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/lit/ - Literature

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13987361 No.13987361 [Reply] [Original]

I feel like I'm 1,000 years old despite being just shy of 30.

Whenever I come to a crossroads in my life, I see the possibilities that lay before me and feel only weariness as if I've experienced them all 100 times. Don't you remember how the world felt when you were a child? Mysterious, limitless, infinite. Then you age and realise the adults and children you envied were worthy of nothing but pity. If I could sum up my view of existence it would be sympathetic resignation. No matter what your choices are you'll surely live to regret them, but throw up your arms in acquiescence to the futility of it all and face tomorrow with a smile that says "do your worst, for I have already experienced it a thousand times before". Time is a circle, history repeats itself. I feel nothing for I see the futility of it all, if I have a hope it's that I die in my sleep and pass away from this life as quietly as I came into it.

>> No.13987378

I started feeling like this ever since age 25 or so, assumed everyone is like this so thought it to be vulgar even mentioning this out loud

>> No.13987379

>>13987361
https://vocaroo.com/i/s1B3YKQ4iGnw

>> No.13987386

Someone's been reading Kierkegaard

"If you marry, you will regret it; if you do not marry, you will also regret it; if you marry or if you do not marry, you will regret both; whether you marry or you do not marry, you will regret both. Laugh at the world’s follies, you will regret it; weep over them, you will also regret it; if you laugh at the world’s follies or if you weep over them, you will regret both; whether you laugh at the world’s follies or you weep over them, you will regret both. Believe a girl, you will regret it; if you do not believe her, you will also regret it; if you believe a girl or you do not believe her, you will regret both; whether you believe a girl or you do not believe her, you will regret both. If you hang yourself, you will regret it; if you do not hang yourself, you will regret it; if you hang yourself or you do not hang yourself, you will regret both; whether you hang yourself or you do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the sum of all practical wisdom."

>> No.13987394

>>13987386
The only thing to regret is regret itself.

>> No.13987399

yes, this is pasta

>> No.13987411
File: 261 KB, 1000x523, 1117133381593.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
13987411

>>13987361
That's what happens when you spend most of your time reading and thinking.

>> No.13987460

>>13987361
im zoomer but this is the most relatable post ive seen on the board.

>> No.13988032

>>13987386
True

>> No.13988037

start reading shankara

>> No.13988116
File: 642 KB, 3264x2448, suifuel5.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
13988116

>>13987361
>I feel like I'm 1,000 years old
neurotypicals are always saying "time flies," "i can't believe i'm already 30," "summer went by so quick!" and other shit like that. i've never related to this sentiment, and frankly i have no idea how this is even possible for a human being. its no wonder they fear death. imagine death as a brick wall at the end of the tracks and you're on a speeding train heading straight for it. imagine the dread the neurotypical must feel. it's like i've skipped the train ride. its like i was born right next to the wall. i can see the train far off in the distance, but its subjective reality is unknown to me. my perspective is that of the wall itself. i've come to know it, and i don't fear it, because i've been at his doorstep my whole life. imagine death as an ocean. imagine the neurotypical on a roadtrip to come see this ocean. all the fun stops along the way, but they know that once they reach their destination, they will have to jump in. they have fun at the carnival, but once its over, they're back on the road towards the ocean. always driving towards the ocean. and here i am, already at the ocean. i stand on the shore and look into the depths from time to time. there is no carnival, no fun stops, i'm just here. i could jump in whenever i want. there's no idea of some force pushing me here against my will. when you're already at your destination, time does not exist..

>> No.13988130

>>13988116
If not for the social and religious stigma against suicide, I would have done it by now. I’ve accepted that this life is mostly suffering, and that death will be made much sweeter by enduring it all. I don’t want to fear death. I don’t want to hold on to this world. I’m in a narrow gate, and hopefully it’s the right one.

>> No.13988165

bro, you don't know what antient is. i've felt old since i was a lad. every day is bleached by the moonlight and when i awaken, i am at square one. since the beginning. i was a senile lad, no memories, none whatsoever, can't recall my mother's face if i didn't see it for a week, forgot everyone, i never cried as an infant, every day i must relearn, and must make the same painful mistakes,
you don't know what it is to be a senile old man, collecting the interests and the hobbies of one at 10, 20, 30, walking into my own body one day realizing that the age of the flesh was only just finally beginning to match the age of the spirit, that now it was time for me to recede into youth, that i was prey to life in reverse,
i have seen my "friends", my "peers", they have just begun to seek their purpose as they turn the final leaf on the chapters of their youths, and they only now face the stark and bitter realization that they will die, that their passions, their loves, their friends, that were all encompassing, all meaningful, are simply not enough, that the mocking noose they laced round the neck of art hanged muses that would now be their saviors. I can see the horrified, absolutely horrified look on their faces, hoping their children will carry them on, perpetuate them, but they know as they have forgotten their past loved ones, the ones who are dead, that they share the same fate, that they will leave naught behind. I look at them with nothing but mirth, carving away, long since carving, a shape, a symbol, a statue to stand immemorial, my tomb shall live longer than their stories in the minds and memories of their children and grandchildren, their progeny as fragile as their own considerations of immortality.
You only feel ancient now? A laugh, a laugh I offer to you. A pitiless one.

>> No.13988175

>>13987386
Regretting is better than nothing.

>> No.13988224

>>13987386
every single time i have stumbled on this quote (from any form of medium) it strikes a deep resonation with me

>> No.13988445

>>13987361
>crossroads of life
>possibilities before me
>comparing childhood to mystery
>you'll live to regret your choices no matter what
>throw up your arms
>futility of it all
>face tomorrow with a smile
>time is a circle, history repeats itself
>if I have a hope it's that I die in my sleep

For a man with the wisdom of a thousand years you sure like to talk in shitty cliches. Why can't any of you retards learn how to express your angst in an interesting way than bombard this board with such insufferable vapid thoughts?

>> No.13988475

>>13988116
>any metaphor involving a train station

Done better in Pessoa. Lame.

>death as an ocean

Water as death/material/base/becoming has been a thing since Heraclitus. Lame.

>looking into depths from shore

Dante said this hundreds of years ago but better. Lame.

All of you are neurotypicals but you just don't realize it.

>> No.13988476

>>13988445
tbf, he said he FEELS like he's been alive for 1000 years, not that he had the wisdom of a literal 1000 years of experience. its called hyperbole

>> No.13988482

>>13987361

You’re also gay btw

>> No.13988483

>>13988475
sorry my 4channel post doesn't measure up to dante

>> No.13988486

>>13988445
cringe

>> No.13988491

>>13987361
good post op
become a writer

>> No.13988495

>>13988476
Its also called being melodramatic

>> No.13988548

>>13987386
So what the fuck do we do

>> No.13988609
File: 213 KB, 748x1069, christ_chan_explains_protestantism_by_generalhelghast-dbhtu8h.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
13988609

>>13988548
we stop listening to some fallible philosopher speaking nonsense and lies, and start listening to Christ

>> No.13988618

>>13988609
yeah, and then what. What career should I choose? I don’t feel like completing my homework right now, which is due in 3 hours, should I just give up and go work a minimum wage job and live frugally without any aspirations to be rich?

>> No.13988644

>>13988618
yes

>> No.13988657

>>13987379
I love you vocaroo bro.

>> No.13988661

>>13988165
that's nothing pal. i've been over this shit since i was a foetus. being a zygote was based, everything since then has just been more of the same. i didn't cry when i was born, as soon as they cut the umbilical cord i just turned to my mother and told her she should have aborted me, but since i've been "born" i may as well have some milky milky, (direct quote)

>> No.13988673

>>13987386
>If you hang yourself, you will regret it
Not for long.

>> No.13988682

>>13988476
i think you have 1000 years of experience.

autism experience :)

>> No.13988702

>>13987361
If you had a button in front of you that would, when pushed, kill every person in existence, would you push it? Do you think that you should push it?

>> No.13988709

>>13988673
you might in hell

>> No.13988764

>>13988702
I wished for a button like this since I was 11

>> No.13988828

>>13988644
How bad will I regret it? What’s the main drawback?

>> No.13988834

>>13988828
the main drawback is you will have less money. you will only regret it if you care a lot about money.

>> No.13988852

>>13988834
I just want to have enough. I’d figure the main drawback is fear of social shame/disappointment. I’m currently going to Uni for free on scholarship. You see, I’m expected to do great things, but I have no ambition and no real interest in any degrees. But I’m doing stem right now. Should I just wait it out since I’m basically getting paid to go here? I fear that a low GPA might harm me, but I guess it’s better to just finish it all and ditch this path whenever I’m forced to, or feel like it.

>> No.13988874

>>13988475
Originality is a fucking spook dude

>> No.13988888

>>13988852
do you get free food and free board?

>> No.13988893

>>13988709
After death, only nothingness awaits consciousness.

>> No.13988911
File: 32 KB, 329x341, koichi.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
13988911

>>13987361
>I feel like I'm 1,000 years old despite being just shy of 30.

>> No.13988917

>>13988888
yes, I net earn a few hundred dollars, and I spend a little of that on extra groceries and toiletries, gas etc

>> No.13988922

>>13988893
if you don’t believe in an afterlife, you might as well believe in reincarnation. If you were in the nothingness before, and you’re here now, then what makes you think you’ll be there forever after this life?

>> No.13988934

>>13988922
>if you don’t believe in an afterlife, you might as well believe in reincarnation.
Actually, I believe in eternal return. It makes the most sense.

>> No.13988948

>>13988934
Why do you think consciousness is limited to your body? Why can’t you become conscious in a different body as soon as you die in this life? You had no attributes in the nothingness, and assumed this body. So I see no reason why you can’t assume the form of any living thing as soon as you die. Perhaps each conscious being is full of multiple reincarnations. You yourself are composed of multiple past identities, but they all experience the same life, so they are all “you.” If there were only being born at the end of the world, I believe every being in the past would be experiencing life in that final being. That is, if there is no afterlife.

>> No.13988951

>>13988948
>only being born
only one being born

>> No.13988954
File: 1.80 MB, 2873x2155, 1547914970611.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
13988954

>>13987361
read The Foundation

>> No.13988957

>>13988917
i would just phone it in until you graduate. use free time working on something meaningful.

>> No.13988966

>>13988116
Honest answer: it is part of the nature of relativity of time. When the brain is less active, time flies (in sleep 8 hours can go by in what feels like a few minutes), yet when the brain is more active, time slows (stressful and adrenaline-pumping scenarios make minutes feel like hours).

>> No.13988982

>>13988948
>Why do you think consciousness is limited to your body?
Because:

1. The thing-in-itself doesn't make any sense given what we know about the universe. That means consciousness-in-itself as well. There is nothing that can "jump" into a different body.

2. Nothing about this universe or about consciousness suggests there's another source external to the universe.

3. It doesn't make sense for something outside of time to interact with something inside of time, and everything in the universe is inside of time (as spacetime).

4. I don't see any other reason for why you would lose a chunk of time when you're put out for surgery.

>> No.13988983

>>13987379
what are you even doing here? You feel so ashamed by yourself.

>> No.13988999

>>13987361
Felt like this when I was 18. What accomplishment do you have for such a smug attitude? I suspect little to none.

>> No.13989010

>>13987361
Stop perverting Nietzsche you retarded chandala pessimistic nihilist blabbermouth idiot "I am futile I want to die peacefully" decadent cabbagehead pseudointellectual loser.
"I have resigned from life" then do it properly and put A BULLET INTO YOUR BRAIN RETARD. FUCKING ANTINATALIST DO IT HAHHAHAHHA
BLABBERMOUTH HAHAHHAHA

>> No.13989043

>>13988957
>use free time working on something meaningful.
Can’t think of anything besides reading the Bible and other Christian works

>> No.13989077

>>13989043
thats pretty much what i do. but i also have a very big (Catholic) project i'm working on right now. its a more concrete and external thing. maybe try to find something like that. have you ever thought of doing something which would affect the world in some way?

>> No.13989102

Have sex.

>> No.13989122

>>13989077
>have you ever thought of doing something which would affect the world in some way?
no, at least not anything remotely feasible.

>> No.13989144

>>13989122
why not?

>> No.13989183

>>13989144
>why not?
I have no desire to. Even if I did have some desire to change or improve the world, I would probably question if my actions would actually work in the long run, or if they’d somehow just lead to worse things in the future. The only time I’ve ever helped people is when I tutor them or help them learn something, and I’m good at that, and I enjoy it.

>> No.13989204

>>13989183
>The only time I’ve ever helped people is when I tutor them or help them learn something, and I’m good at that, and I enjoy it.
So you are aware of how much you completely suck at changing things, and to actually attempt to change something would remind you of how powerless you really are, so you rationalize it by saying "no I have no desire to change things" (lol, then how are you still alive? Are you being fed and changed by a caretaker?) through degenerate-chandala syndrome while admitting your pleasure for changing in the small feild where you have had a bit of power (education).