/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.12602519]

I had a horrific Valentine's Day with my (now ex) gf. It is not a matter I savor discussing, I have decided to relate it only for the edification of other young men who are potential victims of a similar travesty.

It all started not a week ago. I had grown attached to an acquintance that shared my passion for fine literature. We would often play a game of quoting a passage from some famous work and challenging the other to determine it. We found in each other laughter, smiles, eventually someone to confide in. One day when we stood abnormally close and were disclosing personal stories she took to playing with my hair and our otherwise incessant talking grew altogether silent. She spoke now calmly, not excited as usual, in a tone of almost embarassed candor, Anon, I really like you. I replied to her that the feeling was mutual as I am sure she knew. Then you should ask me out. I should? Yes, you should. So I did and she said yes.

Our first date was exceptional. I had not realized how beautiful she was before, but now, outside in the evening, every feauture seemed precious and carefully crafted to create an exquisite woman. It did not escape my attention that my admiration was recriprocated. We talked endlessly and effortlessly, I could have married her then and there. At the end of the night I returned her to her apartment. I had gotten out of the car with the thought of kissing her, but having no experience in that regard I became hesitant, and chose merely to wish her good night. However as I turned back toward my car she reached out instantly and grabbed my hand. Aren't you forgetting something? I could feel my heart pounding in my chest with anticipation, like a race horse just as the gate were to open. I turned around and she stood as if entranced, holding me fast with her eyes more than her hand. I took a step and found my face very near to hers. Her lips parted and I could hear her breathing and nothing else in the world. I delicately held her chin and tilted her face up. She was otherworldly now, an angel, and I was a fallen angel, falling, falling, falling, and then...contact with her lips. She thrust her arms about me like a harness, and we kissed chastely but long and deep, one single kiss for every inch of her body and soul, only her entire being could sate my heart. When I drew my lips away we both exhaled and then took the deepest breaths we had since our births. She refused to release me and I knew she would not be satisfied with only one kiss and I had to give her two more before she would accept my parting and just before she did she whispered into my ear. Her voice was trembling with emotion and sincerity. I'm never letting you go, Anon. Never.

Continued in next post

[Anonymous No.12602525]

>>12602519
Our next date was scheduled for Valentine's Day. She asked shyly--her shyness all the more endearing in light of her affection being already exposed--if perhaps I wouldn't mind saving some money and coming to her apartment so she could cook for us instead of going out. I said I would like that very much. Oh, okay, would you mind picking up some white wine for us? She was twenty, too young to buy it here. We couldn't stop kissing. I obliged her and on Valentine's Day I brought it over along with chocolates and flowers, my clothes immaculate but my palms sweaty. She opened the door in a form-fitting dress and wearing makeup (which I had not seen before). They're beautiful! We embraced and kissed and I came in. She was nearly finished cooking dinner and she walked to her stereo to turn on some music for us and I fixated on her accentuated and undulating rump as she did so and I suddenly noticed that as she was fiddling with the stereo she was watching me over her shoulder watching her rump and she was smirking. I immediately averted my gaze but she looked immensely pleased. We sat down to a delicious dinner of fowl and artichoke salad, yet it was marred by her peculiar choice of music. It was Mozart, fair enough, but it was a requiem. In retrospect this was forboding, even ominous, but at that time I simply considered it strange. It was after dinner that things got ugly.

Finished in next post

[Anonymous No.12602533]

>>12602525
I had earlier asked her if I should bring a book over. She told me I needn't bother, she had plenty. So I ignored my instinct, a fatal slip. After dinner I of course presumed we would read but she had something else in mind. A movie. No, not a patrician movie, but The Notebook. She was evidently looking forward to it, and my selfless disposition interrupted what my better judgement urged: objection. Thirty minutes into the film I was in excurciating agony. Although I managed to watch the entire thing it came at a heavy price. I lost a part of my life that I will never get back, a part of myself. But I cared for her, so I accepted the price. Unfortunately she did not. You're a little nervous, huh? That's okay. She kissed me and it was uncomfortably akin to necrophilia on her part. We can watch another movie. My mind screamed no but the words failed to materialize as she played Titanic. By the time it had finished, my old self was dead. I was a weary husk, I had payed for my date with my very soul. How are you feeling? She had to ask twice before I understood. She brought me over more wine and helped me drink two glasses. This was a welcome reprieve from my anguish, but it proved to be short-lived. She began to do something you will scarcely believe, it was surreal at the time. She put on another movie, this time it was Atonement. My survival was now at stake, I knew if I didn't read a book soon, I would die. To be, or not to be, that was my only question. My eyes frantically scoured the room, then struck upon sonething. That coveted title, the holy grail of literature. In arm's reach. But it was on a sort of nightstand next to her, I would have to reach around her back to obtain it. So in trepidation my fingers crept, then finally my hand. Gradually I neared the object of my desire, now within inches. A watch's minute hand moves more quickly than did mine. Never before that night had I felt the extent of my own powers --of my sagacity. I could scarcely contain my feelings of triumph. Then suddenly like the grip of death itself her hand seized mine and my heart stopped. Just what do you think you're doing? I, uh.... That's what I thought. You know, no man has ever done it before. Are you sure? Mhmm, positive. Only someone very special can. Am I that special? She turned to me. Why don't you find out? At this point I was a bit confused and so we just stared at each other. It's okay if you're uneasy taking it. She smiled. You know I love you and I want to give you what you want. Really? Yes, so you don't have to take it. Just tell me, ask me, tell me what you want. And I will give it to you. I want to give it to you.
>Finnegans Wake

[Anonymous No.12602537]

this is too fucking long

[Anonymous No.12602542]

op is a fag

[Anonymous No.12602543]

B A S E D
A
S
E
D

[Anonymous No.12602545]

not based

[Anonymous No.12602548]

Anyone have a tldr I only got through the first paragraph

[Anonymous No.12602564]

>>12602533
Nothing gayer than sticking your penis into a vagina.

[Anonymous No.12602566]

>>12602533
This is ridiculous. The only time I watched the notebook with a girl I just roasted it, and possibly only to appease me she said I was right and it was pretty dumb.

As for The Titanic you have failed as a man. If a woman/ group of women (infinitely more savage) tries to trap me in the titanic I run the fuck away.

[Anonymous No.12602570]

>>12602548
tl;dr:
>Finnegans Wake

[Anonymous No.12602577]

ive got no time brother

[Anonymous No.12602584]

>>12602533
>She kissed me and it was uncomfortably akin to necrophilia on her part.

[Anonymous No.12602606]

so you broke up with her?

[Anonymous No.12602624]

>>12602533
>tfw i actually read it all

[Anonymous No.12602629]

Fucking funny. Good shit OP I'd read your satire any day.

[Anonymous No.12602640]

is this the birth of a hot new maymay?

[Anonymous No.12602643]

>>12602606
No, I tried reading Finnegans Wake the rest of the night and told her I was surprised she was much more interested in movies than booms. She asked if I wanted her to leave me alone, I said if she'd like. So she did. I read a couple of hours and then went home. Haven't talked to her yet but it probably won't work out.

[Anonymous No.12602645]

too involved for such little payoff

[Anonymous No.12602652]

>>12602519
Surprised she didnt tie you down and tickle you until you cried.

[Anonymous No.12602657]

>>12602645
To me the prose was the payoff. Really funny stuff, the sentence where the selflessness overwhelms the objection is structured like a fucking rube goldberg machine, lost it.

[Anonymous No.12602663]

>>12602645
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaggy_dog_story

[Anonymous No.12602836]

>>12602519
>>12602525
>>12602533
Well done, I had a very sensible chuckle. You really captured the horror :^)

[Anonymous No.12602843]

I read this all in reviewbrah's voice

[Anonymous No.12602878]

>>12602836
TEM?

[Anonymous No.12603101]

I like it

[Anonymous No.12603958]

>>12602566
Chad detected

[Anonymous No.12604026]

>>12602525
>but my palms sweaty
KNEES HEAVY
SWEATER SPAGHETTI

[Anonymous No.12604687]

>>12602519
>>12602525
>>12602533
Pretty good for a faggot, nice work

[Anonymous No.12605259]

>>12602566
I did not became estranged from my manhood, no, but from my very humanity. A being ontologically indistinguishable from a yam apart from capacity to suffer infinitely.

>>12602606
I nearly broke up with my corporeal form. I daresay she loves me more dearly than anything of this world, and so it seemed to me that in this context self preservation would be an expression of my love and devotion.

>>12602629
I am writing an autobiography.

>>12602652
She is a sweet lass, not an urban harlot who agressively seeks carnal stimulation of men.

[Anonymous No.12605287]

>>12602519
stop larping this swarmy narrator voice and write like a normal person

[Anonymous No.12605313]

>>12605287
I was under the impression that this is a board for those of literary inclination.

[Anonymous No.12606291]

dubs and I'll fuck OP's ex and send vids

[Anonymous No.12606324]

>>12606291

[Anonymous No.12606428]

>>12602533
Autism. That said, you have beautiful prose. I liked it.

[Anonymous No.12606457]

I found this on the homepage.

[Anonymous No.12606505]

>>12606428
Beauty is autistic

[Anonymous No.12607178]

>>12602519
>>12602525
>>12602533
Extremely based

[Anonymous No.12607306]

>>12605313
No idea what gave you that impression, you must be new here.

[Anonymous No.12607338]

>>12602533
>>12602525
>>12602519

TL Did read. P. Based but punch line sucked

[Anonymous No.12607379]

>>12604687
He’s not a faggot.

If you choose not to fuck women it means you have standards

[Anonymous No.12607389]

>>12602652
Based

[Anonymous No.12607395]

[Anonymous No.12607911]

>>12607395
Based

[Anonymous No.12608606]

>>12602533
>watching movies for 5 hours while in not bizarro world you'd have fucked 5mins in the first movie
immersion lost, I liked the frog pics tho

[Anonymous No.12608645]

>>12608606
OP was too autistic to make a move, so frustrated gf kept putting on another movie and waiting patiently

[Anonymous No.12608658]

just get a boyfriend. you'll satisfy your need for intimacy and fulfillment without the natalist bullshit from the w*men.

[Anonymous No.12608756]

>>12608645
She should off putten on some of these 10h yt vids

[Anonymous No.12609240]

>>12606505
Autism and Beauty do not exclude each other.

[Anonymous No.12609419]

>>12602533
A+ post Anon

[Anonymous No.12609470]

>She kissed me and it was uncomfortably akin to necrophilia
>My survival was now at stake

[Anonymous No.12609757]

Good thread, Opie.

[Anonymous No.12610812]

>>12608756
Those are endangered, dying out

[Anonymous No.12611857]

>>12602519
>>12602525
>>12602533
Simply epic sir

[Grignr the Ecordian No.12611894]

>>12602533
>She kissed me and it was uncomfortably akin to necrophilia on her part.
I lolled.

[Anonymous No.12611954]

>>12606505
Sperg-tastic post, looks like we have a miss universe right here

[Anonymous No.12612118]

>>12602519
>>12602525
>>12602533
actually well written, holy shit

[Anonymous No.12613580]

>>12611954
The anime aesthetic

[Anonymous No.12613789]

>>12602657
I'm just glad he worked in "palms sweaty"

[Anonymous No.12614020]

>>12602533
Holy fuckin shit anon, thanks for this, that was quite a ride

[Anonymous No.12615173]

>>12602519
>>12602525
>>12602533

You're going to make it, OP.

[Anonymous No.12615226]

>>12602533
Phenomenal. A true masterpiece of contemporary psychological horror with a witty twist of dark comedy. 5/5 stars.

[Anonymous No.12616514]

>>12615226
A tour de force