Write what's on your mind

[Anonymous No.15519855]

[Anonymous No.15519882]

When will I enjoy things again?

[Anonymous No.15519938]

I took a-big picture today, boss! Wowsa!

Ok I know it was stupid but your pic made me think of if Mario was a photographer.

[Anonymous No.15519966]

Have a fetish for chubby/fat girls is a slippery slope. The longer you stay in the game, and the more fapping you do, the bigger the girls you fap to tend to get. This is virtually inevitable. It has happened to me and it's happened to every other fatfag I've talked to. You start out just being aroused by chubby/plump girls. Then you think fat girls are sexy, but not TOO fat. But your definition of what "TOO fat" is keeps getting revised further and further upwards. Eventually you're getting a boner to girls clocking in at a quarter ton and you could still go bigger if you wanted.

I remember a time when I thought 300 pounds was big for a girl. God, that was ages ago. I've gone all the way through the looking glass.

I wonder how many other fetishes are like this, where you just keep getting turned on by steadily more extreme versions of it. Maybe muscle? Are musclefags like this, too? Is this why hypermuscle exists?

[Anonymous No.15519975]

>>15519855
I'm thinking about a story where girls have fireballs that correspond to their breast size.

[Anonymous No.15520027]

I love making music and want to make it my career but I've had this lingering feeling that I've reached the pinnacle of the conceptual understanding regarding every process of music making from composing to mixing to mastering. These are all difficult skills to master but they're p similar in method once you've been acquainted with them. Luckily I've recently found out about DSP/Max and I'm absolutely amazed by the depth of these topics. It also feels like a whole knew methodology is required to apprehend them. Anyway I've very glad I finally found something in music that feels less boring conceptually.

[Anonymous No.15520294]

A faggot just got assblasted and deleted his post.
Why are zoomers so sshamed of themselves?
When my posts get no replies i don't give a shit.
When i get corrected i still don't give a shit and just continue to spread misinformation.

[Anonymous No.15520378]

Hate being dyslexic, as soon as I read something I forget it. Just got to the end of a chapter and tried to recall what I just read and couldn't. My stupid brain.
I can follow stories but learning stuff from non-fiction just seems impossible.

[Anonymous No.15520382]

>>15519855
I want to go back in time and kill Sappho. The grand majority of women I’m attracted to turn out to be lesbians when I ask them out. Why? I simply do not know how this happens to me. I want to eliminate the concept of the Sapphic aesthetic. I want the very existence of lesbians to disappear.

[Anonymous No.15520395]

>>15520382
this nigga can't pull off threesomes with dykes. LMFAO

[Anonymous No.15520408]

I read and write romance fiction. The guys are idealized versions of myself and the girls are based on various crushes I've had over the years. I'm terrified of women and sex after years of sexual abuse at the hands of my father and humiliating experiences. There's no sex, just kissing/hand holding/blushing.

[Anonymous No.15520418]

I absolutely should not be so rude and have done some really terrible things but you are completely clueless if you think I get any joy out of being around your family. I had like a fake smile and very poorly held back disdain from the beginning. If you dislike being around me that is fine too and I do not hold you to anything. Everyone's opinions are different and you are not obligated to like me. That said, holy fuck, I can not stanf being around you people and harassing me on the internet and posting off topic nonsense doesn't make me like you. It just ticks me off more.

[Anonymous No.15520434]

A handsome 23 yr old doesn't want to sit around talking about bozinger sitcoms with a fat guy. Come the fuck on.

[Anonymous No.15520440]

i always avoided /pol/ but with those riots going on i basically spent 12 hours a day rotting and refreshing the catalog like a crack addict waiting for news for the last 4 days, and now i realize why everyone hates it.
I’m pretty scared though with those riots going on and everything being destroyed with no regards for human civility. What makes me terrified the most is the power of social media and how people can literally destroy your life if they felt like it. Glad I don’t have any and read Cal Newport’s stuff.

[Anonymous No.15520445]

>>15519966
It's called the fetish spiral. It happens with every one of them. I jack off to futa, and I don't know how long it took me to get to girls with dicks bigger than their bodies, but here I am. Worst part is that it happens between fetishes rather than solely within them. Here's a common imageboard tragedy: man starts off thinking "Hey, this generic anime broad's pretty hot", time passes, next thing you know he's popping a stiffy at girls getting turned into toilets on /d/. Truth is, everything's a slippery slope. It's the way of the world; STEMlord types call it entropy. Things decay, and reversing the decay is a lot harder than letting it happen. Not that I necessarily want to reverse that decay. I'm fine with my giant-dicked women, thank you very much.

[Anonymous No.15520453]

things will get better once i become sober and get fit. i just wish it wasn't so fucking hard.

[Anonymous No.15520581]

>>15519882
literally just stop being a sadcunt. that easy

[Anonymous No.15520598]

>>15520581
Some people can not ignore the suffering inherent to the human condition

[Anonymous No.15520621]

>>15520453
Same boat we just gotta work harder

[Anonymous No.15520647]

>>15520598
I'd shit on your sense of grandiosity

[Anonymous No.15520658]

I want a new hobby, something creative.
I looked into leather work, it seems fun, but it looks like you need a shit ton of tools to get started, I don't really wanna spend a shit ton initially if I don't end up liking it

[Anonymous No.15520659]

My car broke down in an isolated area, in-7c conditions. I spent a night shivering and huddling around my camping stove. Its turned into a week long saga involving mixup and fuckups with tow truck companies, garages, etc. The whole thing has been utter misery, and is burning my cash at an insane rate with motel/hotel costs, not to mention the repairs. I had to hitchhike at one point. I stood in the cold and rain for over an hour. One guy even pretended to pull over and then drove off. His girlfriend or wife was in the car. I can't imagine the type of people that find this funny or impressive. I had only planned to do a day trip, and didn't think to bring a week long supply of opiates, which I am addicted to. So this whole thing has been utterly fucking especially miserable. Luckily I had some travail in my car, but thats almost gone. I am really questioning what I am even waiting for, or what is I am going back to. Last night I was drunk in my hotel room just telling myself over and over to hang myself right now, just do it. Ever since my gf committed suicide in December life has lost all fun and joy, all meaning. I'm here in a hotel room. Waiting to fix my car to get back to a job and life that is utterly pointless and meaningless. I work to sustain a body that is the very cause of my own suffering. I must be kind of sick masochist or something. I missed my interview with the police/coronial services and will have to reschedule. I talked to the woman on the phone and she said these reports take years to come out. I made the mistake of buying cider, which is too low proof to get genuinely drunk off. I cannot physically drink enough to get hammered. I spotted a whiskey bottle in the recycling on my walk here, that had about 1/5 of the bottle still remaining. I am seriously considering leaving this place to chug it. Being alive appears to me as nothing more than the presence of misery and suffering, which I must endlessly strive and struggle against. I imagine a happier future state where its worth it, but deep down I understand I exist nowhere other than the present, and my ideas of a future just drive my present sprint on the ratwheel of suffering. I wish I was never born. Now that I am alive I fear death and my biology perpetuates the very cause of my own misery. I hate myself for living this cowardly life. Wanting it to be over, not having the determination to end it, and by consequence just coasting along in this miserable fucking ordeal I call my life.

[Anonymous No.15520665]

Tempted to pick up Bell Tolls today for a good war story but got a feeling there’s other books more worth my time

[Anonymous No.15520670]

My wife’s son exists just like the coleslaw given to me on the side of my cheeseburger. It is not really wanted, but it’s presence is accepted rather than just tolerated. It does not take up very much space. It consumes resources, but it must be admitted that they are more or less negligible in quantity. It does not suspect that I will throw it away once I am done with my burger.

[Anonymous No.15520687]

I don't feel much of anything and I don't know my own thoughts. All day I brood over what different philosophers and other thinkers say but I don't know what to agree or disagree with.
This leads to complete inaction because I feel like I can't "do" anything when I don't have a stable set of beliefs with which I could justify my actions, even the smallest and seemingly unimportant ones. I can barely even read anymore without my mind going "Why are you reading this?"

I think all day and come to no conclusions.

[Anonymous No.15520688]

Fiction is easy to digest, but just empty calories. No better than 30 sec clips on youtube, just a metter of degree.

[Anonymous No.15520693]

>>15520598
>>15520688
Cringe

[Anonymous No.15520723]

>>15520445
That's more a porn spiral I would think. Porn has that effect, not the fetishes themselves. It doesn't matter what you're attracted to.

[Anonymous No.15520761]

>>15520723
Never meant to suggest otherwise.

[Anonymous No.15520837]

>>15520408
did you report him? does your family know? has he done it to others?

[Anonymous No.15520850]

>>15519855
Feelin sad
I just want everybody to treat everybody else like human beings

[Anonymous No.15520893]

>>15520850
Alle Menschen werden Brüder

[Anonymous No.15520898]

how many words does benzos own? can he own language?

[Anonymous No.15521028]

>>15520453
what could sobriety possibly do for anybody?

[Anonymous No.15521031]

>>15519855
Peanut butter is not the best lube. But I like it on bread. Hmmmmm. Butter is good on toast

[Anonymous No.15521048]

Good night

[Anonymous No.15521076]

I hope the UPS guy shows up soon so I can go to sleep. I'm too tired to read and if I go out to get coffee he's going to show up in the five minutes I'm out of the house.

[Anonymous No.15521095]

>>15520445
maxwells demon has chosen you

[Anonymous No.15521251]

There is a mould problem in my apartment and my tenancy documents say "mould is the tenants responsibility". It's frustrating because it's impossible to live there but I am too retarded to take strong action and start a fight with my landlord to argue it wasn't my fault (it is definitely mould prone). I'd have to try to prove so much shit, gather evidence, and take it to a tribunal, and there's no guarantee it will be resolved in my favour after all that effort. So instead I'm going to waste time and money waiting for someone to fix it.

My life has been a struggle for the last two years and now after finding a place I liked it turns out to be latently defective and fucks me over for months with excruciating health problems. I was so ready to have a chill lifestyle... Work in walking distance, read and write, develop software, slowly get out of the rat race to do things I enjoy. But all this wasted months of my time. The only consolation is that almost everyone is falling behind because of COVID... But I'm almost 30 and getting impatient to do more shit with less time. Late 20s feels like it should be ramping up, not scraping and slogging.

[Anonymous No.15521263]

I wish i'd the opposite of the current self.

[Anonymous No.15521316]

Gah.... argghh... ah... ah..... Argghhh.....

Gaaahhrghrhrhrhh!!!!!!

[Anonymous No.15521336]

>>15521316
Based incoherent poster

[Anonymous No.15521348]

>>15519855
Why do people think Joe Biden is a good ally for African Americans other than the fact he was Vice President for Barak Obama?

[Anonymous No.15521362]

>>15521028
a clear mind and a healthy body?

[Anonymous No.15521403]

>>15520670
for all it's worth, i had a hearty chuckle

[Anonymous No.15521538]

Am I the only one that oscilates between ravenous hunger and not wanting to eat at all? I remember reading somewhere that some people are born with an atrophied sense of hunger or no hunger at all. Sometimes I eat so much I feel ill and the only way to regulate this is to go to the other extreme.

[Anonymous No.15521580]

>>15521538
years of eating very little means I often don't get hungry anymore. I usually eat 1 meal a day. In the summer I can sometimes have a 2 month period where I might not eat for 6 days, then a couple weeks normal, then a week of no food again. But that is because of drug use.

[Anonymous No.15521586]

>>15521580
But sometime I get an urge to eat, it is different sensation from hunger, like my brain is trying alternate methods to send message to me so I don't die. Then sometimes I will binge.

[Anonymous No.15521619]

I fucking hate people that defend how copyright works, especially since so many of them are shitters that have never published anything successful in their life.
You shouldn't "need" someone's permission to write something related to their work or make an adaptation off of it. Of course, a part of the money made should go to them automatically. But permission? Fuck that, that's giving these companies an indefinite hold on properties for NO REASON.
While I'm not a comic book fan, one of the things I appreciate that medium is that different writers get to use the same characters in different ways and retell the same stories over and over. This is literally how oral traditions perfected certain stories and then left them behind for posterity in a written form.
If you support an authoritarian hold over copyright, unironically die. Like, I get having a minimum of like 10 years, but after that it should be available for everyone to use so long as you can pay the % due to the copyright holder.

[Anonymous No.15521625]

>>15519855
the futility of a societally defined existence, the psychological conditioning which prevents me from escaping a jail in which I am simultaneously prisoner and guard. My internalized existential fear of becoming a burden on others; my feelings being exteriorised sloth and lack of interest in success, independence, and the other facets of a social existence.

[Anonymous No.15521635]

1/2

> 20, college student
> involved in a tragic incident, family member dies in horrific scene
> rest of the family breaking apart
> trying to hold it together, too much
> spiral into depression and want to kill myself, plan on doing it
> have secret downtown place above the crowds where I go to think
> walking to secret downtown place to go look at sky while others drink
> randomly meet girl on the street
> having trouble with a guy
> I get rid of him
> about to leave
> she asks to come with me
> take her to my downtown spot
> she likes it but sees I’m fucked up
> start hanging out and climbing rooftops to look at stars more
> she takes care of me for no reason
> start hanging out often
> I get sick and end up in hospital
> she still takes care of me
> visits everyday, family doesn’t visit, friends don’t visit
> a few months later
> doing better, back in school
> totally in love with this girl
> emotions and thoughts are still a wreck though, can’t sleep
> start sleeping, literally sleeping together often
> it feels so good, but still depressed
> “why are you so nice to me?”
> doesn’t really answer
> tells me that she wants to be kind
> teaches me that I can be kinder because I’ve experienced pain that others don’t understand
> never heard anyone talk like this before
> I want to live my life like that
> gives me a new sense of purpose
> stop living for myself, start trying to help people overcome their problems, turning my own pain into something positive
> shit is hard but things start to turn around
> finally work up the courage to tell her how I feel, pull her into an alleyway on the walk home
> “I’m in love with you”
> “I’m in love with you too”
> first kiss, have sex that night, start dating
> it’s amazing, I love her so much

[Anonymous No.15521648]

2/2

> graduating college
> desperately need a job
> still don’t have my shit together completely, struggle with sobriety and other things, burning candle at both ends
> just want to make her happy
> get a good job but have to move for work
> she is still in grad school
> I am miserable but make it work for a year
> decide to move back to be with her
> take a job back there
> day I quit the old job: “I don’t love you anymore I’m sorry”
> devastated
> throw out the drugs, stop drinking, reach out to family
> sober ever since, family is back together, happy, healthy
> everyone is doing well but never heard from her again
> realize it was at least in part to give me the last push I needed to get it together
> don’t know where she is or what she’s doing
> try to look her up, no social media, phone number is dead, can’t find anything
> it’s been 2 years
> her birthday is coming up
> feeling lonely, old, nervous I’ll never feel that way about someone again, kind of disinterested in everyone else, disinterested in most things, most of all just want to tell her:

Thank you, Liz. I love you.

[Anonymous No.15521660]

>>15521625
I know you're probably a zoomer and think the way you're typing is "literate" but it's actually not and you come across as an 80 IQ dummy. Learn to write like a normal person. Your feelings aren't granted more weight by trying to look smarter than you are.

[Anonymous No.15521669]

I'd rather be a bum or white collar worker than take a shitty simple job.

[Anonymous No.15521707]

>>15521660
I were like that when high. Every time I'm sure I'm a fucking genius then I look back and sigh.

[Anonymous No.15521715]

>>15521660
at least the first part was semi literate, feels good being acknowledged even if its because i sounded like i have 80iq.

[Anonymous No.15521795]

Had the strangest dream tonight. I was lead into some sex facility in which I did something erotic. Later it turned out that I had to pay a $50 000 fine because the contract I'd signed beforehand dictated the what the quality of my seed should be and my seed didn't meet the criteria. I was puzzled for a while until I resolved it by making a case that the food I ate at the facility is what made my seed unfit, so it was in fact their own fault. I was excused of the $50 000 fine and let go. Something happened later too that I cannot recall anymore.

[Anonymous No.15521845]

>>15521707
I used to write that way when I was a teen practicing writing. Then I discovered McCarthy and ever since I've gone to great lengths to simply my writing as much as possible.

[Anonymous No.15521852]

Cock and ball torture, from wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, at ee en dot wikipedia dot org.

[Anonymous No.15521853]

>>15521845
simplify*

[Anonymous No.15521862]

I'm sick and tired of our hyper-reactive society
Everything has to be constant outrage, negativity and shock value

I just want to retreat to a quiet farm somewhere with a cute wife and live there till I die

[Anonymous No.15521873]

>>15521862
If there's a war and you don't go there the war comes to you

[Anonymous No.15521881]

>>15521873
Glad I'm not American, then

[Anonymous No.15522069]

>started playing wow again
>just want one friend, a single fucking friend in the game to chill with and hang out, but everyone in trade chat ignores my dumb jokes and there's no chance to make friends in the 2000km/h instance grinding
Feels bad man.

[Anonymous No.15522121]

>>15522069
>instance grinding
Real friends are made in Barrens Chat

[Anonymous No.15522131]

>>15520893
German is a cool language. I want to learn more languages.

[Anonymous No.15522152]

>>15522069
Modern mmo design is somewhat ironically very antithetical to making friends and cooperating or socializing with others

[Anonymous No.15522154]

>>15522121
>barrens chat
>in retail
>inb4 play classic
I did and it wasn't very fun. Nostalrius was much better, even with the infinite amount of Chinese. I'll just stick to retail for now.

[Anonymous No.15522166]

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTINKY

[Anonymous No.15522172]

>>15522152
It is. It's probably easier to find a fucking date online now than it is to make friends in an MMO. Even if you do meet likeminded people, they immediately ask you to join their Discord server or whatever. God... What happened to just meeting a dude and talking to him from morning to night until it's late in the morning and you're both up and eating junk food, sharing the most private thoughts you ever had? Now that's the MMO experience.

[Anonymous No.15522194]

>>15520408
Sorry to hear that man. Maybe you should see if a therapist can help you work through your troubles. I used to see psychologists for a variety of reasons and now feel happier than ever. It really helps.

[Anonymous No.15522212]

>>15520687
That sounds like natural curiosity, and is better than what most people do with their spare time. It sounds like you have high expectations for yourself. Just chill and enjoy your reading, since it sounds like you're passionate about it.

[Anonymous No.15522238]

>>15520687
I feel the same way. But at the same time, I know I've made progress in my thoughts. The thing about philosophy is that it's best to follow your own instincts at a certain point. If you aren't finding anybody you agree with, it might be because you feel very different than everybody else. I spent years reading different philosophers until I came to the conclusion that none of them were fundamentally addressing any of the topics I'm truly invested in. The closest I've found to a philosopher that "helped" me is Deleuze since he does away with the idea of making philosophy into a science and agrees that it should be more like an artform where you find new creative ways to live.

[Anonymous No.15522270]

Internships are legal slavery. I remember when I was 16 in hs I had to do a 20-week-long internship that lasted throughout the whole 11th grade.
40 hours a week, no pay. If you were sick for longer than two weeks you had to redo those days during the next summer holidays.
I had to do all the dirty, uninteresting work that my colleagues were "too qualified" for. Occasionally I could go on their computer to work with adobe PS, but that was so rare and everything I learned from that I could've learned at home in 1 day.
That's how most internships go nowadays. You're supposed to "learn something", have some "experience" to show off on your resume. But all you really learn is how depressing all of this is.
My bitch of a colleague loved yelling at me, emotionally abusing, exploiting and embarrassing me. It made my social anxiety so much worse and made me fear the workplace even more.
I even intentionally drank lots of water in the morning so that I'd have to pee multiple times throughout the day. Even 5 minutes of away-time from this shit show was a gift in and of itself.
There was this other (female) intern at the same age as me and she was also kinda introverted and shy. She would cry sometimes when mrs. bitch yelled at her, and I think I would've cried too if boys who cry weren't so stigmatized.
I can still feel the effects of that time today. I feel easily hurt when somebody rightfully criticizes me for any wrongdoing. I keep thinking about how much of a burden I must be to other people. I go to my room, listen to music so loudly that I can't hear anything else and imagine a world that shows acceptance for people like me.

[Anonymous No.15522289]

>>15522270
I once spoke to a guy that was in a similar situation, except he worked in a law field and was severely underpaid. He basically had no time for anything and was constantly being abused at work. He was so miserable he wanted to kill himself, and legitimately told his (female) boss that he can't keep working, but every time she would apologize and tell him it would be different just to start abusing him again the following day and give him the pig's trough of the workload.
One day he stopped logging on, so it could very well be he fucking killed himself.

[Anonymous No.15522318]

>>15522289
I forgot to add that this friend also worked way past his normal work schedule. For example, his boss would randomly call him up on a free day and tell him she needs "help" with paperwork at her place only to make him vacuum and do other shit for her once he got there. But he was too much of a coward to say no, and like I said, she and the other high-ups guilted him into staying repeatedly and kept baiting him with flattery and promises of how well-off he would be in a couple of years given his potential.
Don't fall for it, bros.

[Anonymous No.15522321]

>>15519855
Sometimes I regret doing things. Going to college, working at McDonald's for 5 years. Sometimes I wish to kill myself just to save the pain of being a wagie/no gf/no aspirations. But I sleep like shit. Is it just the sleep, lockdowns, no physical activity or a culmination of the three?

[Anonymous No.15522336]

>>15522321
If you treat your body like shit than it’s pretty hard to avoid feeling like shit

[Anonymous No.15522347]

>>15522321
>Is it just the sleep, lockdowns, no physical activity or a culmination of the three?
It’s not just these 3 but it is all of them and more. It’s all intertwined but what you can do address some more direction than others.

[Anonymous No.15522369]

>>15519855
Quarantine has been the biggest toll on my mental ever. I do schoolwork for 8-13 hours a day and its always subpar. I've been jacking off at least 3 times a day, the only thing that makes me happy is eating ice cream and watching old movies. I don't know how to tell this depressed girl that I'm seeing that I don't love her and I have no money. The restaurant I worked at is now closing permanently and there will be zero job openings in my area for months so I'm literally going out west for a shitty restaurant job this summer. Idk if I'm depressed but this is definitely the closest I've been.

[Anonymous No.15522381]

I've been reading Frankl's ab and some of his accounts of the Holocaust are so unbelievable I find myself at times slipping into the mindset that I am reading a fiction book. I mean seriously, you're telling me 90% of everyone on the train got immediately roasted in their first minutes of stepping off? Were the gas chambers even big enough and efficient enough for that? It's hard to put stock into some of what he says when some of his claims are so outlandish.

Also it got me thinking about how human behavior is influenced by living under systemic conditions. He talks a lot about how the condition of prison life cultivated a sense of apathy in the prisoners but I am more interested in the apathy of the guards and what they felt. I wonder if there are any writings detailing the experience from the other point of view. I guess that would be pretty taboo by today's standards which is a shame.

[Anonymous No.15522384]

I was reading the Sorrows of Young Werther and looked up what Charlotte Buff looked like. Realized that she looked like a girl I had a crush on in high school. Should I off myself?

[Anonymous No.15522396]

This whole George Floyd protest thing stinks of religious fervor.

Why do they have to beatify him? Just being a victim doesn't make you a morally good person or one worth emulating.

So many leftists I know are acting masochistic and putting on a show of how "sinful" they are, it's just like the religious revivals I grew up around

It's like an international cultural christian revival. Slave morality

[Anonymous No.15522402]

>>15522369
> I do schoolwork for 8-13 hours a day and its always subpar
Why does it take so long and what makes it subpar? How are your grades? High school or college?
>I've been jacking off at least 3 times a day
Stop jacking off so much.
> the only thing that makes me happy is eating ice cream and watching old movies
This is fine in moderation but doing this too much will make you feel worse
> I don't know how to tell this depressed girl that I'm seeing that I don't love her
Do you like her though? What is she depressed about?
> I have no money
She will understand.
> The restaurant I worked at is now closing permanently and there will be zero job openings in my area for months so I'm literally going out west for a shitty restaurant job this summer.
How far West? Thought about doing something else in your area?
> Idk if I'm depressed but this is definitely the closest I've been.
You probably are but that’s okay and pretty normal. These are hard times and it sounds like you’re handling things pretty well relatively speaking. Let’s get through this.

[Anonymous No.15522431]

>>15522396
>Why do they have to beatify him?
They don't.
> Just being a victim doesn't make you a morally good person or one worth emulating.
Who the fuck said he was morally good or worth emulating? They said he was killed unjustly, which makes him a martyr by definition. The landowners the communists sent to the gulag weren't all nice people, doesn't mean they fucking deserved to go starve and freeze to death, dumbass.
>So many leftists I know are acting masochistic and putting on a show of how "sinful" they are, it's just like the religious revivals I grew up around
That's because Americans can't get over religion, it has nothing to do with leftism. Rightwingers are the same.
>It's like an international cultural christian revival.
It's not international at all.

[Anonymous No.15522438]

remembering my friend who killed himself
something like 3 years later? I wish you didn't leave me behind bro, or yourself for that matter

[Anonymous No.15522443]

>>15522431
If you take an IQ test you may qualify for certain government benefits

[Anonymous No.15522467]

>>15522443
You're a dumb rightwinger that's spazzing out of control because he can't handle the idea that a black person was killed unjustly. Stop comparing Europeans to your retarded compatriots. It's white Americans that are the illness.
Literally all my IRL friends are rightwing and I'd say they're very educated people. By comparison, you have to be a retard to be rightwing in America, legitimately. If all rightwingers in America were killed outright, the world would be a better place. You give all of us a bad name. No values, no backbone, just slaves to capitalism and muh constitution. Kill yourself.

[Anonymous No.15522470]

>>15522431
They absolutely have been beatifying him, I saw a fucking Icon of him in a porch window yesterday. They're claiming he was saintly and a gentle giant who never did anything wrong.

Multinational corporations are making their employees observe 9 minutes of silence worldwide (t. Works for fortune 500 company)

[Anonymous No.15522479]

>>15522396
It's because every political system, instititutionalised or not, that doesn't have a state religion instates itself as a substitute for religion. Consequently these people are following the egalitarian catechism like they were taught by schools, journalists, advertising, entertainment media and famous people that have a platform.

You really have to try hard to get out of these circles.

[Anonymous No.15522488]

>>15522467
>No values
Lmao, meanwhile the left’s “convictions” are just whatever the blue checkmarks tell them is right and wrong

[Anonymous No.15522493]

>>15522467
You're the only one that sounds like he's "spazzing out of control," simmer down and have a real discussion if you actually care about it that much

[Anonymous No.15522492]

>>15522479
I told my friend he was being masochistic for beating himself up for not being able to participate in the protests and he hasn't talked to me since

[Anonymous No.15522544]

>>15522488
Who are you talking about, you stupid faggot? People you made up in your deluded head? We're literally on 4chan right now, so why are you bring up Twitter? Americans are so fucking stupid. You literally aren't physically able to comprehend there's more to the world than what happens in your tiny bubble.
>>15522493
|Why would I have a real discussion with a subhuman? Anyone that's an American conservative deserves to be gassed. I don't associate with retards. He literally started by talking about God and Christianity in vain, so he can fuck right off.

[Anonymous No.15522568]

>>15522544
I think the people you’re lashing out at has risen to at least 3
There is no /u/anon redditfag, we all post with that name

[Anonymous No.15522570]

>>15522289
>>15522318
that really sounds horrible. You have to imagine that those authorities probably also went through that phase and now have become the monsters they once despised. I once studied cs for one semester until I realized that I don't want to crunch away my life in an office, working on a project I do not care about for a higher-up I fear. I always hear those stories about tech companies and game studios making their employees work 12 hours a day to meet the deadline.
Not to mention that those positions in stem are often highly competitive. If you aren't really good at that job, you'll be replaced easily, because there are 1000 others with a bachelors degree just like you knocking on the company's door willing to be the next slave. That's the irony, really. Low-wage workers are easily replaceable because these jobs are ridiculously easy to do (at least on paper) - if you go to college you like to think that you'll have more open doors, when in reality it's literally the same as wage cucking because there are literally too many people with the same degree and the same "experience" as you wiling to take the job.
I want to do something creative, something like filmmaking, writing novels or really anything that I like. I may have to starve here and there and it will definitely take a long time to make a living out of this, but knowing that I'll be working on things that I care about fulfills me much more than any software engineering wage ever could.

[Anonymous No.15522649]

>>15522568
Irrelevant to me. So long as your politics aren't aligned with mine, which are non-conservative but rightwing in the European fashion, you're all trash to me anyway.

[Anonymous No.15522650]

Because everything was going well and I was scared of ever losing you, I acted like a clingy bitch and now you're gone. Your explanation is that your feelings for me vanished, but you can't understand why. Whether you're lying or not about this last fact, it doesn't change the outcome and it doesn't change my pain. Being a loner for most of my life and then talking to you so much during this period made me realize I want to socialize and actually build connections with people around me. Thank you for making me understand this. I regret acting against my gut and feelings and turning from a weird-but-genuine person to a fag.

[Anonymous No.15522678]

>>15522570
>>15522570
>I want to do something creative, something like filmmaking, writing novels or really anything that I like.
That's what I've started doing, anon. I'm writing smut in my spare time to make a living and spending the rest on writing my first novel. I make more than many of my normie friends doing wage slavery, and I work far less. There's literally no way I could ever go back to working a normie job, I'd UNIRONICALLY rather kill myself. Every single person I know that got married and studied a serious degree is now miserable as fuck, and I've gone from being the loser of the group to being the only one that's relatively content with his life.

[Anonymous No.15522710]

>finally moved out of my parent's house
>Bought a car
>Got hired, and got a 15% raise two months later
>Rent is less than a sixth of my income
>Working from home, so expenses are low. Have the opportunity to save up a lot of money
>Started HRT
Can't believe so much happened in only six months. I was an unemployed alcoholic NEET in January. Kind of hopeful about the future now. Maybe I'll even get a romantic partner soon

[Anonymous No.15522766]

I have been social anxious all my life. I threw up many times before school when I was younger and knew there would be social things like group works etc. Last year I got in to medicine school and decided to finally get help for this probelm. Doctor told me I have severe social anxiety. I have taken SSRI for 6 months now and feel lot better.

Now I have a girlfriend from second year, lost my virginity too and I have so much more confidence. Myabe I have had too low serotonin all my life but now I feel more alive than ever. I want to start reading books so I lurk here and try to get motivation to better myself more.

[Anonymous No.15522828]

I can’t keep my shit together today, I fucked up my sleep schedule and now I’m paying the price.

[Anonymous No.15522960]

>>15522402
1. I'm a college freshman, basically doing work with no in person contact is just not the way my brain works
2. I'm trying
3. I know
4. Tbh not really idrk why I think she's just prone to it
5. I need money for myself thats not about her
6. Wyoming and yes I have but due to all the layoffs people around here aren't hiring college kids.
7. Thanks big man

[Anonymous No.15523004]

>>15522960
>I'm a college freshman, basically doing work with no in person contact is just not the way my brain works
I get it. I’m working from home and I’m the same way. We just have to get used to it and get it done. Do your best for real. That’s all you can do.
> I'm trying
Don’t try. Just make it happen. Put up website blockers on the phone computer for a week. Make the conscious decision to stop and just stop.
> Tbh not really idrk why I think she's just prone to it
You don’t like her at all? Do you ever hang out with her? There’s nothing you like?
> Wyoming and yes I have but due to all the layoffs people around here aren't hiring college kids.
Sounds like it could be quite the adventure if nothing else. Where are you now?

[Anonymous No.15523093]

>>15522710
How did you manage it? I’m trying to get a new job and move within a year.

[Anonymous No.15523376]

Im so fucking angry at world and myself.

[Anonymous No.15523392]

>>15523093
Job is your first priority. Put out lots of resumes, and be honest on them. Show up on time and be confident and respectful.

Once you've got your job go on Craigslist and look for rooms to rent. You are going to end up viewing a lot of places and put out hundreds of applications. It's worth it though, so be patient. If things just don't seem worth it or right, don't commit to it. I was considering one apartment for a long time but didn't go with it because it didn't feel safe. It turns out that apartment was burned down in the Minneapolis riots last week.

[Anonymous No.15523394]

Only 24 but i feel like life is just going about pointless tasks pretending they matter waiting for the end which is better sooner than later.

[Anonymous No.15523432]

>>15523394
Im 28 and i feel the same.

[Anonymous No.15523462]

>>15523392
Well, I have a job. I’m trying to get a different one which requires new skills. I’m able to change my title at my current job so I’m trying to make it more relevant so I can make it easier. I’m looking to move to the city though, which is different for me. I’m 27 and I’ve never really lived in the city before. I’m even considering New York. I just want to get out as fast as possible.

That’s crazy the apartment got burned down in the riots.

[Anonymous No.15523466]

>>15523394
>>15523432
I too used to be caught in a nihilistic torpor, viewing life as a series of meaningless, existentially suffocating signs, until I started using Colgate™. Advanced toothpastes to brighten every smile!

[Anonymous No.15523498]

>>15523466
nah use Crest. I've been drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes for a decade straight and my teeth are still whiter than bird shit, and its all because of Crest toothpaste.

[Anonymous No.15523720]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bo8og3xw-Ys
tfw no sad trumpet gf

[Anonymous No.15523824]

>>15523720
Reminded me of this
https://youtu.be/1iGdzJdwT8o

[Anonymous No.15523953]

>>15522431
>It's not international at all.

There are thousands of people protesting in London, Paris, and other Western countries.

[Anonymous No.15523973]

I am proud of how good looking i am. Anyone who thinks i shouldn't be is probably just a coping ugly person

[Anonymous No.15524002]

>>15522710
dont do it anon... it'll be over if you do...

[Anonymous No.15524443]

>>15521362
Definitely. I wish, however, I could have a clear mind and healthy body, and be an alcoholic. That would be the triumvirate for me.

[Anonymous No.15524501]

Ok this is Epic....

[Anonymous No.15524540]

>>15520294
They've been raised by the upvote/downvote system either in their face or atleast algorithmically since they were born. What do you expect them to do? A disagreeance on an imageboard is the same as being beaten by their father. Negative negative, positive positive.

[Anonymous No.15524792]

>>15522678
>I'm writing smut in my spare time
what does smut mean?

[Anonymous No.15525199]

>>15519855
:(

[Anonymous No.15525248]

>>15524792
basically writing with one hand
>>15523973
nice, ugly people need to cope more
>>15523394
that's exactly it, remember that people died at 30 in the old days, you've basically lived their whole life and you better remember life is about uneventful crap

[Anonymous No.15525298]

>>15525199
what's wrong anon?

[Anonymous No.15525304]

I need to write the next chapters of a novel that sucks, I know deep down it's better than some shit I've read (that wasn't hard, must say) but I'm at a plot crossroad. Some kind of time skip must happen but the story just started and I don't want it to feel like it was some sort of long prologue all along.

[Anonymous No.15525305]

getting drunk early in the day is bullshit

[Anonymous No.15525348]

I’m so fucking depressed and have nothing to live for and I’m a shit open book and nothing is good enough and hate so many things that are nice to me but that are so goddamn annoying, I’m everything I hate

[Anonymous No.15525367]

i have a bull shit eye infection and all i can do all day is religiously apply petroleum jelly on my enormous swollen tear duct and put hot towels on my face or else my WHOLE HEAD THROBS!!!! bros, this is so fucked up. be careful about rubbing your eyes, anons. apparently your tear ducts can just get stopped up full of shit if you don't watch out!

[Anonymous No.15525418]

I want to go back to neetdom so bad. Wagie life is fucking awful. At least going to school everyday was with your peers and sometimes lessons could be actually interesting ect, but work culture is complete cancer and it's just constant drudgery every single fucking day. I try to make friends with people at work to try and make it a bit more bearable but it hasn't worked. Everybody including me is a miserable cunt. I have to do this shit for the rest of my life? What a joke.

[Anonymous No.15525733]

I forgot to click to post this earlier

>>15523200
vaulter? I barely know her!

[Anonymous No.15525767]

>>15519855
Any other pics with this aesthetics?

[Anonymous No.15526092]

I like it when it rains. When I can go outside and feel the droplets on my face. When the blood running down mixes with the water, and a glistening film covers my skin. The once dried spatters are freed from my cheeks. I can walk down the street without a second glance. When the passers by look down to the puddles below and I look straight ahead. No hood or umbrella for me, thank you, hair matted to my head. When the clouds roll over the skies and shades of greys are deconglomorized. Roofs become instruments. When the splashes fan out over pavements. Stepped upon puddles grow ever so satisfyingly.

[Anonymous No.15526195]

women

[Anonymous No.15526316]

I am just sitting in my room all day listening to Thrash Metal and shitty rap, while my classmates are probably making money with drugs. Maybe I should have done the same?

[Anonymous No.15526362]

>>15524792
porn

[Anonymous No.15526391]

day 3 of keto and my head hurts and i barely have the energy to make dinner, send help

[Anonymous No.15527014]

>>15520659
that image freaked me out when I first saw it.
Didn't realise it was on its side so it looked like a hole in a cave overlooking a valley or something. Like mans just pure gonna fall out of it. Scary stuff!

[Anonymous No.15527025]

>>15520659
Much to figure out.
Look for the signs up the mountain. You're in a valley right now, but many have been there and many are still there with you now. Many have left signs along the way to help people back up the mountain.
Do not direct yourself towards happiness. Do not direct yourself towards the goal, the expectation, the want. Figure out what feels right in your life and take one small step towards that. Listen to your conscience. It could be picking up a piece of trash. It could be wiping off the sink when you spill a little water on it. It is not about the meaning of these actions or the meaninglessness of these actions. You do not do something because it has meaning, but you create meaning from what you do.
You must try and figure out what circles are spinning inside your head, and take small steps to redirect their flow.
Do not hide from your anxiety. Flash a light on it, sit on your knees and think about what it is. Practice mindfulness.
Think on the paradox of anxiety and focus. The more you focus on a goal and an outcome, the further you stray from it. The more anxious you are about something happening, the more likely it is for that thing to happen.
Talk with friends and family
Go for walks
Practice mindfulness
Try "This is Water" by David Wallace
Jordan Peterson Personality Lectures
Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl
Read about things that make you anxious

[Anonymous No.15527047]

I am 25, my mother held me back from everything, didnt let me go out to hang out with friends, hardly let me make any decisions on my own, never let me have a job, beat me, emotionally neglected me, went out of her way to embarrass me every chance she got(she once taped a failing report card of mine to the door so neighbors could see how bad i was doing), and it all completely ruined me. i have nothing to care about in my life and my mom doesnt think she did anything wrong. i genuinely see no light for myself at the end of the tunnel. I don't want to be alive anymore.

[Anonymous No.15527073]

That Americans will burn down their country over racialized police violence but sit around and do nothing about the CARES bailouts to asset stripping private equity firms tells you everything you need to know about their politics.

It's not as dramatic as a knee jammed into someone's neck but that's figuratively what these firms are doing to the country. And Trump hands them hundreds of billions of dollars to do LITERALLY WHATEVER THEY WANT with it, with no restrictions whatsoever.

[Anonymous No.15527083]

>>15519855
Why's she holding a pineapple?

[Anonymous No.15527100]

>>15527083
Think it's a pot plant on the ledge. Pineapples don't sway like that.

[Anonymous No.15527101]

>>15521648
You have been rekindled, but can you give up your longing for her? You will be happier and more free to stand and light the way for others.

[Anonymous No.15527110]

>>15527047
Fuck her. Become great just to spite her.

[Anonymous No.15527113]

>>15527110
i can't. my entire foundation is fucked up. im miserable every day

[Anonymous No.15527115]

I swear I've got uglier in quarantine. Maybe it's the lack of sun and exercise. My face looks so beleaguered and droopy.

[Anonymous No.15527121]

>>15527073
After the riots, I took a leisurely bike ride around the Goldman Sachs tower. The entire bottom floor is made of glass. All completely intact. Everyone thought they were tasteless to move across the river out of Manhattan, but what's up now? Enjoy the curfew plebs.

[Anonymous No.15527131]

>>15527115
I think I look better even though I'm a little out of shape now. It's probably because my hair grew out.

[Anonymous No.15527140]

>>15527113
I feel you. I was hoping Covid would solve this problem, but it turns Covid was a hoax.

[Anonymous No.15527147]

This tweet is from a Johns Hopkins expert. People couldn't go to an outdoor funeral for their dead loved ones but now these mass protests are totally justified because the threat posed by racism is greater? Even the head of the CDC thinks the threat of racism is worse than the threat of covid-19 right now. Am I losing my mind or is this logic just commonly accepted by everyone now?

GOD I hate people so FUCKING much

[Anonymous No.15527154]

>>15527113
Nah bro, you can build your own foundation. It's a big ass world and nobody is going to know about your report card and they wouldn't care if they did. Restart your life like you just got out of a cult or are running from the mob. You'll soon see that nobody can really tell your past, and that you can do shit on your own. Korean niggers break out of NK every year and go live undercover in China and avoid another police state every day while not even knowing the language or how to get a bus, and they wind up living, you're going to be fine if you just try.

[Anonymous No.15527162]

>>15527147
That was the CDC director tweet. This is the Johns Hopkins bitch

[Anonymous No.15527176]

>>15527101
I don’t really hold out romantic longing. I did love her in that way. Now, I love her in a different way. I usually just feel pretty disinterested romantically now. I don’t see how anything could feel like that did. A girl from tinder or something is just so irrelevant.

[Anonymous No.15527185]

>>15527101
>>15527176
I did a bad job of explaining this but you know what I mean, I think.

[Anonymous No.15527187]

>>15527154
how can i make up for 25 years of lost life experiences? I have nothing.

[Anonymous No.15527205]

>>15527073
>CARES bailouts to asset stripping private equity firms tells you everything you need to know about their politics.
They don’t understand this stuff. It doesn’t make the news and nobody explains it. Most people don’t even care to understand these things. For the record, you’re right. I worked closely with private equity firms and it’s every bit as insane as it sounds.

[Anonymous No.15527207]

>>15527187
That 25 years is sunk cost. There is no way to get it back. The good news is, you don't want it back because it was shit. You now have 50+ years to get good, and nothing to lose.

[Anonymous No.15527214]

>>15521648
this made me feel funny :/

[Anonymous No.15527228]

>>15527207
I hate that i lost 25-27 years of my life. its so unfair that my stupid cunt mother did this to me. I dont even know how id restart anywhere else

[Anonymous No.15527263]

>>15527228
>Life is unfair
Yes. Do you want to spend 50 more years regretting that or do you want to live?
>How I'd restart
Get on a bus and go fucking anywhere. Get a job. Try shit you've never tried. Do fucking anything that is not wallowing in regret. Make yourself uncomfortable in new ways.

[Anonymous No.15527279]

>>15527263
id rather just die. I'll always feel lonely, ill always be fucked up, ill always be ashamed of my past and my family. All i ever wanted out of life was a family of my own, a wife and kids, and my mother stole that from me by making me entirely unrelatable and miserable

[Anonymous No.15527293]

>>15527279
>If my mommy isn't going to give me a great life then I don't even want to try for myself
Then die. You obviously want that more than trying to get what you supposedly want.

[Anonymous No.15527359]

>>15527279
You are such a self-defeatist bitch man go and kys

[Anonymous No.15527375]

>>15527185
I think maybe.
I don't think anything ever will feel like that did. Well, not quite. But you've already been in a position where you couldn't imagine another reality. Romantically speaking you could meet someone tomorrow, truly. And, again, they could be taken away the day after. It is something like a death meditation. Sad to think about, but also gives you energy and direction and happiness.

I wish you the best.

[Anonymous No.15527481]

I made $5000 on Robinhood today. But that still puts me below what I would like to have in savings. I think I may have to move back in with my parents for 2 to 6 months. I really want to quit my job. I'm 26 and make $14 as kitchen-management at a restaurant. I like it but I'm unhappy there. I have issues with the schedule, the dirtiness, the exhaustion, leaving at midnight but working at 8am and for 14 hours the next day.
I think my main issue is that I'm super self-conscious of my body image. I think you would call it Body Dysmorphia? I always feel ugly. My parents were hoarders when I was growing up, and among other reasons, I never had a lot of self-confidence. I didn't start developing knowledge about self-grooming and personal hygiene until my early twenties. Because of this and the job I'm stuck in, I have a very hard time feeling clean and presentable most of the time.
I'm also super gay on the inside. I want to show it more without being super crazy. This restricts a lot of unskilled labor for me because I don't feel super comfortable working around a bunch of "manly" guys. A lot of places also have dress codes for men.
I would like to get my ears pierced at least and maybe try a noticeably "fashionable" hairstyle, maybe a tattoo. I recently went to a salon for the first time ever, but the truth is my hair is super thin and falling out.
I want to go back to school but the only thing that really interests me is, well, I have always been interested in hair and makeup, and would have loved to go to beauty school or done medical spa training. If I went to school for it I would be surrounded by a bunch of 18yo girls with a lifetime of experience already.
Eh, I guess I feel I'm at an unhappy crossroads and I'm having some trouble focusing and facing it.

[Anonymous No.15527483]

>>15519855
I've been saving my money to hitchhike in Norway Everyone calls me a fool-- I don't mind-- I must see where Knut Hamsun was born...

[Anonymous No.15527510]

>>15527481
You'll get there anon! :)

I don't really have any answers to what you're facing but I know for a fact that every human being can learn to love themselves. We are all so unique and each of us can offer something to people around them that nobody else can. Rooting for you, man :)

[Anonymous No.15527527]

>>15527073
american elites will do anything they can to turn the conversation away from class, wealth inequality, corporate power, and economic issues and towards identity politics. george floyd's death is yet another perfect way to do this. by the end of the covid-19 pandemic and george floyd protests we will have seen some of the greatest transfers of wealth at the top go right underneath our noses

[Anonymous No.15527531]

>>15527483
This is fkn based, buy a good hiking backpack and lightweight sleeping gear, plus a headlight so you can read comfy literature in your tent at night

[YAY ANON No.15527532]

>>15519855
KINDA SMOOTH

[Anonymous No.15527556]

>>15519855
Every single kike and nigger deserves to die without exception.

[Anonymous No.15527564]

>>15527556
brainlet

[Anonymous No.15527572]

>>15527556
>he hates the two most based races of them all
anon...

[Anonymous No.15527573]

>>15527556
One of my best friends is a Jew and I grew up around an area with lots of niggers and became friends with them as well. Some, I assume, are good people. I still wouldn't mind in the slightest if they were all genocided because it would be for the greater good.

[Anonymous No.15527620]

>>15527214
> this made me feel funny :/
?

>>15527375
That’s true. Thanks.

[Anonymous No.15527631]

>>15527293
It's not about mommy. I want a life of my own but idk how i can make up for lost time. How am i supposed to catch up in maturity to be even with all my peers? its like starting my life over at fucking 25 years old

[Anonymous No.15527634]

>>15527359
Im not self defeatist, im just defeated. It's not even my fault. Everyone around me since day 1 was selfish and ruined me

[Anonymous No.15527660]

>>15527634
You lost most of your youth, you'll never live the ideal normie life, and you'll always carry some scars from your youth. I get it, that sucks. But you're still barely in your 20's ffs. If you think a fairly normal, content life where you overcome your past is already impossible then yes, you are self-defeatist. The past is not your fault but the future is in your hands, and I'm not saying that in a faggy motivational way. You have control over everything that happens from now on. Do with that what you can.

[Anonymous No.15527689]

>>15527631
Stop blaming your mother for a start and stop using "lost years" as an excuse to not try. You are a grown ass adult and you lost no years. You spent years poorly and rather than spend future years better you just want to tell people how the future is predetermined. It's not, you're just choosing to spend more years in regret rather than spend them in improvement. If you want to spend your life being a bitch, nobody is going to stop you, but that's on you.

[Anonymous No.15527697]

>>15527631
>its like starting my life over at fucking 25 years old
First of all, there’s no problem at all. If anything, 25 is the ideal age to start fresh. If you don’t, you’ll just be 27, 28, 29 wishing you had done it at 25. Second, I don’t think you can ever actually start over. You are the culmination of your experiences, timelines, thoughts, wants all rolled up into one. It’s immature to think that “this isn’t the real me” or something like that because we’re not a certain way or interacting A certain in the world because every step we took was a conscious decision on our own part. I know that’s hard because we have regrets and mistakes we wish we could erase from our past but the sooner you accept that, the sooner you will be free from your past. What do you want to do as a fresh start anyway? I’m not sure I followed this convo.

[Anonymous No.15527729]

>>15527047
hi anon, i'm also 25 and also had this bizarre combination of a physically and emotionally abusive helicopter mother. i think the most important thing is to stop trying to make her confess to her wrongdoings—she sounds like a narcissist, and god knows if they even know when they're fucking up. (if they do, they certainly don't care) you were her source of narcissistic supply and she wants you to feel useless without her. i'm sorry you're stuck in this place, and i feel for you. wasting time trying to hold your mother accountable will only drive you insane. instead, use your freedom from her as an opportunity for personal growth. it takes some focus to cultivate interests after being emotionally battered and made to believe you are worthless but you can do it, anon. you haven't been spoiled by any means—there are tons of us out there who don't get the opportunity to have a proper childhood. your future is still yours and i hope the best for you. i'll keep you in my thoughts. recovering from narcissistic abuse isn't easy but your wings are not as clipped as you may think they are.

[Anonymous No.15527771]

Is anyone hip to Taiwanese literature? I'm unsuccessful in trying to find English translations of 余光中/Yu Kwang-chung/Yú Guāngzhōng aside from this blog https://hglennie.blogspot.com/2017/12/english-translation-of-5-poems-by-yu.html . I'd like to have a book, but I'm starting to wonder if this blogspot is all there is, with a few exceptions for his most famous.

>>15521251
>Late 20s feels like it should be ramping up, not scraping and slogging.

tell me about it desu.

[Anonymous No.15527781]

>>15520445
That’s just your brains response to densentisation. You search for novelty to try and spike your dopamine.

[Anonymous No.15527786]

>>15519855
It’s all so beautiful, it’s all so transcendental my layered with meaning, so loaded with LIFE. Holy, pure, perfect. It’s wordless. Beyond words, how I wish I could put it into words, and then I realize it has already been said, and how well! What could I fear? My spirit is not alive, it is a LIFE, a whole unity, a unity in the whole. The paradoxes are straight lines, infinite duality, transcended by infinite triplicity. How exhilarating! I love to read, but I’ve forgotten how.

[Anonymous No.15527802]

Havent picked up a book in weeks.
I feel like a wreck. No motivation for anything

[Anonymous No.15527841]

>>15527786
I'm interested anon

[Anonymous No.15527883]

>>15527841
Me too, anon! That’s why I’m feeling so glorious, you see, it’s just so interesting, this living spiral with infinite nodes, infinite living spirals, it’s turtles on turtles, and isn’t it grand that even if the turtle on top is a completely different turtle than the one below, they still connect in some way, there is, in fact, a definite point of contact! And even many...and then at the end, which is as certain as the beginning, there’s this turtle of turtles, the singular turtle Within the infinite turtle. Where does one end and the other begin? And why is everything shaped like a tree branch?

[Anonymous No.15527889]

>>15527883
This is one of those either 1 IQ or 109230923 IQ posts. Definitely something special about it tho

[Anonymous No.15527900]

>>15527883
Random

[Anonymous No.15527914]

>>15527883
Anyone got any recs for books with absurdist yet symmetrical resonances like this post?

[Anonymous No.15527920]

i wish that life/my parents/my early childhood relationships didn't mess me up as much as they did

[Anonymous No.15527926]

>>15527920
>blaming external factors

[Anonymous No.15527956]

>>15527914
Most zen writers

[Anonymous No.15527989]

>be me
>16 y/o in high school
>all the english/history teachers are gross and/or only hit on the girls.
>tfw you will never have an inappropriate relationship with an older literature/poetry mentor
How am I supposed to become a prodigy now, anons?

[Anonymous No.15527994]

>>15527889
something special about (You), dear Anon!
how many in thy anonimity
art (Thou)? One, two? Perhaps three? O! Beyond!
Anonymous, I am (You) and (You), me!

Xoxo
>>15527900
Checked, and by what standard?
>>15527914
Our Self here has lead you in a nice direction!
>>15527956
I like the Bhagavad Gita, you symmetrically resonant absurdism, (You)!

[Anonymous No.15528030]

>>15527994
>by what standard?
By at least seven turtles

[Anonymous No.15528042]

>>15528030
Oh, you clever fox, I love you!
3? 5? 7? A whole chord of turtles!

[Anonymous No.15528046]

>>15528042
It is a highly valid scale, even if they mostly have shells.

[Anonymous No.15528050]

my mental health has been taking a real nosedive lately. my father died a few months ago of an incurable disease, a person i very much admired got bullied into suicide, and overall my intrusive thoughts have gotten much worse and harder to control.

i've been holding it all in for a long time now for fear of sounding like a pussy, even if my mom and the rest of my family have all been understanding and supportive and all want me to be earnest and thorough with my feelings, and i'm thankful for them.

i miss my dad. we all do, everyday. everytime i feel like crying thinking of him i try hard to stop myself. i don't know why i do that. no one's berating me or abusing me emotionally for feeling like that or anything like it. i just keep holding back.

i guess i don't want mom or anybody else to see me in that state, even if they said it's fine, that i should let it all out, that there's no reason not to. maybe it's cause i feel bad since i'm very sensitive, but no one's shaming me or calling me words.

i want to get out more and face my fears and become a better person for him, and i want to do that... but i'm scared of what's out there. i'm scared of other people, of how evil people can be to one another, and i'm scared of what could happen in the future.

all this doomer talk about the world ending and a race war re-igniting again really has me worried. i don't fucking want that to happen. it would be horrifying to witness in this day and age. i don't wanna give credence to things people say on social media.

this suffering is not teaching me shit. it's only made me wanna go into hiding even further... but i know what's not the way go. life has got to be more than all this, right? i want to have faith that we will be alright. i want to write about happy things.

[Anonymous No.15528063]

>>15528046
I agree! Do you know, does the shell make the turtle or does the turtle make the shell??

[Anonymous No.15528067]

>>15520382
I am also attracted to lesbians for unknown reasons

[Anonymous No.15528072]

>>15528050
I’m on my last legs, but sitting down isn’t too bad. I’m sorry for your loss. Time doesn’t take it away, but it changes your perspective. You can at least have Faith in that. Do your best to live the Good, and it will appear in due Time. Whichever side of the wheel of fortune you ride, you are sure to arrive at the other as it turns. The material passes away, but the Love really is forever.

[Anonymous No.15528079]

>>15528063
Turtles don't have to make either, they have better things to make and do.

[Anonymous No.15528081]

I hate hearing how sick all of you are.

I've got an idea for a novel set in 1979 Dallas-to-Detroit about an adopted jewish girl driving a Honda Civic. She's not actually jewish, and her mom is trailer trash. Main character never meets mom cuz she joins scientology, wasting away her father's inheritance. At the very end she abandons the manufacturing hub of Detroit for a financial center like New York. It's now 1980, I can do so much with this skeleton of a story.

[Anonymous No.15528084]

>>15528079
Hmmm, very interesting, and true. Thank you for the evening meditation? What is the Areté of The Turtle? The dharma of turtles, by Anon.

[Anonymous No.15528092]

>>15528081
A novel told from the perspective of a low-level scientology member who wholeheartedly believes everything about it could be interesting.

[Anonymous No.15528115]

>>15528084
It's morning here and I have to make a cake, but if I were to guess I would think it's something to do with lettuce or eggs. Who knows, though, or needs to know? I'm sure turtles get by just fine either way. Maybe it's something to do with strawberries, but I could be getting confused with the cake. Have a good night anonsanim

[Anonymous No.15528118]

>>15528092
the actual steps you have to do are ridiculous, like making a clay figure out of yourself. and then screaming commands at said clay. I want to tell a much shorter parallel story about the history of Honda, they'll be testing SuperCubs on Alan Watts in 1958. So I don't want it to be factual, but truthful. Delicate balance...

[Anonymous No.15528129]

>>15528118
Look up how they speak. Exmembers have great stories about having to relearn English. It's like a ready-made nadsat.

[Anonymous No.15528138]

>thread where OP wrote "I come here to damn the kike because anywhere else I would be censored" verbatim just vanished from the catalog
BASED jannies

[Anonymous No.15528143]

>>15528129
Yeah the alphabet soup, I've already read Going Clear but that doesn't really elucidate the specific steps members do in their little therapy sessions. So I've been reading that one Tony Ortega blog about going up the bridge, how much it costs, etc.

[Anonymous No.15528152]

weeeeewoooooooo ha

[Anonymous No.15528163]

>>15528118
What you've described sounds interesting, link your story here when you've finished it.

[Anonymous No.15528165]

>>15528143
Aaron smith-levin has a channel on YouTube which has a few videos where he teaches you how to speak like a scientologist iirc. He explains a lot of stuff they do besides that but he is a slightly later generation than the one you're focused on I think. Worth checking out

[Anonymous No.15528206]

>>15528165
They've opened up a church in 2018 in the middle of these old indian roads in Detroit, like dead middle, so I thought to add in the girl having angry native american thetans. Etc. etc. it's a solid idea I want it to take YEARS tho have only been working since March.

[Anonymous No.15528306]

>>15527573
Based.

[Anonymous No.15528351]

I've been unable to escape the claws of hypothetical outside perception in every single thing that I do. Every time I engage in any activity the very first thought that comes to mind isn't if i'm doing it right or if i'm enjoying it...etc, no, my mind always races towards ''what would x and y think of this, what if i did this what would z say ''. It is so, so tiring. I do not know why I seek so much respect and/or love from others. It's even more baffling considering I am a failure at life at the moment, and I haven't progressed at all in these recent years. I keep contemplating suicide not because I am discontent with life, but rather because i do not know any other way to get away from myself and it would put a permanent to any harm i have caused to anyone else. The smell of rot inside me is suffocating.

[Anonymous No.15528460]

i want to leave society. i want to escape it all. i don’t want to kill myself, i just want to be alone.

people are exhausting.

[Anonymous No.15528565]

>>15519855

There are so many replies in this thread so I'm sure not many users will see this.

It's my birthday today; I turned twenty-one in a city of closed bars, clubs, breweries. My group of bros were going to fly out to my city and have a three day bender, cancelled of course. I moved to this city maybe three (?) months ago. My mind has been blank for a few days so I am smoking weed out of a mountain dew can right now.

The only highlight of my day was the shred of my hope that my ex-obsession would message me. I've been wanting to patch up things with her and I have too much pride to reach out first. Around 6 months ago, her and I got in a fight because I wanted something more than sex, flirting and friendship. She didn't and refused to talk to me until a few days before I moved cities (think NYC, Boston, Philly, Chicago), which I told her about in 2019.

She said "I'm afraid because while I love you, i don't want to be with the guy that you were." She added " The city will do you good and change you, I am excited to see the man that you will become." This was in-person and it was hard not to cry that night or at the airport shortly after.

You can see why I would be reluctant to reach out again. I don't feel changed, other than my new-found useless knowledge on Russian literature. I still spend too much time playing videogames and on the internet. I still hold strong opinions. I still dress casually and I still want to be with her. I really do want to change, if not for her, then at least for myself or another woman but I just can't muster enough resources within me to. I'm too intrinsically poor to even afford free will. As you would expect, She didn't try to reach out to me today and I know she knows it's my birthday. She prouds herself on her ability to remember birthdays.I am, without measure, sad and upset over this. Is she doing it out of spite? Does she have the same reason as I do? Does she have a man with her that was able to live up to her expectations before I could? I don't know bros. I believe in love right now in the same way that I believe in god, with great skepticism but understandable if it turns out true.

After smoking, I guess my mind isn't blank. My mind on her. It most likely will stay that way until I can meet someone in my sanctuary city. I miss my rural-suburban girl.

[Anonymous No.15528581]

>>15528565
For all you know she may have wanted to text you, but felt it would be more beneficial to hold back instead. And for all I know, she may have been correct. Keep on trucking, and keep on missing people.

[Anonymous No.15528641]

>>15528565
This girl sounds like poison. She's screwing with your mind. Why shouldn't you hold strong opinions? Why shouldn't you dress casually? And even if you did change all that, who's to say she'd like you instead of coming up with some other asinine reason?
Some personality traits are objectively bad. Others are objectively good. Most can go either way, depending on who's looking at you. Everything you mentioned (except for the vidya and Internet addiction part, but what guy these days isn't like that?) falls into that last category. You shouldn't try to change core parts of your personality based on what one woman thinks, especially when the next might disagree entirely. Why's this one so special, anyway?

[Anonymous No.15528695]

>Pokemon-Go kill some blacks
I'd use the n-word but at this point it'll only get me more of these advertisements. Way to go capitalism.

[Anonymous No.15528748]

>>15528565
I know it's hard but forget her

[Anonymous No.15529123]

I don't enjoy sex or going after it anymore. When I think about it I am still filled with a burning iron in the soft water of my brain, but the ocean floor of my world has been lifted and I experience a constant physical pain that is only nullified by the steam of narcotic food or reclining. I hate the world and the people that live in it. I only understand that others like me, this violent dream of living, other demons facing me in dreams in the real world.
Fucking a woman! The sweet fruit I burn myself with is nullified by the moments I get one in my bed, those strange creatures that seem alien, but familiarity only breeds boredom, they, at a distance seem mystical, like the top of a mountain, coniferous trees and morning mist, but in the bedroom they are as everyday and joyless as skim milk.
I know that everything that is perfect is dead. Any man that becomes a genius locks himself in a room for the rest of his life, with a pen and paper, writing down nothing.
Maybe I'm gay or something? Seriously need input.

[Anonymous No.15529154]

>>15529123
>>15529123
Bro it's just this quarantine getting to you. My sex drive has plummeted due to being indoors and sedentary all the time. The only women I ever see in person are the Nepalese women who work at the supermarket. Its the same thing that happens to NEETs, you spend too much time away from pussy and the urge just eventually dissipates.

But also, sex outside of a relationship is average most of the time anyway. Its about the chase, that's whats enjoyable, rarely the actual sex. Once in a relationship, you lose even the chase, and everything becomes mundane. Hmm. Maybe I see what you mean.

[Anonymous No.15529189]

>>15529123
>I don't enjoy sex or going after it anymore.
>going after it
There are people who enjoyed this part? I mean, I understand the fun after this is someone you're experienced with, but the game before that is terrible.

>Maybe I'm gay or something? Seriously need input.
I mean that wouldn't be that cause but this is also an opportune time to check. Try baby steps.

[Anonymous No.15529200]

>>15529189
>that cause
the

[Anonymous No.15529225]

>>15529189
Made out with some guys in my day. Sort of nice. Don't know if I would like fucking a guy. Idk.
>>15529189
I live in a state where no one gives a fuck about quarantine anymore. I always loved the chase of pussy much more than actually fucking. I just don't have the drive or energy to do it anymore. Maybe if I meet some QTs at a protest I'll change my mind.

[Anonymous No.15529333]

The first part of the video was such a tease, and still, I could never find the rest. Until today, at least, when i found the unlisted second part on some public playlist.
Alas, my despair continues, as I realize there’s at least one more part, and it’s probably even more explicit than the second.
It remains hidden, and my only hope is contacting the uploader and hoping he is willing to let a stranger see the extent of his friends debauchery.
I wonder how hard it is to hack an youtube account

[Anonymous No.15529343]

>>15522570
I really regret taking up a stem degree in uni. The only positive aspect there was to it is meeting some wonderful, like-minded dudes i wouldn't have found anywhere. Already wasted years on this bs. I'm highly considering just becoming a regular car mechanic or something of that sort to avoid this impending doom.

[Anonymous No.15529524]

>>15521251
>Late 20s feels like it should be ramping up, not scraping and slogging
Same. I have friends at my age that are managers making well into 6 figure salaries at this point meanwhile I’m living paycheck to paycheck by myself in a boring little town in a job I hate.

[Anonymous No.15530086]

I WANT TO WORK ON MY NOVEL BUT I HAVENT FAPPED IN 14 DAYS AND THE COOM DEMON URGES ARE COMING MAKING IT EXCEEDINGLY DIFFICULT TO SIT DOWN AND FOCUS

[Anonymous No.15530522]

i didn't get the job at the library... i studied german lit and language ( i live in germany) and i can't even get a job at a library out of all places. Where is someone with my degree supposed to get a job if not at the fucking library??

[Anonymous No.15530557]

>>15530522
be a trans/interpreter companies are always looking for transemployees

[Anonymous No.15530569]

I want to retool my career towards something more in statistical forecasting/programming and get out of this town but I almost don’t even know where to start.

[Anonymous No.15530662]

Wie viel ist aufzuleiden

[Anonymous No.15530678]

>>15530522
Ein Germanistikstudium alleine ist nunmal leider ziemlich nutzlos.

[Anonymous No.15530689]

>>15530569
I also do this thing where if I want something but feel I can’t accomplish it in the timeline I want to, I get discouraged and put it off only making things worse.

[Anonymous No.15530703]

>>15529123
What kind of man do you fahncy

[Anonymous No.15530710]

>>15528565
At least you have bro’s and at least you have a subject of obsession that is normal

[Anonymous No.15530957]

>>15527047
Also 25 and my mother was (is) the total center of my family, my father is a pushover and “keeps the peace”, have two older sisters basically in a generation separate from myself. God knows I needed all the help I got from my mom and dad, with my mom calling all the shots, but I never did end up learning so many things for myself. And I was naturally retarded, but my mother would correct me on basically every little thing I did, now whatever it is I am now it’s entirely unnatural and in between two spaces and not really anything. My mother does love me and she isn’t like an actual “bad” person, but she assumes everything she does is right without any question, and I’ve grown into a person that never thinks I’m right and that constantly asks questions. It’s weird like even my family’s dogs have my neuroticisms. I think I have a lot of predispositions anyway but it sucks because even though I didn’t have the worst family upbringing, I know that if I had one where I had access to different things or who got me into different kinds of things or who knew different people, I could maybe be so much better than I am now. Or if I was worse then at least I wouldn’t feel like it.

[Anonymous No.15531281]

>>15529343
yeah I agree I met some cool people there. I actually got in a class with a guy who I hadn't seen since elementary, definitely a nice welcome even though he sometimes bullied me back then haha.
there was always this one shy scene girl who always happened to sit next to me and the other dude so she automatically became "one of us". she was really cute desu but I was too much of an anxious wreck to actually talk to her like a normal person so we never really had conversations outside of uni stuff. man idk how I'm supposed to have a partner now that I'm 20. I feel like I haven't matured at all, I just got sadder.

[Anonymous No.15531315]

>God is everyone and everything
>I am and am not God

[Anonymous No.15531716]

>>15531281
maaaan, i thought i had actually matured over the years but as it turns out i was just deceiving myself with ego stroking bullshit, i'm still the same pathetic child. i'm losing hope.

[Anonymous No.15531721]

If free will exists why am i forced to hug women

[Anonymous No.15532031]

>>15531281
>20
jfc you have so much time
please leave here and spend more time with people that arent anon

[Anonymous No.15532143]

I love y'all, wherever and whomever you are.
I've always had too much love and kindness within myself. I want them to leave. It's dangerous.

[Anonymous No.15532154]

What is wrong with f Karen? It is an ok name.

[Anonymous No.15532307]

>>15532031
I don't have friends. Haven't had one in years actually. But I plan on going to college this winter to study digital media and philosophy which hopefully will introduce me to some like-minded people :^)

[Anonymous No.15532356]

>an at least 30 comment long prank just got deleted

[Anonymous No.15532448]

>>15520408
I remember seeing you post a while back. How are your stories coming along? I wish you success on your endeavors, and a good future where you are healed from your pain.

[Anonymous No.15532512]

I've been struggling all my life to gain their recognition and they gave me hell. That's why I'm going to give them my love. I bought a Winchester 1873 Rifle on the internet and haven't received it yet.
A letter from the military arrived at my doorsteps this morning: It says they are recruiting fresh blood. Is it a sign or is it just the final celebration of the inextricable gearing that shoved me into this deep pit and is now pushing me into death itself?
It's been weeks now. I am officially a trainee in Deathwell Bootcamp. The name is fitting, you may think. Some guy I made friends with jokingly made a comment about this very thing the other day and the commander shot him in the back of the head during our morning push-ups. Fragments of his head fell onto my shoulder and I think I tasted some brain matter as I was gasping next to him. I broke my record in the next session.
We received a notice. The war is officially starting in the Southern Continent. The captain looked grim. It seems the untrained soldiers of the 4th division would also be on the job.

It is certainly regretful. I hope the rain will be falling hard, as I am not yet ready to see my blood spill and not quite a fan of having my head exploding like firecrackers.

[Anonymous No.15532541]

I don't know what, exactly, has inserted the meme into my mind that I *want* to learn Spanish. It frustrates me because I know I have the capability, but not necessarily the time to properly juggle learning more than one language at a time and I've been slowly working my way through Duolingo's Scottish Gaelic course! The question is not how to accomplish learning two languages at once, but the question I'm experiencing is *why do I want to learn Spanish in the first place*? It feels like a desire divorced from my other desires, yet also very much in line with my desires, if that makes any damn sense.

[Anonymous No.15532553]

Is this what it felt like to live in 68 France?

[Anonymous No.15532559]

>>15532541
why is yoda dressed up like a tech deck dude

[Anonymous No.15532596]

>>15532553
no, because in '68 there was organization, unions, and cohesive goals, but this is just anarchic violence.

[Anonymous No.15532607]

>>15519855
Ich werde mich nicht wieder euch beugen, Gedankenverschmutzer mit eurer Affensprache, nicht in Fürzen und nuschelnd denken während wir nichts und wieder nichts bereden. Eben las ich, war selig, eins mit mir und eins mit den Sätzen. Weshalb kam ich hierher zurück? Die englische Sprache ist ein Sumpf und man versinkt darin, mit einem Male ist alles klare, leuchtende innere Bild verschwunden. Deutsche Glückseligkeit, reiner Klang, scharfes Bild, gleich sind wir wieder eins.

[Anonymous No.15532720]

https://youtu.be/iWSSD8_sAF4
/lit/ in a nutshell

[Anonymous No.15532748]

>>15532720
bunch uh fackin' pseuds

[Anonymous No.15532988]

>>15522678
How did you get started writing smut? I'm nervous that I'll get it wrong or write myself into such a niche that I won't be able to make a living whatsoever...

[Anonymous No.15533161]

>>15519855
How do I notice and remember unobvious small details that may be separated by tens or hundreds of pages?

[Anonymous No.15533183]

What am I going to do this summer? I'm 17 and I need to live it to the fullest, it's my last summer before I become a legal adult. I need to get my life straight, figure out who I am. I need motivation and energy. I need to read more, play more games, and catch up on some anime and film. That's what's on my mind.

[Anonymous No.15533185]

Fuck niggers

[Anonymous No.15533200]

>>15533161
By taking fucking notes.

[Anonymous No.15533368]

>>15533200
What part of “small and unobvious” do you not understand?

[Anonymous No.15533415]

Blacked went from #2 on Pornhub to number #161 since the rioting started. The polls are saying Biden is going to win, but people's fappin' habits don't lie. Dems get smoked in November. Calling it now.

[Anonymous No.15533590]

>>15533200
How would you figure out what is important and what is not?
E.g. Humbert writes that he has ED in one of his medical histories and later in the novel we see his evil doppelganger who is also an impotent.
Or the fact that Nabby uses French to denote scenes which are not real?
Big and obvious plot twists are easy to follow but when we talk about small details (which are really what Nab is all about) there are too many fake leads and you can't really condense a novel, where every word is measured and has meaning into a note which would really say something

[Anonymous No.15533660]

>>15533183
you literally don't need to do any of that. stop falling for this stupid narrative of "so now that you're an adult it's time to take some responsibility!"
the reality is that most of us are living on thin ice literally all of the time. "Real adults" have no idea wtf they're doing. The only difference between them and you is that they've become accustomed to the bureaucratic nonsense that is imposed on us. It's only the very high earners that have it "all figured out". Just make sure you enjoy whatever it is that you're doing.
Also don't watch madoka magica and any of the "golden era" hollywood movies. It's all just pretentious bait.

[Anonymous No.15533680]

>>15528138
Slobbing on the jannies knobs won't make them like you, foreskin eater

[Anonymous No.15533761]

There's no way of saying this without sounding arrogant, but I'm ranting anonymously so I don't really care how I'm perceived. You know the saying "imagine your average voter - half of the population is dumber than that". Okay now imagine being in the 99th percentile for intelligence. Not only is everyone you a moron, but the entire world around you is a total joke. I turn on the television and it is ABSURD. I walk outside and it's like I'm living in a fucking jungle with literal apes. And the funny thing is being in the 1% isn't even anything to write home about. There are like 100 million people at this level. But strangely enough most of them don't seem concerned at all, like they go about their day seeming perfectly happy that everybody they interact with is retarded in comparison. Or maybe they surround themselves with like-minded people, never seeing the rest of the demographic personally.

[Anonymous No.15533774]

>>15532720
>fucking pseuds

[Anonymous No.15534259]

Writing something that truly comes out of me makes me feel electricity coursing through my veins, constantly trying to break through the skin. Structuring a proper story, building characters, and conjuring the trickery required to keep a reader interested makes writing seem like labor.

Am I destined to only write a sporadic journal of feelings and thoughts or can I write something I can trade for money one day? Don't know, not sure if it's worth the effort either.

Hope you're all doing good /lit/!

[Anonymous No.15534310]

>>15533761
How is it that you consciously recognize the other people of this group respond differently than you do, but still predicate your response on belonging to this group? You don't just live in a jungle full of apes, you live in an ape's body. Calm down and watch the big lebowski or something.

[Anonymous No.15534367]

>>15528565
Fuck off normie, I just had my 22 birthday some days ago and it was miserable.

[Anonymous No.15535441]

>>15522710
That all sounded fine and dandy until you mentioned HRT. For the love of God anon, don't do it. You'll ruin your life

[Anonymous No.15535554]

>>15519855
I don’t want to live to work, I want to work to live. I may have found out the answer to my problems too late, but that’s okay.

[Anonymous No.15535570]

>>15534367
I thank god i'm not you.

[Anonymous No.15535612]

I'm literally surrounded by idiots:
>Earlier today
>Mom starts talking about the dawn of Civilization
>Says before Pangea got divided, there used to exist four great nations, each gifted with one of four natural elements
>Says the greed of man brought upon war, beginning with the fire nation's attack
>Unironically believe humanity's first god to be the Avatar
Mfw when she didn't even get the actual political nature of the series

[Anonymous No.15535620]

>>15535612
If this isn't bait anon, what your mom said was

[Anonymous No.15535627]

I sent a request to room with other native students to the administration a large student apartments and they said it wasn’t possible because every single one of them are foreign

[Anonymous No.15535692]

This is a temple cum throne room.

[Anonymous No.15535722]

I think I will get your suits and books and send them back to you as I do feel bad for flipping out like a spazz. I am sorry but you and your family are just really not my idea of a fun time. Listening to that shithead drone on about Bazinger was fucking Hell on Earth. And the other one with the dorky daughter who babbles and babbles. Holy shit. Either way, you would probably appreciate it back so I will get everything together for you.

[Anonymous No.15535755]

>>15519855
having sex is trash tier shit. the happiest ive ever been in life has been 1) during riots/serious protests and 2) during extremely challenging calls at work (i work on an ambulance). adrenaline is an infinitely better neurochemical than dopamine and anyone who disagrees is a closet bitch

[Anonymous No.15535841]

>>15535692
And I am the Cum King

[Anonymous No.15535845]

>>15535554
Yes, minus the anime

[Anonymous No.15535847]

>>15520581
TPBP

[Anonymous No.15535853]

>>15533761
99.9999th here. I've stabbed myself in the eye putting on sunglasses. Being the smartest ape doesn't mean much at all.

[Anonymous No.15535891]

>>15530662
Ohne Leid gibt es kein Freude. Dass ist Klischee aber manchmal Warheit ist Klischee.

[Anonymous No.15535897]

I went to look at a bunch of book stores and found basically the exact kind of books I was looking for. Feels good.

[Anonymous No.15536189]

Why even bother?

[Anonymous No.15536304]

>>15536189
I wish i knew

[Anonymous No.15536442]

>>15535570
Wanting to be loved is the most cucked up shit ever. Look at how degraded you fucking sound over this.

Imagine placing so much stock on another person's opinion of you.

[Anonymous No.15536531]

my teeth are melting like golden caramels
the bugs under my skin are crawling again
i wish i was in a different state of being

[Anonymous No.15536671]

We've created secondary worlds. There will come a time when tertiary worlds are created, and quaternary worlds, and quinary worlds, and senary worlds.... Our virtual worlds will create their own virtual worlds. Abstractions on top of abstractions on top of abstractions. We'll increasingly complexify our simulations, and as they become more complex the simulation itself will create its own increasingly complex subsimulation and the infinite cycle goes on... goes on.

[Anonymous No.15536678]

>>15519855
girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks girls with dicks

[Anonymous No.15536702]

>>15519855
I feel old and left behind. I spent a bunch of time on YTMND remembering how fresh and alive it was 15 years ago, then started thinking how fresh and alive it was on 4chan. Now it feels stale, I don’t remember having to duck and avoid so many replies that were so blatantly bots or shills or racists. Maybe they were always there? Maybe I was one and I just forgot? But it does feel right to do this, post in a stupid thread while I take a long over do shit and vent my feelings. Then I can hide this thread, never knowing if I got a single (You) or if I languished in obscurity til it aged off, a miserable post unworthy even of an archival grab or screenshot. Oh well, time to post.

[Anonymous No.15536744]

>>15536702
4chan got too popular and actual racists saw the jokes and said 'this is a place for me'. that being said, i'm pretty sure /b/ has always had nigger hate threads.
the culture has and will always be about being against the grain.
reality of the situation is that you have outgrown 'for the lulz' reasoning and mindless counter-culture centricity.

pointlessly pointing out the obvious aside, i see that YTMND is now back up after being down for however long. hallelujah.

[Anonymous No.15536756]

>>15536702
I've been here since SomethingAwful and I've always been pretty racist so maybe it's just you. Maybe you miss the days when the moderators were literal actual trannies with reddit sensibilities, as the mod leaks showed? If you like communities curated by carebear queers obsessed with showing how inoffensive they are, try SA or Reddit.

[Anonymous No.15536797]

My life keeps getting miserable everyday but at least music exists to keep me in company. Nietzsche was right when he said that a world without it would be a tragedy.

[Anonymous No.15537073]

Even as an idiot teen (and probably literal schizo) I thought that fatass rambling about bazinger was pure torture. It should absolutely not come as a surprise that I dislike you. Read a book about facial expressions. If someone is rolling their eyes and has a "get me the fuck out of here" look on their face I do not think they like you. I clearly do not derive joy out of you and your family. And hook nose is the worst of you. She literally has her own son she doesn't talk to? Why don't you ever pester him? Hell, he's fatter and uglier and doesn't have girls after him so he wouldn't be embarrassed or annoyed by you. You should be pestering him. I am not genetically related to you or obligated to any of you.

[Anonymous No.15537116]

>>15519855
I don't care for much of anything anymore. I will just finish my degree in biology, take the MCAT, get into a good medical school, join the army for them paying the tuition, then vanish into Peru. I'll just pick up a small native woman who will bear me some children and live the rest of my days as El doctor with an arsenal of medical supplies and guns giving free medical attention to the poor bastards who ran their luck and live in a garbage hole. This I know I will strive for, have the potential for, and am forging the idea into a tangible reality. But I feel so empty right now. This hope and continuous progress has not dwindled the slightest, but I feel empty.

[Anonymous No.15537241]

I want to say something, but I don't really know what it is that I want to say or how to say it.

[Anonymous No.15537321]

>>15527883
>infinite living spirals

[Anonymous No.15537464]

What is wrong with everyone. It’s like everyone joined a cult. Everyone keeps talking about abolishing the police force and just taking care of each other. What the fuck. Has everyone gone fucking insane? What kind of fantasyland do these people live in? Two weeks ago, no one was allowed to leave their houses because you would kill someone, if you left but now it’s okay to protest/riot? IT DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE. I feel like the democratic party is a lie, and they just say whatever is politically correct. You don’t get a free pass to endanger lives because racism. ONE GUY DIES AND THE WHOLE WORLD GOES NUTS?? So, now the right and the left don’t care about corona? If you are a black american, please answer this. Are you really in THAT much danger from the police? Because every single poc person I know, which is everyone. Is completely ignoring this issue. They were sad for like the first day and then got over it. I’m 100% here for police reform. BUT YOU CANT ABOLISH THE POLICE, WE NEED SOME KIND OF FUCKING ORDER, STOP SAYING THE BULLSHIT ABOUT 400 YEARS OF OPPRESSION. YOU’RE GOING TO GUILT EVERYONE INTO GETTING EVERYONE KILLED. This is why we can’t be a true democracy. BECAUSE EVERYONE IS SO FREAKING STUPID. Do any of you even know how the police system works? Do you think every police officer is out to get you? Listen, I’m glad this has spread the issue of systemic racism, but oh my god, what the fuck? Every police force works completely different. Why is it all or nothing? There’s a fucking halfway, here. Why has everyone chosen to die behind this issue. I got my own shit going on, I DONT HAVE TIME TO WORRY ABOUT AN ENTIRE RACE. NOT EVERY BLACK PERSON EXPERIENCES RACISM THE SAME WAY. YOURE NOT ALL THE SAME. I can’t believe I’m not allowed to say you’re being overly emotional because that’s racist???? Being a rational human being is suddenly racist? Do you know why the police are trying to actively stop you? BECAUSE YOURE PROTESTING THEM AND CALLING THEM ALL EVIL. It’s the same fucking shit. YOURE KETTLING THEM!!! Do you not understand cognitive fucking empathy??? Take some personal responsibility, here. And I know white people are a giant part of the problem here. If you are a motherfucking white person, YOU ARE NOT COMPLICIT WITH OPPRESSION JUST BY EXISTING. This is fucking insane. If you’re a minority in any capacity, your life is going to be harder. Do you know why it’s your job to stop racism? BECAUSE YOURE THE ONES BEING EFFECTED BY IT. White people weren’t even allowed to say black people last week without being called racist. How were they supposed to know that you have an inherent fear of the cops?? WE ALL SUFFER FROM SYSTEMIC SHIT. You are not special. So, I’m going to need you to stop guilt tripping stupid ass white people into thinking you’re ten minutes away from genocide. And you call whites entitled. HYPOCRITES. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Have some goddamn self respect. FUCK.

[Anonymous No.15537505]

If time is a constant cycle. When is this shit going to reverse?

[Anonymous No.15537555]

Earlier this week someone volunteered me without my knowing to go help one of our coworkers move their couch. He doesn't own a car but I do, which is why he did it. This was very annoying to me but this coworker is a good guy so I agreed to help anyway.

I woke up this morning with an upset stomach which actually subsided pretty quickly. But now I'm thinking of using this as an excuse not to go help today. Entirely because I'm still annoyed at this guy for telling our coworker I would do this. In the past when I've let people pull this kind of thing they quickly made a habit out of it and suddenly I was a personal taxi driver for multiple people who I never really cared for.

On the other hand, our coworker doesn't deserve to be caught in between the problem I have with this guy. If I had been asked properly I would be happy to help. It's the afternoon now and nobody has contacted me confirming that we're still doing this or with the address of our coworker. So I'll just wait and see what happens.

[Anonymous No.15537751]

>>15533660
The high earners figured out how to earn high, they didn't figure out shit otherwise.

[Anonymous No.15537862]

>>15535845
What’s wrong with anime?

[Anonymous No.15538010]

She finally smiled in relief, going back to gently caressing my cock with her small tender hand. I really didn't want to push her further, but my desire to try it out was too strong, too overwhelming for me to stop those horrifying words from escaping my mouth. "I want you to lick my ass." I said confidently, my voice almost (almost!) cracking at the last syllable. I didn't expect the kind of reaction I got the next moment. Her smile got even brighter as she cheerfully yanked my legs up, revealing my brownish gaping asshole for her to examine. "Wow," she said, "never thought my brother would be into something like that." What came after I remember groggingly, must've passed out due to pleasure. But the feeling of her soft tongue exploring my dirty unwashed hole for the first time stays in my mind to this very day.

[Anonymous No.15538132]

>>15519855
i wish i could write songs and lyrics but i don't know anything about music

[Anonymous No.15538218]

How do I convince my parents to watch LOTR?

[Anonymous No.15538258]

constant thoughts that i want to be a woman plague me, my learning has stopped, my relationships are strained, instead of feeling nothing all the time and faking being happy i feel like shit most of the time. Also i want to learn more/do more about politics but i don't want to seem like a buzzkill and a leftist nut to my parents and friends.

[Anonymous No.15538347]

>>15538218
Just describe every scene of the movies to them until they give in and go watch it

[Anonymous No.15538349]

>>15538218
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ij8b3360tIg

[Anonymous No.15538355]

>>15521251
You're almost 30. Learn to clean up the mold.

[Anonymous No.15538392]

>>15538258
how old are you if i may ask?

[Anonymous No.15538455]

>>15538392
18

>inb4 Your problems are small because of your age

[Anonymous No.15538506]

>>15538349
Jesus, what an insufferable cunt.
What did he expect to happen from forcing his family to watch 12 hours of shit they aren't familiar with?

[Anonymous No.15538547]

>>15538506
honestly

[Anonymous No.15538589]

>>15538349
>thinks lotr is a good movie after getting a BFA
Grade inflation needs to stop
>Films his family against their wishes to put on the internet while living in his parents' house
They need to make him get a job and move out. He's not fifteen, even if he acts that way.

[Anonymous No.15538611]

>>15538589
see>>15538547

[Anonymous No.15538623]

>>15538611
See >>15538611

[Anonymous No.15538994]

>>15538258
yo. are you still here?
are you skinny and femme or just kind of normal sized?
Tell me where you are. Some places will offer informed consent.
Hairdressers, local clothing stores, and medical spas are probably more supportive that you think. Some jobs will be better than others.
Are you going to college?
I already posted in this thread about not being able to feel clean and presentable. I feel the same way I guess. I don't want to write a long paragraph, but a lot of body issues involve a painful jealousy of women and androgynous men. I really notice other peoples clear skin, enviable figures, and femininely manicured hair. I have long, but thin hair, but otherwise don't have the confidence to attempt a more androgynous appearance.

[Anonymous No.15539126]

>>15538994
just writing my response

[Anonymous No.15539166]

>>15538994
well to start yes,yes i am here. Im fairly tall, my face has been compared to a lesbian (i choose to take that in a good way), my voice is deep and i'm a lil bit overweight (im trying to get in better shape it's just hard when your parents choose what you eat and they somehow judge you when you ask for healthier options).

Im in Australia and i feel that my area is very hit or miss with the progressiveness. There is a hairdresser run by drag queens pretty locally so they would most likely be supportive but on the other hand the people closest to me are not the best with any thing progressive . I tried bringing up the black lives matter stuff which i wouldn't normally do and every time the argument always came back to them saying that all black people are in gangs.

I wonder all the time if i am a woman but i have not really done anything feminine in my life,is it all a fetish i have taken too far?

I don't want to kill myself at 40 because i realize im not a man and I don't want to 41% after I realize im not a woman.

[Anonymous No.15539263]

Love has overcome thought, I am obsessed! Fate has tied to me another again! Is it a new generation that forces it's being through us or are we atoms cought in a bond which unknown tonus is the formation of a vastly greater and magnificent creature?

[Anonymous No.15539497]

>>15539166
>>15539166
I understand. I also have never really done anything feminine, but I have always desired to or been jealous of people who can do things without being over-scrutinized. The local LGBT salon here is kind of overbearing and wants to recommend very colorful modern hairstyles. I chose a regular salon to discuss my ignorance of caring for long hair with a "normal" stylist. Eating healthy is big, and if you can try to find a diet that makes you feel better try to change, even if some people laugh at you for trying new things.
I myself am an angry manlet with very broad shoulders. I'm not super progressive or vocal about anything except maybe LGBT stuff if I get asked about it.
What's wrong with being an androgynous man? I often feel like I'm being artificial with people, and consider I might be more genuine if I was a woman or more noticeably queer looking.

It could be a fetish or it could be a very real chemical, hormonal, emotional brain related issue. I don't claim to understand.
Personally I feel a pretty consistent depression overall due being unhappy with my gender. But I also experience the autogynephilia "fetish". I have been trying to ask in some threads what people's experience with sexual fantasies are. It seems to me something that can lie on a spectrum, and as you can relate the emotions back to your personal desires and foundation, the more significant and real you can interpret your orientation to be.

[Anonymous No.15539690]

>>15539166
>>15539497
Anons gender is a social construct. Currently society is pretty fucked up and vacillitates between thinking there are female/male things to do or look like and feel like, and charges of false consciousness. What you should both do, and what any healthy social construct should do, is love your natural body. That means making it fit and healthy, but should not mean changing it by painting it or cutting it or reforming it with corsets or any of the other crazy shit people do in order to conform to the very limited standards of a given society. Just like women should not be getting breast implants to conform to a bizarre standard of DDs or not being female enough, and men should not have to break their shin bones to gain height, anything that is cosmetic should be regarded as an inability to love oneself rather than an admirable standard to be emulated. Your natural body has been evolved by nature to be an apex predator and thing of beauty, and there is a good reason why it formed you that way. By all means try to make your body that of a healthy predator, but be suspicious of anyone who tells you that nature has made a hair out of place who is not an oncologist or otherwise trained in spotting cancer. Trying to trim any body down to a social standard of beauty is grotesque and ignores the good reasons nature developed in a different manner. People who take all the hair off their bodies don't know nature put it there to soften blows, and retain your natural scent which attracts mates, and to wick infection from your skin, and keep you warm or cool. They do know their society will like them better for looking unnatural and their desire to conform in order to feel the safety of the pack will make them dump all the healthy advantages nature granted them for one twisted advantage which has lost sight of real health.
The writer JM Synge said one truly smart thing in his career: by the time every Irishwoman is thirty, she has the face she deserves. Your body is a reflection of the self you have built, and seeking to change it to conform to a social standard does not translate as being beautiful but being socially swayed. True beauty comes from making decisions that benefit your natural body. Think of dog shows: does anyone think that those thoroughbreds which have congential problems from inbreeding and weirdass hairdos for dog shows are the primal beauty of dogs? Of course not, only crazies who participate in dog shows do. Most everyone else would prefer to be a healthy wolf rather than a sickly well groomed poodle. You should love yourself enough to become a healthful human rather than hate yourself enough to try to conform to temporary standards of a gender.
The same goes for hormones. People who use same gender hormones are not happy or healthy. Women risk cancer and being attracted to inbreeding so they can keep up sex lives with people they see no future for humanity in. Men do the same to win games no one sane cares about.

[Anonymous No.15539810]

I feel so strange lately. I don't know what this feeling is or what it wants from me. It's been nipping at my heels for years now. I wish I could share it with somebody so that they could understand me a little more deeply, but I don't even understand it that well myself.