/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.14718631]

>Sent her a poem as a gift from a Secret Admirer
>She posted it on twitter with her only comment being the vomit emoji

I think this is it. I think I'm going to kill myself.

[Anonymous No.14718639]

>>14718631
Don't kill yourself, next time just give her money and tell her she's better than other women

[Anonymous No.14718659]

>>14718631
You were implying that women can appreciate literature. You got the obvious answer: no.

[Anonymous No.14718667]

screencap it for us OP

[Anonymous No.14718683]

[Anonymous No.14718692]

>>14718631
I mean sending poetry is a bit corny in 2020, especially if you're a zoomer, have you never thought of that? but unless you wrote some creepy or sexist shit there was no reason for her to be so rude about it

[Anonymous No.14718693]

>>14718683
If I had the ability to post a vomit emoji, o would do so here

[Anonymous No.14718696]

>>14718631
why bother giving a shit what some roastie thinks lmao
women are incapable of appraising beauty, you cast your pearls before swine

[Anonymous No.14718701]

>>14718631
idiot. at least you've learned.

[Anonymous No.14718716]

>>14718631
1. Kill the poem. It's probably trash.
2. In the rare case the poem was actually good, give it to a more worthy girl
3. Poetry is a bad gift for your purpose. Love in modern times is not what it once was. The language has changed and you have to speak in cruder more direct forms. Love was never so serious, it was always crude, repression created the falsification of serious love. Birth control has unshackled intimacy from eternal consequence. Serious sentiments toward love are one of the casualties. You aren't speaking the native language, you are a foreigner.

[Anonymous No.14718718]

>>14718683

[Anonymous No.14718726]

>>14718683

[Anonymous No.14718728]

>>14718693
>>14718718
>>14718726

Thanks /lit/

You guys always know how to make me feel better

[Anonymous No.14718743]

>>14718683
why tf do whiteboys always do shit like this?
you realize it's not 1780 anymore, right? no girl is going to want to fuck a guy who is doing something cringe like writing poems about her. we don't find it endearing, just creepy. because pretty much only incel "nice guys" bother with poetry these days. poetry is a red flag.
you need to get out more and learn how people in 2020 interact with each other. TikTok memes would be a better approach than this emo-shakespeare shit.

[Anonymous No.14718747]

>>14718743
>we

[Anonymous No.14718751]

>>14718631
You'd have been more likely to get a positive response from "ayo bb u wnt sum fk?"

[Anonymous No.14718758]

>>14718743
>t.

[Anonymous No.14718763]

>>14718683
Should've went something like:

Your breasts as round as the tree trunks,
Reflected upon my retinas, reflected upon my mind
My rod upright and still, filled with unquenchable lust, all directed towards your filthy cunt.
Oh will you let me enter you, dear love, or will you let me spectate as Tyrone appreciates your slippery insides, filling you with the seed of life stained with bottomless black?

[Anonymous No.14718764]

>>14718743
>learn how people in 2020 interact with each other
Grab her by the pussy?

[Anonymous No.14718773]

>>14718743
roastie, nobody cares. God made woman so the poet could have something to write about. We're not here to make you laugh. go search a nigger to get pregnant and abandoned if you like 2020 social interactions

[Anonymous No.14718790]

>>14718683
Why is this even in the format of a poem? There is no rhythm or any discernible purpose to the line breaks beyond the first lines of each stanza, which are cringe and make you look like you were trying too hard to be profound.

[Anonymous No.14718798]

>>14718790
>There is no rhythm or any discernible purpose to the line breaks
Ah, so you mean all modern poetry?

[Anonymous No.14718803]

>>14718683
https://voca.ro/ezGf3fGuwLq

[Anonymous No.14718809]

>>14718798
Well, yes.

[Anonymous No.14718823]

>>14718790

You already got the first line break, so I won't explain that. The second line break, I was trying to give extra push to the phrases that end the stanza's opening line.

The third break in each stanza was me trying to create punches out of those three words (Fear, Love, Coward) as representative of their respective stanzas as a whole.

[Anonymous No.14718828]

>>14718631
I wish I was more able to say to you how beautiful you are. Fuck stupid thots. Learn from this experience and go out to find meaning. Most people make fun of you, they can go and fall off a cliff.

[Anonymous No.14718836]

>>14718683
Your poem isn't horribly cringy, OP. I assume you posted it here expecting it to be shit on, but in case you didn't expect it: don't be too hard on yourself. It shows some heart which is more than a lot of people have. Basically, the girl was in the wrong to post it on twitter and make fun of it, because love makes us do silly things, but if we don't follow that love in whatever form sincerely then we stop living as ourselves. People who can't understand that are not worth the bother.

[Anonymous No.14718838]

>>14718743
Based even if cringe

[Anonymous No.14718846]

>>14718803

Thanks brother

[Anonymous No.14718848]

>>14718683
Almost, but more like
Just tell her you want to fuck her senseless

[Anonymous No.14718849]

How would you people improve OP's poem?

[Anonymous No.14718859]

>>14718849

Poems aren't machines that you can replace bits of and make a better product. They're each an individual piece of fruit, that if rotten, you can't unrot. You can only go out and pick your own.

To take OP's poem and "rewrite it" is to turn it something completely detached from the original piece.

[Anonymous No.14718872]

>>14718823
poetry is the lowest of all written media

fucking lazy cunts, use your words like you mean it

[Anonymous No.14718933]

>>14718631
you should like it when people cringe at you, when they want you to be embarrassed, when they hate you, when you disgust them, because what basis do they have to judge you by? nobody actually likes the world they've created for you to live in, so why should you care if the people responsible for it react negatively to something? they deserve it, they should be made to feel uncomfortable
or in slightly simpler terms, women are disgusting whores whose idea of a good life involves nothing more than meat market tinder sex, shitty netflix propaganda, and an asinine office job, you should be happy that you made one feel uncomfortable

[Anonymous No.14718949]

>>14718631
>she uses twitter
You might as well read Shakespear to worm

[Anonymous No.14718953]

>>14718683
I actually like it for what it is, OP. But >>14718743 is sorta right. Save poetry for once you're in a relationship with someone and you want to say something nice to them. It has a about a zero percent chance of picking up a girl (unless you're certain that they're into you).

[Anonymous No.14718981]

>>14718743
Incel.

If you have clean verse, crisp prose
and sharp wit you'll drown in hoes
flatter the ladies around you as flowers
and with your mouth show them your powers
sic hoc when it's time to stick it in
for one more verse your ass they'll rim
know women are creatures driven by ego
from the oldest spinster to the barely legal.

[Anonymous No.14719017]

>>14718981
Damn nigguh
But really, I like it

[Anonymous No.14719027]

Imagine even THINKING a girl would want poetry in 2020, let alone writing and sending her it.
Btw she's slobbering on Chad's cock as we speak. You think he said more than three words to her on tinder?

[Anonymous No.14719031]

>>14718716
>implying we’re less oppressed nowadays

[Anonymous No.14719082]

>>14718743
Guaranteed OP is asian

[Anonymous No.14719091]

We warned you, retard

[Anonymous No.14719145]

>>14719091

I don't think I've ever seen any post on /lit/ concerning sending (or not sending) poetry to your beloved.

[Anonymous No.14719206]

>>14719145
There was a thread yesterday.

[Anonymous No.14719213]

>>14718743
>Whiteboys
>We

Either a degenerate brainlet white college girl or degenerate brainlet latino college girl. You decide /lit/.

[Anonymous No.14719214]

>>14719017
Take care young virgin, and take time
To make a couple lines that rhyme
Complexity won't make it better,
AA-BB's all you need to bed her

[Anonymous No.14719268]

>>14718683
my two cents:
Kind of melodramatic, kind of cheesy, yet has potential, IMO. The images contain dynamism and a shred of originality. But their relative obscurity is not really appropriate for a love poem that you'd send to a specific, real person. Overall I find it somewhat unclear how you intended to structure the whole thing on the level of meaning. Through what are we moving as we read the poem?
The verse is on a good path, not random, tries to build its own rhythm. However, those short first lines amplify the melodramatic tone way too much. More interesting stuff is going on in the other three lines of the stanzas, the enjambments are used with consciousness - but the material, as I described above, doesn't have the structure and direction that would allow it to fully utilise the regularities of the verse. I like the ironic contrasts the most here. (for example: covers, i.e. comfort, not giving comfort but instead being an "abyss" - though the problem is in how you didn't organise this to deliver the punch of the contrast and irony, and instead immediately jumped to the more dramatic but empty effect of the word "abyss", without enough motivation or additional dimensions, which can only be noticed by multiple readings - but nonetheless I DO like the kernel of what happens here; there's something similar going on in the last stanza, but you'll again have to work out what you want to say, with more precise delivery)
Had you sent Whitman or something similar the girl would probably shit on it all the same. If she doesn't read poetry it will all look like pretentious nonsense to her.

[Anonymous No.14719291]

>>14719145
I said in the thread this autist made before that an anonymous love poem would just come off as creepy/stalker-ish

[Anonymous No.14719441]

>>14719268
>Had you sent Whitman
Whitman write love poems?

[Anonymous No.14719583]

>>14718631
Plz don't kill yourself over what a bitch posts on twitter. She's not worth it fren

[Anonymous No.14719632]

>>14718683
Not a good poem, but I've seen way worse. Still, don't send bitches poetry because bitches will be bitches. Save them for once you are in a relationship, but keep writing poetry. Drop the cringe stuff like "darkest black", don't use that many attributes in general, save them for specific, powerful images.

[Anonymous No.14719859]

>>14719632
There’s nothing wrong with “darkest black”. Would you rather use the copyrighted name Vantablack?

[Anonymous No.14719874]

>>14718981
You wish, idiot.
Truth is: If you pick up poetry to impress women you are not any different from tik tok fuccbois today. Because these are the people that would have tried to wow women with "crisp" prose.

[Anonymous No.14719960]

>>14718683
contrary to the replies its pretty decent. why didn't you make it about her though?

[Anonymous No.14719975]

>>14718631
dont write and gib grils poetry unless you are already published and famous. women do not have the mental capacity to recognize good writing. wat would work better is a kind of dirty limerick that makes her laugh and isnt all too serious. just dont go overboard.

[Anonymous No.14719985]

>>14718639
kek fpbp

[Anonymous No.14720009]

>>14718683
Is this you?

[Anonymous No.14720024]

>>14718631
This bitch is a whore
chad's fuckin her raw
fillin up all her ports
like a fuckin four score
your poem is shit
and you're gay and a wuss
you're cryin on /lit/
while chad is eating her puss

[Anonymous No.14720039]

>>14718743
Nice bait. You're probably a white guy pretending to be a girl of color. I sent a poem to a girl and it brought me closer to her. You just have to know your audience. In my case I knew beforehand that the girl I sent it to was fond of poetry. OP's mistake was sending a poem to a girl who uses Twitter. Someone like that probably isn't going to care about poetry.

[Anonymous No.14720044]

>>14718743
>we
>>>/gif/

[Anonymous No.14720053]

>>14720009
Who the fuck is that?

[Anonymous No.14720060]

>>14718683

Yeesh, a sonnet would have been better anon. But still, I don't believe you deserved the Twitter defamation. A more considerate woman would have just said she didn't like it but appreciated the intentions, sonat least you filtered a poisonous cow.

[Anonymous No.14720108]

>>14718981
/thread

[Anonymous No.14720179]

>>14720053
It's what I pictured in my head reading the poem.

[Anonymous No.14720183]

>>14718803
doesn't sound half as bad audibly as it does written.

[Anonymous No.14720198]

>>14719213
lol even in the toy section she sees a black rod and just starts stroking it. she can't help herself.

[Anonymous No.14720242]

>>14718683
I was expecting worse tbqh. Keep at it

[Anonymous No.14720244]

>>14720183
It doesn’t sound at all written, Baka

[Anonymous No.14720245]

>>14720198
>it's true

[Anonymous No.14720256]

toasting in epic bread

[Anonymous No.14720311]

>>14718953
This.
I once declared poetry to a girlfriend. She listened quietly for the 18 stanzas of The Raven (by memory, of course) and then forbid me from ever reciting poetry to another girl.

[Anonymous No.14720328]

>>14718683

He doesn't look like a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined when you were young.

[Anonymous No.14720330]

>>14720311
>reciting a trash poem like The Raven
Oof. You should’ve recited Donne, that would’ve gotten her wet. Look at him, he even has the chad spiky beard.

[Anonymous No.14720334]

>>14720311
so did she like it so much she wanted it all for herself or hate it so much that no girl should ever have to suffer through it again? i also have the raven memorized, its so fucking fun to recite

[Anonymous No.14720338]

>>14718631
Poetry like this is an expression of sentimentality, and expressing sentimentality is worse than useless as a means of initiating a relationship (though it may later have utility in maintaining one). Try humor next time.

[Anonymous No.14720358]

>>14720338
>Try humor next time

[Anonymous No.14720360]

>>14720009
I wish I could wear paints that high.

[Anonymous No.14720406]

>>14720358
Keep working on it.

[Anonymous No.14720445]

>>14720406
>Keep working on it.

[Anonymous No.14720609]

>>14720328
Wait, girls be wanting dudes to look like Jesus?

[Anonymous No.14720637]

>>14718743
OK roastie

[Anonymous No.14720640]

>>14718683
It isn’t awful

But it’s not a love poem. Too much angst.

[Anonymous No.14720677]

Some girls aren't into poetry, I know I wouldn't be, if I was a girl.

[Anonymous No.14720732]

>>14718683
>first stanza is about hiding under a blanket cause your scared of the world

bruh youre literally a cry baby

[Anonymous No.14720777]

>>14718683
>ALL THE ABYSS OF THE COVERS OVER MY HEAD

[Anonymous No.14720828]

>>14718683
|:)

[Anonymous No.14720900]

>>14720777
What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? It means nothing.

[Anonymous No.14720974]

>>14718631
Write her another one when you've grown taller.

[Anonymous No.14721053]

>>14720974
>height = artistic talent

[Anonymous No.14721080]

>>14721053
I assume he meant that 'height = desirability to women', but that wouldn't work in this instance because the poem was from a Secret Admirer, who could've been any height.

[Anonymous No.14721088]

>>14720900
it means OP is not very creative, or its a reference to the depths of his soul being under the bed with him. his dreams etc.

[Anonymous No.14721098]

>>14721080
Secret admirers are always manlets.
Real men just go for it.

[Anonymous No.14721123]

>>14718683
should've build her a cake, bro

[Anonymous No.14721146]

>>14721123
A man cake?