write what's on your mind

[Anonymous No.13361048]

Write what's on your mind; non-literary edition. Rant away.

[Anonymous No.13361074]

I've hated the irrationality present in the world, but never said anything out of knowledge that I myself am irrational; furthermore, I've never said anything out of fear of being called a "cliche". I'm aware that there are many more guys (I omitted the word 'men' to sound more modern; I've still got to avoid being a cliche even now!) out there that are in the same predicament as me. It's a predicament as old as mankind I'm sure.
They'd call me names if I said any of this, though, like "angsty", "wimpy"'; they'd call me a "pseudo-intellectual". They'd pass my anger off as being a bottom-of-the barrel irritation; they'd say that everyone feels this way, and that it's life. It is a part of life, but I'm still pissed off. I'm pissed off at myself and everyone around me.

I've also kept quiet about it because I myself deemed this irritation to be something "a cognizant 12 year old would be mad about". What a piss poor reason to bottle up your emotions; because a 12 year old would be pissed about it! Who gives a damn?
Maybe they would've never said any of those things except for "wimp" now upon my revealing of the truth, and I'd agree. I've been afraid to bitch (which isn't entirely true; I've bitched before.)

[Anonymous No.13361092]

I've got to do something.

[Anonymous No.13361312]

The anti-depressants aren't good, i think, but I haven't got a clue what's good. My metabolism slowed to a halt and that stinks.

[Anonymous No.13361525]

>>13361048
How do you the incel mentality from making you a resented person?
I'm not one, but I'm finding it increasingly hard to act like a "normie" around this subject.
I've had this friend talking to me for a solid hour about how personality matters the most, but then she told me all her HS crushes look like pic rel
I wanted to punch her

[Anonymous No.13361531]

>>13361525
how do you stop*

[Anonymous No.13361757]

>>13361525
Maybe they also had really excellent personalities. I don't know. Stop being so envious of other people.

[Anonymous No.13361764]

My farts are a lot louder now that I have hemerrhoids

[Anonymous No.13361774]

>>13361757
>Stop being so envious of other people.
Do you say that as a left wing voter

[Anonymous No.13361782]

>>13361764
I had some loud farts last night

[Anonymous No.13361800]

>>13361525
Just focus on yourself and your own life. Do not worry about other people.

[Anonymous No.13361831]

In 2 weeks I will have literally everything a 23 year old can ask for.
Yet I'm still depressed and lonely.
I lack meaningful and deep relationships.

[Anonymous No.13361833]

>>13361074
What exactly are you angsty about?

[Anonymous No.13361838]

>>13361074
Tell me anon, do you accept yourself?
If you do then the path to happiness will open to you

[Anonymous No.13361863]

>>13361774
I'm not a left wing voter

[Anonymous No.13361882]

>>13361757
I'm 90% sure you are being ironic, but just in case
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halo_effect

[Anonymous No.13361948]

>>13361831
What does every 23 year old want that you have?

[Anonymous No.13361955]

>>13361074
Have sex

[Anonymous No.13361984]

I want to be NEET again.

[Anonymous No.13361989]

>>13361882
I'm not, and I said "maybe".

[Anonymous No.13361991]

>>13361048
Though I don't actually want to inflict pain on real people, trauma from my childhood made me sadistic and a fucking freak.

I started pulling out my toenails when I was about 6, and I have a really bad obsession with seeing others in pain- psychological or physical. from ages 6 until know I watched so much true crime I've seen every episode of at least 5 different shows, and those multiple times. If I read a book where someone got hurt, I'd reread those few paragraphs or pages for hours.

Survive! the dinotopia book was like porn to me.
I don't care about the sex, I want cute boys/teens/men to be terrified, traumatized, abused and beaten. I don't even have a porn folder, I have a whump folder. I want overwrought stories about teenage heroes suffering from debilitating PTSD from their adventures. I want them coming back home and screaming themselves awake from the nightmares. Heaving panic attacks from hearing a cash register beep. I want the attractive villain to twist his fingers into the MC's hair and slam his head against concrete. I want friends that don't recognize him anymore to stand in awe at how fucked up this kid is. I want betrayal and paranoia and slowly losing their minds.

I just want to read so much overwrought action adventure trauma with unhealthy coping mechanisms and morally dubious relationships. Anything that involves shaking and tears. Sometimes days, weeks, months, this is all I give a shit about. Literature? A vessel for my fucked up fetishes. Sometimes I get agitated and twitchy when I don't have anything to read.

This is why I read so much fanfiction.

[Anonymous No.13362133]

Yes, I'm angry. How could I not be? Roll it all into one giant smashfuck. Yeayeayea. Okay.
What.
Hm.
I like a highly compartmentalized internet. I like a highly compartmentalized self. Funny enough, neither one are these days. Certain sanctums bleeding into one another and pissing me off. I NEED this space to come and UNWIND from handling your bullshit every fucking hour of my goddamn joke of a life. I got this angry spike on the underside of my brain. I buried it here so you wouldn't know. And now you're here with your fat fucking face and where the FUCK do I have left to go?
I need. this space. I NEED this space. I got something ugly I've been filing away for years. Where does it go now? Where does it go? On the street? In the woods. Maybe. I never put it there before. But if you insist on pushing me out.
It doesn't matter. Nothing fucking matters.
I gotta read American Psycho. I like the way he describes embossed card stock. It's. Soothing.
Oh fuck it's bad. You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna build a room.
Don't worry. It's fine.
I had something to say. What was it.

[Anonymous No.13362249]

>>13361948
Money, a diploma, a pretty girlfriend, health, a lot of friends, family... Am I missing anything important?

[Anonymous No.13362267]

>>13362249
>Am I missing anything important?
Apparently.

[Anonymous No.13362317]

I know this guy who just graduated medical school with good grades. He's an ugly little midget with a ridiculous amount of female friends. Whenever you see him, he's in the company of some girl, if not a group of girls. He has the look of a knave and his eyes drip with malice, as if they're searching for a way to swindle you. He's the sort of brute who knows how to get in the world, how to make contacts, and earn the favor of the right sort of people. I think of him and I wonder how so much boorishness, so much confidence, can be combined with such a sharp intelligence. The word "cunning" was coined to describe such people. Sadly, it's they who make it to the top in this world.

[Anonymous No.13362324]

>>13362317
>an ugly little midget
don't give me false hopes, bastard

[Anonymous No.13362340]

>>13361048
why the fuck can't the world wrap their heads around the basic facts of the scientific process and rational debate?
Yes, I said the words. Rational. Debate. Laugh at my fedora.
But there are so many problems in the world that require exactly six seconds of rational thought to begin to fix, and they're not fixed, because people A. don't know how to Discuss properly, and B. believe what they want to believe.
We go to school for nearly twenty years, and we teach them about a million things. Why the fuck can't we teach them to believe the evidence? Discuss without emotion? Hell, Black Science Man said it best in the Cosmos reboot, using almost those exact words.
And with the modern age of technology, we should be living in an intellectual utopia. What the fuck are people not getting????

[Anonymous No.13362371]

>>13361048
I hope I don’t have the c-word

[Retard No.13362400]

I recently turned 18 and finished my college exams, and was expected to go to university within the next month, but i managed to talk my parents into letting me take an year long break. I just don't get it, how the fuck did this become an expectation? All i've done for as long as i can remember is go to school and study useless shit that i'm already forgetting. It's only the basic sciences, maths and english that i could consider of use. Even then, 90% of what i studied was still absolutely worthless, like watching a show with way too much filler. I'm spending my entire life so far into studying for this one specific job, which I may or may not get, which i may or may not like. It baffles me how most of my classmates see no problem with this.

[Anonymous No.13362407]

Becoming a political determinist has actually alleviated a lot of my anxiety about the future. Humanity is going to become extinct within the next two centuries at the absolute most barring divine intervention. Those exponential rates of change always get you the moment after you realize something might be wrong. All that's left to do now in terms of political praxis is pray for mercy

[Anonymous No.13362417]

>>13362407
idiot

[Anonymous No.13362433]

>>13362407
>centuries
Decades.

[Anonymous No.13362440]

I turned 18 recently and just finished my college exams. Was supposed to go to university this month, but managed to talk my parents into letting me take an year off.

I just don't get it, how is this the norm? All i've been doing for as long as i can remember is studying. The last few years have been especially great with 95% of the information i learn being absolutely useless for me in every scenario possible, and with me already forgetting said information just a month after the exams. I'm spending my entire life so far studying for a job that i may or may not get, or like. Yet most of my classmates see nothing wrong with this.

[Anonymous No.13362443]

Why do I fucking come here and find this thread. I don't read fiction anymore. Not like I used to. And the substance of these threads always riles me up a little. I imagine it's like sitting in a group therapy session listening to the intimate inanity of someone's daily existence while you're nursing this corrosive rot. Like you're on fire, waiting for your turn to speak. Why even speak. Because there's still a thin, wild strand of humanity that has yet to be tempered down and buffed out into that fine stoic sheen.
And then I get my turn and I can say anything except what needs to be said. So I talk about this blue mug of mine. Blue or grey? Blue or grey. Sometimes I nurse a thought that some otherworldly forces conspired to destroy my light blue mug because I was enjoying it so much. Which strikes me as hilarious.

[Anonymous No.13362447]

nothing matters

[Anonymous No.13362462]

>>13361525
mate let's accept it
you are ugly
you are poor
you are short
you are fat
you have small pen
you are stupid

OK?

Does monkey still no have sex with monkey?
Monkey oo oo aa aa and have sex sex monkey oo oooooo monkey always hab sex

monkey punch too but that would land u in jail.

[Anonymous No.13362467]

>>13362249
a big dick lol

[Anonymous No.13362518]

>>13362467
I know it's bait but still, define big?
It above average quite a bit

[Anonymous No.13362545]

I've decided to give Meditation a try.

There is no silence on this world so the next best thing I can do is learn to focus my attention so distractions are more easily ignored. Meditation is good for this apparently.. where do I start?

Is "the mind illuminated" a good book

[Anonymous No.13362564]

>>13362400
Based. You made the right choice.

[Anonymous No.13362670]

>>13362400
You have no idea how good you have it, this is a literal first world problem. Go thanks your parents for encouraging you to get an education.

[Anonymous No.13363128]

ive tried all sorts of things. but at the end of the day writing with a pencil and paper is the most satisfying method.

[Anonymous No.13363148]

>>13362670
It certainly is a very first world problem, and i'm thankful for the education i recieved. bBt i've noticed that beyond 8th grade, the amount of filler just continued to increase. I can already see atleast half of my classmates getting absolutely fucked over later on in their lives, when all they know to do is to mindlessly regurgitate information in their 20s.

[Anonymous No.13363175]

I wish I could be with her. I wish I could leave and never see anyone I know ever again.

[Anonymous No.13363180]

>>13362443
Spot on.

[Anonymous No.13363374]

Reality is becoming increasingly unbearable, and unlike before, I feel like this feeling shall not pass.

I dedicated myself to live as an artist, and those around me treat me with kindness, regarding my work as something profound and mature, I am welcome in their circles, well regarded even, and yet, the money simply ins't coming by. Food is becoming scarce and my landlady is constantly nagging me about electricity and water bills. I have no living relatives, and all those whom I care about are 330 km away from me.

Experiences I had in the past have hollowed me like an oak log. Life was intense, and now, everything outside of the realms of poetics and fiction is invoking the same reaction in me, to say which is none at all. Sex ins't pleasurable. Politics lost all their heat. Transcendentalism is beautfiful on paper and horrible in it's inner workings. Life has become painfully stable in it's misery.

And there's also the risk of a civil war, since my Country decided to put a man so laughably disqualified for the post that reality is looking a lot like a parody of itself. Fucking Brazil, man. Fuck this goddamned country.

[Anonymous No.13363393]

Lovecrafts city of monsters has turned into a world of monsters

[Anonymous No.13363395]

Started watching Neon Genesis Evangelion for the first time and I really, really like it. Feel like a kid again watching it. I never got to have any middle school romances or even close friends for that matter so it's nice to experience that vicariously. It's nice to be able to look forward to watching a couple of episodes a night

[Anonymous No.13363400]

>>13362407
Even if whites become a minority. Odds are that climate change is going to destroy the world. And if we ever build an AI its going to render the whole of humanity useless

[Anonymous No.13363408]

>>13363395
Why the fuck are you even here netflix shill. Go back to /tv/

*throws salt at you while yelling YEA YEA YEA

[Anonymous No.13363433]

>>13361525
Every incel needs to be give a gift basket with the complete writings of Schopenhauer

[Anonymous No.13363522]

I remember hearing somewhere that out of all the human beings who have ever lived, the vast majority made their living through subsistence farming of one kind or another. I think about this whenever I feel like complaining about something in my own life - that at least I'm not living in an unheated hovel and toiling in a field from dawn to dusk - but the more I think about it the more appealing it sounds. If there's still a way to live off the land and off the grid like that without getting a visit from the ATF, I'd at least like to try it out. I don't want to stay in this city and be some kind of "professional," but I don't want to work in a factory or a factory farm either.

>>13363395
I loved Eva when I was in high school, but couldn't relate to the show at all when I rewatched it with some friends this year. I think you have to be a depressed teenager to really get into it - maybe you're going through that phase retroactively.

[Anonymous No.13363531]

It is so hard to not get angry.

[Anonymous No.13363556]

>>13362400
I went to college immediately because what else was I going to do. In the back of my mind, I've always had the thought that if the worst comes to be and I don't make it there that I would move somewhere else and live a simple life as a farmer as my forebearers once did. Something about that thought comforts me, for many people failing college means failing life but I always have a backup plan.

>>13362407
I feel similar except about becoming a hereditarian; I now see that the dysgenic effects that are crippling the west are inevitable and that only the Chinese have the will to overwrite destiny and shape the world in their image. But such things don't matter, the propagation of my genes is my only true duty and concern.

Yet I have a great concern over my own mortality, I went to the emergency room last week because I had been feeling my heart pounding (the prior week it seemed to be higher than it should at times) and my arm burning in pain. However, beyond the initial spike in my heart rate upon entering the E.R., they could find nothing wrong with me. My GP said it was probably a panic attack, something which some of my family members have. Still, I can't help but feel paranoid that something wrong with me, I still have felt winded at times as if I need to breathe but can't. If one thought truly scares me it's not so much dying, but having a heart attack and being resuscitated with severe brain damage due to a lack of oxygen. I would rather perish than be left as a husk of my former self.

[Anonymous No.13363706]

>>13361984
THIS

[Anonymous No.13363843]

Every single human alive today is someone whose ancestors successfully reproduced for 200,000+ years of modern human evolution.
And of course intelligence and personality are heritable.

You look at some people and you have to think "This type of human survived for 200,000 years."

[Anonymous No.13363931]

>>13361074
there's no such thing as 'irrationality'; everyone is working efficiently to maximize their own utility based on the information known to them

[Anonymous No.13364143]

I had two similar dreams last night, I woke up from one then had the other after going back to sleep, and they both consisted of cuddling with a girl. My dreams are typically vivid, and I can recall my senses from them, like how it felt pressing my body against the girl. Hugging these imagined women felt so real; my love for them was so real. I need to go back! God, please.

[Anonymous No.13364641]

>>13363175
Same.

[Anonymous No.13364645]

I want to write more, but I get stuck.
I want to finish all this damn bar prep material, but I hate it.
I want to sleep, but sleep doesn't come.

[Anonymous No.13364977]

I realized just now what my belly button is for. It perfectly fits the charging cable plugged in below my smartphone.

[Anonymous No.13365067]

How do people put up with full time desk jobs for decades? I only have to do this for another month and I can feel my sanity slipping. No wonder so many people are lazy and fat. I had more energy at the end of the day when I was working 10 hour shifts running around a restaurant.

[Anonymous No.13365568]

>>13365067
Yeah its absolute cancer. I feel blood pooling in my ankles as we speak. Thankfully I ride my bicycle to work and lift and hopefully am offsetting all the sitting

[Anonymous No.13365581]

>>13363931
Economics?

[Anonymous No.13365657]

>>13363374
Feel the same about my country, America. It's not really even a country or a nation, just a government. There is no center of American society, just competing ethnicities in a legal framework lovingly watched over by technocrats. America is the apothesis the tragedy of the commons. We really, really should split up while we can still do it peacefully

[Anonymous No.13366089]

>>13363374
Maybe you are not as good as you think that you are?

[Anonymous No.13366163]

>>13365067
How do people put up with any full time job?

[Anonymous No.13366175]

>>13361048
I'm struggling with feelings of envy toward my best friend, mainly the way they manifest as lust for his girlfriend. I don't want to envy him and lust after her.
What can I read to get over it?

[Anonymous No.13366196]

>>13363433
Schopenhauer be like
'All women know how to do is eat hot chip, charge they phone, be bisexual, and lie'

[Anonymous No.13366203]

>believe that the key to a content life is minimizing suffering as opposed to maximizing pleasure
>realize this implies antinatalism
what the fuck bros my comfy personal philosophy shouldn't be entailing such things

[Anonymous No.13366224]

>>13361525
it's pretty obvious, if you think women are bad then just...stop caring about women. pining after something you hate is just retarded

[Anonymous No.13366363]

>>13366203
wow it's almost like suffering is part of life
read Job

[Anonymous No.13366386]

>>13366363
no lmao the old testament is retarded

[Anonymous No.13366453]

>>13363931
Are you saying that everyone is working towards their own goal that is influenced on the information they possess?

[Anonymous No.13366501]

>>13366453
that's exactly what he said

[Anonymous No.13367263]

>>13366089
That would not be a problem, anon, because I would simply know that by the reactions of those around me. But my works are out there, and some grade B+ cientific magazines are publishing them.

It simply seems like the camp where my interests lie are unbearably niche.

[Anonymous No.13367272]

>>13361048
I'm having a panic attack

[Anonymous No.13367412]

>>13361048
ran into ex immediately after praying to a saint to help me find 'the right one.' shocked me, thought it couldn't possibly be right
I asked her to hang out though, thinking it was a sign and I believe it was; we went for a walk in a park and talked. I found it hard to look at her without smiling. We found a place where there were all these purple and yellow flowers blooming, and there was a robin perched in front of us in a bush, her favorite bird. Later we rode bikes and it rained on us, despite there being no clouds. I can't think of a day more beautiful in recent memory. She told me some things too; the importance of knowing that Love is real, independent of physical sensation and time. I love her so much it physically pains me but we cannot be together right now. I don't know what to do. It's been two days since then, and I'm not sure how I should push ahead.

[Anonymous No.13367554]

>>13361048
Excuse the bloatedness of my belly but i just love to eat eat eat. oink oink oink i hate myself.

[Anonymous No.13367706]

>>13366203
You made your first mistake wanting to be content.

[Anonymous No.13367841]

>>13361048
>Write what's on your mind

Miracle Mile is a great movie

[Anonymous No.13367991]

I just left group for the week. The one mixed dude wouldn't shut the fuck up about how he wanted pizza for his 1 year date. My right brake pad is grinding and I need to fix it but I don't want to spend the money. No one has hugged me in a really long time.

[Anonymous No.13368018]

Oh fuck. It's so much warmer here than back home. And it's not even that far away. How aren't people clawing at each other in the streets? Coldness is more conducive to the general pacification of mankind. Heat is an instigator. It's an accelerant. Cold keeps the peace, keeps civility. Heat is the ultimate principle of the destroyer, the warrior, the barbarian.

You might say about what about all the barbarians that came from cold climes in times past, Vikings and Mongolians? I'm just saying that cold keeps people in check, not that it grows crops or lets people live off the fat of the land. Lack of cold will spell revolutionary change, mark these words.

[Anonymous No.13368134]

>>13365568
try working standing up, mix it up a little bit,

[Anonymous No.13368140]

Just realized the importance of social proof yet again when a girl asked me for my Instagram and I said I didn't have one.

Most of the things I care about and constantly pursue are so vain and meaningless, yet I can't stop myself from caring.

[Anonymous No.13368158]

>>13368140
i dont have any social networks and dont have a smartphone
i wish to find out what does a womans body feel like, but i know i never will

[Anonymous No.13368166]

>>13366386
kek

[Anonymous No.13368168]

>>13368140
I had the opposite experience. I think some girls grow sick of scrolling through Instagram because they've seen everything that's there. The friend list is limited after all. If you are playing a classical pick-up scheme, there's a chance that you'll end up being more interesting than anything she has on the phone only because she doesn't know you and can't quickly scroll through your profile to get an overview. Downside is that you'll end up showing her that you are just like the rest.

[Anonymous No.13368189]

>>13368140
Just play that up as originality on your part. Getting girls is about owning what you do mostly. See: the chad who spends all his time talking about a sport his conquests don't even know the rules of.

[Anonymous No.13368202]

I'm torn on how I want my life to go.
On one hand I think about traveling, fucking and chasing my aspirations.
On the other hand I think about settling down, helping my community and raising children.

I don't want to wake up with a fat wife and children who despise me but I also am worried that if I lived selfishly I will feel empty and hallow inside.

[Anonymous No.13368252]

>>13362400
Hey anon. I’m 19 and did the same thing as you. Definitely best decision I could’ve made for myself. Just don’t take a year to fuck of and do nothing, then you’ll regret it immensely. I used my year off from school to move to a new city, become financially independent, got multiple jobs and internships that built my resume toward my dream career, read books, got into amazing shape, went on camping trips, got really good at rock climbing. still tfwngf but working on that too. Anyways, this isn’t a brag post but just use that time well and you’ll look back on it as the best idea you ever had. Taking time to explore yourself and your ambitions gives you what you need to make a decision about college with a clear head. I despised the idea of going to college when I was fresh out of high school, now I can’t wait for the semester to start. Godspeed anon

[Anonymous No.13368275]

>>13368140
I do not have any social media either.

[Anonymous No.13368307]

>>13368202
Do whichever fulfills your personal desires. You will probably be sad about your life choices no matter what you do.

[Anonymous No.13368327]

>>13368307
I'm leaning towards the bottom option because of Maslow's hierarchy of needs and something Jordan Peterson said about if something is good for you and good for the community then it's pretty good.

I assume someone on /lit/ is going to hate that and I'm wondering what the argument against my idea is. Also thanks anon

[Anonymous No.13368329]

i'm addicted to food, youtube, and podcasts. i wish i had better, sexier addictions like drugs, porn, or even vidya. i was once scammed of $40 on a dating app. i don't read, my iq is probably double digits. i'm actually the dumbest person on /lit/ right now. i don't know what shape the Earth is.

[Anonymous No.13368373]

>>13368329
I would suggest letting go of the negative parts of you ego. What I mean by that is try to open yourself up and not identify with some of the negative qualities you said.
Hold a higher opinion of yourself and work towards who you want to become but also plan strategically.

Start counting calories, come up with a fitness routine, get to a gym. Listen to podcasts there. Getting scammed doesn't define you, move on anon. Become the person you want to be. I genuinely believe in you, you need to believe in you.

[Anonymous No.13368399]

>>13368329
> i was once scammed of $40 on a dating app.

You wanna share the story?

[Anonymous No.13368640]

>>13368399
"girl" had me put my info on a (s)camsite. i was talking to a human and not a bot so thats what got me, still a moment that sticks with me and reminds me that i wasn't in sped class because i'm "just lazy"

>>13368373
i was doing very good during Lent but i've since fallen. Gym doesn't work for me because i have no car and no license, I suppose I can exercise at home and start back up on IF tomorrow. if this thread is still up i'll let you know how i did.

[Anonymous No.13368655]

>>13368640
Do this
>look up TDEE calculator
>calculate how many calories a day you need to eat
>If you want to lose weight subtract 500 calories from your TDEE

Then count your calories. Not to overly inundate you but try to eat close to .7g of protein for your body weight.If you can do push ups and pull ups then do those. Start looking for routines you can do at the house.

[Anonymous No.13368679]

If, if I were to kill myself and it would hurt my brother and my family, what other hardships would come of it?

I'm honestly fed up with the world and humanity and my life. It's clear that I'm not worthy of living. There is nothing worth fighting for, at least for me.

[Anonymous No.13368682]

>>13368640
Also forgot to add do not cut if you are underweight, there is a chance you just need to bulk.

[Anonymous No.13368693]

>>13361831
>tfw I have nothing but deep meaningful relationships
>tfw surrounded by people who love and care about you for who you really are flaws and all

[Anonymous No.13368705]

>>13362371
Nigga that’s fucking scar tissue from a scab. Still get checked though if you’re not sure.

[Anonymous No.13368723]

>>13368679
It's hard to even factor in how many people this could effect friend.

Suicide is certainty the shittiest option friend. Can you tell me more about your situation?

[Anonymous No.13368725]

>>13368655
i've lost plenty of weight, i was once 215 and dropped down to 165. after highschool however i gained 20lbs. i constantly lose 5 to 15lbs then gain it back. i have a very neurotic relationship to food, i use to throw up because i had eaten too big of a meal and didn't wanna get fat, I was made fun of for my gyno as a kid so that might have had something to do with it.

[Anonymous No.13368797]

>>13368725
I dropped down from 285 and I've been maintaining 160lbs-180lbs, I know your pain. Weightlifting has helped. Counting calories made me feel more in control of my diet. It takes time anon but you can develop a healthier relationship with food. Try eating whole foods more. Iit's absolutely fixable and you will feel great once your have your diet under control.

[Anonymous No.13369046]

>>13368723
>5'1"
So no one will want me, and no one will hire me or promote me

>4.5" (erect) penis
So I will never be able to please anyone
>ugly face
Same as height

That about sums it up

[Anonymous No.13369070]

>>13369046
Not the guy you replied to but literally all of your problems stem from sexual insecurity. Modern society hyper-sexualizes everything to the point where people think that's the defining metric of success as a man. Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for you, Sexual frustration sucks but if getting your dick wet and having a gf are the only things that can make you content, I think you should look elsewhere for purpose or at least happiness.

[Anonymous No.13369123]

>>13369070
It's not just sex but contact and acceptance, having someone love me. I've tried finding satisfaction elsewhere, but I keep being reminded someway or another being how to unwanted I am. All I want is for someone to love me

[Anonymous No.13369191]

>>13369046
>>13369123
First off thanks for replying friend.

Secondly, you are absolutely capable of being loved. I lost 120lbs and dealt with loose skin, you will find a girl that will love you my friend.

Lets approach this strategically. Do you lift weights? You don't need to become overly into the gym and but at a base level having a good body fat percentage and looking healthy is wonderful. How is your hygiene? Do you take care of your skin? Do you dress well?

These are all things that can be improved upon. How are you socially? If it's bad, how bad? Can you talk to girls at all? If not could you talk to strangers about the weather? Social skills can all be improved upon.

Do you have access to talking a therapist?

I promise you friend, you can and will be loved. Approach your situation in a smart way, don't let you overwhelm yourself. Do not get wrapped up into a defeatist mindset, I believe in you friend.

[Anonymous No.13369249]

>>13369191
>Do you lift weights?
No I don't
>How is your hygiene?
Better than it has been lately, I mean I still struggle slightly, but I'm getting better at taking showers.
>Do you take care of your skin? Do you dress well?
Both of these are a work process. I just today threw out all my turn up clothes and I'll buy more soon.

>How are you socially? If it's bad, how bad? Can you talk to girls at all? If not could you talk to strangers about the weather? Social skills can all be improved upon.
This is one thing I have the biggest problem with. I can't keep conversations going because I can't think of what to say next. I've been doing better in this field,but I still need to get better at talking to people I don't yet know and engaging in conversation.

I'm talking to a therapist actually, well I have not been doing good at keeping appointments but I'll change that

[Anonymous No.13369387]

>>13369249
Also getting good sleep (eight hours at normal sleeping hours, not falling to sleep at 4am) and a healthy diet (not missing vitamin D and essential fats) are extremely important. I would also highly recommend lifting because it encourages you too get other aspects of your life in order and will give you confidence when you see work you've put in pay off.

Obviously this is a lot to take in and focus on so start with what you can handle and build yourself up. Write your goals down, brush teeth everyday for a week, join gym, talk to nice strangers at a coffee shop about weather etc.
As far as conversations go, social skills can be learned and you absolutely can get better. Also I guarantee you are more interesting then 90% of people with decent social skills. Treat this like anything else you want to be good at.

You're gonna make it, we're all gonna make it.

[Anonymous No.13370027]

Anti-natalists might be right after all

[Anonymous No.13370641]

>write mail to local record store asking if they happen to have an open-part time position
>guy A writes me back the next day, saying they actually do
>says I should send my application to guy B, the big boss. His mail is very casual so I get the impression you don't have to be super experienced to get the position
>send guy B my application
>waiting for reply

After how many days should I write them again? As he's the boss I figured he has more mails to sort through, but I'd hate just idling not knowing if my application even came through.

[Anonymous No.13371188]

>>13370641
I would give it a couple more days than make a phone call. It's very unprofessional to not ever respond to an email like that

[Anonymous No.13371191]

Women are all the same. They're all whores

[Anonymous No.13371241]

>>13368158
>i dont have any social networks and dont have a smartphone
is this true? I admire you. I am slowly stepping away from social media. I find twitter and 4chan pleasing though because you can be (mostly) anonymous.

Getting a dumbphone would be a whole other level though. Or do you have a phone at all??

[Anonymous No.13371599]

i´m afraid to become gay so i decided to not watch tranny porn anymore

[Anonymous No.13371618]

>>13368140
same but with facebook, they give me a dead look

[Anonymous No.13371630]

>>13369387
>Also I guarantee you are more interesting then 90% of people with decent social skills.

how so?

[Anonymous No.13371920]

>>13361525
find something less petty to care about. Stop resenting others for contradicting themselves. We are only human. There are lots of more important things to care about than women's preferences in men and caring about that kind of thing is pretty unattractive.

[Anonymous No.13372070]

American christians are so fucking superstitious, it isn't even funny. Grown ass adults walking around scared of ghosts and bad numbers

[Anonymous No.13372704]

My best friend who ive known since kindergarten (im 22) died a few days ago. His parents contacted mine and now Ive continually been gathering different groups of our friends and have to tell them "our close friend is dead, he does not exist anymore and we will never see him again". I dont even feel sad about it, i just feel like a zombie or like a heavy machine programmed to move. I guess you're just in denial until the funeral rolls around.

[Anonymous No.13372723]

>>13371630
Most people aren't that interesting compared to people on /lit/. You probably are more well read, have a better sense of humor, interested in a wider array of topics etc.

Lots of anons think the average person is so much better then them when it isn't the case at all. Once you start really trying, you'll see how well you do. It might be rough at first and there might be some bumps along the way but you'll get the hang of conversations and be able to talk pretty well.

[Anonymous No.13372732]

>>13363175
Who is she to you? Why can't you try for a relationship?

[Anonymous No.13372771]

>>13369387
Lifting actually helps you develop socially because it makes you more confident

[Anonymous No.13372860]

>>13361991
edgy
read mishima

[MLA format No.13373504]

Since I was 16, there'd be the thoughts that "my youth is fleeting." Pssh! My youth is here; my youth is now! Repeat it after me: my youth is here; my youth is now!

[Anonymous No.13373562]

>>13371188
It's so common to not respond to these mails in my area. It's been a week, should I just ask to be sure?

[Anonymous No.13373754]

>>13373562
If it's been a week, I would call. Don't expect much though

[Anonymous No.13373868]

I'm drinking coffee regularly. It calms me down and helps during midnight, which is the time where I get mostly nostalgic.

[Anonymous No.13373981]

The implementation of positive changes is far too slow a process. But it's good to be so consistently working on a project at the very least.


>>13368018

I've had similar thoughts.

[Anonymous No.13374023]

>>13368018
I think you're right, there is even a huge spike in violent crime on the hottest weekend of the year in Chicago. It's a predictable thing.

[Anonymous No.13374556]

After watching the DNC debates tonight, I am absolutely sure Trump will win reelection

[Anonymous No.13374744]

>>13368797
>>13368655
i did bad

[Anonymous No.13374800]

>>13368327
Someone is gonna hate whatever you do, be it on /lit/ or not. You reminded me of a picture from a /lit/ meme thread where philosophy is basically just "Do this and you will regret it. Don't do this and you will regret it." Someone is always going to talk trash about your decision or get up in your face about how you didn't do this right or you did the right thing but you didn't do it the right way. Sometimes that person is going to be you and that is just how we humans work. I can't make your decisions, but I do hope you will learn the lessons you need in a manner that sticks.

[Anonymous No.13375235]

>>13361525
he's ugly lmao, and personality matters to some the most, it matters to me the most, though you know it's stupid to care about personality, one shouldn't care about personality but about "the human condition". In my case, since I adore personality (something I shouldn't do) I tend towards people with the following traits: high in openness, high in intellect, high in agreeableness (especially compassion), high in neuroticism, high in warmth, low in assertiveness [openness matters most to me]

[Anonymous No.13375238]

>>13361984
being a NEET is the best thing ever, well not exactly, the best thing ever is to have very meaningful moments and to read books with your favorite person in the whole world

[Anonymous No.13375239]

>>13372732
The woman I love. She lives thousands of miles away. Also I really do not deserve her.

[Anonymous No.13375244]

>>13372704
If it's not too personal, how did he die?

[Anonymous No.13375320]

It’s June 28th. 7:03

Having been wageslaving for 2 weeks now, I find a rare pleasure in writing while seated in the comforts of my home. My mind is racing. Today is the long awaited end of the line. I’m done, finished. Melancholy and Indifference are raging inside me. What have I done?

I’m not going to the Ball. I’m not going. Soon enough they’ll crown the king. Grasping for air, I once again assure myself that I can’t stay here much longer. I can’t allow this version of my being to exist. We are all defined by our surroundings. You are what you eat right? Well I won’t be forcing myself upon this Rat Turd sandwich much longer. YES!!! IM DIFFERENT !! AND SPECIAL!!

[Anonymous No.13375410]

>>13374744
No worries, start smaller. Start with small tasks and work you way up. Write down a list, make it something doable and then work up to tasks that seem more daunting.

Hey, at least you responded to me so it means you thought about it. Try just looking up the tdee calculator

[Anonymous No.13375529]

My biggest fear is dying and being reborn as a communist or liberal (in the american sense of the word).

[Anonymous No.13375530]

>>13361048
Fuck niggers

[Anonymous No.13375901]

>>13375244
Drowned while diving. When you're diving you're supposed to always have a friend close by to you in case anything happens. He didn't have anyone close by and something happened

[Anonymous No.13375921]

This may be the most addictive video of all time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNDvCiatFuw

There's like a million things going on in each frame. A true piece of art.

[Anonymous No.13375927]

>>13375921
That seemed way longer than it registers in standard time. I think I lost several decades rather than three minutes.

[Anonymous No.13376312]

Why is /tv/ so fucking funny

[Anonymous No.13376718]

I think philosophy is not for me. No matter how hard I tried, it was impossible to escape the feeling we're just building card towers out of words, and what we know now is all we can hope to learn in this lifetime. This is an unpopular idea, but I don't think most philosophers even have truth in mind generally - they just find the subject interesting, and likely have a natural source of pleasure in debate as well. For this reason, the best literature has to offer now is practical advice that helps you grow as a person and lessen suffering. I would like to believe otherwise, but no one ever offers up a counter whenever I say this, so it just sort of rests as my stance.

>>13376312
They're a bit too stupid really

[Anonymous No.13377001]

>>13376312
because they parody the absurdity of life

[Anonymous No.13377039]

>>13361048
unironically started a diary desu and the first page is anon's quote i wrote down a couple days ago. rate

[Anonymous No.13377179]

>>13377039
looks nice, good job

[Anonymous No.13377273]

>>13377179
thanks fren. it started when i got an idea to group some of my drawings into one book so there won't be a shitton of papers littering the house, then started parodying the cutesy journals made by women on youtube. (the golden writing says 'shut the fuck up BOOMER')

[Anonymous No.13377290]

>>13377273
Is that russian? What's the word for boomer in russian?

[Anonymous No.13377302]

>>13377290
бyмep, just a transliteration which sounds exactly the same.

[Anonymous No.13377320]

>>13377273
Those drawings look nice. My intimate diary I keep on my PC as I'm paranoid, but my journal that still covers fairly private stuff is minimalist to the core.

[Anonymous No.13377333]

>>13377320
i will write something in blank spaces, but my actual journal is regular lined sheets bound together and there's nothing but schizo tier writing in pencil and red pen for pages on and on

[Anonymous No.13377402]

>look in the mirror
>spider crawling in my hair

[Anonymous No.13377416]

>>13377039
I remember you

[Anonymous No.13377764]

Why are we here, bros?

[Anonymous No.13377815]

>>13377764
To suck and fuck, brother

[Anonymous No.13378051]

>>13377416
we never forget, brother

[Anonymous No.13378241]

The ballsack inside my chest is choking me. Everyday, I can feel its dragging weight pulling down on my lungs, sinking into my stomach. I can feel hairs tickle my ribs as the bulky mass brushes past them. Worst of all, the worms inside my brain have recently learned that the mottled growth is exceedingly rich in nutrients. I know this, as when the ballsack is at its heaviest, the worms wriggle down my spine, looping in and out my flesh with ease, and congregrate roughly around the upper portions of my abdominal cavity. There, they feast with abandon. With such a swarm converging in such a small space, there is quite a lot of collateral damage to be had. Flesh is wiggled out from between my ribs, arteries are clogged up and burst from the strain, my lungs at this point are almost entirely depreciated; a giant gap has formed in the hole they once filled. Only the inner chamber of my stomach is deliberately avoided. I would guess that the digestive acids it contains are too strong for an individual worm. Once the welling nausea, caused no doubt by the stirring of the worms, passes, only a few chunks of the ballsack remain (I am surprised that the sinewy scrotum that it hangs from has not yet snapped, or been chewed through by the swarm). Yet, once all lingering symptoms have passed, the ballsack, wretched as it is, repairs itself in a spurt of rapid growth. While the rest of my organs, in utter waste, continue to hemorrhage, the ballsack alone is restored to its former heft. In its reconstruction, the scrotum, affixed somewhere in between my two collarbones, contracts and lifts up the hanging testicles. I can feel its weight pass upwards through my body, settling roughly around my sternum. At that, the ballsack resumes its gradual decline into the lower portions of my chest, continually tugging down on my body as it ripens itself for the worms' eventual return. God, I feel awful.

[Anonymous No.13378374]

>>13377333
My writing can get whack as well. Just recently I wrote an entry to my higher self.

[Anonymous No.13378504]

>>13361048
uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh woah anime tiddy uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Anonymous No.13378635]

I feel strange. Possibilities entrance me, but no step towards them is taken. It's like the world can be in the palm of my hand, if only I have the will to grasp it.
Such a beautiful sky today, shame there's nothing for me outside. There was, however, a time when rotting in front of a computer brought a measure of comfort; nowadays it only brings despair and pain.
Loneliness creeps in, little by little. Perhaps I should just post this on /x/, they are very used to disjointed ramblings over there. What do I expect from posting this? Salvation? As if some anon’s words will drag me out of this miserable slough, their magic awakening me from my own mediocrity to The Life I’m Supposed to Live™?

Fuck.

I do love you bastards though.

[Anonymous No.13378683]

>>13362545
If you want to learn about meditation in only one book there are none better.

[Anonymous No.13378691]

>>13363374
Are you in sp?

[Anonymous No.13378703]

>>13378635
I like that album alot

[Anonymous No.13378864]

>>13378703
Try Hiroshi Suzuki's Cat; different mood, but also quality japanese jazz.

[Anonymous No.13379178]

>>13361048
I hate millenials and zoomers with a passion. I hate the laziness, lack of passion, fearfulness, entitlement, self-victimization and self gratification of this generation. I hate that they blame others and refuse to accept responsibility of their own destiny. Reading Hesse and Hitler I know that these un-thinking people with no self awareness or control over their destiny have been the majority for at least a few generations, but I can't help but feel disgusted.

[Anonymous No.13379255]

>>13374800
thanks friend :)

[Anonymous No.13379265]

>>13374800
>Someone is gonna hate whatever you do

how can i stop giving a shit about people think of me? i can´t force my brain to stop giving a shit, that´s why this is so dreadful

[Anonymous No.13379273]

>>13362340
Most people are only interested in maintaining the status quo. They are too afraid to confront their ego and confront the false beliefs that have been ingrained into them. While I would enjoy it if people were more unbiased and objective, it wouldn't be any benefit to the status quo or current state of affairs.

[Anonymous No.13379345]

>>13362400
Mathematics and reading literature both increase critical thinking and problem solving skills. Far from useless. Maybe you haven't thought hard enough about the subjects you're studying.

[Anonymous No.13379365]

I think I'm going to let go from my tech support temp job even though my boss likes me because I got a 70 on the state test. I was supposed to get hired full time on June 5th but no one has emailed me in weeks. The thought of being a NEET makes me want to jump off a bridge but killing myself would ruin my mom's life
I'm writing a fantasy romance novel about a young knight and a tsundere warrior princess. I submitted a portion of it to be critiqued by my writing group and they absolutely hated it, but I think I'm going to finish it.
Watching Avengers Endgame the day it premiered was genuinely one of the happiest days of my life.

[Anonymous No.13379378]

>>13379365
insert occult metanoia and the language of the dead (i.e the bardo)

[Anonymous No.13379524]

I really wish I was born a girl, not that I can do anything about it, but it feels good just saying it. I had a very strong mother and a weak father, which is a recipe for a failed son, plus some extra sensitivity to the bad effects of testosterone (skin issues, hair loss).

[Anonymous No.13379539]

>>13379524
Oh, and my natural, default sexuality is autogynephilia too, so it would be nice to not have to deal with that

[Anonymous No.13380562]

INSTEAD OF READING A BOOK, I WILL PLAY EU4, A GAME I DON'T EVEN LIKE, AND THEN I WILL HATE MYSELF AFTERWARDS! BY THE TIME I REALIZE MY MISTAKE I'LL BE TOO TIRED TO READ! HA HA HA HA HA!

[Anonymous No.13380583]

>>13380562
Which nation are you playing?

[Anonymous No.13381665]

>>13362340
Because we’re not all equal dummy, for example if you responded to black science man with the fact that black people are low iq and bringing the average iq down and that it would be rational to kill them all how do you think he is going to react?

[Anonymous No.13382074]

It is abhorrent that companies only interested in raising their bottom line by stealing away my limited hours are able to manufacture sympathetic feelings in me. Why are they allowed to email me pictures of neglected dogs curled up with tears in their eyes?