/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.13885918]

I need some books to help me ward off my latent autogynephilia (arousal at imagining self as female).
I found Wild at Heart somewhat helpful in convincing me of why I want to be a man, and Gravity's Rainbow's ending felt like a confrontation with aspects of my sexuality, so I'm going through Mason & Dixon now. The issue is that I'm still having dreams about turning into a girl.
Am I gonna have to write some book to defeat this aspect of my psyche, or has one been written yet?

[Anonymous No.13885923]

Have you read fight club?

[Anonymous No.13885927]

I deal with this too anon, so know you aren't alone.

[Anonymous No.13885932]

>>13885918
It's not a problem if you only do it when you masturbate. It might be a problem if it comes up during sex

[Anonymous No.13885960]

>>13885923
Nope, saw the film, I'll check it out after M&D
>>13885932
It happened during sex, and that prevents me from wanting to be with a woman until I get this sorted out.

[Anonymous No.13886003]

Take the kigu pill

[Anonymous No.13886015]

>>13886003
4chans full of faggots..

[Anonymous No.13886061]

>>13886003
I would prefer not to

[Anonymous No.13886138]

I pretty much defeated my AGP. I can explain how but it'll require a text dump.

[Anonymous No.13886155]

>>13885918
>pic
damn that nostalgia hit me hard

[Anonymous No.13886167]

>>13886138
Dump it

[Anonymous No.13886193]

>>13885918
Have you read The Wasp Factory?

[Anonymous No.13886205]

Check out the Heart Sutra, OP. It may help you I can kind of relate because I'm a non-AGP transsexual and have transitioned (not gonna get any of that hackjob butcher surgery that will rot away, though). I feel much better now and have been able to get my mental health under control. That said, since you say that you are aware that your feelings are a result of AGP rather than diagnosable gender dypshoria, that will probably not help you much if at all. I suggest that you find a competent therapist (or a priest/monk/rabbi/whatever if you prefer, so long as they will be helpful and understanding) to help work out your issues. Just make sure that you explain that you know you aren't a tranny and that this sexual fetish of yours has become paraphilic and is causing you personal stress and interrupting your sex life. Wishing you the best, OP. I hope you can figure out a solution to your problem that makes you happy and satisfies you.

>TL;DR Heart Sutra

[Anonymous No.13886214]

This is what happens when your father doesn't beat you.

[Anonymous No.13886258]

What you have is a fetish. You find it sexually arousing to think of yourself as a woman. You are probably a nice enough person to know and not someone that others would point to and guess that you have some hidden desire to dress like a woman. The first question that is asked that gets to the point is this: If you could become a woman right now via some magic where all the inconveniences of the change (i.e everyone would think you've always been a girl) would you? Most people with AGP say 'no, it's just a fantasy', others might also say 'would I be hot?' which only proves it is a fantasy even more, since it is a fetish that requires, mostly, that the new you be a hot woman. Though some who are into the humilation aspect later find it more fun to imagine themselves as an ugly girl, obese, a different ethnicity, etc, because simply being a hot girl has become a vanilla fantasy for them.

Essentially you don't actually want to be a girl, but you appreciate the benefits of beauty and the humiliation aspect of it. In addition those with AGP tend to be unsuccessful with women, or put them on some kind of pedastal. A key part of it is a personal inability to be comfortable with taking on the dominant role; i.e, being the kind of man who can take charge and be the man in the relationship. For someone with a vivid internal fantasy of becoming a woman, it is must less tedious to imagine being effortlessly beautiful and the object of another's desire, whereby you are both the man wanting to fuck the female you, and the female enjoying all the benefits of being one (in fantasy only, ignoring the actual realities of being female). In a sense you are picturing yourself less of a real woman, but an idealised, barbie-doll type; or, if not this, then the fantasy focuses on the disgusting / horrible elements of the fantasy for variance.

When I was in my early twenties I went to university and was surrounded by very liberal minded people, giving me all the room I needed to experiment with my identity. In the privacy of my dorm room I tried crossdressing and make-up, and generally enjoyed the sexual thrill of it. But this was at a time when I was under the delusion that this was some part of my sexuality and identity mixed in some horrible way unique to myself and some other unfortunate men online. By believing that my sexuality was somehow doomed to 'wanting to be a girl' I had no means to stop myself from this almost comically absurd and profane behaviour. But I didn't know any better at the time. If I were to crossdress now it would be a far more negative 'evil' experience since I now understand that there is only a sexually perverse value to it and nothing more.

[Anonymous No.13886261]

>>13886258
Also at university I enjoyed talking to close friends about 'maybe wearing female clothes' around campus. To which they encouraged me because we live in a clownworld and it was at a liberal university after all. I also painted my nails and had the thrill and excitement of hanging out with some other friends who took notice but said nothing of my painted nails. This was as far as the outward perversion got for me. I realised shortly after that this was all attention-seeking. The misguided belief that my sexuality was tied to my identity led me to push my fantasy into the real world with real people.

It made me feel special and like I had a secret and that I was somehow a rebel -- and not simply a virgin male who had only fleeting relationships with the opposite sex. At this time also I was heavily into reading about transgender stuff online, on various sites including 4chan when it was still vaguely hip. So not only was I mixing constant sexual perversion with online roleplays, and crossdressing, but I was starting to let it bleed into my actual life.

What broke the spell, though it seems blantantly obvious in hindsight, was that I was merely attention seeking. It seems like a weak excuse for such absurd behaviour, but that's what it was. Just the pure thrill of wanting attention. After I came to this realisation that my growing twisted identity was made only of the rejection of masculinity formed out of my insecurities as an insecure beta male, I stopped with the crossdressing, make-up, and never did anything with this fetish that wasn't restricted to online roleplay. It has been a long road for me. When I was fourteen I used found pornography and used it to escape my deepest depression (school was hell, any bad day I've had since school is nothing in comparison to the constant insecurity and nightmare school was for me).

Stop engaging with porn as much as you can, because it will consume your life if you let it. I've struggled and continue to struggle with this (had streaks of nofap for 68 days at my best), but even at my worst I'm secure in knowing that anything that isn't just pure porn gratification is just the wickedness of this absurd kink trying to bleed into my 'real life'. I haven't gone into the real embaressing shit I've done, and there's more to it, but I hope this helps give an idea of how to overcome it. Don't let your porn fantasies get out of control. It will effect your relationships with women at the time when you want to be closest to them both emotionally and sexually.

Imagine this 'I want to be a girl' fantasy as a little demon sitting on your head. It will crawl inside your mind the more you engage with porn and the idea that it is tied to your identity. You probably won't be able to get rid of this demon fully, but you can make sure it doesn't grow big enough to dictate your actions and ruin your adult life.

[Anonymous No.13886566]

>>13886258
>>13886261
So this is what jewish trannie propaganda is doing to young (presumably white) men.

Think you're probably just gay and coping in odd ways, OP. Emasculated, low T, probably jack off too much. Do some squats and stop watching porn and beating off so much and in the off chance you're straight your brain will likely sort itself out.

[Anonymous No.13886616]

>>13885918
Can you imagine how incredible it is if we could change our bodies as easily as our clothes? We could explore depths of beauty never before touched.

We can explore this now, in the worlds of imagination, dreams, and art. Don't be afraid of exploring yourself in such ways, it is nothing to be ashamed of. Imagine how silly it would be if everyone had to like a certain type of music, and all others were taboo? That is exactly the case now, in certain cases...

[Anonymous No.13886657]

That temptation ain't normal, hombre. Get yourself a copy of the 1611 King James Bible along with a Baptist minister to exorcise you.

[Anonymous No.13886662]

>>13885918
What's with all these faggots on 4chan wanting to become women?

[Anonymous No.13886686]

Went to high school with this really creepy, ugly weirdo who was a total outcast and got bullied every day. Found out in senior year he became a "drag queen" and "a fierce activist for the local LFBTQ+ community." The local papers ran stories about his "bravery" every other week and he always hosted the local Sodomite conventions. He went full tranny. A couple years ago he got busted fucking a child and he'll be locked up in prison until he dies, hopefully.

One of my friends from university was into BDSM with one of the girls there. A year ago he came out as "non binary" (whatever the fuck that means...I can't keep up with all these stupid made up bullshit words) and started posting pictures of himself impersonating a woman on Facebook. Unfriended and blocked his account instantly. Last I heard he's getting his dick mutilated.

One faggot I used to know was admitted to the emergency room after his boyfriend's cock ruptured his rectal wall. Apparently his bloodstream got flooded with a mixture of fecal matter, lube, and cum and the doctors showed him pictures of shit particles floating around his brain on the MRI machine. I stopped talking to him after he told me that story.

I can't imagine how far gone you'd have to be to even knowingly associate with any of these kinds of people.

[Anonymous No.13886700]

>>13886686
Well done for immediately cutting off contact. Don't let their mental disease catch on you.

[Anonymous No.13886711]

>>13886662
The gay dating market is other gay guys, quite a small % of the population.
Trans dating market is mostly straight guys, a much larger % of the population.

It's amazing there aren't more gay guys turning trans to get more cock options.

[Anonymous No.13886743]

>>13886700
This shit isn't contagious unless you're already mentally fucked in the head in some way. I cut contact because I know nothing good can ever come of these people.

[Anonymous No.13887021]

>>13886193
OP here, just finished it.
Traumatizing book, but I think it fit the bill for what I was asking for. Thanks.

[Anonymous No.13887091]

>>13886261
>Imagine this 'I want to be a girl' fantasy as a little demon sitting on your head. It will crawl inside your mind the more you engage with porn and the idea that it is tied to your identity. You probably won't be able to get rid of this demon fully, but you can make sure it doesn't grow big enough to dictate your actions and ruin your adult life.
This is really bad advice; it'll just turn you into a neurotic mess. I did this when I first came to terms with my AGP and I had a nervous breakdown and set my development back years. OP, basically you're wired differently, AGP isn't a fetish, it's a full blown sexuality/paraphilia, you aren't going to change it, the circuits run too deep. Your only options (besides indulging in it) are redirecting it towards constructive means or reducing your libido, or perhaps even both. Make sure you have a creative outlet and see if you can get on an SSRI, they help reduce obsessive thoughts and kill your dick so you can focus on better things. Also, don't let this get in the way of your relationship with women, even if you aren't attracted to them sexually, you can still have a strong romantic attraction. Repressing this side of yourself through mental effort just isn't going to work

[Anonymous No.13887121]

>>13885918
Fighting against it is only going to make it stronger. It only gets dissolved when you accept both "feminine" and "masculine" aspects of yourself and unify your self-image into a single whole. It means accepting yourself for who you are.

[Anonymous No.13887140]

>>13886261
For me masturbating while crossdressing is akin something to sex. However i have no desire to wear clothes once im done with. Anyhow i see crossdressing as taboo line which men are not meant to cross and i get off from this "acting".

[Anonymous No.13887147]

>>13887091
>reducing your labido

Which is exactly what I said via porn abstinence. Fuck off with the SSRI shit, you are literally a demon if you want to get someone on drugs to quell whatever mental issues they are having. If you can't see the danger in trying to get someone to take drugs then god help you.

>>13887140
It's not sex. There is no value in what you are doing. Stop at all costs whilst you still have the choice. There is no happy ending long term if you continue on this path. Just misery and, quite possibly, suicide.

[Anonymous No.13887153]

>>13887121
Wrong. This kind of 'accepting' bullshit is what enables this type of behaviour. Sure someone can acknowledge they have a tendency towards degenerate kinks, but fetishes have no value. If not behaving like a degenerate is uncomfortable and causes inner turmoil: good, welcome to the human experience. Stop trying to have an easy life and bare the burden of your mental disability, because that is what it is. If a man has a gimpy leg he deals with it, he doesn't incorporate being a gimpy leg man into his personality. He doesn't identify as a gimpy leg.

[Anonymous No.13887160]

>>13887147
Its a sex substitute for me. Ideally id like to be a shapeshifter rather than change to female permanently. I have to accept that i'll always be interested in crossdressing even if im not actively doing it.

[Anonymous No.13887167]

>>13887160
Okay please understand you sound like a literal retard for saying it is a sex substitute. I'm not saying this to be mean just giving you the truth as I see it. Sure you might like to be a shapeshifter in an ideal world, but you're not. You're just a man. Think of your current mental condition as a test. If you can overcome this degenerate aspect of yourself then what will be the rest of life's trials in comparison? Work hard on becoming a good man, not some frankenstein's monster idea of a woman you can never be. Save yourself. Believe in evil because you are close to being consumed by it.

[Anonymous No.13887257]

>>13887167
Its actually been getting better in recent years. I view crossdressing as a fetish and i understand why im doing it. I do not see myself as becoming tranny or trap in the long run or i do believe that im born in the wrong body. Actually im starting to realize that for the longest time i secretly thought that my character would better suit for a female than a traditional male (im a sensitive neurotic mess instead of stoic powerhouse). In the end ill have the thought what it would feel to dress like a different gender.

[Anonymous No.13887501]

>>13887147
>reducing your labido
>Which is exactly what I said via porn abstinence.
You're a fucking child. Lurk moar and let the adults talk bucko

[Anonymous No.13887509]

>>13887501
Sad!

[Anonymous No.13887591]

>>13885918
stop cooming bro

most sexual disorders are caused from too much coom

[Anonymous No.13887600]

>>13887591
Isnt it the opposite?

[Anonymous No.13888342]

>>13886711
Trans dating market is mostly straight guys
Not buying it. I'd imagine a small percentage is low-status men who are intrigued by the prospect of fucking something for free that has the semblance of, and will pretend to be, a woman, but lowering their standards or fucking hookers now and then is a far more normal response than being drawn to trannies. It's has to be people who are repressing their homosexuality that are into this insane bullshit.

[Anonymous No.13888355]

>>13888342
Forgot to greentext first line

>Trans dating market is mostly straight guys

^
I don't believe this and was arguing against it.

[Anonymous No.13888406]

>>13885918
Quit being a crybaby and just take the damn pink pill already.

[Anonymous No.13888652]

>>13885960
But women often enjoy being with women.

[Anonymous No.13888665]

>>13886743
>I cut contact because I know nothing good can ever come of these people.
Is the line not drawn the other way? You cut contact because you fear bad will come from the association, not mediocrity or neutrality. You are scared you'll be parading around in front of Ru Paul. It'll happen anyway dude.

[Anonymous No.13888670]

>>13887591
Fuck off pedo scum.

[Anonymous No.13888704]

>>13888342
>I'd imagine
So boring.

[Anonymous No.13888706]

this book called, "this bitch was grinding her ass on my dick the other night and now i have new sensory information to associate with femaleness."

[Anonymous No.13888767]

>>13888704
You're going to have to come up with a more convincing argument that men who are attracted to trannies are actually straight. There is no logic behind that, they have to be queers suppressing their homosexual instincts.

[Anonymous No.13888776]

>>13886566
Unironically this

[Anonymous No.13888880]

>>13885918
What are your thoughts on penis musk?