Dyspraxia destroys lives

[Anonymous No.15312324]

Not only am I poor as fuck and lacking in talent, I'm also cursed with dyspraxia. How do I cope with the fact I will be mediocre and unable to express myself through art for another several decades of this pathetic existence?

I had so many dreams when I was younger.

[Anonymous No.15312331]

Tell me your dreams, anon.

[Anonymous No.15312368]

I wish my mom swallowed :/

[Anonymous No.15312408]

Fellow dyspraxic - I also had the art dream for a while, and I had good fundamental instincts (e.g. on the art I made when I was younger I did some fairly complex things, had a good handle on color contrasts), but I couldn't ever make that step into serious art - my coordination just never caught up with what I thought I could do. Huge fucking blackpill.

[Anonymous No.15312480]

>>15312408
"If you just practice more..."
"Just try harder..."
"It's easy, your little sister can do it and she's 10 years younger than you..."

>>15312331
Music
Writing
Film

Popularity doesn't matter, but I want to make something at least as impacting and accomplished as Will Sharpe's "Flowers". People with bipolar or depression or all sorts of other terrible problems with their health or their bodies are able to adjust and do something really well like those amputees who paint with their feet and stuff... but dyspraxia just makes you that little bit more terrible at everything you put your hand to. It's a living hell. Like spending your whole life from waking to falling asleep in an inflatable Mr. Blobby costume and nobody else except other people who also have dyspraxia as bad as you can conceive of how bad it is.

Oh that's another one-
"If [X physically disabled celebrity] can do it and half his body's blown off, why can't you..."

[Anonymous No.15312529]

>>15312480
>"If you just practice more..."
Yeah, I definitely feel as though there's a definite misunderstanding that we're just sort of lazy/unskilled, I had to wave around my IEP or push hard in HS to actually use my accommodations (lol at all the fucking subs who thought I was just being lazy/looking for an excuse to use a laptop in class and they were the one person who could see past the lies)

[Anonymous No.15312557]

>>15312324
>with the fact I will be mediocre and unable to express myself through art
It doesn't matter at all.

[Anonymous No.15312914]

>>15312557
but my suffering is of no use if I can't transmute it into something outside of myself that lasts even temporarily, so it matters to me, 3rd-grade nihilist

[Anonymous No.15313232]

>>15312408
Help

[Anonymous No.15313296]

>>15312324
Also dyspraxic. Though it's often thought of as a children's disorder, I only really started to feel its detrimental effects when I became an adult and the protective cloak of immaturity was snatched away from me. People forgive an incompetent child, it's only natural. They don't forgive an incompetent 25 year old, and the older I get the more contemptuously I am viewed. And ultimately that's what dyspraxia is to me, a kind of spiritual incompetence baked into me on a neurological level. It's hard to express to those who don't have it what it's like to experience failure after failure with no improvement despite continual adjustment; to constantly be hitting the brick ceiling of your ability every time your ambition stands up. I wanted to be a filmmaker but my difficulties with organization and lack of spatial awareness make it so incredibly difficult.

A question to my fellow dyspraxics: how is your working memory/verbal fluidity? My ability to recall words whilst speaking is so poor that I'm pretty much a social retard because of it. Wondering if this was a dyspraxic problem or a me problem.

[Horace No.15313359]

>>15313296
Damn bruh, sorry to hear it.

You know, I'm a city dweller, so sometimes I come off a little cold when I talk to people because I just don't trust people often, I keep strangers at a distance and sometimes forget common courtesy, but I want you to know that even when I'm distant towards people and it may seem like I'm looking down on them, I always care about my fellow human beings on the grounds of their humanity, and I don't judge anyone, including you, for being less capable than others.

Sometimes I'm not so warm to people I watch fail, because I don't want them to think I pity them, because I respect them as they are. To me failure imparts no moral judgement. But just 'cause I'm not warm and I don't show pity doesn't mean I'm unforgiving or contemptuous, I just want to be both real with you about your failures and supportive that you are still of value and not pitiful.

I know I'm not alone in being that way, and I hope you realize that good people don't see you the way you seem to see yourself, but just want to see you achieve whatever it is that you can.

Love and respect

[Anonymous No.15313562]

>>15313359
Thanks for the kind words but most people aren't like you in my experience. Failure collects like a stink around a person and others, both good and bad, give it as a wide a berth as possible.

[Anonymous No.15313605]

>>15312324
>>15313296

Dysgraphia, Dyscalculia here. I wasn't diagnosed in school, because when I went, no one knew what learning disabilities were. Instead I was diagnosed as lazy, depressive, or schizoid, and was the last person anyone counted on unless they wanted to be disappointed.
Although as a child I had trouble tying my shoes, skipping, and sports, it didn't rise to the level of DCD. However, to this day I can write as slowly as I can and still not be able to read what I put down, and I misspell thirty words a page, cannot remember my times tables, and have to look at the recipe 10 times while cooking a simple meal... and don't ask me to have more than one thing ready at the same time.
But I compensated. I write for a living, and can do so because of word processors, spell check, and taking years to learn to type at a decent pace. I speak well and so do not make grammatical errors. When I type words just flow, but don't interview me or I sound like I have dementia. I study math for fun. Once you get past the arithmetic, math is quite pleasing. I am also a musician. I never learned to play my instrument the way other musicians do but developed a sound of my own.

So don’t despair. The lack of being able to see the world the way others do becomes a strength, because it forces you to see the world the way you do. It makes you interesting, and interesting people have stories others want to hear because their lives are boring.
There is no such thing as evolution or design or the right way, because mutation creates its own advantage, but even if you don't succeed in the eyes of others the way they want, that never has to stop you from making your own path successfully.

[Anonymous No.15313613]

I have never even heard of this, how can you tell if it’s neurological or if you’re just clumsy? Surely you could improve with practice

[Anonymous No.15313620]

>>15312324
>Dyspraxia
Is this poor coordination acquired through drug consumption? Can't you heal it through training?

[Anonymous No.15313671]

>>15313613
Diagnosis by a medical specialist, as with anything. Practice generally doesn't improve it much - muscle memory, for instance, is often quite poor.
>>15313620
You're born with it. There's nothing to heal. You can't build circuitry that never existed

[Anonymous No.15313674]

>anon writes inspiring post about overcoming struggles
>deletes it 5 minutes later
What did he mean by this?

[Anonymous No.15313933]

>>15313674
It's over

[Anonymous No.15313935]

>>15313671
>>>15312324 (OP)
>Also dyspraxic. Though it's often thought of as a children's disorder, I only really started to feel its detrimental effects when I became an adult and the protective cloak of immaturity was snatched away from me. People forgive an incompetent child, it's only natural. They don't forgive an incompetent 25 year old, and the older I get the more contemptuously I am viewed. And ultimately that's what dyspraxia is to me, a kind of spiritual incompetence baked into me on a neurological level. It's hard to express to those who don't have it what it's like to experience failure after failure with no improvement despite continual adjustment; to constantly be hitting the brick ceiling of your ability every time your ambition stands up. I wanted to be a filmmaker but my difficulties with organization and lack of spatial awareness make it so incredibly difficult.
>A question to my fellow dyspraxics: how is your working memory/verbal fluidity? My ability to recall words whilst speaking is so poor that I'm pretty much a social retard because of it. Wondering if this was a dyspraxic problem or a me problem.
There's a genetic link, isn't there? My dad had symptoms of it (but was never diagnosed), and I got a diagnosis, but that's all I have to go on.

[Anonymous No.15313992]

>>15313935
My mom has aspects of it though she's not as bad as me.

[Anonymous No.15314282]

>>15312480
>dyspraxia

you can write. you're clearly more articulate than 95% of /lit/ dwellers, at least on a computer

dont give up anon i am rooting for you uwu

[Anonymous No.15314338]

>>15314282

not that this is a very high bench mark. sorry if that sounded condescending

[Anonymous No.15314536]

>>15312324
> I had so many dreams when I was younger
That shit hit hard, man. Some talent in writing, perhaps?

[Anonymous No.15315543]

Bump

[Anonymous No.15315561]

>>15312324
Isn't dyspraxia just to do with coordination? How does that stop you writing in the age of computers? My brother has dyspraxia and his writing is illegible by hand but thats it.

[Anonymous No.15315611]

>>15315561
Coordination is the most obviously affected area but dyspraxics usually have problems with organization and working memory too. Also, computers aren't a panacea, I know of one dyspraxic who types like an 80 year old grandma.

[Anonymous No.15315923]

>>15312324
Go easy, Step Lightly, Be free.

[Anonymous No.15315954]

>Dyspraxia is a neurological disorder that impacts an individual's ability to plan and process motor tasks. Individuals with dyspraxia often have language problems, and sometimes a degree of difficulty with thought and perception
So, a fancy word for "retarded"?

[Anonymous No.15316046]

>>15315954
No that's autism.

[Anonymous No.15316191]

>>15313296
>that's what dyspraxia is to me, a kind of spiritual incompetence baked into me on a neurological level. It's hard to express to those who don't have it what it's like to experience failure after failure with no improvement despite continual adjustment; to constantly be hitting the brick ceiling of your ability every time your ambition stands up
OP here and iktf, it's fucking bleak
as to your question, my linguistic intelligence Weschler score is 151 yet my working memory is in the low 70s, I've been planning a novel since 2018 but as soon as I look away from one page of notes to the next page or a draft of a chapter I totally forget the words I was just looking at

[Anonymous No.15316202]

>>15313296
>>15313359
the most heartbreaking thing is the moment that always comes some weeks or months after I've first met a new group of people in whatever context, where it finally clicks for them that *you're not like other people* and you start to notice the changes in their behaviour almost immediately... minute differences at first, but over time you get the cold shoulder more and more until eventually you're excluded once again
I don't think most people even realise they're doing it, it's like it's subconscious instinct making them shun the weak from the pack or something

[Anonymous No.15316209]

>>15313620
It's a neurological thing like autism or dyslexia, probably the most complex and wide-ranging of the common learning disorders; it's named after its most outwardly-noticable symptom to others (the clumsiness) but it affects the whole brain and often comes with dyscalculia, dyslexia, face blindness and other problems as symptoms of it, even neuromuscular symptoms such as hypotonia in my case
There is no treatment and it has one of the highest rates of people on unemployment benefits, about 10% of those who have it will never find lasting work

>>15313935
What causes it is unknown but there's likely genetic factors and overlapping causes with autism, my dad has full-blown autism but no dyspraxia, I have Aspergers and have dyspraxia, my sister has mild autism symptoms and no dyspraxia but has really bad dyslexia and ADHD; but I also had a difficult birth and had low oxygen which a lot of the other people I know IRL with dyspraxia also had

[Anonymous No.15316210]

>>15316191
My verbal intelligence is high too(150 something) but my visuospatial IQ is mere points away from being clinically retarded so I kinda level out.
The memory thing is so strange. Even though it may be a topic I know intimately, the second I am required to speak about it, I go blank. Writing is a lot easier than speaking but still not as fluid as I'd like.

[Anonymous No.15316213]

>>15312480
Anon I've been diagnosed with dyspraxia, dyslexia and ADHD.

Maybe I was lucky, because I was told I wouldn't make it through mainstream education and my parents got me IQ tested when I was young and pushed me to study hard, but I don't think you can blame one disorder in your life for all your failures.

I just read as much as I could as a young kid and slowly my grades started to climb. By the time I left, I was top of my class for English and Philosophy - it wasn't that I wasn't making basic mistakes at times, but the things I was picking up on were unique. I think that's one of the most underrated parts of having a learning "difficulty" - it's not that your brain is stupid, it's just that it's wired differently. It's going to pick up information in a way that's unique and, of course, sometimes alienating. Whether that's completely debilitating is down to how you use the rest of what you've been given.

I've struggled in college (I missed making a scholarship) and much more in life (a Cambodian methdealer recently tried to assassinate me), but I've kept a reasonably positive attitude, and that's helped me more than anything. Digging a well of self-pity is the real disability.

[Anonymous No.15316221]

>>15316046
Autistics are not retarded in the sense that people genuinely mean retarded, yes they have slower development on social skills,!emotional responses, etc but they are also generally very capable of learning.
Retards are the downies and dumb dumbs that you could never trust with a complex task.
Again, how people generally mean it.

[Anonymous No.15316225]

>>15316209
>but I also had a difficult birth and had low oxygen which a lot of the other people I know IRL with dyspraxia also had
My placenta detached slightly while I was in the womb. I've always suspected that had something to do with it.
Also, God bless your mom for putting up with three autists 24/7.

[Anonymous No.15316231]

>>15315561
Dyspraxia is much, much more than the one obvious symptom it's named after: https://dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/dyspraxia-adults/

I saw a fucking awful thread on /adv/ recently by some guy who screamed at his sister who has dyspraxia for getting left and right mixed up saying dyspraxia was no excuse because it just makes you clumsy, I was going to reply and tell him that getting left and right mixed up is also a symptom but the thread hit archive :(

He said she was crying at first but was fine later on and apologised for getting it wrong and said it was okay he got upset so it must be fine, but all I can think is "Yeah, she's probably internalised feeling like a congenital failure to the extent she automatically accepts anyone getting angry with her for getting things wrong is her fault, like I did as a kid + virtually every other person I've met with it"

[Anonymous No.15316238]

>>15316221
Nah, people mean autistic too when they say retarded.

[Anonymous No.15316243]

>>15316213
>a Cambodian methdealer recently tried to assassinate me

[Anonymous No.15316246]

>>15315954
I mentioned it ITT already but when I went to uni I had to be tested by an educational psychologist to see if I qualified for using a computer for exams instead of hand-writing etc.; she said my results were the biggest split between highest and lowest scores (Weschler scale, think IQ test but different tests for different categories of thought process) she had seen in her 30+ year career. With dyspraxia your higher functions are totally intact but you lack the foundational processing skills like working memory to utilise them. It feels like being a normal person trapped in the body of a complete retard. People ask me if I'm drunk or on drugs sometimes when I'm out in public.

[Anonymous No.15316250]

>>15312324
What is this? Does it just mean you are a functional tard? Sounds like it sucks OP, I’m sorry to hear about it. How hard was it to get through school, and we’re you in a special class? Did it take you a long time to type this post too?

[Anonymous No.15316263]

>>15312324
Have you tried music production anon? It's a form of musical expression that doesn't require much coordination, memory or deep concentration

[Anonymous No.15316265]

>>15316210
It's because the specific part of memory that is affected by dyspraxia is "recall". Your brain forms the memories more or less correctly but pulling out the index cards doesn't work right. Also it affects biographical (episodic) memory much worse than semantic memory, which leads to being able to talk about specialist subjects more fluently than small talk / about yourself which people mistake for autism.

[Anonymous No.15316273]

>>15316225
It's taken a terrible toll on her, I do whatever I can but I still feel awful about it

[Anonymous No.15316284]

>>15316265
This is really interesting, thank you. The difficulty with episodic memory makes a lot of sense, given how hard I find it to tell a simple anecdote/joke or to reply to the question"How was your week" with anything other than "erm, ok, I guess," regardless if something interesting had happened that week or not.

[Anonymous No.15316287]

I also have dyspraxia and it isn't as bad as you are making it out to be.

You are blaming your lack of drive and talent on dyspraxia - you need to find what works for you, apparently Einstein had it too.

[Anonymous No.15316294]

>>15316243
This was my head afterwards.

I was really worried it would make me even more retarded, but I started getting firsts in my modules the following term.

Maybe if I didn't have such a bouncy dyspraxic walk, it would've connected properly and killed me. So there are silver linings in every cloud.

[Anonymous No.15316322]

>>15316250
I have to type with two fingers (which I think is relatively common?) because typing with whole hands is too much co-ordination. Over the course of school I was boomeranged back and forth between Special Ed and the gifted & talented program several times 'cause they didn't know what to do with me and didn't have a very nuanced view of learning disorders / intelligence. All the way through to university I'd get 60-80% on coursework (80% is good enough to be published in a scientific journal) and yet barely get a pass on most of my exams, had to retake every single exam at least once in my 2nd and 3rd years at uni and by the 3rd year had to retake some exams twice. It's true like >>15316213 says that being wired differently helps you make connections others wouldn't, I got my highest mark in uni coming up with a quantitative system for measuring relative awareness of environmental issues among the general population, but the problem...

It's tough to explain but i can best explain it through the microcosm of looking for work after uni. Practically every job offer I found there were tasks involved that I can do better than the average person (complex conceptual thinking, troubleshooting), but in EVERY job offer at least half the tasks involved were things I couldn't do at all even with decades of practice- Answering the phone & being able to hear what the person is saying, or getting to work perfectly on time day-in day-out for years at a time and being expected not to slip up (dyspraxia can also FUCK your circadian rhythms and reflexes- my sleep schedule has been totally erratic since I was a kid and it's a victory that it now takes me 2-3 hours to get to sleep instead of 3-5 and the latest I wake up is anywhere between 10 AM and 1 PM regardless of how early or late I go to bed- sleep varies per night anywhere between <5 hours and 12-14 hours with no pattern - as for reflexes, a different example, one guy I know with dyspraxia and otherwise quite intelligent has to be reminded when to eat or drink or he literally forgets to and doesn't notice he's hungry/thirsty) ... such that I'm not well-suited to any particular job. Luckily I qualified for neetbux (for now) and just do environmental conservation work when I'm able, but it's a precarious position to be spending my whole life in, especially in the UK where people like me are considered an inconvenience to society.

[Anonymous No.15316337]

>>15316294
>it would've connected properly and killed me.
what would have? A machete?

[Anonymous No.15316360]

>>15316322
Or another example- I was looking for jobs in the water monitoring department of the council. Requires knowledge of biochemistry and hydrology- no problem. Requires sitting in the office doing office work half the working days- Could be a problem, I'm good at Excel etc. but I have hypotonia so spending a long time in one position e.g. sitting will fuck my body up badly no matter how ergonomic the furniture, I have to take prescription codeine as it is for a burst disk in my neck and subluxed shoulders and have no core strength regardless of exercise. Other half of the weekdays- Need to drive out to the local rivers and stuff to take measurements of the water quality. Medically not allowed to drive because I'd be as much of a danger as a blind person, so total no-go and ruled out of the application since if they had someone drive me about they can just hire that person instead. I'm 26 in a few months and still looking for a niche. Transcription work is a possible option but for the reasons above re: hypotonia it will 100% fuck my health up for good and for below-minimum-wage gig economy work. But a lot of people in the UK, my dad included (who has autism, but not dyspraxia + is physically hyper-capable even in his 60s & a welder and one of the county's top competitive rowers), say "Good, if it stops you being a useless drain on society on bux, break your back and get addicted to opiates picking vegetables or doing transcription work, any precarious job that doesn't earn enough to pay rent is better than real people supporting you being on benefits".

My dad outright said to me a couple of years ago he's disappointed in the sort of person I grew up to be & he can barely look at me now because I'm such a failure. The most relatable work of fiction I've ever read is Kafka's Metamorphosis.

[Anonymous No.15316398]

>>15316263
Honestly, I've thought about it in the past, but all else aside I'm into prog-pop guitar music and where I live there's nothing even remotely similar to my tastes to get involved in. I wouldn't want to dedicate years of my life to something if my heart isn't really in it, it'd be dishonest. What spare money I have I spend on supporting the sort of artists I like though (other mediums too, not just music), I'm not someone who just complains about things not going their way and doesn't try to make a difference, however this thread looks. I used to be terribly overweight when I was younger and still am a bit, but I lost 3 stone a couple of years back via swimming, because it's the only form of exercise low-impact enough to not fuck me up, and even then I was spitting up blood due to bronchospasms by the end of it and had to stop which is why I still need to lose more yet. It gets harder to find the motivation to keep trying the older I get though. I was already blackpilled enough about the future without the dyspraxia but when I was much younger and thought more practice might make me better at things, I at least hoped I might enjoy myself while things go to shit.

>>15316287
Severity varies from person to person. One guy I know with it can play the acoustic guitar just barely after years of practising, but as I mentioned some posts above he has to be told when to eat and drink every single day or he forgets to and doesn't respond to hunger/thirst despite being reasonably adept at conversation and not coming across like an obvious autist or anything. It's a spectrum sort of a deal.

[Anonymous No.15316419]

>>15316337
Metal baseball bat from the back of a speeding motorbike. The kinetic force of such a blunt impact should have caused severe internal bleeding in my brain.

If it had hit a few inches lower, I'd definitely be dead or genuinely retarded. Instead, it went high and cut across my skull like a knife wound. I didn't even receive a concussion and spent the next two months drinking.

If people want a genuine disorder, ADD is probably the most life-threatening one you can have. When I drink or take drugs, I lose all impulse control. I've been kidnapped twice (one was more a misunderstanding) and nearly shot in the head trying to buy hashish.

I got my diagnosis quite late and have made an effort to try and reign it in. But like I said with dyslexia, dyspraxia etc, it's also about looking at the positives. I can become so absorbed in whatever I find interesting that I can forget to eat. You just try and grow and learn good habits that help you through.

[Anonymous No.15316420]

>>15316322
When I started OT for my dyspraxia they pretty much forced the typing styles down my throat

[Anonymous No.15316429]

>>15316419
Sounds to me like you might have bigger issues than the dyspraxia

[Anonymous No.15316431]

>>15316322
>>15316360
Thanks for the thoughtful response. I’m not going to pretend like I can’t solve your problems, but I hope you can keep trying no matter what life throws your way, and raise awareness of people in a similar condition.

[Anonymous No.15316441]

>>15316360
Your dad sounds like he's too autistic to really emphasize with you. Especially if he's coming from an angle where physicality is such an intuitive and important thing.

I hope you get through this and find a job that works to your strengths. Sometimes people with autism can just have a bad way of expressing emotions that another parent might be more nuanced with. You're obviously intelligent, just more so in a particular field. Good luck.

[Anonymous No.15316482]

>>15316429
Issues are a kind of relative thing. Impulsivity can also mean inquisivity. A lack of coordination, can also mean you stumble on something new. The pain you create for yourself, can be minor for someone else. It's really down to how you choose to process it.

I travel a lot and I admit that my behaviour is worrying. I might have a death wish at some unconscious level. I don't have suicidal thoughts or anything, and I always feel quite optimistic about the future. I think that's probably the biggest issue - you just assume things will work out okay, and you have this huge rap sheet for when you've beaten the odds. I think I was probably chasing the thrill of tempting death, without understanding the consequences.

[Anonymous No.15316486]

>>15316441
>>15316431
Thanks, and yeah he's a zero-empathy narcissist who believes in Ayn Rand shit and a wife-beater who threatened the neighbours with his shotgun when they said they were going to call the police on him (thank fuck I qualified for ESA or I'd still be living there), still hurts when it's your own parent saying those things though

[Anonymous No.15316504]

>>15316486
Of course it does anon. Everything has its strengths and weaknesses, and the ability to even have empathy means you can look back on this difficult period as a wellspring of emotional lessons.

Just keep at it and good luck.

[Anonymous No.15316528]

>dyspraxia
Oh god another horrible disease that I probably have along with OCD, Autism, Lymes, Anxiety, Schizoid, Multiple Sclerosis, Chronic Fatigue, and Celiac

[Anonymous No.15317342]

>>15316528
You forgot Paranoid Personality Disorder.

[Anonymous No.15318088]

I constantly hear NIGGERS around me, the disgusting low iq CIA GORILLA NIGGERS are everywhere. The Marxist Gorilla NIGGERS are constantly annoying me with their PILLS and strange sounds and words. They are indoctrinating me into thinking that I am a Marxist Tranny, I will not become a WOMAN.
Is there any literature to cope with this? Please don't recommend books written by Jews, as they are low iq Marxist anti-white Negroid Humans. They sit in their jungles and eat bananas like apes, they are unevolved Negroid ape like Humans.