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12717970 No.12717970 [Reply] [Original]

Do tell us about whats bugging you friend

>> No.12718893
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12718893

I've been putting it off but I really need to start organizing my images into folders

>> No.12719079

>>12718893
i just deleted all of mine because i got frustrated when i tried to organize them

>> No.12719459
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12719459

>tfw you start to notice that more than half the website is now phoneposters whose brains are fundamentally in "tweet" mode when they post
>tfw going to any board other than /lit/ makes it really obvious
>tfw they don't even bother formatting their posts not to look like lazy phoneposts rattled off in the mentality of a throwaway social media post or youtube comment
>tfw for all the successive waves of newfags 4chan has brought in, they've never radically changed the medium of the discourse itself
>tfw marshall mcluhan medium-morphing phoneposter revolution has already mostly happened
>tfw what the successive waves of redditors and underage faggots every year didn't accomplish, phoneposting accomplishes overnight
>tfw living in a new generation of even more addled retards than my own generation, who literally grew up with cell phones and "social media"
>tfw take all the phones away
>tfw take all pills away
>tfw take all titty cancer plastics and hormone foods away
>tfw take all radiation signals in the atmosphere away
>tfw everyone's going to be farmers
>tfw no more social media
>tfw the great "Be Quiet" is coming
>tfw after 400 years of detoxing, humanity will once again be able to form real thoughts

>> No.12719475

>>12719459
Who here tries to actually post correctly even when they phonepost?

>> No.12719489

I'm disappointed that I let it get this bad. Not to wallow in self pity or glorify my own depression, but I've made so many poor decisions that it's going to take a long time to unfuck my life. I hope the damage the internet has done to my brain can be reversed

>> No.12719501

>>12717970
I'm considering suicide. I don't want everyone who did me harm to win, but at the same time I can't stand losing. A tragedy is always looming near, and I don't want to wait for it to arrive.

I'm unironically longing for a war or an opportunity to sacrifice myself because I don't want to seem like a coward, which will inevitably happens if I kill myself.

Pride is a terrible curse.

>> No.12719524

How does one set a clearly defined goal if one wishes to build a virtue or eliminate a vice?

>> No.12719537

>>12719475
Me because I'm trying to contribute and not just piss in an ocean of piss. Then again, I rarely post if I'm on my phone unless I'm asking a simple question.

>> No.12719554
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12719554

>>12717970
Let me tell you, old pal. When I was a wee lad of about fifteen I had a grand design I’d write a book one day. I would go to a prestigious institution like Princeton where I’d write my own Paradise while sitting by the window of my dormitory, smoking a pipe. I would meet a fiery & fair lady like Zelda and together we would ascend to greatness and escape the common rut. I would move to New York or Paris and spend my days reading and writing and cafes, working odd jobs to make ends meet, falling in love with the scents and sights and people. I would learn everything, and become the spirit of my times, and live a life of purpose and meaning.

Well time passed, as it does. I did not go to Princeton, but another “prestigious institution.” I studied English Literature and learned Latin and got the highest marks. I even met a girl, Anna, who I had the pleasure of loving for a semester or two.

But as my education came to an end, worldly concerns suffocated me. Loans required jobs, jobs required time, time required sacrifice. I accepted a job at a marketing firm in Atlanta, but told myself I’d stay for just a year or two, and would move to New York City at 25, Paris at 30. I would write my books at night, after work, and on weekends.

But work often went late, and took the life out of me. Books became short stories. Short stories became little poems on memo pads and google docs. Poems became ideas written down and left to die.

Now, at 30, the best I can say is I’ve paid off my loans. I’m in a relationship now, and we are talking about marriage and kids. I have the beginnings of a hundred books saved on my computer, but nothing finished. I gave up alcohol for lent. My TD Ameritrade account is looking good, and I am on pace for retirement. I’ve tried to get back into reading and am averaging a book a month. I’ve lost a couple pounds by bringing a lunch to work instead of eating out. This helps with savings, too. Hope to be promoted soon.

Never would have imagined this for myself. I had big plans, and I feel a little silly for having had them at all. Now it’s autopilot, from here on out, across a plane of meh.

>> No.12719566

>>12719554
This is the best horror story I’ve read in a while. Keep it up anon

>> No.12719567

>>12717970
I fucked up and made terrible mistake. I didn't know what I wanted, and now the next four years of my life are going to be miserable. I will be a mindless machine in a faceless city working myself to death. I can't confront this wave of depression and I have been battling with intrusive suicidal thoughts for weeks now. I don't want the future to come true, I don't want to live.

>> No.12719655

I see a lot of people on here posting about how much they wished that they lived in a traditional, religious community. I was raised in one and the only thing I've ever wanted was to have a normal life. They don't realize how oppressive it can be: being constantly psychoanalyzed by someone "who has your best interest in mind", not knowing when you're assigned housing will change, not having privacy or the ability to love who you want to.
For all of its bad parts, liberal modernity is a far superior system to theocracy

>> No.12719814

>>12719655
The average person only makes horrible decision when given freedom. Religious community and religious persecution gives checks and balances.

>> No.12719827

I have bulimia, I wish I didn't

>> No.12719842

>>12719655
>liberal modernity
The problem that people have with it is that it's structureless. You'd normally consider that open-endedness freedom, but for many it's experienced as drift. I know several people who simply don't know what to do with themselves and pass through life waiting for someone or something to give them purpose which never arrives.

Liberal modernity implicitly specifies that you should come up with your own reasons and purposes. You're supposed to find things to care about or to motivate you, or simply dedicate your time to self-enrichment. If you don't take action to resolve the issue of how to apply yourself, distraction, consumption, and dead-end work are the only things that will fill the void. Then you're filling the void with more void and the result is skyrocketing levels of depression.

https://www.mailman.columbia.edu/public-health-now/news/depression-rise-us-especially-among-young-teens

So the grass is always greener, and having a religious or traditional format to life seems like a cure for the alienating drift that many experience, the lack of community, the rootlessness.

Personally I don't feel this way because i know I would hate rigid traditionalism more but I can see why some might idealize lifestyle opposite to mainstream culture.

>> No.12720281

I am so fucking sad, I've been feeling like shit this whole week. Maybe it's all the regrets and secrets rising above the water and saying hi to make sure I don't forget and I never will. I am not physically tired, still went to the gym, read a bit as well and tried to keep up appearances but I just want to die. It keeps happening every now and then with an increasing frequency and I'm not sure what it is or if it can be stopped.

It's too late, I fucked everything up multiple times, I let myself end up in this dump. I just needed some help but I didn't know whom to ask for it and how. I don't fucking know. Even money seems useless at this point.

I want to believe that it's just the getting worse before getting better. Not so sure now.

>> No.12720570
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12720570

I don't know if this will help anyone but I want to say it even if it touches even just one lurker.

Ever since I stopped sitting at my desk and switched to squatting, I've been pooping every single day. I never get constipated. Also, I read somewhere that squatting is the natural sitting position and that the Arabs (who preferred to lay down) and Europeans (who prefer to sit) are retarded and doomed themselves to a culture of back problems, varicose veins, and joint issues. Squatting is the superior form of sitting only because it's our natural state of resting while not sleeping.
It's even proven by our closest cousins (pic related).
So everyone, squat. Don't sit. And also, don't stand at your computer. Literally no animal out there stands for hours on end so claiming it's the healthier option because it burns calories is stupid. If you want to burn calories, workout, moron.

>> No.12720591

>>12719814
So you can let somebody else abuse your children for you

>> No.12720599

>>12720570
This, I've been squatting my whole life. I've only just recently started perching like a bird on the toilet. It is the best way to shit and the best way to sit. Not being ironic this is %100 true

>> No.12720601

>>12719814
In Kenya, people are raised by their community instead of a 3k year old book that hates non-Semites which I believe is the far superior option.

>> No.12720613

>>12720599
Please draw this in paint

>> No.12720627

She’s all I think about. Yet when the time comes, when she’s looking me straight in the eye, smiling, showing me her teeth, saying “Hi, Anon!” I fold like a wet paper towel. I can barely manage to squeak out three words. I spend hours a day ruminating over different scenarios in which I find the strength to ask her to join me for lunch. I must have thought of one million different ways in which we end up together, happy and married. But then reality returns, and I remember that I am but an autist.

>> No.12720946

What am i supposed to be learning here? I know i'm missing out but i'm still not sure on what and I know i'm missing out but i think we might be all. At least my Uni is free so I'm not losing anything, but I came here to gain something I never got. Wasn't I supposed to find my people here, didn't I here someone say that these were going to be the best years of my life?
How do I save myself before it's too late?

>> No.12721022

how do I write a script that detects numbers around it in a grid lol

>> No.12721063

I can't tell if I'm becoming dyslexic or something but I fucking swear people are starting to talk in broken english as if it's normal and I can't tell if my brain is just deteriorating and I can't understand English anymore.

>> No.12721240

Something went wrong. I lost all my motivation. Usually when this happens, my accrued level of discipline keeps me in line until I reclaim motivation. But this time there's no discipline either. Just formless self-pleasure. I can't want to do anything, and I can't do anything.

Maybe the discipline was an illusion the whole time. Maybe it was all motivation. Or maybe the other way around. I don't know what it is, but I need my soul back.

>> No.12721315

Last night I dreamt of a superhero who fought crime by knocking criminals unconcious using his hard penis. The technique allowing him to sustain erections for many hours came from reading a manual on maintaining an erection with erectile dysfunction.

When I woke up I actually had the strongest morning wood I've ever had.

>> No.12721342
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12721342

>>12721315
Sounds like Joey Ryan.

>> No.12721439

I was given everything in life and I still can't make anything for myself. I should be put to death.

>> No.12721485

I have the opportunity to be hired by the CIA but I can't find any information on people talking about their job in the CIA and I'm pussying out about joining.
What if they want me to kill people?
I can't do that. That's gross and icky. A lot of people in my family also work for the FBI and DoD and I've watched enough X-Files so I have the gist of how it is in there.
I just don't want to end up like Scully's sister or Fox's sister or something.
I don't want to be microchipped.

>> No.12721541

>>12717970
Shitposting threads erupt and serious discussion threads are archived at 50 replies. I’m sick of these retards. What the fuck happened to 2014-chan? There are too many newfags posting and not lurking. It kills me that a free-er speech platform is saturated with shit. It’s become attention whores wanting screencaps and esoteric memes. The pursuit of truth is neglected, and these fucking retards think that’s fine comedy. The Jews, Reptilians, Bogdonoffs or whoever have conquered.

>> No.12721581

>>12721485
ask 'em (your family) how's the job like?

>> No.12721606

>>12720570
>literally using their massive hemorrhoids as stools
I'll pass, thanks.

>> No.12721608

I passed a frog chilling at the side of the road the other day.
I passed frog squashed at the side of the road the next day.

>> No.12721626

>>12717970
I don't know how to live with the knowledge of the choices I have made, of the person that I have become (or am). It eats away at me, drives me down. Perhaps this is a universal problem, one that all must face, lest they be perfect. Perhaps it is because of the worldview I hold, the one that I have formed for myself, based on the current predicament of western society, and my situation also, the debauchery, corruption and hedonism, degeneracy. All these things, a I fell for them, into them, what does that say about me? What would my ancestors think if they had seen the things I have seen? Hardworking men and women, decent and of strong character, most of all honorable. Men who lived in poverty, worked in mine shafts, fared the sea, fought in trenches; and here I am, 2019, their legacy, a degenerate good for nothing. How can one live with this knowledge? I pay the price, I carry the debts.

>> No.12721632
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12721632

>>12721608
I once saw a dog on the side of the highway that could have been sleeping for how tranquil it looked. I once saw a woman hit a kitten, get out of her car, and say to the nearest bystander in a grating, nasally voice: "Is this YOUR cat?" As if the cat had offended her by getting its blood on her tires.

>> No.12721636

>>12719501
ya'll need to read "Under Saturn's Shadow" by James Hollis

who the fuck cares about winning or losing. if that's what you care about, no wonder you want to kill yourself. there are bigger things in life than winning or losing, or seeming to others like a hero or a coward. fuck that shit anon. I believe in you.

>> No.12721646

>>12719524
mostly by building a new foundation on which your new life will stand. if you fight your vices directly, they will wrestle you to the ground. you have to find something to replace them, and those new things need a stronger emotional/spiritual/ideological foundation to stand on than the one you currently possess. so thats what you need to start developing - probably mostly by starting to ask the hard questions "who are we? where are we going? why are we here?" and coming up with the answers that feel the most true to you

gonna take a lot of work anon, but, I believe in you

>> No.12721672

>>12720281
keep on keepin on anon. you have a place in this world. the world is crying for help my dudes.

>> No.12721685

I can't get over my ex. It's been around a year now and it still hurts like hell. I think about her multiple hours out of the day and can't concentrate in classes because of it. I'm on meds and in therapy but none of it helps. Wat do?

>> No.12721686

>>12721541
the pruning of a board literally takes the concerted efforts of intelligent people taking a stand, anon. can't give up.

>> No.12721691

>>12721686
They say don't feed the trolls, but that's not always true. Sometimes you have to bother them until they're no longer comfortable hi-jacking the discussion.

>> No.12721692

>>12721626
anybody in your position would have fallen prey to the same mechanisms anon. forgive yourself. once you become aware, it is then your responsibility what you do with that information and how hard you try. it is not your fault for the unconscious habits you were imbued with by an unhealthy society, but once they become conscious, you are then responsible for what you do. of course you carry a weight and it will be difficult, and its not easy to change overnight by any means. but i think you literally have to re-investigate the entire structure of the world, of what it means to be human, of how things currently work and how they SHOULD be working instead. I think it takes re-educating yourself, giving yourself the education that school SHOULD'VE given you, but didn't. it takes hard fucking work, that's for sure.

>> No.12721695

>>12721685
https://youtu.be/D4N0UDijV5c

>> No.12721705

I hate having a male body, I feel like a hairy ogre.

>> No.12721719

>>12719489
I feel you anon. If I had to apologize for all the serious mistakes I made the past four months it would take yet another month. And that's only the serious stuff.

Self-awareness and confidenc about your capaciy to fix things are you friends.

>> No.12721728

>>12719459
>#this post right here
> hashtad woke you woke!!!

>> No.12721734

>>12721646
Thanks for the answer, it helped a lot even though it wasn't the angle that I had in mind. I was thinking more along the lines of trying to put it into quantitative terms for easily measurable progress, such as "resist dessert five times a week" or "abstain from porn, only masturbate three times a week". I would then increase the intensity as I meet each milestone.

But if I already know why I want to change, then identifying the source, the history, and the rationale of these vices is probably more important for conquering them when they threaten to control me. Sometimes a vice might have been just something I picked up, but other times it's because of a gap in my understanding of who I want to be, or a giant cope to a more glaring problem that I face. In other words, it's a metacognition problem.

>> No.12721745

>>12721692
Thanks for kind response friend. That's good advice, it just, I just want to feel what they felt, you know what I mean. The joy, the love, the suffering, the world they lived in. It's weird, we're living in a world now where most have no care for their ancestors, but I am tormented by them. I feel ashamed, and judged, yet they're dead.

>> No.12721747

>>12721734
"millions strike at the branches of evil, but few strike at the roots"

>> No.12721775

>>12721745
that you have the courage to pick yourself up and have hope and want to better yourself and our world, I can say confidently that your ancestors would be proud of you in that respect. if you really want to delve into the realm of the ancestors, every indigenous culture (which every culture used to be) on earth has a great respect for them and sees them as a real and extremely important part of navigating our lives. but, just because historical nostalgia likes to make the past seem romantic does not mean that the battles they were fighting back then were any more important than the battles we are fighting now. in fact, the battles we are fighting now, in out lifetimes, may be the battles that determine whether or not the human race survives at all. so, the nature of our dilemma now, one could consider, is even more heroic than any dilemma that could've created before

i believe we all have the bravery inside of us anon. we got to work together in this world.

>> No.12721785

>>12721626
> What would my ancestors think if they had seen the things I have seen?

You have no idea anon, you have no idea what your ancestors were or what they would think of you. You're focusing on the few generations before you (and even that you can't know much of unless you're actual royalty) but remember, you belong to the 50 thousandth generation or so of homo sapiens. If you go far back enough in time your ancestors were basically all of humanity at that point. There were certainly among them people you would depise or wouldn't want to meet alone at night. And the same will be true to your descendant and those of your relatives.

We're just smart monkeys, and so were our ancestors, don't feel so overwhelmed.

>> No.12721808

>>12721541
that's why you have to bump the serious discussions, even if you have nothing to add at that moment. it can have an unexciting janitorial like feeling, but it can be dutiful. keeping good threads alive and having them be read is one of our only ways of actually sharing important ideas with other like-minded conscientious people in this fucked up day and age

>> No.12721819

>>12721705
While Agamemnon spoke, the son of Peleus was gnawed by pain, and the heart in his shaggy breast was torn; whether to draw the sharp blade at his side, scatter the crowd, and kill the son of Atreus, or curb his wrath and restrain his spirit. ILIAD

HESIOD: 'What is the best thing of all for a man to ask of the gods in prayer?'

HOMER: 'That he may be always at peace with himself continually.'

HESIOD: 'Can you tell me in briefest space what is best of all?'

HOMER: 'A sound mind in a manly body, as I believe.' -The Contest of Homer and Hesiod

>> No.12721821

>>12721775
You're right. Wise words indeed.

>> No.12721828

>>12721785
Hippolochus remained and fathered me, and from him I claim descent. He sent me here to Troy and charged me earnestly to be the best and bravest, and not bring shame on my ancestors the best men in Ephyre and all broad Lycia. Such is my lineage, from that blood am I sprung.’

iliad scroll 6,

>> No.12721848

I keep falling for the same rhetorical traps whenever I wish to discuss something with someone and I always end up feeling like an idiot who doesn't really know anything nor will ever.

>> No.12721858

>>12721819
Amazing how one culture can be androphilic and another gynophilic, isn't it?

>> No.12721859

>>12721485
The various hollywood productions give it a decadent heap of nobility. You're going to be sucking elite dick, buddo. But hey, if there's something fucking broken inside then I'm sure they'll find a roundabout way to patch it up. With things. Shiny things and nice places and is that a document of fine weft?! Now you have it all, my friend.

Fuck, sometimes I think the shows are for them as much as it is for outsiders. Yes, we are like that, it is like that, yes.

>>12721063
Mass brain damage. But why?

>>12721439
You have the expensive sad! Look everybody! The expensive sad! No one else has this and no one understands. It's all your fault. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. ROLL IN THE BLOOD MONEY. DO IT.

All I've got is a wall.
All I've got is a wall.
ALL I'VE GOT IS A WALL
WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND YOU FINAL HEATHENS, ALL I'VE GOT IS A WALL

>> No.12721864
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12721864

>>12721581
My father says "If I tell you, I'd have to kill you," and occasionally I'll see a gov agent meet him outside behind the house but otherwise it sounds like constant trips out of country/state, constantly arguing about ideas and plans, complaining about immigrants, stuff like that.
My main gripe is there's absolutely nothing on the internet I can find about people who work for the CIA. It's just a bunch of links to the CIA saying why someone should work for them.
There's tons of people online who talk about working for big movies, starbucks, cross-country shipping, stuff like that, but nothing on the CIA? And the few people who asks "what does CIA do if I were to be hired by them" have these clever responses that are like "go ask them" that was definitely not planted by a CIA agent, no, it's propaganda. I'm suspicious and I consulted my 8-ball and it said to be wary as well. Maybe I'll take the job because I'm NEET and I don't consider myself a very good writer (so far but I'm working on it) right now but I used to live in the DC area and it always freaked me out how there's gmen standing on the rooftops everywhere. Most people tend to ignore them because there's so much touristy shit on ground-level but they're there. Watching. Waiting. Spooky.

>> No.12721870
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12721870

>>12721819
>A sound mind in a manly body
Only a liability at this point in time

>> No.12721871
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12721871

>>12721821
it's not really the ancestors' place to shame you

they can, however, help guide you along the path to real honorable living, dignity, right-thought and right-action

listen closely in the silence

>> No.12721877

>>12721785
Yes, you're right, and I know this. But I still think there's an importance to them that I don't fully understand, that affects me, and has real lasting consequences. It's my problem anyway. I can only respect and thank the good in them, and reject the bad. I choose to honour the good.

I live in a different world, and I have been exposed to things that they wouldn't fathom, this is why it gets me down, because in a way, it's a new struggle, and a lonely one.

Even if I am just a smart monkey, it doesn't make any difference to me. I have knowledge, and I feel shame, and I want to be more, I want to honour my good ancestors, even though I don't know why. After all, it's through their struggle, their lives and morality, that I am here at all.

>> No.12721885

>>12721871
The silence is terrifying.

>> No.12721890

>>12721864
dude, for fucks sakes, examine your motivations for wanting to be in such an organization in the first place. do you want to do something good in the world? be good AT it? you're going to have to forge your own path, educate your own self independently. don't become a tool of fucking oppression. you can stand strongly on your own two feet, ideologically, and with a clear objective and path in front of you - IF you know that no one can make the real decisions for you except yourself

>> No.12721898

>>12721877
Keep in mind that throughout history, young degenerates have been growing into more responsible adults. Its the point of the prodigal son story (though I'm not a Christian). You can put your period of debauchery behind you as a step to where you are now and move on from there. Some of your ancestors may have done the same.

>> No.12721914

>>12721898
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

>> No.12721925

>>12721859
X-Files is a good show and I haven't watched the episodes that haven't been filmed outside of Canada yet so I'm not into the Hollywood X Files episodes so far. Nothing about being an FBI agent in that show sounds glamorous. You're confusing it with that other X Files clone that came out afterwards (Fringe? Maybe). The agents are constantly being given shit for being gmen or not having the right requirements to access places and constantly being talked down because they don't have warrants and shit like that.
>You're going to be sucking elite dick, buddo
Yeah, that's how the show shows it. Not a very glamorous life. And from studying government jobs (just for the qualifications, not because I want to be in any) they're very strict about acting high-and-mighty about their job. It's generally seen as a bad thing. YES, they have nice lives and can afford a lot of nice shit, I've experienced that part.
>>12721890
NO, I don't want to sign off years of my life being a gman when I've become so complacent at being a pirate/torrent uploader. They'd be on my ass like flies on honey, man! Being a "pirate" has always been my thing, ever since I was a little kid learning how to type on a computer and pirating music because my internet was too slow to listen to it from Youtube.
Am I a patriot? Sure, yeah, I'd love to help the country and stuff as long as I'm being given money. My dream hobby (because this is impossible to become a job) is writing codes to help people hack video games so I'd be fine having a job on the side as long as I have enough time to be a stupid programmer.

>> No.12721929

>>12721885
it's only terrifying because you are unaccustomed to it. and I also don't mean literal silence, just the silence of your mind when it isn't being overrun by the flurry and stress inside of you that other people put there. only in a mental atmosphere of increased silence, tranquility and openness does insight have the space to enter. seek re-connection my dude. I know this shit is sounding esoteric but it doesn't need to. take a nice walk in the forest/ in nature, or turn on some ambient forest/rain/ocean sounds in your room with the door closed and the lights off and relax. every once in a while you need to get away from the electric buzz of bullshit that wants to keep you enslaved to it.

>> No.12721957

Sometimes I get paranoid that our lives are playing out just like Conway's Game of Life - the initially parameters completely determine the flow & the end result. I feel like I put a lot of time & energy into improving myself, and making the most out of my life. There are lots of things that I want to be doing, that currently seem far off, or as if obtaining them would mean letting go of other things which are important to me. So I tell myself, "just keep working at what you've got, and eventually your reality will be such that you can have these things as well, or at least a clear understanding that they weren't actually things you needed at all". But maybe that's not the case. Maybe reality is such that I'm endlessly playing out limited cycles, and reaching these other vectors I long for would require a fundamental break from my habitual patterns.

>> No.12721960

>>12721877
you are anything but alone in your struggle anon. maybe your ancestors didn't have porn and video game addictions and the like, but hundreds of millions of people RIGHT NOW in THIS current world do. you are not alone. it's only a lonely struggle because our current world tells us we are alone, that we are pitted against each other, and that we need to compete to survive. we have the option to reject that notion, like our ancestors would've. the people in a tribe have to work together.

>> No.12721973

>>12721957
I think this relates to the question of whether brain or brawn is the major factor when it comes to figuring out how to achieve something. Both are undeniably necessary, but you can be putting a lot of effort into something but going about the whole thing in the wrong way (which would require more "brain", creativity, ingenuity, receptivity, openness) - or, you could know the way to do something, but not be putting very much effort into it and not be willing to endure much suffering for it (brawn).

I think in any situation, both come into play

>> No.12721987

I believe my own ego is the cause of most of my problems even if it's not completely overblown; I wish to reach that equilibrium between having a sense of self-respect and worth and being free of the need to constantly be on the defensive about my persona.

>> No.12721991

>>12721929
I know what you mean. The thing is when I do that, I get a horrible nagging feeling, like something trying to get my attention. It's a weird combination of being relaxed yet upset at the same time, very confusing. I don't know if you can relate? In fact it's the most weirdest feeling in the world, just thinking about it, it's like a knowledge of something, at the back of your mind, hidden away.

>> No.12722017

I absolutely despise first world women. All of civilization is based upon meeting their wants and needs and they have the audacity to believe that they are oppressed. They, among all humans that have ever existed, are the foremost cause of oppression in the world. I hate their inflated egos and narcissistic evasion from guilt. Hundreds of millions of living people would kill to be born as one of them (myself included) and they refuse to admit how easy their lives are.

>> No.12722025

>>12722017
Women are nothing more than men with tits. That's why I don't fuck them because I'm not gay.

>> No.12722028

>>12721991
I know exactly what you mean. That's why you have to have willpower to break the orbital velocity so to speak. I know people are going to call bullshit, but the dirty EMF radiation of electronics (cellphone, wifi, even the electricity) gets caught in the body until you ground it out. It's actually pretty scientific but threatens a lot of industries that have now become very popular. It's important to get away from - take a shower, walk in nature. Don't become a compulsive slave to the addiction of the buzzing

https://youtu.be/FttrOK1ec4Q
https://youtu.be/b8b_lg2z8Nc

>> No.12722029

>>12721973
I definitely feel like I've tended towards the former in my life - lots of effort, but also (so far) a fair bit of difficulty breaking out of my routines. When I'm carrying out these familiar patterns - exercising, going to my job, working on my artistic hobbies, reading, meditating - I'm able to tell myself "well, this isn't so bad, this is keeping me busy", but they become time consuming to the point where I very rarely try new things. Any time I've experimented with breaking away from my personal schedule, the result has been me wasting a week on the dumb shit I used to do as a teenager, rather than going out & experimenting with anything radically different.

Don't get me wrong, I feel like my life as it is is going pretty well! I just feel like there are all sorts of areas I'd like to grow in, besides the current ones I focus on. Sociality//Romance is a big one...I'm always well regarded in group settings, can make people laugh, have had intimate relationships - but it's always with this feeling of interacting from a great distance, from behind a mask, and with a sense of boredom. As if people were keeping me away from my familiar personal pursuits. In the big scheme of things I understand that I want to push out beyond these patterns, but in the moment it usually feels far more satisfying to return to them.

>> No.12722033

>>12722017
Join the club mate. If it makes it any easier, I just try to remember that both men and women in this modern would are in a fallen state. It might seem like they have it easy, or having a good irresponsible time, or whatever else, but I think really, they're depressed and extremely mentally ill. Dysfunction manifest differently in the sexes.

>> No.12722047

>>12722017
https://youtu.be/2E9pM2pWbDA?t=138

>> No.12722060

>>12722028
Thanks, saved for later. Never liked wifi or phones anyway, for some reason that makes people I know slightly angry, guess they see it as irrational and inconvenient. It's the same when it comes to diet, I'm just "being picky" or awkward.

>> No.12722084

>>12722017
Fuck you. What the fuck do you know? The facade, you shit. You like the facade, well lah de dah. That's the fucking point, isn't it?

>> No.12722090

I'm dating this girl and we've grown pretty close. She has an amazing personality, nearly ideal as far as I'm concerned, and she aligns with me on so many different points. I'm not really that physically attracted to her, she has a nice body, and she's not ugly.. just not my type I think. I cannot imagine myself marrying her, but I do want to remain friends with her. How do I go about doing this? I'm moving abroad to go to grad school soon too, and there's no way I can manage a LDR. At the end of the day, I don't want to hurt her because I think she likes me a lot.

How do I lose my girlfriend but gain a life-long friend? Is it possible?

>> No.12722105

>>12722060
our system has people really brainwashed to become vehement enforcers of an ultimate trust in the system itself. that people could honestly trust these industries that have trillions to gain on their suffering is beyond me. good little slaves, useful idiots. they are being harvested like cattle. i know that sounds bleak but there is undeniably some degree of that going on, and it seems to be getting worse. thats why its important to work on yourself first. self improvement is selfish in involvement but altruistic in expression.

>> No.12722110

>>12722090
It's impossible if you're handsome, sorry.

>> No.12722209

>>12722105
I think it's directed domestication, for what purpose or end I dont know, guess there's lots of theories. But it is like farm animals being domesticated. We're losing the ability to provide for ourselves, to even think for ourselves. Physically we're degenerating. I really do wonder where all this is leading.

>> No.12722217

>>12722017
I’m just realizing now how much of the modern economy exists to cater to attractive first world women. Their existence is almost absurd. If they are upper class- forget about it.

>> No.12722218

>>12722110
False. It just depends on how your handle the situation and how mature the other person is. The sooner, the better.

>> No.12722222

Thinking about getting a kimono to wear around the house. It sounds comfy as fuck and I never have people over anyways.

>> No.12722226

You shits. You shits. You flippant shits. How I hate you. A long, lascivious peruse of the daily contents of one's asshole. Blast it onto the page: a gripping collection of thought by a troubled mind so kept and cozy. I'm sure I'm SURE you know what sacrifice is. And suffering? Of course. Of course of course of course. I worked in a marketing firm after all. Oh I hope it cuts you, you decadent, useless shit. I hope I hope I hope it does.

>> No.12722233

>>12722222
Cringe weeb quints

>> No.12722238

>>12722222
Just get a bathrobe

>> No.12722239

>>12722233
not a weeb, I'm sorry for wasting digits on my inane blogpost though.

>> No.12722251
File: 165 KB, 1000x1000, Photo1051632754pm.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12722251

>>12722222
Bathrobes were literally invented to do just that.

>> No.12722257

>>12722233
Shut up

>> No.12722260

>>12722238
>>12722251
yeah but silk bathrobes are expensive as fuck and the alternative is one of those really heavy robes

>> No.12722268

>>12722222
buy a dress and dress up like a girl. lol

>> No.12722278
File: 94 KB, 1010x1010, 61ju5I3IztL._UL1010_.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12722278

>>12722260
>The regular wearing of a dressing gown by men about the house is derived from the 18th-century wearing of the banyan in orientalist imitation.[1] The Japanese yukata is an unlined, cotton kimono worn as a bathrobe or as summer outdoor clothing.
Dude they're literally the same thing.
Pic related is 20 bucks.

>> No.12722287

I just googled Amazon for "kimono male" and the first thing was a $22 silk bathrobe lol

>> No.12722294
File: 497 KB, 854x479, 44f.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12722294

>>12717970
Why the fuck do I need experience after my degree?
Why isn't it just an apprentice system?

>> No.12722298
File: 13 KB, 647x404, suicide.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12722298

Never thought I would make it to twenty years old, it will be a miracle if I make it to thirty without blowing my brains out

>> No.12722300

>>12719459
>tfw they don't even bother formatting their posts
You need to be careful, some of those posts are either spam or AI, especially if small in size and aren't quoting other posters correctly (AI bug)

>> No.12722301
File: 30 KB, 401x512, 527b7b03449f3.image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12722301

I love country music.
Even if I don't like the songs about murdering their husbands and where they want to be buried and shit, I fucking love these huge tiddy blondes with HUGE guns like fuck I need to start working out these country girls could brain me with their biceps alone.

>> No.12722311

>>12719554
>But work often went late, and took the life out of me. Books became short stories. Short stories became little poems on memo pads and google docs. Poems became ideas written down and left to die.
This. If you want to be an artist, don't do it part time.

>> No.12722315

>>12722278
ok well that's the kind of thing I was thinking of getting anyway

>> No.12722319

>>12719554
Lmao it's because you're a milquetoast faggot who wanted to Larp as some bohemian writer archetype you saw in the movies, you have zero actual interest in the art besides what it can create for your 'lifestyle'.
New York and Paris HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
you've never had an original thought in your life. Stick to your job and give up the 'writing', you're pathetic

>> No.12722320

>>12722209
The optimistic part of my brain likes to think that this is all part of some long transition process, from individual humans to collective hyper-consciousness. We just happened to have the bad luck of being born into an awkward phase of the change, where all of these individual animal impulses are still present but going largely unsatisfied, and the collective mind hasn't developed to the point of being able to keeping all its cells healthy. Perhaps at some future point it will look back on this time & thank us for sacrifice. Dunno. The pessimistic part of my brain thinks there's no greater guiding logic to any of this, just a wildly unbalanced evolutionary experiment that led to a species that showed promise, but is now in the process of eating itself.

>> No.12722328

>>12721632
I've met people like this. You'll be surprised how many crims think they did nothing wrong by the law (I understand by philosophical disagreement with the law, but these guys literally think by the written law they did nothing wrong).
Communication breakdown I think.

>> No.12722332

>>12721705
Become a bitch then because you sure sound like one.

>> No.12722340

I want to live in NASHVILLE. Someone fly me there, PLEASE.

>> No.12722342

>>12722298
I thought that same thing... 4 years ago.

>> No.12722346

I'm exhausted, I haven't read anything in months

>> No.12722348

>>12722328
I almost ran over a bunch of geese because I wanted to see them die but my dad wailed at me to stop that it was against the law. Maybe the fucking geese shouldn't walk into the middle of the fucking road.

>> No.12722351
File: 651 KB, 500x422, b517486db6ffa230dc67880a9201bae00a9e74840fb3ba1109baa905b0f23f72.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12722351

>>12722319
>Larp
>he thinks he doesn't larp everyday simply by living

>> No.12722354

>>12722348
You would really take a life with so little compunction? Have you ever taken one?

>> No.12722356

>>12722351
New York sucks and their government is gay. I'd prefer to live New Jersey but the people there is gay. I bet Paris is suck and gay too.

>> No.12722363

>>12722348
I almost tried to make a managing partner reconsider a case for economic reasons because the amount of money involved could mean economic impact to my city. He simply had no care and I had to assume he, the more experienced partner, had some idea what he was doing.
I see relation with that situation and your Dad's situation.

>> No.12722379

>>12722354
No but I almost took my mother's once. I was holding her over the railing and she almost fell one floor to her death. I knew if she fell that she would either survive or my sister would see and tell the police I killed her so I held her and brought her back up. I often think back to that time and how if things had been just a little different she would not be alive today. A lot of edgy people say "oh I would kill if I had the chance bla bla" but it feels so bad to have almost gone through with it but had to stop only because I didn't want to go to prison. It would have been a real thrill, I am sure.

>> No.12722382

>>12722356
>New York sucks and their government is gay. I'd prefer to live New Jersey but the people there is gay. I bet Paris is suck and gay too.
From what I've heard, you're bang on.
All those cities are shit holes.

NY was really bad up until the 90's, then it improved as the system controlled (I think the better description is "engaged with") the criminal syndicates of the city.
Paris has never been as bad as it currently is, that's why there are protests there.
NJ is forever a shit hole and has always been shit.

Honourable mention: chicago, which is nicknamed "Chiraq" by street gangs there.

>> No.12722387

>>12722354
Actually if animals count then yes, I have killed a few. When I was in the scouts, I would fish and then drop the fish and the ground to watch them flail around and die. I also used to kill animals with my pocket knife. That was years ago though.

>> No.12722389 [DELETED] 

>>12722379
You are the deluded edgy person. At least try hunting deer before you talk about murdering your own mother for fuck's sake.

>> No.12722399

>>12722382
I remember listening to a rap song a long time ago and they guy went something like "I'm big in chiraq" or some shit and I thought to myself "haha, that's not a real place."
Thanks for illuminating that for me. Now I should probably figure out what bathing ape means.

>> No.12722404

>>12722389
My mother was not a kind person and would often beat me and torture me as a kid. I am not simply being edgy but being honest.

>> No.12722405

>>12722387
Oh, so you're a diagnosable psychopath. Carry on then.

>> No.12722417

I once cried for an hour because I put a baby goldfish I won at the summer festival in "pure" water.
I was an adult.

>> No.12722420

>>12722379
>because I didn't want to go to prison
You might still because that is a pretty bad assault charge potentially.

>> No.12722423

>>12722405
Many people go fishing and hunting. Doesn't make you psycho.

>> No.12722427

>>12717970
I threw away reading to do writing. I threw away writing to do programming. I threw away programming to make games. And now I can't even do that.

>> No.12722430

>>12722420
No, she started it and was hitting me first. I often got visits from the police back in those days. Nothing came of it. I also don't speak to my mom anymore and I told her I would kill her if I ever met her again.

>> No.12722432

>>12722399
>bathing ape
Bath salts user?

>>12722387
We used to played a game in my area with the puffer fish (pest) in my area, squashing them or playing baseball with them.

>> No.12722435

>>12717970
I am completely incapable of forming close personal relationships

>> No.12722438

>>12722405
Fish are not very self aware 2bh anon.

>> No.12722440

>>12722423
The difference between fishing and watching fish suffocate to death. The difference between hunting and killing small animals with a pocket knife. The difference between torture-murder and a quick, clean, respectful death

>> No.12722442
File: 89 KB, 480x640, 2137d5e111981b8cdf5360594744d38c.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12722442

>>12722432
Apparently it's a popular Japanese clothing brand. The girl in this pic are wearing their weird spitfire monster face thing which is part of their brand.
Some of the outfits are also in GTA5.

>> No.12722446

>>12722430
>she started it and was hitting me first
There is a point where self defense is not an excuse.
>back in those days
Not relevant now.

You will be lucky though if a limitation period for the offence expires.

>> No.12722447

>>12722440
>killing animals MY way is the only normal way

>> No.12722449

>>12717970
Every time I begin to write I get this horrible sense of apprehension and put it off until bed and I can't explain why

>> No.12722451

>>12722442
Yeah street gangs often call their activities by names such as regular brand names.

>> No.12722455

>>12722446
Nothing's going to come of it. That cunt is lucky to even be alive.

>> No.12722458

>>12722449
Just write, no matter how dumb it is.
Writer's block starts when you think your content is not up to standard.

>> No.12722460
File: 39 KB, 639x492, 1549949426522.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12722460

Why would you ever hurt an animal?

>> No.12722461

>>12722447
I don't kill animals, eat them neither. I did it once, it was dreadful. There is an element of wanton cruelty in any killing, especially now when we don't need to eat animals. I mean, it's a personal choice, there's nothing "wrong" with it if you can stand it: I can't.

But he clearly enjoys causing things to suffer, it's a different thing from someone like Lev Tolstoy who hunted for sport in his youth and tried to give his quarry a quick death.

>> No.12722465

I can only figure out the beginning of my stories and a vague idea of the ending.

>> No.12722469

>>12722460
I coexist with the cockroaches in my house. I don't feed the ones that are in my house but when I'm outside grillin' my BBQ, I always give a few pieces of meat to any of them lil' fellas.
I know they'll be lookin' after me once the apocalypse happens so I'll treat 'em right now and let them treat me right once Canada nukes me.

>> No.12722479

>>12722460
Prolonged abuse.

>> No.12722520

>>12722461
>There is an element of wanton cruelty in any killing, especially now when we don't need to eat animals.
>he thinks veganism is healthy
Delusional.

And your god rapes you every day.

>> No.12722531

>>12722520
I'm not a vegan, I'm a vegetarian. I still eat eggs and cheese, never giving that shit up. I buy them from farmers I know personally who treat their animals well. And I don't believe in God, I don't know if you got that from the mention of Tolstoy or what.

>> No.12722539

>>12722520
Not that person but I'm vegan because dairy tastes like rotten stuff, like everything tasted like it went bad even when it wasn't and meat
nah
I just started having stomach problems when I eat meat.
I prefer being vegan. I feel as though you have to use up more energy to digest meat (so you have to eat more).
I literally ate two bananas, a pear, two cups of tea, and some peanut butter toast. When I would eat meat , I would literally just down a shitton of burgers and bacon mac.
My only gripe with veganism is I don't want to associate myself with the soibois because I'm Asian and we all know that soi isn't exactly healthy to be downing in large amounts but then the soibois go "no, you're wrong. Fuck you and your culture you white supremacist rightwinger moron," and I just go "what"

>> No.12722547
File: 464 KB, 666x972, 1548388524684.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12722547

>>12722531
Is this you?

>> No.12722549

>>12722520
You're gonna die soon

>> No.12722553

>>12717970
I'm scared of the future.
I want my gf back.
It's weird that Mansfield Park is all about incest and no one seems to mind.

>> No.12722554

>>12722311
No artist worth his or her salt has ever held s 9-5 office job

>> No.12722557

>>12722547
What a surprise. Have a nice night.

>> No.12722586

Speaking of which, when are in-cels going to perpetuate eating large amounts of ginseng (which is yang [masculine]) to deter the soi eating soibois (soi is yin [feminine])?
I wish that were a meme since ginseng is like the opposite of soi in asian herbalogy. A ton of people would get fucked over blood pressure wise but ginseng has been known for centuries to increase masculinity and testosterone. It'd be funny.

>> No.12722608

>>12722586
They actually tried to do this with onions, which allegedly raise your T - there's pictures of pasty guys in Trump shirts taking a bite out of them like it's an apple. /pol/ is weird.

>> No.12722626

>>12722531
>And I don't believe in God
Which explains why you're vegan.

>> No.12722635

>>12722549
Well I better hope it's my own state of entropy and not the act of a beast.

>> No.12722640

>>12722554
Some popular musicians did a degree before turning to music.

>> No.12722646
File: 62 KB, 600x600, ah yes a fact that is surely true.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12722646

>>12722608
Nice.
I kinda want to do that.
The whole reason why I went vegan was because I'm too lazy to cook so that sounds great.

>> No.12722662

>>12722417
Pure water? What does that mean? Why did it make you sad?

>> No.12722663
File: 30 KB, 540x400, Cj-mrKRUgAAewJE.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12722663

>>12722586
Some of us want to be more feminine

>> No.12722674

>>12722662
I think he means he out it in tap water instead of salt water.

>> No.12722698

>>12722586
>in-cels
When are roasties going to stop being so upset about their roasty nature and the fact that they are used goods?

>> No.12722701

>>12722608
>which allegedly raise your T
I thought it was opposite..

>> No.12722705

>>12722662
Fish die in pure water. They need to be in water that has healthy bacteria and stuff like that in it to survive. It's like breathing at the top of Mt. Everest without prior training. I'm bad at describing it so I found this
>Distilled or reverse osmosis water does not have the minerals necessary to buffer pH. If used exclusively you will have a very unstable pH which is dangerous for fish.
I was just sad because man, I like fish.
I later went back and got two fish and they're still alive. One was almost dead when I got it but now he's a fat fuck and his buddy is a piece of shit asshole with a nice pearly color so I'm glad. I love fish.
I know goldfish aren't really the best fish to own so I'm going to build a giant fucking tank so they can grow really big because apparently get can grow up to like 16 inches and that's cool. I like magikarps. Gyrados is cool too but I just like the ones that attack mario on that one level in Mario. Fish also taste good but I prefer to eat my fish at this really expensive seaside restaurant I go to occasionally they have really good fish.
It was a long time ago.

>> No.12722743 [DELETED] 

>>12722635
always the gentleman, huh?

>> No.12722760

>>12722705
If you wrote a story in this style, I would read the shit out of it.

>> No.12722804

>>12719459
>>12719475
The only "people" who complain about phoneposters on the site are friendless NEETs who spend all their time on 4chan

>> No.12722825

I just saw someone spell neighbour as nabor.

>> No.12722886

Sometimes when I'm talking to girls and things are going very well I'll say something that I think is totally in line with the flow of conversation and will keep it going but it has the opposite effect and completely kills the conversation. I think there is something inherently wrong in me that stops me from connecting properly with other humans, and I don't think its autism.

>> No.12722891
File: 109 KB, 484x593, 1539127598421.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12722891

Why does Anime make me so emotional?
Even just thinking about some stupid anime like Naruto or one of those school harems make me feel like a motherfucker. No western show(non-cartoon) has ever made me feel such strong feelings

>> No.12722896

>>12722804
Go fuck yourself you blind and insulated fool of a normie. Where else beside this place are we to go? Why do you imagine we’re here, except in pursuit of the fulfilling type of friendship that comes from genuine, engaged conversations? Do you think we hate phoneposters just because we specifically want to make you sad? Or is it because your kneejerk rejection of anyone friendless or different indicates how empty and formulaic your twitter-browsing consciousness has become?

I made this post on my phone by the way. You’re a real faggot, and you probably own too many pairs of shoes.

>> No.12722914

I don't think I remember how to be friends with someone. I haven't really had any friends in years other than people from high school I occasionally see, and even when I'm hanging out with them I don't feel that connection we used to have.

Maybe I'm doomed to be a hermit

>> No.12722931

>>12722891
I disagree. The only form of media that makes me emotional are movies where children die.

>> No.12722981

I was on the bus when I suddenly remembered a memory I hadn't thought about in years. I was doing a two mile run with a teammate for sports conditioning. I was far ahead of him but I slowed down at the very end, letting him finish first. Instead of congratulating us for finishing like the others my coach was pissed, asking "Why did you let him win?". I almost cried thinking about that even though it wasn't even a big deal at the time and isn't a particularly important memory.

I have realised that I am not afraid of failure, instead I am afraid of success. I have so little self respect that I believe that I do not deserve anything at all. It's a sick kind of masochism and I'm tired of it. I refuse to live like this anymore.
I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense I'm drunk.

>> No.12722984

I think that incels and roasties wouldn't be a thing if Spain never existed.

>> No.12723052

>>12722981
Sacrifice is its own victory. Just make sure your sacrifices are for worthy causes.

>> No.12723105
File: 46 KB, 800x420, god i wish that were me.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12723105

I just saw someone attempt to greentext on a messageboard instead of using the quote feature.

>> No.12723352

I’ve been lonely for a long time. Every romantic situation I get into is shitty. These past few Fridays I’ve been wanting to go on a date, but have no one I would like to invite. Recently I’ve become friendly with a group of girls. We still don’t know each other very well, and I’m managing to act normally, treating them as I would any other friend a not acting needy. Still, having real options has increased my longing. Today I had a “moment” with one of them, not the kind that’s enough to start something, but just enough to startle a certain kind of inquietude inside of me. The girl just ended a relationship, so I should probably be cautious. There’s also the fact we have a good group of friends, but the foundations are still fresh, and I don’t want to fuck things up, or for them to think I only became friends with them due to untoward interests, especially since I enjoy their company and feel like I lucked out by becoming friends with such nice people.

Still, the inquietude remains and I wonder if I shouldn’t just bite the bullet and invite her on a date. I’ve had misfortune the few times I decided to do it with other women, but taking too long also fucked me up before and lately I’ve been having good experiences by ignoring my fears and doing things despite it. I feel like I’m always too quick or too late on demonstrating interest. Also am conflicted if I’m stable enough to pursue romance: I’ve improved my life, but such improvements are recent.

Don’t wanna fuck things up, /lit/, but also wanna try. Dunno what’s the right thing to do, or even if there’s one. Dunno if it’s just loneliness pushing me towards someone or if we could really have something nice. There’s also the matter of my self-esteem being fucked; I have difficulties believing someone would want to go out with me, even knowing I look good and been getting attention after leaving my skelly days behind.

Anyway, thanks to anyone who took time to read all this, and I wish you all the best.

Also, start exercising, anons, even when life’s rough it brings me some joy.

>> No.12723353
File: 10 KB, 210x230, st,small,215x235-pad,210x230,f8f8f8.lite-1u2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12723353

It is through my darkness that I have become strong.
Do I confront and accept this war?
Or do I cower waiting for it to be ignored?

I see u hiding from far away
My victim lying so much to prey
Foolish words u have spake
Youthful ignorance I will forsake
You havent changed you haven't grown
Enslaved by the thoughts that aren't your own
Your end is near even if you don't know
Your only legacy will be the fool oh so low


I made this in three seconds
Been reading thr Bible a lot and don't really read much lit stuff

>> No.12723423

I hate men... but not for the reasons you think...

>> No.12723462

>>12723423
Technically speaking, I'm an alien. Want me to take you out on a date?

>> No.12723472
File: 980 KB, 1200x600, sign me right the fuck UP uh huh uh huh.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12723472

>>12723462
I was waiting for a response similar to "why" or "explain" so I could talk about how I dislike how writers who write blank slate men for the audience to sympathize with when I believe that an audience can better sympathize with a character who shares universal flaws (you know, finding love, fear of rejection, fear of deadlines, family issues, stuff like that) rather than a blank slate character. Women rarely ever get this treatment in any medium. They're usually given at least one trope or stereotype but it's so common for men to just be ":^l", like Mad Max for example.
I don't know.
It was just something on my mind at the time.
And sure, I love aliens. I LOVE THEM! All my life I've been looking for proof of their existence. Someday, though. Someday, intelligent life from beyond the stars will contact us, I believe.
Someday.
Some
day.

>> No.12723497

>>12723472
So what you're saying is that your women characters aren't often given depth? And men are? But not in Mad Max?
Honestly it would be quite difficult for us to do anything together, given my situation.

>> No.12723504

Do it
Do it
Do it
Do it
Do it
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Do not
Do,do,do
Beehive,beehive,beehive
Circle shape,do it
Its done

>> No.12723514

>>12723497
I don't know what I'm saying. I'm barely awake.
I'm waiting on some baked potatoes to stop being baking and then I'll sleep.
I'm just so fucking pissed off about Japan and their otaku characters with no personality and also Mad Max because of that one annoying guy in the second film. I don't even know why because I don't watch anime.
I need to write stuff. It's a compulsion of mine even when what I write doesn't make sense.

>> No.12723527

>>12723514
You're barely awake and waiting. For baked potatos. I don't create baked potatos since I learned to make chips or french fries or whatever they're called on your part of Earth. They're nicer. Than baked potatos.

>> No.12723545

>>12723527
I already ate chips today. I just don't want my potatoes to go to waste. I would make french fries if I had that good cajun seasoning but I don't right now. Maybe some garlic. Mmm. I haven't used /ck/ in quite some time. I'm too tired to continue this discourse. Good bye and enjoy your fries. Did you know that fried eggplant with ranch is like fried fish with tartar sauce but not? It's really interesting. I suggest you try them both.

>> No.12723551

>>12723352
I say if you ARE interested just go for it man. I recently got completely fucked over by waiting too long. I feel like most of the problems in my life have been the result of waiting too long.
>I’ve been having good experiences by ignoring my fears and doing things despite it
You sound a lot like me, I've been doing the same thing. I just wish I had kept doing it. Keep ignoring your fears, they are what put you in this state to begin with.

>> No.12723556

>>12723545
Discourse means to run away. That's what you're doing. I guess our love wasn't mean to be.

>> No.12723569

>>12723551
>I've been doing the same thing. I just wish I had kept doing it.

Keep it up. anon. Failure doesn't erase your achievements.

Also, wanna talk about what happened with you? Don't know if it's the same for you, but just writing on these threads helps me sort out whats going inside my head.

>> No.12723689
File: 167 KB, 850x1123, __mash_kyrielight_fate_grand_order_and_etc_drawn_by_nishikiya__sample-ae34d0c1e8005dd7000a8bf67b377c0f.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12723689

There are two different ways to see /lit/: either it's a board for literary and philosophical discussion, or it's just a place to talk to like-minded people.

Considering all the off-topic posts, I guess most posters now see /lit/ as the latter.

>> No.12723704

>>12723689
I come here for a different reason each day

>> No.12723721

The weight of people. How do you balance the mundane schematic uselessness of the proletarian with the cosmic wholeness of his desire, experience, and suffering? What can we say?

>> No.12723753

>>12723689
I just come to the "Write whats on your mind" threads nowadays, i dont ever read lmao

>> No.12724223
File: 533 KB, 670x893, 1551449743178.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12724223

People need to stop having mentally challenged children. I don't want to go full eugenics and say we should abort everyone not acceptable but it's really time to stop allowing children to be born with only brain stems and stuff like that. If yoir child, from birth, has to be tube fed and will watch Barney the Dinosaur until they inevitably die at 17 then it's abortion time.

I'm not saying this because they're a drain on money or anything (millionaires+ and corporations and the military, etc are more of a drain) but because it's all so pointless and selfish. These (barely) people do not even have a chance at a full life. There's no medication that can be taken for them to function. There's nothing. They drool, eat via tube, go around in a wheelchair, and then die early. It's not life. The parents who do this should be shot.

>> No.12724240

>>12724223
You go too far when you speak of mentally challenged children as a whole and not only of a more extreme subset. I'm fairly mentally challenged but I have after much struggle found a way to live a worthwhile life.

>> No.12724298

>>12721485
watch the tv show The Sandbaggers, you´ll get the idea, how it´s like to work for a federal secret service

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sandbaggers

>> No.12724344

I want to leave my girlfriend, but I don’t feel like I can. I don’t want to hurt her because I still kind of love her and I know she loves me. I can’t bring myself to do it, but I just wan’t to be alone. I don’t want a family, don’t want kids or a house, go on vacation twice a year or all these usual things that she wants. I just want to spend my time studying and working, maybe someday creating something that will help other people get through all this.
I always get into relationships, it’s nice being able to make someone else feel happy and loved for a while, but after some time I always end up feeling trapped and miserable.
I don’t feel like I can do something like this for the rest of my life, maybe I just can’t find the right person Orleans I’m just not cut out for relationships. I feel an obligation to be alone, but I don’t think I can live with myself if I end up hurting another person again.

I also hate that I’m only able to be honest on a fucking imageboard and unable to express my emotions towards real people unless I’m under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

>> No.12724379
File: 151 KB, 1280x720, plebeianreaction.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12724379

>>12724223
The rabble want to "hold their baby," and this makes them feel "good," as if they've done something at once desirable and morally positive. The child-stimulus tricks them into thinking they're fulfilling their biological imperative. The attempt to rear deeply suffering abominations who would ask for death if they could formulate an abstract thought just shows most people for what they are: myopic, peasant-coarse, and cruel.

>> No.12724380

i am dating a girl and shes nice. I get giddy looking at her and i think we've had some nice moments in our short time together. However, her personal interests dont really fit with mine: drawing, anime (pretty and really flowery kind).. typical of an asian girl. Recently, i met an another girl who is probably more pretty but more importantly, has a keen interest in literature. We had a chat about dostoyevesky, tolstoy, marquez, ect. She seems really erudite and interesting. Ive never met anyone like her. I suppose the girl im currently dating seems safer or dull but she is precious to me. Even more importantly, I think she kind of gets my moral values which includes chastity. I know its quite cringe but at this moment, as a man of faith this is important to me and i realize this will really strain any long term relationships. What would you do lads? Break it off and pursue the /lit/ girl or keep with the girl you already have.

>> No.12724390

>>12723052
Thanks anon. He didn't even need that for a boost of confidence, he was a far better player and sprinter than I was. I was just better at endurance running.

I have just noticed this pattern of doing unnecessary things like that in my life. I don't want to sound like a braggart but I am taking a writing class with a professor who is extremely enthusiastic about my work. There is a part of me that wants to accept his compliments and work more closely with him to improve, but another that refuses to believe him. I tell myself that I can't handle things all the time while I'm doing them.

This morning I finally applied for a job in a lab I kept telling myself I was too dumb to work in. I might not get the position, but it feels good to try.

>> No.12724395
File: 64 KB, 500x750, 1538925180000.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12724395

Woke up at eleven, but fell back asleep, only to wake up 13:30. I was dreaming the entire time, and remember two out of the four dreams I know I had.

First dream, I was at some unnamed school of witchcraft and wizardry, and had just transplanted the consciousness of two girls into the yokes of fried eggs. I realized the pain that they were in, and how I was torturing them. I felt so much guilt and so much regret, I was evil.

When I woke up I quickly realized what it means; My (internet) girlfriend loves me, very very much, and I know, on a deep level, that it won't work out. I'm not lovable, and the longer she loves me, the worse. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes to the hospital if I ever were to break up with her. It's my fault that she loves me, but I don't know if I could convince her that I'm not worth loving and that she's wasting time and emotion on me, an unlovable.

The other dream I remember had me sitting at a fancy dinner party with a fancy host and hostess. I said something funny, and the hostess laughed. I knew she probably thought she was being kind, and thought me endearing, and truly did like me and my wittyness. She probably even thought that she was doing a good thing, encouraging me, or whatever. But she was also pitying me, I could see it, and can see it every day. Because I'm worse than them.
I turned to the host, and said something along the lines of "Yeah, I'm pretty funny, I like making jokes and laughing with people, but I don't like being laughed at either."
Pointing out what was happening in some hamfisted manner. The hostess' jaw dropped and the host shifted uncomfortably in his chair. I continued, but I made no sense, unable to express myself, and the hosts' manner changed from the awkwardness of being called out, to the awkwardness of being attacked by infantile anger unable to be properly expressed. Even then, I was being pitied.

Afterwards, still in the dream, I went for a cigarettte, and had snowballs at me, probably because I feel like a child. Walking back inside, the two kids (my age) followed me, and I told them that if they did that again I'd fight them. He said something like "Chill, I don't wanna get mangled by your retard strength"

>> No.12724430

>>12724344
you´re a young fella, you will regret not having kids in the future and a faithful wife, look to what happenned to ted kazcynski, he went mad because of it, living alone with the woods

>> No.12724444

>>12724430

I’m thinking I’d rather take the chance of regretting being alone than take the chance of regretting having a wife and kids. I can’t simply back out of the second scenario without hurting or screwing up the lives of other people. In the first scenario I’m only screwing over myself, which I’m already pretty good at

>> No.12724449

>>12724344
Beauty of marriage is being trapped in it. I think you've answered your own question. If you marry right you will have someone to express this kind of feeling to. Life is very long. Man was not born to live alone and do not forget how beautiful it is for someone to love you as she does.

>> No.12724506

>>12722356
You should unironically kill yourself for having the opinions you have

>> No.12724629

>>12722896
i liked this post

>> No.12724631

>>12724344
You should be honest and truthful to her or it will hurt her.

>> No.12724639
File: 2.19 MB, 1700x2275, ari.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12724639

>>12724449
>Man was not born to live alone
But whosoever delighteth in solitude...

>> No.12724652

I wrote down and reviewed my impression of on movies and news. By comparing the dates of the movies I discovered I was ignorant until 2018.

>> No.12724884

>>12720570
Yo how do you squat at your desk? Do you use a special chair?

Sitting is cucked and ruins your back.

>> No.12724914

How can women be so beautiful? It boggles my mind that people that you can talk to can look like that, like you could converse with a symphony or a sculpture. There isn't enough time in the world to get your fill of their aesthetics

>> No.12724926

>>12724914
As if superficial physical beauty were comparable to something with well structured and intentional form. Get your head out of your dick

>> No.12724951

>>12719501
Don't do it! God loves you.

>> No.12724953

>>12719501
You gonna die anyway the cool thing to do is tough it out til the end

>> No.12724957

>>12720570
Have you ever heard of horses, anon?

>> No.12724965

>>12724884
I sit on my heels most of the time. I think a lot of people lack some particular kind of flexibility, but I've been doing it my whole life. It's how people sit naturally when they don't have chairs anyway.

>> No.12725085
File: 2.78 MB, 4032x3024, E0942F38-034C-4071-A88C-1BB6959D7304.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12725085

My life is at such an interestection.
Between not having a life and having one. Between both the upper (elite colleges, great careers) and absolute lowest classes of society.

She wants to have space so I give it to her. I go out to see my loser friend. He is in a literally dilapidated mobile home doing coke with the guy that lives there.
The guy is 23 and completely lost from society due to drug induced schizophrenia. He actually has a twin brother that is more normal which is interesting. I do acid and hangout with them and talk about how I can help make his place un-dilapidated so he isn’t evicted in April. The idiot is barely listening. It’s insane that the people in that house (a grandma, an uncle, and a nephew with anger problems - as well as one of the twins. The normal twin lives elsewhere) are essentially just barreling toward the abyss.

>> No.12725104

Taking the GRE tomorrow, but I'm nowhere near ready for it. Not even sure why I'm taking it, I haven't decided on where to apply yet. But nobody will hire someone with damn near 0 work experience or practical skills, so it seems like grad school is kind of my only option here, despite how sick I am of academia.

Lads I may have fucked my life up irrevocably, and I want to encourage those among us who are as indecisive as I am: Don't fuckin be this way. Have some conviction in anything at all, even if it's fake, and stick with it in the event that you, like me, don't have a naturally-occurring passion/interest (or one that could support you somehow, at least). Don't go to college if you don't know what you want to do, don't let people bully you into going or picking your major for you, and for the love of FUCK, do NOT "settle" for a major.

Jesus fucking christ I want to shoot myself. Not really, but kind of.

>> No.12725108
File: 2.12 MB, 4032x3024, 23FE82A8-A44B-46BF-9D15-A8751F5E4FD9.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12725108

>>12725085
Anyway she makes a scene because she thinks I fucked another girl (unshared my location and started missing her updates). She texts my mom, and somehow everyone is mad at me.
I thought she wanted space. She refuses to be with me and yet she pulls this. I’m supposed to be the crazy one, not her.

I drive down from a mobile home in fremont California, all the way to Monterey where she and the guy she is supposed to be with are celebrating her birthday. I have a gas hungry truck and no money. I don’t know.

I’m completely coked out when I start the drive at almost 5 am. I think she somehow thought I screwed another girl and she went on some kind of slut rampage with random people in this foreign city. She is so mad yet refuses to talk to me so that’s what I think.

I’m still on acid so everything has that kind of hue like in Annihilation(film). I don’t know if that is just America but it is absolutely stunning (yet I’m too self conscious to stop on the highway and get a good pic). I was speeding on the highway, the engine of my truck giving momentary stalls because of how fast I’m going, and I make a turn and find myself awestruck at the landscape

>> No.12725114

>>12725108
I get to her motel yada yada. It’s more awkward than passionate. She essentially tells me to go. I feel so fucking stupid, but this is really the life I made isn’t it.

Driving back now

>> No.12725136

>>12725114
Sorry for you, anon. Drive safe.

>> No.12725214

I want to tell the woman who cuts my hair to only use scissors but I will admit I am not that assertive. Ever since the barber I had been going to died (9 years ago now) I've been going to her and I do trust her with my hair but I dislike how unnatural clippers make my hair look eventually. I get my hair cut maybe once every three months and I have been reading that unless you're getting it cut every fortnight then it's best to use scissors.

>> No.12725249

>>12723353
Anyone?

>> No.12725262

>>12724395
Please respond

>> No.12725272

>>12725114
crash your car into a telephone pole and end your pathetic, meager life

>> No.12725674
File: 198 KB, 2048x1152, f6b114a4-310f-4af8-b5a9-ac90466440e3.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12725674

I've been trying to find online, since 2017, a short film called Good Choice, directed by Robin Comisar, that premiered at the 2017 Cannes Festival and I still haven't been able to. It stars Carrie Coon, who sees herself trapped in a 90's VHS vintage style Red Lobster TV commercial, in a sort of a infinite time-loop à la SCP-1733 (look it up). The reason I haven't been able to find it online is because the director actively doesn't want to put it out there and it was only screened at a few selected festivals in North America and Europe. I even messaged him a year ago through Instagram to encourage him to screen it at the Santiago de Chile's International Short Film Festival, but I got no response from him. So I know this short film is literally non-existent online but today I continued my biannual ritual of looking for it anyways. I read the YouTube comments (that at this point I've almost memorized) of the short's trailer and noticed that in a thread where someone had asked where to find the short film there was a new response that simply said 'google eyeslicer halloween". I did exactly that and I discovered The Eyeslicer, a self-proclaimed "secret" TV show that in reality wasn't a TV show because it wasn't ever aired on TV. Instead, it was screened in a few locations in the United States in the 2017-2018 period, and was also available online if you lived in the US (or just used a VPN) and had a secret code (which isn't as much of a secret code since the show's creator wrote an article for NoFilmSchool that literally gives away the code). Given that, I could watch the show right now in it's entirety: one season of 10 episodes, each one being about an hour long and consisting of multiple fairly obscure and weird short films. What has this show to do with Carrie Coon's short? (cont. next post)

>> No.12725685
File: 226 KB, 632x960, original-44611078_2135641923342735_3123420176087777280_n.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12725685

>>12725674
Well, it turns out that the show has a Halloween Special episode that was screened last year around Halloween and was also available for online streaming in Vimeo (for US$10) but only from October 28 to 31, then the link self-destructed (the show creator wanted it that way, apparently he actively wants as few people as possible to see it) and it was effectively erased from the internet. The thing is, one of the shorts contained in this Halloween Special is Good Choice, the short of my main interest. I've tried looking for this Halloween episode everywhere online but it's so obscure no one even talks about it (except for that YouTube comment and a few specialized magazines' articles). In this search I came across the option to purchase, from the show's creators, a physical edition (a VHS tape) of the Halloween Special, costing $25 + $5 delivery + taxes ONLY inside the US. They don't send it anywhere else. There's still ways I can get it (the Chilean postal service has an US address that you can use, but it costs extra money), but I don't even know if I can trust the show's creators, maybe they won't even bother to send it, maybe there's no more tapes but the store is still up saying there are. So far I think is well worth it, even if it's just for that goddamned 7 minute short. What do you guys think?

>> No.12726086

will this make people mad?

>group of characters survive for months together in the wilderness
>after an argument, the youngest members of the group, all of whom are brilliant and normally competent split off on their first unsupervised expedition
>without fail, every one of them screws up their job
>the rations guy ends up using their hard tack as breadcrumbs
>the power guy accidentally sets their fuel source on fire
>the navigator gets them hopelessly lost
>their interpreter gets them nearly murdered

>> No.12726126

dostoevsky good

>> No.12726181

>>12719501
Been there. Those exact thoughts too. Your mind is in a state of delusion, I bet that you want to kill yourself but at the same time your mind rushes through dozens of different absurd plans to save your life, probably shit like traveling 10,000 miles away, becoming a musician, I don't know, everyone's different in that regard and I don't know what are your problems specifically. Even that deep in the hole your mind is fighting for your not to die. That state of delusion is not permanent, your mind's gonna go back to normal and you'll start to feel more relaxed and have down-to-earth plans, then things will have a chance to get better. So yeah here's my final generic advice: hold on, bro.

>> No.12726332

Thoughts and feelings.

>> No.12726384

For all the shit we give this site, I couldn't be happier that I came here. I went from being a shut-in loser to someone that commands some level of respect. I learned that self-improvement, in any sense of it, is one of the greatest virtues in this world. It allowed me to grab my current girlfriend and give myself to her. Years of introspection has formed a piece of mind and I am beginning to accept things for what they are so I can forgive. I don't plan to know it all or even know how my life will end up but the thought of the future doesn't scare me as much as it used to. Learn to control ylur state of mind and the rest will follow accordingly.

>> No.12726436

>>12725674
>>12725685
You've done the right thing by pursuing something in which you found a secret meaning. The skills you employed to find the short are not rare, but rarely used. Most people are happy with what them; not what they find. I don't think it matters what the film is like, but I think you need to buy it. How can you take the road as far as you have, and stop short of completion?

I'd be interested to hear what it is that this Comisar guy is so intent on not exposing to the greater world. A sentiment which he would either regard with great scorn, or maybe the reason why he keeps his works so scarce.

>> No.12726639

>>12725272
I’m obviously trying to write here as well.
I’m not like the people I spend time with. Whether they’re that low or living a /lit/ lifestyle as a modern day philosopher (ie mathematician). But these are people too. They’re not happy. It’s really depressing.

Poverty is like a hereditary disease. If you spent your entire life like that then you don’t see a way out

>> No.12726658
File: 2.20 MB, 1841x2795, 1537734384968.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12726658

>>12723352
Fuck it, if nothing happens to change my mind during these next few days, I'm inviting her to a date on friday. It's time to stop living in fear.

>>12725685
Hvae you tried visting the vimeo url through wayback machine?

>> No.12726807

>>12725114
Shame that you two broke up, sounds like you guys deserved each other

>> No.12726965

>>12726658
Yes, it was not achieved.

>> No.12726972

>>12721695
>love, acceptance, validation, connection, understanding
>obsessing over a placeholder
>death headache
>exhaustion over a emotional symbol
I want this guy to be my councillor. He gets my grief. I'm aware of attachments in the buddhist sense, the inherent suffering in love, and the necessity of mindfulness and meditation to bring me back to a stoic-like centre, a psychological resilient being. But my rational being, my ego is filled with anger and sadness and lust and fear. It is exactly like a trauma. That is a perfect expression for this profound sense of loss I have. And it makes me realise even more that I don't think I've ever said anything sincere about these feelings of acceptance and love she gave me. I never attempted to understand her value, I never saw how much she meant to me. And now she's gone, but I feel strangely grateful because I now know what I need in my life beyond sex. Thanks, Dr. Anon.

>> No.12726988

>>12726972
Just fucking read DFW already you pothead retard.

>> No.12727016

After years of mocking anime watchers I have become one myself. My life is really depressing right now and I need to fill 14 waking hours somehow. Ideally I'd be writing or painting or something but I can't do that for more than a couple hours and I'm pretty disillusioned with the activity anyway.

>> No.12727026

>>12726988
thomas pynchon lite

>> No.12727029

>>12719459
>400 years of detoxing
amen brother

>> No.12727041

>>12727026
Technically that's a compliment.

>> No.12727047
File: 103 KB, 800x850, normie pepe.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12727047

>>12727041
technically you´re a moron

>> No.12727121

I'm on the edge
Just looking over
Scared to start falling

>> No.12727274

Every day my urge to be more creative grows stronger. I write regularly, but I feel it's not enough. I want to finish a story or put some of it out there for an audience. At the same time I want to learn how to draw and design. I want to start a podcast or do a zine or play in a band, be some sort of inspirational person. It's all too much and I don't know where to start. I wish I had friends I could bully into being creative with me.

>> No.12727292

>>12727274
Start doing something, anon, anything, and keep doing it.
Most of the time we can go back on a decision, even if there's consequences; Indecision, however, can last you a lifetime.

>> No.12727295
File: 50 KB, 480x360, marx and engels.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12727295

>>12727016
The only anime I have watched is the Leader, and it sucked.

>> No.12727312
File: 105 KB, 1280x1280, yang pill.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12727312

God, I so fucking want Yang to be president now. I could make $1,000 a month work. I don't even need much.

>> No.12727542

>>12727292
You're right anon. Would you happen to have an idea on how to get started? I think the first step is the most difficult for me. Things should be flowing after.

>> No.12727684

Got my first therapist visit coming up in a week, actually feeling optimistic about it. Not sure if it can help the situation in my life, but at least I can get a lot of stuff off of my cheat

>> No.12727689

>>12727542
Not that guy, but I'm in a similar state as you. After years of noodling around with music I've finally committed to just writing/recording something every day, and uploading anything remotely decent on soundcloud. I've only been doing it for a few weeks, but it already feels great. Even if I never get an audience, just putting stuff out there feels good. I decided to just use the tools/knowledge I already have, not daydream over what I could do if I just had [whatever gear/skill/etc]. I think that approach has really helped me. Start with where you're at: what do you want to create and what can you create with what you have right now. And keep challenging yourself, find ways to improve constantly. There are a ton of artists who practice their art for years and never improve. Also see projects through to completion, even if you don't like them you'll still learn more from it. Last thing, immerse yourself in art that's similar to what you're trying to do, helps keep fresh ideas coming in. Basically just keep putting in time and pushing yourself, even when you don't want to.

>> No.12727842

The summer of last year was when something extremely unexpected started to happen and started to happen for the worse. It was like a halt in my and what I enjoyed doing, what I loved in my life. I didn't want to do anything as the problem got worse but I realized I was paying more attention and wasting energy on something that never deserved it.
Since then I have taken up the things I use to do bit by bit and god damn anything that tries to stop me from living again.

>> No.12727846

>>12717970
I'll never go back to a public library.

>> No.12727900

>>12717970
the difference between educating and proselytizing

>> No.12728180

>>12719459
Didn't know you had access to the internet in prison Ted.

>> No.12728281
File: 75 KB, 600x545, 1549912345857.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12728281

Painted my nails with a clear coat polish tonight. Not sure why, I impulse bought the materials a couple of days ago. I used to have panic attacks imagining anything feminine happening to my body (wearing makeup, dresses, nail polish) and had tics to wipe my hands off in case any of it touched my body by accident. Ended up on SSRIs for OCD for a good part of a decade because of it, among other things. It seems childish to do something so vain and effeminate as painting my nails, but the fact that I was able to do it means that I've come so far since then and now that I think about it, it's a hard won victory that I have had very few of the likes of in my life. I think that I can say that perhaps I've recovered from my previous mental illness now

>> No.12728297

These threads are the same as letter threads

>> No.12728489

>>12724506
*dabs on your corpse because my burns were too hot for you*
(;

>> No.12728497

I wish 4chan would implement quote features, emoticons, signatures, avatars, and favoriting posts. Come on, it's 2019. Most forums have this shit except this one.

>> No.12728513

>>12728497
>Come on, it's 2019. Most forums have this shit except this one.
You are in the wrong place.

>> No.12728514 [DELETED] 

If a genie appeared before me, my 4 quishes would be "to eat space" big, and maximum romanctic powers for 100 harem

>> No.12728669

Do I have something to work hard for?

>> No.12728677

>>12728669
Yes.
Me :)

>> No.12728679

>>12728677
What is it? I can't find it.

>> No.12728683

>>12728679
Right here bby. Now get on your knees and work your magic.

>> No.12728692

Wow, these threads used to be so comfy. My bad for thinking it would stay the same.

>> No.12728888

>>12728692
What makes you uncomfortable?

>> No.12728907

>>12728888
le ebin trolls xd
nice quads

>> No.12728911

>>12728907
Set a goal in your life.

>> No.12728915
File: 15 KB, 300x250, star wars.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12728915

I found a program from 2016. I downloaded it and I'm rewriting it because it's full of errors and lag. Should I send the program to the original guy when I fix it or would that be seen as bragging?
Personally, I don't think it matters because it looks like it was written by someone on their first day of programming so maybe they'll be happy that they provided a nice skeleton to work on. Maybe they'll be glad someone finished what they made in a day or something.
I wish I knew the courtesy in this case.

>> No.12728932

Vitalism is an inherent truth of existence itself but filthy biologists won’t admit it. I will make them

>> No.12728988

>>12728911
That's the point I'm having trouble with. Money? I'll probably win more money than most people by the time I'm done with my studies, yet I have no particular interest in money or being high-class. Women? I'm good looking but with a non approachable personality and I don't care enough to go out of the way to fake another personality; I can always masturbate or hire prostitutes for my sexual needs. Recognition? No thanks, not interested. Enlightenment? Sure, I'd like that but too bad the community is full of pretentious little fuckers. Power? Refer to the money section.
Did I leave something out?

>> No.12728990

>>12728932
VIRII ARE MADE OF PROTEINS AND ORGANIC MATERIAL, organic.
Organic means it derived from living matter.
Yet scientists say they're not alive because they don't share "cell structures" something that binds all life on this planet together.
So, are virii from Earth? What narcissism that humanity would assume all life throughout the universe contains similar cellular structuring.
I've gone into in-depth research on aliens and I have decided that humanity will perish before any form of intelligent life interacts with us. But unintelligent life, there's a huge frontier for how they can potentially be in contact with Earth. Unlike earth life which is greatly dependent on containing water within our cells, virii don't subsist themselves with as much water, by far. But rather by being in a wet atmosphere. A virus will die if it's not in water.
I forgot what this had to do with your post. But anyway, I equate the theory that life began with just lightning and underwater thermal vents alike to making a sandwich by throwing ingredients into a blender. Also don't quote me when I say virii are aliens I don't actually know.
But life, life is, exactly this: molecules with the ability to change other molecules into different molecules. That's it. That's all that life is. Like fire, plasma, combustion, heat and light giving off energy , but made of water. An enigma.

>> No.12729319

>>12727689
Thanks anon, I'll screencap this for further motivation.

>There are a ton of artists who practice their art for years and never improve
I'm scared of this happening to me. I like my writing well enough but I have no idea if I'm actually improving. Same with my music: I played the guitar sporadically and finally buckled down to practise properly, but I'm mostly playing the same songs over and over. If they're heavier on the electric guitar part I can't even tell sometimes if I'm getting it down correctly.

What kind of music are you producing?

>> No.12729442

>>12728915
Check the licensing, if you are only using the software for yourself, giving the author your version is up to you. If as you say it was a poorly written piece of software, it could just be a quick 'n dirty job to get the job done, so the author might not even care.

If it is from a public repo on github or the like with a GPL/MIT style license, and you think others might benefit from your work, then go ahead and publish your code.

>> No.12729445

>>12728988
You sound like me, only richer and better looking.

>> No.12729595

The thought of telling my sisters about my mental health issues just served to exacerbate it. I feared they would reject it under the pretense of self-diagnostic inaccuracy, being neurotic or psychotic due to recent events or being too mentally handicapped to think straight.

Fear started up again. This was more than just a feeling as is commonly thought of when referring to something like Fear. It had a form, a shape, an existince of its own. It was a being, while a subset of me, still distinct in its own right. Yet it lived only in the dark recesses of my subconscious, along with many other creatures.

Fear, like any emotion, can get loud if left untouched. For the next two or three hours, this fear grew in to Anxiety. Anxiety that is intertwined with past memories, each memory leading to the next, which just feeds back in to the Anxiety. Like a ship trying to steer its way out of a whirlpool, I was caught in the cycle of Fear.

As before, the memories also stirred up Rage. Rage has grown impatient with Anxiety. Anxiety never does anything, it just sits there and makes noise, getting louder and louder. Rage doesn't like being disturbed, it wanted a good reason. All I could do was chant the mantra that this is just a misunderstanding.

Yet as I did this, something amazing happened. As reinforced that there was a misunderstanding, Rage realized this too. Rage then turned its attention away from me and towards Anxiety, and for a lack of a better way of describing it, punched some sense in to Anxiety. An electric tingling sensation spread from the top of my head, down the right side of my body towards my limps, fading at the last joint. The entire sequence was mirrored by me angrily shaking off this sensation as it spread in one switch continuous movement, lasting only a fraction of a second.

I hadn't realized how much I lost touch with reality. All my senses came flowing back, the room I was standing in, sight and sound all returned as if they had always been there, only the sudden vividness of change of the immediate past holding any clue as to what happened.

In some way, the Rage that I have been fighting and suppressing for years has been the one to save me from the vicious cycle of implosion.

I never liked Rage, in a way it is against my nature.

But I can't help but think that my desire to be agreeable has caused me to put others above myself for too long, and now Rage is consuming me because no one else is ever putting themselves above me, and I can no longer can bear this.

So, any books for not being a pushover while not trying to smash people's faces in with a brick?

>> No.12729601

>>12729595
>in one switch continuous movement
>switch
swift*

>> No.12729605

>>12729595
>limps
limbs*

>> No.12729824

I enjoy going out every night except Saturday. Fuck Saturday. The other days I do fine for myself; and I can talk more or less autism-free. Everyone goes out looking good on Saturday and it pisses me off. Even when I look good too, I know that everyone is looking for specific things, myself included, but as soon as I feel that expectation, I Underground man instantly. I don’t even know if I want a book for this feel. I just want it to stop.

>> No.12730512

>>12729445
I'm probably not richer than you atm anon, but I'm going to have a high paying job after finishing uni.

>> No.12730537

>>12730512
I live in a third world country and don't have any tertiary education, and am currently unemployed.

>> No.12730541

>>12730537
I'm also in a third world country anon, and I only have enough money to pay for commuting to uni and two dollar food made by immigrants or vegans.

>> No.12730548

>>12730541
Ok you win, for now...

But mark my words, when you finish uni and get that job I'll be the poorest sucker between the two of us!

>> No.12730573

>>12730548
At least we'll both miserable people posting in a thai ladyboy peer-support forum.

>> No.12730577

>>12730573
I wouldn't have it any other way.

>> No.12730624

>>12730573
>>12730577
Anyway, memeposting aside, just suck it up and bank that money. Don't spend it, save it.

If you are smart and you can retire by the time you are 40 by living only through what is necessary you will have liberated yourself from the drudgery of money for the rest of your life.

If you really don't care about money then you should guard it, because other people care about money and they will fuck you over for it. Love or hate money, you can't ignore it.

t, dumbass who wasted youth being a dumbass

>> No.12730831

>>12730624
>Don't spend it, save it.
Yeah, that's my plan. I'll probably get a cheap car and a nice property for my parents and then live cheap.

>> No.12730867
File: 77 KB, 750x750, 1550623621168.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12730867

Fell for the religion meme. Trusted my future to the church and the moment I second guessed them I got kicked to the curb without anything to show for it. I shouldn't have trusted my parents, I thought I was being such a nonconformist by doing that. Don't ever trust anyone who tells you you don't need to be self sufficient or confident in your own self-efficacy, they don't have your best interests in mind. And anyone who wants to control the information you can access believes themselves to be your master.

Now I have to start to rebuild my life from basically nothing, no connections, no assets, no capital, no family. Wasted my whole life chasing ghosts and now I'm faced with a rude awakening without any marketable skills or confidence in my ability to survive

>> No.12730882

>>12730831
I feel like posting one of those thumbs up emoticons like the faggot I am.

Save up hard bro, and don't keep it all in the bank, diversify.

>> No.12730888

>>12730867
You own yourself, never apologize for that, and wear it with pride.

The price may be high, but Godspeed anon, it is a price worth paying.

>> No.12730907

hunter hunter
sitting by the fire
gorge on my blood
cut out my heart
that will never tire
relish in the flesh
that was bestowed you
by thy strong hand
let it flow
warm and crimson
between your teeth
let it woo you
in this winter`s night
and when it freezes
dry at last
a boon! a glove of ruby
cast bronze for a hero!
then hear my whisper

hunter hunter
sitting by the fire
look me in the eyes
and remember
how you forgot
to sustain the fire
and in the darkness know
your screams will be my lyre
and your precious meal
shall be your funeral pyre

>> No.12730925

>>12724380
Why would you break it off with a chaste girl just to get with someone who is very probably not a virgin, or at least planning to lose it before marriage? You answered your own question. If you care about chastity and faith, cherish it in others. If your actions don't match your beliefs, at least one of them is shaky.

>> No.12730936

>>12730867
fuck churches. they're almost all cults. (some of the quakers are nice tho)

>> No.12730947

>>12728281
more guys should paint their nails. it looks good, embrace it

>> No.12730956

>>12727312
i live comfortably on $700 a month. 1000 would be like a weekend getaway every month, or a paid vacation once a year

>> No.12730980

marge deepthroating homer, call that a couch gag

>> No.12731038

I don't know how to feel. Every emotion I elicit stems from some mechanical response to a situation instinctually memorized through years of analyzing what was expected of me. The closest I get to feeling anything is frustration when attempting to understand my own shortcoming. I have become quite adept at masking the truth, to the extent that this hollow portrayal of a self has not affected any of my relationships, but I feel as though a door is closing. My opportunity to collect the knowledge required to experience the true human condition is almost beyond me, and though to some extent this does frighten me, it is only because I know it should. There is no gut wrenching terror, no irrational thought process that makes this feel imperative. Just a desire to feel included in the various social groups I have involved myself in.

>> No.12731052

>>12721632
that woman is actually right, people who keep their property on public roads are perpetrators, not victims.

>> No.12731085
File: 17 KB, 500x375, 1527618844079.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12731085

When I was a kid, something would happen to me: After masturbating, I'd feel bad for it. "It's dirty. It's not productive. It's not worthy"; Every time, I'd swear it would be the last, then come night again, I'd be fapping myself to sleep one more time.
Now every time I do coke, I repeat the same words. "I should quit. It ain't worth it". Time sures fly by

>> No.12731089

>>12725249
If you brandish a testament of your imagination and it fails to garner attention, what do you think the reason is? Read more, and keep at it. It’s a skill that requires development.

>> No.12731470

>>12731038
Homie, write a book. I love your prose

>> No.12731584

Just finished my last uni break ever. Feels bad man.

>> No.12731898

>>12731470
Thanks, bud. Maybe I will.

>> No.12732029

Move over >>>12732023

>> No.12732074

>>12729319
I'm far from being any kind of master, this are things I've learned from others so I feel justified in sharing it. I'm glad it could help.

That's where challenging yourself comes in. Ask yourself: what am I bad at? Practice that until you're good at it. For example, I've seen artists who always draw characters with their hands behind their back, because they never got good at drawing hands. Or with practicing the guitar, branch out and try to learn something in a genre you wouldn't normally be interested in, or skill you haven't learned like scales, music theory, etc. Or with the songs you're already playing, find the parts you're bad at and bring them down to a level where you can play them correctly. Take off all the effects, bring the tempo way down, whatever you have to take away to play it correctly. This video kind of shows what I'm talking about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BG0htP1bp4 He's talking about a piano piece, but the concept is the same: bring it to a manageable point and work your way up from there. It also really helps to listen to someone playing the song right if that's an option. I imagine you can apply all this to writing, drawing, painting, whatever too.

I'll also add, persistence helps. There are times when you feel you are making any progress, just going in circles, but eventually it falls into place if you keep going.

I'm making electronic/ambient kind of stuff, experimenting, finding exactly what I'm really trying to do. What kind of writing are you doing?

>> No.12732134
File: 29 KB, 657x527, 1549833216366.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12732134

>>12724380
>asking for relation ship advice on a maledivian sugar-refining forum

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