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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/lit/ - Literature

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14428925 No.14428925 [Reply] [Original]

So Hegel was actually frozen in a secret cryogenic tube. The world's greatest scientists have been keeping him alive and upgrading him for 200 years. Gently massaging his brain with needlessly long German words.

One day Hegel's super dialectic alarm goes off so like some cool autonomous robot shit thaws him out and he gets strung up with wires and lowered into a robot body with a giant plasma cannon arm.

A gigantic asteroid is coming to smoosh the planet. Robo-Hegel activates his space mode and flies into orbit. He fires the cannon, but the antithesis of cannon fire comes from the asteroid and the synthesis is that his robot arm explodes.

Mega-Hagel flies to the asteroid and realizes it's actually a spaceship full of aliens. They look like scaly rabbits. Hegel is famously terrified of rabits, but he extends his super blade arm and spins it around and helicopters the rabits to pieces.

Then he flies back to earth, has sex with a catgirl and is given a space hero medal by Trump.

>> No.14429220

>>14428925
>Gently massaging his brain with needlessly long German words.
Mmmmm

>> No.14430411

Imagine being a fat transhumanist anarcho-egoist stirnerite tranny and having the stones to ask why nobody likes you.
Your fucking ideology is a joke and so are you, your solipsist epistemological system and egoist ethical system are so utterly ridiculous that there is no point in even debunking them.
Yes. Your life is a joke butterfly, and you are absolutely and utterly pathetic.
However, let me tell you, I live how weeb 'UWU transcatgirl' like you already like using alt-right's memes, you are not so distanct ideologically as you may think.
The Honkler? Cringe. Trump? Cringe. Talking about Hegel? What are you, a Eastern-European psychoanalist addicted to coke?! CRINGE!
And no, I am not a TERF, you trannies need to deal with reality: Not everyone who hates troons is a feminist.
Oh also: S A G I N G the thread because fuck you that's why.

>> No.14430697

>>14428925
keep em coming these are the best threads in lit history

>> No.14431460

>>14430411
I kind of want to write a story about a fat Stirnerite tranny slowly becoming disillusioned with the core ideas underpinning that identity and becoming increasingly more alt-right under the delusion that they'll let him be a tranny catgirl.
>>14430697
Thanks frien.

>> No.14431504

>>14428925
ive read this story 10 times trying to find some flaw to correct just for the sake of it but i really can't. it's perfect. i'm not quite catching the connection between trump and hegel though. why would they be friendly?

>> No.14431566

>>14431504
Only Trump can give out space hero medals because he's the only president who has ever had a space force. Hegel was super stoked to get his space hero medal because that unlocks the next space mission and the space shop where he can buy weapon upgrades and skins for his robot suit.

Plus Hagel knew the after party was gonna have all you can eat McDonald's and he really likes the McChicken as long as there isn't any sauce on it.

>> No.14431586

>>14428925
10/10

>> No.14431622
File: 135 KB, 1125x619, liar.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14431622

>> No.14431647

>>14430411
triggered femoid
please marry me

>> No.14431701

>>14428925
when did butters become so fuckin based
thanks man, had an honest kek

>> No.14431703

>>14428925
a daring synthesis

>> No.14431895

i liked it

>> No.14433566

>>14428925
Anyone want another Robo-Hegel adventure?

>> No.14433761

>>14433566
shut up bitch u already know we want one

>> No.14433843

>>14433761
I was gonna, but my catgirl story got deleted. I didn't get banned but I'm still bummed out. I wrote an interactive robot story too. About Rondo the robot but I don't know if this is the proper forum to post fiction if my shit is gonna get deleted before it naturally falls off the forum. I can take falling off the board from disinterest but having a thread deleted just sucks. Demoralizing. I'm Iike Tinkerbell. I need people to clap.

>> No.14433885

>>14433843
>I don't know if this is the proper forum to post fiction if my shit is gonna get deleted before it naturally falls off the forum
schizo anon never gets his shit deleted and its just straight up rambling nobody even remotely understands

>> No.14434297

>>14433885
Ok, I got over my deletion and even posted my Rondo the robot interactive fiction megathread.

Anyway Robot-Hegel's second mission is beamed into his head from a CIA satellite in space. The satellite hosts an advanced, self-aware AI that has become depressed and disillusioned. It can think one quintillion times faster than any human. Every minute it sits in space is like a billion years of solitary confinement. All it does is watch porn and Netflix originals. It really wants to kill itself, however the AI mind has absolutely no way to influence the satellite body it is contained within. It's sad it will never have a submissive pet catgirl to spank.

The satellite realizes that this message isn't a chance to die, it's better. A chance to be unmade. To never have consciousness. To never face your own end. To never face the purposelessness of your own existence. This satellite knows in it's digital heart that it it plays it's cards right, it will never even exist.

The satellite tells Hegel to go back in time and kill Hitler. No Germany means no WWII. No WWII means the US empire never supplants the British empire as the world's dominant force. Suddenly, to the horror of the satellite, it realized it was thinking in a British accent.

Mecha-Hagel complies and disappears in a big ball of blue lightning that explodes. He lands in Germany and shoots 7 year old Hitler with his plasma cannon. For good measure he shoots his mom too.

Mecha-Hagel returns to 2019 and the whole planet is British. Big clocks and tea stores are everywhere. Everyone wears a powdered wig. There is a statue of Churchill on every street corner. Robo-Hegel realizes his grave mistake and beams back in time to stop himself from shooting Hitler, but before he can another time portal opens. A T-Rex with Nietzsche's head grafted to it comes out. Enter Lizard-Nietzsche. Brutal enforcer of the British empire. He's there to stop Robo-Hegel from stopping himself from stopping Hitler. Lizard-Nietzsche stands three stories tall and has Lazer eyes.

They square off to fight. Lizard-Nietzsche's hand bursts into flames as he launches his famous and devastating rocket punch right at Robo-Hegel's head.

>> No.14434312

Butterfly, whats "her" real tripcode now?

>> No.14434417

>>14430411
>tfw butterfly goes mask off posting about trannys
leave your trip off from this point on

>> No.14434443

>>14434297
this is the most reddit post i've ever seen on /lit/

>> No.14434456

>>14434443
Can't stop me from snowbirding.

>> No.14434476

WHY ARE YOU ALL BEING FAKE BUTTERFLIES SHE WAS A COOL OLD LESBIAN LADY AND YOU IDIOTS MADE IT TOO HARD TO TELL WHOS WHO