/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.13223523]

Can /lit/ help me write a loveltter to my crush ?

[Anonymous No.13223530]

>>13223523
>love letter
that's not how you get ass

[Anonymous No.13223535]

>>13223523
Haha, this is going to be epic lads! Don't let me down! I'm here to poach content for r/4chan :^)

[Anonymous No.13223551]

>>13223530
>>13223535
Once she realises how intelligent and well educated I am, she must fall in love with me.

[Anonymous No.13223554]

Dear WOMAN

I am a HUGE FAGGOT. Please love me like my Mommy anyways. I have nothing to offer you so please just love me for no reason.

I am sorry to bother you. Text, phone or email a reply ANY time within the next 90 days. i will suicide after

Thank you baby please,
Please,
Please love me
Please,
So I do not have to die
Please

Thank you

[Anonymous No.13223558]

>>13223530
Then how

[Anonymous No.13223562]

>>13223554
Unironically this would get you laid in our post-modern dystopia.

[Anonymous No.13223568]

>>13223554

Nice one.

[Anonymous No.13223589]

>>13223523
[1] Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead.
[2] Thy teeth are like a flock of sheep that are even shorn, which came up from the washing; whereof every one bear twins, and none is barren among them.
[3] Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy speech is comely: thy temples are like a piece of a pomegranate within thy locks.
[4] Thy neck is like the tower of David builded for an armoury, whereon there hang a thousand bucklers, all shields of mighty men.
[5] Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies.
[6] Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, I will get me to the mountain of myrrh, and to the hill of frankincense.
[7] Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.

[Anonymous No.13223594]

>>13223558
demonstrate status
flex muscle
neg
up
left
right
down
down
sage
report
smash

[Anonymous No.13223604]

>>13223594
fucking kek

[Anonymous No.13223612]

[Anonymous No.13223888]

There once was a faggot named OP
who wanted some poetry for free
he made a thread
and refreshed it with dread
when he discovered everyone shitposted with glee

[Anonymous No.13223898]

But for your touch
I wish for every day
Gut wrenching pain when I am not with you

Gasps for air when you are not here
Ugly thoughts creep in
You are all I desire

Four hundred years I would wait
Or I would rather die
Roughly speaking

Yearning forever
Over something I will never have
Unknown in your world

[Anonymous No.13223901]

hello hoe
please open bra and panties
kiss me really slow and dick cum
xoxo

[Anonymous No.13223908]

>>13223594

[Anonymous No.13223912]

Can i have a sex bebe?
Show benis

Please respond

[Anonymous No.13223920]

I know that you're thinking I'm trying to score
But deep in your heart you know that I'm more
Than a cad or a scoundrel, now that I've found you
I don't want to lose you, how can I prove to you
That I am sincere, you don't need to fear
I'm not like the others, I'll be like a brother
I will protect you, never disrespect you
But if you need love then I'll be here to sex you

[Anonymous No.13223922]

>>13223554
Dear MEN

I am a HUGE SLUT. Please love me like my Daddy anyways. I have nothing to offer you and had a 100 dicks inside me till date but please just love me.

I am not sorry I slept around because I an independent woman. Text, phone or email a reply ANY time within the next 90 days. i will suicide after after 30 when I hit the wall.

Thank you baby please,
Please,
Please love me
Please,
So I do not have to die
And my kids(I don't know who the father is) don't become homeless
Please

Thank you

[Anonymous No.13223940]

Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep
In the night
Without thinking you lost ev'rything that was good in your life to the toss of the dice?
Tell me what it takes to let you go, yeah
*dab*

[Anonymous No.13223963]

>>13223898

[Anonymous No.13224259]

>>13223898
hm..

[Anonymous No.13224278]

>>13223523
Just say you want to sniffed her panties s

[Anonymous No.13224491]

I WAS HERE. PUT ME IN YOUR MEME MR REDDIT MAN

[Anonymous No.13224499]

Dear Crush,

I'm smart and I make a lot of money. If you want, I will eat your twat and we can go for dinner Friday night at Rao's, I have a connection.

Regards

anon

[Anonymous No.13224545]

>>13223523
Hey how are you.
I saw something beautiful and it reminded me of you. Hope your well. Take care
<3

[Anonymous No.13224663]

>>13223888
Checked and kek'd
>>13223523
Just do it in person you autist

[Anonymous No.13225477]

>>13223594
top kek

[Anonymous No.13225539]

>>13223523
>>13223530
If she has a crush on you too it'll get her moist and rearing to go. If she doesn't (more likely) you'll be a creep and she'll never speak to you again.

[Anonymous No.13225551]

>>13223523
you'll likely be considered a creep with this shit. just talk like a normal human being, then say something nice about her (be simple but genuine) and ask her out

[Anonymous No.13225578]

>>13224499
mfw he has a connection at Rao's
also nice dubs

[Anonymous No.13226102]

>>13223523
>>13223551
>>13225551
Writing her a love letter will instantly mark you out to the girl as desperate, awkward and low status.
I don't blame you for wanting to do so. We've been brainwashed by endless movies and tv shows to think that being sincere is the way to a girls heart. It isn't. At least not in the initial attraction phase which you are currently in.

Women care about status. A key concept to understand in terms of projecting high status is outcome indifference. Girls like the kind of guys that other girls like. That means that you should be okay with walking away from girls and not chasing after them.
Think about it: a high status dude doesn't worry about an individual girl not being interested, because he has another dozen waiting for him. You don't have another dozen, but if you act as if you do she might just believe it. Like all the best negotiators, you need to understand the value of walking away.
I can hear you protesting 'but she isn't like that! She would never be so petty' to which I call bullshit. All women work this way. The fact you don't think this is probably at the root of your sexual frustrations. Again i don't blame you, because this view of women is not PC and almost never discussed in polite society.
Now bin the letter and go slay that bitch! Best of luck anon.

[Anonymous No.13226127]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Yeah, yeah, eeh, yeah, eeh, yeah
I feel a hunger, it's a hunger
That tries to keep a man awake at night
Are you the answer I shouldn't wonder
When I feel you whet my appetite
With all the power you're releasing
It isn't safe to walk the city streets alone
Anticipation's running through me
Let's find the key and turn this engine on
I can feel you breathe
I can feel your heart beat faster
Take me home tonight
I don't want to let you go till you see the light
Take me home tonight
Listen honey
Just like Ronnie sang
Be my little baby
Oh, oh, oh

[Anonymous No.13226234]

>>13223523
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I want to be
Inside of you

[Anonymous No.13226261]

just give her a naruto valentines day card.
off season valentines add a nice layer of lmeaningfulness behind the card.

[Anonymous No.13226265]

what death is, what birth is
but insignificant, herpes
that I have, and soon you too
because we are, like flush and poo

[Anonymous No.13226279]

>>13223523
I hate to be the bearer of news
But niggers and jews
Are truly bad dudes

[Anonymous No.13226282]

>>13223523
Ich will fucken

[Anonymous No.13226298]

>>13223523
My sweet little whorish Nora I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.

You say when I go back you will suck me off and you want me to lick your cunt, you little depraved blackguard. I hope you will surprise me some time when I am asleep dressed, steal over to me with a whore’s glow in your slumberous eyes, gently undo button after button in the fly of my trousers and gently take out your lover’s fat mickey, lap it up in your moist mouth and suck away at it till it gets fatter and stiffer and comes off in your mouth. Sometimes too I shall surprise you asleep, lift up your skirts and open your drawers gently, then lie down gently by you and begin to lick lazily round your bush. You will begin to stir uneasily then I will lick the lips of my darling’s cunt. You will begin to groan and grunt and sigh and fart with lust in your sleep. Then I will lick up faster and faster like a ravenous dog until your cunt is a mass of slime and your body wriggling wildly.

Goodnight, my little farting Nora, my dirty little fuckbird! There is one lovely word, darling, you have underlined to make me pull myself off better. Write me more about that and yourself, sweetly, dirtier, dirtier.

[Anonymous No.13226310]

>>13223523
Any if you autists ever wrote a letter to a woman ?
I remember as a kid I would write letters to the girl that lived just in fron of my house.

I believe they were mainly threatening letters like: " stop being so noisy or I'll kidnap your dog"

[Anonymous No.13227717]

>>13223523
got you bro

>i fuck the music
>i make it cum
>i fuck it with
>my serpent tongue
>love, anon

[Anonymous No.13227864]

>>13223922
Wow I did not expect someone to get triggered by that. Very embarrassing.

[Anonymous No.13228241]

>>13223922
BASED and incelpilled

[Anonymous No.13228821]

just write all of Lolita but substitute Lo, Lola, Lolita, and Dolores for your crush. Ez

[Anonymous No.13229816]

Can you sugandese ligma balls

[Anonymous No.13230640]

>>13229816

[Anonymous No.13230674]

Sinbad the Sailor and Tinbad the Tailor and Jinbad the Jailer and Whinbad the Whaler and Ninbad the Nailer and Finbad the Failer and Binbad the Bailer and Pinbad the Pailer and Minbad the Mailer and Hinbad the Hailer and Rinbad the Railer and Dinbad the Kailer and Vinbad the Quailer and Linbad the Yailer and Xinbad the Phthailer.

[Anonymous No.13231348]

>>13223888
>that fucking meter
Let me try and fix it
>There once was a faggot OP
>who wanted a poem for free
>he posted a thread
>and refreshed it with dread
>as the users shitposted with glee