.

[Anonymous No.16052457]

>>16052447
Portrait of the slow destruction of the family unit in modern times.

[Anonymous No.16052459]

>>16052326
best piece of literature this century.

[Anonymous No.16052465]

>>16052447
>Mom, do you see me?
>Yes, but I don't want to.

[Anonymous No.16052475]

>>16052465
That hits home hard.

[Anonymous No.16052482]

>>16052352
Because in American English seven hundred ten is 710, whereas seven hundred and ten is 700.1

[Anonymous No.16052484]

>>16052447
this is so deep i keep finding layers and layers starting by the fact the poem is called leaves as if leaving
her mum ignores her but it will hit her back when she's older she wonder's why but she wouldn't know very often we make the same mistakes our parents make can we really answer why

[Anonymous No.16052487]

Why are kids so good at poetry?

[Anonymous No.16052493]

>>16052487
No inhibitions. Reality filtered through eyes that have yet to be traumatized by the truths of the human condition.

[Anonymous No.16052499]

>>16052487
They haven‘t had enough time yet to learn how to not be authentic.

[Anonymous No.16052501]

>>16052484
Damn that's pretty good

This one didn't seem like much to me at first but it evokes some pretty raw emotions. The emphasis on how fluffy Chloe is makes this poem much better than it would be without hitting it twice. The fact that Liam misses his cat that died 5 years ago, over 50% of his lifetime ago, shows the bond that baby Liam made with Chloe that stayed unbroken beyond death

[Anonymous No.16052505]

>>16052501
Fuck. RIP Chloe

[Anonymous No.16052512]

>>16052501
God damn. The fact he mentions how fluffy it was twice really highlights the pain of never being able to feel chloe cuddle up next to him at night again.

[Anonymous No.16052513]

>>16052501
>died
>was
>liked
>was
>died
The symmetrical structure of the poem is intriguing.

[Anonymous No.16053266]

>>16052501
legit made me tear up

[Anonymous No.16053279]

>This is what Evola must have been looking for when he went for a walk during the bombing raids of Vienna.

Lost it right there. Gj OP

[Anonymous No.16053293]

>>16052326
Rent free

[Anonymous No.16053347]

>>16052352
I’m British and the correct way to say it is “seventy one tens”

[Anonymous No.16053455]

These poems are cute and adorable, post more

[Anonymous No.16053503]

>>16052258
>tfw Nael predicted COVID

Most based genius of all time

[Anonymous No.16053641]

>>16052501
>>16052447

[Anonymous No.16053731]

>>16052258
It's not the tiger roaring, you fucking dumbass. It's the manic onlooker becoming evermore excited.

Delete your shit analysis and yourself, faggot.

[Anonymous No.16053896]

>>16052447
>>16052465
>>16052484
Mom here refers to mother nature i think.

[Anonymous No.16054091]

>>16053896
Yes I can definitely see that
>>16053731
Analyze yourself and let's compare

[Anonymous No.16054261]

>>16053896
that would actually ruin the poem because it'd turn it into generic pseud overthinking garbage

[Anonymous No.16054272]

>>16052258
Jesus, the circlejerk on this board is worse than reddit

[Anonymous No.16054577]

>>16052258
>>16052335
>>16052447
>>16052501
literally all 10/10

[Anonymous No.16054799]

Can someone r8 my poem I just wrote?

[Anonymous No.16054868]

>>16054799
Derivative and uninspired

[Anonymous No.16054871]

>>16054799
>small sad after coom
based coomer

[Anonymous No.16054941]

>>16054799
sad indeed

[Anonymous No.16055306]

>>16052258
A perfect 21st century answer to Blake's Tyger from Songs of Experience. Whether he was aware what he was doing or not, Nael was tapping into a line of artistic expression stretching back hundreds of years, and his short poem is a masterpiece that my own works will never be able to measure up to.

[Anonymous No.16055312]

[Anonymous No.16055384]

[Anonymous No.16055400]

>>16052335
this is actually incredibly impressive, i can't even put into words how it makes me feel
the fact that he managed to fit 3 numbers into a haiku, the melancholic aura of the poem, the subtle commentary on ethics and technology. that's just the surface

[Anonymous No.16055436]

>>16052258
>>16052335
>>16052447
>>16052501
Artistic inclinations are more present in childhood and this is the proof of that. This is better than 95% of contemporary poetry.

[Anonymous No.16055446]

The shift in perspective in line 5 is the marker of this poem. Susanna starts by describing the world around her, the sunny sky, trees and flowers, and the sensation of feeling the warmth of the sun while a cool breeze blows by. Suddenly in line 5 you are transported from this beautiful day in Hong Kong back onto the 968 Bus, watching it out the window, as Susanna remarks that she's having a day. Susanna has inserted herself into this vision and we can now cheer for her as we watch her enjoy the beauty that we can all behold.

>Grandma's got two kittens.
This is pretty self explanatory I don't think I really need to go into detail

[Anonymous No.16055722]

>>16054272
No it actually makes perfect sense.
The girl picks up the leaf and talks to her mother, there is no bridge explaining as to where the mother is so, it can be interpreted as the girl talking to the leaf itself which is part of mother nature. Mother nature is tired of humans, so much so that she doesn't want to look even at an innocent child. The child can be symbolically viewed as humanity itself, trying to "blow away" the leaf as they have done countless times only for it to retaliate but the child ignores it and moves on. This entire exchange mimics our own attempt at bending rules of nature but willfully ignoring all the consequences that are going to come our way, we still exploit it turning a blind eye.

[Anonymous No.16055742]

>>16054272
Sorry
>>16055722 meant for >>16054261

[Anonymous No.16055781]

>>16052352
surprised no ones said the correct answer yet:
most Americans do vocalize the and, but it had to be dropped to make the hyaku work

[Anonymous No.16056033]

>>16055384
I doubt it's written by a 9yo, it's just too good.

[Anonymous No.16056232]

>>16052335
more of these plz

[Anonymous No.16056412]

>>16052447
This is a masterpiece.

[Anonymous No.16056417]

>>16056232
This drained me, idk if I could do another one that in depth

[Anonymous No.16056448]

>>16056417
plz

[Anonymous No.16056522]

>>16052333
but the tiger is (You)

[Anonymous No.16056533]

>>16056448
Give me a poem to do one for and I'll do my best

[Anonymous No.16056560]

>>16056522
I know. That‘s the point.

[Anonymous No.16056576]

>>16052513
Chiasm

[Anonymous No.16056590]

>>16056533
i tried googling "short poems by children" but no luck

[Anonymous No.16056594]

>>16055384
This one is kinda shit

[Anonymous No.16056619]

>>16052447
why are kids so good at poetry

[Anonymous No.16056636]

>>16056619
cunny

[Anonymous No.16056638]

>>16056594
Yes you can tell the parents forced this one.

>>16056590
This is where the tiger was originally published. So far i only found forced trash though.
http://826dc.org/writing-gallery/

[Anonymous No.16056654]

>>16054799
A waste; not of talent, but of paper.

[Anonymous No.16056684]

>>16052381
Where do you live that your arent a jew slave?

[Anonymous No.16056696]

>>16052447
I cant handle the feels bros

[Anonymous No.16056714]

>>16055722
>that would actually ruin the poem because it'd turn it into generic pseud overthinking garbage

[Anonymous No.16056717]

>>16052378
look up danish

[Anonymous No.16056724]

>>16052447
I think the theme of this poem is an abusive mother, not anything to do with nature.

[Anonymous No.16056733]

>>16056590
Found one that I can review pretty well, give me a little while to get my thoughts together.

The big Brown mego mansion
By Shawnti, Grade 4

>My Brown mansion is Brown as it can be
>new york is my favorite city and it is so silver it’s Like a diomand ring.
>while in new york if i dont get the new iphone 8+ i will break my head to peices
>we are in new york at the mall and i want the new 12’s so if i don’t get them i will melt.
>This poem is on fire.

[Anonymous No.16056743]

>>16052258
Based

[Anonymous No.16056752]

>>16056733
bbpppahahahaha

[Anonymous No.16056755]

>>16056684
In switzerland. I am the mountain jew. Now get back to work.

[Anonymous No.16056757]

>>16056724
>I think

[Anonymous No.16056762]

>>16055781
nice pun

[Anonymous No.16056765]

[Anonymous No.16056779]

>>16056765
hey now, none of that, we were having a good thread

[Anonymous No.16056793]

>>16056762
ty

[Anonymous No.16057213]

>>16056733
This poem looks like a very childish materialistic ode to capitalism on the surface, but in reality it is the exact opposite. This poem satirizes the rat race and obsession with the next best thing.
>My Brown mansion is Brown as it can be
Brown "mego" mansion is a subverted symbol as this mansion is brown and not white.
>new york is my favorite city and it is so silver it’s Like a diomand ring.
Here she is talking about how obsessed New York City is with materialism. She describes it as silver and like a diamond ring. Here we can recall images of Times Square, filled with flashing advertisements, celebrity obsessions, and other extremes of American society.
>while in new york if i dont get the new iphone 8+ i will break my head to peices
Desire for the "new thing" is so strong in some people that they threaten self immolation in order to be given a gift. She is making fun of children throwing tantrums when they don't get exactly what they want, since the author is also a child she can portray the feelings of the misguided youth more effectively than an adult would be able to.
>we are in new york at the mall and i want the new 12’s so if i don’t get them i will melt.
New York at the mall. A stunning and vivid image of capitalism made to look so vile and ugly in the eyes of our young author. I don't know exactly what "12s" are but they are clearly a symbol of this materialism. The melting is a reference to the wizard of oz, where Dorothy goes on a journey to a huge and wealthy city (New York City) where she finally learns that nothing in Emerald City could help her return home (return to her roots) and that this power comes from within, not without.
>This poem is on fire.
Regarding the outrage this poem has caused as an anthem opposing the societal structure we are all so comfortable living within

[Anonymous No.16057308]

>>16052258
>>16052447
>>16052335
There really needs to be a thread where /lit/ posts shit they wrote as kids. There could even be comparisons made of their current writing with their past work so everyone can see whether or not they've improved.

[Anonymous No.16057368]

Dubs if we should quit picking on Nael.

[Anonymous No.16057372]

>>16057368
Picking on? We are sincerely appreciating his work doofus

[Anonymous No.16057418]

Where's a good place to start with poetry lads? I'm thinking of the Penguin book of first world war poetry

[Anonymous No.16057440]

>>16057368
i wish i could write like nael dude. he seems like a cool kid to be around. 4-7 year olds are in general the peak of childhood, they aren't jaded enough to try and act cool to impress their friends. they are in general very sincere.

[Anonymous No.16057791]

>>16057440
Yes I agree little kids are so pure

[Anonymous No.16057800]

>>16057791
if you're still young (college age) i would reccomend joining one of those clubs that volunteers at a local elementary school. i ended up being the mentor of the only white kid in an all black class who had an interest in art and reading so we had lots in common. i ended up teaching him to read i hope, but i'll never know since he got transferred over the summer :(

[Anonymous No.16057822]

>>16057800
not that guy but
that sounds really nice anon but im too busy to do something like that :( i thought i was too young for this feel

[Anonymous No.16058362]

>>16056232
>>16057213
I wrote this for you man the least you can do is give me a sweet sweet (You)

[Anonymous No.16058425]

>>16052371
Because it's 13 times a hundred maybe? Fucking retard.

[Anonymous No.16059573]

>>16058362
im sorry to tell you this but it honestly pales in comparison to the robot haiku critique

[Anonymous No.16060089]

>>16056619
They haven't read poetry and aren't obsessed with coming off like Keats or Plath or Ginsberg or whatever other shit they think is good.

[Anonymous No.16060191]

>>16055436
It's less that they're more inclined, and more that it's easier for them to be sincere, and with that also have less structured thinking and association.

[Anonymous No.16060210]

>pretending children's poetry is good

I love these threads.

[Anonymous No.16060221]

>>16060210
It is good. Not everything posted in here of course.

[Anonymous No.16060355]

>>16059573
Yeah it was way more forced than the haiku, I got really lucky that those numbers had some sort of significance that actually made sense

[Anonymous No.16060370]

>>16060210
>pretending