How many of us here are alcoholics?

[Anonymous No.15744595]

Share your problems with booze and other good books about booze.

[Anonymous No.15744599]

>>15744595
I'm quitting too

[Anonymous No.15744680]

>>15744599
A Difficult but good descision, anon.

[Anonymous No.15744730]

>>15744595
Feeling really insecure and vulnerable and know it’s all up to me to get better but I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m quiting all my vices today as I almost had a heart attack while I was exercising. I’m at this weird place where I feel like nobody loves me but people obviously do but they feel like I don’t and that hurts them but I do love them but my behavior needs to change before they believe that because who I’ve been isn’t the person that assures them that. Everything will be ok, but I have this feeling it’s actually going to be great. Like I feel like I’m just trying not to fail, but there’s moments where it feels like all these trials and tribulations are actually the road to el dorado, I am absolutely frightened to death and then suddenly it feels like everything is in its right place, and there’s a lot more going on then I know. And then with this quarantine, protests, etc. like wtf is going on, and then there’s a silver lining and then it’s a beautiful sunny day. I feel like I can’t trust myself. All I know is that it feels good to feel good and the shit I’ve been doing has been making me feel bad and making the people around me feel bad. And then I make an effort in the right direction and all these coincidences start happening, did it really even happen or did I convince myself of something? I have a feeling that sobriety right now will clear the fog, but what I’ve been doing is imagining hell on the other side, but every once in a while I’ll get this impression that it’s the fog thats scaring me, the fear that’s making me cope, the cope that’s making me turn to alcohol, the drugs that ruining me. I have to do what’s next or else everything is gonna turn to shit, but when I make an effort it’s not like breaking even it’s like winning the lottery, and this emotional rollercoaster is making me nauseous and exhausted.

[Anonymous No.15744740]

Under the volcano
The big book

[Anonymous No.15744751]

I used to be but I realized it didn't even make me euphoric anymore, it was just a way to kill time and become numb to my depression. I also met a guy who was a few years ahead of me in where my alcoholism was going and he was a day-drinker who was ruining his mind. I know another guy on the dole who is pushing 40 and he's borderline retarded from being a nightly drinker NEET for years. I also know people who are barely 50 and already have dementia from it.

Fuck alcohol, I hate it so much. It's poison unless you are the kind of person who only enjoys it as a social drink.

I kicked it way more easily than some people can so I got lucky. Some people have a lower genetic resistance or maybe they never lose the euphoria component so it never stops being fun for them. I have survivor's guilt because of that.

[Anonymous No.15744759]

>>15744595
I've have never drank alcohol in my life.
there's simply no point, I already have water.

[Anonymous No.15744871]

>>15744730


I also have the bizarre feelings you speak of here, im not a full blown alchoholic but its a habit thats kept me from healing i think and transitioning into a better way of living, which like you say, i have this feeling it might be great.. if i can just attain it.

[Anonymous No.15744936]

welp this thread made me feel great about myself.

If you've see where it can go, always keep in mind where it can lead.
Sometimes I feel as though I don't enjoy things unless I'm inebriated but deep down I know I can't enjoy higher persuits when I allow myself to be like this. As I get older the hangovers get worse. It's a fucking deep dark pit that is impossible to get out of once you're stuck down there. It's hard for me since I quit smoking weed because I feel as though I've used substances to relax since I've been a teenager. I've pretty much thrown away my intelligence and any hope at a decent career by thinking fuck it for the last 10 years, but I don't even enjoy my hobbies without drink or drugs and I feel like that it's the only thing I have in common with my friends.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsTyvMVDaxk

[Anonymous No.15745001]

i used to drink a lot when i was 15, 16, 17. i was never really much dependent (or so i think) and i still like a drink every now and then but i am glad i stopped. i was having hobos buy me vodka and brewing wine with walmart grape juice. i barely graduated high school with a 1.4 and missed out on so much because i was wasted half the day.

[Anonymous No.15745096]

>>15744936
I similarly cant seen to enjoy social interaction without drinking.

Not sure how to get back to enjoying sober hangouts.

[Anonymous No.15745112]

i abused drugs and alcohol for 12 years. i did things i regret and hurt people i love. i'll never get that time back. coming up on 6 months sober.

[Anonymous No.15745116]

>>15745096
I don't think I've ever had a friend who I didn't get drunk or high with, feels bad man

[Anonymous No.15745142]

>>15744595
I vary from being a medium-drinker to a functional alcoholic. Lately have been more towards the medium/heavy drinker level (somewhere around a bottle of wine and a cocktail or two a day). At the functional alcoholic level I'll go through a handle of spirits every other day or so (more on weekends). I try not to let shitty times drive me to drink more but it is hard when the booze makes it easier to just not care.

Anyways, big fan of John O'Brien's novels (Leaving Las Vegas, Assault on Tony's).

[Anonymous No.15745150]

>>15745116
Sad thing is for me is that they dont even drink that much, i never used to require being boozed to have fun, but its crept up in the past few years.


>>15745112
Congrats anon.
>>15745001
Glad u stuck it

[Anonymous No.15745154]

>>15745142
I LOVE the Leaving Las Vegas movie.

Does the book hold up?

[Anonymous No.15745157]

Stay off the spirits bros. They are truly poision.

[Anonymous No.15745170]

>>15745154
Yes. There is more story about the pimp, and the plot is presented in a different order, but on the whole it's still a great book. I actually think the book is more true to life, but the way they ordered the movie so that the gang-rape takes place near the end fits more thematically I suppose (it's been a while but IIRC in the book the gang-grape takes place before Ben even comes into the picture).

I guess if we're on the subject of alcoholic novels, I kind of enjoyed Rex Pickett's Sideways/Vertical novels, though they are stupidly self-indulgent and the movie of Sideways is FAR better than the novel.

[Anonymous No.15745209]

>>15745170
Wonderful, ill read the novel then, thanks anon, i hadnt thought of Leaving Las Vegas for a while.


Ill also take a look at the other film you mentioned and if it feels good maybe ill take a look at the books?

[Anonymous No.15745235]

>>15745209
Honestly Pickett's books are so indulgent that I hesitate to recommend them (the second one [Vertical] especially, even though after 200 pages of various nonsensical bacchanalia he ends with about 50 pages of kind of touching mortality). But the movie "Sideways" is terrific; it's an Alexander Payne movie where as much as Payne tried he couldn't make it as bleak as all his previous films that took place in the midwest. Which makes sense if you have ever spent any time in/around the Santa Ynez valley (where the movie/book takes place) - the geography just isn't as conducive to nihilism (or at least not an ugly nihilism given the beauty of the area and the quality of the light and the way that a few bottles of wine will make you feel when you're driving around young and in love with a girl from the area; I am not an objective judge here though given that I have spent time in the region when I was young and just out of college with a girl that I was madly in love with).

[Anonymous No.15745257]

>>15745235
Film it is then. Thanks!

Sometimes I feel like ill never relive those days you speak of, im only 27 but it really seems dire right now.

How does one reconcile they may never be as happy as they were when they were young?

Perhaps thats why I drink.

[Anonymous No.15745273]

>>15745257
>How does one reconcile they may never be as happy as they were when they were young?
I'm in my late 30s, and I have a hard time imagining being as happy as I was 15-20 years ago, despite a relatively successful life ('good' career [that pays well although I hate it], supportive wife, etc). Every day there seems to be fewer and fewer possibilities available to experience.

But then if you look at statistical studies of happiness, the majority of people are happy when they're young, depressed when their middle-aged, and then happier again as they grow older. I'm not a huge fan of using that kind of statistical pseudo-science to project how I'll be feeling in the future, but I'm hopeful that things will get better.

At least I can afford better tasting alcohol I guess.

[Anonymous No.15745305]

>>15745273
Heh, well better tasting alchohol never hurt anybody. (Not more than worse tasting alchohol anyway).

Interesting study though, i guess we will see where life goes.

I think an addiction is on the horizon though, ive always felt there was, i didnt think it would be alchohol though, maybe an opioid.

Ill have a sip for the both of us tonight.

[Anonymous No.15745313]

For reference. I can't imagine not being in the top 30% of drinkers (really the top 20% if I'm honest) unless I was in AA and purposefully abstaining.

[Anonymous No.15745314]

Been trying to quit for 7 years. A few good streaks in the last three years, but they never last. Currently only had 20oz in the last week, whereas I'd usually have 50-60 per week. Slowly weaning. Hopefully it takes.

Alcohol has made everything in my life worse and sobriety, when I can string together a few weeks or months, makes everything in my life better. But eventually it wears off.

[Anonymous No.15745325]

if anyone is trying to quit, a book that helped me a lot is This Naked Mind - Annie Grace

[Anonymous No.15745340]

>>15745273
>depressed when their middle-aged
*they're

Maybe I'm not as functional as I thought.

>>15745305
The only thing I think that I've been honestly addicted to is masturbation (I once went 2 months without, but eventually I relapsed and now go for it 3 times a wee or so). I guess given the amount I drink you could make an argument, but I'm not at a point where I'd get the DTs if I stopped cold turkey, and outside of using the wrong 'there' it's not really impacting my life.

Other drugs I've tried (pot, opioids) haven't done much for me. Never tried meth or shrooms or acid or cocaine or php or molly or heroin though so who knows (of those only acid, shrooms, and molly even hold a slight interest desu).

Anyways, cheers to you anon. I'm through a nice bottle of a grenache rose and am now having some bourbon while avoiding doing some work that I should have finished this afternoon (I'll just get to it early tomorrow morning).

[Anonymous No.15745350]

I’m actually watching the movie right now and I was thinking of making a thread — is this book any good? Has anyone here read it?

[Anonymous No.15745358]

>>15745340
Heh, yeah im a bottle of wine in myself, too much to do tomorrow, i need to turn off soon.

Im sure we will get a handle on it, hahah.

[Anonymous No.15745371]

Kinda hard to tell where I'm at. I don't consider myself to be an alcoholic at all, but my friends seem to always recoil when discussing my habits which is maybe 2 - 3 drinks per night, maybe 4 - 5 if I'm off work the following day. I am like a 120 lb manlet so maybe that makes it worse but idk.

I grew up always watching my dad have 4 or so gin and tonics per night so it was pretty natural for me to adopt the same habit. Now in his late 60's he's kept up the pace and doesn't seem to have had any negative health effects from it so I don't see any reason to nip it in the bud.

[Anonymous No.15745377]

>>15745350
See >>15745142 >>15745154 >>15745170

[Anonymous No.15745388]

>>15745377
My bad lol I’m drunk

[Anonymous No.15745391]

>>15745388
It's OK anon. What are you drinking tonight? And where in the movie are you?

[Anonymous No.15745406]

I have a sex addiction, I have been slowly reading the Sex Addicts Anon. Green Book and familiarizing myself with the 12 steps. I am thinking of attending a meeting when I can.

I'm only 21 years old but it is at the point where it has drastically effected my school life, work life, family life and my overall health and finances. The 12 steps seems to be very intuitive to me, and I'm drawn to the process a lot. Anyone here with experience in SAA or something similiar? AA anons feel free to comment too

[Anonymous No.15745411]

>>15745406
In general, 12 step programs work so long as you are willing to admit the possibility of a higher power. If you are a hardcore atheist there's not much of a point, but if not go for it and more power to you anon. First step in making a change in your life is recognizing the importance of making that change.

[Anonymous No.15745412]

>>15745391
J&B highballs with lemon Perrier, my go-to. Nice and crisp.

I just finished the movie, it’s been a few years since my last watch. I forgot just how sad it was, especially considering the author of the story took his own life.

[Anonymous No.15745427]

>>15745412
Nice anon. I haven't had J&B in years, but it is a solid choice (though honestly was always more of a Chivas man when I was drinking blended).

O'Brien's father called "Leaving Las Vegas" his son's suicide note, and I can see it. Love both the book and the novel. Recommend giving "Assault on Tony's" a read too which is basically a combo of the '90s LA riots and Leaving Las Vegas.

[Anonymous No.15745693]

>>15744595
I've been sober for almost three years now, I would like to tell you that it gets easier but that would be a lie.
You have to be prepared to fully confront the aspects of your life and personality that are currently being suppressed by the booze. They will come screaming into the forefront of your everyday shouting, begging to be heard and recognised.
After years of suppression the release of emotion and memory can be intense, just remember why you quit in the first instance, alcohol destroys the soul of a man it crushes it and drains the juices until nothing is left but a warped husk.
Good luck I truly hope you stick with your conviction to quit.

[jesus No.15745730]

>>15744595
there's no problem with spirit. if you drink spirit constantly it is because some toxic parasite sucks it off from you constantly. like stupid hysterical wife. alcohol is amazing. of course you need to eat well, walk a lot to enjoy it. worst thing is nicotine, artificial comfort.

[jesus No.15745755]

>>15745411
first step is divorce. and last step. those who love you are your prison.

[Anonymous No.15745879]

>>15745693
If i dont quit I forsee a very sad future lol.

[Anonymous No.15745896]

>>15745730
>>15744595
OP when you are faced with people who try to tell you that alcohol is 'good' or 'not that bad' or try to make a comparison with other addictions saying 'alcohol isn't as bad as that', you can almost always guarantee that they are coping for their own lack of control and addiction. You MUST ignore these people and focus on your own experience with booze. Something led you to the point of quitting, some thought triggered that decision in your mind, hold that close to your heart, alcohol is poison and some part of your mind or body was telling you that. You have to honour that original decision because the path is open don't close it again, don't descend back to the darkness.

[Anonymous No.15745961]

>>15745896
Thanks anon, sage words.

[Anonymous No.15746267]

i know it's a meme but infinite jest was the first book that made me even consider that i had a problem and that taking some time off from it could be beneficial

not sure i'd ever have the guts to go to an AA meeting but the meetings within the novel helped some, i suppose

[jesus No.15746362]

>>15745896
OP, it is the control, morality, faggots around you what makes you weak and drains your spirit. lack of control is good. church is the body. you hate yourself you hate God.

[Anonymous No.15746366]

>>15744595
I'd get fucked up and fuck art whores and other liberal undesirables -- like a lot of them, mostly raw -- in the city in which I live and now I think I'm developing throat cancer. I only did it because I was drunk. Never once did I do this stuff when I was sober. I'm over it now.

[Anonymous No.15746370]

>>15744595

Haven't shat blood for about two weeks. I could do a whole novella on that.

[Anonymous No.15746459]

Been abusing alcohol since I'm 16 and it got real bad around three years ago or so and severe health problems started showing.

Went to rehab and I'm sober for 4 months now. The Lost Weekend is a great book, I also recommend the movie adaptation.

Getting sober wasn't this life-changing event I thought it would be, I still feel the same, just more bored, and social interactions and friend-making is now harder for me. Maybe that'll come with time.
I'm on anti-depressants again.

[Anonymous No.15746513]

>>15744595
Bought 200ml of whiskey after work because I can't trust myself with a full bottle and drank it while I outlined my novel. Then I slept for seven hours. I do this pretty regularly.

[Anonymous No.15746517]

>>15746459

Sorry about Adaptaion being the go-to help-movie that you quote, that movie is try-hard shit. But in principle I suppose it's better that you're sober than not, by some metric.

[Anonymous No.15746522]

>>15746517
I have no clue what you're trying to say but thanks.

[jesus No.15746528]

>>15745896
just look at this anonymous pederast hiding from reality. he says alcohol is bad, but he does not describe how does he live, what is the source of his spirit. he could be a young kid, teenager who simply did not have to deal with toxic society, with old polite ugly faggots, or he could be a father who drains spirit from molesting children by pretext of love, or he could be a teacher or doctor having lot of attention from poor students and patients, they are his source of dopamine, his slot machines. there are no miracles, our society has been poisoned by lies, by morality, by hate, and drugs are the tools to cope with that. addiction to drugs is another side of addiction, dependency on stupid old weak faggots around, tyrants, dictators, you have to divorce them.

[Anonymous No.15746529]

>>15746517
He's meaning the Billy Wilder adaptation of Lost Weekend.