/lit/ - Literature

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Anonymous Wed Oct 16 16:46:26 2019 No.14004530 [Reply] [Original]

How did you discover your favorite author?

I was first introduced to the works of Thomas Pynchon by my beautiful girlfriend. It was Christmastime, a blustery, snow-covered day, and I had just come inside and taken off my sodden boots. "Honey?" I heard her call from our bedroom. I quickened my pace, for I knew that tone quite well, and in a twinkling had removed my overcoat and raced up the stairs.

She was entirely naked, but the effect was quite innocent. You see, she had covered herself in the books. Mason and Dixon sat atop one breast, Gravity's Rainbow atop the other, and V., of course, lay just where one would expect. She did not acknowledge my presence except to whisper, enticingly but perhaps with a hint of boredom, "Give us a Pynch."

I was happy to oblige, and soon I began sawing away. It was not her fashion to sing, but sing she did, and I fear I did not understand her words at the time. "Let P equal me, with my heart in command; let Q equal you with Tractatus in hand (For shame! I had not read Wittgenstein and missed the reference entirely!); and R could stand for a lifetime of love, filled with music to fondle and purr to."

Well, I may neither philosopher nor poet, but I can fondle and purr with the best of them, and we spent the next several hours in concupiscent delight. When it was finished, and we lay, heaving and hawing upon the bed, the steam rising from our breath like steam rising from a boiling pot, she informed me that the entire experience had been a waste.

"A waste?" I asked, not unhurt by her words, for my sexual performance has never been less than first-rate.

She laughed. "Not a waste. W.A.S.T.E. It's an acronym." I nodded, as though I understood.

To this day I cannot become sexually aroused without thinking of Thomas Pynchon.

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