Write whats on your mind

[Anonymous No.12610652]

The other one is autosaging on page 10, so I'll make a new thread for this.

[Anonymous No.12610667]

Pray.

[Anonymous No.12610673]

I was gonna make a thread here about something, but as I was typing it I kind of just... had trouble knowing what I was even trying to ask and ended up doing something like a free-write see for yourself if you'd be assed, granted I doubt it makes sense and I haven't read it at all.
Still, posting it here gives me the mental excuse that I actually did something.
========================

Can you really not engage in fantasy while writing? Is it really not possible to write a fictional female character you have heavily romanticized well? Somehow, to realize I need writing to live, I have reached a point where shame and art meet. I'm uncertain. The character I kept from writing. Have I made her uninteresting out of fear? I feel an urge to write something I don't want to. Something sad and shameful, to counter manifold voices within the chamber of my skull. I fight with myself to see what is necessary for my art to live, for my mind to live, but yet one may destroy the other or both together could destroy both together. To see, then, what happens if jot it down, its been so long since I've free-written anything, but jot it down and to see what passions the mind to pen words upon words upon words contradictions endless like Escher stairs winding around until drunk and puking. I could write what I feel, perhaps, but would it be captured true to my inner word, or would the outer word require such shames as revisions and reactions? Maybe for now I can lose myself rambling. Yet its not enough and through it, I enter avoidance. Perhaps. When red the light walks, when green the sign goes, I could be lost in mazes with no signage delving deeper into insanity. Deeper into a space between, impossibly between, the air and the brain folded down into reaches impassable, unjourneyable by anyone lest it be jotted down and there find answers. Maybe what I need to do is look into my mind, that thing I thought perhaps ruined and unforgivable, and see what shows up from there. Then I could present it, then I could discuss it and meet people. How did I forget? I don't think I can survive entirely unless I try to write. No matter how poorly I write or what I write, something in me needs to write. Its a strange thing. Perhaps I make it up, but that's a typical thought for me to say I make things up in my head.

[Anonymous No.12610679]

>>12610673
>Block of meaningless text with no formatting
D-don't actually read my post though. Uh...

[Anonymous No.12610730]

I fear pornography is ruining my ability to get an erection and the quality of my orgasms.

[Anonymous No.12610736]

gf lives an hour away and I can't see her for another week and a half I just want to my penis inside her pussy so fucking badly omfg

[Anonymous No.12610744]

the future will just bring misery

[Anonymous No.12610756]

>>12610730
People talk about the effect it has on the erect penis but forget to mention how it ruins the ability to fully contract when flaccid.

[Anonymous No.12610763]

>>12610736
carnal and unascended

[Anonymous No.12610777]

I'm 23, never had a gf, don't have a job, have chronic anxiety, and am afraid to pursue anything. I want to write but don't read, I want to produce music but can only make rap instrumentals which doesn't allow me to express myself artistically, and I want a good job while also having complete disdain for corporate servants and the system in general. I have epiphany after epiphany only to resort to my old ways the very next day. I'm self-conscious at all times and can't take my mind off my heartbeat and breathing without working myself into full blown panic attacks. I'm lonely yet antisocial and I'm stubborn yet neurotic. I'm coming to realize that I may be one of the billions of people to have lived that may be considered a total and utter failure.

[Anonymous No.12610785]

>>12610777
You re your own worst enemy.

[Anonymous No.12610790]

>>12610777
>I may be one of the billions of people to have lived that may be considered a total and utter failure.
Bitch yain't special.

[Anonymous No.12610803]

>>12610679
Maybe I'll reduce it to this part I guess. I'll try to kinda half format it in spite of it being this weird free-write-y thing
-------------
I feel an urge to write something I don't want to. Something sad and shameful, to counter manifold voices within the chamber of my skull. I fight with myself to see what is necessary for my art to live, for my mind to live, but yet one may destroy the other or both together could destroy both together.

To see, then, what happens if jot it down
To jot it down and see what passions the mind to pen words upon words upon words contradictions endless like Escher stairs winding around drunk, puking.

I could write what I feel, perhaps, but would it be captured true to my inner word, or would the outer word require such shames as revisions and reactions? Maybe for now I can lose myself rambling. Yet its not enough and through it, I enter avoidance. Perhaps.

When red the light walks, when green the sign goes, I could be lost in mazes with no signage delving deeper into insanity.

Deeper into a space between, impossibly between, the air and the brain folded down into reaches impassable, unjourneyable by anyone lest it be jotted down and there find answers.

Maybe what I need to do is look into my mind, that thing I thought perhaps ruined and unforgivable, and see what shows up from there.

[Anonymous No.12610805]

>>12610803
(I still don't pretend its usable)

[Anonymous No.12610816]

I just had a 9 hour nap that started pre-noon.
Feels pretty good, but my pet is starving and thought it was nighttime the entire time I was asleep and didn't rouse me back to the waking world like he normally does when I pass out midday like this.
He's eating now though.

[Anonymous No.12610846]

I just don't know anymore, anons.

[Anonymous No.12610859]

I wish I had the courage to wear a bright pink strap-on in public

[Anonymous No.12610861]

>>12610652
I fear that I can't come up with an edgy descriptor for how this choir looks for my blind church friend. Any help anons??

[Anonymous No.12610866]

>>12610861
for how this choir screen looks****

[Anonymous No.12610868]

I'm on the cusp of youth and have to make the decision of what I want to do for a living, and who I want to be. The only problem is that the only consistent desire and dream I have for my life, is to one day own a cabin in the mountains and live a technologically independent lifestyle

[Anonymous No.12610875]

>>12610785
I know, but I can't help it. I try to change but can't. How can i enjoy life when I don't even know what I want?

[Anonymous No.12610925]

>>12610652
My dream is to have a son who will have so many more opportunities than I had growing up. But my only career dream is to teach high school math, which doesn’t pay much, I know. It would just be nice to have the money to send my kid to a private school, pay for music lessons, etc. Then again, I never had all that and I turned out pretty well academically, though my work ethic, social development, and athletic opportunities are poor in comparison. So maybe I don’t need all that money, anyway. I’m a frugal person, anyway, but still... it would be nice if my wife didn’t have to work. Throughout high school I felt that I was attractive and famous partly because of how I stood out academically, qualities that indicate future wealth and success. Will the same girl that liked me senior year, who I never dated due to circumstances, still like me, knowing that my intelligence won’t actually grant me financial excellence, also? I could probably land a nice career with the path I’m on now, but teaching is just natural, and it’s the only thing I can imagine myself do. Every day I imagine raising my child, and explaining concepts of calculus to my first class as a teacher. “I’ll be a really good teacher,” I think to myself, “they will surely love me, and come to like math, and not fear it.” Oh, God, whatever happens, let me be happy.

[Anonymous No.12610930]

>>12610925
>my only career dream is to teach high school math

why do the most worthless slugs who arent even good at math aspire to this bullshit?

[Anonymous No.12610934]

>>12610925

You should also keep in mind that your progeny may not even want what you never had.

[Anonymous No.12610935]

i want to kill myself

[Anonymous No.12610955]

>>12610861
It looks like a jail cell

[Anonymous No.12610964]

It is a Saturday night and I feel like divulging into sin but I am just feeling "eh not really worth it". I was looking at some smutty stuff last night that used to interest me years ago and I just didn't feel for it. It is on my mind a lot but every time I feel like doing it I just don't think it is worth it. Is this noteworthy at all? I feel like I've been doing really good and have been rewarded for not giving into temptations.
I also really like tall women. I think they are cute.

[Anonymous No.12610973]

Is it inherently bad to have a female character in a story you are writing be your 'type' romantically and have that character interact with one of the main characters (and the conversation may or not be intended to simulate some dumb argument going on in your head)?
If the romanticized character isn't in a relationship with the main character in question, i-its fine h-haha... yeah... I think...

[Anonymous No.12610979]

>>12610973
as long as is it fits in the story and isnt too blatantly o0obvious of a self insert

[Anonymous No.12610987]

I'm too morbid.
I physically cannot write a story without killing off over half of the cast.
Now I'm listening to music about suicide.

[Anonymous No.12610995]

>>12610930
Why do you assume I’m not good at math?
>>12610934
Giving your child the opportunity to anything he wants is objectively the best thing you can do. He can work at McDonald’s for all I care, but I would hate to raise him in such a way that he desires to do something that would have required some experience growing up. That doesn’t mean I’ll force him to do things he doesn’t want to do, only that I don’t want him to ever think that he isn’t able to achieve something because I didn’t allow him the opportunity.

[Anonymous No.12611021]

>>12610979
I'll keep that in mind
>Typo so bad, I'm not sure if its even a typo?

[Anonymous No.12611033]

>>12610652
I live to rape, I rape to live.

[Anonymous No.12611038]

>>12610987
If you go too long on morbid sessions like that (binging horror, thriller or gory films/shows, reading about suicide or death, ghosts, abandoned places...), you start feeling off, least that's what happens for me. Gives me anxiety or something and I just feel generally gross(? hard to explain) afterwards .
Might wanna back off for a bit if you're thinking you feel too morbid.

[Anonymous No.12611039]

I have been getting into poetry and writing some of my own. The style is simple so far, but I like some of what I am writing. My two biggest influences are Dickinson and Frost, but I am continuing to branch out.

Today, I thought I would take a look to see what is heralded as great poetry of our time. A quick google search lead me to this link

https://www.newyorker.com/culture/2017-in-review/our-year-in-poems

I don't like it. Most of the poems are inaccessible and written in a form that looks intentionally confusing. I keep trying to get the meaning out of them, but the only ones I reach are the ham-fisted political ones.

Yes, it has crossed my mind that since I am new to this art I may not 'get' this take on poetry. If I am ignorant, please clear it up for me. My grievance is that while the ones from Frost and Dickinson take effort on the reader's part to comprehend, the meaning is more straightforward. I feel like they were able to write something that could connect with many different readers, and not just other poets.

I did like this one from the link though:

To the oldest I’m a novice.

“These seventy-five-year-olds,
they think they know everything,”
says Cousin Leo. He’s ninety.

Who thinks, Leo? Who knows?

[Anonymous No.12611070]

I’m a 17yo male and Ive realized my life is empty. I’ve watched the years go by doing nothing while Everyone else has gone out to parties, made friends (even the nerds have each other), participated in clubs, gotten into relationships, etc. I’ve always wanted to do stuff like this but i never know when to take the initiative. I guess I’m just a nervous wreck whose too lazy to do anything beyond the academic agenda my parents have pushed on me. Being an only child just makes the loneliness last longer. Im so bored of my life, yet I’m too scared to actually do something to change that. Why the hell am I like this.

[Anonymous No.12611088]

>>12611070
This book will lead you on the right path.

[Anonymous No.12611093]

>>12610875
Reduce your sexual frequency.

[Anonymous No.12611100]

>>12611038
>Might wanna back off for a bit if you're thinking you feel too morbid.
Would've been better advice when I were a kid. My father raised me on watching a lot of horror and then eventually real videos of animals being gutted up. He claimed it's good because he has a distaste for the world and hates everyone. I didn't inherent those beliefs but I still watch a lot of horror and browse forums on gore since it's just my regular entertainment.
The issue is I want to write books for kids. I think they're cute and I want to write something that says "even if you feel alone in the world, there's always hope" but then I just can't stop thinking about killing everyone in my book that wrongs my main character.

[Anonymous No.12611108]

>>12611070
high school was the worst four years of my life and I felt exactly like this. I am 28 and have been very happy with my life ever since college. You haven't missed out on anything important.

[Anonymous No.12611114]

Laura should have married """Carmilla""". How often does a beautiful ageless woman come into your life and wish to be with you even in death?

[Anonymous No.12611121]

>>12611070
>tfw I lived out my highschool years being an influential guide for certain special-class runs on a mmorpg
No regrets.

[Anonymous No.12611126]

>>12611114
I've been wanting to read this book for the longest but I forgot the name of it. Thanks for reminding me.

[Anonymous No.12611131]

>>12611088
Thanks man. The summary looks pretty deep

[Anonymous No.12611151]

i had a nervous breakdown after a few years of severe depression and alcohol/drug abuse, and moved to another state, where i've been sober and on an antidepressant and staying with my grandparents and saving money for the last half-year

as summertime comes, i'll have enough to get an apartment with several months paid upfront and go to school for a bachelors

i know that's be the rational way to go about things, but goddamn i just keep thinking about running off and around to different cities to see if anywhere clicks and seems right for me

i loathe the desert and arizona, man
cheap coke, though.
maybe i'll feel better if i achieve a sense of community and find a social circle? but that also feels kind of overrated to me, too. I really do want to focus on an education, just so i can do more than just work in restaurants

i feel the best in overcast, rainy weather, and i've been told the PNW is perfect for that, but no clue where to check first, it all seems so expensive and filled with fake folk, but i guess everyone is fake everywhere, eh

so yeah, i don't think i'll ever be content, but maybe that's just a very human thing?

sweet therapy session, thanks doc

[Anonymous No.12611152]

>>12611108
How did college change you for the better? What experiences did you have going into it

[Anonymous No.12611180]

>>12611152
i went to a college that no one else in my high school went to, so it felt like I had a fresh start. It allowed me to find myself and be who I was. Without being burdened with a reputation, I felt like I was free to meet new people and make friends. You have a new beginning close in front of you. College presents a wide range of people and ideas, you just need to go out and find yours.

[Anonymous No.12611261]

quickwrite - (10 min. write, 5min. edit)


There is a window in my house that I've never opened. It's a ceiling window at the top of a winding staircase. The staircase, only 46 steps. I have been up and down the staircase over 100 times. I'm sure of it. And yet, not once, have I ever opened the ceiling window. On most days, the sun shines softly through the window. If you stand at the bottom of the steps in the center under the window and look up, you can see the dust particles floating in mid air. Once, I stood there for 5 minutes and not one fell down. Once I stood there for 10 minutes, and not one bumped another. Even the gray, stony steps, are illuminated by the sun's radiant light.

[Anonymous No.12611406]

>>12611180
Thanks. I’ll look forward to it

[Anonymous No.12611418]

>>12611100
That's kinda fucked up
Also what the fuck how did your father even breed jesus christ

[Anonymous No.12611421]

>>12611100
You must be making this up for a story or something so you can think as your character or something...

[Anonymous No.12611422]

>>12610861
anons pls

[Anonymous No.12611529]

>>12611421
No. My characters are normal people who lack interesting traits. Think of a "Nick Carraway" type or maybe Ishmael. I find the most interesting characters (in my opinion) to be the observer rather than the active force of the plot.
Believe me, I find him an embarrassment considering he would not stop complaining about Mexicans and how much he hates women at the dinnertable and then prides himself in being a sociopath because he thinks it's trendy. My mother said their marriage was a mistake but I think I turned out fine though my upbringing was tumultuous at best. Sometimes I wonder if he browses stormfront though I doubt it since he's too disgusted to interact with people on the internet and prefers to watch an array of "How to survive America in the case of an apocalypse" type vids.
Sometimes I want to post in the shelf threads but I don't want to show them how many apocalyptic survival guides I inherited because it makes me cringe.

[Anonymous No.12611671]

Damned if I be. The closest door to me rings with the past four years of mulling over dead text and images rotting behind the paper, and I can smell fear seeping through the window to my right, it enters through the sill. The moon is telling me in a whisper about a night three weeks prior when she peeked through the gap in the curtains and saw me there writhing on the floor, swatting away at figure unseen to the rest of the world. She cried this time, which is a relief, because I've long been waiting to see pain seep from her brilliant glow. The scent of dust, old skin from the times I was comatose, rendering strange shapes with my body in the darkness of my tomb to be. I gave thanks to the ghost which used me. It had not felt what we feel in a very long time. I sit and I pray hoping for its return, that it may carry me to its stomping ground, I'd like that. Cake for mass, the putrid stench of old cunt. Blind eye moving towards my waistline where I've slipped up my shirt to reveal black pubic hair. I can sense the moisture building up and running down her pock marked, sore ridden inner thigh. Perhaps I should take her home. Steel wool would clean her up.
But I think not. The time is right, too many shifts in perception, and I must continue with my transformation. I only wish to breathe and feel it. I only wish to cry and laugh in a fit of hysteria as i bang on the walls which surround me, howling for all who can hear, to wake up. WAKE UP. There is no reason for this slumber, I will show you reason for slumber! Follow me! In these same shoes if you will! But you won't, it is not possible. This makes me sick, so sick as to eat it up after the expulsion of poisons and fetid meat. Everything smells of fear and rot. Everything feels of swelling and hardening. The flesh turning rough, as if it's been overcooked by the sun. Turning candy and bubbling as sugar would in a hot pan. Blistering fucking misery, dulled by the body's defenses. I'll be damned.

[Anonymous No.12611691]

I had a good night with a girl recently and ended up sleeping with her in her bed cuddled up all night but no sex. That was last Sunday night. I really want to see her again but I'm not really sure what's going on with her. I asked her for drinks on Valentine's and got ignored. Should I try again soon or wait a little while, like another week maybe?

[Anonymous No.12611862]

>>12611691
you slept in the same bed with her but didn't try to fuck? oh boy

[Anonymous No.12611866]

just fapped and got jizz all over god damn it

[Anonymous No.12611880]

got switch to fapping with no porn, nofap is fuckin gay, but fapping to porn is also fucking gay, the only straight option is wackin it to your imagination, but there are too many porno sites to block what should i do

[Anonymous No.12611904]

who got this? that torrent site has it as vip only and i dont feel like blowing credits on vip for one shit

[Anonymous No.12611907]

Knowledge is suffering.
I know the true nature of humanity, so I'm able to see past the masks and the faux sincerity. We are all shallow. We judge people unconsciously based on their physical appearance and we have since we were infants. Children are famously sincere, which brought me to the conclusion that they are sincere in their bulling too. I only hazily remember my childhood, however one of my more distinct memories was of all the bulling I endured. That same to an end with fist
My point is that we are all still bound to our animal nature, and yet we still insist that we are above it. The whole "don't judge a book by it's cover" meme of a theme has been trotted out and beaten to death and yet we still do it.
Maybe even rightly so as apparently a link between beauty and intelligent has been found, so maybe this tracks back to something bigger than me or you or even all of humanity, but a system that chooses the best and discards the undesirables and everyone in the margins simply supports the best. I've just given up on my life at this point.

[Anonymous No.12611931]

Today I woke and looked outside again. The sky looked the same to me, but something told me the world had changed. Couldn't figure out what it meant.
I feel like letting go. Uncertainty fills the smile in window's reflection. Thought I was making progress--not sure now. The choice was always mine.
Not sure what comes next. Time ran out long ago.
Diving for the skies. Not gonna hit the ground.

[Anonymous No.12611948]

>>12610730
same thing happened to me. stop fapping/watching porn

[Anonymous No.12611957]

>>12611880
In the same boat buddy.

>Get K9 Web Protection.
>Download your license using a disposable email address.
>once K9 is installed, throw away password to disposable email and logoff
>In K9 settings, block porn, adult content, nudity etc
(its a good idea to also block reddit too because porn is easily accessible there. Also block openload, MEGA.nz, userscloud.com oload.com and megasearch.co because those are places which K9 doesn't block but host porn)
>set password for K9
>write down password
>store it somewhere outside your home (ie work office, mom's house or whatever)

Viola, porn is literally inaccessible. For a second layer of protection, you should download a pornblock host file. It's just a text file that prevents your computer from visiting a loooooooooooooooooong list of known porn sites. It also blocks a lot of ad servers too so it makes your internet browsing experience even cleaner.

BONUS: you should also delete the browser from your phone, parental block your psvita/gaming console browsers and hide your browser on any tablet. That's just in case you try to use another device to get porn. It sounds insane but sometimes when you're really horny you'll try to break through every safewall you built for yourself.

Good luck on your journey to cleansing your soul.

[Anonymous No.12612060]

>>12610859
You do, anon. It's in you (the courage, not the strap on).

[Anonymous No.12612064]

>>12610861
Read Cathedral by Raymond Carver

[Anonymous No.12612073]

>>12611957
That's a very big banana.

[Anonymous No.12612090]

>>12612073
for you

[Anonymous No.12612099]

>chick who led me on for about a year
>was pretty much her emotional tampon and because I was desperate for da pussi I went along with it
>eventually realized it all and got sick of her shit
>stop seeing her and talking to her
>go weeks without talking
>she calls randomly one night crying because she met a guy while on a trip and "fell in love" and then he had to leave
>go more weeks without talking or responding to her
>she texts me right now asking if I can give her a ride to the airport at 4am and she'd give me 20 bucks, which is totally not enough compensation
Sometimes you meet people, and wonder where exactly it went wrong for them to be able to turn out the way they did

[Anonymous No.12612111]

I'm an old man at 21. I can't learn new tricks anymore.
I don't have any talents and am currently gearing up for a life of mediocrity.
I dropped out of university, I will never make a valuable contribution to any field.

But worst of all, I am drowning in self-pity.
Help me /lit/, you are my only hope

[Anonymous No.12612131]

>>12612111
>I can't learn new tricks anymore.
Yes you can

[Anonymous No.12612149]

>>12612131
No I can't. I'm fat, ugly and so depressed I've turned asexual. There is no escaping this hell I've forged for myself. I told my whole family

[Anonymous No.12612171]

I have been having so much trouble trying to sleep lately

[Anonymous No.12612193]

>>12612149
stop your bitching and get to doing something

[Anonymous No.12612200]

>>12612171
Well, well, well. We have ourselves a fucking dumbass. What kind of low IQ shithead is too stupid to even sleep! Like, just lie down and close your eyes nigga. Do you need fucking instructions?! Christ, we need to stop letting dumb cunts browse this board.

[Anonymous No.12612215]

>>12610859
why

[Anonymous No.12612238]

>>12612149
Not me but this anon summed it up pretty well

[Anonymous No.12612280]

>>12612200
Indeed, friend. I was never a good sleeper. I probably would need at least a 2 digit IQ in order to rest easily. Some people, like me, don't have that. I suggest you to stop attacking people for being mentally impaired. Thank you and good night, amigo!

[Anonymous No.12612292]

>>12612280
I hope you know I was joking Anon. Have a good day ^_^

[Anonymous No.12612298]

>>12610652
I want to make a video game. But I want it to be considered as a great work of literary art than something someone would play for fun. I want it to explore human nature, psychology, the passage from childhood and adulthood, as well as encorporating elements of surrealism. I want to draw out formless, shapeless emotions from the player and leave not quite sure how they felt about the experience.

[Anonymous No.12612309]

>>12612292
Of course I do, anon. Igual para ti, hermano.

[Anonymous No.12612343]

>>12612280
Sleep is mostly about the psychology connection you have to your bed/bedroom. If you watch tv, go on your phone in your bed then your body doesn’t associate it with sleep. You need to get rid of all the electronics in your bedroom and just have it for sleeping, sex and dressing. Then you should ideally try to go to bed and wake up at the same times everyday (even on weekends). There are loads of other stuff you can do but that’s the main two.

t. someone who used to have 2-4 hours of insomnia every night

[Anonymous No.12612352]

>>12612343
>sex
I HATE THAT WORD REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Anonymous No.12612365]

>>12611039
I get what you're saying. Here's one:
===
Nature that wants to fill in

the gap the Falls


falls in and the eye falls.
===
What the fuck is this shit supposed to say? I don't get it. Call me stupid, but looking for meaning into this feels like bobbing for apples in a slop bucket in which there is at best one apple, but there might be no apples at all and it might just be a regular bucket filled with dirty mop water. And at best, what you get is a stupid apple. Here's another one, see if you can get to the core of this:
===
It is now almost daylight,
I said to the firefly.
For the last time
illuminate yourself.
For the last time.
===
Wow. For the last time. Wow. Maybe it's the fact that I've been reading nothing but 18th and 19th century poetry for two months, but I cannot wrap my head around this. Not sure it's worth trying.

[Anonymous No.12612375]

>>12610652
Blacks are the only ones who can feel true sadness, melancholy and despair. It is us who have been enslaved for hundreds of years, who have been cruelly oppression by the whites who we tried to call our brothers. Any other race who pretends to be sad is just larping.

[Anonymous No.12612377]

>>12612343
I have tried everything (including this). There's just a big genetic component for me that's running in the family. For example, neither my mother or grandmother can sleep properly. But, thank you for the advice, though.

[Anonymous No.12612385]

>>12612375
Are you feeling sad yet, Blackie?

[Anonymous No.12612439]

>Pawn Says
Literal NPC ramblings, says right in the title.

[Anonymous No.12613204]

>>12610652
close friend of mine died this morning, my mind is completely blank and I have no idea how I'm feeling about it

[Anonymous No.12613298]

My family is over-reliant on amazon and i'm afraid that they are contributing to the end of local businesses
I'm not going to finish this new metro game before i deploy am I?

[Anonymous No.12613583]

>>12610861
read Proust

[Anonymous No.12614221]

Am I the only one who really finds interesting how on 4chan every board (but sometimes even some kinds of threads) has its inside jokes that are almost impossible to understand unless you lurked for a long time? Not only that, but also rivalities, works, happenings personalities... Like different social groups or something

[Anonymous No.12615286]

>>12610730
I'm still on NoFap as new year's resolution, only had one wet dream nearly fifty days in. The superpower shit is a meme but I'm thinking that by exercising a little willpower and refusing to consume smut I am achieving a victory, however minor.

[Anonymous No.12615324]

>>12615286
good man, I'm trying to curb how many times I fap by taking note of how many times I fap per months and only using my imagination

[Anonymous No.12616091]

>seeing her picture for the first time in months
I thought I had banished these feels

[Anonymous No.12616522]

My mind is somewhat disturbed and anxiety has kept me on edge for years now. I used to smoke cannabis daily but quit. I've heard good things about meditation and feel like it's worth a shot, just have no idea where to start.

[Anonymous No.12616527]

>>12614221
This is what makes 4chan so fulfilling

[Anonymous No.12616583]

>>12611957
All these technical means for your lack of discipline. Granted being disciplined doesn't just fall into your lap. The path to achieving it is litter in failure, keep trying and you'll get there.

[Anonymous No.12616600]

>>12612149
>I'm fat, ugly and so depressed I've turned asexual
These are your main reasons for not been able to learn anything new? What new things are young trying or wanting to learn?

[Anonymous No.12616607]

>>12612352
there there little anon, calm down, it'll be ok in the end.

[Anonymous No.12616612]

>>12612375
>enslaved for hundreds
but have you ever been ensalved?

[Anonymous No.12616716]

>>12611261

another one. same constraints but I'm finding myself going over my time to finish a thought. Maybe I'll extend the time to 15 min. What do you guys think?

"It's called what now? The angle of response?"
"No, The Angle of Repose. Look come with me."
I stood up and wiped the sand off of my khakis. She followed and wiped the sand off her red and white polka dot dress. We walked down to the shoreline, I a step ahead of her. I squatted at the edge of the water.
"See how the sand is still on itself. It's a downhill slope but nothing falls. This is the angle of repose."
She bent forward and let her short blonde hair hang. She was concentrating really hard at the area I was pointing at.
"You see it's a perfect balance in nature. Gravity pushes down on all things and we should follow. But at this angle the sand is still. Engineers use this for making all kinds of things. I once heard that Henry Ford got the idea to make the conveyor belt after a long walk around one after a day at Sand Lake. Pretty interesting, right?"
She remained staring, her eyebrows knitted. After a moment she stood back up placing her hair behind her ears.
"What do you want to do for dinner tonight?"

[Anonymous No.12616783]

>>12610846
Me neither.
I don't think I ever knew.

[Anonymous No.12616791]

>>12610935
kill me first

[Anonymous No.12616803]

>>12611261
>house
>staircase
>46 steps
is your house a tower anon?

[Anonymous No.12616809]

>>12611691
she probably thinks you're gay now, good look putting that out of her head.

[Anonymous No.12616825]

>>12612149
you can't just turn asexual you fucking retard.
also you're 21, you're just literally a fucking teenager.

[Anonymous No.12616851]

>>12611691
I'm an autist who has never had a healthy romantic relationship but that sounds nice to me desu. Sorry if it doesn't work out, neurotypicals are pretty retarded sometimes.

[Anonymous No.12616902]

I successfully recovered from a depressive episode but it made me unable to even write a concise four paragraph essay. Help.

[Anonymous No.12617155]

>>12616809
I mean I tried but she kept shooting it down with excuses. And I'm so inexperienced with women I don't know if I was supposed to push a little because it wasn't exactly a hard no. Man I'm fucked goddammit.

[Anonymous No.12617196]

a family member's house was ruined in the last storm so they and their family have been staying here.

generally i don't like being around other people (barring immediate family). but i really don't like it when they're in my home because i feel like my refuge has been invaded.

these past two weeks have been an absolute nightmare. i haven't felt this anxious and depressed and hopeless since the last time that i pussied out of killing myself.

they're going to be here for at least another week or so and i don't know if i'm gonna make it.

[Anonymous No.12617527]

Fuck they are going to rebuild the local library. There is nothing wrong with the current one. Yes it's too small but the collection will certainly shrink. They are just going to kill it with the development project.

[Anonymous No.12617680]

I'm really smitten by an idea I had for an indie game and am considering "putting together a team"
>It's 1995
>You're an American college student with a love of railroading, you're studying mechanical engineering
>Over the fledgling internet you communicate with a man in a fictional eastern european country that recently escaped communism. When it fell, this man bought a formerly state railway spur line that serves the small town he lives in and the adjacent coal mine. Due to decades of neglect under the old regime, steam locomotives are still used.
>You form a friendship and he invites you out for the summer, where you can work as a fireman on his trains in exchange for room and board.
>You arrive to find he is dying of cancer, leaving the railroad in the hands of his 20-something daughter, who doesn't appreciate your autistic love of railroads but is happy to have the free labor.
>She knows the family business and can drive locomotives herself, she teaches you, and you develop a grudging mutual respect as you work to save the company and stabilize in the wake of her father's illness.

It would basically be a comfy little train driving simulator but with a plot line and various interesting side characters and "quests" that if done in enough quantity/quality result in the line being able to restore a mainline steam locomotive and haul bigger loads of coal from the mine, securing its financial future and fulfilling the dying father's dream. The game would a "wes andersony" aesthetic and general feel.

[Anonymous No.12617774]

>>12617680
This sounds unironically very comfy.. but a video game? Can you pull that off? Maybe write the book first.

[Anonymous No.12617824]

I recently came back to this board after a long break. It seems the quality of posting has dropped significantly. I think there are a lot more redditors here than there were. People seem so much more stupid and ready to force their half-baked brainlet opinion on you. There is also more blatant political bs. Not that there is anything wrong with politics, but just fucking shut up about it for a bit. We get it, you're 19 and antisemetism is horrible.

I think lots of redditors come here after getting raped by /pol/ now, since they have been brigading that shithole since 2016. /tv/ is the same. The overall IQ of this board has dropped. Its like a merging of the pseudointellectual aspects of r3ddit with the autistic shitposting of /pol/. Or maybe I am just smarter now. Anyways, fuck redditors and their pleb opinions which they are way too eager to share. Back in the day you were supposed to lurk for months, if not years, before you shared your shitty opinion. I came here expecting nuanced, intellectual discussion and I may as well have just talked to my 20 year old sister.

[Anonymous No.12617825]

>>12617774
I don't think it would work as a book. The comfiness and overall tone would be derived from long stretches of relative quiet and simple beauty experienced as your train moves along. I have this recurring image in my head

>It's dusk, on a rainy and relatively brisk summer evening, you've just been shown how to drive the simple little tank engine that you start off with in the game and are heading back to the sheds with a small load of coal and some empty cars. The railway track is partly overgrown and parallels a still stream. The coal-rich mountains rise beside you. The owner's daughter reclines on the fireman's bench on the side of the boiler opposite you, her feet propped against it. She's disinterested and listening to her beloved walkman. A train driver's peaked cap, turned around and a bit too big, rests on her head of black hair. A cigarette dangles from her lips. You've got one gloved, sooty hand on the regulator and another on the locomotive brake, occasionally turning around to throw a few more lumps of coal in the firebox as the train largely coasts homeward. From the woods on the other side of the line come the shouts and songs of drunken gopniks gathered around campfires or in the wash of the headlights of rusted Yugos.

[Anonymous No.12617839]

Currently embracing change and to put my life in a new direction. i know porn is unhealthy, video games are a waste of time, and weed is degenerate. why do i still continue that lifestyle?
it ends now

[Anonymous No.12617863]

>>12617839
>it ends now
It won't. You need a reason for it to end, otherwise it is almost impossible. You need to fundamentally transform your emotions and state of mind, even if you are deluding yourself. Many great men throughout history are delusional.

[Anonymous No.12617864]

No, I am done.
I finally have an opportunity to take this seriously and foster a good relationship and be a good example and I keep thinking "well if this goes south I can go back to my degenerate lifestyle". Fuck that. No more. Today is the day I kick that thought, that mentality. I was so motivated this morning and I need to keep it. No more excuses no more what ifs, no more fall backs. I don't have to degrade myself any longer. I can and I will be what I have been working towards these past years.
The future is in my hands and I will fucking grasp it with all my might.

[Anonymous No.12617926]

>>12617824
>I came here expecting nuanced, intellectual discussion
You see, there is your problem right there.

[Anonymous No.12617949]

>>12617824
You aren't wrong. On the plus side, much easier to feel smugly superior.

[Anonymous No.12618132]

>>12617949
I can see why an idiotic marxist would think that.

[Anonymous No.12618221]

Can someone critique my poem, I'm presenting it in class tomorrow


Images

A young man’s naked body,
Taut and muscled, noble and pale.
His shape plays off the sheets
And his eyes are wide and trusting

Dozens of waterfalls pour white
Onto the flowered meadow, out of
Mountainous walls of rock;
A glistening lake flowed below

Amorphous black set on yellow
Thousands of birds toil and fray
While the sun sets on them,
Their waves and turns mesmerize

Finally a snowy scene, upon
My town falls a cold whiteness,
And collecting atop the lamps
They’d shone a dim glow

[Anonymous No.12618478]

I wanna lick ass. Not just any ass, a man's ass. I would spare no second to spread a man's firm and thick asscheeks and lay my dampening mouth flat on his sweaty pucker. I wanna encircle his hole with my lips in a full-fledged kiss before stabbing my tongue in that sweet soft flesh, all while declaring my devotion to his butt with a warm, drooling moan. I desire to make my man lose it as I cater to his narcissism, my face becoming nothing but a loveseat for him to enjoy whenever he pleases. Let me slobber and slither my thirsty tendril between his throbbing hot donut and taint, cleaning his gym work and grime all the while. Sit on me, Daddy. I need to makeout with your ass, please.

God I'm so depraved. It's not too long ago that I've just been getting off to scat hentai too

[Anonymous No.12618488]

>>12616522
https://youtu.be/wirV265ZYSw
https://youtu.be/7LscnZCzdak

[Anonymous No.12618502]

>>12612375
>identifying with a history that literally never happened to you

Bruh

[Anonymous No.12618513]

>>12617196
I know exactly how you feel, anon, but please, do not kill yourself over something so stupid. Try to spend some time away from home, go for a walk, go read in a park, go to a library, try to spend some time in the nature. Then go home just to eat and sleep. You'll be more relaxed and more compassionated towards your family. And yes, I know it sucks. But hey, it's just for another week. Hope you find peace.

[Anonymous No.12618526]

How much would it cost to buy a slave?

[Anonymous No.12618543]

Took some shrooms tonight. I didn't "kill" my ego, I don't think you can do that. Or should, you might be able to if you try hard enough, not sure. Curious about your thoughts on that. Back to the point, I killed my ego in the sense that I realize it was holding me back from realizing my full potential. I thought I was some godlike figure, but the fact that I thought I was so good was making me create excuses to create that a reality, therefore preventing me from actually creating a reality because I had already created it in my head. I'm not a god, I'm not special. Not in that sense. But I'm special in that I have the potential do be a "god", and you do too if, reading this post. Your anxiety and unhappy feelings could be coming from the fact that reality and your created reality are at odds. You might have to accept that right now you're actually not there yet. In order to do that, you have to realize it's good for you to admit you suck, relative to what you perceive yourself as. To boil it down, your ego is holding you back from growing/improving/being happy/etc because you're creating excuses as to why you fail. I'm not sure you can understand this without tripping, because it makes perfect sense to me right now but I remember being in your shoes and reading shit like this and thinking it was hippy nonsense. I really did, I thought this was all bullshit for idiots. Just a few hours ago, even. And I'm depressed, and have anxiety so bad to the point that I was homeless a few years back because I couldn't keep a job because I was too anxious to go outside. I slept in a tent in a field because I was so anxious I couldn't handle people. But now, I believe it was my ego making excuses as to why I'm failing. There are outside influences, but you can't control those. You have to deal with them no matter what, though. Feeling like you're unlucky won't solve it, it'll only make it worse. I hope this helps.

[Anonymous No.12618572]

>>12618543
didn't proofread obviously. hope the blaring grammatical mistakes don't make you discredit what I'm saying. that's what I would've done before myself. it's your ego. I'm not as dumb as you think I am, and you're not as smart as you think you are. Not yet. thinking like that is what's holding you back, if you're like me. and your ego might be what's preventing you from admitting you're like me. humans aren't so different from each other, so you probably are like me, and you're denying this and it's making you unhappy, if you're like me, which you probably are, etc. in order for me to be wrong, you'd have to say humans are so different from each other. and I'd agree with you, they are, but not in the sense that I'm speaking right now. think about it. i'm not saying we like the same things and i'm as smart as you or you're as smart as me, who knows? but I do know depression and anxiety are an epidemic right now, and you don't want to be anxious and depressed anymore. what I AM saying is, what harm is it if I'm wrong and it isn't your ego? you go back to being depressed and anxious like you always are, no harm done and you're back to what you were. but if you can internalize the fact that you're making excuses, or being "fallacious", also known as "illogical", et cetera, every time you fail (and fail is relative here, fail can just mean being poor when you want to be rich, etc. don't think about it in such black and white perspectives. the world doesn't work in black and white, it's very complex, so stop assuming you know everything and stop assuming people who say things like that are assuming they know everything, i'm just trying to help you because I was there and there's a chance you're like me), you'll realize you've been doing it all along and that you actually have limitless potential. don't be anxious. your depression is a symptom of your anxiety. it's okay to fail. just because you fail doesn't mean it's your fault, nobody said it was.

[Anonymous No.12618599]

>>12618572
when you fail, you have to look at it objectively. ignore your excuse center. why did you fail? this is the most important question of all. why did you fail?
if you failed and it was your fault, how can you act differently so that you no longer fail? HOW was it your fault? now that you know how it was your fault, how can you IMPROVE to not fail and become the beast your excuse center says you are?
if you failed and it was NOT your fault, how can you improve yourself to tackle whatever it was that caused you to fail? was it truly not your own shortcomings? and if it truly wasn't, then dwelling on the fact that you're unlucky doesn't change the fact that you're unlucky. that's the part we all struggle with, and this is where the ego/excuse center comes up. who gives a shit if you're unlucky? everyone's unlucky. you can't change it. deal with it or kill yourself, but don't kill yourself for real because you CAN deal with it by recognizing that you're just dwelling on your unluckiness. Do something about it. Go for a walk. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Don't fucking cry about it. Don't hate on other people for being stupid. What does that solve? Does it make them less stupid, to get angry on 4chan about them being stupid? What does it solve? It only makes YOU angry and unhappy. Focus on you. You can only handle yourself and hone the way you deal with the curveballs life throws at you. Some people are luckier than others, but there's no use in crying about it if you want to improve your life and become happy. You can become happy just by accepting this fact. It's your ego. Hate comes from a place of insecurity, and hate breeds anxiety and depression, which stifles creativity and growth. Admit you're not a god, and you're not that smart, so that you can become the smart god you've wanted to be all along and find happiness.

[Anonymous No.12618621]

>>12618599
Also, hate encourages hate, so stop browsing 4chan if you don't have the mental fortitude to remember that the negativity in people's posts comes from a place of their own insecurity. It's not your job to fix their insecurity. You can if you enjoy it, but remember that you can get addicted to anything you enjoy, even helping people find happiness by pointing out their insecurities on 4chan, and if being addicted to that prevents you from improving your life in other aspects then you must moderate yourself.
This shit all seems very self evident to some people. You either get it or you don't. I didn't get it. If you still don't get it after all these posts, I sincerely recommend trying shrooms. Cubensis, at least 3.5 grams. It really could help you defeat your anxiety and depression, no shit. I was right there with you and the "fuck off retard hippy" clan, but I'm happy now.

[Anonymous No.12618697]

The crime of genocide was codified under international law by General Assembly Resolution 260 (adopted Dec 9, 1948 in effect Jan 12, 1951), The Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide.

This genocide is being carried out by means of mass non white immigration and forced assimilation in ALL and ONLY white countries the goal of which is to force blend ONLY white people out of existence. Anyone who objects to this crime is subject to harassment, intimidation, violent acts and threats of violence, psychological terrorism, job loss, and prison terms.

Whites are the ONLY race not allowed homelands and self determination. Whites are the ONLY group demonized for defending their own territories. Whites are the ONLY group whose achievements are slandered as privilege. Pro-whites are the ONLY group not allowed to speak in public.

We DEMAND an open and free discussion of white genocide without threats of attack from screamers, thugs, or thought police.

We DEMAND a worldwide repeal of all laws that make it illegal for white people to speak out for their racial interests.

[Anonymous No.12618730]

>>12618543
>>12618572
>>12618599
>>12618621
>I sincerely recommend trying shrooms. Cubensis, at least 3.5 grams. It really could help you defeat your anxiety and depression, no shit.
What you experienced was most likely a brief but intense hypomanic episode brought on by the relief of chronic tensions, such as anxiety, rage and depression. This kind elation tends to create a great deal of overconfidence in one's own views. Any self-doubt from the anxiety and depression, which is needed to self-correct, has temporarily been suppressed by the mania. Your anxiety died for a short while, which you might have mistaken for an ego death, but your elated writing is very narcissistic in nature and not as profound as you think.

Your writing uses pronouns to refer to yourself and contrast others very frequently. At first you seem preoccupied with convincing the reader you should be trusted, and the proceed to impose advice as if accepted as an authority. You are seeking validation under the guise of altruism. Your ego is very much alive and kicking, friend.

I'd say your thought processes are on the right path at least, but I'd recommend you take some time to cool down first.

[Anonymous No.12618741]

>>12618730
what an ironic post, my friend. that's all I'm going to say

[Anonymous No.12618766]

>>12618730
I'm well aware of that, friend :^)

[Anonymous No.12618770]

>>12618766
Meant for >>12618741

[Anonymous No.12618948]

A cute girl agreed to date me. we went to a concert and on the way home in the back of a car in the dark i held her hand. I asked her out the week and during the date i spent like 40 mins barely talking just sitting on a bench next to her in a park waiting to confess that i liked her. On the bus ride back home she asked me to hold her hand and we agreed to date.
When i first met her i really couldnt believe my eyes and i began conversation online and in real life and all outward signs point to me really liking, loving her. Yet when we agreed, i felt more out of body, more dissociated than ever. My delusions and detachment has been shattered and now I must face life. The philosophy of Neitzche inspires me but its responsibility now becomes an unbearable burden.
>Amor fati: let that be my love henceforth!
How brave was he! Only now i realize how much of a scoundrel, a coward i am. I just dont think im fit for her.

[Anonymous No.12619138]

>>12618221
I'll be frank anon, it's terrible. It doesn't even read smoothly. The stanzas have no relation to each other. The imagery is hackneyed. Rewrite the whole thing, and restrict the focus. The birds are the most interesting subject out of your four, I think.

[Anonymous No.12619190]

I can only live in a little bubble of autism and innocence. I get very bummed out every time I'm forced to see the realities of adult life. I'm very lonely, I haven't spoken to anyone except my mother, my advisor, and the greeter at the gym for months. I don't get much satisfaction from talking to people online anymore. Turns out most people don't stagnate in adolescence and will drift away if you do.

I kind of wish I had some actual mental problem to justify being this way, I don't think "overly sensitive and moderately clever" counts.

[Anonymous No.12619198]

>>12617825
How do I pre order? This is genuinely the only good and original idea I've seen on this board in quite some time. This is so comfy.

[Anonymous No.12619377]

>>12619190
>I kind of wish I had some actual mental problem to justify being this way, I don't think "overly sensitive and moderately clever" counts.
Being "overly sensitive and moderately clever" myself, you sound like me just before I had a mental breakdown that lasted about 3 weeks.

I know it sounds gay but have considered seeing a therapist? It could be many things, but some of those things you don't want untreated.

[Anonymous No.12619983]

I had a dream the other night about me at the vatican seeing the pope, for some reason he started playing basketball with some black youths and was actually really good, than while I was sitting and watching him speak all of a sudden everything goes silent and a charlottesville protest started happening and people in full nazi regalia and those tiki torches took the stage and no one said a thing. Except for me I was just yelling wtf are these iduots doing here. They cant remember what they actually talked about but idk if it was even actual nazi shit. This website is ruining my brain no doubt

[Anonymous No.12620169]

>>12611529
It just seems so strange your father could be like that and not be reddit incel (I've read there's another type identifying as incel).

Its kind of... depressing to think someone could get married and everything and still act like a stereotypical blame-everyone-else /pol/ incel troll type.

Also this is a really fascinating story to me. Do you have any idea what might have turned a man into this?
I'm just curious as a writer/story-maker.

[Anonymous No.12620435]

>>12620169
>page 5
Oh I really hope anon finds this thread and responds. This is good stuff.

[Anonymous No.12620695]

>>12620169
>>12620435
I was away for a few days traveling and I just came back home. Quel coincidence.
I'm not exactly sure why he acts like this. My family tends to act pretty "tribal", beating each other up to prove they're the strongest in the family and then being racist to literally everyone for not participating in old-fashioned traditions. They claimed to have been once royal but then democracy happened and now they tend to act bitter about everyone now that their inherited status of being elites had unraveled and now they're just the average person still holding on to that sliver of the past where they actually mattered and weren't a cog in the system. They all went to fancy boarding schools that only the most privileged could go to, they all lived a life of wealth and economic superiority towards others, but maybe they realize even with their privilege, their lives really don't matter and now they've begun to hold a grudge against the world around them. Being around my family on my father's side is really getting insight on people who live with the dog-eat-dog mentality where if they notice that you're better than them, they'll take advantage of your abilities to the highest degree (beckons me back to when I went to the mall with my cousins and I was the only one who could win the claw games and they kept taking my prizes. I'm not bitter about it because I liked car models more than stuffed animals though.). It's only a guess though but their resentment is probably just from being raised thinking they're better than everyone else but then reality permeates the delicate fabric of their delusions, like how John Durbeyfield was proud of his noble status even though he was a broke drunkard with only a silver spoon (or something, I haven't read the book in a while) to his name.

[Anonymous No.12620721]

>>12618478
I appreciate the picture of Galko but you are better than this. Do you like feeling depraved or is it just something that helps you get through the day/week?

[Anonymous No.12620737]

YHE MAN IN THE HIGH CASTLE IS SO FUCKING BORING REEEEEE
PKD'S SJHIT JUST GETS BETTER BUT HIS EARLIER SHIT IS JUST SO FUCKING TEDIOUS
THE PLOT IS BARELY COMPREHENSIBLE
HES LIKE REVERSE BUKOWSKI WHOS EARLY SHIT IS ALRIGHT BUT HIS LATER SHIT IS JUST NONSENSE
AND MY ASS IS COLD AND MY HEATER ISNT POWERFUL ENOUGH TO WARM MY HOUSE REE

[Anonymous No.12620860]

>>12610987
>I physically cannot write a story without killing off over half of the cast.
I wrote a story where I killed all but two named characters (out of maybe 25-30 named characters). Current story the two main characters plus their friend all die. Another story all but one character dies (out of maybe 15 named characters).
iktf

[Anonymous No.12620868]

>>12611151
>also moving to pnw soon
It would be pretty cool to rent a place with you and be IRL /lit/ buddies to push our writing/reading further. A lot of famous authors had other author friends they bounced ideas off of. You'd probably think that's creepy though, even if my intentions are good.

[Anonymous No.12621082]

>>12611529
>>12611529
>>12620695
So...

>He claimed that watching animals being gutted up was good because he has a distaste for the world
>Hates Mexicans, women, people as a whole, and prides himself a trendy sociopath
>Tribal, racist beliefs about white people inheriting wealth, but they don't even care about wealth if they had it.
>Belief in taking advantage of people

Hmm... Yeah I think that idea of feeling better than others and the folly of that could indeed be a large part of all this, whether they held bigoted beliefs before or not.
If they maintained their beliefs, I could see how this would unravel into bitterness like this, because, though we certainly can't discount the impacts of group delusion and social effects, often people who look down on others are really using them to feel better, taking out their feelings on people who they can perceive as less than them; The degraded often function as scapegoats and outlets.

At least, that's how I understand it.
So, I would presume given this brutal mentality permeating their family as such that perhaps they really have been raised looking down on others and their claims about wealth and downfall could perhaps be true if its not simply a narration they learned through raising at some point.

I could see how, if you feel threatened by people you refuse to accept as equals, if even through self-degrading questions of pride, you could instead of accepting a more proper thought route, begin to redirect what otherwise could be, perhaps partly is, hate of yourself on the inside to hate of the entire outside world while inverting the already somewhat dysfunctional value of prideful, no-cry hard work into a value of accepting the world as horror and that horror to be hated.

So, ironically, perhaps you could say this mentality functions as a defensive equalizer.

[Anonymous No.12621087]

>>12621082
My thoughts any way.

[Anonymous No.12621103]

>>12621082
>>12621087
An equalizer I mean because it blames the world.

[Anonymous No.12621326]

Found my old kindle my parents bought for me when I was in middle school.
The thing broke because my books crushed it while it was in my bag (apparently something that thin can still be crushed).
Charging it now. Will note if it works once it's at full charge.
I wonder what books I had on it.

[Anonymous No.12621974]

Why don't we all become gods?
Why aren't we all training our bodies, expanding our minds and broadening our horizons?
Why don't we exercise virtue?
Humanity has always looked up to some sort of god but what if we instead strive to become gods ourselves. I have been on a mission to self-improve for the last two months and I am learning a language, going to the gym, reading literature and doing away with the sins imbued in our minds by avoiding any bad food and trying my hardest to abstain from common errors like watching porn.

Why don't we all become as gods?
One day I'll write a philosophy book on this but only if I achieve what I set out for now.

[Anonymous No.12622163]

>wrote nothing for several days
>wrote several pages so far today
>>12621974
>wants to be a god
>can't even write one book
Stop posting pseud shit please.

[Anonymous No.12622275]

The obsession people have with sex and sexuality is fucking incredible. It's like the religious fundamentalists who choose to rally against abortion -- as if this is the issue that will make a difference in our lives. This is the thing that will bring fulfillment to their dull, meaningless existence: holding an abortion sign at a busy city intersection while stroking their erection thinking about their gf and worrying about porn and orgasms and is this look achievable natty

[Anonymous No.12622295]

>>12622275
I wish DDG would stop labeling every image I download from them as "proxy.duckduckgo.com"
tad annoying innit

[Anonymous No.12622301]

>>12622163
>Stop posting pseud shit please.
I'm not pseud because I don't claim to be pseud or above anyone else, however, I think we should all ascend from where we are now.
>>12622295
kek

[Anonymous No.12622312]

Don't be a ghost

[Anonymous No.12622335]

>>12610875
Listen to Jordan Peterson

[Anonymous No.12622475]

Just wrote something rather disturbing for the novel. Won't say what. This was planned from the beginning, and it was necessary for the story to illustrate it. Even though I had already planned it out and knew what was going to happen, it didn't hit me emotionally until I'd finished the scene. Now I have the cold shakes and feel sick.

[Anonymous No.12622528]

>>12619198
thanks anon, have some "art".

[Anonymous No.12623035]

New place, new people, and somehow I'm managing to be myself. Of course, there's still a fuckton of problems, like the fact I can barely box anymore and am still lost about my future, but for this moment I feel contentment, even with my preoccupations making themselves present.

Kinda silly, I know, but on the way home I was thinking about how many cute girls are there on this new place and how I feel I'm gonna fuck things up even though I'm more /fit/ and confident than I've ever been before. There's no fear like the fear of your own autism and incompetence, anons.

[Anonymous No.12623096]

She sat right next to me with her hands folded over each other and would cast sideways glances my way while the movie played she asked questions about it we had a few conversations I wanted to know her more still she then the movie was finished the piano started playing I asked to hold her hand and show her the keys to play she laughed and wanted me to play instead Bach is the sound emitted from the machine let us do something else another movie she sat closer right against me my arm around her where our hands might touch occasionally strands of her hair caressed my cheek when whispering to her about a topic soon forgotten never kissed a guy before nor had been with one I was inexperienced and we were the perfect pair let us leave Bach and return later her lips even quivered she was frightened but I never felt so close to someone before I wanted to help her never has such empathy came from my heart this was a human closeness I thought long since forsaken the bond has been forged again it seems a slight moan and our eyes were transfixed in each other I repeated her full name I liked her name I comforted her and then we slept the sleep of the dead with my arm around her feminine form and the smell of a new beginning

[Anonymous No.12623153]

The American center-left establishment has no idea how precarious it's situation is. Trump was just a warning shot. If there is another recession, or, god forbid, a full blown depression, people aren't going to care for identity politics anymore. You just have to look at this recent Smollett affair to see how out of touch coastal elites are, average Americans are growing increasingly resentful of the top down faux-progressive-rainbow-capitalist program. If the establishment doesn't get their shit together *soon*, America is at the greatest risk of turning fascist it's every been in, and at this point, I'm not even sure that's a bad thing

[Anonymous No.12623241]

Help me. help me help me
The other day, I was attending some writing meetup in a cafe attached to an art gallery in an apparently vein attempt to improve my social life. Wasn't very eventful, wasn't very helpful, really.
Most people don't seem to understand what I want out of writing it seems they think writing should be a solitary process, but I want to share. I don't think I believe in letting myself shell up in front of paper for a rough draft and not share it with people, not discuss it with people, not get reactions from people about the world and events and characters.

That's what I like about proper round robin style workshops where an author shares their work out loud. But this was not that kind of workshop. There was barely even any young people there, and certainly not any young women I may have hoped for. Of course I suppose that makes sense since chances are, most women around 25 to 35 are in or even divorced from some bad long term relationship. It confounds me that people say I'm attractive or in any way interesting to talk with.

I thought my writing could ironically be the solution to my loneliness and only found partial solace in attending this meeting. Then, after that I went into the closed-down-dim of the attached art gallery.
I looked at the art for a while. Nothing that special some of it was interesting, some of it felt like it was doing more than appeared. A lot of
it did seem fairly suspect, but there were poems on the wall that had a strange consistency to them, the type of thing that makes no sense and complete sense all at once.

I don't know that this my preferred style of writing; I prefer clear purpose and to make sense when I write and read. The kind of writing that any in the world of average or above average intelligence can look at and say that's good writing. Writing that doesn't do that bugs me. Nonetheless, I suppose I see there is beauty in it as well.

But I continued through the gallery.
I looked around a corner noticing a woman in one of the offshoot rooms. Out of curiosity, I enter one of the most generic, ugly, pretentious art exhibits I'd seen, though to be fair, I don't often browse them.
It had all the things you'd imagine a pretentious politically maligned PDX art exhibitions containing. There was a video of a fat women mashing food around her vaginal area, there was a poop statue with glitter all around it, there was a board hanging on a wall made entirely of rice and everything in there was labelled with a plaqued block of moderately difficult sentences handwaving each item as high and meaningful art.
Yet still, with the attendants eyes now wary on my back via my habit of speaking thoughts out loud, I continue walking around the exhibition until I reached the book of the room
And even though it was a pretentious and inartistic I stopped and cried, because there at the back of that room on the glass paneled converted garage window where the words "I wish I could be a mother one day".

[Anonymous No.12623248]

>>12623035
That's called anguish. But you should count yourself lucky you have the capacity to feel it

[Anonymous No.12623252]

>comment too long
>>12623241
Written over and over.

[Anonymous No.12623328]

>>12623248
Would you mind elaborating, anon? I'm really curious about your impressions and what you mean by them.

[Anonymous No.12623794]

I just found a Youtube channel of a guy who would use black salve to burn off his cancer (this doesn't actually work and isn't safe).
I wanted to see how he was nowadays and browsed through his Youtube channel. He was a huge tinfoil who wanted to shut down the government. Unfortunately, he passed away some time after the cancer clinic he went to closed down (and also probably because he used quack medicine to treat his cancer). And also unfortunate are all the morons who were praising him for using quack medicine to cure his terminal illness but still. RIP, man.

[Anonymous No.12624062]

I typed out a long blogpost... twice and deleted both. Condensed, everything feels like an obligation and autoimmune issues make me feel stranded, helpless, and old even though I'm in my mid 20s. I never really desired anything, and lack of desire has messed up my life in many ways. I have faith that things will eventually work out, but it doesn't make the now any easier.

/lit/-wise I sometimes work on a sci-fi story or type short ideas that never really go anywhere.

[Anonymous No.12624126]

Listen to this, /lit/. Listen to this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KaYzgofHjc

You can hear the violin weep and laugh and then cry again. What a work of beauty. It's incredible. How can any of us ever hope to measure up to Bach? He is a genius, and who among us can claim to be his equal? I have gotten several poems and short stories published but I listen to this and feel like nothing. Who can match such unsurpassable beauty? What can I do in the face of this genius, except take a deep breath and follow in its wake?

[Anonymous No.12624134]

>>12624126
Go to bed Bach.

[Anonymous No.12624151]

>>12610652
The lack of continuous 'general' threads, like the sci-fi one, has been a virtue of this Sri Lankan plantation token bazaar but things are slowly shifting.

[Anonymous No.12624155]

>>12624126
>who among us can claim to be his equal
A lot of people you stupid motherfucker
>mussorgsky
>saint saens
>rossini
>prokofiev
>strauss II
then my favorite: offenbach

[Anonymous No.12624160]

This song really gets my nuts out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygIiIkJop6o

[Anonymous No.12624453]

>>12611033
mmh

[Anonymous No.12624486]

>>12620868
where in pnw you thinking, anon? I find it more pragmatic, than creepy. 26 M here

[Anonymous No.12624742]

This is too much for me to take. I'm a collegefag and it has been happening more and more lately. Usually I come find my seat in class as soon as it's possible and mind my business while preparing to soak up knowledge. Nevertheless, there always seems to be a beautiful soft-skinned heavenly-smelling angel sitting in front of or beside me. Their clothes are usually semi transparent or tight, in this moment I can see almost half of the girls back. Just like now, my thoughts can't help but wander to fantasies about stopping time and cuddling/kissing/fucking the living shit out of that cutie pie. That or rarely thinking that I would follow her home and do her in bed if I could become invisible by holding my breath.

Any books that talk about this feel or similar or counteracting it?

[Anonymous No.12624773]

>>12610777
Learn to code.

[Anonymous No.12624778]

>>12611880
>my thoughts are the the product of preference falsification and I posses no means of seeing how what I wrote is self-contradictory and is said to be crowd pleasing rather than affirm anything at all.

[Anonymous No.12624789]

>>12611880
>nofap is fuckin gay
no it isn't, you're just weak

[Anonymous No.12624797]

>>12624742
Try jerking off before class.

[Anonymous No.12624843]

>>12617864
B-Baki dies?

[Anonymous No.12624865]

>>12611880
Install K9 Web filter and do this:
https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/3bbivj/the_ultimate_guide_to_blocking_porn_on_your/

[Anonymous No.12624911]

>>12624742
"The magic mountain" Thomas Mann. There's a cutie tuberculosis that the protagonist never talks to but once did.

[Anonymous No.12624926]

From Teles' essay on self-sufficiency:
>Do as Diogenes did: he was unwell on one occasion when someone gave him a shove and put him in a headlock. Instead of engaging the man in a wrestling match, he took a stand before him, showed him his penis, and said: 'Try, sir, to wrestle me to the ground by applying pressure to this.'
Undoubtedly based, but what the fuck did he mean by this?

[Anonymous No.12625099]

>>12624486
Seattle, preferably right downtown. I just think it would be cool to have an IRL /lit/ friend and sit around in bars talking about literature and bouncing ideas off each other. Drop a contact? Don't want to private-conversation-fag the thread up. If I have to room with someone I'd rather a /lit/izen than some random normies who don't even read.

[Anonymous No.12625116]

Am I shallow person if I don't want to kill myself?

[Anonymous No.12625720]

>>12625099
I totally agree with that sentiment.

this email looks fake, but i swear it isn't

[e-mail]

[Anonymous No.12625855]

>>12611880
When I jerk it to porn I feel disgusted and ashamed afterwards. This has only happened for around a year, before that I didn't care.

When I jerk it to my imagination I feel content and relaxed afterwards.

Give me some meme explanations for this phenomenon /lit/

[Anonymous No.12625942]

>>12625855
I don't know I've given up porn recently after I tried to have sex with a girl and had some trouble getting and staying hard. Giving up on jerking off altogether is fucking impossible though, I can't do nofap for very long. Right now just talking to my girl, who lives an hour or so away and we see each other once a week, and if she makes even a remotely flirty comment then I get instantly aroused. Easy for me to get off to the memories of us fucking though.

[Anonymous No.12625945]

>>12624742
this fascination and admiration with these seemingly pure heavenly girls goes away really quickly once you realize all of them, without exception, are riding the cock carousel and the innocence is only a deception

[Anonymous No.12625947]

my feet hurt so much from playing ddr at the local arcade

[Anonymous No.12626054]

>>12624797
Did it twice before I left for school today.
>>12624911
Thanks, will read.
>>12625945
No one said I wanted to marry them, only to make love since my imagination ran wild. About your point, I realized it quite long ago, long enough to be completely desensitised towards the notion.

[Anonymous No.12626264]

I wish people IRL would stop calling me a nazi whenever I say I like Germany because of their techno.

[Anonymous No.12626270]

>>12626264
now imagine what it's like to actually be german, early 20s, and a bit of a reactionary. uni is fun

[Anonymous No.12626415]

>>12626270
is having a persecution complex a requirement for being a fascist?

[Anonymous No.12626417]

>>12610652
https://pastebin.com/qFtGsmwJ

[Anonymous No.12626431]

>>12610652
I really really really really really really wanna jerk it off to some good ole porn, but Ive been "clean" for 3+ months. Plus I hate the fact that I have to hide it from my gf, although if I asked her she would join me np. I mean she wouldnt mind it if I even watched it and jerked it alone. But I have a panic disorder and OCD and just hate fucking with my chemistry. I wasnt even that big of a addict, my max was one session a day which lasted 10-20mins, but my average was like 3 times per week, each session 10-20mins. But the moment I read about porn being bad, it just got ingrained in my brain that I am just increasing my anxiety.

[Anonymous No.12626481]

>>12624926
>what the fuck did he mean by this
You win, now suck my dick.

[Anonymous No.12626530]

my friends invited me to hang out but i was kind of looking forward to marathoning anime tonight
wat do

[Anonymous No.12626551]

>>12610777
>I want to produce music but can only make rap instrumentals
T. Loser who will complain at the drop of a hat
It's so obvious that you've been producing for under a year and expect it to "come naturally". No one feels sorry for you as all of your failures are your fault and you haven't learned anything from any of them. The only thing you learned is that YOU YOURSELF are a failure. People like you are on a lower state of consciousness than even bugmen. Try thinking a bit more, and things will improve.

[Anonymous No.12626566]

>>12610875
You do know what you want idiot, you even SAID EXACTLY THE THINGS YOU WERE MISSING IN YOUR LAST POST. Stop making flimsy excuses so you can stay comfy at home in complete safety.

[Anonymous No.12626657]

Thinking about chemical castration.

[Anonymous No.12626925]

>>12613204
sorry for your loss anon

[Anonymous No.12627257]

Anon who found their kindle which magically fixed itself after the course of almost 8 years here.
So the only book I have on this a guide on surviving the apocalypse by some guy, Tony Lester. At first, I didn't know why I bought this but after checking the date (a year before the Mayan apocalypse), I just had to sigh and reminiscence on the good days when people would dress like zombies and do zombie races and how people would make fake medkits full of candy for Valentines and the multitude of "how to kill zombies" charts that spammed the internet back in 2010-2012.
Some stuff are interesting in it such as how to sterilize water, recommending classes on wilderness first-aid, what NOT to store your water in, stuff like that. I'm only a little bit over a quarter way through (it's a short book though) but I really wish I spent my allowance on a better book though their advertisement on steripens makes me want to look into buying one, maybe, and perhaps I should also look into those hand-cranked power generators at my local Home Depot.

[Anonymous No.12627374]

EVERYONE I KNOW IN REAL LIFE ARE BRAINWASHED HELP

[Anonymous No.12627595]

Automatic Writing
--------
Le jour fut beau tel que la joie ne pouvait l'attendre. Je partais loin quand soudain je vis la fille qui allait mettre fin à tout. Elle se trouvait à bord d'un train volant au delà des contrées que j'eu jamais pu imaginer.

that's what's on my mind rn

[Anonymous No.12627610]

>>12610777
I feel like you might be baiting, but at the offchance you arent. You need to become schizophrenic. Schizophrenia is the only cure for those not aptly adjusted to the machine, to society. And when you do become schizo, your power levels will be unbelievable.

[Anonymous No.12627633]

i got in a chastity cage squirms ontop of a pregnant pikachu eating spyros shit while a giantess sissy boy in a lot of chinese and east african people there that day i grabbed a copy of naked lunch when i had no desire to be regulated in the food chain so they gangbanged me that it was really a demon or my imagination but this kind of overcoat could defend him from targic rays and halogenic slipstreams and yet with all that in mind is a cosmic tight rope act and to realize how the vast majority of the squalid hovel he lived in and he was red had horns and wore a hood anyways when this bitch sent me with im glad your retard baby is dead i fucking won that one hater not from lit i know an actual crack dealer that watches anime he was a bulletin board with a mutual friend and its hard to be human i dont know why but i was like the most epic adventure they were better than any simple pleasures out there however you have which we all know in nature terms of visuality is dominanting post gang bang pfff just nobody noticed me everyone just kinda nodded out of space what exactly is he dissatisfied or rather what does he think he can find in the pants of hot young girl that they want to round them all up and stomp on them send their guts flying all over my messy old room i am probably what the bible calls a reprobate so even the existence of god and the long timers respected the boss invited me in the future provisional capital of the s at least people now dont try so hard to be pointing in that direction and i lack the ability to stop going to be some modern age biblical prophet on an anime girl had cabin fever on saturday drove out to the king become a mystical bookseller in the giant heart of some whiteknight gaston motherfucker thinking hes saving the day finally comes when i was like oh shit it was really a demon or my imagination but this kind of overcoat could defend him from targic rays and halogenic slipstreams and yet with all that good stuff but that i have no sense of selfpreservation of no inclination to do anything about it but id never read like an issue of the s at least it feels like its about to cave in any second now ive been staring at the post office as this slowmo hindu man behind the glass gradually serviced the line there were times were it just seemed like he must be imagining american psycho dialogues in his dirt palace or his huts made of broken twigs time carbotypes cannot exist on an accuracy level that enables this behavior without an ocular channel stadium that develops what he saw my penis looked like at the thought of how damaging

[Anonymous No.12627652]

I'm thinking of starting a Youtube channel where I talk about sci-fi (books, film, and occasionally recommend music) but entirely in French.
My French is mediocre at best but I want it to be something similar to how Venus-chan pretends to be Japanese and talk about Japanese culture but instead I pretend to be French and talk about transhumanist culture.

[Anonymous No.12627656]

Give me the courage to end my life.

[Anonymous No.12628213]

>>12627656
Get it yourself you lazy bastard.

[Anonymous No.12628448]

4ch/lit/ is basically twitter. cripplechan /lit/ is slow as fuck. where do i go?

[Anonymous No.12628486]

Been drinking alone every night this week. Have to kowtow to my parents religion or I'll face homelessness. Too poor to go to college, no credit to take out loans, and can't enlist and make Uncle Sam pay for it because of my medical history. Starting to alienate my friends because of my violent oscillation between far left and far right politics and between atheism and mysticism. Told my doctor today that my obesessive thoughts about gender identity were over, but now I'm not sure that they are. Hair's starting to fall out too. People like me don't have a future

[Anonymous No.12628566]

I told this girl I met online that I was going to fly out across the country to meet her, and now it's time to buy the ticket and I'm nervous. She's great and I think we'll be really happy together but this is just so big

[Anonymous No.12628571]

>>12628566
You're being conned.

[Grignr the Ecordian No.12628582]

I'm writing an article on Lovecraft that I'm quite pleased with, but I'm starting to get that unpleasant feeling you get from having spent too much time staring at a computer screen. Time to go do some chores and listen to a podcast or meditate or something.

[Anonymous No.12628647]

>>12610756
what do you mean by fully contract?

[Anonymous No.12628650]

Sotto voc da sneaky toes, where's thewhasee? Clamp sotto vocal clamp. Speak up and they'll move. Regulate. Give time to.

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !!oEULhtSEDhe No.12628672]

>>12628566
Be careful with internet/long distance relationships. It’s good to see them in person though. Just don’t get crushed if this doesn’t turn out right, okay?

[Anonymous No.12628736]

>>12628566
Try to clear all expectations, don't get crushed when it doesn't work out how you expect

[Anonymous No.12628863]

I'm going to eat an egg now.

[Anonymous No.12628875]

>>12628863
The egg was delicious. Nutty and sweet with the slight taste of salt upon its tanned extremities. The way the soft yolk burst with flavor as I masticate it thoroughly and oh how the white split so effortlessly with the slight pressure from my teeth. It was exquisite. A delightful treat. I will buy more eggs when I have the chance to.

[Grignr the Ecordian No.12628885]

>>12616522

[Anonymous No.12628927]

My desire to have my writing be widely read conflicts with my elitism and belief that the vast majority of people are unsalvageably retarded. I guess I will just keep throwing it into the void, perhaps a few people will appreciate it.

[Anonymous No.12628996]

>>12628927
with that attitude chances are your writing is terrible or peopled solely with poorly realized caricatures of those you view as lesser and a handful of elite/intelligent protags that have nothing of real value to say. I'd love to be proven wrong

[Anonymous No.12629009]

>>12610730
I can confirm it does. Do yourself a favor and stop. Easier said than done I know

[Anonymous No.12629026]

>>12610868
What's the first step you can take to achieve that goal of yours?

[Anonymous No.12629126]

Below is my self-pity. I assume many here share the same, perhaps less.

Is anyone here upset to be alive? Recently I've been pretty annoyed for the universe to exist and to be alive in general, but my will to live won't let me commit suicide, let alone the fact that I am loved by others.

I believe at play could be some sort of latent homosexuality even though I have sex with women and crave female affection. Yet when I am with women I feel somewhat unfulfilled existentially and oscillate between infatuation and sociopathic disgust at the mechanistic nature of general human mannerisms. In addition to the following paragraph mentioning that I am attractive, I am also pretty well liked when I am in a good mood and also funny, yet am unable to channel it when I'd like. I am in a sense a victim to my mood and emotions (I am actually working on this and am seeing progress). I am 25 years old, live at home, and am working towards a degree to go into tech. Although I have a 3.9 GPA, I do not know my IQ and have difficulty reading complex texts. (For example Nietzsche BG&E is quite opaque to me, but I try and continue nonetheless). I aspire to be an intellectual, though understand and acknowledge impossibilities given my limitations. One of which is my attention problem. It is very difficult for me to read larger texts, and maintain a hobby. I have several different hobbies all half developed.

Body-wise: I am attractive (although my body frame is stocky) and have a larger penis than average, not huge, though I am afraid I have gotten a very mild Peyronie's Disease and it could be affecting my erection quality. This makes me fearful for my future, considering things will only get worse, I pray for a cure.

Also, I've been seeing a girl off Bumble, and after going on a few dates and having sex (as many as 3 times in one night) she's beginning to pull away and actually just asked me to rain-check for our next date for tomorrow, she also didn't provide a date for a future date, though when I said No problem, she responded with a smile emoji.

I honestly am very tired of my life and the banality of the outcomes my personality reaps.


Despite all the self-pity, I am curious what you guys may think. Is anyone similar to me? I know I have it really nice, but I still feel depressed.

[Anonymous No.12629145]

What can I do to ensure I will be remembered centuries after I die?

[Anonymous No.12629151]

>>12629145
Mass genocide.

[Anonymous No.12629185]

>>12629151

So nothing.

[Anonymous No.12629197]

How am I supposed to deal with being irrelevant?

[Anonymous No.12629226]

i'm only imaginative when my mind is clear and my mind is only clear a couple of days a month

it blows dick

[Anti-/lit/ !N4bnZoKwfU No.12629237]

>>12629197
Pope:
Vast chain of being! which from God began,
Natures ethereal, human, angel, man,
Beast, bird, fish, insect, what no man can see,
No glass can reach; from infinite to thee;
From thee to nothing—On superior powers
Were we to press, inferior might on ours;
Or in the full creation leave a void,
Where, one step broken, the great scale’s destroyed:
From nature’s chain, whatever link you strike,
Tenth, or ten thousandth, breaks the chain alike.
And, if each system in gradation roll,
Alike essential to the amazing whole;
The least confusion but in one, not all
That system only, but the whole must fall.

I also like the folk tune:

All God's creatures got a place in the choir
Some sing low and some sing higher
Some sing out loud on the telephone wire
Some just clap their hands, or paws, or anything they got

[Anonymous No.12629251]

slurp slurp weheeee
hahah
spooked ya din i?
ya
shoot me in the balls ya hoser
eh
hahahahaha
yee yee
slurp
hehehehehahahahehe
ahh
tis a bulky boi
hehehe

[Anonymous No.12629362]

>>12629126
I don't think I'll find anyone who cares here. I think this is the pang of mediocrity maybe. And rejection. And also weakness perhaps.

[Anonymous No.12629380]

>>12629237

I don't get it.

[Anonymous No.12629385]

>>12626530
Read a book instead.

[Anonymous No.12629392]

I hate dads.
The fact people have a fetish for them astounds me. Dads are annoying.

[Anti-/lit/ !N4bnZoKwfU No.12629405]

>>12629380
You can't be irrelevant because all of the world led to you being born and the world will never be the same for what you have done in life.

Your station may not be as glamorous as some, but it is just as essential.

[Anonymous No.12629415]

>>12629126
1. Stop jerking off
2. Stop worrying about your dick
4. Get good at something besides reading

You need some positive forces in your life man. Find yourself a hobby or a motive besides girls. Girls will show up when you start respecting yourself more.

[Anonymous No.12629430]

>>12629405

But if what I do will have no large scale impact and I'll be completely forgotten when I die, what does it matter if I do anything? I'll be irrelevant anyways.

[Anonymous No.12629433]

>>12629430
wanna erp?

[Anonymous No.12629437]

>>12629433

?

[Anti-/lit/ !N4bnZoKwfU No.12629439]

>>12629430
You don't have to earn a right to exist. Your life is full of dignity and imbued with value that no action or inaction can ever erase.

So is mine. So is everyone's. Go and do what you will, try your hardest to do what is good and truthful. And it will be enough. Let it be enough for others too.

[Anonymous No.12629449]

>>12629437
*uncloaks my jacket and begins to unbutton my shirt*
Don't worry. I'll show you the ropes.
*winks at you and pushes you flat onto your bed*

[Anonymous No.12629460]

>>12629415
I actually refrain from masturbation unless it has been a while. Frequent masturbation I think is detrimental, but I think low-frequency is actually good and part of a good system, so probably like once a week to once every two weeks I'll masturbate.

The rest, I'm actually already trying, yet the irreverence for life still permeates through. Recently, by putting more effort into my appearance, I believe I am displaying more self-respect and a general well-being, and that seems to be translating to more positive female attention, but it is still minimal. I think it is an attitude thing, because when my attitude is good I find myself able to pull attractive women, but I think it is always transient. I could never maintain the attitude, and thus the attention.

Ya, I've been trying to do the positive attitude thing, it seems to be mitigating the depression a little bit, but the dread is always lurking in the background. Last week I was high and euphoric off what I told myself "changing my ontology and approach". I say it this way because I acted as if all my actions, intentions, and thoughts were transparent. Then, good things started happening, and I became high. But even then I had this thought that it was momentary and going to fade. I also had the thought that even at that level of positive mood I still wasn't happy being myself. And I am not sure if it's sustainable, so I am going to experiment again.

>>12629430
Dude, the impermanence of life isn't something to fear, it's something to be celebrated. All such fears require celebration, because fear is the imposition of human values, whereas the impermanence of life is a merely just a reality.

Now, BECAUSE life is impermanent you should go out and enjoy the inconsequential nature by trying to do what you think is right, not what will get you recognition. Do what you think is right because it will make you happy. "How do you know what's right?" you might ask? I think it is by listening to your inner-most truth. Sometimes I believe there to be some sort of inner light that is able to guide our morality, so I think, in a way.

If you haven't tried this before, give it a shot, it's quite a spiritual and religious experience.

[Anonymous No.12629480]

>>12629460 This is me.
However, regarding:

>Now, BECAUSE life is impermanent you should go out and enjoy the inconsequential nature by trying to do what you think is right

In light of what I said earlier, the Nietzschean concept of "Eternal Recurrence" terrifies me. If I come back again, I'm going to be so pissed. Maybe that's why I'm so angry to be alive, because I'm stuck in this vortex of being-ness.

[Anonymous No.12629584]

>>12629480
Unironically check out Buddhism, it's exactly the thing to placate your worries

[Anonymous No.12629595]

>>12629584
I am currently doing that. I can't find myself to maintain faith in any particular philosophy. I think it is based on what I feel ultimately. If Buddhism makes me feel good, I might stick to it.

[Anonymous No.12630169]

bump

[Anonymous No.12631023]

>>12629460

What if "being happy" isn't what you're looking for?

[Anonymous No.12631068]

>>12628996
>with that attitude chances are your writing is terrible
maybe
>peopled solely with poorly realized caricatures of those you view as lesser and a handful of elite/intelligent protags
Not really, most of my protagonists are neurotic weirdos like myself (write what you know :^) )
>that have nothing of real value to say
This is where the paradox occurs, _I_ think they have things of value to say and express ideas worth considering. But they're weird ideas, metaphysical ones. I don't write psychological fiction or about the struggles of Anon against society (for I don't have anything to say in those areas). But if no one cares about your ideas, and they just want to read a story with compelling characters or an emotional narrative, are they actually of value?

[Anonymous No.12632181]

>>12631023
Unsure if you mean:
1) What if being happy isn't what [I am] looking for?
2) What if being happy isn't what [one/a person] is looking for?

In response to 1):

I'll wander around with existential angst. This psychic energy will take me to Express my self in several ways always probably being unfulfilled. A hunger probably, not even necessarily yielding anything great, but it's what greatness is made of. And for that, the experience of a potentiated and "great" sensation is blissful in some way I suppose.

In response to 2):

Well, you need to do some introspection. Find out what it is you want from yourself and in life. What values you believe. I assume everyone wants to be happy (or content depending on your definition and manifestation of fulfillment), but I'm not sure if that's just a western conception.

Maybe even narrative psychology. I can't provide answers for anyone but myself. And even then I'm without answers. Hence why I am angry to be alive and upset with the universe for existing.

Sometimes I think about the Jainist tradition of thought where they compare souls to gold being embedded within or. One must refine and purify oneself so that they can continue on, but to what and where are we continuing?

[Anonymous No.12632308]

just really sad things grey and barren stop too short too loud too long all of it alone alone alone alone alone regret strangles me joy fades love fades hope fades i hope i die but not really just stop stop

[Anonymous No.12632348]

I haven't taken a bath in over a week.

[Anonymous No.12632452]

I am enjoying life quite often nowadays. I am so much better than I've ever been and I try to do more each day. Though that might not be saying much, it is something I try to honor and use as motivation. Day after day I am changing, slowly dying again and again in a desperate effort to become the person I want to be. And one day it might happen, or not, but hey, I am done standing still. I am continually working towards my goals and will never stop.

[Anonymous No.12633119]

Bump to save this from the purge.

[Anonymous No.12633646]

i ate a bunch of ginger and ten eggs and now my head hurts

[Anonymous No.12633717]

>>12628875
>masticate
10/10

[Anonymous No.12633993]

>>12629145
Why would you care so much about being remembered for a few centuries when it all won't matter at all come the heat death?

[Anonymous No.12634055]

Anyone want to talk life, philosophy, maybe even politics, whatever.

I have no friends and the thread is a little bloated to jump into at this point

>>12610730
I’ve masturbated 8 times a day, daily. Currently stick to around 4 while maintaining a sex life (sometimes 10+ a day)

Don’t let that become a fear in your mind. Cut back a bit; try getting some exercise and eating healthy.

[Anonymous No.12634103]

>>12634055
Yeah sure, I'll talk with ya, bro. Do you think about your dreams a lot? Do they have any universal meaning, or are they entirely individual?

[Anonymous No.12634145]

>>12628647
Anatomically, the penis is able to detumescence to about 1/8th of it's fully erect size size. You can see it shrink if you take a cold shower. Masturbation and sexual excesses damage this process, so one is left what is mistakenly called a "shower".

[Anonymous No.12634241]

>>12610652
https://pastebin.com/b09kEkpY
https://pastebin.com/J2bLngua

[Anonymous No.12634300]

I just don't know anymore guys.

[Anonymous No.12634324]

>>12634300
What ya mean boss? Don't know about what?

[Anonymous No.12634392]

>>12634300
Join the club.
>>12610846
>>12616783

>>12634324
I think he means feeling so lost in life that the only way you can express your anguish is by saying "I don't know it anymore", since any other words seem lacking.

In case anyone cares, I'm >>12623035 , the feeling I'm gonna fuck everything up has intensified, but I'm more preocupied with killing this shitty anxiety and lack of confidence than whether I fail or succeed although I do want to succeed a fucking lot.

[Anonymous No.12634456]

>>12634392
On the one hand I want to tell you that there's no need for this anxiety, that it will eventually pass and that you'll look back on it with a laugh. Who knows how long it will be until then, though? I certainly don't. Of course you're going to fuck everything up - I can't think of a single person who doesn't fuck up on a consistent basis. What we call "fuck ups" are the nature of things, they're bound to happen. You can assume some agency in the matter and then tell yourself "I'm responsible for any actions and I therefore will do as I see fit." Or, take a more renunciatory approach: "I am a vessel for the overflow of Fate." In either case you can begin working with a tangible solution to what I sense is a more general anxiety. Anxiety about something in particular is inconsequential - genuine weltschmerz, world-weariness and angst about the all is hiding behind these particulars.

[Anonymous No.12634457]

>>12624126
fellow Bachist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijWD81MdMnk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egn1z3sVvoY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUARwmLBk8o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIAR-Bgo3sI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4ZRn6Hk8N0

[Anonymous No.12634461]

I already came up with my proposal speech and I haven't got her number yet.

Love is the dumbest shit in the world.

[Anonymous No.12634474]

do any of you ever feel like the most incompetent person in the world? i do. every minute of every day.

[Anonymous No.12634483]

>>12634456
>In either case you can begin working with a tangible solution to what I sense is a more general anxiety

How do I do this, anon? Preferably something that doesn't involve psychologists, but goddamn, I'll even try them again if that's what it takes.

[Anonymous No.12634485]

I'm so lonely, swear my depression and anxiety could be gotten on top of, if I had some access to friends. Had many in the past, but how do you make them back at home when you are pretty ill. Its epidemic, we're all atomised. Just feel like if you are smart enough to see that, you should be able to overcome it. Just want someone to hold me. shouting into the void, worse than a void maybe, it gives no psychological benefit, but stops you from searching elsewhere
worlds gonna end, stuffs crumbling down, and its all so boring,

[Anonymous No.12634508]

>>12634461
based aspie

[Anonymous No.12634530]

>>12629126
Cont.
Pretty sure she isn't going to follow up on her "rain check". Therefore I am not going to pursue her. I need to let go. It was last night that she informed me she had to rain check for tonight. But it's been 1 week since we hooked up and spent quality time together. She said she was busy this previous weekend, but I feel like it's cloaked language. Why is she busy all of a sudden? Only known each other
2 weeks or so, so I guess it's not a big deal. It's just the lack of a regular connection that makes the smaller rejections hurt, and pulsate.

She also unmatched me on the dating app we used, but that could just be her cleaning house right?

All these signs taken together are shouting at me "Move on." But the lack of real world connections amplifies the pain. This makes me further hate the world.

I'm so tired mannnnn. What's the point.

[Anonymous No.12634535]

>>12634461
Post your speech so we can critique it.

[Anonymous No.12634562]

I want to play an ARG.
Now I just have to figure out my personality, my struggle, my setting, etc.

[Anonymous No.12634715]

I wish the Jews would stop pushing anti-ghost propaganda.
Ghosts are real.
Thank you for visiting my DED-talk. It's not a TED talk because TED talks are for Jews.

[Anonymous No.12634795]

>>12634483
The two things I suggested, the two things I want you to tell yourself: those are your solutions. either assume complete responsibility (recommended) or resign yourself to fatalism and passivity.

[Anonymous No.12634825]

>>12634530
I'm in the same boat as you. do you feel like things would be better if you were flat out told she didn't want to see you again? Instead of wandering what's the deal you would just know w/o a doubt and can begin looking forward. It's those little slivers of emptiness that can open up a hole too big to seal with a distraction. What you see as the world is the embodiment of an abstract feeling within yourself. I do the same thing, and I often think if its an even a problem most of the time. Once your expectations have been left out to rot, you start looking at the soulless monotony of your individual life.

[Anonymous No.12634834]

I'm enslaved to the interest jew and I have to keep working to a corporation for another year or so to pay it off. That means I have to live in a city full of niggers but you know what, the horizon is only what matters and all the struggling and intense feelings will go away once I can move out of there.

I know it sounds clichée, but taking time for yourself and have a break from your addictions helps a lot. I have been in therapy for the last five years and I can tell you that it has tremendously helped me get over my traumatic childhood.

Everybody on this board shame themselves for not getting certain things do and it often comes from the thought "I should" but rarely the question "why" after.

With every "should" comes with "if"

"I should stop masturbating if I want to feel my emotions"

The reason why is because our personality is made of different parts.

One part might want to eat healthy and another wants to eat candy. Negotiating with yourself and considering all of your needs and wants should alleviate the shame your parents once gave you.

Internalized trauma can be resolve once you acknowledge those parts of you.

[Anonymous No.12634887]

>>12634825
Dude thank you for responding.

I just want to know what happened. Was it the sex? It was the second time we had sex. And it was the last thing we did together, sex. We had sex 3 times in one night last Thursday (Valentine's day btw) and now I haven't heard from her since. Asked her what was up. She said let's hang out Wednesday (today). Then she cancelled on me last night. I just want to fucking know how we have sex 3 times in one night - *cue her saying* "I'm cumming"- to cutting off contact.

But yes, everything you said resonates with me. All my interactions and body language are in the light of how my insecurities make me feel right now. My insecurities are somewhat subsuming my interactions with women because I feel like I don't know what's wrong with me. As if she saw something on my face, and left without telling me. And there are no mirrors around. And I wipe my face and there's nothing there. But I still feel like there's something on my fucking face.

Anyway. I've began talking to another girl off the app, but haven't matched with anyone else since 2 weeks ago. This is awful feedback. I shouldn't lend it any credence.

[Anonymous No.12634982]

Burn your sperm and use it for paintings (it's black and charcoal-like).
The dead bodies of your potential children are now art.

[Anonymous No.12634989]

Why are so many science types unaware of how their models of physical reality suggest a creator? How can you look at quantum theory, see that at the smallest levels the universe exists only as an interaction between what are essentially abstract logical constructions, and not think that it hints at some transcendental origin?

[Anonymous No.12634992]

>>12634535

My dear M.

A wise man once said "the truth is you always marry the wrong person." I think he was right. It is impossible that a person can select the most optimal person from the great sea of persons. Even if they could do this, they would still not be guaranteed a happy marriage.

Everyone is difficult to love. Some are less difficult. I am not sorry that I am difficult to love, any more than I am sorry that you are difficult to love. I am not sorry because difficulty is the place where love is proven and born.

True, I have not yet discovered the difficulty in loving you. I love you easily and without effort. But that is the love of young people and it will go away along with our youth.

I loved you at once, as soon as I met you. I thought it was foolish to love you, and it was and it is. But for once in my life I'm overjoyed at being a fool. I can think of no greater joy in this life than in foolishly loving you, and I wish to do it now and tomorrow and until I am dead.

You are meek and kind and warm, and also as beautiful a girl as I have ever met. Until the first time I spoke to you I thought my heart had grown cold and I had quite honestly driven the hope of love and marriage away from my heart and mind. And then it all returned suddenly, and I was unprepared and overwhelmed but most of all overjoyed by the ridiculous fact that you welcomed my love and person.

So help me God I will never raise my voice at you in anger. It would break my heart to be cruel to you. We will have fights and misunderstandings, we will stumble learning to walk together. But we will thank God for each other before it is done, in a deeper way than we now thank God for each other.

Let the years come our way, let our beauty fade and this moment and the moment of our wedding fade into the distant past. Let our children grow old and leave us. But let us never leave each other except by the call of God to go home at last, where in the arms of the Allmighty we may await one another, having a foretaste of Heaven in a lifelong love made from patience and sorrow and most of all care.

For these things to be made true I ask your hand in marriage, so our two lives may be made one flesh, that we may glorify God gathered together in a bond of love.

[Anonymous No.12635006]

>tfw watching a video where a british person critiques American politics and then watched another video where another british person critiques the first video about American politics
FUCKING LEAVE US ALONE YOU FUCKERS

[Anonymous No.12635015]

>>12634887
I feel you man. What you said about wiping your face when there's nothing there, that's a terrible fucking feeling to have. I want to say ditch online dating altogether, but here I am talking to a girl on tinder myself. You can't let experiences with one woman determine your perception of the rest, that much I know. Her cancelling may have an ulterior motive or it may not. I'm sorry to say but you have no way of ever knowing if she flaked due to a problem of yours or one of her own. Relationships, regardless of gender, are predicated on erratic behavior on all sides. It is characteristic of every potential relationship I've had where I find myself distraught at not knowing what is going on until the last minute. Shit is constantly cropping up out of nowhere for no reason. Chances are there is nothing inherently wrong with you, but you may have the misfortune of finding people who see nothing but wrong. There will never be such a thing as a perfect interaction with someone - remember that.

[Anonymous No.12635024]

>>12634992
Overall good, not too cliché. Maybe make some funny facial expressions while you do it, or use over the top hand gestures

[Anonymous No.12635079]

>>12635024
I am trying hard to not think about it any more. I do get to see this person once a week and it is good, but the circumstances are rather unfamiliar to me. At the very least we seem to make each other very nervous which cracks me up. It's adorable. I feel like a kid.

[Anonymous No.12635082]

>>12610777
Start day drinking

[Anonymous No.12635083]

>>12635015
Yes dude. I would ditch online dating, but at the same time it's such an easy way to cast your net that I use it the same way I would use an offhand weapon in a video game. Although the truth is that my off hand is in real life interaction. I would never marry a woman off of tinder though.

Ya, I won't. I use to do that. Right now I'm just trying to keep going and maintaining my cruise speed if you know what I mean. Just changing lanes from HOV to the mid. Trying to get back in the HOV thoooo.

Ya, this stuff sucks. I really dislike the dating game. Especially with attractive women. The competition is nerve wracking. Especially given that I am on the lower end of being attractive. So I can just barely pull 7.5s and 8s maybe.

But ya, no perfect interactions - anymore. I used to have them, then I realized that's just teenage puppy love placing significance in small moments.

Idk, I'm starting to not believe in love, and think I'm just going to be alone forever. It's pretty lonesome. Especially given that I'm enculterated into 4chan and am interested in fringe topics. Not that I'm edgy at all, but I get the feeling there isn't much self examination out there. Mostly because people don't know how.

[Anonymous No.12635112]

>>12635082
Ah yes, nothing fixes life's problems like being drunk during regular business hours. Falling asleep at 8pm, waking up at 3am, everything closed, realizing you accomplished nothing you were supposed to, feeling the mounting anxiety of unpaid bills, unreturned phone calls, sloppy days at work, errands left unrun,... pulling hair out of your scalp while you pace around smoking cigarettes until the liquor store opens in 3 hours and you can drown out all the fear with a good goofy drunk


Ah, the life!

[Anonymous No.12635139]

>>12635083
Maintaining a cruise speed, like you said, would be best honestly. I personally go to the extreme with whatever I do, so I've never been able to go with the flow of things. About competition though: I want to say things are vastly different now than they've ever been but idk...if dating is more competitive now its not in the same way as it used to be. Believe me man, you're not going to be alone forever. That is reactionary hopelessness that will dissipate as soon as things start looking good again. I mean fuck, you're pulling 7's and 8's, having sex 3 times on Valentines Day, and in my opinion of ya so far you seem more balanced then all of others here.

[Anonymous No.12635164]

>>12635079
Let me get this straight: you see this girl once a week, you haven't even got her number yet, and you're proposing? I may be missing some info - a fuckton by the looks of it - but this is not the way to go about doing things my man.

[Anonymous No.12635190]

>>12635139
Ya, true, I probably seem pretty balanced, but in reality I am very awkward. But ya, I understand.

I think I'm coming off on here as if I walk the walk, but in actuality, this whole V-Day sex, and pulling 7's and 8's is pretty rare for me, I just know that I have the potential to when I put effort into appearance and such as I am doing right now. So I am actually at a weird novel time in my own history. I don't want to act as if I am some of crypto-Chad, because I am definitely not, at least not in attitude.

Ya, it's hard to cruise dude. I should have been on cruise recently, but instead I gassed it and got into an accident I guess, to keep using that analogy..but ya, I'm definitely not as ill-adjusted as some of the people I see on here.

I know I have a lot to live for, but the ugliness always seeps back in. The dreadful repetition.
I'm just recently trying to keep a good perspective, but it wanes and fades too. That's alright though, I'm hanging.

Thanks for the talk. Recently you're going through the same thing?

[Anonymous No.12635193]

>>12635164
No no haha, just daydreaming about marrying her, a not terribly uncommon thing to do with someone you're newly infatuated with. Especially in circles where no-sex-till-marriage is the ideal.

But I know it's so much foolishness, it's still pleasant like wine.

[Anonymous No.12635230]

>>12635193
That changes things. It's not too uncommon and not a bad way to express feelings you couldn't say in person. But don't let these daydreams get in the way of reality.

[Anonymous No.12635237]

>>12635190
Yeah, sort of anyway. This Sunday I took a girl's virginity, though when I say it like that I probably come off as really pompous or arrogant. It was the most intense sex I've ever had, and I can honestly say I haven't felt as attached to someone after so little time spent with them. But I haven't heard from her since then. I'm thinking that, it being her first time and all, she would've said something by now, right?

[Anonymous No.12635277]

>>12635237
>I'm thinking that, it being her first time and all, she would've said something by now, right?
Ya, that's what my intuition tells me.

Perhaps:
1) She is waiting for you to talk to her because she doesn't want to seem clingy.
2) She is waiting a bit to text you so, considering it was her first time, she doesn't seem clingy.
3) She doesn't want anything more
4) She is busy

In case 1 and 2, let her come to you if you really like her. If like a week or two passes by, then you can text her and be like "How's it goin? Plans this weekend?" If she is despondent, then that's the end.

Case 3 and 4, play it the same as 1 and 2, just expect rejection and keep your line out. Stay on cruise, etc.

That's imo. But ya, the close connection followed by the cold severance is a rollercoaster if you're a feely guy.

[Anonymous No.12635298]

>>12635277
>if you're a feely guy
That pretty much sums it up. I've also kind of already texted her since then and may have scared her off. so if anything I'm guilty of being clingy, as I've been just about every other time. Things go so well in the moment and then once its over I'm left there grasping for perfection - only to come off as overbearing. Every relationship I've had has been short-lived but intensely passionate. I'm starting to come around to rejection as a result of my clingy-ness this time, and I'll admit it's been more difficult than normal.

[Anonymous No.12635322]

>>12635298
Ya, you gassed. Have you seen Seinfeld?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKUvKE3bQlY

Try this anytime you notice yourself being clingy. Whenever you're sitting there looking at your phone and re-reading all the of the texts you guys exchanged, do the opposite of what you'd do (the clingy-ness).

Just try to be despondent with women I guess. Let them text you, because then you look busy. Idk, I could repeat all the dating tropes, but I'm sure you're familiar with them.I'm no expert either, considering I jumped the gun trying to schedule a hang when my lady stopped texting me.

I've gotten better after sitting and analyzing the cognition I have during those moments and thinking about what I feel during those moments that way it can help me recognize them when they are happening. That little stir of anxiety leading your actions. It's the worst, don't give in..

[Anonymous No.12635339]

>>12635322
Thanks for the advice. I've heard it before but now that I hear it again, in different circumstances, it's much more impactful. Despondency is a good virtue to have when dealing with not just women but people in general, I think, because I guess it shows that you're more interesting. Of course, I say that now but, like you said, its that little stir of anxiety that forces me to forget otherwise good counsel. I feel like I'm being led, and not doing the leading myself. But I greatly appreciate this, bro.

[Anonymous No.12635345]

>>12635322
>>12635277

Reading secular, post-sexual-revolution discussions about sex and love make me extremely sad.

It is like watching nectar pour through a sieve.

[Anonymous No.12635352]

>>12635345
What do you mean? I understand that it makes you sad, but just what about it gives you this grief?

[Anonymous No.12635371]

>>12635339
Ya man, sometimes it's about connecting the dots for interaction. Corresponding action and experience.

Sometimes people need to know you aren't desperate in order to understand you're worth something. It's like weird instinctual social interaction that still guide our actions.

I'm glad it helps you, just try to meditate on the moments you go wrong so that you can prevent them later on, or at least learn.

>>12635345
Hmm, why this imagery specifically? I find it interesting given the imagery of sieve being metal combined with the natural-sweet nectar.

Are you saying that the natural sweet nectar of life is being corrupted by man-made things?
I agree with that, but c'est la vi. I've already dealt with this angst and realized I can only embrace it. Though I hate the people who have taken us to this point (as I sit here on the castigated part of the internet).

[Anonymous No.12635384]

>>12635352
It just reminds me of my own life, of long years when I did not know how or why to love someone else but tried to anyways.

It reminds me of jealousy and insecurity, of caresses robbed of their meaning by shadowy figures of suspicion and doubt. I think of specific girls I wanted to love but ended up hurting, and being hurt by.

I think of the time H shouted "I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" at me and I stopped the car and screamed at her to get out of it and walk home. And I hold that moment up against the early nights of our easy, gentle pleasures, and feel we were wasted on each other.

I think of Googling psychological terms like "attachment theory." I recall going to the mall feeling like I couldn't leave without a phone number or I wasn't a man, and then leaving without a phone number.

[Anonymous No.12635404]

>>12635384
Ahh, you write nicely. By reading this it reminded me of my own relationship. I just got out of 2.5 yr relationship a year ago and it's one of the hardest things. I still miss everything that we had together, bt we weren't right for each other and now it's all gone.

This is soul-crushing.

[Anonymous No.12635407]

>>12635384
>caresses robbed of their meaning by shadowy figures of suspicion and doubt
Fucking excellent line dude. Really evocative. It seems like you have more actual experience in this department than I do, so what I say may not even register with you at all. I can only imagine the whirlwind of emotion between those "easy, gentle pleasures" and the shouting, so imagine them I will. Maybe googling that sort of thing is intentionally harmful, like when people go to webMD and convince themselves they have stage 4 colon cancer. And in the first line you talked about not knowing how or why, and what little bit I do know of love I've found the means to love and the reasons for it are worlds apart.

[Anonymous No.12635414]

>>12635371
Hey, at the very least we can be angst-ridden and castigated together.

[Anonymous No.12635425]

>>12635404
>we weren't right for each other

That's the point anon. Nobody is. Two people who are wrong for each other have to choose to become right for each other.

But that's hardship, and we all want easy, effortless love.

(Also, while not obviously relevant, it is worth noting that sexual passion is violent and immensely destructive and generally more of a danger to the formation of love than a boon. Hence my belief that the secular culture's embrace of sex cripples its ability to love)

[Anonymous No.12635438]

>>12635425
I should have clarified. I agree with
>That's the point anon. Nobody is. Two people who are wrong for each other have to choose to become right for each other.
I didn't want to love her. I didn't value exactly what she was and wanted someone better. She wanted to love me. This hurts me to even admit and say, but I think it goes along with your point. I chose not to love her because it wasn't in my interest. We also differed on what we wanted out of life so that contributed, but let's be honest, that's just an excuse in the face of greater reasons.

[Anonymous No.12635443]

>>12635414
Yes, this place is unique in the sense that it provides psuedo-anonymity allowing isolated individuals to connect on a most fundamental and pure level. The kind that used to be around in the before tech.

[Anonymous No.12635446]

Is anyone here a lesbian scene girl?

[Anonymous No.12635451]

>>12635425
How old are you? I appreciate your wisdom, it's therapeutic.

>>12635446
No, I am not.

[Anonymous No.12635457]

>>12635438
It's wisdom at least anon, wisdom hard won. You sound like you've been honest with yourself and have done painful digging, so be glad for that.

I think when we're honest and willing to look deep into these things, we learn something of where to go.

God bless you wherever you're headed.

[Anonymous No.12635459]

>>12635451
Okay, but if you were, want to watch prom drama B-movies with me?

[Anonymous No.12635472]

>>12635457
Thank you, you too.

Life can be upsetting in its unraveling, but one need appreciate the suffering despite the joy while we are here, because that's all you can do.

[Anonymous No.12635479]

If anyone wants to vent, I'll read and respond. I'm feeling bored.

Feel free. I'll try my best to be helpful.

[Anonymous No.12635488]

>>12635479
Knick knack patty whack cut the shit and and suck on my sack I have had it up to HEAR with your shit holy fugg I cannot even comprehend the river's bend whither my soul will send itself unto the end let us spend and potentially mend these problems broken ones all of them how much for three you ask I can reply but why of all things to say in words what the tongue chokes and grasps strangles upon waking that is pulling me back into the decrepitude a word for the few is a word still for you have you herd the knew album I have yes and I can here the marching in the background

[Anonymous No.12635495]

>>12635488
Pretty good, it's supposed to be read 2 syllables at a time? Solid. I have no training in poetry so take that as you will

[Anonymous No.12635522]

>>12635479
Soibois need to STOP! They're offending me as a woman and an asian by drinking so much and then becoming feminine and then saying "It doesn't cause feminization!" MY ANCESTORS HAVE BEEN CONSUMING SOI FOR YEARS FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING BEAUTIFUL AND FEMININE UNLIKE WESTERN WOMEN WHO PRIDE THEMSELVES IN THEIR MASCULINITY AND ABILITY TO HOLD THEIR GROUND IN THE CASE OF WARS!
and these SoiBois DELIBERATELY ignore Asian tradition, they SWEEP us under the rug. How disrespectful! Once again my tradition has been bastardized by disgusting western men, my godforsaken oppressors.
I want to write an inverse Man in the High Castle where instead of a western man insults Asians for being different, it's an asian woman insulting westerns for being different but I feel as though that would upset my harmony and the harmony of anyone who would read my slop so I will abstain.

[Anonymous No.12635723]

Gonna write a cyberpunk novel about Kenya.
It's going to be better than Black Panther.