Revolt Against Retarded Anti-Christian Loser Coombrains

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Revolt Against Retarded Anti-Christian Loser Coombrains Anonymous Sun Oct 27 19:58:37 2019 No.14068986 [Reply] [Original]

EVOLA: Hello there, young lad, are you feeling lost in this modern world? Is liberalism bearing too heavily on your oppressed aristocratic soul? My, my, don't worry there, friend, would you like some ancient wisdom to help you along?"
ANON: What a strange monocle, fellow! Why yes, I think I should like your wisdom. Now give it to me swift, I'm astute enough to get it right without all the fluff.
EVOLA: As you wish, you see, all the ancient religions of the world partake of the same metaphysical truth to a greater or lesser extent. This truth is so pure and bright, yet to us moderns it has been obscured by a whole lot of ruckus and muck! But a comparative study of religion leads one to understand that all the great religions must've had a common origin. Why yes, from the sandy dunes of Arabia to the bloody desert plains of pre-Colombian Mexico, all of them have the same metaphysical patrimony! It's enough to join one tradition though, in order to experience the beauty of this metaphysical light, this illumination.
ANON: Interesting, so if I just join one religion I can enjoy a better spiritual life and divest myself of the malaise of modernity?
EVOLA: Yes, that's exactly right. You can become Hindu, Buddhist, European Pagan, Zoroastrian, Jewish, Muslim, a follow of Mitraism, heck you could even partake of an esoteric tradition like Hermeticism, Kabbalism, Neo-Platonism, Gnosti-
ANON: What about Christianity?
EVOLA: Huh?
ANON: Can't I just become Christian? I mean, there is a Catholic Church right down the road? We even had an Orthodox Church in my city.
EVOLA: Um.. wait, no, don't pick that one.
ANON: Why? You said I could just join whatever religion I like and they all partake of the same truth.
EVOLA: Well, yes, but.. but.. >MUH KIKE ON A STICK.
ANON: What?
EVOLA: Listen here, you little retard, you can't fucking join that one, you stupid fucking rat. What are you going to do, worship a fucking kike? Say prayers and fast? You fucking twerp.
ANON: You're kind of weirding me out.. I think I'm going to go. Thanks again, guy. I'll probably check out my local church.
EVOLA: *visibly angry basedface, tears pouring down cheeks* NOOOOOOO YOU CAN'T BECOME CHRISTIAN REEEEEEEEEEEE YOU'LL NEVER ACHIEVE A NON-DUALIST STATE, YOU'LL NEVER BE A WARRIOR CASTE TOUGH GUY LIKE ME, YOU'LL NEVER.. YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TANTRIC SEX! HAHA DON'T YOU WANT SEX?? REEEEEEE SEX SEX SEX FUCKING SEX SEX READ MY BOOK ABOUT FUCKING AND HAVING YUMMY TANTRIC SEX AND COOMING
ANON: *backs away disturbed* Listen, there is a Christian Church down the road and anyways, my grandfather was Christian... just seems like the most obvious option. Anyways, I kind of miss going to church with my family as a kid.. there's a lot of reasons, and I always wanted to learn more about Jesus..
EVOLA: *the name of Jesus causes him to REE harder than ever, turn as red as scarlet, as then explode into sulphur retreating back to hell*
ANON: Well, that was weird... think I'm gonna go read the Bible..

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